About
I’ve decided to create this blog for all of you who are suffering through the debilitating symptoms of vicodin dependence/addiction and subsequent withdrawal. I can’t count how many times I’ve detoxed from opiates, and every time I’ve prayed that it would be my last. In my many years of dealing with opiate dependence I’ve unfortunately become accustomed to the pain of being “dope sick,” and I’ve actually found different ways of helping me cope with it.
This blog is mainly here to help you with your vicodin and other opiate related withdrawal symptoms, but I will also be writing about the recovery process, pain management and where you can find help for your addiction (if you have one) as well. However, I don’t feel as though all of my readers are going to be “addicted” to prescription painkillers. Some of you may be in need of a recovery center, yet others might just be trying to cut down your physical dependence on the drug. Whether or not you’re “hooked”, I think that excessive use of opiates is definitely a less than ideal lifestyle, and should be corrected by any means necessary.
Disclaimer: I personally am not a 12 stepper, but I am not here to place judgement on anyone’s beliefs either. When I speak about recovery it will be in a very objective manner. I’ll lay out alternatives so everyone can choose the path that they want to take. I’m a firm believer that there is no single way for everyone. We must try and find out what works for us as individuals, and once we do, we must stick with it.
With that said, VicodinWithdrawal.org is a resource for individuals who are looking for information on how to either deal directly with the symptoms related to acute opiate withdrawal, or to find alternative ways of removing the drug from their system. Whether that means checking into rehab, doing a rapid detox, or just going old school and locking yourself in the bedroom. Whatever works for you. 
I hope to share my experiences with you, and maybe help a few of you in the process.
3,209 comments
hi. my mother is currently detoxing at this moment (I can hear her downstairs right now. terrible!) when i got clean there really wasn’t much of a physical detox like what my mother is going through. is there something.. anything that i can do to help her? this is day 3 or 4 and so far, today has been the worst. i want to help her through this, but i am a little bit out of my league here.
Well, I feel for you and your mother…I’ll keep you in my prayers. What’s she detoxing from, and how much was she taking? I think that question definitely comes into play during any kind of withdrawal. Judging from your concern, she must have been a heavy user, with whatever opiate it is that she’s using.
At this point, I would just give her some emotional support, and help her stick it out for a few more days. They say that withdrawal only lasts about 72 hours, but from experience, I can tell you that that is BS. Most of the physical symptoms become bearable by day 7, and are hardly even noticeable by day 14. She’s on day 4, so she only has a few more days left.
Hot showers really helped me, so if you want to set her up with a hot bath or shower, I would do that. Keep reminding her that she’s already 4 days into this, and that she’s getting through the worst right now. Having somebody there to “cheer you on,” for lack of a better term, really helps ease the agony in my opinion.
Yeah, so like I said before, I would help her emotionally and give her whatever she needs to feel more comfortable expect for the opiates. She’s too deep into the detox for any type of tapering regime. Does she feel like she has an addiction to this stuff? Like, she can’t stop on her own?
Hope this helps, let me know if you have any other questions.
I have fibromyalgia and have been taking two to three Vicodin a day. I am tryting to wean off of it. Only took one pill today so far and in such pain. I don’t know if it’s not from taking the pill or the fibormyalgia. I am just aching all over, but I have been doing that also before trying this. Can you advise. I tried to sign up but cannot seem to find where to do it.
Thank you, Pat
Hi Pat,
I just barely set this blog up, so I haven’t added any type of newsletter or rss subscription links to it yet, but I promise I’ll get those up as soon as I can.
As for tapering the Vicodin, it’s going to have to be done in really small steps. Let’s say that you’re taking three 5mg pills everyday, and you’ve been doing that for months. Well, you can pretty much assess that your habit is 15mg per day. Now if you all of a sudden cut your intake to one 5mg pill per day, you’re for sure going to feel the effects of withdrawal from the other 10mg that you’re body isn’t receiving.
In order for the tapering process to be effective, you’ll have to reduce your dose in small increments. It sucks to have to do that, but it’s really the only way for you to get through it without serious withdrawal symptoms. Chances are that the pain you’re feeling right now is a combination of both your fibromyalgia and a little bit of the detox aches.
What I did a while back, was I bought a pill splitter from the local drug store that allowed me to break each 5mg pill into 4 pieces if I wanted to. So then, instead of dropping a whole 5mg’s of the drug from my intake, I was able to break it into 2.5mg or even 1.25mg.
So if I was you, I would assess my current habit. Then I would take that number and remove a small amount from it. Try that for a day and see if the pain is bearable. The goal here isn’t to avoid discomfort completely, otherwise you’ll end up back where you started. But, what you want is to make it easy enough to handle. Once you’ve lowered your dose and stayed at the new amount for 3-5 days, then work on lowering it another step. Keep doing that until you’re completely off the stuff.
This post is assuming that you have a large supply of the Vicodin. Otherwise, you’re going to have to either secure some, or just tough it out for a while.
Best of luck to you Pat, I’ll keep you in my prayers. Let me know if you have any other questions.
Thank you for your info. I’m a vicodin user due to chronic pain. I tried to detox myself a few days ago and it was agony. I’m hoping to kick them soon. I’m very very scared.
Hi Melisa,
It can feel like hell during the process, but you’ll feel so great after it’s all done.
Have you tried tapering? Try reducing your dose slowly over a long period of time. Psychologically it’s tough, but I believe it can be done because I’ve done it myself.
Best of luck to you, and God bless.
Email me if you need any help.
Can you please tell me what I should do? I have been on Vicodin of and on for about 3 years due to acute Achilles problems. I want off!!! I have had 2 surgeries on one leg with my most recent one in August to reconstruct the Achilles and heel. In the last 3 weeks I started to have great success with the pain decreasing. When I decreased the amount of Vicodin accordingly, I noticed the withdrawal symptoms. My body is physically dependent now. Here is my question. I will be having my other Achilles reconstructed at the end of January. I am sure I will be put on more Vicodin then. Do I go through the withdrawals now, knowing I will be doing it again 3 or 4 months out from my next surgery or do I stay on a real low dose of Vicodin all the way through and do the withdrawals once? Currently I am taking 1/2 Vicodin at night before bed and I am taking 1/4 vicodin every 4 to 6 hours during the day. What should I do. I can honestly say that there are times when my Achilles pain still needs some help but when I found that I had the addiction I freaked and decided I needed to get help.
I just re-read my post and I need to clarify that the type of Vicodin I am on is the the kind that says 10/325 on the front of the bottle. Also in talking with my surgeon, he says that the average time frame of someone being done with the pain medication, who had the same type of surgery I did, is 6 months. He said i just happened to be healing really fast. So I guess most people who have my type of surgery end up dependent on Vicodin. I wish I had known that. I don’t think I would have done anything different but I wish I had known. What should I do? I am scared.
Hi I too am trying to detox on my own and it is hell. I have chronic neck and shoulder pain. I have a one year old little boy who counts on me every day. he is my motivation to ignore th detox symptoms. Plus my husband really has no clue how much vicodin I really take in one day. Usually 5 but I have taken 7 to 9 in one day. I know I can detox I have done it before. I really am embarassed to tell anyone about my habit. So I have to suffer in silence and do this on my own. My son is my only inspiration. your website has given me hope as well. Thank you!
@Sweetfreedom
The first thing that I want to tell you is; don’t be scared. I know that the whole experience is probably a little frightening but that doesn’t mean you need to be afraid. Be strong, be courageous and know that you’re tough. Seriously, you’re going through two achilles surgeries for Pete’s sake. That requires some serious courage, so you can rest assured that you’ve already got that in the bag. Now, on to the detox plan…
Judging from the amount that you say you’re taking, it doesn’t seem like your tolerance is that high. The 10/325 means that there is 10mg’s of hydrocodone (vicodin) and 325mg’s of acetaminophen (tylenol) in each of your pills. Assuming that you take your 1/4 dose 4 times a day, you’re only dependent on about 15mg of the bad stuff, including your bedtime dose, which isn’t bad at all. And, if that takes care of your pain, then you know you don’t need to up your dose either.
With that said, my question to you is; why did you take the vicodin for 3 years? Was it just for the pain? Or do you like the way they make you feel? If it’s just for the pain, then you can assume that you don’t have much of a psychological addiction to the stuff, and that you’re just physically dependent. If that’s the case, I would continue tapering, but do it slowly. You have another surgery coming up, and chances are that you’ll need to use the vicodin again, so there’s no point in going through withdrawal twice. Just set a time after the second surgery to drop the habit once and for all, then move on with your life.
I think the hardest part in all of this is the fact that you have a legitimate reason to take pain medication, but if I was you, I would start looking for alternate ways to manage your pain. I really believe that as humans we have an incredible ability to control our pain. I remember when I was using, I was a sissy. Not because I didn’t feel like I could be tougher, but because I liked how I felt when I was on opiates. So, I would always make injuries worse than they really were, just so I could get some meds. When I finally left that part of me behind, I made a serious effort to “feel” stronger. I would tell myself that I could handle anything, and that no pain could make me want to use vicodin. Long story short, I make it through a dislocated shoulder and the worst strep throat ever without any opiates. Talk about a confidence booster.
Stick with it Sweetfreedom. Don’t ever forget about why you want off the stuff, make a decision today that you’ll do whatever it takes to overcome your injuries and your vicodin habit and I guarantee you’ll look back on this day with pride. That’s my advice, I hope it helps you. Remember to get some extra help if you feel like you need it. There are plenty of options out there for you.
All the best.
Hi Kristin,
Take a look at the comment above, the one that I left for Sweetfreedom, I feel like much of it applies to you as well.
You already know that if’ you’ve detoxed once, you can do it again. I think one thing that most people who try to get off opiates don’t realize is that they can’t do it as fast as they’d like to. Usually when we want to get clean, we want it right then and there, but reality is, that we need to taper slowly, otherwise we’ll face some pretty nasty withdrawals. 5 a day is a decent sized habit, so if you have a steady supply, I would take it really slow. Start writing it down on paper. See how much you’re taking now, and reduce that amount by 15% every week. So if you’re taking 40mg now, then next week take 34mg and so on.
This is all assuming that you’re not mentally addicted to the stuff. If so, then the whole tapering thing is going to be very very hard. See, I didn’t take vicodin for pain, I took it because I loooooooooved the way it made me feel, so tapering was a huge problem for me.
Last thing; don’t go at this alone. Find someone that you can reach out to that is open-minded and will be able to support you. If you’re spiritual, then pray A LOT!! There were times when I felt alone and depressed, but spending a little quiet time with God really brought me some peace.
I wish you the best Kristin. Let me know how everything works out.
Thank you so much for the reply. Thank you. It is hard not to be scared when you feel the detox starting. I am REALLY stubborn. When I quit using caffeine, the detox headache just made me mad. I know this is a lot different. I started keeping a journal marking everytime I took a Vicodin. I think 15-20 mg. is pretty acurate for what I have been taking for the last 2-3 weeks but I think I was taking more like 40 mg. a day before that. Obviously the closer I calculate back to my surgery, I was on even more and initially I also had to take that stuff called Dilauded along with the Vicodin.
I have had Achilles problems for the last 12-13 years. They are too short for the length of my legs. This also caused a gait problem (walking) so I ended up with pretty bad back pain. I have been on Vicodin off and on since July 2006 because that is when I blew out my right Achilles while running sprints. It never healed correctly and the pain I have had the last 2 1/2 years has been pretty harsh. I finally went to a foot and ankle specialist who could tell immediately what was happening. The best news here is that what he did to my right leg in August WORKED!!!! It hurt like @#$% but it worked. It feels the best it’s felt in 13 years! That is why my left one is scheduled in January. Right now it (left leg) is not as bad as the other was but it will be if I don’t have it lengthened and fixed. Achilles surgery, for me, was more painful than childbirth. I was singing fast food songs when I was giving birth to my oldest. I have always thought I had a high pain tolerance until this Achilles thing happened. As far as how I feel, I hate hate hate what the Vicodin does to my head and stomach but I am thankful for what it does to my legs. Sometimes my legs hurt so bad that I feel clausterphobic because I can’t get away from them. About 80% of Achilles rupture people that I have talked to all say that sometime between 6-12 weeks post-op they all either consider a shot to the head or amputation. (Jokingly of course but scary that so many say the same thing!) So when my leg started feeling better and I stupidly just thought, well I can stop taking this stuff now, that is when I figured out that my body was dependent.
I don’t know if this is bad but I have also decided to tell everyone I am close to. I guess I was hoping for support. I am especially explaining this all to my teen-age boys because they need to understand what has happened. Ironically, my oldest is finishing up his second year of college pre-med. I have THE MOST SUPPORTIVE HUSBAND who is willing to take time off of work to stay with me for the 96 hour detox flu.
Last night was the first night that I didn’t wake up at 3:00A.M. and have the jitters. I don’t know if it was a fluke or if the taper is working.
What was my alternative to the vicodin? There were times, just 6-8 weeks ago that my pain was so bad that I had to concentrate to recite my cell number. I went to a doctor 7 weeks ago for something different and my blood pressure was scary high. They were panicked until they figured out it was a pain response and they made me take more Vicodin. I normally have really low blood pressure and yes, my medication tolerance is low (I usually have to take a pediatric dose of everything).
Why do doctors and nurses tell you that if you are taking Vicodin for legitimate pain, you will not develop a dependence? How can that be true? Maybe they meant to say, you will not develop an addiction?
I just didn’t know what to do. The detox symptoms are scary. I know I will be put back on Dilauded and Vicodin after leg #2. I was leaning towards what you suggested which was to wait and do the detox once. It seems that my doctor has no problem prescribing it for at least 6 months post-op. (I had a different doctor who was giving it to me over the last 2 1/2 years)
Right now I am at 11 hours since I had any Vicodin and I am not yet experiencing any symptoms. Before, I felt it after 4 hours. Does that mean the taper is working? Thank you for being there. I am a spiritual person and will be praying for all I read about on this forum. One of our pastors at church just had a horrible accident with a chain saw and his right hand. He is headed for multiple surgeries. Now I know one other thing to pray for him on. Pain medication dependence/independence.
@SweetFreedom
You’re very welcome.
My main reason for starting this blog was just to share my experience and thoughts on what I’ve been dealing with for the past 10 years of my life. I was hoping that I could help some people along the way, and even if it turns out to be just one, then I know I did my job.
It seems like you’re making some serious headway here. If you don’t feel bad after 11 hours without a dose, then that’s a great sign. Just keep at it. You’ll get to a point where you’ll be taking tiny amounts only when you notice that you’re feeling a little crummy. Before long you’ll be off. I know that you’re going back in to surgery again, and my original thought was for you to just leave the detox for then, but if you’ve come this far, you might as well stick with it. This way your tolerance will be lower too, so you won’t need as much of the pain meds to help you feel better.
You think you can do it without the Dilaudid? That might be a little too much to ask huh? I would try it though. Give it a shot (no pun intended), just tell doc that you don’t really want to get too doped up, and you wanna see how much of the pain you can tolerate. Sounds a little masochistic, but what I’m trying to get at here is that you’re the one in control. The doctor will give you as much as you say you need. It could be overkill, or it could be just the right amount. Remember, that whatever pleasure you gain from the opiates today, you will have to be paid back during your detox tomorrow.
To answer your question about whether or not you will become dependent on opiates if taken for legitimate pain…that’s a bunch of BS. In the past, I’ve successfully moderated my usage to just what the bottle says. 1 tablet every 4-6 hrs as need for pain, and I always became dependent, meaning, that I always went through withdrawals when I stopped. The only time that I didn’t go through withdrawals was during a one month period when I was able to take just 10mg’s during every 24-hour period. So I really think that the time between each dose should be more like 24 hours instead of the usually 4-6 (or 8), if one does not want to develop serious tolerance.
As for the whole addiction thing; I was addicted after having my first vicodin, so that’s more of a person-to-person type thing.
I’m happy to hear that you have a nice support system. Some of the people you’ve told probably won’t understand you, but if they really care for you, then they’ll be on board. I’ll pray for you and your Pastor.
Talk to you soon
There is a chance that I won’t have to have as much work done on my left Achilles. I won’t know for a little while. I am pretty sure I will use the Dilauded again. On my last surgery, I used it and the 10/325′s alternating every 2 hours and the first 4 days of pain were indescribable with all of that. I also had a poplitiel nerve block that only held for about 6 hours post-op. I think I stopped using the Dilauded on day 6. If I have less slicing and dicing than maybe I won’t need it. Who knows.
Today was kind of different than the last few. I was feeling the detox after only 4-5 hours. What causes this to happen? Why was I able to go 11 hours the other day and today seemed horrible? Is this in my head or did I cut too much too quick?
@SweetFreedom
I was going to mention this in my last reply, but forgot to. It takes anywhere between 30-48 hours before you feel full blown withdrawals. So, since it takes a couple days for your previous tolerable amount to be adjusted to your new one, then you need to lower your dose accordingly. Make sure that you don’t lower your dose any sooner than two days, preferably every week. That way, you’re only facing full blown detox for very small amounts of the drug at a time.
Hope that helps.
That makes total sense. It sounds like I need to stay on each new lower dose for at least a week. I couldn’t figure out why I felt so horrible yesterday. Like I said, I have been keeping a journal and marking what I take and when I take it. I still only had 25 mg. yesterday but I was a lot more uncomfortable. Judging by how fast I was going through prescriptions before, I seriously had to have been taking anywhere from 4-6 (40-60mg)a day just as recently as 3 weeks ago. I am so thankful you are here. I would have nobody to help me with this info. My insurance doesn’t really supply doctors who know about this. The doctors (OR NURSES) I’ve talked to either say there should be no dependence yet or they rattle off the same taper schedule you would have tapering from ANY type of medication. Aren’t they all different? Thank you again.
Are you still there? I am getting more worried about detox now. I talked with a chemical dependence nurse from my insurance. She said that she did not recommend that I detox before my last surgery. She thought I should go through it once and for all after the next surgery. It has been really hard knowing what I am about to go through. I think I am dreading this detox almost more than I am dreading the surgery. (Maybe because this is my 3rd Achilles surgery.) I hate being a slave to this stuff. On the days that I had less vicodin, I noticed the tightening of the chest. I also have asthma. I feel worried about not being able to breathe. Should I check with my asthma doctor about that? Grr! I want all of this overwith. Pain wise, I could have lived without the vicodin for the last 4 weeks but I was told to stay comfortable and wait for the detox. I have never had a problem in my life that I had to wait to tackle. I am not very patient.
I had surgery two days before Christmas of 2008 and was prescribed an extensive supply of Hydrocodone, a generic form of Vicodin- about 4 refills of 30 pills (10mg). I took the drug at first to relieve the pain of surgery. About two weeks after the surgery the pain was gone and I began recreational use literally every night for another month, and I used all but one refill. I did not take the drug last night, and felt extremely anxious, sad, jittery, and I couldn’t sleep. Would this be considered withdrawal symptom? I do have trouble sleeping often and I am an anxious person by nature, but last night and today it was particularly bad. I do not have cravings to take the drug and don’t feel like it would be difficult to stop. Would it be dangerous to just immediately discontinue taking the Hydrocodone without any other precautions or actions on my part, just simply stop?
Also, to add to my above post… I take about 2-4 tablets of the 10/325 Hydrocodone ONLY at nightime for a period of a two weeks. I took the pills for two weeks before the two weeks of nightly recreational use, taking about 40mg-50mg/day. I would greatly appreciate your thoughts on a gameplan for quitting, and how to control withdrawal (if I have it). And I wanted to say that I think this blog is great and very helpful/informative.
I apologize for the delay in response. You may have noticed in my other recent comments that I mention a family emergency that I had to attend to which kept me away from this site for a while.
@SweetFreedom
I hope everything is ok with you. Please let us know how everything turned out.
@Markus
I hope I didn’t catch you too late. If this is the first time you’ve had trouble with the Vicodin, then consider yourself lucky. You should have no problem getting back to your normal life physically in a few short days. Do you have a large supply? If so, I would say that you taper your dose. Since your tolerance is not that high, I would suggest you wait and take a pill when you feel like you just can’t stand it anymore. But, don’t take the whole 10mg. Take like 2.5mg and see how you feel. If that holds you over, then just do that. You’ll have to adjust accordingly, but the hardest part is overcoming the temptation to get high again…if that’s what you were using them for. It’s impossible to taper unless you’re willing to ignore that part of your mind that tells you to get loaded. Best of luck to you Markus. If you want, you can send me a private message so we can chat.
Take Care
I made it through my last (hopefully) surgery. I am almost 3 weeks post-op. I contacted a chemical dependence nurse with my insurance. Turns out that she works with my orhtopaedic’s office all of the time. Apparently the type of surgeries I have had tends to lend itself to some chemical dependence because the pain stays pretty intense for a while. I tried last week to see how little pain medication I could go with and found myself in tears staring at the crack in the wall. My leg is still hurting pretty bad. My doctor’s office was supportive when I told them I wanted off of the Vicodin but they said it may be a little soon. I had to have more done to my left Achilles than we all originally thought and then I had one of the 3 incisions get some infection in it. This didn’t help matters too much. I took your advice and used as little of the Dilauded as I could. Only used a pediatric dose for about 3 days post-op.
Vicodin does not make me feel high. I feel sick to my stomach. I feel like I have to balance between how much pain I can take and how much nausea and headache I can take. I know I could not have made it through these surgeries without it but I will be glad when there are no more prescriptions with my name on it.
The feeling my body gets when I haven’t had any for 6-8 hours (at night) is really scary. I feel a little like my throat is closing in. Is this normal?
I hope your family emergency has worked out. Thanks for being here.
@SweetFreedom
My family emergency did work out, but I had to attend to it for a little bit, that’s why I’ve been away from VicodinWithdrawal.org. Thanks for asking.
Great job on the low Dilaudid dose! It might not seem like it, but that’s a big step. When I did things like that, I knew that I was serious about getting better. I can’t imagine how much pain you’re in, so it’s hard for me to give you advice in that department. All I can say is hang in there. Just picture yourself when all of this is over, and you’re treating yourself to the real things in life that you enjoy. That’s gonna to be a beautiful moment. It’s happened to me before, and I get goosebumps thinking about it.
Best regards SweetFreedom. Let me know how everything works out.
Hi there! How are you doing? I am doing okay. I have been working on the taper for about 3 weeks now and that is going (so far) surprisingly easy. I am going to call my doctor today to see if there are any non-narcotic pain relievers that I can use at the same time. I am still having some pain problems and I don’t want to go backwords on the taper. The dose I am on now is just not enough for pain relief. Do you have any suggestions?
Hi Again,
I talked to the doctor today. What do you think of Tramadol?
Sweet Freedom,
Great to hear that you’re doing well, and that the taper is working out too. I would recommend that you stay away from Tramadol as an alternative for pain management. Although it’s classified as a non-opiate (true in part) synthetic analgesic, it still works on the same receptor sites in the brain and has nearly an identical “buzz” to most narcotic pain killers. It can also cause horrendous withdrawals that would make a Vicodin detox feel like a walk in the park. Read some of these stories and you’ll know what I mean: http://www.erowid.org/experiences/subs/exp_Pharms_Tramadol_Addiction_Habituation.shtml
That’s my advice, but I do realize that drugs affect everyone differently. If you do decide to go with the Tramadol, be very very careful.
Take care
Thanks so much for the quick response. I have decided not to take ANY Tramadol. I came home from the doctor with a bottle of the stuff and decided to do some research. I didn’t like what I read so I called the chemical dependence nurse through my insurance and she is upset that Tramadol is still used in the U.S. She told me the same thing you did. We destroyed the prescription. Why would someone prescribe that! The pharmacist didn’t even think it was a problem. Why? I am glad I have already learned a healthy distrust of medicine in general. I guess I’ll just stick with where I am at with my taper and try to push through some of the pain on my own. Thanks again!
Sweet Freedom,
No problem, glad to help. I think that if you really feel you need a narcotic pain killer, then Codeine is probably the safest. But, it all depends on where you are mentally. If you can maintain enough of a dose to take care of your pain without feeling the need (craving) to up your dose to get high, then you should be able to regulate your use without problem.
I don’t know that I feel high when I take the vicodin. I think I feel more high when it is time for another dose and my head is a little more clear because it is wearing off. I don’t like the feeling on the vicodin. I could do without the headache and nausea and bloating. The chemical dependence nurse suggested to me that some of the pain I am having may be because the narcotics I have been on has “reset” my pain messengers. She cautioned me about not doing anything stupid and totally ignoring the pain. But my pain might be exaggerated and in a sense “fake”. I have to admit, that if it is my mind and nerves playing tricks on me then I will figure it out and I will beat that. I have been afraid to challenge the pain ever since my rupture almost 3 years ago because losing function in a leg was kind of tramatic. But I will challenge it. She said she is not sure but that there is a chance that after a few years of being off the vicodin, my pain messengers may “reset” back to normal to where I have a higher pain tolerance again. At 17 I finished playing about 40 minutes of a soccer game with a very obvious broken leg, You could see it when I took my shin guard off. When I had my face fixed (nose and cheekbones), I had to take something for about 6-8 weeks and when the low back issues, including a small fracture in my spine started, I chose to take vicodin so that I could function easier with two small babies to care for. I should have just toughed it out like I did when I was younger.
This nurse keeps suggesting a drug called Suboxone to lessen the affects of the withdrawal. Do you have any feelings about it? Thanks again for being there. I feel like you are my secret weapon aginst this whole mess. You have been such a blessing to me. Please don’t be afraid to be bluntly honest with me. I respond to that rather well.
Sweet Freedom,
Sooo sorry I took so long to respond. For some reason this comment went into my comment spam trap. It’s usually really good about not blocking legitimate comments, but not in this case.
As for Suboxone; I can’t speak from experience on that one. I’ve never taken it myself, so I can only go by what others have said. There’s been mixed reviews, and I think it’s all relative. For the junkie who’s sharing needles on the street, Suboxone will be a miracle, but for someone like you, there are better alternatives. I’ve been trying to feel you out this whole time to see if there’s any type of psychological addiction there, but I don’t see it. If you really feel confident in your ability to control your use, then I would stick with the regular opiates (vicodin/codeine) until you’re ready to start fighting the pain. The thing your Doc said about your receptors is most likely true, so it may take some time for your pain tolerance to increase, but you will get there as long as you keep trying. It’s easy for us to accept the medicated approach to pain management because, it’s so easily available, but these days I’m all about testing myself. I try to push my pain threshold just to see how far I can go. Sometimes it’s a bit extreme, but I’m glad it’s on the opposite end of the spectrum now. You’ll be surprised how much you can tolerate without drugs.
Is anyone out there? I need help. I want to quit but the withdrawal is horrible. No one knows the true extent of my addiction. I don’t want people to know but I can’t do this alone.
Thanks for the reply on the Suboxone. I am really leaning against using any new drugs to help me get off the one I am on anyway but it helps to hear it from someone else.
I am REALLY stubborn and so far, in my life, when I turn against something, it is history. My usual choice is to end or destroy immediately. Having to do this gradually has been my challenge. So far I am winning but I do not underestimate this stuff. I am down to taking 3 a day (Mostly at night to sleep). My head is starting to clear. My bowels are starting to clear as well. (Sick! I know! but I never thought I would be excited for something like that to happen)
I have had a couple of nights that my pain increased sharply. I took my chemical dependence nurse’s advice and decided to push through it just to see what would happen. Ohhhh the ANGER I felt when after a while, the pain went away WITHOUT ANY PAIN MEDS. Your body will try to trick you to get more.. I also felt some freedom as well. The pain can not control my actions anymore. I can see how if a person does not fight this early it can lead to years of unnecessary use. I understand this now.
It seems as if my body knows what I am doing. It fought me at first but it almost seems as if it is expecting the constant decrease and is going along with it easier. I am sure the big ending flu will not be comfortable but if it is really horrible…so be it. My taper schedule has me ending around the end of May/early part of June. I can’t wait. My family played several board games this weekend. With my head being a little bit clearer, I won everything. Teehee. The fog is lifting! Thanks again! I will let you know when it is over.
Gee, My story is a lot like Kristins… My kids are grown now though, I take 90 Vicoprofen 7.5′s in less than a damn week. I have chronic head and neck pain as well as a back injury from a horse back riding accident. I have tried every therapy available and nothing works except the Vikes. I know that I am less motivated while on them and they make me smoke cigarettes (I usually do not). After my monthly supply is gone, (one week) i crash hard! I need a ton of sleep and my body is in such pain! I want to stop but the release from the pain is so good!
Hi there I am 74 hrs into my detox, heavy addict here man just reaching out to anyone on or about day 3 of this hell, I have not slept since Saturday the insomnia and panic are severe. The chills and pain I’m used to. Pray for me please. I will check in daily.
Well it is now Tuesday Day 4 still no sleep and the fear is my driving emotion, the fear that I really can not stop, that I will die from this(active drug use) I have two great kids 11 and 8 a wife who as put up with my shit.
I have lost all self-worth, and all hope. I was helped by this blog and so a will not use today no matter what, I have tried everything, rehabs, jails, moves, new jobs, nothing has ever worked.
I have been using for 30 years–started drinking at 13 and am now 43. The last 6 years have been a steady diet of Vicodin, Xanax, Soma and Morphine. Various amounts daily usually whatever I had. I have gone cold turkey 100 times over the years, but never make it more than a few days. I never want to be sick again. I am done, I can not use and live.
Peace
Joe,
Thanks for sharing man.
Believe me, I know how hopeless this crap can make you feel, but you’ve gotta hang in there. Do you have any type of support system? It’s super tough to go through it on your own. Ninety-nine percent of my detoxes were done alone, so I know how it feels. But, it can be easier if you have some buddies who’ve been to the dark side, and actually made it back. That’s the key, you have to hold on to that little bit of hope that says: “You know what, I want to live my life without drugs”. It’s probably a tiny voice right now, but it grows stronger as the time passes. Trust that tiny voice, listen to it. This is a war, and wars are won through a series of tiny battles. So begin with your first battle…start resisting. Don’t give in to your temptation to pop all those pills. Do what you have to do to stay clean. Remember that tiny voice?, the one that gives you hope?…that’s the real you.
Hang in there.
Wow, Thanks for the response. Day 5 has begun. I have my wife and kids too help with these first few days, after that it will be time for new friends. I have been to NA and AA so I know clean people, right now shame and sickness has me pretty isolated that is why this blog has made a difference.
I actually look forward to making it through the day so I can post. Physically I feel just better enough to begin the insanity of worrying about everything that is wrong in my life.
But my motto now is minute by minute I am getting better.
Plan for today-take a walk, pray, and don’t use.
Day 6-I now feel like I have been through the wringer. The good news I got a few hours of sleep last night, however now my energy level is gone, my back is killing me and I have a all the negative thoughts running wild in my head. The what is the use thought, the one won’t kill me thought. And the big one, what the hell am I going to do now thought.
I am so very grateful for all the posts on this place, I am not alone, I can get through this and most of all I like everyone who finds this place am worth it, we all are. Pills are not the answer for me, Today i got to look for what is, and that search I know for me begins by asking in prayer.
Yeah Day 6 with all it’s glory is now upon me.
Peace
Day 7 is here, to be honest it is this week the 7-14 day period that is my real stumbling block. Over the years I have 9 times out of 10 gone back to the pills during this time period. It’s nuts man I spend a week near death with mental anguish that is beyond description.
Then the day I feel somewhat normal I will take a pill. I guess it is that empty, scared, fear that I never could deal with It really is crazy man.
I so identified with the depression parts of this blog thanks for that information.
I am going to do it different today, I usually (looking back) have isolated myself during this week. Today I will MAKE myself get around some people, do some exercising, I spent 5 hrs on yard work yesterday—it was nice to be out in the fresh air.
To anyone starting this road, WELCOME.
Joe,
Congrats on day 7…good job!!!
Ya, it was like clockwork for me at around the two week mark. I would start feeling good again, and that all too familiar voice would give me a little whisper. Then it’s like a chess match from there. If I could get through two weeks, then the third week would be pretty smooth, but by day 30 I would hear it again. It’s usually around day 60 where it’s not such a one way battle anymore. Hang in there man.
I’m glad the depression post helped you out. Go out and enjoy some clean life…it’s not half bad.
And don’t forget to keep us updated.
Take care
Day 8 (so it is true you can stop using drugs and live through 7days). Again, thanks for the response admin, you are helping REALLY. I now feel much better physically, back pain is lessing, the RLS of course keeps me from falling asleep but i got another 4 hours last night so I’ll take it.
Now some physical activity, prayer and positive people hope everyone has a great weekend.
Day 9- Woke up really early it’s 5 in the morning here. I slept though so I am really happy about that. I have spent the last 2 days out in the hot sun, and the last 2 nights around positive people.
Here is the really confusing part for me, while my pain has subsided to a manageable level my emotions are so out of wack I am ok one minute, than in a silent rage type feeling, then guilt stricken , than worried, than grateful. Man I need some peace. Of course to not be loaded on Dope is all I really want right now so for today I will enjoy not being out there on the chase for dope, or manipulating or stealing or lying pr being to sick to get up.
There is a reason I stopped, I never want to forget that reason. And that reason is I am a much healthier person OFF dope.
Day 10 WOW double digit days.. been a long time since I’ve made it this far, something I never would have accomplished alone. I can only speak on my life on Vicodin (I used for the effect, the energy, the feeling of well being, and the way it made my daily life bearable)
But the reality was it was causing me so many more problems than it was fixing at least over the last few years, but I just could not stop. Well I have stopped, the question now is. Can I stay stopped.
For today I can.
Pwace
What I meant to say was
Peace
Joe,
You are such an inspiration. I know those words sound dumb but you have no idea how much respect I have for you. Thanks for sharing your fight.
I am in my final weeks of a Vicodin taper. Not looking forward to the final flu that is going hit but it will be worth it.
Day 11 is here and it is getting better. I wrote a longer post earlier but I don’t see it.
Physically I feel stronger than I have since this process started but I really am dogged by a sense of impending doom, and just the complete absence of natural positive good feelings. I am forcing myself to do stuff and I pray alot, exercise and share here and with friends and family.
If the earlier post shows up please forgive the double posting.
Peace
Joe,
I noticed that your other comment for day 11 went into my spam folder for some reason. Then, when I was going to approve it, I accidentally pressed delete. Oops! I think it’s the late nights and the caffeine getting to me. I need some rest.
Oh that familiar sense of impending doom. It’s wonderful isn’t it? It would be easy for me to tell you that what you’re feeling right now is a false emotion because, well, I’m not the one feeling it. But we all know that in the heat of the moment, it feels way too REAL and personal…right? I hate to sound cliche, but it’s true when they say that “this too shall pass.” Pretend like you’re walking blindfolded through the forest right now. It’s a forest that you’re going to have to walk through whether it’s now or 5 years from now. We all eventually have to come to that point where we say; “ok, I’m done! I’m ready to be through with this sh*t!” But the great thing is that we only need to walk through it just once. It’s our own choice. I’ve personally made myself walk through that forest countless times, but that was because deep down inside I knew that I wasn’t done.
We can try and use again, we can try and moderate, and we might even be successful at it for some time. But for those of us that who have that romance with opiates, doesn’t it eventually lead us back to that spot where the sh*t hits the fan? Where it becomes unmanageable?
I can’t guess whether or not you’re going to stay clean. But, I’ll tell you that in my life, I’ve had to face the music on more than one occasion, and every time it took a little more strength to make it back. So the truth is that we either make it back, or we slowly work our way into a Heath Ledger type deal. Pretty sh*tty deal if you ask me.
Keep praying Joe. There are a ton of ways that you can get and stay clean (i.e. detox, 12-steps, CBT, etc…), but if you’ve read my “About” page you’ll know that my perspective is that recovery is very much a personal process. What works for me might not work for you and vice versa. If we’re not consciously searching for what works for us, then we’re consciously searching for that next fix.
God Bless
Thanks for the posts guys they are a major reason for my survival.
Sweet Freedom thanks for the kind words, No they are not dumb, life sustaining would be more appropriate.
Day 12 is here and yeah admin I know what you mean there is something different about this time. That difference is that I really deep down KNOW without a doubt dope will kill me. I don\t think I deep down every really believed that or if i did I didn’t care.
—->”If we’re not consciously searching for what works for us, then we’re consciously searching for that next fix.”
Now there is a truth I need to keep in the forefront above the noise in my head. Thanks.
For me I would describe this whole 30 year run on dope as believing the lie, I mean I had to lie to myself every day, in some fashion. I had to lie to people I came in contact with. I have lied so long, well I start to believe them myself.
I don’t know what is true.
I do know these fact are evident.
1. Dope turns me into someone I do not want to be.
2. If I take a pill, just one it will lead to another. And at some point the shit will hit the fan, and the reason will be a choice I made under the influence of the dope.
For now I am actively searching for ways to treat this depression. I am trying prayer, exercise and sharing with others while these have not eliminated the depression I am thankfully still alive.
The good news. I never have to do this again.
Sorry about the long post. I hate to go on and on. I am so grateful this blog is here and is saving my life.
Day 13, I feel well physically this morning, my legs hurt a bit but nothing drastic, I slept a few hours. Still taking me about 3 hours to fall asleep. I have not tried any sleep remedies. (figure my brain chemistry is still a mess). Emotionally I am still pretty much a basket case.
I was checking out where it says some symptom of PAWS are irritability (got it) and inability to handle stress or make decisions. ( Seems like every interaction I have with another human being is stressful. Here is to anyone who will decide today that they have had enough.
Peace
Day 14- I can not believe it. 14 days without a pill. I could create a list a mile long of what is wrong in my life or I can focus on what is REALLY an incredible thing. I have not taken a pill in 14 days. Only one word MIRACLE.
Thanks everyone and have a great weekend.
Peace
I heard this nugget at a meeting years ago, I think I get it. The dude said, “If i get hit by a train it will not be the caboose that kills me, will it?”
Day 15, Man the last few days have been really hard mentally. I’m not sure exactly what is going on. I guess it’s that I have been given so much information over the years, from 12 step folks, religious folks, mental health folks.
My Problem is that I never get this feeling of “Wow I’ll never use again.” Call it being Born again, or Surrender or whatever.
For me not using is really hard, I get a moment of peace followed by a long period of anguish.
I just ask God to not use and help me bear the pain.
Peace
Joe,
I’m gonna tell you what’s helped me stay clean, and I hope that it helps you too. If any part of it that strikes a cord with you, keep it. Otherwise, seek your own way. Eventually you’ll find it.
I did the whole 12-step thing years ago. Actually, I was forced to do it. It was a court mandated program that was based mainly on the 12-steps. For some reason, I always felt out of place at the meetings. Looking back, I think that my main problem wasn’t with all of the steps, just one of them…just the first one. I agree with all of the other ones, but I couldn’t admit to myself that I was powerless. A friend’s Dad introduced me to Christianity when I was around 12 years old, so I’ve always been a little bit religious. I believe in God, and I believe that the power of prayer is HUGE!, but I also believe that we’ve been given free will in this life, and we need to use that freedom very wisely. Debating whether addiction is a disease or not, is irrelevant to me. I’m a problem solver, and the problem is that for some reason I like opiates…A LOT! My brain likes to think that I need opiates in order to survive, and it does everything in its power to get me to use.
I believed that the problem with saying that “I’m powerless” was that I would be expecting God or a sponsor to bail me out of all my tough “cravings.” But I realized that He never really bailed me out, He just gave me advice, He guided me, but in the end I was the one who made the choice to use or not…not Him. The 12-steps help you in staying on the right path by giving you a sponsor and meetings. But to me, that’s like using a crutch for your free mind.
You know those days where you’re just romancing the heck out of the drugs? You’re ready to get high! At any moment, you’re ready to go score something to feel great. In NA and AA, they say that those are the moments when you’re powerless, in other words, you’re on auto-pilot and you’re just going through the motions. They also say that if you’re at that point, then you haven’t been working your program, and you’ve already relapsed. In a way that’s true, but I don’t like the whole “point of no return” thing. I believe that no matter how close you are to using, you still have the option of saying “NO!” And when you do, that is when your bond with your God will get closer. Winning those little battles is what wins the war. Sometimes you can’t rely on a sponsor or God to win those battles for you. You have to win them yourself, but when you do, it’s like God gives you a standing ovation. He loves it! So, my goal became figuring out how I could win those little battles alone.
Do you ever wonder why you feel like you can’t quit? Do you ever wonder why don’t feel like you could ever be without the drug, yet you still feel like you need to quit because all the crap you’ve gone through because of it. That’s called “ambivalence.” It’s almost like you’re two people.
About 5 years ago, I found this site called http://www.rational.org. Back then, I was pretty indoctrinated by the disease model of thinking, so I thought the site was a load of crap. But, I gave it a try anyway, and the one thing that it has really helped me out with, has been giving me the ability to separate myself from my addictive voice. That voice that says “you’ll never get/stay clean.” Addiction has a way of blurring the line between your rational and animal mind. You can call it the “spirit” and the “flesh”. The spirit tells you that life is better without drugs, but the flesh won’t have it. Having the ability to recognize who’s who, is indispensable.
These days, I use my own ability to recognize my addictive voice and just ignore it. At first it’s really tough, but as time progresses, it becomes a cakewalk. I’m also very spiritual. So, it’s like I’ve taken a hybrid approach to recovery. I’ve taken the rest of the steps from NA, and coupled them with my own ability to control my cravings, and it’s helped me out tremendously. I don’t have to go to meetings, and I don’t need a sponsor to stay clean.
So, take a look at that site, and see if it helps you out. Best of luck to you Joe. I’ll keep you in my prayers, and I’m sure you’re going to be just fine. Remember, that voice that says “I want opiates now!!” It’s bullshit. It’s not you. You want to stay clean. You want to be happy without drugs. You want the good life. The good life doesn’t come with drug abuse.
Hey thanks for sharing.
I did got to the site you mentioned. I had checked on RR years ago. I am able to recognize my AV.
I guess I can quit counting the days now, seeing as my beast has no concept of time. I will continue to explore everything this life of being drug free has to offer, who knows what’s out here.
I hope I can keep coming here and sharing, it’s a special place you’ve got.
Thanks.
Hey Everyone,
Just a few thoughts on me day Saturday. I spent a few hours on the web site for RR. I read the entire site, I was somewhat familiar with the concept. I took the crash course, and with all the honesty I could muster I went through the 28 flash cards and made my big plan.
I had an actual physical reaction to it. For the next day my body had a terrible headache and my back and legs really hurt. It was weird.
Than I woke up Sunday and I felt better physically than I have in years. And I thought I NEVER have to use again EVER.
I really enjoy that thought.
Having been in the “system of recovery” here in the US since like 1990 with bouts of being clean followed by more drastic bouts of using, I not sure what is scarier not using or not relying on stuff that wasn’t working for me. Meetings, Steps that kind of stuff.
I thought you either got NA or you died. That is a weird thought must be my beast.
And man I was AMBIVALENT. Everyday about most things.
My issue now is a perplexing one. I’m not sure I know how to be personally responsible, I’m not sure what my core values are, I don’t know how to succeed I can’t handle failure. I have no idea what to do with my life. Man confusion and is all over me. Of course it does sound just like the voice that tells me to use.
Maybe my AV also shames me, tells me I can’t enjoy life, tells me I’ll fail. I’ll keep listening and learning.
Hey Admin,
Thanks for the new path I can go down I’ll keep you posted on how it’s going.
Peace
Hey,
I just wanted to stop by and say Hi. Feeling well today physically and am taking life as it comes today. Hope everyone searching for a way out of the darkness of addiction finds a way,
Joe,
That RR crash course really changed my perspective on this whole thing back when I read it. I’m glad it helped you out a bit.
I’m also happy you’re feeling good.
Feeling good is a good thing.
You almost forgot how it felt huh?
Try and get in some exercise. Get those endorphins flowing.
Good Morning everyone,
I continue on my path. scared and uncertain about life, but secure in my faith. I do have core values. I love my family, I am compassionate to others who suffer, I believe in God, I believe in working for what you want. I believe in a greater purpose than self. I believe in having fun. I had mentioned I wasn’t sure if I had values, I do and I will use them to keep me centered.
I have been exercising daily. Right now I walk (about 3 miles a day) and do push-ups. I am rather out of shape but I will push myself a bit more. I love swimming and basketball and golf so I will start enjoying these activities again.
Have fun folks.
Just wanted to stop by and say hi. Hope everyone has a real good day. Couldn’t sleep well last night. My mind would not shut off. I just keep thinking and thinking about my life.
I hope I can reduce my anxiety and worry over time.
Peace
Here is to a weekend of peace and joy. I hope everyone does something fun. I must admit the freedom from having to take a pill is really nice. If you have stopped using congrats. If you want to stop using, use the information here to assist you. There is some really excellent information here.
Oh yeah PAWS is real but knowing that the anxiety and horrible depression i go through at various points of the day, is not going to be a constant state but one that life’s stress does trigger has made such a difference
My plan for the weekend is to fave fun, and enjoy not using
Peace
Good Morning.
Sun is coming up and it’s gonna be a scorcher here, My plans for today are listening to some music, exercising and breaking a sweat.
I get frustrated sometimes at my lower back, I think I do have something wrong with it. Of course I lied to Dr.s all the time about how bad my back hurt. (I was seeking drugs). But i notice now I have bad back pain if I sit for a long time, and by the end of each day I’m sore.
Any thoughts anyone on treating back pain without narcotics?
Peace
Monday. I just wanted to say thanks for everything. I mean I am starting to feel human again. I have been using the AVRT to keep me clean. The amazing thing about it is the amount of negative thoughts I have, I would venture to say the 98% of my thoughts are negative or my AV. It’s crazy.
However, I know the the real me, the true thought is that voice that says. You do not want to use, You want to Have a life, a family, hope in a better day, so I really am using a ton of positive reinforcements daily and so far so good.
Have a great week folks.
Peace
Joe,
You have no idea how happy I am for you. Congrats! Keep it up.
There is so much to life that I didn’t explore because I was too busy getting loaded. These days, I’m always on the lookout for ways to get high off life. And believe me, I’m never let down.
Take care.
Thanks for the posts. I am feeling very much alone in this addiction struggle.
I was heavily addicted to opiates for many years and got clean almost 20 yrs ago and stayed that way for 15 of them. About 5 yrs ago I made the mistake of innocently taking a percocet after a medical procedure and it must have triggered the addict in me because the beast was once again out of the cage. It happened gradually but as soon as I discovered you could buy vicodin over the internet it was just so damn had to stop.
Anyway, over the last few years I’ve tried to quit several times. I once made it for 3 months but I went back to the vicodin. I’m a pretty health conscious person so I’ve managed to keep my dose down to no more than 30 mg of the 10/325 per day for the entire 5 yrs I’ve taken them.
The crazy thing is, I loved my clean and sober life so much. For you Joe, and anyone else reading this it’s true when they say your life gets better. I promise you it will and you’ll gain a respect and love for yourself that you never could imagine. I want that back so bad and I really feel that i’m ready this time. I’ve had enough of this prison of addiction. I want my freedom back!
I gradually tapered off and I’m on day 3 with no pills. I feel terrible and have leg pains and no energy but I’m getting through it. I’ve been here many times before so I know what to expect.
What I know for sure is that I can’t do this without the help of god. I’ve been praying a lot lately and I know it’s helping. And I’m focusing on whats important in my life. I know that addiction is robbing me of my joy. There is so much living left to do and I can’t do it being a prisoner of these stupid pills.
I hope everyone is doing good today.
Thanks for all your courage and wisdom.
Hi folks,
I guess you could say I walk around amazed, I am just amazed that I am not sick, amazed that I am not on the chase for dope, amazed that I am feeling better physically.
I know that daily effort on my part is required if I just don’t want to stop the pills. My real goal is to become healthy.
I am turning from someone who is not taking pills into a someone who is living their life to the fullest. (That’s what I’ve deep down wanted all along).
If their is a voice somewhere in you mind saying something like ‘Man these pills are killing me” or “I want to stop this madness” or whatever it’s telling you. If you should decide to listen to it. I’ll be here rooting you on.
Peace
Hello folks,
Been five days clean here. My girlfriend and I decided to stop this filthy habit. It all started when my dad put me on vicodin because I have really bad jaw pain from grinding my teeth really bad during sleep. When those ran dry I started buying Oxycontin. My girlfriend and I pretty much split every thing we got. We were using for about 9 months but never went over doing about 80mg of Oxycontin a day. Over the 9 months there were times where we could not get the drug and went threw withdrawl for a couple days until we found more. My question is with the amount and time that we have been doing this will we be hit with PAWS badly, I know its different for everybody.
Thanks for your help this site has been a huge help and should be considered the site you need to go to for stopping painkillers.
Jeff,
I’ve never taken Oxycontin myself, but let me give you an idea of how that converts to Vicodin.
80mg’s of Oxycodone (Oxycontin) converts to about 120mg’s of Hydrocodone (Vicodin) according to the online narcotic dosage converter found here: http://www.globalrph.com/narcotic.cgi.
That’s like 24 regular strength Vicodin a day…not too shabby.
I remember being up to about 14 a day at one point, but that was early on in my opiate abuse career. The real question is, how long have you been using over the course of your lifetime? Not just these recent 9-months. I think your use history has a lot to do with how long it takes for you to fully recover, at least it did for me.
If you’re relatively new to the opiate game, then you shouldn’t feel the PAWS for more than a couple weeks. You can probably even speed up the process by adding to your immune health with things like exercise, vitamins etc…
I wish you and your girlfriend the best. Let us know how it goes.
Good Morning,
Man I am so excited to see some new folks checking out ways to get off pills. That is awesome.
Nina-. You sound alot like me. The depression and loneliness is brutal. That’s why I come here everyday, I took over this posting area,( I felt kinda weird, and selfish) but Admin is so cool here that they let me ramble it has helped so much. I hope you find comfort here. Please keep us posted on how it’s going.
Jeff-way to go Five days clean, Man that that is incredible. The aftershocks of opiate dependence that have are brutal but I want the good life brother and they tell me it’s down the road a bit. So I just keep going down it.
Peace
Hello everybody,
My girlfriend and I are nearing our 6th day clean!!! Today was the best day mental wise. I still have pretty bad leg cramps which get worse at night…
Adam thanks for the response. This was are first and last run with the pills. 9 months went by fast felt like I was in a dream. But anyways finally talked to my parents about my addiction and my dad is a doctor so he said since I wasn’t to heavy into them it shouldn’t be to bad. I just wish this leg cramping would leave!!!
Joe Thank you for your kind words really helped me out the day I read them!!!
Stay clean everybody and keep up that happy life!!!
Good Morning Folks,
Friday. I am actually getting excited about normal things again. (Like Weekends) Do you know how long it’s been since what day of the week it was even mattered. It is these little rewards right now that keep me fired up.
Everyday when I am popping pills is the same, wake up sick, take some pills, be disgruntled with life, search for a high that no longer existed for me and if I was lucky take enough pills so that I would pass out.
Today I am up, NOT SICK, and I have an eagerness to the day.
Jeff- Awesome brother. I can related to those leg cramps man. I read a post on here somewhere where a lady was saying the body is electricity flowing from the mind and exiting out of the bottom of your feet. During withdrawal your body is firing more juice than it can process thus the cramping. Made sense to me.
I figure if I have to go through leg cramping just once for the hope of a better life it is so worth it. I mean humans walk for 1000′s of miles across the deserts on this planet in search of a better life. I Consider myself a Lost Boy journeying to a whole new world any pain is temporary and the paradise awaits. Best of luck brother.
Have a great weekend folks.
Good morning!
Day 7 and I feel pretty good. I’m sleeping and the leg cramps are finally gone. My energy is returning slowly every day and I’m starting to be so much more alert and aware mentally. It’s nuts how we would want to sedate ourselves like that for so long.
I’m looking so forward to this summer being free from these pills. I can go camping, hiking all those fun things without worrying about having enough pills with me to keep going.
Joe and Jeff …you both sound so positive and I’ll pray for you (and your girfriend,) to stay clean.
This is the beginning of a incredible life for all of us.
Have a great weekend!
Good Morning.
Congrats on Day 7 Nina, and more importantly thanks so much for keeping us posted. I know that any little thing I do ( like a 10 second post here) helps keep me moving towards a richer, fuller life. Enjoy and Best of luck.
Plan for the day–Go outside in This heat and soak it into my bones, Pray and Smile.
Peace
Hey Everyone,
Monday Morning and I am up and happy, One thing I have noticed is, that over the past couple of days my Addictive Voice has become more cunning. It doesn’t tell me “Hey let’s get some pills. It tells me, “This is hopeless, You will never do it, Your so far gone… All real negative stuff.
I realized that those thoughts are just has powerful. And they come out of nowhere and are really draining. When I get those negative thoughts I have been combating them. I understand that Any Thought, Image or Feeling that my mind creates that makes it OK to take a pill is just my addictive voice. And I am enjoying the good life to much to ruin it man.
On the Upside Today marks 30 days without a pill. I understand my AV has no concept of time. But I believe this is an accomplishment worth noting. Only in that I REALLY need to thank everyone here for their support.
Adam, You will never know how much I appreciate this place. Thank you brother. May God continue to bless you.
Peace
Joe,
Congratulations on day 30! That is awesome!!
I understand your reasoning for keeping track of time, even though the guys at RR say not to. Like I’ve said before, I take bits and pieces of different ideologies and mold them to what works for me as long as it doesn’t undermine my faith in God. I think that keeping track of time is a great way to celebrate your sobriety. It’s a barometer for success in my opinion, and should be considered sacred. On the same note, after a few relapses, I’ve come to understand that the guilt and shame of losing my sacred “time” has no place in my heart. When I began accepting full responsibility for my relapses, I realized that the length and duration of the relapse itself was shortened. Guilt and shame have a horrible way of prolonging the inevitable step back into recovery, so remember, don’t ever beat yourself up for using, it only makes things worse.
Thanks for the kinds words Joe. You’re always welcome to share your journey here with us, and I know that you’ll be an inspiration to anyone who reads your comments.
God bless you too.
Hey everybody.
Here is to a day without pills. Yeah, I always thought there was a right way and a wrong way to getting and staying clean.
I picked up on this or my AV did while going to meetings and rehabs. That wacked me out 2 ways.
1. I felt like I was doing it wrong somehow, or
2. I felt like I was doing everything right and I still wanted to get loaded.
Either way both of those roads led me back to dope.
I now believe that whatever works for you is THE RIGHT WAY.
Somethings work and help me, and somethings don’t.
Prayer, Sharing my feelings, Exercise and Treating myself and others nice has been working. I will keep doing these.
Peace
Peace
Hi Folks,
Just wanted to say hello to anyone looking to get off pills. It is so Hot here where I live, WOW. Anyway last night I strained a back muscle, spasms the whole nine yards. It hurt like hell. I put some ice on it prayed and dealt with the pain (wasn’t easy).
Man This getting in shape is tough, but I can’t remember the last time I hurt myself doing something POSITIVE. Here is to anyone suffering pain that you find relief.
Peace
Morning everyone.
Just wanted to wish everyone a great day. I am going to enjoy the day. Have fun.
Peace
Hope everyone has a great weekend, I am going be swimming this weekend, staying by some water. Hope any person who stumbles across this place takes a look at the information contained here. It is useful.
Here is to our health.
Peace
Hi: I thought I would check-in and give an update on my progress. I have not had any vicodin since last Sunday. I had tapered down to 3/4 of a pill before Sunday. The first few days were really uncomfortable. The worst thing I felt was the body aches. My stomach hasn’t wanted much of anything accept water. I have felt a bit of the restless/panic stuff but the worst of that was over after the first 24 hours. The weirdest thing that has happened is that ever since the first night off off the stuff, I have literally slept like a baby for about 8 hours a night. Wasn’t expecting that at all!
I have told my doctor (supply) that I would have no more prescriptions. I think cutting off the supply is really important. I am very fortunate because I am finally painfree so I don’t have anymore chronic pain to learn how to deal with. My surgeries were a success.
My heart goes out to anyone reading this who wants off the narcotics but is still dealing with the pain. Anyone dealing with chronic pain without narcotics is much stronger than I.
Joe: I can not even explain how much reading your posts has helped me. You are an amazing person.
Admin: Thank you for teaching me about this. I was REALLY scared when I found your site. Knowledge is power but beating something like this is REAL power.
I wish there was more information about this stuff given to people. It seems like I have read more stories that are very similar to mine. Starting out with a painful medical condition and being told by my doctor that if I take it as directed there would be no dependence or addiction. This is so false and is so dangerous! I have a big mouth and don’t care much if people judge me for taking the pain pills. I will tell everyone who will listen about what happened and how it happened to me. I am a fighter…..can you tell?
I am fully aware that there are certain conditions that the ONLY thing they can do is prescribe pain pills. (A friend of mine has RSD and she hurts ALL OF THE TIME.) Until they do more research with nerve disorders, she has very little chance to be cured. Narcotics are so useful but also so dangerous. Someday maybe I’ll wrap my brain around it all.
For now, I am drug free, I know a lot more than I ever thought I would, and I will help anyone that I can.
Hey Everyone,
Up early this morning and wanted to stop by here and say hello. I am starting to get that the physical detox is pure hell and I wish nobody ever had to feel all that pain but the great thing is it passes, you can get through it.
Phase 2 of this journey getting yourself well mentally and dealing with the depression, (which for me is a feeling of emptiness, worthlessness and fear) is really lingering man.
I know this can also be treated and I have moments be it brief that I feel good.
I pulled a muscle in my back so the last couple of days I haven’t been able to work out and that I think is triggering some boredom and self pity.
I must get positive. I mean I am not dope sick, I’m not dead, I’m not in prison. I am FREE. Why the hell would I be depressed about that.
I guess I just needed to vent for a minute.
Here is to enjoying today, being thankful for the millions of blessings I have and doing some positive things.
Peace
Hi Joe,
I’ve been having some really low days myself. One thing that really helps me is doing a ritual every morning where I read something positive followed by affrimations that I say to myself while looking in the mirror. It feels kind of weird at first but I’m telling you those things really work. And then of course I pray and ask my higher power to guide me through the day. I try and pay attention to my thoughts throughout the day and catch the negitive ones and turn them around. I’ve learned that I can’t just expect happiness to come to me, I have to work at it and do all the things that make me feel good.
What you’re doing Joe is so incredibly hard and brave. The sad truth is most people never overcome addiction, but you’re doing it a day at a time. That’s a major accomplishment.
These weeks and months ahead of us are going to be tough but I know that we can both do it. The more time that goes by the better we’ll feel mentally and physically.
Stay strong and focus on the beauty around you!
Good Morning Folks,
Here is to a new week of pill free living.
To those sick I wish you health.
To those thinking about stopping, Your in my Prayers.
To those in the early hours of withdrawl, Hang in there man, you will one day soon stop hurting.
To those who have made it through the physical part here is to mental stability, continued hope and comfort.
Nina, thanks so much for the posts. God, you will never no the comfort I feel just knowing somebody is feeling some of the same stuff I am and has decided a pill won’t fix it.
I’ll give those affirmations a try. I”ll start slow with something like. “Today your honest and clean”. I can not think of a more positive message to give myself.
Have a great week.
Peace
SweetFreedom,
That is AWESOME!!!
I’m soooo happy to hear that you’re off the pills. Judging by how much sleep you had the first drug-free night, I’m assuming the tapering worked?
It makes my day to hear success stories, and remember that you can always count on us to listen.
Keep in touch, and you’re definitely a fighter. Look how far you’ve made it…two Achilles surgeries! You have every reason to be taking narcotics, but you’ve chosen not to. That’s a fighter in my book.
Good Morning Folks,
You know words never really sum up the ordeal, Sweet Freedom, man you are one tough cat.
I am inspired by your stories. In fact your posts got me hooked on this board, I could never thank you enough for stopping by and sharing your medical history and withdrawl process with us.
I am also happy to hear your sleeping. Please keep us posted on your fight.
Peace
Hey Adam or anyone that has any advice.
I think I’m on day 24 or 25 and I feel pretty good except I still have no energy. I’m getting really frustrated feeling like this every day. I’m exercising, taking vitamins, sleeping well and doing everything right. When the heck will I be back to normal? I’ve been taking vicodin for almost 6 yrs so I guess this is to be expected? I hope I didn’t do any permanent damage. And I’m afraid I’m going to give up and use again so I can feel normal.
Has anyone else ever felt this way for almost a month?
Nina,
I remember one occasion were it literally took me about 60 days to get back to 100%. I think that after 6 years of use, it would be safe to say that you’re probably going to be facing the same kind of scenario. I know it’s frustrating, but what helped me was not putting too much pressure on myself. When I would try and power through it, I would get even more frustrated, so instead, I would just accept that I couldn’t operate at full capacity. It was a great excuse to be a little lazy.
I slowly built up to having more energy, and eventually I forgot how bad it was. I would give it a little more time, and if you still feel like you’re really low on energy, then you may want to chat with your Doc about it. Also, try taking some l-tyrosine in the morning on an empty stomach. You can find that stuff at any nutrition store like GNC or Vitamin Shoppe.
Thanks Adam. You’re right, I need to just accept the situation as it is and do my best to feel good without putting pressure on myself. I know it will get better and I’m gratful to be clean today and heading in the right direction.
I think I may check out the RR website. It sounds like an interesting approach to recovery.
Thanks again.
No problem Nina.
Ya definitely check out that site. Even if it’s not for you, you’ll still gain some perspective into the alternatives. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ll say it again here. I believe in my God, and I try and pray every single day. I’m not perfect, far from it actually, but I’m always trying to move in the right direction. There are times when I feel like God has plucked me out of a dangerous situation, and there are other times when I feel like it’s on me to make the right decision. The one thing that RR did for me was it helped me separate myself from my addictive voice, so I could better make that decision. You can call the addictive voice your “animal brain,” “inner demon,” “satan” or what have you, but whatever you call it, there is a way of shutting it down. You just recognize it for what it is, make the decision to ignore it, then continue your walk with God.
What you wrote Adam reminds me of that movie “A beautiful mind” He realized that the medication wasn’t the answer and he held the power within his own mind to cure himself. Although his delusions never completely went away he learned to ignore them.
I stayed clean for 17 yrs and now that I think of it thats what I did. I was lucky cause my demons shut down pretty guickly. I think it was because I put my focus so strongly on positive things like my career, marriage and health and fitness which kept those endorphines going. But most impotantly I developed a relationship with god that I had never known before recovering. I really never thought this could happen to me again. It just goes to show you how powerful this disease is.
Good Morning Folks,
Great to hear from you Nina, I’ll be praying that you start feeling more energetic.
Great to see people trying to get healthy. I have been moving along at a steady pace here.I know for me Vicodin and all opiates had a different effect on me.
For example I know people who take pain pills and it knocks them out. For me just the opposite occurred. I speed off them, I get energy from them. I never figured out why?
I am at that stage now where I am looking at my diet, when I was using I ate unhealthy all the time. Fast food, sweets, alot of sugar.
I try today to eat a well balanced diet. The hardest part is at work. I live out of the vending machines man. I really need to start bringing a lunch.
I think now that I am clean diet and exercise are my new obsessions. I need to exercise everyday in some way or form. A walk, a swim, bike ride, push ups, sit-ups, sports anything.
Also you know when I was using it was like I was going 120 mph (of course I was not getting anywhere) But my mind was moving you know.
Now that I am clean I’m going 55 man, which of course feels like I’m crawling but it is safe and I notice more. Now rather than going 120 in a 55 and having to worry about a ticket. I look for those times when there is no speed limit and I open it up.
Like when I am exercising, writing, listening to live music or doing something fun with my kids.
But you know I’m not 18 anymore, and I glad I’m not. That quest for staying young and feeling young through medicine just doesn’t work for me
I think I’ll age gracefully. Getting older sure beats not being around to get older.
Yeah healing takes time, So that is what I ask God for everyday. Time, the time to get healthy and enjoy life. Just a few weeks ago I was praying I’d die, now I pray I live. That for me is the Miracle I was looking for. The rest of the stuff is well filler.
Peace
Good to hear from you too Joe.
A lot of people I know also hate pain pills. They couldn’t imagine taking them to get high. I’m like you they give me so much energy. So maybe my energy isn’t as low as I think, it’s just that I’m used to going 120 mph too. Although in the end I have to admit they stoppoed giving me that energy. I think my body was worn out.
I guess everyones body chemistry is different which is why we all have our “drug of choice” My brother’s like a speed freak after a few beers and alcohol makes me so tired.
Today is rainy and dreary. I can sit around and mop or I can make myself get going, read some positive stuff and do an hour of yoga. As much as I dont want to do that I’m going to cause I know I’ll feel better.
I’m clean, I’m healthy and all is well in my world today.
Hope everyone has a good day!
Hi Everyone,
I was just thinking about you all and had to check in. It sounds like everyone is doing good. I guess I consider every day that a person fights the addiction as good.
It has almost been 3 weeks since my last dose. I don’t know if it’s good or not but I don’t think about taking the stuff much anymore. When I do think about it it’s because I forget sometimes when I am packing up for a day trip (or something) that I don’t have to pack any medicine to get me through the day. One thing I am noticing is some memory issues. I use to have a memory like a computer and could recall crazy amounts of information. I guess we’ll see if that comes back. Don’t know if I want it to come back. Hee hee.
Adam: Yes, the taper worked for me. I talked with my chemical dependence nurse and she told me (afterword) that tapers rarely work. I guess I am glad I didn’t know that before I did it. I would have been even more frightened. Everytime I got a prescription, I would sit with my husband and break down the bottle into individual pre-determined daily doses. I put the doses in little baggies which I am sure would have been VERY suspicious if a cop had seen it. Since my husband is a cop, he made me carry the baggie in a prescription bottle just for protection although he said cops are not really interested in the low amounts like that. Too funny!
Nina: I agree with you that everyone’s body reacts to the medication differently. My Achilles tendons felt relief when I took a pill but everywhere else felt terrible. I felt like I had a 9 pound bowling ball in my stomach the whole time. My head felt the same as the feeling you get when you have been crying for a long time.
Joe: I use to be an exercise fanatic. I can not wait until I can get back to some of those activities. I still have to be careful with my legs because they are still healing. I am using a recumbent exercise bike now. It is safe for allowing more healing and not doing more damage and at least I can get some cardio going. I am looking at next Spring before I can start doing anything really fun. A year to 18 months is the healing period my doctor gave me for the Achilles reconstructions I had done. My last surgery was the last day in January (2009). Have fun working out for me!! I love getting worn out from exercise.
I better get going but please know that I am thinking about you guys.
Good Morning,
Nice to see everything is going well for you Sweet Freedom. I am glad tapering worked for you. Why your chemical dependency nurse would say it rarely works is kinda weird.
I mean it worked for you, isn’t that the important thing.
I guess that’s my deal now. If you do not want to use pills and you get to a point where you are using them even when deep inside you know they are killing you (which is how I felt for years). And you make it from using to not using how ever you cross that bridge is the perfect way for you.
If tapering works great, If cold turkey works great, if locking yourself up works great. I mean we are getting from Point A killing ourselves with pills, to Point B not killing ourselves with pills. How you get there is your choice man.
This last time I went Cold Turkey-it worked. I ate a punch of pills and went to bed. Woke up 23 hours later and said Whatever it takes I will not use.
I then got so sick and pain filled and an mentally anguished I hoped I would die, By the third day when I could actually not take one more minute of the insanity I got out of bed.
I so desperately needed relief I just googled something like dealing with the pain of vicodin withdrawl or something like that.
I clicked on this site and began to read. It made just enough sense that I came here the next day.
I mean if you are at this site and you want to stop killing yourself with pills post something, anything and let us know it seems like a small insignificant thing but it is really isn’t it.
All right, rant over man. I just love not taking pills and I NEVER EVER thought I would say that.
Peace
Joe: Wow, after reading your post it made me wonder why that nurse may have said that about tapering to me. She was REALLY trying to push a detox drug called Suboxonne (sp) on me and thanks to the Admin on this site I refused. It may also be as simple as someone else she was tapering with had just had a set back. Who knows?
I agree whole heartedly. Whatever works is great!
P.S. I just love not taking pills too. Hang in there everybody. You are all awesome people!
Good Morning,
I hope I wasn’t sounding self-righteous on that last post. I am not a Dr or Therapist and have no medical training what so ever. I really just hate to see someone plant a seed of doubt about getting clean in someone’s mind.
I mean that’s all it every took for me to get right pack on the pills. That seed of doubt.
I would hear some factoid like “99% of all users go back” or “your dual-diagnosed” or something. And my addictive voice would run with it.
I realize mental toughness plays such a key role in life. I just hate it when people even when well intended try to weaken your resolve.
All I know for sure is that I love life today, I love the uncertainty, (I know that God is Real which helps) and I love it when anyone makes an attempt to stop using if they feel like pills are killing them.
I have been feeling really optimistic these last few days. Optimism left my consciousness years ago it so refreshing to feel it again. God I missed that feeling so much. That today will be better than yesterday. It is so awesome to fell that way again.
Have a great week folks
Joe,
I don’t think you’re being self-righteous at all…you’re speaking the truth. And the truth is that we’re at the mercy of what large pharmaceutical companies believe will make them the most money, hence the promotion of Suboxone over tapering. The drug and alcohol recovery industry is BIG business, and in a country where profit is the number one motivating factor, we’re forced to accept the options that we’re given. My goal with this blog is to educate us ordinary folks, so we know how to make the most of those options.
Everyone has an agenda in this industry; I’ve learned to question what that agenda is.
Go to any AA or NA meeting, and generally you’ll hear from the members that tapering is not possible. Why? We have doctor’s and nurse’s that tell us that tapering is not possible. Isn’t that strange? Why isn’t it possible? The truth is that it is possible for some people. But, “take this little pill that big pharma told me to sell to you, and you’ll be able to taper it just fine (under medical supervision of course).”
Does all of this mean that we can’t at least try to taper on our own? What if tapering works for one person, and not the other? Agenda’s lead to generalization. Everyone has an agenda. The nurse at SweetFreedom’s hospital does, AA and NA do, the pharmaceutical companies do…everyone does. This site even has an agenda…to test generalizations.
Good Morning Folks,
Saturday morning and I am so grateful to be alive man. I just wanted to let the person who stumbles upon this site that if they want to stop killing themselves with pills, Hey I’m here.
I firmly believed quitting opiates was an impossibility for me.
Well, I am thrilled to say I was WRONG. You really can stop taking pills. And more importantly you can ENJOY life without them.
I have been to Hell did not die there and I’m back. You to can return from that place, that place of agony, fear, loneliness, despair, hopelessness and helplessness.
I mean I’m not special, I’m not bright or gifted or rich or poor.
I’m a guy who could not stop taking large amounts of pills every single day of his life and in the process hurt myself and everyone I loved,who one day just decided NO MATTER WHAT happens to me today I will not take dope.
Then I did not take dope a second at a time, a minute at a time, a day at a time.
Now I REALLY do feel better.
Have a great weekend.
Peace
Hey Folks,
Quiet around this place this week. I hope everyone is doing well.
I am rolling down this road of pill free living and I am still in disbelief that I don’t have to use pills to deal with life.
No matter how down I get, or how slow the process of rebuilding my life seems to go I just flashback to how freaking sick I was and I instantly get a jolt of gratitude.
It’s like I say “you could be dope sick and broke right now”. And bam I am feeling better.
I guess that is the thing I am most grateful for today. Having survived opiate dependency I am given a real tool for survival.
It has given me a true sense of how resilient I am, How much of a will of survival I have. How incredible God is. How much love there really is in the world. That complete strangers on this board took the time to encourage me. WOW!!!
So has i am given the gift of 60 days of being clean today. I can give but one gift in return. These words. If you don’t want to die from taking pills, you don’t have to. I will be here to cheer you on.
Peace
Good Morning,
I wanted to stop by and say Hello. I know when life starts feeling a little blah, I need to reach out and do some positive stuff.
I noticed that when I first stopped taking pills and got through the horrible withdrawl, I was then hit by a few weeks of severe depression. (Low energy, fear, guilt and remorse, anxiety and irritability) PAWS.
Has time passes these bouts of depression roll in like a Texas(where I live) thunderstorm. I have been using exercise, prayer and sharing my feelings to combat it.
So today I feel a little burnt out, a bit down and a touch of the good old self pity.
I know these feelings are real, however, more importantly I know that they will pass and that they are not indicative of the progress I am making.
Just need to remind myself ‘I want the GOOD Life” and the road I am on leads straight there.
Thanks
Hey guys and gals, I just wanted to say that I just got over my withdrawals from Vics. Dorvacet really, really helped me out. I used it in replace of the vicodin but used a much smaller dose and tapered down. Didn’t give a euphoric high but it took away the symptoms I was having.
Hey Steve,
Awesome and glad to hear from another withdrawl survivor. Welcome, and enjoy the ride.
Peace
Hey Now Folks,
Just starting my day with a stroll around cyberspace and I thought I’d update you’all.
Having fun with life. Really. I mean most of the time I’m working. Kinda like the clean up crews to in Galveston post IKE alot of wreckage to clean up.
But like Nietzsche says. “If there is a WHY, one can bear any HOW one must.”
My Why is.. Because I never want to be dope sick again, not for one second.
And The Good News I’m told is that I never have to be.
As far as physically–feel great I am obsessed somewhat with getting fit, but I’ll take a healthy obsession.
I have started to get some muscular form back and I find myself checking my arms and chest out, and then busting another 20 push-ups out.. Kinda of Vain huh.
It is however a far cry from being unable to get out of Bed.
Mentally–I feel really scatter brained and my immediate short term memory is gone. I will be like, did I lock the door, did I punch out at work, did I feed the dogs. I mean like 1 minute after I do these things I can not recall if I did.
I haven’t had any major rages, or deep funks lately. But I get this feeling they are right over the horizon, like I’m waiting for the show to drop.
Spiritually – I am trying. I pray all the time, deep morning prayer and prayer throughout the day. I am dependent on it. I make no bones about it. prayer is keeping me alive.
Just a thanks as always for the chance to share.
Have a great week.
Peace
Good Morning Everyone.
I never start off a week without coming by this place and wishing everyone the best.
My thought for today.. Enjoy the pill free life. And all it’s wonder.
Hey if your thinking about stopping pills, or have stopped. Congrats. It’s a amazing thing. This drug free living is.
Thank you God for sparing my life from death by drugs.
Have a great week.
Steve,
Congrats on getting past the withdrawals. That’s always a huge step.
Joe,
Thanks for checking back here on a regular basis. I know it’s been pretty quite. I’ve been in the process of helping my folks save their home. They’re in the process of foreclosure, so I’ve been working to get them into a better loan…tough work.
You’re a real inspiration to myself and those that read this blog, so please do continue.
Hey Adam,
Best Wishes with the house. And Thank you for keeping this place active. You are in my prayers.
Joe
Joe,
you are my hero!
Char
Good Morning everyone.
I am up early today. I thought I’d check in here. My favorite place on the web.
I slept last night without taking a drink or drug. I slept well.
I did not use yesterday, at all. Nothing. Not a pill, joint. beer, drink, bag of dope, benzo nothing.
I was not sick
I did not steal anything so I could get pills.
I did not miss out on something because I was loaded.
I worked out.
I noticed how blue the sky is.
I noticed how beautiful my daughters are.
I worked around the house.
I cut the grass. I noticed the smell. I love it.
I walked my dog
I ate
I prayed
I enjoyed my day.
I felt love
While these things may seem minor. They are upon reflection, my dreams come true.
See not long ago I needed pills to get up, to stay up and to finally go to sleep. I honestly believed I was in active addiction until death.
Then the pain got so great, the issues so dreadful. I faced one simple choice. Life or Death. Use or Stop.
I choose Life and today as I mark 90 days without a pill. With a tear in my eye. I say thanks ADAM, and everyone who posted here. You saved my life.
I know 2 little girls here in East Texas, sleeping peacefully in their beds who are glad to have Daddy back.
So on behalf of them. Thanks.
Please if your here and you want to stop. Let us know.
love
Hey Folks,
Just wanted to stop by, read some posts and see what’s up.
I hope all is well with everyone.
Life is worth living. really it is.
Peace
Monday Morning,
What a great summer, I have experienced so much this summer. I stopped taking pills, went through withdrawl, found this place, learned about addiction and more importantly about living dope free.
I began to exercise, to pray, to laugh and to love. I struggled with selfishness, I felt really lonely, I felt stuck, I felt hopeless, I felt joy and I felt pain.
I heard great music, I saw great movies. I saw great sunrises and awesome sunsets. I met new folks, started a new job, made some amends, did not get arrested, did not go to jail, did not willingly or knowingly hurt another.
I wrote some stuff, I shared from my heart. I felt really scared, and I messed up some times. I got angry and I felt lost.
Yeah I’ve been all over the place and I never left Texas.
Life is amazing. There are only 2 things I have done every day without fail and those 2 things have made all the difference in the world.
1. I did not use a drug of any kind.
2. I prayed everyday.
I pray I can keep doing those 2 things everyday, can’t think of a reason why I can’t.
Oh and Charlene, thanks so much for the comment, I’ve been called many things in my life. But Hero, that is a first.
Here is to a fall full of first.
Please, if you want to stop dying and start living, let us know,
have a great week.
Sunday Morning here and I wanted to share where I am at. The load is getting kinda heavy.
I am really enjoying being clean, I can not state that enough.
Lately though I have felt “worthless” and out of touch.
For example, yesterday I went to a cookout at my nephews house, lot of people, food and booze.
I stayed about 30 minutes ate and split.
I really enjoy my in-laws cool folks, but yesterday i was like this sucks.
Another thing, since I quit using I left my old job (sales where we all ate pills).
I took a manual labor gig at a big food plant here in town.
I took it so I could have less stress and get back in shape. I knew the money was less. Of course if I make 500 less every 2 weeks and am clean I actually make a lot more. So I know this was both positive and temporary.
Oh and I hate sales, I was just good at it.
Also the repercussions from my using days are sinking in.
I am on probation(DWI, Possession, Hit and Run) which occurred in January. My first DWI charge, and my last.
This event while shocking was not the end of my using. That occurred in May, when high again i wrecked my car and was charged with driving on a suspended license. I hit a pole in front of my house, I see that pole everyday and think, you saved my life, I can’t figure out for the life of me how I hit it, It was like something drove me right into it.
If I make it up the drive way, who knows. However, I did not make it, I then walked up the driveway, ate the last of my pills passed out, woke up and have not taken a pill or drug of any kind since May 23rd.
Another fine to pay and 6 more months of probation. Oh well gotta deal with it.
Up unit now I was like I did the crime, I got to do the time. A mentality I’ve learned.
And while I can do it, work the manual labor gig, abide by the rules of probation, pay my fines, not drive and do my community service it makes me feel like such a loser.
I know this is a spot where my addict brain can get me.
Like my friends who have done some serious pen time tell me. Hey the system gave you a positive, why you making it negative?
I have paid off 2 of the 4 fines at 100.00 bucks a week. but it feels like I will never get out from under.
I just wanted to reveal that part of me. I had not talked about it at all and I thought I’d take a risk this morning.
I pray folks here understand how beaten down this recovery can make you feel some times.
For today, I will not get high no matter what, I will pray and I will do something for somebody besides me.
That’s how I deal with life now, Oh yeah and exercise.
Anyway I hate to carry the mess, if you will. just I am on a path toward freedom and i sure as hell do not want to get off.
And I did not stop using pills to be miserable so i took a risk and dumped this stuff here. I really want to enjoy these next 2 days no work, paid holiday Monday and i did not want to carry this baggage around with me.
So thanks.
Joe,
Thanks for sharing that with us. I know it’s probably hard to reveal that kind of info, but it also feels good to do so on occasion.
Have you been exercising? Maybe you can try doing some pretty hardcore workouts. It could be a low-level on endorphins that’s making things hard on you. Maybe go to a shooting range, or even some skydiving, now that’ll jack you up.
Also about the cookout, I used to feel out of place at social gatherings. I sometimes hated them, and just wanted to get out of there. But, I noticed that when I forced myself to interact, and make the most of it, that it would actually help me forget about the drugs. We need to force ourselves out of that funk. It’s hard as hell, but when we make it to the other side, it’s amazing.
It’s funny, during those hard times it’s almost like we go insane for a bit, then when we get back to that “happy” state, we thank God that we didn’t give in and just use.
I’d suggest that you get yourself around some really cool people, force yourself to have fun with ‘em, and if you can, try and push yourself to the limit with the exercise. I guarantee you that if you seriously put in some extra effort, that it’ll pay off in some much needed endorphins. Try and think of those internal endorphins as the same as the pills. But now you have to work for ‘em. I swear to you, they do the same thing.
Just to show how well our own endorphins work. I long while back, I had relapsed and started popping pills again. It was horrible, but I was determined to quit. I hadn’t worked out in a long time, so I figured I would start pushing myself physically to release some of those bad boys, so I wouldn’t feel like I needed the dope. After a few weeks, I felt so damn good that I didn’t even want the pills. I’m telling you man, those endorphins feel the same way, even better, cuz you don’t come down from them.
Look up ways that you can get them flowing. Acupuncture, exercise, having a great time with other people, go out in nature, pray, meditate, etc… For some reason we need that stuff, but as soon as we get lazy, we go back to the quick fix.
Hey Adam,
Thanks for the reply. Hope all is well with you.
I have been exercising 4 days a week on strength and 3 days a week on cardio, I haven’t increased my workout, I will start that today.
Yeah, I guess that’s kinda what’s going on with me right now. I hit these patches, they are kinda hard to describe.
I have a nephew who has diabetes and he has these spells when his sugar is low . He says “I’m feeling low man” and he will check his sugar levels and then do what’s needed to get back on track.
I don’t have diabetes, but I hear you on the endorphins, I wish they had an endorphin meter, where I could check my endorphin levels and the do what I needed to.
It feels kind alike self-pity, but I know I’m grateful.
Plan for this week, Focus on the body-bigger, longer, harder workouts. and Try something new-not sure what yet. Maybe I’ll goggle fun risk taking activities
With Love,
Joe.
Good Morning Folks,
Just a quick message of Hope for the person who is dope sick today. It gets BETTER. I never believed that either. My situation was to dire, I was to far gone, the hole was to deep, the pain to great.
I have no idea How but if you JUST don’t use, it gets BETTER.
The MESSAGE IS HOPE.
I Love being clean. With all it’s ups and downs. Thank you God for another day.
Hi Joe,
I am still popping in to check on you. Love reading your posts. You are so strong and you are still helping me a lot.
I can’t believe how strong the urge to get another prescription of vics is after 3 and 1/2 months. Some days are better than others. Some days I still get the aches. My legs hurt still too. I am pretty much pain free if I don’t do anything really fun. I found my activity limits and I don’t like them. Sometimes I just wish for a few days without worrying about pain. I think it is my brain trying to trick me.
I still can’t exercise a lot because my Achilles’ won’t let me. Right now I am restricted to non-weight bearing cardio which for me means an exercise bike. I won’t swim because I can’t stay warm enough and I haven’t met a pool that was warm enough yet.
Every time I want to call the doc to get a prescription, I tell my husband. Just having someone else know seems to help. He is a crime scene investigator and he always tells me about the pain killer overdose deaths he has to investigate. THERE ARE A LOT OF THEM!! Most of the time the families rush in as he is working and it is horrible.
Stay strong! From what I am reading, a year from now should be easier.
Sweet Freedom
Wow,
So great to hear from you Sweet Freedom, you made my day, really. I’m so glad you stopped by.
I pray your physical recovery improves everyday, I’m sure it will.
Most days the thought of using is very unattractive to me, I can recall the horror and well it just doesn’t seem worth it.
But I hit these patches of emptiness, I don’t know how else to describe it. Usually they will hit when I’m not doing anything, maybe sitting watching TV. It’s so deep and painful at those moments I look for anything outside myself to fill it.
These are the moments that scare me. they leave me vulnerable.
I will not use, but what do I do? That’s the question. I pray. Or exercise or clean the house, cut the grass or come here.
It gets me angry sometimes that I just can’t relax and enjoy life.
I pray today that any emptiness or loneliness or imagined fear that I have be replaced with Hope and Love.
I’m not looking for perfection in life, just contentment. With the occasional racing heart passion filled moment. Small joys and endless wonders. Learning and teaching, All my emotions not just pleasure. Please bear with me as I stumble on this path to wholeness.
I guess I’m learning how to live, and any help I can get I’ll take.
Thanks for being here Sweet Freedom, and for being clean.
May God Bless you today and always.
Morning Everyone,
I am alive, clean and walking down the path of a brand new life. Stopping pills was the single greatest change I have ever made.
The process is challenging and there are moments where I am lost, overwhelmed, angry, guilty, sore, tired, lonely. However, there are times I feel so ALIVE, so in touch, so at peace, so grateful,, so hopeful it is beyond description
I guess to sum it up at this point.
I used to have two moods
High (where I did feel)
Not High (where all I could think about was getting high)
Now I have every feeling imaginable, I have choices, sometimes I make the right choice, sometimes the wrong choice, sometimes I just tune it all out.
God I love choices, when I was on the pills I had no choice, I thank god for freeing me.
If you wanna stop remember this, You can. Just relax and take it minute by minute. Life is worth living.
Have fun folks..
Morning Folks,
A new month is here. I’m clean still, which is just so amazing. I mean to think I have not had dope of any kind or booze since May 23rd is a Miracle. I guess that is the best part of quitting dope. You get to participate in a miracle. Not hear about one, read about one, you become one.
I know that as long as I realize that dope is not the answer, I have a shot at some type of life, a life that is actually worth living.
Slowly that feeling of dread is leaving me. The moments of peace and joy are getting longer. While the moments of despair are lessening.
It really is a process, restoring one’s life after a long run on dope and the challenges are many.
The joy is in meeting those challenges and NOT USING. Finding some alternative to using is my daily task. The possibilities are endless.
One truth I am discovering at this stage is the less I think about me and the more I think about others, the better I feel.
I guess it really is better to give than receive. I have a relationship with Jesus Christ today, I talk to him daily and I actually see Christ at work in my life. He has met me at every point of need I have encountered.
While I always thank you folks, I thought today I would publicly Thank Christ for saving me.
I used to be afraid to proclaim that fact, It always sounded hypocritical coming out of my mouth. Well, I am no longer embarrassed or ashamed to admit I am completely dependent of God to make it through the day.
While I guess I always believed in Jesus I felt strongly that I was to bad a guy for him, and he would work just fine for you but as for me, nope I didn’t deserve him, I was guilty and that was that.
Turns out He loves a guilty man, a sick man, a hopeless man.
If your scared, unable to break free from the hell your in, take a small step. Ask for him by name, he is waiting to come on in. Right now he is knocking on the door, you wanna get it…
Love,
Joe
Hey Joe,
Great post. Check Philippians 4:13. I have it in a frame on my kitchen wall and it has helped me a lot.
I also found this poem not long ago. I do not know who the author is but I read it when things get tough.
How shall I a habit break,
As you did that habit make.
As you gathered, you must lose;
As you yielded, now refuse.
Thread by thread, the strands we twist,
Till they bind us neck and wrist.
Thread by thread, the patient hand,
Must untwine ere free we stand.
I am not (or should I say “was not”) a patient person. Jesus has taught me patience in so many ways. In fact that has been a main theme of instruction in my life lately. When I lose my strength to be patient he is ALWAYS there to back me up.
It is hard to be bold for Christ on these forums. Attacks usually follow.
My life would be nothing without Him. I am excited to read that you have that same Love.
Your sister in Christ,
Sweet Freedom
SweetFreedom,
Good to hear from you. Don’t ever be afraid to post what you feel, or what you believe in. I control the delete button, and trust me…I delete flamers.
Super Post Sweet Freedom. I’m so glad your still with us.
And Adam has mentioned spiritual beliefs on the board to me before, which made me comfortable to post. It is easy to stir the pot so to speak, when speaking of ones spiritual experiences. Never my purpose and I tread carefully and pray before I speak.
I just post from the heart good or bad. It keeps me clean
Moving beyond addiction is a lonely road at times, I need others like you and everyone here to lean on. Weather we share the same experiences or not, I read the posts, realizing I can learn from each and everyone of them.
Sweet Freedom, your posts always open some part of me, they provide courage when I need it, inspiration when I need it. And always a smile, that laughter one gets when they hear the truth.
Yeah, I no longer debate the existence pf Christ. Not my spiritual role. I just proclaim softly the Good News, I’ll leave it to the readers or listeners to do with it what they will.
I just know my truth, and what works for me. I hope my spiritual journey takes me places I can not even imagine.
This new journey was the destination after all. And I paid one hell of a price finding my way here.
With using I know exactly what to expect. Jail, Institutions, Degradation and Death in some order.
Being Clean, No Idea what the future holds, With one pivotal exception It Includes Living, Being Alive.
Here is To Life where ever it leads us.
Love,
Joe
Hey Everybody! It’s me Steve again. Hope your all doing well. I just want to share a product with you all that has helped me tremendously with the post-acute withdrawal phase (PAWS) of my detox. It’s called Neuro1 from Nutrition53. It’s an all natural formula that consists of ingredients to help restore and balance the neurotransmitters in your brain that become depleted and out of wack due to the exogenous opiods we put into our bodys. I knew the depression I am feeling was part of the PAWS I read about. I tried this product and wow, I actually felt an energetic, focused natural euphoria (if there is such a thing) that I haven’t felt in the two years I was doing vicodin and lortabs.
It is really helping me and I think it would help those of you who are in the PAWS phase like me.
PS- I also have been taking melatonin and ZMA as a cocktail night cap before I go to sleep and that has definitely helped me out with my (lack of) sleep.
Cya!
Steve.
Hey Steve,
Thanks for the tip.
I have taken nothing since i stopped pills. Not Tylenol, Advil, herbs, remedies etc..
I have this fear that, not feeling great, taking a pill, feeling better. Will somehow unleash my addictive brain.
I know I need to get over it, I can only eat so many Bananas
Plus I am depleted I’m sure of some vital vitamins etc. I haven’t gone to the Dr for my annual check-up either. Fear of the Dr’s office, where I spent alot of time drug seeking.
Gotta work on that.
Peace.
Joe,
I know what you mean about being in the doctor’s office. I had to go there the other day to get some medicine for my son’s lungs. We saw the ususal GP and I found myself getting angry sitting there looking at him. He fought us on giving my son some prednisone but I know if we had asked for some kind of narcotic he would of scribbled out that prescription faster than we could ask for it. I over heard him prescribing to someone else the same drug cocktail he use to give to me. It was quite the eye opening experience. I wanted to say something to the other person but I bit my tongue. Should I have said something? Meanwhile, my mom went to this same doctor yesterday because she has some kind of flu. Guess what he gave her? A cough medicine with codiene in it. Seriously?!?!!
One thing I have done to try and help my body heal naturally is green smoothies. I know they sound gross and you have to have a really strong blender but they have helped me a lot. You can google green smoothies and get all kinds of information on them. For me, some of the sites go overboard in how they think you should eat but I have found the green smoothies very helpful in clearing out my body.
Thinking about and praying for you all.
Sweet Freedom
Good Morning Folks,
Nice to hear from you Sweet Freedom. Yeah, the flu has been running through my house the last few weeks. It is all over the schools, work etc.
I guess one benefit of surviving Opiate WD is that catching a cold or flu seems like a cake walk, I went to work for three days a couple of weeks ago with a touch of it.
I can relate to the anger felt towards Dr.s treating folks with Narcotics, I guess it’s part of my grieving process.
Kinda like seeing people who are very happy in their relationship out in a restaurant right after you’ve been dumped and your heartbroken. I would think, ” they can’t be that happy”, or “it won’t last”
I figure everyone who drinks Cough Syrup is “Lucky”, of course the truth is 98% of the people that get the stuff take the recommended prescribed dose, hate it and move on.
I am somewhat jaded by life but I am trying to look at things positively. It is getting so much better, this is where I can actually begin to see growth. It’s just so AWESOME to lose some of that negative outlook and to have HOPE again.
Yesterday for example 2 Jehovah Witnesses knocked on my door. I said Hello. And the guy says, “Sir, Can we talk to you for a minute, you know in these hard times it is important”……..
I replied, “That’s not my take on it.” He wasn’t sure how to respond. See today I don’t think where in bad times, or evil times, . Just the opposite is true for me.
I think these are the Best of times, that the News is good, That man is headed in the right direction. That Joy abounds. That the Holy spirit moves and changes.
I mean hard times and sitting in my house watching college football on a 51 inch HD TV, while my kids with there stomachs full of healthy food play and create and enjoy and thrive just doesn’t equal “hard times” for me.
I mean, I really have a hard time today looking at things negatively, with one exception, one big exception. I still have moments of self loathing, self hatred, regret, remorse all negative thoughts. I try not to linger n them, they lead me nowhere. Today if I feel them come on I quickly do something to get out of that space.
Anyway, before I ramble anymore, Have a great day. Sweet Freedom you are in my thoughts and prayers. I’ll be thinking of you as I try my first “Green Smoothie” I’d prefer a Milkshake from Dairy Queen, but hey I’ll try it.
Joe
Joe,
That is how I started with the smoothies as well. I would have much rather had a Dairy Queen or Baskin Robbins. Make sure you try it it regularly for about 3 weeks. You will be shocked at what happens. (I was) I eventually started craving the green smoothies and the Dairy Queen type stuff started tasting bad. The healthier eating started snowballing and I found other ways to get good nutrition in my body. Occasionally when I go on vacation and go off of the healthy stuff I literally feel sick! For me the green smoothies are my multivitamin only I know they work better than a vitamin because they are God’s perfect nutrient balance. My head feels clear and my thinking is strong after I have had one. If you decide you like them, I do suggest getting a Vita-Mix blender.They are so strong I think they could liquify a block of wood. I use my Vita-Mix more than I use my microwave or oven.
Let me know what you think! If you are like my hubby, you will be skeptical for the first week or so. Then you will get hooked too.
Sweet Freedom
Hey Everyone,
Checking In this Saturday morning, wishing everyone the best.
Just a reminder that now matter how dark the situation seems, no matter how long you having been using pills, no matter how impossible quitting seems. It can be done, You do not have to die from some drug related scenario.
That is some remarkable news
I never would have believed it, if I had not gone through the process myself.
The process so far for me has gone something like this.
1. begin taking pills (vicodin) hey I like the way these make me feel.
2. take more pills
3. take different pills
4. start having some personal problems. (finical, emotional)
5. take even more pills
6. begin to be sick without pills
7. have difficulty keeping enough pills
8. start lying, stealing, fronting to get pills
9. legal problems
10. begin to become desperate for pills, need pills to live.
11. get near death
12. stop taking pills
13. get very sick
14 start to feel better
15. learn about pill addiction, and myself
16 get depressed
17. start exercising
18. start working
19. start taking care of the wreckage
20 have moments of doubt, want to give up
21 start praying
22 every once in a while feel so freaking good that you keep chasing the natural high of being clean through all the junk life throws you
and that’s where I am this morning, having found out that if I do not use I will get moments like this, early in the morning as dawn breaks and it’s quiet and I feel so alive so much love so much hope I could burst. oh thank God for the life he has given me.
Peace be with you
Joe
I just wanted to say hi to everyone since it’s been a few days with no posts. We start a whole new week, it’s Monday! I’m going to try and make the most of it like I hope the rest of you do as well.
Until later,
Steve.
Good Morning Folks,
Nice to see you Steve.
I too will chime in for a moment. Raining alot here it Texas.
I’ll let folks know where I am at today. My new focus is learning how to live in the NOW. As in right now. I try to focus all my energy on the present moment, I am moving past the total obsession with my past. And my awful dread of the future.
This is something I really never even worked on. So for now I am in the moment for short periods of time. Like 1-5 minutes, then a thought about something that I need to do, or some past issue creeps in.
I am actively trying to chase those thoughts.
Any tips on staying in the moment? It’s how I wish to live the rest of my life.
Living Pill Free and coping with life. Hope evryone has a great day.
Joe
Joe, I agree with you in trying to live in the ‘now’ and not the past. These past few months sober I have been focusing more on things that I use to like to do such as exercising. I try and get some sort of exercise in each day, most days I try to do a high volume and intense workout. After 15-20 mins into the workout I feel incredible. I haven’t had a feeling like that in the last 2 years. I
I’ve also been listening to a lot more music (current music) and it seems to be much more enjoyable and it gets me very ‘amped’ up. I haven’t felt that in a long time either.
I’ve been focusing much more time on my better half. We are boyfriend/girlfriend but I am now thinking about asking her to marry me. I’ve haven’t thought about marriage since I began my love affair with lortabs. Just the idea of having a fiance and feel “grown up” (She’s 28, I’m 25) is a euphoric feeling. I know some people will disagree lol, but I feel like I have been absent from the world since late 2007 and now everything seems so bright and sunny with beautiful music playing all the time in the backround. I know it sounds a little corny but I don’t care, it’s a GREAT feeling!
I am also noticing little things that REALLY motivate me to continue to do better. Last night I looked in the mirror and noticed I packed on a little muscle and it seems I lost a little bodyfat from all the exercise I have been doing lately to make me feel better. I’ll take that! I noticed I actually have a significant amount of money in my bank account. Before while on the pills I lived paycheck to paycheck (even though I have a very well paying job) because 80% of each check went to my dealer. I was spending at least $2,000 a month on those things. What a waste. Not anymore.
I have to admit that having my health, energy, motivation and feelings back is great, but it doesn’t hurt to have more income to utilize on different things. Just knowing you’ll have A LOT more money to use is reason enough to get clean.
Joe, I’m like you in that I get really depressed sometimes but then I look back when i was taking vics everyday and I ask myself, was I really better off taking them? Was I ‘happier’? NO! I was lethargic and depressed until I took them and then when I did, it only made me feel better for 30 mins or so and it would wear off and leave me feeling more alone and depressed (not to mention broke). When I look back I actually get motivated which leads me to look towards the future and more importantly, live my life NOW.
The depression comes in waves but get smaller and smaller over time. It’s normal. But when it does come just think about all the things I said and then do it! If you do something you like whenever you feel depressed, pretty soon it will completely go away.
Hope my little experiances will help motivate you all, even if only for a short while. One day at a time.
Steve.
Hello to all! I wanted to share my story and hope that it can help someone out there. I began taking vicodin about 11 months ago. I had taken it before in the past after having children and liked how it made me feel. I went to the doc and asked for them for really bad cramps. I then began taking like 5 a day then it got to the point I would run out before I could refill them. I then began buying them elsewhere spending endless dollars that i really didnt have to spare. I have 3 children and I am a single mother. These pills would make me feel like a superwomen and get through the day. 10 days ago I was with my kids and reached in my purse to grab a pill and I realized then that this was taking over my life. It was more important than anything else and feeling that way was aweful. I put them down..I went through several days of pure hell. I had to go to the doctor on day 2 and get iv fluids I was so dehydrated. He prescribed me ativan and phenigan for nausea. I took Tylenol Pm and Tylenol 8hr which has helped alot. After about day 5 I still did not feel normal but good enough to get out and do normal activities. I am on day 10 as I said before and its still a struggle but not near as bad. It gets better everyday. I have suffered a little depression…crying alot for no reason…but I think in time it will get better as well. All I can say is if you have a problem with these pills or anyone u know, please get them help or help yourself. Quitting cold turkey was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life, but I kept praying and telling myself there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I do not ever care to pop another Vicodin as long as I live. I have had no temptation…I just keep my mind set that my kids deserve a better mom, I hope my lil story can help you. Its a monster that can take over everything u have and its not worth it! Good luck to all…if I can do it ..anyone can!!
Hey Steve,
Thanks. I really need inspiration and I find that I most often get it from someone who is DOING stuff once they put the pills down.
Exercise is so critical. I can’t imagine having made it through these last 5 months without being physically active all day. The hard part for me now is relaxing, just chilling.
Music-Love it, it really cures alot of my depression and is critical to my enjoyment in life.
As is reading and Writing.
Hey Kim,
Welcome aboard, I REALLY needed to read your post this morning. It is the gusto of a person with the desire to get off pills that I find so moving, so inspirational.
