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The Opiate Withdrawal Survival Kit Part 3: The Detox

Now that we’ve talked about how to prepare, and what detox medications you can use to help with your withdrawal, it’s time to get through the actual detox process.

The Day Before:
Get yourself mentally ready for a qrueling week ahead. It’s going to take a whole lot of strength to get through what you’re about to experience, so find that person inside who’s tuff as nails. We all have that persistent-unrelenting attitude inside of us, we just need to search it out. Don’t give up, don’t give up, don’t give up. I can’t say that enough.

The Day Of:
It usually takes 24 to 48 hrs for you to get into full blown withdrawal, so plan accordingly. Once you’re in the thick of it, just hold on for dear life. You won’t get much sleep, you won’t be able to get comfortable and if you’re using anywhere near as much as I was, you’ll probably have some hallucinations as well. I’m not really going to talk about any of the other symptoms. You’ve probably already read them in my past posts, so I’ll focus on what you can do mentally and spiritually to help you through. Now I don’t know if any of you believe in God, but I do, so prayer was a huge part of my detox. There is something about opiate withdrawal that makes you feel spiritually close to God. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that we usually call on Him when we’re in desperate situations, either way, He helps so keep praying. Time will crawl by, it will seem like an eternity, but I promise you that when you come out on the other end and are finally free and healthy, you will feel like it was all worthwhile.Like I’ve said before, a support system can also be of tremendous value to you during your time of need. When you’re at your worst, and you feel like you just can’t take another minute, let alone an hour, of withdrawal you can gain some strength from someone who has been there done that. Heck, you can even post your troubles here or email me, and I’ll do my best to help you out.

Self Suggestion:
I’m going to take a page out of a self help book here, and I know some of you are going to think this is cheesy, but please bear with me. I’ve been through detox more times than I can count, so I guess you can say I’m kind of an expert on it. One of the things that I wish I knew about, earlier in my “career” as a junkie, was how powerful self suggestion can be. Self suggestion is basically just “self talk.” It’s like being you’re own cheering squad, and rooting yourself on when times are tough. This positive self talk is called affirmation. Whenever I would start craving the dope, I would just repeat to myself; “I am getting better and better by the minute, soon I will be done.” I would say this so many times that it would actually drown out the sound of my cravings. So, create some of these affirmations for yourself and repeat them over and over again until you start to believe them.

Finishing Up:
Well, I’ve pretty much covered everything here. I wish you the best of luck with your journey, and I’m here for anyone that needs my support. There have been times in my life when I’ve felt like dying. I’ve been through suicidal depression and countless detoxes in my past. I’ve been to jail for drug related charges, and was put through an 18-month drug diversion program where I was tested 5 days a week. I’ve felt hopeless, worthless and pretty much like a scum bag, but I was finally able to turn all of that around. I feel like God gave me a new lease on life, and what a life it’s turning out to be. Sometimes I just step outside and smell the fresh air, grateful to be alive. I’m a nature freak, and I must tell you that no matter how strong a pill or how potent a high I have felt from drugs, they are no comparison to the high I feel from mother nature. Going on a nice hike, bike ride or doing some kayaking on a sunny day is just an incredible feeling. I know you’re incapable of feeling that right now but one day you’ll be staring at an amazing view, sitting on cloud nine, and wondering what all the fuss was about. :)

530 comments

1 Dan Deaver { 10.07.08 at 3:06 pm }

I have been taking vicodin for about 3 years up to 12-15 pills a day what am I going to go through.
Dan

2 admin { 10.09.08 at 9:14 am }

Hi Dan,

Are you going cold-turkey?

Check out my post on what to expect, I think that’ll help you out.
http://www.vicodinwithdrawal.org/opiate-withdrawal/surviving-your-first-detox-what-to-expect/

3 nicholas destefano { 10.12.08 at 5:27 pm }

just passed 60 hours im in hell how much longer I can’t do it

4 nicholas { 10.16.08 at 11:37 pm }

7 days now….im free detoxed home cold turkey from 150mgs oxys a day for 3 years. it was living hell still not 100 percent dealing with insomnia now and fatigue but im clean. you really find out what you are made of when enduring withdrawals but you feel like a new person when you succeed..i say never again but been down that road be strong is the key…

5 admin { 10.17.08 at 12:12 pm }

@nicholas
That’s awesome man!!! Congrats!

I does feel great though doesn’t? It really feels like coming “back to life” in a way.

I don’t know what your plans are from here on out, but I’ll tell you something that really helped me was finding a passion. You know how they say “once an addict, always an addict.”? Well, I think that can be true for some folks, like myself. I tend to be a very extreme person, so when I do something, I invest my whole heart and soul into, even if it’s popping-pills. :(

Anyway, what I learned was that I can use that same form of extremism for healthier addictions like exercise. Seriously, exercising has been a big part of my recovery just because it releases the same kind of drugs that the opiates give me when I use. I started slow (quick jog around the block), then moved to more hardcore workouts. The rewards are amazing.

Best of luck to you man, PM me if you want to chat info@vicodinwithdrawal.org

6 Lori { 12.01.08 at 8:15 pm }

Thank you for website. This is the best information I’ve found so far. I’m headed to Dr. tomorrow to cut off cut her off as my dealer and ask for Suboxone. I’ve tried for years to get off of Vicodin. I’m up to 5 to 6 – 7.5 / 200 pills a day. The kicker is the gin and tonics of a night. I’m numb by the end of the evening.

I’m ready to do this. Thank you~L

7 admin { 12.02.08 at 1:57 pm }

Hi Lori,

I’m very happy to hear that you’re moving forward in overcoming your dependence. Ya, booze and opiates are a wonderful and horrible mixture all at the same time. So please do be careful.

I would recommend that you read my post on Suboxone, and the comment left by Rufus. It may help with determining how much Suboxone you should actually be taking. And, please do your research. There are plenty of drugs out there that help with detox, but sometimes the long term damage that they cause is nowhere near as harmful as the pain you’ll go through during a cold turkey session.

I wish you the best, and let us know how everything works out for you.

8 eric { 12.07.08 at 10:16 pm }

im 22 yrs old and started taking vicodin at about 14 yrs old. i tried kicking vicodin cold turkey with the exception of xanax, which didn’t help cause i was taking too many of them. but i started taking suboxone for a couple of months and realized that they r just vicodin without the high. i stopped taking the subs about a weak ago and i have to say that the withdraws from them r worse than the vicodin. just my experience with them. just wanted to say be careful with the suboxone. GOD BLESS and thanks for the site;}

9 admin { 12.09.08 at 12:54 am }

Thanks for sharing Eric. Good to know about the dangers of Suboxone. I’ve told many many people to do their research before they jump into any type of detox or maintenance therapy, but it’s always good to hear first hand experiences from people like your self as well.

Thanks again, God bless

10 Lori { 12.10.08 at 8:02 am }

Eric:
Thank you for heads up on Suboxone withdrawal. Dr. wanted $ 1300.00 up front plus $ 150.00 a month to prescribe Suboxone. I decided to go cold turkey. I used weed for the bad skin crawling times and to help me sleep. I was told to try and taper off the Vicodin. A good friend gives me 1/2 a pill in the am, and again in the pm. But, as the writer of this website said, it is just pure will to get well and good support that will make the difference. Ps. Don’t worry, I’ve never been much on Weed. I’m working to get completely clean, not just switching one addiction for another. Thank you for the advice. L

11 Drew Caldwell { 02.06.09 at 11:43 pm }

It’s been 2 days and i feel like i am dying how long can it possibly last i feel so bad because i have to have my wife take care of our son because i feel so weak when will the tiredness stop?

12 admin { 02.19.09 at 6:49 pm }

@Drew
I apologize for the late response. I’ve been attending to a family emergency these past few weeks. I’d love to hear how you’re doing. Do you have some more energy now? Hang in there Bud.

13 galleria76 { 02.27.09 at 9:56 am }

hi i got my first withdraw in jan, 7 days of hell from 5mg vic.
i had taken 44 pills in 11 days.
well i have been on them on and off and now i’m going through it again.
omg, i want to cry.
is there any chance it may be shorter of a time?
i wasn’t taking them as long and a low does.

i’m going to need to tylenol theraflu myself through this.

14 Sonny Blackwell { 03.02.09 at 4:33 pm }

I have weened from twenty 5/500 a day down to five. I am going to self detox. Wil it be as bad now that Im weened down. I plan on weening down to three and then to half pills. how bad will it get.

15 admin { 03.04.09 at 12:32 pm }

@Sonny

Congrats on getting down to 5 pills a day. Even at 5 though, you’re still gonna feel awful. If you can get it down to that 1/2 a day that you said your goal is, then you’ll be in good shape. The trick is to go through the process slowly. Don’t rush yourself. Thanks for commenting, best of luck to you.

16 admin { 03.04.09 at 12:34 pm }

@galleria76

If you’ve been through it once, then you know what to expect. Unfortunately, it’s never easy. I know when you’re going through it, that you want to believe that this time it will be easier, and it may be easier than the time before, but it’s never a walk in the park. Just hang in there, and do whatever it takes to prevent this from happening again.

17 nick { 03.14.09 at 2:00 pm }

To everyone that is going thru withdrawls or is about to try and kick vicodin. I just wanted to tell you that if you really want to do it, it IS possible! If you have the desire to quit, YOU CAN DO IT! My story is I started taking one to two a day and slowly worked up to taking 30 to 40 1000 mg vicodin a day. I was taking them for a total of 2 and a half years and the last 6 months of those two and a half years was when i was taking 30 to 40 a day. And im sharing this to you because I havent met a lot of people whos habbit was this bad and if i could do it the way I did it, SO CAN YOU. I decided to quit and took 5 pills the first day, 5 the second day, 2 the third, and my last two the 4th day. So pretty much cold turkey. The withdrawls were as nightmarish as you could imagine and as you probably already know, at times it felt like dying would be easier. I didnt have anyone to turn to that understood the magnitude of the detox/withdrawls. And thats the reason I wanted to share this with you and even though it will probably be the toughest struggle of your life, YOU CAN DO IT! Once your through the battle, and your free and clear on the otherside, you will smile and feel like you can conquer anything. Good luck to anyone and everyone going through or preparing to go through kicking vicodin. God bless

18 chris { 03.14.09 at 11:02 pm }

hello, im on day seven. coming off of percs, oxys and then a few weeks of suboxone. is 3am, i went to bed at 8 took me a while to get a few hours sleep. i think i was able to get at least that from the 2 mile run i did in the morning. these sleepest nights arent fun of course. this isnt my first detox – its my fourth and the hardest. i cant go through this again – what a frigin nightmare. i am starting to see the light now though.

SLEEPING) before when i got clean, i still woke up precisely at 3am no matter what. it took me a couple hours to get back to sleep and when i knew i could sleep, i would have to get up to get to work. do you know when this might change or what i could do to help this – because i know its going to happen again. clearly i believe its from my drug use.

19 admin { 03.15.09 at 1:14 am }

@nick

Thanks for the awesome comment!

It is exactly this kind of hope and positivity that we all need to realize that we can conquer anything in our lives. I really appreciate you sharing your success with the rest of us, and I wish you the best of luck in everything that you do. :)

God bless

20 admin { 03.15.09 at 1:22 am }

@chris

Honestly, the sleep was always the last part of the detox that would stabilize for me. Depending on how much I had used, it could take up to a month for me to get back to my normal sleep patterns. One thing I did notice, was that the exercise sped up the process a bit, so stick to the running. You might also want to try some Valerian root. It may help you sleep through the whole night without trouble. But, just remember that no over-the-counter drug is going to help much when you’re in the early stage of withdrawal. I would pray that for some miraculous reason, the Valerian would help me sleep completely comfortably after day two or three of detox, but I was horribly wrong every time. It did however, help tremendously after about a week or two.

Best of luck to you. Keep us updated. :)

21 chris { 03.16.09 at 2:25 am }

hey guys thanks for the comments and support – seriously it really helps to get some insight. woke up of course at 3am today. however, i went for a nice brisk walk at 5am, fresh cold air, half moon, and the stars shining down really helped again.

i still have the slight chills where you know you shouldnt be cold – but you have a long sleeve on.

im over the hump though – thank goodness. just need sleep. im going to try the valerian root – next week – as this will be 2nd week of being clean. i took note of the fact that it didnt work til later. –thanks for that.

22 jennygirl { 04.04.09 at 1:50 am }

I am thankful to read these posts. I am a 2 1/2 year opiate user. I have tried suboxone several times and relapse every time-guess cause its just too easy. This last time I am determined, however because of financial difficulties I cannot afford suboxone. So I had a friend who gave me a handful to try and help. They got me through the worst days (1 through 5). And I’ve been on my own since then. I am now on day 17 opiate free. Most times I feel great and I even joined a gym. But at night the pain and insomnia are unbearable. I do not want to go back. And I just need to know how much longer this will last and what I can do to ease this. I sleep about 2 hrs a night and its taking a toll on me. This hell has made me see I never want those evil pills again. I couldn’t do this a second time. Any suggestions?

23 admin { 04.04.09 at 9:49 am }

jennygirl,

Congratulations on making it to day 17. It is by no means an easy choice, but I commend you on taking this first step. The longer and deeper our dependence on opiates becomes, the harder it gets for us to return to normal. And what’s even worse is that the opioids that are around to help us these days like Suboxone, can have a much longer negative effect on our body in the long run. It is a semi-synthetic drug, so the non-natural element can be a big downside. Nevertheless, if this is your last time messing with the stuff, then you don’t have anything to worry about right? :)

Suboxone is a longer-acting opioid, so it can take much longer for our body to return to normal. I remember one time it took me about 28-30 days to finally feel like my old self again. It was horrible, but the exercise helped, I would take Valerian Root to help me sleep, and thank God, I made it through. And, that’s exactly what you’re going to do. You’re going to power your way through this because you’re tough, because you’ve made it to day 17 and because you’re done dealing with this crap. I hate to sound like a “Tony Robbins” type guru, but you really need that mental strength to get through this last leg of the race. It would be a shame to quit now, so keep it up, we’re all rooting for you. Let us know how it all works out.

Thanks for sharing. :)

24 rod&mel { 04.07.09 at 10:16 am }

My wife and I have been on opiate pills ( all different kinds)_mainly hydros and oxy’s for 3 yrs..2nd time detoxing ourselfs at home.Last time was a month ago, we broke on the 5th day of w/d’s.This is day 4 it seems easier this time.We were ready for the devil this time.support is the key, dont be affraid to ask for help.People who love you will help you.The people who will help you the most is people who been through it.What i need to know when will we feel back to are old selfs again.Thank you for helping all of us. I beat this i will do the same

25 rod { 04.07.09 at 10:21 am }


thomas reciepe “is very helpful for opiate w/d look it up on the internet

26 admin { 04.16.09 at 12:39 pm }

@Rod&Mel

It’s tough to tell when you’ll start feeling better. It all depends on the individual I believe. But, please let us know how you progress.

27 wmfl { 06.04.09 at 2:57 pm }

Hello!

Out of all the forums out there, this one seems the most active, the most encouraging and the most useful. OK, here goes… 32, graduate school educated, a family therapist, married for 8 years, 2 little gorgeous children nice house etc… Never was a junkie as a teen or in college. found opiates, loved em, toyed back and forth between recreational and dependence. went through a cold turkey about 2 years ago, but dont remember it being too bad, maybe 3 days, then felt GREAT – no PAWS. got pregnant a few months later, and after my c-section got percocets, mmmmmmm….. used for about 6-7 months about 75 mg a day of percocets. used suboxone for 18 days and am not on day 5 without any painkillers. I am not feeling horredous, but I dont feel well. I think the biggest obstacle is I dont “know for sure” when the peak is, when it will end and that I will be normal again, for certain. I am a researcher and planner by nature so not knowing is tough. Ironically, I decided on my own to stop, never lost anything, never did anything illegal, never got caught etc… I just knew in my heart that I could not have both the pills, and my life, and my life is very good. I am asking for some encouragement. Please respond to me, with as lengthy emails as you can muster up! this actually helps the time pass… Thanks!

28 Adam { 06.04.09 at 8:35 pm }

wmfl,

Welcome to the site, and thanks for sharing.

Glad to hear that you’re getting clean, and that you plan on staying that way. :)

It’s difficult for me to tell you how long your wd’s will last because I’ve personally never detoxed off of suboxone. But, if you read my post on tolerance, you’ll notice that I mention something about “half-life.” Basically, suboxone is a longer acting opiate, so it takes longer to get out of your system, which in turn increases the duration of your withdrawal’s.

The buprenorphine (suboxone) half-life is between 20-73hrs, which is very similar to methadone. I’ve heard of methadone withdrawals lasting up to 30 days…no joke. But, if you were on a tapering schedule, and your dose of the sub was low, I wouldn’t expect to feel crummy for any longer than 14 days. So, you’re almost halfway there. It might take you a bit longer to get back to your normal sleep pattern, but here’s what has worked for me in the past:

#1: Intense Workout.
#2: Magnesium, Potassium and Valerian Root Cocktail.
#3: A Good Book (Fiction).

You’ll be out like a light. :)

Let us know how it goes.

29 matty { 06.28.09 at 11:10 am }

Wow day 10 and let me tell ya what!!!!!! I as eating 1000 mg of Lyrica a day too start my shitty job and 15 Oxy 5mg to Be Happy. Im feelin like shit stil no energy …phantom fever …ill. I cant stand this shit so Ive been pounding energy drinks …beer…and smoking weed too tolerate my euphoria. Its hell I wish I had the balls to kill myself but…i dont. I just wanted to be happy at my shitty job now Im jobless and my fiance thinks Im a piece of shit !!!! HELLLLLLPPPPPP!

30 Adam { 07.02.09 at 2:30 pm }

matty,

You’ve gotta understand that the way you feel right now is not how you would normally feel otherwise. It’s a false emotion, and you need to recognize that. Killing yourself is not a balsy move, it takes courage to hang in there. It takes courage to care for yourself enough to get through this. Of course you feel like crap, that’s what withdrawal is all about, but you will get through this. It’s inevitable, but you cannot give up. Your fiance doesn’t think you’re a “pos” trust me. I had a girlfriend of 6 years whom I thought considered me a “pos” but in reality she thought my addiction sucked, not me. My shame made me feel like I was the worthless one, that’s not true. You have to hang on, you have to find some help. Like I said, it takes courage to make it through this stuff…no sissie’s allowed. I can tell that you’re a brave one, so make the decision now, that you’re going to see this thing through until the very end. Trust me, there is a big shiny rainbow at the end of this battle…as corny as that sounds.

God bless you!

31 tessie { 07.13.09 at 6:44 am }

Does anyone have a timeline of when WD symptoms start, peak, and come to a blessed end? I’ve been on 5 mg percs, 15 – 20 per day for about a year, before that I just dabbled but of course I worked my way up because you just need more and more of this stuff to feel better. I had a broken rib and noticed the prescription (10 mg lortabs) made my depression go away so I started getting whatever I could from wherever I could after that. I went thru a few WDs just from running out or because I figured it was getting too expensive to keep up but I never got past day 3 because of the pain and mental anguish. I’m only at 36 hours now, using all the supplies I stocked up on (potassium, B6, minerals, liver detox formula). I’m fortunate enough to have a prescription for xanax so that helps get me to sleep through the flopping-fish syndrome at night, but I’ve never been past 3 days and don’t know what to expect. The worst thing for me is the crippling depression. I’m lucky enough to be laid off from work right now so I can do this once and for all, but my husband doesn’t know about my dirty little habit so I have to just cry flu and hope he believes me. Can someone please tell me how long it takes before I can function again? This website is a godsend for so many people, can’t thank you enough!

32 Adam { 07.15.09 at 12:21 pm }

tessie,

Thanks for sharing. The duration can vary from person to person, so it’s difficult for me to tell. However, I think 2 to 3 weeks should be enough for you to start feeling like your full self again.

As for the depression; I made this post a little while back, it may help you out: http://www.vicodinwithdrawal.org/alternative-medicine/deal-postwithdrawal-depression/

Best of luck to you, and keep in touch.

33 Savannah { 07.15.09 at 12:40 pm }

Tessie, you are not alone. I am in the same situation and want to know the same thing: How long till I can go to work or talk to people without screaming inside my head? Someone out there got info about this for us? Thank you!

34 bug { 07.20.09 at 8:58 pm }

im 23 years old and have been shooting heroin for 6 years. it’s not pills but i have been through the same wd symptoms. i think methadone and suboxone just prolong the pain. sooner or later you will have to deal with wd symptoms. man up and deal with it. put yourself in a safe environment and take the week or so of pain. the safe environment is crucial. don’t put yourself somewhere you will be tempted or your fix is easy to obtain. surround yourself with positive and caring people. take some tylenol, immodium, and maybe a few xanax. after that first week or so, the symptoms will be tolerable. don’t forget that pain. use it as a tool to remind yourself not to put yourself back in that position. im 9 months off of the opiates, but i still like to puffy. :D

bug

35 Amy { 09.14.09 at 4:49 pm }

Hi,
I started taking Vicodin 2 years ago when my tooth abscessed. I didn’t even know I was addicted. That’s just how naive I was. I had no idea there was even a problem, like it just snuck up on me. I kept having random injuries and illnesses that wound up in me having Vicodin. Doctors give it out like candy, it seemed like. All because I was too naive to SEEK the drug, let alone recognize an addiction or a craving. Pneumonia, kidney infections, pinched nerves, broken leg, another abscess (perhaps because of the pills?). Any time I said I was in any remote amount of pain, Vicodin, either 5/500 or 7.5/750, Loritabs, Percocets, then I started buying OC’s. Recently I had an on-going health problem that caused me a lot of pain, I really did need the pain meds for about 3 months, but when the pain was gone, I still couldn’t stop. I bought whatever I could get ahold of, from any one of my many sources, who were all my close friends, and somehow believed I had it under control or that I was still in pain (sure, pain, but it was withdrawal).
I’ve only been off them for 28 hours and I’m already feeling like hell. I didn’t sleep last night. My legs, hips, back, everything hurts ALL THE TIME. I can’t even believe how horrible it is and this is the very first time I’ve EVER recognized it as withdrawal. I can’t even believe how stupid I was.
My boyfriend has been warning me about this for months and I ignored him, now he’s babysitting me. He does everything and I feel horrible, mentally and physically. An addiction is such a humbling experience; I can’t say I don’t appreciate it in a weird way. My GOD, the head ache is awful. I’ve spent hours in the bathroom, in every kind of pain. Cold chills, check, stomach…issues, check, body aches, muscle aches/cramps, headache, insomnia, loss of appetite (like I can afford it at 5’7″ and 105), check, check check. My boyfriend says I can do this. He says it’ll only be a few days. I don’t even want the damn pills if this is what they’re doing to me. I know I could call and have OC’s in 30 min. The thought makes me so anxious I could puke, again.
I’m only 22 and I feel like this has already ruined my life. I hate myself so much for getting myself into this that, I can’t even find enough self-respect to will myself to be strong enough to make it through this. I don’t even know how long it’ll last, but I’m terrified of it being more than another day…
I have no health insurance anymore, I can’t afford a real rehab, but I’m not so sure I can do this…

36 Alisha { 09.18.09 at 2:19 am }

Amy … I am goin thru wd’s now but after like the 30th time doin this its not so bad as the first time … I’d like to say that I was a lot like u … I got started on my rollercoaster 3yrs ago from a car accident … Before that I would take percs maybe on the weekends like if we went out but I spiraled out of control whn doctor feel good was givin me perc 10s yellows, 100 of them every 2 weeks … In the begginin that shit was quick money … I was takin for my pain and makin money but that quickly died whn I cam up short and started to wd one week after takin myself alone 100 10s in one week … It was winter thought had the flu … I never thought about what would happen if I stop … The doc never told me risks … It was horrible … My daughter was 11/2 yrs old then couldn’t barely take of the poor child … Now 3 yrs later I’m seriously tired of feelin like this so a combination of no money and shear irritation for myself destruct I’m at it again … The biggest problem u’ll have is knowin that little pill will take all pain away … Fight hard agaist it … I think or believe for myself that my actual high really comes from the thought and chase of gettin my pills … I’d shop around all day for em and that would take up so much time that I’d forget my problems … Not sure if anyone else feels that way but … Stay focused … Stay strong … Keep ur hands idle … Embrace the wds that seriously helps me … Once u take the step and say I got this … Things get better quicker … Good luck

37 Kelly K { 10.07.09 at 11:11 am }

This is not my first time enduring a detox. I am 30 years old. And I am a nurse.I am 16 hours into the detox. I HATE having to take pills (percs, vics, and recently, even a few OCs) to feel like I fit in, to be able to carry on a conversation with someone and not secretly analyze every word I am saying to ensure it made sense! I have been faithfully addicted to pain medication for 6 years. There have been times that I’ve glorified the drugs and sworn by their ability to lift my spirits. WRONG. They’ve broken me down into little pieces. I’m armed with multi mineral tabs, Clonidine, L-Tyrosine, Xanax, Immodium, and a supporting husband and 3 kids. I will make it through this time, and with the help of God, I won’t return…at least for today :) any advice is welcome..thanks!

38 Adam { 10.07.09 at 9:59 pm }

Kelly,

The best advice I can give you is this…

We believe that we cannot live without the opiates until we hit that wall where we need to make a choice between losing something (ourselves) or mustering up the courage to try and live without ‘em. We try, we fail, we try, we fail, and on and on. We begin to realize that during those times that we failed, we really weren’t finished. So the question stands…”are you finished?” If you are, believe me when I tell you, you CAN live without them. Matter of fact, when you finally make it to the other side, you’ll realize how amazing your life is without them…but it takes work. Just like anything else. Once you’re clean, try and figure out why you would use them in the first place. Chances are, to overcome a fear of some sort. Fear of socializing, etc… I guarantee you that you can overcome your fear of being social. I did. I kept going out with my friends to nightclubs…where they serve alcohol…and I would stay sober. The first few times were horrible, but pretty soon, I was just as loud, just as obnoxious as the drunks, and best of all, I would go home happy. Remember, we try and fail, try and fail, but sometimes failure leads to jail or even worse death. Don’t fail this time.

39 Heather Hampsten { 10.25.09 at 11:16 am }

This website is great support. I am supporting my husband as he goes thru detox . He has take vicodin for at least 3 years and slowly has deterioated to where he cant function without it. He takes an average of 6-10 a day. He has not had any now for 20 hours but wants one now. He says he needs to ween down slowly should I let him have one or insist he can go without?

40 dan { 10.26.09 at 1:16 am }

im a former navy seal im used to pain,wow its my fouth day cold turkey its so bad can hardly take it but doing better thanks to you and my mother yes she helped a ton i using valium ton of vitamins tea and yes i even found weed it helped .i was on massive amounts for a broken neck and back for seven years guess ill see what the world feels like normal maybe thanks mom and you guys here u can do it

41 J { 11.04.09 at 6:52 am }

Just wanted to say a little something about potassium..i used them during my second attempt at cold turkey and it made such a HUGE difference. I don’t know if they are safe to use i didn’t research but i was taking one potassium pill every three hours along with advil every three and loaded up on immodiums day before i started and every day since. haven’t used in 4 days and made it into work today. Still feel in the fog but pain is almost gone and the potassium apparently helped a ton with the crawling and restless arms/legs..made it so much easier this time. just wanted to share…plus i have been reading this site for years waiting for the day when i could make a post talking about my detox and feel pretty proud. anyway i got a ways to go but IT CAN BE DONE!!!

42 kamir { 11.28.09 at 10:25 am }

I’m on day 17 of w/d. oxy, codeine and what caused me to become addicted hydro-morphine. I only used occasionally but that hydro-morph caused something to finally snap. The moment I realized I would get sick with out opiates I decided that was the time to quit. I had no idea what was coming. I just assumed because I barely used I would have mild symptoms and could get through it. 3 days later I ended up in the emerge with a massive panic attack. I was prescribed clonazepam, it worked taken as needed until day 9 when I had an episode that landed me in jail. Although I wasn’t charged with an offense I had to have a psych assessment before being released. At the jail they took away my clonazepam and gave me clonomine but the idiots only gave it to me in the day when I was relatively ok. At night when the nurse went home I went through absolute hell. It was by far the worst experience of my life. Being in that tiny cell unable to even crack open a window to get fresh air I almost lost my mind. All the while people treated me like I was insane when in fact I was physically ill. My head started playing tricks on me. I started hearing voices, seeing things. I felt as though maybe I really was crazy. I’d say the worst part was waking up in the middle of the night unable to move my arms, feeling that horrible cold, electric shock feeling. That and the anxiety which is better described as absolute terror!!!! The psychologist I would like to punch straight in the nose because he said I had personality disorder when in fact I am usually a kind, honest, caring person. I had told him the reason I was acting strangely was because I was in physical agony. He said I was just being manipulative. It was extremely dehumanizing to have acted polite and curtious at all times yet be handcuffed and shackled, people acting as though I am a danger to society when all I am doing wrong is doing the floppy-fish begging for proper medical care. Of all the people employed to be my caretakers no one seemed to give a flying f(&% about me. The only people who helped me were the other inmates, the so called criminals were the ones who checked on me to see if I was breathing, gave me there blankets and went without so I could sweat it out. Made my bed for me, shaved my head for me to help with fever and gave me cream to put on my head for razor burn as well toothpast, shampoo, ect ect.

At one point when it was really bad I wrapped myself in a pile of blankets and knowing my nightly escapade would begin I said: “BRING IT ON!!!!!!” and no matter how hot I felt I sweat it out. I drank tons of water trying to flush it out. I started to realize a lot of it was mental and that bring it on attitude helped. I started embracing the withdrawal and took it as my bodies way of sweating out toxins. It seemed like when I finally wanted the goose flesh it would go away. At some point I just learned to enjoy it.

But ya not sleeping for 6 days and starting to hear voices and getting thoughts that weren’t mine was very terrifying. I don’t with that experience on any one.

Eventually I was released despite the judges wishes because I had not committed a crime and he had no power to hold me in custody. I went straight to the emerge and the doctor there was very understanding. He prescribed me xanax and the last two nights now I finally slept. I still feel like crap but I feel like I can make it because the worst is over. I’m not impressed with the canadian legal system in the slightest for not providing me proper medical care.

All I can say to any one going through what I did. do what ever it takes to stay comfortable, seek proper medical assistance and unless you are legitimately weening yourself off don’t do any opiates. Take it one day at a time, one hour at a time even as each minute can seem like hell. If your going on 2 weeks and it’s still getting worse don’t give up. Sometimes it gets a whole lot worse before getting better.

I will never consider a junkie anything other than a human being with a legitimate disease that should be treated as such. I will never judge any one because I know what it is like.

43 Danielle { 12.02.09 at 3:55 pm }

I have been reading your website and i am terrified of what I have to do. My husband started giving me Vic’s and percs for many years and he just passed away 3 mons ago and I am the only bread winner here and can’t miss work, I will loose everything even my cats. I am going to try and slowly decrease my pills. I was up to 6-8 vics and 1-2 perc a day. Today i didn’t take any percs at all and only took 51/2 vics so far. I do not plan on taking anymore today. I do have xanax with me and can get more, I am hoping this will help. I do beleive in GOD and the power he carries so with that I pray this will be the first and last detox with pills I will ever have. Thank you for your website. PS starting to itch now but that is expected. I’ll take a long shower and than pray for guidence.

44 Eric { 12.07.09 at 6:53 am }

A little over two years ago I was diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis. I’ve had fairly bad chronic pain since high school. It’s so bad that I walk with a limp. It got to the point where the chronic pain interfered with my everyday life. I was fired from my last job due to missing work for doctor appointments. Shortly after I started pain management. My tolerance was already very high due to frequent ER visits. So I was put on fentanyl patches right off the bat, which really didn’t work all that well for me. So I asked to be taken off fentanyl and I was put on opana. Opana worked wonders when I was first started taking it. I was able to do things that I haven’t done since i was a kid. I also had two epidurals done. The first one was just as wonderful as the opana. But the second one went horribly wrong. My back pain increased ten fold and I called my pain management doctor multiple times about what I was going through but they would just tell me there is nothing we can do. So I did the one thing anyone in situation, I believe, would do. I took more pain meds. Over a very short period of time my tolerance went way up and I began snorting the pills. Snorting them seemed the only way they were effective. I went from 20 mg orally ever 12 hours to snorting 60 mg about every 4 hours give or take. I had no idea whatsoever of the gravity of the situation at first. When I felt full blown withdrawal for the first time, I was terrified. Thankfully it didn’t last long cause i was waiting on my refills at that time. But as time went on, I realized I was losing everything. I was alienating my wife. I could only live 4 hours at a time. In that 4 hours the only thing I thought about was the next dose so I wouldn’t go into withdrawal. Then I came to my breaking point, get off this or lose absolutely everything. So I tried to go to a detox facility but they didn’t have any beds opened, which was actually a good thing even though at the time it didn’t seem like a good thing. So I went to the ER after that and explained the situation. The doctor was very nice to me and gave me something to carry me for a few days. So as I was waiting for a bed to come available while I waited at my friends house. I was dreading it too, cause the facility looked like a prison. But I decided to do it at my friends house cause four of his friends, two I knew and two I didn’t know had been in my exact situation. Also they smoked marijuana on a daily basis so I had access to it. The way I pulled through is they kept me stoned for eight days straight, literally. I must have consumed at least $400 worth of weed. The other thing that helped was I had a support group there that was better than any medical facility could offer. I was able to save my marriage from the brink of destruction. I my opinion there is not enough education about this. Addiction was never really discussed by my pain management doctor. Now I have this stigma that follows me and I can’t get rid of it. It makes me mad that I have this stigma and I didn’t mean for it to get that bad, plus I have a legitimate condition that causes a lot of pain. For those about to go down the path of withdrawal don’t give up. Not giving up is the absolute best thing you can do. There is no medicine you can take that can substitute for not giving up. If you have no support where you are right now, go to a hospital. They will help you. Swallowing your pride and going to a hospital is a lot better than jail time. If money is an issue don’t let it be, cause the hospital has to help you by law. Just remember, you have more people than you know pulling for you and a few days of hell is totally worth a lifetime of sobriety.

45 boulderfolk { 01.10.10 at 8:21 am }

Thank you guys for making a website like this. It’s amazing how many people find comfort in it during their time of need.

RIght now is my time of need. Recently admitted a 5-year Vicodin addiction to my wife and doctors. At first, they recommended I tape off, which I engaged my wife in. Soon after, I still felt a good amount of pain from my recent knee surgery, so I went back to the surgeon for another script … BINGO. No problem. After I consumed that script several days before it was supposed to expire, I realized that this run-around had to stop. Sure, I could probably keep going back to the surgeon, but he’s no idiot … most people are fine without pain meds at this point. This is a good time (if there ever was one) to kick this thing. Besides, I really felt the Holy Spirit speaking to me this time … whereas there hadn’t been guilt in the past, now there was.

It’s Sunday AM, and my last dose of Vicodin was Thursday night … that puts me at about 60 hours of so since my last pill. I was taking 5×500 hydrocodone, 1-2 as needed every 4-6 hours. As you might imagine, I ALWAYS needed it, and never waited until 6 hours. I had my run in with Oxycontin and Oxycodone after the surgery, but quickly flushed it as I realized I was messing with something much more serious than Vicodin. I knew I already had issued with the V … didn’t want to multiply that with a multi-drug addiction.

Here’s how it went down for me:

FRIDAY: Started experiencing some w/d symptoms, but nothing too major. In preparation for worsening symptoms, I called my primary care doc and he called in Clonidine. I didn’t even pick it up … in a way, I hoped he would just order me one of those “tapering schedules” of Hydrocodone he had been good for in the past. No dice this time. He heard my heart, and I can appreciate that. That evening, I had the worst shakes and could not sit still … didn’t sleep but 2 hours that night. Woke up scared and motivated to reveal everything to my wife, and call the doctor as I thought it might be time for me to come in.

SATURDAY: Went to Urgent Care (per nurse suggestion) and was greeted by a wonderful Christian nurse who shared so much with me. Such a little blessing on an otherwise gruesome day. Doctor was straight-forward, compassionate. After examining me and my addiction, he prescribed Clonidine (for w/d symptoms) and Ativan (for anxiety). I had never taken either, so I was skeptical but willing … heck, I’d come this far, right? After picking up the scripts and heading home, I basically fell asleep very quickly … and stayed there almost all day. The fam came in and out, but I was out of it. I hardly remember anything from yesterday. Went to bed at a normal time, and slept until 5AM … not an abnormal time for me to awake.

SUNDAY: Today. Woke up in a cloud, but at least able to stay up somewhat. Took another dose of Clonidine, strapped on my heart rate monitor (runner) and watched it … this drug took my normally health resting heart rate (70) down to 50!!! Needless to say, I didn’t feel like getting out of bed at all. I eventually got up, got the fam off to church and called my doc who prescribed this stuff. No problems with stopping taking it, he said … maybe just 1-2 today in stead of the 3. Unless the jitters come back, I’m staying off that crap for good. I’m sure it can help someone who uses more than (most pills I ever took in one day were probably 10–12) but it completely took me out of this world, and not in a good way.

So, not I have Ativan to try solo .. we’ll see. Anybody particularly have good experience with this drug in this application? I’m seeing my primary doc and therapist later this week for evaluation and next steps, but as of right now, I don’t feel like *me* at all. I feel like a foreign version of me … I don’t recognize my life without the drugs, and I don’t have much interest in going out and living. I’d give anything to feel good and “up” again, but not via opioids. I’ve seen what a run with these gems can do, and personally, I just want to learn how to do life without them again. The last 5 years have been filled with so many joys that needed Vicodin to help process it … how do I do it moving forward?

46 Dan { 01.17.10 at 8:08 pm }

I am 77 hours opiate free….. I was taking 2 roxy 15s in the AM a few more in teh afternoon and a few after work. I have been using the thomas recipe,weed (not much of it) and xanax. My second night I got no slepp even with xanax. Last night I has a real bananna milkshake two potassium plls and a hit off of a blunt. I slept decently last night actually pretty late Im eating again. I just have mental cravings cant sleep and anxiety. It will pass though. You have a choie to either be a slave to these pills or get your life back. Try praying. Think about when you take that pill , is it filling that void in your stomach. That is a spiritual void. Why does NA work for some because it give them the focus to stay spiritual….

47 Adam { 01.18.10 at 4:23 pm }

Ya, that’s the worst part Dan. The part where you’re about 4-7 days deep into withdrawal, and you’re starting to feel better, but because you’re so used to that “head change” it’s hard not feel like you need to take something. Even if for no reason but to escape reality. Been there done that. Cool thing is…it goes away. Shitty thing is…it takes time.

48 Matt { 01.20.10 at 8:26 pm }

Hey guys, this is a great site. I just wanted to say that to everyone on here, you have my complete and total respect. I’m almost ashamed to even be here because I’m on such a small scale compare to what some of you are going through. I only take 20-30 mgs of vicodin a day (2-3 ten mg pills), and even I’ve experienced w/d symptoms, so I can’t even imagine what it would be like to come off of ten times that! … Truthfully I haven’t stopped like most of you have. I can admit here that, like so many others, even the small amount I take make me feel exponentially less depressed. I have a lot of issues that I’m trying to work out but in the mean time, the pills help make things better. I haven’t lost a job or even missed a day of work, I haven’t damaged relationships or cut off family members. The only negative side I’ve seen so far is financially, as well as w/d symptoms. I can’t afford to do them for much longer so i’m gonna stop, but I’ve ran out in the past for a couple of days and it’s a lot. It’s not even just the skin crawls or the cramps, but the stomach issues as well. I have to stop when I have a clear three or four days to do it, which hasn’t happened yet. And since I’m really not being negatively impacted otherwise, I’m kind of just chugging along. I actually feel better from reading these stories because after 2 1/2 years, I haven’t gone up from what I take. I also keep some controls on myself (I only take 1/2 in the AM to avoid stomach issues at work, when realistically I want to take 50 because I hate my job).