It sounds like you got a full plate, I hope you find the time to post here, It is so refreshing to meet a new person, a kindred spirit if you will, who is living without the dope.
The hell of detox is no joke, so glad you made it.
Have a good one,
Joe
Hi everyone,
I quit taking Vicodin a week ago and am in the process of going through the body aches, chills, lack of energy and depression. What seems to be the hardest part for me is talking to others about it. My boyfriend also takes vicodin on occasion when he needs it. So he gets a script like once every other month for 20 or so and uses them all within 3-4 days. I was taking 2 to 4 a day for over a year, and I literally could see my future usage increasing. It got to be a math thing for me, I would figure out what I thought was “safe” and then adjust the dosage to fit that. For instance, if I was at work I could take only 2, but on weekends I could take more cuz no one would be apt to notice how blitzed I looked. Well once I realized that the pills were doing nothing for me except make my skin itchy and give me rebound headaches I decided to come clean.. I told my Dr I had a problem with them,, I told my coworkers that I was gong to stop taking all pain meds, and I told a few close friends and my daughter. Well most of the people seemed to think that since I coud function while on the drug that I didnt really have an addiction problem. So the support isnt there.
It was then I realized that I had to fight this battle alone. Just because your a functioning addict doesnt mean you arent an addict. I know myself and I was living for those dang pills!
Sorry I sound angry but why is it in our society that people think you have to be a derelict in the gutter before help or understanding is offered? Are there that many other people who are functioning with problems like mine but are in denial so they wont acknowledge someone elses admission to addiction?
Has anyone else felt this way?
I am not going back to the vicodin, I have no interest and I want to improve myself. I started walking a little now that the body aches are at least tolerable..I also started taking the L-tyrosine that was mentioned on this site along with other vitamins and minerals and clonodine once a day. Sleepign is tough, but I take allergy meds that make me sleepy so that helps a little. I also started drinking smoothies in the morning to give me more energy and make me feel healthier.
Thank you for this website, and for those going through this awful process,,, Good for you! We can do it !
Hi Penny. Congrats on getting your life back and re-joining the real (and beautiful) world! Your already a week into your withdrawal, so I believe you’ve pretty much accomplished the hard part (at least for me the first 5 days were the worst).
I also started at a low dose and only used them on the weekends or on a night I didn’t have to work the next day. I would only take 2-3 at a time too. Well after 2 years I was taking them everyday, 4-5 times a day 12-13 at a time. I didn’t think about anything except for getting more and more. I was scared to death to run out. And at $3 a pill, my 60 a day pill habbit was depleting my credit cards fast.
When I stopped it was absolute hell. I took Clonidine too and it was a lifesaver, but it didn’t take away all the pain. It also made me VERY sedated at work, not a good thing. I hate to say it but smoking marijuana was a huge help, not just for the physical effects but also because it lifted my depression significantly. When I smoked during withdrawal I actually caught myself laughing once in a while.
Great job on the L-Tyrosine! I started taking that a little while ago along with 5-HTP and a few other supps. I highly recommend you pick up some 5-HTP as well to be taken with your l-tyrosine. I’ve heard that taking the tyrosine without balanced intake of a serotonin precursor would deplete your serotonin and give you insomina.
Well best of luck Penny and to all on this board.
Steve.
Good Morning Gang,
Welcome aboard Penny, The path out of addiction is only a lonely one if we choose it to be. So I have discovered.
My addicted mind loves to bark up the wrong tree, or have me believe no one knows the absolute desperation I’m in.
Thanks so much for sharing with us.
I was told withdrawl distorts rational thought. And that was true in my case. Big moments of Insanity. The key I found is Not using vicodin as the coping skill.
I tried a whole lot of things before I found MY solution.
I do know the train ride to addictive hell has stops along the way, where we can get off, seems your at one.
Here is to getting off the train, and hanging around awhile.
Please keep on posting, I know the thoughts and fears and desires of addiction that run through my mind are validated when I meet a brother or sister walking the same path.
We are not alone, really.
Peace
Thank you so much for the support, Steve and Joe. I am so glad I found this site. I wish I could reach through the web and hug you both, and everyone else who is going through this hell.
You are right,, the Vicodin did distort the way I felt. Now without it (day 10!) I am seeing things in a new, unfiltered way. I am trying to get beyond the anger part of this,, ,I didn’t expect that part. I get mad that people don’t understand what hell this is,, and I get mad that others are able to use vicodin and other painkillers with no addiction problem and I can’t do that! I’m sure non drinking alcoholics have these same feelings when they are sipping soda while their friends are drinking beers .
I started taking vicodin for my headaches/migraines. Now that I have stopped I have had a migraine every morning for 5 days. I have Maxalt for that but cant take it every day,and my doctor doesnt want me to use anything else a this point, even OTC stuff aside from the valium, clonidine and low dose of zoloft that I am on. I read that L-Tyrosine might cause headaches in some so I didnt take it this morning. Any other advice for the headaches? I also take magnesium,vitamin B and D. \
I am so scared that now I will have headache everyday, and find no relief.
Wow Penny,
So glad you made another day. No small feat.
I don’t suffer from migraines. But physical pain and learning to live with it is a serious issue. I’m glad you have a Dr. to help you with them.
I can relate to the anger and personally in my life I have experienced this path with anger.
Express it and stay clean. Deny it and use.
I mean I can only be angry for so long while I go around telling folks “I’m not angry” . And than screaming at the dog.
i heard once that most anger can be rooted back to this thought.
Our mind tells us we are worth this much. But society
( family, friends) has placed our worth at this much.
In my case they had placed a far lesser value on me than I THOUGHT i deserved.
Of course I was a self obsessed raging lunatic with an over inflated sense of self worth.
Once I began to feel better after I quit using and started looking for new coping skills. Things began to change.
The first thing I did was start some mild physical activity. You can read about it above. But I think around Day 5 I cut the grass. And Day 7 I started walking. Small steps that I could do, I didn’t set out to be Lance Armstrong in a week and fail.
I walked for 10 minutes, I did 1 push-up etc.
I have progressed from there and as I began to feel better I began to think better.
The second thing I did was pray. Not just for a minute but for hours and hours.
The more I prayed the more I realized who I really was.
The more realistic I began to view myself, the less angry I was.
Today I have one goal each day. Put others first.
Easier said than done.
i have found this little task does two things. Two things I could never do.
Stay Busy and Stay Clean.
I have found that if I wanted to stop using drugs as a coping skill. As my way of treating my pain, my anger, my boredom, my depression, my emptiness, my fear, my regret, my low energy, the daily grind if you will than I needed to find a replacement for them.
I discovered a great deal of the negativity was a side effect of all the dope I was taking.
The rest of it I talk about, I write about and I pray about.
Thanks and I hope you choose not to get loaded today. I need all the company I can get on this living clean journey,
best wishes,
Joe
Hello everyone,
I just wanted to update you on my journey. I have not used Vicodin or any other prescription or OTC painkiller in 16 days now! I feel wonderful! I cant believe how much of a fog I was living in,,, the world seems clearer and I actually have ambition to better myself now!
While on the vicodin I gained 30 pounds, I was lazy and used the excuse, ” I cant work out when Im on vicodin, Ill wait untill I am not using” well I am motivated now! I started a daily workout, and am improving my eating habits. I used to work at Weight Watchers, I was my ideal weight but that all went out the window with drugs. I dont feel bad about that now.. I feel like I have a goal now,, Im not just wandering through life, Im living it, and I have dreams and aspirations that I can achieve! I have been using some herbal remedies for my headaches and they are starting to work somewhat. I still have a constant low grade headache but Im learning to live with the pain instead of masking it. It actually makes me feel stronger to know I can do this.
I wanted to share with you also an experience a friend told me about today. SHe was at the pharmacy with her son and a young teen boy was in front of her in line,, he had tears in his eyes and was sniffing like he was crying. He handed the pharmacy worker a note and said to her ” Im sorry,, my mom is making me do this” She nodded and handed him a bottle and he took off running. She must have instantly alerted the police because they intercepted the moms car as she was pulling out of the parking lot. Apparently the mom was screaming at the boy that he got the wrong thing, or not enough or something. There were other small children in the backseat of the car. Apparently this mom was an addict and had forced her son to go into the pharmacy with a “stick up” note to get Oxycodone! No money,, just the drug. The pharmacy keeps a placebo bottle on had just in case this happens. The Pharmacist said this happens quite a lot. That poor child, and family. That was a real eye opener to me, on how horribly addictive these pills can be and to what extremes people will go to get them.
Again, thank you so much for being here for me.. its wonderful to have a place to share and tell my story. Bless you all.
No thank you for sharing both sides of the situation.
The THRILL of stopping and getting your life back.
The AGONY of what you witnessed (active addiction).
Your ability to share is amazing.
Keep the posts coming.
best wishes
Hey Everyone,
Stopped by to say hello, and to offer some encouragement. Weather your thinking about stopping, Are in the mists of agonizing physical withdrawl, Are suffering the ups and downs of early life after drugs or you have been around awhile.
Remember LIFE IS GOOD. Take a minute today to SMILE and tell someone, and yourself ‘You Love Them”,
I Love everyone who posts here, take a risk today, share your thoughts of feelings, heal and help. Never give up on finding peace and joy.
Joe
I can’t believe how certain events or smells or activities, trigger a craving for vicodin that I didn’t even know was there. I still have not had any since early June. I am happy about that. I guess I thought I would be completely out of the woods by now. Once again, I underestimated this stuff.
I still have my previously posted poem, taped up to my mirror. It reminds me of the time this will take and really helps with some discouragement.
It is what it is! I will win because I will not give up. Never have never will. Once again…I have cravings that I didn’t even know were there. I have had serious pain problems for years. Now I do not have the pain problems. I am learning a lot. Sometimes I don’t know what is what. One thing I do know…for sure…. I will not give in to this stuff. It doesn’t matter if I am confused as to what triggered what. I am not confused about the vicodin. NO THANK YOU!
Desiring Vicodin or what Vicodin represents?
I’m no longer desiring 9 pills, I know that is so fake. But euphoria, fulfillment, energy, peace, calmness, ease of the day, (you know all the stuff I used for int the first place).
hell I take that in a second.
Now the loneliness, the degradation, the dependence, the agony, the sickness, the lies, the legal problems, finical hardship, no thanks.
Seems for me, I can not have one without the other.
So, Sweet freedom, as they say here in Texas,
“What’s really going on?”
Hang in the man, Don’t believe the lie.
Thanks so much for sharing, It is Awesome to see your post. made my day.
love
Joe,
I think I was wanting a little vicodin to take the edge off of some aches. I have trouble sleeping and on nights that I only get about 3-4 hours, I am miserable the next day. When I say that I don’t have pain problems I mean serious pain. The other night my sweet husband was taking me to a show downtown and I knew there would be a lot of walking in the cold. I have been to shows at this venue a lot because my son use to perform there. This usually brings out some pain in my achilles’ areas so I was wanting some then. I now believe this thinking and planning ahead mentality is wrong and I feel more and more empowered every time I get through a situation like that without anything in my system. My legs did hurt the other night but I was just fine as soon as I sat down and warmed them up.
I don’t get a high from the vics. Never have. Sometimes I just get tired of the aches and pains that my 41 years of being an athlete have gifted to me. I get tired of hurting, but again…I have to admit that it is not the kind of hurt that should warrant serious pain pills. Does this make sense?
In re reading my post, I think the word “craving” may be a little too strong. Or is that just me lieing to myself?
Thanks for your encouragement. Thanks for letting me vent. Don’t worry, I am more opposed to the stuff than I was even 5 months ago.
Sweet Freedom,
I hope it did not sound like I was poking around in your life, I am here for encouragement purposes only.
I guess I’m used to you posting and look forward to them. And the thought of someone I appreciate going back on vics kinda scared me.
So It was probably me trying to keep your around here for selfish reasons.
I apologize if it came off, well harsh.
At any rate, I pray your pain remains manageable, No sleep is a killer, as is pain.
I was meditating Tuesday morning, something I do every morning. I read a passage from the bible and reflect.
Anyway, It was the story of when Jesus cured 10 lepers.
Apparently of the 10 only 1 returned to thank him to which he replied.
“Were not 10 of you cured, Why has only 1 returned?”
It hit me hard.
I’m so glad you are continuing on, in spite of.
Here is to getting through, whatever it is we gotta get through.
best wishes
Joe,
You have my permission to poke around in my life if you feel like something is going on. But I did not take your post that way. Nor did I take you as harsh in anyway. Sometimes I like to be told how the cow ate the cabbage. I guess that is one of the reasons I post here. If you see me walking down a dangerous path, please speak up. I am not going back on vics. I am against them even more. Sorry if I made it sound that way.
I think I am just so surprised by the total effect this stuff has had on my life. How it happened I don’t know. Was I not paying attention? Denial??? I am seeing this all as I continue on the drug free path. One mistake I know I made was that I trusted that my doctor would say something. I trusted that he would intervene or at least educate me if it was needed. Nope. Never a word!! The vics were not that much apart of my life……yet. I am blessed that I figured out what was happening relatively early. I think that is why I am so surprised at their residual kickback. People don’t realise that even the tiniest amounts will ask you to pay it’s dues. A friend just told me that he has been taking percs at night for restless leg syndrome, prescribed by a doctor. What???? He has been on it for over a year. I begged him to look for any other way to treat his RLS but he “assured me” he had it under control. I was sad.
Enough about me. How are you doing? Find any new fun workouts lately?
The recent posts by Joe and Sweet really hit home for me. On one hand, I crave the pain relief that the vicodin provided, but part of me ( toward the end of my useage) realized that that was a short lived relief. The pain would come back,, I would crave more vicodin, take it,, the pain would come back,, etc. What we used to call in my cocaine days as “chasing the line”.
Vicodin addiction really is a double whammy. It starts as relief,, and leads ( at least for me) to “excuses” for relief. It got so I thought I might possibly get a headache so I would take them. Then I would feel great,, on top of the world,, relaxed and happy. Then the headache would come and I would do the math and realize I couldnt take anymore safely so I would take other prescription drugs to get rid of the headache that the vicodin actually made worse! I have to keep telling myself that everyday,,, that the vicodin really honestly made the headaches occur more often and more intense.
I have been without vicodin for 3 and a half weeks now,, and I do admit wanting some from time to time. My spouse uses them on occasion for headaches too and I about hit the ceilign when I found an empty bottle in his dresser. I feel like I cant even have them in the house. As a matter of fact as I type this I did the m ath again and realized I could probably email my Dr and ask for a prescrip,, she would believe that I wasnt addicted since I have not had any for almost a month. Talk about whacked out thinking!!!
But I will stay away. Vicodin is my sirens song it seems.
The other thing I wanted to bring up might sound rather funny and strange but I have noticed that since I stopped taking vics and other painkillers I really miss the act of popping pills! It was a habit for me to take this and that, and now that Im not its like an empty place in my life. Well I have sort of solved that one,, I take vitamins individually now! I take a D suppliment , a B suppliment, a multi mineral, and now the L Tyrosine. At least I can sort of fool myself that way.. LOL!
Thanks again for being here.. and for helping me through my journey. Blessings to all of you who continue to fight the good fight.
Hey Sweet Freedom,
Thanks for the understanding. And thanks for taking the time out to respond. It’s appreciated.
Well, seeing as I love to talk about me.
Let’s see.
Overall things are going really well, far better than I would expect.
On the plus side of the ledger
Above all else.
I AM CLEAN
1. I have a Relationship with Christ (In fact I have become quite dependent on it)
2. I am in fairly good physical condition. I am working more on flexibility now, a lot of stretching, pull-ups, squats.
My current job requires a ton of strength so I’ve toned down the push-up, weights.
I have a real hard time jogging, my ankles are shot from my high school basketball days, so I hike around the woods behind my house.
I’m thinking of Yoga, now this would be a stretch for me,(Pun intended) I have made fun of the Yoga freaks at the beach, you know when I am up in jersey in the summer they are out at dawn and dusk.
But I might try it.
3.Emotionally- well let’s say improving, of course I have stayed really safe here, I avoid arguments, risks, new relationships, and well all the old friends are shall we say, unhealthy for me. So I’m not sure if safe is the right play, but that’s where I’m at.
On the Negative side.
1. Still struggling with self worth-It seems no matter the effort of prayer, or doing the next right thing, or writing, or talking about relieves those moments or feelings of. “You loser, you really messed up your life…You deserve your plight, your less than others.—I just don’t know what to do about it, It seems the more I focus on me, the more those feelings resonate. So I try not to have it be about me.
2. Bouts of Emptiness, still get hit occasionally with a blah feeling, a can’t go on moment.
3. Finding my passion-my whole life I have witnessed the success of people who have found their passion and pursued it. (My brother loves the law, and became a lawyer, My sister love kids, she’s a special ed teacher).
Things I love-
1. Sports.
2. Seeing people overcome addiction
3. The Bible
4. Music
What I do for living- work for Pilgrims Pride, on the line making boneless chicken breasts.
Not really my passion, and having ignored the part of growing up where they teach you to identify a career based on your passions I haven’t a clue what to do with my life.
So I guess you could say “I am a work in Progress”.
Enjoy your weekend, and Thanks for being here.
Hi there,
I get inspiration just reading this… The candor that is shared on this site is a God send to me.
I have been clean for about a month now. There is such clarity in not using. I was using about 4 vics a day for a year and a half. I get reoccuring migraines and other headaches and was taking the vics for that reason.. Actually now taht I am clean, I have fewer headaches! Still get them but no more rebounding headaches.
What I am struggling with now is the feeling of loss. I miss feeling that buzz,, loooking forward to it,,,, planning for it. Knowing I could unwind with a few vics at night. I also am going through a rough time, have a mass growing on my thyroid so that has made me very anxious and wishing I had some vics to get my mind off it. Sounds bad ,,, and I k now I wont turn to them but it does make me realize what a grip they h ad on me.
What is worse is that my boyfriend uses vicodin for headaches,, but not daily. He used to have a problem with the vicodin,, went for a long time without taking it,, and now is taking it on occasion. That scares me and makes me feel angry that he can handle it ( i think) and I cant!
sounds like sour grapes Im sure but in a way I feel like a dieter watching someone eat cupcakes!
Again thank you for being here for me,,, and all of us … .we are in the same boat and need all the support we can get!
Hey Penny,
So great to read your Posts.
The mental part of the journey from pill popping to reality is such a ride.
There is actual physical stuff occurring to the body (PAWS) etc. and then there is the character rebuilding and physical rebuilding.
Hang in there, we need you. And as you will discover IT CAN BE DONE.
The only thing I can share is this.
1. Information-the more information I have the better I am able to make healthy choices. There is great information on PAWS on this site.
2. Action- I have discovered the more I actualy do stuff, anything like walk, clean the house, exercise, work, and the less I sit around and think about my life the better my day goes.
It is a constant battle for me to Keep Pressing On. But I must. Daily, Hourly, tell myself to move forward.
“You gotta stay hungry man”
Today my appetite is not dope, it’s being comfortable in my own skin.
When i have the privilege of meeting someone new on the journey, I want them to know just how important they are.
So Penny “You are important, far more important than you realize at this moment”.
Have a good one.
Joe,
There is a great resource called Career Direct that might help you. (Check online) It is a Christian organization and they have different programs that help you figure out what you can do with the gifts God gave you to dispense. They have a career test that not only tests for personality traits but also gives you an idea about your spiritual gifts and where that may fit in, out in the world. Everybody I know that has done this program has said it is a “must”. I would say that you have some strong exhortation giftings. I love watching a spiritual gift at work. My husband is like Barnabas. He has this crazy calming affect on people. I could not tell you how many times he has been told, “You are the nicest cop that has ever arrested me.” He also has mercy and humility. Now picture those traits in a police officer/crime scene investigator. Actually …I am a spaz… picture those traits as my husband. Ha ha ha! Anyway….if you can afford their program, I think it might be worth it.
I have never tried yoga but I have tried pilates and those classes were really tough. They were exhausting though and that was what I was looking for. You’ll have to let us know how the yoga treated you.
Joe…sometimes I have stuff from my past slam into my brain. Jesus does not want us living in the past. He is all about our future. Anyway, I use those moments to remind myself to pray. I thank God for my failures because they remind me how desperately I need Him. I then rebuke the deceiver who wants me to live in the past so that I can give him some sort of a hold on me. I believe that the devil wants to distract us from the cross any way he can.
Sorry if I wrote too much off topic and thanks so much for being here.
Hi Penny,
I understand so much of what you have written. You are definately not alone in your thinking. I think it is really cool that you put it into words for others to read. It helps me to think that I am not crazy. It is so nice to not feel alone.
I have so many caring people in my life. Sometimes I am afraid to share some of my vicodin thoughts with them because I am afraid they would pull away from me if they knew. Rationally, I am sure they wouldn’t. But I guess we all have an irrational destructive voice that puts crazy thoughts into our heads. Anyways, thanks for being on this forum.
Hey Sweet Freedom, and everyone else.
Thanks for the suggestions. I will check out the Career Direct stuff.
I remember once, along time ago I was seeking to find what my spiritual gift might be. To identify it.
Anyway, I went to this website and started this questionnaire that would ultimately discern your gift.
Well I start, 50 questions, 100 questions by that point I was like “forget it, if it takes all these questions to find out what my gift is, I must not need to know.”
It felt like back when I first got the internet and I would see a banner that said. ‘Free Sony TV or Apple Computer or whatever”. No purchase needed.
I would go and start these surveys and they would never end and so I never got my free TV,
I now realize that internet marketing and seeking your “calling” are not to be grouped in the same pile.
It is my priority to discover my ‘calling” or perhaps a better word is “uncover”.
My spiritual journey today is that of Zacchaeus, the short tax collector who fought the crowds and his size, climbs a tree to catch a glimpse.
Jesus looking up says ” Zacchaeus, come down quickly,
for today I must stay at your house.”
The crowds are not people in my case rather thoughts in my head.
I’m not short in statue. I’m 6’4, but I feel alot shorter than all the other folks in church, or society, they all seem so much more worthy of redemption than I.
So I am Zacchaeus, doing whatever I can to catch a glimpse.
Today I hope he calls me down from my Tree. To come stay at my House.
I long to hear the words.
“Today salvation has come to this house
because this man too is a descendant of Abraham.
For the Son of Man has come to seek
and to save what was lost.”
Oh wait I just did hear them…..(hmm)
Hope you have a great day folks.
Joe,
I heard a pastor teach on spiritual gifts one time. He was saying kind of the same things as you about some of the long tests. Anyway, he mentioned a different way to tell what your spiritual gifts may be. He contends that a person with a certain spiritual gift will find themselves particularly ruffled, when the opposite to that gift is displayed. For example I have some exhortation . I can not stand to listen to any teasing that runs someone down. It’s just not funny. I would rather honestly build people up. Which makes it even more amazing that the Lord brought me my own personal and team training business for the last 16 years. (This is how I trashed my legs.) My husband has a lot of mercy. He gets really frustrated when he sees other cops that he works with who throw the book at someone who is obviously needing help and not needing to get ticket after ticket. He feels his job is to keep people safe and living safely, not to come down on anybody he can catch doing something wrong.
Does this make sense. What gets under your skin?
I know that I am just a vending maching for the Lord to use. I take no responsibility for filling myself with anything good any more than a real vending machine can fill itself with those yummy little animal cookies. Yummm. My job is to stay ready to vend.
Anyway, I am getting through a nasty cold with a raw sore throat WITHOUT ANY VICODIN and I feel great!
Good Morning guys.
Hope all is well,
That is such an interesting take on finding your gift, SF. It really made me think. What bothers me, really bothers me.
Hmmm.
I’m not sure, I usually combat a negative feeling with a rationalization.
ex. Kids being mean to Kids– their just kids
I will say upon reflection 2 things seem to stick out.
1. Constant bickering- Drives me nuts when individuals go round and round over the same issue without resolution.
(which is ironic seeing how my life on drugs was one long drawn out ongoing problem with no resolution and constant inner conflict.)
Perhaps we do become our greatest f ear.
2. Dealing with the truth-I say what hurts me the most in life is Dealing with a truth that I don’t want to be true.
I’m having a real hard time putting this sentiment or belief or feeling into words.
Example my kids on drugs-(they aren’t to my knowledge but that truth would kill me)
This manifests itself in all my personal relationships. I guess I’ve never been completely honest before.
I sometimes do not want to know the truth. I am so afraid of it.
Great question, I need to pray about this one.
Thanks.
Hello friends,,, I wanted to update you on something important that has occured in my journey without vicodin. I was diagnosed on Tuesday with thyroid cancer. It is very treatable but still very scary to actually think I have cancer. Well in my anxiety I took 2 valium and guess what? It didnt do a thing for me! I had a stress headache before hand and that was my excuse, but the vicodin didnt make it go away nor did it change the way I felt emotionally. If anything it just made me sleepy in a crabby sort of irritated way! This to me is great news! The last experience I will have with vicodin was a ” whoopie.. big deal” one! Now I truly feel I can put that behind me.
Looking ahead thoughy IM sure with my surgery upcoming and other treatments I will need painkillers. I am going to work with my doctors on alternative to narcotics. I feel good, have no symptoms of the cancer, so nothing is needed now.
Anyways please pray for me, my friends,, I need your support and well wishes.
Love, Penny
Hi Penny,
I know physical problems of any kind are both scary and unpleasant, please remember we are here if you need help, support or just a great place to get all the peripheral stuff (fear,hurt,anger) out so you can focus on your health.
My Prayers are for you this morning.
Joe
Hey Folks,
Just checking in, kinda clear my head and reflect for a moment.
Tomorrow will mark 6 months of Drug and Booze free living for me, so what have I learned during this time.
1. If you want to stop the deadly cycle of active use, you can.
2. Physical Withdrawal ends, it doesn’t last for ever.
3. PAWS is very real.
4. Exercise curbs depression, regret, worry, sleeplessness and feelings of low self worth.
5. Prayer is vital for me.
6. Fear saturates my every thought, it’s the core of all my issues.
7. Having people to talk to helps.
8. While recovering your physical health is vital, your spiritual health is more so.
9. The road of healthy restoration is as lonely as you choose it to be.
10. Not using is vastly better than using.
Let’s strap on our seatbelts, Life keeps getting better and who knows where this journey is going to take me,
Thanks guys. I Love you all.
Joe
On side note,
I have been reflecting on what is my core issue, as reveled the other day,
Seems I’m not alone here,
In fact my study this morning the subject was the topic.
Seems it has a name:
Moral Relativism.
Moral Hatred for or fear of the truth, which can make us deaf to the whisperings of God’s voice in our hearts (as it did in Pilate’s case), is also called moral relativism.
But my issue is “What am I so deeply afraid of: What truth trouble’s me so.”
The first thought is.
“I am not one of Christ chosen”
But then I think, no the real truth, the one that you have avoided your whole life.
“You are one of Christ’s chosen, you turned your back on him. You failed, you will fail again. Your lying to yourself when you think you can live a holy life”
What do I do?
Joe: Give thanks. Give thanks because Jesus lived the holy life for us. Then hold on to Him as tight as you can. Do good things because you have God’s smile not because you have to earn God’s smile.
Jesus knows everything bad we have EVER thought or done and He knows everything bad we will EVER think or do in the future, and He still got on the cross for us. Give thanks and praise and love.
I am reading a book right now called True Faced. It’s about the masks we put on and use to live out our lives. These masks keep us from living out God’s will for us. It says these masks are partly determined by 2 unresolved things. 1.) Sins commited against us by others. 2.) Sins we commited. I am not very far into it but so far it has opened my eyes to some of the unnecessary cages I have put myself in. I am starting to see areas in my life that I don’t trust God. So far it has been really freeing. REALLY FREEING! Please check it out. I know you can order it off of the Navigators web site. They even have a few pages from the book that you can read.
Good Morning Folks,
6 MONTHS CLEAN!!!!!!!
Now that sounds like great advise Sweet Freedom,
Smile.
That keeps it simple for me, something I can do.
Thanks Guys, you made the past six months possible.
What a long strange trip it’s been.
Love
Where else would I start my Thanksgiving than right here.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone,
May God Bless you.
Love,
Joe
Good Morning folks,
Hope everyone is well.
I had a very peaceful thanksgiving. Ate alot, watched some football and chilled.
I went to the site Sweet Freedom,(navigators) read a portion of True Face, at least the snippets there.
I was hit hard by that line.
‘Forgiveness erase the debt but it doesn’t clear up our credit report.”
It angers me that I have so much wreckage to clean up. In there lies the issue, it Bothers me, It keeps me up at night, It soils my beautiful days, It is an underlining current in everything I do.
I realize that Alone it is to much, that alone it will eat me up. that alone It will make worthless.
It is in joining up with God that i can find the courage to take the next step.
I really need to try to stop pleasing God and start trusting him more.
As usual thanks.
Joe,
Please order the book. Your local bookseller may be able to get it for you too. (eg. Barnes and Noble) I believe the book goes on to say basically the blood of our Lord clears up the credit report. THIS IS THE PART OF REPENTANCE THAT I HAD BEEN MISSING FOR ALL OF THESE YEARS. It’s like me coming to Jesus and telling Him, “Hey I just got a really big ticket for ……………” And he says back to me, ” I know, thanks for coming to me, and by the way, I have already been to see the Judge and I paid your fine. You are free.”
I have recently realized that I am not who others say that I am. I am who Jesus says I am. I have been trying to approach repeated tough situations (eg. family holiday conflicts) from the perspective of being who Jesus says I am. I was completely shocked at how much better things went this past week. Wow!
Sometimes when I pray, I tell Him that I can’t handle “this sin/situation” and I ask him to do it for me. I trust.
The book also talks about how trying to manage our sin alone is basically underestimating sin’s power, overestimating our own ablilities, and underestimating the work done on the cross. When I think that through…duh! If it takes Jesus on the cross to beat sin, where on earth did I get the idea that I could beat it alone.
Good news is I don’t have to. The enemy wants you to try and do it alone because he knows he can’t defeat Jesus but he’s got a good chance at you.
Think about who the courts/legal system says Joe is. Think about who family or friends say Joe is. Think about who co-workers say Joe is. Then think about who Jesus says Joe is.
Who you gonna believe? Jesus knows more about you and me than everybody in our lives combined. I think I will believe and trust HIM!
Hi everyone
If you want to stop using opiates you have come to the right place, it’s a great place to begin and as I am discovering a great place to continue to grow.
Personally I spend my time getting healthier physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually
I have dedicated this month of Advent to a new beginning.
Sweet Freedom, your insights are BEYOND helpful, they are so meaningful to me. Thank You.
I
I know Jesus said things such as , “you are no longer a servant but a friend”.
that I am a “child of God.”
So this month I long to get closer to my friend, I pray three things this advent.
I accept Christ more.
I trust Christ more.
I share Christ more.
I guess I have waited my whole life to get this feeling of AHHH!!!! NOW I GET IT!!!! Beyond a doubt I am born again.
However, while not ruling that moment out, I keep getting moved along more subtly with a nudge here and an insight there.
I know the path to enlightenment began with stopping dope, I now am looking for the next step a deeper step, one that unlocks my potential, excites me, reignites my passion for life. Makes me more useful, and less somber.
I believe deep in my soul I am a fun guy, great to be around.
Why am I so afraid to rejoin life, I am so isolated, I work, come home, sleep, exercise, pray, eat–repeat.
This is my outlet, I need to take some baby steps at rejoining life. maybe after the holidays.
To a new Month and the closing of one hell of a year.
Joe
Hey Now,
OK I’m starting to get caught up in the Anxiety part of Christmas.
Getting the perfect gifts for the kids etc.
Time to take a step back and chill.
OK whew, i just needed to remind myself. the gift I really need to give this year is me.
So here I am, Joe in Loving Service.
Now back to life.
Peace
Good Morning Guys,
Just wanted to start my day on the right foot.
Praying for those who are attempting to overcome a pill addiction.
You have choices.
You do not have to use dope.
On a brighter note. I turn 44 today.
The fact I am alive, pretty healthy. clean and in my right mind(has right as this old brain gets) is in fact a MIRACLE.
Here is to great 44. Man, I’m getting up there.
Love,
Joe
Happy Birthday Joe! I hope year 45 is your best one yet!!
Good Morning Folks,
I am excited about Christmas, anyone else?
The primary reason I stopped using dope was because I could no longer tolerate my own actions.
I could no longer muster up the effort it took to use.
I was desperate.
I was dying.
Today I am HEALTHY.
I could go on for ever about the benefits of NOT using.
So just remember, if your looking for a way out of the insanity a path exists.
Have a great week.
Merry Christmas.
Man oh Man!!!! Clean and Healthy on Christmas Day.
I can not verbalize the Joy.
So maybe all go on with what Christmas has ment to me over the years.
Early Years.(pre-drug)
My earliest memories seem to be holiday related. I actually have very few memories pre-4th grade? Is that weird.
But I remember my house, the smell, the excitement and my reactions so high and so low all at once. Very emotional day.
I would take my toy and play and imagine even then my reality wasn’t enough. A nerf footbal would take me out of reality.
Teen Years-
Less focus on the family they are now in the way. All I want is money(to buy beer and pot) and music.
Partying with friends becomes more important than Christ or family.
Early 20′s–Totally stung out now, Lonely depressing times.
Late 20′s-I am clean living with my Wife (not married). Going to NA joyful, special times.
30′sto 43 –Dad now, 2 small kids spen all my energy trying to make sure their Christmas morning is unforgettable. They get the stuff, but I’m drunk and on pills so we are disconnected.
44- This year clean and spiritual, Like the priest asked us at mass last night, “Do you have room at the inn?” he used the innkeeper has the focus.
Saying our hearts are the innkeeper, Do we have room for anyone in there?
So for Christmas 2009-My Vacancy Light is on. My heart is open…
My kids are about to get up.
It’s almost dawn.
LIFE IS BEYOND WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Happy New Year Everyone.
What a great time to rededicate my efforts at becoming a healthier person.
I hope and pray everyone is blessed this year.
Enjoy
To Joe and All of You
I have spent the last 3 hours reading your posts, please keep them coming. I want to stop but am so afraid. It was my New Years resolustion and to make 2010 a year of new beginings.
Please don’t stop posting, the more I read the more hope I get. I don’t have a support network, no one knows, to ashamed to tell anyone.
I do remember like without viks but it seems so long ago.
Thank you All.
Joe you are my inspiration!!!
Hey Now,
TJ, I am so thrilled to see a new person hop on board.
Keep coming back
I understand how overwhelming and impossible this shit becomes.
Every second of pain, Every deep regret, Every once of shame, Every thought that getting clean was an impossibility. I have had.
THE MIRACLE, I have lived through it.
I come here to let you know, so can you. I’m here man, for every second, minute, day, week. However long it takes.
Hell, don’t pop a pill, post what your feeling and together we don’t have to use as a coping skill.
Peace
Hey Everyone,
Just pooping in to say Good Morning.
It is so COLD down here in Texas. The coldest morning in years. It hurts to go outside.
I Love it, growing up in the north. It’s like I get to go back to those cold winter nights of my youth.
On the plus side this will last like 4 days not 4 months
Lately I have been making peace with my past. The last 12 or so years.
I’ve talked about how painful it was, the shame, the guilt, the hurt.
It is keeping me off pills.
I try not to dwell on it. I share a little peice of the hurt and move on.
I keep striving for PEACE.
I seem to get just a bit more each day.
I hope everyone is well.
God Bless
Well Folks,
The end of another week. I am so glad I found this site. That I made a choice to not take a pill one day.
I was just reflecting on how sick I USED to be. And how I thought using dope would never end.
I pray to my heavenly Father, if your sick and you want to stop using pills that you find this site.
I will not gloss it over and say, it’s easy. In fact starting a new life is scary, awkward, painful, lonely and anxiety filled.
It is also peaceful, joyful, new, loving, caring and full of wonder.
It is just nice to be alive. Again.
Have a great week-end.
Good Morning Folks,
Just posting for the first time on the new format.
It looks sweet, easy to read. love it.
Made me think about change.
That is what I am undergoing. I am changing today. I am starting to have moments where I am OK with me.
They are brief and I still have a hard time just accepting me.
I sometimes want to be more, I sometimes want to be less.
I sometimes hate myself for what I’ve done, and what I’ve failed to do.
I used to feel so degraded that I was walking around desperate. I hated myself and would try to get validation wherever I could.
Seems taking dope hid or numbed a lot of the deep rooted insecurities.
Today, by grace coupled with a choice I made. I have not taken dope so I am exposed.
I still get confused about “Who I Am”. “What I Want”. “What do I do?”
In fact, I have decided for now I will Pray, Do the Next right thing, If I fail(I will ask for forgiveness) and I will not permit old ideas or thoughts to lead me backward.
I have no idea how the future will turn out, But if I just enjoy today, do not use drugs, pray, bring a smile to the world, help where I can, I must believe I will be led to a place of peace and love.
I hope those seeking a new way of life, free from pills will post and join me.
Have a great week-end
Joe
Hey you:
Anne here. I am using my friend’s computer to say thank you for your site. I am a recovering alcohol and drug user with a hard core history from 1984 up until 1992, when I started having children. Relapses have been periodic every few years since my kids came, with periods of abstinence in between. In 2003 I was held at gunpoint during a robbery of my employer at the time, and since that time I have had difficulty staying in sustained full recovery.
Most recently after gastric bypass surgery in November, 2009 I was given Vicodin for pain. Although my pain was significant, I probably started taking the Vicodin to help me with stress after I came home from the operation. I quickly found myself counting my pills and looking for other sources of Vicodin, as my mother-in-law fortunately/unfortunately had a recent hospitalization too and had 60 of her own Vicodin with refill. Within three weeks I had finished my original prescription, finished her original prescription, and refilled hers for 60 more. Just last week I came to the realization that not only was I taking her medicine without telling her, but that I was down to just 30 pills left with my appetite for them growing. When I first started the Vicodin, suddenly I felt like I could handle whatever the day handed me. My stomach symptoms were better, but I would end the day strung out and exhausted with the amount of medicines I was taking and still recovering from my stomach surgery. Each time I stopped taking the Vicodin because I felt too good, I would start feeling clammy, panicky, irritable, and shakey. I started feeling guilty that I had “gone back down a dark path into addiction.” I started spacing out on my goals that I had for myself. I started feeling guilty as a mother and as a human being striving to move forward with a new mindset and body.
I reached out for help to someone I trusted. We talked about withdrawing slowly. I started cutting back on my two to four pill/day habit and got into a pattern for a number of days of just taking two pills. From there I tried to cut down to half a pill twice a day, but even that was some days too difficult. As a recent weekend approach, I found enough determination to stop using and to go back to my goals. I started taking my seroquel medication to stave off the irritability and my risperdal medication. That has been helping. I am still having trouble sleeping on day five of my slow withdrawal. The point I am at personally right now is that I want to be clean from withdrawal altogether, and I am impatient about it happening now. Outside support does help…………If anyone out there has experience, please help me deal with the fact that my mother-in-law still has 30 left of her own Vicodin. I still have them hidden in my own pill box. I can see that because I have taken her medication, she is also going through some withdrawal, and I am feeling pretty guilty. Do I give up her pills to her? Do I throw them all away once I am done with my withdrawal, or am I being incredibly selfish (I know the answer to that already) in not letting her have her medications. Had I not filled her original refill, she herself might not be withdrawing. God drug use really can make a bad guy out of you.
Please let this serve as my confession for my pained conscience. If there is anyone who can “read me” and not judge me, please let me hear from you.
Anne
Hey Now,
Thanks so much for posting Anne.
Withdrawal and all the insanity that goes with it sucks, but I am living proof that it WILL get better.
I have found the direct path, the quickest path. I won’t say it’s the easiest, I’m not sure their is an easy way to get off opiates.
If there was more folks would stop.
I would never judge you, I will support you, be here for you and cheer you on.
I know for me, luckily, I have no pills in the house nor am I in contact with someone who needs medication. SoI can’t really offer advice on what to do with your Mother-in-laws dope.
I have learned that if I don’t take the first one, I don’t have to worry about the next one. And that was the relief I was praying for.
Welcome and thank you so much for being here. I need you on my journey out of active addiction.
Keep posting.
Joe
Good Morning Folks.
As always, I pray that if you are thinking about getting off pills, getting through the horrible withdrawls and beginning a new life.
That you start today. It is so worth it.
As for me, I had a deep revelation last night, so I cam here to share it.
I had been going along smoothly since the new year, however I was getting those feelings of discontent, those feelings of hopelessness, what’s the use.
I have not had a pill since May 22, 2009 and I guess the newness had begun to wear off.
As it did and I guess you could say subconsciously, I was becoming more and more selfish. as I became more selfish, i became more depressed.
Then yesterday I came home from work, my daughter had gotten a poor grade on a Vocabulary exam. Now I had spent last week coaching her, talking to her. Explaining how important the decisions she makes now are.
I thought she “got it”
Now I need to say God has blessed me with some great kids, Straight A students. Know what’s right, very considerate and beautiful, funny and articulate.
Anyway somehow her low grade, was not about her it was about me. The manager, the coach. The guy who get’s results. I had failed. I blew up man. (inside rage) not at her.
Well I’ve learned to do things differently now. I don’t go score when emotions hit.
I take a walk,, or go to bed. or pray.
So I grab my Dog Coco and we head out for our walk, for some reason she jets off, won’t come when I call her, I start going nut. Now I’m screaming Coco get over here. The louder I yell the faster she runs away.
I’m losing it by this point.
Anyway, I get back to the house. It hits me like a ton of bricks,
Everything is always about me. I am self centered.
I don’t want to be in charge anymore of others. I can’t find happiness in my plans. I am not God, I no longer want to be in control of those around me (i never really was)
This whole self propulsion, get it done, my strength, my wisdom, my insight, my skills. They can only all come together for good should I choose not to serve myself. I can no longer serve Joe. I can no long be “what my life is about.
It just will not work.
Today Dear Lord Jesus, I beg you Please take my life, show me how to live. Become the Lord of my life. Help me.
The results of my actions are no longer up to me, I will trust you lord with the results.
For my part I will do the best I can to be a loving, caring helpful man.
Thanks,
Joe
Joe,
Thanks for posting…as always. I think we all struggle with a bit of self-centeredness on occasion. At least you’re noticing it…some of us never do.
Hey Now.
Happy Valentine’s day!!!!! Hope love finds it’s way into everyone’s heart today.
If you don’t want pills to rule your life. They don’t have to.
I’m doing well, it was so amazing we got a snowstorm down here in Texas on Thursday night, it was the first one my kids had experienced, what a joy to see there reaction.
Having gown up in the mountains of NE PA. Snow was a way of life.
But Thursday night as the snow fell and I was out playing with the girls I had one of those moments, The ones that see you through the work, the pain, the depression.
Being Clean opens doors to stuff. Good stuff, Real Good Stuff.
Love,
Joe
Hi Everyone,
Joe – Remember this post? :
I have lost all self-worth, and all hope. I was helped by this blog and so a will not use today no matter what, I have tried everything, rehabs, jails, moves, new jobs, nothing has ever worked.
You wrote back in May ’09. Look at how far you’ve come. I am writing this because your posts have helped me immensely.
Keep up the good work Joe and everyone on here!
Steve.
Hey Steve,
It never fails. I get what I need Today. Your words are much to kind.
Thank you
Hey Now,
Well, Well, Well. You can never tell.
9 months ago today I awoke from a drug induced sleep, coma whatever. Or should I say something woke me.
I never thought when I decided that I would not use that day that it was the start of something. I knew it was then end of something.
To every poster or lurker here. This day is in your honor. Your words, your lives, your love SAVE MY LIFE.
I have just one thing to say…
How can Help.
Really if you do not wish to take a pill today, you need not.
Love,
Joe
My sister has recently been found to be abusing Vicodin for the second time in ten years. She went through day treatment and five years of monitoring, and admits she never really “bought into” the program (difficulty with the “higher power” part of the 12 steps.)
With easy access to prescription pads, ds claims to have been taking up to 40 (yes, forty) pills a day.
I recently made a lengthy visit to her home to support her as she faces the consequences-loss of job, insurance, possible prosecution, etc. She has had minimal symptoms of withdrawal, which I find incredible. Should we, her children and I, insist that she take a urine test to see if she’s truly quit using as she says? She is planning to start another day treatment program next week and is very remorseful (or so she says.) She is also on meds for depression. Do I trust her or is that a silly question under the circumstances? I’m not looking to push her past the breaking point, but she seems very emotionless and withholding. I want to help her but not enable. Will day treatment be enough? Thoughts, anyone? Thanks for this forum.
Debbie
Morning Folks,
We start another month, here is to living for today.
It can be the first day of a whole new life.
I continue to pray, pray for every person who is seeking a way out. A way to move beyond pain pills.
Personally, I continue to move forward, slowly climbing out of the hole I was in.
I try to learn, to understand and to love.
It really is a baby step process and learning to live drug free is really scary.
But amongst the doubt, the hassles, the worry.
Lies this stream, I can’t explain it, it’s like a never ending river of love and hope. I dip into every morning.
When I was getting high. dope was that stream. But it was fake, it ran out, it made me do things that got me into trouble.
This stream has not got me into trouble once, not once. Although it does empty you out, fill you up and keeps you guessing.
And even though sometimes I don’t feel it, I know it’s there.
It provides me with the energy, the exact amount I need to make the day.
I thought I’d share some progress I’ve made. Sometimes I can’t see the growth.
Then: Could not get out of Bed, too sick.
Now: Wake up early to pray, read and enjoy the quiet.
Then: The only thing that made life tolerable was dope. And it stopped working.
Now: I use prayer, exercise, love, talking, writing, listening, working, watching as my tools to get through the day.
Then: starting 12 months probation, dwi class, drug offender class, 7,500(apx) in fines, tickets court costs. 100 hours of community service No job, No hope, No life.
Now: Completed 12 months probation, went to the DWI class, paid off 5,400 of the fines and court costs. Worked all 100 hrs of community service. Have a Job, Have Hope, And a life worth waking up to.
Am I finished, Heck know.
Is the work to do, you betcha you.
Can I get it all done, no. Not today.
Do I still seek changes. Of course.
I would love a new job. The one I have is killing me physically.
I would love to have all the legal stuff behind me. I will if I stay clean and keep moving forward.
I want to be more loving. more selfless. I will keep plugging along.
Sometimes, Life get’s heavy man, like it is this morning and I gotta lighten the load.
So I’ll dip into that stream of love…AH what a relief.
Now let’s get busy.
Love,
Joe
Hi. My name is Jackie.
I think I posted in a different thread somewhere a couple of weeks ago.
I have been tapering down from norco for three weeks now. I was taking 4-6 pills a day. 6 being the high dose I would take to get some energy. When that didnt work anymore, I started doing coke, too. I thought I was having a blast and being so productive, but I wasnt really. ( of course)
I was prescribed vicoden during breast cancer treatment for the pain from surgery, and then for the back pain I got after laying around for so long. I have been taking them for 4 years. That seems so insane to me now.
About 3 weeks ago, I was watching Celecrity Rehab and was surprised at how many of the addicts were addicted to vicoden. I immediatly went to my bottle and counted them all out into daily dose containers. I took what would have lasted me ten days and spread it out over 3 weeks. yesterday i took the last half pill. ( 5mg) I think it was a great taper and it worked.
I went for a walk and ended jogging on Wednesday and now I have a severe cold. From what I read here, I was probably ripe for it.
My usual relapse behavior is when I feel great! I want to feel greater! I am trying to be in touch with my addict voice. Meaning, I am trying to understand that it is the AV that is whispering to me. I was interested in RR years ago, but the beast won.
I still have to stop drinking. That is the most dificult for me. I am going to take one thing at a time. I have cut back a lot, just not ready for 100% I guess.
This forum and this thread have been very helpful to me. I have read it twice now over the three weeks.
I am taking supplements, but need that L-tyrosine.
Thanks to Joe,Admin,Sweet and everyone else who ahve opened up here.
dang. so much for being anon.
Joe Sucks – He’s telling my story or following me around taking notes. I’m on day 3 and pill free after 18 months of opiates and I feel like a train hit me. Joe you have given me light – Thank You, At post 126 approx you told my story, Legit pain to start, Pills,more pills, different pills, lying,cheating to get more pills, morally bankrupt, pills not working anymore. Can i stop the insanity ? Thanks for the outlet -Takes one to know one
Hey Now,
I pray everyday that someone join me on this road. Thanks so much for stopping by guys.
This thread is ridiculously long now, thanks for scrolling through it.
Jackie, getting off those dam pills was one thing, staying of them is yet another. I can only share with you, that I did not take a pill today, MAN and here is the kicker, if i do that, which is to say, the action of not taking a pill, I am do something.
I think that’s the beauty of not using. By doing nothing you are doing something.
From your post, it appears you have overcome some major stuff, I hope you keep coming around, I need your wisdom, hope and courage.
Peter!!!!! Welcome home brother, yeah it is bizarre how alike we are. I found that pain shared is pain lessened. You have found a really sweet spot to heal. Hope you come back.
love
Hey Now,
Happy St. Patrick’s Day to you.
I wanted to take a minute this morning and post about Hope. What an incredible thing this Hope is. It is more powerful than any pill I ever took, any fear I have ever felt, any shame I placed on myself, any guilt I imprisoned myself with.
I locked myself in a prison of dope, I did horrible things, I felt beyond aid. I thought dope would kill me.
Then it happened, one day a voice, so faint I could barely hear it amongst all the shouts of pain, anguish, fear, regret, loss, despair, sickness and insanity
It said, “please don’t use today, your gonna die, this shit is gonna kill you.
I kistened to, for just a minute, and I didn’t use. It was Hell, It was dark it was scary. I was in a place so hellish I could not get out. I was doomed. I mean really doomed.
But this Hope, it wouldn’t die, and As I listened to it it got just a little bit louder.
While I still am fearful, shame ridden and guilt stricken.
I HAVE HOPE
so do you….
I beg you, if you hear the voice of hope today…Give it a chance.
Oh and a Big Kiss to all my Irish girls out there.
Love
Hey Now,
I have decided that for the next week I would give a daily Post of my spiritual journey.
I have been praying and mediating the last 5 weeks, a Lenten journey. It has been painful, lonely and fearful. So has I enter into holy week.
I have decided to open my soul, to bear it all. I have no clue why? or where this will go.
Hope if you stumble across it, it carries some type of message.
Saturday–I arrive at the day before Palm Sunday in a state of despair, despair over all the wrong I’ve done in my life, all the pain I caused during my drug abuse, during the self centered life I lived.
I know that death was the end result of my lifestyle, except I did not die. On May 23, 2009 something happened.
I decided not to take a pill. And through a combination of all my efforts and an Amazing Grace, I have not taken one since. So…
Here I stand, on the eve of my journey to “Jerusalem”
The name “Jerusalem” is a compound of two Semitic roots, “s-l-m” meaning wholeness, peace,[17] harmony or completeness, and “y-r-h” meaning to show, direct, instruct, or teach. Jerusalem means “Abode of Peace,” “Teaching of Peace”, or “Whole or Complete Instruction”
I pray for courage, courage to move a little further..
I am not alone..
Ser You folks tomorrow.
Love
Palm Sunday–I am now in Jerusalem, In my mind and spirit.
It is crowded here, there seems to be two groups forming in my mind and my soul.
The Old guard if you will. The thoughts that say, “Dude your ugly, your never gonna amount to shit, your evil, your a sinner, your gonna burn in hell, wrapped in isolation, never amounting to anything.
‘All we care about is feeling good, forget this spiritual crap, does it really work, is there really some way to be reconciled with God, come on man your smarter than that.
You know what you have done, don’t rock this boat of emptiness and despair, it’s all you have ever know.
Your a loser brother, why bother.
And now this other group. This new radical group of thoughts that says.
“Wait a minute, Your alive, It’s getting warmer out, You have felt loved before, haven’t you. Do you think tomorrow might be better. Can’t you open your mind for a just a second. ”
“This is not some dogma being taught to you by some old priest, your not a scared kid doing wrong.”
“No, Joe your a man, a man who sinned, brother grab my hand feel it, Love is real, Hope will survive, blessings and miracles are waiting for you, why wont you trust me?
“Please come to my feast, I need you, more than you need me” There is work to be done, and joy and love to spread. It really is not bleak. Feel the surge of Joy as you imagine my love.
Yeah, the epic battle is at hand in my mind. I pray I don’t turn back now.
See You tomorrow.
Hey Now,
Monday, As I begin this week it dawned on me that all my thoughts are real, and they have such a power to them. They can kill me or provide me with hope.
But the one thing they can not do is well change me. The thoughts I think are not new, but old. There the same thoughts I have always had.
Is God Real?
Why am I evil or bad or depressed or selfish or scared?
Can I ever amount to anything?
What about Jesus?
These same old questions, the ones that always lead me nowhere.
I see now that these thoughts, questions and self centeredness are the walls of my prison, they keep me sick to some degree.
They keep my isolated, afraid and lonely.
I need a new question.
I think if the question does not change the answer won’t either.
My whole life I have asked does 2+2=4 (so to speak)
Yes it does, and it always will. No matter how I frame it and well and that question evidently and based on past results lacks the power I need to overcome my self.
So as I move through this week. I pray for a new question, one I have never asked myself before. One that only God can phrase in a way that unlocks the prison.
Dear God, What is it that you want to ask me? I beg you reveal that to me this week?
I must let go of the old questions now, they are done and will provide me with no freedom. I must seek a new way, a new journey.
Please release me from my past.
love
Hey Folks,
Tuesday and well I remain at that point. The point I seem to stay stuck at, The point where I realize all the wrong I have done and the lack of optimism for the future.
Maybe I am just getting older and hope for the future is something better suited a younger man, or perhaps I have damaged myself with all the years of abuse.
Or maybe this is as good as it gets.
Or maybe in spite of how I feel or what I think, this Power, this light moves me forward. Maybe the plans of the creator are at work.
I know this much. Something wakes me up every morning, something brings me to my daily prayer, something keeps me searching, asking, waiting.
I get the feeling that this love I seek is outside of my normal thoughts, my daily actions. Behind my fear and self loathing, behind my doubt and my regret.
Under my shame and beneath my guilt.
It must be, pulling me. Dragging me, Urging me on.
No, I can not see it, No I can not hear it, No I can not touch it.
Yet there it is, it woke me up again this morning. It let me know, that while you may not have 1 person or thing that understands you or seeks you out, I am with you.
I have been with you.
No Joe, you don’t have to ask a new question, you just have to trust.
Put just a little faith in me.
please.
I’ve got so much to show you.
Don’t worry about all the emptiness, the regret, the doubt, the pain.
See, brother I’m stronger than all that. More powerful than all that.
Just trust me enough to take one more step with me tomorrow. OK.
Good Morning-
Here we are on Wednesday -I remain in the darkness, I have begun to think this whole idea is crazy or insane. To search for a power that really is supernatural, beyond any human strength.
A power that can do all things, endure all things.
My whole life as been about running out, giving up, running away, escaping, avoiding.
Masking my fears, my worries, my pain.
I stand today exposed.
All my unbelief is out there to view. Every cry of the human side of me, the dark side.
That’s the thing isn’t it.
How could a guy like me be loved by GOD.
I know that I must let go of all the shaming dogma of the past.
All the shame that I have heaped on myself.
I need the help of God, to find God.
I grave the Light, I am obsessed by the Light, I seek it. It is my wish, my prayer.
As I move closer to you God, I ask you for the courage to not turn back.
To not return to the darkness. But to feel the warmth of your love.
It’s weird I have no trouble at all believing that you manifested your self in human form, that you taught the truth, saved many, healed many.
I also believe they nailed you on a cross, to keep the status.
It is the raising again I need help with. I guess that’s what I beg.
Let me trust in your power today.
Let me follow this radical new belief, don’t let me betray you, and nail you again to cross.
No this time it’s real. It’s everything I got, It’s my last roll of the dice.
All of me Lord, is driving forward to this point.
And the closer I get the more I feel or think.
It is out of my hands.
You are God. This is your world. You can condemn or release.
I will proclaim on faith at this moment.
Lord in spite of my sin, in spite of my self seeking, in spite of my fear, in spite of my doubt. in spite of my neglect.
I come before you. To serve, I guess I mean I have no idea what to do.
Show me, guide me help me.
Hey Folks,
Good Morning. For some reason I could not connect to this site on Thursday so I will tie Thursday and Friday together.
First, I must say this is the most insane, bizarre thing I might have ever done, to pour my soul out here. It is so selfish, so I do not know, stupid.
Two words come to my conscious this morning. Two words I heard together a long time ago, I’m not sure where I heard them
Prepare and Execute.
That I was told was a successful plan. And that problems in either one of these areas would lead to failure.
I guess that is where I am at now. I have been preparing .
The problem with letting go of the old Joe is that I have no idea what to do.
I can’t execute.
The only thing I can think to do, is well to keep doing what I have been doing.
Wake-up, pray some, work some. exercise some, make amends, pray some more and keep searching.
Maybe that is the execution part of the plan.
Maybe I won’t get hit with blazing flash of light, this moment where it all comes together in some insane moment of richness of joy and every dream fulfilled.
No maybe my gift is simply…The grace to make one more day.
Which if I am honest, is well, more than I deserve.
Please Lord keep me free from dope today. So that I maybe there for someone else.
Sunday Morning,
Hope-man what a force, what a power.
I think that is what I have narrowed this down to this week.
As I waded through all the insanity in my mind, as I fought through all the self pity, the fear, the prisons of my past.
Just as I awoke that day last May and stumbled over to my computer and begged for help.
Just as I have awaken every day sense.
I can not deny it, intellectualize or explain it.
This is my truth.
Something wakes me up, keeps me craving more awareness of it.
Something unshakable tells me, If you follow this way, good things will happen.
Maybe I am a dreamer.
But dreams die out eventually or they come true and our replaced with a new dream.
This Hope though it goes on and on.
Nothing can quiet it.
It is alive and powerful. Very Powerful.
If you do not want to take a pill today, if the answer as become the problem. If you have no idea how to get out from the situation your in. If you feel as though thee only thing life can offer is pain and misery.
I beg you…Think again.
I love this board and the folks who come here.
Thanks. And Peace be with you.
And also with you, Joe…I love your posts!!!
Ok, So this is day one for me. This is not the first time, but this time I have been taking A LOT more pills than ever before. I’ve taken pills for years, but in the past 5 months I have spent thousands of dollars on pills. My favorite of all are perc 10′s. I usually take between 15 and 20 of those a day and if I can’t get those I’ll get a couple oc 40′s or 80′s and will take 106mg of those or more. I can’t keep doing this. I have had 2 friends die of overdosing on oc’s and I keep telling myself that I’m not that bad and I wont let that happen, but i’m sure they didn’t think it was going to happen either.
I want to stop cold turkey. This is going to be difficult isn’t it?
Yes it is. Last time I stopped doing pills I did good for about a year and I don’t know what happened. But when I was off of them, I felt soooo good everyday. Much better than i feel when im taking them.
I don’t have anyone to talk to about this, so i am probably be here often just rambling about my situation. I have read a lot of the information on here and Im glad I did. I almost thought about trying suboxone, but after reading what everyone said I know that is not a good choice at all for me.
Hopefully once I get through this, I wont ever go back.
Welcome Leah,
I am here if you need anything. I know how really, really hard this is.
(and that is the understatement of the year)
Every pain, every thought, every restless minute. The darkness.
I have felt it.
The Good News, I survived it. And so can You.
Please, walk with me on this road out of the darkness.
You are not alone.
Joe
Joe, do you know the Peace Prayer of St. Francis?? As I was just reciting it in my head, you popped into my mind. This prayer fits you….just wanted you to know that I’m thinking of you!! I love your posts..
Hi metoo,
I am very familiar with the prayer.
And thanks for the kind words, I’m just moving forward, but I am afraid, this road of change and newness is really scary.
I mean I have been in some of the sickest, scariest places on earth seeking drugs and none of that seemed to scare me as much as just being myself does.
Having encountered this divine Love, of which I am so unworthy of, I have no clue what to do next, you know.
I feel insane, like I really believe in this Loving God, This power actually loves me.
I mean it must right, it plucked me out of the despair. (again and again)
I pray every day that this Love won’t end, because well, I guess I need it now.
I was prompted to research more on Francis with whom I know, kinda.
I found this quote buried in a story about him
“I have been all things unholy. If God can work through me, he can work through anyone. ”
Now, that sounds about right.
I mean that’s what I am doing seeking to find the means to keep going, to keep my faith in Love alive.
I am lower than the least, so what the hell do I do.
Anyway, I hope you too keep posting , I sure you gotta a hell of a lot more to say than I do.
Have a nice weekend metoo, I hope to hear from you again.
love
Joe, and everyone else,
You are amazing. Your strength is beautiful. Hang in there…one day at a time. You can do it!
Hi Scarlet,
Thanks for the kind words.
As much as I would life to take credit for surviving opiate addiction.
I can’t.
I stopped. God did the rest.
God really is my strength.
As you can see I was not some holy roller who came here.
I was beaten, beaten to the point of death.
So with nothing left to lose. I meekly geld out my hand. I mustered one last. Please help me.
Well, my hand was grabbed and I am happy to report he has not let go. Nor I am just as happy to proclaim have I pushed God away.
I have found a power a source a LOVE.
He just ask one thing.
That I tell you about him.
So I do.
If pills have taken over, you can if you REALLY want to STOP.
It ain’t easy.
However, if your a person like me.
Easy never turned me on anyway.
Love
A New Month,
A New Day.
A New Moment.
I Love New stuff.
Man, I Love being clean, I never, ever thought I would say that. ever.
Goes to show, you don’t ever know.
Please, if a voice is telling you, “I gotta stop this shit”
Listen to it.
No matter what your facing , No matter how difficult the path seems.
You DO NOT have to use.
I pray you will join me, strengthen me and keeping moving toward a Better way.
peace
Hey Now,
Just wanted to say Happy Mother’s Day. To any and all Mothers who come around.
May the peace of Christ find it’s way into your heart.
Just for today, I will not take a pill.
Keep on Growing
Good Morning,
I realize that this site is designed to provide information, life saving, life altering information.
Well, it does exactly that.
One year ago this very morning, I lay in my bed, near death. I had taken pills as far as you could without giving your life to them.
As I came to that morning, groggy, sick, afraid, wanting to die. I heard a little voice, it was so far buried I couldn’t tell if I had heard it.
It said, if you keep using you will die.
I thought to myself “who cares”
The problems in my life were so great, I had no clue how I was going to get out of the mess I was in.
So, I prayed.
Nothing earth shattering, just a simple.
Please, Help me.
And the next thing I know, 2 days later I find this place.
So this morning, full of love and hope and faith.
I say THANK YOU ADAM.
For saving my life,
for changing the future of my 2 lovely daughters and forever altering the course of the world.
And you thought you were creating a blog.
Brother you were altering the world.
I pray many more find there ay here and join us.
Welcome my friends to the New World.
Remember.
If you do not wish to die from pills.
There is a road out.
I am on it.
Waiting for company.
Love,
Joe
Some Thoughts on The Journey.
Life after opiates is so different, than I rationalized it would be.
When I was high would try to think of life without pills, it was just this gnawing , it never would leave me.
I guess I envisioned a life of pain and misery without pills.
Where would I get the energy.
How would a deal with the daily grind.
And my problems, man did I have problems.
Well, it’s now been awhile since I took a pill.
Some things are has I thought.
There is pain, physical, and emotional.
There is regret.
There is fear.
I would never suggest these things are not present. They are.
However, that is not the whole story. There is so much more, yeah so much more.
There is the relationship I have with God now, it came outta nowhere, it began slowly and it grows, deeper and more meaningful everyday.
This is so different than I ever thought it would be.
For me, and for the first time in my whole life. I have an honest relationship with someone who knows everything about me.
I could never quantify it’s meaning to me.
I am in Love with a God I used to hate. Hate with a passion.
I have no idea how this happened.
And the joys.
And the sounds
And the smells
And the colors
And Nature
And Man
And everything else that I had forgotten existed.
Love is Real.
I mean that.
I stake my life on it.
Love
Hey Now,
First day od Summer,
I hope that if you have found this board, and are seeking a way out of the madness, that you will give yourself a break.
Beating myself up over my addiction is truely a futile proccess or activity.
Yet I find myself doing that lately.
Isolating, seperating.
Staying to my thoughts, my prayers, my worries my pain.
I’m pretty sure, I was not created to be alone.
So I thought I would swing by the old neighborhood here and let you guys know I love you and I need you.
Enjoy
Hey, Joe, how long have you been “sober” now? I think pretty soon you could start giving yourself a big big big pat on the back instead of beating yourself up….at some point, we just have to stop and give ourselves credit where credit is due…just a thought!
Hey Now,
I have been clean since May 23, 2009.
So that is a year and 1 month.
I have resumed living, I work, pray, exercise, make ammends, make my self available for others.
And I her you metoo, at some point I do need to move beyond the regret and the pain I inflicted.
It just seems to linger around.
I need a new burst of excitment or hope.
I don’t know hwere it will come from, or what it will be.
I am praying for it .
Thanks
Then I will pray for it too, Joe!! I will pray for it, because you need to feel total forgiveness….and each of us puts such a big load of guilt on ourselves~~You KNOW that God has forgiven you, yet you haven’t forgiven yourself. I will pray for the “new burst” for you, my friend!!!
Personally, I think you’re FANTASTIC. Big hugs to you…
Hey Now,
Thank you so much MeToo.
I have found that this road is filled with so much joy.
Sometimes you just gotta look for it.
Like I say.
I have done all things unholy, yet God still loves me.
In fact he always did.
Always will.
Every day I get better.
Everyday I grow.
Here is to keep on Growing.
How is life treating you MeToo?
You feeling allright.
Hey all, I am addicted. ( Vicodin) I currently dont have any right now and I am seriously afraid that withdrawal is going to kill me. Will it?
Hey Steph,
Welcome,
I am not a Dr. I have however gone through withdrawl several times.
It never killed me, but it felt like I was dying.
Do you have a Dr. or Detox in your area where you can get some medical attention.
Support of any type.
Please keep us informed.
And please remember, you only have to go through it once.
Peace
Good Morning Folks,
I stopped by to see if anyone needed a hand.
Looks fairly quiet.
I hope that’s a good thing.
Thinking of every single scared, worried sick person out there.
Praying that today is the day.
The first day of the new you.
If you don’t want to tak a pill today,
GREAT NEWS.
You do not have to,
Love
Hi Guys,
Up early this morning, enjoying life without the use of drugs.
Now, that is something right there.
I continue to Hope that any person, who woke up tofay knowing that pill or whatever were turning them into someone they no longer knew or liked.
That you reach out.
There is a like after dope.
If there wasn’t I would tell you.
Trust me.
No one doubted the abiility of drug free living more than I.
Yet, I am clean today.
Give it a shot,
What do you have to lose?
Peace
Hey, Joe…
I just want you to know that I admire you. Your strength, your weakness, your honesty, your humility. Thank you for sharing so much of YOU in these posts over the course of about 15 months. You have affected more lives than you know, my friend.
When you get to the pearly gates of Heaven, I am puttin’ ten bucks on The Good Lord saying to you, “Well done, Joe….you touched lives…in a positive way. Well done, my faithful servant…”
That’s all I know…just wanted to share my thoughts. (And I’m behind you with 4 months clean.)
Thank You.
I miss comming here everyday and posting. It was such a vital part of me last summer.
I felt much more involved in life.
While the seas have settled somewhat and the path I am climbing a little less bumpy.
I know in my heart that it is still an uphill journey.
So if you folks don’t mind me takeing up some space here I will for the month set a goal of daily where I am at posting.
Hope It helps.
Day 1.
I woke up this morning and my first thought was Thank you God, it just popped in my head, it does that now. It is really cool.
Amazing.
I got up.
Poured a cup of coffee
I get up really early so I can spend this sacred time with addicts trying to get clean.
It seems to be where I find God hanging around.
In my life things are going reasonably well.
I am no longer under the authorization of any court or parole or probation department.
I am a Free man.
By the grace of a Loving God I was given this gift.
Freedom.
I will never relinquish it again.
I love all the people comming here, searching, trying, fighting to get their life back.
I know it can be done.
Living clean Is a REALITY.
While it is not perfect. I have now reached a place where I do not wish it to be,
I really enjoy being human.
with all it’s flaws.
See you cats tomorrow.
Hey Now,
Day 2–I just woke up and did the morning routine,
Cup of Coffee
Time with God
Read the sports
Check in on other addicts on another board
Got ready for work.
Now that may seem boring or humdrum to some.
However for me. It is the answer to every prayer, every wish, every disire. Well, most desires.
I am an addict after all.
Right now in life I am working on bring myself. I have
discovered who I really am. On this journey
I am a human
With some good traits
and so not so good traits.
What I tryying to learn is not to exgarrate either the good and bad in me.
Or the good and bad in you.
Just keeping it real.
Searching for the joy, and not denying it.
It such a long long way from where I was.
Please if you want to get off pills , give it a shot I need the company, man for real.
Love
And while ther are things about I
Please excuse these unedited, spell checked posts, I am on a new laptop, and I just can not get spellcheck to work in firefox on this baby.
So as you can see, my mind still goes faster than my fingers.
I’m working on it.
Thanks
Day 3
Some thoughts on today as I am posting at the end of the day rather than the beginning.
It was a long day today.
Work, Cleaned the house, Oldest daaugther gone over a freinds.
Youngest daughter invited a friend over.
Busy, yeah that;s how life is thes days busy.
I remember when the whole pill thing started for me.
I had quit using other drugs and booze pretty much, they were to sloppy.
This left me so mental tired all the time that I felt I needed something, something to jeep up or get a head.
Then I met pills and they just fit, you know.
No mess, intially.
Legal perscription (now that’s a seperate issue)
Psitive effect.
What I failed to grasp early on was thhe dependence factor.
SHit, I had done hard drugs, this is a pill.
It’s like not using.
I’ll tell you what, nothing hit me in the soul body and mind like pills.
They creep in so slowly,
They take over so completely.
Letting go of them is insanely hard.
However, It can ve done.
That biggest problem, the impossible situation has become.
My greatest achievement, my biggest accomplishment.
Yes God does provide all the power I was ever looking for.
All the love I ever needed.
All the joy I ever wanted.
All the hope I ever prayed for.
All the direction I ever lacked.
All the reason I needed to have.
I live for God, these days.
A God I hated, or did not believe in, or daubted cared about me at all.
Showed up, wait I mean he never left.
Because the second I turned to him he was there.
Love is waiting, folks.
Trust me.
Love
Day 4
The thing to keep in mind when you make a descion to quit using, I found is that while you no longer are taking the pills, your mind and body still mess with you. More so at the very beginning, but to this day they still do.
If you can somehow understand that a part of you is well broken, then for me at least, I obtained enough release to make 1 day without a pill.
I know deep in my heart the type of guy I am.
I love people.
I love God.
I enjoy doing the right thing.
I also fully understand that some things, which I know will not benefit me in the long run, feel really good in the moment.
I also understand I have basic instincts.
God, the hell I went through while using, the sick shit I did, the unspeakable degradation of my spirit man I’ll tell you some days that pain is so real, so overwhelming.
The only thing I have found that can ease that pain.
Is me following a routine of physical, mental and spirtual exercise daily.
I am very committed to this lifestyle, yet I have not somehow magically forgot the pleasure drugs and defects bring.
I just wake up and beg for the Grace to realize that while the quick fix of a pill is real.
The Joy and Love of living a clean lifestyle is better.
Or as Springsteen says.
Faith will be Rewarded.
I keep praying God brings folks into my life to share thier gifts with me.
Please if you want to stop the hell of opiate addiction you can, together we can climb out of all the hell we have been in.
I know pain shared is pain lessened.
And Joy shared is Joy expanded.
I love you guys.
Day 5
I started to get that voice in my head, the one that says “Hey don’t keep posting your annoying everyone, and it is so self riteous.
Maybe it is.
I will state for the record that this is my belief on getting clean.
Grace starts the process.
A tiny thought, a deep yearning, a life circumstance, physical problem, leagle issue.
This Grace will say “Drugs are killing you”
Then I respond. I either ignore, the grace. Or I accept the grace.
Scary choice.
I guess that’s why Jesus would always say “Do not Be Afraid:.
In just such situations.
So I will keep posting, I do so only to let folks no, there is truely.
LIFE AFTER DOPE.
That is my message.
That is The Good News.
Any person sick as shit of what dope as done and wants to stop is my brother and my sister.
I Love you Guys
Day 6
Letting Go. (I dislike that term, but I don’t have a better one so)
That seems to be where I am at in life right now.
Letting go of all the hurt.
Letting go of all the guilt.
Letting go of all the shame.
Letting go of my old ideas.
I am trying to open my mind and heart to a new reality.
One where love and forgiveness is possible.
Where perfection is strived for but never obtained.
Where it is ok to be who you really are.
I have tried every possible solution, yet I stay torn somewhat. between the old me and the new me.
I hope just for today.
The real me is OK.
My goal in life now is to be ok with me.
I pray the Holy spirit can help me with this.
I have no clue where else to turn.
Back to work for me.
Still at the poultry. Trying to be of service.
Love
Day 7
Love
That is the overwhelming force I get just logging into this site.
Today, I will go through the routine of life.
With one termendous difference.
I will not rely on a pill to make it through.
No instead I will rely on God. Love People around me. Quiet prayer. Helping out someone else.
Even if it is just a smile.
I think I am starting to believe I mean really believe.
I am not all bad, no one is.
I gotta lighten up.
Life is to short.
Be anxious for nothing.
All will be provided.
For the record, since my decision to stop pills. I have not been in a cop car, jail cell, I have not missed a meal, nor stoled something, lied to someone,or missed out on something positive for the sake of dope.
AMAZING.
Love
Day 8
Growing
That is what I am up to.
It is going slowly, but for the first time in my life I am not in a hurry.
Easy does it.
The thing I remember most about stopping pills was the agony, the first few days, the insanity, the hoplessness, the sleeplessness,the worry.
It was way too much.
I have only God to thank.
I am reaching a point now where reason has carried me to the brink.
The brink of actual belief.
Actual Power.
Actual Change.
Faith will decide the rest.
Please holy spirt give me the gift of faith.
Day 9
This day I reach out to those who stumble across this site, who have tried to stop taking dope hundreds of times, only to reach a point where they could not take it and went back to using.
Keep on trying.
Don’t give up.
It can be done.
Give yourself a break.
That is the amazing thing about it.
Stopping is hell. pure hell. I would not wish it on my worst enemy, ever.
Addiction sucks.
But
And it is Big one.
You don’t have to use.
Really, I mean it.
Not today.
You can stop.
I never believed it was possible.
I was wrong.
Please, I beg you, if you want to stop taking pills. Post.
Start today.
There is no better day.
I am here.
Not taking dope today.
I need company.
Love
Day 10
One of the reason I could never quit taking dope, was because I had nothing else, or so I believed to help me.
I viewed the word as a cold place.
Void of Joy.
That if I was gonna have fun, or enjoy it (life) well then I needed something beside myself to do it.
So when I would stop life would suck, my mind would be obsessed with how bad things sucked.
I would try for awhile to find stuff to occupy my time.
But I always went back to dope.
And Dope always made shit worse eventually.
This time I just ruled out the possiblility that dope was a solution.
It is not for me anyway.
Once that was not an option and I made my goal, To Feel Better, I started getting directed to stuff that made me feel better.
I never really knew God.
I only thought of myself and trying to feel good.
I thought once I felt good, I could then be fun for you.
I was and still am a selfish guy.
I just keep praying to God that he melt the coldness in my heart.
Progress, not perfection.
If your tired of all the hassle of dope and the colateral issues.
And if when you take the dope away life appears to be one big mess, hurt and problem.
I say.
Hi, I’m Joe I know what you mean.
Love
Hi, Joe!
I just wanted to say hello to you, and let you know that I come here almost everyday to read about what you’ve been up to. I think you’re great, and I just wanted you to know that. Have a great day!!
Day 11
Just for Today.
Pills played a pivitol role in my day for a long time.
In fact, my whole day.
So when I stopped using them. I was empty.
The thing about it, that was a real sweet place to be.
I could choose how I was going to fill up the new Joe.
I had gained a great deal of hard learned experience, over 30 years of addiction.
Once the physical pain, sickness and hurt subsided I began to feel such emotional worry, anxiety and depression.
Those were the very things I was taking the pills to treat or rather avoid.
So I had to find a new treatment.
I took it real slow, that was the first thing I learned in my new life.
That feeling of urgency or running out of dope.
It was a false emotion.
I slowed down, That is not to say I did nothing.
I just tackeled the most life threating problem first.
Taking pills was going to kill.
So I focused on not taking pills.
Then I reached out, to others.
So two very important things I learned in the first week.
1. Do Not take Pills.
2. I Need Other People.
Should I mess up and forsake other people then I will take pills.
Or
If I take pills I will forsake other people.
Today-No Pills
Today-Interact with others.
Love
Hi, Joe!
I just wanted to say hello to you, and let you know that I come here almost everyday to read about what you’ve been up to. I think you’re great, and I just wanted you to know that. Have a great day!!
Day 12
Thank you for the kind words Metoo. I will cling tightly to them today. They are indeed special for me.
I am honored that you are on this road with me.
I pray you will stay.
And together, we can get better.
Better is pretty much my goal today.
Of course my idea of Better has changed alot.
Today i want better personal relationships.
A clearer connection with God.
And better fun.
Pills are not fun.
People are fun.
Here is to a great day, filled with the search, the search for a peace that once obtained might linger.
Love
Day 13
My thoughts on opiate withdrawl.
Really hard, insanely so.
The real scary part of the process for me wasn’t the terror or hell of stopping.
I just would stop.
The real terror would be when I would give up and start taking them again.
Sometimes immediately after the first pill.
I guess deep down I knew that they were not goning to help matters at all.
I just well needed them.
That absoulte terror of being hopelessly strung out on them, living for them, man it is unthinkable, or unbearable.
That’s why for me at least I keep connected with people just comming off dope,
My mind you see will forget just how sick I was those first few days.
But it will never forget the horror of here we go again.
I realize living dope free is challenge and I get lonely and I hurt physically and emotionaly.
But if you piled all the crap I deal with clean. And put it up against the horror of needing pills.
Well we are talking about two different worlds now.
Pills is an animal exsistence for me, survival.
At least clean I got a possible shot at stuff like Peace, Hope and Love.
I can function on a human level.
Making some type of progress toward feeling good about myself.
Please God spare me from the final stages of active addiction.
Keep my close as I try to learn to live the life I was created for.
Have patiance with me.
I love you guys,
Love
Hi Joe thank you for the opportunity to hear your story and read about your successes and trials and tribulations. Today is day four for me. Yesterday I was very pleased and up doing things but last night was a living hell. I am following Thomas Recipe without any xanex for sleep and last night I was so very tired but the anxiety in my chest was terrible and when I did sleep, I was dreaming of the pain I was in – so I hope today is equally successfull and tonight is a little better. Sounds like life will be different without the pills – i relied on them every day just to make it outside the house and also inside the house but I was getting to the point where the pills were the only thing I was worried about and I would veg out while at home and do absolutely nothing. So here’s to you Joe for success in beating this demon and to me following in your footsteps to quit.
And to add on to Kitty Mom, may God bless us all as we walk this path together, and may we be better people and be more willing to help others (as Joe has done and is doing) along the way!
Kitty Mom, hang in there~tonight WILL be better for you. My prayers of support are with you, and all the others of us on this journey. You WILL get there!!!
P.S. I love you, Joe!!! I am so proud of you. Keep walking…keep helping others…you ARE making a difference. You have made a difference in my life. Thank you, my friend!!!!
Day 14
Welcome Kitty Mom. What a true honor it is to meet you. I know excatly how you feel, the pain, the worry, the sleeplessness. Nothing even comes remotely close tho the change you are going through.
However, I HAVE GREAT NEWS. IT GETS BETTER!!!!!!!!!
I mean it.
That is the AMAZING thing.
Life is waiting for you, Help is Here. The wait is over. You are not alone, I am right there with you.
Metoo, The fact that you are here with me is my reward. That I actually get to interact with someone of your calibar, well I can not express how lucky that makes me feel.
You are my friend, I am with you everyday, I pray we continue this journey together.
Keep in touch, please. I Need you. Really.
No matter what, folks, No matter what.
Here is to a special day filled with the hope, the hope to smile, to feel alive and to make it through.
Love
PS—-For Kitty Mom. I know this thread is long, so I cut and pasted my post from day 4 which seems like yesterday but was back in May 2009.
Well it is now Tuesday Day 4 still no sleep and the fear is my driving emotion, the fear that I really can not stop, that I will die from this(active drug use) I have two great kids 11 and 8 a wife who as put up with my shit.
I have lost all self-worth, and all hope. I was helped by this blog and so a will not use today no matter what, I have tried everything, rehabs, jails, moves, new jobs, nothing has ever worked.
I have been using for 30 years–started drinking at 13 and am now 43. The last 6 years have been a steady diet of Vicodin, Xanax, Soma and Morphine. Various amounts daily usually whatever I had. I have gone cold turkey 100 times over the years, but never make it more than a few days. I never want to be sick again. I am done, I can not use and live.
Peace
Joe – wow this time you have made it so far and are such an inspiration to me and it is an honor to meet you also. This is day 5 for me and I actually slept all night last night with no restless legs and a lot less chest anxiety. I feel over the worst. Of course I am afraid I do not know who I am anymore I was so dependent on the feelings from the drugs. But, I am looking forward to finding out and spendiong time with my daughter (26 years old and married) and my husband who has been very supportive. Your words make me feel hope so I thank you for that and wish you all the very best in this journey. Love and prayers to all of you….
Day 15-
A mid point reflection.
Back when I first got clean(this time). I was so sick, so scared, so lost.
I really believed it was the end.
And so it was.
I always thought that of all the amazing things I had read about God doing, creation was the most over the top. Right like in 7 days this force created everything.
Nice story, right.
Well. I thing got personally introduce to what his really amzing Power is.
In spite of how sick I was. I have been given the Creators greatest gift.
See, I have discovered it is not creation that express his love today.
It is recreation.
I am being recreated every second of every day.
That is real, that is true.
If it can happen for me, It can happen for you.
Just for day.
Just for this minute.
No Dope.
Love
Hi Joe your words give me courage – 5th day was great felt like I was normal but 5th night was again a struggle. Sleep is a struggle and I so want to be able to have a peacefull nights rest. Some of it could be me being a woman and of the age I am – maybe this is normal – I hope not. No desire ever to go back on pills – not after this! Love to all of you and keep me in your prayers as I do you.
I really like this web site/blog. I am on day three of hydro withdrawal and it has been hell. I took 20 mg Ambien last night to help with the shakes and try and get some sleep. That’s twice my recommended dose and I justified it since I thought I would jump out of my skin. Other than that I am cold turkey, not nothing. My question is whether I should cut that does off completely tonight or go ahead and take it. I can’t describe how uncomfortable I was, everybody here knows it already anyway. My big problem is that it feels like I am hooked up to some electric generator that shocks me at random times every minute or so. Especially my upper body. It doesn’t happen during the day, just when I lay down at night. This is about my third bad detox. Somewhere in this site I read it gets worse coming off this stuff. That has sure been my experience.
Thanks again for all your sharing guys.
Hi Everyone – today is day 7 – one week of a strange journey into a new self – Had a friend over and my Mom yesterday and sat and talked for hours and then went to the store for groceries. Out of the house with no pills – in the house with no pills. How exciting to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel – even though it is a long tunnel. I slept last night even though it was a struggle still but managed 6 or 7 hours getting up at 9:00.
Elli – you out there…let me know how you are doing and Joe keep on posting your success. You are inspiration for me each and every day. Take care and have a pill free weekend. I am going back to work on Monday so hope that goes well and I want to go to Church tomorrow to thank the Lord for getting me through this so far. Haven’t been in a while!
Love to all
Day 16–
The thing i would stress is, Go easy on yourself, Take it easy.
Basic stuff helped me alot.
A walk, A prayer. Coming here.
Typing a few words.
Gather information.
This is your life.
One important lesson I learned is that even though people around us Love us.
No one can do your time for you.
When jail enters the picture or prison or the homeless shelter or the insane hospital, which if you are addicted seems to occurr, It’s you in there.
Be clean just for today, just for this minute. For you.
Do it, not because of how bad things are but for how good it gets,
both you kitty and Stu, you make it all worthwhile, every second I sweated it out, all the sleeplessness sll the trouble.
Well now I get the honor of being here to stretch out my hand.
This path isn’t perfect, far from it.
It is without a doubt the Best Life I have ever known.
Peace be with you all
Day 17
So my 30 day reconnect is beginning to bear some really good fruit.
Some mild Blahs I had begun to experience are gone.
I feel totaly renewed.
Life is so precious so awesome.
So much beauty awaits those starting this journey, Just hang in there.
The cry to use gets strong in those early days.
But i have learned me taking a pill is a symptom.
Kind like coughing, while coughing is a problem.
There is something making you cough.
One thing that kept me going back to pills was this deep feeling that I was just a bad seed, man.
But i now believe this to be true.
Addiction is a disease, at least active addiction is.
And where there is disease, free will does not work.
So I wasn’t choosing to be bad, or do bad stuff. I had no choice.
The miracle is that Today. The loving God of the universe has trusted me enough to restore my free will.
This is by far the greates GIFT, I could have ever been giving.
The ability to choose.
The freedom to be right or wrong.
Man Freedom, it is where it is at.
Love
Joe, keep up the great work. YOU INSPIRE!! Kitty Mom and everyone else here, please know that you are in my daily prayers. When I awake in the night, I pray for all of us traveling this road. Me and a whole bunch of friends whom I’ve never met, but have connected with on this path. Keep walking everyone! We will get there….there’s a light up ahead!
Hugs to all!!
Here I am dressed and ready to drive to work on this my 9th day with no pills – wish me luck. I think I can do it…I have to. Been laying around this house too long now and have to get back to life. I slept last night – was so tired I went to bed at 8:30. tossed and turned each time I woke up, but had more sleep than the past week. There is light at the end new folks on here. It gets better each day. Just make up your minds when to start and keep coming on here. We are all listening to your stories and praying for you.
Love and prayers to all of yoi
Kitty Mom
9 days pills free
I made it through the weekend. Today is day six. I had really hoped the shakes would stop last night but still vibrated quite a bit in bed. I ended up taking 5 mg Ambien (1/2 dose) to help me go to sleep. I rarely took those things, the script is from January 2010. They tend to make me depressed. But with out them there would be NO hope for any sleep. As it is I feel like I fought with a gorilla all night when I woke up. I am tired and weary. Hopefully this will start to subside and eventually go away. You guys are an inspiration, especially you Joe. I can’t hear enough that this will end. It just can’t come soon enough. I have been praying and meditating a lot and that has helped some of the personal stuff I am going through, and hopefully will bring some peace. I appreciate the suggestion to relax too. I have been telling myself that in my meditations. I tend to want to start living my life like nothing happened with this withdrawal. Like it was all a bad dream. Trouble is the dream is not over, not near over. I have to make it past withdrawal and detox before I can start living “normally” again. Truthfully my normal may not be such a good ideal anyway. It’s time for some change.
Good luck to all out there trying to get clean.
Day 18—-
Response.
I want to thank Stu, Metoo and Kittymom. You folks are so wonderful, so precious.
I would not been clean today it folks like you guys were not out here.
The choice to stop I believe now is a personal one.
But it is a response.
Just like taking the pills were a response.
In my situation, I was tired of hard drugs, to much drama, I was tired of Booze, to sloppy. Pills well, I thought they were some how manageable.
Really I was just a dude in the final stages of a disease that kills.
Of course first it strips you of everything worthwhile in life.
Then it kills you.
Often times I would quit.
Only to start again.
The only thing I now about the starting and stopping pattern is.
It is a lie.
On several levels.
One-I think it will not be worse. (it always was)
Two-Who gives a shit if I use. (A lot of really great people)
Three-I can not function without them (I fuction so much better without them) In every area no exceptions.
Four-I can stop anytime (The biggest Lie of all, The truth is you never know which dose is going to KILL you)
Each and everytime I picked back up, I was responding to a lie.
I see that now, I did not then.
I just wanted the pain to stop, or to feel that energy again.
I was responding.
Responding to a part of my brain.
A damaged part.
Today I know my addict brain very well.
It has a voice.
It roars, It lies, It never sleeps. It is locaated in my pleasure center. It only cares about survival.
It will kill.
It will steal.
It dosen’t feel, but it controls my feelings.
Should I pick up pill today, I am simply responding to the call of the beast.
BUT WAIT, there is another voice, a timy little whisper, so faint I can barely hear it, it is there behind the pain, the guilt, the shame, the loss, the hurt, the desire for dope, the agony.
It is saying DO NOT USE.
Where is that voice coming from.
Why is it there.
All I know is that, one day i decided to listen to that voice.
The quiet one, the one that came out of nowhere.
The one that spoke to me back in May of 09.
In a bed, on the floor.
To sick to get up.
To sick to take care of myself.
To sick to live.
It said.
Get Up Man…..
So I got up.
I responded to that cry,
It called me this morning.
It calls me every morning.
It get louder everyday.
It is LOVE.
If you have found your way to the bottom of a mile long thread, on an obscure website, in the midsts of the total collapse of your life.
I will gather, you to have heard the voice.
Just respond to it,
Let LOVE know you desire it.
You deisre it more than the empty failed promise of dope.
It will amaze you.
Like I say these days.
It ain’t easy.
But easy never turned me on.
Love
Start day seven. I stopped using the Ambien last night and the shakes were a lot worse than they have been. I guess it was minimizing them, although you could have fooled me. I just decided to pay the price now in insomnia rather than wait and have it worse later. Shakes be damned. It was not a comfortable night, but I did finally get to sleep, I guess. This morning I actually feel worse physically than after day four and five. Mentally it’s better. The fog is starting to lift and I have a glimmer of optimism.
Thanks for your post Joe. It helps. What you write is so true. Taking dope is a big lie. It’s also an illness for addicts like me. I like, and will abuse, anything that makes me feel sleepy. So much the more if it makes me feel good, like hydrocodone. Trouble is it takes more and more. Pretty soon I can’t live without it, and I can’t stop (at least without going through this hell).
The small quiet voice has sure tried to talk to me. Only recently have I listened. It’s saying some other stuff too. Like be honest.
A friend of mine told me several months ago that if I don’t like feeling guilty, then stop doing the things that make me feel that way. WOW what a revelation. Trouble is I didn’t listen to her. What I did do (finally a couple of days ago) is ask God to show me a different perspective on my life and the situation I have been dealing with. Those problems that the hydro’s helps me deal with, not in a healthy way, but made the pain and guilt go away. I need to get rid of that problem along with the dope. It’s self inflicted, if that makes sense. At any rate, boy did He ever give me a that new perspective. It took a few hours after I prayed for it, but a thought came to me and it was like a kick in the head. I did not like it, but it was truth. I am acting on that now. It’s not related directly to HC withdrawal and recovery so I will spare you guys details. Suffice to say if those things that keep me up at night don’t get stopped or toned down I will use again. The new perspective and action on that is a good start.
I went to an AA meeting at a buddy of mines house last night. It was a men’s only, by invite. We read “A Vision for you” and discussed it. The support there helped a lot. It just reinforced what I already knew. That I need to take some action, change my behavior and my mind will follow. Trust God and help others. The trust God has been the hard part. Maybe this withdrawal, humbling and painful as it has been, can motivate me to change and finally let Him be the director. Not try to manage things on my own so much anymore. It sure has the last week. That may be the one good thing about facing down this beast. I know I can’t do it alone.
Hi everyone – Kitty Mom here
Day 10
Feeling PEACE
Feeling Normal
Feeling like the living hell from last week is ended
I good place to be and I praise GOD for allowing it.
I realize that I was living my life numb
I realize that I was living my life on the edge of the law
I realize this is because I was addicted and lost sense of my true self
I am feeling fear lately of getting caught for the things I did like doctor shopping and sleezy internet doctors and one unscrupulous pharmacy that kept giving me refills from a phony doctor….can you believe it! (They are under investigation but supposedly the patients are not). I wish I could erase the past few years and all the records at all the places I received these pills – but I cannot so I just have to hope for the best and thank God that I quit taking the pills before I ended in jail.
I love you all and please hang in there and let us pray for each other’s hope, sanity, and recovery.
I feel normal again – praise the Lord and all my friends here!
Kitty Mom
Day 19-
WOW, WOW, WOW!!!!!!!!!
Thank you so much Stu and Kitty. You guys are so incredible.
The first days of withdrawl are so very, very painful.
My God, I haven’t a clue how I got through it.
Fact 1–I did.
I was reading both of your posts and I can completely identify with both of them word for word.
The Insominia was the WORST!!!!!
I found that exercise was my only way out.
I needed to walk.
I walked a block. Then two.
I did a push-up then two.
I cut the grass and sweated.
By week 3 I quit my old job and took a new one.
It was far more physically demanding than I could handle.
I came home every night so tired and sore I cried.
I worked with a bunch of cats who had done long stretchs in the Pen.
The wouldn’t let me quit.
The kept pushing me.
Today these guys are very dear friends of mine.
They saved my life.
I love them.
I still work at the same place, although I no longer do the labor intensive job I did over a year ago.
I got promoted a few months back. My new job is sweet, very sweet. I dig it.
For 1 year I dumped 100 lbs tubs of chicken brest into 2000 lbs vats. No stop 10 hours a day.
It required no thought, pure muscle. It also relased everyday endorphins and seratonin and dopamine. The same stuff opiates were releasing artifically, they began to be released naturally.
This took some time. To get used to.
But now, physical exercise is as important a part of day as dope was.
I need it everyday.
Start man.
Start slow.
But start.
Kitty that mental worry and anxiety and regret also lessens. Everyday.
I have learned once your out of the pill game, the folks caught up in it actiivly, the users, dealers, cops..well they kinda go on without you.
I would be surprised if any of them reached out to you.
And if you had the courage to tell them “I don’t use” “I’m clean, want to hang out”. They would probably have a reason they couldn’t.
Cops got alot going on to, So unless you decide to rejoin the game, I wouldn’t worry to much about it.
Of course it does make a great reason to pop a pill…
All the worry.
When I got clean I was on probation for 3 charges and staring down a fresh case.
Today, I am on no paper what’s so ever. It has been about 30 years since I could say that.
And the more I become spirutally minded the more I realize everyone is pretty much damaged and guilty of something.
So my past really isn’t that unique, and by no means a reason to not apply myself today.
Look at all you Have. Not at What you did.
Like they told me, it isn’t important where your coming from, it is important where your going.
Stay on the path, sister we need you.
You can survive anything without dope.
Really.
Using just wasn’t working for me. I could not stop until Not Using became my focus.
Today NOT USING is my number 1 priority.
As for the life dramas, STU, I know what you mean.
Easy does it my friend.
Shit works out.
Just like it is designed to.
Just don’t use. Just for today.
More will be revealed
LOVE,
Joe
Start day eight. First off I want to thank you Joe for some outstanding posts. I re-read yesterdays, and went back to your Day 13, which really struck a chord with me. Thanks a lot for coming back to this thread. There is so much there (at 13) that I can relate to. The terror of picking up the pills again for one. I went through a bad withdrawal back in 04. I was buying some of my hydro’s online I can relate to your paranoia Kitty Mom. Bless your heart. I did exactly the same thing and was sure the DEA was going to come and kick my door down. I agree with Joe that there is scant chance of that happening and you getting in any trouble. It is, like he so eloquently put it, a great reason to pick up a pill though. Please don’t do that.
Another idea here is that recovery is a personal thing. Do whatever you got to do, whatever it takes to get clean. It is very personal though. Nobody can or should shove their idea of recover down my throat. I rebel from that big time.
Joe the line your wrote in post thirteen: “But if you piled all the crap I deal with clean. And put it up against the horror of needing pills. Well we are talking about two different worlds now.”
That REALLY rings true to me. As a matter if fact it brings hope and optimism. My life sucks so bad using that when I finally get sober the troubles I face are dwarfed by comparison. The only trouble is I sometimes forget that. I need to be reminded constantly. I call it setting the bar mercifully low in recovery. All I really have to do is stay clean and live my life in a reasonably moral and decent way and God pretty much takes care of me. My problems quickly become “luxury” problems.
No kidding man, that post was outstanding. We could start a whole other thread on that one.
OK, now for where I am at and some other comments. I went to my message therapist yesterday and got a message. Somewhere on-line I read that would help, and boy did it. The woman I go to is a sports message therapist and she is excellent. It may be coincidence, and the fact that it was my seventh night, but the shakes were all but gone last night. It also helped a lot with my aches and pains. I would highly recommend it, and not just as a luxury, it is extremely therapeutic.
My heart rate went way up before I went to bed last night, like it has been. It goes up over 25% toward when I get ready for bed. I have measured it. What the heck is that about? All day I am at around 65 then at 11 PM it jumps to 90 bpm. That really sucks. And I couldn’t get to sleep for several hours. But no “electric shock” shakes like I have been experiencing. That is HUGE guys. I can live with the insomnia right now. What I call my “shakes” were and are pure hell. No Ambien either. I am done with that stuff.
The suggestion from Joe to exercise is a great one. I have been doing some running and swimming during the day and it does help a lot. I am training for a marathon in November and am kind of concerned about that. Saturday is a “long run” (23 mi) and as achy as I have been I don’t know if I can make it. If not, no problem I can stop. My main concern right now is just to stay clean. I use sports to burn off a lot of stress and make up for a God awful diet. Right now it sure helps with the hydro withdrawal symptoms too. I believe it has hastened my recovery.
Bye for now fellow travelers. Good luck and stay clean.
Hi Joe and Stu
Day 11 – clean as a whistle
Feeling so very tired though
Did not sleep well last night and worked my 10 hour shift today
Kept busy all day and worked like the devil and got everything done
The only thing I yearn for is the sleep
Other than that I am feeling normal again and not yearning at all for any pills.
I have to go back to my primary care doctor on Oct 5 and tell him I quit the pills. I have a feeling he found out I was using another doctor cause the internet doctor called me several weeks ago to tell me another doctor called him and told him we have a mutual patient. You see, I believe God was messing up my perfect plan at getting pills – spoiling the connections you might say and that is why I knew it was time to quit this madness and become clean….don’t need the aggrevation any more. Want to stop forever and believe me I am.
Day 11 – YEAH!
No yearning for pills
No feeling sick any longer
No wondering what my life will be without them
A quiet peacefull feeling is settling in
Just very very tired and hoping for some eventual sleep
It will come I am sure
Love to all of you
Kitty Mom
Day 20
I can not thank you guys enough for stopping by here and posting.
See for me at least, that’s the thing.
My addict mind will somehow suggest that the affliction that caused so much pain is no longer present.
That I’m better.
That pills were not so bad.
That I need to get my freak on, so to speak and enjoy escaping.
But 1 quick read into a post from someone who is sick, can not sleep, is stressed out etc.
And I know, I know.
That 1 is to many and a thousand never enough,
I agree so much with Stu, this is very personal.
Treatment for addiction is not some catch all.
It isn’t polio where we have a cure. Works on everyone.
This shit attacks each person differently.
While, some of the characteristics are similar, and empathy is so precious an element of recovery.
It is my mind, my soul, my spirit and my body. That needs to heal.
It is also I have discovered my responsiblility (I still loath that word) to uncover it. My Treatment, Is My Job.
No One sits in the prison cell for you.
I have found mine.
It deals with every issue I have.
It renews me everyday.
It gives me everything my heart desires. (Note: I said my heart not my addict mind)
So a big part of my journey this go round has been that realization.
That what I have found, I was destined to find.
It is Love.
It is real.
And it will never go away.
I suppose there are plenty of paths to this fountian. I do know that they all seem to start at the same place for folks like me.
Day 1 no pills.
I cling to this verse now. It is my Truth.
He who sits on the throne says “Behold I make all things new”.
For me, that means I never do the same thing twice on this path.
While I may repeat an activity each time I do it. It is brand new like I never did it before.
Living in this lifestyle I soar with Joy and am amazed every single minute of every single day.
Love
Start Day Eight. Right on again Joe. Some great perspective on things I know intuitively, but need to have brought to the surface. I have been on a six year drunk and hydro jag. Prior to that I had fourteen years clean and sober in AA.
Sorry to say I am a stone cold alkie too guys. The sloppy kind Joe. I have been on just the pills the last month or so. (Leading up to that I have abused them with the alcohol for about a year). The pills are much “neater”. Not near the obvious embarrassment, or horrendous hangovers. My hydrocodone usage when way up when I quit booze a month ago. I had the shakes so bad I increased the hydro dosage and kept it there. I call it the“whack a mole” syndrome. I am 100% clean today.
The fact that we all experience recovery in our own way is what I keyed on. There are similarities, don’t get me wrong. The most important being the need for total absintance. In my case a good dose on honesty is required. The twelve steppers can sometimes get on a pretty high horse and even distort the books that direct them. Love and tolerance is our code. That’s one that goes out the window pretty quick. Don’t get me wrong, most of the people I have hung out with in AA are wonderful and caring. There are some goof balls in there though for sure, even with sobriety in double digits.
OK, here’s where I am. Kitty Mom, I am insomniac too and it really sucks. Last night I lay down totally physically exhausted. I was as tired as I get and thought sleep would be a breeze. No such luck. I tossed around all night, got up to go the bathroom about 12 times and finally slept about 2 hrs. If it makes you feel any better I did think about you and your ten hour hard work day and what you must be going through. I am self employed, and work out of my home for the most part so I have been just puttering around. Aside from hitting the gym and going for some runs. I have been getting some office work done, and a little maintenance on some rentals I own, but it’s a low key pace. I did swim my ass off yesterday to try and bring about some sleep. I got tired and sore, but no luck with sleep.
I am real sore still, very achy. My stomach has been in real bad shape for about a month, since I quit booze, but it got DECIDEDLY worse after I stopped the hydrocodone. The painkiller in the hydros kept the stomach pain at bay. I think I got hit with a double whammy in the tummy when I quit the pills. That being a delayed reaction to vodka, and the withdrawals from the pills. It was awful. Tell you a secret, for a guy that takes pain pills by the handful, I have a pretty high pain tolerance. The pain I was having in my stomach almost made me go to the hospital. I am not kidding it felt like I had glass in me. That has gotten about 50% better, so the trend is good, but even at the improved level it still hurts. I told my wife if it’s not better by early November I will go see a Dr. I feel like I ought to give it at least thirty days, and that’s about 45 I guess.
I am starting to get the recovery manic. One minute I am feeling wonderful, grateful to just be alive, the next I am low as can be and kicking myself in the ass for sins of omission. My business and personal life have suffered no doubt due to the pills.
I am real grateful we have our little obscure spot on the internet Kitty Mom and Joe. You guys take care.
Oops. I said day eight. It’s NINE! Don’t want to cheat myself.
Hi Stu and Joe
DAY 12
Stu you are right behind me…
each day gets a little better
every other day I seem more tired
I am sleeping cause my husband told me I was snoring…but I think I dream that I am awake
Weird but today at 2: 00 PM I got so tired at work (I started at 5:30 AM- I thought I would have to go home but then I started doing another task that needed done and I got real interested and it was 4:00 and time to leave before I knew it. So I guess what I am trying to say is there are still ups and downs but I FEEL like doing things – I feel like going to the grocery store – I feel like cleaning up the house – I feel like cooking dinner for my husband even though I am dead tired….I kind of hate the time when it is getting close to go to bed cause I start fretting about if I will sleep or not – I hate that. I am taking L Theanine for anxiety and L trytophan for relaxation so you would think I would sleep -Noooooooooo!! I am hoping for some sleep this weekend,,,three day weekend for me – I am off tomorrow – so wish me luck!
Keep on posting guys – I really can’t get enough of hearing about you guys – you keep me going.
In a nut shell though, each day gets better – and things get more enjoyable – simple things like a normal poop…haha
Take care you are all in my prayers….Love You guys
Kitty Mom
Day 21—-
Obssesion and Compulsion.
I would say those would be the common characteristics.
Obession for me means never ending stream of thoughts, relentless barrage. Initally it’s dope, but shit I can obsessive over anything,
Compulsion–Using dope against my will.
I mean serious I have done it, and when you stop and relect on that, it’s some pretty deep shit right there.
Having your own body force you to do something unnatural to it.
I have decades of 12 step exposure brother, and I do work them nowadays.
However, and as I have detailed throughtout this thread.
I don’t attend meeting or have a sponser.
I tried it man, for 20 years.
It just isn’t my path right now.
I do keep an open mind and will never rule out the intersection of my path and the rooms.
But it will be God that leads me, not the judge or my wife, or my kids, or some hot chick. Or some dudes.
I love the steps, but to be honest, I am a sick dude man.
But me in room with other sick folks. And I will gravitate to the negative.
I have an incredibley hard time being honest around a group of addicts, I don’t know why?
I have an easy time be honest in my prayer life, and on message boards.
So I pray and hang out on message boards.
Folks tell me face to face recovery is essential.
I have that as well.
My wife and I have been married for 13 years and we lived together for 4 years prior to that.
She has stayed clean for those 17 years.
I spent 12 of them on the fucking merry go round.
So I have love all around me, I know I get what I need to Not Use for today.
know God has put plenty in my life to attend to.
Meeting just ain’t one them, right now.
I miss the setting somewhat, but Like I said I am a broken dude, trying to heal and carry a message.
The message I carry every day now is very Simple.
I have not taken dope today.
This a miracle.
You don not HAVE to take dope today either.
I’m here.
Broken, defective/
But shit I am having one hell of a time.
I love being Clean.
Just for Today.
1 IS TO MANY AND A THOUSAN NEVER ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!
Day 21—-
Obssesion and Compulsion.
I would say those would be the common characteristics.
Obession for me means never ending stream of thoughts, relentless barrage. Initally it’s dope, but shit I can obsessive over anything,
Compulsion–Using dope against my will.
I mean serious I have done it, and when you stop and relect on that, it’s some pretty deep shit right there.
Having your own body force you to do something unnatural to it.
I have decades of 12 step exposure brother, and I do work them nowadays.
However, and as I have detailed throughtout this thread.
I don’t attend meeting or have a sponser.
I tried it man, for 20 years.
It just isn’t my path right now.
I do keep an open mind and will never rule out the intersection of my path and the rooms.
But it will be God that leads me, not the judge or my wife, or my kids, or some hot chick. Or some dudes.
I love the steps, but to be honest, I am a sick dude man.
But me in room with other sick folks. And I will gravitate to the negative.
I have an incredibley hard time being honest around a group of addicts, I don’t know why?
I have an easy time be honest in my prayer life, and on message boards.
So I pray and hang out on message boards.
Folks tell me face to face recovery is essential.
I have that as well.
My wife and I have been married for 13 years and we lived together for 4 years prior to that.
She has stayed clean for those 17 years.
I spent 12 of them on the fucking merry go round.
So I have love all around me, I know I get what I need to Not Use for today.
know God has put plenty in my life to attend to.
Meeting just ain’t one them, right now.
I miss the setting somewhat, but Like I said I am a broken dude, trying to heal and carry a message.
The message I carry every day now is very Simple.
I have not taken dope today.
This a miracle.
You don not HAVE to take dope today either.
I’m here.
Broken, defective/
But shit I am having one hell of a time.
I love being Clean.
Just for Today.
1 IS TO MANY AND A THOUSAN NEVER ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!
Love
Hi
Kitty Mom here
Day 13 and Friday
But a lucky day for me to have made it this far
I am home today and it is 8:00 and I just woke up – my husband left before 5:00 and I have been sleeping since – Oh but the crazy mixed up dreams I have been having = WILD they are if nothing else – they ware me out. Could it be that this is what it is supposed to me like and the pills were suppressing it…OMG I hope not = it wears me out to sleep…haha
Anyway I will touch back later – got lots to do and it is a pleasure wanting to do stuff.
13 days and counting
no pills…thank you Lord
Love you all
Just taking a break to check in to see if anyone needs inspiration or if I can receive inspiration from you all….no one new so I will get back to my daily chores. Hang in there any newbies out there – there is life after pills and in order to have that life you have to pay your dues – nothing easy about it but we are all here to help you and give you hope cause it is there in the form of people like us that have been there and done that and have come through it to the other side.
Love and prayers to all – Kitty Mom (day 13)
Day 22
Reflection.
God, Thank you for bringing Kitty and Stu and Metoo and everyone else to this very special place.
And as I do most days, Thanks Adam for making it available.
I like to pause ever now and again to reflect.
The Using part–It was so hard trying to stay high. It wore me out man.
The last few days of Using–Utter despair man, And what I think stands out the most was the total numbness I was imprisoned by.
I couldn’t feel man.
The First days clean–INSANE. Not human.
The first few month—scary really scary man. I did not know how to live, everything horrified me. I was quilt ridden, depressed. sore, lonely and full of shame.
However is this is the MIRACLE, I did not get high over hit. I just did not take a pill, and little by little I began to have moments, expereinces, direction began to return to my life, I began to return.
The First year–Nothing, in my life compares to how WONDERFUL it was. I was me again, doing what I love to do.
I love people, I love woman, I love sports, I love music, I love talking and praying. I love the Bible. I love my Faimly, I love the beach and I love concerts, I love movies, I love the internet, I love working, I love contirbuting, I love growing, I love being clean.
So much I love, the list is endless man.
Year 2–Even better, while some of my life situations are hard and challenging. Work, kids, life I get it. I enjoy it.
The single best gift is I am present. I am here every day. I have been given a NEW life.
I am not perfect, I have good healthy stuff about me, I have some stuff that I know is negative. I have some stuff I am not really sure about.
I love waking up today.
The fear lessens.
I get stronger.
JOY.
LOVE.
Keep Coming back.
Joe
HI everyone
Day 14 – no pills
I am still positive although I am tired
Sleep still alludes me
Slept till after 8: 00 AM this morning but again it was a restless night…not getting to sleep until almost 3:00 AM
I still would not wish this cold turkey detox on my worst enemy.
I will not take a pill today though – not worth it to feel better for a couple of hours and then be in pain again.
This is it for me – lack of sleep or not.
I won’t go back to that way of living again….
1 of too many 1000 is not enough – soooooo true!
I keep everyone in my prayers that has beat this things (Joe) and those still struggling with it (Stu) and together with the help of God we will get through it one day or minute at a time.
Happy to get my life back
Love
Litty Mom
Hey Now,
Day 23
Love
I guess looking back over my life this is what I needed.
The thing is, I wasn’t quite sure what is was.
I wanted people around me to think I was special,
That I had talent.
I needed people to care about me.
To validate my exsistance
To understand my driving obsessions
To not leave me alone
I did not know how to do everything.
And I was to scared to let people know.
I loved God, but at some point, I gave up.
I needed the sadness to go, I needed to be a part of something.
I was so terribly afraid of the lonliness.
The darkness.
I had a hugh hole inside of me.
I had no purpose.
So, I tried, I tried somehow to get through life, the only way I knew.
Get high.
And I chased that call for what seemed like ever.
I chased the call in spite of the consequences.
In spite of the fact it did not solve anything.
I chased the call of the wild.
It still calls me.
Everyday.
Just for today, I will not answer that call.
Because something else calls me as well.
The one thing I was looking for when this whole thing took off 30 years ago.
Someone to Love me.
Well I have discovered, that the One who loves me.
Is here.
Now what?
I have no idea.
Just for today.
When the call of the wild beckons. I’ll wait
I won’t chase it.
It leads no where.
The real freedom, the love I want lies beyond the wild.
Love
Joe – thanks so much for your posts. I look forward to them daily.
Today is day 15
I am so grateful to have come this far
No pills
Yesterday I went to my first social function in years with no pills
a big one – probably 600 people at this banquet
i was nervous
I did it – can’t say that I enjoyed it all that much
BUT I DID IT
Thank you Lord for getting me through one more day
I am optimistc that each and every day will be better
Slept last night although it was restless – better than in days though
I am thankful for that also.
Well everyone – just to let you know there is a bigger light at the end of the tunnel each and every day.
Love
Kitty Mom
Good Morning-
Day 24
Another Chance.
2 words, man are they really powerful.
When you stop for a second and think about it.
I woke up this morning with another chance.
So many don’t.
I don’t want to was this chance on regretting, or locked in self pity, or worried.
I have learned one GREAT lesson, perhaps the one lesson I needed to learn.
Life is not your circumstances.
It is for me at least about, being who I was created to be, regardless of my circumstances.
Today, I will bring, Love, Understanding and the sheer Joy of another chance into my day.
Kitty, I understand the awkwardness of social events.
I am thrilled you attended, and came through it .
From reading your posts, I can say this.
It would be a sheer JOY, to run into you at a banquet.
You bring so much life into your space.
Any other feeling your getting is well the human part, keep coming back.
Your message of hope.
Your experience is so vital.
Baby steps.
There is no rush.
We will get by.
Joe
Day one again. Oops. This time it was just a weekend. It’s a long short story. At least I only went trough 25 10′s. Hopefully I won’t have to do the whole painful detox again. I feel OK this morning.
A freind of mine is still out there. I ran into her this weekend and that was what got this thing started. I told her next time either I am going to be using or she is going to be clean. It can’t be any other way. What a heart ache man. It’s got to go back into God’s hands. I sure can’t control it.
My run went well by the way.
I am determined to get clean.
Thanks for your posts Kitty Mom and Joe. You guys are an inspiration.
I hear you about meetings Joe. At the end of the day it’s between me, God and a pill bottle. What’s it going to be. I tend to hate most meetings.
Hey, Stu…Dust yourself off and get back on the horse. Setbacks happen, and you’ll be fine. Many of us have fallen off and gotten right back on more times than we can count. I know I have!
Huh. I just counted, and it looks as though I’ve got a good 5 months under my belt. That’s a huge victory, and if I can do it, so can ANYONE.
So, Stu, I just wanted you to know that stuff happens…don’t be too hard on yourself. You’ve got what it takes to beat this thing. Hang in there!
Kitty Mom, GREAT JOB!!!!! You’re doing it!!!
Joe…to you, just a great big hug, and loads of prayers of thanks. Please keep up your posting….you never cease to inspire us all!!
Kitty Mom here
Day 16 – hallaluah!
The only thing that concerns me now is forgetting how hard the first few days were – that is why i need you guys to keep on talking to me – I do not think I am going to rush out and get more pills, but I hate forgetting the pain associated with withdrawal because that is essential to keeping on the straight and narrow. I don’t even want to think of spending another dime on pills or spending days stressing on where and if I can get more of them. You all that have been there know what I mean. At least for today I am pill free and desire diminishes each day.
Stu – don’t beat up on yourself – You have the desire and when you are ready, you will do it. Just think of us out here – Joe for several years – Metoo for several months – and meeeeeee For several weeks – we all got through it and are better off for it….and you will be too – just keep talking to us and any help I can give, I will. You are all in my prayers daily.
Thanks Joe and Metoo for the kind words – you do not know how much I appreciate it.
Love and affection
Kitty Mom
Day 25
Just for today.
I mean this simple little slogan. Has changed, or begun the change process in my life.
For me, when I was active in drug use.
It was torment.
It was also the only coping skill I had.
This part of my brain that needed dope, well it controled me.
I was even aware of it.
I have learned this truth.
Addiction is a disease—perhaps the cruelest one I have ever been expsoed to. It tops cancer, aids, heart disease. I mean for me personally the way society treats it. The way faimly reacts to it.
Brutal Man, Brutal.
But in the midst of it. In the evil sickness it is. Lies LOVE. Beauty and Hope.
It is here among others that I have found God.
I mean I get to chat with woman like Kitty and Metoo. For me this privlage, this honor, well let’s just say it is beyond any expectation I could have ever dreamed of.
I realized after a zillion tries and failures that I could only do this, Just for Today.
Live my life that is.
The past was to painful, The future to scary.
My desires of the day so confusing.
Dope had left me in a state of toal confusion.
I was a lost 5 year old boy.
Crying for someone or something to help me.
I no longer could live.
I was unmanageable.
The problem was I was 43 with a busy life and a boatload of responsiblities.
Talk about a situation.
Well after 20 years of finding a way to treat my disease.
I found the treatment.
Just for today.
I must do everything in my life, just for today.
It seems so cliche, but it is the only thing that has ever treated my disease.
Remember Stu,
Where there is disease free will, does not work.
Kitty,
I beg that you keep checking in. Because, Just for today,
I ain’t to proud to beg, sweet darling.—Mick Jaggar
Metoo–You words lift me up like a force, like a cool breeze on a hot day. You reach inside and touch the emptiness. You take away the sadness. I thank God, you take the time to post. I need you.
Have a good one guys.
Love
Joe, there are no words to thank you for the kindness you have shown to me. If you have a few spare moments for a prayer for me I would appreciate it….I’ll be facing a day that could turn out to be a great one, or I could be left hanging~and either way, it’s frightening. Funny thing is, I needed your words today, and at the end of your post there was a special prize just for me! Like the prize at the bottom of the cracker jack box!!! Thanks, Joe…more than you know, THANKS.
Kitty Mom, congratulations on Day 17!!!
Doesn’t it feel amazing to know that YOU ARE SLAYING THE DRAGON???? I know sometimes I would just stop and think about how huge this really really IS….and those were the moments I would pray out loud…just so darn thankful that someone so weak (me), could do something that requires SO MUCH STRENGTH…I think those prayers of thanksgiving actually make you feel better than the pills ever did. Keep it up, Kitty Mom…you’re doing this wild thang!!!!
Stu, Stu, we need you………………sending the angels to you….watch for them…….
Joe, Kitty Mom and Metoo you guys are an inspiration. I will keep coming back and posting even though I feel like a complete failure. At least it’s anonymous and you can’t look me in the eye. I will keep trying guys. You are all doing great.
Hey guys – Kitty Mom here
Day 17 – off work early and it does not have to do with pills!!
I am having a great ordinary southern kind of day.
Just going to the grocery store
Just picking up the house
Just cooking a delicious meat loaf for hubby
an ordinary extraordinary day – with no pills
I am so grateful for you Joe and Metoo and am honored to have you to lift me up with your posts….stay forever and I am forever thankful to you. I hope I also inspire you in some small way and that my prayers for you are being answered. Yours for me certainly are.
Sleep is coming
LIfe if happenning
One day at a time
DAY 17 and almost loosing count
Can’t wait till it is months
Can’t wait till it is years
Happy to be here
Love
Kitty Mom
http://www.openmyeyeslord.net/theseasonsoflife.htm
Thanks MeToo – Awesome!
Kitty Mom
Day 26
Well, Well , Well you can never tell.
Man I love that line.
I sat down here at the begining of September and I was feeling kinda down, life wasn’t moving fast enough, or something.
I had no clue what to do,
So I prayed and I took a small risk.
A small step.
Nothing earth shttering, Just a few lines on a message board. I held out my hand, I said Hey I might not have taken a pill for awhile, and I’m not dope sick today.
But I am human, I am scared.
So I remembered why I quit taking the fucking pills in the first place.
So I could live.
And not just Live, I would say to myself in those early days.
But I want to live to the Fullest. I want To Love and Grow, I want to be healthy and human. I want to be ALIVE.
Well I prayed and God answered. He knows the desires of my heart. He knows me deep down, He knows what I need to soar every day.
On earth as it is in heaven.
So what does God do for me, a sick sinning crazy dude.
He sends 3 angles. Each with a gift. A very special gift.
Metoo-He sent your beauty, you calm words of peace, your deep sense of caring, your Love, your excitement, your joy, your worry, you life, your hope. All things my heart desires.
Kitty Mom-In you God sent me Passion and Energy, Toughness and Tenderness, Beauty and Elegance. Fire determination, attention, Joy, perservence and excitement. My heartd desires
Stu-The doubts the struggle the thoughts, the seeking, the issues, and the consequences, the truth and the way. My Hearts desires
Oh My Precious God it is with a tear in my eye, I still can’t cry, but I am getting closer.
Thank You so Much, Jump for Joy. You are fucking Real, Oh so Real.
And you kowm me.
You know me so well.
And you Love me,
You Love me so much.
One guy doesn’t deserve this kinda Love.
For Metoo, Kitty and Stu (Angles sent By God)
Thank you from the bottom of my soul.
I love you guys.
So this morning I think I will through on one of my all time favorites..
Get up out of my chair. Take this body of mine and do a little dance, Because sometimes it’s all you can do the joy is so awesome.
So just for a minute, if you get a chance, rise up out of your seat and dance, dance with me,
Life is not your circumstances, Life is the Love we bring.
As the Rev Al Green says.
Love is walking together,
Love is Talking together.
Dear Lord Jesus Christ, Thank you for Metoo, Kitty and Stu. Your angles.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsU6_eSG4k4
NOW DANCE!!!!!!
Wow, Joe….what a beautiful way to put it down in words…and AGAIN, just what I needed today!!! Thank you..
The prizes at the bottom of the cracker jack box just keep getting better!
I think I will find my joy soon. I just might find it. If I keep reading, praying, and dancing (I did….) with my friends, I just might find it too, just like Joe.
It’s going to happen. Maybe even today!! Thank you, Joe…
Stuart! Get back to us…we are not “right” without you. Kitty Mom, can I have your prize too???? Bahahahaha!!! (Now, you guys didn’t see that one coming, did ya???)
Love to all…prayers of thanksgiving for all…
Thanks for the encouragement metoo. Thanks KittyMom and Joe. I am still hanging around. At least I have a smile on my face. I had about a week before this weekend and have been trying to figure out what happened. I went back to the rabbits and rabbit trails I used to go to. All seemed normal and justified. The good news is I am back. You guys might have gotten a hint of what happened from an earlier post. I can’t go into much more detail. Suffice to say I lost track of my primary purpose, big time.
I have two big cups of coffee in me and am trying to get along with my day, “just for today” (thanks Joe). That slogan is one of the best. God is in the now. It’s here that I find Him.
I will definitely keep hanging around guys. Thanks for not kicking my out. Joe, even though you are coming up on a month, don’t leave. Why not hang out until I get a month?
You’re back on the trail with us now, Stu, and that’s all that matters. Don’t look back..
Kitty Mom has 18 days in today!!! I celebrate you, Kitty Mom! Please let us know how your day is going!
Hi Ya’ll
Yes – day 18 and what a wonderfull day it is
got through my ten hour day – tired but satisfied and interested at times with my work.
I live for coming home and getting on this computer to hear Joe, MeToo and Stu write their inspirations for the day. It is so helpful to me to hear your stories, your inspirations, your hope, your love for God, and your love for your fellow posters. We have become a team, a well oiled machine, a complement to each other….I will keep coming back as long as you will have me.
I am proud to be here with you and keep you in my prayers daily. How amazing that we found each other – strangers, yet with one thing in common for certain.
Stu, each day it gets easier. Please keep posting – I worry about you when you are gone. Joe keep posting – you are more than an inspiration. Meetoo, we are together in this and I hope to be inspiring to others as you are too me.
Take Care guys
Love you all
Kitty Mom
Day 27
Amazed
This Core 4, can that be our team name Kitty, is quite a group now isn’t it.
I know exactly how it feels to be 1 day, 17 days, 5 months, whatever.
But for the sake of Love and Team, The Core 4 all just has today. Right Now.
We have no leaders, we have each other. I really believe that where 2 or more are gathered, I am there. So we know who is running this squad. (can’t you feel it)
I pray we do stick together, we continue to communicate with one another.
Pain shared is Pain lessened.
And victory with out someone you love to share with, well that wouldn’t be a victory now would it.
Just remember, I am not all together yet, and I to make mistakes, I am wrong, and I am a guy.
If you can tolerate that, and keep me around. And grow with me.
I really like my chances.
Amazed, yes, that’s how I feel today.
Thanks.
Love
Amazed is the perfect word for how I felt yesterday morning and read your post, Joe…AMAZED. And even if you can’t cry yet, that’s ok, my friend, because I believe I may have shed enough tears for the both of us…you have touched me.
“When 2 or more are gathered”…. I LOVE this, and believe it with every fiber of my being. And I can FEEL it.
The Core 4 rock!!
God Bless you guys….
Hey My Core4
I like it Joe
Stu where are you – check in so we know how you are doing!
Day 19
I worked my arse off today at work -(I am in the accounting field)
I feel ambitious and motivated
Besides doing my work today, I even tied up some loose ends and did some errands….went to the bank, bought quarters for the meter, mailed some stuff I needed to mail
I KNOW – BORIIIIIING!
But, wonderful – each day is filled with everyday things that I did not do before without pills – and here I am 19 days without and feeling tired but great. I am sleeping at night better and better.
You guys are the best – enough about my humdrum little existance….hahaha I have always been a homebody! I love our team name, Joe That is us, the CORE 4…..I look forward every day to coming here and reading your posts – this is my aftercare. I never did like meetings – even at the office, so this is my daily meeting – 90 meetings in 90 days – I will be here come hell or high water…..looking forward to tomorrow – I am going out to eat with hubby and married daughter – she does not have a clue that I have beeing going through this – did not have a clue that I even took pills. She is the only one I did not tell….wanted to save her the pain.
But, all that said, I can’t wait to see her and go out (without taking pills) that is what is so phenominal….I am sorry guys, that all I am talking about is myself. I truly would not have been able to do it without you…my friends, my partners in non-crime, so take care of yourself and keep coming back – I need you.
Love, Kitty Mom
KittyMom awesome post. I like the “boring” things too. You are doing great.
I like core4 too! I am doing pretty well. I am having really weird dreams and wanting to drink, which is NOT a good sign. Off the pills though which is good.
It seems like at a certain point sober my life looks artificially bad and tells me that the only hope is to get high. In truth, creature comfort wise, I have it pretty darn good. Not to say I am living in total luxury, but I have a roof over my head, a nice soft comfy bed and food in my tummy. What more could a guy ask for. A lot of people in this world would be supremely grateful for that. But nooooo, I want more! A party a night, yuck. That’s what my friend tells me, that life can’t be like that. It’s an illusion. Perhaps it’s my depression talking to me, and the illness wanting to use. There is no comparison, my life is so much better clean by any objective idea or observation. So there. I am grateful now.
You guys take care. I will be back.
Day 28
Man, what a way to start each day.
It has been my new lifestyle. Wake, Connect with God, Connect with fellow journyiers.
That has really helped me alot.
I knda view things as Healthy vs Unhealthy.
As opposed to the old right vs. wrong model.
I am doing this because my thinking had become damaged by the dope. It was reduced dramatically.
I lived to use and used to live. (I know sloganish, but true)
So a big part of that cycle was my old thinking.
The shame, guilt, less than. greater than. Know best, have no Idea.
That much I know is a fact, my addiction lives and survies on
AMBIVILANCE.
And one question I would always ask myself was Is it wrong to take dope.
Now, I know that things I did to get dope, while on dope where in violation of my values. Thus wrong.
But it would always be ambivalnt on is dope wrong.
This time I just ask myself, Is it healthy.
Answer, No.
I do things that fall into the healthy category.
And slowly elimate those things that are unhealthy.
Right now that’s mostly diet, I love pleasure foods and do not care much for healthy foods.
I exersice and meditate and pray, and then eat a pack of cupcakes and a wash it down with a couple of pepsi.
On the inside stuff, This is where I am at now.
Trying to grow. Experience and enjoy.
One of the biggest barriars to this process is not letting anyone in.
Not openning up and being totally honest with another human being.
I am so afraid to let someone in.
I guess my kids are in, in that I Love them completely.
But as far as adult on adult relationship. Empty.
My wife and I of 13 years have a very functional, healthy relationship, just for today.
It has evolved more so into a corporation than a romance.
But it works.
It is just something in my spirit says “you need to have a person or people that know you, that you are accountable”
I never had clean friends, I can fill Yankee stadium with my using buddies.
But never once have I had a friendship of intimate nature with another adult. The love of another I have never risked.
So, that’s where I am at in general.
No Dope.
Continue to build a relationship with God. Deepening my understanding, my love for, my trust with him.
Perhaps as that reltionship evolves I will be able to overcome my walls and let another human in.
I hope so.
But, I am so afraid of getting hurt.
So safe is the healthy play.
I have decided that I will open myself up completely to the Core 4.
See what happens.
I will not use no matter what.
God Bless
Just checking in guys.
I here you on the bad diet Joe. I ate a huge bowl of ice cream and bag of cookies last night. I figure it’s the least of my problems right now though.
I hung out the “bad influence” friend of mine last night. My head is still swimming from it. I didn’t use, that’s the good news. I just have to take a little inventory here and see what I am getting out of that. Sorry about bringing this drama on the board, but it’s part of my story. I use at this situation. It’s something that drives me crazy. Finally I may have had a bit of a breakthrough. Trust God.
I committed to hosting a special AA speaker this afternoon and may take him and his girlfriend out to a National Park near my home for a walk. It’s my AA sponsor’s sponsor. He’s been wanting me to discuss some of this stuff with him for a long time, so I might.
No pills today.
Take care guys. I will write more later. Just wanted to let you know I am out here and thinking of you.
STU!!! Do you realize what a hurdle you just jumped???!!!! You DIDN’T use!!! THAT IS GREAT NEWS!!!! See??? YOU are made of some tough stuff, my friend!! I am SO proud of you!!! There will be more hurdles to come, but for the first time ever, YOU CLEARED IT!!! You’re on your way now, Stu…on your way…:)
Kitty Mom, I’m the same exact way. A homebody! There’s nothing like a nice, drama free life, and it sounds like you have built a peaceful, calm, loving existence. Your family must feel so safe and warm..AND it’s your day 20!!! It just keeps getting better and better!!
Hey now, Joe!! I have a great idea….an adventurous one at that…but first, I just have to say that I am honored to be a part of The Core 4….and it is a thrill to get here each day and see how each one of us is doing. I think of you so often throughout the day, and you are a part of each prayer I pray. Thanks for being here!!
So, Joe…this adventure…how about a single red rose for your wife~with a note~thank you for being here for me~~~short and sweet….? A possibility??
I love romance!!! You have turned everything else around, Joe~if it can be done, YOU CAN DO IT!!
Core 4….:)
Hey everyone
Kitty Mom here
Day 20 – almost over
Went out to dinner with husband and grown daughter
Went shopping afterward
Did not feel 100 confortable
But did it – with no pills
Glad to be here
Glad to be pill free
Glad there is life after pills
Still praying for all of you on this site
The is proverbial light at the end of this terrible tunnell
Sleep comes bacl
life comes back
Love to all
Kitty Mom
Hey everyone – sorry for the spelling on the last post – I should have proofread!
Love, Kitty Mom
Day 29
More OT this weekend, I am working alot these days, for which I am so grateful.
I keep things really, really simple now.
And work, provides me a safe place to go each day, and bring a positive attitude, listen to others, talk to folks and interact.
It gives me life, so I nevver compkain about it.
On the other hand, it does wipe me out and provides a excuse to avoid life as well.
For me I guess I’m still a basket case of emotions, I have a hard time with feelings and I have lingering feelings of emotional insecurity.
Not to mention my body and mind need to heal.
Learning to do things clean takes time.
I have learned that in the desire to change, I change. I have long given up the notion that I will have this Moment, This moment when I go, Whew, now the change is done. I am all better.
See I have a termendous ammount of EDUCATION about addiction both from the books, from my growing up in it, to the treatment centers, to the meetings, to the churches, to the jail cell.
And all that information was critical to me getting where I am today.
See today, I consdier myself, lucky. Yeah the dam pills call me, Yeah the lifestyle calls me, I’m not sure I will ever have that moment of total surrender, AA clamors about.
But I have learned that I can not use that excuse as a reason to hurt myself or someone else.
I have learned, slowly and painfuly over the last 30 years.
This shit is personal, very personal.
It attacks each of us in a unique way, It kills us each in a unique way. And we overcome it in a very personal way.
The one thing I know that is needed for me to keep on growing, is someone else who is trying to grow. Not just like me, But just like God has a plan for my path, He has a plan for your path.
I want to hold someones hand and walk the path. That way I know I never fall off.
That hand is God’s.
See I figure in order for me to take a handful of pills I would first have to let go of his.
So today, just this 24 hours I will hold Gods hand.
OK, now on to my risk for the weekend, and an exposure of my true self to the Core 4.
I hope I don’t get thrown out for this.
I have been married for 13 years and lived together with mywife for 4 years before that. So I have been through it all.
The thing is, I have no real clue how to be a husband, I know that sounds sick.
I have never really connected on some deep intimate level with my wife, and I’m not convinced I want to.
Even sicker, right.
I do love her, I very much respect her.
I just don’t connect in a way. Maybe that is my defect.
I am a romantic, I have never been sexually abused, I believe in the soaring energy of infatuation, the elixer of lust hidden behind romance.
My wife, not that kinda chick.
That’s cool. And I don’t get hung up on that shit anymore.
I have decided that an honest, bare my soul connect on all levels with another is my goal.
I pray about, I have no idea where it will take me, Perhaps back into some romantic bliss with my wife, or maybe I meet an old Jewish Rabbi, or some Pentacostal lady, or a junkie with 1 day clean.
I pray you guys understand,
My life is built now on staying safe, not upsetting the apple cart.
It’s much more about my daughters today than it is me.
I do however need that connection, It what was missing 1 month ago,
I know I don;t have to connect witha Vicodin ES today, that is the miracle and I will not forget it.
The physical. spiritual and emotional connectim I seek, is my responsiblilty.
If it be the will of the creator, it will materalize.
If not, well then he has something much greater instore. Npw doesn’t he.
So. Yeah I am a 44 year old married guy with issues.
I am open Metoo and I will try a Rose, and a one line note,
If it works awesome, and if it doesn’t awesome.
I got you guys to share it with.
Peace my brothers and sisters.
And spelling is optional.
Hey folks – Core4 and more
Kitty Mom’s 21st day has started
I was up with my husband at 6:00 AM – it is now 7:22 AM EST
Husband had a function to attend and I am enjoying the peacefull morning – The weather is changing and it is a tad cooler and when daylight presents itself I will go have a cup of coffee on the front porch. I am in Florida by the way and we lust for the first breath of a below 90 day. Our cold fronts are not even noticable here in the summer.
Joe – your post was insirational as usual. You are opening up those thoughts and feelings to us with a vengeance and I am honered to be here with you each day – in the same boat – taking this trip together one day at a time. I will be here each day to listen as you keep a grip on God’s hand….knowing that I have the other hand – your’s and God’s.
Hoping to hear from you also today Meeto and Stu.
Each new day I have under my belt has been a blessing and I am glad I am here to share it with you.
Love and blessings
Kitty Mom
Day 30
What a month.
Rather than reflect on areas that need work, hell there will always be somthing.
I thought I would honor God. with praise and thanksgiving today.
I set out 30 days ago to post once a day for 30 days.
God made that Possible.
That is the miracle, the good news, the gospel.
Do not be afraid.
Please I beg you guys, don’t be afraid to stay clean.
Don’t be afraid to live your life, relying on God instead of dope.
It is so different.
Today, I have no clue as to how events will unfold.
If I use dope, I know the end results.
I walked that path as far as it goes.
It is an empty lie.
On the other hand, Not using is truth.
Fullness
It is everything you hoped for.
Everything you dreamed of.
Everything you wished for.
Every desire you have.
Every need met.
Just for today I will enjoy the Love I was created to recieve and give,
Remember, all have sinned. But that’s OK.
Love covers all sin.
Dope=Death
No Dope+ Love.
Love is here, right here, right now.
If the vision you dream of, isn’t your reality, hold on, give it a minute.
It will materalize, it will not be late.
It will come at it’s perfect time.
I hate to miss it, because I was high.
I know today, I gotta be clean. If I want love.
And Love is my deepest desire.
I am so afraid to let go, but I have no choice now. The burning desire of being clean is in charge,
Only fear can stop me.
But God shows me everyday, I have nothing to be afraid of.
30 days has September, the old jinngle says.
For me It was Just one Long moment of Love. Uninterupted bliss, filled with 4 of the most amazing people I havee ver encontered.
From the bottom of soul.
Kitty Mom, Thank you for saving my life, I am your servant.
Metoo, Thank you for saving my life, I am your servant.
Stu, Thank you for saving my Life, I am your servant.
Born in New York, I now live in Texas. So I know what you mean about a cool breeze, Kitty.
Is there any better feeling in the world than that first touch of coolness on as dawn breaks.
I too will be on the poarch, cup of coffee in hand.
I I look to the heavens today and say.
Thank you God.
Love
Hey my Core4
Kitty Mom here
22nd Day beginning clean
The front porch
The cup of coffee
The reading of the newspaper
The coolness in the air
All ordinary things
Yet phenominal things
Without pills
Thank you my Lord
without you I would not me me
Without you I would not be here amongst people who care
Without you I would not have the family that I love so dearly
You are my Rock and my Foundation
Please give me the strength to make it one more day
Amen
Wow guys. Wow Wow Wow. Joe, you pretty much told my story a few posts ago with the Mrs. I unfortunately added some drama. It’s amazing how much trouble a pocket full of pills and cash can get a man into. It’s power too, a phony power, but nevertheless an intoxicating power. It has ended in pure hell. The noise would not stop in my head. It is finally starting to subside as I back away from the lie. As I have said, I have to keep this deliberately vague. I have got to say though, Joe you are a HELL of a lot better going through this with your wife sober than using.
They guy I hosted Friday and took to the Battlefield was awesome. He gave a talk last night that gave me some good direction. One of the things that helped me was a thought he used from CS Lewis. He said the Devil likes noise. I have a head full of self induced noise. (I don’t believe in a “Devil” with horns and a fork and stuff, but the concept of hell on earth sure works for me). He also said God whispers and we have to be quiet to here Him.
Well, if I am stoking my life and mind with needless bullshit drama, putting pills and booze down my throat to quiet that noise and guilt I don’t think there much room to hear the Whisper. It makes sense to me intellectually and from life experience.
He also gave me some golden keys to get me out of the corner I backed myself into, emotionally. This is all on me guys. Some of the never’s in a book I read. Never criticize. That’s a tough one when you have a using friend that is throwing “pearls to swine”. I use at that and get pissed. My friend is killing herself in a degrading way. To not criticize is near impossible. So, as some oath says, “at least do no harm”. That means back away. I believe that to be truth.
I really wanted to drink and use yesterday. I was depressed and angry. I went by a bar near my house and thought a beer and a shot would be the novacane in my brain that was needed to isolate and numb the pain. Or an OXY or ten. Thank God I did not. I slept reasonably well and feel great this morning. Like KittyMom and Joe, the weather where I am has turned cool, fall beautiful. Fall is my favorite time of year. There is fog coming up in the river valley below my house as the sun comes up. It’s one of the most beautiful sites for me. I am so lucky to be able to get up without a hang over on booze or the fog of pills and behold what God has created. And, like you Joe, I am a hopeless romantic. It brings that out in me for sure. I cried like a baby yesterday at my parent’s grave sites. Had to clean my glasses off when I got home. Oh no, here comes some more tears. But guess what, they are TEARS OF JOY and gratitude.
Thanks for the nod metoo. I appreciate it.
I love you guys.
MeeTo – you have not posted for several days – hoping you are OK
Kitty Mom
All is well~no internet for a couple days. Pooh. LOL! More tomorrow! Love you Core 4!
Morning Folks—
A New week,
A New day.
Today Oct 4, is St. Francis of Assisi Day,
My only real mission in life now is very simple.
WHERE THERE IS DISPAIR, HOPE.
I have read some stuff on St. Francis.
Incredible guy.
Life of the party, yet empty inside.
Discovers that the thing he most feared, lepers. Once embraced
begun his conversion.
You know what I hated most when I used, People who got clean and stayed clean.
Man, they bothered me.
I figured they were lying.
Today I am clean. It is REAL.
There is HOPE.
I bring you all HOPE.
With all my heart I will pray today for you guys.
I am here, you are never alone.
Love
Joe…I LOVE ST. FRANCIS!!!! I get the “saint of the day” email in my inbox everyday, and I had JUST deleted it without reading it…thank YOU for being the messenger sent to send me marching right back to my deleted items folder, to get MY GUY out of it! Here I sit with two gorgeous statues of St. Francis in my little home, and I go and send him to the bin. I think my message today from God is to NOT OVERLOOK what is RIGHT THERE. I will be noodling this today.
“Oh, Master, grant that I may never seek so much to be consoled as to console…
to be understood as to understand…
to be loved as to love with all my soul…”
I absolutely adore the entire message of the Peace Prayer~I always have. Thank you for waking me up today, Joe…
May the Peace of St. Francis touch all who read this…may we all be instruments of that peace.
Happy feast day, Frank!!! (Me & St. Francis~”Frank”~are “tight” so I can call him that…lol)
Hi all. I am a big St. Francis fan too. I memorized the prayer and used to say it every morning. That fell off the radar screen in my morning prayers, but I still use it.
Joe, thanks for pointing out the new week, new beginning. I guess we could call it a new month.
I am getting better but still pretty depressed. I keep telling myself it will just continue to get better and not to expect perfection. I have been reading some on the internet about treating depression, which I suffer from (unmedicated). There is a bunch of info on using hydrocodone to treat depression successfully. Now we know there is a huge price to pay for that “fix” but the idea that it works for depression has been true in my live. Therefore, it would seem logical there would be a rebound effect once the medication is removed. I think that’s what I am experiencing.
My wife, and psycologist, both want me on some kind of anti-depressant, but I have resisted. I believe in my heart of hearts that given a sufficient amount of sober time, say a month or up to a year, that the physiological part will disappear. That may be a high price to pay if it goes a year, but if it does go away then I have the rest of my live to live without the drugs. Don’t misunderstand ! I don’t condemn these types of drugs or discourage their use on others. They do a HELL of a lot of good on those that are super chronic, like my wife. I just don’t seem to fit the bill. A lot of what I get “down” about is situational and as you guys know so well, related to narcotics and alcohol abuse. I do reserve the right to take anti-depressants if I feel they are truly needed. I have not gotten to that point I don’t think yet.
It is by self f0rgetting that one finds.
Bye for now core 4.
Hey, Stu…have you ever checked in to natural depression fighters? Ethnobotanicals? You should google rhodiola, kanna, and I can’t think of the others right now. But I just believe that there are natural herbs out there that work. Since you aren’t taking any SSRI’s, the botanical door should be wide open for you…just thoughts. I am praying especially for you, Stu. You are not alone…
Hey, hey, Kitty Mom!! It’s day 23, and YOU ARE FREE!!! Way to go….I am proud of youuuuuuuuuuu!!
Joe. You R.O.C.K.!!! {Reign Our Core King}
Hey Everyone
Here I am again
Kitty Mom
Day 23 – another day that I went to work and worked by petutti off
Another day – I drove home to my hubby
Another day – I am talking to you guys
Another day – without pills
I am starting to get to a point where there are times throughout the day when I don’t even think about them and to me that is progress.
My consultation and refill were due last week and when I got the E-mail I deleted it.
That is progress isn’t it.
Stu – I will be praying for you along with the others – I understand your depression – there is a hole where the pills used to fill – I feel it sometimes also….but it is getting better with time. Sometimes the days go by slowly (weekends) and I am tired and ready to get some sleep by early evening, but can’t go to sleep. The sleep thing is still perplexing me. I guess I used to sleep so much from the pills that I was getting enough sleep – now it is a struggle to get 5 hours per night. But, it is getting better and if that is the worst of it, I guess that is not too bad.
I am going to look up St Frances you all – I am not familiar with saints at all – but if you love the guy, then I am certainly going to find about him…haha.
Thanks for being here core4 – I couldn’t do it without you.
My cell phone died and won’t charge so I guess I will actually have to go out of the house to look into it. I usually don’t like to go out once I get home after my ten hour work day. But, I gotta have a phone.
One of my kitty’s is screaming his little head off – better go check on him. He thinks I am going to let him outside – he’s got another think coming!!!
Bye Guys
Love You All
Hey Now,
The thing I really locked into this time around was THE FACTS.
THE FACTS of how my addiction hit me.
I think all the other times, which are to numerous to count, I tried to take in all this information and then I tried to recover from my illness using it.
The issue was that was I was treating soomeone elses disease, not mine.
Again, I really believe that the disease of addiction is indivuialistic.
So, while one size fits all treatment plans are of some benefit, it was not until I said, My disease, My treatment.
That I began to get better.
To Heal.
So here were the first three undeniable truths about my life, my disease.
I understand now, that they are ME, that they will not change.
1. I can not take 1 pill, 1 drink, 1 drug or 1 anything for the sole purpose of getting high. without the following occuring,
1. Feelings of guilt
2. Feelings of Shame
3, Feelings of Regret
4 Feelings of giving up
5. Lieing
6. Feelings of wanting more
2.After I take the drug, the broken part of my pleasure center will over my thought process on every level. Every time
3. I have no idea how to treat my illness.
So once I fully accepted this as my truth, which took about 20 years. The only way I can return to active drug us is by the process of denial.
Or liening to my self.
I know when I am doing that know about drug use, I am working on expanding that.
Of course once I decided that I needed to find my way out of the darkness, and I realized I could not.
I got realed scared, far more afraid than I ever was.
So I just asked, can someone please help me.
And since that moment, there as been a steady stream of help.
It never runs out.
It just keeps on comming.
I know Have my first Spirtual FACT.
LOVE IS REAL.
It just is not what I thought it was.
Love for me is helpful, always healthy, never wrong, Provides, teaches, heals, inspires, motivates and takes care of.
Now that’s a lot.
If Dope did that I take a pill today, it doesn’t ,it won’t. In fact when i think about it, it’s a really bad subsitute.
Yeah just for today, you can keep that fake shit.
I want REAL LOVE.
Enjoy, my brother and sisters.
I love you
Great job on the deletion of your refill KittyMom! That is huge.
Joe, I like your three truths. Shame, guilt. I’d add sick, weak, fearful (terrified), totally useless. I have journaled about it a bunch. Also, like having a self induced real bad flu. That’s SMART isn’t it?? Good God. Nice post.
Another day at “Stu’s Serenity Gardens Rehab Center”. That’s what I named my house. I decided that since I am not going in-patient I will pretend I am. In my morning meditation I came up with this benefit. God can teach me real life lessons out here during the thirty days I would have been locked up. The trick is to stay sober so He can. So far so good. I have had to make a concerted effort to keep myself a bit isolated with this “home rehab” though and am struggling a little with that. Some business related stuff that would irritate me any way, even high, keeps popping up. No need to get into to much detail, but it has to do with pimping me by others. I tend to want to tell them to go f*** off. Can’t do that, but I guess I can not answer the phone. Hey I am in rehab for Christs sake! Leave me alone.
I slept fitfully last night too metoo. At least the shakes/crawlies are gone. That’s something I can be truly grateful for. I still have some aches though. Last night my left knee was throbbing for some reason, real bad for several hours in bed. I took three motrin and in a couple of hours went to sleep. Maybe the hydro’s were masking some pain I have had for awhile.
Went to my mens relapse prevention meeting last night again. It was at a guys house that has a real nice spread. He outdid himself on the meal, we eat before the meeting. It was on the tenth step and the promises. About sixteen men were there, all outstanding dudes. Some with less sobriety than me, others with multiple digit. Awesome night. Mostly talked about God and just plain living right. A message I need. I have decided that in certain areas of my life, pills for sure, I am insane. I keep doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. My big goal is to change my life and thinking. In all areas.
Off to my first rehab class. I don’t know what it will be. Maybe how to work hard in my office. Or, go for my physical therapy run.
Bye for now guys.
Hey you all – Hi Joe Hi Stu Hi Meeto
Day 24 was good – worked hard at my job again.
Had to go to my primary doctor at 5:00 PM and wa scared out of my mind….long story short he found out about my double dipping for pills because somehow a prescription I filled saying I had no insurance (Ohhhh the lies) got processed through the insurance anyway and he was notified about it. Anyway, as soon as I went in there I told him I quit all the vicodin and went through withdrawals and for him not to give me any more cause I had a problem with it – he was really cool about it (always deadpan anyway) and he did not ride me about it – just accepted it as a fact. Sooooo there you go – another source refused and/ or dried up…I am closing all the loopholes. One thing I never did was buy from the street and I don’t have any friends that are users – not that I would not have if I knew how!!!!! Oh my the coniving and lying and things we go through to get pills.
So – now my only source left would be the internet doctor but since this information gets back to my primary doctor I would not dare do it again…I’m over it anyway. I only want to get better and never look at another active pill addiction. I know I am still addicted – that never goes away – I just don’t want to act upon it.
All that aside – Yeah to DAY 24! I am soooo thrilled with that – and I have you guys to thank for it.
Hope you all have a very good evening and keep up the good work. As usual you are in my prayers and thoughts each day as I muddle through the days and come home to check my computer.
Love You
KittyMom
Hey Now,
I Love coming here, and reading your posts guys. They offer me so much Hope.
The same power which helped me, appears to still be alive and well.
Stu-Nice. Rehabing in the home is nice, I did the same. Kicked, went throught the first few days and got on the path right from my very own abode.
I guess it’s never easy, no matter how we choose to detox.
It sucks.
Give yourself a break, it will be alright.
Kitty–Wow, I remember my first visit to a Dr., Clean.
I was a mess, I guess I had reached a point in my addiction where my wrong thinking cried, the only thing Dr. are good for are writing scripts for pain pills. If I got pills, they were a good Dr. If they gave me some bullshit, well they were a bad Dr.
I went and had a complete physical, explained my addiction, and asked for help. I was a year clean.
He did some blood work, some basic once over.
And for a dude who has traveled the hard road, I am in pretty good shape physically.
We talked about everything.
The one ongoing problem I have is a lower back pain (ongoing) and leg pain (circulation) this becomes severe at times, breakthrough pain. Ecspecially after a 8 or 9 day straight stretch at my Job.
I’m on my feet all day, working hard. I’m 44 not 24 so while I can keep up, the truth is the truth.
I also explained how, even though I was clean, and even though I was exercising, and praying, and writing.
I still felt isolated, I still felt fatigued, I still felt blah. Music was flat, Art was flat and I had a hard time reading anything of length,
I thought this just might be my mind and body healing. That eventually I would regain the joy of life.
As Stu mentioned I was a big self medicator, I used opiates to treat my depression and the vicious cyclle never ended.
I followed his suggestion, and began to take Lexapro once a day.
I was so scared to take a pill.
I was considering calling this active use.
I mean taking a pill to feel better, wasn’t that the orginal problem.
Well I have been on it since August, and while nothing earth shattering has happened, there have been a few worth while advantages.
One, there was a crack in the sameness, I began to feel stuff, Like Joy, and Peace. I felt a twinge of inspiration.
Two, it seems to provide a spark. A easing of my overall anxiety.
It demishes the cry for opiates, in those moments of nothingness.
I have not once been hit with the thought of take 2 Joe.
So I guess it is not triggering my addict.
Oh and one final personal note, sexually I’m like an 19 year old.
And sex had become non-exciting my first year being clean. I was really scared that I was done in that area.
So my visit to the Dr provided some critical points in my first year.
Identifyied some minor health issues. (back, legs, minor depression)
Provided some key solutions.
Allowed me to be honest with a Dr.
It was worth it. I hope your relationship with Dr.s become worthwhile in your life.
I will occasionaly share about, sex, money, physical health and God in my posts.
I relaize these are very personal issues. And if I go into an area you guys are not comfortable with. Please let me know.
It just those things, seem to be my greatest joys, and biggest stumbling blocks.
I need to practice honesty in them all.
This is like my only outlet to do that.
So, please bear with me, I love you guys.
Thanks for letting me share.
Cool story about the Dr. visit and double dip Kittymom. That is real good news those doors are closing. This last time out was the first time I ever “bought on the street” and it sucks. Very expensive, and there’s no denying the problem if you have to go to the “man” for your pills. Unfortunately mine was a very freindly guy and we had some fun together when I scored. Usually sat around and watched football with him and his girlfriend. As a matter of fact we spoke last night, not initially about pills, but it came up. I told him I quit.
Joe, I concur that antidepressants are not active use. They do a lot of good for a lot of people. My wife was a mess before she started taking them. They really turned her around, although we still struggle as a couple. As an individual she is much better. No need to go into the couple stuff right now. I touched on that a few posts ago and may never go back. As far as myself using them, I plan to do sort of what you did. Wait about a year then go into see my primary, get a complete physical and decide whether to get on them then. The virility comment was appreciated, and not in bad taste. To tell you the truth that was one of my concerns, that not only would I need the anti-depressants, but they would make me need something else for my sex life. I am not twenty one either. A healthy fifty three, but not what I was right out of college physically that’s for sure.
I finally got a reasonably good night sleep last night. I am still having vivid dreams, but no scary nightmares. Bizarre dreams. Thank God the nightmares are gone.
My Stu’s Serenity Gardens Rehab Center lesson for today will be to not fight life. Relax and take it easy. There have been some personal issues in the last year that have overwhelmed me and now that the pills are out of my system I seem to be able to look at them with a more balanced, less emotional view. I am still vulnerable though, that’s for sure. Breath deep, pray constantly and live. I have plenty to keep me busy without the dope.
Family
Recovery
Work – biz and rentals
Hobbies, including excersise, reading …
So. I remember life can be good.
Bye for now core4. I am praying for you guys and love you and our place here.
Hi everyone!
I’m new to this board, but have been reading it over the last few days and am very grateful for all of your sharing.
A bit about me: I am a young professional who has succesfully hid my pill addiction from EVERYONE for the last 2 years. Originally, I started using very occassionally to deal with the pain/depression of a nasty divorce. Then, I became hooked on how the pills (vicodin) calmed me and made me feel happy during such dark times, and I got hooked.
Over the last 2 years, my use has increased to 5-10 Vic’s per day, mostly purchased from a, “friend.” I’ve been spending anywhere from $500-700/month on this, which is killing me. I now need to take them just to feel normal. I also don’t know who I am without them, since they numb all the negative feelings I have and produce a false sence of euphoria.
Well, I had major surgery a month ago and was prescrpibed heavy narcotics for my recovery. In the last month, I’ve taken 100 vic’s and 100 perc’s. I was in legitimate pain for two weeks, then have been using the rest recreationally.
I’ve decided that this is a great time for me to detox as I”m already home recovering, everyone expects me to feel sick, and I’m out of my med’s. I’ve been wanting to detox for a long time- I can’t afford the street pills anymore and want to have a baby one day and REALLY want to have a clean body well before hand. Most of all, I don’t want to be a junkie anymore. And that’s exactly what I am.
So, I got the Thomas Recipie and started it yesterday. Woke up, took the multi-vitamins, lots of Tylenol, and took hot baths. Didn’t feel terrible, just achy and had NO energy. I also feel a little fuzzy/dizzy/vertigo. Well, last yesterday I discovered I had a few Darvocet left and took 2. UGG! I feel like a total loser and failure. Broke down crying and felt super depressed. Went to bed and took an ambien, which put me to sleep. Woke up with bad RLS, ate a banana, and fell back to sleep.
Woke up this morning and took B6 and L-Tyrosine on an empty stomach, and I actually feel ok. Not bad w/d symptoms like I’ve expected. I feel hot in the face and a little achy, but that’s it. But, is that because I took the Darvocet yesterday? In the last 36 hrs. that’s all I’ve taken, which is a 10th of what I normally would. I’m scared that the really bad w/d symptoms are coming.
I’m also scared about not feeling happy on my own anymore. I know that body has to, “relearn” how to produce the chemicals that make us feel joy, so what do we do in the meantime?
Thanks in advance for any support/advice!
Good luck to you all!
Hey, guys! Stu, I LOVE your SGRC!!!! LOVE IT!!! What a great, refreshing, NICE way to go about getting yourself right again. You are creating your own program, in your own space, because it IS your time to get right. Hat’s off to you, my friend. You are an inspiration to many others, I’m sure of it!!
Kitty, I think it is so great that you have cut off another supply line. You are insuring your success! It feels nice to come clean like that, doesn’t it?! Double Dippin’ Kitty got off the ride. I think it’s just great!!
Hey, Joe! Don’t ever think you’re going to give too much personal info here…if you feel like putting it out there, go for it. It is refreshing to be able to just let it go~to get it out to the universe. I am so happy that I have been able to see your posts over the course of your healing. You are healing well!! Keep up the good work, you 19 year old, you!! (That makes me smile big!!!) And good for you, dangit!!!
Have a great day, core4, and all others who are walking quietly with us….it’s a nice clean day!!
Hey you all – I realllllly enjoyed reading your posts today and here I am at day 25 – Geeeeeze I had to go to the calendar and count – I lost track.
I really enjoyed the detail of your posts. I am on an antidepressant also – used to take it for PMS and stopped taking it after I did not need it for that any more – Zoloft is my ad – and it just takes the edge off of the stress I was feeling when I went back on it. I was going bolistic over the smallest of circumstances and when I think back on some of the things I got upset about – I must really have had an hormonal imbalance before the zoloft. Anyway – it does not make me feel weird and I never think of doubling the dose or anything and there were never any side effects when going off of it….just makes me feel normal.
So – I don’t consider it in the same class at all as the pain pills I was taking. I was feeling so much withdrawal pain between doses and the pain in my body is actually better than it used to be.
You guys can never say too much on this post – I enjoy hearing all your trials and tribulations as well as your WoW’s and triumphs and I am glad to present you with mine – it is just so great being able to come on here after work each day and talk to you.
One day at a time – I also consider my home my rehab center and glad I could get through it here at home – when I think of being locked up somewhere in a hospital or rehab center I could just scream! I was so afraid of the process that I was actually thinking of spending a BUNDLE on the rapid detox thing where they put you to sleep and detox your brain and your body for the tune of 7500 to 10K….boy am I glad I toughed it out and went cold turkey. It was bad but it is basically over already and I feel like I got my life back. It was because of my extreme will power once my hard head decides to do something and the love of my family (especially my sister who called me daily) and most of all because I came here and spilled my guts to you all – so you see there is a God and he answers prayers in strange ways….agree???
Well better go and prepare some dinner….talk tomorrow
Love always
Kitty Mom
Rise and Shine Folks,
I come here at the end of my morning mediation, have for a while now. Man. It is really awesome.
Here is the thing, right. I have always, always deep in my soul wanted friends. You know, not high school friends, or work buddies, or college crowd, Or people I got high with.
No I just wanted a few close friends, that wanted what I wanted. To live at peace with their fellow man, persue a spiratual journey, listen to me, give me some love and encouragement.
And most improtantly, let me in. It is so hard to get below the surface, to risk, to let someone in.
God answers prayers, in strange ways—TOTALY AGREE
Yet, I really believe that is LIFE.
So if you go through this journey without it, well you really haven’t lived.
I WANT TO LIVE TODAY
It was so nice to hear you guys, give me permission to share.
Thank you.
This journey has finally turned the corner from saving my life, to living my life.
Today I will think of you guys as you go through your routines, the daily grind, so to speak,
Remember, I got your back. What the hell else do you need.
Oh and I can not stop laughing at this line, Only because I love you guys so much.
Dubble Dippin Kitty got off the ride.
Now that one line, to be able to hear it, understand it, laugh about it…well it makes the 30 years of hell, worth it.
Metoo, you have done it again, hit my sweet spot, God I love you.
Enjoy
I too come here after my morning meditation Joe. It’s great to hear from somebody that’s years down the road on this journey after pills. It gives me hope.
I love the line about double dipping. Got a good belly laugh out of it.
Well sleep patterns just keep getting better, and for that I am truly grateful. Back when I had multi year sobriety, in the 90′s, I can remember how good I slept, pretty much on demand (in the evening that is). I even bragged about it. Felt refreshed in the morning. It was a huge asset to my quality of life. Well, I don’t know about you guys but hydrocodone really messed with my quality of sleep, both when I was high and when I didn’t have any. Usually when the pills were “working” I would lay in bed for hours in a trans looking up at the ceiling. Only slept for three of four hours. Pot and booze add to the low quality of sleep too for me, no doubt. Finally I am seeing the beginingss of restful sleep and it’s wonderful. The quality of my life improves dramatically. It’s one thing to be sober, but if you feel like shit and are tired all the time my mind tends to say, what’s the use? It’s getting much better, but that brings me to some of my morning meditation thoughts. The first is the danger for me of cynicism. This one trait has brought me back to using perhaps more than anything else. It’s wrapped up in grandiousity and the just plain old f*** it’s. My mind started wandering there this morning and I quickly realized where it was going and pulled up the reines. It’s easy for it to run off in that direction, pretty soon I am angry, feeling sorry for myself, and the old “what’s the use anyhow” might as well get high thoughts come. At that point it’s almost a lost cause. Well here at the SSGRC (thanks for the acronym metoo) we don’t allow those thoughts. Since I am in “treatment” it was deliberately squashed. When I get out of my lock down I really am going to have to watch out. It’s been a recurring problem for me guys. There’s some stuff in my life I put the film in my mind, play over and over like a not stop real. It’s stopped for now. My goal now is to not fall back into the cynicism. Here’s the voice, “there’s no need to go back there. Just keep doing what you are doing and attempt to grow spiritually. Watch for it. It almost reared it’s head just now with regard to ***. Don’t go there. It’s the exact opposite of humility and gratitude.”
The other thought that came is that stress can kill. I believe it killed my dad. I get so wound up sometimes, all by myself I can get my heart rate up. Relax and don’t fight it are key.
All that having been said, I am in a pretty darn good place this morning. I guess God will look after me if I let Him. I just visited with a good buddy of mine, put on some of his boxing gloves and punched around on each other like eight year olds laughing like crazy. (I am NOT a boxer, he is and could easily kick my ass). At any rate it was fun frivolity.
Joe, Kittymom and metoo I appreciate your friendship.
Bye for now core4.
Kittymom, please do me the favor of allowing me to be the representative personally of my character (as you have already done, and I thank you for that)….I am the one whom Southernmom refers to on the other thread. She has my email address and knows how to reach me if she wishes to attack me. I don’t appreciate her taking our “dispute” to this forum, as it is certainly not where that kind of venom belongs!
If any of the core4 feels I have anything to explain to defend my own honor, I will gladly do so!! But, I will not do it on the forum. metoo05@live.com is my email address.
lol…on a happier note, I’m glad you liked my little line…lol..
I treasure you all, and feel so much more than I can say here, now. Thanks for listening!!
Hey Yall – thanks for all your posts – and Metoo thanks for the update on the situation that Southern Mom speaks of, but as I told her, unless someone hurts me directly or I see others hurt directly, I take no action or retribution. I have nothing but good to say about everyone I have met on here until which time I have reason to doubt their motives…which I doubt seriously will happen. I love chatting and hearing about everyones trials and happy moments – that is all I need to know. I will not engage in gossip of any kind…I love to come hear and would not want to jeapordize any of your friendships….that being said
Hey guys – this is my 26th day clean…aren’t you proud of me – I am really proud of all your progresses and am glad Stu that you are ready to have a little fun in your life….I need to work on my sense of humor a little bit – I remember my husband and I use to laugh about all kinds of stuff – and now I feel a little on the serious side at times – so I need to start going out more to movies or antique stores or whatever and get some fun going. My husband and I stopped drinking many many years ago because of his type I diabetes and it just is not fun to be around a bunch of people drinking anymore…and believe me we had fun drinking when we were younger – hitting every bar in San Francisco, New Orleans, and Key West when we were there…hahaha – but I do not have desire to do those things any more….guess I am just downright boring when it comes right down to it – We enjoy being at home these days. I am so happy that I have this place to go and I am so happy that you folks listen to what I have to say and that you let your feelings out to me. Metoo, how are you doing – you are always uplifting the rest of us, but how are you doing???? Joe, I love your posts – you are really opening up to us for someone who says they don’t open up. And Stu – I am really happy you joined us and are doing so well with your rehab….I wish the best to all of you and hope you have a good restfull or productive evening whatever is your pleasure.
I am draggin hubby to Home Depot to get some bead board to put up wainscoting in our bathroom – tomorrow I will start the remodel – One thing I have always enjoyed was home improvement projects and that is what I am planning to do this weekend…..Love you guys
Double Dippin Kitty (what a blast you are Meeto)
Good Morning Friends,
Friday–Love it
84 degrees and clear blue sky–love it
Waking Up Clean–Priceless
Once again your posts have me thinking this mornings.
Stu–I hear you on the cynisism. For me, the life changeing moment came when Adam(the blog owner) directed me to Rational Recovery.
I really believe in “The Beast” thereoy. My addict Mind-a broken peice of the pleasure center. It will always be there, but and the single most important SIMPLE fact, I DO NOT HAVE TO LISTEN TO IT.
I really believe that you are called to get clean by God (grace) you personaly then make a choice to not use (that’s all on the user) and if you choose not to use (grace joins forces with you to make it).
It a team effort man,
For me my addict voice is any thought, belief, feeling, reaction which moves me toward the thought, dope is OK.
Sometimes it screams, Sometimes it whispers, Sometimes it’s not even there.
Knowing who you are helps.
So I leaned on RR to get clean, The 12 steps and the bible to stay clean and grow, and internet message boards to connect with fellow travelers.
So far, So good.
MeToo-I Love you There is Never anything you would have to defend, in my little humble opinnion. The Love you bring speaks for itself. I am a better person for knowing you and have but one desire, to get to know you more. Precious spirits such as yours draw me like a moth to the flame.
To quote a good little bible diddy, if I may.
Those who do not gather, scatter.
Please keep coming back, I need you (really)
Kitty-the last 27 days with you have been magical, to watch you endure, persevere, love and share has brought the kingdom right to my laptop. I am so honored to be included in your process. You have made me a better man, through including me. I pray you let me hang around you, You got a lot to teach me, but what do they say,
When the student is ready, the teacher appears.
With love, on an incredible journey.
Your friend,
Joe
Joe, I will check out RR, thanks for the tip. I can use all the help I can get. From what I have read on this board about it, it sounds good.
KittyMom, I hear you about the boring life. Boring can be good though. I had tons of fun drinking, especially in my early days. Still crave “excitement” sometimes, although it tends to get me into trouble.
I don’t know how much of my history I have shared, but I am an alcoholic. So, I REALY like alcohol, I just tend to go way overboard, don’t know when, or can’t stop. I have been on about a six year drunk, after multiple digit sobriety. I am and have been a fairly highly functioning alkie, never lost my home, family, job and kept a roof over my head. That having been said, the booze and dope were kicking my ass, hard. I stopped drinking 8/31/10. I had been abusing hydrocodone for about six months, and the usage went way up after I quit the booze.
I was worried, rightly so, that I might go into the DT’s. I trembled and shook for the first few days, so I jacked the narcotics up.
FYI some of what I write here comes directly out of my meditation journal. I started journaling a couple of years ago at the suggestion of my therapist and sponsor. Therefore the text may be a little herky jerky sometimes. I will try to flush it out, but if things seem disjointed, that may be what’s happening.
I also keep a record, sporadically, of the levels of my depression. That’s for me to determine if it’s getting any better, and speaks to whether I may use anti-depressants.
I am using this board as a place to connect with you guys, but also somewhere to put down my thoughts to see on “paper” In the end it’s all about staying sober and finding some peace.
That brings me to yesterday. I had a significant set back from late morning on through the day. Went into a deep slide depression. Even out at one of my rentals in the woods, where I normally feel peace, I as a total mess. I had some panic, fear, depression thing overwhelm me. I felt like I was going crazy. RHR went from about 60 bpm to above 100. This is the shakiest I have been in a long time. I wrote when I got back “the worst it’s ever been”. My “depression scale” entry was eight, as high as I get.
(1 is no depression, 10 is “can’t go on it’s so bad”)
I have never been one to suffer “panic attacks” as some do, so this was a new and disturbing event. That having been said, I have had awful withdrawals from hydrocodone and alcohol, so I am not a stranger to panic and fear. My “clean time” is about eight days. I went a week or so just prior to that, went out for a few days and came back. So my system got cleaned out a bit, then used, now what I am claiming is eight.
It may be that this is just normal for the eighth day of clean off the pills. I have not been here before. Any comments from you guys would be appreciated. What was your experience?
The other consideration is that I am also coming off the six year drunk. At about forty five days on that, and it was a major change. I am sure I did some neurological damage while I was out drinking the last time. I am not a “tongue chewing babbling idiot” but there were definitely some brain cells killed. It may, and probably is, some effects from coming off booze.
Sorry pure “pill” users if this is off topic on this board. It’s part of my story though and I have and will take some liberties until someone calls me out.
Also, related, may be that I dealing with life sober. There have been, and are, some things, situations, in my life that would bring stress to anyone. I just don’t seem to be able to handle them. Joe, you made reference to some of those in your life a couple of posts back. I can’t quote exactly, but for me it’s fear relating to a bunch of stuff. Money, family, and what I call drama (that would be categorized in the “excitement vs. boring” category KittyMom). Like I said, boring can be good.
I believe God has given me direction; it’s just up to me to take it. Some of that is simple abstinence, from dope and places I take myself. I hope today is better than yesterday turned out to be.
Sorry so long winded today core4. I guess I felt I needed to get some stuff out.
Bye for now.
I am overwhelmed with the kindness you all have shown to me!! Thank you so much for believing in me. Joe, one of your posts said, “Remember, I got your back. What the hell else do you need.” And, Joe, you proved it. Thank you, my friend!!!
DDK, thank you for your kindness. Thank you for asking about my journey. I am so glad that I have kicked the O’s or who knows how bad my use would be at this stage of my life!!! The normal ups and downs of a woman in her late 40′s is enough to send a girl over the edge, but I’ve had a major shift in life that has left me reeling, giving everything over to God, and placing all my trust in Him, because that’s all I can do. Having the core4 to share things with is irreplaceable, and yesterday I felt so attacked that I even questioned that. Thank you, Adam, for taking the steps to stop the abuse. Yesterday, Adam made my day. Yesterday, Adam saved me. But, I didn’t hide behind a rock and pretend it wasn’t me being abused. Yesterday I stood up. Yesterday was a good day.
I am so proud of all of us for taking our own steps to become whom we are truly meant to be. Blooming into the creations that God Himself intended. Figuring out the puzzle of life, piece by piece, with the core4 and others helping find all the edge pieces that frame up the creation…Thanks, core4….
Stu, I am praying for you in your little rehab palace. I wish I were there to cheer you on in real life!!!! I wish I were there to make sure you took all of your supplements on time, and to bring you tea and snacks….I love thinking about that!!! So, imagine us all there beside you, my friend, and when you’re feeling down, you can talk to us. We will hear you! Praying for you, my Stu friend!!!! You’re on your way!!
Thanks, core4…I’ll be back, for shore.
Hey my guys and girls –
I am a little late writing tonight – Parents stayed for dinner – actually Mom made a big pot of beef stew – and OMG was it ever the best.
Today the remodeling went well – Dad struggled with it but at his age (82) he still has it in him.
First time in a long while that I did not pop into the bedroom to down some pills while the folks were here. It was kind of strange. Mom though I love her to pieces can be kind of trying at times – critical at times…saying I should do things this way or that….I have always been a bit unorganized… in a creative sort of way…. not even unorganized – just sometimes I will stop what I am doing and decide to the paint the house or paint the fireplace or rip up the carpet and put down tile (JUST ON A WHIM). She, on the other hand has to think things out and plan on doing something for days – have all her supplies (ducks in a row) and then proceeds to do it. Not me – I will start something without even thinking about it.
Long story short – The bathroom as wainscoating and chair rail and new baseboard and now is ready for painting tomorrow a
Whoops- what happenned
Did not mean to end yet.
Today is day 27 clean and I am feeling better each day. Today was a little weird without pills but not enough to take one – don’t have them anyway.
Stu – I am so very sorry to hear that you had a bad day and had what sounds like a panic attack. I think that what you have gone through in the past 45 days, this is bound to happen. Baby steps my friend – one day, one hour, one minute at a time. You will have ups and downs and you are really doing well – 8 days is a great great start from removing yourself for the evil pills and 45 days is terrific for the alcohol. And yes, you can talk about any part of your life you want to on here – not just the pills.
When you have a substance that you rely on to get though your days – no matter what substance it is – it take time to replace those days with something different. I know because the first week off the hydrocodone, I was thinking taht I can’t possibly get through daily life without them – and now I think I can – I know I can.
Joe – thank you soooooo much for the kind words and thanking me for including you in my recovery process. I am so honored that you think of it that way and I feel the same way about you.
Metoo – you are so upbeat to all of us on this board and you lift me up to the heavens each and every day. You are the angel on my shoulder as I go out into the world each day. I thank the three of you so much for this opportunity to share my thoughts eaqch aqnd every day.
Keep coming to this sanctuary
Keep lifting each other up
Your God’s little helpers (big helpers)
Love
Kitty Mom (DD Kitty Mom)
Hey core4,I have been reading ur posts for months now and even though I’m not I feel like I’m a part of this site! The only thing is is that u all have stopped reachin out to otjers on here trying to get help,unless I’m missing it somewhere else. Idk! I’m a wife of almost 18yrs nd have 7kids! I’ve been an addict to onething or another since I was 14,I’m now 43 nd have been tapering off norco! To which I was up to 16to20aday for alongtime. Unfortuneately I’ve never had my own Dr but my hubby does so we half his nd go thru his 240 a month n aweek or less! Then he gets his refill nd we fill it 7days after we got the original script filled then we buy them the rest of the time! We r so broke and its been like this for years now. I have a lot of physical issues as he does also! He got struck on the job by a coworker n a heavyduty worktruck nd he has been outa work since08′! I’m a stay at home mom that I had been n 4major car accidents,a previous physically abusive relationship for 8yrs gave birth to 5babies nd lugged them everywhere back to back forever! Then felldown stairs 2imes n 2weeks with the last fall resulting n painful n annoying pain n my lower discs nd sciatic nerve damage that at times is unbearable. This is my 5th or 6th attempt at cold turkey stopping,although n 06′ God completly delivered 100%of norco n smoking over night with no w/d at all! Untill the falls then went back to them after being clean n free for 3months! My walk with the Lord was strong n I saw many miracles take place! I wish I woulda never have let that go for those dumb pills! Thankfully I have only 3teens left at home I don’t ever wanna w/d n front of them,its bad! There’s no sleep with w/d nd insomnia but I’m hoping after this quick taper I won’t w/d to bad! The pain n my back,hip n leg is rough. Plus I deal with extreme depression nd thoughts of suicide almost 24-7! Can’t live like this or can’t live w/addiction either. I’m tired so tired of life as I know it to be for me or my family! Not having a dr to talk to or to help me,I end up puttin my husband thru so much stress,sorry if I’m rambling don’t mean to. There’s so much to say n no one to speak to,so I thought I would try to post here! Oh well congrats to. All of u that made it thru ur horror of detox!and to all of those that come after you nd make it to the otherside of life after detox. Stay strong nd please never go back its a lot worse if u do! Bless u all,n praise Jesus 4he is the way,the truth n the life! Byebye. Ps keep posting but don’t forget there r others out here to!
Maybe that was to much info for a firsttimer? Idk what’s up with the moderation comment at the bottom of my entry is that normal? Guess I’ll just keep reading posts for now,nd keep mine to myself! Best wishes to all! I do pray that other ppl out there reading these get thru their own detox and remember how hellish it was and don’t ever look back! For some I’m sure, I know the fear of it makes it worse than it really can be! Look at it as the worst flu you’ve ever had,but if u have the chance taperdown first. If not you will live,don’t be overtaken by fear,fight those thoughts with positive ones. Count the smallest blessings you can find each moment! If u have help even better,if not you will b ok soon! I promise! Then start finding things to occupy ur time nd ur mind to replace the thoughts of using! Please don’t let the guilt overwhelm you either no ones perfect everyone has their skeletons. And there is happiness nd joy beyond the addictions! Step one is the wanting to stop,just know whoever you are,whatever you’ve done,you are not what addiction defines you to be! You can control ur life again nd not a pill or drug or drink! Life is out there waiting on u to live nd not just exsist! My heart goes out to everyone here or just reading here I know all pain all to well! Hope this posts! Lil dove!
lil dove,
Yes we have been a four way chearing squad here for a while but don’t mean to shut anyone else out. Sounds like you are hurting real bad but wanting to get off those evil pills – It is difficult and painfull and you think it will never end and that there is not life without the pills – but that is absolutely not true – there is life after pills – there is hope that you can do it. You must be very strong to be able to taper – as long as I had pills I would take them – never able to taper so cold turkey was the only way that I was able to do it. During the first few days, I took just a few hours at a time and the first three of four days were the worst. It is not exactly the same for everyone but if I could do it you can do it….I thought that I could not even leave the house without pills – but in the past 27 days – 28 counting today, I have learned that I can do everything I did with pills – without pills. It would be good if you could find a doctor to help you with your depression – buy hey, my doctor was absolutely no support whatsoever – he was like clueless of what I was going through. I told a few of my family members about it and one friend but the biggest support has been coming here each and every day listening about what others are going through and spilling my guts to them also. Also the vitamins and minerals in the thomas recipe seemed to help also. You will not die from withdrawals as bad as they might seem….you can do it and I plan of talking with you each day if you are on here….so put that beast to rest and when that last pill is gone – hang tough and each day will be a blessing when you mark it off on the calender….You Can Do IT!!!!
Love
Kitty Mom
Hello Kitty and Core4 members.
I have been warning you that there is someone in your group you need to be very careful with, she has already come out and said it was her, Metoo. She has done some pretty hateful things to me in the past and she struck another dear friend from these message boards again today, putting him in the hospital. He has serious issues with depression and has already been hospitalized once for this. We all used to be a group, just like the core4, we all helped and supported each other. When metoo determined that I wasn’t doing my detoxethe way she thought I should, she cut me out of her life. At this very sensitive time, I was devastated! When I saw she had latched on to another group I went cold with fear that she was going to do this again to someone else, thus my warning.
Because my friend has also kept in touch with her, I thought it would be best if he and I didn’t discuss her and we didn’t we had so much else to talk about, while she kept putting him the middle and pressuring him to choose between us. He continued to be friends with us both and even asked her to stop trying to put him in the middle.
Since I sent out my warning to Kitty mom, she (metoo) has gone to him saying horrible things about me and once again pressuring him to choose, he did choose and he chose me, he was fed up with her constant bitching about me, a true friend. So now he is in the hospital because she wouldn’t stop hounding him, no matter what he said (and i read all the e-mails she sent to him).
Once again I will warn you about her, be careful, if she decides you aren’t worthy of her time and attention (like she did with me) she will cut you out of her life and will try to cut you out of everyone else in the groups lives too.
I am not without guilt, I carry it around every day, but I am trying to get well, I am trying to get sober, I am fervently praying for God’s grace and help. I am almost a month sober, largely with thanks to my friend who is now in the hospital.
My prayer is, if I spare even one person from the pain I went through with metoo, then I have fulfilled God’s plan for my and I will continue on my goal to get sober, stay sober and then use whatever experiences I have to help others.
Your core4 group is a wonderful tool towards sobriety, but it will all crumble if one member thinks they have the right to judge the others and so and say anything she has to have everything “her way” .
My prayers are with you all, I am sorry that I have had to be bearer of bad news, I just care.
I know you all pray so please pray for my friend today!!
In God’s grace, have a blessed day
sm
Hydrocodone Withdrawal Cranberry Cocktail Recipe
This may not be the right board for this, but to jump around makes me dizzy, so here goes.
H/C W/D Cranberry Cocktail
Mix 1 part Lakewood Pure Cranberry
4 parts Mountain Valley Spring Water.
Serve cold, no ice.
It’s OK to knock down 6 to 8 ounces strait up. The stuff tastes so bad it’s got to be good for you. It looks like purple iodine or something.
Recipe also works with Pomegranate.
The trick is to keep in watered way down.
Other juices I drank in moderation with a water back (Mt. Valley Spring)
Grapefruit Juice
Carrot
OJ
Tomato (A little bit)
I went to a health food store and bought a vegetarian multi. B12 and Calcium. I am not a vegetarian.
I am not a health food, organic “fan” and think sometimes this stuff is blue smoke and mirrors. The pure Cranberry and vitamins were special and worth the extra effort to get them.
I believe nutrition was and is important in my recovery, early and on down the line. I struggle with pigging out on sweets since I quit booze too.
Joe, I went to the RR site and read around. It was interesting. Sort of an “Ayn Rand” version of recovery vs the old 12 step. I like to learn about the physiological/brain stuff. It helps to know there really is something going on up there in some small place. The key is what to do about it. It’s there and it’s real.
I am having a great morning. Went out for a “community run” 10K. My knee did not hurt. That’s the good news. I was light on my feet for the first time in weeks, even though my legs are still sore.
Bye guys.
Southern Mom – please let it go – at least on this board.
I feel bad that you were hurt but we are all grownups here and if someone hurts us – then we will deal with it. No disrespect meant. We are in the same boat here trying to overcome our addictions and no pettiness is allowed!
Love and bewt wishes
Kitty Mom
Kitty mom,
I know I have let this go for my own health’s sake, but I would hardly call it petty when your actions put someone in the hospital.
I have had my say and I am finished, I wish you all much luck and God’s grace on your paths.
Metoo, no need to respond to me here, just like you said, you have my home e-mail address.
sm out!
This is my daily post
Day 28
No Metoo today?
No Joe today?
Hope you are all right and it is just a busy weekend. I have been in the house all day – just taken care of house chores and watching our daughters puppey so back and forth letting him in the back yard and playing fetch. Dogs are a lot more needy than cats – cats could care less if you are there or not. He is really cute and I am enjoying him this weekend. I have to get ready soon for a dinner I am going to with hubby. He is out all day and I may have to meet him there if he does not get home soon. I actually fell asleep for an hour watching TV also…that is a first in 28 days..haha.
Well gotta go get ready – hope you all post later and check in and are all right. Love you guys
Kitty Mom
Thank you so much for your response kitty mom I really do appreciate it! I’m only strong enuf to taper cus I have to no choice,the bad thing is I have no only used the vicodin for the physical pain but also for the mental and emotional pain also to drown out all the hurt nd wen I’m off it all floods right back. I’ve never learned to have a coping mechanism outside of drug use! I started using meth n pot at 14 bcuz of sexual abuse,then at 17 got into a violently abusive relatioship,18 my beloved mother died 2weeks b4my first son was born so a month later I used more than ever for 5years untill I got pregnant w/my daughter n 92 that was wen I decided I had to change so I asked the lord to come into my heart and I was clean! Left my abuser and married my hubby and was clean off everything for years,untill these pills came in 99′ and have both used them for physical pain untill It seemed like they were masking other things also! There has been a tidal wave of things that have happend over the last 5years and I just don’t know how to cope! I know I need to depend on the lord for everything I just waiver n my faith so much,but today I will start to pray again and trust n him instead of those evil little pills! This board has been a lifeline to me and I know it is for others that are just reading it and not joining. It does have to be a safe haven tho! There are to many wounded ppl out here that don’t need anymore drama n our lives! Southernmom I’m prayin for u nd ur friend I no its hard! Meetoo I’ll be praying for u also along w/the core4! Once again kittymom u don’t kno how much it means to me for u to respond back to me I appreciate you very much. I’m also very proud n happy for you to b at a month into this! Keep up the good work to all of you! Thanx Lil Dove!
Hi Folks
Enjoying the incredible weather here in Texas. we get about a month in the spring and a month in the fall where it is just so awesome outside.
Soccer game this morning..Home now for about 7 hours of College Football.
Hey I occasionaly give the personal inventorying a break.
Sometimes I let my hair down and enjoy life to the fullest.
Enjoy your dinner Kitty. Lucky lady, I’m having Hot dogs on the grill.
Stu–nice I enjoy reading about all the various herbs, concotions and drinks people use.
Metoo-I love you.
Enjoy folks. Life is short and we are alive. Free and have internet access.
Love
I take a vitamin, Which is change.
Just came on here again to see if MeToo is allright – if you are out there MeToo please let me know you are OK – the rest of us have posted today especially me since I have been at home all day – God bless all my friends on here and talk to you all tomorrow.
Love You All
Kitty Mom
PS – Dinner was good but we stopped at Yogurt Spot on the way home for frozen yogurt and that was even better!
Beautiful day in Florida!
Good Morning guys,
Joe here,
The weirdest thing just happened, I spent like 20 minutes writing this long, elequent posts addressing the posts of the last few days.
I am up early and reading them all very carefully. I prayed and than wrote.
As I got toward the end, something happened, I hit a wrong key or the Ghost in the machine came alive.
And the heart felt post is gone.
I don’t have the energy to rewrite the whole thing, So I offer a Recap. The twitter version, if you will
First,
Lil Dove–It is so awesome to have you on board, after reading your posts I am amazed at all you are going through. Please keep coming back.
It sounds like you don’t want to go out on dope,
The Good News which I proclaim everyday is simply this.
IF YOU DON’T WANT TO USE DRUGS TODAY, YOU DON’T HAVE TO.
Next,
This METOO, Southermom issue.
I have always considered this forum SACRED ground, because I had my first encounter with GOD here. I established a connection to GOD right here. It is my Isreal, so to speak.
So my kneejerk reaction is to say, Hey this bullshit ain’t cool here.
But who am I.
I am just a traveler, I have no clue what the issue is, and I have no dog in the fight, so to speak. Having gotten to know METOO a bit, I know she can find a resoultion that works for her.
I would ask that all postings remain respectful of the Man who created this space and The love he pours into it. As always Adam, thanks brother.
Metoo–I Love you, more than words can express. Your post are very much a part of my journey. I wish so deeply to keep walking it with you. You know come what may, I need you in my life. It makes me feel alive to read your words, to share my thoughts with you. I pray you keeping coming back. If you decide this space is unhealthy for you please keep me in your life somehow. I am so enthralled by our journey.
Kitty Mom–You also have become a very intregal part of my journey, I look forward to your insight, your sharing and your dedication. I was thinking on your skills at redoing stuff around the house. Maybe you can redo me-I mean maybe your real skill is not fixing up the bathroom, which is nice, but maybe in turning a mannerless, selfcentered, excon, with issues of addiction, Into well a gentleman, a real man, kind, considerate and professional, with a higher intellegence, purpose and calling.
Maybe that is why your here. I don’t know. I do know, that something inside of me stirs upon reading your posts, something in my spirit clings to you.
It’s a tall order, but I gotta ask, will you help me. Please.
Stu–whatever you fucking do, please don’t leave. I need a dude here, for real. I need a guy. I am one of those guy’s guy’s. And well I need you brother.
Love to all No expcetions
Hey everyone – here I am at exactly four weeks – Sunday to Sunday to Sunday to Sunday – this is 29 freaking days and the best part about it is the people I have met on this board.
Joe – your last post (the short version you call it) is inspiring and I hope in some small way I can fix you….if you indeed need fixing. Your soul is deep and your words have inspired me to keep coming back. You are absolutely correct in that this is a place to connect to God and that it is sacred. I hope with all my heart that any hurt that was done to anyone can be put behind them….like you said, I have no dog in this fight either….and I love the people who come here for help and guidance that have the same battles to overcome. I welcome new people also and want them to join with us in our journey. Lil Dove welcome and I will pray for you when I pray for the rest of us here trying to get through the days with no pills, alcohol, fighting anxiety and depression, whatever it may be.
On a positive note, we are healing each day through friendship, love, and the fact that God is lifting up our burdens in his strong hands so that we may have peace.
I have come a long way in the past few weeks, am sleeping normakl each night, am getting through each day getting more joy back each day, and smiling inside knowing I have these angels on my shoulder.
Yes Stu, we do need you on here too….and Metoo, we especially need you and your uplifting comments and connection to God. You all inspire me – If I seem sappy today – it is because I am! I need you guys and hope that in some small way – you need me also. Hope you all have a beautiful Sunday afternoon and are one small step closer to healing….Love, Kitty Mom
KittyMom, awesome, awesome, awesome on your month!
I got ten days. On ten, ten, ten. I don’t think that happens very often. It must be some special numerical convergence.
Joe, I have deleted long and eloquent posts just before meaning to send them too. I get the same vibe, that it probably wasn’t meant to be sent, or read. Sometimes I do the same thing with my journaling. I have a “throw away” journal. I shred the pages after I have written them. Stuff I don’t want anybody to see, but think it might help me to get it down on paper.
I too feel this board to be sacred ground. It’s all about recovery. Individual, personal as that may be. There are some real benefits to the total anonymity of it. We lose voice tone and visual cues though. In the end that’s probably a push.
I was at Sunday school, five years or so ago. A guy walked in off the street, new to the group. He started going off on how he owned a jet, a yacht and saying all this real weird stuff. I didn’t know quite what to think. My initial reaction was the guy was an arrogant ass. That’s what I thought I saw, and how I reacted.
A buddy or mine was in the room who is a psychiatrist. He told me the guy was manic and probably schizophrenic. He sort of called me out, in a nice way, later. I don’t do well with this sort of thing, but know some people need extra help. That’s way beyond the scope of this board.
Gotta go now guys. Awesome line up of NFL on a beautiful fall day.
Hey, core4 and lil dove!!! (I love the lil dove name!!! A harbinger of PEACE~welcome
)
Peace. I need to let that settle into me today. After spending yesterday doing things around my little home, I came here this morning, and found anything but peace awaiting me. Sad. My first reaction (of course) is to defend myself, but I am no opponent for this match. I’m just not that kind…no matter how I was portrayed. Instead, again, I will say that this forum is no place for venom. Misunderstandings happen, and now I can see what happens when you allow things to fester. Praying for peace is all that I can do. It will do me no good to reply in anger, so I will turn the other cheek. I am certain that our common friend has many other issues more important than me on his plate. I find it ludicrous that I would be a cause of this. I will pray for my friend instead of shouldering misplaced blame.
Thank you to the core4 and our new lil dove for having my back. I needed you all this morning more than you know~~and yet, I think you all know. Thanks….
A MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kitty mom, that is FAB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT makes my day!!! And Stu has 10 days on the 10th!!!!!
These are sweet days of victory over this “thing” that all of us thought we would never be free of!! But something IS working….and it’s real.
I love you guys, and THANKS AGAIN….
Man the unfortunate thing is that we may never meet face2face on this earth,but its nice to be able to get so connected to ppl uve never met! Joe and stu I applaud u bout for being real men that are willing to open urselves up nd just b real,in my world that’s never heard of! So thank you. Meetoo don’t stop posting its to bad what happend but u were the first one here to reach out to everyone,so please post something! Southermom I miss ur journey too along w/ur friends during ur church time n praying please don’t forget about forgiveness n mercy for all Jesus will help u get there my thoughts nd prayers r with u all! Kittymom to u I thank especially for reachin out to me,I don’t like the lonley feelings and I’m up all night so I come here often just checkin in then can’t wait till u all post!I’m down to almost nothing now nd have went thru some of w/d by the tapering no$ to get recipe so hopefully they won’t b full blown! I do have some?s but I’ll save for nexttime. Love ,prayers n best wishes to all! Lil Dove!
Joe n stu I’m in awe that u two are romantic guys I only wish for that in my life! Yes I’m posting again goin thru the freakout stage right now just had a really heavy talk with my 18yr old daughter nd had to tell her something life changing for her! Which made me want to use to numb the pain but thought I would try to vent here instead! Very very down today but it is a beautiful day outside, hope ur all enjoyin ur weekend! God bless one n all! Hope to see a post soon tho!
Hey, lil dove, I want you to know that I am thinking of you and praying for you too. Know what??? THIS is going to be a HUGE victory for you!! It sounds like you have been through SO MUCH in your life…and starting using substances so young, it’s hard for you to gauge what it will be like when you’re clean. On the flipside of that, IMAGINE what a victory this will be for you~~to really get down to brass tacks and to find the YOU that’s in there, hidden behind the crap that we use to mask everything. I totally understand all of the reasons why we all use. For myself, it could be a crappy day and I would NEED something to make me feel better, or it could be a great day, and I would STILL need something, because it’s a celebration!! It’s just a never ending circle. I can’t count the number of times I’ve gotten “clean” only to go back again with the mentality of, “oh, see?? Withdrawal wasn’t THAT bad…and I can do it again…” and that mentality has led me down the road soooo many times. Too many. Finally, I can say that I made it. No more withdrawals. Lil dove, I know you can do it too. And part of the adventure will to be seeing who you really are underneath! It sounds to me like you are a very caring and loving person, and a mother of 7?!!! Honey, if you can have 7 babies, this is going to be a walk in the park (ok, well, not really, but having 7 babies earns a LOT of respect from this kid!!! I am the youngest of 10, and I can’t IMAGINE the kind of grit you have!!) You can do this. You have all the tools inside you.
The really good part is that you’ve tapered! I’ve NEVER been able to taper. I am hoping that when it’s time to be done, your tapering will have paid off big time. But one thing I didn’t find in your posts is why you are stopping your use?…? Maybe I missed it, but I tend to think that if you are really, really going to do this, it helps to remember just WHY you hate the pills. You know? I think it’s time to get pissed off at them. That might be the biggest part of the detox recipe? And those are really the things you need to think about when you’re hurting. Then use that anger to propel you ahead….just thoughts…
Lil dove, I thank you for posting as much as you did today, and I welcome you to the crew here! It is true as you said in your first post that it didn’t sound like an open group, and now I hope you see that that isn’t so. We need LOTS of folks on the path with us, and I am so glad that you went ahead and posted when you did. We needed you~~I just didn’t realize how much I needed you. Your reasons for use sound a lot like mine did, which struck a chord. Please keep posting, and keep us in on how you are feeling!
Hey, Kitty~Thanks for being so great…I am thankful for your open heart and your spirit. I will not hurt you, and you know that. But thanks anyway, for KNOWING that!! (That didn’t make sense, but I know you know that I know that you know. You know??) LOL. I needed you to have my back, and you were there. Priceless. I owe you.
Stuart!! It sounds like you are doing just great. As I was thinking about you today, I realized that you are really in a great place to detox. You have great people to reach out to~there is some great quality of experienced people that you can choose to surround yourself with. It’s like knowing a chiropractor when you really need an adjustment. And I hope you can see that the angels are putting everything you need right there at SGRC. And I really shouldn’t start talking about angels, because there is not enough space on the website!! I am just thankful that the angels ARE there with you, Stu, stocking your home and your heart and your mind full of everything you need to get to day 11. Then 12…and many more great days to come…You’re kickin!!
Joe, it’s getting kind of full on your path, huh??? I remember the days where you would post, and all of us were lurking. I lurked for a long time, watching you walk, cheering you on in silence. I really honor you, and I mean that. You have really done something special~~not JUST in your detox, but for really laying it out for us all to take in…to appreciate what you’re sharing…and to think so much of you that we couldn’t help but join in the walk. I treasure you. Even if you’re only 19….LMAO!!! (I still
when I think of that..)
Ok, time for dinner. Please pray for my friend….and my other lost friend…thanks, guys… thanks.
Oh thanks meetoo I realy needed an uplifting word today! My whole life has been a hellish experience idk to much to post at onetime here but I’ll share alil here n there if its ok? I do hate the pills they have destroyed my life my family, with my hubby being outa work as a heavy equipment operator/foreman work has been scarce! Living on unemployment we pay wat we can and the addiction takes the rest! Tears rolling down my face as I tell u we have lost everything! And been homeless for 2years stayn where ever we can. Not just the pills but no work. When hubby worked he made good $ now we’ve hit rock bottom! At times I just want to end all the crap nd hurt nd not b more of a financial burden on them anymore, but I don’t want to go to hell either! Plz forgive me if this is to much for this site, I have no one to talk to like this! That’s y I’ve numbed w/these stupid things! Sin always keeps u longer than u want to stay! We found my 18 year old daughters real dad today finaly and he wants nothing to do with her, I’m hurtn so bad for nd want to use so bad, but instead of taking 4-10′s I’ll take one to calmdown nd hope it helps. I’m sorry I don’t mean to bring anyone down,nd hope I’m not! Plz forgive me! Hello kittymom hope to hear from u also,joe n stu u r real men! Thank u meetoo! Tryn to pray need to focus on him! Bless u all, never forget bout grace n mercy r new every morning nd when we forgive we receive forgiveness love all Lil Dove’
Monday—YEAH!!!!!!!
WOW–the best thing about being clean and staying clean, for me is THE JOY.
I mean LIL DOV, i hear the pain, the hoplessness, the fear, the lonliness in your voice.
It is the most awedul place to be, isn’t it.
I mean that mental state, is hell isn’t it?
Now I was in the exact same state, in fact for folks like us, I think that’s how we get to the kingdom, see and the wonderful thing about being in the kingdom of love. It no longer matters what the circumstances are.
Shifting my life from a flesh based exsistence to a spirtiual based life was only afforded me by Grace.
This sounds crazy, but you know what, I am HAPPY.
Girl, you can go through this thread and watch and read about the changes. THEY ARE REAL.
It was put to me this way.
We are God’s meal. Like a roast.
He puts us in the oven to cook us just to perfection.
Now , some of us think we know best, so we get out of the oven before we are done.
So he puts us back into the oven for some more cooking.
Well, on May 23, 2009..after more relapses then anyone I know personally, after commiting moere sin, then folks I meet, after the jails and the rehabs and the loss. I was finally done.
He pulled me out of the oven. Just right.
In other words, we are done when we are done.
Are you done?
Of course The Beast will never be done, that’s why we have a spirit.
Now, am I not suddenly some self ritesous religious zealot. No.
I’m a 44 year old guy, who is finally not under some type of paper?
For you non-system folks. That means no parole, probation or court ordered program.
I enjoy my freedom.
You can be free TODAY, you have been called, what’s it gonna be.
Either way your loved. By me and By God. But why not turn that frown upside down and flip the script.
Life can be fun, you know.
I mean I get to come here and ENJOY LIFE. Then I go out and ENJOY me day.
METOO–I’m burying this deep in the post, see if you catch it.. Once again you show me how GREAT, the spirit within you is. That post was electric, you have filled me with a wonderous joy. I think you have taken up residence inn my spirit and ignite it daily. I have no idea how you SHINE on, but man I am so thrilled to watch it. The thought of you smiling makes it all so worth while, Just please remember and never forget, you have given me far more than I could ever give you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.You are the BEST.
Stu–So how’s it going, or like we used to say up in those smoke filled rooms of AA in Philly. What’s really going on, brother.
Kitty, A month, My God time flies. And yes your touch is exactly what I need. See the one thing I fear most right now Is having an adult relationship with a sucessful woman, I mean and taking a risk to voice share and ask. I have hidden behind a mask of humor, knowledge, and bullshit for oh 30 years. I know deep inside there is a guy worth having around, I thought through my relationship with you built on Honesty and Respect, we might uncover him, and maybe just maybe this could help you. See Kitty the dope for me was a crutch it filled the void, it kept the show going on. I don’t have that now and if I don’t change on a deep level, well I’m afraid I might go back.
I know that typically one would choose a guy to kinda lead him, mentor him. But I have no fear of men, so I mean I just don’ t see the growth comming from there. I see a common bond with guys, but My soul as always cried out for the relationship of reciprocity with a woman, I don’t know.
I know your not a Psychiatrist, or Preacher. And maybe I am bothering the hell out of you.
But you appear to be, loving, educated, spiritual, sucessful, beautiful, wise, compassionate and funny, These are the attrubutes that scare me. The most. I mean I would actually have to be my best to have a freindship with a woman like yourself. And I never pushed myself in that area, or pushed hard enough to change, in fact I have never had a freind like you, it scare the shit out of me. Like METOO, you ladies are so far out of my league, I don’t know. I’m scared.
Baby steps, you know.
Anyway, I want to run and hide now, I eget like that after I share, Guess I’ll hide out down at the plant today. I work in a chicken plant, I feel ashamed to say it, to folks like you. See we could start there, Would you even consider having a friend that operates a machine at a poutry. God, I don’t want to know that answer.
maybe after i finish Law school or soomething, we can start this. I’m to fillled with shame.
Allright. Peace my friends, Peace be with you.