I know I sound like a crack head, making excuses, but in all honesty, and I HATE admitting it, the system has worked for me in a lot of ways. I do fear getting worse though, to that point a lot of you made it to. I really commend you, especially those who have long-term pain issues. It really is a mess. You are lucky if you have a spouse and good friends that will help ease the blow. I hope I find something positive in life once I get off them to replace that feeling.

Just wanted to say hello. I wish everyone the best of luck and keep posting here–I think just talking about it helps. Feel free to email me if you just need someone to chat with. I recognize that I’m not exactly in the same boat as a lot of you guys but I can sympathize. Good luck…

49 Todd { 01.25.10 at 5:10 pm }

Hey Matt,

I’m kind of in the same boat as you. I’ve been taking for depression and boredom (not pain, for the most part) over the past 15+ years. I’ve been able to function in my job just fine, and have had stable relationships, wherein my usage did not negatively interfere with them. I just recently got to a point where I felt like I was on the precipice of taking so many opiates that I might never be able to stop w/out some sort of in-patient detox event.

When I started, it was taking vikes on the weekend or twice a week thing. Then it grew into daily, which grew into taking oxys in the morning drive into work and for the afternoon drive home. I got to the point where it was thinking about wanting to slow down or stop too much, so I did. I recently stopped cold turkey and got to the point where I was thru with the w/d feelings. Felt really good, and I was pretty proud of myself. Since then, I’ve been keeping my usage to an occasional recreation thing now (i.e. back to once or twice a week, after work), no more than 10 mg (usu 7.5) of hydro at a time. I don’t drink, and smoking pot can frequently gives me anxiety attacks, so this is the one thing that is sort of “my thing” to feel good, sort of contentment in a pill.

Going through the w/d period was complicated by the fact that I kept it from my girlfriend, who knows that I take pain meds for foot tendinitis in the past, but does not know the full, true extent of my usage. I’m also in therapy for other issues, but am also afraid to mention this to him, as I’m afraid what he’ll write in my file, and also I know that once I reveal that fact, I’ll be be asked about my sobriety status which I really don’t want to have to deal with.

50 Robert { 02.24.10 at 3:34 pm }

I’m at day 9 of the WDs right now from a legit endless prescription that I was starting to really abuse. I decided to stop because I’m also in alcohol recovery, many years sober, and next I’ll drink. At day 9 I’m starting to feel human again. Suddenly, this evening, a little “liar” appeared on my shoulder and blew into my ear that I can do vikes again!! Whoopee! The “liar” said “I can smash my head with a hammer again”! But I’ll get BETTER results this time. Things will be better. But, Vikes quit working for me as soon as I started to love the high. Some for my pain, but TONS for my brain. It wasn’t how much I took, it was my reaction to them. Sadly, I get a bad reaction. My actual back pain isn’t nearly as bad as the pain the vikes have caused me. One is too many and a thousand isn’t enough. When I would take them, I thought I was getting “loose” and just “relaxing”. An escape from my back pain for awhile I would think. And hey! I’m happy also! But it turns out I wanted only to escape myself. I became uncomfortable with a clean brain. So the “liar” now appears at day 9 of the WDs. But because of this and other sites, what I’ve learned, and other recovering people in my life, I’ve been waiting for the “liar”appear. I go to 12-step meetings and I listen; because my own thinking will never fix my own thinking.

51 TheDude { 02.27.10 at 7:45 pm }

G Bless you adam for your inspirational words….

I have been on/off opiates since 22…I’m 30 now. it started with herion purchases, which I eventually figured out that herion/oxy/perc, are all the same feeling.

I am detoxing, but my bouts are not as intense b/c i usually do them for weeks, take a break for a month, then do it again, to avoid w/d, b/c i feel i’m above that.

i am getting owned right now…day 2, sweating palms dripping on my computer, fever, chills, my but is wet as hell and I look pale.

I recommend anyone to video tape and or write at the peak of this nasty nasty experience, and never go back again. life is too short and i just realize that i don’t want to let the opiates rob me anymore.

I have forgone love and have lived in isolation. Strength to all with courage and peace, death to darkness and weakness.

52 Oli { 03.03.10 at 7:09 am }

Hi, im on day 5 from 9 Norco’s a day off and on for about 4 years. The first few years were like every now and again. 10 here for a week, 20 there for a month I would stop for months at a time, think I didnt have a problem and go back. Well the past 12 months have been the worst. I got deeper and deeper and never missed a day taking them. I finally said to myself its time. The hardest part for me is that I think I cant take them recreationally like I do with other things. The reality is that I am very addicted and that is so hard for me to say. I have finally told myself that 1 is too many and I can never put an opiate in my body again. Its the biggest demon and fight I have ever been through. Its really great reading everyones story and all I can say is to be strong and talk about it with the people you trust and love the most. I have cried so much and every time I feel one step closer to freedom. I am so mad at myself for letting it get to this point. A friend of mine said on day 2 and 3 of w/d, remember how bad you feel right now, if you go back again it will be like this but maybe even worse. That really hit home for me and made me look at my life in a different way. Anyway, good luck to all
peace

53 jim { 03.07.10 at 11:52 pm }

My girlfriend has been on some type of painkiller for years. Her main poison throughout has been percocet. She does have back problems, which are part of the problem. But the bigger problem is that she has become so dependant on pills that it is hard for her to imagine life without them. Since we have been together (4 months) I have tried everything to try and help her get away from her horrible addiction. She started making headway when a friend mentioned to me that he got off off a 90mg a day oxy habit by taking suboxone. He offered me a few 8mg suboxone to help her through the percocet withdrawal. It worked wonders for the opiate withdrawal, but when it came down to tapering her off the suboxone it became a whole different withdrawal horror story. Her main problem in her withdrawal are the bugs all over her AKA crawling skin. She then said that 2mg xanax bars would help her with that and also help her to get sleep. Since neither of us have insurance or a substantial form of income, and since these “remedies” have been obtained off of the street.Financially, it is taking it’s toll. Tomorrow will be day 6 since her last 1mg dose of suboxone (which she tried to ween herself off of over a period of a few weeks) It has been an emotional and financial rollercoaster for me. And she is always fearful of her next waking day, as am I. I always act out of wanting to help her and take care of her. But sometimes I don’t know if I am helping her or hurting her by enabling her. I am not, and have never been exposed to pill addiction until we got together. So it has been a learning process for me. And I have done more than my fair share of research on all aspects of her addiction. If I wasn’t a bald man already I probably would have pulled my hair out 50 times over by this point. PLEASE HELP ME! I have never been through this so it’s hard for me to advise her on what to do. And I have tried everything. I love her and want to help. So I need some advice from people who have been there and gotten through it.

What are some OTC or home remedies to help alleviate some of her symptoms?

Does anyone know a time frame on how long suboxone withdrawal should last? (best to worst case scenario)

And finally, she has a psychiatrist appointment in 2 days and she is afraid if she divulges her withdrawal and method of detox to her psychiatrist, he may treat her differently. And although she has been taking xanax for withdrawal symptoms, she does have anxiety issues.

Any help or advice on this matter would be extremely appreciated.

Thanks so much! And I wish everyone on this forum the best in their own recoveries. -Jim

54 Chris H. { 03.09.10 at 3:47 am }

I have been on Vicodin 7.5/325 nine pills a day for about three months. My tolerance is out of sight! I’ve been on the ES Vic’s for about a year. I took my last dose three days ago, and have been “living” on Soma, Flexoral(?), and Valium, as well as sleep and hot showers/baths. I had to work 5 hours yesterday, and could barely make it. Today I’m scheduled to work nine hours and CAN’T call in. I use alot of energy at work, hoping to sweat out some of these chemicals. Do you have any other suggestions? My scrip is scheduled to be refilled tomorrow. Do you think it would be wise to ask my doc for the tolerance-inhibiting drug you mentioned in another post? (Started with a P).

55 Chris H. { 03.09.10 at 2:17 pm }

Now I’m just feeling insane, clumsy, cold, like my head is going to explode, and like my blood pressure is out of sight. I did eight hours at work and sliced the hell out of my finger at the very end. I’ve had a total of two soma (I do them every morning with my usual vic dose) and 2.5 mg of valium twice today. I come home to adult children mooching off me and telling me they’re glad I’m in withdrawal. They’ve got computers to look this shit up but they’re only happy that I’m getting off the pills. I get no break at all though. They start arguments, get my heart rate up, and then leave when I lash out. That was a reallly GOOD IDEA!!! I have no energy but I was ready to start throwing people out!!!!!!

56 Adam { 03.10.10 at 12:26 am }

Chris,

The Proglumide would only help in keeping your tolerance at where it is now. At 9 Norco’s a day, that’s not the kind of tolerance I would want to stay with. I think my main question would be; do you want to quit? As in, completely? Have you tried to taper your dose? Chris, I’ll tell it to you straight up…

You and I know that at some point, no matter how bad we want to stop, the damn pills have a vise grip on us. Throw in the Soma, Flexeril and Valium…you get my point. I think the answer to my question is obvious. You wouldn’t be posting here, if you didn’t feel like you either want to quit, or at least try and manage the stuff. So, that leaves you with two options:

1. Try and manage it. If you succeed, great. But, keep in mind 9 Norco’s/day is not a manageable dose.
2. Do whatever it takes to be rid of the stuff.

If you can’t manage it, you HAVE to bury it. And, it takes a lot of effort to bury this thing. Time off work, time away from the kids, time to detox, time to get right.

57 Adam { 03.10.10 at 12:49 am }

Jim,

Suboxone can be a beast in and of itself. I won’t get into the details, but I think Sub’s should be a method of last resort. But, no use dwelling on the past, we need to look towards the future. Give yourself an honest assessment here. How bad do you think she is? Is she in a chronic stage, where you truly feel like she can’t think for herself? Because, if that’s the case, then you have two very tough decisions to make.

1. Either setup an intervention, and tell her that she needs to get help immediately.
2. Leave her.

Both very harsh choices, but necessary in my honest opinion.

At one point I was taking 14 Vicodin’s a day Jim. There was a point in my life where detoxing felt like a death sentence, because I knew what I would have to go through to get to the other side. Not just physically, but mentally. Overcoming that type of dependence and mental addiction is like going through a death in the family while being sick with the flu. You may never understand this, but for those of us who truly like opiates, we’re stuck in a love affair. A love affair with a person that treats us well only we we have them around, but tortures us when we don’t. Imagine trying to end that kind of relationship. That’s why your girlfriend needs to be ready to end it…FOREVER. Do you think she’s ready? Otherwise, you’re going to be in for a hell of a ride.

The first time I ever did opiates, in the form of heroin, I was 17 years old. I’m 30 now, and the desire is still there. It has never left me. The problem with opiates is that sometimes you really need them. Severe injuries and such prevent some people from getting long term sobriety because they end up having to take them again. It’s a very fine line to walk, but what has worked for me, has been this one thing…

I’ve tried my best to create a life outside of the opiates, that feels wayyyyy better then when I’m high on them. That way, if I ever slip up, it usually doesn’t last for long, because I miss the good life that I have now.

Ever person is different. Every experience is different. The 12-steps work for some, drug maintenance works for others, and even moderation works for some. She needs to find out which path she wants to take. Her condition may be too chronic for her to choose that path just yet, so it may need to be chosen for her.

58 Chris H. { 03.10.10 at 3:59 am }

Thanx Adam. I am here cuz I’m fed up, but today (day four) I woke up feeling a lot better. Now I’m thinking it’s psychological though because I know that scrip will be there today. I go back and forth every two seconds; do I want to be clean from this seven-year addiction or do I want to try and manage the pills again???!!! I had an emotional break down with my husband last night. I also asked him to help me regulate the pills and he told me-what’s the use, you just find them sooner or later. I have to decide TODAY! This will be about the fourth time I’ve gone through self detox but this time has been the longest and worst.

59 Chris H. { 03.11.10 at 4:02 am }

Well, i caved. When I was off work yesterday I ran to pick up the scrip I’ve been waiting and detoxing for, the last four days. What the hell am I doing? I have no idea!!! I’m all f’d up. I did give them to my husband to regulate and have only had 5 pills in 15 hours. Down from 10 in that amount of time last week. Oh well. The horror story continues.

60 greg { 04.04.10 at 8:34 pm }

I am on day 3 of what seemed like a minor stint:6 -8 percocet/day for about two months.

I thought there wouldn’t be a problem quitting…..well, this is killing me. right now, sleepless and aching body. this is hell. my head is completely disoriented.

How long can i expect this to last?

61 jen { 04.06.10 at 5:18 am }

I have taken lortabs for 5 yrs anywhere from 1-3 a day doesnt seem like alot but steady for 5 yrs. I have went thru detox cold turkey a dozen times and then when I think I’m better I will take another one which starts the whole addiction cycle again. I am not the same person I used to be I don’t have motivation to do anything , bad anxiety etc. I am on day 3 of withdraw,l yesterday was bad i craved them!! Today I’m feeling a little more positive but still having the back pains and upset stomach what should I take for them?

62 greg { 04.06.10 at 5:51 pm }

JEN: Pepto Bismol worked like a charm for my stomach issues. I am on day four. Pains are somewhat tolerable, but the sleeplessness is killing. My head is a mess from it.

63 jen { 04.07.10 at 11:45 am }

Greg: thanks for the info yeah my sleepless nights suck i tried taking tylenol pm but then im real tired the next day. I went walking to day it was hard but i did feel better. Im happy i made it to day four its a struggle though. Im so happy for you and me and rest of us on here it has helped me alot. Everytime I want one I get on here and remember I’m not the only one going thru this and I’m thankful for the help this site has given me :)

64 jen { 04.07.10 at 11:59 am }

oh yeah and i have been having a rapid heartbeat since stopping guess my blood pressure is high anyone have this happen???

65 jennifer hays { 04.07.10 at 12:56 pm }

I had a major back surgery a year ago and was put on oxycodone 15s-I got up to taking 5-7 per day..The Dr. was calling 90 every ten days-This Dr. was prescribing me these meds w/o even seeing me for months at a time.Well he decided one day that he was going to send me to pain management and not even talk to me about oxys anymore! I went into pain clinic and they wanted to put me on fentanyl patch..I told myself NO MORE! This is day four for me and I have had a small relapse having my family members help me out with a few pain pills 1 oxy in am and 1 oxy in pm,also clonidine,and phenergan.The first day was horrifiing and I truly thought I would die.I feel abandoned by my Dr.s and I feel so very down and depressed.I dont know how to live my life without these pills…They were my safety net and cureall.The problem is now that my back is still screwed up and hurting and I have fibromyalgia…I feel like trying to go to another doc to get more but i know it will just get me back to this point someday…Am considering med.m.j.?I dont know what to do….Hanging on by a thread….

66 metoo { 04.07.10 at 2:00 pm }

Hey, people…google Kratom, and try some. I bought mine at kratomking.com. I got the capsules, and I’ll tell ya what….on an EMPTY STOMACH, they are BETTER than vicodin, oxy’s, you name it. Seriously, try it!!

67 David { 04.08.10 at 6:28 am }

I’m on day 4 of detox, nno fun. I do feel as I am rounding the corner this morning. I’ve been on 80 mg of Vicaprofin for 3 years for pain. My pain is increasing, but I’d rather be in pain than a slave to pills. I am hoping that I truly am rounding the corner today. Any advice on when you really feel better? Will I ever get over the desire for the pills?

68 jen { 04.08.10 at 8:52 am }

David: Well I’m on day 5 and everyday it get a tiny bit better. i have quit cold turkey several times and I think on day 8 you will notice a major improvement you will look back at day 1 and thank god you have made it this far. You will count the days and one day you will forget what day you are on and thats when you know things are looking up. Yes the desire will go awaysoon but always be cautious that you could fall back into it very easy one pill could be back to pill popping for years stay away from them completely. You are almost there just hang in there. I still didnt sleep good last night but most of the HORRIBLE back pains have subsided. I did get up and clean today feeling good so far staying positive.

69 David { 04.08.10 at 3:15 pm }

Hey Jen,
Thanks for the advice, you’ve given me hope. You are the first person that I have talked in depth to.
My craving hits worst in the late afternoon, mornings I seem to be able to cope with.
Thanks for the encouragement……

70 David { 04.08.10 at 3:18 pm }

Jen,
My heart seems to be racing also. Also seems like my bloodpressure is high.

71 jen { 04.08.10 at 5:09 pm }

David,
Your welcome I’m glad I could help ;) . Keep me posted .

72 jen { 04.08.10 at 5:11 pm }

My craving are worse in the afternoon also.

73 greg { 04.08.10 at 7:18 pm }

Jen/David:

Hang in there. I am ending day 6 and much of the pain has gone away. Still sleepless nights, high anxiety and disorientation. Dosing up on a lot of stuff just to eek out 2 hours of continuous sleep at night though.

74 David { 04.09.10 at 6:22 am }

Greg/Jen,
Thanks for the advice Greg, pray that you continue to do well. Also hope that you are surviving as well Jen.
Day 5 for me. Little sleep last night and deep headache this am. I do think that I am better this morning though. Wish that Drs would advise patients of the downside of pain meds.
I did order some Kratom tea, sounds like it helps with the withdrawls.
Advice is always welcome,
Gods Speed to you both,
David

75 metoo { 04.09.10 at 7:18 am }

Good luck with the tea, David! I got the capsules, cuz it’s a horrible tasting thing! I have found the kratom really has helped me, and if it helps you too, then it’s worth it! Don’t forget your potassium and B vitamins too!!!
Everything is gonna be ok…hang in there….

76 David { 04.09.10 at 8:49 am }

metoo,
Thanks for the encouragement, can’t wait for the tea. Don’t feel like I can make it, today is particularly becoming difficult.
I will overcome this!
Thanks,
David

77 metoo { 04.09.10 at 8:55 am }

You can do this, David…today is JUST a DAY. This too shall pass!! Hold out for your tea…better days are just around the corner now!! It might be time for some “self talk” if you can!! You’ll get through this! I’m praying for you!!! :)

78 jen { 04.09.10 at 10:12 am }

David tell yourself all day you can do it!! Find something to keep your mind from wanting it. You have come this far just think how much better you will be. If you cant sleep at night try some otc sleep aid it does help, but for me I am groggy the next day but it does help with the sleep problem. Praying for all of us!!

79 Shmoe { 04.09.10 at 12:49 pm }

Thank you all so much for posting. You guys that are going through withdrawal now are inspiring. I am about to start and I so hope I can do it., but you are all so inspiring.

80 David { 04.09.10 at 2:59 pm }

Metoo and Jen,
Pray that you guys are doing well! I am so thankful for being able to converse with the two of you.
I’m doing ok late this pm, maybe a little better than this morning. I just keep praying to God for this to end, it’s tougher than I thought, but , as you said, this too shall pass.
Thanks so much guys, am praying for your strength too.
Kratom didn’t come today, should be here tomorrow. Maybe that will take the edge off.
Love you guys,
David

81 jen { 04.09.10 at 4:17 pm }

I felt better this morning now I seem aggravated at everything and everyone hope this passes it’s gonna be a long night. Thanks David that is very sweet hope you have a good night try to get some sleep you to Metoo!! :)

82 David { 04.10.10 at 5:56 am }

DAY 6! I think I am rounding the corner, just got up and have a bad headache. Slept better last night and noticed that I didn’t constantly think about pills yesterday evening. Unfortunately the pain that I was being treated for over the past 3-4 years has greatly increased. The Vicaprofin knocked it down by about 30%. I will get some relief for that next month as I get a steroid injec every 3 months. I have read that the Kratom helps with pain, I am leary of it becoming another crutch though. The Kratom should be here this afternoon.
How are you guys doing? I think of you guys often and it helps me make it through knowing that somebody else is in the same shoes that I am.
Take care guys, I’ll check back this afternoon. Off to work,
David

83 jen { 04.10.10 at 6:32 am }

Thats why I havent bought the Kratom believe it I’m actually sensitive to other medication it would probably make me sick so I won’t try it. I am on day 7 doing ok right now feel better mentally, but last night was hard but delt with it. Hope everyone has a great day and praying for us. Sobriety dust to everyone lol!!

84 David { 04.10.10 at 2:34 pm }

Keep it up Jen! I’m doing really good today. I’m hoping that I’m over the top.
How is Metoo? I did get the Kratom and took 1 capsule about an hour ago. I feel good, maybe placebo effect!
Praying for us all, and any newbies!
David, the ex slave to pills……………………..I think???????????????

85 Nicole { 04.10.10 at 3:21 pm }

Thanks guys are posting all of your thoughts and comment, I’m on day 2 and looking for any tips or encouragement I can find. I too am tired of being slave to these stupid pills but I feel like crap and wonder if I’m going to make it.

86 metoo { 04.10.10 at 3:43 pm }

Hey, David…you will have to take at least 8 of those capsules!!!! And you need to do it on an empty stomach. But ONE isn’t going to do a thing for you….and I can’t wait to hear how you feel when you do take 8-10 of them~Hurry up and get back here and report, Mister!!!! :)
Metoo is doing well!! I will get a refill on Monday, and I’ve been 9 days without vicodin now. So, what does anyone think I should do with the refill????

87 metoo { 04.10.10 at 4:05 pm }

More thoughts for David….Each capsule should contain approximately .41 grams of kratom…taking 8 gives you a 3.28 gram dose, which is a low dose. When they take effect in a half hour or so, you will KNOW that you don’t need pain pills any longer, and I can’t wait to hear you say that! :) You had mentioned that you were getting kratom tea~did you get capsules instead?
You kids rock…keep up the good work!!!

88 jen { 04.10.10 at 4:06 pm }

Metoo: I wouldnt get it filled. My husband used to get them and when I would quit taking them he would get a refill and I would take one and that was it all over again. I know its eating at you but you need to get rid of it or let someone else get it or you will relapse I have done that a hundred times. It will be hard but just remember you have to be strong ;) .

89 jen { 04.10.10 at 4:10 pm }

David: That is great that your doing good see told ya :) everything would get better soon hang in there and keep up the great work!!

90 David { 04.10.10 at 5:22 pm }

Hey Guys!
Thanks for the encouragement. Sounds like you are both doing well.
Jen, hope that your emotions level out, I KNOW you are going to make it!
Metoo, how’s it going with you? Are you going to get a refill? I still have some vicaprofin and my script is refilled on the 16th. I haven’t taken any for 6 days, and don’t know about picking up my refill if my pain turns me into a whimp! At this point, I don’t want to go through what I’ve gone through again ever in my life. It was nice today to feel so clear minded, although I did have thoughts of taking my meds when I feel like I can’t deal with the pain and I’m feeling that lift as it is time for the every 4 hour dose.
Got the Kratom Metoo!!!!! I followed your advice and feel great. My pain is at a controllable level and I don’t feel the need for the meds. I hope that this continues.
Praying for you guys! Keep up the BATTLE!!!!
Dave

91 David { 04.10.10 at 6:05 pm }

Metoo,
Forgot to state that I got the powder kratom. Took your advice and put it into capsules. Took 1 not knowing what it would do and actually felt better. Went ahead and took 6 on empty stomach. Pain very much decreased and NO desire for a vic! Also seemed to calm down my high blood pressure feeling.
Even before I took the kratom I felt MUCH better this am. Went to work and felt, well, just different. Everything just seemed so much more alive and I actually felt very clear headed. I didn’t realize how much of a cloud that I have been in in almost the last 4 years.
Jen, keep up doing what you’re doing, you WILL also make it! Don’t take the Kratom if it will make you sick or want to relapse. Am praying for your clearity of mind and patience with other people. I went through that 2 days ago, Almost snapped at something insignificant with one of my kids. Hang in there!
Thanks guys for being there, you guys are the only ones who understand what this step in life is like.
Most Sincerely,
Dave

92 David { 04.10.10 at 7:11 pm }

Metoo,
Wow, what a difference. The effect of the kratom kicked in. Almost no pain and I feel wonderful, but not that BAD high from vicoprofins. Went for a walk with my wife, something I haven’t done since my detox. A lot of what I am going through is a result of the detox. With me, I think that day 6 was a major crossroad, even without the kratom. I feel like a new man, almost, I don’t want to speak too soon.
Jen, how’s it going. Am praying for you as I know that you are having the same difficulties that I went through. Nobody knows what it is like. I was bedridden 5 years ago with pneumonia and thought that I was going to die. I would actually go through that again rather than the nightmare of the past 6 days. Take care, you are in my prayers. God will get you through it.
Take care guys,
Dave
P.S. I live in Oregon. Not that it is any of my bus, but am curious as to where youguys live in the U.S. Today was beautiful here and my new sense of drugfree awareness made it that much nore beautiful!

93 metoo { 04.10.10 at 7:47 pm }

Hey, David! I’m SO GLAD to hear that the kratom is good for you too! Also, the dose you are taking is small, so you can up that dose for more of a euphoric feeling~~just sayin’! :D It’s nice to know that it’s an herbal high also. There is nothing illegal about buying it or consuming it. I love that! Now, I’m waiting to hear how southernmom likes it!
I am a midwest girl….. :) And I’m glad you had a nice walk with your wife. Has she been supportive through your detox? I hope so. It makes a world of difference just knowing that people are pulling for you and helping you through, whether your people are by your side, or at this website. There really is a great feeling of “community” here.
Jen, keep hanging in there! You’re doing great!
Still praying!!!

94 jen { 04.10.10 at 7:57 pm }

David: I live in Texas it was warm todayand pretty. I went to the gym today and worked out it made me feel better. I want to start going everyday like I used to before my baad addiction problem. I am so happy you are doing so well I bet your wife is very proud of you. Im glad that Kratom helped you maybe I should get some and try a little and see if it works for me. I am thankful for all of you I dont think I could have made it thru this without yalls encouraging words and prayers. I felt some clarity this evening it feels wonderful!! Hope everyone gets some good sleep tonight I’m sick of the RLS lol!! Good night friends .

95 jen { 04.10.10 at 8:02 pm }

So where do you buy this Kratom from and I’m a light weight so what would be good for me or dosage wise?

96 metoo { 04.10.10 at 8:23 pm }

I got mine from kratomking.com ~~I bought 50 grams of capsules to start. I think if I were you, I’d start with 6 capsules…just re-read your posts. If you can’t feel it with six after about a half hour, I’d take two more. It’s nice stuff. Take it on an empty stomach.

97 David { 04.11.10 at 5:35 am }

Day 7,
Hey guys, I think that I can actually say that I have made it through the worst. Slept better last night, I do wake up around 4:30 am though.
Today is a new day, I know that as the week goes on I will still have to deal with the urges, and pain. Ibuprofin seems to be the new daily drug.
KRATOM, oh my Gosh! I felt like a million bucks last night and awoke this morning not feeling hung over or had to drag myself out of bed. Jen, you should try it. I was scheptical, but it does give you the euphoric feeling and helps with pain issue greatly. I ordered mine express mail overnight. I got the powder and put it in gell caps.
Thanks Metoo!
Keep getting better guys!
PS My wife has been a wonderful support, and she could tell that I rounded a corner yesterday.

98 David { 04.11.10 at 6:32 am }

Greg, How are you? Haven’t seen any postings from you in a while. Need to talk or any encouragement?
Your friend,
David

99 David { 04.11.10 at 8:11 am }

Hey Nicole,
You are on Day 3! It should slowly get better from here. Day 3 was the worst for me, but I know that you can make it through today. Just keep in mind that tomorrow you will feel a little better.
Day 6, for me, seemed to be the day that I really knew that I could make it. It just takes prayer and lots of intestinal fortitude!
Let us know how you are doing,
Dave

100 jen { 04.11.10 at 8:20 am }

I dont feel as tired today I feel way better!!! I’m a happy camper day 8 for me woohooo!!! Hope Greg is doing well. Keep up the great work Davis I’m so happy for everyone!! SOBRIETY DUST TO ALL!!!

101 jen { 04.11.10 at 8:24 am }

Nicole hang in there I think for Women the emotional part was hard for me at first I cried over the dumbest stuff it does get better I promise I feel freakin fantastic today!! Just take it day by day you are not alone! For the no energy phase I drank some energy drinks just to help some. You will physically feel better in a couple of days hang in there ;)

102 David { 04.11.10 at 8:44 am }

My guess is that Kratom will be outlawed, it works too good! I think that the powers that be would rather have us taking the strong prescription stuff rather than something natural with little to no side effects compared to prescrip pain meds….
I feel good today! and haven’t taken anything, kratom included….

103 greg { 04.11.10 at 1:59 pm }

I am on day 9. Sleeplessness still abounds along with anxiety and disorientation feelings. I must admit, its wearing down on my mind, but the good thing is I am not craving. Its just something that I have to endure and make it through. I’d really like to know how long the sleeplessness lasts.

104 jen { 04.11.10 at 3:23 pm }

greg have you tried a sleep aid i would just to get some sleep

105 David { 04.11.10 at 3:24 pm }

Hey Greg,
I lay in bed at night and not sure if I sleep at all. By 4:30 am I just get up.
Glad to hear that you aren’t craving. It will eventually get better. I am much better today, not thinking about taking a pill at all. I must admit that this is the first time I have gone cold turkey, from what I have read it is harder each time.
Keep it up dude, I didn’t think that I could make it or ever lose the craving for vico’s.
Stay strong, you can do it, I doing ok, much better than I could have imagined last Sunday. Today I notice the clarity of mind, something that I didn’t know that I was missing.
If you need you can call me for encouragement. Let me know and I’ll send you my number.
Keep up the good fight, the encouragement on this site from my friends has kept me going!
Dave

106 metoo { 04.11.10 at 4:09 pm }

You kids are cool. :) Greg, have you ever tried melatonin?? Sounds like your problems might stem from anxiety..?? Perhaps some chamomile tea would be nice for you too…just something to settle you down. One thing that I feel has made a difference in my mood/outlook too is SAMe vitamins. Whatever you decide to take, it can’t hurt. Melatonin is a nightly thing for me, and I generally will take it around 8pm, anticipating sleep at 10pm. Give it time to work.
Greg, I’m going to switch my prayers over to you for a bit~~~know that you are being thought of today, and tonight. It will get better, my friend!! It will!!

107 jen { 04.11.10 at 5:52 pm }

I have tried the melatonin before it is good for sleep. I hope everyone has a great night. What are the SAMe vitamins?

108 metoo { 04.11.10 at 5:58 pm }

Google them. SAMe just gives you a mental boost.

109 David { 04.11.10 at 7:35 pm }

Greg,
Praying for a better nights sleep for you. Pray for strength, we are praying for you.
Jen and Metoo keep up the good fight,
Dave

110 Shmoe { 04.12.10 at 3:58 am }

You guys are all very courageous. I will pray for all of you. I am on day 2 of no vics and defiantely having some ups and downs.

Woudl love to get ahold of some Kratom but simply cannot order over the internet because this addiction is my little secret. I have called local supplement places (GNC and Vitamin World) and they never heard of it. Is it worth callling all the local head shops?

111 David { 04.12.10 at 5:45 am }

Shmoe,
It’s worth getting, but you can only order it over the net unless you live in a big city. People use it for all kinds of things, not just coming off of pills. Nobody will question why you’ve bought it. Lots of people use it for mental clarity andenergy.
Keep moving ahead, my experience was that the 3rd day was toughest for me. Just keep a positive attitude because it will get better.

112 David { 04.12.10 at 5:49 am }

Day 8,
Slept better last night but am tired this morning. I have for sure made it through the worst of it. I didn’t even think about a pill at all yesterday.
How’s everyone else? Greg, how are you today? I know that you are at the cusp!
Take care everyone, I’ll check back in later today,
Dave

113 Shmoe { 04.12.10 at 8:24 am }

Thanks so much David for the advise and for your status. Day 8 and no craving – wowo that sounds good! I can’t imagine not craving so this means there is hope.

114 jen { 04.12.10 at 8:37 am }

Well Today is day 9 for me slept good last night and didnt want to get up! I am doing things I havent done in a very long time it is so different being sober. When I was taking the pills everday I was a very isolated person never wanting to do anything or go anywhere. Im loving it just to sit outside and take it all in its great!! I could have never done it without you guys I don’t know yall personally but you have really changed my life and given me hope.Thanks ;) How is Greg and Nicole doing? Let me know how you are doing and we are all praying for you ;)

115 greg { 04.12.10 at 3:03 pm }

Hi all, and thanks so much for the encouragement. It is day 10 for me.

I do have lots of anxiety…driving me nuts. I will give the malatonin a try tonight and report back on the progress.

Again, so much thanks to David, Jen and Metoo! I feel fortunate having found this place. Keeps me going one day at a time – which is all I am looking to accomplish at this point.

Definately better than day 2,3 and 4.

116 David { 04.12.10 at 3:59 pm }

Way to go all of you,
I did ok today, felt lagging a little, but didn’t really think about the pills. I didn’t think that that would ever happen.
Glad that you are doing better than day 2,3 and 4. Don’t give in and just keep in mind that you will make it. Again I want to say, I NEVER thought that I could do this, if I can I know you can!
Dave the ex pill slave! (I have to keep it possitive in my mind)

117 jen { 04.12.10 at 5:31 pm }

Has anyone noticed being more hungry? I am

118 greg { 04.12.10 at 7:55 pm }

Jen…absolutely I notice being more hungry. Its crazy. My appetite has been voracious at times for the past few days. Snacking and gulping food and drink. I think this is a good sign – our bodies are righting themselves chemically.

119 greg { 04.12.10 at 7:56 pm }

David…hand in there buddy. Here’s a prayer right back atcha…one for Jen and Metoo as well. Seriously!

120 jen { 04.13.10 at 4:30 am }

Hope you feel better today David ;) stay positive. And to Greg yes I have been the same way I’m eating everything and drinking everything in sight its crazy. I have been craving sweet stuff which is crazy because I’m not big on sweets. Praying for everyone to have a wonderful sober day :) !

121 David { 04.13.10 at 6:06 am }

Day 9,
Glad to have made it this far. Not a real good nights sleep, although I’m out of town. Nice headache and kind of sweaty.
How is Greg? Sounds like you are doing better from your posts, and yes, my appetite is picking up a little. I think that when we are at 2 weeks we will feeling great.
How’s Jen and Shmoe and Metoo? I think that we are all doing good over all. You guys have helped me make it through, don’t know if I could have made it.
I’m 49 tomorrow and feel as I have a new lease on life. I do have to work on some type of pain management though. The pills did keep my pain at bay. The Doc wants to put an electronic implant in me, don’t know if I want anything else done to my body.
Praying for a good day for all of my friends,
David

122 Shmoe { 04.13.10 at 8:25 am }

Thnaks David for the good wishes. I was a winp and took 2 this morning. I will get some kratom and try again next week. Way to go all of you! I’m telling my self that if you guys can all do it, I can too…I just didn’t this time.

I hate to say it but part of the problem is that I love being stoned. Don;t like being addicted, but that buzz is so nice…

123 metoo { 04.13.10 at 9:01 am }

No kidding, Shmoe~~~~that buzz is so nice!! BUT….in doing a comparison, kratom actually IS better~with none of the guilt. I can’t wait until you get yours!! Order the capsules right away–messing around with stuff that tastes gross is gross. With the capsules, you don’t taste a thing. Well, until you burp!!! LOL!!! Keep your chin up, Shmoe~~next week is OUR week!!! You can email me if you want to!
metoo05@live.com

124 jen { 04.13.10 at 11:11 am }

It’s ok Shmoe just pick urself up and continuewith sobriety its ok! That was my problem I loved the feeling but I never wanted to do anything just sit home and be f-up I have spent half of my 20′s high it was a waste. I feel so much better today I havent thought of the pills at all. Just hang in there and you to metoo It will be worth it. Thinking of you guys and praying.

125 David { 04.13.10 at 4:48 pm }

Shmoe, You wil eventually do it. You HAVE to take the Kratom!! It is a godsend. It will give you the same effect, believe me. If somebody gave me Kratom instead of Vico and didn’t tell me I wouldn’t know the difference! It is great, and works well on the pain.
THANKS metoo for the kratom discovery! It has helped me make it through.
Today I was wiped out, think that the lack of deep sleep has caught up with me. Also, the hotel I stayed in last night had a NOISY heating system. Today was one of those days where I could have caved but didn’t.
How is everyone else? Greg , you ok? Metoo, you ok? Jen ok too?
Thanks to all of my faceless friends, you all have truly given me hope and helped me make it through,
Dave

126 greg { 04.13.10 at 4:55 pm }

Shmoe: Its one day at a time. I tried a half dozen times and couldn’t make it past 1 day without taking. You’re going to be fine, as this too shall pass.

Finishing up day 11. Unmentioned before on this board, I am in recovery from hard drugs and alcohol. 7 years clean. The pain killers snuck on me and got me hooked in as little as two months. Didn’t even realize it.

Yeah, there was a buzz. Not big highs, but a buzz. Anyone who takes these things is going to experience a kind of euphoria – one from the drug and another simply being without pain. Being without pain is a life changing experience. We never want to go bak as it feels we’ve been given a new lease. If the opiates hadn’t turned on me, frankly I’d still be on them.

I have been on and off for a few years – mostly off. This last round however I started noticing strange symptoms like runny nose if I wasn’t taking them. This concerned me and I started to slow down on the prescription. However, what I didn’t know is that it was already too late. By the time the runny nose was apparent, I was hooked.

As I said, I tried a few times to stop and it was so dreadful the first 24 hours, that I went back on. I weened myself down to about pill a day. I thought that was going to be okay. But sure enough, after 24 hours of my last pill, I was hit like a storm with withdrawal – from being on ONE PILL A DAY!!!

These are serious drugs….Class A narcotics and they don’t mess around – as such I have no business messing around with them.

The good news is that we all can do this. Together, we have the best chances. Alone we face the greatest odds. Our minds talk to us.

This board is a God send.

greg

127 jen { 04.13.10 at 4:56 pm }

Iam doing pretty good David i didnt sleep at all last night so been pretty tired. I wonder when the normal sleep habits come back hopefully soon. But other than that feeling good one day at a time. Thinking of everyone god bless yall!!

128 David { 04.13.10 at 5:16 pm }

Good to hear Jen! I wonder when the sleep becomes normal again too. When I was on my meds I seemed to sleep well, but was generally tired during the day. I think that it was an artificial sleep in some ways.
I’ll pray that God grants you some ZZZZ’s tonight,
Dave

129 David { 04.13.10 at 5:24 pm }

Greg,
I understand the cutting back to one pill a day senario. I have done that in the past, and when the withdrawl hits it’s as bad as going cold turkey with the daily prescripted dose.
Since I have been off the stuff I have my allergies back. I sneeze all of the time now as I have all of my life up until I was put on the vicaprofin. I do know that the opiate suppresses coughing, so it also must regulate mucus as well.
It sounds like you are doing better?
Try to get some sleep tonight!
Dave

130 David { 04.13.10 at 5:29 pm }

Metoo, Thanks for informing me of KRATOM! It’s great, with NO side effects!
Dave

131 Shmoe { 04.14.10 at 3:47 am }

Many thanks to all of you! I did get some kratom yesterday, so here we go agaian.

132 David { 04.14.10 at 6:13 am }

Feel good today. Still dragging a little from poor sleep.
Everybody keep up the good fight, today is a new day! Isn’t it great that we get to start out fresh and new every 24 hours!

133 metoo { 04.14.10 at 6:47 am }

Hey, Van~~~Would you like to join Shmoe, Southernmom and me for a little “next week detox”???? We always have room for one more fantastic person on our crew!!!! All are welcome!!! Together, we can DO this!!!!!!

134 jen { 04.14.10 at 8:17 am }

yes I feel good but havent been sleeping very well. I cant believe I have made it this far wow its so great!! Have a great sober day everyone.