Someone snuck some pot into the rehab center! I was afraid of this. I have to come clean guys, Friday I got some weed and smoked a couple of joints. Same thing Saturday and Sunday. Since this is a hydrocodone board I guess you won’t kick me out. I am not going to change my sober date. Last Thursday was a REAL bad day for me, day seven off all sedatives. Recall my “panic” attack deal. Well that’s how I justified it. The stash is gone and I am going 100% squeaky clean again. FYI it did help, but I am NOT recommending it.
Total abstinence is what keeps coming up in my morning meditations. Not only the drugs, but bad behavior. I did pretty good on that front, although there was some contact with the old “rabbits” that should probably not have taken place. A lesson could have been learned there, it did not look good by any rational thought or observation.
I look at this as being on week two, even though it’s day eleven off the pills. Will keep the rehab mindset. I only have one goal, and one measuring stick. That is to say sober.
I wrote this prior to logging on, or reading any new posts today. Sort of like betting without looking at my hole cards. I have a little GA in me too. Oops. 0 and 5 for the season. Ain’t that great.
Joe, KittyMom and Metoo. Have a great week.
Hey, Lil Dove…I know it’s so hard sometimes and it seems the only way out is to take yourself out of the picture! But that makes me very sad~~you have touched our lives here, and now we wouldn’t be the same without you. You have a tough road ahead, but I think you have a great team behind you here, and though circumstances are NOT ideal for you right now, just imagine….dream with me for a minute…..Imagine this:
A clean slate. A clean canvas. That slate/canvas is YOUR LIFE. Erase all of the past hurts, transgressions and miseries with FORGIVENESS. Clean it off. Leave no smears. Then, color by color, kindness by kindness, DESIGN YOUR NEW LIFE. Fill it with all of the colors of your favorite things…your children, your talents, YOUR DREAMS. Paint the canvas everyday….everyday~just like Joe did…and if you dare to dream it, if you dare to create it, IT IS REAL, and it WILL come to pass for you. I see soooo much strength in you, lil dove!! We are all stronger than we know, but I can see YOU especially with the determination and just plain old GUTS to get this job done. Don’t forget to dream…
Joe. You. Slippin’ things in the middle of posts to trip me up. LMAO!!! Ok, you got me. I skimmed over the posts yesterday because I was filled with all kinds of feelings. What I was left with is the knowledge that I am ok. Anyone who knows me in “real life” knows that I will be first in line to help anyone. I had to shake off the dust yesterday, and I am glad that you could see my shine come back. And I love the roast theory. There is so much truth in that oven!!!! And, just for the record, about the “fowl occupation”… there is NOTHING WRONG WITH ANY OCCUPATION. A man off to work is an admirable thing. It doesn’t matter where he works or what he does, the important thing is that HE DOES. Besides that, you probably earn a hell of a lot more than other folks! I spent some time making tin can lids. Oh, yeah!! What a ruckus that causes when they start flying off the belt or pallet onto the cement floor. And all you can do is laugh. It’s a job. It’s a lot like therapy!! I salute you, Joe, for keeping the world in chicken. I love chicken!!
Kitty mom, you are a month and a day in the clear!! When is your celebration?? I think you should plan a special dinner, or a night to celebrate YOU. No one else has to know why you feel like celebrating~~only you need to know…wouldn’t that be fun???!!! You have just accomplished a most amazing feat. It’s a victory. It’s YOU.
Stuart. How are things going there for you? Have you had any more issues with anxiety? I am thinking of you, and praying for you, my friend. All will be well soon!!!!
Is there anyone else out there who would like to join us on this walk?? Please don’t be afraid to do what each of us has done. It takes one step to get on this path~~but you’ve got to take that step…
Shine on, Core4 and our Lil Dove….
Hey, Stu!!! I think if a little weed helps you get off something far worse, SO BE IT!! There are bigger fish to fry. If it gave you a few mini vacations, well, I can’t think of anyone more deserving than you. So, I say, give yourself a break. Cuz you still rock!!!!
Hey everyone –
I am here with 30 days under my belt and after reading all your posts, I feel love, friendship, and companionship like the mother load. Thanks for being here and thanks for including me in all your journies. Lil Dove, you are the one most in my thoughts today because even though the other four of us have our down moments – we need to be stong for you now. We have been where you are now (the pill part any how) and we have made ourself numb to forget situations in our life that we could not cope with. But, you can make up your mind (which is separate from the addicted part of the brain) that you can do this – you can get off those pills…..it is hard….it is painful….but think of the money you will save or be able to put to better use. I am saving about 200 every ten days by not taking pills….that is a load of money isn’t it – I am ashamed of admitting such a thing but we are truthfull on here and I just wanted you to know.
I am praying for you to finally make up you mind to heal yourself….and you will heal ….you will find y0urself, the real you, the one you are without pills. On the other hand, we will not forsake you if you fail…we have all been in that situation and when it is the right time – you will be strong and overcome your fear of being clean. Please let us know daily how you are doing.
Joe – you are already my friend, so cut out the crap about not being worthy – you are worthy and you are my friend. I hope I am worthy to be YOUR’S!
Stu – don’t beat yourself up about smoking the pot….The pain pills are the ass kicker you need to worry about now…and you are well on your way my friend – most definately count your 12 days! Metoo – what angelic planet are you from….you are the one most likely to have our backs and I truly believe that. Without you we would be nothing….I know the others will agree!
All that being said – I had a boring day at work – not enough to keep me busy for 10 hours and a slow crawling kind of day. I felt the most anxiety that I have felt in weeks – but now that I am home and talking to you all – I am feeling somewhat better. I got another E-mail message from one of my sources saying that there were openings for doctor consults last Friday and Saturday – and I once again deleted the message…I felt a little pang of wanting to respond but I did not give in…maybe that is why I feel anxiety, I don’t know. The important thing is I did not and will not at least for today…..I love you guys. Take care and have a great evening. Talk to you tomorrow.
Kitty Mom
Good Morning Folks,
Stu–the pot thing, hey your clean when you say you are, right. I could never get into what is “being clean”.
If your are getting a thought, or the term Total Absistence is coming to your concious, could be two things maybe.
One-The spirit calling you.
Two–The beast trying to lure you into something your not capable of accomplishing, thus the old slip, fall bam. Of the vicious relapse cycle.
Man, I so had to get off that tired old mindset.
Look, you know deep in your soul “the problem”.
The drugs are a symptom, right,
Now some will find comfort in this, some that.
Pot for me has side effects-parinioa, lethargy, and I don’t like the high. I mean I did back when I was 18, but once I fell in Love with opiates, well I fell in love with opiates.
I mean I know alot of addicts, alot of great people.
Some take methadone.
Some take suboxone
Some smoke pot
Some take anti deppresents-(myself)
Some use nicotine
Some use caffine.
Soema re totally clean.
I just know I have been set free, to be free.
I just try everyday not to return to that yolk of slavery, you know.
Honesty, I found is where it starts and where it ends. Love you brother.
Metoo– ” filled with all kind of feelings”–ah nice to see you entering this wondeful, place where feelings flow, Wow what a ride,
My favorite feelings-Peace, Connection to another,Joy, Inspiration,Extacy,Cared for,Comforted, Challenged, Hopeful and anticipatory.
Feelings I dislike alot-Anger, Shame, Guilt, Envy, Disrespected and Invalidated.
The amazing thing is the more I give out my favorite feeling, the less I get slammed by the ones I dislike.
Of, course the real real real JOY is when disrespect is turned into respect, Pain is comforted, sadness covered by Joy and lonliness is removed by connection.
Just for today, I will feel right along with you. Numbing is not an option.
Thanks as always.
Kitty–”cut the crap” I love it, You see you see right through my salesman bullshit, my manipulitve trash…hmm, they told me if you spot it you got it (lol). I will attempt to practice “just for today” being direct and honest, Asking for what I want and not manipulating.
Lesson One for Joe–Be honest with Kitty,
I wasn’t always a poultry worker. I spent 20 years a a sales manager, sales trainer and VP of sales for JPMorganChase.
I lied all the way up the ladder. It who I was.
So getting past this little “issue” if you will may be challenging.
I want to sell you Joe, close the sale.
If I am me, you might walk.
Oh god, I am a mess.
Kitty no bullshit here. I would like to consider you a friend. Involved in the start of a new friendship.
Let’s see, Do you believe in the Holy Spirt. This is a point we can start at right?
I told you, I don’t have the foggiest idea how to interact.
Thanks to all of you for bearing with me.
One day is more than enough, isn’t it.
KittyMom thanks for the pass an your comments on pot, and again great job on getting past thirty days.
I appreciate our comments too Joe. For me the pot thing is partially about honesty. Am I leaning back on it when life gets to tough? Like you, I am not crazy about the high either. I described it recently as getting “stupid and depressed”. Add tired to that.
Sorry to say guys but my true love is alcohol. Followed closely by opiates. Another true confession on the vic board. There is an alkie in your midst.
Pot is my last remaining chemical. I stopped nicotine about a year ago, you know about the alcohol and pills.
A couple more things on recent posts, KittyMom your comments about “openings for Dr. consults” got my hands sweating. That’s a for real share. Thanks. Strait from the heart. Thank God you had strength to delete.
Joe on the job issue. I agree that any job is worthy. You are doing great man. I can relate to the “under employed” feeling for sure. My business has suffered and is REAL slow. It’s sort of the same deal. Just try to keep your chin up man. At least you are doing something. I took a stab at the poultry and meat processing industry with my company (sales). It never went anywhere. I do know there is a lot of money to be made in poultry and related support, I have a buddy that has done quite well. Hey, people got to eat.
metoo you asked about my “anxiety”. It’ still there, but fading a little bit. I’ve decided a big root cause is fear. Just plain old fear. I would even classify it as terror at times. Deer in the headlights stuff. It’s just going to be a matter of how I respond to it. Before I had booze and dope which worked quite well thank you very much. The problem was the huge price that had to be paid in order to use them. I am no longer willing to pay that price.
I feel like I am in the process of getting to know myself again.
That may sound self obsessed and I suppose perhaps in the first thirty days comments like that are too frequent. I am trying not to over think this thing. Living now is sort of like trying something new out for the first time, or the first time in a long time.
God has given me specific direction with regard to some areas of my life. Dates and everything. It might be my mind cooked these things up, however, they are reasonable and good. These directions have taken some of the fear away. I do well with routine. I have one set of directions now, one I can not rationally argue with. It just makes too much sense. It does have to do with abstinence..
Of all this emotionalism flying around in my head, , don’t forget the number one thing that comes before any of this. Sobriety.
Fear has been a constant. Work on letting God take care of it.
Start by “living right”. Things will fall into place like they are supposed to.
Trust God, clean house and help others. (some journal stuff thrown in).
Lil Dove…how are you doing??? Please post….I’m worried about you..concerned too! But I’m praying..
Hey meetoo nd kittymom nd the guys! I’m here realy down today wasn’t guna log on untill I saw ur post! Thank you for caring realy need to know threre r ppl that know this feeling all to well nd r willing to reach out to others! Very much appreciated! I do have a issue with my husband tho nd can’t get him to understand,he also is addicted nd jealous of me sharing on this site but also I keep telling him I’m quitting nd he keeps bring em home to me I tell him no a couple of times but he keeps pushing me to take them to feel better so r kids don’t see me w/d! And as an addict its hard after awhile to say no! Which I’ve told him I recent him for it,but to no avail. I’ve explained n detail to him everything I could but to me it seems he wants to keep me hooked idk? And as long as he has them around I have only alil strength to say no but his proding I always give in! Idk what to do! He knows my pain nd anxiety nd suicidal thoughts so maybe he thinks its easier for him for me to continue to use. I feel so hopeless nd I’m having a hard time tryn to even pray which is exactly what I need to do,but I can’t forgive myself for turning my back on the Lord n turning to the pills instead! No matter what happens tho I want u all to know I totally appreciate you for hearing my heart nd allowing me to be open nd honest! Truly it is like someone sitting n prison waiting for a letter as I wait to get a post from meetoo n kittymom!congradulations on ur overcoming this evil bondage! I can only wish for the day that I’m where u r! I do need to learn how to deal with all the fiery darts nd painful situations that are daily issues for me u no that saying when it rains it pours well that’s been r lives for (he last 5yrs and I’ve always ran to the pills with the thought they would help me get thru anything,now they have just led to more problems! You guys I’m real sorry for just goin on&on very very sorry didn’t mean to. So I’ll quit here nd check back on ur posts later,thank you so much hope I didn’t go over board! I do hope u all have a blessed day n night. I’m in california so I no r times r different. Much appreciation to u all, Lil Dove!
Hey You all
31 days today for me
I am so happy about that and so sad to see ones like you lil dove struggling so very much. I wish there was something I could say to ease your pain and suffering – perhaps just listening for now will have to do…and know that I am doing that.
Joe – I did not mean ‘cut the crap’ as a derogatory remark..haha, I just meant that we are all the same here – you and I are victims of the stupid dope – so we are brother and sister that went to different schools together….with the voice in us that tells us we need dope. Hey – I am not BS’n you – I do consider you a friend. I consider all of you friends….pen pals…..someone who has helped me along the way and knows where I am coming from. I love your posts – all of them and if you think they are BS – I don’t. Well, maybe a little bit…kidding!
Hey Metoo – are you OK – hope so cause we need your strong positive voice on here. Keep us in line MetOO!
Stu – I think you are doing good in spite of the pot, keep on getting though each day without the pills and the alcohol and it will get easier – maybe one of these days you will turn down the pot too.
Yeah – I am glad I deleted the CONSULT e-mail also – for a fleeting second, I wanted to say why not – but I refuse to start spending money on the stuff for one thing and I have come too far to backslide….I go back and read my old posts every few days so that I remember how terrible I felt and I don’t want to go there again. Even though I have an addictive personality I have a mind like a steel trap…once I make my mind to do something, that is half the battle. It is that way about most things that I do – can’t talk this lady into anything she does not want to do.
Hey guys and girls’
I pray that you are feeling happy today
I pray that you make the right decisions
I pray that we remain friends
maybe not the kind of friend that sits in the sofa with you and watches football….
But friends none the less
soooooooooo I will check in tomorrow to see how you all are doing – see you then
Kitty Mom (BS’r and previous dd’r)
Well its after 10pm n I’m all alone wish thee was someone to talk to anxiety pretty high level now but tryn to get thru it! I hope ur all having a peaceful nights sleep? Kittymom thanks for being here to listen,I appreciate ur caring since I lost my wonderful adoptive mom so many years ago I’ve longer for her nd needed her greatly! Nd ur kinda feeling that void. For me! Hope that’s not weird,sorry if it is! But really thank you. Meetoo thank u also for caring for someone uve never met, but that’s a common thing I’ve noticed thru all the posts to everyone! U r caring also. Thank you too update the tapering is goin ok so goin thru w/d slowly but daily so the kids don’t know thank God! I don’t have $for the recipe but woulda love to have tried it tho oh well! This sure does help being on this site, have a great morning all God bless each of you. For those of you just reading these please don’t b afraid to post it really does help to have a support system even if u r as messed up as me. Someday maybe I’ll be able to help others to like the core4 does! Lil Dove!
Wow, I only have 1 day under my belt. Im so very scared! It seems like everytime I think im doing good, I go back to the pills! This time is different tho, I have been married to a wonderfull man who just happens to be a Private Inv. we have been marriend for 12yrs in sept. and we have 4 wonderfull kids, im 36 and it seems like ive been a total goof and screwed everything up. I got kicked out of the house we own, lost my kids and just wanted to give up until my hubby gave me 1 more try. Im back home..btw, i was scared to death without my family. I slept under a bridge forever..it sucked! Then i got to thinking how selfish i was to choose that demon over my kids and husband! I also cheated on him while i was on them, now thats BAD!! Im just so scared i cry over everything. my legs and knees hurt and bathroom is now my home..lol..i know not cute, but true. Im sweating so much, and im 109lbs, im gonna sweat away to nothing when the sweats r over. I had 95 day under my belt until i broke my foot and then had to have wire and screws in it. I was heart broken, and that was last Nov. ever since then i have been on them. I really need support, if its not too much to ask. And I hope you all do it this time as well, because I sure am really going to try. I can try to help some in talking, but i may not be on here much because of all the detoxing. I love u all and dont know u, but thats ok, because we have all been there, and done that. Lots of well wishes to u all!! Suzy
Good Morning Folks.
The problem I had was human. I took pills to deal with life.
The only solution I found to that problem was spirtual.
God. His son Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit.
Now trust me, I was not always this way.
I fact far from it. And to be HONEST. Although I have met the Power of Love, which to me is God.
It is not anything like I thought it would be.
I hated God, people who proclaimed God, and religion in general.
Today and Just for Today, I Love God.
I was led there in a very round about way. But I’m there.
See, the missing thing in my life before oh the last year or so was that,
Love.
I wanted it, but I did not have it.
So I put shit in it’s place.
Dope, mostly. Followed by situations.
Today I met a God, A God which provides me power, Loves me as I am, and only wants good things for me.
He saved me, cleaned me up and walks with me.
The best part about it is all I have to do is be me.
Not some fake, hypocrite.
Look I love being clean.
I love woman.
I Love sports.
I Love deep long discussions about The Word.
I love Life man.
I am free. Set free. To be Free.
Join the party LIL Dove, what the hell are you waiting for?
My God I can’t wait to see my kids, to see what the folks at work have in store, to see my wife, to try to figure that out.
to dream, to fantasize, to live, to feel to grow,
To help someone else, to deal with shit.
To move.
You have helped me so much Lil Dove. Trust me. I know when the call has been sent out. You my dear have been called. You got two Choices.
Dope-more of the same.
No Dope-a whole new world.
Yeah I’m gowing into my shoees, you know.
But to think of spending the day waiting for pills, man that hurts to think about.
To spend my day, waiting to see what folks posts, to hear their voices in my mind, to envison their smiles and tears to feel the love of God.
To chase.
Man, Thank you God for this day.
Come on Lil Dove, join the party.
Right on Joe.
I am just starting down the road you have been on for awhile. The road of gratitude and trusting a loving God. Thanks for your post. It’s truth and inspirational. Truth always get’s to me.
I went an sat with a friend of mine who was dying a couple of months back. He was a retired preacher, in recovery. He was literally on his death bed when I went to see him. I went to comfort him, brought a bible to read to him which he liked. I started going over some of the situations in my life that were driving me crazy. Sort of did a mini fifth step with him. We both laughed about the fact he sure wouldn’t be telling anyone what I said, at least in this world.
The guy gave me some great advise. Direct, sensible advice. Then I read to him some of his favorite verses in the bible. Funny thing happened when I started reading. I started to cry. I could not stop. As a matter of fact I had to stop reading for minutes to gain my composure.
This was not a fit of sadness. It was that I had swerved to close to the truth. It was as close as to any “spiritual experience” I have ever had. He told me it was OK to cry, that I was starting to see.
That was the last time I ever saw the guy. I love him and miss him. That direction took awhile to sink in, but 10/1/10 I did finally start down the road he pointed out. It took awhile, and I have sure not done it perfect. Better late than never I suppose buddy.
lil Dove you are welcome here. I appreciate your posts. Keep coming back. You are helping us to stay sober too. Don’t forget that. I didn’t taper, went CT. I am a little envious. That having been said, you gotta pay the fiddler one way or the other. In small doses, or jump off the train at full speed like me. Good luck dear.
I appreciate your comment about new comers too lil Dove. Anybody out there hurting, coming off hc, want to join us hop on in here. We are not exclusive of anybody. Just want to recover.
Kitty Mom I love your comment “one of these days maybe you can turn down the pot too”. Thanks. Sort of like when my wife told me about twenty years ago, “you guys just get fat when you turn about thirty. ” (That started a twenty year exersise routine that I am still on today. I am running the full marathon course Saturday, in practice. The longest I have ever gone).
The point being, sorry to be crude here but, there is a place for balls in recovery. You can replace that with “courage”, “grit”, “determination” or whatever you want girls, but the rule applies. My Dr. buddy put it in the former manner though and it works for me. “Grow a pair buddy” God gets the glory, but I have to not pick up the first pill or drink.
bye for now gang.
Sorry about the double entry!! My machine froze up and somehow it got posted twice. So nice you had to read it twice. Ooops.
Hey everyone – core4and more
Don’t think I am a nut case, but I want to put a quote on here by Charles Swindoll
Attitute Quote
The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life
Attitude to me is more important than facts
It is more important than the past, than education, than money
than circumstances, than failures, than success, than what other people think or say or do
It is more important than appearance, gift, or skill
It will make or break a company, a church, a home
The remarkable thing is we have a CHOICE every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day
We cannot change our past…we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way
We cannot change the inevitable
The only thing we can do is play on the string we have, and that is our attitude
I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it
And so it is with you…we are in charge of our attitudes.
Charles Swindoll
OK – I just thought this was a great little quote and it is soooo true, I think anyway!
Lil dove – I am honored that you think of me that way – I am here for you as I said before even if it is just to listen – I want you to be strong and have a mind of your own when it comes to getting off those pills – You and only You can make the decision – not us here, not your husband, just you. Like Stu said above, you need to pay the piper at some point. I said I wanted out for a long time thoug, before I finally did something about it – and God had his hand in it I truly believe that cause three things happenned within one week of each other to dry up sources of pills. Now the opportinity presented itself that I could get some – but I am strong now and know that I need to be accountable to 1 the people who love me 2 the people here on this board who I have befriended, and 3 and most importantly my self. You have your children that you need to be accountable to – you have us that you can be accountable to and you have yourself that you need to be accountable to. I think the saying I wrote is true in the fact that we can wake up each morning and have an attitude against drugs – and attitude that we are going to heal – and an attittude that no matter how bad things are – they can change.
Is that sappy enough for you…haha
Hi Joe – likes your post today – you are so smitten with the Lord that it makes my heart sing, I have a hard time verbalizing that some time – but all the same, I feel the same way. Without him I would be walking alone. Without you guys I woulde be walking alone also…so thanks for that.
Stu – the story about your friend was so heartwarming and nothing cleanses the soul more than a good cry at the face of God.
Hi Metoo – hope you are having a good day and looking forward to your upbeat ande inspirational posts.
Love to all
Kitty Mom
32 days clean
Off the subject – I am sooooo happy the miners in Chile are getting out of the mind shaft slowly put surely – I have been watching it live on the internet since last night when the first one came out…Awesome that they are OK and went through that ordeal practically unscathed. See – God was with them down there – in their words – there was a 34th presence down there with them….Praise God!
Love you guys
Hey all I’m having trouble logging on here cuz I only have internet on my phone no computer,so if u don’t hear from me that’s probably the reason! Anyhow thank you for all ur kindness nd compassion nd the invite to ur circle of friends which I desperately need now! Ur such a support system wow thanx fer this site. Meetoo where r u? Joe what a beautiful n woonderful spirit u have I grew up around bikers n excons all my life nd my prayers were that they would find God b4 they paseed unfortunately for most that didn’t happen nd I loved them dearly I was their lil sis nd they r y I’m a real down to earth girl no fake crap here ever! Total n awe of ur relationship ur having w/r Lord I miss mine so much but failed him to many times I was called to minister but turned to pills in the middle of. Glorious miraculous walk with JC! All the hurt has wiped out the love nd u speak of it so much, so I think I’ll try minute by minute n see how that goes along with tryn to have a better outlook n attitude Ms kitty cuz by nature or program I’m a very negitive person nd I hate it I really want to b positive n joyful nd not let circumstances get to me so deeply! In part I think a lot of things have to change in my life for this to happen, 1being my husband nd his way of treating my kids! I’m an understanding patient person that listens nd he’s an angry aggressive none patient person that’s never walked w/God w/me. So that’s apart of my numbing process! Any way stu keep on keepin on buddy! You r all so blessed and awesome thank you again the cravings r getting less n less even w/tapering just don’t like anxiety/panic attacks feel like goin to mentalward at times but hate it there also! God please just intervene on this please u know my heart nd I love u Lord! Nd growing to love my new friends here too! Kitty,meetoo joe,stu I hope u have blessed nd wonderful day n the am! I appreciate each of you greatly! Newbies to this site feel free to b urself here u don’t have to suffer n silence anymore nothing will shock us or u won’t b judged just excepted for who u really r! No more secret life of shame n guilt just sweet release. Bye4now love lil dove!
Hey, all! I’ve been contemplating Lil Dove’s situation, and I was wondering how we can help. I know personally, if I were in her place, I would fail miserably. I know that I cannot have any opies around, and have successfully rid my environment of them….but what IF they were just there, at your disposal~~and even worse, what if they were being given to you with what he feels IS love?? That has set me back in my chair for a couple days since Lil Dove posted about it. I know that the resolve to kick this habit is to just say no, but realistically, it goes much deeper. Can we brainstorm up some tools that Lil Dove can use?? I’ll start, and don’t forget that brainstorming is all kinds of ideas, thoughts, tools…
The basic “just say no…”
Heart to heart talk with husband…
Invite husband to come visit on the forum too…
Find better uses for that wasted money together…
That’s what I have for now…I will “stu” about this some more while I drink a cup of “joe” and “double dip” my oreos…
Thinking of you, Lil Dove, and knowing some good ideas are comin’ right up!! Hang in there. You are not alone!!
Kitty Mom I love your “attitude” quote. Sometimes I can’t get my attitude working right and just have to go through the motions and hope it follows. It usually does. There is sure something to be said about perspective.
Yesterday I remembered that I love my life. I really do have it pretty good. Sure there’s a bunch that could be better to make it “perfect”, but all in all it’s pretty darn good. That’s my perspective and attitude today.
Part of it may be the fact that I didn’t wake up with booze on my breath, shaky hands and or strung out on hydrocodone! That alone goes a long way.
metoo, jeez I have no idea. You are right lil dove is in a bind with the hubby dangling hydros in front of her nose. I have no idea of the dynamic that’s really going on here, but here’s my experience. If a guy gets rewarded for certain actions he will continue to do them. I call it “rewarding good behavior” and generally I am all for it, from both sides of a relationship. If that behavior that’s defined as “good” maybe ain’t so good, that’s where you get into trouble. Don’t reward a man giving you dope. That may be tough to do, but it’s a start. Even a mood change for the better can be the “reward”. Intimacy is obviously out.
Like metoo, I would agree a good solid talking to your man. Tell him if he want’s to get high that’s fine with you, just keep it hidden and for sure NO asking if you want some. This almost gets into the “deleting” pharmacy emails. You just gotta do what you gotta do.
Hope that helps.
Hey guys – yeah I have been thinking about lil dove also and wondering what she could do. Geez, she has not posted for a few days either – I hope she is OK. One thing I want to bring up also is how we seem to blame everyone else for our problems instead of taking responsibility ourself – I know I had a million excuses why I had to use pills to get through the day…never blamed myself. If lil dove really wants to quit, she is going to quit at some point…until SHE makes up her mind to, she is not…but, on the other hand, I know it is hard when someone is trying to feed them to you because they want to get high together. That does not help. When I finally decided though and found a pill in a drawer or codeine cough medicine in the medicine cabinet I gave the pill to my husband to discard and have not looked at the cough medicine…I guess my point is – the time has to be right and it has to be her own decision. I don’t know if the time is right yet for our lil dove but I hope it is soon. That makes me feel helpless that there is nothing we can do for her…but I will keep thinking on it and let you know what I come up with. I think she is scared about who she is without the pills – which is natural – after you have been on them for years (I know this because I was petrified to live without them) the feeling is you can’t go through life without them. Baby steps make you realize that it is possible with God by your side.
Metoo and Stu thanks for posting and at this point I worry about all of you when you don’t post – this is the first time since I have been on here, that I have not seen a post from you Joe and I hope you are allright….no reflections today?
Lil dove please post – I worry about you when you do not post. Sorry I talked about you like you are not here – just trying to come up with a solution or reflect on how we can help you like Metoo stated.
On a positive note – I have been so much more ambitious lately. Instead of laying around on the couch like I used to do, last night I was running around making home fried potatoes, bread and muffuns for our department breakfast, going to the store, washing and folding clothes – Oh the simple pleasures of keeping up the house and feeding my husband dinner – things that were a struggle just a month ago make me happy and productive now…and paying the bills instead of buying dope….I am happy!
tomorrow I am off work and plan to work in my yard and plant some new flowers in my flower bed and reap God’s beauty.
Thanks for being here core4 and more
Love you guys
Kitty Mom
33 days without a pill
the light shining bright at the end of the tunnel
Guys plz forgive me but I need to vent I want to use so bad rightnow my exdaughter n law has decided to keep my family from seeing my 3yr old grandson nd my 1yrold grandaughter which of course we love with all r hearts nd they lived with us most of their lil lives now bcuz my son don’t want to b with her she don’t want any of us to see them at all! My kids are torn apart by this whole thing nd r hearts r broken n2 pieces! She has already went behind my sons back n got soul legal n physical coustody of the bbs without informing him of any court dates lied to the judge n told the courts she couldn’t find him to serve him papers so they gave her everything she asked for! Now my oldest son has got hooked on meth cuz he feels he has nothing to live for, I’ve begged him to get clean nd take her back to court to get his rights but now he’s to messed up on that crap. This kills me inside she won’t even let any of us talk to them on the phone! I’ve done everything for her nd treated her like I gave birth to her myself that’s how much I loved her! Even took herside over my sons when they seperated, it always ends up this way I give my all to ppl nd just get screwed n the end! Idk what to do the hurt n anger r just makin me crazy,she just wants to delete r side of the kids life knowing full well the hurt that she’s putting us thru! I just don’t no what to do or think right now nd I’m sorry for unloading on here but was hoping someone may have some insight on this? As far as the husband situation I’ve done n said everything I could to let him no how I feel about pushing them on me or even lettin me no he has them but to no avail here! And when situations like thse arise I have no will power to say no very long even tho they don’t help anything get resolved! Being an addict to these stupid things I might just have to leave to get away from all temptations! I’m just so tired of it all, all the bs one person can only take so much ya no? Thank u all for being so kind nd so caring words can’t express how much its meant to me! I can only hope others will reach out here to nd I no u all b here for them also! God bless n keep each of u n the palm of his hand,to guide u n help u everyday. With love Lil. Dove! Ps joe what a man u r I grewup around bikers n excons nd never got the chance to see or hear one of them walk w/God or b a romantic man I am n awe of u! That’s refreshing n my world! Stu u r doin great hun,nd I agree can’t stand the paranoia of the pot either aint like it used to b “fun”anymore just yukyuk! So no relief there either! Meetoo n kittymom please keep praying for me n my family I’m very hopeless today nd just want to go home to b w/my Lord tired of losing everything nd my mind,I’ll holdout for ur prayers u r a Godsend to me thank u! Nd I only have internet on my phone so I have a hardtime logging on here sometimes it shuts off on me but as soon as I. Can I’ll check new posts!love Lil dove!
lil dove – listen I am praying for you. I am sorry to hear about your son’s baby’s being kept from u-all. I know it must break your heart – please please please hang in there – are you trying to detox right now – you said you wanted to use – sounds like you are trying not to – if that is the case, you need to be strong. With all that is going on in your life and your money situation – don’t you think it would be better to try to get off those pills. Whatever you decide, please be strong and tell me the truth, you don’t want to hurt yourself do you – think what it would do to your family…..GOD BLESS YOU
Kitty Mom
Dear kittymom, 1 I promise I will always be honest on here nd especially with u nd the core. 2 I was doin a quik taper down detox bcuz cold turkey in front of my kids I cannot handle mentally or physically nd my 4kids that r still with us r 14,16,17nd18!my 14 n 16yr old girls r home schooled nd need lots of help the other two r out job hunting nd can’t help anyways I don’t want any of them to see me in that nightmare of a way. Idk maybe that’s part fear nd part chicken nd a big part of guilt n shame! Nd yes I hate to admit it nd tell anyone that I have already tried to do something bad 4times 4different ways nd God has not let any of them suceed! Everytime the enemy of r souls will put different ways to do it in my thoughts so I’ll try to fight them off by qouting scriptures,direct my attentions on something else,I tell my husband so he watches me like a hawkb nd I already know what the affect nd impact nd devastating hurt my family would b left with. And I am as they say. The glue that holds this family together! I just cannot hurt sadness pain disappointments guilt nd regrets I’m not doin the self pity thing either I just cannot deal with life like this anymore. Ppl have kept saying things can’t get any worse they have to get better, but I heard that so manytimes nd it does just keep getting worse nd ppl just keep kicking us even farther down!! So what’s the point! My grandkids r my bottomline. I’ve always wanted to live a full life but honestly I’ve only just a shell of numb exsistance! And once again I did screw up my tapering I was actually down to 4aday nd took about 20 or so today I desperately want to b stronger nd learn how to have a life with coping skills instead of using the pills! God plz help me today to not hurt nd to overcome all of my issues, thank you father that today is filled with brandnew Grace n Mercy,nd as I forgive by faith myself nd others u r faithful to forgive me also! Thank you Lord for ur love,plz bless nd shower the core4 with ur love nd favor nd their family members too,loose their angels around each of them to protect them thru out their days nd nights! I praise you Lord with thanksgiving in my heart for this website! Amen! Sorry nd thank you all Lil Dove!
Hey Now,
I am glad to be here, I was taking a step back yesterday. You know so much to digest here, sometimes I really love reading about you guys, to watch you guys live and grow and stuggle.
It is such a sweet loving thing. Awesome.
I like the rest of you, have no answer for Lil dove.
I am here, and I read your post girl.
I can ONLY share my experience.
As long as I took pills shit always GOT WORSE.
I an addict, that’s the deal.
Only you Lil Dove know if your an addcit. If you are the end is ALWAYS the same. Jails, Instiutions and Death. or
Find an entirley new way to live.
Tha new way I found starts very simply.
Day One-No Dope.
Until then, I love you. Keep Coming Back.
Metoo-so great to see your words, It so amazes me, that I have a connection with someone I never met personally, I love technology, the internet and this board. Man I have let you in, I love your thoughts, your words. Cool stuff man, real cool stuff.
You know I’ll share a secret with you, you are now on my gratitude list. Thanks. I have come to enjoy you so much.
But i understand you are not here for my enjoyment.
Your heart is in the right place with Lil Dove, keeping praying and thinking and being there. I wish I had some magic tip for you, I don’t, man. Other than Day 1 no dope. Once we are there Miracles happen.
As I have mentioned I am in the middle of a year long study of John’s Gospel.
This is my favorite part of the early gospel of Johm
The wedding feast at Canna, You know God and his disciples are hanging around the party.
Then this verse John Chapter 2-When the wine failed.
Well at at that moment we learn that Jesus performs his first miracle.
He exclaims, My Hour has not yet come.
But his mother will not hear of it, and moves forward in spite of the claim.
This Jesus respomds to.
Now I would say LIl Dove is rapidly approaching that part where the wine has failed.
And it may in deed not be the Hour for Jesus to show up.
Perhaps a little prodding to him on your part may Help.
Lil Dove, I love talking with you, Your incredible, Keep trying.
Kitty-I am also so charged up by our conversations, I gotta be carfeul, I am kinda over the top, and I understand you gotta life, so I will from time to time give you a break from my constant indulgence.
But man I appreciate connect with you. Enjoy your day off from Joe, I may go deep on you this week-end, working OT and may need you.
Stu-my brother, Keep sharing, Keep the focus, And know I am envious of your intellect. That’s a defect, you know.
I spendtime on another board working the steps, and that’s been where we have been at the last week or so.
Love to all no exceptions
lil dove,
I am listening to your story and hearing that you are raising your children, not wanting to hurt them by letting them see you suffer and I can concure with that because my daughter does not have a clue that I was hooked on pain medication. She was over on one of my worst days, and I told her I had the flu. I am more worried about your depression right now than you getting off the pills and it may be that you are on the merry-go-round that I was on before I quit where you need to take the pills because your body gets sick without them but they no longer do you any good mentally. You sound like a phenominal woman – even home schooling your kids which I could never have done…as much as I love my daughter, I don’t think I could ever have put in the effort to home school. All that I can tell you is to take one day at a time – even one situation at a time – if the entire picture is too much for you. I am no doctor but it sounds like your depression is situational but it also could be clinical. Have you considered going to a doctor or phychologist to discuss your depression? I worry that this is way over any of us to resolve and that you need some professional help. Each one of your posts have brought up situations that when all added up would make even the most sane person stressed so I give you credit for surviving and thriving up to this point. But all I hear are the negative aspects of your life – Please take a moment (or two) to reflect on something – anything – positive in your life…or take just one of the negatives and ponder on how you can fix that one thing. If you keep looking at the whole, you become overwhelmed….and the pills – they do not help. For me, they became my whole existance, everything revolved around if I could get my next dose….way too much money going out the door – way less interaction with family and friends….I could go on and on and on.
Enough said for now – just please – get some professional help – somehow – somewhere – go to church maybe – find a pastor to speak with – something. Until then – know that I am here listening and hoping and praying that you will ponder on what I said and even for an instant feel a thread of hope or a spark of happiness…Love to you
Kitty Mom
Hello friends
Kitty Mom here entering day 34 of pill sobriety
It is a whole new world
Simple pleasures
Sitting on the front porch drinking coffee
The smell of fall in the air
cinnamon candles burning on the fireplace
watering my plants
remodeling my bathroom
happy to be home puttering around the house
looking forward to your posts – all of you – no breaks needed
Love and fall are in the air
Kitty Mom
Metoo – kitty mom email address is up and running
Hey, all! Wow…Joe, you sure are right about this forum~~there is so much to “chew on” here. Sometimes it helps to take a day off from posting to just let it sink in…I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels the need to do that!!
Lil Dove, oh, man, I hear your pain. Please sit tight, and pray…know that we are all praying for you too!! Your DIL is obviously angry. After a time, the anger will hopefully subside, and she will realize how important your family is and has been to her and her children. Kids are always in the middle, and it’s so unfair that they are always the ones who hurt the most.
I pray for peace for Lil Dove and her family, her surroundings, and her situation. There will be peace if we will all pray for it.
lil Dove, I went back out for a week after starting here. I went a week clean, about a week using, now I have fifteen days. So, it can be done. As a matter of fact I think that first week made the next “quit” somewhat more bearable.
It can take several tries, as we all know. Don’t kick yourself to hard for falling off.
Some “behavioural” comments:
I had the crawlies before sleep last night for the first time in days. Like a “flashback” to when I was in full withdrawal. I guess this is normal and will pass. Did sleep eventually, but it did not come easy.
Depression is easing a bit. I am hovering around four on my scale.
I also wanted to post something I have done when I quit things. (I quit nicotine a year ago, and you guys know about the booze 8/31). I carry a quit “cheat sheet”. It may sound stupid, but I do this. I start with about half a page (half letter size is what I use) and fill part of it in, filling in the rest as hours and days go by. I pull it out and read it at stop lights and whenever I think of it.
Mine is a combination of
1) reasons I am quitting.
2) Spiritual guidance I may have gotten.
3) Tony Dungy/Vince Lombardi style cheer leading
4) bitch session about using and things I am pissed about (I try not to lash out, keep in the ‘patience, tolerance, understanding and love” vibe.
& Pretty much anything I want to write.
This weeks is in bright pink ink, which is sort of fun.
The cheat sheet helps me stay focused. There are some actions I have taken in the past that tend to lead me to use. It’s been put in terms of “running with the same old rabbits in the same old trails”. The cheat sheet has comments on the folly of those actions, in graphic terms. There is a lot to be said for an actual physiological thing that happens. When I go down those “trails” an actual/real craving will develop along with a seemingly flawless argument and justification to get high.
I rotate it about every week to keep it “fresh”.
Big weekend coming up gang. Bro is in town. He plays an AWESOME blues guitar so that should be fun. Also, run the full 26 tomorrow, (tentatively). I am liable to be hurting bad for a couple of days.
One more thing. Joe I appreciate your references to the New Testament. I love bible stories.
I normally only post once a day. Here’s an example of:
Item 3 above. Tony Dungy:
“No excuses, no explanations”
Also,
“Do what we do”
(My bro puts it a little different. “You do what you know”. In other words, stick to the basics and do them right, over and over. When your back is to the wall you will fall back on it. You do what you know, especially under pressure)
Just wanted to throw out there an example of what I am talking about.
Vince….he’s got so many, forget about it!
Hey all thanx 4all the posts today I appreciate all the brainstorming nd ppl that can relate nd try to help w/words of caring inspiration! I’ll update more later love lil dove!
AHHH The Weekend.
I Love the mroning time,
Man this place is just becomminga hotbed, isn’t it. Hey The more the merrier.
Welcome aboard Suzy–glad you are here. There is enough love to go around so ease on in. Please keep posting, the broader the base the higher the point of freedom.
We all go 1 day without dope, that’s the goal. How we get there is very unique, where we have been is pretty similar.
For me right vs. wrong had to go. I mean if I try to get off dope and look at my life in the way, well the guilt leads me straight back to dope.
So for me I thought in terms of Healthy vs. Unhealthy,
Water-healthy
Opiates-Unhealthy
Baby steps. Little victories Like 5 minutes. stuff like that.
Lil Dove, as always, glad your alive.
Kitty-I hope your around, you had some real insightful stuff over the last few days.
In particular, not looking at the whole picture, man that is OVERWHELMING, even now.
Plus, I have no idea what the future holds, do I? I mean I can plan, I can hope. But i really can’t say what will happen 5 minutes from now.
So what do I do about that.
For me, I place that fear, in God. I have no idea what else to do with it.
So I guess that is where I am at this weekend, I have learned that this Power, which is God, won’t hurt me. Yet Loves me.
Until this change occured I had to just not use and continue to pray, even if I did not believe.
I was more of the ilk, that Yes there was a God, and Yeas he will help, just not me.
I realize now that is the broken part of my mind, the insane part.
That’s the hurdel I overcome.
Somedays it’s easy someday’s it’s not.
I have two new visons that both calm me and inspire me. To give this journey1 more day.
Vision 1-I use this now, wwhen things get hectic around the house or down at the palnt.
Look I have a teenage daughter, Cheerleader, Beauty, Brilliant, and solid. Man that’s enough right there to kill a dad.
Two-My Job at the plant is to marinade and run through a humogus machine every peice of chicken that Wendy’s uses for it’s Hot and Spicey chicken sandwich.
Jesus, they sell alot of those, and they want more, Keeps me going 7 days a week now, Overload.
That vison is you, in the morning on your poarch, cool Florida breeze blowing, dawn breaking, your clean and smiling, and you offer me a seat and a cup. AH, that takes away all the stress.
That is now my calming mediatation thought, it has replace Dali’s Rose.
For Inspiration-I go Metoo, walking ahead of me on a path, in a park. I see her I gotta get to her, I gotta keep going, there is a glow around her, I can feel it. Gotta be strong, can’t be afraid, can’t mess up now, dam I am close.
Equipped with these two new vision I have all the calmess and inspiration I need.
I lack nothing, I will go forward, I will just for today help others, I won’t hurt others. I will love the holy spirit. And I will be me.
My God knows me so well and Loves me so much that he is materalizing every desire of my heart.
Stu-Run, my friend, Run. Push. Push me. Push yourself. Think about that. You can Run. Man, my knees are shot from High School Basketball, I walk, I walk far, I hike. But running, nah.
Push-ups are my thang.
Suzie and LIL dove, it all starts somewhere, I am so glad your here.
Love to all no exceptions,
Joe
Alicia! I don’t know how I did not see your post until today, but I totally missed it. Reading Joe’s post today made me backtrack a bit, and so I saw your post.
I wonder how you are doing today, (Saturday) and I realize your post was on Wednesday….I am praying for you and Lil Dove especially over the weekend. I hope you are hanging in there!!! Please post again just as soon as you can, kiddo…and you too, Lil Dove!!! You’ve both got a good group here to lean on, and to post all the crap you need to get out of your system right here.
Hoping there are some serene moments out there for all today!!
Hi y’all
Well, last night (this morning) at 1:00 AM our dear beloved 15 year old cat died of a stroke – He was fine one minute and in ten minutes time he fell of the bedroom dresser, and could not move after that. We started to get ready to take him to the emergency clinic, but before we were done getting dressed – he was gone. We already lost another dear kitty in February to a heart problem.
So – sad day in our household. We have one left and that is all I want for now.
Welcome Suzy – I had to go back and find your post cause I did not see it – it must have been time delayed since you are new.
I hope you post again soon and let us know how you are doing – we are definately here to cheer you on. Don’t look at your past mistakes – just look ahead. Break time down into small increments and get through one of those increments at a time. You have so much to look forward to – believe me cause I was right where you are a month ago and I did not think that I would be where I am today in a month. I did not know who I would be without the pills, but I am finding out one day at a time and I like this new me better than the old me that only cared about pills!
I will keep you in my prayers along with the rest of us here on this site – who I did not know a month ago and have learned to care so very much for.
Folks, it is a beautiful day today in Florida – The sky was a dark blue with not a cloud in the sky and I helped my husband check and fix all the lawn sprinklers since we are in a dry season now and need to start using them again. We also put up the new bathroom fixtures in our newly remodeled bathroom – so a sad day but a productive day it was.
Metoo, Joe, Stu, lil dove and suzy – hope you all have a beautuful weekend and you will be in my thoughts and prayers as usual…Love
Kitty Mom
Hey, Kitty Mom….I’m sorry for your loss. Pets are the hardest ones to lose, IMO…they never let you down, and are always glad to see you. I like to think that when the time comes to go to Heaven, our pets are the first ones out of the gates to greet us.
I hope that your kitty got to tell Our Lord firsthand of your recent success, and how well you are doing at passing on what you’ve learned in the process. I know all of us here are thankful that you remain here on the board to help anyone that you can, if it’s just a kind word or a prayer, it’s so important to everyone!!
And I’ll bet St. Francis will take good care of your kitty. Take care of yourself, Kitty Mom…thinking of you!
Oh how words almost cannot comeout today! The hurt n pain of not being able to hold to kiss to see to play with my lil grandbbs is tearing me apart! I long for them utterly nd hopelessly n love with them! How do I even consider the thought of not having them in my life? That’s a real difficult one to think of as a reality. Kitty I’m so deeply sorry for ur loss too my lil mini pincher is my best friend nd he never hurts me! Glad to hear u got ur remodel done,its funny joe I also picture kitty on her porch with her morning cup of coffee I could b way off on this one but wen I picture her she looks like paula dean to me! Hehehe! Stu,I hope that u did very well on ur run today nd ur not feelin to much pain from it! Suzy I never got to read ur post on here but welcome nd while u need it this board is a safe haven of release nd honesty at least that’s been my experience so far I pray that God guides u nd helps u through ur process as well he is the only one that can truly help any of us nd you will have a lot of prayers goin b4 his throne of grace n mercy n forgiveness! To Joe I want u to know that nothing else n this world blesses my heart,soul n spirit more that 1seeing n hearing r youth of today worshipping nd surrendering their all to our Lord nd 2 a man that also seeks after theheart of God I hope ur wife truly knows what a blessing that is for ur family! I’ve longed for my husband to do nd to be the man of God for r family unfortunately that’s not been the case for 18yrs now. Thank u joe for putting it out here that u r now1! Meetoo, what I can I say it was ur prayers for a lot of others on this board that has led them into or back into a relationship w/the father n 1way or another. You will reap rewards n heaven for this nd I know that’s not y did it but out of the Love of God nd caring heart u have thank u for that! Plz don’t ever give up on the ppl here any of u! Even if we fail r hearts long to b where u r! Nd kitty my positive thoughts everyday out of all the depression nd negitivity is the Lord nd u all on here! With love Lil dove!
Hey everyone
A beautofull Sunday morning here – just like yesterday
I live for this time of year
After continuous heat for 5-6 months it is just a welcome relief
Thanks Metoo and lil dove on the kind words about the loss of my Smokey. It is going to be weird for him not to be waiting in the kitchen in the morning to be fed. Poor thing, he was getting so frail in his old age. I like to think of him now in heaven with his sisters, laying on a great big four poster bed on the prettiest quilt you can ever imagine.
Today is my 35 day y’all….so thrilled to be where I am today and want all of you just starting on your journey of sobriety that there is hope to be the person you are meant to be, not under the influence of whatever your drug of choice is.
I keep you in my prayers daily and I most appreciate that you are keeping me in yours. I thank you for that…and I thank you, Joe, Metoo, Stu, lil dove for your friendship and support over the past 35 days – I can’t say it enough. And, Suzy, if you care to join us in your journey, please know that you are welcome.
Joe, I would be most honored to give you a cup of coffee on my front porch…I thought about that when I was having mine out there yesterday and today on the most beautiful Florida mornings you could imagine! We could all sit out there and sip a cup of Joe together.
I hope you are all having a great weekend.
Stu – hope you had a great race yesterday. Metoo, I appreciate you more than you will ever know as I do all of you.
God bless y’all.
Kitty Mom of 1
Monday
Gotta Love It.
This may be a long one, feel fee to skim, I might be babbeling a bit, good strong cup of coffe in me.
I agree with you kitty, the coolness of fall after the blazing Texas summer is one fine thing.
I remember the Joy I felt when spring hit last March, when my body mind and soul noticed how wonderful it all was, change of seasons. Yes.
I think I’ll take a moment and share about me.
Kinda open up a bit, mostly in the hope that someone can identify with me. And second that I might just accept myself a little more.
Getting clean, was for me the single greatest feat I have accomplished, in working with God. I mean taking all the effort I had and using it in conjuction with God, has produced some wonderful results.
I have a relationship with God today, I seek him continuosly, I mean I don’t know what else to do.
I can only repay that debt to God by sharing this simple message.
If you don’t want to do drugs today, you don’t have to.
That’s it, as far as my Evengalism goes. I mean that is the message I have been called to proclaim.
I must stay clean to carry it.
In there lays the problem, if you will or issue or concern or fear.
Staying Clean.
See, I used because all my life I felt, well different. Like I was on the outside of the fishbowl and all the other fish (people) where on the inside, I was scared to talk to a girl, to have friends, to try my best.
Then I found drugs and I was in the fishbowl with everyone else.
I was comfortable in my own skin, for a moment.
Then I became an out of controll drug addict batteling, unable to give up drugs, I had nothing else.
Then I stopped. I had to they were gonna kill me.
Well now, I am trying to live life clean. And be me. Good parts, bad parts, all parts.
Just me, Joe.
I love to see the new addict trying to get clean, because I know anybody under any situation can get clean. So that’s why I hang around.
Yet inside well I still need stuff, like people to be accountable to, people to laugh with, people to enjoy.
In fact it’s my only real need.
I say that because I have the gigantic fear, that I am, well creepy for lack of a better term.
I mean when Metoo, and Kitty and Stu, and Lil dove and whomever came on here my heart sored.
That lonliness in me was filled,
I just hope that my affection for you guys, isn’t over the top.
I realy need you guys. I know that I have placed my trust in God.
I know it will be OK.
Like I said, expressing these fears, these feelings, letting people in scares the shit out of me.
I am so dam needy, I wish I wasn’t, but I am.
I live a really sheltered life. Work, Home. That’s about it, you know.
This lifestyle is extreemly new to me, I used to stay out, in bars, coffe houses, concerts, I was the life of the party, so to speak.
But it was fake.
Today I’m real and it feels so all alone.
So one little smile from Metoo, or one little insight in to kitty. Sorry to hear aobut Smokey, which ironically enough was and is still my nickname back in Pa. (hometown) in fact everyone still calls me Smokey when I go home. Is my Manna.
I have so many unfulfilled parts of me still, and I know Jesus will fill them, as he sees. For I surrender my will to him daily.
The last hing I want to do is be a pest, or some freakshow, or some weirdo. I just don’t really know how to interact with others all that well.
So, just for today I am going be me, big risk, but I think it’s the only way I can stay clean. I can’t start lieing to myself or you guys.
So if I get a feeling I am going share it, a fear I am going share it.
I knwo this blog is about getting off pills. And Adam through providing it played an interegal part in my transformation.
I sahre all this personal stuff here, because I got no where else to.
My family, is busy, which is good. And has I have learned staying claen is my and only my respnsibility.
I also learned that staying clean without interacting with others sucks.
So while your here, and Thank you Lord Jesus Christ, for being here. I am going to lean on you guys.
This poses the second delima, first I gotta share intimately with you guys, and second I gotta hope I don’t freak you out. I don’t know, this part inside me says, shut the hell up joe, exchange some niceties and find some other outlet.
The other part of me says, no Joe, open up, take a risk, be you, share it all, that’s why I saved your ass, silly.So you could be a witness. and Witneses are where it’s at.
Look it, I;m not your run of the mill Jehovah Witness, knocking on the door at the wrong time. I am not here to offer some liturature and a new book, nothing wron with Jehaovah witness, I just not that dude.
I’m an addict, A fromer substance abuser with some Love, some charm, some flare, some fun, some sorrows, some joys, some wants, some desires. Hell, Im a guy for christ sake. Today and Just for Today I am a cool guy, I need work, but for christ sakes don’t we all.
I am not gonna spend my time on this board, wollwing in self pity, I deal with stuff as it hits, I oursue feelingas the arise, I am enjoyinf the hell out of being clean. Every second, I am not wasting one of them, Man.
So I am here partying, the NEW way. I hope I don’t offend anyone, anyone at all. But, just for today I gotta be me.
For all my daily fulfillment is met, through the word, and you guys. And work and my children.
One pill changes all of that, you know.
I guess if I gotta risk exposure or take a pill. I am exposing man.
So There it is, insight into Joe on Monday morning.
Former substance abuser, scared, lonley and needy, hanging out enjoying you guys more than words can express.
Peace
But I’m still Joe, changing but still Joe.
The run went well, thanks. The last six miles were pretty painful, but no lasting injuries, so far. I was joking with one of the guys at an aid station that asked if I need something, “just some pain meds”. I think one of my little sisters on the run was on the same wave length. Gotta watch our for her. She’s cute too.
Joe, great post again. It’s awesome to see you open up some. I am trying to do some of the same thing. It helps.
Last night I had some strong revelations and feelings. It was borderline “panic attack” material again. This time there was some focus to it, not just raw fear/terror. I was thinking about how much time I had wasted, particularly the last year. And the fear of going back to that. The insane behavior, that I see to be crazy now.
It was overwhelming. It’s been since early in sobriety that I had to do this, but I kept telling myself “things will be better in the morning” “this is temporary and it will pass”.
God has really been covering my ass, but He can only do so much. I get the feeling that I used up the last of my nine lives. Sorry about smokey KittyMom.
It’s beautiful where I am too. Cool fall in the Mid-West.
Have a great week guys.
WOW. WOW. WOW. Joe, if you are creepy, then I am creepy too. I cried as I read your post…your honesty, your love, your words. I can totally relate to your fishbowl “picture.” Oh, how true…and I also feel so much for others here. I should open up more like you men are. Then, though, I would be vulnerable. Right now, I can’t afford it. I barely have the bandwidth to give the little bits that I do give. Thank God I am clean, because if I were dealing with that old pill hassle too, damn. That would really suck. But, Joe, I couldn’t have appreciated your words any more. No skimming from Metoo, this time!!!
Stu, how ironic about your panic attack again last night. I wonder if I had a matching one over here in my world. I wish I were there to give you a big pat on the back for talking yourself through it!!! You wrote, “I was thinking about how much time I had wasted, particularly the last year. And the fear of going back to that. The insane behavior, that I see to be crazy now.” I felt the same panic. So much wasted time, so many things left undealt with during that time…so much “makeup” homework….
During the moments of an attack like that, it’s hard to BELEIVE that God is listening. But…then today…
There is an old man who walks past my store everyday. For the past few months, I have joined him on the sidewalk in front of my store~just a selfish way of thinking..”Maybe HE knows the meaning of life…the HOW DO YOU GO ON??” We have never even exchanged names…just hugs here and there, and well wishes.
One day last week, I asked him how he was doing. He explained that he was weak. And has bad arthritis. I told him about Archangel Raphael, and about the angels. “God sees everything He created as PERFECT. It was when He created it, He sees it as perfect today, and PERFECT FOREVER.” “So,” I said, “God doesn’t understand when you ask Him to help. You are already perfect in His eyes.” That’s why He gave us the angels!! They are ready, and will enter ANY situation WHEN THEY ARE INVITED, because they cannot come against our free will. WE MUST ASK. ” So, my elderly friend went on down the sidewalk.
He came IN to the store today….(he has never come in before…). I was having my normal bleh day, so I was surprised to see him, and asked him if he just stopped in to give me a hug??? He said, “Yes, AND I came to thank you…” Aha!!! The ANGELS???? Yes. He said, “I am feeling at least 50% better, and even my arthritis is getting better!!!!!” He was so happy…so energized…so ALIVE.
I broke down in tears.
My angels helped my friend.
My friend who’s name I don’t even know.
I gave him something useful~something worthwhile.
The angels heard him pray.
They came to his aid.
Angels are real.
I am thankful.
I pray that each of us can invite the angels in. Invite the angels to connect us and take our wishes to each other…to bring the scent of a cup of coffee to each of us to remind us of kitty’s front porch.
That we can each send our comfort phrases to others like Stu and I who experience anxiety just when we need THAT phrase..whispered by an angel into our ear.
That we might all be able to wrap our arms around Suzy and Lil Dove and ALL THE OTHERS WHO NEED A HUG RIGHT NOW..that there may be an angel sent with just a hug when we need it the most.
That there might be a whisper of hope coming from an angel of healing for each of us. That that angel might be SO REAL that we can FEEL her…that kind of angel.
Can we all invite the angels? I know that I will. With a renewed sense of faith in those wings…
I love you angel network…send that message wrapped in a hug to everyone who reads this….especially Joe, cuz he started it!!!! Hugs to you, Joe.
Oh Joe – keep opening up like that – I found out two important things from your post – one, about the fish bowl….In the early part of my life I was extremely shy – I mean painfully shy and your words just knocked me for a loop cause I mean I never fit in in the high school part of my life and early adulthood – was afraid to talk to people, never knew what to say or talk about. and second of all that you are from PA – cause that is where I am from. I can to Florida when I was in my twenties and have been here longer than up there – but that is where I grew up and spent my early adult life…Wow, small world.
Joe if you are creepy then keep on being creepy..haha. It was a real pleasure to see you open up and I so was wrapped up in your post and know how you feel cause I am depending alot on all of you and sometimes it scares the shit out of me also…but I sort of look at this as my NA meeting only you guys are my support instead of the people at the meetings – I Hate meetings and I could never relate to talking in the flesh in front of them – but here it is different – I feel safe here for some reason and I feel close to y’all here.
Stu and Metoo – I am sorry about your panic attacks – at times (last night I could not sleep again) I get to feeling all kind of weird too. Its like I am scared that I will go back to how things were. I could relate better to being out of the house back then – had a feeling of I can do anything if you know what I mean – I feel like I want to go to work and stay close to the house the rest of the time – I am going out, but it is different now. There is a slight fear there – an unsafe feeling at times….but it gets better as time goes on. I am praying that God is just giving me a little rope at a time to protect me from going backwards.
Well everyone – glad you all posted – always a pleasure to hear your thoughts – I will continue to come here as long as you do. I hope our new lil dove and suzy (only one post) is hanging in there and taking baby steps and making some good decisions – we need some additional success stories on here.
Wells folks – gota go – just found out my father-in-law is going into the hospital – Please keep us in your prayers!
Love Ya
Kitty Mom
Good Morning folks,
Whew, what a relief. Whenever I tell someone, someone I respect my feelings, I immediately get hit with the flight response, run away.
I get scared to look at your responses I fear, that I have pushed away those I want to draw nearer to.
Yet, I am met with Love and acceptance.
Thank you Stu, Kitty and Metoo. I can NEVER repay the debt I have toward you guys.
I have never been ME, before. So you know come along for the ride as Joe searches, acts out, does some things that are right, does somethings that are wrong, pushes here, tries to go there. I don’t know what’s in it for you guys, but shit, I’m staying clean.
Like I said, and this will be the last time I mention it. I am Learning how to be a Man, a Better Man.
Ah, the angels, I know they are around, they gotta be real.
I say one prayer every morning. The Our father. at times I add additional stuctured prayer, but always the our father. The rest of my prayer is a mix of pleading, begging, listening and questioning.
This line is striking me lately.
Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
For example-Angles, I believe are part of that kingdom, thus present both on earth and in heaven. Joy is how that makes me feel, Joyous.
As with most things with God, though I gotta do my part ,right.
Thy will be done–now this is where the flesh, becomes a barriar.
My mind, My ego, My desires. I love earthy pleasures. I mean I Love them.
I love sports. I love them
I love things, High def TV, Computers, Furniture.
I Love woman, their thoughts, thier beauty, their emotions, the way I feel when I am talking to them, thinking about them.
I am no romeo that’s for sure. In fact my wife was my first girlfriend. I never played the field, and I have been faithful to the vows. Well, at least in the practical sense. Of course my Leader informs me , Jesus, that is. That lust in the heart is the sin, for which I’m guilty, man.
We Lived together for 4 years and have bbeen married for 14. So from 15-27 I was in love with drugs. And the rest of the adult years with my wife. So I only have 1 relationship to go by.
And it’s cool, I’m in it, gotta find away to live with it. Got 2 daughters who need their Daddy and a Daddy that need his two daughters.
So my current deliema is I very much want to spend my days in the kingdom here on earth.
But what if God’s will for me is No TV, NO Internet, No sports and NO woman.
Oh god, what if he has called me to life of chastity, of celebcy, heck i don’t even know how to spell that one, what if his will for me is to be monkish.
I mean I practically live that way now, Isolated, In his word, trying to crucify the flesh. Shamed, and guilted by my the thoughts.
Christ, maybe I do need a shrink.
Anyway, just another peak into Joe, while I am on a roll.
I will now resume my place as cheerleader, come on guys.
NO DOPE TODAY.
So here i am pushing the envelope again, straining you guys. Maybe I just got to live on the dam fringe, I don’t know.
Please don’t leave me.
Joe
Joe – just consider us your shrink! That is all any of us need! I know this is mine!
Hey Y’all – I just had to ponder some things before I wrote on this page tonight.
My father in law is still in the hospital and has not even seen the doctor yet but says he feels better – he might just walk right out of the hospital if he gets tired of waiting – we never does tests that he does not want to do – but he never finds out what is wrong either – I think he just goes in for the rest or to see the pretty nurses or whatever…
I am so uplifted on here because of our success stories and the friendships formed here that most of the time I can’t wait to get home and see what everyone has to say in their posts – their progress – their spilling their guts – their triumphs – their weaknesses – their strengths.
It scares me at times that I am so attached here – but the encouragement it brings much surpasses the fear.
I have lost count of the days since I stopped the pill merry-go-round and I honestly feel guilty that I am having such success and very rarely even have a desire to to back to that existance. I just pray that I help just one person on here in their journey as I have been helped here. That is my desire now.
Love to all of you
Kitty Mom
Hello everyone,dear joe if I may I would love to give u alil word from my knowledge of the Lord nd his word! 1 Christ came to give us life&life more abundtantly,satan is the one who comes to kill,steal&destroy! Since u r already married hun,then Jesus doesn’t want u 2live like. A monk! U &ur wife r 1n the fathers eyes nd being “intimate”w/ur wife is doing spiritaual warfare together! The enemy of r lives doesn’t want us to b n unity with r spouse bcuz the word says where there is envying n strife is there is every evil work! We r all battling r own demons here u 3 have concured urs this far praise the Lord! Also he won’t take away the material things u love but at times he will ask us to go on a fast from some of r fleshly wants n desires only to draw closer to him n prayer n worship nd his word! But not from ur wife darlin,the lord don’t mind if we have earthly n material things as long as they don’t have us! Ya no wat I’m sayn? I ask the precious holy spirit to lead u n guide u nd give u fresh revelations n his word nd n ur prayer time he longs for us his children his creation to fellowship w/him! I am still alive over here n cali but I do have a dilema my husband just refilled his script so I’m guna try to use this lil amount to tapper to nothing nd hopefully no full blown w/ds. Went nd applied for jobs today to hopefully gey some income coming in nd want to be clean to go to work maybe this will help with the depression nd tthe feelings of being a burden nd uselessness! I really want to stop all the madness/craziness nd vicious cycle of it ALL! I so want to reach the otherside w/the rest of you. See life in a more beautiful way like u guys explain on here! Kitty I am guna try to find a new church to get back into that routine,I used to b so involved in many different aspects of ministry! Worship team,intersessory prayer team,food n clothing ministry,street n park witnessing,overhead projector,nd head church cleaner untill my wonderful pastors got a better offer at a megachurch in san jose cali nd hubby got jealous of all my time spent doing my work for the Lord and was truly happy n blessed doing all my work never been happier! Sorry for all the babbling! Just need to get to doing something again! Best wishes to u all! Still wish I had $ for the recipe oh well,pray for me n my family love Lil Dove!
Hey Now,
Lil Dove—I hear you sister. Thanks, Antime, Anyone hits me with some word I’m all ears. I soak that shit in like Cold Water on a Hot day.
Kitty, I to am anticipatory of coming here, It”s a blast, I love it. Life is hard, Pain shared is Pain Lessened.
Like I say I got 2 choices.
1. A Pill–lonliness, anger, sickness, darkness death.
2. Come here—– share, listen,be around beautiful woman, and great guys. Take risks, connect, light. Love. Life
Just for today, the choice is easy. I never forget however,if I stray, the choice somehow gets all twisted up. And the pill looks attractive, now that is the flat out insanity of it all.
So, please hurry home and check in, I am waiting.
Metoo-after you Angel post the other day, I was sitting out on my front porch, last night. Then all of the sudden this song started in my head and it got louder and clearer and it sounded perfect.
Im not sure of you Musical Taste, but hear is a link, if you got a minute close your eyes and give youself a break.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zB7u0au0LxU
One of those surreal moments at sunset in Texas with an Orange sky and a cool breeze, Yep the heavens opened up for a minute and I got to hear what it sounds like….
Thanks for the moment.
Stu–Life treating you kindly?
Love to all no exceptions
Hey folks,
It has been 39 days since I have taken a pill and I am on top of the world over it.
And – I am so glad that I have this place to come every day to share my story and hear yours.
Folks that are just beginning their struggle to get off the merry-go-round are a real inspiration to my continued sobriety. It never hurts to hear from those going through withdrawal. It makes me so thankful that I am already through it and on my way to being the person I want to be – the person not having to count pills every day to see if there are enough (there never are enough) and wondering where the next prescription is going to come from. That in itself is a relief beyond words. The money spent – Dear God – how did I ever justify spending all that money. It is plain madening! To those newbies over on the THOMAS RECIPE posts – it gets better – it really does – the last thing to come back is the sleep and it eventually does. A mere two weeks and you are almost human again and that is such a short tinme compared to how long I was strapped to the pill scene.
Thanks my friends for being here as I vent, as I boast my happiness, my concerns, my fears – God had truly answered my prayers in you guys.
Metoo – thanks for everything and be safe and have fun! Godspeed. Joe – keep sitting on that front porch enjoying the Texas breeze. I’ll be thinking of you when sitting on mine (love those front porches). lil dove – I loved your post and that is the most positive I have seen you ever – could it be you are letting that Holy Spirit into you…I hear some positive thinking going on there. Please consider tapering this time and then biting the bullet to quit…we are all here for you. Stu, hope you are out there and OK – miss you!
Southern Mom – you can get right back on that horse again and ride into the sunset….God’s mighty hand will hold you up if you are too weak to do it yourself. All of those who are beating this, I celebrate with you – all those who are struggling, I pray for you.
Love to all – absolutely no exceptions!
Kitty Mom…WHAT A POST!!!! Yes!!! It’s TIME to celebrate YOU!!!! Damn…I’m over here grinning. I am SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! Isn’t it so great when the victory really sets in??? YOU DID IT!!!! Isn’t it just the greatest feeling in the world??? YOU slayed the dragon. YOU made it through!!! I couldn’t be happier for you…
STUART!!!??? CALL HOME! (we miss you and are praying for you…)
Joe….Joe, Joe, Joe. Could you BE any better than you are?? You continue to amaze me day after day.
Suzy…I hope you’re ok, please post…my prayers are going out to you!
Lil Dove…Kitty Mom is right~~you post spoke volumes about the YOU who is inside….we are all here for you, and when you are ready to do this thing, we will be right here to lift you up. You are a beautiful person with so much to give the world!!! Thank you for being here with us. Let’s do this thing and get you in the clear. I’m praying for you, kiddo!!!!!
Southernmom, I hope you’ll check in….I am sending prayers ’round the clock for you….
Oh. I almost forgot….I’ll be uninternetable until Tuesday…just so’s ya know.
Please send me good thoughts over the weekend, ok? Thanks…I love you guys.
Good Morning Guys,
The Norweigans have a saying that goes something like
“That which is Loved is always beautiful”.
Could not agree more.
I think the more I hang around, the more I look deep inside me, as well as, observe that which is going on around me.
I see dope being used as a replacement, for Love.
Taking away those of have Legitmate reasons to take dope of course.
I know for me, all I wanted was Love.
To Be Loved.
To give Love.
To Be In Love.
The big Lie, was that intially dope was easier, than love. But as with any lie, it got much, much harder. To keep the lie going.
I mean I I have been through the Hell that is withdrawl so many times. It is HELL.
Hard man, Dope is hard and it gets harder.
Love is Hard, and gets easier.
The More Love I give, The more Love I have.
The more dope I give away, well the less dope I had.
It may seem like living without dope is impossible, that the issues are too great, that there is no way out.
Man, I know that feeling. It is so horrible.
I also know as a FACT, not a myth or a dream or a prayer. NO as a FACT. Love is Real.
That there is way out of the hell, I found it, it’s a path, you can find your path, I Know it’s out there.
Metoo-gonna miss you girl, I’ll be here when you get back. I promise.
Kitty-Oh my God. Your posts now, are riveting. Your spirt is so endearing, I am so enthralled with you. As we walk this road with it’s ups and downs, it joys and sorrows, i shall thank God for his intorduction of you into my Life. Now when I think of you one word just stands out. Sweetness. You are so sweet, like honey, Man. I feel like a bee buzzing around you getting my food. Sweet. Thanks for making my life so much sweeter every day. God I hope we keep walking this road together. They have told me it only gets better.
For my friends contenplating the jump off dope, keep coming back. We need you,
Love to all no exceptions
I like your Norwegian saying Joe.
I have been real low energy lately with a lot going on. I don’t know whether it’s depression or coming off an exhausting weekend or both.
My meditation journal came up “don’t listen you your mind. It is trying to trick you into using.” Boy is that ever true now. I am holding on.
The awesome fall weather is holding out. That alone is worth some good vibes.
Good morninin to y’all this beautiful birthday mornin to me! Hahahehe just thought I would throw that out there! Anyways I teaally wish I had a milestone to b putting on here today but I don’t yet! But I will have soon tired of this up n down roller coaster nd I no u all no wat I mean! Can’t wait to say that I’m so proud of myself also wen I tell the core4 that I’m proud of them too! I also can’t wait to get on here to see the posts also. And the net on my phone won’t always let me log on here it shuts off on me! But I will check back in asap. Thank you for the kind words, I wish I felt the same way bout myself! But no very depressed bout myself nd entire situation. Sorry I better go b4 I start rambling! Sincerly with love Lil Dove!
Hey y’all
Made it to the big 4 0 days
Wow – I never would have thought this was posible a few months ago when I was chasing my next dose of hydro and waking up in the middle of the night with withdrawals between doses.
Folks – this is possible – this will give you your life back – this will bring you to a place where friendship, love, and little baby step success replaces isolation, secrecy, lies, dope!
The pain of withdrawal is nothing compared to life without drugs….and I am here to tell you that God has mighty hands in lifting your burdens and friends have mighty hands also in lifting your spirit. You are not alone.
Joe – I thank you so much for your endearing kind words. I am so pleased and thankful to have found in you a friend and pleased as pudding that you have been here every day pulling for me and joining me in my success in becoming a new person. Your words have meant so much to me. I am off tomorrow and will have that cup of coffee with you in the morning on the porch.
Stu, I am so sorry that you are in a little bit of a funk right now. Hang in there and be strong…you can do it and it is not worth it to take a pill at this point – think about it – were they even making us feel good after a while – our body and minds were fiends after them, but were we really feeling better on them – were we really feeling anything at all but numb.
I miss you me-too and can’t wait until you return with your kind and inspiring words.
And our lil dove – soon we will be talking about your 40th day, and celebrating your victory just like the rest of us. You can do it – I have noticed the difference in you in the last few days and I believe the Lord has entered your soul and you will know it is time to quit shortly.
To all the newbies out there – let us know how you are doing. I know I speak for everyone here when I say we are here for you brothers and sisters!
Love you – absolutely mean it – forever
Kitty
Hey Now,
40 days. WOW,WOW,WOW. If you could just feel the joy in my heart, the excitement in my soul, as I read that. When God gives you proof of his Love it does take away all the despair and stuff.
The vison of you on the porch with that sweet fall air, that sweet smelling coffee, that sweet heart, that sweet smile MY GOD. I can’t take the joy. I can not quit smiling. SWEET!!!!!!!
Lord, Kitty you just made my day, no wait my year. That vision is now etched upon my brain. Immeadiate gratitude is generated.
I can’t add a word, a thought. I got nothing to say. I’m speechless. This is a first. I’m blissful!!!
Just for today, NO DOPE.
Keep Coming Back, Please.
Hey y’all
Well – it is a slow day here on this site folks – Just Joe and I were here today- It is late for me to be writing 10:30 PM but just spent the day with my Mom and we hit the thrift stores and antique stores all day so I’m a little tired. But, I had a great day – first day in years that I spent all day shopping not all buzzed on pills. And, I found some great “stuff” – Ahhhh – the thrill of the hunt, that is what it is all about.
Day 41 is over and yes, I think I have it beat….simple pleasures are coming back slowly but surely – Just for today, Joe, NO DOPE as you say. Just for today, God’s handiwork….simple pleasures an aromic cup of coffee… God …..good friends…..absolute LOVE
Take care and I will write again after my morning cup of coffee.
Love
Kitty Mom
Well guys I really screwed up again and this is a story to well told! The tapering didn’t go well nd of course I took em all like abunch a skittles! So frkn stupid I guess I have no self control I thought I could I thought I did but that’s really naïve on my part! Youor maybe just I think you can control it but ur brain takes over n tells you that u need more wen u really don’t but it drives u to do it anyway. I think somehow a person has to get that driving force dealt with to b truly done with it! Does that just come n time or is it always n issue that u have to deal with forever off nd on? I really hate this nd scared to death of the w/d’s which I no the fear makes everything worse with all the w/d symptoms anyways! I no it can b done as kitty nd joe nd others have so well posted on here! I really wished I could move in with kitty to get all over it for ur support nd caring words nd I guess honestly so could feel like I’m being”mothered”! Just so u no that’s a term of endearment on my part, not tryn to b freaky or creepy! So please don’t take it the wrong way kitty ok? Sorry just very emotional nd scared outa my mind I have got along fall ahead of me nd I don’t mean to b scaring anyone else! This is a hellish thing to go thru wether ur alone or with someone that is going thru it at the same time as u. My husband gets very mean verbally!so that makes it worse on me emotionally. I’ve been taking around 20/10milgrm norcos aday that my brain kept telling me I needed,but in reality they aren’t helping just keepin me from being sick! My kids aren’t guna understand y we r sick again nd y they r not gettin the flu too. Cuz we r all crammed in a one bdrm mobilehome rightnow that a friend is lettin us stay n rent free cuz of no work! Iam very thankful for this its just hard goin thru the w/d’s with us all right here. Well idk wats guna happen over the next few days or weeks so I’ll try to update if I can! Congrats on all the days u all have under ur belt off the pills, I only wish I was there already! Thanks for listening nd letting me vent my anxiety, sincerly Lil Dove!
Amazing site! You are all so courageous to share your most personal thoughts!
Kitty Mom, my condolences on the loss of your Smokey. I had a Smokey too, who “crossed over” 6 years ago. She was the light of my life. Silly how a cat can be the light of a life, but I think most of you can understand.
Joe, you are incredible to share so much of yourself. I hope you can find the ability to be as kind and loving to yourself as you are to everyone else. It sounds as though you don’t judge anyone else but you are very hard on yourself! You said in one post that you want friends – i think you certainly deserve friends! But you would not be as hard on them as you are on yourself!
To everyone else: you are all amazing!
For myself, I am a 60 year old teacher who has taking vicodin ES for 15 years for migraines. Nothing else has worked. In the past year I have discovered the trigger for most of my pain was soy – which is found in just about everything I was eating. Thought it was “healthy” food – but not for me, apparently! So i found this site because I’m trying to get off the narcotics for good. It’s harder than I thought.
I’ve been luckier than many, I think, in that I never got into trouble with narcotics use, but i can see all too easily how that could happen. While I took the meds for legitimate pain it took the edge off all the emotional stuff, too – and I think everyone has their own garbage they have to endure, so this is not whining – just explaining that I understand all too well how narcotics can become trouble.
I wonder if I’ll ever be able to figure out how to post on this site again. In case I can’t, I just had to let you all know how much your stories inspired me. You are all in my prayers and I beg for you to pray for my success in kicking substances.
Hey Now,
Lildove, that’s just it girl, you are no different than me. I am addict. That means very simply I suffer from 2 very simple, BUT FATAL mental illnesses.
1, OBSESSION–A FIXED IDEA THAT WILL NOT GO AWAY. THAT TELLS ME DRUGS WIL HELP, IN SOME WAY. FOR ME I WAS TRYING TO KILL MYSELF AT THE END. THAT IS HOW THIS WORKS. IT IS A ROGRESSIVE THOUGHT AND IT ENDS IN DEATH. OR PRISON. OR AN INSTUTIION.
That is jsut a fact about Joe, It will never change. And Until I got that my Mind was Broken I could not fix it.
Do you have a fixed idea, that drugs ar NEEDED.
2. COMPULSION–Once I take 1 PILL I WILL ALWAYS TAKE MORE. No exceptions.
Do you need to take more than 1 Norco at a time.
If you TRUELY answer these questions than your an ADDICT.
JUST LIKE ME.
There is only one difference bewtween you and me today girl, I DID NOT TAKE A PILL.
Look I love having you around, and heck maybe your not an addict, I do not know, only you do. I stop jusdging when it crosses over line, to the motives of anothers heart.
That’s where sin starts, for me When I think I know what’s in your heart. I don’t.
I LOVE YOU GIRL.
There is GREAT NEWS. I mean news that is beter than more dope, better than your grandkids back. better than your old man treating you right, better than money, better than your own place, better than anything.
It’s very simple.
Read this.
YOU DO NOT NEED TO USE TODAY NO MATTER HOW YOU FEEL—–PAGE 79 OF THE NA BASIC TEXT.
Hey you know you can keeping coming back, and coming back high, but if you are an addict and you keep using, the day will come when you are somewhere without internet access or your phone. Trust me on that one. I’ve been there. IT SUCKS.
Kitty, thanks for stopping by, and you know there ain’t nothing wrong with a bit of downtime, hanging with MOM on the hunt. I did that with my mom back in August, at a mall up in Scranton Pa. My Hometown, I ended up with a coffee mug from THE OFFICE store. My favorite show.
Great day.
Enjoy the coffee, I got mine. As always, your in my thoughts and prayers.
As are you LILDOVE.
Peace
Thanks joe and yes iam an have been an addict of something most of my life! All3 questions u asked are yes! I know my heart wants to b clean but my mind won’t let me! I hate the fear I pray that the Lord would just take me home instead of live like this any longer the depression is hard as hell, and I know that this all an attack from the enemy of r souls nd lives! The Lord had realy did well numerous miracles for me back n the last 4months of 06′ he completely delivered me from the vics nd smoking cigarettes over night nd untill dec right around christmas I fell down the stairs of r home the second time it gave me severe damage to my sciatic nerve! Nd 2 of my lower dics so I stupidly told the Lord that I was just guna take the vics for alil while. Nd I would quit,but what I should of done was just simply ask him to heal me but for some reason the v’s were the first thing I thought of! So its been 4years now nd I have let the father down more times than I can literally remember! So that goes hand n hand with letting myself nd everyone else down to! The whole addictive voice thing makes total sence! I once heard it tell me 4yrs ago that would take vicodin for the rest of my life nd honestly idk if that’s my just punishment for giving up on my miracleous deliverance or if its satan making me believe that I will be! God knows my heart is to serve him,worship him, love him not a pill,nd to tell others about him! But instead I fail n doing any of those things bcuz I isolate myself almost completely until I found this site I only kept to my family nd 1best friend that I’ve known since I was 10. She has tried her best to talk to me nd understand but she doesn’t know this addiction nd it hurts her to see me like this. I hate hurtn ppl letting em down that’s y being accountable to anyone so I don’t disappoint them you guys,the Lord or whoever is to much for me to deal with! I’m sorry for being this way I don’t like how iam and no the pills aren’t helping me really deal anymore! Anyway enuf about my life sorry for the drama! Love Lil Dove!
Hey Y’all,
Stu, I hope you are OK out there and handing in there and being strong. I am praying for you. Don’t give in to that addictive voice. Be strong!!!
lil dove, all your life situations are not being helped by taking the dope….I know you are taking dope to escape the life situations,k but did you ever think that the dope is causing the situations. Wouldn’t you think it better to let your kids see you with the “flu symptoms for a week out of your life…than to see you in jail at some point or dying from an overdose…or liver failure. The amount of pills you are taking could seriously damage your liver.
I more than anyone know that it is hard and like I said many times before I am not sure I could have quit either if the Lord had not put me in a situation of getting caught for double dipping from several doctors…I got caught and was embarrassed and frightful of going to jain and that put the fear of continuing in me. I will pray for you, but you have got to help yourself also. It is time to pull yourself together and get out of this lifestyle you are in…I hope i don’t offend you by saying all these things, but you need to look at the cold hard truth of the matter now and tell yourselfd that you will never get out of this lifestyle if you xcontinue to take drugs – that it will only get worse – and you will hurt your children much more than them seeing you with withdrawal symptoms…just think about it will you please?
I had a very productiive 42nd day clean today – worked around the house and did some serious cleaning – but did not get past one room which I tore apart completely and put back together. It was rewarding but I am beat tonight. Can’t wait to get to sleep very shortly after I write this post.
My thoughts and prayers are with you guys tonight and hope that you all are having a good weekend and getting through just one more day clean as a whistle. I am so very happy that I am and you are too Joe ande hope you are Stu and wish with all my heart that lil dove would make her mind up to it.
Love to all of you – absolutly positively no exceptions
Kitty Mom
Hey Now,
Up early here in Texas.
I so LOVE coming here each day. I hope we never run out of server space or storage or whatever it is that holds this all together.
I know it’s more than data, anyway.
Lil Dove, God I love you. Trust me, this is the one place you can come, no matter what. Love covers a multitude of wrongs, sister and remeber please, All have sinned and fallen short. Hey but we gotta try, try our best.
You current situation is not a spiritual war, it’s a physical dependency. Plain and simple.
Look, where There is disease Present the ability of free choice does not exsist, OK. Got IT.
You are not trapped in sin, your trapped in disease.
This is not punishment, it just a fact.
You got a disease. Period.
You can treat it, or not.
Kitty, How wonderful to see your words, I need you to know that you are helping me each day, that I get such fresh insight, fresh percpective, fresh hope.
You are such an energy. Really-I am not bullshitting you.
I know and have warned you about my salemanship character, and my desire to sell myself.
I made a choice this morning, I am going to be me with you, let you in alittle more, Yeah I;m scared you may reject me, and yeah I am clueless on the whole frienship thing, but something says I gott lean in, so .
So anyway I have been clean a while, and I’m scared. I am afriad I’m missing something, but I don’t know what it is.
I know just for today, No Dope.
But direction, purpose, God it scares me. The only things I enjoy are chatting wiith other addicts, and watching sports. I Love reading the bible and and trying to listen for God.
Is that enough kitty, or do think I outa being doing more, I am a little lost.
I’m sorry to bother you, but I need your freinship, and dam I hate to be needy, it is way to vulnerable.
Love
I am still out here guys.
I am hurting bad and goofed up.
Thanks for the help I’ll chk n n afew days with an up date love u lil dove!
Joe – just for today – no I don’t think you ought to be out there doing anything different. You are doing OK (great) in my eyes. I think we all wonder if there is anything out there we are missing occasionally…and yeah we probably are all missing something – but is it something that is good for us? – probably not. The sameness of life and the comfort of our own home and the closeness to God is probably the best place to be – I often remark that my life probably seems boring to most – but I myself have no remorse for my boring life. I could be out there partying on Friday and Saturday night – visiting all the nightclubs in the city, I could be joining all kind or organizations and spending time with friends but I am happy right here in my own home. I do projects, go out to dinner with my husband – go shopping – visit my parents – go to work each day – and that is about it…and it is OK. It is OK to talk on this board and watch your sports and go to work each day – that is the sameness of life and doing what you are comfortable with. I am not comfortable around alot of people and my husband loves to talk to people. He seeks conversation with neighbors and if I see someone outside, I stay in the house. I am shy, he is outgoing. I am deep, he is simple…everyone is different and has what they are comfortable with and there is nothing wrong with either way. If you are happy doing what you doing and not hurting anyone else, then don’t think there is anything wrong with it. I love talking to people on the board but if I had to go to meetings and talk to the people face to face, I probably would not. Am I making any sense or just babling???
Long story short – I enjoy my friendships on this board, but sometimes it is frustrating cause look at Stu – now how am I to reach out to him when he writes that little blurp that he is out there but is messed up – no way to reach out when we are so anonymous at times. You and I are here every day and we are sticking to our abstinance from dope and it is reassuring to me and makes me happy – but how do we deal with our freind Stu who is having some difficulty but we know not to what extent and how do we convince lil dove that she is special and that she CAN get off the dope instead of making all the excuses. Perhaps that is what we are missing right now – the ability to help these people when the desire is so there to help them but it is out of our control. Could that be it?
Well my dear friends – hope you have a good Sunday evening and tune in tomorrow once again. I will be waiting!
Stu – Hope you let us know more and let us help you in some small way. We are bere for you my brother.
Lil Dove – I hope I am not to hard on you – I just know there is so much hope on the other side that I want it bad for you!
Metoo – I miss your words am waiting to here them again on Tuesday.
You are all in my prayers – I mean that.
Yours affectionately
Kitty Mom
Hey Now,
Happy Monday!!!!!!
Man, Kitty thanks so much for taking the time, and the response made me feel so well, comfortable.
I too, am so grateful for this board, it allows me to be me. This is my great lesson, i feel as though I need to learn.
That Joe is OK. That i do not have to create someone other than who I was created to be.
I guess I connect with you on a host of levels.
1. The addiction–or as I like to say, former substance abuse.
2. The depth, if I am not searching inside myself for feelings, thoughts, answers, questions, reasons, possiblilities..well than I’m not being Joe.
3. Being a homebody, somewhat. I was afraid I was Isolating, which for me can be dangerous. I need someone to bounce stuff off of. I need to have that anticapation of, How are they doing?
What are they doing, How are they feeling. It is the essence of life. For me at least.
That is why I have become so interested in your life, your day to day. You provide me with that. That well connection I need if I plan on growing, going deeper and finding more.
I am so thankful to meet someone who understands, that I really enjoy the simplistic side, that while in the past I had this grandosity, this bravado, this personality, It was really not me, it was who I had to be to survive active addiction
I hope you understand what it is I am trying to convey to you,
For once in my life, I’m me. I have a few very select friends. I open up to, in fact here is the current list You, Metoo and Stu.
I could never ask for anything more.
Your right about the constrictions of this board, I have found though that, for me it is enough. And if you hang around, I hope you discover it also.
I am Free today, and I could choose, (my free will) which for me is THE GREATEST GIFT of all the gifts, any nuber of ways to spend my days.
Just for today, reading your thoughts, sharing my feelings with you. Having concern for stu, lil dove and everyone in the struggle. Missing metoo, working. Hugging my daughters, reading The word. That is where it’s at.
Like this morning my reading was about the woman who was infirmed for 18 years doubled over in pain, well jesus heals her on the sabbath, this freaks out the religious folk. Work being perfomed on the sabbath.
I love that story, First for the Healing. Then that Jesus is into the NOW, not so much the day or time. Or the rules or the Laws. Now is an acceptable time. Now is where it is at. I stay in the Now.
It’s where the healing is.
So yeah, I connect wth you, which of course scares me, but NOW, it’s cool.
I hope and pray, I don’t come offf has some stalker. I uderstand this is the web. I’m just being me.
Thanks. Really Thanks.
Dam it anyway Joe – I just wrote a book and something happenned to it and it went away so I will try again – maybe a condensed version – maybe not.
In a nutshell – I am glad you feel you can connect with me – I feel the same way. Maybe it is because you are so damn dependable and are here every day and I look forward to coming home and reading your deep thoughts. I love writing on here and sometimes I hope I am not going on and on too much. I really love writing and this is a good outlet for me – especially if I am getting through to someone. It is so good to see someone on here like you Joe who is in the same boat as me and dealing with it every day – of course we have these doubts about who we think we should be apposed to who we really are but little by little, I know i am learning who I am and it seems to me that you are doing the same. I smile when you talk about hugging your daughters – I can’t wait too see my daughter this week – it has been several weeks since I have seem her and I am jonsing for her. She is married and has a busy life, and I am not the interfering type – just very happy to spend time with her when I can. She is 26 and a nurse and I am so very proud of her. She knows nothing about my addiction to pills – I was very careful not to let her know. Now I am so happy not to have to worry ab0ut it any longer. That is one of the greatest rewards of this whole thing. I hope that stu gets it together to write something and let us now how he is doing – we just want to be there for you Stu – no judgement – just concern….Same about lil dove.
Can’t wait till you get back too metoo – I am praying for you and hoping everything is working out for you. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.
Well Y’all, It is getting late and I need to unwind a little before bed-time so I will sign off for now.
Love,
Kitty Mom
PS -sweet dreams
Hey Now,
Man, I can relate to the post that goes astray. Frustrating, but just as you did I never let it deter. I imagine you would have a great blog if you compiled all the near misses from deleted posts.
I fully related to the feeling of seeing a post, from you. It’s like, whew I’m not alone. I have spent years in meetings and it is really hard for me to be me in public situations.
I guess growing up there was some negitive energy in my house, alot of love but well addiction and the coleteral damage was present.
It became my role to make people smile. Laugh, forget about the pain. While, I still do that, it is my greatest joy ever. To make some else smile, I hope your smiling now.
The addiction took over that skill and used it to further the addiction, build a wall.
Well now the wall is coming down.
I do Love. And that’s risky business. But hell like Nike says, Just do it.
I just Love without the expectation, well at least that’s what I’m striving for.
More than anything, I hope you stay clean, I mean your spirit is to bright, to get it muddied by pills.
And know one knows or understands the great relief they provided, nor that quiet call of the wild, so to speak that seems to linger.
I do know this, that THE ONLY THING, that has ever worked in treating my disease for any period of time is EMPATHY. Staying clean with someone who is trying to stay clean.
So for you to use the dependable, well you will never understand how DEEP that goes,
I wish I could take the credit, But I think we both get. Love (God), found us, Love (God) brought us to saftey, Love (God) keeps us growing.
God love me so much, well he decided it appears to fix up this brokedown palace of his.
In fact he Loves me so much he sent me an incerdible woman, he knows that’s the only one who get get my attention, Who appears to be found of restoration and bringing out the NEW. Even if it’s by adding something Old(antique shopping) reference.
It appears the firsst room he has decided needed some fixing was on the DEPENDABLE, room.
I guess the whole renovation of Joe project is to become more like the Creator.
So I think it might be safe to say God is Dependable.
The only way I can show my reliabilty, which is really showing God’s reliability is simply this.
Here you have a one time pill freak, who shows up every day, and he shows up clean.
Now folks if I can restore Joe to dependable status, well than you get your first glimpse in to the New Palace, I’m working on.
Stick around, while I never actually finish this restoration the rroms I will reveal will be quite spectacular.
Of course the would glisten even more ith imput from other creators.
Metoo I can’t wait for you to get back, I need your imput. The project of Joe’s restoration needs it. I miss.
Same for you Stu and Lil Dove and anyone else.
God thank you.
Love
I had a rough weekend. I got real drunk Friday night and kept it up pretty much until Sunday night. Also, I think I have a case of the stomach flu, for real not just the hangover which is bad in it’s own right. I took a couple of hydros to take the pain of the hangover away.
So, I guess I am starting over. Sorry to be the bearer of sad tidings, but it is what it is. At least I wasn’t out there that long this time.
I am back to praying constantly. I just want to feel better
Stu, welcome back and I am glad you stated that you Are STARING OVER – That is better than Not starting over and continuing more of the same. I want to tell you a story about alcoholism – my grandfather who is deceased now was a binge alcoholic. He worked for a living in the steel mills in Pittsburgh and he supported his family….he did not drink in between binges, but when he started to drink, he drank himself into a stuper – sometimes staying in his room with no food – just alcohol for several weeks at a time. He sometimes went out and drank and would stay out for weeks at a time. Anyway, his doctor told him when he was in his forties (I was a little girl at the time) that if he continued to drink, he would die. Well, he quit cold turkey, and I never saw him take a drink ever again as long as he lived. I was in my thirties when he died. I guess my moral to that story is that anyone can turn over the proverbial new leaf if they have the will to change. But – putting it in God’s mighty hands helps.
I have a prayer for today:
Dear Lord, I have depended on myself so many times and have fallen short. My confidence has been shaken. Rebuild me by helping me to put my full confidence in You. In Jesus name. Amen.
Joe – I will be here for the Joe restoration if you are here for the Kitty restoration. Each day away from drugs gives me hope and freedom to become the new me…or the old me although they may be one and the same. I was in Love with the pills for a long time – not a long time considering how long I have been around – but long enough where I could have hurt myself or got in real trouble. It is such a relief to not be in that place any longer. I am so lucky that I do not mentally or physically crave which I am so very thankful to the Lord for. That was my biggest fear in the first week or so that I would be paralized without the support from the drugs – but the pills were the ones paralizing me. I am still not 100 % over the desire because if I were , I would tell those internet consulting people that I am not interested when they send me stuff – I just delete the mothers from my e-mail but have not had the guts to cut the ties completely. I know in my heart that I will not sucumb to them, but just in case!!!!! Sucks doesn’t it.
My baby just called me – I can’t wait to see her this week. What an inspriation that child is – so stong in her convictions – so close to God – I am a very lucky mom to have her.
My only hope now in all of this is that I can help or inspire one other person here to call it quits on the substance abuse or keep just one person from starting it up again – so here I am Joe, Stu, lil dove, metoo, at your beck and call…I am here for you, 100% praying each day for all of us hoping and caring so very much that your lives can and will be happy and fulfille – without drugs!
Love You
Kitty
KittyMom, that’s an awesome prayer. I will use it.
Thanks for the words of encouragement too.
My family also has alcoholism and drug addiction in its lineage. Grandparents, parents, cousins all died related to it. I though I had cut that family tradition back in ’89 when I first got sober. Not so, since I “went back out” in 05 it’s been mostly the booze and drugs in control.
At least I keep trying, and keep getting my ass kicked when I go out. I was really living risky this past weekend. I have to keep it vague, which is probably merciful to you guys so I don’t ramble on an on.
Here’s part of what happened. I have never been convicted of a DWI in many years of driving drunk. That’s mainly because I rarely ever drive drunk. Well, Friday night I went over to a friends house and drank about a half bottle of vodka. I drove home and come to find out drove about 1 block from a DWI check point in town that was working that night. I had drugs on me. I was hanging out where I was not supposed to be. I guarantee my wife would not have approved.
So, today I am looking back at what could easily have been a DWI, drug possession and extremely pissed off wife. None of those happened, but I sort of feel like they did.
The good news is now booze or drugs last night. For better or worse the last six weeks or so has been a taper. Not a planned or pretty one, but one nonetheless.
I keep telling myself that depression, anxiety and insomnia are all normal and will pass. It’s the depression that kicks my ass in early recovery.
I will be praying for God’s strength and guidance. He has been merciful so far.
Love.
Stu – I am so very thankful that you did not get stopped for the DWi with the drugs in the car….sorry this weekend happenned to you at all – but at least you realize that is not how you want it to be. Wow – you were clean for a long time before going out again. At least you know you Can do it if you want to. Even though it is difficult, you can do it. My sister has had alcohol problems in the past and is sober – every once in a while she goes off the wagon but inbetween she stays sober and is a phenominal person – a good hearted Christian that would do anything for anyone and she is the one that got me through the first couple of weeks of my withdrawals by calling me each day and checking on me. I don’t know what the addiction to alcohol is to deal with but I know it must be difficult and hard to resist. I hope with all my heart that you beat it Stu….especially if you know in your heart that is what you want to do. I will be praying along with you through this – God Bles You.
OK – where is that dependable fellow named Joe – not on the board today after I called you on being here every single day – oh you missed one other day a while back too….I hope you are OK and there are circumnstances that are beyond your control that kept you off here today…or maybe you just needed a break! No news from Metoo – I hope you are ok my dear – I am praying for you to and hope you are OK and safe and sound somewhere you want to be. Gosh, not much action here at all today. I worry about you all when you are not here. Well – am going to sign off for now –
Have a great evening
Be Good
Be faithful
Love this life
Be here tomorrow!
Unconditional Love
Kitty Mom
Hey Now,
So I get up yesterday, hit ESPN, get my sports, Hit my Gospel of John Study group site, and then head over here, to get my fill.
Only I could not log on, and I felt it, disappointed.
I tried again, then I laughed and headed for the poultry. Could not locate the old ID badge, panic, now I’m running late.
Ah, say aquick prayer.
Hit the corner store accross from the plant, Maybe I dropped my badge after work the day before. I go in there everyday to buy my daughters a treat, for when they come home from school. Everyday, It’s my favorite thing. Those treats.
The old Korean lady says, Mr. Joe 3 dollar. I know she has it. Unreal, this store is so busy. Wow.
Get into work, and the giant hopper I work on had fell over during 3rd shitft. Which ment I would spend the next 8 hours shoveling the 4ooolb Vats of chicken into the machine, we ran 20. Ouch. a little stiff this morning.
Well I only log on to the internet in the morning, but man I was tempted to log on here and share the day, get connected.
I have no idea why I only log on in the morning, for social networking. I mean I’ll log on to shop, or get information, but I never network at night, kinda a Joe rule.
But the thing I took away from yesterday that was so Awesome. Was I missed you guys, I mean it has been a very long time since I missed friends. It was fucking great man.
Kitty, your last two posts, which I missed live, but you know I DVR’d them. I read them this morning. My God. I know that it may seem like nothing to you, but to get a glimpse into your thought, and moreso your feelings. Thank you so much.
I know I will go there, see the longer I stay away from pills, the more I need to go there, to open up, to let it out, to risk, to feel. I meditate all the time and that;s always the feeling I get. Connect. Connect with others. I really believe that I have hung around this board for months, praying and waiting, praying and waiting and not using.
I feel the connection you have with your sister, oh what a treat. I feel the concern you have for Stu and Lil dove, what a treat. I feel your fear of going back to dope, what a treat. I feel your passion for God, what a treat.
I guess it is trick or treat time.
As I sit here typing in my Avatar Costume : )
So last might we go and pick out Holloween Costumes.
My yougest is going as a 70′s Disco queen–God your getting up there when your day, is now retro. She looks awesome.
My oldest, who is going to a party Sat night, is, gulp.
(a sexy eskimo). Oh god.
It would be so much easier if I had a football player and a fireman.
So, Just for today, I’m cool. I’m connected and I am SO GRATEFUL. Kitty Keep Coming Back, I need you, girl.
Hey Stu,
Nice, I got the DWI with the drugs in the car. Actually I wasn’t drinking, I quit drinking a long time ago, I was high on Vicodin, Soma and Xanax, only I was just feeling like I felt everyday. Normal. which for me is against the law.
It sucks man, alot of cash, alot of inconvience. The whole thing is, Everyday someone kills someone while they are high. I met alot of cats doing 25-life, They aren’t monsters, or thugs or scary people. Those cats are in there to. But these cats are just guys, guys named Joe and Stu, who went out and never came home. They are in a cell, fighting for paper and , praying and waiting, getting the fuck beat out of them, being prayed upon, paying for the right to shower, paying for the right to eat. Paying for protection from the mosters.
I had cash, and people in there, It still sucked, I am a big dude brother, about 6-4 245 Solid man, and I was a whimp.
So yeah, Thank god you didn’t end up there. But you gotta realize, You could.
It’s a prison society brother, And society no longer wants drunks and addicts on the outside, they want you on the inside.
Just know with ever ileagle purchase, or drive to work or the store buzzed, your saying this is worth me spending the next 10 years fighting and not sleeping, crying and beating yourself up.
Why, Because the Loving God, held out his hand, told you, My son, grab it your about to go to some very bad places, I WILL keep that from happening, But you grabbed the dope instead.
And you know what, their ain’t no women in there, and there ain’t internet in there. There is dope. if you got money, or don’t mind homosexual acts.
So my choice today.
Deep intimate conversation with a Woman so special, (Kitty) awaiting the return of another fabulous woman (Metoo) Praying for the Love that is the Woman (lil dove). Hugging my daughters, who are all to quicly becoming woman.
Deal with the Woman that is my Wife, Who happens to be beautiful, and loving, who for whatever reason, I have no clue. Is to busy for me right now.
Man I love woman, I WILL not go years without them again.
I may fast from my the Joy, the ladies bring me. Voluntarily. To gain some type of enlightment or favor. But the Man ain’t taking that pleasure away. And I WILL NOT, just for today trade that for some dope, some dope are you kidding me.
But alas, that’s addiction, for me anyway. I always think, Shit you, you can have both, the dope and the Love.
But I know that’s the lie. It’s one or the other for this dude.
And just for today, by the Love of God, his son Jesus Christ and all the Grace. I choose Kitty’s words. Metoos. Words Lil Doves words.
In the immortal words of BOB MARLEY.
NO WOMAN, NO CRY!!!!!!!
If I can’t be here to make Kitty smile. or Lil Dove think, Or Comfot METOO.. And anyone else. Shit might as well be locked up.
Love is Real.
The universe has finally given me the green light that will change my whole life. Changes are just around the corner….
I have been waiting for years for the change that awaits.
This is what has been taking up my time as of late.
I need this group of friends to help me along the way~~I am not big on change! So I am hoping to rely greatly on you folks to help “pray me ok” through the twists and turns in the road ahead.
More later, when I figure out how to explain this change on an internet board…lol…it’s so complicated. Can’t we just go to DDKitty’s for coffee???????
I love you all….
Hey, Joe….thank you for walking the walk that you have. Thank you for allowing me to walk beside you, my friend. I loved your latest post, giving us a glimpse into the daily life of Joe. I smiled all the way through that!!!
More later..gosh, I say that a lot.
Metoo congrats on the news, it sounds optimistic from your tone. Good luck on whatever it is that awaits you. The change part can be scary. I hate change. The bigger it is the more fearful I get, good or bad.
I can relate to what you said about “how to explain it on an internet board” too. There are things in my life that relate directly to my using but I don’t feel comfortable posting details.
Some are family struggles that may not be so unique. Other things/situations are such that I don’t discuss them with anybody. It’s tough to tie it all together sometimes.
I am just trying to trust in God and do what’s right.
I have not done this very well lately. He sure looking after me though even though my faith may be lacking.
Joe – I really appreciate the story of your DWI and thoughts on prison. That could have happened to me so easy. You nailed it man. There’s a lot of grace or luck involved in me being relatively scratch free right now.
I know my luck can and will run out if I don’t pull out of this tailspin though. It does get worse.
I could not handle prison. I went to an AA meeting at a prison once, as a visitor. I felt like the biggest Lilly white pussy in the place. I am what you would call big. Nor have I lived in what you would call a rough environment. No tattoos, nothing man. I would be in sheer terror. That’s why it was good you reminded me of what’s waiting in there.
It turns out that DWI taskforce was on the route I normally take. For some unknown reason last Friday I went to the next block up. That gives me chills and scares the shit out of me at the same time.
Sometimes I waver and am close to either recovery or just saying screw it I can never get sober. It’s very constructive and positive for me to read that bio from you. Thanks.
Hey Y’all
Have not reported clean days lately – 47 days!
I am so elated about that
I just spent the evening with my darling daughter – we went to Sweet Tomatoes and then to a thrift store where I purchased a beautiful piece of Williamsburg Pottery for 2 freaking dollars – the thrill of the hunt – oh, and a little jack o lantern for halloween.
It was a special evening as is any time I spend with my child!
Joe – what an awesome post – I loved hearing about the little treats you buy your daughters – Ahhhhh the little peaks into the life of Joe – How I enjoy that. And the message to Stu was awe inspiring too. toward the end of my obsession with narcotics, I had the fear that I would end up in prison – I used to drive home from my parents so loaded on them, that I would be close to falling asleep at the wheel.
Today I received another E-mail from the on line consulting company to ask if everything was ok cause I haven’t consulted for a few months – and I wrote back to them saying that I was not interested at this time because I had weined myself off the pills and did not want to take them at this time. So, I think that was a pretty good step although I did not tell them I would never be interested again – which I am pretty sure I won’t be interested again…but, hey, I still kept my options open unfortunately.
Metoo – I am so elated that things are coming together for you – prayer does work doesn’t it.
Stu, take stock in what Joe said in his most recent post cause it sounds pretty damn scary and I don’t want to see you end up there. When I was first trying to come clean I thought that there was no better place in the world that I would rather be than in my own home. If I would have ending in jail, and had to detox in there, I can’t think of a more scarry scenario that that.
Hey i was not done yet – the internet phantom just pressed enter before I was complete…
I am rambling on so I better get to closing this post anyway….I guess what I am trying to say is…I love you guys and am so interested in what you have to say…so keep coming back and I will be here to cheer you on triumph in your success and cry over your weaknessess and pray either way.
So in the words of James Taylor…
You’ve got a friend!
Unconditional Love
Kitty Mom
PS – Hey Joe – I know – isn’t a lark that people are dressing up for halloween in garb from the 70′s…..and 80′s….What Nerve!!!!
Good Morning Friends,
What a great way to start my day. The trifecta, post from all you guys.
Wow.
Yeah, I have learned that my life of ordinary events looked through the eyes of Christ, as to say The eyes of Joe is so completely different. So great.
I guess for me the biggest stumbling block to stopping was, lack of something that worked.
I mean folks that loved me, suggested meetings, it worked for them, but not me.
Folks suggested long term treatment-it worked for them, just not me.
The key was, I never quit trying. I hear you Stu-and as I have explanied over the years. The hardest, lonliest, sickest, scariest. Part of my life, or the stage of the disease that is the cruelest, is when you REALLY want to stop and you can’t.
Man, scary.
All I know is that your path exsist, it starts the same place as everyone elses. Day 1 No Dope…Now where that path goes, where it leads, that’s up to you.
I know for me, this path just keeps getting beter and better. The LOVE gets into my heart alittle more each day. I have no clue where it ends, and JUST for Today, I am not all that concerned with it. To much LOVE to esperience.
Metoo, YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!, Your back and well. I Love the fact that change has come your way, I am going dig this ride. Whatever it is, Let’s promise to enjoy the heck out of it.
Kitty–I had you pegged as a James Taylor type chick, got it.
And all I know is that any woman who can work the phrase, “isn’t it a lark” into a post, has my unwavering commitment. I am so glad you had dinner with your daughter, so did I, we had Tamales(sp). After my daughter got home from cheering. Her school won, so she was pumped.
As I read your posts, I got all emotional, God they grow up. Seems like just yesteday. AH, mind if I cling for a moment to that joy. You and your daughter at dinner, you clean and in the moment with all those Mommy thoughts running through that mind of yours, and your daughter noticing something is different, hmmmm, Ah the Holy spirit what a character. Man, I love your life Kitty.
God, thank you for these friends, see for me. I can’t do it alone.
Just for Today. Know I’m all smiles, as a result of the lives of three Great people.
Now who has my Pumpkin Pie with some coolwhip. And a cup of KittyCoffe, cream and sugar.
Peace. Love and Understanding.
Dinner in my house is usually served in shifts, except on Sunday’s sometimes when we gather for a meal. Work Schedule permitting.
It’s weird I came from a faimly of 7 all had a lot going on, but we had Dinner Time.
I hate the errosion of dinner time, Another area I have accepted. My wife did not have dinner time growing up so she never gets me missing it.
Today is much better.
I appreciate the family things you guys bring up in gratitude. Pulled by a vision into sobriety. It’s wonderful to hear.
I have a son with special needs and my wife and I have battled over the years on how to deal with those. We are finally on some common ground.
My son’s got a heart of gold. We struggle, we truly do, but at the end of the day I love him and my wife. My life would not be the same without either one. We do have some awesome times. NFL, MLB, serious cool guy stuff.
It’s a beautiful day here in the mid-west. The trees are just past full color. I am heading out to my rental in the woods for lunch and some maint.
KittyMom I haven’t burned my hc bridge with my Doc yet either. Never have, even when I was sober fourteen years. So there.
I have been getting killed on maintenance lately. Spent $700 last week for a gas line leak. Just found out a furnace needs replacing. Thats gonna be a couple grand. I am just trying to keep my chin up and not get freaked out and depressed.
The hydro’s won’t help at all. I know that. Sedatives and me do not get along. I abuse the shit out of them then do incredibly stupid things. I function so much better not on them.
My hands and innards have finally quit shaking after my weekend drunk. I will be on my best behavior this weekend. Hopefully that was the last time I get my ass kicked by the 800 lb gorilla Kettle One.
Bye now guys. I still love you all and appreciate you being out there!
Hey everyone – I am writing late tonight again. I just rested today cause I had a biobsy done and was having a little pain and was very tired. Nothing to worry about per the doctor – just precautionary. I, as usual, was glad to hear from you Joe and enjoy hearing the daddy things you do and you too Stu. Our children are our most wonderful accomplishments – the joy of our lives – and they do grow up so fast. Before I knew it, mine was through high school – through college – moved out on her own – and was married. I pray with all my heart, that the next life experience in my life is a grandchild. That experience, they say, is like no other and even if she isn’t ready yet – I certainly am…hehe.
Metoo, let us know how you are doing. It sounds like you have some excitement around the corner, so as your friend, I am really excited for you – I can only hope and pray that it is something you have been waiting and wanting for some time.
You guys are the best and I would not have a complete day without coming here and listening to your experiences and sharing mine. Yes, Joe, I plan on making a pumpkin pie tomorrow and wish that we were getting together on the front porch with our coffee in one hand and pie in the other..yum!
Have not heard from lil dove lately and hope she is out there and that God has her problems in his strong able hands to lesson her burdon and He puts things in perspective for her. And Stu, keep on keepin clean just one day at a time – anything is possible with prayer and support and love….and yu have it all here.
Take care my friends and have a good weekend. It got a little hot here this week but we are having a cool spell tomorrow so I hope to enjoy the outdoors if not cleaning out the garage.
Love you unconditionally
Kitty
Weekend Love from Texas, Ya”ll.
Nice as always to start my morning off. Right. Here.
Thanks for sharing about your procedure Kitty. I hope the pain is bearable, and whatever precautions were taking down there, well we take them.
Remember, I need you. (selfish but oh so true)
I had a complete check-up in May, when I got a year clean.
I need some tinkering here and there, along with a follow-up.
I have some circulation issue in my left leg, It’s weird. because that’s the reason I went to the Dr. That led to the Anti Deprresant conversation, and the complete physical.
As for the leg the next step was an MRI, which showed no blockage.
So I wear this stocking at work, to reduce swelling, but he wants some more tests.
I hate that pharse “more tests”.
It does keep me from jogging, I gotta walk. I miss jogging.
So, I know our minds can sieze anything health related and twist that shit.
Mine sure as heck does.
And you know we got to much to do.
I wish I had your passion for work around the home. I like the yardwork, but my gaarge, which is actually this hugh building out back, the previous owner of the hous rebuilt forgin cars in it.
I store my life upthere it is the one area where everything gets dumped. I will clean it, I was thinking springtime?
No Dope, No Matter What.
Have a great weekend and ENJOY.
Hey Y’all
It was a beautiful Florida day – the sky was bright blue all day and we opened the garage door and cleaned out the garage – Oh my God help me…what a mess it was…but now we are able to fit both vehicles in there after the trash man takes the ton of garbage we have on Tuesday. I feel really accomplished – put some stuff in the attic – some stuff in the shed out back and cleaned out a ton of stuff….not as much as I would like but alot anyway.
I told by husband he has to take me to cracker barrell to eat tonight cause I ain’t cookin!!!
Well, against my better judgement we are getting a kitten. A little girl and we named her Adah….we will get her next week.
Because……as Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young sang….
Our house, is a very very fine house
with two cats in the yard
Life used to be so hard
Now everything is easy
Cause of You
Can’t sing that song with just ONE CAT!!!!
Folks, I just am so elated to be clean – just for today
and I am just so elated that I get to share it here with you.
We have no fall colors here so STU, enjoy your midwestern fall colors for me, will ya? I miss the fall – our fall is just milder days, a little cooler, but no fall colors. Joe, I hate the words more tests also – but for today, I feel like I am not in any danger. The doctor could have taken a bunch of samples, but he only took one, and he said it was just for the record – that everything looked good, so I am not afraid any longer. I was when I went in there but not now.
I am now feeling natural pain again – with the pills I was mostly feeling withdrawal pain between doses – but you know what? The pain is not that bad. It kind of makes me feel alive instead of all doped up. I always exagerated the pain to the doctors anyway just to get the pills. That is in the past and I am here to tell you AGAIN that things are better on the other side of addiction…so don’t be afraid folks – you can do it – one day – one minute – one second at a time.
Love you all unconditionally.
Kitty Mom
PS – miss you metoo!
Hey, thanks for missing me and for the nice comment, my peeps!!! I sure wish we could hear from Suzy and Lil Dove….please post, ladies, even if it’s just to say “hey”…lots of folks are out “here” praying for you~~I am sending prayers your way and good, good, good~good vibrations!!! It will all come together in God’s time.
Congrats on the new kitty, DDKM!! Loved the link to the song too! I’m so glad, KM, that you are happy, delighted, and so content in your recovery. You are the picture of what the good life is supposed to be. Inspirational, to say the very least. I am proud of you!!!
Hey, now, Mr. Joe!!! What do you buy your girls for treats?? Do you get things like candy bars, or lip gloss??? (Imagine Joe picking out lip gloss…lol!!) My favorite candy bar is the Skor bar..just in case you wanted to enjoy one of those for me!
Stuart!!!! I wish I could give you a big fat hug right now. I’m so glad that you didn’t get into trouble last weekend. I think if any of us would have the proof to believe in a higher power, it is you, my friend. God has saved your butt a lot of times~He hasn’t given up on you, and neither will I. Nope, I’m not budgin’. When the time is right for you, you will beat these addictions. People like you and me just need to find the right time, and the right mindset. But once we finally “get it”, we DO. And you will. You’re sharp. Please do me a favor though, and don’t be so hard on yourself in the meantime. Be thankful for the breaks you’ve been given, and offer your sufferings up as they occur. That is something that I realized~~WHAT IF~~During a detox…having the total and complete mindset of the last days of Christ’s life. Usually in my mind I start with the agony in the garden, when He asked for this cup to be taken from Him…and then releasing His power with the words, “Not My will but Yours be done.”
If we embraced our detoxes with this mindset, and suffered through it seeking a closer walk with Christ…He who suffered more than we can imagine. How much different might we each see it? I wonder this.
I really admire you all here. I sure wish we could have coffee. Well, I’d have a beer…lol…HEY! Have any of you tried “yerba mate”? It is soooo yummy, and it’s supposed to be great for you also! I love it!
Done rambling now. Be good to everyone, my peeps!!! Love you!!
Hey Now,
Speaking of treats, that what your folks posts were Awesome stuff.
Sunday Morning, so I’ll share some Love with you guys this morning.
I worked yesterday and then I went to this lecture on the unification of Catholics and Prodestants.
I am Irish Catholic and so well this subjuect as always been sensitive.
Anyway it was so Cool, the whole message was.
What can we learn from each other.
The point that hit home for me the most was this.
What do people want, what does man wish for, what do they seek.
Both side agreed it was Matter. People, Things, Nature.
That is what Man sees, touches, remembers.
First agreement, People are attracted by sight and emotion brought about by things.
OK so If God is being sought.
And if you believe He created you, for the purpose of willfully finding him.
But he knows that he can’t directly appear to you. He’s God, right. The ultimate power, The Ultimate glory, The Ultimate Joy. The Ultimate Love.
He knows a direct contact would be to much for the flesh, it would kill the very thing it created.
So he hides, in things. He let’s you glimpse his majesty, in things.
In People, In Places. Well in matter.
He is inside of the matter, the divinty within. The pure POWER of God is inside the things we touch, feel and experience everyday.
The Power of God is waiting for you, he knows you’ll find him.
Now of course he’s God, he could burst through matter and he has right, THE CROSS, CHRIST.
But, I believe most of the time he is hiding. Loving you, calling you.
I think it was CS Lewis or someone who said. It’s like we are all walking around in the dark, in room full of ghosts. We are scared, we cant see and then SOMETHING goes BOO!!!! And you Jump, your heart stops and well you realize it’s your Dad, and he turns on the light and He’s laughing and he hugs you and he loves you and your not scared anymore.
I know that for me, God knows me so dam well, that he hid, he hid right where he knew I’s look inside 2 wonderful. beautiful woman.
Ah God, you are so Awesome.
And has St. Augistine always said, I can not even begin to imagane the HELL i would be in, for it not the prayers of others.
So today my prayer goes out to the addict who still suffers, clean or not.
Love from one of Metoo’s peeps a.k.a Joe.
Oh Yeah I forgot,
My daughters top 5 treats,
Food Products.
1. Lays Flamin Hot Chips.
2. Cosmic Brownies (Little Debbie prduct)
Non-Pearshiable
3. LIP GLOSS–Oh yeah, I do it, I’m always picking up some gloss sister,MY LIP GLOSS BE POPPIN, AS THE KIDS SAY. Favorite flavors. bubble gum and strawberry.I swear to god they have more lip gloss than I have possesions.
4. Crazy Stringy Bands, these little rubber strands that are shaped like stuff that you wear, I guess by the hundreds around your wrists and ankles. (must be the orginal no knock-offs)
5. Any Teen magizine with a Justin Beiber, Miley Cyrus or Twilght character cover.
I shall try a Skoar bar for you today metto–It is Halloween, I might just give myself a treat. Little Skoar action.
Love
I am so sorry folks but I just wrote a long post all about my day and my philosophy on Christianity and my love for each of you and I pushed the wrong button and it went away – so being that it is after 11:00 PM and I am OK but tired, I will catch up with you all tomorrow.
Love you guys unconditionally
Kitty Mom
Hey Now–
Happy Monday!!!!
Here is to a New Month. With much joy and inspiration, love and wisdom, health and satisfaction.
This month my goal is No Dope-No Matter what.
To bring Joy each and every day.
So to everyone who scrolls through this blog, and those who count on it for there daily bread,
God Bless. May he keep you safe. And touch your hearts.
I was scrolling through the threads this morning and saw some posts from folks, I missed when they were orginally Posted.
Dee- Welcome, I hope your still around, I’m really sorry I did not responmd earlier, I missed your post. If you have figured out how to post again, please share.
Suzy-relaps–You still around, please post.
My great friends, who have swooshed into my life to hepl carry me along. Thank you so much.
In honor of All Saints Day here are some thoughts I hope bring a smile to your face and some Joy.
For Metoo-Man, your passion, your beauty, your love, your insight, your thoughts, your hope, your inspiration, your smile, your words..I can never get enough. You are a saint.
You know something struck me the other day, and I have been keeping this to myself, Metoo, I have always assumed your a woman, but I’m not sure you ever said it. To be honest that’s what I was scrolling through threads for. Oh yeah, I’m alittle nuts. Not that it would matter, but it would kinda change my descriptive adjectives. On second thougt, i guess it would matter, to me anyway, This is my round about way of asking-Metoo you are a woman, right? I mean it isn’t imperative you answer that, the anninomity(sp) makes this place so free. So I’m not prying or you are not compelled to answer that. Just a thought I had, I wasn’t sure I should even ask it. But I was like why did you assume from the very first post Metoo was a woman, the answer was, because I wanted her to be, selfish I know.please forgive me.
For Kitty-Your warmth, your caring, your intellect, your energy, your dedication, your easy way, your truth, your compassion, your joy..and the fact that you can stay up past 11, well your a Saint. ow I’m pretty sure your a woman, seeing as you have mentioned a daughter a husband, I think one of your posts described a woman’s issue. So I’m thinking yeah your a woman, right?
For Stu–For your experience, your effort, your fatherhood, your trials, your accomplishments, your strength, your wisdom, your caring, your concern-you also brother are a saint. I know your a dude, gotta be.
Anyway, just showing alittle mre of my insane thought process
For Adam–who provides the space–no doubt a saint.
For every person wanting to stop pills-there is a way out.
Like Springsteen says and I agree…….
This trains filled with Saints and Sinners
AND FAITH WILL BE REWARDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love, no matter your gender.
Joe
Keeping the faith one more day.
Hee hee!! I LOVE IT!!! Yes, Joe, I’m a female!
Glad you’re a woman metoo.
Had a great weekend.
I am a man.
Have a great week all.
Hey, Joe, how was that Skor candy bar???
I’m glad you had a great weekend, Stuart!!!! AND, I’m glad you’re a man!!
Where’s lil dove???
Where’s Suzy???
Hey Y’all
As they say is Pittsburgh – are yinz coming over for pie and coffee.
Since it is monday (and happy Monday) I will start out saying today I am 51 days clean….Thanks to our forgiving and loving God…and my friends right here….I celebrate this day with high hopes.
Joe you are a hoot! Yes, I am a woman – otherwise I would be named Kitty Dad…haha. You are right – I don’t think Me-too ever did alude to being a woman but I certainly did not think she was anything but this whole time..haha. Funny how you just know sometimes….
It was a busy weekend – we cleaned out the garage on Saturday and can actually put a car in there after we get rid of the trash tomorrow – some stuff went to the attic – some to the shed out back, and loads of stuff got thrown away…mostly my stuff cause the pack rat does not throw anything away !!!! This is all stuff I had written last night but I lost it all.
Joe – What I think about Christianity regardless of denominaton, in a nutshell is that God sent us his Son who suffered and died so that we can have eternal life. That probably is an over simplification but that one sentence proleferates how much he loves us unconditionally no matter what we do or say or no matter if we make mistakes. – as long as we have taken Him into our hearts as our Savior and believe in him as such. Now I am not saying that it is OK to go out and blatenty do wrong, but I believe that God loves us – otherwise why would be have let his Son suffer so that we could join him someday in Heaven. And, Jesus did not preach in the temple – he preached am0ng the people sometimes among thieves and protitutes because they are who needed him the most. Even though I think a relationship with God is a very personal relationship, I also think prayers are answered by proxy through others praying with you and for you – that is why I am so elated to hear my friends on here so filled with the Holy Spirit and willing to share in conversation about the Lord and share in prayer. That is a wonderful example of being filled with Christ no matter that you, Joe, are an Irish Catholic or I am a Anglo-Saxon Protestant. We are all prayer and bible warriors out to slay the dragons – the pill dragons – the depression dragons – the alcohol dragons – the daily life dragons. oh oh I am rambling again. I am just saying, we all are different but we are all the same – we all strive for a loving family life, a loving God, food, shelter, the basics – and yes material stuff sometimes too. And, I think God is OK with that as long as we are not greedy, boastfull, or selfish about it and it is for our own mundane pleasure and not to brag or boast about it.
About stuff – I have never been interested in having stuff to look better than the neighbors or whatever – I just like to collect stuff for me. I hope that is not wrong…but I don’t think it is.
Just smack me down if you get sick of all this idle chatter….!!!
Metoo – I know there is a lot going on with you right now, but I pray that you will remain here with us and keep us satisfied that you are all right…send me kitty mail if you are so inclined.
Stu – I have a need to hear more from you also. Seems like Joe and I are the chatty ones on here of late. Love to hear from you too and glad to hear that you and Joe are guys….
One more thing that I am excited about – we are going to have a cold spell this weekend and it may go down to the low 50′s….Oh how I yearn for some cool crisp weather!
Hope to hear from each and every one of you tomrrow and please anyone new out there that is just lurking right now and afraid to write – please do. I really welcome newbies on here and hope you one-timers check back soon so that I know how you are doing. Love abounds here
Love to the core 4 and more unconditionally
DD Kitty “MOM” not “DAD”
Hey Now,
You guys rock, man. Thanks METOO and STU and KITTY.
I mean I understand this here is the internet and it means diferent things to different people.
For me, I am living in an area of the counrty, well I’m not real fond of, I am a liberal Northeastern, living in the heart of a Red state.
In a town that is oh shall we say stuck somewhere around 1958.
I have sttled here, I moved like 4 times from 90-01.
I may have 1 more move in me, when I downsize when the kids move on.
So I don’t have friends in town, I disdain the church folk,, I disdain the racist, the biggot. They just aren’t my breed. Everyone else uses, and I really hate the way it makes me feel to sit in a driveway while every gets hammered and stoned and pilled out.
I have no adult connection in my home.
So I have this place.
It means everything to me.
I get my needs met here daily.
I know for some this is a blog, and they have rich full lives and they pop in and split, that’s cool.
I however, hang here.
And i know it is total self centerness that I have come to reley on you guys to meet those needs. God to be vulnerable.
I Love God, I am beginning to grow in the Spirit. I have no idea if this place blocks me from stepping out into the real world, or if this is my real world.
All I can go by is the fruit, right. And this tree is providing me with so many gifts.
So I come back.
Anyway, I like Kitty seem to ramble, it just I got so much in my mind, I gotta let it out.
I know, I need to Listen more. I’m doing that..
Kitty Thanks so much for a view into you spiritual belief. I welcomed it like a Texas cold front. Needed. I hope you get to put on a sweater. Nothing would enthrall me more than to discuss a Book of the bible with you in great detail. To go through it, a verse at a time, to reflect, to learn, to grow. To share. I’m sure this probably isn’t the forum for that. Maybe we can come up with something. Has the holidays approach, and work gets hectic, and plans get hectic. It would keep me so focused on God. I’m not sure of the logistics of setting up a little board for bible talk. Man would I love that.
This friendship gets more intriguing every day man. First I meet you, I figure your pretty much my biggest fear, Successful, Attractive, Professional, Same age group as me, white female. Every bit of shame, guilt and self hatred has ALWAYS kept me from a relationship with someone as special as you. I could only dream about it. But yet, here you are, engaging me daily. My fear is still oh so real. I still feel so out of your leauge (lack of a better term).
And this is all in my Head, because the fact is you have been a shinning star of love and Hope.
Now I come to read your a Protestant, even more interesting, wouldn’t you say.
God, I am searhing, seeking and conversing with a White Proffesional Protestant. This is a BREAKTHROUGH. One by one my sterotypes keep falling. Next thing you’ll tell me is you occassionaly let your hair down and enjoy life.
You know when I was small. from like 3-7 or 8 my dad had a job in Pittsburgh, we Lived in Upper St. Clair. My memories are of course very, very vauge. I do remember the Pirates, The Steelers, My Church, My front yard and Franco’s catch. It was the early 70′s. late 60′s.
Metoo- I did indeed pertake in the Skor, what is not to like about sweet toffee taste, in a delightful milk choclate. I savored the experience. It’s a great bar. Not a straight Hershey bar. My all time favorite. I never understood, why dilute the taste of the pure chocolate. While the toffee did have a certian zeal, I must agree. Anyway..I hope your cool. See Metoo, and I share this with all truth and Honesty. Your simple posts and incrdeible way, exceed my wildest callings of the spirt and mind. You have touched my soul, my heart, my mind. Kinda hard for me to describe, like a dream come true, or a fnatasy made real. I mean I figured there was people llike you in the sorld, I had just never met one. Ok so I am approaching the wiredo line here, amyway..I could never thank you enough.You have turned the most challenging time in my life into a joy filled ride.
Speaking of Hershey, I went there every summer. Hershey Park. Love the place, God I love chocalate.
Stu–drop some serious recovery strategey on me Bro, I am afloat out here.
OK, my post now for the next few days will be brief. I am choosing this to see if I can stop this inssent rambling.
Joe
KittyMom I like your post about Christ. For the record, I think it’s fine you are talking about God.
Joe, your rambling is fine. Thanks for sharing some of your life. The description you give of your town sounds like something out of “The Last Picture Show” (an awesome book by the way).
I prayed and meditated lately on how God has watched over me, especially the last year. Sunday night was an important evening for me. I took care of some “unfinished business” with a friend of mine. It was very emotional. I went back out that night. No pills or booze since. I think there was closure on something that needed it bad.
I am going to have to give up my pot experiment/maintenance plan. I got some pot that is so good it makes me super depressed and paranoid (not to mention Alzheimer’s stupid). What a great combination for a guy that suffers from depression anyway! My RHR was 100 at a stop light yesterday. Normal is around 60.
Thank God some of the external stuff in my life is getting toned down. I do feel much calmer and of sorts today.
Let’ see. My recovery thought for the day is a combo, “This too shall pass” and “Live and let live”. I am trying to take care of my own recovery and let God handle other peoples.
Bye for now.
KittyMOM, LMAO!!!! Your post had me giggling!! So I said out loud, “Double Dippin’ Kitty got off the ride…” and then I giggled some more!!!
So, within a month’s time, my life will be completely changed. I am selling my business and moving away from the area I’ve lived in for 46 years. Starting over. Clean canvas, brand new color palette. Does anyone have any advice, or things I should keep in mind during this transition??
I know that this move is what God wants me to do. I am afraid, but I am trying to face that fear head on, and JUST DO IT. Kicking the vicodin was one way of proving to myself that I can do ANYTHING I set my mind to. I didn’t want to take an addiction with me. Ok, so I’ve kicked that, and now I feel as though I am ready. I’m still frightened though. Is this me?? Can I do this?? Where will I work? How will I feel?? The questions are endless and bring with them some anxiety, although the anxiety is lessening every day that I move closer to my relocation. I need to treat this as a great adventure~isn’t that what life truly is~and a brand new chapter in the book of the life of Metoo.
I am truly praying that the friends I have made here will make this transition with me…you are with me (just like God) no matter where I go. You kids dwell in my heart….
Joe, I adore your rambling!! If your posts are brief over the next few days, I’m gonna be really really pissed.
Hey everyone – I will try to make it short today since the last few posts have been long. …and Joe don’t make yours short cause I enjoy every word and would feeol cheated if you wrote just a little.
Metoo – I am very happy for you that you have made the big decision to move on in your life to your real purpose. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. You have been a real inspiration to me and everyone else on this site for some time and now you need to take care of yourself – take care of Metoo – make the move, be happy and who you are meant to be. I would like it also if you would keepo in touch by E-mail (kitty-mail) if you are confortable with that.
Joe, I would really like to study the bible more – I am kind of lax in that and I know there is alot to learn. That is an area of my life that needs work.
Stu – buddy, I hope you do take care of your own self and do not worry about other people….it is kind of depressing even on here at times when you see people struggling and you don’t have the right words to respond.
I gotta go folks – got to pick up my new kitten tonight – I might write some more later or I might give you all a break for a change.
Love you guys and talk later
Kitty Mom no longer dd
Kitty Mom…your words of encouragement mean much more to me than I can ever even express!! Thank you for being such a “constant” for not only myself, but for all of us here. I treasure who you are. How many days clean now?? I think it’s 53 tomorrow?? Damn! I hope you never stop celebrating the reduction!!~~~A.K.A. no more DD!!!
hee hee…couldn’t resist that one!!! But really, thanks for having my back. You are a true friend. I am thankful.
Mornin’, Joe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would like to try to remember one of my Roman Catholic prayers for you…this prayer was tacked just above the kitchen sink in our family home as I was growing up…and as I was thinking about leaving a “treat” for you to start your day, the “Morning Offering” came to mind. I’m sure you are familiar with it, and I will try to remember just how it goes…but I love it still…
Morning Offering
Oh, Jesus, through the Immaculate Heart of Mary,
I offer you all the works, joys, and sufferings of this day.
For all the intentions of Thy Sacred Heart,
In union with the holy sacrifice of the Mass throughout the world,
in reparation for my sins, for the intentions of all our associates, and in particular…..(insert prayer here….)
FOR A GREAT DAY FOR OUR JOE…
Every once in awhile, someone comes along and touches your life. When that happens, don’t forget to say thank you….
THANK YOU JOE!!! THANK YOU KITTYMOM!!!! THANK YOU STU!!!!!! THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO IS READING THIS. We are all ripples in the water of life….let’s make a difference.
Starting today. Right now. I’m in. You??
Ok.
Screw it, I’m posting away, Or better yet I’ll allow the Holy Spirit to flow through me.
It is only in giving it away, that we keep it.
Metoo–A morning treat, Yowza. To think A guy travels the wrong road of self indulgence, addiction, punishment, shame and guilt and through no action on his part, is touched by GOD, called and comforted. I mean how can you not totally love a God, that sees past the bullshit our lives had become and looks directly at your heart and proclaims. COME FOLLOW ME.
Then you begin to FOLLOW, you have no clue what your doing, maybe you cling to some dogma or past. And slowly, things change, maybe your whole life gets turned upside down, maybe you just look at you life the way it is differently.
How shall I describe the Kingdom of God, It is like a speck of yeast the leavens the whole loaf. Or a mustard seed that grows and all the birds of the air find shade in its branches.
To wake up and have your “Dreamgirl” that’s my new nickname for you METOO-(now that i believe you to be a woman) LOL. Leave you a prayer and a wish. OH PRECIOUS GOD. YOU ARE AMAZING ALL GLORY IS YOURS.
Give up my place of heaven right here on earth for a PILL. Not today, sister.
Hey, as far as the move goes. CONGRATULATIONS.
another verse. if I might.
WE HAVE BEEN SET FREE, FOR FREEDOM’S SAKE.
You are free girl, free to shine, free to grow, free to BREATH again.
Some brief moving tips.
One take your time, Moving with a outline or a plan and a timeline is a hell of alot easier on the mind then oh, packing the uhaul in the middle of the night.
Two- ask for help, God is waiting to guide you. He has already gone before you, once he relaized you were Following.
And most importantly (for me) GET INTERNET SERVICE,
I had a buddy that moved form Denver, To San Fransico last year. He bloged his move daily, every post was hilarious. The Move. we called it. He blogged packing up, hitting the road, diving out west, arriving, Finding a hotel, living in the hotel, looking for house, looking for a job. It was the funniest, coolest blog of 09.
It took all the bullshit and made it funny, cable guy was late, first rental home fell through. The stuff, that makes us cringe is just stuff when we share with friends.
Kitty-the toned down Kitty will not work girl, post away. Trust me you will feel better, I do. I am researching our Bible Blog space board meeting room whatever, I hope it is up and runnign soon, and I oray you will join me, cause has you know I need You. And I have no shame or ego in admitting that,
Stu–One minute, One day, One second. I mean I had to give up all the old thoughts about getting clean that well intended people had fed me over the years. And just say, this time it’s for me. God has called me again, I have answered, Look God knows me. That much I know is true. He knows I love the ladies, the fun of life, the joy of nature, the scaredness of each person. He knows I care, He knows I’m a guy. He knows I have a bunch of Love to share. So I share it. What he has advised me is that anytime I am selfish, or dishonest. I hurt myself and others. So today I’m honest and most of the self seeking, self centerness is gone away,
Like Paul said, Work out your salvation. Stop the grumbling and the questioning. Look brother, you have been called repeatedly.
Why, because your awesome, that’s why. Now take that fake knife out of your back, quitt beating the same tired old lie, And Be you, man. Drug and Booze free. Do what you Love man, remember God creates both the work and the desire. You created the desire for booze and dope, just like me. Because somewhere we thought our natural desires where wrong.
We bought the lie, became depedent and didn’t want to let go.
You can drop that blankie and BE YOU.
This is Joe, maybe you can relate. Oh and by the way I’m drug and booze free. In Love with Christ and praise him every morning.
I Love My Kids
I Love Sports
I Love the Bible
I Love Woman
I Love Technology
I Love Nature
I Love Having fun and Laughing
I Love Music
I Love INFORMATION
I Love debate
I Love Woman( oh did I mention that) But aren’t they so INCREDIBLE.
I Love work
I love competion
I love The Hunt
I Love Fantasy and Imagination
I Love Writing
I Love Praying.
Here is what I discovered over the past 1 and 1/2 years.
Dope takes away everyone of the items mentioned on my list.
God Provides me THE BEST of each and every item on my list
Why, Because God is Love.
I am here to BREAK the MYTH, that God is some kind of Buzzkill. In fact HIS LOVE IS THE GREATEST HIGH OF ALL, AND IT NEVER, EVER RUNS OUT.
Short and sweet, huh guys.
Love, Love and more Love.
Joe – man you would not believe how much I appreciate your post and encouragement. It has been a real tough few weeks. I know there is life after drugs and alcohol and it really helps to hear some optimistic testimony from somebody that’s been there.
Thank you, thank you, and thank you.
I believe I may have worn my AA sponsor out so maybe I can use you. Hopefully I will get sober soon and not be dead weight here.
I just got back from the hospital visiting a buddy that’s dying of cirrhosis. He is on a transplant list and started bleeding out last night internally. Right now they can’t find the leak, so he’s just laying there dying. He looks like it isn’t far now. It was so sad.
Funny thing is over the last fifteen years or so I always looked up to the guy and thought, “man I wish I could drink like him”. He was a two fisted partier, successful business man, seemed to have it all together. He was also fun as shit to party with. A real good guy
He’s the exact same age as me, within a few days as a matter of fact.
I saw his wife up there, crying. I cried a bit too.
It’s not pretty dying of this disease. Either by one’s own hand, violently in wreck, or slowly in a hospital bed. Life is so precious. This will be my second buddy to die within a couple of years of a bleed out or liver failure. I am not far behind if I don’t stop.
But hey, here there’s hope and optimism right guys. God almighty help us stay sober.
My thought during meditation this morning was that God has in fact blessed me and FOR SURE watched over me. He may be getting a little pissed though, so I better get my act together. Not that my vision of God is an angry one, but hey He can only take so much.
It’s about as pretty as it gets here in Missouri. What more can a guy ask for.
Love and happiness core4. Or I thought of this monikor, the “about junkies”. It may be a little more “inclusive”. AJ for short. Not to be confused with Anthony Soprano’s son.
Hey my Core 4 – This is fantastic and I live for days like this where I come to this board and see all three of your shining faces on here. You are all an inpiration to me to take just one more day to stay pill free and to honor God and friendship and life and love.
Why has God sent me to this particular board for help – I believe it was to meet you guys.
So I guess I am out numbered by Roman Catholics on here now (LOL) but that is OK – cause we are all talking about and praying to the same God here – a kind, wonderful God who answers prayers in strange ways some times and in his own good time sometimes. So Stu, keep praying, and when the time is right he will reach down and take you by the hand and you will put your trust in Him and he will believe in you and releave your burden. I know cause it happened to me….and Joe…and Metoo. All of us are testamony that God works miracles, one day at a time for most of us.
Love You!!!!
Joe, I love how you put us women on a pedestool – that is what it feels like anyway. You are very kind for that and I hope I meet your every expectation. Metoo – I do have your back and if anyone dares to put you down, they will have to contend with DD kitty mom big time. You deserve the best and soon you will have it and your wildest dreams will be realized. You will do fine – moving is always stressful but in the long run it will be over and you will be settled and happier than you have ever been.
On a personal note, I am the Mom of a brand new kitten but it did not turn out like planned. We went to pick her up, brought her home and was calling her by her girl given name and saying “little girl” this and “little girl that” and low and behold I picked up that little tail of “hers” and wtf – she had balls!!! OMG – had to regroup then and come up with a boy nane real fast. So “her” name is Clyde…LMAO!
Cute little guy but I can’t get anything done cause all he wants to do is nuzzle on me…haha. The empty nester now has a new baby boy!!
Yeah Stu this is AJ – some recovering, some wanting to – and been there done that friends!
Well gotta go and pull together some chow….Love you guys and girl!!!
Kitty gone wild!
OK,
What an incredibly weird morning here at the Blog. I have not once but twice attempted the usual indepth look at Joe. And twice right at the end of the dam novels…WHOOSH, gone.
So here it is in oh about 100 words.
First–KITTY ALL TIME GREAT POST, WITH AN ALL TIME GREAT LINE. “KITTY GONE WILD”–Love it.
Let me quickly and to the point address 2 things. Sorry for the directness, my fingers are hurting from all the typing.
FIRST, AND THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT THING I CAN SAY TO YOU THIS MORNING KITTY, YOU NEED NOT EVER WORRY ABOUT MEETING MY EXPECTIONS, ABOUT ANYTHING. SEE, THE MINUTE YOU LOG ON, YOU HAVE SHATTERED THEM.
Ok, by that I hope this next bit will explain it.
I have been doing some real deep emotional work.
I am an addict, you see, and so if I don’t so this work, if I don’t grow. I die. Simple right.
Anyway, throught this work, it has been revealed to me.
The single biggest, deepest, scariest, thing about me.
It is, that deep in my being lies an emptiness, a lonliness, It is so deep and so powerful this lonliness, that it leads me back to dope everytime.
So it has taken me 30 years to identify and another year and 1/2 to address.
I now know what I lack, what I have never had. What I desire.
COMPAINIONSHIP.
The thing is, I am not even sure what it is.
I know this, BOTH YOU KITTY AND METTOO, BY ALLOWING ME THE HONOR OF CHATTING WITH YOU, THIS VOID, GOES AWAY. OF COURSE , NIETHER OF YOU IS UNDER ANY TYPE OF OBLIGATION TO SATISFY THIS VOID.
Nor would I ever expect, you guys to be.
Now If, for whatever reason you feel as though there is some small type of reciprocity, in engaing me. AWESOME. If however, I am making either if you the least bit UNCOMFORTABLE. MAY GOD PLEASE FORGIVE ME.
I say this from the bottom of my heart, If I am not helping in any fashion, if my DESIRE FOR COMAPIONSHIP, makes you worried Again I am so deeply sorry.
I KNOW THIS IS MY ISSUE. it is my responsiblity, to find healthy fulfilling , desireful adult COMAPIONSHIP, IF I WISH TO REMAIN DRUG FREE.
I know I am jsut learning how to do this.
I know I am 45 years old, and have never experienced it.
I have no idea what IT even entails, I am stumbling along here.
I JUST NO THAT IT IS THROUGH THESE FREINSHIPS, THAT I DON;T USE DOPE, AND NOW MORE IMPORTANTLY I GROW.
So yes, I do keep Woman in a VERY SPECIAL PLACE OF HONOR.
I KNOW FOR ME, ONLY GOD CAN BE TRUSTED WITH MY CONFIDENCE, AND IT IS IN HIM I PLACE IT.
But for now anyway, I reside hear on earth, in a body filled with emotions, and desires and fears and wnats and needs,
And I know when your an addict like me, I either find a new way or I go back to the old way of adressing thos things
so just for today–I will keep on this path, I pray for all of you.
Stu-your up tomorrow, I am now completely wiped out.
Love
That makes sense to me, Joe…maybe I have that inner void also….you might be on to something here. I know it’s true for you~~as I have seen you walking this path pretty much alone for the first year~~there are two reasons I joined you: First, I joined because I wanted to be more like you~you have a power of attraction, even in your separateness. Second, I needed someone to walk with also: I, like you, am alone….that is why this change in my life is so ODD….and so necessary. I don’t want to be alone any longer. I have a lover waiting for me who wishes to inhabit my heart, and my soul…and she is the most beautiful creature God has ever created. She and I have endured 4 years of a long distance relationship (and we looked good doing it too), and the time has come to eliminate the distance, the space, the cell phones. I won’t be alone much longer. And yet, that is an adjustment too. In my marriage of 20 years, I was totally alone 90% of the time. I was a possession. I was a housekeeper (but I think I looked going doing that too…lmao). I was a cook and a baker. But I was not loved. I was not cared for on the level that my soul needed to be cared for. I worshiped alone, until that finally went away too, and I sought out God in the quiet of my “space”. He has never left my side. He is guiding me and I am following. I am going to be the person He meant for me to be. No one chooses this life~just in case anyone wonders. Who would? Some of us learn later on, though, after we let society dictate to us what is acceptable. When we let God tell us that LOVE is all that is acceptable we have made great strides.
Joe, we were not meant to live in solitude. Not meant to be closed off. And, leave it to Kitty Gone Wild and Metoo to get under your skin!! You are no longer alone, my friend!!!
Keep typing, Joe…it’s just gettin’ good!! Hahahaha!!! STUART!! We need another man in here to even things out!
Love you guys…
Metoo you are an inspiration. Great post. I am envious of your leap of faith and love for your girlfriend. My life has quite a few emotional parallels with how you describe your marriage.
Mine degenerated into contempt by my wife no matter what my behavior, good or bad. (She is clinically depressed). I gravitated towards being bad since I got shit no matter which way I went. (I used to be mostly good). Smack me no matter what I do, and I am pretty much going to do whatever the f*** I want. That’s what I have done for the last year.
The hydrocodone was a sure way out, however temporary. I can not describe or over emphasize how frustrating my life had become over the last several years. I have pretty much been put in the “bad guy” role, no matter the fact I pay all the bills, cook, clean , hire a maid and do other husbandly duties faithfully and true. I don’t want to sound like a bitch, but home life has been rough.
I realize that I am in a depressive state right now myself and things look much worse than they really are.
The most important thing in my life is to stay sober. The other stuff will work itself out in God’s time.
My buddy in the hospital with cirrhosis is in fact dying. They called the family in yesterday afternoon. That could be me so easy. I have never seenso many bags hanging from a pole into a guy. It was really spooky and sad going in there yesterday.
At least I am here today and glad to be alive.
Yes, Stu, I agree that the hydro was the sure way out for awhile. For me, it filled it’s purpose~it helped me to make it through each day until I could get the feeling back in my spine and get my crap together and get out of that house. It gave me light…false light, yes, but it helped me keep my head above water while I located my real fins. Now, with fins attached, I am swimming. I am going to make it. Not only am I going to make it, but I am going to become whom my creator meant for me to be. And if I can help anyone else who is trying to swim free, that’s what I will do.
I believe in love. If I had even 10% love left for my husband, I would have turned around long ago. (I left home about 5 DAYS before Joe took his last pill, ironically!) My husband still wants me back. He is a soul who never walked with another also. I hope he finds his soul mate and is no longer alone. It’s just that I am not the one to assist him….I tried.
I’m sorry about your friend, Stu. If you happen to get any time with him alone, I think you should ask him to be your “sponsor” in Heaven, guiding you from above…then again, I’m sappy like that, and I believe in angels…..
Hey everyone – Joe sorry you lost your posts but the one remaining was awesome! Loneliness is a weird emotion –
sometimes I can be lonely in a room full of people – I believe that is one of the things that led me to taking pills – it was an escape into my own little world where I could carry on with people and feel numb at the same time. God bless you guys today for really opening up on here – Metoo, I am so very proud of you for realizing who you are and doing something about it, You just better remain friends that is all I have to say. Joe – you are awesome for remaining dope free for a year and a half and if I can help you remain dope free by coming on here every day than I am thrilled to do that. You are so deep and spiritual and don’t give yourself credit for being a phenominal human being. I guess I never really realized that the pills do fill a loneliless or a void in my life. I am getting over that little by little, but I wonder if it isn’t totally that I found this place, this private coffee house, this Starbucks for addicts to come and share, that I would not be in such a good place. Stu, I here you – Sometimes us wives get in a rut where we only remember the bad things that a husband does – and then there is a point of no return where we can’t find our way back. I am sorry for your situation and may the love of God find a way out of it or fix it somehow. Depression is a teriible thing that we can’t help sometimes. I will keep you and your wife in my prayers. I have a story to tell you about what happenned between my husband and myself three years ago and one of these days I will lay it on you….I am not ready quite yet. Metoo Metoo Metoo – what a revelation your post was today…you are Awwsome – you are brave – you will be happy. Hope it does not take to long to get things moving along.
I have to mention this guys – a thomas recipe post said we do not respond to new folks in the way that we should…but I really try to include something in my messages about and for new posters – there just has not been any lately and depending on the order that we post – all I see are the latest posts listed and there are no newbies. So, I will try to be more faithful at including new folks on here even though
Oh shit – it happenned again….what I was saying was that I think we are talking to new folks – just hasn’t been any.
My dear friends – got to go check on two ball clyde – he is carrying on in the other room.
Until tomorrow
Kitty-go-lightly
LMAO!!! Two ball Clyde!! TBC!!! He’s NUTS!!!! Hahaha.
Reminds me of one of my favorite Waylon Jennings songs….”Clyde” Love that song!!! Does anyone besides me know it???? I’m bettin’ not….It’s right up there with “Wurlitzer Prize…” Love that one too….
Ok…so I was on youtube, OBVIOUSLY…and I found this song too. Cab Driver is a song that my Dad and I used to dance to. I miss him more than anything, and I would give my life to be able to dance with that man just once more. I will only see him again in Heaven now, as he died in 2005.
So, if you will, give this a listen to, and send a prayer up to Heaven saying hello to him for me!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xMieR36-W0
Ok Baby,
One more time around the block.
Heck, I grew up in NE Pa. I go to the Jersey shore 1 week every summer so I can sit out in my favorite 6os retro motel, people watch and here songs just like this. In fact I hear Cab Driver every day. Love it. Mills Bros. Yes.
My old man was more this way. Right out of an episode of Mad Men.
To this Day this son ranks in my top 5.
My hero, My Idol, The Man…..
Sinatra
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4OId8ByO4jg
Hey this week has been deep my brothers and sister. Real Deep, Real healthy, Real growth, Real Bonding, Praise God.
Man I love the Kingdom. It’s so freaking rich.
Today, I am coming out of the deep. I’m gonna reap the rewards of the work. I’m gonna have a BLAST.
No soul searching, reason uncovering, morbidly serious crap.
Naw, today I’m gonna be a guy, I’m gonna talk trash, enjoy the ladies, the cool air, my kids, some sports, and a big old Pizza.
Ain’t No party Like a Joe party……
You are all invited.
Hey, all work and no play makes Joe take some dope.
So put on something comfortable ladies. It’s Party time
Stu, dust yourself off Bro…We are gonna play.
Now, everyone smile.
God is with you, spread the love.
Peace
I love Frank!!! I once had a little husky dog that I just HAD to name “Frank” because she had blue eyes!!!!! Frank is great cooking and baking music too…
But, I am going to up the party ante with this gem….Dean is my true guy…I was married to him in another life, you know….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crFQpOCDfEc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXTxOpIb20k
So, let us party on!
What two great songs. I did say a prayer and groove on Cab Driver. Joe, what a song, That’s life. “Get back in the race”
It’s marathon weekend. I did not think it would end up this way but here goes. I am still a little week from some kind of flu and my “bad” behavior a couple of times. It should be fun if it doesn’t kill me. The weather is supposed to be perfect, end up at about 65.
Metoo, about angels. My buddy was unconscious so I didn’t get a chance to talk to him. Funny you mentioned it though. My business partner died of a heart attack about ten years ago. A couple of days before he died, out of the blue, he told me if anything ever happened to him he would come back and help me in any way he could.
He was a close friend and confidant.
The next five or so years were the best in my career by far, personally things were going very well too. I wonder sometimes if he didn’t pull some strings, or push me toward opportunities.
Kittymom, I’d be interested, but discretion would sure be understood. Just the vibe, the empathy and possibly understanding is cool.
Things are not so bad really. I told my wife that what I wanted for my birthday was for her to act like a loving wife. She kissed me and gave it a try. Sometimes all us guys really need is a good actress.
Let’s party Joe. I agree with the sentiment. Light hearted weekend on tap. Thanks for the nod.
Joe, how about another morning treat??? Ok…two of them, if you can handle it!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mypGjDV6XaI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTDsA76wkSg
Love it…and I love you guys. New and old. If you’re reading this and feeling the urge, please post and join us on this walk. You are more than welcome here! Southernmom, if you are still here, jump over to this thread! You are more than welcome here also!! I have not let up on my prayers for you~~and I might not ever.
Morning Campers….
Enjoying my week-end here in the great state. Taking it easy, working . I need not worry about life. Really. It’s gonna be alright.
I heard this one a long time ago, it makes more sense everyday.
If you WORRY, why pray?
And if you Pray, why WORRY?
Hope all is well, Let’s keep this party rolling–Tell somebody you LOVE them today.
Peace
Hey y’all – Happy Saturday and a cool ine at that. Too cold even for coffee on the porch Joe. I feel bad cause I missed posting for the first day in 55 days – but I fell asleep on the couch with “Clyde” and woke up at 1:00 am too tired to get into cyberspace! Sorry I missed you party Joe and I wanted extra cheese pizza. Had to go to the rehab center to visit my F-I=L. What a trip he is….still not ready to throw in the towel, he is going to look for a doctor that makes him feel better even it means going to the MAYO clinic. Bless his heart.
We have tickets to go to a show at the Elks club tonight compliments of the in-laws cause they can’t make it…should be fun!
Me=too thinking of you and your dad dancing as I watch the movie Hope Floats. I believe in angels to and I am sure he has your back. Thanks for the music folks – loved both the olde time country and the sinatra. Please someone tell me how to put a link on here – I kept trying but I coulde only copy the address over without the link capability.
You know guys – I am so happy that it is the weekend and that i am looking forward to things – anything – without the support of opie pills. That is really success as far as I am concerned and I pray just another person will come on here and start the journey with us.
Stu, happy birthday brother! My birthday is in November also.
Go Scorpio’s!
Hope all of you have a love filled weekend and do something fun. Good luck on your run today Stu. Enjoy the fall crisp air.
Joe – I like your saying – I learned in one of the several therapoy sessions I had in my life that worry is a waster emotion cause it does noy cause anything to change one way or the other.
Much love to each of you for a terrific (drug aned alcohol free) weekend. Gotta go – two ball is hanging on my leg and needs fed!
Love you all unconditionally
Kitty-go-round
Happy weekend everybody.
Resting up for tomorrow.
I read somewhere on the internet “Take your quit seriously”. I do like that line. It’s priorities man.
Yesterday a fog lifted in my head depression wise. I took some pills last weekend, so that would make sense, day five was yesterday. It’s palpable. I feel much better.
Weekends have always been tough for me, especially with the booze (which tends to lead me back to the pills).
No more sedatives.
Have a great rest of the weekend guys.
Hiya kids!!
Well, it’s Saturday! I’ve got clothes in the washer, clothes in the dryer, bleach in the toilet, and a great day in the works!!
Kitty Mom, it’s just a matter of copy n paste from the browser. It would be fun to get yours and Stu’s input on the music scene for our party weekend!!! When the old country comes on, you’ll know it’s my quarter in the jukebox!!
Amazing that you should mention the Hope Floats movie….I bawl every time I see that lucky girl dancing with her dad. I was that lucky girl once, and I know that one of the first things I want to do when I get to Heaven is grab Dad and head to the dance floor…..Sunday afternoons used to be the time when Mom and Dad would come over and we’d have some beers and talk and talk and sometimes we would dance. When Mom and Dad died, my world pretty much fell apart. It’s the same old story, I know, but my parents were really like my best friends. Ok, enough of that. It’s a party!!!
I just got some Lipton Vanilla Caramel Truffle tea (in the pyramid tea bag..lol) so I am ready to partay now! What are the beverages of choice for the rest of you? The next round is on me!!
Oh, here comes the party music!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEPXEJYyKaM
Hey, Stu!! Let’s DANCE!!!
Hey Now,
Interesting Sunday….I was reading your posts METOO and The Gospel for the day is the one where Jesus is explaining to the Phariasees(sp).
The following TRUTH. It is a pretty big one. A tough one to embrace and BELIEVE. However should you let it take root in your heart.
All fear and regret will leave. Of course we will still long cry and miss, I’m not sure why, must be a human thing.
HE’S IS THE GOD OF THE LIVING, NOT THE DEAD. TO HIM ALL THINGS ARE ALIVE.
Oh my understanding—ah there is no death, just transformation. Those who have gone before are not dead, just waiting. Man I want get there to.
So it is that HOPE, no more death, that cast out fear.
Just a reminder, we ain’t gonna die folks. Just transform
Once the fear of death is removed, ah is there eally anything else to fear?
Enjoy and spread the news.
NO more DEATH.
It is relativley GOOD NEWS. Wouln’t you say.
Love.
PS. some apologies from that rage of a party the last couple of days.
Remember I am working on my people skills..
First-Stu–sorry I left you there Bro, hope you got a ride. I saw you rapping to that chick from the thomas reciepe blog.
Metoo-Look honey, I had no idea she was your partner, or I never would have made a pass, But she is hot.
Kitty-Oh god, please forgive me, I can not believe I grabbed your ass, jesus. It won’t happen again I promise..
Hey, thanks for coming folks, Hope we do it again real soon.
Enjoy
Hey ‘all
1970′s party music
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BmEGm-mraE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKbPUzhWeeI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SiGSsP60BLA&feature=related
Hey folks – I sent some music to you but it is waiting moderation. Don’t know what happenned but I hope I am not locked out. Talk more later when I find out what is going on.
Love you guys
Kitty Mom
OK trying again folks to add a song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SiGSsP60BLA&feature=related
Love
Kitty
OK – here goes I am adding another song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BmEGm-mraE
Hey y’all – Sunday night already dark at 6:00 PM. Wow – Joe – What a party! Partay Partay Partay!!!! Had more fun than I know what to do with!!! Your behavior was – what can I say – a blast! I added a couple of 60ish 70ish songs if it is not too late. Hope you all enjoy them – they are from back in my hayday when I thought I was a hippy but never really made the grade…haha (a hippie wanna bee) Those were the days, my freinds. Anyone with short hair and over 30 was not to be trusted and MJ was 20 a bag! Anyway, Joe enjoyed the party and hope to do it again soon.
I am sooooo pissed! I washed my brand new $180 phone in the washing machine – I can call out and get all my numbers, and can hear the party on the other side, but the other party cannot hear me. That is the second phone I ruined this year and still am paying TMobile for both of them. I just sent for an off market one from on-line so I am hoping it works.
I am so reckless abandon – dropping things all the time – leaving drawers and doors open – left the attic door open for hours yesterday – did not even realize it until husband saw it open.
Oh well – I would attribute it to getting older but I have always been the same….Oh, and the show at the Elks Club last night was hillarious – a comedian…so so funny I laughed until I peed myself. Did a song called I don’t look neked any more – hillarious. Had a great time and LMAO!!!!
Hope you all had a great weekend and will talk soon I hope.
Love unconditionally
Kitty (what a moran!)
PS – sending one more song after this
Here is one more
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKbPUzhWeeI
Hey Now,
Happy Monday,
DJ Kitty Mom, spinin the groves, little CCR and man Carlos was young, and Remember, Hippie is in the heart, not the Hair.
Of course, my hair is long and my Grateful T-shirt collection is standard dress, big time dead head here, hundreds of shows.
I grew up on the highways and parking lots of Deadshows, it’s were I learned about sales, love, life, hurt, pain, loss. Music and so much more.
It is who I am.
Man these come around so fast. (monday’s) Hope everyone goes through the day filled with peace and power. That’s what I ask for everyday now.
Peace-from my demons.
Power-To lighten up the room.
So far so good.
My Favorite Beverage is now, Hawaiian Blue Coffee, with a splash of cream and some sugar. If I get some of those beans grown in KONA on the smith estate, well Let’s just say, God knew what he was doing when he planted that coffee bean seed in the rich fertile mountain terrain.
HMMM, that first sip is pure ecstasy.
Love
Keep Coming Bac
I need to apologize for all the freaking songs I sent over the weekend – you see the first three I sent together but they did not
come across- said they were waiting moderation. So sorry!!! But hoped you liked the music anyway.
Hey where are all you guys – I am so lonesone I could cry!!!
It is Monday so I will report my days clean – 58 as of today. Just shy of two months. Praise the Lord my friends.
Miss you….Love
Kitty Mom
Hang On there Kitty,
It appears the posts are being sent to moderation, they will find there way, I’m sure.
It get s kinda confusing, waiting, double posting, so you know easy does it.
I have finished the bible blog.
For those who would like to get involved in a bible study here is a link.
All our welcome.
http://www.thoughts.com/joe1965/bible-study-more-will-be-revealed
Nothing fancy just a bread and butter blog page, but the meat is in the word.
Peace
Hey, all!!!!
I will take NO APOLOGIES for music!! I sent a couple extra too…and I wondered what was up with the moderation thing. Hey, on Sunday morning, I was GOING to send Sunday Morning Comin’ Down by none other than Johnny Cash…but I resisted!!
It was fun to think of you kids and a party all in one weekend. What a fun idea….I, for one, loved it!! Let’s do it again sometime??!! As long as Joe quits hittin’ on my girls, fgs!!!!
hahahaha!! Fun.
Well, my personal work has been getting numbers in order, and I HATE numbers. BUT, I will make this transfer of ownership smooth, or my name isn’t Metoo!!!
Bigger than the numbers for me is me “owning” this move…”owning” my happiness…and the biggest part….BELIEVING that THERE IS HAPPINESS OUT THERE FOR ME. I wonder about that. I worry about that. Joe, I LOVED your quote..if you worry, why pray? if you pray, why worry? It’s so true….I need to write that in lipstick on my mirror or something, because I need to train my brain to NOT WORRY. SO, if you feel like saying any prayers for me….I would appreciate them so much. I just want to be happy…I want my JOY back.
Hear that lonesome whipporwhil~~ he sounds too blue to fly…
Huh..that fits…
Kitty Mom, TODAY I am celebrating you! 58 days clean. Well, 59 today!!!! I am proud of you, and so happy for you. You did what you set out to do. WAY TO GO, DDNM!!!! (Double Dipper No More…) This calls for another PARTAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!
Great party and tunes.
I am trying to stay away from those Thomas Recipe woman Joe. They’re a little to wild for me. The About Junkies are more my speed.
I made it to the finish line Sunday, so it’s official. I am a marathon finisher. The weather was as good as it gets. Trees in full fall colors. What a magnificent day.
I ran it on my birthday.
The legs are still sore, I ran for ten minutes yesterday and it about killed me. I don’t think I will attempt it again.
Metoo – I believe there is happiness out there for you. Good luck finding it girl. I like your sentiment. As you know, I too suffer from depression. Sometimes I wonder the exact same thing.
Hey Y’all – Happy Tuesday
Glad you posted me-too and Stu – noone posted yesterday and I was a little lonely – especially after Joe’s party and he did not even show up here for two days after pinching my but!!! haha
Really Joe – where the heck are you. There are folks over on the thomas recipe site that need our help.
For those folks new over there – I am keeping you in my prayers and even though it is difficult it is possible to quit – like I said so many times before, I never could imagine doing anything without pills – and for 59 days I have done everything without them and it is doable – there is life after pills – Ask us over on this end Metoo has quit – Joe has been clean for over a year, Stu is getting there also – and I have been almost two months. So my darlings – you can do it and come here for support – we are more than happy to invite you into our world…I am pulling for you…
Metoo – you are going to be a shining star in your new life – quit thinking of the whole move all at once and take each day at a time. Happiness is right around the corner even though it seems far away. You can do it – you have been so great to so many people and now is your time to think about yourself. I am happy for you that you have found yourself….and glad you are pill free and helped me in my success to get there also.
Stu – congrats on your marathon…what a great and amazing feat you have accomplished – now you can accomplish anything you set your mind to.
Joe – please come back…you are needed here.
Love to all unconditionaly
Kitty going banana’s
Hey Guys,
Just wanted to let you know I am here, lurking. I changed browsers, I am now using Goggle Chrome. I have left firefox, mot sure if that is the issue.
Maybe.
We shall see.
Godspeed
Hey Now,
I switched browsers from firefox, to GoogleChrome in an attempt to synch everything in my world, that may be causing my posts to await approval.
I came back to firfox. see if this goes through.
Nothing like synching.
Peace
Hey Now,
It looks like I can posts from firefox.
Cool.
Got get down to the plant, but I am here, I am well, I also need you folks.
Here is a link to teh Bible Blog…Nothing special in appearance but it packs a whollop in content,
Fell free to ease on over.
I’m not sure how you post on it, I mean I added a comment and it worked.
//www.thoughts.com/joe1965/bible-study-more-will-be-revealed
Good to be back..so to speak.
Love
OK, I am going to be perfectly honest here, so take what I have to offer or dismiss it but I feel it needs to be addressed.
You, The Core Four, pretty much alienate eveyone else, i know it’s not intentional but as an outsider it is how I feel and I think others percieve it the same way too. You talk your own language, you have your own “parties” and you have your own little world that envelopes just the 4 of you.
Yes, every once in a while one of you may reach other to “the others on the other sites”. But we are not “the others”. We are all going through a really rough time and I for one do not like feeling that I am on the outside looking in. This may not be your intentions, but it is certainly how I feel, and by the lack of others that feel safe enough to comment, I believe I am making a valid point.
A few months back I had the same type of friendship with 2 others on this board and one of us found a way for the three of us to communicate without doing it through this web-site, maintaining a friendship, but not rubbing it everyone’s noses. I would like to suggest the 4 of you do the same thing so others can stop feeling alienated, and should those that need help be brave enough to post they can do so, speak freely and not feel that they need a “secret handshake” to come here for help.
To put it simply, e-mail each other with your personal posts, come to this web-site with an open mind and an open heart to help others that are in need, keep your personal relationships to yourselves.
I apologize if this offends the “Core Four Group” but just having your own group name excludes others.
Be glad you found each other, but be Blessed to help others!
Good luck and God Bless
sm
Hey, southernmom! It’s good to hear from you. I have been praying for you, and hope that things are going well!
Well, I have had better days. Capital gains taxes suck. I woke up this morning absolutely FULL of anxiety, just with the stress of shaking up my life and because of relocating….I SHOULD be treating this as such an adventure, but I am so prone to anxiety. It wakes me up every day, and I hate it!!!!
Now, this afternoon, I get the news about capital gains taxes. I don’t like numbers anyway, but I like them even less now. What a rotten day.
So often, I feel so bad about “just another rotten day” because each each EACH day is a gift from God. Lord, please send your angels…
Hi metoo, I have felt and lived your prayers and I hope you have felt mine.
Why don’t you contact me off of this site and we can discuss what’s going on. You know I care about you otherwise I wouldn’t have such strong emotions.
You and everyone else on this site are in my prayers, those prayers keep me going, they keep alive, they keep me trying to follow His path. That is the one thing I wish for everyone. Stay on His path and let Him wrap you in His arms!
Peace, Love and Holiness…
In His Name
sm
metoo, yes taxes do really suck. Hang in there.
SM, we are the About Junkies now. Everybody can be one, as long at they post on About! Have a great day!!
Hey Now,
Great to be here and Great to be clean.
Southern Mom, Thanks for sharing that, I know it took some courage.
I ‘m sorry I don’t know you or your situation. However I would Love to hear or read about it.
Are you clean, using, trying to get clean.
I really only post in this thread, and I’d like to share my situation with you, it is chronicled in this thread, of course It is a long read so here is the short version.
I am 45 years old.
I am a white male.
I was addicted to drugs from the time I was 12 to May 23 2009.
I took that path to heavens door, however it did not open.
I have no idea how I survived it all.
I spent most of life in jail, prisons, on the streets, homeless and lonley, very very lonely.
Well with 4 days clean, and thinking of killing myself, i was led here, to this blog by some force.
Here I found a courage to live 1 more day.
That’s why I come here, so I can live one more day.
I also understand folks with various degrees of dependency come here, seeking information.
I think there is wonderful information here.
Adam has saved MY Life and others by making it available.
Some come and go, Some stay.
I post here on About, because
1. I don’t really have tine to go through the whole site, I’m on here for like 20 minutes every morning.
2. I have nothing to share on those threads, I mean I never tried the thomas recipe, i have no idea how to overcome paws, I’m not into all the vitamins and health stuff.
I do push-ups and sit ups.
I went cold turkey and puked and shit and sweated and lied in bed in my house. It was hell, pure hell.
I live in a small town.
I have NOT ONE real clean friend in this town.
I am Alone in a marriage.
This is my lifeline.
I come here with JUST 1 purpose. To let people know that if they choose to stop using dope, I will walk with them every minute of every day.
That’s my purpose.
My wish is that I meet someone,a companion, someone who can help fill the void in my soul, safely, who seeks adult companionship, just like me. Who wants another person to walk with them, care about them and ease the pressures of the daily grind.
I wish it to be a woman, because it is that touch that I lack most in my life,
I’m not sure if my wish will come true.
So I keep fulfilling my purpose faithfully and I wait for my wish to come true. I’m not trolling the web looking for companionship. If it’s meant to be it will show up. Here on this thread, And at that point I will take the next step with that person or she will engage me to join her.
I am more than willing to let go of the core 4 verbage, if you feel it is in some how a determent to your well being.
I’m not aware of any secret handshakes or pledges, I am not aware I had discouraged a single soul from seeking help. It appears I have. May God forgive me. It was not my intention.
I Love Metoo, I love Kitty Mom, I love Stu. I have loved other on this thread as well,.
I love that they come here and share with me their life.
I have learned from them and through them
I love that you posted and I hope you continue to.
So that’s me.
I am a lonely addict. I carry a message that if you do not want to take a pill today you do not have to. You have a choice.
I also am a lonely addict seeking compaionship. I would love to meet a woman who is trying to change their life, to find god, but enjoys the feelings generated by an online freindship, who has a mutual void in their life, who is in a similar boat as I. Who wants to grow. Who wants to heal, wants to share personal stuff.
Hell I know this is not some freaking dating site, but I am not going there or some bullshit other type of board.
In fact other than ESPN or EBAY this is the extent of my web use, unless I encounter some need.
I have no desire to social network outside this site.
So. to you and any other human being out there lurking scared and lonely. I would love to introduce myself. I’m Joe i feel the same fucking way, I choose not to take some dope today to stop the feelings.
WELCOME and LOVE
And If your into a New Look at the Word of God please come on over tho a blog I set up.. here is the link.
http://www.thoughts.com/joe1965/bible-study-more-will-be-revealed
I hope to see you there. And I hope I haven;t broke some rules by posting the link.
Joe, how come I ALWAYS love your posts???? And I have gone to your blog two days in a row…I need to spend some time navigating around it though. I have never been one for Bible study, and maybe that’s what has been missing in my life. Just maybe!!!
I will be experiencing “Interneticus Interruptus” again, perhaps until Tuesday again, but will try to post something at work. A day without you cats (LOL…KM…) is like a day without kratom.
Joe, awesome post. I really appreciate the background info and from the heart comments. Good stuff man.
You motivated me to do the same.
Suffice to say, for now, I am a fifty four year old white male. I am a drug addicted alcoholic trying to get and stay clean.
I had fourteen years clean then went out 1/2005. I have been struggling to get back ever since. The most I got clean since then was about a year, other than that a matter if week.
I am fairly athletic, so my body does not show as much damage as it probably should from the abuse it has taken. I get and stay sick and depressed when I use.
I have never had a DWI, been locked up or suffered the institutional pains Joe has. Never lost a house, family, dog, girlfriend or anything. My life simply SUCKS when I use. I want to die sometimes.
I got about two days right now. Took 17.5 mg HC on Tuesday to get over a bad hangover. That was the first I had in a week or two. I got about three weeks clean awhile back.
No dope or pills in the house and I told my “man” that I am no longer interested in buying any.
I will write more later. I am off to my massage therapist to work on these sore legs.
I feel pretty good today.
Hi
Thank you Joe, Stu and Metoo for your open and honest posts. I wish I was brave enough to just be OUT there with this shameful addiction that takes over my life.
I think I might be a bit shell-shocked, after really opening up and putting myself out there, I ended up alone. Maybe that’s why I have such strong feelings about the core four. I’m jealous. I don’t have what you guys have in my life anymore and I miss it. It really sucks because I hate this feeling, I hate it in other people and I sure as hell hate it in myself. I pray and pray and pray some more asking God to just let me move on and I can’t. I know that the sharing and commradery with others that are rowing the same boat I am is helpful and healing. So instead of jumping in and becoming a part of something, I hide myself behind jealousy and resentment, both of those are such destructive emotions. You would think that after living 54 years, having 2 kids, a couple of husbands an exciting career and pretty much a dream life, I would just be grateful, instead I let my addictive personality take over, I abuse pain pills and alcohol and I keep finding new ways to self-destruct and take pot-shots at others on my way down. How selfish can a person get???
Everyday I plead with God to show me the way, HIS way and He keeps sending me back to learn a lesson from the mistakes I keep making just like any loving Father would. I need to stop being the rebeling B***** and fix what I have broken.
I apologize for any pain I have caused others, I really mean it, I am sorry. That is a huge step for me because I am finally admitting I was wrong and until I get it right with Him I am going to keep messing up.
I hope you all can find forgiveness, I have asked a lot of people to do this lately, but I also understand if you can’t.
As always I will constantly pray for everyone who comes here and I thank those that have prayed for me.
In His Name
sm
Wow – what a post day folks – lots of revalations. Southern Mom I did not post yesterday because I was a little upset that you felt the way you did about us here on the About site. Upset because coming here, like Joe said is a way to stay clean – the closeness that we feel is no reflection on anyone else and I feel horribly if we leave anyone else out and they feel, like you do, that we are not inclusive of people in the same boat that we are in. And, like Joe, I am not looking for a social network situation – it just so happens that the four of us on here have become close in our daily struggles and are here to support each other in any way that we can and sometimes have fun doing it. It is therapy for us Southern Mom and it is part of the process of getting and staying clean. Friendship and Love and talking about our situations is in no means meant to leave any one out or hurt anyone. I am glad you are coming on here again and I will certainly keep you in my prayers along with the others. I can say that I never have seen Joe, Stu, or Metoo leave anyone out if they post on the About site. And, I hope with all my heart that I have never left anyone out also.
You were doing so good about two months ago when I first started my journey and I appreciated your comments of encouragement and I hope that I was the same to you. I apologize if I was not – sometimes I miss new posters over there and it is hard to go back and forth – so like Joe, I prefer to stay here but would welcome you to stay also.
Southern Mom we were right there together neck and neck – I hope you ,with Gods and our help, get back on the sobriety wagon again real soon. I am here for you sister.
Metoo – taxes yuck….I am sorry you are stressed about the “numbers” – The middle class getting screwed as usual! I pray for you and hope your sitution improves and you can get on with your life….hang in there darlin, you will be fine.
I guess I need to say, also, that I am a middle class white female, working as an accountant – good life – good family – married – one grown daughter – a little anti-social sometimes – and have been addicted to vicodin for at least 5 years – Before dipped into tylenol 3′s for several years off and on – Never been to jail or arrested for DUI – but was always scared about it. Clean and celebrating 2 months and doing very well with not too much thought about using again thank God. Husband is sufferingf from Diabetes and sometimes I wish for someone to take care of me instead of always having to take care of someone else. So that is my story – not too exiting – normal run of the mill life y’all.
Joe – I have not been over to your bible site yet but hopefully will go there on my day off tomorrow. I would love to start study of the bible and will let you know how it is once I get there. Thanks so much for ther heartfelt story of your addiction and your friendship – I have missed your long and heart felt posts lately and Stu I hope this time is the last time you have to struggle with getting clean – you can do it my brother – You did in the past and can do it again.
I love all you guys unconditionally and feel your friendship.
Kitty full of love
Well, Well, Well….
What a week, huh folks. God I love being clean.
You can’t make this stuff up. The amazing thing is God’s reality is so much cooler and hipper and sexier and happier and healthier than anything else.
I’m starting to discover that God’s Love is even better than my over worked imagination.
I mean my friend circle is now appearnelty 3 middle aged prefessional white females with varying interst, issues and attributes. And a marathon running cat from the mid-west.
Are you fucking kidding me.
God I love you. You are so awesome God, I mean really there is great and then their is the kingdom. It appears the Kingdom has come, The will has been done.
Thank you Father.
Kitty-Oh god I really missed you, I gotta plop down on the old porch and just chill with you for a minute…AHHHHHHHHH better. Thanks. I need you to understand what a comfort you are for me, and what a blessing you are. I am here to help, listen and encourage. The last 2 months with you have been like a renewal. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Metoo-OH Metoo, Metoo, Metoo, Metoo. How do you repay someone for giving them Life, That’s what you gave me, give me and WILL continue to give me.
LIFE, LIBERTY, AN CAPITAL GAINS…..
I read somewhere, Give to Ceasar what is Cesars, Give to God what is Gods.
SoutherMom–WOW. Thank you so VERY MUCH. So your a middle age chick, batteling the bottle and dope, you have had a pretty good life, however things a spiraling, downward. Your reaching out, praying to God. But the dam feelings and thoughts and body and flesh just keep on pressing in on you.
That sounds just about right.
WELCOME HOME, MY SISTER.
You know when you can get off that train, anytime you want.
Now for me, if you would, if you do nothing else this day. Please sit back for just a second, close your eyes and SMILE, SMILE,SMILE. And Relax, sister. Give yourself a break man.
All that praying, wow. I’m tired. Ah, I think he heard you the first time, girl. That’s why your heare. Just keep it real, Everything is already allright.
Now, shall we enjoy our Friday. I know I will.
I fucking Love fridays.
Stu–My Brother, Thanks for getting honest, it is so outrageously awesome just to BE YOU.
For me the final stage of the disease was AMBIVALANCE, Once I took a stand. NO DOPE,NO MATTER WHAT.
Some seriously crazy shit has begun to happen.
Enjoy the Ride,
Joe
Hello “About Junkies’ “Core Four” all yooz guyz.
I want to thank everyone for their honesty, you didn’t hold back, you just put it out there and let me soak all of you in. Metoo and I have history and KM and I were on the same path a couple months ago, but I fell out with both of them and everyone else and Iblame myself for alienating people who reached out to me. I have spent hours journaling trying to figure out what the f is wrong with me and the only thing that is as real to me as the nose on my face is I have serious emotions that I use to destroy those around me. Pride, envy, jealousy, selfishness… stuff I have been doing all my life. As a child I got away with it because I was Daddy’s girl and my mom and sister couldn’t compete with the manipulation I used on my dad to get what I wanted. As I grew up I used my looks to get what I wanted, I was pretty, I could party with the best of them and I was ruthless. It explains why I have very few female friends.
So now I am old, no not middle age because I do not want to live to be 108, I am old, the looks are fading and I have gotten cynical and critical with just about everything in my life.
In a nut shell I am a self-absorbed Bitch. I have already apologized for that but I don’t think I can say I’m sorry enough.
So…
KM I understand your apprehension about me, I have said hurtful things due to being envious of a group that I didn’t feel I could be a part of because I had burned a HUGE bridge with Metoo and I even trashed her on this site hoping to alienate her because she had what I so desparately wanted and you all were getting from her what I wanted (so damn selfish!)
Stu you just go with the flow and I get where you are coming from, I think the demons (drugs and booze) are our weapons of choice to destray our lives, but we also have a reverance for the bodies and health God has given us. No I could never run a marathon like you do and I think you are amazing for that achievemnt. But, I do go to the gym almost daily, I lift weights and I walk with my doggies 5 miles a day. I am still abusing drugs and I don’t even know why I can keep getting them, I live in FL and they are really cracking down on the pain pill mills, but I go anyway, knowing I could probably get busted. I enjoy my cocktails ususlly starting at lunch, I work from home so I am on my own time and I often think I do my best work when I’m f-d up.
Joe, you are an open door. You let everyone in to come and sit a spell, idle chat or spill their guts, you laugh and make others laugh you find joy in God and His creations. You bring sobreity to a whole new level. You unconditionally love and accept and I think that’s what I am most ashamed about when I called out the Core Four, you don’t shun, you don’t judge, you don’t ridicule, you accept, hugs and kisses and move on.
I can see why all of you have come together and found a common bond that makes your relationship so remarkable. Each of you bring something awesome to the table and everyone feels safes sharing themselves with each other. I want so badly. I had that at one time and you don’t know how much you miss something until it’s gone.
I know this is a lot to take in, but I hope and pray you can see past my words of envy and anger to find that I’m not that bad. It’s been hard for me to do that, to tell myself that I’m not such a major fuck-up, now I just need to put it out there and pray for another chance at friendship and acceptance.
I hope God Blesses your day and this weekend.
In His Name
SM
Hey Y’all (SM too) Southern Mom it is never to late to take in the friendship on this site – you are welcome here as long as you are open and willing like your last two posts. You have spoken up about what you consider your weakness and apologized for them and that is enough for me to take you in like a sister. You are welcome and included any time you want. You know you were one of the first folks I spoke to here on this website and I consider it an honor to keep on talking to you daily, weekly, or whenever you want to post. I am here for anyone struggling or not. You need to take a deep breath and listen to some of the advice on here and consider getting back to sobriety again. You would be right here with me if you had continued where you left off…but I am praying for you either way you decide to go. Yeah the pillmills have been making headlines here in Florida – never been to one myself – I guess that would have been the next move for me if I had continued cause several of my sources were drying up and I would have got caught eventually for doctor shopping or double dipping…(hahah ddkitty).
Antway – long story short – welcome fellow Floridian!!
Joe Joe Joe – I live for those posts of yours. I am going to Read the book of John this weekend and get back to you on my thoughts either here or on your bible site. Thanks for the oportunity to chat about it. Stu – hope you are doing well and have a drug and alcohol free weekend….I will be pulling for you and SM in that respect.
Metoo – I know you are not around a computer for a few days so whatever you are doing, I hope it is productive and or fun.
It was another project day for me today – cleaned the “back patio” and pool area which it realllly needed – I love these productive days without pills – and by the way this will be the first holiday season for many years that I will not be on pills – and that is really good but scary.
Well off to the mall (I hate malls) so hubby can buy me something for my birthday – which is a week from today!! haha YOU THINK YOU ARE OLD SOUTHERN MOM!!!!!
Love you guys from the bottom of my kitty heart!
KM
Hey Now,
Saturday Morning. Working ovetime, again. Jesus when I left sales managemnet 2 years ago, as part of my lifesyle change who knew I would become a OT grabbing union guy.
Oh well, you know what I LOVE being a working dude, in my jeans and tshirt, Screw the tie and slacks for now.
Awsome Kitty’s birthdays coming up, I can enjoy my Kitty birthday fantasy for the next week. Have a great one mom.
I hate malls, oh by the way, this internet thing allows you the JOY of shopping right from the leisure of your own home kitty.
Southermom-You sound just like me. My God those self destructive alienating behavior characteristiscs. Man what a pain in the ass they become, don’t they.
You know, I don’t put much stock in them anymore, sems like they are a human thing. I look behind the wall, where the spirit lives. So you will have to excuse me if I fail to get upset over the way we treat one other, or think about ourselves. I realize we are more than that, much more, In fact we are filled with the Holy Spirit. I am interested in you, how the spirit will manifold itself,
And come to think of it, I can not imagine having a better friend than a 54 year old woman, who is a self proclaimed self absorbed bitch, who is somehow convinced she destroys her personal reltionships through child like manipulation, envy, jelsousy and bitterness.
For some deep reason I am really excited about the potential here. I hope you keep coming around.
Stu-my brother keep coming around, I need you.
Metoo-I need to go to these places without internet access, I did know they exsisted anymore.
It is my daughter’s birthday week-end, She got a New phone, and tonight the Nacogdoches Jr, High School cheer team will invade Pizza Hut on (my dime) then invade my home for the night
16 teenage cheerleading girls, up all night eating and driinking all my food, and possibly destroying my 2 week old living room. suite.
No dope No Matter what,
have a good one guys.
Hello all,
Joe, you are one brave man!! I am handing out KUDOS in a big way to any man that can take it in stride that his home, his castle, his palace , his domain will be INVADED by teenage cheerleaders, I have BTDT!!! Too many times and it is not easy even when you’re high, I don’t know if I could do it sober, my hat is off to you kind Joe.
I also really appreciate your directness, you call them as you see them and you have hit the nail on the head about me. Yep, I am a self-absorbed emotional mess, but I am also a sucker who is often abused because I love so much, usually by my kids, I really can’t say no and that is why I have not only my nephew but my son’s best friend living with us now. My daughter’s friends are here everyday because “I have the cool house” in adult terms, I feed them, drive them and pretty much kiss their ass daily. The one person who doesn’t abuse me is my husband, he had a real bad wife now I take care of him and I love it. but he doesn’t really know me, he knows nothing about my addictions, obviously he knows I drink, we drink together, but the pills, he has no idea how bad my addiction is to those evil little white things from hell (oooh so emotional!) He appreciates the way I keep our world going, I refuse to be called a housewife, because I did not marry my house, but I love to cook, I love to entertain, I love having my kids and their friends here (I can keep an eye on what’s going on) I clean but I don’t like it, I am an art teacher and I love creating art in almost any capacity. I teach an art class in my home for the little ones, I love them young, they soak up everything and I rejoice in what they put out. I am a music major and I love doing the child’s choir at our church the most. I plan all of our family activities and holidays. BUT… (you knew there would have to be a big butt!) I often resent being taken advantage of!!! How ridiculous is that? I want to plan, to make everything nice nice and then I get emotional because I am not>>.(fill in the blank respected, appreciated, properly thanks, whatever selfish emotion you can think of).
I want this and I want that, and when I get it I question why I got it or am critical about what I got. I would love to blame this on menopause, but deep in my heart I know this is the real me. God, how I hate “me” at times.
If anyone can dig in there and come up with some opinions, ideas, theroies, behind me being so f’d up, please chime in! Trust me you can’t offend any more than I offend myself.
OK so bottom line, I am tapering, I have set a date to quit, to give me the time to go through the withdraws without letting my family down, as far as my martinis with blue cheese stuffed olives, that may have to wait. I am getting in the best physical shape as possible to let me take another withdraw blow to body. I journal like crazy to get my mind ready for this. I just need to get through the next 3 months and then I am ready to do this. I hope my pills last that long because I can see my addiction getting more and more everyday. I know I can’t tell God to leave this up to me, He has a plan and I know I trust Him, so it will be interesting to see what happens.
KM thank you for your honesty and I appreciate your wise opinions.
Stu we haven’t really “met” yet, but that day may come.
Metoo, thank you…
As always I pray for all of you on every site and I am truly thankful for your prayers, kindess and concern.
until we meet again
sm
I like to think I am a good person, I have so many people who think they know me that would tell you I am great…. but they have no idea who I am, in fact I don’t really know if I know who I really am (who that sounds so redundant!)
I was sober for over a month and I was such a calmer and kinder person. I didn’t get all bigigity, but I also wasn’t a slug.
Hey Y’all – I typed the usual kitty mom long message and then thought it sounded lame so I deleted the whole thing… I almost feel guilty for being so in control of my drug use lately. I feel like I am probabloy boring you all with the triviality of my life.
SM – you sound like you really have your act together with your kids and your work and all. You do a phenominal job if you ask me. I was basically lethargic and non productive at home during the end of my addiction. I was OK at work, but just vegged out at home and never felt like doing anything. I am surprised my husband stayed around. Of course, I have no kids at home and was not on the drugs when my daugher was living at home – that could be part of the reason I used – her leaving and moving out on her own. It was very hard to accept the empty nest. Now I would not trade it in but at first it was very difficult. Joe – it is nice to hear about the daddy side of you. You sound like a wonderful daddy and I enjoyed hearing that side of you. You and Southern Mom are so hard on yourself, but Joe, you have been off the drugs for over a year and a half, and that is a great feat to have accomplished and SM you have a wonderful family and career and I will pray for you that you are on the road to pill freedom one of these days too. I know as long as I had pills or was able to get pills, I would not quit and I am glad now that I was kind of forced into quiting cause my doctor found out that I was scoring from another doctor. Even though cold turkey was hard, it was pretty much over in a week. I had thought about going to rapid detox, I think I had mentioned this before and I would have spent 10 grand on getting detoxed by being put to sleep for a day. Boy, am I glad I did not do that! I would be 10K in debt and in the exact same boat that I am already in. Regardless of how I did it, I am most grateful to God for letting me survive the whole thing. It was not easy. But, it is doable. Thank the Lord for this website and the friends I have made here. I would not have been able to do it without those two precious gifts. I think we all have the jealousy thing going on Southern Mom. I find myself a little jealous at times on here too. Crazy, but true. But I guess we all can be friends here and keep each other in our prayers….can’t we?
I miss you Metoo – it is not the same without your inspirational thoughts and atta-girls that you send my way. Hope you are back soon out of internet-nada -land.
Stu – come around more often. I miss hearing from you and hope your weekend is productiive, sweet, and drug free.
If I had known how good that I would feel without those bastard pills, I would have stopped using a long time ago – but they had me and they had me good. Those things are evil – the devil in disguise and have us fooled into thinking that we can’t do without them….when actually there is life after pills.
Well guys and girls, I ended up full of wind again and do not even know what the point was except that I love you and can’t wait until tomorrow to post and read again.
Kitty – not feeling special
Love Ya most affectionately!
Hey Now–
Up early, house in order. No WORK today. YEAH. I have had my new recliner for 2 weeks and today I get to sit in it and watch some Football, sweet.
I love the various situations we all live in, yet we share the common thread of pill useage.
I know for me I have just one purpose, to extend a hand to anyone trying to get off dope.
It is why I was spared. Period, Nothing more.
See for me, I am an addict, that for me, means that a portion of my mind, somewhere deep in the plesasure center was introduced to chemicals, it made it feel good. It wanted more.
Once that physical event transpired and being in an enviorment where it could flourish it did, in fact it got to the point where it controlled me, Everything, not somethings. That’s just how it works for me.
That part of my mind will be there until I die.
This fact used to cripple me, fill me with rage or self pity, but mostly just ambivalance. I did not care what the fuck happened, to me or to you. I just wanted dope.
This is a dreadful exsistance.
Then it happened, one day, not a scheduled day, not after a taper, I just could not go on, not one more day, I died.
I lied in Bed for 3 days, but I woke up still here.
In was through no doing on my part.
The initial Thought, Feeling, Push, Desire. Came from outside me and worked it’s way in.
I have learned but 1 thing in these last 18 months, this LOVE that saved my life is the following.
1. Very Real
2. Very Creative
3. Knows me, better than I know myself
4. Provides for my every need, want, and desire. (in some fashion)
5. Never runs out
6. Lacks the ability to see fault.
7. Loves me
8. Is always available
9. Gives me the strength do do whatever I choose.
10. (most important) He gives me a CHOICE, He loves me so much, he trusts me so much that he gives me a choice.
That for me is the difference between Life(Love) and Death(addiction) CHOICE.
The rest of the stuff in my day is well stuff.
Has long as the first CHOICE of the day is LOVE, well that has the good book says, covers a multitude of shortcomings.
Kitty-and I hope you read these words, they come from my heart.
I remember vividly your first few posts, your words were so TRUE, so full of LIFE, yet here you were kicking opiates.
Why, because your a vessel. For the Love, a well of living water.
Hey sister, I have been around, you know. And with each day my fondness and admiration grows. You are where I am trying to get.
Your girl is grown, the job not yet finished is reaping rewards, the sowing continues and you work. You work harder than just about anyone I know.
And as I mentioned my biggest fear, the deepest scariest secret of my life. That I was to full fo shame and remorse and regret to enter into a friendship with a WOMAN as SPECIAL as you.
See you captvate me, and I really want you to well, like me. In fact so much so that I have at times fell back on Joe the salesman.
If I can ever reach the point where I feel inside well “acceptable” to someone so Special, I would melt, every push up, every prayer, every post, every share would be worth it.
I have no idea why, but I figured I could never expereince a freindship with a woman so wonderful. I mean I guess I was deep down hoping one day I could exchange a pleasantrary with you.
But you listened, you did not shun me, I can NEVER repay you for the gift you have given me.
Special, Special, I think that falls so short. I perfer straight from the heavens, Or Child of Christ.
So Kitty, I know you keep busy, I know you are here for others.
I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
The last 2 months have been a surge of Spirit, Look I’m an addict, I can get negaitve from the walk from the lkitchen to the living room.
And Lord knows I got a boatload of issues to work out.
But just for today, for this Sunday morning I have Hope,
A Hope which grows stronger everyday WE stay clean.
I never want that fire to go out. I need it now.
I once was a Hopeless drug addict, now I am a dopeless Hope addict.
Sister, if you knew the extent of my reliance on you, well it would be embarrasing for me.
So hey, chin up there buttercup.
God himself told me to tell you.
He loves you. Don;t sweat the small stuff and in the love of christ, please keep coming back.
There that is your birthday greeting, and it was way deep, and as usual I now want to run away. Because I am embarrassed.
Love
Hey everyone
Joe, thanks for the pep talk – I needed it. Yesterday I had doubts and felt small and insignificant but feel better today. Every once in a while it is like – I enjoyed life better while doped up – but with deeper thought about it, I did not enjoy life better that way. There was the constant worry about running out and the constant counting of pills to see how long they were going to last. There was the lethargic way I was living and the numbness.
So – just today, I am glad to be clean and glad to have friends like you out there to see me through. The weekend was filled with blessings – Joe – giving me a real good message, spending day with Mom on Saturday – finding a great deal on an antique wash stand at the Salvation Army – spending Sunday afternoon with my daughter and getting another project done on Friday at the house. So – productive love filled weekend. Just one thing missing – two actually – Metoo and Stu. Hope you both are OK out there. Write and let us know how you are doing as soon as you can. You know I rely on you and your inspirational comments. God has blessed me more than I can ever imagine.
SM – I saw you posted over on the other site and hope you keep us posted here on how you are doing. Think seriously about getting off those pills – you will be all the better for it believe me and you can do it – my opinion is that tapering just prolongs the aginy, but on the other hand, I completely understand – when there are pills acvailable, us addicts tend to prolong the inevitable…but God bless you whatever you decide to do.
Thanksgiving plans are coming together and will be here at my house with 12 people attending so I am really excited about that. Let me know what you all are doing. And, on my birthday, sorry to say, I have an office procedure to get rid of a pre cancerous condition, but on Saturday, if I feel OK, I will be celebrating with my family.
Take care you all and write your thought soon…Love to all
Kitty – almost another year older!
Monday Morning–Again.
I hear you there Kitty, and that is the one thing that really as made a difference for me this time.
Knowledge. Information.
Information about how your body process returning to it’s normal state.
Ecspecially the mental side, the bousts of emptiness, the feelings of smallness, alot of this stuff I never had an explination for, and the only solution I knew about for the darkness was dope.
Today I am so well equipped, I understand that my mind is repairing itself, that certian chemicals the mind produces and the pathways that they flow on our under construction.
And just like the old 510 loop here in Houston, when an exit gets closed man things bog down, I have to sit and ride it out.
The good news is instead of the old solution-a pill
I was given an alternate route, so to speak.
I now, share my thoughts feelings, worries and stress, The real shit, the shit that ggoes around and around in my head, I shre some stuff here, and some stuff between me and God.
I hope one day to have someone, a BFF if you will to share on that deep a level with.
I pray you realize your body is healing, and getting better.
The things that restore me to a cheerful spirit include.
Exercise-Walking, Push-ups, Sit-ups Just being outside, fresh air nature.
Sharing-my fears and worries and hopes
Eating some fruit.
A good nights sleep
Prayer and mediatation.
As you know after going throughabout 7 months and not feeling all the benefits one should feel from the activities below.
I shared honestly(for the first time with my Dr,) he perscribed the anti-deppressant, that along with everything else has me in a really good space.
And like a said, Life kicks my ass all the time.
So you know I need you and others.
I can’t do it alone.
Nor do I want to.
Have a great week
Hey, you know that feeling when you walk into a party in progress?? That’s how I feel right now…this moment in time!!
All of my peeps are here, right here, and I am so happy to see everyone!!!
Thank you, southernmom, for coming to the party hosted by joe. I am so thankful to have made it on the guest list!!! At SOME point I think we need to give oxy’s/hydro’s, etc credit for something. IT BROUGHT US TOGETHER. At moments like this, I can see why the roads we take are indeed necessary ones to get us to where we need to be. I am proud to know all of you, and to call you all friends!
Thanks, my friends..for being my friends.
What a day!!!
hello everyone;
KM I thank you for your advice, opinions, suggestions, concern and prayers.
Joe, I thank you for your words that come straight from your heart. You put yourself right out there, your openess is inspirational. Sharing your past and your present helps addicts like me see myself through your eyes. I take your words to heart and I take notes to keep with me through the day for strength, guidance and intospect. Being in the tapering stage, when I start craving I can use the words of people on this site to take everything in moderation.
I know my deadline and I am actually looking forward to it. The withdraws will suck, but I know when I get past that agony it will be my constant reminder to “Never go there again”. I’m going to be able to close one chapter of my life and open a new one. I will face some really difficult hurdles, my son going into the Marines, my daughter going to an IB high school, having to open up and tell my husband everything and hope they all still love me after I tell them.
I know I don’t need to be scrutinized or reprimanded. That is why I want to feel free to come to this site and be open. Sharing your lives and hearing all the crap you have gone through are true life lessons. However, I don’t need to have someone wagging a finger in face and telling me what “I NEED TO DO”… I know that, I just want acceptance and support like everyone else that comes here. KM I love that you want the best for me and I really appreciate all you have done and are doing, but please trust that I know what I have to do and I will do what I have to do when the time is right for me. Your prayers are deeply appreciated.
Metoo, I hope to hear from you soon.
Stu, I hope to get better aquainted with you if you are open to that.
Joe, your words lift my heart…daily.
May God bless your day.
In His Name
sm
WOW Southern Mom – I feel resentment in your post. I in no way was trying to force my views on you – just trying to help. I am soooo sorry that I made you feel that I was looking down on your method – everyone is different and if I give you so much credit for even being able to taper – cause I know I was too weak to do that – I would gobble up the pills so fast, tapering was never an option for me. Please don’t think that I was being condescending or pushy or anything like that – I was just giving what worked for me – I was so very sad when I read your post, that I felt like going somewhere and crying….so I won’t let anything like that happen again.
The rest of you out there – I am not really in the mood to write any more – maybe later. I am going away with my tail between my legs…Bye
Love You All
Kitty Mom
PS – Stu I miss you on here – Hope you are back again soon – and Metoo – I missed you this weekend – hope you had a good one whatever you did out there. I am truly blessed having this site to go to.
Love
Kitty Mom
WOW KM, sensitive much???
I was very clear how much I appreciate everything you bring to the table, however I also know what I need to do and when. If that offends you then I’m sorry, I guess it would be best if I didn’t speak my mind and tell the truth about what people post to me.
Thank you for your input and thank you for your prayers.
sm out!
Hi everybody. I am just now catching up on all your posts.
Last Thursday I had a panic attack of sorts and went out an bought some vodka. I drank it up, then some more Friday morning. That “panic” may have been related to the fact I gave the pot up last Tuesday. The pot I smoked for the last month or two was REAL good. I call it jaw dropping, make you Alzheimer’s stupid and depressed weed. Sounds great huh?
I decided to put it aside, hopefully for good. Well with all that excitement I thought it would be a good idea to score thirty hydros to mellow me out, which I did. Those are all gone. I gave some to my girlfriend, who was so drunk and high last night she almost burned me and her house down. Oops.
I called her this morning to check on her since I didn’t hear about her burning up on the news this morning after I left. The knuckle head.
I think I may have finally learned my lesson. Although I am still tempting God Joe.
Reading John tonight sounds great, whoever said they were going to do that. I am doing it.
I am committed to no drugs or alcohol tonight. You guys know I have been switching around from pills, to pot, to booze. I am clean today, it’s about 5 PM. No matter if I have to stay up all night, nothing tonight.