135 David { 04.14.10 at 5:25 pm }

How are all of my friends,
Hope that all are doing well, if not, remember tomorrow is a NEW day. God NEVER gives us more than we can handle and always gives us an escape route. I think that this site is our escape route.
Today is day 11, I’m officially 49, and I am done with being a slave. I am extremely tired and lagging from lack of sleep, but don’t think of the pills anymore. I will continue to pray for strength in my endeavor, and the valley that my friends here are traveling through.
Keep up the good fight guys and gals,
Dave

136 metoo { 04.14.10 at 5:27 pm }

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAVID!!!!! Today is the 11th day of the rest of your life!!!! I celebrate you today, my friend!!!!! Enjoy your birthday!!!!! :D

137 David { 04.14.10 at 6:44 pm }

You’re so sweet Metoo, pray that all is well,
Dave
Thanks for the encouragement!

138 greg { 04.14.10 at 7:59 pm }

Day 12 folks. Feeling cautiously optimistic that things are really swinging in the good direction. While some days are better than others, the overall trend is upwards.

Its a pleasure to have you all here…David, Metoo, Shmoe and Jen. The good news is that we’re all making. Isn’t that just fantastic?

139 Shmoe { 04.15.10 at 5:02 am }

Great jon David, jen and greg. My prayers go out to you guys and metoo and everyone else on this board. It really does inspire me to stick with it – seeing you guys step by step quit and slowly getting back to normal. I have targetted Monday as my new quit date, same as metoo and southernmom. Hopefully we can follow in the footsteps of you guys who have made it to das 11/ and 12 and are doing better.

140 greg { 04.15.10 at 5:40 am }

Day 13…and I got 7 hours of sleep last night. This is huge. here’s what I’ve been taking though for sleep: Klonapin, Trazadone, Ambien and Melatonin. Perfect coctail for my brain/body. Seven hours is amazing, considering I have been averaging 4-5 hours. Actually slept so much, was woke up by the alarm for the first time in two weeks. Usually I have been been waking hours before the alarm went off. Much of the disorientation feelings seem to be gone.

I’ll report back on how the day goes with regards to anxiety and disorientation. Highly optimistic this morning.

141 metoo { 04.15.10 at 5:51 am }

Hey, Greg, that is GREAT!!!! Sounds like you’re really doing this thing up right!!! I am proud of you for making it to day 13, my friend!!!! Give yourself a big pat on the back from me!
I hope everyone is ready to be the prayer chain for Shmoe, Southernmom and me next week as we begin our team detox….All I know is that I am going to have to get all my little pills into the hands of someone else. I am crap at temptation!!!! If anyone has any helpful hints on how to resist, I am more than receptive to ideas and input!!!! I just HAVE to get this stuff out of my system forever. And there is no time like the present time to start!!! Please send suggestions! Oh, and just to get it out there again for those who want to keep in touch on a more personal level, I set up an email address…
metoo05@live.com

142 David { 04.15.10 at 6:27 am }

Pray that all of you ladies do well next week, team support is good.
Way to go Greg, glad that you got some much needed sleep and that the disorientation is gone. You are definetly past the worst.
I am on Day 11 tiday, my foggy brain had me on day 11 yesterday. I musy say that i never imagined that I could go without the craving for my pills. I also never imagined that I would go days without even thinking about them. Our bodies are fearfully and wonderfully made.
The kratom is great. Good natural product with no awful side effects.
This weekend I will sweat out any remaining narcotics from my system. I am heading up to the Columbia Gorge (east of Portland) to attend trail building classes. Maybe this will also finish clearing out my head.
Prayers for all of my friends,
Dave

143 jen { 04.15.10 at 12:49 pm }

Happy Birthday David that is awsome!!! I am praying for everyone next week you can do it and we are here for you golld luck sobriety dust to all!!!

144 greg { 04.15.10 at 6:14 pm }

Starting day 14. Wow. Much better day today. Much disorientation gone. Even got a nap in when I came home from work, which has been unheard of the past couple of weeks.

I will never let this happen again. For those reading the first time, opiate withdrawal is serious business, but we can and do make it through it.

I am not quite 100% yet, but I see it in the horizon. God, this has been a mutherfucker of a ride. Like I’ve never experienced – and like I said, I went through the ringer trying to get off of drugs and alcohol several years ago. Opiate withdrawal puts that to shame.

145 Karen { 04.15.10 at 8:03 pm }

This site has been a godsend, thanks to everyone for your posts. I’m on day 6 of detox after 10+ years of progressive vicodin addiction. Realised about 5 years ago that I was physically addicted, attempted detox on my own last July but caved after 4 days. I think I was already through the worst of the physical cravings but the sleep deprivation combined with shattered nerves, snapping at loved ones who didn’t know what the hell was wrong with me…anyway I went back. Made sure I had sleeping aids and a few flexeril this time to try and get through the first three days without losing it. Even with ambien I would only sleep for 3-4 hours but better than nothing. Flexeril helped with racing heart and rls. I’ve run out of ambien and benzos but did find a place in town that sells kratom and tried it today for the first time and it definitely helps take the edge off. Got something called Captain Kratom and took 4 caps and after 25 mins felt mild relief. So grateful to whoever first mentioned it here as I really want to get this demon off my back and any help to get through this is greatly appreciated. Haven’t got Sam-e but have good multi and trying to get more potassium and B12 in my body. I know exercise will speed up the detox but haven’t felt up to it yet. I think with otc sleep aids and kratom I’ll get through the next couple of days and start feeling better. Thanks again to everyone, best of luck and God bless.

146 jen { 04.15.10 at 8:48 pm }

Your right Greg I hear ya it is hard! I am doing really good but every now and then I get a thought to take one but I dont I’m staying positive and trying to make it to the next day. Todays has been a very hard day moms in hospital, having problems with my 12yr old son so these were the days I would have taken a few but I didnt I survived it. I thank god for everyday day i’m sober its a long road but a great one!!

147 greg { 04.17.10 at 6:21 am }

Day 15. Its hard to believe. 6 hours of continuous sleep. Huge progress.

Cleaned out my car yesterday and found a 10mg Vic. Yikes. I held on to it incase of serious pain emergency, but am considering getting rid of it. Why? Its talking to me. Just knowing its there is bothering me.

Much of the disorientation is gone. Sex drive is seeming to come on. Strange. Out of nowhere.

We can do this. Just remeber day 3/4 and use it as a tool to persist.

148 David { 04.17.10 at 3:53 pm }

Hey guys,
I’m doing well also, each day seems just a little better.
Greg, the lack of sex drive is a major side effect of opiates. It has been difficult for my wife, my lack of sex drive. It has also been hard for her as she wanted me to get a vasectomy 4 years ago which started all of this pain. 4 operations later the pain is no better in my right testicle. It always feels as though I’ve been kicked hard in the nuts. Hey guys, DON’T ever get a vasectomy, it isn’t worth the chance.
Glad that everyone seems to be doing good. Good luck ladies next week!
Dave

149 jen { 04.18.10 at 8:15 am }

Im doing pretty good also its getting easier and easier. Im so thankful for everyones support on here it has helped me very much. Everyone starting this week it will get better i promise!!

150 greg { 04.18.10 at 6:42 pm }

Closing up day 16. Wow, i can’t believe I am coming out the other side of this nightmare. You all are so very important to me and I can’t express my gratitude. This site has been amazing and I can’t say enough good about it. Its been a bedrock for me.

Never again. Let this be our motto.

p.s. Lingering depression…I think this is real-world things coming back to me that were being covered up by the opiates. I expect this is normal. Trying to keep myself busy help with the depression. Also writng and talking with others helps immensely.

You are all in my prayers.

151 jen { 04.19.10 at 6:27 pm }

Hope everyone is doing good. I feel alot better this week seem to be getting back to normal i have been sleeping better and have more energy. Thanks guys!!! Sobriety to allllll!!!

152 jen { 04.20.10 at 3:37 am }

Karen how are you doing today and everyone else? Hope everyone is doing good. Let me know if you need some encouragement ;)

153 greg { 04.21.10 at 8:09 pm }

Hi all. Closing up day 18 or so. Depression and life stuff are kicking in – as I mentioned before, I think they are just the things that were being covered up by taking the opiates. Didn’t even realize it while it was happening.

Do have to admit, the cravings are kicking in. Have been seriously considering using again.

154 metoo { 04.22.10 at 5:42 am }

Oh, Greg…..keep going!!! You have done SO WELL!!! The worst is almost over!! Please don’t go back to this hell!!!! I am praying for you!!!! STRENGTH.
Shmoe, where are you???? Are you ok????? Please post or email!!!

155 Steve { 04.22.10 at 4:31 pm }

hello guys. im scared to death to try to detox….i take 180 mg of morphine a day and that is what the doc has prescribed me to take. i have had a failed lumbar fusion done on my lower back and am not sure that even if i do detox if i would be able to handle the everyday pain from my back and also my tolerance is skyrocketed buy i have no insurance or anyway to pay to have it looked at other then my normal general practitioner. does anyone have any suggestions because i am quickly getting to the point of complete hopelessness.

156 greg { 04.22.10 at 6:30 pm }

Finishing up day 19. Depression becoming the nagging partner in life.

Other than that, i can say the following are gone:
- night sweats
- sleepless nights (6-8 continuous hours of sleep now)
- body aches
- disorientation
- runny nose
- extreme lethargy
- feeling as if living hell is upon me

Appetite is back. Sex drive is hit and miss. Energy is decent.

Jen/Shmoe: Are we the only ones left?

157 jen { 04.22.10 at 7:06 pm }

I think we are wow , we are still hanging on i have had some cravings to but i try to just ignore them but yeah i know exactly what you mean! Hang in there buddy!!

158 Char { 04.23.10 at 8:11 am }

I’m closing in on my sixth day of detox from heavy use of opiates every day for approximately a year. The first four days were pure unadulterated hell. All I thought was is this ever going to end. The flu times ten, I mean I wish I just had the damn flu. The fourth night was the absolute worst. I couldn’t sit still for more than a minute. I would move from couch to chair, to shower to bed to floor to couch every minute all the while trying to watch a movie with my girlfriend. The cravings were the worst the first two days. The first day I searched my place up and down for stashes I might have misplaced, its all I could think about. Last night was my best night yet. I actually could sit still, I laid down and fell asleep with no problem and slept uninterrupted for five hours. Diarrhea is still prevalent, have had it about two days. No cravings anymore but constantly think about opiates.

159 TroubledDude { 04.23.10 at 2:49 pm }

Today is day seven for me from a 40-48 month love affair with prescription based opiates. I tried cutting down but I simply didn’t have the willpower and towards the end was using around 250 to 300mg daily. Of course the first few days (1 through 4) sucked big time, RLS, slippery bowels, couldn’t eat, hot/cold flashes and those overpowering intrusive memories from years ago coming back into my head…..horrible. Surprisingly, days six and seven have not been too bad. I’m a little restless, bored, I get depressed if I’m left alone for too long, nothing I cannot handle. However the cravings for these last two days have been incredible. I’ve heard it takes four to five days for your system to clear the opiates which would make perfect sense as to why days six & seven have been one big crave. Are there any remedies for this (sorry sub & meth are out of the question)?

160 jen { 04.23.10 at 3:44 pm }

Char: yes the stomach issues was the worst for me for like 3-4 days on about the 8th day was the day i realized i was gonna survive this horrible addiction. Just hang in there it is the best thing I ever did!! You will make it I was hooked for 5 years and I feel great now I think its been 3 weeks clean for me!

161 greg { 04.24.10 at 10:36 am }

Hi all. Its been three weeks for me too. Jen and I started on here together. Its a “one day at a time” thing. The symptoms do pass – we just have to endure them.

Its enough for crazy making. Pepto for the stomach issues helped me greatly. For anyone going thru this, we need to realize that it is tremendous effort, and give ourselves credit for taking on such an enormous challenge.

I can relate to your restlessness and moving from place to place. It was the same for me as well. Consider yourself lucky you got a good night’s sleep. I didn’t get one of those for about two weeks.

162 Nicole { 04.25.10 at 12:49 pm }

i was taking vics for over then years off and on (11 surgeries and 2 babies make it easy to get your hands on them). i am on day 15 and although some of my physical issues are gone i’m still fighting the craving every day. i tried to the krantom too and can’t quite tell if it worked. my doc gave me librium and atavan to try and help with the restlessness but thisweekend i’m having a tough time. when will this stop? i know ten years is a long time so i’m not expecting miracles but i seem to keep have relapses. my doc (who actually also was addicted to pills ) said it is normal but for how long? it makes me want to just give up and go back to using.

163 metoo { 04.25.10 at 3:22 pm }

Nicole…In my opinion, if you can’t tell if the kratom worked or not, it means you didn’t take enough. Give it another shot, and increase your dose by a gram every twenty minutes.
Your restlessness is at night, or during the day??? Please let us know that…and my first answer for that is POTASSIUM.
Please don’t go back to using. Please increase your kratom intake first!!! I am on day 1, and just had some kratom, and it is SO NICE!!!! I feel actually EXCITED for this new lease on life. Kratom makes me feel euphoric, and much better than vicodin EVER did. It helps me to know that there is STILL a buzz out there for me, which is what I WANT.
Pat yourself on the back for getting over the major withdrawals, Nicole. Remember too, that Rome was not built in a day. This will take time, but for you, my friend, that hardest part is OVER. Say goodbye to those damn pills forever!!! It will get better!!!!! (we’ll see if I still say that tomorrow on my day 2…lol!!!!) We WILL beat this thing!!!
Hang in there, kiddo~I am with you, and I will pray for your comfort and peace!!!! :)

164 jen { 04.25.10 at 4:39 pm }

Amen to that one!! Praying for yall you can beat this be stronger than the addiction

165 metoo { 04.25.10 at 5:59 pm }

Thank you, Jen!!! Please keep up the praying for all of us trying to climb out of this dark, dark hole. Please pray for PEACE and JOY for us….I think if you boil it down, those are things that vicodin was THOUGHT to give us….it lied. Please pray. Others depend upon it…

166 greg { 04.25.10 at 6:10 pm }

Metoo/Jen/Nicole: You’re in my prayers.

167 metoo { 04.25.10 at 7:02 pm }

We love you, Greg!!! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

168 jen { 04.27.10 at 5:37 am }

TroubledDude:
How are you? i never found anything to stop craving I just had to try and stay busy all the time take it one day at a time. After 3 weeks I still kinda get the urge to take one but it’s not bad and I work through it, but I was on them for like 5 years so my brain is probably screwed lol!! Hang in there guys!!

169 jen { 04.27.10 at 5:38 am }

Yes we love you Greg!! How is David?

170 pisenber { 04.27.10 at 3:36 pm }

Here for the first time.

171 pisenber { 04.27.10 at 3:57 pm }

I found this site today and have read all the posts. Until about an hour ago I was going on 30 hours. My story is that my husband started sharing percodan with me about 15 years ago. Then he became disabled through the VA for PTSD and other military related disorders. He started getting vic ES on a regular basis and reluctantly shared with me again. We split up and I started getting Tylenol 4s from my doctor intermittently for arthritis. He would switch me back and forth between 3s and 4s. Eventually I was wanting only 4s and going through them faster than he would prescribe them. I had gone through U of M to get my BA in English all the while. By now I was addicted. Then I broke my wrist and needed surgery so I kept getting pain meds. Sometimes 4s, sometimes vics. My orthopaedic doctor cut me off and I went back to my regular doctor for this medication. He was reluctant to give them to me however. Anyway, I was consuming them faster than I could legally get them. Meanwhile, “just for fun,” I had scanned a prescription form on my computer and erased out all the writing and cloned back in all the stuff than went away from the erasing. I was a perfect facsimile. I started writing my own scripts. Eventually I got caught and did a couple of days in jail and had to pay a fine of around $900. I have been unemployed for quite a while so it was very hard to pay off that fine. Also I had to do 10 hours of community service and go to NA meetings once a week. I also had to go to a therapist and be drug tested randomly once a month. This was all very difficult for me. I am 61 years old. I live in the “in-law” apartment of my husbands house for cheap rent. He and I have gotten into some very big arguments over the fact that he won’t share anymore and has to hide his Vicodin because he knows I will sometimes help myself to it. Now I have broken my other wrist. I am off probation and all but have been again taking more medication than my doctor can keep up with. This is the same doc that treated my other wrist. My regular doctor won’t prescribe it for me now. Even before the broken wrist I was buying bad stuff on the internet for way more than an unemployed person should. Now, I have run out of medication and have been looking into quitting. I had my self all set up to do it when a friend asked me to pick up a prescription for her and she gave me 2 vics and a half of a 50mg morphene pill about an hour ago. Well, the trouble is that I think I need surgery on this wrist too and know that I will also need medication for the pain. What to do? I have lots more to say about the whole addiction phenomenon but I better save it for later. I hope to get some strength and encouragement from this forum when I decide that it’s practical and I feel as strong as I did two hours ago. I have quit two other times and I am hoping that this time will be easier since I switched drugs around somewhat and that there were lapses in my using. Last week I got a script for 60 5mg Vicodins and I used them up by yesterday morning. I saved two for Monday morning and I had gotten the script on the previous Wednesday. Any comments would be appreciated.

172 greg { 04.28.10 at 7:33 pm }

pisenber: my personal experience was that weeing down to a lower doasage did noting to stave off the withdrawal. It was just as bad when I tried quitting taking 10 pills/day as it was when i quit while takiing only 1/2 pill per day.

you’re in for a few bad days of hell. I won’t beat around the bush on that one…and then a couple of weeks of slow recovery to a state of semi normality. I am in my 4th week and am just starting to feel “normal”.

Survival Kit: Benzos for sleep if you can get them. Also helps with restless limbs. Melatonin for sleep. Benadryl for sleep. Its going to take a lot to get sleep – if you get the picture. I dosed on whatever I could find, just to eek out an hour of sleep a night – for about10-12 days.

Stomach problems: peptol bismol. Water.

Vitamins.

Patience and keep in touch with someone you trust. post on this board. Stay connected with others. You’ll make it through it, but it won’t be easy. Good news is that id DOES get better, even when we feel like we’ll be in withdrawal hell forever. It DOES pass.

Keep posting.

173 pisenber { 04.28.10 at 7:45 pm }

Thanks Greg. I attended an NA meeting tonight with a friend. We have been a bad influence to each other in the recent past but both know that it should be in the cards for us to do this. Also, I have a friend who does nothing more than smoke cigarettes and drink coffee that is very reliable for support. And I now have this forum to write to. Thinking that I will wait until after surgery which will be in a couple of weeks. I know that I have NO self control when I have the drugs in my possession. I will continue to post here because I get good vibes from all the contributors in reading the posts. Thanks again for responding.

174 brian { 04.29.10 at 6:58 pm }

Hi all, its great reading all of these post it helps a lot. I am going on day six of w/d . I seem to be fairly convinced I do not want to go back to my 60mg a day norco addiction. I instead am focusing on being healthy and free of these meds. Now the bad I am completely fatigued and god knows what running outta my behind :) I am irratable and keep hoping it will get better by the day. Any idea when I will see that light. At this point as I said my mind has made the commitment to quit its must be all about time . Sorry for bad spelling. Wishing you all the best

175 jen { 04.30.10 at 7:24 am }

Well I’m starting college in the fall dont think I would have ever done it on the Pills.I’m so glad for this site!! Just like Greg I’m starting to have a normal routine but it doesnt happen over night you do have to work for it but it is wonderful! I know it is hard but your whole life depends on it. Good luck to all and god bless!!! You can beat this disease!!

176 pisenber { 04.30.10 at 9:25 am }

I’ve noticed how young most of the people on this forum are. Like I said, I am 61. When I went back to college to get my degree, I was 55. For some reason (and I’ve heard others say this) opiates rev me up. I had a therapist tell me that this is some kind of indication that there is a disorder of some kind (Aspergers, ADHD or something) lurking inside me. I haven’t visited a Psychiatrist to be evaluated but probably should. But at my age I sometimes think that I should just get off the pills and see what happens to my energy and drive. Maybe it will improve but I graduated with high honors, got a scholarship halfway through and some other accolades. I have wondered if I could have done it without the pills. Now I am unemployed and am dreaming about writing a novel or being discovered as one of this century’s great painters. Ha! Delusions of grandeur of course. I do paint and write but I am not at all disciplined about these pursuits as I should be. All of you young people out there — get off the drugs! Live your life without them because it is a false sense of who you are and you can be better than that. Keep on truckin’.

177 jen { 05.01.10 at 7:30 am }

Pisenber:
The lortabs also gave me lots of enenrgy to thats why i took them so i could get everything done. Thats true about the adhd thing i took ritalin for years as a young kidwhich made me real tired. Tabs wired me up big time. I once took phentermine which is legal speed for weight loss which i weighed 145 so dont know what i was thinking but anyway it made me go to sleep and it didnt work on me cuz i was adhd so it is really funny how your body acts to stuff,

178 pisenber { 05.02.10 at 11:09 am }

jen,
How are you doing with your wd? I hope you don’t give up. The best way to look at it I guess is that the more clean time you have, tose memories replace the ones when you were high. This was (again) brought to my attention at an NA meeting last week. I guess you just have to be determined, have support, want to do it and patience. This is said to you and everyone else on this site but also to remind myself. Where is Adam (I think that’s his name), the moderator of this site. He is so wise.

179 JenN { 05.02.10 at 11:52 pm }

I am on day 5 or 6 of my detox from almost 40 norco 10 a day for damn near a year, and other lower strengths of hyrdocodone previously to that. I am a medical professional but not a doctor so I don’t want anyone to take this as medical advice but the best advice I can give is to not just survive the horrible ordeal but to begin to heal the damage done to our bodies. I know that this probably the worth thing we will have to do in our lives. The first day I would have rather given birth 5 times then to have suffered the agony I suffered. So I went looking on a sleepless night for something to ease my suffering. I found a recipe online for a ton of herbs (and I mean a ton) that have not only relieved the majority of my symptoms but that is also slowly healing all of the damage I have done to my body. A big reason that people go back is because of the damage that we have done to the receptors in our bodies. The longer we use the more down-played our receptors get and the threshold for even the slightest pain or anxiety is super low. I guess I could compare it to a car. Your willpower, or the engine, in my analogy can go forever and ever but if the tires on the car are bald (the damaged parts of your body) you can only get so far before you break down, and in some cases resort back to using. I encourage you to surf then internet for natural ways to get you body back (or as close to) its pre-narcotic state. This addiction is not just your mind messing with you. It is your entire body suffering. The difference that taking a handful of herbs made from me from day one to two is beyond belief. I stayed in bed the entire first day crying except for the frequent trips to the bathroom. The next day I mustered up the energy to take a list (which I found on the internet) to my health food store, where they found every thing for me, and popped everything I could get in my mouth as soon as I got to the car. I actually took my daughter to the park later that day and cried just to be there to watcher play and enjoy her smile. I just wanted to let anyone (or everyone) know that there is so much more to this than just surviving it. Take the chance to get your body healthy from months, or years of damage. If anyone wants to know more I can give you the site that I got my info from or I could just let you know what exactly I am taking. I just want to be able to help one person to not suffer the way that I did that first day because although most of us have felt that pain I would love to help just one person that may be just starting to not have to suffer so desperately. I am so happy for all of you that have chosen this step, but I must stress that you put great things into you body once you are able to begin to put back all the things we have taken our. You would be suprised what a good healthy, protein filled diet (no red meat) can do along with some herbs/minerals to ease you through this process.

180 pisenber { 05.03.10 at 9:15 am }

JenN,
Thanks for your comments. It must be hard for you to even sit at the computer. I am comparing my experience on the first day of my last wd with your description. I wasn’t taking as many pills as you were though. Good luck. You sound very determined and I admire that a lot. It will be worth it. I hope you have some help since you have a small child. Keep posting. My thoughts are with you.

181 metoo { 05.04.10 at 2:41 pm }

JenN, please post your list!! If it helps even ONE person, it’s well worth it!!! It sounds like you are doing very well!!! Congrats to you on your successful detox! Please post that magical list of herbs!!! Thanks in advance!! :)

182 jen { 05.11.10 at 5:19 am }

How is everyone doing?

183 pcjay { 05.11.10 at 12:30 pm }

OMFG, this really sucks! I have been on NORCO for the last two years for a multitude of sugeries and now it’s cold turkey time. Unreal is all I can say (day 2). Jitters, anxious and I can’t focus on anything. I have been looking at some of the remedies but actully have no clue as to where to find them. Although it seems a health food store my be the best place to start.

184 pisenber { 05.11.10 at 1:31 pm }

Wow! Someone finally responded on this forum. I’m doing quite well considering everything that has been going on in my life. How are you doing jen? Still staying on the straight and narrow I hope. Cuz three weeks (or probably four by now) is a lot under your belt. Hi everyone. Please post because I feel so lonely and check this forum about twice a day.

185 jen { 05.12.10 at 6:06 am }

Im doing ok still clean but i am going to the doctor to get on some kind of anxiety medecine i have been very sad all of a sudden i guess taken pills so long really messes you up internally

186 pisenber { 05.12.10 at 8:58 am }

Glad to hear you’re still clean. I take anxiety medicine and anti-depressants. Be careful with these, especially the anti-depressants. Do you mind if I ask you how old you are? I am 61. I take Paxil and it’s really, really hard to get off of. Actually, I’ve been told that only Psychiatrists are supposed to prescribe the anti-depressants. An anxiety pill might help you though as long as you don’t abuse them. I don’t mean to sound like some kind of expert. I’m NOT. I just have had a lot of experience with these. I just went to my orthopedic doctor this morning and scheduled surgery for my broken (now healed wrong) wrist. They have to re-break it and put an extension in one of the bones. I was going to quit painkillers but will have to wait until the wrist stops hurting after surgery. This whole opiate thing is a pain in the butt. Running out of them, trying to get them…… I HATE THAT. I want to quit now. That’s why I found this forum.

187 Jessica { 05.12.10 at 9:26 am }

I weaned myself down from 120mgs of Oxycontin daily to 10mgs in a period of 2 weeks. I plan to go off them completely tomorrow. I have already been feeling withdrawl symptoms(lack of appetite, insomnia, bad lower leg pains, weakness, chills). I am really scared that it is going to get a lot worse tomorrow. I have detoxed from opiates in the past but it has been years so my memory is a little foggy. Any advice is greatly appreciated! If I can remember correctly, lots of gatorade, warm baths, rest, heating pad, tylenol, and klonopin should help me through this.

188 jen { 05.12.10 at 10:25 am }

I’m 29 and they put me on Celexa and Trazedone I’m worried about taking the Celexa I dont want to be tired all the time does anyone know anything about these meds?

189 jen { 05.12.10 at 10:27 am }

Jessica:
It is a struggle from hell but is worth it. I think if you can get down to the real reason you started taking them it makes it better. My reason was depression if I can fix that maybe I will be ok . You just have to stay strong and want to be sober more than anything.

190 pisenber { 05.12.10 at 11:58 am }

Don’t know anything about these drugs but tried to search them on the internet just now. There is a lot of information about these. You should check it out. Jessica, it sounds like you have done your homework and are determined. Determination and the wish to be clean are really good things to have as you enter this. I know that when I quit once when I was taking about 16-18 Tylenol #4s a day to none the next day and for weeks after that and it was very hard. But, last week I didn’t have anything for about 3 days and it wasn’t hard at all and I think that it was because I had been using only intermittently for quite a while. So, the point is, you may not have as difficult a problem as you’re anticipating. I hope it goes okay for you. Supposedly, bananas help with the restless legs.

191 jen { 05.12.10 at 12:05 pm }

Thanks I will check some sites out!!

192 Jessica { 05.13.10 at 6:36 am }

Thanks jen & pisenber. Im really starting to feel the muscle pain & restless legs now. I will definitely try some bananas, thanks so much for that advice. Jen-the reason that I started is also due to depression. I dont really have much of a support system at home because nobody in my family has ever gone through any kind of addiction or detox so they just dont understand. My husband seems to think that withdrawl pains are all in my head and just blows me off when I really need someone to talk to. Once I am through the hard part of the detox, I definitely plan on seeing a counselor as I really do need a good support system. I have 2 daughters and they are my life. I want more than anything to get back to being the mom that I once was and know that I can be.

193 metoo { 05.13.10 at 7:09 am }

Jessica. Have you READ the Thomas Recipe?? Get the supplies. Potassium supplements, B12, B6, immodium…L-Tyrosine…

These items will be as beneficial to your body as a support system is to your psyche. Please try to get out and get these items!

Prayers are coming your way, Jessica…hang in there!!!

194 fairfax { 05.14.10 at 11:57 am }

Right in the midst of day four. I feel up and down. I haven’t gotten any sleep since day one. I have managed to leave the house a few times. Last night and a few times today. I don’t have ny appetite for sure. So that helps with the runs. Nothing there. My lower back is in pain and ultimately I’m just feeling down depressed for sure. I’ve been off from work since day one but tomorrow, day five I’ve got to go back. And its gonna be a long day too. I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to make it or not. And also going back to work is going to put a lot of temptation on me as I know co-workers who can easily “quench my thirst” please everybody or anybody that’s on here keep me in your prayers. Ill check back in after a while. Here’s to life. Its beautiful once your out here….

195 fairfax { 05.14.10 at 12:01 pm }

Oh, I’ve been using for about nine months now. Everyday. About sixty mgs. of percocet. I’m fucking done with this shit. I’m done for real and I’m fucking done forever! God please just get me outta these mother fucking withdrawals! Sorry for the curse words but DAMN!

196 jen { 05.14.10 at 4:12 pm }

Jesssica: Your story is exactly like mine I have children to and wish I was the mother I used to be. The anxiety and depression is what is bad now. I’m here if you need to talk.

197 fairfax { 05.14.10 at 4:46 pm }

I tell you what guys. Our GOD is a GOD of wonders! He is absolutely amazing! Since I made that last post I’ve been out of the house non-stop. And while I don’t feel perfect I’m doing wonderful. Its a life change and its a lifestyle change. But if you ask for it our Lord GOD will hold your hand. He’s holding mine now. I’ll be continueing to pray for all of us. I’m ready to get my life back! God Bless! Fairfax

198 Jessica { 05.14.10 at 6:39 pm }

Thanks for all the support and help! Im feeling really awful right now but I keep telling myself that I have gotten this far and the worst of it will be over soon. metoo-thanks for your advice on the Thomas recipe. My husband picked up most of the supplies for me but I am missing the L-Tyrosine. Im going to soak in the bath right now and hopefully it will ease some of the leg cramps and chills that I am having. I’ll make sure to update real soon. Jen-thanks so much for your help and being there to talk to me.

199 Sla { 05.15.10 at 2:48 pm }

Jessica, i just detoxed from 10mg Norcos(hydrocodone) and am on day 9 of being free of them! The Thomas recipe helps sooo much along with the wonderful support groups on these forums! I didnt have klonopin to take so i took muscle relaxers the first few nights to help me sleep and relieve some of the muscle aches, along with some tramadol the doctor prescribed me to help ease withdrawal symptoms..those things helped but didnt take it all away, so with some very great advice i took the L-tyrosine, b- complex, ate bananas and took hot baths which all helped tremendously!! You can do this! It gets better everyday! With the great support here and all of our prayers, you will get through it! Jen, i used to be on Celexa and it worked great for me..helped tremendously with my anxiety! I had asked my Dr for something that wouldn’t make me tired and that’s what he gave me…it didn’t make me tired, i had no side effects from it and it was easy for me to get off of…although i know everyone is different! Hope this helps! Good luck!

200 jen { 05.16.10 at 4:42 pm }

I guess everyone that started with me has quit posting :(

201 Nessy { 05.17.10 at 8:41 am }

Hello Everyone just wanted to say that reading everyones post is really encouraging. I was taking up to 15 Norcos daily, thats 150 mg. I quit basically cold turkey and the first 3 days was tough, today is my 5th day clean and I feel pretty good. Its’ important to stay positive, take vitamins and drink alot of gatorade/powerade, and alot of warm baths. So for those of you who think you can’t quit… you could, just have to stay strong and just think the future will be better without being a slave to these pills.

202 pisenber { 05.17.10 at 12:34 pm }

Hi bluejen,
I am still with you. It is frustrating when people stop posting. Although with a bunch of drug addicts that’s expected. I hope you are still doing okay. How are the meds your doctor prescribed? Hope they’re helping. This is day one for me. I swallowed the last of what I had last night and knew what to expect. The trouble is that I am having surgery Friday and it will be very painful and I will havew to go back on something. It’s weird because I am scared of the surgery but looking forward to the pills. The surgery is necessary though. And besides that my husband (who I am kind of separated from) takes Vicodin all the time and it will be hard to see him when I know that he is high for the next few days. You see, we live in a huge house with each of our sides separated by one unlocked door which he uses to come to my side and use the bathroom all the time. His bathroom is upstairs. That is one of the reasons that I have had a difficult time quitting. Hey everybody out there, please start posting. We are a bunch of needy and lonely people!

203 jen { 05.17.10 at 2:29 pm }

I have been so depressed that I thought it might be easier just to start using again but I’m trying to not fall back into it, this is the longest I have been clean in atleast 5yrs. I got my medication switched to wellbutrin we will see how i guess. Thanx guys for posting it helps alot!!

204 pisenber { 05.18.10 at 12:49 pm }

bluejen–I know exactly how you feel about starting again. That is THE ADDICTION. You will be depressed. It starts to lessen over time. When your memories are mostly of NOT USING that’s when the recovery really starts. I don’t know what’s with all these people on the forum but I check it every day, sometimes two or three times. My trouble is as I stated in my last post, I live next door to my husband who always has an ample supply of Vicodin. I can sometimes talk him into giving me one which doesn’t do much but it’s better than nothing. He gave me one today actually. I used to steal them from him but he finally found a hiding place I can’t locate. I told him to keep them there because I couldn’t find them. And my surgery is in three days which will bring on the pain meds again. But I have already made up my mind to quit after the pain starts to go away. This week I am trying to get things done that I can’t do with only one hand like, emptying the cat litter box, dying my hair, changing my sheets, doing laundry, weeding the garden, sweeping, paying bills, anything online that requires much typing. I have been through this with my left hand already and to some extent my right. My doctor says this will be really BAD (he has to re-break by right wrist). I also think he knows about my difficulty with addiction. Last time he only gave me Tylenol #3s. It is really scary but I want my right hand (I’m right-handed) to work properly again. I’m an artist and a writer and can’t go on like this. Well, I could but I don’t want to. I am a little bothered by the fact that people don’t respond to my posts very much. It’s probably because I’m older and, believe me, a lot of people don’t have much empathy for older people in this society. I’m serious. I definitely have issues with that and notice it in my daily life. Younger people often don’t take what you say seriously or they treat you like you’re helpless and know nothing. But Jen, try to hold on. I know that you can fully recover and even get to the point where you don’t have cravings. You just have to start appreciating nature, and any kind of creative endeavor you like (whether it’s drawing, writing, music, movies, crafts, even pets). Look at yourself in the mirror and see that clean person that has so much of her life before her. College will be wonderful for you! Get into it!

205 Shawn { 05.18.10 at 1:36 pm }

Hello all. I feel compeled to share my story as I think it to be therapudic for me. My habit started 6 years ago when a neighbor for my got some Lortab 10′s prescribed to him and he sold a few to me. No big problem. a couple on Friday night or whatever. I moved out of state and lost the conecction and didnt suffer any withdraws as I was only taking them on the weekends. Found another conecction within 6 months of moving to a new state. WOO HOO…only they weren’t Lortab 10′s they were Roxi 30′s.
Fantastic I thought. 3 times as good as the Lortabs I already loved. How could that be a bad thing. My habit rapidly went from weekend use to daily use. I knew I was getting into trouble when that pretty blue pill that used to make me feel SOOOOO good for 6 hours started to only make me feel good for 1 hour. I started taking one on the way to work, one at lunch, and one on the way home, and sometimes one before bed. So 90-120 mgs to get through my day. Not only were the “highs” not lasting as long but it was getting really expensive too. I’ve only had this signifigant of a habit for 3 or 4 months. I made a descision. Enough! ENOUGH!!
Took my last one Saturday night around 7 pm. That puts me at almost 72 hours into withdraw. My symptoms started as soon as I woke up Sunday. My brain was like, “Hey, wheres my fix?” Tried to eat breakfast and couldn’t. Got nauseated almoast immediately. Craved terribly bad all day and just felt kinda tired and run down.
24 hours in the nightmare really begins. Time for bed. FORGET ABOUT IT. Absolutely, no way to get comfortable. When I lay in one position for longer than 30 seconds I feel like I’m on fire. Monday morning comes, if I got 2 hours of sleep all night I’d be surprised. Called into work. Much of the same all day Monday. Laying on the couch trying to sleep. So irritable I couldn’t stand to hear the tv. Literally, shows I usually like and watch made me want to kick in the screen. Monday night, 48 hours in and probably got 3 hours sleep. Called into work.
Tuesday morning no chance of functioning on any level today either. But I did force myself to eat something and take a shower. I started to get glimpses of feeling better today too. 15 minutes here and there then right back into every inch of my skin hurting. Tonight at the 72 hour mark I finally feel the worst is over. Despite 3 text’s from my connection asking me if I wanted anything. I battled through and told him to stop asking me. Going to go to work tomorrow and give it a go. I’m expecting trouble sleeping again. We’ll see how it goes.
For those about to undertake this hell, keep telling yourself your getting better and you can do it. Literally, I stood in the mirror and repeated it over and over. Pray, cry, and find that inner warrior to give you the strength to succeed. It is absolute misery, i’m not going to lie. But if your ready to be REALLY done, you can do it and emerge reborn on the other side. My thoughts and prayers go out to you all. Good Luck! STAY STRONG!! As much as I loved the way those little pills made me feel I hated the withdrawl a Million times more. They are not worth it. They are poison.

206 jen { 05.18.10 at 1:44 pm }

pisenber:
Thank you so much for the support. I’m so sorry about you hands that is awful. I understand being worried about the pills you cant have surgery with no pain meds. I hope and feel you will do great, just reading that you are an artist and a writer sounds so relaxing to me and peaceful. Maybe after this surgery you will do alot better and will not need anymore surgeries. Also I think having your husband with an endless supply will be the tough part. My husband used to get them also and I always took them also. I do have empathy for you and anyone going thru this it is a tough battle. There are days where I just lay in bed and cry all day for no reason I have nothing to be depressed about other than stopping the pills and maybe being stressed about kids. Thank you very much and I am here whenever you want to chat I check this 1000 times a day.

207 pisenber { 05.18.10 at 2:18 pm }

bluejen (and anyone else out there),
Thanks for responding so quickly. It’s a depressing world we live in anyway these days. A lot of people are depressed. I foresee people eventually getting back to nature, animals, less status, genuine feelings about life and all that. I hope it doesn’t take too long. How many kids do you have and what are their ages? Raising kids is stressful in itself. Sometimes you have to step back and just let them be kids while you unwind and regroup (well, aside from their being in danger of course). They are quite resilient as long as there are no traumas. They prefer a peaceful environment. I have a daughter who is 21 and a son who is 30. I also have and adopted grandson who is 5. He really lifts my spirits but I can give him back. It’s not a 24-7 deal now. Just do your best. Relapse is common but sad because of all the time wasted. I am working on a memoir/novel with a drug theme. It is about all of the experiences I have had in my lifetime and all of the drugs I have had experience with in that time. But I also tell the tales of the Kennedy assination, the Charles Manson murders, the Oklahoma City bombing, The Beatles (I saw them in person), Living in California and trying to be a hippie, my mom passing out Valium at my wedding, my post traumatic stress syndrome diagnosed husband (from his Vietnam experience in the Marines)… and so on and so on. I have temporarily titled it Buzz because the main character (me) tries to commit suicide by letting a bee sting her while she is driving in her car causing her to run into an overpass abutment so that she won’t appear to have committed suicide. Well, that is my take on things and it’s mostly depressing. Try to smile and hug your children because that is what is important in this life.