I only took five 7.5’s all day yesterday, so I don’t think I will get the crawlies. I went for a long swim to get some of the energy released.
So, there you have it. Thanks for the support and understanding. Hopefully I will write tomorrow with some TRUE clean time.
Love
SM – so sorry
KM
Hey Now,
Good Morning everyone.
Hope all is well, for everybody.
Metoo–back, and sounding better than ever, God the calm and energy you bing. Wowza, I love it. Then again I love you, and anything you post is JOY
Seems as though those feelings are out front this week. Love that also.
I mean is there anything more endearing than some grown-ups trying to figure out how to deal with their feelings.
It is the most awesome thing in the world.
Feelings, man they are so powerful, they drive me that is for sure.
This time, in an effort to not go back to dope. I do just one thing different with my feelings.
I accept them.
Like, Yeah I;m angry….But I’m not gonna use.
Or, Yeah I am so stressed out and full of anxiety I could run away for ever. But I’m not gonna use.
Or, I am so lonely it actually hurts..But I’m not gonna use
Or i am so self obssesed, I can’t even think about you…But I’m not gonna use.
Or I hate my past…But I;m not gonna use.
I am burning with lust…But I’m not gonna use
I am sad…But I’m not gonna use
I am so Excited…But I;m not gonna use
I am full of Joy..But I’m not gonna use
I feel connected with God..But I’m not gonna use.
See taking Dope was my response to feelings, that is how it worked for me.
Well because I NEVER thought I could handle all these deep deep feelings. Without dope.
While this has not gone away, it has gotten better.
Feelings still fuck me up, man.
And by not using the feeling either passes or gets satisfied.
Mostley it passes,
I can’t get no satisisfaction, but I try and try and I try,
So I for one am aware of the feelings…I love em, and would never trade one of them in. For some dope.
Hope. I hope. I hope, oh boy do I hope.
Love
I got my twenty four hours. Slept fairly well, but my pillow was soaking this morning so I guess I had the night sweats.
Fear, anger and self-pity are the killer emotions for me Joe. I tend to want to use at all of them.
I picked up the first white chip in a couple of years last night in front of a crowd of about one hundred of my friends at an AA meeting. Hopefully this is the start of some true clean time.
I am optimistic, but a little exhausted.
Working around the office today and then may go in for a workout.
This is a message I wrote at my work desk this morning but I could not send it for some reason – so I sent it Email to myself and then copied it here….here we go!
Hey Everyone ,
Today is the first day of the rest of my life – and I am living it without pills – Can you believe it folks – September, October, and now November, I am living life to the fullest with a great set of friends here for support without pills. Kitty is going to pat herself on the back this morning and have a great and productive day, physically and mentally. Joe – I loved your post as usual. I have been thinking – dope dulled all the feelings – bad and good and now the feelings are coming to the surface. I feel fortunate to be feeling again. Joe, I feel very happy to have met you on here – you really have such wisdom about addiction and it is so hopeful to me. Besides, I am honored to have you as a friend and thank you for being non judgemental – direct when you need to be – to show me the way. God is doing a tremendous job using you as a vessel to help others.
Metoo you are always a ray of sunshine in an otherwise cloudy day and I value your friendship more than you will ever know. In your busy and changing life, please stay with us and join us in our trials and tribulations. Stu, thanks for your honesty and thanks for keep coming back. I am here to listen and help in any way I can. Sometimes, as I write, I think that everything I say sounds like bullshit, but I really mean all of it from the bottom of my heart – you see Kitty has no ulterior motives – honestly!!!!
I just hope that I can help one other person like all of you have helped me….I am so grateful for you.
One day closer to my birthday folks…..and to my procedure. Please keep me in your prayers for that – this has been going on for a while now and I am afraid one of these days it is going to get me!
Kitty – praising God for friends like you all
Sipping some Chi Tea at my desk at work
Love to all of you – unconditionally
Now I am home – just stopped at Home Depot for some flowers for my winter garden – and am going to plant them before it gets dark out there……I am so excited about Thanksgiving..you are invited to sit on the porch Thanksgiving morning for some apple of pumpkin pie and coffee…….Love You
KM – feeling better thanks to no dope and friends like you
Post Script – Thanks Metoo!
Hey, Kitty Mom…just a quick question!! Have you ever tried Yerba Mate???? IT IS YUMMY!!!!! I drink a few cups of it every morning!!! I bet you would love it and it’s so good for you too!!!
More later when I stop to think for a minute!!
I love you guys all…and I wonder how our lil dove is….and suzy….?
Hey Now,
Kitty-doing alittle processing at work, love it. That’s the absoultly JOY of this thread, it goes with me. I mean since May of 09, this baby has served as my stream of living water.
It always quinches my thirst.
I’m sure I could find this stream other places, other boards. meetings, church.
But i stay right here.
I get it all, right here. I see the Miracle of Thec Call, I see the Joy and Pain of the Choice and I see the agony and relief of Justification and the wonder of Glorification…
The Process man, right here being played out in front of me, it is part of me, it is SO MUCH BIGGER than me.
It is beyond AWESOME.
Some word for you, it is my Holiday Focus..2010
and whom he foreordained, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.
I really believe this is the process. I just have to let it happen. Do my part and carry the message.
If you DO NOT want drugs to control your actions, you don’t have to. There is another way, I’m here..Hope you can join me.
Metoo or is MoreLater(just kidding) I love when you give us a little Metoo tease, A little trailer. I love the anticapation of the post, the build up. Good stuff.
Kitty-the fact that you call me friend, warms me up all over. It makes me feel special, I never really felt special before. But trust me sister, Every ounce of Glory is Jesus Christ’s, He does the work, I just reap the wages. It’s cool like that.
I wish I could reach a point where my only motive was the well being of others, I pray for that. But i got other motivators still, other needs and wants that I get met here, But you know. I’m working on it.
God i wish I wasn’t so fleshy.
Fear not Kitty, about your procedure..I am sending healing vibes your way. I am removing all doubt at this moment and I pray. Father, watch over Kitty. Amen.
Stu my man–Nice to see you, Gigantic step picking up that coin. Personally i never got the whole time thing in NA, I was a faithful member and reaped alot of knowledge there, it had very little impact on my addiction.
The fellowship always kinda freak me out.
And the use of time, clean time as some type of pass/fail system. Jesus I often wonder how many dead addicts are dead because of a coin or a keytag.
I won’t get on my soapbox here. If it works for you. I LOVE it.
It just did not keep me clean. And if it doesn’t do that, Then I have a hard time justifying it.
Now I use the 12 steps as my path. Along with the Bible. I need both of those TOOLS to get 24 hours clean, which oh by the way is all any of us GET.
Southern Mom–How’s it going, I miss you, I hoe you come around.
Yeah and LIL DOVE–God I miss her.
And everyone out there trying to do this lofe, make it through man, Thanks.
And God, thank you for keeping me alive, to see this part of your wonder.
Love
Joe I appreciate what you are saying about the coins or chips in AA/NA. I have felt “a part from” at times because of them and that routine.
I got my white chip more as a symbol of my commitment to sobriety this time than anything else.
I can see how they can kill addicts if viewed in the wrong way.
There are people in meetings picking up multi-year chips that I would not want what they have. Dishonest, judgmental, on and on.
One guy, I may have mentioned awhile back, “borrowed” fifty dollars from a friend of mine about a year ago. She barely makes minimum wage. He’s got multi-year sobriety and has not lifted a finger to pay her, even after she asked.
If that was me I would wake up every morning thinking about that debt until it was paid off. I have two days, he has fifteen years. The girl is a close friend of mine and is precious. She’s the one I mentioned in a post or two ago that is having trouble. Joe, you would want this girl as a girlfriend. Anybody would. She’s just that way. I am not talking sexual here either. Emotional. It doesn’t hurt she’s real cute though.
The last thing in the world she needs is some asshole in recovery f***ing her over.
Another guy told me at a meeting that you don’t have shit until you have at least ten years. That life will suck until then. Good God if that’s the way it is maybe I should go ahead and end it all right now. JUST KIDDING!
Today is the start of day three, truly CLEAN. No pills, booze or pot. I slept fitfully, but I slept. My shirt was so wet from the night sweats that I had to change it when I woke up. I hope I never have to go though this again.
I have been reading Mere Christianity, by CS Lewis before I go to bed. It is a great way to drift off into a good place. Last nights chapter was on forgiveness and “love thy neighbor as thyself”. Some really good reading.
Kitty Mom, I am praying for you girl. Good luck with the procedure.
Bye for now About Junkies.
Hey, folks!!!
Kitty Mom, I think this is really weird, but I have had the procedure you will be having too!! You’ll be just fine, girl….it’s just a simple procedure. BUT!! MILK IT!!! You make that fine man you’re married to tow the mark and walk the line!! (where IS johnny cash..lol) It’s a good reason to spend some time taking care of YOU. I also remember when I had mine done that I did go a bit nuts~~thinking the worst~~and please, KM, don’t go too far down that road. Archangel Raphael will be sent to you from me….watch for GREEN to jump out at you. Seriously!! That’s his color. If you could, wear some green to the appointment too…??
Stuart! I think you’re “the shit”!!!! Good for you to take the token….I am proud of you, taking the steps to help yourself. I believe in you, my friend….
JOE!!! You live in Houston??? Hee!! I have family there. Maybe someday we will cross paths!!! And all the Floridian’s here~~I am going to come knocking at your doors when my ship is sailing!! (No plans right now, but SOON!!!) I wish I lived closer to the port cities. I’d be on a cruise every weekend if I could afford it!!
K, so now I have to type some about me. Geez, you guys…CHANGE. I am facing it head on. Any day now, we will have a closing on our business, and then I’m out of my “current” home. This really scares me. If any of you have any extra prayers of peace, comfort, serenity, security, FAITH that you could send my way, I will be forever indebted. I hope this change doesn’t kill me before I get the chance to make it. I need to feel hungry and eat, instead of nervous and skipping meals. I need to look at this as a great beginning, a new chapter, a CHANCE….instead of being scared shitless. It’s crunch time.
LOL~~~MORE LATER!!! (just for Joe…hee hee!!!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7RPCFfudmU
A classic. A favorite. Just like all of you, past and present who have visited or still visit this board…thanks for being friends.
Good Lord metoo. I cried all the way through that song. What’s that all about??
Thanks for song. It’s beautiful.
Ahhhh what a happy ending to this day finding all your posts here. And, Metoo, that is one of my all time favorite songs – I think I even mentioned it in posts gone by…And that video of my James is the best…forgot how much I love the man!
Stu – keep up the good work honey….day three and a token to boot. I don’t know much about AA or NA, but it works for ya my friend, go for it. You can do this. I am so proud of you for your keep going attitude and for fortitude in this battle we are all up against….all in the same boat we are – we are!
New name I came up with in my mixed up thoughts.
Junkie Junction
Here is where we enter scared and lost and grow in friendship and love, and never leave because we find a connection that we can’t find in the real world…and an understanding that anything is possible here….anything at all.
Thanks for the love and concern about my procedure coming up. I appreciate it and will be probably scurrying around like a muscrat in heat before you know it. (where did that come from).
Metoo, I will most certainly keep you in my prayers on your closing and moving – Wow, things are getting close…did not know you already sold the business….Good for you…over that nect little bump in the road, you will find your true happiness…you go girl!
Joe – I really need to take time to get over to that bible study – I read some John over the weekend, but sorry to day have not given Him (the Lord) the glorification that He deservices. I have been to much into the daily life that I have not had for so long. Do you think He understands?????
Well, Clyde two-balls in climbing up my good red sofa in my den and I still have to make cranberry/orange sauce and pumpkin bread for our work feast tomorrow so I will close for now . See you all tomorrow by friends.
lOVE YOU guys unconditionally
See you all tomorrow
Be there or Be square!
Kitty
Hey Now,
Daily Posting.
It is just the best. I think back to last year where weeks would go by and it would be just me and my thoughts here. God, how I ever stayed clean through that is a MIRACLE.
Today, I awake with anticipation. Not for Dope, but for the love and warmth of you guys.
I just want to say Thanks, man.
And just for the record, my hair loks just like JT’s in that viedo, sans a few grays of course. I have not got a haircut since i got clean.
I love my hair, for years I had to keep it short to play the part, of an enterprising on the rise coperate go getter.
I lived the dobule life-man that was so tiring. I was always taking and selling more dope so I could then sell more mortgages and stocks,and credit cards.
The funny thing is, at the core both of those worlds were very similar.
And you know what, i don’t want to be part of either.
I love this new kingdom I found. It is so refreshing to care.
My thoughts on my friends.
Stu-Easy Does it brother, It is kinda awesome to watch God pursue you. He just keeps on calling. You know St. Augustine said.
“God love us, like we are the only one he has to love.”
For me, that has been what is all about.
Singing a new Song…
The Old God I knew, wasn’t God at all, just another creation out of my addict mind. Of course i did not want to call upon that God, he was out to get me. Or had just given up on me, or I was burning in hell. So yeah reley on that God, no sir. I’ll go it alone.
Now think about that for just a second. That is the insanity of step 2.
Today, I am 100% sure of this.
GOD IS LOVE.
That simple truth is my mustard seed of faith. And most days I gotta poke around to find it.
Metoo-Change, I mean that is LIFE. In my study of the operation of God, or the manifistation of his gift, the Holy Spirit. I have been introduced to this truth.
Life is always followed by motion.
God is the giver of Life.
He touched you, literally broke through the rift and touched you, somewhere along the line, the Holy Spirit was given you.
Your choice to move is not really yours.
The fact that you are in motion, just PROVES the fact. GOD IS LOVE,
Now some will move from city to city. Others from lonliness to companionship, others from one state of being to another state. i.e using dope to getting clean.
He moves in mysterious ways.
But he Moves. Thus we move.
So go ahead and get your move on. Girl, Just keep us posted. I love to watch the master at work.
Kitty-may I please have a slice of that pumpkin bread. And yes he understands. Again, you are in prepetual motion my dear, The spirit is so alive in you. Ouch. I just like to get close and watch you go. It a blast.
I thought I was a pretty energetic dude, but you got me beat big time.
I just pray you take some time to chill, and get to know Kitty and let someone do for you. Sometime accepting Love is harder than Giving Love.
Anyway my Amigos and Amigas ,
Enjoy the motion, get up and get moving.
Start day four, for real.
It feels good to finally be honest about this deal, no other mood altering drugs to fall back on and no lurking notions about them either.
Sleep didn’t come easy last night but I avoided the temptation of Ambien. You guys know what those do to me, depression times about five. I tossed and turned until 3 AM then got what I guess was sleep.
The good news is the night sweats have abated. I kept my window open and the room temp was about 40, so that probably helped me from “overheating”.
Joe, you are a lucky guy to have the kind of job you have, especially coming from one you hated. I am self employed in a white collar job. Business has fallen off a cliff for me and it’s hard not to get real depressed about it.
It’s not bad when money is coming in, but sucks to work my ass off and get zero pay. It sounds like at least you are bringing in a pay check. I can get overwhelmed by it if I am not careful. Fear turns into terror. The heart rate starts racing and I look for something to “slow me down”.
I quit taking my pulse. My goal for now is just make it thirty days. Somehow I believe if I can do that my perspective will start changing. I do in fact have a lot to be grateful for and have it a hell of a lot better than most.
And I have YOU GUYS as a support network. What a lucky guy!
I am still reading the CS Lewis before bed. That’s pretty heady stuff, but great.
Last nights read was on Pride, according to him the huge grand daddy of character flaws. The way he lays it out makes sense.
Pride being acting like a pig, wanting more just to show other people you are better. Not to be confused with being proud of a job well done, that’s good.
As I write this a big request for quote just came in. Maybe God is answering some of my prayers after all.
He’s ALWAYS listening, Stuart…dang. I’m smiling over here!!!!
I love you, Stu.
Stu – God bless you big time – you are on day four and I am here routing for you just as others routed for me. Sleep or the lack of it was the biggest pain in the ass I encountered and I thought I would never get through it….but now my sleep patterns are back to normal again. Biggest Hurdle = Sleep Good luck my friend. You are doing so phenominal…Don’t let the weekend get to you.
Hey Joe – you can have a piece of that pumpkin bread on the porch tomorrow for my birthday….Wow you have JT hair – Great – I remember when I did not trust a guy with short hair! Cool!!! Dude!!!!
I am now off for three days – work two – then off for six….can’t beat that huh folks. Loving it!!!
Our thanksgiving feast at work was great today and I have enough food left over to feed the hub for dinner so I can play instead of cook dinner. This is the first holiday in years that I have not been worried about how many pills I have left to get through the holiday…no pills this holiday…just celebration of our Lord Jesus Christ’s birthday and our salvation.
I have not been to Church since Easter and sometimes I miss it but I must say that I am filled with the Holy Spirt administered to me by friends, nature, and life itself so once again I hope He understands. I enjoy going to church on Christmas Eve though and probably will do the candlelight service – it is so Awesome. I go to a little country Methodist Church – no frills – just country folk. It is really an awesome little church…but when our last minister left, I kind of left with him…haven’t been back much…can’t adjust.
Metoo – Glad you stopped in for a Metoo minute…haha. E-mail me the details to the tea or whatever it was you mentioned. I would like to hear about it.
After my procedure tomorrow, I will let you all know how it went. Doubt if it will be a hoot or anything like that..lol! But I hope it won’t be too bad.
Where is our lil dove at…lil dove if you are lurking on here, please write something…if not, I still pray that your life will turn around.
Well my pups and kitty cats – until tomorrow!
Love you all unconditionally.
DDKM
PS – wonder if we will know each other in heaven some day!
Happy birthday, DDKM!!!!! I hope this is the best birthday year EVER!!!!!! I celebrate you today, my dear friend!!!!
Today, I am asking Archangel Raphael to be at your side….here is a novena I located online for you. May all who read it invoke the presence of Raphael to accompany KittyMom today, and guide her progress through this procedure…to complete and total health and happiness!!!!
Novena to St. Raphael The Archangel
Glorious Archangel St. Raphael, great prince of the heavenly court, you are illustrious for your gifts of wisdom and grace. You are a guide of those who journey by land or sea or air, consoler of the afflicted, and refuge of sinners. I beg you, assist KittyMom in all her needs and in all the sufferings of this life, as once you helped the young Tobias on his travels. Because you are the medicine of God,” I humbly pray you to heal the many infirmities of her soul and the ills that afflict her body. I especially ask of you the favor of granting total health and healing to my friend, KittyMom, and the great grace of purity to prepare her to be the temple of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
St. Raphael, of the glorious seven who stand before the throne of Him who lives and reigns, Angel of health, the Lord has filled your hand with balm from heaven to soothe or cure our pains. Heal or cure the victim of disease. And guide our steps when doubtful of our ways.
Archangel Raphael, please be with my friend, KittyMom, and bestow the blessings of Heaven to all those who read this…
Thank you, KittyMom, for gracing us with your presence!!!!!! You ROCK THIS FORUM!!!!
Happy birthday, kiddo…
Hey Now,
Ain;t no Birthday, Like a Kitty Mom Birthday. The novena was sung for the glory of your soul Kitty. Oh and by the way, Next month on Dec 14th my birthday, I do will be have some test done. See one of the perks of union membership at the plant is you get your Birthday off with pay, every year. Sweet.
This year my Dr. wants me to have a Live test done, and seeing as this will be a day off, I get to spend my birthday checking out my liver.
The liver is a pretty imprtant organ. And I abused mine. So far the tests are good, this is the final one.
Remember kids, Vicodin contains tylenol, abusing tylenol can cause liver damage.
It really impacts normal liver function when you like to wash it down with a Jack on the rocks.
Here is to OUR health today.
Now let;s head out on that porch, cut a hefty peice of that pumpkin bread, I brought some Kona Blue Hiawian Coffee, to wash it down with.
Now close your eyes Kitty….I got a song for you,
and Happy Birthday,
First my Irish Birthday wish for ya,
May you be in Hevan a half hour before the devil knows your dead, lassie.
and a song…..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=favgoOn-U1I&feature=related
I love it when God let’s me hear what he sound like.
Now put on that party dress…..Happy Birthday.
Thank you from the bottom of my soul,
Joe
Happy birth day Kittymom!! Have a great one. I usually take the whole weekend to celebrate.
Joe – great point on the liver damage due to Tylenol in Vics and Norco. I sure have gone over the “toxic” level in a day. Reading some of the posts here, I am sure not alone.
Combine that with a jelly jar glass full of Kettle One and you really have a kick in the old liver. My buddy waiting on a liver transplant list can testify to that too. He’s on dialysis too.
With all the discussion on withdrawal here, (appropriate for this site), there isn’t much mention of our good friend the liver. It’s vital.
They tell me a liver can repair itself to a degree from alcohol abuse, not so with the Tylenol. It KILLS the liver. No repair possible.
I have tried over the years to help it out with diet. Abstinence is the best prevention though.
I am starting day five for real. I am still having trouble sleeping. That sounds like a broken record I know. Maybe I should wait until I get some good sleep. THAT would be news.
I have started putting little pink stars on the days I went sober. (I have a pink pen for some accounting I do). It’s nice to have four down, no nothing.
I am off for my noon swim with some buddies. They are a lot younger and stronger than me, but pull me along. It’s fun, but it hurts. Hurts good.
Wish me luck this weekend. I have trouble with these.
So sad. I just go word my buddy waiting on a liver won’t need it after all. He died last night.
This deal is for real. It kills.
Oh man, I miss that guy already. His wife and daughter do too.
Hey, Stuart…you have my sympathy on the loss of your friend. Please do something FOR US HERE ON THE BOARD this weekend. Please stay sober this weekend FOR US. I know that things like your friend’s death can take their toll, so just for now, please, PUT IT ON US. Stay strong FOR US. Does this make any sense to anyone but me? Put us all in your back pocket, Stu, and LET US CARRY YOU THROUGH this!!!
You will be in my prayers especially over this weekend, Stu. You’re one of my peeps. I am thankful. Stay sober, my friend…
For your friend:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtmAVGPEPSI
Don’t know you, Stu, and never posted here before, but just wanted to offer my condolences. I know how hard it is to lose someone, and the things it makes you want to do. The last 10 years I have lost sooo many people who meant so much to me. Just stay strong and think about the good times, and know that there are people in your corner rooting for you and praying for you.
Once again, my sincere condolences on the loss of your friend
Jamie
Stu,
I have followed your voyage on this site, I am so sorry about the loss of your friend. I know this is huge kick in the nuts for you right now. Metoo is right, come to this site, you have friends here that care for you so much, let them all be your crutch through this time. I also want to offer my shoulder to lean on and I will be praying for you through these difficult days.
I know this is the absolute worst way to learn a lesson, I mean it really sucks, but you can learn from this.
You have friend rocking for you up there now and that is a true blessing.
I am praying for God to wrap you in His warm and loving embrace.
sm
Hey everyone – thank you so much for all the birthday wishes – I am so blessed to have you all.
Stu before I get carried away here, I am so very sorry for your loss. Man that really sucks my friend. You now have someone to watch your back up there in heaven and you have us here on earth so, please, please, go on to day six seven and eight and not have to start all over again on Monday. I will keep you in my prayers this weekend…and once again, I am really sorry for your loss.
The prodedure went well but it hurt like a bitch! The Dr said I had a good sized lesion whateever that means but he was pretty positive that this will take care of IT. Metoo, your guardian angel really helped. When I was in the doctor office, I held that angels hand tight and before I knew it – over and done and on my way home…so thank you my friend for your prayers and arch angle.
Hey Jamie – hang in there. About taking the pill – we all have gone through this…I was the worst …I could not have quit with even one pill left in the house – I would hunt it down and take it , even if if meant crawling on my hands and knees to see if there was one somewhere under the bed.
Joe – thanks for the birthday song and the well wishes for my birthday. We are celebrating tomorrow because I won’t be feeling that great tonight, but I did have that pumpkin bread on the porch this morning with the coffee you sent my way….enjoyed the shit out of it!
Southern Mom – hope you are doing good on your taper and that your new support system will get you through it and on the road to the new super-duper supermom southern mom…haha. Just think of all you will accomplish!!!!
Love you fellas and gals
U N C O N D I T I O N A L L Y
DDKM – no longer DD
PS – nice to be sober today!
KM,
I like the new acronym
You really have a good heart. I know that I have probably hurt your feelings with my words, that’s what this addict does and I know it sucks and I am truly sorry.
Your kind words for everyone is inspirational, here you are going through surgery and you put your pain aside to comfort others (very Mother Theresa-ish
“SDSSM” too funny almost sounds illegal!
I hope you are feeling better today, I prayed right along side metoo, I don’t do the bible or the novenas, but I do feel I have a good relationship with the only Father I know and He loves you more than everyone put together. I love the vision of your holding hands with the angels metoo sent. Very visual, very comforting.
Gotta go feel the doggies
ttys
sm
Hey Now–
Stu-Vibes for you my firend. I know the feeling of loss all to well.
That’s the thing about addiction right, the old, well that can’t happen to me, as if the consequenses of our actions were not real. They are. Jails, Institutions and Death. That my brother are the only outcomes of active use in an addict.
On the flip side, is the troubling fact that addicts seem to think the consequences and blessings of stopping are not real either.
They are. I know you had a long period of soberity, and I know that getting up is beyond impossible.
And that’s just it brother, You (addict stu, will never get up).
HOWEVER, AND HEAR THIS BROTHER. THE NEW STU CAN AND WILL.
THE NEW STU HAS 6 DAYS, AND YOU KNOW WHAT THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS TODAY IS NO DOPE NO MATTER WHAT.
PERIOD.
THAT’S IT.
THAT’S ALL THAT IS REQUIRED.
THE CRITICAL THING TO REMEMBER HERE IS, YES GOD WILL LOVE YOU KNOW LESS IF YOU SPEND THE WEEKEND SICK, CAUSE YOU KNOW THE HIGHS ARE LONG GONE.
YOU ARE AT THE POINT IN THE DISEASE WHERE YOU HAVE SICK DAYS AND HEALTHY DAYS,
THE POINT OF THIS IS, YOU MISS OUT.
THE BLESSINGS ARE REAL.
LIFE IS BETTER THAN YOUR WILDEST DREAM. THE KINGDOM OF GOD IS REAL STU, VERY REAL, AND YOUR NEEDED, IT AIN’T A PARTY WITHOUT YOU,
LIKE THE SONG SAYS,
PEOPLE GET READY
THERE IS A TRAIN A COMMING
YOU DON’T NEED NO BAGGAGE
JUST CLIMB ON BOARD.
STU–CAN’T YOU HERE THE DIESEL COMMING.
IT IS NOT A MORAL ISSUE–IT IS A HEALTH ISSUE
BIG BIG DIFFERENCE THER BUDDY.
LOVE AND HAPPINESS.
Thanks for the condolences, kind thoughts and prayers. I have been hanging out some at a facebook page they set up for friends of my buddy to post. He was an active outdoorsman and there are some great shots being posted.
He’s up in heaven with some other friends of mine right now. The last one that went before him probably has a half gallon of bourbon and a big glass waiting. I guess God lets you drink in heaven. If not, they probably asked to be relocated.
Kittymom, so glad your procedure went well. Have a great birthday.
Metoo, you should be getting close to your move, sans the weight of your business. I wonder sometimes what it would be like to put mine down. That may happen regardless with this economy, but it’s all I have ever done. To tell you the truth it would scare the heck out of me.
Joe – man thanks for the encouragement and truth that you write. For me it’s ALL about staying sober. Last night my kid mouthed off and did some really irritating stuff. He’s got some special needs and I really should cut him extra slack. I got SUPER pissed. As usual my wife came to his defense.
Normally that would have set up a strong urge to take a pill or go get a bottle of vodka. From there into my garage to get drunk and high. (My garage has a TV, sofa, fridge and big trash can. It’s my hide away and place I do most of my using).
Well, last night instead I went to the bedroom, read and then went to sleep. My wife and I sleep in separate bedrooms so I can get some privacy there if I need it.
This morning I feel pretty good, although I had the crawlies real bad at about 2 last night. I thought they were all gone. Guess not. They came back with a vengeance.
Start day six AJ. I hope to get a run in this morning then hit an AA meeting at ten and sit down with a guy who has what I want sobriety wise to do some talking.
Thanks again About for all the support.
One more thing. As long as there’s songs being posted, I want to post this one for this morning. It’s a song that has a lot of meaning for me.
I don’t think there is any video of it, but maybe you could sing it to yourself.
“In my life” The Beatles
“There are places I remember …..”
For you, my Stu!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQpRgxyyqo
For those of you that pray…I really could use your prayers now!!! Having a really rough time of it today and this holiday week with the family is going to be brutal.
I appreciate anything you can send my way!
sm
You got it, SM!!
I needed to check in tonight to see if KittyMom had posted…and I see not. KittyMom, please let us know how you are doing today~~I hope you are well after the procedure!!! I am thinking of you, and praying for you!!
May there be peace and happiness in all of our individual worlds this weekend…”Thank you, Lord, for giving me all these wonderful friends….”
Metoo – I am OK. I fell asleep on the couch after I got home from my beautiful birthday dinner last night. We had a lovely time and when I got home I started watching The Titanic movie on TV and fell asleep. I wanted to post yesterday but was either busy out with my husband or laying on the couch with a little cramping. Thanks for your prayers and concerns. I am so blessed to have you as a friend.
Stu, I hope you are doing as well as can be expected this weekend and are staying strong in your sobriety journey. That restless feeling at night is a bitch, but it does go away eventually. You can do it with God’s help. Put yourself in His hands. Let him carry you for a while.
SDSSM – Holidays are rough and this will be the first for me without pills. So, I know what you mean. I truly pray that you will make it through and when you get to the other side of the holidays will be closer to being pill free. My sister, you will get there. My prayers are especially for you and Stu this weekend – that the two of you will find a way to become pill and alcohol free and be happy and comfortable in your new reality….your new normal. And, as always, my prayers are also with Metoo and Joe (and me) in our continued journey to stay clean.
It is early for my post today – 6:26 AM Sunday morning. Little two ball clyde was climbing all over me so I had to get up. Going to make coffee now and maybe watch a movie – will sit on the porch when daylight breaks.
Love you guys – have a great Sunday
Kitty Mom
You have my prayers SM. I can relate to trouble coming on the holidays.
My bro is coming up to visit and he drinks a lot. I won’t go into some of the “bad house guest” things he has done in mixed company. He’s a black out drunk and “walks in his sleep”.
I am feeling stronger this morning than quite awhile. I did make it clean yesterday, so today starts day seven, again “for real”.
I will quit saying that soon, but for now it’s nice for me to remember I have no mood altering drugs in me whatsoever. It is big for me.
As a side note, I sure am not judging or suggesting to anyone out there that a little substitution in the early stages of withdrawal is not good.
As long as the end plan is not to become dependent on those. Anything within reason to help one trough the first few days is cool, I believe. Pot, alcohol, (for the non alkie) even the valium/xanex type drugs for a few days.
It’s just good for me to be totally clean. It does make a difference.
God is really starting to lay things out for me.
Yesterday I was told some things by a guy that’s helping me stay sober. That went right in line with my CS Lewis read last night.
CSL explains what “love thy God” means. That’s do His will. If you don’t know what His will is will is, which I don’t, just act like you do.
Make it up as you go along. That’s good enough. And on the other side of the coin, don’t do the things you know are not his will.
Obsession and infatuation for the wrong things would qualify for that. And chasing those, obviously.
I am starting to believe that as long as I am walking hand in hand with God, doing what I think he would have me do, I won’t be near as tempted by the tricks my mind plays on me to use.
I really do feel good this morning.
Oh, and Jamie. It’s nice to see you on this part of the board. I read some of your earlier posts over at the other. Bull rider and race car driver, huh? Cool. And you’re a girl too? Wow. (So sorry if I misread the gender, but somehow I got that.).
Bull riding is one thing I wish I would have tried in my younger days.
I have a buddy like me, a city boy, who tried it once. He’s one of my best friends. Out of shape, never lived on a farm or been around rodeo.
He said it was sheer terror for the half second he rode one at a rodeo. Sounds like fun. Tee hee. Anyway, thanks for the condolences on my buddy.
Stu, I am so happy that you are feeling stronger “for real” today!!! Today, I am celebrating YOU, my friend. I am most pleased that you are making it through the weekend sober, and that you ARE walking hand in hand with God. I also loved the “summary” of the CSL thing, and I concur wholeheartedly. I believe it is up to each of us to decipher what God would have us do in any situation~~if we try to see things through His eyes, and act accordingly, we can’t get too far off the track! He lives in each of us~it is up to us to draw Him out…to bring Him to the surface, and act on it. I just read something similar, ironically, on Joe’s bible study. We hear what is right resonating in our souls, and then we need to be “doers”. One without the other means nothing. Congrats, Stu, on listening, hearing and acting it out. You’re winning this thing!!!
This song came into my head this morning…it was a favorite of mine when I was a teenager. God, that seems so long ago now. Looking forward to the changes in my life, I had a conversation with a wonderful friend yesterday who pointed out to me the obvious path that God is showing me for my life. This friend believes I have been called to help others through life’s transitions and situations. I know from the depths of my soul that she is right. I am now centered on praying that God will indeed help me. I will listen to His plan, and I will do my best to follow the steps that I need to take to BE a doer. Please pray, my friends, that the path unfolds in front of me, so that I can be truly whom He wants me to be…. Thanks…!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4kJolw0fd8
Hello everyone;
KM thank you for words of encouragement and support, I write these thoughts in a journal I keep with me all the time and when it gets tough (and boy does it ever get tough) I read these words and I feel like I have someone sitting right beside me, holding my hand and taking each and every step with me. I thank you so much.
Stu, my “new and improved” friend (yes, I know I sound like a commercial thus the “”") Your words and prayers mean a lot to me, you are going through your own “hell” yet you still have words of encouragement for others. In my book that makes you an angel, God sent to this site and I thank you too.
Joe, you morning posts are like taking a walk with God every morning. You have such insight and prfound thoughts, I am in awe of the talent you have to put your feelings out there for everyone to take away whatever they need. You are a web-site minister and your thoughts and words reach out and touch everyone!
Metoo YEP!!!
I am glad that you are sharing your goals and paths with everyone. You have a gift and God gave you that gift and now you are so blessed to be able to use that gift for the thing you do best! Helping and supporting others. I am almost speechless at the thought of you using your blessed gift and doing God’s work. I feel so fortunate that I have been a recipient of your gift and I am so excited for those who are going to feel and live your goals in God’s path for you.
OK I have started my list of everything I am thankful for this year.
This web-site
All of you, Metoo, Kitty Mom, Joe, Stu and Jamie, I have never had such a huge support team in my life
My husband who still loves me after he found out that he was married to an addict and who stands by my side and is there for me whenever I need him.
My kids, no matter what, the unconditional love I have for them that keeps me alive.
My friends even though they don’t know the real me, they are with me at the gym, Bunko nights, lunches out, school activites…
My BEST buddies Beau my sheltie, Max my yorkie, Tucker my lab/bull terrior mix, Houdini the craziest cat in the world, Ben the oldest and fattest cat I have ever seen and the assorted fish and shrimp in out tank.
Most of all I thank GOD!! MY one and only Father, my joy, my heart my Savior, our relationship is the most amazing example of His love that I have ever felt!
Schmoe, how I miss you and pray you are OK.
And all those who have been or on this web-site and share and pray.
For all of this and more, I am truly Thankful!!!
I pray that God is with you and all of yours’ during this holiday time, thank you to everyone who understands how difficult the holidays can be, especially doing it sober after 13 years of being “enhanced”. My husband’s family motto is “We put the FUN in DysFunctional” and that is putting it mildly. I am going to have to do each party one day at a time (yes there are 4) Today I get all my kid’s friends 15 in all as a warm up to the rest of the week .
I’ll keep checking in to make sure everyone’s is OK.
God give us peace, strength, hope and endurance, the holiday race is on…
Mornin’, Joe!!
Thought I would drop in tonight and lay out your breakfast song!
Have a great day, my friend!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0TInLOJuUM
Monday Morning,
Rise and Shine, folks.
Metoo–you doer you. Sweet, what a Perfect way to start my day,Great song, Great visuals.
Getting got up on the posts here. Man what a JOY, that other people come here. In complete saftey and posts their lives.
It reminds of that pool in the Bible where people would go to get healed, and when the water would stir, folks would jump in. Bethesda a think it was.
And i love the story where the invalid guy was sitting ther for 38 years, but could never get in. The history of this guy has always intruiged me.
Like how did he get to the pool in the first place.
I guess someone brought him, maybe faimly, but appearently they left him, And not one person in 38 years says, here man I help you,
At guess at some point he became content in his situation, accepted, and just hung out on his pallet,
Until.
Until Jesus comes by.
Of course Jesus hits him with a question, love it.
“”Do you want to be Healed”
The dudes response is classic, Not a no or a Yes. A reason,
Ah, I can’t get in the pool. No one will help me, and People step all over me.
Seeems a s though Jesus, looks at the cat, takes pity on him and heals him.
Man, I know what thats like.
I was that cat by the pool.
And Jesus took that same loving pitiful approach to me.
So Ladies and Gentelman, Jump on in the spirit is stiring.
No excuses.
It’s a pool party….
NewStu–come on in with your 6 wondeful days.
Metoo-Up of that lounge chair, into the water.
KittyMom, you can stop making sandwiches and take a dip.
Southermom-if you wouldn’t mind taking off those shades, you got such wonderful eyes, now into the water.
Ladies and Gentelman…The pool is Open, The water is perfect, so refreshing, AHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Love
I got a week last night and am jumping in the pool Joe.
Let’s get started on the next week.
CSL read last night – faith. God brought me this far, so faith it is.
I am a bit achy today and suspect that will continue for another few weeks.
Small price to pay compared to what I have been through.
Good morning everyone;
I hope everyone had a great weekend. I missed church so I came to this site to “ministered to” it was almost as good, if you guys could all sing, it would be perfect.
Joe, great visual with the pool of healing.
I actually stepped out of my comfort zone and took a step twords that pool yesterday with my “dinner guests” (my son’s girlfriend and our new live -in his best friend) I actually sat down and spent time with them, listening to the talk to each other (of course it was watching a very graphic video game or a violent movie) but I still learned quite a bit.
After dinner everyone was going in the hot tub (the pool) and I usually don’t join in, but last night I did, we were all just relaxing and I started feeling very close to the kids, we just chatted about this and that. telling jokes, sharing funny stories. When my son was drining the gf home, she actually said thank you for dinner and hugged me!!! That was a first, even the boys and my daughter were very appreciative, moreso than normal AND here’s the good part, I did the whole day with no vics, yes I used the Kratom, but me taking on the turkey challenge with no vics was HUGE!!! So I finally was able to walk to the healing pool and dip a toe in. Thanks for sharing that story Joe!
Stu you are doing it!!! You are getting there, even your awareness of what you are and will be feeling is a huge step. Way to go Stu!!
Metoo and KM hope you all had a great weekend.
ttys
sm
Hi everyone, I have been reading all of your posts and I really think this is the place for me to be. I am 46 days clean today from abusing Vicoden for the past ten years. I have gone through the withdraw process so many times I can’t even count. This is the longest I have gone without calling the Dr or finding it from somewhere. I thought it would get easier as I got further into this but I am sitting by the phone right now thinking of calling the Dr. I don’t want to be that person anymore. I am just in this dark cloud of depression and need help getting out of it. You would think I would be happy, I have the perfect husband and three year old twin boys that I adore. It just feels like something is missing without the pills. I was doing really well until this weekend when I found out that my Grandma was presribed pretty much a never ending supply of Vicoden. I feel like I can not even go to visit her or I will be tempted to ask her for some. I know I am rambling, but this is so hard. I know that you all know this!! Anyways thanks for listening and I am going to try and stay strong.
Hey, Angela!! Welcome!!! This is the PERFECT place for you to be!! I sure wish Joe were here right now to talk you through the saying no process. You can be strong. I KNOW you can be strong because you ALREADY HAVE. Now you just need to STAY THE COURSE. 46 days clean didn’t come to you cheaply, did it!!? So you just stick to your guns and *walk AWAY from the phone!!!*
You can do this. I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!!
Hi Angela,
I am right there with Metoo on this! You have already overcome the majority of the hurdles, you ahould be done withdrawing and detoxing, now it’s the mental thing.
I know that you WANT what the vics give you, or you think they give you. “I fell (fill in the blank) when I’m high on vics. Now take that “fill in the blank” and replace it with you CAN do now that you aren’t taking the vics. I did this and my Can list was pages longer than High ON Vics list.
I am tapering and this isn’t the first time, the last time I detoxed I went 23 days and I was so darn happy, I felt like a huge burden had been lifted, I didn’t have to hide my awful secret and when the NEED starting to sneak in, I replaced it with a CAN and the outcome was so much rewarding.
Example, when I am using I pretty much become a hermit, I enjoy doing my own thing alone, but when I was clean I wanted to get out of the house, walk my dogs take my kids to the beach, go out with my husband all of this without worrying that I am going to need another pill soon. It was such a freedom!!!
You have come to the right place to share, talk as much for as long and often as you want, get the best advice EVER! You can be honest here with no judgement.
And the prayers, Oh Dear Lord the prayers are my lifesavers, I hear and feel them all day every day and that is also another freedom. Letting God take control, He loves us, all of us, we are His children and His love is unconditional. All you need to do is ask, and He will deliver. I love how He loves us!!!
So, Angela, I am making a new page in my prayer journal just for you, I am here for whatever you need, if I don’t know the answer, I know that someone on this site will.
Welcome home;
sm
Thank you for believing in me!! I know that I can stay strong, it is just so hard. I know that I am going in the right direction because for the first time in my life I am talking to someone about this. Not even my husband knows about my problem. So thanks for talking and listening.
Hey, Angela…this is for you!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJZ3bcPr-Ds
Angela, this place will help you so much. I’ve only been here, what going on like a week and a half/2weeks. I don’t know. But everyone on here has been soooooo helpful and great, with support and advice. You have made it through the hardest part, the withdrawals and detox. But it sounds like you have the same problem as I have and that’s the mental addiction. It is hard to retrain your way of thinking, that you don’t need a magic pill to fix everything. But with the help on here I’ve come this far in such a short amount of time, and these folks have helped me get my mind to that point where I’m like I don’t need those damn pills. I know it’s different for everyone, but we’re all here to help each other. I know how bad the depression can get, been dealing with it most of my life, so if you ever want to talk about that, I have a lot of experience in that department. Just know that we’re all in your corner, and we’re all in the same boat, we’re just on different floors lol that was a bad metaphor or something
Stu, yep, I’m a girl. No worries on the misreading that gender thing. I know people don’t think female when they hear racecars and bull riding. Which is a lot of the reason I did those things, I love doing things that people say I cannot do because I’m a girl. And the best part of that has been showing up the guys who laughed at me, but then tucked their tails and hid when I was better than them. Bull riding is the ultimate adrenaline rush, 8 seconds of being wild and free on the back of a crazy wild bull, no better feeling in this world. Stu, you stay strong, brother, think of sobriety as that bull that you always wanted to try riding, grab ahold of that rope and hold on with everything you have.
I’m feeling good today and all inspirational for some reason. lol I guess it’s from having my niece this weekend, she really lifts my spirits. I made it through the weekend with my horrible tooth pain, took nothing but ibuprofen and tylenol and suffered through the pain. My fiancee wasn’t happy when I told him that I had slipped up the first day of my toothache, but he didn’t get mad or say anything to me about it, just got a look, which was probably worse than him yelling and being angry.
Southern Mom, I am thankful for you too, and Metoo, Kittymom, Joe, Stu, and everyone else on here who has shared their experiences, wisdom and support.
And Southern Mom, way to go on going the whole day with no vix! Holidays are crazy stressful, and getting through them sober, I know is a challenge. So give yourself a big pat on the back for that! You deserve some extra pie this holiday!
I will be having quite a stressful Thanksgiving, going to my uncle’s on Wednesday for dinner, will be spending the day with a bunch of old hippie potheads, which is usually funny and interesting, but the last two years I’ve had vicodin to help me deal with that circus, so this year will be twice as interesting I reckon. Traveling always kicks up my anxiety and makes me have panic attacks, but I’m trying to think positive. And Thanksgiving day, I will be cooking the whole dinner, for the first time ever. Keep your fingers crossed for me that everything comes out edible! lol
I had to make sure to post today, yesterday I was so busy. And when I realized I hadn’t posted, I was like “aw, man, I forgot to check in with my peeps!” I had a bunch of family stop by yesterday, and a cousin who despite me telling her I’m not taking vicodin anymore, left three pills here for me in case my pain got to be too much for me. I threw them in my backpack and haven’t touched them or thought about it, so progress. Spent the rest of the evening with my man, watching Dexter and catching up on our other TV programs. So aside from the pain I’ve been going through, the weekend went pretty well.
Oh, and for those of you who read about what happened with me and my girls, my dogs are okay. They both made it through that ordeal with nothing but slobber all over them. Someone was watching over the three of us that day!
Angela, really, stick around here. I promise you, these people are great, and everyone will help you along.
I’m off for now, wishing everyone a wonderful week.
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Stu – congratulations on a week!!! Wow, I am so excited and proud of you. I knew you could do it and it gets a little easier doesn’t it? Celebrate – jump into that healing pool, that Joe mentioned. Just remember you are His Child. You are his beloved Son. He wants you in His presence. He calls to you. Bring all your hopes, longings, sorrows, and cares and lay them at His feet. You are welcome in the throne room and in the healing pool.
SM – I am so very proud of you too to go a whole day without the Vic’s. Each day is a triumph when you are tapering or quiting cold turkey. I remember counting the increments as minutes at times…but each time that I passed up another dose, it was something to celebrate, and each time I did not take a dose, I was healiong from the inside out, becoming that person that I was once a long time ago, that person who I did not know any longer. What a blessing from God each one of those time increments were…whether it was a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, two months….and so on and so on. Celebrate the freedom of one day without the dulling, controlling pills – celebrate the love of yourself that is returning slowly, creeping up on you, so that you no longer long, lust after, and feel the need for it any longer.
Joe – your message today was phenominal….Jesus healed even the unworthy – the downtrodden – that is where he preached….that is where he was needed the most – not in the temple, but in the streets – now He heals on the internet through friendship and love of those who are in the same boat together.
Metoo – A friend – a comrad – a sister – Love you girl – Hope you are getting all your ducks in a row for a new and loving life. You are inspiration to others and I hope with all my heart that I can be just a speck of help to you in your journey coming up.
Angela, welcome sister to our little group here…you should be proud of 47 days. Hang in there little one and you will make it with our help and that of the Lord. Jamie – OMG – I am so thankful that you and your pups are OK – Someone was looking out for your my dear. You melt my heart when you talk of the love for those “kids” of yours….Those pups are truly blessed to have a mom like you and they sound like the love of your life….and of course your fiance too – but pets love you so unconditionally (even cats sometimes if the mood). I am so in love with my new kitten, after only a few weeks, that I cannot even imagine being without him for two days while he is being neutered.
Well, all my little lads and lassies, I better go. I have a timetable for getting ready for THANKSGIVING and tonight I plan to wipe up all the floors….so times a wasting. Can’t wait till tomorrow to come back and here from you all.
Love and Kisses my friends
Kitty Mom
My feeling exactly…about you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_lK41kC15g&feature=related
For the fist time in 46 days I sat in my living room and bawled like a baby and it felt so good. I have never talked to anyone about my addiction becasue I have been ashamed for so long. You all have welcomed me like I am part of your familyand I am actually feeling emotions that I have not felt in a long time. I am a good person and I don’t need those stupid white pills turning me into something I am not. I want to thank for all from the bottom of my heart for all of your support and kind words. Metoo–you stopped me from calling the Dr today to get more pills, but by bedtime I was already making a plan for tomorrow to call again, but I decided to get on here and see if you had posted any comments before bed. As soon as I opened the link you sent me I started bawling like a babyand still am. Don’t worry it is a good cry!!!! I am not going back to the dark side, I have come so far and I thank everyone for reminding me of that. I will see you all tomorrow for day 47.
Never Alone, Never Again.
WOW!!!!!!!WOW!!!!!WOW!!!!!!
I just spent the best 30 minutes of my life reading those posts.
You know, there is Great, and then there is something beyond great, I think it would be excatsy. Yeah that’s it.
Yo to open up the litlle board today and to soak in all the words, wriiten. The hearts opened, the healing. to feel it, to immerse myself in it.
You precious angles of love.
Thank you. I am now without a doubt the msot satified guy in the world. period.
My god if one more insanly powerful, incredibly beautiful, amazingly intelligent woman joins this board, I think I am going to have a fucking heart attack.
I am speechless, I am not going add a fucking word, I’m just gonna re-read all the posts and thank Jesus.
I mean there are blessings and then there are supernatural events.
I just got saok this shit in man, to my soul.
AMAZING.
PLEASE, PLEASE. I AM FUCKING BEGGING HERE, KEEP ON POSTING, METOO, KITTYMOM, SOUTHERNMOM ANGLEA, JAMIE AND STU……
I NEED YOU.
We need you too!
Joe, ditto to what Jamie said!!
I hate to plagerize Metoo, but I’ll write more later
Hahaha!! I’m just sittin’ here, smiling….
Hugs to everyone!!
Hi everyone, hope you are all having a great day!! Joe, I have heard great things about you and your post really lifted me up this morning. I am having a great day, I have decided I am going to take each day one at a time, maybe even one hour at a time. I can’t make stupid decisions by acting on my feelings at the moment. If I am having a negative moment I know it will pass and I will move on. I will get through this just like the rest of you have.
That’s the winning spirit, Angela!!! I can tell you’ve got a good head on your shoulders.
When the going gets tough, just imagine you have all of us here behind you (like your personal network…lol), and we will be right there supporting you and cheering you on. That is something that I, too, am going to use in days to come. Just the mental image that all of you folks are with me will be enough to get me through. You and the angels!
Hey everyone – Do you realize my friends that in about a week I will have been clean for 3 months – 3 freaking months…and three months ago I couldn’t get past 3 hours without a pill. See folks, there is that light at the end of the tunnel and Angela, SM, Stu, and Jamie…you will soon be there too. I, like Joe, am so happy just reading your posts everyday – it is like angels sent from Heaven. To my old friends of almost three months and to my new friends of just a few days – let us celebrate this day because each of us has triumphed over our addiction. Even the realization that they are not fucking good for you and a desire to beat it is a step in the right direction. There is a strong and loving God directing us to this place I swear!!!
Thought for the day – I would like to share
You don’t need to carry a burden
God wants you to have a light load
Take every thought captive
Hold each worry up to His light
He is able to lift the weight off you
Cast your care to Him
He cares for you
So unpack your heavy baggage and rest
On a personal note – I had a flat tire on the interstate tonight and from 4:15 until 6:20 I sat there on the side of the road with traffic wizzing by me like a freight care passing a bum – Now I said to God, please don’t let me die like this on the side of the road…and he didn’t let me die – here I am talking to you guys before I go and bake Thanksgiving pies – two pumpkin and one apple. I am so grateful for life!
And,my friends I have 6 days off work – no more bullshit for 6 whole days. I can hardly contain myself.
Three months ago I would not have been able to have 12 folks to the house for dinner without a bottle of pills – and three months ago I worried about lasting one day without pills…but here I am and here you are and we are all at some degree of recovery and it is such a blessing to have met you all. We are making it my friends, one proverbial day at a time and I am so glad you are here on this journey with me. Thanks Joe, for feeling it is a blessing to be on here with all us women. Hope we can make it easier for you as you make it easier for us.
Well, let me get off my soap box and go freaking make those pies!!!
Go Joe – stop by for kitty coffee tomorrow AM
Way to Go SM (super dooper SM)
Keep on truckin Stu
Love Ya Metoo – you are so there for everyone
Miss you lil dove
Bye guys and girsl
Love unconditionally
KM
Welcome Jamie and Angela – You are doing great (Don’t call the doctor for pills)
Well, spent ALL DAY waiting for my dentist to call me back and he never did. Frustrating! I was hoping to get something done about my tooth before the 4 day weekend, but it’s not looking so good. The pain has subsided some, or maybe I’m just growing accustomed to it. lol
Been cranky and stressed today for some reason, even my doggies are driving me up the wall. I swear, like every 5 minutes they are begging to go outside.
Going to my uncle’s tomorrow afternoon for an early Thanksgiving dinner, then coming home to bake pies and clean house for Thursday. And then it’s Jamie’s first attempt at a Thanksgiving feast!(fingers crossed)
I think it’s tomorrow that’s stressing me the most. Traveling and sitting around a bunch of people smoking pot all day, yay fun…and to top it all off, I’m gonna be the kid. It’s only gonna be my parents generation, so no one my age around to talk to, no one clear headed to talk to. My fiancee has to work, my cousins have to work. Will have to hang outside in the cold to avoid the contact high.
Been thinking about those pills today, wanting one really bad. It’s gonna be worse tomorrow, I’m trying to stay positive, but traveling and crowds get to me. Can I go back to Monday when I was feeling so good mentally and pretty well physically?
One hour at a time, one hour at a time, one hour at a time…at least until Friday.
Keep rooting, I’ll be thinking about you guys if/when I get that bad urge. You’ll be the thought that will keep me straight.
Hope everyone else is managing better than I am. And in case I don’t get the chance to post in the next couple days, because of this holiday crazy busy stuff, Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Turkey day hugs all around,
Jamie
I have a question for everyone. How do you pull yourself away from all your friends and family that you know have pills? My mother likes pills and likes to dangle them in front of my face. She constantly talks about them. and when I am around her my depression really sets in. She is one of those people that talks about how much she likes them so people are always giving them to her. I have friends that I know always have them also, and it is so hard to be around them. I think this is part of my depression, is that I feel like I can’t have fun around anyone that has them. The whole time we are together I am trying to think of a way to ask them for one. Has anyone else experienced this? I don’t want to cut off all relationships, and there is no way I can tell people I am an addict and don’t offer them to me. So is it just better to stay away?
The majority of my family is hooked on pain pills of some form or another, toss in a few street drug addicts too. Personally, I chose to distance myself from certain people whose addictions are way out of control, and the people who are always ready to give you a treat to pull you down with them. So for me I pretty much have like 3 family members I can safely be around, and I have a big family. But the way I see it is, regardless of their knowledge of your addiction, you have to look out for yourself right now and if that means distancing yourself from family and friends whom you can’t share your secret with and who are offering you pills when that’s not what you need or want at this point, well, it doesn’t have to be forever, but until you have full control over yourself a little distance might be a good thing.
It’s a very, very hard thing to try to get clean and sober, and twice as hard when you have pills flying around in your face from day to day. I have told my family I’m not taking vix anymore and still I have them trying to give them to me, or I happen to walk in on my uncle sniffing oxycontin. It does make things harder, but it also makes you stronger.
I don’t know if that was any help, but had to give you a reply, cuz I’m right there with you on this. You have 40+ days clean, I have 5 since my slip up. Don’t slip up, it’s not worth it, you’ve come too far. And if being around the pills is depressing, believe me, it’s so much more depressing when you slip up. Don’t put yourself through anything you don’t need to go through.
Stay strong, sista!
Hey Now,
First, and most important, Kitty I am gonna chill with a good cup of coffee with you this morning, those minutes spent on your front porch are the essense of my day. You are my escape valve sweetheart, I hope the burden isn’t to great. But a porch in florida in the winter with you is well irrestible. HMMM I can smell that apple pie, oh god….
Glutony(sp)
You know, I am no fucking expert believe me, i tried to quit pills for 20 fucking years, I failed everytime.
The key here, I have learned is in that statement, it is one word I
Fuck, everyone has an opinnion and everyone has a thought on how to do it, or why not to do it.
I just faced some TRUTHS about Joe, I mean fuck cousin Bill, he ain’t doing my jail time is he.
I mean at the end of the day, it’s my fucking life, right.
I’m the one sick in bed.
I’m the one doing years in a cage for coping pills, oh by the way they ar illeagle to posses or obtain without a prescription.
I’m the one blowing all my fucking money on this bullshit.
I’m the one that lost everything, I fucking had.
And you know what, those mother fuckers who I am so worried about, well that don’t even write me a fucking letter. While I’m doing this fucking time for this bullshit.
I mean are minds think other people care so much about weather we use or not, or how we react to bing offered. I know how awkward and painful and INSANE it is.
TRUST ME, you can scroll up through this thread is see every day of pain and lonliness and sickness and doubt. This shit is so real,
JUST DO NOT USE.
NO MATTER WHAT,
And here is the kicker, the rub. This is why I never really stayed clean, I thought life would suck without dope, it was all I ever knew.
It was everything, It ruled my mind body and soul.
In addition I thought, if I do stop for any period of time, who am I gonna hang with, what am I gonna do, Shit I don’t even like sex sober, or work sober, or play sober.
All I’ll ever do is sit on this fucking couck and crave those fucking pills. Fuck it.
But that is THE LIE. TTHAT IS THE ADDICTION. Right there.
THE TRUTH ABOUT JOE NOW.
LIFE IS BEYOND HILIRIOUS, IT IS BEYOND WONDERUL, IT OS BEYOND JOYFUL.
Look, I’m not trying to sell you some bullshit here.
If this path sucked, I’d be high right now.
I mean my road is full of the following, now if this isn’t what your looking for, I probably can’t help, but if some of it is what your REALLY SEEKING, CRAB MY HAND IT LET’S GO BABY!
I have…
LOVE
PEACE
VIVID IMAGINATION ABOUT POSITIVE STUFF
JOY
PASSION
FUN
SHARED PAIN
SHARED LONLINESS
SHARED FEAR
I’M NEVER ALONE
MONEY
STUFF
FRIENDS
COOLEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD TO HANG WITH RIGHT HERE
SUPER GREAT MUSIC
GREAT COFFEE
GREAT READING
INCREDIBLE SOUL SEARCHING
HELPING OTHERS
ENJOYMENT
SATISFACTION
Look man I can go through 4 different moods from the living room to the kitchen.
I go between thinking how absoultly wonderful a big fat line of oxy would feel, to the utter depths of depression over all I fucking lost.
But you know I JUST DON’T TAKE THAT FIRST FUCKING PILL.
That way I get to come back here and hang out with beautiful woman who are tyring to do something fucking different.
And STU-who is my fucking idol man.
This fucker runs marathons and shit, are you kidding me.
Oh and as far as hip, cool, sexy fun place to fucking be…
I can tell you for certian it’s a fact.
This spot is of the mother fucking chain, yo.
So kkep coming back…Shit you thought life was ending, dam sistah, the real JOY is just starting. Hell, you can always go back, dope aint going nowhere,
But rust me, after a few miles down this path, all you will be doing is hoping other people will join you.
Like Adam(the guy who told me) go, go to the party, feel the feelings if it gets to bad, split.
That’s what I did.
You know, the truth I have learned is that it is the exception to meet someone who even remotely gives a fuck about you, or if your using.
I mean when I was loaded, the last thing on my mind was, did little nancy eat a pill.
Shit I was caught up in my shit.
Well here I am, Here I will be, desiring to serve each and everyone of us in any way I can.
Happy Thanksgiving…Today I will give Thanks to my Lord Jesus Christ, my King…
Oh and I am not ashamed to say it.
This Jesus, he makes me the fucking bomb I am.
Today Joe is friend worth having.
That’s what Jesus does you know, he makes me better.
And man can he party, he just wnat syou to no, that dope shit, is nothing compared to his shit. You think fucking oxy get’s you high. Than it is apparent you haven’t tried his shit yet. I here and I got some of that Jesus fire, if you need it.
Peace
Oh and for those jsut joining the thread,
Just a heads up about my posts,
I will not spellcheck this stuff, it’s my life not a midterm.
Two, I love to use profainity, again I apologize if that offends you.
Love
Good morning everyone – Day before Thanksgiving and just mulling over last night and this mornings posts. I must say – I am eternally gratefull that there are not any Uncles or friends pushing pills on me. If there were, I don’t know exactly how I would react. There are people that have them in my family who I have actually thought about stealing them from in the past and did take from the occasional medicine chest. So I hear you sisters that it is worrysome. One thing for sure, is that I would not have shared them with anyone when I was using. Screw everyone else, these are all mine!!! So, please, Jamie with 5 days and Angela, with 40+ days…..it is an allusion and the addict in you that thinks that the pills will make you feel better. They actually just make you want more and the vicious cycle begins all over again. You girls are doing great and I will be routing for you over these next few weeks, praying that you get that extra help when you feel weak – stay strong sisters and after the holidays are over, you will be that much more close to winning this stupid war we are all fighting. But, you know, all this sounds like repeating the same old stuff over and over again but I was in the same place and as hard as it might seem, it is possible. Learn who the new and improved Jamie is and learn who the new and improved Angela is. If an old broad like me can do it, you, who have your whole life ahead of you, can do it to.
Joe is right – the list of beautiful things, feeling, and friends, is long once you kick those dirty little bastard pills.
This is for you too Stu and Super Dooper SM. An atheletic fellow like you Stu don’t need to be messing your body and mind up with all the shit! And SM, super mom and wife, just think of your potential girl when you have a clean mind and body. You will be unstopable. I pray for both of you.
And Joe, Fuck says it all my friend. What would we do without the simple four letter word. Sometime there is just no other word that says it all…lol!!!
Last but not least, Metoo. I hate to sound like a freaking broken record, but if it was not for you and Joe, I would not be almost three months clean. Thanks for throwing those prayers my way and thanks for the angels you send. There is one sitting right here on my shoulder as I type.
Love you guys
Happy Thanksgiving Eve
Kitty
I love you guys. All of you. I am SO THANKFUL that I have you!!!!
Joe, you are so right about the word “I”. I I I I am the one dealing with taking back MY life. For Angela and Jamie, the pair of you are in a perilous position in your journey………..and you need to OWN IT. IT IS YOUR LIFE!!!! It’s not the “oxy uncle” it’s not the “dangling mom”, it’s about YOU!!!! This holiday, when the going gets rough, and those folks seem to be in your face, I want you to pull this phrase into your head. Say in your mind, or under your breath, “I OWN THIS”….and walk away. At that point, KNOW that you have all of us here thinking about YOU at THAT VERY MOMENT. Let’s pull together to get these kids through the rough spots!!!!!!
I wish we had tokens. I wish we had SOMETHING to remind us of each other while we are “offline”. I wish I had a way to be with especially Jamie and Angela when their hurdles pop up from nowhere. I guess that’s why God gave us angels. Girls, KNOW that the angels are with you, protecting you from the rest of the world. The angels are real and they WILL see you through!! I wish I could be there too, with each of you to celebrate this wonderful holiday. I can guarantee you this: I will spend the holiday being thankful MOST OF ALL for all of you. Spare moments will be filled with thoughts of my friends here…many prayers of thanks will be said. MANY. Especially for Jamie and Angela. You ladies CAN DO THIS.
Now it’s on to me. Can anyone here say, “SELF DOUBT”??? Geez. I wake up every morning with anxiety. My life is unsettled. I am not used to an unsettled life. It’s all up in the air. Am I sure of where I am going??? Am I certain???? No, fuck. No. You guys, I am scared. I don’t even know what I need from you, but the answer is out here somewhere, and since the angels have brought us together, I figure someone here must have some answers for me. I am trying to face my fears head on. I am relying on God and the angels~~trusting in Him totally, because, well, He’s all I’ve got. Him and my love…I am gay, in case anyone missed that part, and am relocating to be with my girlfriend and her child. I have been in the same area all my life, and am for the first time, really, preparing to leave home. If anyone has ANY advice suggestions, I am all ears. I have never been the footloose and fancy free type, and sometimes I wish I were that type of person. I should be seeing this as an adventure, but it’s all SO SERIOUS. I seriously need a lift from all of the thinking and dwelling and worrying. It helps me a tremendous amount to think about others and to try to be a help to someone else and it’s not so easy for me to take in return. I guess it’s time to take. I need you guys, and I hope you can come up with some things that might give me some security. Hell, NO ONE knows what is going to happen 5 minutes from now, so what do I want????
So, if you have moments for prayer for me, please pray for a break for me from this anxiety, and I really could use an appetite for food again. I need to feel right in my skin again. I need to feel joy again. Please pray, my friends…and thank you each and every one….I am not even going to go back and re-read this!
Happy almost Thanksgiving! Turkey hugs to all!
Meetoo–I have never met anyone as honest and open as you are. I think God has a great purpose for you. When I read that you were gay, it just opened up another awesome layer of your life to me. Just think that when you relocate you are starting a new family, and you are so strong I know you can do it. What a big change for you, how exciting for you. Just think of all of us as little angels floating around you lifting you up, because that is what you do for us. Let me tell you a little story about a miracle in my like that turned my world up side down and I hope this will inspire you that everything happens for a reason. My husband and I tried to get pregnant for seven years with no luck. We dont have money so we could not go very far with the fertility process or with the adoption process. We almost gave up on having children when I got a call from a high school friend saying she was seven months pregnant and wanted me to have the baby. She had not been to the Dr yet, so the next week I went to her ultrasound with her and we found out we were having twin boys. My boys Micah and Noah were born a month later with me there to watch them be born. We were so blessed from family and friends that we did not have to buy anything for them, we even found a lawyer that only made us pay for the court costs for the adoption. I truly believe that God has a plan for all of us and if you feel like this is the right move for you, then go for it. I will be thinking about you.
Joe…FUCK!!! haha You should hear me in person, I cuss like a sailor. I always have my mom telling me, “you say fuck too much.” But sometimes “Fuck” just covers everything perfect.I am trying really hard to just focus on myself, aside from my addiction, I’ve realized that my other problems require more attention than I was giving them, so until I get myself straightened out, I’m looking out for number one and that’s me right now.
Kitty Mom…Sometimes it’s good repeating the same old stuff over and over again, especially for those of us who can’t remember shit, and stubborn folks like myself who need to hear it a hundred times before it sinks in. Thank you for your encouragement. It really did help me this morning.
Metoo…I OWN THIS! You have been a tremendous help to me from day one, thank you. As for the angels, I woke up this morning not feeling all that great mentally, but who do you think was sitting beside me looking at me with these big brown loving, caring eyes? It was my angel Candy, she has been super duper close to me this morning, and so much more loving than usual. She really truly is my angel. I wish I could take her with me today, I know with her I would do a lot better. On the moving thing, from my experience it’s best to not have any expectations, that way you’re not let down and sometimes you’re nicely surprised. I moved from California to Colorado when I was 19, I had was super hyped to do it and it didn’t turn out to be what I expected. So I was disappointed and things fell apart from there and I ended up coming home. Probably not a good story to tell you. lol I’m just trying to say, lower your expectations and maybe that will lower your anxiety. If it’s what you really want, think positive and tell yourself you’re doing it for you.
Angela…you have two little miracles to stay clean for. When the times get tough, think about them and how lucky you are to have them in your life.
I think I’m just gonna chill with my pups until it’s time to leave. Or maybe bust out the Guitar Hero for a distraction.
Happy day to everyone…
Jamie
Heloo FAMILY!!!
And I truly believe you all are my family. I love how we all interact in many different ways. I love that we all support each other and care for each other and love each other UNCONDITIONALLY. I for one know that this is not what I have in my regular life, but I think I would be in such a bad place without all of you. You all bring something new to the table and the encouragement and reinforcement of helping each other to become clean and sober is my saving grace.
KM 3 MONTHS!! WOW WOW WOW!! I hope you are as proud of yourself and I am!! You are doing it lady and you are taking so many of us on the path of sobriety with you and for that I am THANKFUL!!!
Jamie, I am in the same boat with you doing the Thanksgiving life sentence!!! Everyone wants the best day ever and you step up and do the food, which in my opinion is the hardest job, yes having the family turmoil sucks, and for those that have family waving drugs in their faces I asked myself what I would do in that case and I came up with this… Take their pills and throw them away, then not only do you not use, they can’t use (even though it’s a few pills).
I totally agree with the 1 day at a time, I am tapering and each day is a new for me so I encourage you to take each minute, hour day at a time, the more time you don’t use the more steps you take to sobriety! AND.. TURKEY HUGS TO YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE IN OUR ABOUT FAMILY!!!
Angela, I think the same for you, people who wave their pills under your nose are not the people who want you to be sober, so take their pills, walk to the bathroom and flush those little bastards away, when you walk away, you know you have done what you need to do for you and maybe help those with the pills to have less pills to take tomorrow.
My husband and I have talked everyday about my addiction and I want so much to be clean, but I also know that the addict in me needs something to get through these holidays, so we have a deal, He has all my pills and he will only give me a pill if I REALLY need it to get through Thanksgiving, then I go back to nothing and hopefully I won’t need anything for Christmas, he is trying to help me so I don’t go through withdraws because he has has seen me go through that agony and he only wants me to get sober without the pain and I love him so much for loving me enough to do this for me!
JOE!!! The way you share you with all of us is so inspirational!! You put yourself out there, bare naked, HERE I AM, THIS IS JOe, Love it or fuck off!! And I love it. You lists are incredible, I can take each one and apply it to my life, I write them on note cards and when I am get that horrible feeling that I NEED a pill, I can read the lists you send and realize I don’t NEED a pill as much as I need you and all the rest of my family on this site!!!
Being a woman in your life is an honor, because I am a part of an amazing group of women.
Metoo, I love the token idea. I take things that touch me from this site and write them on note cards so I can carry them with me every day, but I would love to have something tangible that represents this group! Maybe we can all brainstorm how we can do this, because I would love to walk around and display the steps me and my friends are going through for our sobriety. Maybe a “frienship bracelet” only we could call it a “Sobriety bracelet” Or a key chain, I am the artsy fartsy person, so if we could come up with something I could try to make it.
Metoo, your self-doubt is expected, you are starting your life over!! Instead of feeling that you can’t do it because you are so used to everything being a certain way (I totally get the schedule thing) You have the opprtunity to START OVER!!! A new life, a new lifestyle, a new world to explore and new YOU! This is what you have been searching for, for quite a long time and now you have this new life awaiting you, God is showing you how much He loves you! He is giving you this new chance to live a life and follow a path He wants for you. Grab that Golden ring on this wild ride of life sweetie!!!
Last words for today:
God please Bless my new About Family during this holiday weekend.
Please keep us all safe and help us cope with the road blocks family and life puts in our way. Give us your strength and guidance to stay true to ourselves and our needs and help those that don’t understand or question our commitments.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone, when I lead my family in prayer I will be praying for all of you too!
I scrolled back up and found what I posted last yeart on The morning of Thanksgiving.
This path to freedom is REAL.
Joe { 11.26.09 at 2:49 am } Where else would I start my Thanksgiving than right here.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone,
May God Bless you.
Love,
Joe
Happy Thanksgiving AJ. I have house guests and am putting the turkey on the Green Egg (it’s 5AM local). I have a new recipe that sounds like it’s gonna be good.
Take care.
Hey you all
Happy Thanksgiving – I have everything that I can precook bake and prepare done – just waiting to put the Turkey on soon. 9:17 AM here. Have a blessed Thanksgiving.
You are all in my prayers this day and every day. Have a wonderful holiday and don’t let the bastards get you down.
Love You All
God bless you
Kitty Mom
Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I woke up this morning thanking God for my family. Unlike the past several years, I am feeling actual emotions. Just the smell of the turkey is bringing back great memories of when I was clean, it feels great. Love you all!!!
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
You all will be in my prayers today, I always take a moment of silence when I do our familie’s blessing and this year I am Thnaking God for all of you!!
It’s 11:30, up and cooking since 5:00 am and still NO PILLS!!
KM you crack me up 9:17?? Really??
God bless you all and all of yours today!
sm
There is so much thankfulness here…and so much pure joy. Thank you, Lord, for each of those reading this today. Please help us to ALWAYS be thankful for the gifts that you have given us. Please continue to hear our pleas, and bestow upon us the knowledge that you are always with us. Heal us, Lord, one and all. Make us clean again. Bring us home.
Happy Thanksgiving to all of my special friends~my angels!!! I love you all!!!!
Happy Thanksgiving all!
Better get back to the kitchen…..
Jamie
Hey so this blog thing has helped me, i just wanted to write in and share, well i’m on day 5 of not taking any pain pills, i’ve been on pain pills since about 2007 lets just say i was under the age of 18 at the time, my dr first put me on the pill norco, oh when i first started taking pain pills for my headaches i was always great i made scripts last and i made it to my appt, and i could go a couple days without them, well i kinda didn’t want to become addicted because my dad was a heroin addiict so what i saw him go through and deal with and saw him od, and pissed off cause he couldn’t get his drugs, or how i found needles and stamp bags all around him when i was younger i didn’t want to end up like that. well my dad died in 2004 so it’s been pretty hard without him, but i like i said i didnt want to end up like him well.. the past couple years have been really tough, ive been through alot i don’t know how ive held on alright well here goes first off like i said i started having to take the pain pills for my headaches cause nothing else helped, well after being on norco for about a year it wasn’t helping any more and then my dr tried me on the fentyal patch im still under the age of 18 at the time, well that patch did nothing for me well by aug of 2008 my dr then put on oxycodones 15mg and omg the first time taking that pill all my pain went away and i felt great, well after my dr put me on that ive had to get like 5 surgerys in the past couple years, from glands out in my neck to tonsolis to a laporscopy which meant alot of pain and alot of pills . it makes me sick how many pills ive been on in the last couple of years alright well remember how i said i didnt want to end up like my father… well what do i do last year? im hanging out with the wrong people and well heroin comes along, and i first snorted it a couple times then when the people i was hanging around started shooting it, i was like hmm…… i want to see what this feels like, meanwhile im all down and out because i tried heroin and my dads prolly looking down on me saying im a fuck up and a piece of crap well my friends well they werent really friends lets just say users, shot me up cause i didnt know what the hell i was doing that took all my pain away made all my problems go away… well i didn’t do it much last year every once in awhile or when my friend would shot me up then mean while im still on the oxys for my headaches and people are using me and stealing my pills and im getting my heart broken by my first love, i still have issues from my dads death i have alot of depression and i was trying to numb it out with pills and i couldnt go anywhere without a pill a pill just gave me a added boost and made me feel alot better about things. me and the heroin friends got in a huge fight and didnt really talk for a long time and i didn’t have anyone to get me heroin so i was doing really good and i was sticking to the pills even tho i kept eating them like candy and running out to soon before my appt and then having to find other pills so i wouldnt get sick since with drawl is hell. well this year in aug i let someone stay at my house and well he needed a ride and my dumbass texted the heroin friend and asked him if he could give my friend a ride and well here i thought he was clean cause alot of shit went down with him from the time i stopped talking to him he and my neighbor was doing coke hard core and he got caught selling heroin to a cop, then he got in a wreck but i thought he was clean because before i got in the car with him and said he didnt touch that shit, so me and my friend get in his car and well his smoking crack, and i hate the smell of that shit, but anyways lets just say by the time me and my friend got out of that car he was talking to someone on the phone asking them for a couple bags well what do i do i dont have any pills and i havent touched heroin for a really long time and i ask him to get me a bag bad move… getting back in touch with him screwed alot up lets jsut say since aug… ive learned how to shoot my self up, i pawned three laptops for drug money, stolen off my mom, hurt my mom alot, have track marks on my hand, really started likeing that guy, which i dunno why, almost fell out on my birthday in sept, that was lovely, shot crack, shot gunned crack, done coke, shot coke, ran out of my pills even more, got ripped off by people, tried to go get help and i was turned away since i wasnt enough of a junkie but i think i was wanting to get high everyday and not feel a thing, and every chance i got i got high with heroin cause once you feel that rush you dont wanna go back now i know why my dad liked it so much… well me and that guy arent talking anymore causse he used the shit out of me and hurt me pretty bad, i dont have any rides to get any heroin so thats a good thing, i havent wanted it i havent done heroin for about a month, but ive had my pills perk 10s which lets just say this month i ran out of my pills so quickly and i cant get my next ones til the 10th so i was really sick from not having any of my pills and going through withdrawls and i feared that i hate with drawls i just wanna die and not wake up, but now im on day five and im doing well, i got the clonidie patch .2mg and lets just say it works welll ive been kinda dizzy and kinda feel like im in a fog but it takes alot of things away, the hot cold sweats, the rest less leg issues, the feeling hostel and kinda just mellows you out, now i just gotta learn how to take my pills the right way again and try and not need them alot anymore cause im only 20 i dont need this in my life, i dont wanna be a screw up which i know i already am. i gotta be strong… well thanks for reading… i hope you all stay strong
Hey you all – hope you all had a blessed and happy Thanksgiving – the troups are gone – I am in my pajamas – the kitchen is cleaned up and I am ready to crash…First Holiday in years with no pills and it was so much less stressful…still the little family weirdness but all in all pretty great! We had three dogs here with our two cats so the cats were freaking out – now they are happy and rubbing all over us. I am dead tired and going to watch a movie on TV.
Love you all
Kitty mom
So who is going to Best Buy this morning? 4am here but I’m up cause I gotta go to work, not stand in line at Walmart-although that would be fun.
It was really cool to come here this morning and read about everyones day.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart, I knew I wasn’t alone,
I was around allot of folks less fortunate than I, one of nieces and her boyfriend and their 4 kids were there, let’s just say they have had a really hard year.
I’m sitting on the couch and one of their kids came over and put his head on my chest and just chilled, looked at me and said hi Uncle Joe, he is about 4 and his life as been spent in total chaos,
Well, 2 years ago i wouldn’t have even noticed the kid, I would have been all fucked up.
This year that moment was the most precious event of the day, our spirits connected and we both just chilled for about 20 mintes. I think it was the first time in his young life he felt peace.
The kid refreshed my soul.
and watching the old Macy day parade with my kids was beyond description.
Life is so incredible,
Ah down to the old chicken plant, fuck I don’t want to see any type of bird today, I am still full.
Love
I hope everyone is recovering from the Trytophane coma from the turkey from hell! I don’t have to eat for a week!!
As I was doing the blessing this year and as I promised I did a moment of silence to lift-up our men and women in the military and offered a special blessing for my son who leaves in June I had one of our most dysfunctional and f-d up people in the family tree chime in with “I refuse to pray for baby killers and I should be ashamed of my son and myself for supporting his choice to be a war monger!! I continued my prayers and even asked God to forgive some of His children that have their head’s up their asses (no not my proudest moment but NO ONE goes after my kids!!!)
After the blessing I told her if she ever talked to me or my children like that again she would have to find a way to get my foot out of her ass, alongside her brainless head!!!
By the end of the afternoon she had offended pretty much everyone and I finally had enough and told her to shut the fuck up or she would be going for a swim with a brick around her neck! OK that was extreme but someone had to shut her up.
I was glad to come home and we all fell into our comfort zones and chilled the rest of the day.
Thanks for letting me share, today is the one day of the year you can not get me to go shopping even if stuff was free. I hate crowds!!
So to all you brave ones, I hope you found everything you were looking for.
ttys
sm
SM – I agree with you whole heartily – no shopping on Friday after Thanksgiving – I don’t need anything or want anything bad enough to stand in line or go out at 3:00 AM – and I refuse to even acknowledge the term Black Friday. We just chilled, ate leftovers, and the only thing productive I did was put my fall stuff in the attic to get ready for getting down the Christmas stuff. I gave myself a big day off.
Hope you all survived the holiday and remained half way sane. Joe – sounds like you had a special day – thanks for sharing it with us. And, SM, there is always one in the family who puts a damper on the occasion…good for you for standing your ground. What a mean and hateful thing to say to you and your son when he is going in the military to serve his country!!
Well my darling friends, I am going to finish out the lazy day by watching Christmas movies on the hallmark channel.
Love you all and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
So special you are to me. Thanks for keeping me pill free this holiday.
Kitty Mom
Good Morning everyone,
Wow southern mom, what a drag, I’m glad you were able to get through that uneeded tirade. You handled itt better than I would.
As a vetern, my heart goes out to you and your son. The courage he is dsplaying is ennomorous. I just want you to know I’m here for you as his depature approaches.
Unlike the unruly guest, i honor both you and your son
See, perosnally I enjoy freedom. i enjoy it so fucking much I would die to perserve it. I mean freedom is what is all about.
The fact that you have a raised a child willing to answer the call to protect that freedom endears me to you even more, if that’s possible.
Please remember you are not alone as you go through your journey,
Kitty-As I go into the Advent season, the 4 weeks of preparing and hope and celebration. That preceed christmas. My goal this year is To not let my Heart become drowsy.
That is my focus in life now-to learn more about my heart, not from the poets point of view, more so the biblical percpective.
I know I need to keep on growing, I cant stop. You know what I mean?
The new Testament uses the term kardia-heart 160 times, with several diiferent meanings, as a noun a verb you name it,
For advent I am focusing on this meaning Vigor
Using this definition-: intense active healthy well-balanced growth
In my reading for preperation-jesus warns that the anxiety of life can cause one to become drowsy, lose focus, give up.
So you know I really hope you keep posting, you keep me alert, hopeful and focused. i long for your posts and well you vigor.
Metoo–I guess your prepration for change falls right in line. keep your focus and you will be fine. lean on me, let me carry you, that’s what the fuck I’m here for sistah.
Angela–Thanks so much for the tale of your twins. It was very inspirational to me. That;s what I love about the spiritual side of this path, the blessings, the real blessings require the most work.
With most people I meet who were using pills they are deep down very ambitious people, gifted, have a kardia-given by the creator, then they find themselves in a place, a place where they are opressed somehow, maybe a physical injury, maybe economic conditions, maybe personal self hate, maybe reltionship issues, just a feeling that fuck this is my life and then they take some dope and that all goes away, for a few hours, so you do it again and well sooner or later it jsut the fucking pill it has now become your kardia, of course it;s fake and makes you
feel even more fucking desperate till one day well enough is
enough.
You bring so much life an hope and love to us, please keep sharing.
Jamie-I actually went back up and reread everyones posts from the last few weeks, My memory is fucking shot that’s why I lvoe blogging i don;t have to remember. Anyway, WOW. your faimly sounds just like my in-laws, God bless them. I also see that spark of life in you, that passion, that zeal that you guessed it kardia.
I hope your tooth is OK. physical pain sucks man, do what you gotta do for you. You seem to have a bounty of courage, and a thrill for adrenalin rushes, keep finding ways to stimulate that, run if you can, share about stuff you keep inside, do something new, but I knwo if i don’t keep pushing the fucking envelope of life I will get drowsy, bored and well once I’m in that space it is just a stones throw away from some morphine,
Stu–your the man brother. period end of conversation. That is all you need to know brother.
So to all of you, from the very bottom of my heart, THANK YOU FOR KEEPING ME CLEAN TODAY, AND AS ALAYS.
WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, AND HOW CAN I HELP.
LOVE
My dear Metoo – going back and reading prior posts, I feel in my quest to make Thanksgiving a happy and special occasion for my family, I have let you down. You are such a special and giving person and here for everyone at all times. I have been praying for you my friend and I hope God will ease your doubts and lead you in the right direction. If the doubts are just concerning the place on the map that you are going to reside in, I believe that you can make it home merely because you will be surrounded by the person who means the most to you. Love makes the home…not the location. Let yourself take the ole one day at a time theory into this situation just as we all do in overcoming the drugs. It works for other situations in our life also. God does not burden us with more than we can handle because he takes the burden for us. He will give you strength to hold on. He is not weak and will not let you fall. He will provide your foot with a firm place to stand. He won’t be late – Help is on the way.
Just know that I am here for you – and like you said – I don’t know exactly what I can do except that and pray.
Love you girl
Kitty
Hey, NLDDK, (a.k.a. No Longer Double Dippin’ Kitty)…
Don’t beat yourself up!! I SURE HAVE been able to feel EVERYONE’S prayers!!! The tale of the twins warmed my heart and helped me to know that there is a plan. I can’t see it now, but there IS a plan!! And SouthernMom assures me that it’s the greatest plan, and I BELIEVE. Joe has said that what I need to do is to let GOD INCREASE in me, and that I need to DECREASE IN ME. I need to let it be HIS plan…HIS way. And our Jamie has helped me to realize that I NEED TO OWN THIS. So, with the help of all of you, I am doing this thing!!
I had a major breakthrough yesterday, when I started to realize that I I I I I I I am in control of my thoughts. SO, I told myself (in the mirror…lol) that I am NOT ALLOWING any negative thoughts. NONE. I recited, “Peace, Joy, Love and Laughter, oh my!!!” in my head throughout the day, and know what?????
I HAD A GREAT DAY YESTERDAY. And this morning, I woke anxiety free…THANK GOD!!! So, your prayers ARE working…please don’t stop though!!
Throughout this move, I want to take each of you with me. I DO want to lean on you. ALL of you!!! Something that I need to realize from all of you is that EVERYONE IS SOMEWHERE. And no two people are in the same “space”….so I CAN survive outside of my “normal for 46 years” space. I know that probably sounds crazy. Well, maybe I AM!!! Hahahaa!!! Anyway, thanks for helping me make this transition. And, on the other side, it will be well worth it IF I am able to help someone else going through the same thing. I pray that when this is all said and done, that God will send me someone else to help, as in Him putting His stamp of approval on how I conducted myself through it….that’s the best I can ever hope for.
Thank you all for being beside me, being a force I can feel, and thank you, Lord, for this brand new day!!!!!! I OWN IT!!!!
But hey! WHEN I get to Michigan, do I stand a half a chance in hell of getting a care package from anyone??? Something tangible that I can keep with me day after day to remind me of you?? I can picture that first day on the job, (if I can find one in this economy…lol…and I am SO SURE that there will be just the right job popping up for me…lol…like God doesn’t have anyone ELSE to look out for…) I would love it if I could reach in my pocket of my Walmart greeter’s vest and have a token of someone who is with me in spirit…
Just a thought. And it’s a thought for all of us. I would love to also send some tangible part of myself to each of you~~and if a token of me could help someone of you get through a rough spot, how cool would that be???
I do wish we could network this idea. We are all in this addiction/life thing together, and together we are strong.
Hey, Jamie and Angela…how are you ladies doing in post-Thanksgiving time? Thinking of you, and hoping we hear from you soon….
Have a great weekend, everyone!! I love you guys.
Metoo,
I wanted to send this out before I venture out of my comfort zone and to the beaty salon ( my hair has a life of it’s own, it’s wild and crazy and does whatever it wants to do and I have stopped fighting with it, and my hubbie LOVES long hair so cutting is out of the question so I venture to Ms. Barb’s every 6 months and tell her to do her best!!)
BUT!! I love making jewelry and quilts, as you already have one of my quilts I want to make you somthing special that will remind you of me, maybe if we could all come up with something that reminds others of who each and every one of is, that would make it the most special gifts to have.
So I am going out to find something that represents me, to make for all of my family on this board. Getting them to you will take some work but your words about yourselves and the words you have for me will help me make my decisions.
So open up your hearts and send out your vibes in prayers for me to use. That is how I make quilts and now I want to try this jewelry thing. Joe and Stu, men can wear jewelry too, but if it isn’t your “thing” I can also do a key chain and maybe everyone can add a piece to it. A symbol of our common bond, our unity and the inspirations we give to each other.
Feed back please…
sm
Metoo and Super Duper Southern Mom – I make things too – Jewerly, and quilts, and baskets – more before – but want to get back into it….a am in on the token thing and wil ponder on what mine will be…addresses please to kittymom001@gmail.com. for those that are in…Love you all
Kitty Mom NLDD
Good Morning folks,
I love the idea of something real to look at and remember. I started my Advent journey this morning.
The point this year for me is to WAKE UP. BE ALERT.
Isiah, told the folks, Come let us climb the mountian of the lord,
For me that means going from darkness to light
from opression to freedom
from self to others.
from dope to health.
I have learned through failure that I need others, I can’t make it alone.
I know that in my life, I desire so much, I hurt so much, I am so afraid, I am lonelly, I have a past, I desire calmness man,
You know they always talk about CHANGE, in recovery circles.
I realize , just for me, that the 1 change I must stive for everyday is to keep LOVE first. Joe second.
So the ALARM as sounded and it seems like a great day to give rather than recieve.
Now, I am not an arts and crafts guy, I never even advanced past that thing, you know it;s supposed to be an ashtray.
What I would love to do is write each of you an inspirational thank you card.
Just open up my heart for one brief moment and GIVE LOVE,
if you would like one let me know, I’ll get write(lol) to it,
Thanks
Good morning good people
I am so grateful for being here today among friends – people that I did not even know existed just three months ago. Thank you for your help in reaching this point in my life today. Thank you for letting me get to know you little by little over the past months and thanks for getting to know me. Like an old worn out record, I hope that I can help you just a fraction of how you help me every single day. I love hearing about your lives and the selfish part of me loves hearing you direct your comments to me personally. Joe I would be deeply honored to receive a written card from you and when you come to the point of doing so, my Email address is above where eventually we can share information.
SM – thanks so much for Emailing me. It made my day.
Metoo I am so glad to hear you are doing better with your anxiety about moving. Put your fears in His hands. Like I said in one of my last posts, it is not the physical location that makes you homje, it is being with the one who loves you.
Stu, Jamie, and Andrea (and lil dove) I miss you on here. Please Please Please let me (us) know how you are doing.
You have a shepherd (John 10:14-15)
He’s watching out for us.
He knows our tendency to wander.
Listen to His voice; He is calling us
Let us follow Him to the greenest grass.
We will be most satisfied in His presence.
Praying for you and loving you each and every day
Kitty Mom
Can we say SYNCRONICITY? Heck, that isn’t even how you spell it, BUT!!! Look at what I got in my mailbox today…funny how Joe’s words USUALLY strike some chord with my real world…here is what I got, and I copied it to my facebook too…then I read Joe’s message….huh…:
Wake From Sleep
Daily life lulls us into forgetting what we are here for and where we are heading. Advent rouses us with a robust “Be prepared.” We do not know the time of Christ’s coming, at the end of the world or the close of our earthly lives. When he comes, will he find us using swords or plowshares?
— from Catholic Update
I am defo IN for the token. But mine is a secret!!! Hee hee!!! A special something for all of my special ones!! Kitty Mom and SouthernMom, I will email both of you today!!!!!
No anxiety this morning, again!! But again this week I am heading out to “nointernetsville” and have (potentially) the new gal coming to train at the store, so I don’t know how much I will be able to be online with you all!! So, if I am not here, please don’t get worried. It’s just me getting ready to DO THIS WILD THANG!!!
It’s getting exciting now, finally!!! Just a couple weeks away!!! Yeah! AND LOOK AT ME I CAN DO IT!!!
Big girl panties? CHECK!
Passport? CHECK!
Change for toll roads? CHECK!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3sMjm9Eloo
YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As I am sitting here contemplating…we haven’t heard from some of our family here today…or yesterday…and I just want to put it out there that this is an UNCONDITIONAL place. There is no judgement here!!! Jamie and Angela, and our dear Stu, lil dove, Suzy…there is simply no judgement!! It doesn’t matter IF you didn’t make it through the holiday without a pill~~~you still are needed here, you still belong here, and you still better get your lil butts back here where you belong!!!
We are all on this path, and we have all stumbled. If you have stumbled, by chance, don’t let it knock you out. I care. Joe cares! You KNOW KittyMom and SouthernMom both care too. More than words can say.
So if you’re out there, still trying to get it right, know that you are not alone. Know that this is still where you belong. We are in this together, with none of us any better than another. Please post to let us know you are ok.
I love you all unconditionally!!!!!!!!! AND THEN SOME!!!!
Sorry Metoo, I am here, it has been a crazy the past few days for me. I have been on several times in the past few days but I don’t know what to say. I screwed up and took a pill and just did not know what to say to everyone. I feel like you have helped me so much and I have let you down. My mom gave me a pill on Thanksgiving day and I kept it in my purse until last night and decided to take it. All it did was make me feel horrible and put me to sleep. I can honestly say that I don’t have any craving to another one. So here I am back to day one, but I feel good about it knowing that I have all of you from day one. I really hope you are not mad at me Thanks for thinking of me and giving me the courage to be honest with you. I will be back tomorrow for day 2. I love you too!!!!
OH Angela, this is the place where you don’t ever need to apologize!! We are all human, we all have our own human feelings and thoughts. So you took a pill…SO WHAT!!!
I am still in my tapering phase, I am closing in on going without, in fact taking 1 a day does about the same for me, I just fall asleep and wake up with a hangover, or worse I just want more. I am using the Kratom so I haven’t had ANY withdrawls symptoms and that is my goal. I simply do not want to let my family down again by spending another week in the bed or the bath. Thanksgiving and the huge responsibility of keeping everyone happy and fed is over. I told everyone that they are on their own for Christmas and I WILL be sober when we take our last family cruise in Jan. the last one with my son who leaves in June for the Marines.
My husband is doing great, he is being super supportive and I have completely honest about EVERTHING!! The fact that he is still with me, is proof that God loves me, and my husband is a true and Blessed gift from Him.
We all have been where you are, we all understand, we do not judge, we love you and we are only here to help, not wag a finger.
Thank you for coming HOME!
sm
I forgot,
Jow your idea of penning your incredible words for each of us gave me goosebumps!!! I would love to have a card from you in my purse where I can take it out everyday, read it and feel your presence with me all day.
We have been kicking around the thought of a charm that you could maybe hang from your car mirror or…
Everyone’s input can make something very special and spiritual happen, so…
THOUGHTS PLEASE!
I’m here, and I made it through sober! Just been super busy this holiday!
Wednesday I went to my uncles, and ended up in an angument with him where I got so pissed off I could have just knocked the shit out of him. So I just went outside in the freezing cold and took a walk down the road to his neighbors house and said howdy to my horse and donkey friends, their owner came out and I spent about an hour playing with the animals and talking to her. It was refreshing to spend some time with a horse, it’s been a while. When I finally decided to walk back to the house figuring it was time to eat, it wasn’t and I had to listen to my know it all aunt tell me how I should live my life. Oh and they had their grand-daughter there and we were forced to watch spongebob all frickin day. So I was so far beyond happy to get the hell out of there.
Spent all day Thursday cooking my first holiday meal, which turned out great! It was just me, the fiancee and my parents here, so it was a nice quiet dinner. Spent the rest of that evening trying to ignore my aching back and legs. Damn being tall and having low counters!!!
Friday was recovery day, napped on the couch a lot and wasn’t feeling well, having low blood pressure issues and bad headaches.
Saturday, went to my sister’s for another dinner. Brought my nieces home with me and we watched movies all night.
And here I am today, still so tired, got all my girls here with me so I’m happy. Still having a low blood pressure issue, don’t know what that is all about. Have to go to the dentist on Tuesday(finally), but I know he’s going to prescribe me vicodin. Test, test, test, test, everything’s a test.
Been mulling over the charm/token idea. I’ll let you know when my brain really starts to work on that lol
I survived the holiday, now I’m gonna get off here and play with my nieces some more…
Hugs to everyone,
Jamie
Hey, thanks for checkin’ in, ladies!! I’ve sort of been watching this site like a hawk today! I was worried about you two!! Congratulations on making it through, JameCat!!!! And Angela, I KNOW I WOULD HAVE taken the vic too….I just would have. There is no shame in admitting it, Angela, it is what it is!!! The good part is that you’re still committed to doing this, and you WILL get there!!! Hold your head up high, and remember that we have ALL been where you are. I thought the world of you before, and I think the world of you today!!! Now, how about we dust you off, and get on with our walk, huh? Everything’s going to be just fiiiiiiiiiiiine!!
Well, we’ve set the tentative date for my move, so NOW things are feeling more real than ever over here!! And it feel real in a really good way!! The adventure will begin the 17th of Dec.!!! Now I need to get to the kitchen and invent some dinner, as that is what I do to process things!!! I can’t believe this dream is finally coming true….
More later! LMAO!!!!
Waiting on Stu…yoohooo!!!
Monday, new week.
My entire focus is on purging, getting rid of the shit I no longer need, the blocks the barriars.
You know Angela, I often wondered whay I couldn’t just stop, you know.
Seemed simple enough,
Just don’t take a fucking pill.
It took me 12 years of trying, failing, trying again and going through hell.
2 things I learned during that period that mean more to me than anthing in the world.
1. God is real
2. I never have to use again.
The thing to remember about opiate depenedcy is that it takes away God’s greatest gift. Free Will
As long as the chemicals are in your body they choose, that’s just the fact.
So using a pill is not wrong, it’s exactly what is supposed to happen.
Your heart wants to stop, but your mind can’t on it’s own. Your body is dependent on them, for now.
Trying to stop is like holding your breath, sooner or later you pass out and start breathing again.
The same with opiates, if you just try to stop sooner or later your start again.
Unless.
Unless you do go all the way, all the way to that point where the dope as left your body, your cells.
At that point free will is restored.
Now, i tried everything getting through the process and cleaning out my body from dope, purging it.
This is what worked.
Information–the more I learned the easier it became.
Perservence-No matter what. I could not stop trying
Sharing–letting someone know what the fuck is really going on everyday.
Love-I did not feel lovable, yet folks DID LOVE ME
One fucking minut at a time.
Walked
Prayed
Now, i see what the purging was all about, it was the only way for me to believe.
Look, I have never enjoyed easy, if that shit is easy, i’ll burn right through it.
God knew that about me.
Now, I pray to God, that you don’t go through what I did.
The Good news is, You don’t have to.
Don’t Give Up, Don’t ever give up Girl.
YOU ARE NEEDED HERE.
Love
Hey everyone.
I had a phenominal day because I met a new friend – actually a friend that I met three months ago on this site who lives right here in my freaking town…hard to believe….no….more like a miracle of sorts. God thank you for delivering SM almost directly to my front door.
Stu – I would like to hear from you. Joe – thank you! Metoo – will miss you while you are in no cumputerview – Where the hell is that anyway – lol….Love you all
Angela – please don’t beat yourself up – hell one pill won’t make or break you – just suck it up and start over again. I know how you feel but you are doing great and the desire is there so keep up the good work – you can do it and you will. Jamie congrats on the sober holiday. Mine was the first in years and it will get easier. You have come a long way so keep it up!
Love you all and looking forward to tomorrow to read your posts here again.
Love
Kitty
Rough, rough day for me. Troubles in the relationship. Luckily I don’t have any pills, because I would have taken some. This totally sucks. I feel stuck in a place with nowhere to go and only way out is to check out for good. I hate not having a choice in matters. Ugh!!!!!!!! I took a muscle relaxer hoping it would do its job and help me relax and go to sleep, but it’s only made me feel like shit. And it doesn’t help with the wanting to check out issue either. And I have to go to the dentist tomorrow, so quadruple stress.
Calgon take me away…
Fuck!!!! I need to find something to do for a distraction
I’ll check back in later
Jamie
Hey Now,
Young Lady-thanks for posting, you still around, How you doing?
Thanks Jamie, i needed to hear those words, you know the going fucking crazy shit. man o man, so real so vivid.
As if the utter hell of physical withdrawl isn’t enough of a price to pay, you then get blasted with feelings so deep and tormented that some dope seems pretty tastey.
and when we find ourelves in a relationship, bamm, can you say the switch.
I know this, there are no easy fcuking answers, but I also have learrned that the more I work on me, the real me, not Addict Joe, well the less drama I have to deal with.
Of course, following a suggestion from a friend is also something I seldom do, fuck i am blazing a path laid out by the creator here.
Some folks, well they just don’t get clean Joe. And sometimes it hurts and sometimes ,it’s lonely so dam lonely it fucking aches.
And I get so fucking confused, and fear rattles me.
I haven’t got a clue, what the fuck to do.
But, and here is the fucking insane part, I LOVE IT, I LOVE THIS LIFESTYLE MORE THAN ANYTHING I COULD HAVE EVER EVEN CREATED IB MY FUCKED UP MIND.
My favorite book is Call of the Wild, man I am Buck.
See deep in my being is that call. My real call, to run around the woods free, to chase after, to play, to be.
Somewhere along the line the signals or wires got crossed and that dope created the illusion of Wild and so I thought I had found the euphoria I grave.
Well, as you know fucking dope is the exact opposite it just turns me into a fucking sled dog, where I mush, mush ,mush..
But deep down the call goes unanswered.
I can even get into a relationship, have kids, work 80 hours a weel, get locked up,
But the call is there.
Yep today I see clearly and hear clearly my Call.
Today I’m just running around the woods with the other Bucks, Free at last, Free at last thank god almighty I am free at last.
Dope=Slave
No Dope=Free
Keep the focus on you, man. Good Luck at the dentist, you could tell him you have a problem with narcotics and see if he has anything else, or not.
I am no fucking Maryter for pain, yo. I deal with chronic leg pain, I take ibripofin everday, I wear a stocking on my leg to work to control the swelling, I ach like a mother fucker man.
And if my dr. who knows my situation Honestly, tells me I got no choice, well than I got no choice. I;m not there so fuck it,
With dental pain it’s short term pain. please be careful.
Thanks,
Much Love and Hope
Joe
Still here. Managed to distract myself with finding out why Limewire was no longer working and I had no tunes on my computer. Solved that problem. Now just gonna try real hard to go to sleep and put this day behind me.
Oh and for all you folks who pray, toss me some “no stress at the dentist prayers”…last time I had to go I totally flipped out, bad panic attacks.
Hopeing for a better day tomorrow mentally and emotionally. Am I too old to run away from home? lol
Nighters,
Jamie
Keep playing these songs tonight, find them comforting at this time for some reason
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_0pw-LeloU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWfbGGZE07M
Hello everyone;
Joe as always your words are so vivid! I can visualize what you say and it makes so much sense. You have had one hell of a life and sharing it with everyone is a gift, learning from it, a message sent from heaven! Everyday I get something new from you, and it is always something PROFOUND AS HELL!
Your advice to Jamie was spot on! I never even thought to ask the DDS if they could use something other than narcotics for pain, I am sure they probably have some sort of novacaine product that can just numb everything until it gets better.
I also want to share another true miracle. Yesterday I was able to join Kitty mom for a cup of coffee and 2-3 hours of her company, AMAZING!!! KM said it all, of all the millions of people out there, and narrowing it to those of us on this web-site, that her and I could be neighbors, yes this was and is miraculous!!!
We also had some of the same ideas for the “tokens” Metto was talking about and we came up with a pretty cool idea. Because it was KM’s creativity that sparked the idea, I want her to share it with you. I know it’s the Core Four Anymore, because we have new members of the About Family, so we wanted something that would work for everyone.
I can’t wait to hear everyone’s input, then figure out how to get everything to everyone. But the wheel is in motion!!!
I pray for all of you again today and my prayers are for a day of serenity and happiness, something I dearly cherish.
sm
Hey Y’all
It is late – had to go to the hair salon tonight and then watched the lighting of the Christmas tree at times square with my husband…Oh and I had car trouble – my car sounds like a friggin mack truck and I think it is something in the exhaust system. Last week I was stranded on the internet with a flat tire now my car sounds like it won’t make it to the nearest intersection.
Clyde is biting my ankles – ouch you naughty boy!
SM and I are working on tokens to send out to all our buddies on here that would like a tangible token of our friendship and love on this board. It will be something we can hang from the rear view mirror in our cars as a reminder that we have each other. If you are interested and I hope you are, please send your address to kittymom001@gmail.com.
Thanks everyone for your inspiration, prayers, and love. I will keep you in my daily prayers also. May God guide all of you that are just starting out on your detox, and may God bless all of you that are keeping clean.
Southern Mom – Can’t wait to get together tomorrow night and work on the tokens and show you my quilts!!!
lOVE to all
KQB
HAHA – stranded on the internet with a flat tire – I meant interstate!!!!
KM aka KQB
Kitty Mom, I laughed my ass off when I read that you were “stranded on the internet with a flat tire” just the little pick me up I needed right now.
Well, feeling better mentally an emotionally today, but physically not so good. Went to the dentist today and he attacked me with medical instruments. I went in there with hardly any pain, came out of there in worse pain than when this whole toothache started. Got some more work to do, yay I get to go back. : /
I tried, really I did, but I think that for the next few days while I’m having this dental work done, consider me off the wagon. I had a pill after the novocaine wore off, been trying different things to deal with the pain this evening, trying to not have to take a vic, but for the most part nothing comes as close to touching this excruciating pain.
I’m not feeling as guilty as before. I have legitimate pain, I’m really needing one when I take it and I’m pushing it as far as I can before I take another. Also, not taking the full dose.
Hour by hour, give me a day or two and I’m jumping right back on that wagon…I DO NOT want to take these damn things.
Tooth pain has got to be the worst pain there is!
Hugs
Jamie
Hey Now,
using pain medication as perscribed for intense pain is nothing to feel guilty about…in my experience though my mind can play tricks on me, in this type of situation, thanks for sharing that with us jamie, stay safe, honesty is the antidote for the addict mind. You can get through it.
I was thinking that is stuff that blocks me, As i go through this advent journey I am reminded often that LOVE is greater thn pain, sin, death.
However I can use those things to turn away from instead of toward the Love.
That’s why I keep posting, every time I post I am turning toeard the light.
I am letting go thid month on a deeper level, last year I was letting go of my mental obssesion for dope. It was so fucking hard for me, I was so scared of life without dope.
This year I am letting go of all those old fucked up ideas I had about myself,
See i am comming to know Joe, as I was created to be, Not who I though I should be.
The closer I gling to Love, the fuller my cup gets. it starts to overflow, then I can share that Love.
Hang in the Jamie.
Angela, you around.
Stu?
Southern Mom, no it is your journey that moves me, it is waiting for your posts. it is watching you walk your path, that displays Love to me.
You are on your path. There is Light at the end of the tunnel, I imagine by now you feel it, remember baby steps. Also it is imperative that you hear this. OK you ready. Opiate detox is not a Moral issue, it is a simple health issue, just move toward health and you will get there, The body wants to be healthy, just follow your heart.
Kitty–car trouble, ouch it always triggered that dam inconvience bug I got, you know where I hate to be inconvienced. I hope it’s minor and the inconvience minor as well.
Metoo–miss you buddy.
Young lady-if you come back tot he board please let us know what’s up.
Peace
Hey Joe I’m here, I am doing ok, I really love reading your posts they help me get through the day. Thanks for caring!! I am just trying to stay strong and not call the Dr, it is really hard when I know I can get a refill. I know it is just a mind game, even if I did call and get them I would take them really quick, feel like crap, and then start thinking about when I can get them again. It is a big viscious circle, and I don’t want to deal with it again. I am going to beat this, I am to good of a person to act like what this damn drug has turned me into. Jaime, I feel for you, the dentist scares the shit out of me. This is something I wanted to ask everyone, I like all of the rest of you have pain issues, so what do you do when you really are in pain? This for me is another part of the mind game. Well that is enough rambling from me, I hope everyone else is doing well and I think the tokens or the keychains are a great idea.
I was stranded on the internet,
My tire was flat as hell!
Since no one could hear me,
I shut my mouth to yell.
On my way to pick up Jamie and the dentist,
Angela and the twins in the back.
But with this pancake tire,
The world is out of whack!
So I called Joe on the cell,
Just to get the word.
He said SouthernMom and DDipper
Just called, so he had already heard.
Joe was on his way down
to work there at the plant.
But he had time to swing by and pick us up
So I could stop my rant.
This little ditty just goes to show,
When lost on the internet,
All you’ve got to do is
Call up Joe!!!
Still LMAO…and you know what??? I AM A SKIMMER. I WOULD have missed that TOTALLY. That makes it even more funny!!!
“More later”…(staying true to me..lmao)
Metoo, you flipping crack me up!!!
OK so here goes:
Realizing we are out of room in our car,
We traded for a Clown Car, much better by far,
To have plenty of space for the “About Crew”
Especially Jamie, Angela and our dear brother Stu!
I have no IDEA why I am in comment awaiting moderation limbo, so hopefully I will be posted so the poem has a reason ???!!!???
WTF?
hiya folks
I just wrote a freaking novel and hit a button and lost the whole thing….UGH!!!
Took my car to the mechanic this afternoon and low and behold when husband picked me up to bring me home, his truck would not start and he had to buy a new battery. At least I did not get stuck on the “internet” and made it to the cyber-mechanic and can get it back to the tune of about 700 dollars. When it rains, it pours cats and dogs! SM and I made our tokens this evening and will mail Metoo hers and Jamie hers tomorrow and me and SM each has one to reflect upon our friendships on this board as we see it on our rear view mirrors. So if you want yours, please send your physical address to me at:
kittymom001@gmail.com
Stu – where are you buddy – we are worried about you and wish you would come around and let us know you are OK. Last time we heard from you, you were frying that turkey. Come back on here cause we need you.
I was telling Southern Mom (she was actually at my house tonight and how exciting is that!) that toward the end of my addiction, I was sick with withdrawals between each dose and getting up during the night because a bedtime dose would not get me through the night – I was waking up sick. You do not know what pleasure it is now to sleep through the night without the dope! That makes it worthwhile and folks I can do anything sober that I could do with PILLS. No more counting pills to make sure I have enough – no more fretting over having another script lined up – no more withdrawals ever again – just the desire to help anyone else that needs encouragement. That is the mission that replaces the pill mission. I hope I succeed with Lord Jesus’ help.
I love you guys and once again can’t wait to see you here tomorrow. No more core 4 – core galore!!!!
Better go before I loose this thang again!!!
Love and Kisses from
Kitty Q Bloom
Glad to hear from you again metoo….see you need to start reading instead of skimming (lol) you might miss something!!
Hang in there Angela – you are doing so well – be strong and don’t order the pills. No pills today – or tomorrow – or the next day. You can choose and not listen to that addiction voice inside of your brain. Don’t let it trick you into thinking it will make you feel better – we all know it won’t.
Jamie – don’t beat yourself up – get over your bad toothache and then worry about getting free fromt he pills again.
PS – something happened to the above post – got out of sequence somehow and/or some of the old post was mixed in with the new…go figure!
Ok since my girl metoo opened up the door to poetic freeflow, i gotta give it a try.
pain, hurt, sickness and worry
i can’t leave the house, but I’m in such a hurry
I got no more pills,
No money for bills.
My script won’t be ready until next week.
Now where the fuck is the relief that I seek.
One pill is all, it will stop the screaming.
This can’t be my life, i must be dreaming.
Then just when you think it is the end,
the road that your on, well it starts to bend,
One last hope, one last shot,
I’m not in control, something else calls the shot.
So I get online and I google please stop
this insane ride, i’ am ABOUT ot drop.
Then in I arrive through the hole in the net.
To a lace so wonderful it makes me forget.
The scream of the dope, I just can not hear it,
As long as Metoo, is shoing her spirit.
So I don;t take a pill
against my will.
I hold on for reason I can’t explain,
when right through the door comes The Kitty train.
I got get out of here these folks are insane,
they don;t take pills and they don;t complain.
Then out of the blue, comes voice with a calm
It is princess she goes by the name souther mom
Now if thes ladies were not all I desire
God through angela and jamie into the fire.
A pill a pill, i can’t even remember,
My God, My Gos, it’s all ready December.
The toughts the words, the smiles
are worth every trial.
Now this little diddy was written to fast
But the feeling the thoughts they will always last.
The
see my name is Joe and I went looking for God,
he looks just like I thought he did, he sounds just like i thought he did.
I see him and feel him with every word from this baord.
Love is real
Not fade away.
Joe
I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!
STUART!!! I’ve been praying SO HARD FOR YOU, MY FRIEND!!!! Please, just let us know that you are ok. Anything else doesn’t even matter. I just need you. I miss you. The angels have been dispatched~~keep those eyes bright and open…
As for me, here it is in a nutshell that I love!! Major Moves….major moves to get to her…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsuirpzgXe4
And SOMEDAY when they let adults truly have the right to marry, this will be the song for our first dance as a married couple!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=boxGpC8bJss
I love you tube. lol. BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I LOVE JOE!!! (I’m a one man woman)…lmao!! But I miss Stu. COME HOME, STUART!
Ohhhhhh Metoo – I can just picture you dancing to that song. That song is the best pick for your wedding dance and hopefully you will be there some day – You just better invite me to the wedding!!!! Metoo will be getting a surprise in the mail in a few days so be looking for it. Can you believe that Southern Q Mom and Kitty Q Bloom worked on this surprise together….What a hoot that is, huh…all that was missing was you!!!!
Picked up my broken car tonight after work and it sooooo hums like a kitten again….Thank You God for getting me home safe last night – I was scared of getting lost on the internet again!!!LOL. Joe – how the hell did you come up with that long poem before work this morning….you are too much guys. SM wrote one too but it is in limbo land somewhere.
Stu – how are we ever going to know if you are allright out there – Please let us know somehow. If you don’t want to post – shoot an E-mail to one of us.
To all of you that are posting that are just starting out – I am so happy to hear your stories and follow your progress. Please let us all know how you are doing each and every day – we have a real good prayer chain going on here and would love to include all of you on it…I even say a few words each day for those who might be out there and afraid to post – hopefully you will jump aboard soon and introduce yourselves. I have met some people on here that I now consider really good friends and want to explore friendships with you also.
Jamie – you also will be receiving something in the mail from SM and me – I hope you like it and consider it a reminder that there are people out here routing for you and praying for you.
If I missed anyone I apologize but believe me, my prayers for you are all inclusive.
Take care and see you tomorrow
Got to take care of Clyde who is walking all over the keyboard!
Love to all
Kitty
morning folks,
rise and shine we got a mission to perform, to be here whenever someone seeking a way out extends a hand, I’ll be there,
speaking of I’ll be there what a nice way to kick off your friday freak,.
if you do not want to use drigs todau you don’t HAVE to,
Enjoy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehal1eUG1jk
Have a great day.
Hey Y’all – where is everyone. SM are you still waiting mediation or whatever the hell is going on….whatever it is, it sucks. Miss you on here. Metoo you too and Stu,especially you. It looks ike just me and Joe here today on the about site. More goin on on the other site today and looks like alot of one time posters that popped up from a while ago that must have been in mediation too. Any of you that are still out there and not posting, let us know how you are doing. You are always in my prayers because God knows you you are and if you are in pain.
We are having a cold spell here is Florida and I am personally enjoying the crap out of it. Get to actually wear a coat..lol. No coffee on the porch tomorrow Joe without freezing our buts off. Well since it is kind of quiet on here and I am off to Cracker Barrell to grab a bite to eat – I will touch base with you all in the morning. Southern Mom, hope you are doing well with your taper and Metoo hope you are getting excited about your move. It is really getting close girl!!! I am praying for all of you as usual and wishing you the best day ever tomorrow. Take care you all.
Kitty prayers to you
Love
KM
I’m still here, been popping in and reading everyone’s posts. Still dealing with the dental work thing, so I’ve been sleeping a lot and doing things to take my mind off the pain.
Happy Trails everyone,
Jamie
Let’s see if I can get on today!
OK that seemed to work.
Checking, I hope everyone is doing well.
sm
Sending out my love and prayers today. My best bud, “GOD” is having some fun with me the last few days. How I love His sense of humor, you know the saying…Wanna make God laugh? Make plans!! And I have Him a huge chuckle the last couple days, and I GET IT!! I am giving up my “plans” and praying and waiting patiently for Your will.
” and the movie we were watching must have used the word “dorr” about a hundred times, and I just kept barking and acting like I didn’t know why everyone was laughing, staring at me strangely or having any memory that I was just barking. So it carries over to this morning and I am enjoying a late sleep in, movie in bed, my son pops in and says that our garage “door” is broken and I start barking again and everyone just fell apart laughing. This was the most I have laughed in years (I guess you had to be there 
Have to share a story.. Last night me and the fam all watching a movie together (just the 4 of us for a change), I write a note to my husband to pretend I was hypmostized and everytime someone/anyone said the word “door” I would start barking, it was hilarious!! The word is our doggies cue to go outside, the word door “as in check the doors” means locking up for the nite and also door mean “barn door (you guys will get that
Andyway, I got my laugh on and I ready to tackle putting up Christmas, everyone else is off doing their own things and I want it all done when they come home, but if it isn’t I am NOT GOING TO STRESS ABOUT IT!!!
Love and kisses to y’all!
sm
Hey Everyoine – SM glad to see you are able to post now – what a relief to me anyway. Missed you – but your poem still did not show up did it?
No post from Joe today either…must have been busy this morning hey Joe!
Metoo I am wondering whether you received your token yet – please let us know when you do.
Busy busy day today – I have been decorating for Christmas and we put more lights outside and I swept acorns up for hours. So it was a busy productive day and now I need to go up to Home Depot to buy some pointsettias for the porch. I love Christmas- the most important reason of course is the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ who God sent to us so that we can have eternal life if we believe. God is a kind and caring Father and has showed me such mercy and blesssing this year. First of all he allowed me to get out of the three ring vicious circus of drugs. This is only possible because of Him. Second of all he has sent to me some wonderful people to help in this process. To my sister I am most grateful for calling me each and every day for two weeks while I suffered through withdrawals and re-entry into life as it is today. To the friends I have met on “About” I can’t even begin to express my gratitude to you. Joe and Metoo and Southern Mom – you can never imagine what you have meant to me the last three months. I will be thankful to God for sending you eternally. To those just starting to post and going through the same as I did a few months back, I am grateful to you for never letting me forget the pain and turmoil that drugs have caused me. You will understand when you are free from them what that means exactly and will hopefully stay on here to continue the mission of this web site – to help others as those who came before you.
I wish Stu would come back and whatever the reason you stay way, I wish you peace and love and forgiveness during the Christmas season. You are so missed here.
My dear friends I will close for now. Just know that I constantly think of you throughout my days and love you to pieces always.
Sorry if I appear sappy today but I am just grateful!
Love to all out there…the one day clean, the struggling to get clean – the several months clean and the 2nd year clean. You can do it with God, friendship, and lots of vitamins, minerals, and potassium.
Love
Kitty
Hey Now,
Sunday Morning, and a big HUG for all those alking the path.
Just for today I am not gonna take a pill, in the simple choice I am then forced to find another way to get through the day.
So for everyone thinking about getting through the day some other way, for those of us getting through the day some other way, and for those who think there is no other way.
I say, Hey Now.
If you don’t want to use drugs you DON”T have to.
I love you guys and remember it’s ok to think in the..
Best case scenerio way as opposed to the
worst case scenerio way…
just saying.
Metoo—you got go for the good and get it.
southermom–keep on growing.
Kitty-keep on posting, you never know whose liofe you will touch.
Angela-lurk around or post, it;s all good. just keep cmming around.
jamie–grinding out the dental pain, i feel you.
stu, stu,- i’m here if you need me brother.
Peace
I’m here, I have been down with the flu for four days. I will post more later today or tomorrow, because it even makes me tired to type. Love you all
happy anniversary 2 me. 2day is actually 2 years of daily use. im now up to 18 (eighteen) 7.50 vikes per day, 2 or 3 at a time. i was in recovery and clean 81/2 yrs, then 5 1/2 years, and now usin daily, and hate it, and obviously myself too. fuk, its a prob wen ur a bigtime user, have plenty of money and supply, and dont wanna stop. well i do now, just aint got the balls to give it up. i have only 200 pills left, imagine counting ur stash,haha,so i needa cut down now and get clean. dont wanna quit cold, so hard to reduce intake. dont wanna go to treatment, dont wanna go to meetings, ugh
ist step…powerless……
my best to all, ill ck back later
hond
Hey Y’all
A mostly quiet Sunday afternoon – here watching Christmas movies on the hallmark channel – tired today after cleaning up all the acorns yesterday and guess what, they are all back again! Can’t win the acorn game – God really has a sense of humor giving me that beautiful big Oak tree out there.
My friends, there is hope and I just wish everyone on here could get a glimpse of what it is like on the other side of drug addiction. After the fear of being without pills subsides, there is that freedom that is so refreshing. The fact that I don’t have to look or worry about a source of supply is freedom alone. I don’t think I ever want to do back to that instant gratification of a pill. It is instant – it is there for about a half and hour and then the worry about the next dose sets in….goodbye and good riddens to that worry folks…dont want it and dont miss it and I wish everyone on here to get to that point some day. Love all of you people and my messages are for everyone – those not posting – those that just peek in for a moment and those who have become my friends here with their daily posts.
This place is the glimmer of hope that God gave me and I hope that light shines on to others on here.
Still have a bunch of stuff to do this afternoon so I will close for now…Goof tiding of great joy ahead!
Love
Kitty
Well, spent the weekend with my niece and my mom, it was her birthday. Stood out in the rain and barbecued steak for her, cuz that’s what she wanted for dinner, made some rice, corn, green beans, rolls and salad to go with it. Oh and I baked a cake, that turned out so goood, shocker since I haven’t baked in years.
Spent the evening with my fiance catching up on some shows, got my weekly dose of Dexter. So now I’m off to play some video games before sleep. Have to go back to the dentist again in the afternoon.
Hope everyone has a wonderful week!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hey now,
Monday morning, again. week 2 of my advent journey. Moving beyond the addict mind, getting healthy, being restored, preparing, Yes I know completley and beyond words the Pain and lonliness and hurt and fear of being unable to stop.
I know what those first few hours are like, I know the days and weeks and months that lay ahead for everyone.
I also KNOW it can be done.
The first thing is Don’t use, the second thing is Don’t use.
Now this is my focus this week, it comes form this dude, a prophet his name was isiaih, he told the people of the day, who were being oppressed, having their lives, their hopes, their dreams smashed that they just needed to Hold on…
Help was on the way.
Now i have no idea what everyone beleives or knows. it doesn’t much matter right now.
But I would imagine that those of us who find our way to a opiate withdrawl site are looking for something, right. I know I was. I needed a way out from an impossible situation.
i was fucked man, doomed, deseperate, clueless and hopeless. I was walkinng around dead man and then, just as isiah foretold 1000′s of years ago I did encounter this,
A highway will be there,
called the holy way;
No one unclean may pass over it,
nor fools go astray on it.
No lion will be there,
nor beast of prey go up to be met upon it.
It is for those with a journey to make,
and on it the redeemed will walk.
Those whom the LORD has ransomed will return
and enter Zion singing,
crowned with everlasting joy;
They will meet with joy and gladness,
sorrow and mourning will flee.
Hey all I know is I got clean and this highway appeared, I have walked on it everyday since.
I have not encountered any fools who have gone astray, just wonderful folks with a journey to make,
Nothing evil or bad has prayed upon me, I have encountered no harm
I have actually met joy and gladness beyond my wildest dreams.
And sorrow and grief over my past is gone.
I sing a rare and different tune today…..
man, it is so incredible on this highway.
because I get to be ME.
what a morning, what a day, what a life.
One more day walking on the highway, anyone else making the journey?
LOVE
Joe, Once again WELL SAID!! You have such a profound outlook on your sobriety, it seems you have stopped felling guilty or angry or aprehensive about what you have overcome, instead you sing the praises of what you went through as a lesson, a real life miracle of your life being spared and saved. Your words bring so many emotions out and those emotions are a life-sourse for me and many others. You are our sheppard leading a flock with love, concern and kindness, everything God has given you to help yourslef and now to help others and I thank you so much for sharing YOU with me!
KM, my new and dearest friend, I carry you with me all day every day, my Friendship charms are one of the first things I see every morning, my reminder that I have people like you that are there for me, so unselfishly giving of yourself, this means the world to me.
Jamie, sounds like you had a healing weekend, no stress except for the BBQ in the rain. Spending time with your fiance sounds so warm and cozy, you are blessed to have him there for you. I don’t know what I would do now if my husband hadn’t found out and instead of leae, he loved me and supported and he is right here with me to my count down to sobriety, I am excited and scared at the same time.
Stu, Stu, Stu, where are you???
Metoo, I know you are crazy busy but you are dearly missed, I am praying that everything is moving along on your new path to freedom. Drop us a line if you get a minute. LY2P
sm
Hey Amigos
Did I tell you today? I love you guys!!!! As I told you on the phone today SM – I am soooo proud of you. You are doing so good and believe me when I tell you I will be right here for you if you need anything – a hand to hold – a friend to talk to you – ANYTHING!!!!
Metoo – God I miss you girl. I am here rooting for you even if you are not here to listen. Pretty soon your life will start anew. I hope you got our little card with the tokens by now. Let us know.
Joe, my dear Joe, thank you for being here with your thoughts and inspiration. Your words have really inspired me and thank you for just for being you.
Friends it is 11:00 and I am tired so I will make this kitty short tonight – Love and kisses to you all,
Kitty
Hi eveybody sorry I have been gone for a few days, I had the worst flu I have ever had. It was weird to actually have the flu and not having to lie to my family that I have the flu but actually am withdrawing and can’t get out of bed. I am looking at life in a new way and have not even been craving the damn pills. I actually told my Mom I don’t want to talk about pills with her and I don’t want any of them. So we will see how that goes. Thanks for you statement Joe, Just don’t take the pill!!!!! They are not worth it. So it sounds like everyone else is doing well, I miss you Metoo, I hope things are going well for you. Southern Mom, can you let me know how I can get one of your charms, just hearing about them makes me feel better. You just sound like someone I would love to meet, a true friend.
Received my Kitty Mom and Southern Mom charms today! Thank you! Brightened an otherwise crappy day. I’m still trying to figure out a Jamie charm to send to everyone.
Well, I went back to the dentist today, spent 3 hours in that damn chair with my mouth wide open, and that damn drill going. Thinking the whole time, “just make it through this and then you’re done.” only to find out I have to go back again. Ugh!!!
I really feel bad about posting on here, because I’m still in a lot of pain and so I’m taking the vix the doctor gave me, but not like the addict I was before, I have legitimate pain, so the guilt isn’t too bad. lol But still, after going through the withdrawals and you all helping me so much, it seems like a disappointment. BUT I am determined that after all this dentist drama is over, I’m not taking anymore.
It’s funny that my first vicodin was taken because of dental work, and when I finally set my mind to get off of them here comes a whole shitload of dental work. I have a very high tolerance for pain in every way, shape and form except when it involves your teeth. Someone’s testing me again.
So, Jamie’s been off the wagon for almost a week, but she’s trying very hard to not take the pills, trying all kinds of different ways to deal with the pain, trying to do things for a distraction…which is why I haven’t been around much, been caught up in playing my video games. But now I have these charms to hold and look at when I need to, and this great card to read over and over again. And I know that people are cheering for me, so thanks sooooo much Kitty Mom and Southern Mom!
And much love and thanks to Metoo, Joe, Stu, Angela and everyone else who has shared their stories and been so supportive and kind.
You may not see me for a day or two at times, but I like it here, so I’m going to stick around.
Hugs,
Jamie
Hey Now,
Good Morning everyone,
I go through stages or phases in my life since I stopped the dope, I live more in the spiritual realm, following the liturgical year. It is a very simple way to keep experienceing LOVE.
Right now it’s a brand new year it starts with advent, during this season we prepare for the arrival of Christ, God, Power,Love.
What has really struck me so deeply, so far, is how quick I will buy into the punishing God but how reluctant i am to believe in the Loving God.
I swear when you spend oh 30 years hustling your way through life shit gets so ingrained in you,
My focus right now is preparing vs. presuming.
I am big on definations so………
Prepare-Make ready for use or consideration
Presume-Take for granted that something exists or is the case
I guess just presumed I was fucked,you know. I took that shit for granted, I thought that was the case, I never really stopped and sid, “Why” would you think that. I guess i just knew or presumed.
So I needed to change that mindset and that lifestylem the guilty lifestyle.
First I had to stop the dope-it really controled my will so I id whatever the fuck it said.
Next I took a look at who I was, I aquired some knowledge and i listened to my kardi(heart),
Most of the things that I thought were wrong, were in fact wrong, in as much as they limited the Love of God.
Addiction sole purpose in my life was to remove love, so that all that was left was darkness, and the only light I could feel was more dope, it was so fucking fake.
But so much of what my mind had said was wrong, was not wrong at all.
So today I’m just preparing.
Just as in life when I have to get ready for something I found it really helps if I know what I am getting ready for.
So what am I getting ready for today, the arrival or return or unfolding og God in my soul and spirit.
What does that mean today, well here is what I have so far,
comes from the word.
A Feast
Not Dying
Saved from self
Protected
cared for
Understood perfectly
Intrustucted, Taught
Immediate
Voice that directs
Healing
Comfort
Now I also noe GET, that this power, knows Joe so he shows up in stuff Joe likes.
Look i’m the first one to admitt that the feeling that I got form oh 500 ngs of Morphine was so warm and euphoric and care free that in a split second I can seek that way.
But if I am busy preparing for something greater, I think it lessens my craving.
I no longer take shit for granted, at least I try.
I don’t have a fucking clue as to what 4 hours from now will fucking bring, yet alone the rest of my life.
I do know the more time i spend preparing, the more LOVE seeps in.
Shit, that’s all I really wanted in the first place was some cool shit, some cool chicks, some cool places, some cool feelings,.,
What i have learned over the last few months is God, is really fucking cool.
Peace
Angela,
Kitty Mom posted her e-mail address and she has the tokens so you can just scroll back and contact her and she will be more than happy to send you one. Thank you for realizing that having something tangible to remind you of our goals, missions and friendships. That is the main reason we decided to do this.
I love looking at mine every morning and at every red light and right before I get out of my car at the end of my day. My constant reminder that I am not alone and I have such great people in my life who believe in me and encourage me and support me. It makes each day better
sm
Angela here is the link:
Kittymom001@gmail.com
I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! I am still alive…but I am WORRIED SICK about Stu. Stuart, I need you. I am praying for you. Please don’t throw us away~~all of us here who TRULY care about you!!!!!
The move is fast approaching, and I am tying up loose ends!!! Please don’t give up on me. I will be back SOON!!!!! I love all of you, and hey!!! I GOT MY TOKEN TOO!!! I ADORE IT!!!!! It’s in my car….and it makes me happy…..thank you….
Hey you guys. Happy tuesday evening. It is past 10:.00 and I have read the posts earlier today but am just now settling down to post myself. Metoo I am so glad you posted and got the tokens. Think of us routing for you and praying for you for a smooth transition and happy ending!!!
Angela, please Email me Like SM said @ kittymom001@gmail.com with your address and I will send you the charms. I will get them to you as soon as you give me your address. Your information will be safe with me and I will not give it to anyone without permission. Jamie, glad you like the charms – and so hopeful that your tooth will be back to normal soon and you can get out of that dam dental chair. I will pray that you get back on your feet soon and your detox can start again.
Hey Joe, each day that we go without drugs is beautiful and filled with the love of God. I am seeing clearly now – the leaves on the trees are greener, the sky more blue, the birds chirp more beautiful then ever. I have friends that I never dreamed I would meet, and God is everywhere I look. Love is evident in the beauty He created – look in the mirror he is there – look in the light of day, he is there – look into the darkness, he is even there. He is a forgiving God, a God full of passion and life. He is not to be feared, but loved and he loves us despite our earthly flaws. Jesus died for us when we were yet sinners.
Oh my, where did all that come from.
Well, my friends, I must try to get some rest after baking 20 dozen cookies tonight in preparation for Christmas. I cannot let tradition die. If there would be no-one at all to eat these cookies, I would probably still bake them…gotta….don’t take drugs any more….gotta celebrate life and tradition to the max!
Love and Kisses from Kitty
Thanks for the information about the tokens Kittymom, I sent you my address and can’t wait till it comes. I wanted to let everyone know that I don’t know what has gotten into me, but I am celebrating life!!!!!!!!!!!!! I took my kids sledding today and after flying off the sled laying in a pile in the snow with all of us laughing, I looked up to God and said Thank You. I can proudly say I am drug free and I am not going back. It’s crazy how being drug free can make the smallest things like sledding so great again. For anyone struggling please stay strong, a week ago I was in the depths of depression and the people on the site pulled me out and helped me see the light. We are all going to have bad days, but pick yourself up and move on to the next. Thanks again for everyone’s uplifting posts, love you all!!
Angela, I believe I can speak for everyone when I say we are all so proud of you!
I’ll post more later, the fiancee is wanting to talk.
Hugs,
Jamie
Today is the Feast of the Immaculate Conception.
Right and here is the part of the story of God that becomes challenging right, this is where the rational mind suggests the impossiblity of the event.
Nice fairy tail, impossible, never happened, oppressive idea, come on now, a woman giving birth to God.
i have fought this notion with every once of my being, I have challenged it, accepted it as not true, ran from it, and you know what no matter how far I have strayed from the idea, how much I have wanted it to be un true, how much I tried to convince myself it is a bunch of bullshit.
I alwayys get the thought, what if it is TRUE, what if God did become man.
I have discovered that is the doorway, the doorway I must go through,
I must somehow reach a point of knowing, knowing this is true.
That;s my journey, that’s my life.
Did it really happen this way.
God who knew me before me, put that doubt there, he said, Joe if you want to know the truth, you Must go through this door.
So, here I am…through the door, and while I hve not encountered physical evedince, I have some pretty good circumstancial evedince.
1. I am clean, though I don;t always want to be, why don’t I just go out and buy a bunch of dope, I guess because something inside me says, there as got to be something better than dope, there as got to be.
That voice is exhibit a
2. Others are moved.
exhibit b
3. While my leg is worsiening everyday, and change is so slowly occurring and even though I have become a virtual shut in over the last year , work, tv, housework, The word. I keep on waiting and doing.exhibit c
4. i get what I need and some.
exhibit d.
So I gto some pretty solid leads, i am still journeying to the LOVE,
perhaps that is the point, perhaps God is in the daily Journey. maybe I just need to keep on looking and searching and praying.
God I pray today, ypu help me with the pain of disbelief, of not knowing, of doubting.
Love
Hello everyone.
I hope you are finding the strength and courage you need today. As me D-day gets closer I wake up with different feelings every morning, somedays it’s excitement, other fear, then theres those days of ambivalence, today was the most predictable, guilt. I hate these days the most because I really hate myself on these guilty days, the things I have done to so many people, my family and friends and myself. I walk around just angry at myself. These also are the days I don’t want to do anything, no gym, no chores, no music, just nothing but veg in front of the TV, the one thing that does help me out of my funk is this web-site. Getting on here, reading about everyone, feeling their emotions through their words, it is uplifting. So Thank you, everyone, for being there for me again today, thanks getting my butt off the couch and getting busy putting up holiday decorations and thank you KM, just knowing I get to spend some time with you today was the biggest mood booster ever!!
OK now I have to get past the frustrating task of untabgling lights, I hate these f-ing lights!!! But I am adamant that they won’t beat me this year
God Bless you all today, In His Name
sm
Southern Mom, just reading about your D-day takes me back to all the times that I was almost out of pills and had no idea how I was going to get more, the fear, the sadness, and the guilt, but just remember this time is the last time you are going to feel that feeling, this time it is by your choice and you are going to do it. There is no more hiding, shame, guilt, it is all a thing of the past. Forget about all the things you have done to your family and friends, they all love you just as we do. Please feel all of our arms wrapped around you right now, we are with you through this. We love you!!!!
SM – Angela is right – after you quit the pills altogether, alot of these feelings will go away. If yiu are in the position that you can’t get any more, that would be the perfect scenario. I think I know why you are in a funk today – it is knowing there are pills and not being about to take them. If you are in trouble with that, please let me know – I am here for you my friend. Whatever is wrong tonight, please know I will always be there for you. Call me if you get a chance. Love You Girl
Kitty
Angela – you are doing fantastic and I am so proud of you – see there is life and happiness after pills. You get out of the rat race and quit the vicious cycle. Everything is new and fresh – things are fun again…enjoy those babies of yours and keep on your road to recovery. I will pray for you and Metoo this evening .
Love you Guys
Kitty
PS – I will mail your token tomorrow…promise!
Hey Now,
Good Morning guys.
Southernmom, thanks for sharing, I know that until I reached out, the chance of me getting and staying clean was just wishful thinking.
I wanted all the bad stuff to go away, but keep the good stuff.
They say that is the GREAT obssesion in the addict, that they will one day use like non-addicted people.
I know for me that is very true.
I mean I hate to admit I’m crazy, that I have health issue, that if I take dope it fucks me up and makes he hurt people and myself, that it takes all my time energy and money. That i kills me in more ways than 1.
But it does. Why am I so afraid to admit that, to accept that, well 2 reasons for me have been revealed.
1. because it just fucking spoils getting high. If I know, which I do, that I am doing something harmful to me and others and the consequenses of those action are hurt and loss, well it makes using no good and since I have yet to find my purpose in being clean..well I’m stuck. And when I am stuck fear comes out. So i would always just stay in the fimilar pain instead of the horrifying reality.
2. I would have to become responsible and accountable for Joe. Be a man, man up. Grow up.
Well it turns out those fears are so real, that I could never face them alone.
That is the soulltion.Others who will be there. You really are not alone.
I think that’s why Jesus would always say Don’t be Afraid.
because God knows, he knows how scary it is, he knows HE CREATED IT, HE ALSO KNOWS THAT THE REMEDY TO THAT FEAR IS HIM.
So as your day come upon you, and for the rest of us as we face our stuff, please. Don’t be afraid.
I woke up this morning. like od most mmornings, worried about my fucking life.
Then I read this in the book of Isiah, as part of my advent journey.
I am the LORD, your God,
who grasp your right hand;
It is I who say to you, “Fear not,
I will help you.”
Now I have been reading the bible for 40 years and this morning for the first time, I got the feeling that God is here to help.
Keep coming back ya’ll
Love
Definition of FUTILE:
Trying to quit a drug addiction while you are trying raise two teenagers!!
I do not reccommend this!
sm
Southern Mom – I want you to know I am here for you. Please Please Please be strong – things are easier once all the drugs are out of your system believe me – I am here holding your hand as is God…..Your addictive voice will always have a reason why you should still use drugs – don’t listen. I just so want you to be all you are destined to be – you are a talented beautiful kind generous woman and you deserve the freedom that you will soon have – believe me – been there and done that …Love you my dear one….Kitty
Souther Mom–I hear ya about the kids, my boys are three and they know how to push every button I have. Just remember when you get the drugs out of your system you will look at them in a whole new light, they will still challenge you, but you will have the feeling and the emotions back that you don’t have when taking the pills. When is your last day, so we know to pray extra hard? I will be thinking about you and I am here if you need me. Here’s a big hug from me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, hell!!! Last night my pain was not so much, so I said to myself no pain pill needed tonight! But then my body said oh no pain pill, here’s a little anxiety and crappiness for you. So it looks like I’m really starting over. It sucks, been a little more than a week of taking them when I was in excruciating pain and my little addict self gets hooked on them again : /
So here’s my dilemma, go cold turkey like I did last time, or taper? Ugh! Damn you, tooth!!!
I’m gonna go look at my charms and read my card again, find my strength.
Hugs,
Jamie
Jamie–This is only a minor set back for you, look at how quick you caught yourself before you got in to far. We are going to have this addiction thing for the rest of our lives and we just have to learn how to control it. I have been in this scenario probably twenty times, if I was you I would go cold turkey, just get it done and over with. You will make the right decision, don’t think about it to much because you know how the drug starts playing games with you mind. Whatever you decide know that we are all here with you and you can lean on us for strength. Sorry that you have to be in this situation, but you know you can do this.
I am back Kitty Mom. It takes what it takes.
Angela, I read your 12/1 post about being able to call in another script and can relate and sympathize. My Dr. now has a web site I can go to and just click on the “Norco” tab and wallahh! 30 10/325’s appear at my local CVS.
That’s what I did a couple of weeks ago, took all thirty in about four days and that was that. No more since then so I have almost two weeks.
Joe, Kitty Mom and metoo probably can all guess what happened next. A couple of bottles of Kettle and a few six packs then utter defeat.
The good news is I have eleven days that I am counting now as clean and I do feel pretty good.
It takes what it takes.
I did have what I am calling and claiming as a “spiritual experience” last week. In bed after doing some reading, (guess who?? CS Lewis). I got a real warm and fuzzy feeling and a big smile came over my face. I was so happy I started kicking my legs, not RLS, just a fun kick.
At any rate, that has pulled me along clean and I feel good. There has been very little desire to drink or use since that event. The thought for sure, but no desire.
Sorry about the extended absence. I have been thinking about you guys.
OMG Stu – so happy to hear you are OK my friend. There are really no words to express how I felt when I siged on here just now and saw your name. This is great. God bless you and keep you safe and sounds like you are doing OK at this very minute – so I cannot wish for more!
love you my friend
Kitty
My heart jumped too when I saw that magical “Stu” word on the screen!!! Welcome home, Babe. Welcome home.
I am tying up loose ends today, but couldn’t resist taking a precious moment in time to say hello to all of my loved ones here!!! I am missing you guys like crazy~~~but my tokens are keeping me close to all of you at heart!!!
Next week it belongs to someone else. Saying goodbye will be bittersweet, but I believe that this move is for the best. Please continue to pray, my friends, that I might keep my faith in God as my anchor, and keep walking the walk. All will be well.
Transition time is fast approaching for me. This is my last day at MY store!!
I love you guys….so happy our Stu is home!!!
Hey Now,
Stu and Metoo Posting–WOW!!!!!
OK so I am gonna share something I’ve been reflecting on.
Real family vs. Spirtual family.
You know I think there are both in this realm of life.
Sometimes they are one in the same, the family you are born into is your spiritual faimily. Other times you meet your spiritual family along the path.
Now I think i run onto trouble when I try to make the ALL real people in my real family part of my spiritual family.
I think alot of times we might be thrown into our real faimlys for reasons.
However our spiritual family arises out of purpose.
See for me that’s what it is all coming down to.
reasons and purpose.
I have reasons I do what i do each day.
But I have a purpose for being alive today.
Now being of the ilk of obsessive compulsive manic, depressive, lost bewildered and firghtened it is very easy for my reasons to overtake my purpose.
Once that happens well, dope is the cope.
if however I just keep carrying out my purpose, well then through my spiritual family I get everyone of my fucking needs, desires, met no let me rephrase that,
My cup over fucking flows man,
Now and for you Stu-my brother in my spiritual family, some botherly love.
I did not find my spiritual family in the rooms of AA. So I did not stay clean in AA.
No see a spiritual family keeps you clean,, it removes the desire for dope,it GIVES LOVE. Love overocmes addiciton or trates it at least.
Now I hope you find members of your spiritual family in the rooms should you elect to go back.
For me, and just for me, I had to admit that AA was not MY solution. And then I had to spend a year convincing myself.
Nah bor, AA had just become another reason, without a purpose.
I mean the purpose of going to AA is to get and stay sober.
I was doing neither there.
I needed to let it go.
I guess i am really really blessed because as soon as I got ready,, Adam the guy who strarted this board and who I consider a member of my spiritual family showed up.
Now i know I got members of my spiritual family. I got guys, ladies, kids. The list gets longer everyday.
And looking back over my life I can clearly see the members of my spiritual family. They are the special ones, the ones where there is a connection.
Metoo-my god It is so great to see you, of course since you are my spiritual sister I just close my eyes and feel you girl.
I am with you as the creator is with you, go forth and proclaim the your purpose, don’t get caught up on the reasons.
Have a good one .
Joe
Metoo, good luck with the last days at your store. I own my own business and can imagine what my feelings would be selling it, or closing the doors. It’s a big change for sure and I hate change.
Joe, I appreciate your post and the brotherly advise and comments man. For me it’s all about getting re-connected with God and tapping His power. Just walking the walk feels pretty good right now.
It’s freezing where I live with wind chills getting below zero. A good day to hang around inside and do some Christmas decorating. My wife is out of town and left me a list of things to do.
Other areas of my life are starting to take care of themselves. The drama meter is way down thank God.
It’s amazing the reaction you get sometimes from people you hung with when you tell them you are getting sober.
I told my friend the other day that I would not be refilling my script again. I had never told her that before and I meant it. Well, Thursday she told me never to call again. I gotta laugh on that one. Thanks God!!
Stu – congratulations my friend. Sometimes that step of telling someone you are not interested in the refills is a gigantic step. I did it twice, once to my primary doctor who I told I was addicted and once to the internet source that kept sending me e-mails. So all sources are gone right now for me – I am hoping the same for you. You sound at peace right now. I hope you make it through Christmas and New Years with a new feeling of freedom from all dependencies. This rocks – I am happy for you and elated that you are with us again. Don’t forget, if you are comfortable with it, SM and I have a token for you to hang in your car. You can E-mail me your address kittymom001@gmail.com. So far SM, metoo, Angela (hers is on the way) Jamie and me all have the same token to look at to remember how we are all here for each other. We would be honored if you accept one also.
I am praying each day for all of you my friends for sobriety and happiness through the holidays.
Went to a work Christmas party last night at a beautiful famous restaurant – beautiful old decor – great food – free to all of us. I semi-enjoyed myself. My husband was supportive and social with everyone. I on the other hand, quiet, and talked to the people I am most comfortable with. I am such a social mis-fit especially when I am not all hopped up on pills. I hate and refuse to kiss ass with the upper management. Never enjoyed it and never partake in it…just me!!!! My immediate boss was very nice, came uo and talked to us, but the Controller – well when I said hello to him and his little token girl friend for the year, he looked right though me…did not even said hello back. What’s with that!!! Then on top of everything else, I had too Sangria’s (I do not drink usually) and after all the appetisers, food, and Sangria…became very ill and thought I would have to go to the emergency ward! I feel better today, and remember now why I do not drink – don’t like the feeling any more!!!
I am going to have a Christmasy day today – wrapping presents and going out tonight with our daughter and son-in-law to a beautiful traditional Christmas Stroll…can’t wait.
Hope you all are enjoying this beautiful season of Christ’s birth and I am looking forward to reading your posts in the next week.
My first Christmas without drugs in years – thanks everyone for your support and thanks God – without His help I would not be here today.
Love to all
Kitty
One more thing – this is one of my all time favorite bands – and this song says how I feel about all of you. Be patient on the instrumental beginning….Love to all through this song!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZN-AyNsDtN0&feature=related
Hey Now,
Monday Morning, man they come so quickly,
Had a super weekend, and am so excited about christmas.
I hope eveerybody has a great day.
reason 4 million I Love youtube
A quick look back at the sounds of my youth, I remeber swiping this baby from ralph records up in philly, I was just to fucking cool…(LOL)
My favorite tune, version and sound ever………..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUYo8PeO96g&playnext=1&list=MLGxdCwVVULXeF7hdzg79sJT_aaMvuJPiG
Enjoy brothers and sisters.
And today, I will sign my store over. Today is the first day of the rest…..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9FslIl2R-I
Awesome Metoo. Go with God and good luck with your new life and freedom.
I was tested this weekend and passed. Somebody offered me some 10 mg perks and booze. I said thanks, from the bottom of my heart, but no. Driving home I got this wonderful optimistic feeling. I did it. I turned down opitates, free ones at that.
It does feel different this time.
I got a complete physical today, with blood work. My Doc hasn’t seen me in over a year and just wanted to get a baseline on some stuff. It all looks good so far.
Have a great week out there guys.
Hey everyone, I hope your all doing well. It is crazy how one thing on tv can send me into a downward spiral. Last night on the Simpson’s Homer hurt himself, so for breakfast Lisa dumped Vicoden on his food before he ate it. He was so happpy after he ate the food. Anytime I see something like that on tv it is a trigger for me, because I see that happy feeling. The thing is I don’t even get that happy feeling anymore when I take the pills, the only feeling I get is how many pills are left in my bottle, once those run out how am I going to get more. I know that I am going to battle with this damn addiction for the rest of my life and I want to thank all of you for listening to my rambling. Tomorrow will be a better day, please pray for me.
Angela – that is the irony of it – it does not make us feel better. You hit the nail right on the head…all it causes is distress and getting back on the hunt – the hunt for more pills – the hunt for a better feeling – The hunt for money to pay for the pills – a vicious cycle . The 5 minute high (if that) does not make it worth it.
Good luck and prayers to you in taming the beast – I know you can do it…did you get the tokens yet – if not you should receive them in a day or two. Hope you have a merry Chritmas with the twins – children are a Blessing aren’t they. Mine is all grown now and I miss her childhood…they grow up way too fast.
Take care Metoo – did you get hit by the big snowstorm – saw that it affected both your current location and you new location. Hope it does not affect your move. Us Florida people are getting all bent out of shape with the cold spell we are having – going down to the low 20′s tonight – global warming at it’s best!!!
Miss you Southern Mom – let us know how you are doing.
Joe and Metoo – enjoyed your music
As my last youtube eluded to….
You color my world – with hope of loving you!
Love you guys
Kitty Q
Hey Kitty Mom, you are so right the five minute high is all it is, and if you blink you will miss it. It is really crazy to be able to talk to people about this and have them understand what I am feeling. Thanks so much for listening to me, it means the world. I have not gotten my token yet, I am so excited to get it. I am really enjoying this Christmas with the boys, it is so neat to see how excited they get over all the lights and decorations. Merry Christmas to you also, I hope you get to spend the holidays with your kids and enjoy them as much as I do mine.
I miss you metoo, good luck with your move. We are all praying for you.
Stu, I am really proud of you for saying no to people, that is something I have never been able to do. You are a strong person, keep it up!!!!!
Hey Now,
Were gonna party like it’s your birthday!!!!!!!
Yeah baby it’s my brthday, 45 today–and man I am so thankful and blessed.
See, I got a do-over.
A mulligan.
God loved me so much he has given me, provided for me and directed me to a do-over.
That’s the miracle.
That’s the promise.
You get to start all over, only this time you got some experience under your belt.
Personally i learned these few things from my prior life as a substance abuser, the key to the new life is remembering them.
1, One is to many and a thousand is ever enough.
2.The goal is not own shit, it is to share shit.
3. The hunt for dope is gone, Now I hunt joy.
4. I must stay connected.
So everybody but your hands in the air, and……..
hey shawty it’s your birthday!!!!(LOL)
For everybody who is digging a second chance..join me in da club.
Whoeever told you being clean was no fun. LIED TO YOU!!!!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qm8PH4xAss
Love
LOVEthis!!! Happy birthday, JOE!!!!
I celebrate YOU today, my friend!!! Thank you for walking with us!!!!
Happy Birthday Joe! Hope you have really GREAT day!
Life is sucking the life out of me right now. I am in a pity party funk that I do not and will not burden anyone with right now.
in the infamous words of Metoo more later!
sm
Southern Mom–you are in no way a burden to any of us, I have a pity party for myself almost every day, so talk when you are ready we will all be here to listen.
Happy birthday Joe, hope you have a great sober day!!
Hey, SM, you can’t copy cat me like that!! Bahahaha!!!! Just kiddin’ girl..you do whatever your little heart desires. Try to find the humor in stuff if you can. I KNOW IT’S HARD!!!!! But you can do it!!! Kick some ass!!
Hey Southern Mom – I am just sitting here thinking what the hell I can do to make Southern Mom feel less funky and am coming up blank. So…all I can do is pray for you and tell you that I am here for you if you need me and tell you to put the burden in those great big strong hands of God….hold on to the thought that we all are here for you and let the combined energy enter your very soul and let it lift your spirits. It will get better!!
Love you
KITTY Q BLOOM
And – Metoo
Sorry you are freezing your arse off – man I would freeze to death. It is 27 here and we are all complaining about the cold. What sissies we are huh. I am so happy for you that things are wrapping up for you and you are moving on to your new and improved life and thanks for the e-mail – Girl, I thought I would never get another one from you since you have been sooooo busy getting your shit together for your move. This should be a wonderful Christmas for you – with the one you love – I am so happy for you and so glad I have you and SM for my new dear friends…you better keep in touch after your move. LY2P
Kitty Q
PS – Clyde had been a demon from hell since his surgery – no more pain medicine for him – he is now officially in detox!!!
Joe dear Joe
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear Joe
Happy birthday to00000000 you!!!!
And many more!
Love You
Kitty
Kitty Mom and Southern Mom–I got my tokens and my card today,thank you so much just seeing the envelope lifted my spirit up. I explained to my boys how special the charms were to me, and they wore them like a necklace all day saying it was Mom’s special jewelry. It was neat to see them around their necks, because they are the reason that I want to stay clean. Tonight we went out and hung them in my car and the boys thought that was pretty cool, so thanks again for making this a special day for me and my little guys.
Hey Now,
Top of the morning to you.
It is so dam refreshing to wake up the day after a party day and not be sick.
OK so i gotta check in with my abouters this mroning.
Metoo–The more we share, the less we fear. Just keep on sharing and you will keep on groving. I loved the cold as a kid, but not even the love of a good woman could. get me to Michigan, wait a second , of course it would. Love you.
Angela, I know having reminders of WHY, we don;t take the first one are so important. I’m so glas you keep on posting, keep connected and you will be amazed.
Kitty-what can I say, I am forever grateful for all you do.
southermom–pity i have found s like worry, niether gets me shit, Useless energy, traveling nowhere, accomplishing nothing. But dam it feels like the only feeling there is,
i can so vividly recall the utter inablity to think 1 postive thought.
I just couldn’t.
o what did I do, exactly what people who had gotten out f the prison told me to do.
1. Don’t use, just for this minute, no matter what.
I have yet to find any other exit from active use and the accompaning feelings.
Stu–anyday now, anyday know, I shall be released. and so shall you my brother. It just IS.
Jamie, remember this world needs you, the clean world, the more hip cool people that hang around, the more hip cool people comea round,
So folks here is to another year of 365 chances to do something positive.
My soul is alive in the now.
peace and love
Can you just see the newspaper headlines everywhere???
“TWO BALL CLYDE IS OFFICIALLY IN DETOX”!!!!!!!!!!
OMG, I love this!!!! I am going to laugh about this all day!!!!!
Hey everyone – yes two ball clyde is officially in detox but unfortunately his dad gave him some pain medicine against his mom’s better judgement. Therefore we have one rambicious (I made that word up) kitty running around like he is at disney world again….up and down, to and from – speedy gonzalous eat your heart out.
Gang – another cold evening with the heat on in sunny Florida! It will probably be this way until Christmas day at which time it will turn to the hgh 70′s…haha – I might even welcome that. Clyde, for God sakes, quit climbing my legs.
Angela – glad you got the token and your boys got a kick out of Mommy’ s special jewelry – Keep us in your heart – we are hear to support you – youa re doing so well. You are learning little by little that there is life without pills – just for today.
Metoo – you are leaving day after tomorrow – how cool is that – please keep us notified of your arrival and I will keep you in my prayers – you are going to do great…I am happy for you my friend…and Southern Mom, every day I am praying that your stress will get better and be back to your old self in no time. I am here for you my friend.
Stu and Jamie please let us know how you are doing. We certainly hate it when you are gone.
Joe – I simply love your “365 days to do something positive” I am going to use that one as my New Years Resolution – yes – 365 days to make a difference – 365 days to help others – 365 to DO something positive…I love it!
Sleep tite my friends – see you in the morning lite!
Kitty hugs and kisses
Kitty Q Bloom
Belated Happy Birthday Joe.
I got busy and haven’t logged on in a couple of days.
I am doing well though.
See you guys later.
Jamie has been going through some rough stuff, but I’m here and I’ll post details later
Hugs
Sorry Jamie, I will be thinking about you!!
Well, while I have a small amount of energy for the moment, I’ll post.
Still going through the damn dental work, I can only get in once a week so it’s dragging along. Haven’t felt good last several days, think I have the flu, which just happened to come a couple days before I ran out of pills, so I’m getting all the shittyness at once.
My fiancee and I had this big fight this week, where he eventually came out and told me that his head is telling him to leave me, and his heart is saying he loves me, but he says his head is winning. So I’m kind of in a WTF? moment with all that. That night I took way more pain pills than I should have to deal with things and ended up having 2 left the next day and still experiencing a lot of tooth pain and the doc hasn’t approved a refill yet, so I screwed myself where my pain is concerned.
Things are just really shitty. My body is so weak and I feel my spirit is weak too. All this shit right before Christmas! I swear that my ancestors must have done something really bad one December, because every year my family is cursed this month, nothing but bad shit happens.
Well, I’m feeling really weak so I should probably get back to my sick bed. Just wanted to fill you guys in.
Hugs,
Jamie
Oh, Jamie, I FEEL YOU!!!! Kiddo, YOU ARE OK!!! As far as the fiance goes, you know what??? Here’s my two cents….let him do as he chooses. As HE chooses. And KNOW in YOUR HEART AND SOUL that YOU ARE OK. I wish I were there to wrap my arms around you right now~~(If you wouldn’t mind a hug from a gay girl who hates the word “lesbian”….lol) When you let go of him, you are allowing him to make a REAL choice. To decide once and for all FOR HIMSELF….and that’s that’s THAT’S what we ALL NEED TO DO. Oh, my friend, I am with you. You hang in there, and when I get to Michigan, let’s connect via email…By Monday or Tuesday I will hopefully be set up with internet there.
Well, folks, the big trip starts today, Friday, Dec. 17th. We will be in Michigan sometime Saturday. Southernmom, I am hoping that I can get a phone call from you sometime Saturday evening???
My sister stopped by early this morning and started the tear fest. We are about 2/3 packed, so, so far, so good. No last minute panic, really….but I could use prayers for safe travels…and good vibrations!!!
Please take a listen to my former husband, Dean. You know that I was married to this suavy, suavy guy in another life….oh, I love him still!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpS9V5koSLw
I love all of you so much. See you on the other end!! Please pray for me if you have some time!!!!
Dean Martin was the coolest cat! But I hate to break your heart he was mine in another life
I have always loved Dean Martin, probably because his personality and looks were so similar to my grandpa. They were both fun, ornery handsome men. Oh and Deano vs Sinatra no contest, Sinatra pales in comparison…alright back to my sick bed. Got me all fired up about Dean Martin for a sec lol Thanks for that!
Hey Y’ll – just checking in – Love you guys – Just busy making cookies with my Mom and listening to Christmas songs. Prayers and hugs to all of you.
Love
Kitty
Medicmom over on Thomas Recipe could use our support going cold turkey and pregnant!…and another “mom” haha
Joe don’t have a stroke.
Where is everyone? I need some uplifting
Hey Jamie – I know it is quiet on here. I guess everyone has been busy with Christmas. I hope you are doing better…the flu – that really sucks and the dental problems – so sorry you are going through so much pain. I need to make more of an effort to be here for everyone and not let the holidays get the best of me, but even when I am not here, I am thinking about you all and praying for you. Hope in the very near future, you will be over the flu and tooth pain you are in.
Love you girl!
Kitty
Good Morning Folks.
Hey Jamie, I hope the ups and downs of life don’t batter you around to much.
Remember when we stay in the now all of our issues are manageable, but if you throw the past on there and mix it up with alittle future tripping and wham we got oursleves a delima, now don’t we.
it is so easy to do, the battle I have found is in the mind, plain and simple. The mental turture I have put myself through in life, man it is a MIRACLE, I am still walking around.
Today girl is where it’s at. i hope you are feeling better physically, I know how poor helath just dampens the whole mood.
i have learned poor helath like good health, just like good times and bad times, fear and comfort, anger and forgiveness, slips and getups, well they all pass, if you allow them to
Just be you, because you are enough, you are Spirit and Love.
Remember once we realize there is no finsh line, we stop sprinting.
Metoo–I am with you sister, is Michigan wonderful, you better keep us posted, and when can I come up for some snowmobiling and hot chocolate.
Stu–brother where art thou?
Kitty–nice to see you, your words, comforts and joys are so much a part of our community I love seeing you posts. Keep coming back.
Angela–How you holding up buddy.
Remember we don’t have to be perfect, just ourselves.
Now keep checking in everybody, I am having a christmas party Thursday Night right here on about, and if it is anything like the last party you will want to be there. In an effort to bring forth the spirit or just looking good you gotta show up in something red.
ALL OUR WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes I feel like I party to much in my new life, my clean life, but you know what when you spend the first half of your life trying to die, well I want to spend the rest of my precious moments living, be it a day or 40 years, I will put on a smile, a Hey Now and an ear to listen. I will live each day to the fullest, my god the experiences I have had lately are beyond joy.
Love
Hey I am here, sorry it has been a busy weekend and I have not had time to check in. How are you doing Jaime? Are you still having your tooth pain? When I really do have pain I can never take my script right, the only time I have read the instructions is to see how many days I can wait till I call for a new script. You poor thing, you have tooth pain, the flu, and relationship problems all in one. I just had the flu for a few days and I thought I was going to die. Just keep your head up and know that we are all thinking about you. Things will get better, then we can focus on getting you off of the stupid little white pill.
Southern Mom–I am really worried about you, I hate to even think about about you suffering, especially by yourself. Let us help you through this. You have helped me through so many days of suffering and I could not have made it without you.
Joe–I am doing good, thanks for checking in on me. You always know the right things to say. I would love to see what you look like, I have this picture in my head of this awesome being and I have a feeling I am not far off. Kitty and Metoo, I hope everything is going well for both of you. I am thinking about all of you even when I am not on here, You are all so special to me!!
Well, getting better from the flu. Don’t know if I went through any withdrawal symptoms because I already felt like shit. It’s been like 3-4 days now since I had a pill. I’m actually having a harder time now though than I did my first time through. It’s probably due to my emotional stress and relationship problems, but I am just going crazy all night long with this craving for a pill. I know there is not a pill in this house, but that hasn’t stopped me from doing the scavenging around looking for one. Last time the Ativan helped, this time not so much. Last time sleep was not extremely hard to come by, right now all I want to do is sleep and I just can’t. I’m craving this food or that food or want this todrink, but when I get it, it doesn’t satisfy me and has no flavor. I’m really struggling here and I’m weary. I’m just a big, total downer right now.
Thanks Joe, Metoo, Kitty and Angela for being here. I reckon I’m gonna go play some video games and try to make it through this night minute by minute.
Love ya guys,
Jamie
My dear Jamie – honey if you are through day 3 or 4 it only has to get better – not worse – just keep remembering that. Probably part of the misery is the flu symtoms this time around because withdrawal mirrors the flu anyway. I went back to reflect on my early days of withdrawal in September just yesterday so to remember the pain because it does become a distant memory after a while and I need to remember it so I never go in that direction again. My prayers and thoughts are with you always and believe me when I tell you that it will definately get better…Love you and feel better real soon.
Kitty
Hi everybody. I am OK.
I call withdrawals self induced flu. It’s worse since it’s brought on knowingly and deliberately.
I like your comment about staying in the now Joe, not mixing in the past or future. That’s a big problem for me.
I guess the only past I want to remember is the horrible pain I go through when I come off drugs and alcohol.
My last was by far the worse. I have three weeks today.
I was retching on my way into the liquor store that evening. I had to turn around because I was afraid I’d puke in the store. I drove around the block with my windows down to calm myself and my stomach down. Went back in and bought a pint of Stoli.
Before I got home I broke the seal and managed to get a few ounces down.
That’s not social drinking my freinds.
Sorry it’s a booze post, but it always leads me back to narcotics. Hey what’s a guy to do for a hang over?
Today I realize it’s an all or nothing deal for me.
In order for me to be free I need God. Dope and booze cuts me off from that Sunlight.
Jamie–I feel so bad for you, I know that feeling of withdrawal and not being able to sleep. I would feel so tired but I would get this feeling of anxiety through my body that I just could not hold still long enough to fall asleep. You are past the hardest part sleep gets better after a few days, but then you are so exhausted that all you want to do is sleep. You sound so much like me, I have searched my house so many times for pills, I would even take my empty pill bottles and get any powder out of them that was left from the pills. It is really sad, but that is what the drug makes you do. There are so many things that I could tell you that you would probably know exactly what I am talking about, because it sounds like we have the same addictive personality. Just keep telling yourself you have made it through four days, you have made it and you don’t want to go through this torture ever again. I know after my last detox, I am never doing it again. If you are thinking about getting more pills please talk to me, I don’t want you to go through the suffering again either. I am here for you always.
Stu–I don’t know what I would do if alcohol was my drug of choice, it is everywhere and there is nothing stopping you from getting it. In the past the only reason I have stopped taking pills is because I have run out of places to get them. You are right it is not a social thing anymore, usually the reason I am on the hunt for pills is because I have the fear of getting sick if I run out. Every time I get more I tell myself that I am going to take them slow and wean myself off of them so I don’t get sick, but I just go in another circle, I take all of the pills and I am on the hunt again. The cycle has to end and we are making that happen, we are getting clean. I am going to be so happy the day that I can drive by my Dr’s office or a hospital and not get the craving for the pills. I am praying for you, with the help of each other and God we will all get through this.
Hey Now Folks,
It sure isn’t easy is it, kicking dope. I guess that’s why so few make it.
I know it sounds basic, but I have never found an easy way out, you know.
I mean No Dope No Matter What, Repeat, Repeat, Repeat.
Looking back on it, I had a whole lot of circumstances cops, family, job, money all closing in, but I had gone through that, it wasn’t unitl I had no fucking reason to stop, I mean people had long given up on me stopping, including my kids. It was just this thought or voice, it kept saying, man you gotta do it. you gotta stop.
That’s the fucking thing that drives me crazy, being clean is so much better than using, yet I kept right on using.
I just don’t take a narcotic to handle shit, or do shit or make shit better, or aid in living.
there are two reasons why I don’t take pills today
1. I could never get enough and
2. I could never get enough.
Now being off them, all I can say is there is SO much out there, just beyond the last pill, If you want it, you can have it.
Peace
I made it to Michigan, kids!!! Settling in now. Just got the internet set up today. Whew.
WHERE IS SOUTHERNMOM???? Come in, SouthernMom…don’t make me come over there!!!!! I got my travelin’ shoes on!!!!
Joe. I miss you and I love you. Stuart. You rock with your own self!!! Give it all you’ve got, Babe, and this time it WILL stick. Practice makes perfect, I should know!! (Oh, now that sounded like I think I’m perfect, I just meant that I am old and practiced!!!)
Kitty Mom…I have to get some emails off…I THINK I will have more time on Wednesday..?!
Angela…take good care of those babies in this season, and KNOW that I am proud of you. You are everything I would have liked to have been about 15 years ago…kids….sweet….sober…sweeeeeeeet too….
Jamie. Hang in there. If it’s that shitty, it just means that it will get better sooner rather than later. That’s all. CLING TO IT. It’s going to rebound like a boomerang, kid…but don’t let it hit you in the head. STAY SOBER. You can do this. You are made of some pretty tough stuff…..I know. I have a mirror….
Joe – wtf
You posted other than in the morning..haha…sooooo glad! Metoo – you do not know the joy I felt when I saw you arrived safely girl. By all means get the E-mail out to me with all the details. I am so elated that you are now settled where you are supposed to be – Tell your “new family” that I said hello and that they got one of the good kids on the block…Love you girl.
Yeah SM – where are you. I hope you check in soon – I miss you.
Jamie – hear our prayers and our experience – not easy to quit but when you use….there are never enough like Joe says…never never enough to make you feel the same as that first pill – one is to many – 1000 is not enough….sooooo true my friend, soooooo true. I feel for you and can relate so very much.
Stu and Angela – wow, you too are doing terrific. Stay on that wagon and keep taking a day at a time. I can so relate to howhard it is and you are doing it my friends. Can you all believe that on Jan 8 it will be 4 months clean for me????
Love You All
Kitty
Angela, I love your post. I have the taste for opiates too, I qualify to be here even though I am a drunk. I get that feeling you described when you go by a hospital or Dr. just going by my local CVS. Sick stuff.
I also love the “taper” off the hydro’s line. What a joke. I take one, then two then a few an hour. Till they are all gone. Nice taper. God.
I am just glad it’s behind me, sort of. I was just going over how I never want to have to stock up on all the stuff to detox again. Gatorade, Immodium, maybe a joint or two (NOT).
At any rate, I hope I never have to do it again. It really sucks.
Metoo welcome to Michigan. That’s got to be exciting. I want to move to Park City, UT. I am heading there New Years Day to put a couple of boards on my feet and slide down hills. Woopee.
Joe – I sure could never get enough.
Hey everyone – Southern Mom called me today. She is OK – her computer has a virus and she has been able to read but not write. So keep her in your prayers – she will be back soon.
Love you all
Kitty
Good Morning Folks,
Today I just thought I’d share a bit of reflection, maybe some growth I have encounetered over time.
The topic failure–or what we percieve as failure.
Pass/fail mentality. Where by not taking a pill is success and taking a pill is failure, or a drink or some crack or whatever.
I guess that was one of the final hurdles I am working on everyday.
See, I had to say, this is my life.
then I had to decide was it about me, or something bigger than me.
So I got to a point where I am about My Life, bigger purpose.
Then of course I had to find out who I was, take a look at myself,
I am a whole lot of things, we all are.
Some of my character produces postive things and some of my character produces negative things.
I need to be reminded daily that while I strive for the elemination of the negative side, I will not reach a state of perfection.
I heard it said , i belive it was CS lewis(stu) If you want to know what god did for you on christmas morning than envison yourself transforming into a cockroach in an effort to guide the other cockroaches.
You know that even my deepest darkest most shameful actions can not keep God from loving me.
And I know he forgives.
I my working on forgiving myself this upcoming year.
I want the pain my addict mind creates over my humaness to go away now.
Im tired of it, my addict mind as beat the fuck out of me for a long time,
i believe the first step toward forgiveness is understanding.
God understands us–thus he forgave us.
I understand joe, I’m a human, I do some good stuff and some stupid stuff, I help myself and I hurt myself, I understand that for some reason I am inclinde to believe a drink or a drug will ease the pain of daily living.
I must remind myself or better yet have others show me it does not.
That just for today the pain of using is not worth the temporary relief provided.
God as I stand in fault, in doubt, in pain.for all the lies I told myself and others, for the quick fixes and the hurt, for the raging selfishness of my ego, I beg of you in front of some witness, forgive me father for I have sinned. And if it be your will oh lord, may my spirit please feel the heat of your holy spirit, my own self destuction put off, so that I may pour forth your love oh god, in spite of my sin.
This christmas god, my I understand that I am loved in spite of my failures, that I can pick myself up now, that although the pain, the guilt, the shame remains, That I dedcate my actions to you, your word, and son Jesus Christ.
I right now proclaim Jesus Christ is Lord, and even admist my doubt and sin Lord, I ask your care with complete abandon.
Lord I have tried my best, and I come up short. I understand now lord that you are the missing link, you are the bridge from my sinfullness to Love.
I beg of you Jesus, that you pick me up and help me. More imprtantly that you remove the blinders of self, that keep me from seeing you.
Let this christmas ring in my heart, may your love renew me, refresh me, let me Rejoice in that fact that you are you
For to worship you in love lord, is my deepest desire, Help god let me do that.
Merry Christmas
Joe – thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here today and the prayer was awesome.
Angela and Stu – God bless you both. You are doing great and I am so delighted to know you both. I pray that this new year coming up will be a great one for you and you WILL be able to pass up those doctor, hospital, and CVS visits. You are on the way, friends.
Metoo and SM – hope you are both doing well my friends – know you are busy but drop a line to let us know you are out there and OK.
Jamie – that goes double for you, also.
OK now -
I have a proclamation to make.
I was just cleaning out the “stuff” in my car and picking up bits of paper and shit under the seat and low and behold bigger than life was a VICODIN 5mg white pill – Quess what folks – I broke it in half and crushed it between my fingers and threw it in the trash. Are you proud of me!!!
GO KITTY
GO KITTY
Double Dippin Kitty is on a clean ride!
I am praying for you all
let me know how you are doin
Love Ya
Kitty
GO KITTY, GO KITTY, GO KITTY!!!!
I think you might have just passed the final test??? I am grinning from ear to ear!!!!! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU KITTY MOM!!!!!! DAMN!!!!! May we all borrow some strength from you when we are in need!!!! This is the sweetest thing I’ve heard all day!!! Congratulations, my friend!!!
Well, I am settling in here!! Things are going MUCH BETTER than I had anticipated. Funny, I don’t know WHY I spent so much time being anxious about this move. See, SouthernMom, you WERE RIGHT! I feel so peaceful, so very serene, so OK, so VERY VERY VERY loved, and I am just doing fine!!! Or doing just fine, however you wanna look at it!!! There simply is NO DRAMA here. I almost can’t believe it!!
I need to make my way to the mall again and resume the Christmas shopping! I started yesterday, but my little co-pilot pooped out on me. lol!!! I believe my wife and I will do some more shopping tonight, but time will tell~after the preparations for the big move and the after affects of the unpacking, we are all pretty worn out around here!! I had a half of a sore throat today, and really need to get my butt into the shower before she gets home!! I DID defrag the computer, so that’s one job done…lol. Now, see, in my FORMER life, idle days like today would have gotten me the wrath. Now, it’s just not that way. I am enjoying my new home today…and it’s just great…
Thank you all for being toted around in my back pocket all these days. I carry you all in my heart each and every day, and when I think of my friends, those of you HERE on this board come to mind FIRST. Seriously. You are my best ones!!!!
Kitty Mom–I am so proud of you for getting rid of the pill, I would have probably popped it in my mouth dirt and all. You are a strong women!!!! Metoo–I am so happy to hear how well you are doing in your new home, what a great holiday you are going to have. I am trying to be good, my husband is home with the boys and me until after the new year. This is the first time in years that I have been sober while spending this much time with him, I hope we don’t kill each other. Wish me luck!!!! Glad to hear that you are doing well Southern Mom, I can’t wait to hear from you. Talk to you all soon.
Well, had a relapse from the flu. Slept for like 20 hours. Been feeling all around shitty. Had a get together this afternoon with my sister and my nieces. We exchanged gifts and I bought us lunch. It was a nice afternoon. But it was way too much for me and my mom, she has the flu even worse than me. Just a few hours wore us out.
I’m still up in the air with my relationship problems. His son came for Christmas break and so while he’s here I’ve decided to push everything aside until he goes home. I don’t want to be fighting the whole time he’s here. So it’s kinda extra stressful not knowing where things stand and being in a limbo.
I am supposed to go with my parents to spend Christmas with my grandma, but since we’re both so sick that might not happen. And it just breaks my heart a little because my grandma has been talking about having her family at her house for Christmas for like a year. Here’s the deal, my grandparents always had a big Christmas every year, I’m talking huge family Christmases with 50+ people every year. It’s my grandma’s favorite holiday. My grandpa passed away Dec. 19, 2007, and since then my grandma had to move out of their home and was living between my parents’ and my uncles for over a year before she finally got a place of her own she could afford. So for the last two Christmases she has been shuffling around to other peoples’ houses, but last Christmas she said she was having everyone at her place and that was that. She missed having her big family Christmas. My grandma is one special lady. One of the most important people in my life and I would do anything for her, so not being able to be there to give her the Christmas that she wants kinda tears me up. So I’m trying to will myself into feeling better and hoping that my mom gets better so we can make it up there to see her. It’s a 3 hour drive through windy mountains roads, not a trip you want to make when you’re stomach has a mind of its own haha
I told you guys I’ve been struggling mentally and emotionally. Well, I stumbled today. My cousin brought me a “Christmas Surprise”, and guess what it was? 30 5mg vix. She owes me money and that was her way of trying to hold off on paying me or to not have to pay it all back, because I can sell the pills if I need to. I was all like it’s cool it’s Christmas, don’t worry about it, but she left them here anyway. And well, I tried, but I couldn’t stop myself from taking one. So I stumbled, back to square one, pick myself up and dust myself off and start all over again. Trying not to beat myself up too bad about it. We all make mistakes, we all fail, the important thing is that we keep trying.
In case I don’t get a chance to post again before Christmas, I just want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas. Hopefully I’ll be in the mountains with my grandma with no internet. Keep pulling for me, I know you guys are rooting for me and I can feel you with me in those dark times. So thank you!
Love and Christmas hugs all around. Stay safe.
Happy Trails,
Jamie
It’s party time…..
Yeah I know we all got stuff…..But you know if you wait for the right time to kick up your heels and LOVE well then your going to pass through this life missing out on the 1 fucking thing your supposed to get, the one gift you get here in this mire of of pit,
LOVE.
The kicker is God had to come to us, cause yeah we all had to much shit going on. go figure.
So Like I said, this About Christmas party is now on folks, all you need is something RED and a tune.
I am wearing my RED JOE COOL santa t-shirt, along with my red elf hat, now grab some shrimp and some sparkling grape juice and shake your ass to this…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DINRR5H0VKc
fuck yeah I believe in Santa Claus.
Merry Christmas
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnIqLlBwzrc
Let’s rock around Christmas tree folks – Hey Joe, wanna dance! Come on Metoo grab some egg nog – let it all hang out guys and girls…Hey watch out for that misstletoe….Kitty needs a kiss!
Merry Christmas and Happy Newyear my friends – be safe and happy.
Love you unconditionally
Kit
I’m gonna rock around the Christmas couch and have some 7-up, but I’m still here lol
Just so’s everyone knows…Metoo cannot be trusted with the mistletoe!! ANYTHING might happen, and NO ONE HERE IS SAFE!!!
This is one of my favorite Christmas tunes!! BOP BOP BOP BOP!
Got a chance to log in on my daughter’s lap top. I wanted to wish everyone a very merry Christmas. I hope and pray that everyone’s holidays is filled with happiness, joy and love.
Metoo, I am so glad you made it MI, my prayers are with all three of you.
Kitty mom, I am praying for you like crazy, I know how holidays can cause tension and depression, but you are so strong, I know you will make it through this.
Joe, Stu, Jamie and Angela I am praying for all of you and I hope your holdiays are blessed.
There is strength in numbers and God sends His angels to rally the the troups and I am feeling all of your prayers and God’s blessings.
Reach out and let Him in, He is the One that makes my life worth living.
I probably won’t be back until 2011, so you all have a happy, safe and sober New’s Year Eve, that is what I am working for, I am so ready to get these drugs out of my life, I just keep asking God to stop throwing road blocks in my path to sobriety.
LY2P
SM
Praying you sense the love of Jesus and His nearness to you this Christmas and forever more. For God so loved the world he sent his only Son – you know the rest.
Love
Kitty
Merry Christmas everyone, this is my first chistmas in a long time that I have been sober and I think I might like it. We will see, you know how quickly things can change. Just kidding just seeing my boys faces in the morning when they see the Christmas tree is going to be enough to keep me sober. Southern Mom, it was so great to hear from you before Christmas, I have been really worried about you. Kitty, thanks for the Christmas card you really lifted me up today. Have a great day everybody.
Merry Christmas
and you shall be called “Frequented,”—>is. 6:12
frequented-Occurring or appearing quite often or at close intervals.
My favorite truth.
Love
W
Merry Christmas to all of my “board friends”… I hope that each of us is touched by the spirit of the newborn Christ today~~fresh in our new lives, and fresh to our spirits. You will all be with me throughout the course of this day. Thank you to each of you for being so great in your faith, so steadfast in your love. Merry Christmas to all!!! Southernmom, I miss you. KittyMom, thank you for the wonderful card!!!! Angela, enjoy those boys…Jamie, hang in there, my tough one!! Stuart…I’m behind you all the way, and JOE. Well, now, Joe. You are the blessing we’ve all been waiting for. Stay just the way you are and the world will be the best place it can be. I need you, my friends! THANK YOU!!!
Merry Christmas everyone!
Didn’t get to go to my grandma’s
Along with me, both my parents now have the flu. My stepson came down with a cold 2 days ago, which I woke up with this morning. So I’m double sick! Found out last night that an old family friend passed away yesterday, so my cursed December keeps on going.
I’m trying to stay positive today and think about all I have and how worse off I could be. It’s just kinda depressing for me, all I want for Christmas is to be with the people I love, and yeah we’re here but my parents are off in their room, fiancee is upstairs on the computer and so is his son and I’m all alone on the couch…well, I got my girls with me. The pups will never leave my side. So far this is shaping up as the worst Christmas I’ve ever had!
But hey, you know what? I think it was an early Christmas miracle a couple months back when I stumbled onto this page and found all of you! I feel better just being able to come on here and let it out and you guys are here just to listen or offer advice, pat me on the back or encourage me. I can come on here and be 100% open and honest and not be judged. Not that I’m dishonest in person, I just tend to not be so open. So thank you all from the bottom of my heart! Each one of you are special to me and I carry you with me every day!
Merry Christmas
Peace and Love
Happy Trails,
Jamie
P.S. Oh, and Kitty, thank you for the Christmas card, it brightened my day and made me smile. That was the only Christmas card I got this year!
Merry Christmas every one. Jamie, I am sorry to hear you are having a bad one and hope you feel better very soon. I am glad you, Jamie, Metoo and SM got your cards cause I sent them kinda late.
I am totally exhausted and right now I just want to chill and watch TV a little. I have a full plate the next couple of weeks and I need a little time to chill.
Love all of you and I wish you all the warmth of the Christmas season and the love that it brings.
Be safe
Love
Kitty
Hey Now,
Jamie, that’s why I am here so much, this little pool of comfort certianly has something to it. i stopped trying to analize why I enjoy it so much, and now I just enjoy it.
So keep coming back, everything in life passes, even the flu, cold, sickness, and one day you show up here and its a great fucking day..and then well that passes to.
Keep on Growing..
Joe
Hey Y’all
I hope and pray that everyone is doing OK – no action on here since Christmas day except Joe yesterday. Hope yoiu all got through Christmas OK and enjoyed the holiday. I certainly did – saw my parents, beuatiful daughter, and in-laws and everything worked out OK. Kind of a letdown now that it is all over. I always get that way and this year was no exception. It used to be that I gobbled up all the pills I had over Christmas and was left trying to score some more or being sick – Not this year my friends – no pills for Kitty Mom…I am so grateful for that. Also greatful for for a handful of beautiful people on here that I now call friends. Hope you pray that you all have a successful and happy new year and that part of that success is getting off or staying off your drugs of choice…..wouldn’t that be great if that were the absolute case for all of us.
Love you all and praying for you
Kitty Q
Hi Joe
Hi Metto
Hi Southern Mom
Hi Angela
Hi Jamie
Hi Stu
Hey everyone, hope everyone had a great Christmas. Mine was really great, but the day after was pretty hard. It was really sad knowing that Christmas was over and I kept thinking of pills for a pick me up, then remembered oh yah I don’t have them anymore. I pushed through though and once things get back to normal I know those bad feelings will go back to normal. Being an addict is just a horrible thing to be, I know that I will always have the cravings, and the ups and downs it is how I handle them is what counts. Jamie, I hope your Christmas got better. When you get a virus in your house like that it is so hard to get rid of it. Kitty Mom, thanks for all of the uplifting words you give to all of us. Sometimes I just get on here and read, there are times I don’t want to post anything because I don’t want to bring anyone down, but to see your warmth and kindness touches me in a way you can’t even imagine. I hope one day I am as happy as you to be drug free, my day will come. Love you all!!!!
I’ve been such a downer lately that I’ve been hesitant to post. Like Angela said, I don’t want to bring anyone down too much. Things are just all around crappy for me at the moment, and I’m struggling through it. No need to spoil everyone else’s good day. But when I really need to get something out, I’m posting regardless of how depressing it is. It just helps to get some things out. And it helps to come on here and read how everyone else is doing so well.
So when I’m being a downer, you can ignore me if you choose to. I’m just not finding much support and comfort these days with the people physically in my life, so you guys are all I have to lean on right now. So I’m a leanin’ on ya heavily, hope y’all can handle the weight!
I’m gonna hit the trail for the night, I’m still sick and I’m exhausted. I’ll fill you in with my present drama later. Unless you’re all tired of my negativity, then I’ll not share everything. Don’t want to bring you all down with me!
Love ya guys
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hey Now,
One of the greatest gifts of staying clean is getting to be you. I know when i first stopped opiates, the negativity was all I felt, I think that is pretty much the case for everyone I meet going through withdrawl.
I had to, and still have to gove myself pep talks ever few minutes, I also have to exercise, I have to work, I have to walk. I have to MAKE myself do this kinda stuff.
My addict mind wants me to sit and think about how bad shit is, it would give me the same message in the homeless shelter as it would on a jamican beach…this sucks.
Talking about what sucks, helps man. I know I am not fucking bothered by you dumping that shit here jamie, it keeps me from having to type the exact same stuff.
Angela, man I love to see you posts as well, the little kids, the family life, the amount of energy it takes to get through 1 day of that is amazing. I get fucking worn out thinking about it. The hardest part of when my kids were smaller was the CONSTANT.
It is cliche, but I got to say it, it goes by really fast though, and you turn around and they are teenagers and well, then they are teenagers.
Kitty-every so often, but very rarely in a lifetime, someone shows up and knocks you out, makes a deep impression, helps you grow, Man I am glad you showed up, what do they say..
He is an on time God. Indeed.
have a good one folks
Joe
I’m down with that, Joe! I am LIVING the CONSTANT!!!!
I love you guys…thanks for being constant for me as well….
Hey everyone
Jamie, hang in there. It will get better and don’t feel bad about coming here and letting it all hang out. no one here is judging you – just want to help in anyway we can. If you need someone to talk too, you can E-mail me at any time. I am here for you girl.
Andrea – Joe is right – man those kids grow up fast. It seems like yesterday that my daughter was 2 years old. Now she is grown, out of college, working, married and old enough to have her own kids…which by the way I would not mind at all. Cherish the little moments you have with them – get down on the floor and play leggos with them – read to them – hold them to your heart because before you know it, they grow up.
You should be very proud of yourself for your success in getting off the opiates and hopefully the physical and mental need for them will go away in time.
Stu, I hope you are out there and OK – let us know how you are doing.
Metoo – so glad to hear from you today…I always look for your posts and when I see that you have written – it makes my day.
Southern Mom – get the computer fixed and get back here- you are sorely missed.
Last but not least Joe, Yes God does put people in your path when you need it the most and I am glad he put you in mine.
Have a great evening folks – and write often. We need each other here.
Love
Kitty
Belated Merry Christmas to everyone. I got back last night from a four day trip. Dead headed back from Nebraska so I was and am still tired. I made it sober though.
Last night we stopped by the Ameristar Casino in KC to have a sandwich. It’s right off 435, the Hwy home. I came so close to staying and getting drunk it’s not even funny. Thankfully I didn’t even check availability.
What a mess that would have started. A double vodka and some blackjack sounded like just the ticket.
It would have been the ticket back to hell though. Thank God I didn’t go there. Just ate and left.
I don’t think I am ready for casinos yet. Besides I am an awful gambler. I always lose.
Great to see everybody’s posts. My son is fourteen and it seems like yesterday he was just born. He has been a handful as I have posted some in the past. Don’t know what my life would have been without him, and my wife too. Not near as full that’s for sure. Boy’s got a heart of gold, for real.
I am heading to Park City on Saturday for my annual “boys” trip. I will be gone a week and will try to post out there. Skiing is my favorite thing to do in life.
They are supposed to be getting 2 to 4 ft today, so I guess I don’t have to worry about lack of snow!
I gotta get back to finishing up office stuff before my trip. God bless you all and stay clean.
Hey everyone – hope you are doing well on this two days before the big new years eve. Whoever is here on Friday we need to partay – a little music – a little dancing – a little last ditch attempt at stayimg sober through the new year holiday..haha!
Let me know how y’all are doin kids! (metoo’s peeps)
Hey Stu glad to hear from you and glad you managed Christmas OK ! Love you guys but gotta go lay down – I am feeling fluish today and I want to nip it in the bud before it gets worse – stuffing zycam down my throat every few hours!
Later
Kit
Hey, now <—stealing from Joe~lol! ZICAM WORKS!!!! KittyMom, you should see if you have any zinc tablets around there too! Pop one of those when you even THINK you feel it coming on, and it zips it RIGHT NOW AND I DON'T MEAN MAYBE!!!
Love that stuff!!!
Well, now that I am here, I better post more also! Alrighty, then!
I am settling in nicely enough…I had a couple of days with my new "little one", and let me tell you, this motherhood thing is something else!! I handled it well, though, and everything is going to be fine there. It's all going to take some time, but it will iron itself out. It's hard for three women, regardless of age, to share a two bedroom, one and a half bath apartment. I don't care how big or small you are, it's an adjustment.
I've found my way around a bit of my area~concentrating on where I will worship, shop, and bank. And hopefully work! There is a part time job opening at a bakery/deli, and I think I might throw my hat in the ring for that. I'm not worried about making it full time to start even, because I know that that will come in time for me, unless my higher ups are idiots. I'm not trying to be vain, it's just the facts. Today on the phone I was telling my husband about it, and he even said, "You'll be running the place soon…" LOL!!! So, I am laid back about it, and that is a good thing, prone as I am to anxiety!!!!
Speaking of anxiety, I have had very little of that. Does anyone know of a link between anxiety and hypothyroidism meds? I ran out of my thyroid script and didn't get it refilled as quickly as I should have~~then noticed that my anxiety was almost nil when I hadn't taken that script for over a week….so I am wondering and soon to start researching herbal or homeopathic remedies for hypothyroidism.
I think the big switch will be flipped when I get my little butt to the local Catholic church. I have it programed into my new GPS that my wife got me for Christmas, and I really need to start practicing my faith again and really stick to spending some quality time on my knees. Since I was born the Catholic faith has been instilled in me, and it is one of the constants in my life. I say it's a constant, and yet I haven't been to Mass in well over a year, with the exception of a funeral here or there–but I DO love a good funeral!! Weird, but very, very true!!! So, to get back to Mass will mean having one more factor of my life that has always been there for me. Even though some things change, the good things always stay the same. I am banking on this. This child of God needs to get her act together and start practicing her faith. My Mom used to always say, "Child, if you've lost your faith, you've lost everything…." I miss her. I will find my way back.
Stuart!! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU I COULD BUST!!!!! It's probably lucky for you we wouldn't know each other in real life, because I am really thinking that you're the shit. I bet you're handsome too.
KittyMom, THANK YOU for being "the glue" here!!! Especially you and Joe have kept the lights on, and I am thankful to you!! This NEEDS to be our bright place, and you are SO KEY in making that happen. Thank you, my friend!!!
Jame Cat…I've been thinking about you. In between a rock and a hard spot. How are things going at the moment?? I want you to know that I am ALWAYS here for you, and you are NEVER far from my thoughts and my prayers. You will get there, in love and in life….I see so much of me in you that it's almost uncanny…so tough, and so soft at the same time. You'll get there, Babe…..
Angela! How are those babies????? (I say babies about any age…) I am so glad that you have them!! I think about you so often when I think about my nest having been empty…and then that poem with the road less traveled comes to mind….and I wonder where I would be if my luck had turned as yours did…God has plans, kiddo.
SouthernMom, it was absolutely GREAT to get your email yesterday!!!! YOU, my dear, bolster my spirits like no other. Thank you for your encouragement and advice on this new road of mine. You are vital to me. You are a GPS for me. Don't stay away too long, lest I go astray!!!!! And I am ALWAYS here for you too. Please don't forget that!!!!!!
JOSEPH. JOSEPH. JOSEPH! I love you. Thank you for walking and allowing others to walk with you. I know that earlier in this post I said that Stu is the shit, but dang…..you're the shit too!!! Can there be more than one on one website????? This is the true question of life….
Missing lil dove…..and if you're new to the site, reading but lurking, please come out come out wherever you are!! We want to hug and help and walk with all of the people who need to share this road!!! Please join us!!!
Hello all,
I can’t believe I am finally “computer alive” again. I so hated having to beg my daughter to use her lap top to send out a message so I feel so good having my link to all of you back again.
I have read every post and I wish I could disect it to talk to each and every one of you but that boggles my mind so I am just going to say I am here for all of you and when you are hurting so am I and when you need prayers I am there. We all have our own drama and I love that everyone reaches out to comfort, to advise to give that “I understand” affirmation.
I have also been going through some really bad CRAP with my family and I know that God is testing me to see what I will do with all of these road blocks He keeps throwing at me. At this point I am just finding the humor in my daily life with 2 teenagers and my husbands’ DYSFUNCTIONAL family. If I don’t take it too seriously, it is a real hoot. That is what I love about my realtionship with God, He loves to test me and He loves to mock me when I get to intense and I love that He loves to make me laugh and I am doing that a lot lately. I could get angry, I could get depressed and I could get vengful, instead I am just having to laugh my ass off! If I don’t laugh, I’ll go crazy, maybe that’s why I’m laughing, I have already lost it
NHo matter what, I need my freinds on this board and I need my Heavenly Father, I need my family and I need my very few friends that I don’t see often enough. I need your prayers and hugs and I need each and every one of you and all you bring to the table.
KM you are a lifeline
Metoo you are my anchor
Jamie and Angie you are rowing the same boat with me.
Jow and Stu you are the men that ground all of estrogen all the of us gals bring to “our POOL”.
I know there are others out there that need our prayers and more that are timid about jumping in and testing the waters.
All in all, I love my ABOUT family. It was all of you that kept me smiling and not screaming these past few weeks.
THANK YOU!
LY2P
SM
OHHHHHHHHHHH SM I am glad you are back honey….I missed you
KM
Hey Now,
What a delight to see METOO an SM and STU…you guys are such a welcome treat.
Metoo–Wow, you are geting through the changes, I admire you. Interesting choice on the feeling of reconnecting with the catholic church, I would love to unpack that suitcase with you when you get to it, sounds like fun.
STU-OK you got me, I;m jealous, a week on fresh powder in UTAH. Froma cat who skied the ice of Vermont and PA while using his walkman (remember them). Here in the east texas woods we have 57 degrees and a cold drizzle there isn’t a mountian within miles. I guess I will wonder around the old internet and look at some Snow Porn. Have fun.
Happy New Year’s folks. I’ll post more later—(stolen from Metoo)
Love
Happy New Year 2011
You know I came here this New Year’s eve and I was going to do some deep reflecting some real motivational stuff, but you know what.
It hit me this has nothing to do with me.
This place is ABOUT. LOVE
So i want to take just a second to post something for ADAM. who saved my life, who extended a hand to a dying old junkie, one last time.
Adam if your hand was not there brother, I am dead now.
That debt can never be repaid, I guess I can just hold out my hand. So I shall.
So for the saKe of LIGHT in a DARK world, grab my hand
LOVE
Hey Y’all – Happy New Year… Joe, Stu, Metoo, Southern Mom, Andrea, and Jamie and all those out there who are struggling with ending their addictions.
I love you all and wish you the best in 2011.
I too thank Adam for this website for without it and the friends I have met here, I would be lost. Thanks God for sending me this place of peace and love.
Love to all of you
Kitty
Happy New Years everybody.
My thanks to Adam for starting and maintaining this web site too.
Metoo it sounds like you are doing great in your new digs. What an adventure. Maybe we will meet in another life. It sounds like you can relate to my experience. I don’t know about my being good looking. The drunker you got the better I might look.
I bet you’re a babe though. You are today no matter what.
Well I got some news about my ski trip. You’re gonna love this Joe.
My ski buddy got injured Wednesday and had to fly home. So, I will be all alone in a really cool three br condo at the base of Park City Mtn. for a week. Booo Hooo poor me! Tee hee.
I really hope to ski Deer Valley a couple of days. Usually I stick at PC since my buddy has a season pass and ski’s free.
I was really bummed out when I heard about the accident, he shattered his shoulder. Thought about calling off the trip, but then thought the better of it.
I know my way around there, and the mt like the back of my hand. So this should be a really cool adventure.
I have a shit eating grin on my face just thinking about it.
I will post from out there.
You guys all take care, stay clean and have a Prosperous New Year!
I am not going to spend another year of my life searching for pills. I have wrote something that I am going to look at to remind myself I am not going to do the hunt anymore. If anyone else relates to this maybe it will help to remind you.
THE HUNT
I have four pills left and it’s only been 14 days since my last script. I’m going to have to call the Dr and get another script. Will they give me more pills? What story am I going to tell them? My stomach is in knots before I call, I have to have my sick voice ready when I call, maybe even cry a little on the phone. I call and leave my request and get a small feeling of satisfaction that I got that part over and I might be getting pills soon. I have the phone right beside me and after just an hour with no call I start doubting if the they are going to call me. Are they talking bad about me in the Dr’s office? Did the nurse give the Dr my message? Did they call it in to the pharmacy and not call me? Better check the pharmacy to see if it’s there, Nothing there. My kids really want to go to the park, but what if I miss the call from the Dr? It’s now 4:00 and the office closes in an hour, I guess I will call to see what the Dr decided, the nurse has not talked to the Dr yet she will call me before 5:00. I get another burst of hope that the Dr still may say yes. 5:00 the nurse calls and says my script has been called in, a feeling of excitement comes over my body. I love my Dr he is the best Dr ever. I rush to the pharmacy and feel like a kid in a candy store as I enter the pharmacy. As I give them my name at the counter I feel like the entire staff is looking at me, like they know I am an addict. Once I get those pills in my hand I don’t care. I get the bag and see the amount of 20 pills on the bag and I am instantly crushed, calculating how many days that is going to last me. Now I hate my Dr, he is the worst Dr ever. I guess 20 pills is not that bad I will just take them slow. 2 days later I have 4 pills left, time to start all over again.
This is not going to be my life anymore. What I wrote it just a small part of my hunt, I have done some really bad things in the past for pills and I am not going to live my life like that anymore. You guys are right about my kids growing up so fast, I look at their baby pictures and there are things I don’t even remember. I am a great Mom and always have been so imagine how great I am going to be without pills. I love my boys so much more than I love those stupid pills. I am through the detox, I am getting through the depression, and now I just need to live my life happy and sober. Thanks for listening everyone and being here for me, I am so glad to have all of you. This is going to be a great year for all of us.
Angela, I AM PROUD OF YOU. There simply is nothing more to say, as that statement is huge. I am PROUD of YOU…..
Happy New Year to all!!!! I love you guys….
Angela – I am sorry I forgot you in my New Year GREETING – I could beat myself up with a club!!!! I am sooo proud of you too. Those two boys better grow up to respect and love their MOM cause you are the best and you WILL beat the beast. Andrea is a friend of mine – my cross the street neighbor – so I messed up and included her and forgot you!!! She knows nothing of this website,,,haha.
Love you girl and keep up the good work.
Kitty
Stu – have a great time skiing – we will be all there in our thoughts of you out there having a blast in the powder…love Ya
Kitty
For all of us that are in love and those that wish they were….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eG3afAIi6IQ
Happy New Year my dear friends.
Auld Lang Syne – we’ll take a cup of kindness!
Love YOU all!!
KITTY
Hey Now,
Welcome everyone to 2011 or as I like to call it the 11. This is my first post from the IPAD I am trying to get used to the on screen keyboard, it is a bit touchy, But these things are so fucking cool.
I think they might just be better than dope.
This year I just want to be here, just real simple, be here and be available fir anyone who wants to get out of the horror of active addiction to pills.
Angela, the hunt, man can I relate I eventually disregarded Dr.s an delt on the street, buying larger amounts, I option wondered where people would get so many pills, but I never wondered Lon.
I have noticed lately that my mind says stuff like..Was I really an addict, because an addict can not stay clean for this long.
I guess the fact that my mind tells me I might nit be an addict is confirmation that I am one.
You never outgrow this disease, huh Stu.
Well folks I hope this post shows up, and I hope it is readable, Have a great New Year!
Focus of the light and the darkness diminishes.
Love
Happ New Year everyone!
So glad 2010 is over, it was a rough year but it also brought me you guys so that was something amazing!
Wishing you all a brighter and happier year!
Angela, I can so relate to what you posted about the hunt, except I’ve rarely had a doctor’s prescription. With me it has mostly been dealing with family. Trading the free pot I get which I don’t smoke for some pills, or trading my valiums for vicodins etc. It’s hard to get away from those people and situations, but I’m trying hard. I’m tired of dealing with those assholes lol
Anyway, I’m gonna get back to my New Years X Files marathon with my niece.
Love and hugs to all
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Today is the Day….I am posting a link to a picture of myself..If you remotely care what I look like go ahead and click, if you like the annoymous Joe, cool.
I thought I might draw some attention on myself today..I gotta tons of growing up to do, but I am clean and HAPPY and ALIVE/
Plus if you ever run into me, give me a hug….
http://www.flickr.com/photos/57826509@N08/5316174448/
Peace
Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Joe, you won’t believe this, but you look exactly like I see you in my mind/soul!!!!!! How did you do that???
I love you guys. Gosh, I’m always saying that…lol!!!!
If some crazy girl grabs you off the street someday and starts hugging you like crazy, you’ll know it’s METOO!!!!!