208 jen { 05.18.10 at 2:28 pm }

i will have to read it when your done it sound s great. My kids are 12,8,6 it is tough and i have 2 step children also and they are 8 and 6.

209 pisenber { 05.18.10 at 3:38 pm }

Oh my God!

210 jen { 05.18.10 at 4:24 pm }

yes thats why im always going crazy my step kids we get them every other weekend

211 jen { 05.18.10 at 4:25 pm }

i meant going crazy with all those kids not just my stepkids lol

212 pisenber { 05.18.10 at 5:24 pm }

I know but that is a lot of kids anyway, 3 sometimes 5. I had only two but they were far apart in age so it was like 1 at a time. But they were both kind of spoiled, like two only children. They turned out to be good people though. You really have your hands full. It helps to do it all when you’re young and energetic though. I was 40 when I had my daughter. It is the hardest job. I hope your husband is supportive.

213 jen { 05.19.10 at 4:41 am }

Yes he is very supportive and a great husband. I am thankful I have him when I have a bad day he will take over and deal with it. I only have one girl and she is rotten and the rest boys!! I just want to get passed this depression so I can be normal again.

214 jen { 05.20.10 at 5:32 pm }

Shawn how are you feeling? I am guessing everyone is doing ok?

215 jen { 05.20.10 at 5:36 pm }

Pisenber hope your surgery goes well praying for you!

216 pisenber { 05.21.10 at 6:23 pm }

The surgery went well. I’m home. Haven’t seen the insision yet. They put a big titanium contraption in my wrist.It was way more painful than when I broke it so I have to take the meds. Glad the worst is over. Thanks for asking and for the prayers, jen.

217 Nessy { 05.23.10 at 9:28 am }

Shawn, thank you for sharing I could relate to you so well..I felt exactly the way you did. I had to take a week off from work and the first 3 days were hell, I could not sleep what so ever and you are right you can never get comfortable and watching TV is annoying. It’s an inner struggle BUT you must stay focused and always positive..AND it’s important to console yourself..When you start feeling better you will feel so much better. I recommend you take a walk in the park or go get a massage and take warm baths, those baths helped me tremendously..don’t ever underestimate the amazing benefits of a warm soak. Once you’ve detoxed your mind and body will thank you and you’ll feel so much “fresher” your mind won’t be fogged up as it was with those pills. You will have alot more energy and you will feel better but you will get cravings once in a while and when you do just tell yourself “never again, I’m only moving forward not backward and you will refuse to be a slave again” YOu are in control of your mind and body. Before I go to bed I take 5-10 minutes to meditate for a while and take deep breaths to relax and it does help me sleep better. It’s not easy but we can do it.

218 CP { 05.23.10 at 5:45 pm }

I have been taking pills for 6 years daily. Been getting them from people I know. Never was prescribed. I have taking anywhere from 3-5mg to 15-10mg aday. My systems of withdraw are as follows: 1-Weakness 2-Become bored easily 3-Loss of Intrest in things 4-Become extreamly tired. So I take them to get energy. Treatment is not an option. I work fulltime and have 2 kids that I raise alone. I dont get sick or any of that stuff. Just what I stated. I have no ins. or a doctor. I just need a way of helping myself stop. I cant do this anymore…thank you..

219 jen { 05.25.10 at 11:58 am }

Well i still cant seem to have energy. The very worsy part for me is this horrible anxiety it is crazy and I still dont sleep good at night.

220 jen { 05.25.10 at 2:40 pm }

How are you feeling pisenber?

221 Bream { 05.26.10 at 9:07 am }

I’m on day 3 and I think I may actually feel a bit better, I have read all your posts and they have gave me strength to move thru this.

For the last year I hve been on oxy, percs and lortab. Now I just want to be done with them!

Thank you all so much for the strength you have given everyone

222 pisenber { 05.26.10 at 12:09 pm }

Hi Jen,
My wrist is okay. Time will tell. I go see the doctor next Wed. and can then see the insision. He gave me percocet and I went through them too fast and had a bit of a withdrawal over the last 24 hours. But then he renewed it so I feel human again. It’s a taste of what I will be going through eventually. Probably in a week or two, big time. How are you doing? Still hanging in there I hope. No pressure from me though cuz I am not one to talk. One day at a time, right? Well, this typing with one finger is kinda hard. Gotta go try to do dishes with one hand. I’ve got it down to a science but am going to stock up on paper plates and cups. Do they make paper pans? Ha! Thanks for thinking of me, jen.

223 metoo { 05.26.10 at 5:25 pm }

Hey, pisenber…you’ll get there too. I have faith in you!! Glad your surgery went well and you will be good as new soon! Please keep posting, because even though we might not ALWAYS reply, we ALWAYS care……

224 pisenber { 05.26.10 at 6:53 pm }

Thanks meetoo. I have been planning this wd for quite a while. Can’t figure out whether to ween off or go cold turkey. My friend who’s a therapist in adolescent addiction advised me to just go cold turkey because when you have just a few that’s all you can think about. That made sense but it seems like physically (if you are doing it on your own) it’s safer to ween off of them. What do you guys think?

225 pisenber { 05.26.10 at 7:01 pm }

Another thing, I have been taking the percocet pretty heavily for almost a week and when I ran out yesterday the wd symptoms were already pretty severe. It scares me. I could barely walk or go out to do anything until I got the pills. So that tells me (I think) that weening off might be wiser. Maybe my doctor could prescribe something not so strong , like Tylenol 3s at the end of this whole ordeal. I know myself though and I would probably be gobbling them up like M&Ms. I’m thinking of telling him about my addiction and to recommend a general practitioner which I need anyway. I’m just rambling now. Sorry.

226 Bream { 05.27.10 at 3:10 am }

I went col turkey and used the Thomas recipe along with a few other vitamins and I’m not feeling too bad on day 4 I may actually be able to get out o my house today!
A for you other guys and gals congrats onstickin with everything! I hope I can as well

227 jen { 05.27.10 at 8:27 am }

Pisenber:
I have done the weening and cold turkey and it made no difference after taking them for 5 years sometimes 5 a day but mostly one or two and the w/d symptoms were horrible either way so I think the cold turkey is better just to get it over with. The weening is so hard because you know you have more of them. Take care of you hand and I’m praying for you.

228 metoo { 05.27.10 at 9:00 am }

I’m praying for you too, pisenber. I think cold turkey is the best bet. I was never good at tapering. Do you know what day will be your first day of withdrawals?? I would like to make sure I pray intently for you. Also, have you checked out kratom? I KNOW it HELPED ME!!! A LOT.

229 pisenber { 05.27.10 at 12:54 pm }

Don’t know yet what day will be my last. I have something like 46 or 47 pills left and still need them for pain. But if I’m being honest with myself I don’t need them as much now and could go without if there was a nuclear war or something which sometimes seems what it”s gonna take to make me stop. But I will keep you posted Meetoo cuz I would definitely benefit from your prayers (and yours Jen).

230 jen { 05.27.10 at 1:09 pm }

I am always here for you pisenber and i still want to read your book when your done :)

231 Bream { 05.27.10 at 2:38 pm }

Can anyone see my posts?

232 pisenber { 05.27.10 at 4:36 pm }

Bream, yes Ican see your posts and thank you for the advice on the Thomas recipe and col turkey vs. tapering. I plan to print out the recipe and buy whatever I am missing. Congrats on day 4. Day three is supposedly the hardest physically for what it’s worth. I would like to hear some more of your story.

233 jen { 05.27.10 at 5:43 pm }

Bream I’m glad your doing ok. It will be all worth it soon. Praying for you!! ;)

234 Bream { 05.28.10 at 5:20 am }

Thank you for your prayers, you all are in mine as well…

I started taking the devil pils legally due to back injuries , as time went on I built a ton of tolerance to the point of going thru 150-175 pecossets in a little over 3 weeks. Then I decided to stop. It has been rough very rough but I just want it over with!

235 pisenber { 05.28.10 at 5:51 am }

Bream, that’s about where I’m at.

236 metoo { 05.28.10 at 8:15 am }

Bream…it’s your day 5!!! :) Congratulations, my friend! The worst is over for you now. But, the depression and perhaps anxiety are coming up now. Brace yourself, and find things to do that keep you going. Also, try some mood boosting teas. Take good care of yourself, and KNOW that you are in my prayers daily….as I said in a previous post, sometimes we may not respond, but we ALWAYS care!!! Way to go on day 5!! You are beating the dragon!!! :D Keep up the good work!!

237 Melissa { 05.28.10 at 12:07 pm }

Does anyone on here know what mg of b-6 to get for the Thomas recipe or does it matter?

238 jen { 05.28.10 at 1:43 pm }

I found on the worst day where i had no energy at all i drank those 5 energy shots they helped me be able toatleast get up and do something just a thought!!

239 pisenber { 05.28.10 at 5:22 pm }

That’s a good idea jen. Once when I quit I would drink an energy drink and take a tranquilizer. That kind of mimicked the feeling I got from opiates but is strictly against NA principals and I see why. It’s substituting one drug for another. But just taking the energy shot is a good idea, jen. I better stock up on all these items. Brean, do you mind if I ask if you are a guy or a girl?

240 pisenber { 05.29.10 at 7:36 pm }

Where are you Brean? I need to “get a life.” I have had a couple of rum and cokes so I am pretty uninhibited at this point. Sorry. I just don’t have too much else going on in my life right now that is a priority so I check this site obsessively.

241 Bream { 05.30.10 at 5:18 am }

Thank you for the encouragemnt my friends! I feel like a new person mow actually, ya the anxiety an overall just loss of energy is there but I hve been taking some vitamins and drinking coffee. Pit, I am a guy, uea o check here quite a bit as well, I was just out all day yesterday seeing the world without being high!

I loved it!

242 jen { 05.30.10 at 5:54 am }

That is awsome Bream very proud of you.It does get easier and better. I even lost some weight when i quit taking them. I had a rough day yesterday my moms boyfriend died of cancer at 52 it was a sad day. I normally would have popped a handful but didnt just dealt with it. Pisenber how is your hand doing?

243 Bream { 05.30.10 at 5:58 am }

Melissa I was taking 1000 mgs of the b-6, then chasing with the l tysine. I also bought the energy vitamin supplements from gnc and they work pretty good. Pit, Jen, metoo, how are you all this morning?

244 pisenber { 05.30.10 at 11:45 am }

I’m here but decided to sleep as late as I could to make the day shorter and make my last 4 pills last longer. Just took 2 of them. I am so pathetic. Looks like I will be in trouble tomorrow. I knew what I was doing when I didn’t make them last longer! But did it anyway. Bream you sound good. jen, I’m sorry for your loss and nice job getting through it w/o pills! Meetoo, how long have you been clean? Or are you still using like me? Welcome Melissa. Does the creator of this site, Adam, ever post? My wrist is a constant pain. I have this huge splint on it made of plaster so I can’t get it wet at all. It does hurt if I do any twisting or put pressure on it like trying to pick things up. I want to see it. Can’t wait til Wednesday.I’m hoping that my wrist looks straight now. I am going to do some easy flower planting with my left hand today.

245 metoo { 05.30.10 at 3:01 pm }

Hi, peeps!!
I’ve been doing without vics for well over a week now. It’s not bad, actually!!! I have been leaning on kratom a great deal, and have also discovered “kanna”. Google that!!! It has REALLY helped my depression and most importantly, anxiety. It’s funny~~~I have been doing vics for over 5 years now, and now, all of a sudden, I have been discovering herbal remedies and basically herbs that give me what I need. I am thinking that my seratonin has been off for a LONG TIME. Kanna has (so far) boosted my levels closer to where I think I should be. It was amazing….the first two times I took kanna, I got nuthin’. :( The third time, I FELT HUMAN. Not great, NOT HIGH, I just felt like that ME I REMEMBER. THAT is a gift!!!!!!
This week, I have a liquid kanna coming. That should be a bit easier to take.
Thank God for opening a window when He closed that heavy vicodin door.
Praying for all of us. Constantly praying. Thank you to all of you for being there for me also. This board means the world to me.

246 jen { 05.30.10 at 4:35 pm }

I will have to try that does it taste gross?

247 Bream { 05.30.10 at 9:52 pm }

It’s awesome that everyone seems to be doing well! I honestly never thought I could do it… And to hear other peoples wonderful stories make it even better.

I myself am about to start a new life of my own and simply cannot wait this is just my first step… Just like all of us it’s the first step to our new lives!

248 jen { 05.31.10 at 12:11 pm }

metoo,Bream:
I am so glad to hear yall are doing so great !! I honestly think this sight is the reason I’m still clean. When I feel down I get on here and read everyones stories and it helps me so much. I look back and think wow I was a prisoner of these pills everything in my life revolved around tabs. I am so much happier without them. I went through a rough period but I seem to be coming out of it. I hope and pray that I can help someone just like everyone has helped me. If you need and encouraging words let me know. I hope everyone has a wonderful sober day.

249 pisenber { 06.01.10 at 9:25 am }

I’m about 28 hours in. I just ran out of pills so I didn’t have a choice. I’m supposed to go visit my son and his family this afternoon. Worried about that. I hate faking that I’m okay. It makes me feel worse. Tomorrow I see the doctor. I don’t feel as bad as I thought I would but I took a few anxiety pills before bed and I was up and down a few times with the floppy fish thing but eventually went to sleep. Haven’t needed the Imodium yet but have it ready in case. Am trying not to lay down. Am doing a few chores around the house which is hard due to my bandaged wrist. Don’t have a printout of the Thomas recipe but I remember some of it. Have very little energy but need to go take a shower in case I hit the couch later with none. Thanks for past encouragement and future suggestions.

250 metoo { 06.01.10 at 10:23 am }

Pisenber…..think POTASSIUM. If you don’t have the supplements, at least eat bananas. Sounds like restlessness and energy are your key symptoms. Keep on going, it sounds like you’re doing great, and I’ll keep praying that it continues! Every minute that passes now is one more minute closer to your freedom, pisenber!! Rock on, you’re going to be just fine!! :)

251 pisenber { 06.01.10 at 10:49 am }

Thanks meetoo. I love this site. Are you up for a little drama? Last night I practically begged my next door “estranged” husband for a vicodin. He wouldn’t give it to me on the basis that I said I was going to quit and since I went through all my pills so fast I should just wait til I see my doctor. So, that’s where it ended. I still haven’t had anything and I get the very encouraging post from you which is great. Now, he comes over to my side and proposes a deal. If i will do his dishes he will give me one vicodin before we set out on our 1 hour trip to see our son! Isn’t that messed up? I guess he forgot that I have a broken wrist and can barely do my own dishes and that I am starting to feel the effects of withdrawal and that he actually volunteered to do my dishes the other day. I knew that it was an empty promise but it was thoughtful to offer. Are you getting the picture of why our relationship fell apart? And, maybe, why I’ve turned to drugs all of these 40 years we’ve been married? Well he’s not home right now but I’m thinking of telling him one of two things: It’s two vicodin or nothing or… screw you, you thoughtless, lying @#@$%#.

252 pisenber { 06.01.10 at 11:58 am }

I tried option 1. He stormed off in a huff. Went in his house, started doing dishes and said we should drive separate cars to our son’s. He mentioned that he forgot about my wrist; I mentioned that I saved his life about a month ago (true); he gave me a pill. I’ll never mention this little soap (dish soap) opera again. See, I am a hopeless case!

253 jen { 06.01.10 at 2:33 pm }

pisenber: that is crazy!!! Ahhh your not a hopeless case at all. It will get better I promise. Praying for you. ;)

254 metoo { 06.01.10 at 2:55 pm }

pisenber, you’re not hopeless. Sounds like a sitcom, but it’s a bit of humor amid the drama!! Sometimes you have to take what you can get!!! :) How was the visit??

255 pisenber { 06.01.10 at 5:18 pm }

That’s what I thought when I wrote the words “soap opera” and then realized it actually did kind of revolve around soap LITERALLY. Yes, I’ll take it. The visit was strained. We drove up in separate cars and made some excuse about me wanting to stop at a certain grocery store on the way up. It is always good to see them. We got to buy a glass of lemonade from my grandson’s lemonade stand! And then we got to see him play peewee soccer (his team won!) but declined going out to eat with everyone afterward. I am not kidding that this man has driven me c-r-a-z-y! The thing is we have been maintaining this relationship for over 40 years based on a lie right from the start. Think about it. Living with someone for that long that you’re pretty sure hates you and by now you hate them as well.

256 seattlegonz { 06.01.10 at 7:06 pm }

Probably someone has already asked this question, but I’ve been on hydrocodone (10, 10mgs a day) for a few years now for pain. I’m detoxing right now because I just don’t want to take them anymore…they mess with my head and my life. However I’m in intense pain…pain of detox and the original back pain. How do people cope with the original pain once they’re off the narcotic (if the narcotic wasn’t recreational?)
Thanks

257 Jessica { 06.02.10 at 6:09 am }

Just checking in to thank you all for your help a few weeks back when I was stopping oxycontin. Im happy to say that I havent used anything since and am starting to feel like my old self again. If only I could sleep a full night and these crazy dreams would end now! Thanks again everyone & good luck to everyone else trying to kick the habit!

258 pisenber { 06.02.10 at 11:28 am }

seattlegonz, I just wanted to encourage you to keep checking the forum. I have a feeling that some people are scratching their heads over your difficult question. In my case I started taking pain meds recreationally but then had to have them for two wrist injuries. Now I am taking them for both reasons. Ask yourself the question of why you take them. Be honest. I also think there is another reason people take these drugs. It alters your mood to a degree that you don’t enjoy social situation without them. The world sucks now and it is difficult to cope normally for many people. And when you add constant pain into the mix, it can be hard and scary to quit. I was encouraged by Jessica’s post above that sounded so encouraging. Good work (and it is a lot of work) Jessica! Also, there are a lot of other success stories on this forum and ones that we all can relate to even if they’re no so successful. Good luck seattlegonz. I empathize.

259 seattlegonz { 06.02.10 at 11:56 am }

Thanks, Pisenber,

I am committed to getting off them and haven’t had any in 3 days. (no gradual reduction because I wasn’t aware that there was a dependence factor. Doh!) I feel mentally much clearer and happier for that, it’s just the nausea and pain that I need to figure out how to manage. (And, I was put on the meds for severe back pain that I need to manage. Since pain messes with my head, too. But that’s not an argument for going back on the drug…I’m determined to get through this and find other solutions.)

Thanks

260 pisenber { 06.02.10 at 1:22 pm }

seattlegonz,
God, you sound as determined as anyone I’ve read. I’ve heard that the 3rd day is the worst physically so you’re doing great! There are pain mgmt. places you could check out.You probably already know that though. I’m sorry if I sounded kind of doubtful about your reason for taking the meds. I guess I’ve been to too many NA meetings. Keep posting and my thoughts are with you.

261 jen { 06.02.10 at 4:46 pm }

seattlegonz:
I would try some pepto for the stomach issues I had the nausea real bad to . I felt like I had the flu. I didnt have any of the valium or any meds to help with sleep or pain just a Tylenol pm here and there, I just did it pretty much cold turkey it sucks!!!! But I tell you what it makes me never want to go back to that place again. But then again I took them for 5 yrs and I only took them to get high not because I had pain. I hope you can find a way to manage the pain another way. I’m praying for you and everyone else .

262 buffy { 06.02.10 at 9:30 pm }

Hi everyone. I have read alot of your ordeals of going cold turkey. Im going to start monday. Im going to go to my doctor tomorrow that gives me my percocet 10/325 and tell him I want to go cold turkey and get off this shit once and forever. Do you think he will give me something to help me sleep and something for the anxity and rls. and help me get though this. Reading these post and all the suscess that everybody has made makes me know I can do it. I will check back to see if anybody answer my question. God Speed!!

263 buffy { 06.02.10 at 9:36 pm }

I forgot to add that I was perscibe 1 every 6hrs but I take 10 of them aday. I wake up at 7am and take a pill every 2hrs and go to sleep at 9pm. So you can say I am abusing them.

264 seattlegonz { 06.03.10 at 11:03 am }

Thanks guys, and gals. I called my doc yesterday to get something for the nausea and, of course, they didn’t call me back until today. Boy did I hate them last night. Lol.

No problem about questioning my motives, Pisenber. For sure I wish I had had the mind to question whether this was the best treatment a year or two ago…but, that’s kind of the nature of the narcotic beast isn’t it? It takes away your reason and your ability to question how harmful it is to you. (or it kind of did to me.) I was just dulled into thinking everything was okay…when really I wasn’t responding to my friends and I wasn’t doing much and my head wasn’t clear. I’m a writer (wrote a young adult novel that came out last year) and I should’ve been promoting it and active and I was just kind of dull through it all. Dang it.

Anyway, I have something for nausea and clonidine. Has anyone taken that during withdrawal? Anything I should know about it? My blood pressure was up during the first days of withdrawal and I’m normally a low pressure gal.

Anyway, I wish I could support you all as you’ve helped me…it does suck. I don’t know if that’s support, but it’s the truth. It sucks taking the drug and then getting off it. Much better to try and avoid it at all costs.

Thanks again for being here.

265 pisenber { 06.03.10 at 11:36 am }

seattlegonz, I was advised to take clonidine several years ago for the wd symptoms and it apparently did help because I took it for only about a week or so and stayed clean for a couple of months. My life has been turmoil and I have been so unhappy for so long that I picked up the drug again.

I am a writer also. I haven’t been published but have a feeling that when I finish my book it will get picked up by someone. Writing is a very mentally strenuous process. And, in my case, emotional because I’m working on a memoir/novel that requires me to delve into my past, examine my feelings and figure out which moments make sense to include in the book. It is very good for me, in most ways, to do this. But sometimes I need a therapist at my instant disposal while writing.

266 metoo { 06.03.10 at 12:03 pm }

Hi, kids!
I would love to read your books!! I have thought of writing my own book also….one of those things in my bucket list. Maybe someday!

Seattlegonz, it sounds like you are doing amazingly well! You certainly have an aggressive attitude to do this, and do it right. Hats off to you!!

267 seattlegonz { 06.03.10 at 12:21 pm }

Pisenbar…I’ve been working with a therapist for years. I dedicated my book to my therapist because yes, it is emotional work.

I don’t have anything to hide, my book Metoo is called Running for My Life by Ann Gonzalez. It’s the story of a teenage girl with PTSD after being attacked by her schizophrenic mother. And, yes, while it’s a work of fiction my mother was a schizophrenic and I know too much about what I write. : )

268 metoo { 06.03.10 at 12:38 pm }

Just ordered your book, seattle! :)

269 seattlegonz { 06.03.10 at 1:23 pm }

thanks metoo…let me know what you think. Please. :)

270 seattlegonz { 06.03.10 at 4:29 pm }

Pisenber — i didn’t mean to gloss over how tough your life has been and how frustrating it must be to have picked up the drug again. I know you know this but it really doesn’t make things easier. At least it didn’t for me, since I found it hard to care about my partner and friends. And where are we without our friends and connections? I’m such a fool I didn’t realize how it had changed my life and my relationships.

Anyway, unfortunately life has highs and lows and I’ve seen both…but, to me, the meanest place to live is in between where neither joy nor sorrow visit.

I wish you the very best.

Ann

271 pisenber { 06.03.10 at 5:01 pm }

seattlegonz, that gives me something to think about. I mean the joy and sorrow balance. I think I was visited by too much sorrow and not enough joy. I don’t want to sound like a winer. It’s just that I have been connected to a partner that seems uncaring and has for 40 years. Whether it was an emotional connection, a financial need or the needs of the two kids we parented, the connection has been difficult to sever. I am going to check out your book too!

272 seattlegonz { 06.03.10 at 6:37 pm }

Pisenber…it’s interesting that you bring up connection because that’s been the biggest surprise for me about getting of narcotics. I learned that they inhibited my ability or my interest in connection. I’m a person who, while being an introvert, still cares about people and the connections we have with one another. While on hydrocodone I almost lost all my friends for my apathy and inability to connect.

Anyway, I know this is my story…but even if it’s feeling connection with nature or something if your p isn’t available…for me it’s so much more off the stuff. (and I’m still in the hell of withdrawal, but I can already feel the difference in connection.)

I hope Im not sounding unsupportive or like I don’t get it. If your p can’t connect with you then I could understand how being numb to connection might feel good or better. The downside being it takes away that connection with everyone else, and, of course, your ability to remove yourself from a bad relationship. (Again, not saying that’s what you should do…just still talking about my surprise at how powerful the drug is to change the way one sees the world.)

It’s a little presumptuous but I’m here…

273 pisenber { 06.03.10 at 7:58 pm }

Thanks seattlegonz. I do remember the renewed connection I had to nature and children (my grandson, for example) that was raised when I was clean. I worry about my motivation to complete projects that occurs when I am clean though. I really appreciate your comments to my posts.

274 seattlegonz { 06.04.10 at 7:13 am }

pisenber I’m not sure what you mean you’re worried about your motivation to complete projects. I can’t say because I don’t understand what that means but talking to a therapist about worries and motivation seems really usual, and having a renewed connection to nature and children, your grandson in particular, well, that sounds way more valuable (to me) than my worries about whether I’m doing the right thing or for the right reasons. It’s just my point of view, though.

I wonder if you aren’t being too hard on yourself, wanting sobriety, or you to be more than you can ever be. You’re human. Life is a rough and tumble beautiful and fascinating experience. (I know really bad times too…really I do. I’ve been tortured. Still, I fought through it because, ultimately, I want to live.)

I’ve never met you but you’ve touched me and my life and the world wouldn’t be as wonderful if you weren’t here. Thanks again.

275 pisenber { 06.04.10 at 2:51 pm }

seattlegonz, Thank you for the kind words. I also feel touched by you! For me the opiates provided energy and outgoingness (probably not a word). When I first took those types of drugs I realized that I was shortchanged in these two traits and felt better having this enhanced for me by the drug. The psychiatrist that worked at the facility where I was getting counseling happened to glance at my file and asked my therapist if the opiates had a paradoxical effect on me. This is true and that’s why the “motivation” is enhanced by these drugs. I’ve thought about this notion a lot since and have wondered if maybe I have some sort of ADHD or asperger’s syndrome or something like that. My therapist thought it would be a good idea to see a psychiatrist (since they can prescribe meds) but cautioned me that most would lump me into the bipolar category. Anyway, how weird is it that I may have been living all these years (61)with something that I have either been self-medicating or just enduring sadness and feeling misunderstood? You are very perceptive to have touched on something that I have been struggling with just by reading a few of my posts. Your experience with mental illness (your mom’s schizophrenia) may have helped in knowing what to look for in people but you are very kind to reach out to me.

How are you doing today? I agree with Meetoo about your attitude and strength in your recovery. It’s a tough thing to do but you are so positive and so NOT a whiner!

276 jen { 06.04.10 at 4:20 pm }

I was diagnosed with ADHD at 6yrs old and took Ritalin for many years and I feel as an adult that taking tabs was my way of replacing what I had taken for many years. So Pisenber maybe you are adhd. Your reason is the exact reason why i started taking them EXACTLY. I hope everyone is doing well. Oh yeah and they do say adhd people who took medication as a child end up adults taking something to replace the drugs.

277 pisenber { 06.04.10 at 6:48 pm }

Hmm, that’s interesting jen. I didn’t take anything as a child for adhd but when I was about 5 or 6 my mom got me a prescription for sleeping pills because I would lie awake at night worrying about the atom bomb and the mystery of death.

278 jen { 06.04.10 at 7:44 pm }

Pisenber: I bet you are adhd then….. but I’m no dr. ;) My mother still tells me I need medicine for it but I won’t get any.. I can’t believe they gave you sleeping pills that young poor baby I bet that was horrible.

279 seattlegonz { 06.05.10 at 4:27 am }

Thanks pisenber…I’m blushing. :)

I definitely know what you mean about the drug making social interaction more possible. I’m an introvert and the drug made me less anxious (and, unfortunately less able to be present) about presenting and teaching which is what I do in addition to writing.

That’s one of the kind of evil things about the drug is that it helps with pain (both physical and emotional) and who doesn’t want help with pain? What I’ve learned in just the short time of being off it is that it’s a high price to pay for dulling pain…to lose my ability to be present with friends and to connect and care as deeply as I do when I feel the pain. That sounds weird I know, but it’s kind of like my love is made stronger and greater by my courage to be present for the pain of loss.

I don’t…I don’t think I’m making sense. The important thing though is there are alternative medications to deal with all these things…my back pain, social anxiety, ADHD, etc. and almost all of them allow a person to treat the problem without effecting so much of the mind the way opiates do.

And, if I’m any judge you definitely won’t get as much done in the days of withdrawal…I’m hoping though it isn’t a permanent state and eventually my energy will return. It’ll be something to deal with I suppose and I may become a red bull addict if things don’t change. Only kidding. :)

It’s all life I guess…I’m just glad to feel more of it now…the good and bad.

280 jen { 06.05.10 at 6:37 am }

seattlegong:
Its has been two months for me and my energy still isnt even close to being any better I do drink 5 hour energy shots almost everyday I think the opiates have permanetly ruined my brain. I to hope this gets better quickly. I tried exercise I tried vitamins nothing seems to help I guess it takes a long time for your brain to heal. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

281 jen { 06.05.10 at 6:38 am }

sorry just noticed i spelt your name wrong!!!

282 seattlegonz { 06.05.10 at 7:43 am }

Hey Jen,
Well, that’s not great news but thanks…I won’t raise my expectations too much. While I know it is frustrating…I can hear it in your message…I don’t believe the drug has permanently ruined your brain. Relative to time of use and your lifespan… whether it’s 2mos, 4 mos, 6…maybe it just takes time to recover.

Not to mention that there are a whole host of other disorders that may create bodily fatigue.

You’ve done an awesome thing for yourself, and I can tell if you’ve tried all those things to deal with fatigue and you’ve only been off the drug for a couple of months you’re a spirited and determined person. I don’t know that it will get better but I believe it will. The Buddha says that change and impermanence are the only things we can be sure of…I hope it changes for you soon and you start to feel more energy and less fatigue. (although it cracks me up a little because your posts are so energetic I wonder if your energy standard isn’t 1000 meters above mine. :) )

283 seattlegonz { 06.05.10 at 7:43 am }

oh and I think seattlegong is a great name.

284 jen { 06.05.10 at 9:25 am }

Seattlegonz:
Thanks for the thought It made me feel better!! It is funny I’m adhd with no energy haha that is true. I truly hope it does get better. I guess I just thought once I quit I would be back to my old self……………. but then I have to remember why I started taking them in the first place. When you get sober you have to fix all the problems that caused you to take the pills in the first place, and that is the hard part and a slap in the face “reality check”. This is a learning lesson for sure!! Oh yeah I also ordered your book ;)

285 pisenber { 06.05.10 at 9:44 am }

Hi everybody,
I have to agree with seattlegonz that your energy, jen, seems fine if you can tell anything from posts. It’s weird how close of friends you guys are becoming to me. Maybe it’s because I’ve never done much online social networking. That’s not why I came to this site but it is an added benefit for sure.

286 seattlegonz { 06.05.10 at 9:44 am }

Thanks Jen, reading doesn’t do much for fatigue. Hopefully the story will be so gripping you’ll at least be able to keep your eyes open. :)

Yeah, I started taking the pills for pain, and I still have pain. So, there’s still something to figure out how to manage or work through…but having some mental clarity means the world to me.

Also, I don’t know how old you are, but I’m getting on in years and I’m facing up to the reality that I’ll never be my young self again…my old self is kind of a new person…maybe less energy, more aches, but wiser. (that’s how I comfort myself with the physical losses…I’m so much wiser. Lol.)

287 pisenber { 06.05.10 at 3:35 pm }

As I’ve said before I’m 61. I live in Michigan and have squeaked out a living being a graphic artist but got laid off twice in a row and now feel “washed up” due to economic crisis here and age. I’ll probably retire when I’m 62 and just try to survive on the meager SS mone,y help from my husband and freelance work (it hatdly ever comes around). In the back of my mind is this book that I’m writing that someone might want to publish. Any tips or leads as far as agent or publisher you can pass along seattlegonz? I went back to college when I was 55 and got a BA in English from U of M and did very well.

288 seattlegonz { 06.05.10 at 3:46 pm }

Hey Pisenber, I know the worry of being a freelancer or an artist. My pain and illness forced me out of my government job but somehow the insurance companies figured out a way to not pay disability. Now I write and teach for a living but I make barely any money.

Really you should probably take a memoir class that covers publishing. Memoirs are a little different to sell and publish than fiction. I write for the young adult market which is different yet again.

I know with non-fiction usually a book proposal is written first and the book is written after the proposal sells. But, I’m not sure about memoir…if that falls in the same category or if it’s treated more like fiction. As far as agents go (and I highly recommend trying to find an agent over submitting directly to the publisher) look in the acknowledgments of some of your favorite memoirs. Most writers acknowledge their agents in the back.

Graphic novels are really big right now…ever thought of writing and illustrating your memoir? Beschdel just did it and it was very successful, plus there’s Maus, and the one that was made into a movie about the Islam girl.

I must be making you tired talking about all this…I know I’m exhausted. :)

289 pisenber { 06.05.10 at 4:32 pm }

Thanks seattlegonz. Go rest.

290 Onceabear { 06.06.10 at 4:20 pm }

I’m on day 7 and I have just finished reading almost all 289 posts. Tells you about my state of mind. Looking for anything to pass the time and make this hell a bit easier.
I have similar story to most but just sharing so that hopefully someone down the road who hasn’t reached my point so that they can make the change before they lose everything – like I have almost done.
It’s been almost 8 yrs and I can still remember (although I wouldn’t have even thought about it 8 days ago) day 1. The day my dad died in my his living room chair. I found his vics in the cabinet an just needed a little chill time to deal.
At that time I was earning over 150k / yr and traveling the world as well doing high mtn search and rescue work.
I quickly discovered how fun and relaxing the pills made my world. And soon I was choosing to stay home and play video games rather than doi the things I was supposed to be doing.
Ffw about a year later and I had a terrible ski accident where I damaged c4 & L5. Well that was the begiing of the end.
I spent the next 7ish years progressing from a couple of vics to norco, fentynl, methadone, morphine, oxy’s, dilaudid’s and some other too. Finally I hated all those drugs and went back to the norcs which has completely destroyed my world.
When I decided to go cold turkey last week, my tolerance was at 40 give or take. I was only taking 20 / day just to feel normal but if I wanted a buzz, i’d have to put 25-30 down at a time (chewed of course).
Needless to say I’ve spent well over 100k between docs and drugs, lost 3 jobs because the pills took priority over everything, even drained my 401k to a level where it’s virtually useless. No one in my world (even my wife) even has a clue to anything I’ve ingested or done.
At 4am on night number 2 of cold turkey I actually loaded my rifle and stuck it to my forehead and wanted to end the misery. Luckily I was so tired that I just went inside and lied on the couch til dawn.
I’m on day seven now and feeling better but still like shit. Depressed and miserable but better. My biggest fear are the refills that are coming due on my script this weak. I don’t know if I have the power to refuse them because there is so much work to do on the house and this “flu” can’t last forever.
Oh god, please help.

291 jen { 06.06.10 at 6:50 pm }

Just checking in on my buddies. I start school tomorrow I’m very nervous and my super lack of motivation doesn’t help any. Please god help me get through this ;) I’m sober and this is so scary.

292 pisenber { 06.06.10 at 7:35 pm }

Hi jen,
Good luck tomorrow. I know you’ll do great. This is a weird time to start classes though, the summer semester (or spring?). Are you just taking liberal arts classes to begin with or have you already done those? I really enjoyed college the second time around. I completely immersed myself in it and enjoyed meeting and talking to the other students. I was so old though that when in the halls and stuff most people thought I was faculty. It’s really good that you did your “cleaning up” beforehand. That was very wise. Again, good luck.

293 seattlegonz { 06.07.10 at 5:10 am }

Take it easy Jen…and work hard. :)

No, seriously, be easy on yourself and have fun.

294 rock&hardplace { 06.07.10 at 11:37 am }

This is day 3 for me and I am still feeling weird… I am at work, though. It took EVERY bit of strength I had to actually get up, get dressed and psych myself up for the long day ahead. The first couple of hours were ROUGH… felt like a zombie, but things are a little better now.
This weekend I suffered my WORST withdrawal yet (and I have had some doozies). I bet I have detoxed at least 10 times over the last year and each one seems worse than the last.
To make it all even worse, my 9 year old son was home this weekend while I was so sick. He was being so sweet and I was like some crazed demon. My boyfriend was there and did so much to care for him, but he still wanted to be with mom… and mom just wanted to be alone. I mean, EVERYTHING hurt! I think what hurts the most is knowing what I have done to (or more specifically, not done for) him over the last year. Everything has taken a back burner to my drug use. He is so precious and I have really neglected him. I am not sure I can live with the guilt of what I became over the last year.
The last time I detoxed, I was too weak to take him to school, so he was like a little prisoner stuck with me all day as I stayed in the bed. I even pitched a tantrum and knocked everything off the TV armoir… I will never forget the look on his face. And he blames himself. And he wants his mom to start taking better care of herself so that she’s not so sick all the time.
And, you know what the kicker is, I still want to take a damn pill. As much as I love him (and I love him more than anything else in this world) and as much as I know he deserves so much better than what I have given him; I would still give my eye-tooth for a pill right now. How sick is that?
I’ve been reading this forum all day today and have related to everything everyone has said (except for those people who take like 2-4 pills a day… I take as many as I can get my hands on… usually 10-18).
I’m starting to think I have killed any decency I may have ever had. I feel like the slime under a slug.

295 jen { 06.07.10 at 3:26 pm }

Thanks guys its summer classes and I’m taking microbiology ;)

296 seattlegonz { 06.07.10 at 4:52 pm }

yikes…nothing like giving yourself a challenge! Go, Jen, go!

297 pisenber { 06.07.10 at 5:59 pm }

rockandhardplace,
Keep coming to this forum. I am going to say something harsh. The kids come first. Do it this time forever or forget it. You have 9 more years with this child and if it takes doing drugs to cope, so be it. The little boy comes first. He doesn’t need to be traumatized.

Onceabear,
Good luck refusing your refill. How on earth have you kept this a secret? I understand your addiction. I have probably only taken at the most 20 of my pills in a day but I had to restrain myself. You might not be able to do this on your own. I was barely able to the two other times that I went through wd. I just took my last Vic.ES and am already planning my dialogue with the doctor’s office tomorrow when I call for a refill. I was planning to taper off but ended up taking my last 9 today. As well as drinking rum and coke because it “may increase the effect of the drug.” I am planning on quitting so if I call tomorrow I will ask for something not as powerful (such as Vic 5s or Tylenol #4s which are my drug of choice). I am kind of old to be going through this. Sometimes I wish they were just legal.

298 metoo { 06.07.10 at 6:05 pm }

Hello and welcome to Onceabear and Rock&hardplace….You two keep doing the detox walk, and I have moved you each to the top of my prayer list. Hang in there~~~better times are ahead!!

To all the other readers/posters: Please pause and pray for all of us who are so in need of God’s mercy and love. Imagine all of us being held in the palm of His hand. Let Him guide us….

299 nan { 06.07.10 at 6:12 pm }

I just want to relate my experiences with heroin and oxcs/percs/vico and metho. I had over 17 yrs. clean from heroin. I’m 56 now, broke my foot, and developed very painful arthritis, my doctor put me on vico , then 10mg norco 3x daily which I upgraded t0 3×3 daily, and finally 10 mg of that nasty methadone. I hated that stuff. My neighbor decided to help me out with….ta da…oxcy 80 mg which almost killed me. I found 30 mg 2 x daily to work just fine. Her supply ran out and I was was miserable from turning into an addict again. I just thought it would never happen to me under a doctor’s supervision. It has been 15 months of misery. It’s been 10 days without anything and I don’t remember it ever being this bad. Perhaps it’s my age or the chemicals put in the synthetic opiates. I have all the above written symptoms and they are worse then any former withdrawals I have ever experienced. My heart goes out to each and every one of you.
Fortunately, I have tools wired in my brain from the past 17 yrs clean, I am willing to try the vitamins suggested and bless you for posting this site.

300 jen { 06.07.10 at 6:31 pm }

Rock&Hard place and Oncebear,
I am praying for you tonight, Let god give you strength to be strong and get through this. We are there for yall and we will help you along this journey. It is hard and long but well worth it. Sending much love yalls way!!

301 seattlegonz { 06.08.10 at 6:16 am }

rockandhard and oncebear…so sorry I didn’t see your posts. Yes, it is hard, but what you’re describing that shrinking of your world so that you don’t care about anyone or anything, that’s what the drug did to me. After days 3-4m=, which were the hardest for me, I started to miss friends and think about people I haven’t thought about in all the years on the drug. Taking a walk (later of course) I enjoyed myself instead of just being content…it can be a beautiful world at times.

My doc prescribed clonidine which helped with the symptoms of withdrawal and onedestrine for nausea (and it helps me to sleep at night…I only take that at night.) I went through horrible withdrawal before I got the prescriptions to help, and they made a difference.

It has been longer than I expected and not easy but I am a million times grateful to feel like my sense of humor has returned, my ability to feel joy and pain, and my ability to connect with others. I wish you both grace and as much peace as possible through this time.

302 rock&hardplace { 06.08.10 at 6:32 am }

Thank you all for caring… I am on Day 4.

I have moments of encouragement when I think of all the ways I can “be there” for my son now. But mostly, I am still under the spell of those magic pills (that stopped “working” anyway so I don’t even know why I continue to romantacize them). Honestly, left to my own devices, I would’ve already caved. But my source has cut me off and I just don’t have the time or the energy to doc shop all over town trying to score. I think all the docs in this small town are on to me anyway.

I have been dealing with a lot of guilt… flashes of all that I have done (and left undone) this past year keep haunting me. I am so ashamed that I let the lure of that high take priority over my precious child, my own moral code, my health, and my better judgement. It’s nothing short of a miracle that I did not lose my job.

I do pray that God gives me the strength to be the best mom that I can be to my son. I pray that, in His great mercy, he will, somehow, make all this okay. I pray that Joe will not suffer any permanent trauma because of my selfishness. Lord, help me to do what I cannot do for myself.

Thank you all for your prayers and your SWEET, SWEET sentiments.

303 Shmoe { 06.08.10 at 7:51 am }

For whatever it is worth Rock&Hardplace, and all of you struggling to quit, you have my prayers as well. No condemnation – none of us is perfect, and quitting is incredibly hard to do. This is a really powerful habit. (And yes I’m struggling with it too – quit for 11 days in May, caved and used again, today is day 1 clean, again).

304 pisenber { 06.08.10 at 9:43 am }

roakandhardplace,
Wow! Day 4 is over the hill. You’re going to make it. I would pray for you but I don’t know how. Instead I will keep checking this forum and be more encouraging. I’m sorry if my last post sounded harsh. I am quitting soon too now and don’t expect it to be anything like I have gone through before. It will be worse. It’s good that all your sources have dried up. Mine too now. I guess that is a form of God’s making rock-bottom happen for you. And me. Keep posting when you can.

305 pisenber { 06.08.10 at 9:54 am }

onceabear,
How are you doing? I hope you don’t go back to using. I re-read your post and realized that you said you were on day 7. I know that temptation. I am kind of going through that myself. You could probably make a quick phone call, grit your teeth and cancel it through the doc or pharmacy. That would take a lot of moral conviction and strength (which you’re of course low on now). If someone could do it FOR you. I just don’t know but DAY 7 is impressive. Since you read all the posts you know about what’s to come and that isn’t easy either but you must be a strong person or you wouldn’t have made it this far by yourself. Keep posting when you can. Please.

306 metoo { 06.08.10 at 9:57 am }

Rock&hardplace wrote…”Lord, help me to do what I cannot do for myself.” That is what this is all about. Keep going, rock&hardplace….and look for the light~~~I would expect you to start seeing it soon, probably in your son’s eyes. It is my prayer that your boy might be one of the best sources of inspiration you have.
Just imagine how absolutely GREAT it will be when you are free from the grip of these pills, and can really get out there and PLAY!!! Feeling great and loving life!! I know that “joy” is out there somewhere, and I know that I am searching for it. I think you are closer to the joy, and that there is a great deal of it ahead for you! Just imagining your future with joy in it might help to pull you through this dark time. Every moment that passes is one moment closer to the joy of life for you…
Still praying!!! :)

307 metoo { 06.08.10 at 10:57 am }

Onceabear….please let us know how you are doing!! I am praying that you will be able to resist…if not, please don’t get down on yourself though. Rome was not built in a day, they say!!! Regardless, we care about you, and want to help you in whatever way we can. I’m glad you found this board. :)

308 rock&hardplace { 06.08.10 at 11:38 am }

metoo:

Thank you very much for your kind and insightful words… I started bawling sitting right here at my desk because I was so touched. You hit the nail on the head… I must focus on what is “noble and pure,” my 9 year old little boy who won’t be a little boy forever. I really don’t want to miss another second.

Again, thank you and God Bless You. :0)

309 metoo { 06.08.10 at 12:07 pm }

Hey, rock&hardplace….if you truly don’t want to miss another second, then hold on tight, grab onto that sweet little guys shirttails, and don’t let go!!!!! You have found YOUR REASON to get through this crap, and get on with your life. When I think of you in this situation, I just get this HUGE FEELING of pure JOY. And I can’t help but feel that there is so much more of that joy out there FOR YOU than you are even aware of.

You have found your way….your motivation….a lot of us never do find it. DON’T LET GO!!! You’re on day 4. And that, I believe, puts you darn close to the end of the hard part. Your true happiness is just ahead! Nipples to the wind, ladies!!! Hee hee!! :)

310 rock&hardplace { 06.09.10 at 6:10 am }

I’ve begrudgingly made it to Day 5. Legs are still cramping and hurting a bit and stomach is making up for lost time. Most of the time I am angry… angry that I can’t have my quick fix. I know it’s not rational or right, but it’s reality.
I come here because you know what I am talking about… people who haven’t been thru this can’t understand why, after near financial ruin, my guilt over my son, my affected health, I would STILL want to feel that feeling. They say those things should be motivation enough. And they are right. But, most moments these day, I am not guided by reason. I do have moments of clarity and encouragement, and for those, I am grateful.
I spent the evening last night with just me and my son. I am still finding it hard to be close to him… it’s like I am having to re-learn how to live… after being so numb for so long, things seem too real, too much. I have to start giving myself credit for even the smallest accomplishments, though, if I am to succeed. More often than not, I am beating myself up for not doing what I think I should, but, the fact is, I am a long way off from 100% and I really shouldn’t be too hard on myself. I did manage to load the dish washer, fix my son a decent supper, have a REAL converstation with him, make sure he had a healthy snack, swept the floor and went to bed at 9 PM without the aid of any drugs (I was really tempted to take 1/4 of a Xanax but resisted).
I think the thing that is hardest right now is that everything seems like such drudgery. But, that’s life and I need to learn how to make it joyous, fulfilling and fun without “Mother’s little helper.” That so-called “helper” is an illusion anyway. I deluded myself into thinking it made me a better mom, worker and friend. That’s really a lie, though. I may not be as active sans “helper,” but I am me and I give everyone the best I have.
Sorry for the ramble… hope you all have a BEAUTIFUL day!

311 seattlegonz { 06.09.10 at 8:32 am }

rock&hardplace…hang in there…you’re doing great. To me that connection…that conversation with a friend that I haven’t seen in years…that meant everything to me. (And it was exhausting and I crashed afterwords because I had nerves and excitement and bursts of energy and being tired. Lol…I’m sure my friend was like WTF my energy was so all over the place. I just know it’s going to take time to learn how to be present for the good and the bad.

On narcotics I couldn’t connect with my friends and family and I will forever feel regret for the time I lost. (I have a lot of anger too…anger at myself that I didn’t understand how dull and reclusive I’d become.) But, regret is really a wasted emotion…all I have is now and what I choose to do now. I choose life…all of it.

I wish you ease and peace and great joy in watching your son grow from a boy into a man. That’s a journey of a lifetime and one you might not want to miss.

312 rock&hardplace { 06.10.10 at 5:20 am }

Day 6
I wish I could say that everything is coming up roses… that’s not exactly the case. I have noticed that I have been dwelling on the negative, so today I have decided to list ALL the ways things are already better:

*I cooked a REAL supper for my son last night.
*My legs don’t hurt as bad today as they did on Sat-Sun.
*I can look people in the eyes, knowing I have nothing to hide.
*I may not be where I want to be, but every day I get a little more hope that soon I will be.
*I have been smiling genuine smiles.
*I am not obsessed with my next fix.
*I am starting to WANT to be clean.
*I sleep a full 8 hours a night.
*I want to be a better person.
*I am not smoking a billion cigarettes a day (still smoking WAY too much tho).

I have such a LONG way to go. I am still emotionally distant with my son… I pray that will get better with time. I drank 3 beers last night on the deck, instead of spending time with him. I just had to quiet my racing mind if only for a little while. That even backfired on me, though. Just made me feel guilty for not spending time with my son and made me want my true DOC that much more. I guess there are no shortcuts with this deal.

I am sorry for being such a whiny baby. I know it’s time for me to put on my big girl pants and do the right thing: raise my son to the best of my ability and to be a POSITIVE force in his life.

I hope you all are doing well. Thank you so much for caring and being so encouraging.

313 pisenber { 06.10.10 at 7:23 am }

rock&hardplace,
It sounds like you are being really honest with yourself and doing a great job of prioritizing. Cuz you have to be comfortable with yourself or you won’t gain back that emotional bond with your son. My experience with my kids has been that the emotional closeness comes and goes and I didn’t take opiates when I was raising them. So don’t expect too much. There will be good times to come. Also, I have been to many NA meetings and always resisted the “Alcohol is a drug” point. But I am starting to realize that there is truth to the notion that when you start to lose control (due to any substance) your judgement is impaired. I’m finding that I don’t enjoy alcohol as much when I’m straight anyway. As for the cigarettes… I smoke too and, like you smoked way too much when I was high.

Keep feeling better. I’m happy for you.

314 seattlegonz { 06.10.10 at 7:50 am }

rockandhardplace and hi, pisenbar,

You’re doing great. I don’t know if you haven’t or don’t want to confide with your doctor about your use, but I took clonidine to help with the racing mind. (not klonipin which is for anxiety and addictive) but clonidine which is used, among other things, to help with opiate withdrawal. Anyway, you might give it a go as it won’t have the depressive effect of alcohol.

I think that, the depressive effect of alcohol, is more concerning than the alcohol being a drug. Alcohol must be acting on the same or similiar receptors in the brain as the opiates…so it might increase the want or need for the drug or for more to drink. I’m just saying it might mess with you over time. (but I don’t know.) I just want to support you to stay off the narcotics and to smile those smiles. That’s amazing to me.

Anyway, it would be an insane doc who wouldn’t want to help a patient get clean, and there are medications that can help make withdrawal easier. (Don’t listen to anyone telling you at this point that you shouldn’t do it cold turkey though…you’re too far along.)

Pisenbar, how are you? Hanging in there, or here? :)

315 pisenber { 06.10.10 at 9:53 am }

Hi everyone,
I’m here and hanging in there too. I have had a confusing few days. I think I mentioned in one of my posts that I was gonna try to get a new script. It was way too early and they recognized that when I called so they said no and to wait until my appointment. Well, I guess that sent the red flags up and at my appointment today the doctor sat down and said that he knew I had a problem with narcotics. I told him that I wanted something weaker anyway so he agreed to Tylenol #3s. That is probably going to be the last for me since my wrist is feeling quite a bit better now and I have been giving the whole clean lifestyle a LOT of thought and have come to the conclusion that that is for me. True, i took 3 of the 3s while still in the car at the pharmacy and then took 3 more later but when it’s gone, it’s gone. Gone baby gone! Anyway, I definitely had to taper off these last 3 days and it wasn’t so bad. A few things happened during that time that affected my decision to get clean too. Since the weather has been so great, I have been getting outside a little more, went for a walk, and have been watching this mother robin take care of her babies in a nest that she made at the top of an outside light that is at this house. It’s been going on for about 2 months so I think she has laid several eggs. It’s nature! I also planted a few flowers. Yesterday, a woman was walking past my house and I stopped to talk to her. She was such a sweet lady and one that I could relate to. She mentioned that she was 70 and I told her I was 61 and not far behind. There was something about that woman that touched me. Something that said that I should strive to be such a sweet friendly person. There were some other incidents that drove the idea home too but I won’t go into them here. Some were pleasant and some not so pleasant. But I think God is trying to tell me something. I’m okay and all that. Thanks for asking. I am worried about onceabeast. I wish they would post but I have a feeling that I know what happened but relapse is so common among people like us. Anyway, if you’re out there onceabeast, please post no matter what. We are here for you, right everybody?

316 metoo { 06.10.10 at 10:25 am }

We sure are here for you, onceabeast!! We have all been there, and we are all in this together. Please let us know how you are doing, no matter what.

pisenber, have you checked out “kratom?” I think it is something that could benefit you, as well as many others on this board….if I can help, please email me: metoo05@live.com
I will tell you all I can about kratom, and help you in any way I can. For me, kratom was the tool that made this all VERY DOABLE. I hope to hear from you! :)

317 seattlegonz { 06.10.10 at 12:51 pm }

congrats, Pisenbar…if it’s an hour or a day or whatever moves you in that direction it’s great. It was my ability to just say hi to strangers that surprised me the most when I stopped. I didn’t understand how I lost that ability to just connect with another person. You know, just exchanging a few words with the grocer…simple stuff, but so powerful.

Be careful with taking too much tylenol (you shouldn’t take over 4000 mg in a day or your liver may have difficulty processing it, and the complications could be severe.) I don’t mean to butt in, but a friend of mine just almost died from taking too much tylenol and ibuprofen as she tried to manage pain.

318 pisenber { 06.13.10 at 11:19 am }

Believe me, I have survived many, many doses of Tylenol. I know the limits and know the damage that can result to my liver. I am down to my last 3 3s and will have to quit tomorrow. I ordered some Kratom and it should be here soon. Metoo, how should I begin taking it? Pray for me as I don’t have a relationship with God. But, you know, I think she understands that and watches out for me because I try so hard to be a good person.

319 jen { 06.13.10 at 5:49 pm }

Pisenber you will do great your ready for this just be strong. I’m praying for you. Sorry I havent posted been busy with school hope everone is doing well.

320 rock&hardplace { 06.14.10 at 5:50 am }

I didn’t exactly make it to Day 8…

I am so sick of this…

321 metoo { 06.14.10 at 6:01 am }

It’s ok, rock&hardplace!!! Keep making progress….you made it a whole week, right???? THAT COUNTS. Just keep on making progress, and don’t get down on yourself. Don’t think that you have to throw in the towel because you slipped up once. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and Jesus fell three times!!! YOU ARE OK!!! :)

322 pisenber { 06.14.10 at 12:03 pm }

Hello,
I’m on day one. I just would say that I don’t feel like doing anything. I need to take a shower and do my laundry but the energy is not there. Maybe I will try. I feel like my body is buzzing all over and everything seems depressing. I am just like going through the motions of living. I have some anxiety medicine that I could take but I don’t want to take too much and know that I will need it tonight in order to sleep. I have quite a lot of that type of drug though. I haven’t taken any vitamins or Thomas recipe stuff yet and only had one small bout of the runs. I will get some bananas too for the restless leg thing. I know from experience that I won’t feel physically okay for another 3 days or so. I read all of the posts already so I do remember some of the tips and advice that have been given. But I will listen again. I might listen with a more attentive ear right now. Thanks in advance

323 rock&hardplace { 06.15.10 at 5:46 am }

pisenber:

It looks like we are on the same track… I, too, am on Day 2 today. Honestly, I have suffered through much worse physically… my legs are cramping and I am lethargic. Emotionally, though, this one is tough. I think that my conscience just can’t take anymore of this. I just can’t, in good conscience, continue doing this to my son and myself. And, basically, what I do to myself, I do to him.

I went to a counselor yesterday and I think it helped. I think more than anything, it felt good to let someone in on my dirty little secret and not have them run away in shock and horror.

Me too, thank you for your kind and encouraging words yesterday… you really have a knack for getting to the “heart” of things and saying JUST the right thing.

Never say never, but, this time, I think I have had my fill. I cannot continue to live like this. I don’t want to. Life is hard either way. At least, I can live with my conscience if I know I am doing all that I can to live as morally as possible.

I really hope I never put myself through this again.

324 pisenber { 06.15.10 at 9:47 am }

Hi everyone,
Yes, day 2 for me and, I have to say, it’s better this time. It might be because I tapered down in two ways. One, the last meds I was taking were Tylenol 3s and two, I had skipped a day of not using anything for the last few months so my body had kind of come back into normal a few times. I feel okay, kind of weak, and still depressed but not to the point of crying or feeling like kicking the bucket. But it could be just the long mental preparation and going on this forum and watching “Intervention.” Also, my daughter came by yesterday and she is a real gem of a daughter. She listened to some of my complaints and showed concern, was encouraging and even went out and bought me a pack of cigarettes. Seriously she is the light of my life. I am so lucky. Good luck rock&hardplace. I am glad that you decided to pick up where you left off. Mainly because you seem like you’re in the right mindset to make this work for you and your son. Keep up the good work. Thanks to everyone out there.

325 hopefull in Florida { 06.15.10 at 10:18 am }

I’m on day 8 and have just now stumbled onto this site. Shame I couldn’t have found it sooner. The usual, multiple attempts to detox in the past, multiple failed attempts, and finally i think i can make it through. As long as i can find a way to keep my f-n legs from hurting. (that is what usually does me in). Feels like i should be running a marathon but i don’t have the energy. I’m broke so any of the usual detox vitamins etc are out of the question. woo hoo here we go again!

326 metoo { 06.15.10 at 10:29 am }

hey, pisenber…way to look on the bright side!! You sound as though you are doing very well! It’s nice when you can see the good along with the bad part of the detox. Sometimes counting your blessings seems so small, but those ARE the big things you need to grab ahold of….Keep up the good work!! :)
Rock&hardplace, you are going to come through this just fine, because you are DETERMINED. I like your stamina, and your spunk. **metoo pictures you with your big girl panties on, stomping through the big mud pile of detox** And soon, you will be laughing with your boy as the raincloud opens up to wash you off….Keep it up, romper stomper!! YOU ROCK!!! :)

327 rock&hardplace { 06.16.10 at 6:56 am }

Okay, Day 3 (Again):

Most of the physical stuff has passed- legs hurt really bad yesterday and all my little aches and pains (neck/shoulder) seems exaggerated. I took some ibuprofen last night and probably should have taken some today. It does seem to help.

Emotionally, this has been a tough week so far. I have the worst time getting going in the morning and I just DREAD coming to work. It’s like, getting ready takes such effort and I have near panic attacks at the thought of leaving home. Once I get here, I am okay, though. I don’t know what all that is about.

The counselor gave me some really great literature and that has helped. It’s just comforting to know that my struggle is not uncommon. I think addictions power lies in the guilt we feel that we are the worst people on the face of the earth. What a relief to know that better than I have succumbed to the lure! In some weird way, it gives me hope.

I really want to change. I want to feel good again… inside and out. I want to know that our Creator has not forgotten me and still loves me and will love me even after all that I have done. I don’t want to go back.

Metoo- thank you again for all your beautiful words… how do you do that? I think you are psychic!

pisenber- you are lucky to have a sweet daughter who understands. My family doesn’t know… they have been down this road with me before and would not be supportive this time around. It’s wonderful to have family who love us unconditionally.

It’s hot as Hades down south! Hope you Great Northwesterners are having better weather.

Love and peace to all.

328 pisenber { 06.16.10 at 8:28 am }

rock&hardplace,
I can relate to a lot of stuff you said, especially about the not wanting to get going and leave the house. I have been unemployed for a long time so don’t really need to leave the house. I found out that my unemployment runs out at the end of this month. I am so broke. So, in a way, not leaving the house is good. Don’t spend money. I am feeling VERY antisocial. Can’t picture myself in a social situation laughing at jokes and making small talk. I guess I really have a bad case of self-pity right now. Plus I have this stupid bandage on my arm still! Thanks for letting me vent here.

329 pisenber { 06.16.10 at 1:09 pm }

Later, day 3…
I got my kratom today. It is wonderful, but an expensive habit to get into. But, for today, I am really glad I had it because I really needed a pick-me-up. It did just that. Got a few things done and actually didn’t mind talking to people. Thanks, metoo!

330 jen { 06.16.10 at 2:46 pm }

well i f-up and took two last night and one today not happy with myself at all why the hell did I do that !!!!!!!!!

331 pisenber { 06.16.10 at 5:17 pm }

Um, to try to feel good despite this mostly sh…ty world we are living in. Straighten up, jen. I know how hard it is though.

332 metoo { 06.16.10 at 6:59 pm }

Hey, Jen, don’t be so hard on yourself!! Keep moving AHEAD. Don’t look back. You took the pills, and they are gone now. Let them go. YOU have done a WONDERFUL JOB at cleaning up your system and your act…..so what if you just had a little treat. How many days have you gone without??? A LOT!!! So don’t you be so hard on yourself. You are ok. You are a winner. Look at how well you have done. Personally, I think you rock! So there. :D

PISENBER!!!! I am SO HAPPY that you enjoyed your kratom!! Being without vics does NOT mean that there is no legal euphoria for each of us anymore…there IS, and you just found it. When I found kratom, I realized “Hey!!! This makes me feel great!! There IS something to get me there!” For me, it freed me from vics, because I could still feel the euphoria. That’s why I took vics. Kratom is a great alternative. :)

Everything is going to be ok.

333 rock&hardplace { 06.17.10 at 5:50 am }

Officially Day 4 and I am feeling much better… kind of “normal” in fact.

I BARELY made it, though. I really wanted to last night, but nothing came through. This morning, I was grateful; but, last night I was mad!

I have a bit of a dilemna… my main source is/was my boyfriend. I mean, he has been supplying me for almost a year, so, now when I see him, that’s ALL I think about. I mean, it’s hard to be around him because I start craving at the mere sight of him. He has cut me off (all of a sudden he is thinking it’s not a good idea to feed my addiction) and I do respect him for that. But, I don’t think I am going to be able to continue to be around him. I think that was the “glue” that held us together anyway. I mean, I am not sure I have much interest in him beyond what he was giving me. I know that sounds cold, but it’s the truth.

I went to his place last night and I was miserable. I associate him and his place so strongly with my DOC that I felt like I was in withdrawal the whole time. I tried to explain that to him, and I think he got it, but I think he thinks it’s an association I can easily break. I think that if I am to be REALLY serious about this, I need to break away from all reminders and triggers… at least at this stage of the game.

I am so glad I am clean today… it’s a beautiful thing!

334 pisenber { 06.17.10 at 9:17 am }

rock&hardplace,
I couldn’t believe it when I read your last post. This is one of my biggest problems too! I live in the in-law apartment at my husband’s house. We are technically separated though. The only reason that I live here is that he offered to give me cheap rent. I got laid off from my last two jobs so now can barely even pay the small amount of rent he asks for. The trouble is that that there is one thin door that separates the two places and we are in constant contact. He regularly uses my bathroom because the only one he has is on the second floor and when our kids or friends come over, we entertain them together. He gets Vicodin regularly from the VA because he gets all of his medication from them. He is the one that started me on the pills in the first place. I mean, he was into them before I was and would share (yeah, like he really had to twist my arm). Well, I got addicted to opiates and we started having fights over my asking him for them and this contributed to our marriage dissolving. Well, he agrees that I should quit (I am more addicted than he is, he has marvelous self-control over how many he takes) and now resents sharing. I have gotten myself into BIG trouble over trying to obtain drugs. It is so hard, though, to see him and know that he is high and that I cannot be. But I cannot move away. I am financially chained to this situation.

335 jen { 06.17.10 at 10:22 am }

well my reason is the same as yalls my husband also takes them so even when I dont he does and it makes it really hard. I dont know what to do. Thanks metoo your so sweet!!! I feel so ashamed :(

336 pisenber { 06.17.10 at 11:09 am }

Yeah, this is an example of discrimination against women. My husband has never received any pressure to quit taking them. They come in the mail like clockwork. I have had doctors look at me suspiciously, been judged as to my ability to function on them and felt looked down upon for my desire to keep using. You know, women are always the ones who are blamed when children don’t receive a high standard of care in the home and in this generation also expected to contribute to the family income. I sometimes wonder if The Women’s Movement went awry in some of the changes that occurred as a result. I am all for equal rights, don’t get me wrong. I consider myself a feminist. It’s just that the give and take seems a little skewed. Don’t feel ashamed. There are reasons that people are self-medicating. Society is moving too fast for people to adapt to some changes that are demanded of us.

337 rock&hardplace { 06.17.10 at 12:31 pm }

It DOES move too fast. I think the ONLY way I will be able to deal with life on life’s terms is if I make MY life as simple as possible. I cannot be around a person that I associate so heavily with it. I think I MIGHT have a fighting chance if I put myself in places and around people where that’s not an issue. I rarely focus on it when I am at work or with friends who I know don’t do them or have them. Why should I VOLUNTARILY put myself in a position that makes something that’s already hard that much harder?

If he REALLY has my best interests at heart, he would try to understand where I am coming from. He may not like it, but he could try to understand. And, shame on him for using them to control and manipulate me for 10 mos., then have his conscience start hurting him when I get into counseling where HIS dirty little secret may be exposed. I may be an addict , but I am NOT a hypocrite. Our deal was so sick and twisted- trust me, it involved doing more than the dishes.

He has done me a BIG favor… I would’ve taken them as long as he gave them. I will thank him later I am sure. But, right now, I am hanging on for dear life and I just don’t have it in me to make things okay for him too.

metoo, where are you? I’ve missed you!

338 jen { 06.17.10 at 1:23 pm }

Rock&hardplace:
I know the feeling I sometimes would think its my hubands fault I started taking them but I’m the one who took it I do blame him but at the same time I should have said no. Its a sick cycle. Praying for everyone and my stupid self AGAIN!!!!

339 rock&hardplace { 06.18.10 at 5:01 am }

You’re right Jen… I thought later how much I sounded like a ‘victim.’ I am the one who took them and I tried to manipulate him as much as I could. The thing is, he doesn’t even take them. He just got them for me. BUT, there was ALWAYS a price… either BIG money or some kind of trade off. I guess we were manipulating each other.

I think the point I am trying to make is that I think it will be that much harder for me to WANT to quit if, everytime I see him, I start craving (think Pavlov’s dogs). He wanted to come over last night, but I just couldn’t bear the thought of it. I stayed at home by myself (my son is at summer camp this week) and watched the ‘First 48′ for three hours straight. I literally did not move from the sofa until it was time to go to bed. But, the thing of it is, while I was somewhat restless and still thinking about it, I was able to get thru the night without too much discomfort. And, I think that’s the name of the game at this point.

If I can get thru this weekend clean, it will be the first clean weekend in I don’t know how long… I’ve got to start learning how to LIVE without that stuff… I think I have forgotten.

Hope you all have a glorious day and a FUN weekend!

340 jen { 06.18.10 at 7:03 am }

rock&hardplace:
Yes you really do have to start living all over. Its different time seems to go by slow nothing seems enjoyable I know it sucks!!!. It does get better mentally but it takes time not over night. That is the worst part for me I want to just be better and I’m not. Hope everyone has a sober weekend!!!

341 pat { 06.20.10 at 3:56 pm }

Well I was reading away. thought I would type in. I just got off vicodin I was taking 5-6 or more a day 10s and for abought 3 years started out getting from doctor for pain in arm or this or that and was really in pain. found out quick that I felt way better I did have some depression and was extreamly tired all the time. well I would get them take to many and then stop was rough but not to the end of the world. Then I started up again and big time I was going to the doctor often but I had a full time suply from family. dont blame them! It was all me but to cut it short this time I was taking them for year and half and like I said 5-6 or more 10s a day. Well like it sais at the begining of the site. It was a living hell nothing comes close! but no dout after a couple weeks I feel like a new person. tons of energy , hope,and modivation. better than that vicodin high anyday. so good luck to all who are in my shoes. Or I should say my old shoes. Life will get better,much better just tuff it out. p.s I did work with my doctor on this he was able to treat some of the symptoms. not sure how much they helped. but for what I went through if they did work” at al”l Im sure glade I had the help. posted 06/20/10

342 pat { 06.20.10 at 4:24 pm }

Its me again. should of had wife type this up not that good but what I said before abought depression and being tired. that all went away when I took a pill. so I was playing tricks on myself thinking I needed them to feel normal. Well the onlything I do know is exersice will help more than you could ever know if you dont. The pills make you so week inside and out! Takes you strength away emotionally and phisically. so keep that inmind. Get you body shaped up, it will help the inside. start slow, but keep at it, every day if you can. Walk one day do push-ups and sit-ups the next. then I would jog every other day at the start of it .know after 11 days or so I jog most every day further and further. you can do it dont give up.

343 rock&hardplace { 06.21.10 at 7:09 am }

Well, I didn’t quite make it thru the weekend… I drank like a fish on Fri nite (and acted like an idiot), then begged, pleaded and cajoled my boyfriend to hook me up on Sat. He did. We were both happy for a minute. I wanted more… he (reluctantly) did it again on Sun. I didn’t sleep a wink all night- was restless and smoking.

I am going to a Christian-based recovery meeting at noon. I really want to stop all of this.

344 metoo { 06.21.10 at 8:18 am }

Well, you’re still ok in my book, rock&hardplace….this thing isn’t easy!! YOU, my friend, are still TRYING. That’s what sets you apart. That’s why you WILL eventually WIN THIS THING. Hold your head up high, and know that others are supporting you. You’ll get there. I know you will. ;P

345 jen { 06.21.10 at 9:44 am }

rock&hardplace:
going to a recovery meeting shows you really want the help you will do it !!! I’m praying for you and me and everyone else. I took another one only because it helped me stay up and study longer ughhhh this is horrible.

346 rock&hardplace { 06.22.10 at 7:37 am }

I think where I’ve been messing up is by not really being through with all of it. I think, in the back of my mind, I was still counting on doing it “one more time.” So, I was in mental, emotional and physical withdrawal until the next time. What a cruel thing to do to yourself! So now, I am through. Last weekend convinced me, without a shadow of a doubt, how crappy the trade off is now. I mean, the high isn’t that great and the “hangover” is worse than ever. I have no romantic notions about that stuff anymore. In fact, I FEEL better NOT taking the stuff.

I guess it’s a process… one where we have to decide that it’s over (after it’s kicked out butts and taken names for so long). I feel so ashamed that I let it get so out of hand… it all seems so insane now. I like being part of the living. I like NOT feeling separate from my fellow travelers on this earth.

I can honestly say that, today, I have no desire to go to those dark places. I have had enough. I have been blessed with so much and it is time that I give myself permission to ENJOY all the beauty and grace of this life.

My thanks and prayers go out to you all. You are a REALLY cool bunch!

347 metoo { 06.22.10 at 9:10 am }

rock&hardplace, I salute you!! Please let me know if there is ANY WAY that I can help you down this path. Please feel free to email me! metoo05@live.com

May your blessings continue to grow, and may they always amaze you!! I wish you all the joy this adventure holds!! :)

348 seattlegonz { 06.23.10 at 11:31 am }

rock and a hard place…so nice that you found some space between those two hard surfaces! congrats.

349 metoo { 06.23.10 at 3:02 pm }

SEATTLEGONZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got your book, and finished it in ONE SITTING!!! I couldn’t put it down!!! :) YOU ROCK!!!

350 jen { 06.26.10 at 12:08 pm }

Has anyone gained alot of weight on those pills? i think they make you gain alot weight just wondering.

351 pisenber { 06.26.10 at 3:56 pm }

Which pills?

352 jen { 06.27.10 at 6:53 am }

the lortabs or really any opiates

353 pisenber { 06.27.10 at 11:31 am }

Hmmm, I’ve been on them a long time and I have gained weight the last several years but I thought it was just aging. They always made me very active and I guess I thought I’d gain weight if I stopped due to inactivity.

354 seattlegonz { 06.28.10 at 9:40 am }

Hey, metoo…thanks! You made me smile ear to ear.

355 pisenber { 07.02.10 at 2:55 pm }

Wow! No one has posted here in quite a while. How is everybody? I know how I am. Not too good. Struggling to not take my last dose of Kratom before Sunday. Wishing my husband next door would offer me a Vic. Being casual when my doctor’s office told me it was too early to get a refill on my Tylenol #3s. Wishing my debit card was not overdrawn by $45. Wondering whether the 25 cents charged me by ebay to list an item caused another $35 overdraft fee. Making fliers to advertise my offer to run errands and clean apartments for seniors to buy food and pay my bills. Wishing my sarcastic and unloving husband would die and leave me some money. Wondering what in the hell I can do tonight to pass time. Uhhhh… what else. I guess that’s enough for one post.

356 jen { 07.04.10 at 12:50 pm }

well i have been taking lortabs off and on its the sad cycle all over again !! I’m still in school it will be over in one week and I wont start again till fall.

357 pisenber { 07.06.10 at 8:22 pm }

jen, I’m glad to hear someone out there is checking this forum. Don’t feel bad about the slip up. I do it all the time. I do think it’s easier to quit when you don’t use the things ALL THE TIME. You can get back the wagon if you want to. Where is everyone? Probably dying from the heat.

358 metoo { 07.06.10 at 8:32 pm }

Hey, Kids…I’m here too, and I check in several times a day. I must agree, pisenber, it’s much too quiet here. I’ve been keeping my cool, living day by day, and I tell you what~~for me, battling the depression and anxiety is FAR worse than living without vics. Not that any of it is easy, it’s all a struggle. The past few mornings have been great for me though, so maybe it’s letting up a bit. I’m trying to find my level of “ok” without vics. So, hey, I guess you could say that my life is one chin up after another!!! :)

I hope that the others who come here everyday to check for new posts will stop for a bit and check in too. Even if there’s nothing to report, it’s nice to hear from everyone.

Jen, you’ll get there. Take it easy on yourself. Be nice to you~~you deserve kindness from yourself first. :)

359 jen { 07.08.10 at 11:44 am }

Thanks guys yall are awsome!! It real nice to hear from everyone keep posting I need this site more than you could know :) . Hope everyone is making it how is rock&hardplace let us know how you are doing I get worried about everyone :( .

360 phoenixfly { 07.13.10 at 9:13 am }

Hi guys, I’m starting today on the road to recovery. At least, that’s what I’m calling it now – I’ll let you know in 48 hours. I’m so sick of feeling obsessed with painkillers. Prescribed them 3 months ago for a compressed vertebrae and torn tendon in my arm, and have gotten up to vico 15/ a day (5mg). I’m down to 6-8 a day now and just want to get off them. It’s been three months and I know it’s not as long as some but I’m scared shitless. Any advice? I’ve got so much work to do next week and don’t want to jeopardize my job (or life!) I’ve turned the pills over to my guy. Should I taper off or just stop? Peace and good health to all of you – thank you for the board and insight, it helps a lot.

361 jen { 07.16.10 at 1:54 pm }

phoenixfly: Iwould just stopall together the withdrawls are gonna be bad whether you take 5 a day or 1 a day. I have done both and it was just as bad either way. Praying you get better and find that happy place in your life sober free.

362 pisenber { 07.17.10 at 6:43 pm }

Phoenixfly, blue jen and metoo: I always read the posts. Sometimes I’m not to good about responding but I am always glad to see people sharing their thoughts on here. I have been extremely busy lately so havent’ written but like all of you struggle with this daily. Not always successfully either.

363 Coach { 07.20.10 at 11:24 am }

jen: I am new to the site and posted my first comment earlier today on the “part 1″. I was curious as to your post regarding weightgain and opis. I have asked doctors and they told me no BUT between my first script and my last (on day 2 boooo) I went from 140 lbs to 230 lbs. I didn’t change my eating habits and thought I was more active. I am curious to see the flip side and if body remembers “normal” for whatever that is….

364 CrZyshwn { 07.21.10 at 1:21 am }

Thanks for ur help it’s 530 haven’t slept feel like I’m dien

365 jen { 07.28.10 at 10:18 am }

Coach: I didnt change eating habits either but I think since they slow digestion you gain weight stay bloated. When I quittaking them I did lose weight and the bloating went away. I am on day three again I hope this time is forever.

366 seattlegonz { 08.09.10 at 8:06 pm }

How are you doing Jen? The first days are the worst.

367 seattlegonz { 08.09.10 at 8:08 pm }

I know you know that…I’m just hinting at reminding that things do get better.

368 B { 08.11.10 at 6:12 am }

Hey all. Im new to this site and opiates in general. I have been taking them on and off for the last year (Broken bones). Sometimes id go a month or so and never have to think about them or have WD symptoms. For the last 3 months or so. Ive been taking roughly between 10-20 10mgs of Vicodin a week. Mainly on the weekends. I get through the days and work no problem. Head to the gym do my thing and then come home and find myself wanting to take 1 or 2 to help me relax and relieve my anxiety. On the weekends im usually taking roughly 15 (Fri-Sat). Some weeks I go through Mon-Thurs without taking any. Its this last month that has scared me as I started taking 1-2 a night, one day off, one day on etc etc. I also started to notice I need to take more to relieve the feeling where I only needed to take one. I want to catch this before it gets any worse. I dont believe ill have any physical withdrawals (maybe I will I’m not sure), but its the pshychologial pain at night and anxiety of thinking of taking one that gets to me (bc I know ill be able to relax from the anxiety). Does anyone have any suggestions for my cause? Thanks for all that has shared.

369 jen { 08.11.10 at 5:47 pm }

I had a root canal so I’m back to day 3 ughhhh this sucks

370 jen { 08.11.10 at 5:48 pm }

but thanks how is everyone else doing? Guees everyone has been reasl busy.

371 Nanny { 08.12.10 at 9:55 am }

Hello all. I need help this is my first day and I don’t know what to do.I hurt and the pain I am taking the vic’s for is almost unbearable. I am going to try that thomas thing, but can any one offer some help?

372 linda { 08.13.10 at 7:55 am }

hi im linda and i’ve been on and off of vicodin.es for ABOUT 16 yearsand was takeing anywere from 15 to 25 a day and for the past 3 months i moved to a town or a city were no one would give them too me and the only thing on the streets was herione so i did it and it snorting was the same and cheeper so i’ve been on that and now i moved again and i’ve been back on vicodin and lorcet 10/650 but befor i got them i went and withdrawal and it didn’t takelong like 1 or 2 hours but it was the worst thing i’ve been thourgh i think in
life so my Question is is herione withdrawal worst then vicodin.es withdrawal

373 jen { 08.15.10 at 6:52 pm }

B: I hate to tell you this but your addicted. I would try to quit now it gets worse. You will get to where you take them everyday. This is how it begins. You probably will have some WD symptoms.

374 jen { 08.15.10 at 6:53 pm }

Nanny: you are probably thru the worst part how are you doing now?

375 Lindsay { 08.20.10 at 4:08 pm }

Hi everyone. I’m finally taking the plunge and getting off opiates after a year. My husband has always known but I just came clean to my parents last night and this is day 1. I feel horrid and like a basket case. I’ve been crying and sleeping and just overall feel like poo. Can anyone tell me if kratom really helps? I have some coming tomorrow but don’t want to get my hopes too high?

376 scared!! { 08.21.10 at 5:41 pm }

im weening right now… tue is the day to stop hard core. i start nursing school sept 1st i want to be clean! please think of me this week i need it! if i can make it through the first 3-4 days i think i will fine… just think of me

377 Lindsay { 08.23.10 at 3:30 pm }

Well hitting the end of day 4. Feel like I’ve run a marathon. My body feels like a limp noodle! But I feel so much better than this morning! I used the kratom for a couple days but I don’t know if it helped a bunch or not. Oh well. I’m better off than I thought I’d be right now.

378 Lileke { 08.24.10 at 10:24 pm }

Hi all! I want to let all of you know that I have been reading all the posts here for months, preparing for my own detox. I feel like I already know so many of you. But I am on Day 5 today! cant believe Ive made it this far.
Like a lot of you on here i too have young children, a 4yo and a just turned 1yo.
I started using vics after my c-section last august. Loved em. Then found out that i got accepted into nursing school. So my husband insisted i start right away instead of putting it off until the following fall, which would be now. anyways, i started nursing classes 19 credit hours with a 3 week old baby and c-section incision and stress. so i had friends keep me supplied after the initial scripts wore out. and here i am a year later, an addict. well im saying ex addict cause i got 5 days under my belt. i know relapse happens but ill be damned if i give in! I just really wanted to say thank you to all of u on the board who post often and its nice to read your words of encouragement, even though they are for someone else. i pray for all of you!

379 donwanna { 08.27.10 at 3:36 pm }

I am a 45 y/o female that has been taking vicodin 7.5 tabs anywhere from 2 at a time a day to 6 a day but always now at 2 at at a time. I know that I am addicted and that I need to quit. I am afraid to ask for help cause of the feelings of ” what if I really need them for pain?” I want to try to go back to only taking them as I need them for pain and only 1 at a time for the time frames allowed. What is the best thing to do? I have never been addicted to anything other than cigarette’s which I recently quit smoking as well. Any suggestions? Lost in this cloud of misery afraid to ask for help and afraid not to? Who do I ask? What do I say? Please help…

380 Lindsay/Lileke { 08.27.10 at 5:51 pm }

Well end of day 7. Surprised my posts showed up! I was so confused when they didn’t so I kept posting. Ah well. I just wanted to let people know what worked for me to get thru those first few days. Looking back, I do believe the kratom helped me thru the worst. I ordered 50g capsules and used it on days 2, 3 and 4. Felt crappy but no runs or RLS. I used this along with clonidine 3 X per day and some ativan or atarax for anxiety. Lots of thomas recipe stuff as well. Bananas! Oh sweet bananas! I would eat one every am and evening and the RLS only showed up one night, on 4. Smoking weed helped a little but gave me a little anxiety. Fatigue has been my biggest complaint so far. But all in all I feel 100% better! I am so proud of myself and for anyone who is going thru this! You can do it! If anyone wants to email me feel free! Thanks, peace, love and happiness to all!

381 Lindsay/Lileke { 08.27.10 at 5:56 pm }

@scared
Please do this before you start! I was a zombie thru my first year of nursing school. I wish I never got started! But I’m about to start my second year next week and I will be coherent! And motivated and actually do homework! I say that but who knows right? I hope all goes well for you!

382 David { 08.27.10 at 6:19 pm }

The kratom works. It seems to be a better substitute after you’ve been off of the vicodin for at least 7 days or so. I’m on day 15, my second time off of hydro codone. Quit in April but went back on as my pain increased and my doc thought it better that I be on them and not be devastated from my pain issue. Got tired once again about taking pills all of the time and threw them into a campfire 2 weeks ago. It was easier this time for some reason, I was on 40 miligrams a day for about 4 years. The Kratom really helps me with the addictive aspect.
Metoo and Jen out there?
My doctor appointment for pain management is on Monday, I’ll tell him what I did. No telling what he’ll say

383 David { 08.27.10 at 6:21 pm }

Lilike, hang in there, day 6 or 7 is going to be better.

384 metoo { 08.27.10 at 8:21 pm }

Hey, David, I’m still here. I’m glad you found kratom to be of help to you, it sure saved me! I’m vicodin free now, with no desire to return to that ball and chain.
I hope everyone else is well!! You can ALL do this! :) Best wishes!

385 jen { 09.01.10 at 11:45 am }

Hi David we missed you!!!!! Im good so far lol. I have had a few rough patches but I am trying. How have you been??? I have wondered how you were!!! :)

386 Pandi { 10.07.10 at 8:51 am }

So here’s my issue. I am not nor have I ever been a pill user/abuser. Actually my most addictive drug of choice is nicotine. Currently, my boyfriend is detoxing off of roxies. Im not from this world, the drug world, so this has been a complete and utter mindf*ck for me most days. He took some Xanax last night to fall asleep. What should I be expecting over the next week? Ive read every single post from you all, and its extremely insightful, but from a user to user basis. Im not a user. I love this man, and I want to help him in any way possible. Ive stocked up on juices and broths because I know he will be dehydrated. Im committed to being here with him through this every single day. Just a little panicked myself. Any information would be hugely appreciated.

387 Kitty Mom { 10.07.10 at 1:31 pm }

This is a hard one so I will tell you how I felt while detoxing – at the time it seems like an eternity – but it is actually a good week and you start feeling better. The worst part is the sleep – or lack of it, and the flu like feeling and the restless legs. I guess my husband helped me just by being there and listening to me complain about the symptoms triumphing as each day was under my belt. Be supportive but don’t take it lightly. Listen and give him space if he needs it….plenty of hot baths, drink liquids – try the THOMAS RECIPE on this site – it helps alot. Xanex is good for sleep but I did not want to get into another drug…so I only took it once.
The best of luck for him to get clean and for you to support him just by being there for him. God bless you in your struggle and I hope it works out – I will tell you that what really helps when he feels like it – get him to post on here and we will support him.
Good luck

388 metoo { 10.07.10 at 1:48 pm }

Hey, just a quick note on anyone who is looking at Kratom as a tool for withdrawal (that really worked for me), there is a good source for the capsules at kratomherbs.com. Lots of other GREAT sources for powdered Kratom at other sites..if anyone needs more info, I’m here for you!

No matter what you choose to help you along, nothing works as well as time. This too shall pass! Best wishes to all!!! :D

389 metoo { 10.07.10 at 2:00 pm }

And kratomherbs enhanced bali is AWESOME. It’s best to start out with commercial bali though. No need to bump yourself up to start. But it’s very nice, and very much (to me) like vics. Legal and safe.

390 Pandi { 10.09.10 at 12:24 pm }

Suprisingly, he has slept for 3 days straight instead of getting the insomnia. Its hard to for me to judge if he needs help or not because he just keeps saying no, no, no. Even when his head is in the toilet. I think hes a bit ashamed that I have to see him like this. Im pretty much forcing him to drink, but he absolutely does not want to eat. Day 3 is almost over though…Im extremely proud of him. Even if he has 3 day old dragon breath and needs a shower desperately….Thanks all. It was nice to have someone to talk to. Ill continue to update :) I can only watch so many movies by myself lol.

391 southern mom { 10.09.10 at 12:55 pm }

Hi Pandi, I have been where he is and the one thing that was a life saver was taking hot baths, just soaking in the tub for hours, I loved it when it was dark and quiet, I just soaked for hours, when the water gets cold, add more hot water, even hot showers are a relief.
I wish you both much luck and send prayers your way.
sm

392 Kitty Mom { 10.09.10 at 5:18 pm }

Pandi – three days – that is great – hang in there. Things will improve each day. Hot baths or showers to help – like Southern Mom says – Good luck and God Bless You for sticking by him like this – my husband was there for me and I don’t know how I would have done it withut him – even though I was a little hatefull at times – he was still there just as you are for your boyfriend.
Take Care
Kitty Mom

393 southern mom { 10.09.10 at 6:10 pm }

Pandi,
I just remembered something else that may help. When I was going through the withdraws the first 5-6 days the thought, sound, smell of food made me nauseous. I couldn’t even watch commercials about food without running to the bathroom. Becuase of this I got dehydrated so remembering from when I was having my babies, they gave me ice chips and those ice chips were like little bits of heaven, I got fluids and was able to chew on something and soothed my dry mouth and even brought my temp down. The only other “food” if you could call it that was popsickles, my favorite is banana, but they did the same thing for as ice chips except I got some flavor :-)
Still praying for you!
sm

394 Pandi { 10.10.10 at 2:40 pm }

Well, it hasnt been a good turn of events. He decided to score last night because he couldnt go through the withdrawals anymore. Its so hard for me to understand what hes going through because I have never been addicted to a substance before. I dont know what it feels like to NEED something like that. I just wish I could articulate that there is a good person standing in front of him saying to choose this path, it will make things better and the people that are in the back of your head or calling you non-stop on your phone havent been sitting over top of you making sure you were breathing for 3 days are not the correct path. Most people would love for someone to show them the right way. I guess I just need some validation that Im not crazy. He wants to check into a 30 day program. I leave for vacation in 3 days to see my family which I havent seen in almost a year. It concerns me to leave him alone by himself with his thoughts. We’ve all done things that we aren’t proud of, I am no angel. But, Im almost 30 years old and I want a family and I want to have a life with someone whom I can love completely and who I know will love me back just as much. He cant do that now, because he loves the drugs more. He says he needs them to even function on a daily basis. I asked him to choose, which probably wasnt the best thing to do, and he said he chooses me. But for how long? Until he gets dope-sick again? I told him I wasnt going to beg him to stay, because he is a grown man, and Im worth more than that..But, will he still feel that way when I drop his ass off at a detox center the minute I get back? Sorry, Im just so inside my head. I dont have anyone to talk to about this. My friends are aware there is a drug problem, but I dont think they understand to what extend and to be honest, I dont want them to know. If only he could see that hes not the only empty person in this situation. Hes not the only one whose hurting or laying awake crying, wondering how you are going to process another day. I tried my best…I hope he knows that. This is such a selfish disease.

395 southern mom { 10.10.10 at 3:07 pm }

Hi Pandi,
First I want to say that I am so sorry you are going this turmoil, it must be mind-boggling. Being an addict I know what my addiction did to people I love and to be perfectly honest I had to hit rock bottom before I woke the hell up and made the choice to live. To give the people I love the person they deserve to have in their lives not the empty, selfish piece of crap they were having to deal with daily. I let everyone down so much but I didn’t care because my need for the drugs was all-consuming. I truly felt I couldn’t live without them, I couldn’t be ME without them, well the ME the drugs made me wasn’t the person they loved. They loved the sober one, a sober wife, mom, friend, daughter, sister from a long time ago.
I can’t begin to know what your relationship is, but I do know the pain he is causing you and the sacrifice you are making to stand by him. I also know that he has to want to be sober, not just give it a try and when it gets too hard to give up. He has to know that his life is in danger if he doesn’t quit the drugs, they will kill him, yep he’ll feel good on the way, but is that what he really wants.
You asked him to choose, you or the drugs, he said he chooses you, but will he still choose you when he needs to get high, does he think that he can say one thing and do another? Can you stand by your choice, you or the drugs if he goes back to the drugs? What are you prepared to do?
OK he goes to a 30 day rehab, in a nice safe facility, then he comes out and the HARD part starts, living a day to life with all that entails, the daily grind. Can he do that? Can you watch him go through that?
I am only asking these questions so you can make the choice now that’s right for you!! You are hurting, you came here for help and you deserve to be heard and get answers, support, concern and prayers. You have taken a huge step. You have asked for help because you deserve it. No your not the addict, you have the hardest part, you love one.
I am going to pray like crazy tonight and see if I can come up with the right words to be there for you. For now I can tell you I am here and I care!
sm

396 jen { 10.12.10 at 5:53 pm }

just wanted to check in and see how everyone is doing!!

397 Steve { 10.19.10 at 7:14 pm }

First of all, I’d like to say I’m extremely moved by the kindness on here for complete strangers. It is quite inspiring.

Second, I have had a question that has been bugging me for quite some time, and to ask, requires me to tell a bit of what I’ve gone through (I apologize for the length). I first started being prescribed Hydrocodone/Acetaminophen 10/500 when I was in 11th grade for severe migraines. In 12th grade I seriously injured my knee so the doctor simply doubled the number of pills per month to 90. I was able to pace my self (even though I really wanted them) so I was never really a day or so from a refill. THEN, I started college, and my migraines doubled to the point I was going to the neurologist once a week for tests. So within the past 3 months, my physician doubled it to 180 a month. I thought surely if I dealt with never seriously abusing the old level this would never be a problem…but it was the exact opposite. I burn through ALL 180 in a week. I hadn’t EVER experienced withdrawals so bad then that first time. I cried, laid in by bed all day, and used all my vacation time at work for the week or so I detoxed. It also always seems that the aches associated from the withdrawals always hits within 8 hours of my last pill. I always thought it was supposed to be later then that.

So my main question: I have completely detoxed after 180 10s in a week a total of 3 times in the past 3 months and each time, it seriously becomes less difficult. WHY? This past time which started on Friday, and by Sunday it was a distant memory, I knew what I was in for, so I stocked up on the legal stuff: cough syrup, Immodium, bananas, antihistamine…etc for the symptoms, and my chills, muscle aches, sweating, sleeplessness seriously only lasted one day and then were COMPLETELY gone . I’m not really all too fit so I don’t think metabolism is too much of a factor. I’ve never smoked anything in my life (cigarettes or weed)) I have drank (NEVER drunk) less than 5 times and I don’t take anything beside what I’m prescribed, except for a whopping 2 Xanax my entire “drug career”. None of my family or friends know about how fast I take it. Having such a short withdrawal period actually makes it easier to start taking them again since getting off them isn’t that hard. But I’m so confused on how its even possible to have a week of withdrawals condensed into 1 day. Again I apologize for the length, I was just hoping someone could help shed some light on this for me.

Thanks,
Steve

398 Brian { 11.08.10 at 1:04 am }

I want to just ask if anyone knows if there is something else I can take to get off these pills? I have been taking them since I was 14 and now my 30th Is on the 19th of this month. I take anything from vicodin, percocet, oxycontin, morphine, duladin, ect. I have a 9 year old daughter and a boy on the way. I am done with this struggle. I dont want to get addicted to something else. But I’ve tried to quit many times and I know the hell,. The sad thing is that I quit once I was off them for 7mo. I have no idea why I went back I really don’t. I have also considered getting one more “script” and staging myself off. Advice any one. Sorry for the spelling.

399 John { 11.16.10 at 12:08 pm }

Hey yall. I was hooked on them for only about two months. For the first month i was taking about 4-5 a day but the second month I was taking 5-8. After not being perscribed them anymore and not having any for about ten hours I started withdrawling.Even tho I was feeling like absolute garbage I started to realise the last two months I wasn’t being me. My girlfriend treats me like a god and I was being rude,disrespectful,going off on her for no reason, and all that kind of stuff. So I decided im done with this shit. Im on day 3 and im starting to feel a bit better bc I called off work today and i’m just laying in bed. Since I was only on them about two months how long will it take to feel like the old me? The thought of taking them again just sounds stupid to me but will the chance of me wanting to take them again come back? The first 48 hours were hell and im about 60 hours deep right now. Am I pretty close to being home free since I was only on them about 2 months? again I was taking about 5-7 1000′s a day for about two months. I would really appreciate some advice and words of encouragment.

400 whatever { 11.18.10 at 12:08 pm }

when we choose drugs (hard drugs) those drugs will take presidance over every other thing. I lost my girlfriend in a fit of rage during a detox, in reality i would have lost her anyway. Most people will be unable to commit to their significant other for a very long time, its now been a year and i still could not function with a girlfriend. Drug use is a life long thing, but it does not have to be a life long battle. I screw up all the time, ALL the time, the difference is now, i don’t sit in a ball and self loath. I hop right back on the wagon, yea if that means my 71st time going through withdrawal, then thats what it means, but i always get back on within about a day. It didn’t start that way tho, at first i could only get a couple days clean, then it turned into weeks, then into months. For most people, drugs do not cause the addiction, addiction is a symptom of something SO MUCH DEEPER and more profound. Look at the reason’s you are using, now that i know the reasons that i use, the craving’s are about 1/10th as intense as they used to be, even the day right after use. I can keep hopping back on the success wagon and keep trying hard because i know what i am battling. Do you know what you are battling? is it anxiety, fear of failure? (in my case, undiagnosed aspergers, that i lived with, and managed and learned to get around all by myself for 16 years. All the mean while being punished and reprimanded, told i was stupid and all sorts of shit about things i could not control. Use what works for you, yes if that means transfering your opiate addiction to marajuana and then trying for a few years to get off of weed, then do it. HAHAA, you cannot believe everything everyone tells you, sometimes the man with the most credentials is the worst teacher, and the teacher who never taught can connect better. No cookie cutter answer, find what works for you and never give up. Even if you die accomplishing nothing, if you can say you tried your hardest throughout your life, then you earn a place amongst the best.

401 whatever { 11.18.10 at 12:11 pm }

oh and john, perseverance man, if u keep trying you will eventually succeed. Don’t worry about whether this time is your last, or if you will be clean your whole life after this. Take it one day at a time, and find the real daemons you are battling. YOU WILL SUCCEED SO LONG AS YOU KEEP TRYING.

402 John { 11.20.10 at 2:42 pm }

Its finally been almost a week and I feel 100 percent right now. This is the happiest ive been in a while. I’ll just stick to smoking pot. Fuck the pills. I can smoke weed once a day and continue to do well in college and go to work. Pills are wack compared to weed. You can smoke weed everyday and quit and be perfectly fine. You take pills everyday and try to quit, you feel like death. Never again will I take vics. I don’t care what the condtion is, i’ll just deal with the pain instead of going down that road again. I don’t know why everyone says that its so hard to quit. As long as you care more about who your doing it for rather than the pills you’ll be fine. Any strong minded person can quit taking them without having a relapse.

403 Rachel { 11.29.10 at 6:58 am }

Hello, I am new to these kind of forums, but I wanted to take the time to share my story.. I am a 30 female with 2 beauitful children that are my life, but a year ago I had mouth surgery and the doc gave me lortabs and I was taken them as needed, but it snuck up on me as being an opite addict.. I am scared and just want off of these devil pills… I have started trying to wean myself down, yesterday I took my last one at 1130am and went all day without one and all night last night, the feeling I had wad unbearable I tossed and turned all night with hot and cold sweats could not get comfy and just praying the feeling would go away, I woke up got a hot shower and I only took two this am, and will not take anymore till late this evening I know I am still taking 2-5 a day, but I was up to 10-15 a day?! Please help me on what I can do to get over this stump in my life:( I feel as if I am losing it and just scared of the detox I want to do it on my own vs getting subx cause I heard all that is worse to get off:( thanks for the support and I had to swallow my pride and write this cause I truly need help:( thanks and any advice will help me!!!

404 jaybay { 11.30.10 at 4:14 pm }

Hey rachel, as with you I am new to this site and such I am on day three clean . I was up to around 120 plus mg of oc a day. I tried time and time again to quit only made it to day three once I think. But I feel a better already I have been using the sauna and steamroom along w lots of hot showers to sweat out as much as possible this will help w the coldsweats tremendously. I hope I don’t fuck It up this time I want to quit as does everyone but sometimes take the easy way out. Withdrawal sadly sucks for everyone but u have to go through it if your gonna change ur life around. You have to convince urself ui want it bad and tell urself u can do it. All of everyones posts have helped me greatly also.

I’ve been praying for you now someone pray for me

405 jaybay { 11.30.10 at 4:16 pm }

I am only 20 and have abused them on and off for over a year getting into daily use the past 8 months

406 jaybay { 12.01.10 at 9:18 pm }

Day five in a few minutes idk if this site is still rollin seems to have died a bit. Your “guide” was really helpful and seems like just “my story” now because its so relative. Sleeping and eating stiLl kinda are hard but herbs for both have helped a liitle. Finding this really helped my mentality part extremely along w all million posts I read they helped so much too. BISMUTH helped so much w the stomach nd such today, dumb for not thinking of it sooner. I’ve decided to visit family 500 miles away on friday just to relieve any temptations here from “friends” . I feel so relieved to be past the worst.

407 Jack { 12.07.10 at 7:02 pm }

To all of you hyping you hyping Kratom, you are fooling yourselves — it’s an opiate, just a hair weaker than other opiates — it has a withdrawal syndrome similar to, or slightly worse than, vicodin. I say worse b/c it has quite a few more alkaloids that your body is getting hooked on. Don’t believe me? Do your own research. Can it be used as a tool to get off stronger opiates? Sure, just like suboxone can be used for the really bad habits. FYI, I’ve used and been addicted to Kratom, Suboxone, Heroine, Vicodin, etc, etc… of all the opiates I’ve kicked, Vicodin was the easiest and Sub was the hardest (due to the duration).

G’luck to you all — please, please, please be careful w/the Kratom –there’s some bad information being spread here.

408 about toquit { 12.15.10 at 10:55 pm }

I have a few questions for u, please respond asap

409 Dustin { 12.19.10 at 1:11 am }

Jack is absolutely correct about the kratom. Like him, I know from a very difficult personal experience.

At the moment I am on day 5 or 6 of withdrawal from subs. I just turned twenty two weeks ago and this is the second time in my life I’ve gone through what I would call (relatively speaking for me of course) severe withdrawal (both times from subs). This time though I am completely alone. I just finished my semester at college and have not yet gone home. Thus this time it has a unique character in that the only dialogue I have is with myself. Its actually really difficult to have only negative thoughts circling around your mind all day, in addition to being physically ill. Thus I’ve come to the internet to simply talk about it. I’m glad places like this exist.

One useful tip – I’ve used phenibut twice during this ordeal, mostly to help me sleep. Check it out on wikipedia, it seriously helps. It is physically addictive so be careful, especially if you have had issues with benzos in the past. While it isn’t a benzo, it is somewhat related. If someone decides to try this to help with wd, just don’t ever use it on back to back days.

410 jen { 01.06.11 at 7:55 am }

Dustin sounds like your are doing pretty good. I can tell you after years of on and off abusing the best thing dont ever think you can take one again. I thought when I was sober a month or two than I could take just one.. It never is just one. Praying for everyone on here :)

411 Metoo { 01.06.11 at 12:01 pm }

Hey, Jack and Dustin…
I respect your thoughts on kratom, but I know for myself and several others here, it DID HELP, and it is far less difficult to get off of than vics…I’m just saying that for me, I would use the kratom to step off the vic and opiates. Withdrawing from kratom is a walk in the park compared to coming off opiates. Each individuals chemistry is different though, so maybe that’s why it was so difficult for you?
I also would not steer anyone toward phenibut~~and I have tried that also. For me, it fogged me over for the day, and kicked my butt the day after. It was far more harm than good. Again, just my opinion of it.
All in all, I BELIEVE kratom to be the lesser of the evils. And I have seen it help others. Nothing more, nothing less.

412 McNeil { 01.07.11 at 6:24 am }

I have been reading this board for several months. Gather the information and deciding for myself what to take or not to take from all of you. I am speaking from my own experience and I have to go with Jack & Dustin with this. Kratom is VERY good in helping with the withdrawls from any opiate…but do your research! We are all users of something to get that “high” and I do believe it’s one exchange for the other. There are many sights out there in regards to Kratom and it’s use. Has anyone really truly went without to really know if there are withdraws? I do think it’s a personal choice and it is meant to be used to help with the withdraws… I do feel however once you get that buzz from kratom…you won’t want to quit…now you are in the grasp of kratom…my thoughts. my opinion. my experience.

413 jen { 01.12.11 at 3:39 pm }

I have w/d with nothing many times. The best thing is the thomas recipe for me.

414 Alice { 01.19.11 at 10:41 pm }

hey guys. I am currently starting day six. i was taking ten oxy 30′s on a bad day and 25-30 oxy 30′s on a good day. I stopped cold turkey. its the third time i self detoxed but never from using so much. it’s really wierd because this has been the best detox, relatively, i have experienced. It might be because of everyone’s posts like metoo, jen, pisenber, seattlegonz, mcneil, jaybay, jack, etc. I found this sight on day three and it has been a godsend. i knwo that if i could go from taking 750 mgs of oxys a day, that all of you can do it. i found that hot baths help alot, i have been taking immodium, tylenol, melatonin, vitamins C and B complex, and potassium for the first time tonight. i hope the potassium works as well as people have said for the restlessness. I saw metoo mentioned something about Kratom, does that really work and how. i tried doing research but could not determine whether or not i could eventually get addicted to the kratom itself. i learned that whatever the body and mind loves, the brain learns to crave, so i do not want to replace the oxys for kratom, even if it is legal. Anyway, i am 21 years old, in school on a full ride and could not afford to do a full rehab detox so i have to do this here at school and while taking classes and studying my ass of to graduate in may. Jen, i have been following ur posts alot too since you are in college too.
Could you give me some advice please? Could you guys please comment and let me know what i can do to minimize the pain, please?

415 MessyMe { 01.19.11 at 11:07 pm }

I am 24 to 48 hours away from a cold turkey detox. I will stay in bed surrounded by clonazepam and flexural, a bucket, and my iPhone, complete with downloaded meditations, a bookmark to this forum and what’s left of my soul. In the depths of my anguish, I will surrender to the process and remind myself that the physical and mental anguish is the price I must pay for long term health and well being. I will try to forgive myself and I will pray. Pray for the strength, courage and endurance to see this through, and pray that my soul will come back to myself during the process. I swear I felt it slip outside of me in the midst of all the destruction and it has been standing behind me I stead of living I side if me for years. I will check in here regularly throughout the detox process. I have a feeling that I will gain strength at my worst moments by reading everyones words. And I hope that I can do some good for someone else one day with my own words.

416 Alice { 01.20.11 at 5:51 am }

just read the post on kratom, sorry guys. good to see u r still here jen

417 Lori { 01.21.11 at 7:35 am }

Hi Alice and Messy Me,

Congratulations on your desire to get off the opiates!! Your posts just showed up on my computer and that is why I did not answer before now. I personally am on day 19 and today is the best I have felt in like forever. I was on vicodin 10′s for 9 years and they stopped doing anything ( I would take 8-10 at a time) i found oxys and would take 3-5 30′s twice a day. I had tried detoxing 10 times before and always caved on the fourth or fith day as I just couldn’t stand the withdrawls and my mind wouldn’t stop thinking about how “good” the pills made me felt. GUESS WHAT? IT GETS BETTER!!!! Thanks to this site, reading about fellow opiate users struggles and accomplishments so helped me into convincing myself I can do it. So far, I am making it.

My suggestion is to follow the Thomas recipie on this site somewhere. Of course I had the vomiting, diarrhea, restless legs, and huge anxiety for about 6 days but it started getting better. The anxiety is still there but nowhere near where it was in the beginning. I am learning all over again what it is to be normal again. Yes, I still have thoughts of the pills but as of now have no desire to use. Those pills have ruined my life and my bank account and I am learning to be happy again. The L Tyrosine really helps for energy and it was recommended to me to take two every three to four hours and that has been of huge help. Sleep is still a small problem but for the last 5 days with the help of a benadryl I have been getting about 6 hours of sleep a night.
EVERY DAY WILL GET BETTER I PROMISE I AM LIVING PROOF.

Please give yourself a chance, yes, it is a struggle, but keep coming back here for support. If it weren’t for these folks I couldn’t have done this. They are the best people here!

To all, have a great weekend. Kitty Mom, you are loved more than you know. Good luck and prayers and best wishes to all of you.

Lori

418 so scared { 01.29.11 at 7:05 am }

day3 for me

419 alice { 01.31.11 at 10:48 pm }

hi guys its day 18 and i still cannot sleep. i would do the thomas recipe but i really dont want to take any valiums or xanax. i hope that everyone is doing ok and please if anyone has any recommendations on how to get better sleep could you let me know? thanks

420 onaplain84 { 02.02.11 at 6:33 pm }

Lots of good info here… I am at the END of day 3 and must say im already feeling better.. First 2 nights have been hell and I slept in 30 min intervals and had horrible anxiety while awake.. I am looking forward to maybe gettin a bit more steady sleep tonite as im gonna take some nyquil..

I must say I agree whole-heartedly with you admin on many things you said, I myself am a nature freak and there is no high like seeing the sunrise upon the ocean.. Also good points on self-encouragement and the fact that you are setting yourself free, free of the dealers, free of the life and most importantly free of the drug. Ive gotten to day 3 many times before tho and while im pretty young(mid20s) ive been through this so many times before basically to the point where I am begging God to help me..
I think I have set myself up with a good shot to succeed and im about to have my college degree and hopefully life will be good..

I look forward to tommorow(day4!), and I havent said that in a while…

421 onaplain84 { 02.03.11 at 7:41 pm }

Ok so im nearing end of day 4 and feel my head clearing up and im begining to be able to focus much easier. Still night 3 sucked I only slept a total of maybe 5 hours and that in hour intervals. Day 4 has been rather rough but after coming home and taking a nice hot shower and working out a bit I feel much better…
Day 5 manana.. Will keep you guys informed…

422 jen { 02.28.11 at 5:35 pm }

Hey Alice sorry I just read your message. I hated the sleepless night I swear that is the worst thing ever. I have to take tylenol pm to sleep or I toss and turn. I am glad you are getting sober and sounds like your on the right track. I can say its a long struggle but worth it in the end. If you need anything let me know I will check in more frequent. You always have us to lean on:) and everyone else on here.

423 David { 03.05.11 at 8:59 am }

Hey, I’m back,
Doing this for the 2nd time, on day 2. Went back on my vicaprofen because of pain, problem is, it hardly kills the pain. Decided to go off cold turkey and flush my pills again because I don’t want to be dependant on pills. I was on 7 750/200 vicaprofen for 5 years.
Bad headache today, and exhausted this morning. I have no drive, no interest in anything right now. I know it will get better, I just have a hard time imagining how? Taking ibuprofen which helps control my pain. Last time I was on here was in April and I really appreciated all of the encouragement from my friends here. The longest I went in April was 10 days. I used Kratom last time for about 5 days and it really seemed to help and didn’t seem addictive, will get some today to help me over this depression.
It is a dark, rainy morning here in the northwest, the kind of morning that I used to love.
Jen, Metoo and any others still out there? Talk to me if you are still around.

424 Metoo { 03.06.11 at 5:21 am }

We (at least I ) are (am) still here for you, David!! I am glad you’re going to slay this dragon one more time. Let’s make it the FINAL time, ok, David? You are too good of a man to be dependent on anything other than another human being and on God.
I am glad you tried the kratom. For me it made the wd’s ZERO. Lean on whatever you can to get yourself through! I will be going to Mass in a couple hours, and will offer up my Mass for you today, David. For your struggles and for your peace of mind through all of this. It can be done, and I am behind you all the way, my friend!!!
Just a side note~most of us hang out on the ‘about’ thread…maybe you could swing over there?!
Blessings to all!!!

425 narsk8er { 03.07.11 at 7:39 pm }

I have read almost all of the posts on this site, and it is so interesting hearing everyone’s story. Makes me feel a little less alone. I’m planning on kicking a Norco/Percocet addiction that I have had for about 3 years now. I plan on using the Thomas Recipe, as others seem to have had some success with it. The question I have been unable to find an answer to is how much vitamin B6 should I take. Metoo, I read a post where your referenced the Thomas Recipe, and was hoping you could perhaps enlighten me. Or, anyone else that has used this method before. The reason I ask is because the amount if L-Tyrosine that is recommended by the Thomas Recipe is far beyond what the recommended dose on the actual bottle is. So, should a take large amount of B6, or stick with what what the bottle recommends? (100 mg) I would greatly appreciate any insight into this matter.

Thank You!

426 david { 03.08.11 at 7:28 am }

Day 5, ok not great, but better than last time. Tired and depressed….

427 Kitty Mom { 03.08.11 at 9:18 am }

Hi David – it should keep getting better – I think day four was my worst – hang in their bud!
Kitty

428 david { 03.09.11 at 7:22 am }

Hello Kitty Mom, much better today, this is easier that when I did it a year ago, i think because I knew what to expect. Thanks for your encouragement.

429 david { 03.09.11 at 5:27 pm }

I am doing much better, don’t think about taking a pill every 4 hours anymore. It is amazing how God has made our bodies. He has given us the strength to do all things, we just don’t want to do it. We are stubborn and hardheaded and don’t want to think about feeling uncomfortable or sick for a few days. I am hoping that eventually I regain my gusto and motivation. Will it ever happen, or have I lost the motivation of my youth? Could any of you out there let me know? I have forgotten how I used to feel 5 years ago before the pills. Have found that aspirin and ibuprofen are working about as well as the vicaprofen. I seemed to have built up a tolerance to the prescrip pain meds, of late they didn’t work any where like they used to at the beginning. Shame on doctors who don’t warn their patients about the horrible withdrawls they will feel when quitting the meds. I had no idea at the time, and would not have gone down this road for pain relief.
Thanks everyone for listening.
..

430 katie { 03.25.11 at 12:00 pm }

I am a n00b here. I have been on and off opiates for a good 9 years. At first it was all legit. Then it was that I felt pain when I was off (didn’t realize this was withdrawal). For many years, I was just happy when I got them but fine without them. Then I started wanting them more and more to deal with a cheating spouse, divorce, and more/worse. About 6 months ago I found out how to get a constant supply of them and that was the beginning of the end. It has been expensive and I have to be on them. So I finally decided to take a week off and do the Thomas Recipe. Gotta say, I pretty much followed it and was fine without any opiates from Sunday AM through Wednesday — I mean I was able to go out and do a ton of stuff! It was weird. Little pain, mild RLS one night, etc. So I’d secured one last order, unfortunately, which arrived at that point. And for a half-asses reason, I took some again, which pissed me off since I felt like I’d made it through the roughest part of detox so easily! Now I’ve gone through all but 5 of that pack of 40 in just the last 2 days, and I am hoping I haven’t totally reset my body back to high addict point. I guess I at least feel hopeful that since it was sort of easy for me this past week to get over it, then I can just take the next 2.5 days before I have to go back to work and re-get off it.

Note: the parts of the THomas recipe I followed were:
- took 2-3 potassium at night and 2 cal-mag-zinc at night
- took klonopin (2 mg) at night plus 1 benadryl for sleep (I also take trazodone and cymbalta at night anyway)
- upon waking, took 2 multi amino acid pills (I take an SSRI, plus had heard bad things about too much tyrosine, so opted for a general one, also because I’d heard that other amino acids would help too)
- Also in AM I took: 2 very complete adult women multi vitamins, fish oil (always do), BP med, BCP, and thyroid med (always take those), sometimes more potassium and/or calmagzinc.
- Took B vitamins but barfed them back up once, so didn’t take more — just took what was in the multi and then also drank a lot of the vitamin water that contains B.

I cannot have any of this crap on me and NOT take it, so I am going to down the last 4 or 5 split between 2 DR appts I have to go to today, and then go back to doing all the Thomas stuff.

I just worry that the reason it was so easy THIS time, as opposed to times I’d plain run out, is that I was off work (I teach little kids, so it’s exhausting), and I could just crawl into bed or bath whenever (though I really did not need either as much as I thought). I have at least a Friday afternoon and two weekend days to get through this before I hit work again.

So, just sharing my rather positive story and also asking for good vibes or more advice.

431 theresa w. { 03.28.11 at 8:48 am }

I am on my 5th day cold turkey off methadone and morphine. Was taking off my normal 30 mg oxy codone and 20 mg oxycontin 3x’s a day and klonopin 2 mg a day by new dr. i begged him not to changed my meds and my day 4 i had a huge pyschotic break. i was hearing voices, hallucinating, crying all the time and out of time with reality. my family wanted me admitted but the called this new dr up and really went up him saying he had no right to detox me when i have a serious injury and have been on klonopin since before injury due to anxiety disorder in 2003, he agreed to taper me off all the drugs at a very fast pace. 3 weeks time for methadone. morphine and klonopin. i started the thomas method and left the opiates right out of the equation. I am stuttering less and the music and voices in my head are starting to get better, but i dont feel right. its like i am walking thru mud and sometimes warm or cold breezes in my head and sparks like a rubber band hitting my head. i constantly am asking if others are hearing what i am hearing. he is the worst dr i have ever been too. i dont want to go back on the opiates, but the pain and surgery is scheduled and i am afraid of the pain and getting off again. why would a doctor who has never seen a film,mri,report, ect do that? i am thinking of calling a malpractice lawyer cuz i am unable to work as a registered nurse because i am unsafe for any patient i would have. any advice is greatly appreciated.

432 Lbelle { 03.29.11 at 7:15 pm }

Hi, I wish i had found this site sooner (I’m an AA recovery-no drink since 1993)Been using them regularly after a series of major surgeries – breast cancer & reconstruction, then a cartilege replacement in my knee within a year. Then my neck started in with squeezing nerves sending electricity into my fingers. (Taken many series of steroids w/ some success) so I continued to work through the pain (while using Vic) and tore my rotator cuff. At that point, I pretty much said “Forget it” and resigned my life to being a person who would take pain meds for the rest of their life. I gave up. Kept the dosages low and in tight control for the past 10 years I guess, because I know enough that I don’t want to be taking handfuls to get by.

Two weeks ago the most I was taking 6 Vic 7.5 a day then tapered down to 1 or 2 a day for a week. Had an awakening and decided I will no longer be a slave to the Vicodin or to my pain. In my case, only mine, I’m starting to believe my perceived pain is greatly exaggerated so I can justify the pain meds. I have serious fear about pain. And my reptilian brain knows just how to fix that.

This evening has been the worst…. nausea, acid reflux, allergies running like crazy and a hatchet headache. I did take 1 pink xanax and an ambien. Last night’s sleep was lacking. Anyway……I’m glad this is here.

Sounds like I need potassium and some B6….. any other suggestions will be appreciated.

Lbelle

433 Jeff E { 04.10.11 at 9:30 am }

Does anyone know what foods I should be eating during my withdrawal from heroin? I’m planning to spend my week kicking the habit and I need some advise.

434 David { 04.17.11 at 8:30 pm }

Hey man great info your giving on the site, for over 2 years straight I’ve been addicted to the opiate drugs(perc/roxys/oxycotton) when I got insurance I saw a phyc and got seboxone 8mg supposed to be taking 1 twice a day, but I’m down to taking one every other day, what should I do from here cause my goal is to be a navy seal, I’m in great shape and know I can do it, I just hope they don’t check my doctors record, do you know if they can find out my past if I’m 100% clean by the time I enlist?

435 chris { 04.21.11 at 6:36 pm }

can somone plz help me to detox from tramadol? been on them for 5 years. im so ready to get off of them. i take 25 daily and it is doing damage to me and my relationships. is there a root or herb or anything that help wd symptoms. not rich so i cant go to celeb rehab. PLEASE,IM BEGGING

436 josh { 04.29.11 at 7:16 am }

I just wanted to get some advice. I’ve been using heroin for about 6 years in large amounts. My using amounts basicly depend on how much money I have. I’ve tapers way down lately using only like 10 bags a day. I’ve been to detox so many times and always relapse. I haven’t opened a bag in about 48 hours. I keep doing my cottons over and over just because i feal like such ass. I don’t know if its doing anything but I keep doing it. I wanna take a sub but everytime I get close to going the 24hrs to b able to take a sub I do a bunch of old cottons. Even though I doubt there’s anything in them I don’t wanna take the sub cuz im scared of precipitated withdrawls. Those are so bad I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. So any tip for getting through that first 24 would b great. Oh ya I can’t get a hold of any xnanx cuz I would that works wonders.

437 S74 { 05.02.11 at 1:05 pm }

The depression and withdrawls are horrible. I’m sitting in the bathroom, crying as I write this. I’ve been taking vicodin since 2008. I am ashamed and embarrassed to admit that I have taken up to 30 per day. I have no idea how much money I’ve spent. I feel like I can’t function without it. I’m supposed to get 60 more tonite or tomorrow, but I know that’s the worst thing I can possibly do. I will be 48 hrs clean at 8pm. I can’t tell my family. I have no where to run to. Surprised I even made it to work today… but now I’m hiding in the bathroom. I just want the pain, craving and depression to go away and the only way I know how to do that is by taking more. I’m 37 years old with 4 beautiful children. What a horrible mother I am! My mother has been addicted since she was about 30. She uses a fentanyl patch and percocet. Always swore I wouldnt be like my mom! And here I am….

438 S74 { 05.02.11 at 8:59 pm }

Well I made it past the 48 hr hump. Not sure how. Did not buy the other 60. Super depressed. Taking my klonopin, ibuprofen and robaxin. Finally was able to way a banana cuz I couldn’t eat all day. Came home from work and slept til just a few min ago. Gonna take a warm shower. My family (hubby and kids) have no idea what’s wrong with me. Too ashamed to tell them where my money has gone since my doctor’s rx doesn’t last. Had bilateral bunionectomies in 2008. Supposed to have them again in Nov. Don’t think I can if it’s gonna require more pain meds.

439 Pinkerton { 05.03.11 at 2:33 am }

Hi everyone, I see some new names on here and thought I’d let you know that alot of the veterans who helped me actually hang out on the “about” page so if you can go there and post they may be able to help you.

Josh & Jeff, I don’t know anything abuot herion but others might so try the other page. Same with you Chris, I’m not sure what tramadol is so try on the about page.

S74, you should be proud of yourself. You have made it this far don’t turn back because the worst is almost over. Give it a couple more days and you well start to come back to life. I am on day 6 of detoxing from a relapse. I detoxed for the first time a little over a month ago and got to three weeks, started feeling better and used for two weeks. The detox wasn’t bad but the depression is there now. Don’t got back to the pills because recovering from the relapse is harder emotionally. Not getting the 60 pills is HUGE and congratulations ..you are doing GREAT!! Stick with it no matter what because you can!

I will be praying for all of you, good luck on your journey! Pinkerton

440 Kitty Mom { 05.03.11 at 4:43 am }

Pink – first of all it warms my heart to see you struggling with detox and giving advice to others in need. You have such a giving heart. It is hard to think of others ad you suffer yourself and for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

S74 – Pink is right – click on to the about page – mostly we all hang out over there and will see your posts – sometimes they slip by us on the other pages. That is HUGE that you did not get the refill – HUGE HUGE HUGE. Yes, the withdrawals suck and it seems like time stands still and you will never get through it – but guess what – you will get through it and come out better on the other side. Prayers are with you during these struggles – Keep checking in and we will be with you.
Love
Kitty

PS – I know nothing about Heroin addiction and Tramadol – But I am asuming that Heroin being an opiod would be similar to Vic but worse – can someone help these folks – please?

441 S74 { 05.03.11 at 5:49 am }

I’m in tears… again! It will be 60 hours at 8am. I feel a. It better this morning, but the craving is there… and it’s HUGE! I know I’ve gotta do this and this is the furthest I’ve ever made it. Thank God I’ve been taking seroquel for the last 6 months and that helps me sleep.worked about how I’m gonna last another 8 hrs at work today. But I have no choice. Need to find my inner strength. Thank u so much for the prayers. I am going to find the about page, cuz I think the support of others like u all will def help. Again, Thank u so much! Steff

442 S74 { 05.03.11 at 5:58 am }

I can’t find the about page. :(

443 Metoo { 05.03.11 at 7:16 am }

Try this link…
http://www.vicodinwithdrawal.org/about/comment-page-31/#comment-13125

Also…I hate being a promoter, but kratom helps with all the things you all are going through. Kratom can help with withdrawal from addictions…and I will pray for all of you going through this! Been there too…

444 Pinkerton { 05.03.11 at 7:44 am }

S74, The about page is located at the top of the website on the left, under “pages”, or on the right under “recent comments” the most recent posters’ names will show up and alot of them are from the “about” page. So if you post something, you should see your name there and then you can also see when some posts after you. Let me know if you still have any trouble. Hang in there!

@Kitty, coming from you I feel very honored that you see me that way…you are always there cheering on everyone else…you are such a giving person ALL DAY, EVERY DAY!! I love ya! Yes, I just said that to someone that I could bump into on the street and never know it! I have come to love all of you and feel like I have my morning coffee with you just like I would a friend.

445 Pinkerton { 05.03.11 at 7:48 am }

Hey Metoo! Just saw your post. Yes, yes, yes, Kratom does help. I can attest to it. I have been using it for 3 days and it takes all urges away. It isn’t even hard to get down when I mix it with a little applesauce. The hard part for me is timing when I eat and when I can take another dose.

Hope you are having a good day Metoo!

446 S74 { 05.03.11 at 8:20 am }

I got to the about page once and was able to comment, but can’t get back to it now. Where can I get Kratom?

447 Debbie { 05.07.11 at 12:06 pm }

My daughter is now into the second day of opiate withdrawals. It is pure hell. She is crying, talking about wanting to die, having diareaha and is just out of her mind. I am trying to help her, but she just yells at me. I am at my wits end. I can’t imagine what she is going through. She was taking at least 15 to 20 vicodin a day, plus xanax, plus oxy. How she hasn’t died, I don’t know. Does anyone have any advice I can give her or to help her through this. We are giving her Motrin and Seroquel to help her sleep, but it just isn’t working. Plus, she has no medical insurance, so I don’t think the hospital will help her. Any suggestions. Thank you and God Bless.

448 Pinkerton { 05.12.11 at 4:00 am }

Hi Debbie, good idea to reach out on this site…the folks here are very supportive and will be able to help. Did you get the ingredients for the withdrawls? REad that and that should help…esp. the hot baths. She should be feeling better in about 7 days and the worst will pass by day 3 or 4.

Go over to the “about” page so all the veterans can help you.

Good luck! Pinkerton

449 Metoo { 05.12.11 at 6:08 am }

Debbie…I didn’t see your post!! I am sorry!! A few days have passed, and I am wondering how your daughter is doing now!! Please post and let us know….it’s late, but I am praying for you!

450 Johnny { 05.13.11 at 3:33 pm }

I have stopped using methodone on 2-21-11.
I recently had a root canal and have quite a few issues with it. I have been taking 2 10mg hydrcodone for about 3 weeks. I have weaned down some and plan on taking 5mg for the next 4 days at which time I will be out. My question is should or do you think I will have issues with withdrawal? I was on methadone for 6 years and stopping was tough but I did it without any other medication just Gods help and the blessing of my wife.

451 jen { 05.14.11 at 7:23 pm }

hey David Im still around how is everyone?

452 UknowWhenUknow { 05.15.11 at 5:19 am }

I’ve been reading this forum for many years now and tried to get clean as much as any of you. My heart goes out to all who have tried, succeeded, failed, and tried again. I’ve been a iv heroin user for 8 years and the last year on a methadone program 80mg, on top of that. I got myself down to about 30 mgs a day of the meth, but was still shooting everyday. FInally 6 days ago, I went cold turkey for the first time! No meth , no suboxon, no benzos to calm my anxiety and no sleep aids or immodium. Its six days later and I have no pain, but still have problems holding food down. I am still vomiting every so often from my sinuses constantly draining into my throat, and last night was the first night i fell asleep at like 2:30am. Only awaking briefly 2 or 3 times until 7:30. My dreams were vivid and super fast moving. I guess thats because my brain is desperately trying to rewire itself. The funny part about the whole thing is that this time I felt absolutely no pain after day 3 and although my pulse is still high my bp is normal and my mind seems completely clear. I am outside my own obsessive head for the first time in a decade. Last night I even went to a meeting. Forcing myself to snack on little things and taking vitamins with lots of h2o is doing wonders. By no means was this easy going cold turkey was the hardest thing ever. But I cannot live my life in a opiate haze any more and I decided that if I was truly going to commit this time I would do it without any props. I am determined to bring my body back to homeostasis on it own, and I am surprised how quickly it is responding. Never have i felt so good by this point, its practically unheard of. But here I am writing about it. I know I have a very long road ahead, but the road behind me is completely destroyed, so where else can I go? UknowWhenUknow!

453 UknowWhenUknow { 05.16.11 at 5:31 am }

day 7. slept well last night, been to two meetings in two days, but today I have such low energy

454 Need some inspiration PLEASE { 05.16.11 at 7:16 pm }

Never posted anything here b4. Could use some inspiration. Advice whatever u wanna call it. Tomorrow at 11 am will be day 4.my background is anywhere from 10 , 15, or 20 750s or 10′ s of vics. Prob 6 ys without one day without. First day I went all day till I got home then took 5. What the he’ll I thought, I made itball day let’s reward myself right? Day 2 I went all day again then took 2 750s. Day three I broke down at work and took a 500mg vic or hydrocodone whatever u wanna call it.. The panic attack was seriously getting me. Then I got home and took 3 750s. Next day I made it with only 1 750 vic and now it’s been almost 4 days. Come on 11am tomorrow!! That will be my 4 days straight. Am I through the worst of it? I find myself wanting to take one or two cuz heck I made it this long what’s one or two. I could really use someone to talk me down. I am tiny. 110 lbs and barely 5 ft tall. 20. 750 vics a day sounds like a suicide mission which isn’t the case at all. My tolerance over years just grew soooo much I needed that many. When am I gonna get some energy back and will I ever be normal again? Used to be a drinker big time in my late 20s. Couldn’t drink anymore which I believe due to my vic habit I would get sick sick sick. So sat night I did just that… Not that I wanna trade vics to go back to frinking but my rationaqlization was that ifi was hung over I wouldn’t wanna take a Vic and would be concentrating more on the hangover instead of my Vic withdrawal…. Anyone out there I would luv some advice! These stories have helped to inspire me. Someone talk me down. Please! Tell me if I take one I am starting over. I think it must be the addict in me trying to justify that at least 2 is better than 22. Is it ok to take one tomorrow to get through work or ami gonna go through all the diarrhea etc crap all over again off just one to help me through this work week? I called in today but HAVE to work tomorrow and my jobs pretty important and medically involved so I cannnnnnnooooootttttt tell work what’s up ya know. I will take any advice…..thanks….

455 UknowWhenUknow { 05.17.11 at 3:48 am }

day 8, another fragmented but not so bad sleep, lots of sweats, but that might be from the sleepy time tea and valerian root. My head seems to be a bit foggy this morning, but oh well….

456 Pinkerton { 05.17.11 at 3:58 am }

@ UknowWhenUknow, Great job!! You are an inspiration to us all….thank you for your posts because I have no experience with heroin and meth and there have been several people post that need advice in this area. I like your comment about bringing your body back to homeostasis on it’s own….makes me want to bring my body back to that state too.

Have a good day, Pinkerton

457 Metoo { 05.17.11 at 5:32 am }

UKnow, I COMMEND YOU!!!! You are doing GREAT!!!! Please know that we are all pulling for you!!!!!!!!!! I am so inspired by your story, and am thinking how huge this is for you. Keep going, and don’t look back, my friend!!! Just IMAGINE—-when you actually kick this bastard, really, really kick it—is there ANYTHING YOU CAN’T DO????? After you are through with this, the sky is the limit!!!!!! Set your sights on the FUTURE. It’s there for you!!!! Keep going, and PLEASE KEEP POSTING!!!!!! There are lots of us on the ‘about’ page who would love to support you in this. I am enthused by your spirit and inspired by your struggle.

458 Need some inspiration PLEASE { 05.17.11 at 4:53 pm }

Tomorrow will be day 5 for me . No vics at all! I broke down and went to doc today. He put me on prozac…. I always thought it took time to get in your system. He said that’s bull it takes 2 wks to be in full affect but immediately starts working… He says it should help me with energy…. Just hope I can getthrough next weekend and make it to work next week. Work thinks I have flu and he gave me a doc excuse so that was really cool of him. I posted for first time last night cuz I was terribly panicky and it looks like it finally posted. Whew! These blogs have been helping. Can anyone tell me how long my legs are gonna ache like this? 6 hrs of 15 -20 yellow tens or 750 vics. I imagine a while roam I through the worst of it.

459 Pinkerton { 05.18.11 at 2:19 am }

Welcome Need some inspiration PLEASE,

From my experience you should be past the worst of it by day 5, day 4 was always my worst day. Sleep didn’t return for several days after that due to RLS…are you taking the potassium supplements? They help. Also, try to get some exercise if you can because that helps with relaxation; I always found sleep to come easier if I did some exercise and tried to avoid napping, which is hard due to lack of sleep. Don’t get me wrong, I would nap because sometimes I would sit down and just fall asleep in the chair. For the achy legs I would also take hot baths or showers and that helped out alot. This weekend you should start feeling alot better and by next work week you should feel almost back to normal. Try to find something to occupy yourself that you enjoy and pamper yourself a little, for ex. I ate whatever I wanted when I got my appetite back. I wouldn’t worry about next work week though, really.

You are almost out of the woods, hang in there and great job!! Once you start feeling better beware of your mind playing tricks on you as it will lead you to believe that you are feeling better and one little pill won’t hurt…I’ve had this happen twice and regret it tremendously and I have read others post the same thing. I’m in the process of figuring out a strategy to get past the first month….that’s my challenge. You will need to start thinking about it too as it is as real as W/D. The last thing you want to do is to give into temptation, trust me on that.

Good luck and keep up the great work!
Pinkerton

460 Need some inspiration PLEASE { 05.18.11 at 4:20 am }

Pinkerton
Thank u thank u thank u soooo sooo much for responding. Just having someone who knows what I am going through sure as hell helps me out. I am taking potassium (sorta following Thomas recipe); but then yesterday doc said no more potassium……I was so upset I don’t know if I even asked him why. He also told me no more zannies for sleep aid or anxiety. I think that was probably due to the fact that I have an addictive personality in first place. I guess u could say if I were male that I go balls to the wall. I am still gonna use the Xanax only if needed. It’s not something that I will get addicted to (at least I don’t think so). Vics didn’t slow me down they amped me up and gave me energy and Xanax has opposite affect on me so I just don’t see that happening and like I said I imagine that’s why the doc said no zannies. By the way I guess I should re-read what I type. Lol some of it made no sense. Darn spell check on I pad is annoying sometimes! What I meant to say was o was taking 15-20 yellow tens a day for 6 “years” not hours. Don’t think I ever missed a day.
Honestly the reward part is what’s killin me….. hell what’s just one or two? I made it this long! Doc yesterday said same thing about not rewarding myself. (sounds darn good since i made it this far:) He was very proud and encouraging and said he could tell I was serious about doing this. I am going to keep postin 5 days in about 4 hrs. I am a smoker and I have never even tried to quit. I cant believe I have made it this far considering the length and amour I was using. Pinkerton once again thank u thank u thank u. This is keeping my mind busy and truly has helped me more than anything at all. These blogs are what made me make my mind up to do it in first place. That’s a whole diff story…..we’ll save that for later. Will give me sum thin 2 do ya know. Thank you more than u. Will ever kmow!

461 Need some inspiration PLEASE { 05.18.11 at 4:31 am }

U know when u know
Hope u are doin g well today. I know people say they have no experience with heroine; But I surehave heard my little yellow vics referee to as “hillbilly heroine” . Not saying it’s the same; but I think we are all addicts here in one form or another. Keep up the good work . U are inspiration to me.. I wil be checking this reg for next few days cuz I am aout to hit day 5. I actually ate a grilled cheese last night too:). My point is I am here if ya wanna Chaya I really think these blogs help and if it wasn’t for them I would have relapsed 4 days ago and 3 days ago and 2 days ago…. U get the pattern. Hope u are well

462 jen { 05.19.11 at 3:36 pm }

Hope tomorrow is way better than today I have thought about them 10 times a second !

463 Pinkerton { 05.22.11 at 2:13 pm }

@ UknowwhenUknow, are you out there? If so, how are you doing? Just was thinking that I hadn’t heard from you.

464 Joshwa { 05.22.11 at 3:01 pm }

I’m on 90mgs oxy every 4 hrs and 60mgs methadone a day for a leg problem. I’ve been on and off meds for 6 yrs because of this. They amputated a few months ago and since I have such an incredible tolerance I have to take this much to knock the pain down. Often I take more when the pain gets really bad and by the end of the month I’m running out early. Of course this is my fault and one would think a lesson learned would take effect but I guess I just don’t care enough because this happens every month and I go into cold turkey w/d’s every time, for 6 or more days. I have learned a few tricks to help with the symptoms and now I look at it as a good thing, not taking narcs for a few days each month. I’m not mentally addicted so I don’t go out and buy meds and I think this is prepping me for the final detox but for now, I need the meds. It becomes evident why after they leave my system and the pain rushes back in and honestly, that is the hardest thing for me to deal with because it’s a mess down there right now. Anyways every month I spend much time on getting rid of withdrawal symptoms and this is what I do now.
300mg Lyrica 3 times a day
0.1 mg clonidine 2 times a day
1/2a jar or more of immodium( loperimide)
B vitamins, potassium
and pot to take the edge off and organize my thoughts.
This little cocktail works so well that I hardly notice the symptoms. I’m prescribed these meds for the pain also but I stopped when they didn’t work so now I have more of them and can do this. Honestly, nothing else seemed to fully get rid of w/ds but this works. I still feel a little off track though but nowhere near as bad as I did before I started this. I know it’s a lot of meds for someone coming off but really, these meds can be stopped and are not addictive. If you have a life and kids I would imagine this could see you through. If you don’t have a way to get these meds, the Immodium, if taken by the hand full, will take the edge off for sure because it is an opiate that acts on your digestive system but it actually does something to your receptors and you will notice when you fall asleep and wake up 6 hrs later! If you can ingest some thc, I recommend eating it by making butter because it lasts so much longer, then you will be fine enough to carry on conversations and self motivate. either way, you have to keep your head up a focus on keeping yourself active to some degree. W/ds are temporary and will not last forever. I’m not trying to quit opiates now because opiate therapy works wonders for me, however, I have stopped for up to a year and I’m looking forward to the day when I don’t go fill a script and I can live without the help of pills but for now I need to work on discipline and not running out early! Getting off meds is a rough ride but it’s so worth it and the PAWS may not be that bad for you so don’t worry, last year I was off meds and didn’t experience PAWS and I was on almost as much as I’m on now the year before. I personally stay away from benzos and xanax because they make me feel like I’m walking through mud and that in conjunction with w/ds is the worst. I try and stay light feeling if that makes any sense. Oh and the methadone, I come off that (if I’m quiting for good) a month before the oxys because methadone is extremely hard to kick and w/d from that can last a very long time. Just in case there are any pain management folks on here that take the same cocktail that I do, docs try and taper methadone but you don’t have to if you take this much oxy. I know there are a lot of forums where folks say different things work and I’ve tried almost all of them but the stuff I’m taking to carry me over for a week or so, is the best Ive tried. Good luck to all of you who are coming off, it is so hard but keep your head up and remind yourself that happiness doesn’t have to come from a little pill when all it does is change your perspective by hitting receptors, just redefine happiness a little and change you own perspectives of the world around you, that while your laying in bed sweating, is changing, growing, loving and laughing all around you waiting for you to come back and join in. Just steer the course, hold fast and ride the storm out because it will end and you will realize how strong of a person you are when it’s over. I understand addiction to a degree but while my body may be dependent, I don’t feel mentally addicted because I know that when I quit, I don’t have cravings. Maybe because I take so much that the “high” isn’t something I’m into. Who’s to say that next time I come off these for an extended period, I won’t have cravings? Addiction is a concern for me and I know it creeps up on people like me often but I try to stay on it and I think this once a month detox period is the key. Just thought I’d tell my story in case it helps someone like myself. If you are detoxing, hang in there, it will be over soon even though everything feels like its coming down on you, remember it’s all an illusion that is designed to get more of the meds back into your body and all you have to do is wait until your body stops acting up, it’s like being sick, it will end

(posted this on the wrong forum before, not sure how I got to page about immune sytems)

465 Pinkerton { 05.25.11 at 2:31 am }

Hi Joshwa, thanks for the inspiration. I am planning my third detox and want to quit for good. I am not happy on them as I feel guilty and can’t control my intake so I worry all the time about running out. I also don’t feel a high anymore. Another reason I want off is because I think they are making me gain weight because all I want to do is eat, drink and feel content.

I’m happy for you in that you don’t have PAWS….that’s great. I didn’t the first time and after 3 wks I felt great and that is when I took one…makes no sense. But, my second attempt I did have PAWS and after only 6 days I didn’t feel well and NEEDED something to calm my nerves. No I”m waiting for the right time, and although it sounds like a cop out, it’s not. I don’t want to do it before I’m ready and then fail again. There is alot going on in my personal life and I need that to level off before I take the BIG, but final step.

BTW, alot of people post on the “about” page and may benefit from your experience and visa versa.

Take Care of Yourself, Pinkerton

466 Pinkerton { 05.25.11 at 2:34 am }

UknowwhenUknow, how are you doing?? post if you can and update us on your current status.

467 jen { 05.25.11 at 12:14 pm }

Joshwa: wow thats really inspiring your right happiness shouldnt come from a pill I know that but actually reading that really hit home. I will keep you in my prayers we are all here if you want to stay with us :)
Pinkerton: I know you will when the time is right and you know what you will fight this battle and win we are all behind you :) .

468 jen { 05.29.11 at 12:07 pm }

greg are you still out there how are you doing I been thinking about you friend?

469 AshleyS { 05.31.11 at 10:03 am }

Ok, so my last post was a little jittery. I am on day 2, it is noon. I didnt sleep last night at all. I felt like death. I woke up this a.m and called into work. I will most likely either lose my job, or become very close to it because of these withdrawals. But, my body and my mind’s well being is worth it to me. I have a great guy that will take care of me. Or atleast try to get through this with me. I have some Advil p.m to try to get some rest tonight. I hope it works some. I have no desire to eat. I just smoked some of my boyfriends weed. It took some of the edge off. :) I feel like I can focus a little. This cold turkey action for me wasnt anything I saw coming. I would usually take 6-8 vicodin, or oxycodone pills a day. Ive been doing this for about 2 years. The other day, I ran out, and I don’t have the money to get anymore, and my “supplier” is out until the 3rd. I hopped on this site to find out if what I felt last night was actually withdrawals. And, it is, to the T! I was hoping that I just caught the flu, but, I knew better in the back of my mind. I also knew this day would come. I am truly terrified right now. I’m scared of the symptoms, and I’m scared I might go back. Going back is so easy. But, like I tell my kids, and other loved ones: “NOTHING IN THIS LIFE THAT IS EASY, IS WORTH A DAMN” “anything in life that is hard, is always worth something” I am trying to tell myself that now. I hope it works, Ashley.

470 AshleyS { 05.31.11 at 8:11 pm }

So, just thought I would recap what has happened today. After experiencing what was for me the most darkest time of my life, I decided there was no way I could go cold turkey. But, I also know that I cant continue this addiction for very much longer. So I went and obtained some more pills. I know, I know, Pathetic. However, I am going to try “weening” myself off of these pills. I HAVE TO. Hopefully this is less excruciating than cold turkey, if not, then atleast I know what I have to face now. Good Luck to everyone out there.

471 Pinkerton { 06.01.11 at 3:03 am }

AshleyS,
Don’t beat yourself up…I am currently in my second relapse. You were almost there though. If you are determined to get off these things and you were taking 6-8 per day, you can tapper but that is what I used to take and the W/D from CT only lasted about 4 days and then it was a matter of getting sleep and energy back in the two weeks following. I have felt that weaning off is hard to do because it takes self control and addicts don’t have control and it prolongs the misery. In other words, I would rather suffer 4 days of more intense misery than to drag it out by suffering less intense discomfort, but misery none the less. Just something to consider. It my opinion and when I stop again it will be for good and it will be CT cause I’ve been there and it isn’t fun but it is the quickest way out.

Good Luck. And you may want to go over to the “about” page so that everyone can see your posts.

Have a blessed day! Pinkerton

472 Need some inspiration PLEASE { 06.01.11 at 4:07 pm }

Ashley
I agree with what pink said about cutting back. I was taking a ton of them a. Day for 6 years or so and I will be three weeks tomorrow. A lot of it’s mental. You have to want it. I took a week off work and my fiancé and friends kept me busy busy busy. U have to keep busy to keep mind off of them.! Ieven got drunk one night just to be sick thenext day so I wouldn’t take them thatdaycuz I was too sick. Whatever you have t do and find the “about” page… There ar many many people there waiting to help u!

473 Matt { 06.01.11 at 4:38 pm }

I was on 5: 7.5 MG hydrocodone a day. If you want to do it the easiest way, taper off. 5 to 4 to 3 to 2.5 to 2. I did that but had to cold turkey the rest. Get L-Theanine and “Theanine Serene” from a reputable market. They help with your insanity even tapering. Also, get Valerian Root. That’s what I used the last 2/3rds of a day. When I went cold turkey from 2, I started hallucinating and panicking. If you start hallucinating or panicking, GET HELP AT THE HOSPITAL IMMEDIATELY. I got locked in an abandoned jail because I was “turning myself in” and don’t let that happen to you. If you start hearing things, GET HELP. No lie, I came up missing and my family called the police and filed a missing person’s report.

474 Matt { 06.01.11 at 4:47 pm }

Oh, and i forgot to mention. I stopped Valium 16 days ago. 10 MG a day. I also stopped the vics about 12 days ago and I will NOT GO BACK EVER. Not after nearly dehydrating to death, getting arrested, and spending a fortune on that stuff. I am on 2 meds from the doc. One for schitzo/bi-polar, and one is a relaxer. It helps. Its from the emergency room i got those when i went there for my condition and dehydration from the vacated jail i was in for 2 and a half days. I need to see my regular doctor coming in 5 days. I’ll do whatever they say. I’m NOT GOING BACK TO THIS STUFF. I must have a game plan. As for withdrawal, 14 days might be what it is. Sorry if i sound incoherent, I’m typing my thoughts. Check out the herbs I mentioned. They are legal and very very helpful. Valerian can be picked up at any place that sells supplements. Order the Theanine(s) online to get it for 16 bucks as opposed to 44 for 2. Valerian is 4 bucks. Catnip helps too. No really, it does…. Pet section. If people think you are crazy for trying it, let them have your pains. To H3|_|_ with them…. If I can do it, I know there’s a way just about anyone can.

475 Matt { 06.01.11 at 4:50 pm }

To blabber more, I have to say. If you are recreational user wanting off, NEVER take as many as you used to when you ran out. Taper off some or you will run into troubles. I tryed to do that but the paranoia of police was too much for me. The light is at the end of the tunnel and I’m almost there.

476 Elana { 06.02.11 at 5:32 am }

I’m on day 88 detoxing off Percocets. I thought by now, I would see the light, and my cravings would be totally gone. I wish I could have done it cold turkey, but when I tried, I didn’t make it past the 48 hour mark, and just as soon as I went into full-blown withdrawals, I had to “take a ride,” because my prescription was too early too fill. When I look it at it from that perspective, I don’t miss those days, but I don’t miss the pain I’m in and feeling either. I woke up this morning with terrible back-pain, and that burning feeling you get, when you’re starting to and withdrawing. I wonder if I’m experiencing a “Deja-vu,” withdrawal experience, or if they can last this long. I know psychologically they can, but I never heard of the physical withdrawals lasting this long. I took my pain meds for chronic pain initially, then became addicted and started abusing them. I was prescribed opiates for 5 years. I know my brain receptors are shot, and it’s partially the disease nagging about my pain, and its severity, but I also know, I have legitimate medical issues that put me in the position I was in, in the first place. I don’t want to relapse, and experience the shame and guilt that accompany it, but I also miss having quality of life. I am young to be in the pain I’m in, and have the medical problems I do, because I’m only 35. I am not overweight, and try my best to keep myself otherwise healthy, and don’t want to be a “junkie” anymore, because I want to be the best mother I can to my 2 year old daughter, and I went to law school, and in good conscience cannot practice while I’m “under-the-influence.” I try and convince myself, that I was never “sloppy,” because I never “nodded-out,” or used Heroin, but when I’m being honest with myself, toward the end, I know I was using close to 200mg/day in Percocets/Oxycodone, and I would have gone down that dark road, if I HAD to, and it was all I could get, so that I wouldn’t get sick. After trying to go cold turkey, I never want to experience that hell again. I went to rehab, and was on Suboxone. I came home on 12mg, and only took it for another 30 days (60 total), because I was scared of becoming addicted to that too, and my whole purpose was to get clean. Now that I am “clean,” I am still yearning for that spiritual “nirvana,” I thought the program would have given me as a replacement. I still tell myself, “that this is not forever, and when I’m in my 60s, and still in pain, I can take pain medication again, because at that point in my life, I won’t care about being addicted, and a ‘slave’ to my prescriptions, and/or that I will be on them for the rest of my life, and not be concerned with my tolerance increasing to an exorbitant amount, because I have another 40/50 years to live.” I know I rambled, and went on, but I came here an started researching (like I always do), when I’m in tremendous pain and craving, like I just took my last pill the night before. I just want it to be over and I want my quality of life back :( Thank you for listening and I’d like your responses/input about withdrawal symptoms after 90 of being clean.
E

477 R.dolan898 { 06.02.11 at 9:16 am }

Thank you so quite a bit for the submission, was wonderful to see and hear a different standpoint. I’d be interested in possibly discussing it more, sense free to get hold of me if you want to chat about it.

478 Need some inspiration PLEASE { 06.02.11 at 6:26 pm }

Elana
I only have 3 weeks tomorrow actually , so I am the wrong person to answer questions about 90days clean… There are many of here for support though…. I asked. Kitty mom to find you and respond to you. I hope you two get in touch. Kitty mom has over90 days clean so she has great advice. Also if you could find the “about “. Page. There Re tons of people on there daily talking back and forth…. Everyone is there t help! Good job on 88 days!, that’s awesome!

479 Kitty Mom { 06.03.11 at 2:23 am }

Elana – I am just about at 9 months clean now, and am at the age where you said you could resume taking pills again because you will be at old age and it would not matter any longer. But, let me tell you, there is no good age to be addicted to the damn pills. I was physically sick between doses. It was so bad that I could not last through the night without getting up in the middle of the night to take a dose. I was lethargic, sick, in physical and mental pain and would not wish the situation on my worst enemy. Soooooo – I guess what I am trying to say is, eventually the pills do not even help the physical and mental pain any longer – no matter what your age. And, being that yo are 90 days clean, please, please, please – do not let your addictive mind tell you all these stories on why you should go back to that hell again. Your current hell can be no way near what the addicted hell was.
So – Elana, my manta – and one that I preach over and over and over again to the girls on here probably get sick of hearing it is:

No pills today – just for today – pills are not an option
No matter what my addictive mind tells me
It tells me pills will help me – but they will not
So, just for today, ELANA, do not even consider it.

And, on the craving question – mind over mater – my friend – I just will not allow myself to consider that there is such a thing.

Yes – I woukd like to feel the elevation that the first pills gave me
Yes – I would like to chill out on the couch with what my mind tells me would feel good
Yes – I would like to be pain free
But – it is all a lie
Now – I sit on my porch and actually hear the birds chirping
Now – I spend time with friends and family and am not sneeking oof to medicate myself
Now I feel
Now I am

Please Elana – do not submit to the thought that pills make you feel better

Sorry for the speech – Butm I feel strongly on the subjet

Love
Kitty

480 Pinkerton { 06.03.11 at 2:54 am }

Hello Elana,
Everything Kitty said is so true. I have relapsed because I thought that I could take just a few to feel the euphoria but still keep it under control. It’s going on a month, I’m still using, I know in my heart it’s wrong and I have to start all over again. Your addicted mind, like mine, may tell you things will be ok but they won’t. It’s harder, much harder, to climb that mountain the second time. Don’t slide back down no matter what you do. I’m serious, I have been so stressed out and my mind is split down the middle. I feel like I HAVE to stop but just feel helpless. In other words, you are not going to feel just dandy when you take a pill. In fact, all the issues you have now will still be there and you will have guilt and depression on top of it. I have started tapering off again and am down to two per day and don’t feel that hung over, out-of-it feeling in the morning, nor do I feel that nauseated feeling in the afternoon that is accompanied by fatigue either. AND the sneaking, ewwweeee, it just makes me feel so yucky. For example, we were at the pool on memorial day and I was pretty well medicated when we got there but kept watching the clock to see when I could take another pill, (I stashed them in my swim bag in a baggie under the bottom of the bag). Finally it was time, I went into the pool house to get it and my Dad came in, I don’t think he knew what I was doing but it really gave me quite a scare. I mean really, why would I be in there, I had to come up with an excuse I said, “Oh, have you seen my book, I thought I brought it…hmmmm, not in my swim bag!”

You are young, you have a child, and you will feel better, or at least better than I do right now. I beg you not to even consider it!!

Pinkerton

481 AshleyS { 06.08.11 at 10:54 am }

Well..Just thought I’d leave a message and let ya’ll know, I’m doing great with the weening! I am down to 1 or 2 a day, and feeling great.. I can’t wait to be at 1 a day, then the big ZERO! Everytime I feel like I want to take an extra one just for the”kick” I REFUSE! And push through until I absolutley can’t take it.. then im alright. I find the weening alot easier. I can actually feel my body starting to return to normal. I don’t need a pill to be happy, I take motrin now for my back pain, and it works. Before, it wouldnt. Now that Im almost off of these things, the motrin is working and I can function through my day. :)

482 David { 06.12.11 at 8:23 pm }

Im 35 days into detoxing from 18 yrs of Heroin and 200+ mg of Methadone a day. I still cant sleep more than 3 hrs a night. Chest is tight & hard to brath. Stomach is TORE UP (constantly burping). Pulse is consistantly 90-140, used to always be 50-60. I had a 8 hour vomit day 2 days ago. I also started using speed & benzos about 6-7 years ago. I refuse to go to the hospital, but starting to think this might literally kill me. I am so exhausted but still cant relax. I I even had a weeks worth of Subutex which I stretched out for 3 weeks after going Cold Turkey the first 9 days. Is there any MEDS that I can take to help slow down my heart, help me brath, relax and cool down?? IM DESPERATE

483 Need Some Inspiration PLEASE { 06.14.11 at 2:07 pm }

david
i am no doctor; but sounds like you are having anxiety. my first 2 weeks off vic’s were really bad anxiety. i did go to my doc . i am on prozac and am using zanax as needed only as needed. i know you dont wanna go to doc; but what about like an express place?

484 Dan { 06.15.11 at 10:26 pm }

Hey guys and gals. I have to say I loved reading all the positive comments here! It is really helping to get me in the right mindset.

I was clean for 10 years, but about 1.5 years ago my wife kicked me out. Within about 6 months I worked my way back to opiates. Last month I broke down and I asked my wife for help. I did not want to live like this anymore. I went to a detox but after i got out she wouldn’t let me come back home. My dad already kicked me out from his house and I had no where to go. I used for 3 days spending money on drugs instead of a place to stay. I was sleeping in a stairwell. but she finally let me come back home and sleep on the couch. Now every week for the past 4 weeks I keep relapsing. I get my unemployment check on a monday and spend it by thurs. I then kick for 3 days, and find myself on monday being a weakling and running out and picking some stuff up. I have to stop this. If she finds out, she will kick me out, and I will be living on the street again. I don’t want to live this life as a slave to opiates. I want my old life back. I spent 10 years fighting so hard and I gained so much. I lost it ALL through my relapse. Just the fact though I still have my wife’s support if I am clean is amazing. I need to get my act together and get myself back. I am just so worried, that once Monday hits again, I will be the weakling and use again. I just cannot take the anxiety!! It kills me. I would love to go to a doc and try and get something for it, but i have no insurance.
Any positive words would be appreciated. I feel so hopeless. Right before i went to that detox, the night before I almost checked out. I was sitting in my room sobbing. I felt that there was just no other way for me. I needed to end it. But I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to die. But I felt that my life is just total shit, and with my weak will, why prolong this torture. I will never succeed and make something of my self. So why not just give up.

No matter how horrible i feel mentally, there is this little voice that won’t give up. I want to get back to being me again. I want to keep fighting. I just have to find out how to do this again.

I will keep reading. Maybe the strength you all found will rub off on me.

485 Lindsey { 06.16.11 at 4:45 pm }

I’m 25 years old and have been addicted to heroin for 11 years on and off. I am a slave to this drug. My husband overdosed two years ago and died. Every one has about given up on me except my mother. I have abssess that could potentially lead to apmuration if I don’t stop now! Tomorrow I am attempting to kick once again. I have all the meds and a safe place. Please I am begging for help. Does anyone have any advice on how to make it through this? I’m so scared and have just about given up on myself as well

486 lindsey { 06.20.11 at 1:43 pm }

Lindsey please don’t give up! Heroine took my daughters life in december her boyfriend was very messed up and he shot her up and overdosed her! they are bringing her up on charges. stay strong you can do this! think about how hard you tried to get the drugs… just focus you energy else where! deal with the sleeplessness by thinking that you slept all the time while you were high and now you are given more time to be awake, i know if kinda silly! but go get a book, some art, something that you really enjoy and will keep your mind busy, rent some really funny movies, laughing helps combat the depression! stay busy and you will get thru it. Please let me know that your ok

D

487 Need some inspiration PLEASE { 06.20.11 at 6:18 pm }

Dan
The anxiety was kiicking n for me after a week to a week and a half. I did go to doctor. Prozac has saved me from the hardcore anxiety,
How bout using that check you would use to pay for a doc visit. I don’t have insurance either and Prozac is on the four dollar plan at kroger groc store. You CAN do this. You have to do this! There are many people on the “about”. Page on here that will support you through this. Posting helped me occupy my time and my mind, we will all be there seeing you through this if you want

488 Keith { 06.25.11 at 8:20 pm }

Adam, it has been 12 days since I was forced into withdrawal Hell. I had been taking 400 mgs of Oxy’s and then shifted to 400 mgs per day of Morphine over the last 13 yrs. It was all Dr prescribed due to THREE back injuries over a period of 8 yrs. Yes, I needed the meds and was so grateful to my understanding Dr for his help. Wish I had known the eventual outcome. I recently moved from Mississippi to Nebraska to be with the love of my life. She helped me locate a Pain Management Specialist Group that I called and explained my situation. I had all of my records and a letter from my Dr back home offering all the help any Dr would or could need getting to know a new patient. HaHaHa, the joke was on me. This cruel women Dr just said “No” and sent me away with a couple of useless scripts and NO info on what I was about to experience!! 30 hrs later I fell into Hell. One last text to my Lady at work and my mind left me!! Your website saved me, as she had been researching morphine addiction and withdrawal when my last sane thought left my phone”I am losing my mind”. I am much better now and I’m impatiently waiting for some of the natural meds you mentioned on your site. God I hope your right!! I have never hurt so bad in my life and that was after a 30 hr hospital stay. I’m past the tremors and convulsions and living a semi pain free life. God I hope I don’t go through anymore of the Hell I remember and none of the pain I can’t remember. I have an 18hr blank spot thankfully and hope the bone pain and overall fatigue and weakness will abate soon. Thanks for your suffering as it probably saved MY life and more improtantly thanks for being brave enough to post your help for people like me!! And a very special thanks to my wonderful woman, my real life hero and the love of my life.

489 jen { 07.06.11 at 3:55 pm }

Hello everyone. Hope everyone is well. I don’t have my pc and can’t ever find the about page on my phone. But I am well just been busy and broke since our vacation.

490 Kitty Mom { 07.06.11 at 4:46 pm }

Hey Jen – glad to hear from you and even more glad to see you are doing OK – I hear you on the broke thing – we decided to take a staycation this year and stay in the Kitty Bed and Breakfast in Tampa Florida….lol…we will save a bunch!
Love Ya
Kitty

491 Raik { 07.12.11 at 11:58 am }

Hello, only 26hrs clean, trying to stop using opiates. Its very hard.hope I can do this.i know I can

492 Bob { 07.13.11 at 7:09 am }

Hey guys, this is my first post. I have read all the way through the thread and I noticed something that has surfaced that is very decieving. That being Kratom!! Please don’t trade one addiction for another!!! That stuff is very addictive and the withdrawals can be just as bad as an opiate withdrawal. I did the same thing about a year ago as I was going cold turkey and a friend mentioned Kratom and the fact that it would help with all the symptoms, and it did. It was absolutley wonderful and it made all of the symptoms go away within about an hour. I continued down that path enjoying not having any symptoms and the buzz was nice too! So I am now on day 4 of withdrawal from that junk. I have withdrawn from opiates many times in the past and I know that hell. Please understand that Kratom is just as bad. Just stay positive and focused on the life that is ahead and power through the process. It sucks, I know but Kratom will only make it evern worse and prolong what you are going through now. I love this board, you guys are such an encouragment to me. We can do this together, strength is in numbers and pain is weakness leaving the body.

Jen, hope you are doing well. I have been following you and you are a great encouragment.

493 Need Some Inspiration PLEASE { 07.17.11 at 6:16 am }

hey bob!
welcome!! i don’t know anything about the kratom; but yes there are many people who have used it to get sober. anyways. just wanted to say welcome welcome welcom and find your way to the “about” page if you are stil out there. we all hang out on the “about” page daily and this site is amazing for support in withdrawal!!

494 Pinkerton { 07.17.11 at 10:59 am }

Hi Bob,
I have used kratom to get through w/d but didn’t continue daily use as it wasn’t effective on me after awhile. I have to take a break and then use some for it to make a difference. But good to know. Would love to have your input on the about page.
Pinkerton

495 Kitty Mom { 07.17.11 at 6:43 pm }

Hey Bob
Welcome….Thanks for posting. Always good to get someone new on here – The need to meet new recovering people on here is always with me. I hope and pray that you have a smooth detox…this time from the Kratum. I used kratus only when I had to avoid withdrawals when I was using. I no longer have to meet that need cause I have been clean for 10 months now. Alot of people on here swear by it, but I more or less agree with you in the fact that it would be something else for me to become addicted to….so I have not used it since my last detox….and by last, I really do mean LAST. No pills or other addiction for me – not today – not ever.
Thanks for your post
Love
Kitty

496 Not sure what to do? { 07.18.11 at 12:18 pm }

I was at one point addicted to Meth the withdrawal from that I have learned since was nothing all you do is sleep. I have been meth clean for 4 years I quit drinking and smoking pot also. Than I had surgey and was given percs and again after I had my daughter. I went through alot problems with my ex husband and that just added to my pill use. I have an addictive personality both of my parents were addicts. I was Morphine for the last 6 months about 50 mils. When I tried stopping I became dealthy ill and ended up in the hosp. Since then I weaned down the morphine to about 10 mils a day. I then stepped down from the morhpine to 7 mil percs to 5 mil percs then I swithed to vics. With each step down I expeirenced some withdrawal because my body was not getting enough. My first day without Morphine I woke up in a cold sweat and had the knot in my stomach that only comes with craving. I have now been without Morhpine for a month and am almost out of Vics. I did not take a vic for one day this week to see what would happen and it was not as bad as I thought it would be. I did get the chills, and diarhea and a small craving but it was bearable. My problem now is when I am not taking them I am an in a weird fog and I am so anxious I cannot sit still. How long does this last? Any tips? As soon as I am out of vics I am going cold turkey. But Morphine being the most potent of three stepping down with milder opiates gradually helped.

497 Mikester { 07.18.11 at 12:25 pm }

I have the solution. I SWARE TO THE LORD. Get Lyrica (pregabalin) and take a shitload of it. I don’t advise it for non-drinkers. If taken right and you spread out the dosage, not only are you NOT going to have ANY withdrawals, but you’ll feel high -almost like a mild drunken acid trip, You will sleep like a champ. For me in day 2 of WD’s, I slept ten hours, have NO RLS, I can eat well.

Here’s the recipe (if you can get it)

(Diazepam) Valium 10mg’s – at least one and the rest PRN
(pregabablin) Lyrica – start of with 75 -150 mgs, ang gradually incease the dosage because eventually it’s going to KNOCK you on your ass.
Metformin (unsure of any other name) This is a type 2 diabetic drug that lowers your blood sugar, and if you are not a diabetic you will get hungry.

This WORKS………….THE END………..

498 Mikester { 07.18.11 at 12:37 pm }

By the way, I was addicted to 500-750mgs of oc and 90mg’s of Percs, and I’m having NO diarrhea, I’m feeling like a space cadet, though, but it’s hilarious to me, that I know I’ve found the “cure” at least for myself. Day 3 of Wd’s and I’m eating so much, resting well, trippin’ out a little and have NO worries. Please forum, listen to me, I am a Ph.D graduate from Memphis. My only goal is to be of help because IKNOW first hand how horrible withdrawals are. I’ have no cold/hot flashes, no sweats, no goose-bumps, and I’m eating normal and functioning a little “out there” but I have discovered, at least for me, the BEST way to detox on EARTH…..Bless you all and good lucK – keep fighting the good fight against these bastard opiods………..You Can conquer, you WILL conquer! I share my love as I can truly emphasize with all of you…………..

499 Mikester { 07.20.11 at 1:33 am }

you cannot overdose on lyrica. So take a lot! Spread it ouy zy first until you start “feeling it.” Also with the diabetic drug – take about two every other day (500-mgs). Be cautious with those. You will fiend for junkfood with sugar! YOu wul DEFINITELY eat. Instead of the mush, your stool should be regulated – and It can still be mush because your body still has to find a way to rid yourself of the drug (just not having to go to the bathroom. With the valium, use discretion because they are abusable, too. You think WD from opiates is bad, Wd’s from benzodiaezepines is 1000 times worse. Most suicides from WD’s come from them. I experienced it once, called a suicide ;inr and the tapped my pgone and the cops banhed fown my door saying they were only there to help me – which they did. Went yo a hospital where mu doctor gathered imformation and kept me on them. I take valium til this very day so PLEASE for the love of GOD do not abuse them or you’re going to face the BIGGEST demon on Earth!

LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED

500 Mikester { 07.20.11 at 1:35 am }

Sorry I wrote this all very tired!

501 2tryis2succeed { 08.01.11 at 6:45 am }

On day 5. Not doing well

502 2tryis2succeed { 08.01.11 at 6:45 am }

Can someone please help

503 other symtoms { 08.02.11 at 8:51 pm }

I have read all the post here, and most people have the same questions, I, like others here and yourself have been through this more then I want to admit. This time it hasn’t been that long taking them, and do without for days before I can get more. Those are the horrible days. I am tired of the rollercoaster. My symtoms are more respiratory, and blurred vision and the biggy… heart racing. I have no problem sleeping as a matter of fact I tend to be more sleepy and tired when I stop taking them. So I was wondering if you have any ideas for my symtoms? If I could calm my blood pressure or heart racing{guessing it is the same} I could make it through so much easier. Any suggestions? I tried to use your email but for some reason I couldn’t get it to go through, I have even thought about a narcotics group meeting? anything you can help me with would be appreciated. I await your response with anticipation? I was going tomorrow and get some valarium or kava . Do you think it would help with the heart racing problem? That seems to be my biggest problem. Thanks

504 Zombie { 08.08.11 at 2:17 pm }

I’m on my 4th day, about 95 hours in and I definitely feel a lot better than I did day 1 an 2 for sure…but still have a few days to go to be really back to normal, for the most part anyway. My habit was 100mgs-200mgs of Hydrocodone a day…some days even more. I also been through W/D’s a few times before so I knew what I was in for which can be a double edged sword. Because in a way it can be good to know what your going to be in for but on the other hand when you know and have been there before it can be kind of a scary experience when you can see what is coming, and it’s not going to be fun. Anyway, I’ll give a quick run down of what I was using a few days leading up to my detox. Monday=200mgs Hydrocodone, Tuesday=90mgs Hydrocodone, Wednesday=40mgs Hydrocodone, Thursday=30mgs Hydrocodone. With Thursday being the last day I took anything, at around 4:30 in the afternoon. Now it is Monday afternoon and the worst of it is behind me. For me Friday day was the worst because it was really like day 1 and 2 rolled up together because of when I last used. Saturday was a little better but not much. Sunday I could notice that I was feeling better but still not well. Today is even a little better than yesterday but I probably still have a few days to go before I’m back to feeling a little more normal.

Symptoms I had through the first 4 days:

Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Racing Heart, Restless (especially in my legs), Crawling Skin, Goose Bumps, Night Sweats, Upset Stomach, Diarrhea, Little or No Appetite, Insomnia, Fatigue.

What I did to combat the symptoms:

Drank lots of water (if your suppose to drink 8-8oz glasses a day, double or triple that amount. It will help because the Diarrhea will make you dehydrated.

Take a good multiple Vitamin everyday cause you probably won’t be very hungry at all so it is good for at least putting some of the Vitamins your missing back into your system.

Take a couple anti-Diarrhea pills when you experience it. You more than likely need to take these pills for the first 3 days of W/D’s, sometimes longer depending.

Take Tylenol when you feel sore, it doesn’t help a lot but it’s better than nothing.

Try an eat something even if you don’t want to. It will give you a little energy plus it will make you feel a little better. I myself didn’t eat a lot the first 2 days but I made sure that I got something in my stomach. By day 3 my appetite started to slowly return.

Exercise does help a lot, even if it is something little. I didn’t get much exercise the first couple days, just little stuff like getting up out of bed, taking a bath/shower, but on day 3 I felt well enough to actually get up and get out of the house which made me feel better but had to force myself to do it.

Finally if you can, get some Clonidine. It helped me with Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Racing Heart, Crawling Skin, Goose Bumps, Restlessness, Night Sweats, and a little with the Insomnia but I was still waking up repeatedly through out the night. Honestly if it wasn’t for the Clonidine the W/D process would of been a lot harder. Don’t get my wrong it still really sucked but it made it a little more bearable.

Well good luck to everyone, and just take it one day at a time. Remember…if your feeling horrible you will eventually feel better, and when you do you’ll be thanking your self that you stuck with it. I hope this helps someone out there I know reading all of the posts helped me and put things into perspective.

505 jen { 08.15.11 at 2:46 am }

Hey guys I don’t know whymy phone keeps kicking me off the about page been trying for days to get on.

506 Pinkerton { 08.15.11 at 3:08 am }

Hi Other Symptoms, Zombie, 2tryis2succeed, Mikester,& Not Sure What to Do,
Welcome. Sorry that your post has been missed but most people hang out on the “about” page. If you want, you can try to get on over there and you will get a quicker response.

@ Not sure what to do, wow, you are a very strong person to be able to taper like that and stick to it, that is something that I have not been able to do because if I have it, I’ll take it. The anxiety and nervousness is different for everyone, but it sounds like you have done everything the right way and you shouldn’t have any trouble moving past that.

@ Zombie, that is a very helpful account of what happens during detox. You post will provide comfort to someone on the verge of detox.

@2tryis2succeed, how are you doing??

Good Luck to All!
Pinkerton

507 worth the effort! { 08.15.11 at 3:41 pm }

I’m on day 25 and feeling better. The first two weeks were severe and painful. The thomas recipe helped and my husband stayed with me for the first two weeks. I was extremely depressed and he thought I was suicidal. It will get better, I PROMISE. I went to AA the first two weeks and it helped to talk to others who were experiencing the same symptoms. I still feel foggy and my brain still isn’t 1oo%, yet. I read these posts everyday. It helps to know what to expect. I no longer speak to anyone that gave me or reminds me of vicos. I drink a beer once in a while, but generally I would advise to stay away from alcohol for a while. I still have good days and bad days, but at least I am not crying or spending my money. I now buy myself something small but special every week. I think we deserve something for the 2 weeks of hell. It gets better and I now am proud of myself and i don’t feel like a loser anymore!!! I hope this helps anyone who is hurting right now. I’m sorry, I understand and hold on tight, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

508 Eric { 09.22.11 at 5:21 am }

Thank u for this post after reading everybodies stories it help me find it in myself to keep trying and pushing I’ve been in hydro 10/500 for a year now and was taking 1-2 a day to taking 8-15 a day I tried to stop before but that only lasted one day and now I’m trying again and now I’m on day 3 the first 2 days were the hardest I’ve ever been through I couldn’t eat or sleep and that was frustrating me so much so here r some thing that help me out u can’t forget trying to sleep the first 2 days just won’t happen eating also so on the 3rd day I bought some immodium and boost daily vitamin drinks and some bananas for potassium then found me some pot and a few low dosage Xanax for sleep I started my day with a boost drink and later forced down a banana just to have sumtn in my body then before i tried to get some sleep i ate as much of a banana as I could took a long hot bath and took a Xanax Smoked a little pot to push me over the edge of sleeping wut help with that was that the combination of pot and xanax gave me An appetite so I found wut I thought I could put down which was just a sandwich after two days of no food I wAs more than happy to be Able to put down a sandwhich it help ease my stomach and before u know it I was out like a light I think I slept atleast 7-8 hours lastnight after getting that much needed sleep I’m not as frustrated or irritable today still a little tired but I’m sure it’s just the Xanax wearing off I’ve never been much for taking Xanax exept to sleep and I don’t do alot at all so if u like taking Xanax this might not work for u but for those of u who r like me try it it will make ur w/d less painful good luck toeveryone else

509 Rawien { 09.25.11 at 4:07 am }

Hello, I’m very thankful that I found this site… I’m trying to plan a detox, I’ve been taking hydrostatic 7.5 and 10s as well as percoset on and off for 2 years due to a bad shoulder injury and surgery, after a bad breakup about a year ago, I took them more often than I needed to. I used to only take half of my prescribed amount to save them for when the pain spiked. Now I can’t go through a day without at least one, my normal amount is 3-5 pills. I’m trying to cut back to the minimal one a day. It takes the edge off… I’m not looking forward to the detox. But I know that I need it, I owe this to myself. Do you have any advice for me? Thanks for putting this site together. =]

510 Chef { 09.29.11 at 4:39 pm }

I am 24 hours into it… My eyes are dialated… I know there is no chance I am going to sleep tonight. This is the second time I am putting myself through this. I just love the high & energy that opiates give you. The first time I detoxed was terrible & I am hoping that this time is not going to be as bad. I don’t feel 100% terrible… The breeze outside is nice & warm showers do the trick every time. I am going to use xanax to try to produce some sleep tonight. Wish me luck!

511 Meg { 10.17.11 at 11:02 pm }

On day 3 and symptoms are letting up. Lack of sleep is worst part!

512 skh { 10.22.11 at 2:32 pm }

I am on day five going off too much Nurofen Plus. This forum is a great help. I was taking much fewer pills than a lot of folks, but still it’s very hard. Just knowing I’m not alone is so comforting. Hang in there, everybody!

513 Daniel Thompson { 10.24.11 at 8:47 am }

I have read all posts pretty much and understand completely what everyone i9s going through. I was 16 when i started my pain pill adventures. Never got into the habit till i was introduced to oc’s in 2001. Was taking in dailey till 2003. then went to the methadone clinic , what a mistake. was on 130mgs for about 4 years straight. was so tired of it and was lookn for a way out, well that way came in form of jail. I detoxed in jail for ten days with no help other than the bible and god. Went to rehab for a year and was finally over the hump, just recently got brave and statrted taking opanas 20mg er . after a week of taking them everyday at 40mgs a day i had to come off cold turkey. Heres are some tips, maybe they will work for you: Stay extroverted, meaning stay out of your head. your head will get u into more withdrawal than u think. stay busy, raed a book or watch a long series on tv. Benzos work but only take those on the first 3 days of the withdrawal cause then u will get dependent on them too. stay away from friends that got u there in the first place, cut ur ties and phone off. stay with someone who u trust and tough it out. Bn in jail comming off methadone coldturkey is a bitch but its the first three days thata are critical. Stay positive and find your higher power. LIGHT UP THE DARKNESS

514 Morgan { 10.24.11 at 4:17 pm }

Obviously, my name is Morgan. I started taking lortabs when I was 19. (am now 21.) Would rely on about three lortab 7.5′s for a three hour high of energy to feel “normal” (whatever the hell that is anymore) so that I could do amazing things with my son like a normal mother. I continued taking those pills over a three year period until three days ago. My son is now 18 months old and I have an amazing man who helps me out (women- they do exist, he helps with my son and they have no biological common). Well, found out I was pregnant again and decided to kick the habbit that has enslaved me for three years. I’m on day three. Day one and two were horrible. No sleep, period. Mood swings, goosebumps, having the “bubble guts” for a lack of better term. I’m slowly feeling the detox coming to an end but still have NO energy. I am very proud of myself but fear I still have a long way to go mentally. I did this for my kids and soon to be husband. Hot baths help and herbal melatonin was a suggestion by my doctor to help me sleep at night (but Tylonal PM for those women who are not six weeks pregnant would probably suffice.) Sleep within the first three days will not happen, period. Then it’s the RLS if not the insomia that sucks, too. I found that laying next to my son or soon to be husband and just watching them sleep have given me the inspiration to quit this bullshit. So not only detoxing and not eating, but the whole horemonal thing from being pregnant doesn’t help either. So I hope all who are going through this stay strong and in turn give me the inspiration to stay strong as well. (I’m hoping I will have a baby girl. fingers crossed.)

515 Andrew { 10.31.11 at 7:00 pm }

I have been suffering with drug addiction, all sorts for a few years. My first “hard” drug was coke. After a year or so of doing it, I decided to stop and it was easy. I then discovered OCs and thought that it would be just as easy to quit. Boy was I wrong. My habit spiraled out of control and brought me in contact with people I would never want to be in contact with. I was living with a couple of junkies (like myself, for the most part) and got involved in ripping people off to get high, etc. After a couple of months around them, I realized that I was better than this and had to make a change. I moved to NY and have been drug free ever sense. Tomorrow will mark 6 months clean. Through the pain, depression, sleepless nights, and all the other unpleasant wds, I can say that life gets better. When you feel your body getting back to your own self and not having something control your actions is great. To everyone facing wds it is horrible, but it will pass (slowly), but when it is over, you will feel great. I never went to N/A meetings, but did one-on-one counseling and it helps a lot. Once through wds, you have to focus on what is really behind the addiction. Just as Neil Young sang, “every junkie’s like a setting sun.” You have to be ready to quit, ready to work hard and better yourself, and not give up. It sucks, but anyone can do it. I hope all of you the best of luck. Remember, if you relapse, you relapse…don’t be too hard on yourself. I relapsed numerous times. If I hadn’t relapsed, I would be a year sober tomorrow. Your body can take more than you can think…and so can you. Good movies/music and your soul help out a lot.

516 Angie { 11.14.11 at 8:42 am }

Hello! im 22 yrs old and its been 6 yrs of being a heroin addict… i am an IV user … i stopped like 6 mths ago but i relapsed 50 days ago… im using 1 or 2 doses daily…not that much compared with what i was using before ( up to 20 doses daily) but i do feel the withdrawals starting each morning that i wake up… i really need to stop cuz im pregnant… please tell me what can i do? i need to stop cold turkey because if i go with a doctor child protctive services would take my baby away… do you think that this time would be easier?

517 Ann { 12.07.11 at 8:08 pm }

I’m glad I found this website; so many helpful tips! I am addicted to snorting heroin. Right now I am snorting about 4 or 5 $20 bags a day (sometimes more) as my best friend is also my dealer! I was sober for 8 years up until 6 months ago when we moved back home from down South. I just knew moving back here was going to be a mistake..boy was I right! My husband and I plan to quit cold turkey on Friday. I am so afraid as I’ve been threw WD’s before and ALWAYS on the 2nd or 3rd day I break down and go get my fix. Christmas is right around the corner and I don’t want to disappoint anyone and would HATE to not have a decent Christmas because I can’t say “no”. For me the toughest part is the “sick” and the mental part. My mind is saying one thing but my body refuses to cooperate. I do want a better, normal life and I know what needs to be done. I have a few hydro’s, valiums, phenegran’s, to help with the WD’s and I will be praying harder than I ever have before this weekend for God to give me strength. I can’t believe I have become powerless of this drug and let it control my every move; every decision I make is based around “will this interfere with getting some more dope”. I can’t stand to live this way anymore. Kudo’s to all of you who have beat it and good luck to those of you who are in my shoes. This can be done..we can beat this drug..I refuse to let the devil win anymore. The hardest part for me is even getting any motivation to get out of bed..even though they say exercise helps I still find it hard to move..any suggestions on making this attempt any easier?

518 Holly { 12.10.11 at 8:18 am }

I’m in beginning stages of withdrawal, stopped NA for now, waiting on rehab again :/ hope it works this time

519 Rachel { 12.19.11 at 10:57 pm }

I am on day 8 of my last withdrawal. I’m 24, I’ve had a 3 year oxy/norco habit. I have tried to kick these before unsuccessfully. This time physically has been much better. I prepared myself with a healthy diet. I’ve also followed the Thomas recipe which I think has helped tremendously. I was just wondering when my energy will return… I’ve never gotten past day 3 before.

520 Nick { 12.30.11 at 2:51 am }

Hey! Was on all sorts of opiate medication….codeine, subutex etc for about 10year….I am now 6/7 months clean after doing a 2 month stint in rehab and detoxed cold turkey with NO OTHER MEDICATION!….it took about 2 weeks to be able to function normalish! lol! and about 2-3months to not really have any cravings, I still feel a bit iffy in the mornings but after I am up and about I feel normal.

Good luck all! It CAN BE DONE! I thought I was never going to be able to get of this crap but here I am typing this! SO if I CAN you CAN! :-)

Thanks

Nick.x

521 El { 01.13.12 at 8:24 pm }

Hi, everyone I am a 24 year old mother of 1 two year old little girl. I have been addicted to Lortab 10 mgs for alittle over 1 year now. I take up to 5 aday….I am going through some serious withdrawls now only on day 2……Hopefully this will not last too much longer. I know we can all do this what ever our addictions maybe….I have found this page to be sooo helpful to me,just to know I am not alone in this is very comforting to me..Also SELF talk has been very helpful…anytime I feel like getting my fix I tell myself to BE STRONG…..THIS TO WILL PASS///,,,,..has hard as it is I know I can do this for me and my lil girl….I just pray for everyone going through any type of recovery to just STAY STRONG YOU CAN DO IT~!!!!!!!!!GOD BLESS

522 RayRay { 01.26.12 at 1:14 am }

Hello I am 30 yr old mom of now 3 wonderful children, I have used hydrocodone on/off for 5yrs now, the first time I used one was a friend who told me here take this it will give you energy I was like AHHH what’s it gonna do she said give you energy I can’t describe it mind you she is my long time High School friend who got me hooked way back when on smoking, doing pot, some other drugs, and occasional drinking. I really don’t talk to her ne more now a days just an occasional hi how are ya and hey I’m gonna come get your kids other then that I distant myself from her, she isn’t a user no longer, BUT is on methadone and has been since 2006 and I don’t think she will ever get off of it because I don’t think she is a strong enough person just yet after all these years so that is why I keep myself from her because I don’t want her to convince me of something else. Ne ways back to my story I tried the hydrocodone she gave me just a half pill of a 10 and then it knocked me out cold for 6 straight hours I needed the sleep mind you and it felt GREAT because I had my own issues going on with out having a stable home for myself and my daughter so that felt good, but when I woke I felt drowsy and was like I thought you told em it was gonna give me energy she’s laughing at me of course and says that’s what they do to me I don’t know why it did that to you, here try another one so I did being the idiot I was and it did just that made me talk, dry mouth. like I was stoned kind of on pot which I can’t smoke no more due to anxiety and I’m glad I haven’t since I was 16. Then I myself started taking them here and there with her it wasn’t until months later that I really noticed SHE had the BAD addiction and was up to 15 pills a day and then started fighting with me (yes I was living with her at this time) because they would disappear bcuz I was taking one here and there BUT I was the one paying for them anyways so it was like a F**** you thing, but then I realized when she had given almost all of the money her family had borrowed us plus the support her x gave us to run the home after there split and the money I was paying towards bills to her dealer I was like I got to get the hell out of here, cuz mind you I already had a bad drinking binge I was on due to the fact of my own issues, so after her losing the house and me finding my own we kind of went our separate ways bcuz I didn’t want ne thing to do with that no more that was in Feb of 06 I moved in March of 06 into my own place then I started working and was doing my own thing still with the drinking bcuz of crazy hours I didn’t have daycare so my daughter stayed with family in the next state only and hour to 2 away but still it was a long drive to pick her up at 1am and then come home so they pretty much kept her while I was on those schedules and I went out doing my drinking binge I did this until April of 07 and then I realized I had gotten myself pregnant and I knew there was NO way I could take care of another child but I also knew that God did this to me to settle me down needless to say I did not have the baby I couldn’t and I went back to work from a FMLA and then I met my now fiance in May 07 and then we started dating and I realized he was an occasional user of pot and then knew where to get vicodin from and we started buying them not for us but for everyone in his family who is addicted and then my bro-in-law has been prescribed them for over 8yrs now and started buying more then his script when he’d run out so we then started charging higher prices to make money off them and then b4 we knew it, it turned into a us just getting pills for the cash so now from Aug 07 to July of 08 when i find out I’m prego with our son I quit taking them but was on/off that whole time then I had my son got them when I left hospital did not take them and then he had them in house started a vicious cycle again with me and the lack of sleep and a colic baby I started back on them a few months later on and off never consistently never more then 2 in a day maybe 3 if that, then I find out I’m prego again on April fools day of 2010 with our 2nd son I stop taking them again I never mind you felt like I had withdrawals from them just going cold turkey on these occasions but then after I birthed my son in Dec 2010 hospital then gives them to me again and I started taking them from that day until all the way til Aug of 2011 EVERYDAY it got easier for us to get our hands on them now cuz we found more and more connections then one day everyone ran out and I had also started prozac for sever mood swings and was on that for 30 days to tame it while taking prozac and then I had no more vicodin I was on day 3 of not having them and then the feeling of jitters, shaky, diarrhea, throwing up, loss of appetite, and then nothing left in me to throw up no more or poop out I started with BAD thoughts going thru my head, the anxiety int he pitfall of my stomach and it was HORRIBLE I ran to the doctors telling them what was wrong but never told them I abused vicodin and they gave me anti-vomiting medicine, anti-diarrhea medicine and that still would not let me eat it was horrible! I ran back to an urgent care doctor he gave me a blood test and enzyme to check liver gall bladder etc….it was fine he then gave me stomach acid reducer medicine and put me on a bland diet so by this time I’m at a week of detox and I do the acid medicine HELPS I eat chicken that night and white rice felt so GREAT but in toddler portions and I mind you I lost 15pds during this not healthy in a week and a half time, finally after my body gets back to normal after a MONTH of this I swear to myself I would NEVER take these again, WELL my fiance is on them for back issues not prescribed but he does need to get into a doctor to get it taken care of bcuz I see his anger in him the 3months I was clean bcuz either he couldn’t have them get them or smoke a doob it was horrible I thought many times of leaving him, but I know he is a GREAT man underneath all this, but I also can’t go on to let my boys keep thinking the lifestyle is ok if they catch on when older, so ne ways I swore to myself I would not take them again well bcuz he had them here I started with a half at a time again bcuz I had so much stuff to get done and get ready over a month for Turkey Day, our sons 1st, and Christmas that I started at a half again and then went to a whole then b4 I knew it in Dec I was up to 2 every now and then taking 3 and then thru month of Jan it started with 3 then I had medical conditions in Jan of present and my doc gives them to me only 20 at 5/5 and I was taking 3 a day and then he took 11 of my script so it left me not taking those but then we got off street ones and I was up to almost 3 of 10/660 again now I have been off them as right now today for a little over 48hours and I had such bad diarrhea today and just wanted to sleep felt week all day and of course my pain in the abdomen comes back mind you I need umbilical hernia surgery so I call doc for more meds he gives my T3′s I get home they make me sick last night, I try again today sick, so I call today and ask for something different he gives me tramadol I think bcuz he knows of the addictions not with me just around so I’m so shaky and jittery diarrhea gonna throw up I now take one 50mg of tramadol at like 9:30 and I’m up still its 3am and I can’t sleep and I only have 10 of these and I don’t want to take no more I can’t have my surgery for at least another week waiting on a surgeon to pick it up but I’m scared after surgery I’ll go back on these and get addicted all over again!!! I’m up to 3 a day as it is and I know my fiance is getting street ones this Friday I tell him to hide them but I always find them and I start taking them again but at same time I don’t want to feel sick from the withdrawal like I did back in August so I’m trying to figure out how to get away from those plus not take the tramadol either, I know it would also help ALOT if I could get him off them if he would go to a doctor and get fixed but he won’t and I can’t take being around this if he’s not gonna get fixed I’m gonna have to figure out daycare, money, etc…and go back to work to get out on my own so he can clean himself up and come back if he is clean. Sorry for long post I just wanted to explain my over time addiction and how it all started!!!!! Thanks for listening!

523 dustin. { 01.28.12 at 5:29 pm }

Hi im a 17 year old boy in highschool still, I’ve been doing about 2 to 3 perk 30s a day, I know its not that bad but my withdrawls are horrible, ill gett really anns6 and get cold sweats, and ill twittch alot, so I just keep doing the pills, I don’t know what to do, because I can’t tell my parent or ill feel so ashamed, and I can’t let anyone know or my whole school will find out, I don’t know what to do, I want to stop so bad but I just don’t have the will power to do it. Can you give me advice please help me

524 Andrew { 02.17.12 at 7:31 pm }

Warning: Long Post Ahead! The only new thing I have to recommend is Adderall (read for details)… otherwise, it’s just encouragement and repetition of what others have said.

******
Dustin, how are you doing? Any luck? You being in high school adds to the difficulty, because there’s no way you can hide withdrawal from your parents. I would honestly recommend faking the flu… the importance of getting clean justifies a little lie here.

I totally understand the shame, and I also haven’t been in a position to tell anybody… I’m in my 20s, single, would be too ashamed to tell my parents, and while some of my friends know I enjoy the pills, none know I’m addicted.

I’ve been on Percocet for four years, peaking at 8+ 7.5mg in the last few months. I’ve decided to stop for a few reasons. 1) It has completely replaced my social life, 2) it’s costs me a fortune, and 3) it’s causing various minor, but increasingly noticeable health problems (poor sleep, trouble urinating, nose problems from snorting).

I’ve been off for 96 hours, none of which have been fun. But honestly, it hasn’t been as bad as I expected. I’ll tell you my little “tricks”, most of which are the same as those from the awesome authors of this site.

1) TERMINATE THE SUPPLY, DO A BRIEF TAPOR, PLAN SOME TIME: Luckily I have access to a set number of pills per month. When I decided to quit, I consciously went through them too quickly so I’ll have a long time without access (2 weeks). I could never succeed in a long, gradual tapor… I’d always give in. So I used as normal until I had 13 pills – over my final five days, I took 5, 5, 2, 1, and 1. I wanted to be more gradual, but couldn’t hold back those first two days. Importantly, I was able to plan some time free of obligations, away from people who can’t know what I’m going through. I know this is basically impossible for a high-school kid like you, but for anybody else out there… I took three days of vacation from work, leading up to a weekend, so I have five days to get past the worst of it.

2) ADDERALL: This is the only thing I have to suggest that I haven’t seen on this or any other forum. This is totally counter-intuitive, but I believe it has helped me a ton. I took quite a bit (40 mg when I woke up) during the tapor days. It takes an hour or so to take effect, but it almost completely eliminated that horrible, helpless drowsiness that you feel when you need the pills. It’s also kind of fun, so it gave me something to enjoy a little bit while missing the high. I’ve taken smaller doses (20mg) each morning during my detox. It keeps me less drowsy during the day, which in turn gives you better sleep at night. I believe, although I have no science to prove this, Adderall (which supposedly works a lot like cocaine) artificially boosts your confidence. I have felt a constant sense of “I’m going to succeed, even though this totally sucks” throughout the process.

3) XANAX: Plenty of people already recommended this or similar… there is absolutely no substitute for soothing the mind and getting some legitimate sleep. Every hour of sleep is an hour of torture skipped. I also take Melatonin (with vitamin B6) and NyQuil. I’m guessing NyQuil+Xanax is a pretty unhealthy combination, but I really believe getting sleep outweighs most other concerns during this process.

(And Dustin, I realize I’m recommending illegal drug use to a 17 year old… but I think because of the huge impact of opiates and the fact you’ve crossed that line, I’m still being moral here. Also, I’ve been taking less and less of both pills every day, because I don’t want to be left with a new addiction.)

4) HOT SHOWERS!!!!!!!!!!! Oh god… the hot showers. Seriously, every time my limbs were aching, every time I got chills, every time ANYTHING was getting to be too much, a hot shower would take the physical and mental symptoms, and just take them down to tolerable levels. If you’re laying there miserable, and don’t have the energy to take a shower, and you just want to die… just drag yourself there, somehow. It’s amazing. It’s closer to a magic bullet than anything else. I’ve taken easily 20 showers in the last six days. Don’t even bother soap up… just let the water warm your bones, and blood, and muscles, and your mind and heart will calm.

Other tips:
-You won’t want to eat, but neglecting all nutrition will just add to your misery. Stock up on juices and gatorade (for calories and salts), get some multivitamins… this will probably have to suffice for your first day or two. As soon as possible, eat some easy foods (pudding, yogurt, ice cream). But for a million reasons, try to eat real food ASAP – high-protein food will not be appealing, but it’s important.
-Immodium (Loperamide)… oh yes, you’ll want that
-Music – I found I couldn’t focus on TV or books, but I could close my eyes and enjoy my favorite, non-aggressive music. I got unexpectedly weepy to some of my favorite, sad songs. You might think sadness is bad, but it was strangely pleasurable compared to the depressed emptiness opiate withdrawal leaves you with.

525 Lori { 02.27.12 at 4:48 am }

I feel I probably should try one more time to stop all my pain Meds but am so scared I like you have done it many times in my life from many different substances! Now the substances being pain medicine and anxiety medicine for truly real illnesses and disabilities thus the fear my body is so ravaged by not only my disease but by the treatments for the diseases causing me much Dis-Ease! Lol!
The point I’m trying to get to is I am not sure my body can handle the trauma of the withdrawals and I mo longer have my husband to care for me while I go through it this time, he passed away so I’m scared but considering trying to detox and yes probably a medically supervised detox would be best but don’t know if that’s possible?!
Thanks for your awesome sharing and thanks for listening.
Peace & Love…….Lori :-)

526 swirlsmom { 03.20.12 at 9:13 pm }

ok so here is my story, kinda lengthy but I have to tell it. I am a mother of. I am 32 years old. Roughly 2 weeks after my 3rd child in 2005 I had severe chest pains long story short I had to have an emergency surgery to have my gall bladder removed. When I was discharged I recieved a script of 120 perc 7.5. So the story starts here. The first week they were MANDATORY for the after affects of the surgery. Then I noticed my house was clean, kids were fed and bathed and in bed, laundry was done and I was HAPPY. I could deal with ANYTHING at this point. Then they were gone. I felt ok very MILD w.ds. But I still needed them well thats what my head told me anyway. I left my then abusive alcoholic husband in 2006. I moved away with my mother. Never even thought about them. Well guess what…I went back to him. In 2007 I had my 4th child. During this pregnancy I would get CHRONIC UTI. Unfortunately i had to have federally funded healthcare and where I live it is not wonderful. Of course my 1 of many OBGYN student practiontioners from the local WELL known. medical college would write me a script for antibiotic and vicodin. This UTI would reoccur every month or so for some unknown reason. I had the baby in August, of course with a c-section you get percs around the clock. When I left..guess what so did 90 percs script already filled in hand and in the car with us.I never slept so I was up with the baby, able to take care of the other three kids like superwoman….and HAPPY!!!! I unfortunately have had horrible c-section issues with this hospital. Everytime I would have to have my incision reclosed at least twice…so guess what that was 30 more percs. I then had a big scare with endemetriosis and cervical cancer….guess what…60 percs a month. I would make them last because i could not bear to have my children who needed me see me through a wd. I refused. I then was clear of the endemetriosis and cervical cancer. But had to have 7 teeth cut out and 4 root canals….Guess what….more percs. Well at this pont nothing is wrong with me so i had no reason to go to a doc. I would find a reason and the doc would send me on my way….with a script. This lasted 2 years. In 2009 I left my hubby once again…guess what didnt even crave them anymore. In 2010 I lost my baby sister and my mother…so I started to get severe migraines and back pain. Ha more percs. I then found out I have Rheumatoid arthritis. More percs…no insurance. But I found a way to deal with it using ibuprophen after the scripts were gone and no insurance. Then my hubby tapered down to a few beers a week and went to anger management classes. We are back together and i see a side of him I have never seen before. But I am still buying percs, hydros, vics, roxys etc. Not for the anxiety but for the ENERGY!!! I have four kids and work part time and am in school part time as well. Its alot, and noone can tell me these energy drinks work. I havent had anything that has the same energy level as the opis. So I had no one to get anyfrom yesterday I went a 30 hr periiod with none…hello I was in dyer pain and the anxiety was HORRIBLE. My kids needed me and I felt BAD about it. ASo guess what I scored 12 5mg roxys. So the 30hrs of the shits and no giggles were for nothing. My husband doesnt know what i am doing so i cannot tell him or he will leave me and take my kids. I have no insurace and cannot get fed ins anymore because of income so I dont know what to do. He cannot take off work to see me thru the “flu” and I have a 4 yr old that stays home during the day. we have no family here and not alot of friends. Especially ones I can trust to tell my dirty secret to or to help with the kiddos…….what to do
PLEASE HELP :(

527 Ruined { 03.27.12 at 11:44 am }

I am on day 3 of detox from a narcotic 10 times stronger than morphine that I was injecting intravenously several times a day >> Dilaudid. The worst part? I was so able to hide the fact that I was using for the past year from my husband and family that I feel like I am going at this alone. I am too ashamed to tell anyone, and I found out I am pregnant. Mostly I just want my life back. I have diarrhea, I am constantly cold with the chills, my body aches, I’m depressed as heck, and I just wish this withdrawal s&*t was over… on what day will I start to feel like I can even drag myself off of the couch? Right now, I just lost my job, so I am saying it’s just depression (though I know it’s more)…I would just like to know the end is near. I need to apply for jobs, but the thought of even having to walk up 10 stairs to get to the shower for an interview is excruciating…. It looks as though no one has posted in a while but if anyone out there knows when the physical part of this shitty addiction wears off, that would be great… this is my first time detoxing as I have never done anything like this before… Thanks guys.

528 bitch03 { 05.29.12 at 12:06 pm }

I am on day 3 of vicodin withdrawal
day 1 i really wanted to get the drug i was mad that i didnt have it. didnt want to do anything
day 2 some loose stools restless leg syndrome but i could sleep and eat i dont have the urge to eat but i do eat
day 3 can’t hold still its a little harder today i feel like i am in a cloud of fog or something. runny nose watery eyes i am taking otc meds liek allergy meds and cold medicine and advil to help it seems to work
any ideas how long this will last
i was taking them here and there for a few months and in the last 3 weeks i have taken them everyday at least 3 a day 7.5/325mg not too much but enough to cause an issue will post how day 4 goes.

529 jeremy { 11.12.12 at 11:27 pm }

Well im on day 3 . Ive been on day 1 pretty much for a month waiting on some kratom hopefully itll get me out of bed

530 seferino momtoya { 05.02.13 at 7:03 am }

Hello everybody I’m 48 years old I started taking benzodiazepines any kind for 15 years and 7 years ago I broke my right hand and I started taking norco 10-325mg I started taking the dose the doc prescribed me. but now I don’t. have pain,about 3 years ago I started increasing my dosage by myself from the beginning I was talking 2mg of Xanax a day now I’m taking up to 6-7mg. And the norco I started 3×a day now I take 9-10 pills a day I’m worry because my doc he doesn’t want prescribe me to many pills he wants to give me 2mg a day of Xanax and only 4 norcos a day so I don’t know what I can do,I’m going to buy some at the streets in case I can’t get anything and I’m putty sure I’m going to start with W/D please if someone knows where I can buy some pills let me know,I don’t know how I’m going to feel when the W/D start, any help or suggestion on how manage this situation will be very very appreciate it thanks everybody.

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