It’s nice to get a glimpse into your world, Joe…thank you for sharing you with us!!
Well, I suppose all of you are ready for your Sunday nap time now, since you were ALL with me as I found my way to the Catholic church this morning!!!! I love it that no matter WHERE you go, no matter WHERE you might worship…the Catholic Mass is unfailing in it’s familiarity and everlasting ritual. I love it!! I can’t count the number of times I had to blink back tears of joy, of delight, of wonder, of love….of my folks and of My God. The messages were all there for me today too. It seems that in this adventure, I have “followed the star, and am seeking The Christ in my life…” Amazing….simply, truly amazing. I continue to pray that God keeps guiding me toward my mission here. I will continue to be diligent and aware. I will not fall asleep on the watch. I’ve made it thus far, my friends, with your help. Thank you all most of all for believing in metoo…
Hey Meroo, Ah what a day to go back home, The feast of the Epiphany. The appearance, if you will. The manifestaion of Christ to the gentiles, The revealing that God is with us.
I have been sharing about the Magi to whomever will listen, I am just enthralld by them.
I have learned about them.
First-they were priests, priests who had the abillity to discern and interpet dreams, who assumed political control in persia. they are now called Kurds and reside in Iraq.
They were feared, even feard by the Romans. In fact Herod is so afraid by there appearance , he orders the infamous killing of all children under 2.
it is believed there was a large number in their group, not just the three we hear about.
They jouneyed over 1200 miles following the star. Which appeared in the same spot in the sky every night. Which of course is impossible. Thus the star is to be condidered supernatural . As the journey took about a year to complete.
Everything they believed in was of course false and untrue, although they did remember old jewish folklore and they were direct liniage from Daniel, the first magi.
In spite of there false belief, oh say like believing Dope is an answer, they are brought into the presence of Christ.
Yes, it isn’t until Freud that dreams and their meaning, their gateway to the unconcious-spirit and soul are revised.
Today we know that first step to interpeting your dreams is the realazation that YOU are every character in your dream That these characters are aspects of your spirit,maybe, the next step is to realize that everyone you meet on the outside of you is a part of you to. Thus how you invisoned me is how I appear, maybe. Of course I could be wrong,
Anway my little sojurner welcome home, sister maybe one day I can rejoin the brick an mortar and sit in the aisle.
I dream of that day.
Happy New Year everyone!
I hope this year brings you all the things you need to make your life worth living.
My priorities have changed so much from year to year and this year was no exception.
First I want to thank everyone that comes to this site and shares and vents offers advice and preaches. I think everyone of us take something from everyone’s posts. I know I do.
Unlike Joe and Metoo I run away from the catholic church as fast as I can. My mom was an adamant roman catholic and she shoveled that faith down my throat daily, caticism (sp?) 1st communion… And once I was able to to think for myself I knew that this was not for me. No religious organization workd for me. I believe in God, I love God, I don’t fear Him, I worship Him, I don’t expect Him to do miracles for me. I do not monetarily support any church. I know that God provides jobs and money for us to raise our family not to give a huge chunk to a church so the ______ (fill in the blank, priest, pastor…) can live in a nicer house than mine, drive a better car than mine and admonish me when I don’t tithe my 10% of our money (before taxes mind you) so I can “go to heaven”. Nope that’s not what I believe. And Joe, I will apologize now, but there is a whole lot of the bible I don’t believe in, Adam and Eve creating all humans (are we all therefore mentally retarded because our great…..grandparents had sex and gave birth to us?) Parting the red sea, the burning bush, the fish story and finally that some guy, let’s call him Bob, wakes up one day and decides he is going to be a priest, he is going to lead a congregation, hear their confessions and deliver penances, and he gives marriage and parental advice and he has never been married or had a child, and he also has “never had sex” but he gives advice about that too. But then we hear all about those poor altar boys that have been butt raped over and over by priests, OH but that’s not sex?? Are you kidding me?
I am sorry because I know this probably offends you, but I lived that life, I was beat by nuns and chastised by the congregation. But this is my belief and my one and only saving Grace is My God. I love Him and I love our relationship. He is to be loved not feared!!!
My new life begins Jan. 24, I will be detoxing and I have prepared myself for this because this is the last time I will do this.
I’ll keep checking in with everyone to see how you are doing, I am sure there will be some fall-out from my post, but I am fine with that.
Happy New Year and may the most amazing God Bless you all!
sm out
Aw, crap, SM, NO FALL OUT HERE!!!
I think it’s great that we all can believe as we wish, and still come together as friends. There is so much of what you said that I do agree with, but the underlying “thing” for me is that the Catholic faith is one of the “constants” in my life, and that right NOW, constants (the few that I have the luxury of), are things that I cling to. A life line of sorts…I don’t know if that makes any sense…but it does to me, and I guess to me, right now, that’s what matters.
Hey, if you will once again take my hand, I would love to “be there” for you on this detox, SouthernMom!!! I would just love to be one of the folks you have in YOUR back pocket….
I hope you’re not offended that I’m not offended!! LOL!!! It’s been a great day here in Michigan….dang. I did ok…
Hey Y’all
Once again, I say to all of you “Should Auld Aquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind” What that means to me is – this is a brand new year – a brand new beginning – a chance to do it over – a chance to love others over our selves – a chance to promote love, healing, and inspiration to others – our friends, our families, our God.
That being said – did anyone view my video above of the old movie with the theme song of auld aquaintance? It kind of reminded me of you, metoo…a love story, of finally getting together after trials and tribulations.. Watch if you get a chance.
I too plan on getting back to church this year – sooner rather than later…I will let you know how it goes and am glad you are rediscoverying your religion.
Joe – I agree with metoo – thanks for the picture. It was a real pleasure!
It was a great weekend spending time with my houseguests in Tarpon Springs today…I love playing the bed and breakfast host..haha. So metoo, remember port of tampa has cruises and Kitty has rooms to let 50 cents…haha!
Love You guys unconditionally
Kitty
Southern Mom man we could talk up a storm about religion, because it seems like you’re on my line of thinking about things. I keep quiet about that stuff usually because everyone has their own beliefs and I don’t want to offend anyone. My beliefs are my business, yours are yours, ya know. But when I do tend to open my mouth about such things, I tend to upset and anger the people around me. I usually only tend to argue religion with the various different types of churches who come to my door trying to sell me on their religion. They tend to leave here baffled after a good half hour of me turning things around on them, and all walk away looking at me like I’m surely headed for hell. It’s funny, but if you come knocking on my door at 7 on Saturday morning I’m gonna mess with you. Haha!
Anyway, I’ve got my niece until tomorrow afternoon, and we got 4 more seasons of The X Files to try to get through. So I’m gonna leave you all until tomorrow. I’ve had a good couple days with her here and want to enjoy her as much as I can!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hey Now,
I can’t ever remember being upset by someone pointing out for me the very real autrocities of the catholic church and I can’t remember ever being offended by someone telling me the bible is full of shit. They are very valid arguments.
Like I say man, I am one fucked up cat, who encountered a very REAL POWER greater than myself, it was LOVE. It reached through the time and space barriars of my mind and touched my heart.
It said just one thing, I guess that was all it needed to say.
In the begining was the WORD.
And The WORD was God
and The WORD is God.
Since that day I have sought LOVE instead of hate, I don’t have to be right anymore. I don’t have to be high anymore. And freedom was restored.
Once the obsession to use is removed all kinds of wonderful things happened for me.
For me, your religious practices are yours. Kinda like hygine issues personal, I’m not so much concerned with how you bath, just as long as you bath…Personally i bath twice a day, or three times a day, but I am obsessive.
Here is to a sweet smelling well bathed group/
Back when I was loaded 24/7 my hygine slipped.
Today I am clean
Love
Hello all;
( a bidding war???)
Joe, thank you so much for your post, I sincerelly hope I didn’t offend you with my post, that was not my intentions. I agree to each their own and I know I am very voistrous about my feelings with the catholics from my past, I just didn’t want to offend you with my remarks.
Hygene and bathing LOL I consider my shower/bath time everyday to be sanctuary, cleanse my body and reach deep down inside and talk with God about what I am feeling and letting His glorious waves wash over me and help me get through another day. So Joe… You are right on the money with stepping into the life pool and being cleanses by our Holy Father. Also to each his own.
Jamie I actually laughed out loud (LOL Big Belly Laughs) picturing the Jehovah witnesses running with their hands in the air after imposing on your Saturday money. My mind visual just made me laugh!!! And I agree we [probably have a lot to talk about when it comes to religion. I am looking forward to that.
MeToo!!! Golly how I love hearing from you. Having you in my back pocket through my detox is blessing from God and one that I welcome and cherish. You were with me before and to have you there again… well I feel undeserving but I will relish and languish in your care!!! I am so glad things are going good for you in MI, I hope you were able to take even a tidbit of mommy advice from e-mail, but after all that’s going on with my brood, I don’t know if I should hand out advice at all! I agree with Kitty about the cheap rooms in Tampa and I can her a day at Busch Gardens!!!!
My love to all of you out there, I am very close to my detox and I am really ready!
tty’alls
sm
I was looking into this rehab place in Florida that looked really nice and sounded good, but I was thinking that’s way too far from California and no one would be able to come visit me. But hey I just realized that the two Moms are down there! That would be something to cling to, knowing I have friends in the same state!
Are any of you on Facebook or MySpace? I think it would be nice to be connected on there too. I think with me, if you went on there and just looked at my pix you would know who I am. The things that I like and the things that matter. Pictures can tell a lot about people.
My stepson goes back home to Idaho tomorrow and while I’m relieved that that stress will be over, I’m also worried about all the relationship issues that got pushed aside while he was here. My fiance has been a totally different man since his son has been here, it’s been kinda nice, but now it’s gonna go back to the old ways and I’m not looking forward to that. I reckon we’ll see tomorrow night how things are going to be.
Well, I better get, got a few things to do. Oh, and SM and anyone else who wants to email me…newland5x@aol.com
Love and hugs
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Jamie, there are several rehabs in FL I have checked into several of them some seemed fine at first but after doing some digging I decided it wasn’t for me. But that’s me and also that was me before my husband discovered he was married to an addict. I also hate to say this, but I have connections to several groups of people that just would not understand my going to rehab because they didn’t know I was an addict and some would get really pissed because they fully trusted me with their lives and more important their children’s lives.
Yes, I am ashamed of who I am and I need to do whatever it takes to get rid of this addiction, but for some reason I can’t,don’t, won’t tell others about the real me. I know I am being a huge chicken shit liar, but it’s bad enough that my husband knows and even my son has a pretty good idea of who is mom really is and my daughter is no dummy, she must know something but we haven’t talked about it. I know I will talk to them and tell the truth someday, after I’m clean, but I don’t want anyone else to know.
The one HUGE thing I have is this web-site and everyone that comes here to and opens their souls and make a connection that only addicts can understand. Everything that everyone says about their addiction, the search for pills, the lies, the theft from friends…. been there done that!!!
Metoo has held my hand through this before and now I feel like I have many friends holding my hand, the closer my day gets to my detox (meaning I will be out of pills and no way to get anymore) the more excited I get. I want to be sober, tapering is showing me that I can do this. I have the pills right here and I can gobble them down in a matter of days, but I am rationing them and the closer I get to my D-day, the less the pills will have a hold on me. Going from 10 a day to 2 and now 1 1/2 I still feel the addiction and I am comforted knowing I have the pills, but I only take enough so I don’t get sick. YES I am worried about this addict when I don’t have any more pills, no cushion for the fall, will I go back to stealing them? will I go back to doctor shopping? I hope and pray I don’t. The things that keep me on this path are my family and all of you, OK here I am crying like a baby again!!!
So I’ll end with another HUGE thank you AGAIN!!
Joe where is our daily dose of JOE???
Ah, Southernmom, I hear you. I was crying like a baby when I was typing about the church and getting back to it, if for no other reasons than my own comfort, and just KNOWING that Mom and Dad would know that I was once again in a pew at a Catholic church~~and THIS ALONE would bring THEM so much joy…there are so many reasons to do things that are good for the soul.
You getting clean will also be good for your soul. I believe that no one needs to know about your use. Some things are between you and God. Yes, if you have hurt someone along the way apologies would be in order, but YOU know where you must stand. That’s for YOU to map out….you and God. Not anyone else. It is just too easy in this day and age for others to be so quick to pass judgement. And to think that in my younger days, I would have been the first in line to take a “pot shot” at someone who wasn’t living their life as I thought they should. My vision has opened. My eyes have been opened. When I discovered that I was gay, the blinders came off. My passing judgement ceased. Maybe that’s a part of the blessing you receive when you realize your own “stipulations” that make you a flawed human?! And I also truly believe that before we came to this earth we EACH picked our own contract, saying to our Creator, “Yes, Lord, I will do my best to conquer this mission!” My mission is to make it through this life with my “stipulations”~~being gay, being an addict, being a step-parent in a lesbian relationship but not a mother in birth. However, God has given me some great tools for which I thank Him every day. My tools are my personality, and my desire to do ONLY GOOD for the rest of the travelers on the way back home. For any wrongs that I have committed before my blinders came off I have given apologies where apologies were left unpaid. From here on out, I am living the best way that I know how, living now for the moment, and living now for the time in the future when I am called home. My soul is “all for go,” as my dear Dad would say….and I know he was sitting to my right at Mass on Sunday~and Mom on my left. Just like always. Their baby in the middle. A gay addict and all!
Ok, I am rambling here…just giving you all a little insight into my soul, I guess. Something I don’t do often enough!!
So, Southernmom, and everyone out there…think on that for awhile. Consider what YOUR CONTRACT with God says. What are your “stipulations”? And how are you doing with them? Are your blinders on, or are you accepting of others and loving others like you said you would when you signed up for this world? It’s a daily contract….sometimes hourly. But also remember that your angels are ALWAYS at your side~~to light, to guard, to rule and guide…. So when you think all is lost, keep your angels first in mind. And they will raise you up. God says so.
Thank You, Lord, for my friends. For my faith. For my contract.
Hey everybody, sorry it has been a few days since I have been on. My husband is back to work this week and it is hard to get on here with two little boys on each hip. Joe, I am so glad to see your picture, it is really weird now that I know what you look like it is like you are a part of me. You have been such an inspiration to me and knowing what you look like makes me feel even closer to you.
Southern Mom, I am in the same boat with you about the rehab, I can’t even tell my family or closest freinds about my addiction, I don”t think they would ever trust me again, they would know about all the times I have lied about being sick to get pills, all the times they have felt sorry for me because I am sick, all of the stealing and lying. I could go on and on, but I know you understand. That is why people like us are so blessed to have this site to come to, where the people are not going to judge us for the mistakes we have made. Don’t feel ashamed, the addiction makes you do some crazy stuff, but it is not you it is the pills. Don’t be scared we will be your cushion and you can land on us at any time. We all love you so much and you can do this. You know you don’t want to steal or Dr shop anymore, those days are over. Don’t forget we have all been in your shoes so talk to us and we will help you through this.
Jamie, good luck with your relationship problems, I think it is a great idea to join each other on Facebook also, you had posted pictures of yourself in an earlier post, so I feel like I really know you. Whenever I read your posts I can see the picture of your face and your sweet dogs. I will have to send my information to you on your email. Well I will try and post more later, time to play another game that the boys got for Christmas, will it ever end? I hope not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love you All!!!!
Southern Mom – Please know that I am here for you whether you are taking drugs or not. And, I want to hold your hand or your heart to help you in any way that I can – Please don’t pull away. I will be here for you and if you want to call me, please do. I have not called you because I feel like you needed some space. I have been exactly where you are now and done all those same things and I still have people calling me – two in the past week, to “help” me with my medication as they say….yeah help me by putting me in jail…haha.
You guys are the best and I love you all.
Kitty
Hey Now,
It is so awesome to come here.
I Love this board.
have I told you it saved my fucking life, literally. Or at least the Love that lives here.
I love everyone who comes here.
My words of inspiration, are not my words. I heard them this new year’s eve and they have opened my eyes, man.
“It’s just a thought and I can change a thought”
I am not powerless over my thoughts, nope….I can change them.
Now some require more effor than others.
I am so into this new outlook, I was at a party New Year;s day and this chick had a shirt on that said.
SIN BOLDLY.
I had to ask…So she’s says. God forgives sins, man, but he will never accept lukewarmness.
Fuck it man…2011 I’m on fire guys.
peace
We are, us daily posters, the magnificent 7…until someone else joins or leaves us, then I can come up with another name lol. I was just laying here thinking tonight, having a flu relapse. I was thinking about my six online supportive friends and said hey with me there’s seven of us, the magnificent seven! lol My brain works in odd ways sometimes. I just wanted to share that, but I’m not gonna speak about it anymore because I wouldn’t want that to deter someone from posting on here or trying to join in with us! I remember when I first came on this board someone mentioning something about the core 4, that didn’t stop me from coming on here and saying hey let me join, but that’s me. So I’m shushing.
But you guys are magnificent!
Southern Mom and Kitty Mom, you both have the right names, because you are so maternal with the people here. You guys seem to genuinely care and want the best for the rest of us.
Joe, you remind me of a wise uncle. You’ve been there and done that, and now you’re the cool cat offering your sage advice. And sharing your thoughts and inspiration.
Metoo and Angela, you gals are like sisters. I get a lot from both of you. You guys can make me see what I miss by identifying with the things I post. I don’t know if that makes sense to anyone but me lol
Stu, Stu, Stu..you’re like that wayward brother lately, out there checking in every now and then making us worry about you. But then you pop in and leave a cool post or two and we’re all good.
So thank you to my magnificent About family. I love you guys and wish you all the best this year and forever!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hello all,
Thank you everyone that has posted and continues to post, you all are my saving grace. Am I the only one that starts crying like a baby when I read each other’s words??? You all touch my heart and share my life!
Kitty, thank you for the space and as usual you are right, I needed some space just to shovel the crap that’s saturated my very being out!! The kids are back at school and I am dealing with everything that has happened over the break and getting ready for the cruise and even more so, getting ready for my D-day! Is it wierd that I am looking forward to it?? I hate even taking the 1/1/2 pills a day because I know I need them so I won’t get sick, but when I get back on dry land, I have planned time off, I have vitamins, my life plan, my workouts, my home all scheduled so I can the time and do what I need to do to get out of this nasty flipping addiction. I keep asking how I can still be addicted when I take so few, but then I think about not having those few pills and It scares the crap out of me!!! My husband is on board with me and he is going to take over until I’m back on my feet. I hate to ask, but if you could give me just a little more time, I promise to call when I (me myself, I!) am worthy of your friendship and time. I love how much you care about everyone and you are so caring and sympathetic and the advice you give is priceless and I would be lost if I didn’t have you and the “M7″ in my life.
I have several prayer times everyday, it’s when God reaches out so I can stop what I’m doing and have a chat, cry, laugh and pray. Today’s was at 11:11 (He has such a great sense of humor and impecable timing) and I was in the middle of vacuuming (I hate vacuuming) so I switched off and plugged into my favorite past time, GOD TIME!!! I am looking forwaqrd to 12:34 and 2:22 those are the times that I have my prayers ready and my journal open.
Today I am praying for our long lost brother Stu. Whatever you are going through and wherever you are, we are here for you!
Angela the amazing mom of twins and loving sister. Such a generous spirit and loving personality
Metoo the best friend anyone could ever ask for and treasured for life.
Kitty my soul-sister and neighbor. You lift me up when I feel I’ve fallen and can’t get up! Your dedication and commitment to those you love is inspirational!
Jamie, sweet younger sister, so open and honest and gifted with a wonderful sense of humor.
And dear friend Joe. You make each day better with your words and wisdom and all you share with us. I carry your words in my heart to make each day better.
I pray for all of you, your families, and also for my friend Schmoe. I pray the Lord is walking with him in every step of his journey.
So, one little favor, lift up my family for the storm that coming up, pray that God spares them any more pain that I have caused them, and pray for my strength to never hurt them or anyone else again!
Love and prayers to all;
sm
Thank you southern mom for your honesty and my dear new friend YOU are in my prayers and when you get back from the cruise and are ready toi detox, know that I am right around the corner and whatever you need, give me a call. You Can do it. I know it will be hard cause it was hard for me, but now that it is over, it is behind me and what a blessing it has been. Be strong like I know you can be!
Love You
Kitty
Hey Jamie. I am wayward
I am in Park City, UT skiing. By myself. The guy that I normally ski with had an injury and had to leave before I got here
So I am all by myself out here at his condo for a week.
I do like that. Much as I miss company.
Joe, two days Park City, two Deer Valley. Blue bird days, groomed packed powder. Perfect for us blue skiers.
I guess God is merciful and looking after us. You guys are all awesome.
Hey Jamie. I am wayward
I am in Park City, UT skiing. By myself. The guy that I normally ski with had an injury and had to leave before I got here
So I am all by myself out here at his condo for a week.
I do like that. Much as I miss company.
Joe, two days Park City, two Deer Valley. Blue bird days, groomed packed powder. Perfect for us blue skiers.
I guess God is merciful and looking after us. You guys are all awesome.
.
Stu–I am packing the Tahoe as we speak, I am heading north, just kidding brother….
Now is that condo packed with some recvering snow phreaks and bunnies or is the party on or is it you and GOD on that mountian.
My current favorite tune and if you brought the IPOD and gear, you might want to upload this baby and head for the top of Bald Mt.
Thanks for posting…Enjoy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqZZlL0l5Uk
Peace
This song has been stuck in my head all day and night. It’s about a chick needing help from going back to some guy. But for me today it has reminded me of my addiction. Just replace the fact that she’s singing about a guy and throw vicodin in there.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpzzY3r_0Ec
And for the last week I’ve had this tune running through my head. It’s very haunting and emoyional for me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIw0ewEsNHs
I’ve been quite emotional these last couple weeks. December 19th was 3 years since my grandpa, my hero, passed. December 30th was 22 years that my granddad passed and also the ten year mark for when my boyfriend/best friend died. That’s why I hate December so much, every year it seems that it’s some tragedy or really rough patch. It was difficult dealing with the deaths of my grandfathers, but they had both lived their lives and had many years. It’s still so hard for me to think about my boyfriend though, it was the hardest thing I ever had to go through. I had grown up with the guy, knew him most of my life. He was 21 when he died. I carried around so much guilt for years because I was supposed to be with him that night, but I had woken up sick that day and decided to stay in. And for the longest time I just knew that if I had been there he wouldn’t have died that night. I’ve let go of about 98% of that guilt, but every so often it hits me out of the blue.
So I guess today is a downer post day for me! I’ve just had a lot of thoughts and emotions swirling around lately.
I’m gonne hit the road before I make myself cry.
Love ya guys!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
I loved that song, Joe!! I have an mp3 player now…maybe I should get on WinMX and download some music!! (I love WinMX…)
Stuck in moderation limbo again : /
Hey, Jamie!! I want to be your friend on facebook, so link me up again please!! I scrolled through the posts, and you know the rest of the story…lol…
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000083997487&v=app_2309869772#!/profile.php?id=100000083997487&v=info
see if that works, cuz my brain isn’t cooperating with me yet lol
I need help!!!! Someone gave me ten pills and of course I took them like candy. Today all I can do is lay in bed and cry. Why am I so stupid???????????????????????????? I did not even enjoy them, so why am I so upset that they are gone? I know the answers to all of these questions and that is why I feel so worthless. Why do I do this to myself? Do I enjoy suffering? You guys are the only ones that pulled me out of bed because I knew that you were all here and would listen to my rambling. I know that from that amount of pills I am not going to be physically sick, but emotionally I am a freakin wreck. Well thanks for listening, I am going to try and drag myself out of bed and get some stuff done that I have been negleting the past couple of days. Sorry if I have let any of you down, but I just need someone to talk to.
Angela, you haven’t let anyone down. Every one of us I’m sure has tripped and fell like that, but the important thing is that we pick ourselves up and keep trying. Addiction isn’t something that has an instant cure, not something that once you stop using your guaranteed never to do so again. It’s quite the opposite, it’s something that you’re gonna have to deal with day in and day out probably for the rest of your life, but hopefully with time things will fade and become easier. You just can’t beat yourself up too bad when you do fall off the wagon, it only makes it harder on yourself, but don’t go too lightly on yourself either.
Thanks to my cousin, I was left with 60 pills a week and half or so ago. Guess where they are now? All taken but 4, and yesterday I realized that and started the freak out about having to go through the major anxiety I have without them. And it’s not the anxiety of OMG where am I gonna get some pills. It’s the fact that I have a huge anxiety problem and they’re the only thing that helps. But 60 pills in less than 2 weeks, yes that’s a problem. I guess I just said I’ll feel good til these are gone and now they are and I’m back to square one.
It’s funny, because it seems that once I decided to quit, my addiction got worse. I was only taking like 2 pills a day when I quit for the first time a couple months ago, but now when I have had the damn pills, due to the dentist or family whatever, I have been taking like 6 a day.
That’s why I was seriously thinking about rehab for myself. Because being around my family and trying to stop is sooo difficult and I know you can identify with that, Angela. I know that even if I do go to rehab away from these people that when I come back I’ll still have to deal with them, but once I get away from the drug and get my head on straight I think it will be a little easier to just say no, don’t leave those pills here, no I don’t want to join you on your level. One thing I’ve really learned growing up in my family is that other addicts like to bring you down to their level. They’re so happy to share their drug of choice with you, so you can “party” with them. Which never made any sense to me because when I had pills I never wanted to share them lol.
This may not sound like much to you all, but I was the only person in my family that stayed off illegal drugs for most of my life. I drank alcohol, quit when I was 21. And never once tried a drug until I was in my mid 20′s and I tried pot for a while to help with my anxiety. But that only lasted for like a year. But being the one clean and sober one was a huge thing for me, I didn’t want to be like all those assholes I couldn’t stand…crackheads and methheads etc. But ya know as things turned out I did end up an addict. I made it to my 30′s before really getting hooked on something and that was our old bad friend vicodin.
I’m kinda rambling, but Angela’s post got me fired up lol I’m gonna stop for now. Angela, don’t beat yourself up! Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again. It doesn’t matter how many times we fall as long as we keep trying. I’m right there with you stumbling, but hey while we’re walking on that same road I’ll pick you up when you trip and you can do the same for me. It’s a windy, rough, rocky mountain road, but I am super sure there’s a great view at the top!
Stay strong, sistah!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
I just realized something…it’s off the wall, but it seems to be a running trend in my life…I’m the baby here, arent I? lol I’m always the youngest dammit!
Jamie, we all are young at heart!!!!
Angie, stop beating yourself up, it’s very importatn for you to nice to you! One day, one step, one movement at a time. Just getting out of bed and doing ANYTHING is SOMETHING!!!
I have fallen so many times that picking myself up and dusting myself off becomes an immediate reation. The first thing I always do is BE NICE TO ME, you can’t keep beating yourself up for something that happened yesterday (last night, a few minutes ago) Looking in the mirror and seeing the person you want to be, the person you love and want others to love, that’s the beginning of a new day!
Just getting on this site, pouring your heart out and being open for others to help is HUGE!!
I really have no idea how I have been able to taper to where I am today, somedays I want to suck down the rest of the bottle and get it over with, then I think I can taper, and make it easier for not just me but also my family when I finally detox.
Re-read Jamies post, she puts it out there and she may claim to be the youngest but she has av ery old and wise soul, and she says really profound stuff.
I know my life is good because of this place, without it I think there would be alot (at least 7) of us running around wondering what the hell is wrong with me, when we all have the same answer and the same cure.
I’ll be praying for you like crazy today, just let God wrap you in His warm and loving embrace, it;s so nice there
sm
Sorry i havent posted much, I just wanted to check in and possibly give motivation to anyone who was in my shoes with the detoxing. Next Tuesday I will be clean for a month. Was taking 3-10 10mg hydro a day for almost 6 years (plus whatever i could get elsewhere). I ended up pregnant and went off cold turkey, i strongly dont recommend! But anyways, after about a week of total hell, i slowly started feeling better a little at a time. I cant say what is pregnancy related and what is pill related but at almost a month clean i still have the hot/cold flashes at times and a touch of restless legs! Depression has been horrible! Wanted to post on here so many times for support but didnt feel i would fit in. Ive managed to stay strong and decline any pill offers from friends and am so proud to say its almost been a month. Is it possible to still be feeling affects from the meds? I also wanted to offer my support to anyone in my shoes! I’ve not been able to take anything from the thomas recipe except 1 potassium/day, with my history of miscarriage my dr said no way! so this has all been without anything but the love and support from my family. I wish everyone luck on their journey to getting clean and i hope maybe my story can be motivation. God bless!!
Medicmom – Don’t worry about fitting in – of course you fit in. We are all in the same boat here and everyone is welcome. Congrats on one month clean – tomorrow is 4 months for me.
Please Angela – don’t be puttin yourself down for your little slip. We have all been there done that and there are always those temptations that we just can’t get past. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and make tomorrow the first day of the rest of your clean life. I know that sounds corny, but we addicts need to think in little time increments – can’t think about months from now, can only think of today, this hour, this minute, and get through it as best we can. I have been put in a strange situation lately, and believe me when I tell you it was hard not to give in to this – I have been getting phone calls at least twice a day from a pharmacy company asking me if I need any medication and I can tell from the method they use, that it is not on the up and up – today – well – I told them I wanted them to take me off their call list. One of the other services I was using was under investigation, and as much as my addictive mind was crying out that it would be so great to say yes to them, I was afraid that it was not worth it to end up in jail or something…paranoid??? I don’t think so…I believe in my heart that if I were to go back on drugs, I would end up there eventually. I was that desparate to find a source so by body would not get sick from lack of pills – you know – the hunt story! Just saying, being clean (although the need is still there) is much better than the constant – hunt – worry – sick – hunt – worry – sick merrygoround.
I pray for all of us every single day – I love you guys.
Jamie, Southern Mom, Angel, Stu, Joe, Metoo, and MedicMom, I pray for peace for all of you and healing of the beast causing you pain and hunger for drugs.
Love,
Kitty
Hey Jamie Girl – don’t you be worrying about being the youngest…that is a blessing! Wish I were in your shoes..haha! But I am young at heart just like Southern Mom says.
Southern Mom – miss you girl and I am soon going to give you a call !
Love you both
Kitty
Hey Now,
Jamie, Thanks for the link to Facebook, I tried as hard as I could to stay away from facebook, but alas the beast has hooked me in sistah, my daughter lives on it, So I am exposiong the truth Yes, I am on facebook, Yes I have been for a while, Lurking, but i gotta say, that shit is cool.
I have friend total shame, so if you would be my friend i would be most grateful. My daughters have like 600 friends, I think. I have 12 or something, they bust me all the time about low friend total…man they are harsh on the old man,
Angela and everyone else remember man we all live JUST FOR TODAY.
MEDICMOM—welcome and it is so awsome to have another member to our tribe, Please keep on Posting..
Anyway it is wildcard weekend I got no work today and football, for some reason I am graving Hot Chicken Wings. We have a wingstop here now..Anyone ever hot up wingstop, I think I will order a bunch today.
See Just for Today. None of my money is going on dope, and for that I am So fucking grateful…Those pills sure do cost alot
Plus you know the truth, I like Chciken Wings, the NFL in HD, and a messageb ord full of hotties so much more than dope.
Thank your God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!My Dreams are so comming true.
Peace
Well then Joe – that is almost too much shock for one day..haha. Joe is on facebook…amazing.
Love
Kitty
Thank you everyone for your uplifting words, I am feeling much better today. I had some trouble sleeping last night with the restless legs, felt like I was excercising in bed.
Jamie, you are truly my addiction sister and I don’t know what I would do without you. What you said about picking each other up on this rocky road was so great, I will pick you up anytime. You are also right about all the people wanting to give us pills, I was never willing to share mine either. I never told people that I had them because I could not even spare one. Thanks again for helping me yesterday and making me not feel like such a loser.
It is great seeing you guys on Facebook, I hope everyone joins together on there. I love seeing your pictures and getting to see you on a personal level. Love you all!!!!
Post #748 still awaiting moderation! I get really emotional in a post and no one gets to see it! lol
Medicmom, sure you fit in. You’re in the same boat as the rest of us. And these folks are a great group if you ever need support!
Angela, I’m here anytime you need me, just hope that I can be a fraction of the help that you all have been to me.
It’s great to see you all on facebook. It’s funny how you get an image in your head of what someone looks like and when you do really see them you are not too far off. Still need to lure Stu and SM on there! But here’s the bonus about being connected on facebook..there’s the IM feature, so if we’re ever having a hard time and see each other online we can help each other even more! So feel free to hit me up if you see me online.
I am starting over today. Square one. My nieces are here and of course they choose this weekend to be real pains. Already had to have a serious talk with them about their behavior before noon. But they are a joy and a distraction so I’ll take it! Not looking forward to tomorrow evening when they leave.
Anyway, I’m gonna get. Love ya guys!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hey everyone…Sunday afternoon and am just trying to relax after a busy afternoon taking down all my Christmas stuff – what a pain in the add that is..haha. And, I wanted to say I hope everyone is OK out there…Jamie and Angela, I hope the two of you are doing OK today and that you are getting back on your feet again. Don’t beat yourself up too much – just take a day at a time. I am here for you if you need anyone to talk to…you both have my E-mail address.
Hey Metoo and Stu…love you guys hope you are OK too…and Southern Mom, you especially are in my prayers my friend…I miss you.
Joe – miss you too – hope you are OK.
Love and kisses to everyone
Kitty Mom
Hey Now,
Rough weeked here in east texas, I have the flu, it’s like 18 degrees out with freezing rain and bitter wind, I worked yesterday and it was brutal, feeling a bit more human today.
The flu reminds me so much of withdrawl, I think my last detox is s ingrained in my physche, It was soooooooo miserable, but the GOOD NEWS, there is always some, I have not had to got hrough it again. AMAZING.
So who has my heady all natural beat the flu remedy, I took some theraflu Saturday night, and well I think the fog that shit put me in is lifting, I am on to the juices man.
Hope everyone is safe, i think stayong safe is important, this spot has always made me feel safe.
have a good one
Loe,
Being 1/2 polish and hald german I live by Chicken Noodle soup with extra herbs and fresh carrots in it. Lot’s of fluids, stay away from dairy!
Good luck, hope you feel better soon.
sm
Hahaha!! And I am 3/4 Polish and 1/4 German/Bohemian…wow.
Hope you feel great soon, Joe!!
OMG!! I just thought about what I posted!!! Don’t you work with chickens??? If so, do you eat them???
You can always switch for vegetable beef, warm, vegis and broth is all you need. Sorry Joe, I hope I did not offend.
Metoo, I knew we had a bond in there, figures it’s heritage )big smile)
Countdown 6 days to paradise. My kids are driving me nuts!!! In fact so is my husband, but when it comes to cruisin’ he’s just a big (really big) kid anyway! I’m the party pooper because I get the wonderful pleasure of doing all the laundry, shopping packing and making sure we have everything we need because if someone forgets something it’s mom’s fault!!! (big sigh) Looking forward to the the 17th, my d-day, never thought i’d be excited about going through withdrawls but I really am, I want to join Joe, Kitty, Metto and everyone else out there in sober land!
Kepp those prayers coming!
sm
My weekend was rough! My nieces were absolute monster brats! Worst they have ever been, and I thought maybe it was because of what I was going through that made them seem so bad, but no it was them they were being that way with my parents and everyone else. So my weekend was spent reprimanding, threatening ass beatings and taking toys away and separating them. I really don’t know what got into them, they are usually really great kids. Before they went home yesterday evening they said they were never coming back here again, and I said you’re right if you keep acting the way you are! I don’t know how all you moms and dads do it day in and day out!
I’ve been anxious ass hell the last few days…nausea and depression a lot too. Sleep hasn’t been too bad, but I’ve just been spanding the whole day waiting for the evening so I can take my psych meds and go to sleep.
Well, I’m gonna go find something to occupy myself. Just thought I’d check in. Oh, post #748 is now viewable…bout time lol
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Jamie
Concerning post 748 – I loved the Jeff Buckley song – it is awesome and OMG – the other one could have been anyone of us talking to the viper of a drug VICODIN! Man, I felt for you reading that post…I still miss my “pap” who died 25 years ago. He did not even make it to my daughters first birthday. I don’t think we ever get over the hurt of losing the people we love and all we can do is remember the good times we had with them and I pray we will one day see them again.
The week I was detoxing – I could not stand any one around me and children would have been the absolute worst. My daughter was over one evening I think it was the third day and I told her I had the flu – I could hardly sit and chat I was so anxious. Damn this site is slow – I type a whole sentance before the words show up…frustrating as hell.
Hey SM – keeping you in my prayers – you have a great vacation and when you get back and start your detox, I will be routing for you from the sidelines…Love You Girl!
Oh Joe – I hope you feel better soon….keep drinking liquids and I know you won’t get rest, but try. Sit down here and let me rub your back…there now, does that feel better.
Anyone else need a virtual back rub, let me know.
Kitty love to all
This was on Grace devotional today…made me think of changing my thought process!!
If you’re busy looking for all the things that can go wrong, you’re sure to miss the blessings God has prepared for you.
Kitty
Jamie, you are so funny. You sound like me on a daily basis with my boys. They don’t listen to a word I say, I always tell them they are lucky that they are cute. I to sometimes feel like maybe it’s because of how I am feeling, but they are the same when I am feeling good. I don’t know what I would do without them, isn’t it wierd how that works. I have really bad anxiety too, it sucks because I want to have more energy but because of my anxiety I have to take Zanax, which makes me tired. Why can’t we just all be chemically balanced? Keep your chin up girl, we are doing this together and we are going to make it.
Kitty Mom, it was so great talking to you on FB last night. I know we are all on here for the same reason, but I dont really know everyone stories, so it is great getting to know you one on one.
Well I better get the rugrats to bed before they turn into little monsters, trust me it happens. Talk to you all tomorrow.
Hey Now,
Liquids, Liquids, Liquids…Today it’s gatorade ‘Recovery” now that ought to bring me back.
I love the lquid section of the little store by the plant, my god the slection of non alcholic beverages, and each one promising something greater than the next.
Here is to juice. Poerades, gatorades and whatever else you enjoy sipping on.
If I don’t take the first one, I don;t have to worry about the next one.
And a special thanks for the back rub Kitty.
Now where is Stu–still up on that mountian, Stu you back brother?
Glad you are starting to feel better Joe, we need you man!!!!
Hi Everyone,
I have found this site as a godsend and want to thank each and everyone for their words of wisdom through their paths of getting clean. I was on vicodin for 8 years for several knee surgeries and osteoarthrits. Then a few years ago I found out I had rheumatoid arthritis. About a year ago I found someone who sold oxys so been taking them since. I have tried several time to get off them but I missed the feeling so much I caved after four or five days. I am now on day 9 of my detox and am doing better than I thought. I am still having trouble sleeping but a benadryl at night lets me get at least a few hours which helps. My mind is having trouble adjusting to what normal in my body is. I have had a torn achilles for a while but I don’t want to go back on that junk anymore. I have decided that when my vicodin refill comes due next month they can keep it. I need to do this for me. My wonderful boyfriend of 16 years is so supportive thank goodnes.. Can any of you tell me when I may expect to feel somewhat normal again? I am just tired and have been taking vitamins and all. I don’t work so sometimes I get bored. I do go for small walks until my foot bothers me but if anyone has suggestions I am all ears. Thanks all. Glad I found this site
Hey Lori – welcome to the about site . It is a pleasure to meet you. I can truthfully say that it takes a good two weeks to feel normal again…and you are right – man, it is like learning who you are all over again. That was my biggest worry – who the heck will I be without the pills. That and the sleep which is the last to return. I went back to work after the first week. The first week was spent here talking to these wonderful souls and taking hot showers and the Thomas Recipe – and this place was my saving grace. Keep coming back for lots of good advice and a little fun now and then. We would love to have you! So I guess my answer to your question would be – you will physically better is about a week – mentally and sleep – that comes a little later. Hang in there my friend – be strong – you can do it!!!
Love
KittyMom
Thanks so much for your reply. I did the cold turkey thing as I didn’t want to take other drugs just to have to come off of those too. I guess the mind is a powerful thing and today was definitely better than yesterday. I will try to write daily and let others who may be in my position now or at a later time how my battle to get rid of pain pills in my life is going. I know reading posts on this site has been of great help and a blessing to me. Thanks again Kitty Mom.
Drama drama drama!!! I just wanted to check in, about to go shopping with my mom, so I’ll fill you in on the drama later.
Hugs all and welcome Lori!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Welcome, Lori!!!! Everything’s going to be fine…you found us. Keep your chin up, and KNOW that we are all here for YOU!!!!! Praying for you from this point forward!!!!
Love and hugs to all!!!
Lori, you are in the right spot. I made the decision to get clean a few months ago and let me tell you it is a bumpy road, but the important thing is you have made the decision that you don’t want to live your life taking the damn white pills and you are heading in the right direction. I have fallen off of the wagon a few times and felt like a failure, but I come on here and get lifted back up. The main thing that I have learned is you have to take it one day at a time, and if you fail pick yourself back up and start again. Glad you are here, we are here for you!!!!
Mettoo–Are you on facebook? How are things going for you with your new life? Joe–Are you over that darn flu yet? I had it a few weeks ago, and you are right it reminded me of detox. Hope your feeling better. Southern Mom–Are you ready for your D-day, I am so excited for you!! Kitty Mom–I wish I was down in Florida with you, we got another 12 inches of snow today and it is not stopping. Jaime–Hope your drama is over soon, I am here for you when you are ready to talk. Well have a great night everyone, Love you all!!
Found a Red Skelton dvd at K-mart. My grandparents use to make me watch him, so I’m watching it right now. Brings back great memories!
As for the drama…in the last couple months since the first time I decided to get clean, my fiancee has asked me how i was doing with it a total of 3 times. First time was about two days in to that first shot, second time was after i had been to the dentist and he was wondering if i had taken vicodin for my pain. And then yesterday he comes home finds me on this site, and then i went on youtube to watch some Dr. Drew videos about addiction. After watching the videos with me he asks, “so how you doing with that?” Of course I tell him the truth about the 60 pills in two weeks. And that I’m starting all over again. Three inquiries in over 2 months does not seem like that much concern to me.
So we spent the evening watching movies and catching up on some of our shows, one being Celebrity Rehab. He says nothing, doesn’t act like anything is bothering him. I took my meds and was just waiting for them to kick in so I could just sleep. I kiss him goodnight and fall fast asleep…about an hour later he wakes me up and starts going off about my family, how could people who claim to care for me give me something that is slowly killing me? He was talking about confronting everyone and telling them to stay away from me. Then he starts quoting Dr. Drew to me and shit. All the while I’m 3/4 asleep and he’s expecting me to carry on a conversation. I don’t even remember what I said. I just remember rolling over and trying to go back to sleep for the longest time. I think when my Candy girl got in bed with us and laid between us is when I finally conked back out. I was so pissed at him for waking me up, when all I’ve wanted to do is sleep and I barely can. It did nothing to help me emotionally or mentally and really just made me extra stressed all day thinking there’s gonna be a big family showdown in my immediate future.
My earlier post was before he got home from work. So I had no idea what the rest of the evening was going to be like. When he got home from work he kissed me and went straight upstairs and got in bed. A little while later he texted me and asked me to come cuddle with him. We talked about things, he got a little too “passionate” about my family’s role in my addiction. But when I asked him to lower his voice he calmed down. He was saying that I’m never gonna get clean if I have these people offering me pills all the time. He places most of the blame on them. I place all the blame on me. It’s not like I’m a little kid whose parents give them drugs. I knew that I was taking an addictive substance, I had great shiny examples of how addictive. I was the one who started out by asking for them once I got a taste. If I hadn’t asked for them, yeah they would have been offered at times, but I had to want to say yes to take them. I am the problem. I have to be around these people, they’re my family, I love them. I have to want to not take the damn things, I love a challenge and I think the greater challenge will be me staying where I am and facing those temptations and learning to say no and walk away, as opposed to getting away from everyone in a rehab getting clean. I’m still gonna come back and be a member of this family, it may be more diffucult, but I think that finding succuss in that diffuculty will be more rewarding in the long run.
He had mentioned keeping away every family member who ever gave me a pill. While in theory that idea does sound great, but in reality it’s not too appealing to me. Because at some point or another everyone in my family has supplied me with pills, even my sweet old grandma would give me pills when she thought I had worked too hard and was in pain. I put my foot down on the confronting my family thing, and there’s two reasons, first of all I’d be really all alone with just him. And second of all he already has this control thing about me having friends, because all my friends are guys and he thinks they all want to screw me. So I’m not letting him have that much control. That’s a whole other set of problems there.
In the end, it came down to he loves me and is worried for me. Yeah, that’s great, way to finally show some concern. Oh, I forgot to mention that several months back he gave me a bottle of pills he got from the dentist. I wonder if he considered confronting himself and cutting himself out of my life. And the funny thing is, my 3 guy friends that he is so worried about are probably the only 3 people in my life that have never given me any pills. They are in that small group of sober people in my life. Now insecurities and jealousy aside, aren’t those the kinds of people you’d think he’d want me to be around? But he can’t get past his own issues and let me be friends with my friends the way that I want to be. I get to see them for a few minutes maybe once a month. Okay I’m venturing off into other issues so I’m just gonna stop for now.
I had to get this all out, get everyones opinions and advice. So hit me with it!
Love ya guys.
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hey Now,
Lori, thank you so much for coming back around, I am a firm believer that we are called to this site, that each person who finds there was here has been led here, that we are each PIVITOL in the lives of each other.
I really hope you keep comming back and discover that truth for youself.
Angela, I am indeed over the flu, I amcatching back up on life, if you will. I mean I have my life so full that 1 day on the couch sets me back girl.
I really need to take a look at that. I need to be able to let other’s help me out.
I have taught my kids how to do everything I do around here, laundry, cleaning, organizing, feeding the fish, the dog, some cooking. It just I am so OCD, i always find myself going behind them and folding this or straightening that.
For God;s sake doe it matter, If the bed is made to my quality standards.. I’m nuts man.
Jamie, Jamie, Jamie…Oh Jamie. i see your into STACKING as well.
I loce to do that shit, take one issue, pile it on another, and another and another. Until all you got is issues.
Easy does it.
For me I found, No taking a Pill was more than enough,, to tackle, the other stuff is well other stuff.
My thought for the day is this.
I was fucking very miserable when my happiness depended on the prmission of others.
The Dr, writing the script, The this and the that.
Shit today I am free to choose.
It’s simply the BEST.
love
Hi,
I am on day 10 and as of right now I feel ok. I don’t have that skin crawling feeling and that makes me glad. Actually cooked for the first time since I stopped my pills. I didn’t sleep good so I am very tired and have the benadryl after affect so hopefully that will be gone soon. I really think maybe after I started taking the B vitamins and L Tyrosene I have felt an improvement. I know each day will be better than the last and I am just trying to get through the day minute by minute and work very hard mentally not to think about the poison pills I swallowed all those years. Some moments it catches up to me although I don’t want to act on it but I read a thread on here I think that said, ” It’s just a thought and a thought can be changed.” That quote really made me think. My boyfriend is very proud of me and says he sees a difference every day. I told him to hold on with me as I have a long way to go.
Thank you to everyone. You people are my inspiration and my support and I thank each and everyone of you. May you have a blessed and hassle free day and stay warm wherever you are. It is pretty chilly here in Fla.
Lori
I am back from Park City and had a great time, however by myself.
Jamie I really like your last post. Please don’t be discouraged about going back out, it takes what it takes. Just don’t stop trying to stop.
The drama thing I can sure relate to as well. I have a girlfriend who is in active alcoholism and narcotics. To try and “control” her is laughable so I don’t.
I got some good advice about the situation though. I am not to be critical of her. It’s harmful. So, hard as it may be, I try like heck not to criticize.
Even though it’s like watching a train wreck in slow motion. She is not trying to get sober, but was sober for three years at one time. (That’s when I met her).
She could end up dead easy. She has attempted suicide in years past and is also clinically depressed on and off her meds.
She has a bunch of guy friends too. They don’t have sex either. It still makes me a little uncomfortable since she’s a black out drinker. One day a forced situation could easily happen, there I go with my imagination. Not to relevant here since HC doesn’t cause most people to black out.
I have had an emotional week apart from that. My first girlfriends dad’s funeral was Monday. She livesout of town and called me and asked me to be at the funeral. I had not seen her in thirty years. It was very emotional.
I am OK now though and grateful for what I have got.
I did not read other posts from the core4, and about junkies, but am thinking about you. Jamie yours just jumped out at me.
Bless you girl.
Hello everyone;
Lori so glad to have you here. 10 days sober must mean you are through most of the physical withdrawl symptoms which is GREAT!! Thank you for sharing your life with us, sometimes that’s not an easy thing to do, but once you open up, others can come on in and help, be there for you. I love the support I get from most of the people on this site, their prayers and encouragemnt keep me going and help me see a new perspective in my life. Everyday I come here and feel like I have gotten the best group hug ever, I don’t know if I would even have the courage to attempt another detox if it wasn’t for the very special people on the site. I thank you for your outpouring of you, I feel we have so much in common because I could say the same things you have said at one time or another in my process. Also, I, too am from FL. Hating this new cold chill and can’t wait to get on that big boat and get further south
Angela, thank you for you care and concern, you really lift me up!
Jamie, you are going through some serious crap with your fiance, I have prayed that God give me the gift to understand men (No insult intended Stu and Joe) they always have this “still waters running deep” thing going on. When you want and need them to talk, they don’t when you want “me time” they get up in your business. They misinterpret your actions and motives and they try to be the “fixers”, “Do it my way and I can fix it…” BTDT too many times. As far as advice from me about my man, I tell him what I think he can handle and when/if I would like his opinions. I am blessed with a husband that really knows me, and really loves me. He has been through this with me even after finding out all the devious things I did to get my pills. I was very honest and continue to be honest but I also tell him when I want his input and he gives me the space I need and lets me decide when I want to talk, that is a true blessing. Maybe the best advice I can offer is to REALLY honest, tell your fiance what’s going on and also when and what kind of help or advice you want or need. Also, this is the biggie BE KIND TO YOURSELF!!! You do not to beat yourself up, you accept what you did, what you want and do what makes YOU feel good, OH and PRAY YOUR SOCKS OFF! God loves you and He is there for you, let Him in!
Kitty and Metoo, you will always be my best cheerleaders. Thank you for constantly picking me up, forgiving me, making me laugh and being true friends. LY2P
I [pray everyone is having a blessed day!
sm
Hey everyone we could use some extra prayers for my dearest friend. She just found out her son in his 1st year of college has been drinking heavily and taking every drug he can get his hands on. He wound up in the ER after an over dose and is going to expelled and my friend is flipping out big time!!!
Any and all prayers are welcome and much needed
sm
I am very sorry to hear about your friend’s son. Of course, prayers and best wishes to all involved.
Lori
Hey everyone – I was feeling sorry for myself today for some reason so any body here that wants to lift kitty’s spirits – go for it. I even locked my dear clyde out of my den cause he was driving me crazy. Southern Mom, it was so good seeing you here today…I needed you and now my spirits are lifted.
Jamie, dear Jamie, I think you may have made a revalation in your thinking on your last post….when your boyfriend told you to stay away from your family because they were enabling you – you jumped right in to say you had “free will” and had a choice whether to use or not and and not to blame your family….well, you hit the nail right on the head there my dear – It is all up to you….you have the free will to say no to anyone who enables you….once you know and understand that it is all up to you and only you….you can do anything….you go girl. You are in control of your own destiny.
Stu – good to hear you are back in town – glad you had a good trip – sorry about your ex girls’s Dad – yeah, that must have been very emotional for you.
Lori – glad you are coming back each day – you will find it very helpful as do all of us….you are great – keep up the good work. I have been here since September, and some have been here alot longer….but we are equals on here – noone in charge!
Hey Joe – I love a man who admits they do housework! haha You’re the best!
Oh – Lori I am in Florida too. Southern Mom and I both are here. Also, Southern Mom and I have made tokens of our group here on a chain…most of us keep it on the rear view mirror of our automobile…so if you would like one, please contact me kittymom001@gmail.com. I do not give out anyones email address or physical address and it is kept confidential.
Take care everyone and you know what – you guys have lifted me up from my slump – there must be angels on this site.
Love You
Kitty
Sort of a triumphant day for Jamie. My cousin came over hoping to exchange my free weed for her free pills. I told her no more pills, gave her some weed and then said give me two just for peace of mind. Carried them in my pocket all day and when I got home I gave them to my fiancee and told him the story. I said these are just for peace of mind so hide them real good! He took them and said okay. I think he was suspecting the worst when he called me on his way home and I said I was at my cousins. So do I get a point for that? I think that is a small victory.
I feel so much better being able to tell her no. And a slight bit of my anxiety has gone away knowing that there’s a pill for me just in case. I had them in my pocket all day and was out and about and super anxious and the thought crossed my mind that I could take half of one, but then I realized It’s been a few days, I’m already through the worst. Just hold on til tomorrow. And tomorrow, we’ll see. One day at a time, right?
But I think I may have gotten myself in over my head in another situation…the reason why I was at my cousin’s house was because she told me about these two cute little stray dogs and I just had to go and look at them, and once I saw them I couldn’t just leave them out there in this freezing cold to die. So I loaded them up in the truck and brought them home. Telling everyone who told me not to that I am going to try to find them homes. So now we’re way outnumbered by the animals lol With them it’s 4 dogs, 2 cats and a parrot. I have a friend whose mom works at a vet, and another friend whose mom run’s a rescue, so hopefully I can find them homes soon. They’re sweet little dogs. I let my girls out in the yard to meet them and there were no fights as I was expecting.
Well, that’s about it for today. I’m tired as hell and freezing, so I’m gonna get.
Love and hugs all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hey Kitty Cat!
I’m hoping today is a better day for you. I am going through some very anxious moments myself with this trip coming up. Everyone is pulling on me different directions and I’m trying to be upbeat and calm about it when in fact I’M FREAKING OUT!!! We travel a lot but I still get so stressed everytime we leave. I am a true homebody! I love being home, when I travel I take as much home with me as possible so I don’t get so stressed. Also knowing that I will be taking the last of my pilss and will start withdrawing on the way home has me scared shitless (what does that term mean anyway???) I also have my MIL staying here to watch my zoo, bringing her own 2 dogs with her that pee all over my house and she likes to “go through stuff” so I always feel like my privacy is being invaded and I hid everything I can (journals, etc) where she can’t get to them. Don’t get me wrong I really apprecaite her coming her so I don’t have to worry about kennels, I just wish she wouldn’t root around in my stuff. My husband finds nothing wrong with her going through all of his drawers “re-folding” everything and proudly announcing she found $20, and KEEPS it! I don’t care that she keeps it, but she “found” the money in our home, that’s not found money, that’s theft! I would give her every penny in my purse if she needed it.
Kitty I’m so glad you offered a charm chain to Lori I hope she decided to take one because I see mine first thing every morning when I take my daughter to school and every time I am running errands and it’s so comforting having something tangible to touch and know that there are others out there like me, who give love, care and prayers and it makes everyday easier. Do we need to get more stuff to make them? I am going to be in Mexico and you can’t find charms any cheaper than there.
Metoo, where are you???
Jamie great job walking around with those pills all day, I know how you’re feeling because I have what’s left of mine dolled out for each day to last through my vacation and it’s hard NOT to pop another one when I’ve taken all my daily allotment. This is when I thank God for Kratom, it does work for me and it will be much needed when I am finally detoxing.
I hope everyone is having a blessed day.
sm
Hi Everyone,
Thank you all again for the support because it is one of the only things keeping me on this path. You all are truly appreciated more than you know. I am now on day 11 and most of the physical symptoms have subsided. The afternoon is the worst for me for some reason. Between three and six I start to get anxious for no reason and my mind starts to think which is a dangerous thing. I usually will go visit a neighbor or watch a movie to take my mind off it. Still not sleeping a lot and I hate taking the benadryl but at least it gives me a few hours sleep every night. I guess the mental stuff is starting to creep in about the pills although truthfully I do not have the urge to use at all which I can;t belive. Maybe I really am on the path to success. I am by myself all day except for my dog and cat so I really have a lot of time to myself. My boyfriend doesn’t come home till around six and by then I end up having the heebie jeebies. Im not sure if it is physical or mental. My guess would be the latter but who knows. Is this normal? OH well. Thought I would share for any words of wisdom.
I hope you all have a wonderful day and blessings to all of you in your dealings with daily life.
Lori
I had to write. I have had such a bad mental day. I have tried walking doing errands, etc. but can’t shake thinking about how I used to feel after the pills. No I have no intention of getting any but I feel so anxious I am about to crawl out of my skin. Been taking deep breaths and trying to focus elsewhere. It has helped for a little while but it keeps coming back. Any suggestions? Thanks very much.
Lori – What you are going through, I went through also – it seems like evenings dragged on and on and on – I do not know what that is all about – but I certainly experienced it also. I still do occasionally but not near as bad. Time stood still in the beginning and I just could not wait till it was time to go to bed. And the sleep – it is the last to return, but I have been clean for four months now and there are no more sleep problems. It did not take that whole time – probably several weeks though. You are through the worst already so hang in there and keep taking one day at a time – today – no pills.
Love You
Kitty
Southern Mom – thanks for lifting me up and being here – it was like an angel on my shoulder. When I need you guys, you are here and I hope I bring some sunshine into Y’alls life also. I am still a little down – don’t know exactly why – maybe I am just tired after all it has been not stop for me since the holidays. My mom was down here this weekend and instead of her bing a help, she got on my nerves and when I called her today she had “the voice” you know the one? I cried, I got so upset. I did not need her to be mad at me right now. But I think we worked it out. She is usually not a martr….which I pride myself on also. I usually say what a mean and mean what I say…so anyway, not to bore you with my daily shit…..Love You SM
And, all the rest of you too
Kitty
Kitty Mom,
Thank you for your reply. I actually started feeling better a few hours ago and so far the evening has been good. You are right about time standing still. Although not as bad as in the beginning sometimes one hour feels like 24. I guess I will just have to use the mind over matter and just do anything I can think of to get rid of the memory of how those darn pills use to make me feel. On a lighter note I found myself laughing at something on tv and I don’t remember really laughing at anything for a very long time. I guess that is progress. Thank you so much again. Your words have really helped me today.
Have a wonderful evening and I will check in tomorrow.
Lori
Lori, my worst times are late afternoon, early evening too. My therapist encouraged me to journal, so part of what I do in my journal is record how depressed I am on a scale I made up. The higher the number on the scale, (1-10), the more depressed I am.
Without fail its afternoons into early evening when I get down, fear and anxiety creep in. I have gone from a four at 7 AM to an eight (real depressed) by 6 PM.
I have no idea why this happens or why it’s so dramatic of a change. For me it was important just to recognize it and not be surprised when it happens.
The slogan “this to shall pass” has helped me.
Also some of the suggestions Adam has listed somewhere on this site about depression have helped me. Like exercise, eat right and the hardest for me, to get out of the house and around people for awhile.
I suffer from depression. Both my psychologist and wife think I should be on anti-depressants. I don’t want to take them right now though.
That’s strictly a personal decision and I have no problem with the idea of using them if they help. I just want to get and stay clean for a year or so before I jump into that medicine.
Having a supply of pills as a back up, even a couple, is surely an individual thing. I prefer not to have them around to avoid the temptation.
On the other side of the coin is if I really want them, or booze for that matter, I can get my hands on some pretty quick. If I want to use I will use. The important part is get the obsession removed. God can do that if I let him and take the actions necessary for Him to do it.
My energy level has been real low lately so I am taking it easy a bit. It feels good to just slow down and rest.
Friday,
I Love fridays, I love the thought of the weekend. I really am getting tired of working, I wish i could just retire. buy a beach house in Costa Rico and chill everyday, readin, writing and sitting on the beach.
Some thoughts on everyone’s posts.
Lori–day 12, oh my god, what a blessing. the fact that you come here everyday and share is so vital, see it is on seeing you reach out, put the pills down and try this new way of life. I am a firm believer that when we choose to stop taking pills, what we really are doing is saying yes on a spiritual level to LIFE.
I was of the fodd where I used to LIVE. and I Lived to use.
Every decision I mad was in the wayd and means o get more dope.
I also have found this little aliment of ours is progressive, meaning the situations we find ourselves in, if we elect to use dope continue on a downhill path.
Jamie–nice to see you as well, free pot, hmmmmm. To bad I don’t smoke weed, the side effects fuck me up.
Kitty–everyday with you is a day worth living, I admire you so much, you have blossomed into quite the pillar of our group. God blesses those who carry his message.
Sothernmom–Have fun on the cruise, I am dying to hear all about it.
Stu—welcome, I see you are skimming posts, half measures?
Metoo–where you at girl, Angela?
Good morning folks and Happy Friday – I am blessed to bew off most fridays but I have alot of cleaning and stuff to do after my morning post here. Lori – Your charms are in my mailbox and ready to go out – so to another “Florida Girl” hope they give you a bit of comfort as they have the rest of us. Thanks for joining us – we always enjoy a new face around these parts.
I love you all and thanks for getting me through another week – half way sane with no pills – I love you all
Kitty
Wow,
Thanks Joe, Stu and Kitty Mom for all the encouragement. It helps so much so please don’t stop. I feel pretty good this morning. I am going to stay as busy as possible to try to get through those afternoon down periods.
Kity Mom, thank you for sending me the charms I can not wait till it arrives.
Day 12 so far better than yesterday. I will let you know how it goes. I hope everyone has a very happy and safe weekend and a big thank you to ALL as everytime I visit this site I smile a lot which is something I have not done in a very long time.
Love to all,
Lori
Hey everyone;
I hope you are all having a blessed day.
I love what each and every one of y’all bring to the table. So alike yet so different. I see myself and my life in so much of what you all write. I know that God must love me a lot to bring all of you to me. At times I feel so unworthy, but I am also so thankful and grateful.
It seems like I learn something new about myself everyday. Stu, I journal and that is where I am finding out who the real me is. I write thoughts as they pop into my mind and when I go back and read them I see things about myself that I never really knew. Somethings really rock my world, they are not good and then I have these other thoughts that actually make me cry, my feelings about my family, friends, neighbors and myself. I often wonder how the hell I get through the day, how the hell I could have been friends with certain people, how the hell I let my family screw up my life and why I let them and then the biggie is how the hell did I f-up myself so much!!! If this was 18 years ago, before my first kid I never thought I would be ther person I am today. I have never loved anyone as much as I love my kids, it really doesn’t matter what they do or how badly they treat me I just love them so much that I cry if I even have a thought of something bad happening to them. I had a daymare (nightmare only during the day) that my son falls overboard on our cruise and he is in the water, calling for me, swimming for his life and I am just devastated with fear (I’m crying right now just reliving it). I know this is messed up, but that’s the kind of wierdness that goes through my head and my heart. My kids are far from perfect, but they make my life worth living.
OK that’s enough of that.
I hope and pray you all are having blessed day.
sm
Well, I’m going to no internetville for the weekend to see my grandma. So I figured I’d pop in to say howdy.
I’m doing okay. The depression and anxiety are rough, and spending the day waiting for bed time isn’t fun. Because like y’all said, time seems to stand still. But I’m getting through it. Maybe getting up to my mountains to my paradise is just what I need right now. Maybe I’ll toss in a line and catch you all a fish!
Well, I better get to packing! See y’all Sunday or Monday!
Love and hugs
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hi all,
I am a long time viewer/first time poster.
A few thoughts for you all:
Adam–Thank you for creating this site. I have come to it since 08′ and will continue until it is gone.
Joe–I have read everyone of your posts and you are truly inspirational, thank you for posting your journey with all to read.
Metoo– Your courage is amazing.
Stu—Relapsing sucks but it happens. Congrats on your continued successes.
SouthernMom–Good luck on your date of the 17th. I offer this advice to you and take it with a grain of salt. I quit on 7/13/10. I had a healthy dose of 6-8 10/325 norcos daily for almost 14 years. I tapered down over a 4 day period. On my D-day I had the L-Tyrosine, Magnesium, Potassium, Copper supplements, and Ambien CR-12.5. I took 2 L-Tyrosine every 3-4 hours and the other supplements every 8 hours. One chewed up Ambien 1 hr before bed. Southernmom I swear to you I had very minor depression and zero RLS symptoms. I had gone through withdrawals 10-15 times before with ridiculous RLS/anxiety/depression. I never tried the vitamin supplement until now. This is the longest I have been clean. I never realized how much damage the pills did to my body. Once I started taking the vitamins I actually felt good. No other mind altering drugs needed/wanted. I swear by the L-tyrosine now. Our bodies desperately need the minerals to repair the damage done by the pills.
Good luck to all. I pray for each of you and hope continued success for all of us.
6 months opiate free 1/16/11. If I can do it, anyone can.
JIMMYV
Thanks for posting and congratulations on 6 months opiate free. It is just great to hear another success story and I am so very honored to hear your story. Thank you!!
Kitty
I had to post as the person I used to get the oxys from just contacted me and wanted to know if everything was alright as they had not heard from me in weeks. I feel so good to have told them that I was cleaning myself up and had been clean for a few weeks. I got a good for you and thats it. I’m sure they will find someone else to buy their supply. I deleted their phone number out of my phone. I feel like I reached a huge milestone today. My boyfriend was with me when I sent the message of no more pills and he was so happy and so was I. I am on day 13 and wish I was on day 113. Still anxious but yesterday was the best day I have had so far and I am grateful.
Thank you JIMMYV for sharing your story. It gives me a lot of hope that I can do it too. Thanks for the inspiration.
Have a wonderful day.
Lori
Hello everyone.
Jimmy, not only will I take your advice with my deepest appreciation It will become my mantra. I have my whole supply of vitamins except the Tyrosine so I will pick that up before I leave. The last time I detoxed after the nausea, vomiting and cramping stopped, I was unable to eat or drink even sips of water so I couldn’t swallow any pills especially the vics. when I was able to keep water down I immediately started on the Thomas recipe and for over 3 weeks I felt GREAT!!! I woke up early, walk the dogs, went to the gym, I ate only healthy foods and only when I was hungry and I also quit alcohol. My relapse was stressed related and it pushed me over the edge right back to the booze and the pills. I always knew I was going to quit again, I just needed the pills to taper and hopefully I’m at the point where you were, tapering to such a small amount, knowing I will be out with no chance of getting more and really wanting to get my life back. Thank you for care and concern, I will carry that with me while I am ona big boat in the sun, the day I get back I am done so I hope I will get through this with little or no symptoms. I do not want to cause my family any more harm, my husband knows and he is on board to help me and give me the time and space I need.
So thank you everyone, I am feeling your prayers, they keep me going.
sm
Lori and Kitty Mom and Jamie,
I just re-read my post and realized I never mentioned you and for that I apologize.
Jamie–Good luck on your trip. It sounds like you have a TON on your plate to handle but God only gives us what he/she believes we can take.
Kitty Mom what is your clean time? Past 55 days I think? That is fantastic!! You know how hard it is to do this and maintain. Kudos to you!
And Lori, 13 days?! Each day pill free is a true blessing and a major accomplishment for all of us opiate addicts. Lori it gets easier I promise. It may seem like it won’t but it truly does. I don’t want to sound like a vitamin wierdo but the magnesium, potassium, and L-Tyrosine help tremendously. I don’t believe or can’t recall if you are still having the fun of RLS, but if you are give those a try. The L-Tyrosine is a God send for depression and daily energy. You just need to take it every 3-4 hours to keep the levels high enough in your system to actually feel it.
I am sorry if I just jumped into this thread. As I said before I have been reading/following everyone’s journey on this site since it began in 2008. I feel a bond with you all even though this is my first time communicating.
Thank you all for giving me the strength I needed to get off the white horse and instead be carried by God and your posts during the tough times of withdrawal.
Each one of your posts are inspiring. Each person has their own hurdles to jump. I am and continue to get over mine with the help of God and all of your words.
Please continue to post. Please keep up. You’re words are what gave and gives me the inspiration to stay clean. And I AM SURE there are others like me lurking in the shadows reading your words and making the wonderful jump to an opiate free life.
God bless you all.
Kitty Mom,
I just got your charm in the mail. I can not thank you enough. I plan on keeping it very close at all times and whenever temptation may come I am going to hold on tight. Thank you so much for your genuine concern as well as all the others in keeping me on my path to wellness. I need you all believe me!!
Jimmy
Thank you for your supporting words as I really need them right now. I am taking the tyrosene but was only taking it in the morning. I will take it every four hours as you suggested as I still do have RLS but not as bad as in the beginning. Thanks.
Again, my prayers and thoughts to all and my continuing thanks.
Lori
Hey everyone….another hurdle jumped for me….
Angela, Jamie, Jimmy, Joe, Lori, Metoo, Southern Mom, Stu
I was at my moms all day and digging in my big red purse for my keys, and low and behold….another hydrocodone 10/325 was in there out of the blue….taking it was not an alternative and I put it in the trash….2nd time this happenned to me….do you think God is testing me…..well I passed!
Love y’all
PS – Jimmy, I was four months clean on the 8th of January…yooo hooo!!!
Lori – glad you got the charm – that was fast!!! If anyone else wants one, please let me know….I will get one right out to ya! And Lori – congrats on the lucky 13 – you are doing just great….and thank you everyone for being here cause without you I would have never found my way.
Love again
Kitty
Go Steelers!
I managed to hijack someone’s internet connection. It keeps cutting out on me so just gonna pop in and say howdy from grandma’s! Had some delicious fall off the bone ribs this evening for supper. Yum yum. Sitting around waiting to see if the tweeker side of my family is gonna pay me a visitwhile I’m in town. They’ve been gonna “be there in a few minutes” since last night. lol But whatever, I got to see my grandma and that’s all that matters.
So until tomorrow evening or Monday, love and hugs to y’all
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hi Everyone,
My boyfriend greeted me this morning with congratulations on making it two weeks without pills. I am feeling pretty good and can not belive I have made it this far. Not to sound like a broken record but thank each and every one of you again for the support. When the anxiety comes which it does at least once a day I get on this site and read and reread posts until the feeling passes. This place is my godsend so thank you so very much.
I didn’t sleep very well last night but if that is the only problem, I can handle it. Today is another day.
God bless everyone.
Lori
Hey Now,
I am chilling out today, so I thought I would reconnect here. It becomes easy to coast along and start to think you are No longer in need of assistance I know that when I start to focus on stuff, instead of all the things going on inside of me, I am in trouble of forgetting, forgetting what the first pill does, I know that for daily vigalance keeps me so alive.
So I am now once again committed to being clean and as longas I feel such Joy when I come to this site, that is may plan.
Pray, don’t use,help others.
Love,
Joe
Day 15
If anyone told me I would have made it this far I wouldn’t have believed them. Other than a little RLS and not sleeping well I feel pretty good this morning. It is raining cats and dogs and it is supposed to do it all day so no walks outside today. My 9 month old grandson is visiting today and this will be the first time I will be visiting him without any pills in my body. He is a rambunctious little guy and I love him to death. Usually after he visits I am in so much pain from picking him up and playing with him I can hardly move for two days. This should be a test today. Hopefully the vitamins and supplements I have been taking will be of help. I’ll let you know.
I hope all of you have a wonderful day.
Lori
Well, I am back from my grandma’s. I had a good time, didn’t want to come home. I felt so good while I was there, and Sunday when I realized I had to come home I got depressed.
I learned something this weekend. Well, I learned a lot of things, but this is something important. The side of my family I was around this weekend were the illegal street drugs folks, ya know the tweekers. Now, I have no interest what so ever in those kinds of drugs. So I did not think that it would be much of a problem to be around someone who was spinning faster than a top on meth. But after being around my cousin, who was so spun and tweeking hard, it was exhausting just watching her, after a couple hours of being around her I felt the need for a pill, just to deal with listening to her and being around her. So the moral of that story is, it doesn’t matter what kind of drug you did and what kind of drug they do. Another addict makes you want to use!
And my grandma, bless her heart, told me she just got her vicodin prescription refilled and had 90 pills. She’s 82 and doesn’t really understand addiction. Although she will hardly take a pain pill because she’s heard all the bad stories about being addicted to them and at 82 years old she doesn’t want to become an addict. And she’s in a lot of pain all the time, we tell her, her doctor has told her, take the pills if you’re in pain. You’re 82 the last thing you need to worry about is becoming an addict with all the other health problems you have. But she’s stubborn and unless my cousins and aunts get to them those 90 pills will last her 9 months. She offered me some and left the bottle sitting on the living room table, in the room where I was sleeping alone alll weekend. Never once thought about that bottle sitting there til I was on my way home.
It was really a beautiful weekend. The weather was nice, it was t-shirt weather. I think it was somewhere around 60 degrees. But the nights were freezing cold. And it was freezing cold last night coming home in a truck with no heater. But I was thinking as soon as I get home I’ll be nice and warm…only when I got home I found out that my fiancee was pushing buttons on the thermostat and now the heater won’t work in the whole house. I got home from a 3 hour drive and had to climb up in my attic and try to fix my heater with no luck. So I’m freezing my ass off!!!
Lately it’s just been one thing after another. : /
But I’m making it through, that’s my life, always just making it through. Just once I’d like for something to be easy. Trust me I’d appreciate an easy thing or two just ast much as I appreciate the hard things I have to work through and for!
Well, I’m gonna go for tonight. Hope all is well with everyone else. Hugs and love!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Good Morning,
Lori, 15 days, that is so awesome, trying to keep up with a 2 year old, man I hear you. That is the biggest hurdle I deal with now a days finding the strength and enrgy to do all I want to do.
I need to realize I have some limitations. If i don;t realize my limitations well then I end up feeling burnt out, lonely, angry or tired and in pain.
easy does it.
I have learned jamie over the last year and half that drug useage is a symptom of my real issues. the call it addiction but that is such a broad term, to broad for me to treat so I break it down.
Lonliness–the inability to form connections of substance, the essences of life. I have found 1 or 2 connections so far and they have made a real differnce.
Health issues–I have a bad back and leg–I need to find real remedies and pain mangement that worls that does not include dope. (I have but they still hurt)
Spiritual emptiness–I need to find LOVE in my life, in my day to day moment to moment exsistances. It’s those moments wheen I am alone and seemilngly forgotten about by the world that I need something to hold onto. My illness is with me 24 hrs a day.
Enjoyment–i need to have shit to look forward to to enjoy to do stuff I like.
Pills were the answer for all those issues, the problem was there just wasn’t enough pills. I ALWAYS ran out.
if i don’t take pills, I don;t run out and If i really feel like doing something I can pick form the stuff I listed.
My plate is full, my cup runs over..
I must keep going..
Love
Joe,
You are such an inspiration. I feel like I need a bit of happiness today. I am feeling a little down and can’t quite put my finger on it. I don’t want to use but at least once a day, in my most anxious moments, I am still thinking about the way they USED to make me feel. Of course it never lasted. I look on my 16 days clean and I really am starting to remind myself of the old me which several people have said lately including my guy, they love seeing me talking and interacting again. I did not take any benadryl last night and managed about three or four hours of broken sleep so I am just tired. My grandson is sick and I am going to the store to pick up some things for him so I can get out of this house that is driving me crazy for a little while.
I have no more physical symptoms anymore except insomnia and a bit of RLS. My problem is my mind is starting to mess with me a little. I have been able to survive so far and there is no reason I shouldn’t be able to continue. Mind over matter right?
Have a great day everyone and to those trying to quit reading these posts, yes it takes guts, but you CAN do it. I am in the beginning but am really happy I am on this journey to a new life.
Lori
Howdy About.
Great to see some new faces. Welcome Jimmy and thanks for the nod. That’s so cool to hear that you were out there lurking and finally jumped back in the thread. Six months clean too. Congrats man. That is truly awesome. NOBODY can take that away. You are doing great.
I went out again over the weekend. My little sweetheart and I crossed paths. Devil woman. Actually I am not sure when it started, but it was a doozy, high dose fairly short duration. Say 100 mg day/four days Oxy’s.
I feel like I have been in a nightmare for several days, woke up and I am still in it. I am very disoriented. It is not an answer to alcoholism, that’s for sure, duhhh.
I am a f*****g idiot or what?
Back to step one.
Dang Jamie, that last was a cool post. I can so relate to being around people that get high rubbing off on you. I have never been around meth, but I am sure it would irritate the shit out of me. I want to be calmed down by drugs, not agitated. Agitated people wear me out, so do drugs that make me go fast.
Sorry about the furnace too. I live in a twenty plus year old house and everything seems to be going out at once. I just put at $3000 new furnace in out of the blue. That hurt. It just goes on and on. Makes me want to be a renter again I swear.
Joe, as always like your post on basically what we are looking for with dope. It can’t be found in narcotics. I am stuck on how deceptive and evil the narcotics are. The answer is not there, but it sure is seductive.
I wrote down L tyrosine as a supplement to try out, I have most of the others. What is this stuff? I guess I can google it.
Other than the relapse no major drama thank God. I was sure driving across town the other night I would get pulled over and busted. Didn’t happen.
So, I am sitting here squirming around feeling guilty and watching the clock and the calendar.
It’s great to know this board and all you guys are here. I feel better just writing.
At least it wasn’t some six month jag on narcotics. You could have fooled my nervous system right now though.
I feel like I got a dirty meth “high” for free Jamie. Maybe you should tell your meth freak relatives to do a bunch of narcotics, then quit, and they will get nervous and agitated for “free”. Tee hee.
Hey Stu,
I did a little research for you about the L-Tyrosine and a poster named Colleen from the opiate withdrawal survival kit part 2 put down an entire step by step guide. I utilizied bits and pieces of what she said and it was extremely informative. But I copied it and pasted if for you below.
L-tyrosine (dopamine loss from opiate withdrawal is phenomenal, and continues well after the first intense five days. Dopamine is essential to brain chemistry, the feel neurotransmitter. L-tyrosine, a naturally occurring amino acid, repletes the missing dopamine, and tells your CNS to stop with the nasty W/Ds.
I took 2 first thing in the morning, followed by 1-2 every 3-4 hours depending on how I felt. They take about 30-45 mins to kick in but you should feel it. Don’t forget about the potassium, magnesium and copper supplements. Take them, they help. Your body needs them and you will notice a difference with the RLS.
Good luck Stu. Relapsing is a bitch but happens to the best of us. Don’t be yourself up to hard man. You can do it.
JIMMYV
I’ve been taking Hydrocodone 7.5-750 since July 2010. At first I took one tablet 4 times a day. Recently I’ve been taking one in the A.M. and one in the P.M. For about a week now I’m not taking any. I THINK I’m going through withdrawals, but not sure. I try to sleep at night but find it difficult to get there. I have headaches and just today got the “runs”. Will this last long or was I taking enough ‘vicodin’ to warrant withdrawals? I don’t know how to handle this. Can anyone give me some advice?
Thank you,
Kathy
Hey everybody, I thought I would jump on really quick to let you know I am still here. It has been a bad couple of weeks, my Grandma is in the hospital with an infection that is shutting down all of her organs. My entire family have pretty much been living at the hospital. We are just tired of seeing her suffer, her original wishes were not to be on any type of life support but when the Dr asked her she was able to give him a nod yes. They have her sedated so I really hope she is in no pain. If anyone has any extra prayers please send them her way, she is a great women. I better go, this is the first night I get to sleep in my own bed for a week and I am going to take advantage of it. Love you all!!
Hey Now,
Angela, thanks for taking a moment to pop in, healing vibes your way, I hope you know your not alone, ever.
Stu, home-boy. I hope you realize that you to are never alone, and believe it or not, you never know which stop, sitcks. I had no idea that the last time a took a pill, would be the end of active use.
I have learned, rather painfully ove the years that we don’t master life, we don’t endure life. There seems to be a way however where we can actually enjoy life. I think that is the mission.
The rest of the about crew, how you’all doing.
This is my first so sick of winter rant, you will get one about every 2 weeks until april. Man it is cold out blah out and rainy out I forget what the sun feels like. I HATE WINTER, and I used to love it, what happened. Of coourse winter in east Texas is sifferent than Winter in PA. At least in PA you have snow, which is cool. Well until you get sick of it.
Just for today, NO DOPE,NO MATTER WHAT.
You are never alone, go ahead type a post you will feel better.
Love,
Joe
Hello, all!!!
First of all, today I send out prayers to Angela’s grandma…it reminds me of how I always felt whenever a loved one was lying in that hospital bed. I would always pray that I could take the suffering away from them and put it on myself. And somehow that just never flies with God. I don’t suppose I’ll ever stop that thought. I’m sure that they have got her sedated and pain free, but DON’T FORGET, Angela, that the hearing is the last sense to go. If there is ANYTHING you need to tell your Grandma, HAVE FAITH that she CAN HEAR YOU. Oh, and tears are not optional at the bedside…they are MANDATORY. I think the tears help US heal. I’m with you in spirit, Angela…and so are the angels.
Jamie, I don’t know how you do it. Just being around those buzzed folks!! I wouldn’t make it. I would run away. And I certainly wouldn’t have been thinking about anything other than that prescription bottle on the table either. See how STRONG you are?????? You are doing so well!!! Keep it up kiddo!!
JimmyV!! Way to do this thing!! Thank you also for the help that you bring, just bringing to this group a renewed awareness of the vitamins and the knowledge that they do help! Sometimes I wonder if I ever took enough of the L Tyrosine, because I could NEVER feel it. Not once….but if I ever have to do another detox, I will save the bottle that I have! NO, LET ME REPHRASE THAT….I will not ever have to detox again, so I will save my L Tyrosine for someone that might come along and need it! No pills today for me! Anyway, thanks for joining us, Jimmy! We welcome you with open arms. You sound handsome too.
And Lori is clean now too. This group is getting better all the time!!!! Congratulations, Lori!! Please keep posting!! We need you here!!
Stu!!!! I just love you. That’s all. I see so much of me in you too. I have faith in you, and when it’s right, it will stick. But I wanted to share something with you, because I am not sure what stage your anxiety is at…so, I made this move, right? And we found a townhome that we will be moving to within a couple weeks. So, I’m in this new city, new surroundings, no job yet, (I have to work on my resume~~(is there a resume expert out there who can help me??)~~ok, so this SHOULD be scary right? STU, I have had NO ANXIETY. It used to be waking up it would take me at least an hour to calm down…to not be all nervous. But now it’s gone. NOW I CAN SEE that changing your circumstances changes your anxiety. Perhaps you need to change some of the living conditions in your life..??? I ALWAYS felt like I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, nothing fit right, I was not comfortable….does any of this ring true for you, Stu?? I’m just putting this out there for food for thought. I look over the course of the past year and almost EVERYTHING in my world has changed. I guess I did pretty well. Who knew??!!
Tonight we are having another L couple over for dinner. I have chicken (secretly in honor of Joe!!) marinating. I hope to be able to build some solid friendships along my way here. And hey, if any of you would like to squeeze in some prayers for me….and I would appreciate that….if you could ask God to have the angels turn up the volume on my career direction, or daily path to it, that would be swell, because I am still listening!!! Each life touches others, and I really want to be somebody to somebody.
DDKitty~~fly up here and help me move!!!
Bring SM with and we’ll detox her at the same time!! 
What a great idea!!! 
To all of my about friends…”For you are beautiful, and I have loved you dearly, more dearly than the spoken word can tell…”
Me Too,
Thank you for the positive reinforcement. As I said now it is mostly mental and I really believe the L Tyrosine has helpled now that I am taking it every three or four hours as JimmV suggested and I really fell it has made a difference. I just found out I have severe hypothyroidism and my thyroid isn’t working at all so I have a feeling part of what I am feeling is due to that. I need to go to a doctor and get some thyroid medicine. I feel pretty good today at day 17 I am just bored so have been doing laundry and things. I actually slept most of the night with the help of a benadryl.
To all of you that are getting back on the horse, congratrulations on your journey. You all have been such a help to me reading about everything,
Kitty Mom, I miss seeing you on here. Come back soon.
To All, a blessed day and I love and thank each and everyone of you for all you bring to me and to those that need more encouragement and prayers, you have everything I can give.
Lori
I can’t believe it – I just wrote a freaking 2 page message and it did not post – has me signing in all over again like I never existed. Love you guys I will try this to see if it works
Kitty
trying again
OK – it seems to be working now – I wrote a freaking 2 page letter and lost it and then had to sign in over again from scratch and …OK now we are good to go.
Geez folks, I have been away for too long – longest time since I started here 4 months ago.
Metoo – I enjoyed hearing about your new life in Michigan and you do not know how happy I am to know you are happy. Thanks for sharing about your new life. I never get tired of hearing about it.
Joe, and Stu, and now Jimmy V – thanks for being here…we need you handsome guys around here. I think Metoo is right and Joe mentioned this in previous posts – that when we are recovering – sometimes it is not only the pills that are screwing us up. Sometimes we need to step back and look at the entire picture. I know I have to stay away from people that bring me negativity. My coping mechanism or what I thought it to be is gone now and is no longer an option….I hate to beat a dead horse in saying that one pill is too many and 1000 are not enough. I am going to say it anyway. Man, we have all been there – the desire to quit but the desire for the “feeling” of pills to strong…so don’t beat yourself up fellow addicts – your day will come when your desire will overcome the dragon and you will realize that taking that first pill is never an option. Your coming here is proof that the desire is there.
Lori
Thanks for noticing I was gone. Often times I feel invisable – that has been my main complaint lately. I feel like noone notices if I am there or not – and maybe that is why I got doped up with the pills – maybe then it did not matter as much if I were invisible. I have friends and sometime I just lay back and do not reach out – that is why this place is so special – I do not feel as invisable. I feel the care here and the love and I feel that I just may be able to help a few folks – Man, I hope so.
Angela – So sorry to hear about your Gram – I will say a double prayer for you this evening. It is never easy to see a loved one suffer. Like Metoo said, talk to her while you still can and let her know how you feel about her…I wish I could see my grandparents one last time and hopefully I will some day.
Metoo – if I lived closer I would help you move in a heartbeat. The offer still stands for you to stay at Kitty’s bed and breakfast next time you all cruise out of Tampa…I mean that.
Jamie – glad you got to spend time at your Grams and proud that you let the pill bottle sit there and did not delve into it….it is unfortunate that you have to be around all those that partake in one drug or another – but remember, you are the only one in control of your destiny and it IS possible to say no…be strong girl – I know you have it in you to be.
SM – Hope you have a terrific time on your cruise – and come back ready to slay that beast…I am here for you and routing you on from the sidelines.
WELL – hope this works this time – if not, I fucking give up!
Love to all of you
Until tomorrow
Kitty
O.O Kitty said the F word! :p That invisible thing, I feel ya on that. I’ve always been one of those thinkers of “would anyone notice I was gone?” This is the only place that I don’t feel all that invisible, because y’all usually acknowledge me. In my life In don’t feel like people notice me…Hell, I had non-addicts supplying me with pills, no one could figure out I was an addict…in a family full of addicts they seemed to miss the signs?
But anyway…I have been super depressed since I got home from grandma’s. I just want to go back up there. I think what I really need is to go to my paradise and go fishing. That has always been my place and way to lift the load off of me and cleanse my soul and come home renewed. If you’ve seen my pix on facebook, you can probably gather what that place means to me.
Angela, I’m there with you, girl. I have been there and if you need to talk about it, I’m here. I’ll send you my number on facebook. Three years ago I had to go through my grandpa’s quick decline from bladder cancer and watch him pass. And at the same time, my Grammy(grandmother on the other side) was dying of esophageal cancer. They died like 3 months apart and in between there I had an uncle die from brain cancer. It is never easy to sit beside a hospital bed with little hope, but I do believe they can hear you and miracles can happen.
Now I have to tell you this little story, because of mywhole non-religion thing and the fact that I believe in miracles seem conflicting to me so I feel I should explain….My Grammy, about ten years ago had a brain bleed. She was in the hospital in the ICU and every doctor said that we should start making plans, say our goodbyes etc. Every doctor said she would not wake up. So the family discussed what we would do when she passed, called the rest of the family and friends and everyone went to say their goodbyes and a few of the church going people took groups with them and prayed over her daily. We were just waiting for her to pass and trying to go on with our daily lives. Well, Thanksgiving day of that year we were just sitting down to eat supper and we get a call saying she had woke up. The doctors could not explain it. She ended up making a miraculous recovery and was a totally different person afterwards. She was not that great a person before, she was a mean hateful alcoholic. But after she woke up she became a loving mother and grandmother that we had always wanted her to be. There was some reason she made that miraculous recovery and some reason she became a better person. She had a few good years before she had another brain bleed and ended up having to be put in a home, and lost a lot of her memory and recognition. I think that those few years were a chance for her to make ammends and a gift to us to see what was hiding underneath all that alcohol.
My sweet ol’ Grandma has also had many times when she wasn’t supposed to make it through the night. She’s had several strokes, and I’ve sat at her bedside in the hospital soooo many times crying my eyes out talking to whoever was listening about how much she meant to everyone and how someone so good shouldn’t be taken or have to go through such things. Praying that if she did have to go that it was quick and painless. Telling her how much I loved her and what she meant to me, which she already knew, but I just figured that if anything was going to keep her around or let her let go with ease it would be to know that we all love her so much.
I don’t want to give you false hope. I don’t know what the situation with your grandma is. But I don’t want you to lose hope either. My philosophy on things is, while there’s life there’s hope. I know that she can hear you. And even if she can’t, I’ve learned that sitting at that bedside and pouring out your heart is something that you need to do for yourself as much as for the person in the bed.
I don’t know why I had to tell you all that, or if it will even help. But you brought back those memories and I thought I would share. Try to keep your head up and remember we are all here for you, Angela.
Metoo, I’m sending wishes of luck on the job hunt for you!
Love and hugs to all! I’m tired and not feeling well, so I’m gonna get.
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hey Now,
Sharing—the giving of life energy from one addict to another. Is LOVE.
I heard something today I think I’ll share it.
If your are afraid of Hell, then you are in it.
Hell is fear
Love is no fear
simple
For me, recovery from active drug use comes down to one thing more than anything elses.
RETHINK.
I mean it is such a thought battle, the problem was my thinking was fucked up. The second problem was I was to fucking closed minded to think different.
Thw whole fucking thing is just a lesson in humility.
I’ll never make it alone..I get help, I give help I make it.
I stop either, I don’t.
I do know that if I don’t remember the work I put in, I just have to do the same fucking work over again.
At the poultry they call it rework, everyone fucking hates it.
For some reason, 9 times at of 10 someone did not follow the process right, so the chicken has to be reworked, peice by fucking peice. It’s agonizingly dull.
That’s what relapse is to me now, fucking rework and I hate fucking rework.
I mean I don;t want to keep working the same dam chicken day after day, I like fresh meat.
I thought I’d toss a few F-bombs in honor of kitty.
peace
Ok….Now I’m crying from the beauty of Jamie’s post, contrasted by the Fbombs in honor of Miss Kitty!!! LMAO!!!
Just wanted to LOL on here….you guys are somethin’!!!
I’m thinking lately I should take some college writing courses. I have always wanted to be a writer of some sort. I’ve been writing poetry forever, had a few poems published even. I love words, I love to be creative, I think I’m somewhat okay at it. I’ve actually been thinking about my future a little, which is something I’ve never done. Even before the pills I took life one day at a time. I’m 32 years old and still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up lol. But I reckon the important thing is now I’m thinking about it!
Well, I don’t have much to say today. Just thought I’d pop in real quick.
Love and hugs!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hey Jamie – by all means go for your dreams – I always thought I would be less creative after I was no longer addicted to drugs…but quite the contrary – the creative juices flow alot more effectively after you return to the normal self – Go for it girl! Thanks for the love Lori – I know I get sad every once in a while and I appreciate the love on this board – thanks you guys. Love to all of you – I think I will go on a fantasy trip to an exotic island this weekend – maybe someday I will go for real….haha. Just a thought!
lOVE YOU GUYS
Kitty
I have always been exploding with creativity in many different forms, I’ve just always had trouble getting what’s in my head and bringing it into reality.
I’m feeling good today. Been dancing around with my mp3 player on singing to my parrot. He loves it, everyone else says their ears are bleeding. lol
Just a quick pop in. Hope everyone is having a good weekend! Angela, how are you doing, sista? Love and hugs all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hey Now,
I thought I would take a moment out this morning and share. From the heart, to anyone who might be out there, thinking to themselves, I just can’t stop.
To that person who has tried som many many times and hurt so many people, including and most importantly themselves.
TO that person who is sitting there, sick really fucking sick,who has no pills left, who has no hope left, who has no where left to turn,
The person who has given up, given up on life, whose life is seemingly one big issues.
Money is gone, bills ar high, cops are more interested in your affairs than your family, the only people you know take pills.
You have lied for pills, stole for pills, and sold your ou for pills
I know you. Ery, very well. Because that was me, not very long ago, not very long ago at all really.
I wanted the pain to stop.
I know this is True, if you do not want to take a pill today, just today, you do not have to, I need you to know that all the love you need to make it throughntodaynis really available.
Please, join me in on this incredible journey, where every day you, not those fucking pills get to choose.
Love
3 Weeks Clean,
Joe, you are such an inspiration and I can not tell you how many times I read your posts. They so help me on this new path. Please don’t stop writing.
To Kitty Mom, I could not do this without your words of encouragement, believe me.
To everyone else and their words of wisdom, struggles and experiences, thank you.
If it were not for each and everyone of you I don’t think I would have had the strength to continue. Every day is better but still a feat to get through and I beg all of you to please come back and post. I know many others have probably had the strength to try and even succeed in getting the pills out of their life because of you people. They may not write but I can bet they are out there.
Love and peace to all of you who I don’t know but feel close to now and God bless those who are starting or thinking about starting their new journey.
Always the best,
Lori
Lori – congratulations on 3 weeks…way to go girl. You are an inspiration to me to continue in my sobriety journey. I can remember when it was three weeks for me and on Feb 8 it will be 5 months which is so very hard for me to believe…and this place…this santuary….these people here…and of course my living God and his son Jesus have been my saving Grace.
Love all of you who are on this journey with me.
Kitty
Hello everyone,
I am back from HEAVEN!! This cruise was totally unbelievable. I’l share more as time goes on.
Lori I am so glad you got the charms Kitty and I made for everyone. I hope it brings as much comfort to you as it does for me.
That’s as far as I have goten in the posts and I will catch up tomorrow after trying to work off all the weight I gained on the cruise at my gym, trying to find everything my MIL “organized” while I was gone, getting the kids back on the school track and doing TONS of laundry.
I hope you all are well and I prayed for everyone of you on my balcony everynight. It was spectacular having the full moon shining on the water and reaching our to my heavenly Father, it left me breathless and knees shaking!
tty’alls
sm
Welcome back, Southern Mom! We missed you so!!!
Hey Y’all – a good night for us Steeler fans!
Welcome back Southern Mom!!!
Love to all of you
Kitty
hey now,
welcome back southern mom, man i missed you. i hope you share tales of those warm breezes for those of us stuck in a prepatual 38 and rainy world.
lori, no see you got it all wrong sister, it is you who provides the inspiration, the strength, the joy. i know how dam hard it is, i know that love is carrying you. you have nothing to fear girl.
should elect to keep sharing, which i hope you will, you will expereince what this all really about, it is not dope, it is the joy of seeing a new face pop in, and start down the path.
each time a new face shows up, i know god is with us.
my shift key is broken, but do i need proper punction here, i hope not.
i know today, without exception my addiction can attack three ways, aand three ways only.
a thought—an idea—-a sugesstion. my goal know is victory in my thought life, each day.
you know the battle of the mind, is one for the ages, it is the battle.
everyone i meet here, without exception has such a brilliant mind, it is no wonder we are under attack, something does not want the light that burns so bightly in each of us to shine.
fuck that man…turn on your lovelight and let shine.
seriously it really isn’t bleak at all. victory has been won, your free, nothing can ever harm you again, relaz, take a deep breath and love someone, a smile, a wave, a note, a prayer.
the battle is one with each post, each day, each time an addict reaches out and finds a hand there.
the time for the lie to be smashed is today…yu do not need dope to be happy, really.
kitty you got my perogies, go steelers.
love
Hello my wonderful About Family!
It’s Monday 1/24/11 Day 1 for me. I have no vics left, I have the Thomas recipe cranking, I am drinking raspberry tea like it’s manna. I have been up for 6 hours and have only thought about popping a vic every 5-10 SECONDS!!! I could have loaded up on vics in Mexico, no scrip needed but I DIDN”T!!!
I have so much crap to do it’s not funny, but I wanted to come here, feel the love and then do whatever I can.
Definitely feeling the cramps and nausea, had a dicken’s of a time trying to get all those vitamins down, yech!!
You all sound like you are really doing this thing! I am sooo happy for all of you, everyday, every step, every little move you make without a pill is flippin’ amazing. I feel such pride in all of you, does that sound crazy or what?
Joe, I missed your daily posts so much, going back and reading them all today had me crying like a baby. You have a knack with the word my man!
Stu welcome back
Kitty, YOU ARE NOT INVISABLE!!! You are almost too real for me and I love just knowing that you are down the street, praying, encouraging…loving! Right back acha my dear friend.
Metoo, we talked about career (not job) possibilities. You have the most amazing talent for for reaching out and helping people, the world needs you just like all of In the About Fam.
Lori, Jamie, Angela (sorry if I missed anyone, the brain is not working today) reading your posts made me feel like I have never NOT known y’all.
Thanks for all the prayers, much needed and much used!
I won’t rub in the 92* weather, the amazing crystal blue water, the relaxing caressing breezes (sorry tee hee) But I am really glad to be home, missed my doggies, kitties etc. Hate the cold, can’t find shit cuz the MIL put everything away! I am glad not to be withing 10 feet of my kids every minute, it’s not that I don’t love them to death, it’s just too much time with 2 teenagers makes for a very grumpy momma!
Crank up that prayer chain for day 1, I am ready and waiting!
Love and blessings to y’all
sm
Hey KM e-me or call me, we need to get together!!!
sm
Hi Southern Mom,
Thanks so much for making the charms with Kitty Mom. I love it so much and what a wonderful way to remind me I am not alone in my journey!! SM, you can do this, just remember it is only a few days in your life of physical ick and it does get better. I have only been clean for three weeks but I can’t believe I am still going. Of course, without absolutely everyone on this post I know I would have caved long ago. You are in my prayers as is everyone trying to be free. You can do it.
For the first time in two years I went to a salon and had my gross salt and pepper hair (Didn’t really feel like taking care of myself on drugs) and had the new me get a new doo. My hair is cut off and I am a fake dirty blonde with beautiful light highlights. I look and feel ten years younger. I actually was gone for four hours out of the house doing something without those damn pills. I AM making progress.
On kind of a somber note, I live near St. Petersburg Fl, if you all can please say a little prayer for the two st. pete policemen killed today while serving a warrant to a very bad felon at a house. Their families need all the prayers they can get. Thanks guys.
Love and support to all my brothers and sisters in arms,
Lori
SM – I am so glad you are back with us (with me) and I will call you. How about Friday – IF you are feeling up to it, we will have coffee. If not, we will talk on the phone. I know you can do this SM – you are an intelligent, beautiful person and you deserve the best….and you will be your best without the pills. Just think, next week I will at my five month anniversary pill free and damn it – I am proud! Hope that it does not sound VAIN…..but shoot, it is a feat of phenominal proportion when you beat the physical dependence on drugs and your journey begins today SM….heck, we need to make and distribute some more necklaces and charms. There are people out there who need us…and like Joe says in his last post…..we need them just as much or more to keep aware of the road we traveled….OK, off your soap box Kitty. Hey Lori – sweetie – you are right across the bridge!!!! Go Florida Girls!
Love you guys – all of you – keep on posting. You make my life less invisable!
Kitty
Joe – OMG – Pierogies – you know what Pierogies are! I will have some ready on Superbowl Sunday….I know a storefront in New Port Richey that advertises them….boy of boy…I miss those ladies at the Catholic churches that used to make those little babies….Go Pittsburgh!
Word, Joe!>>>”everyone i meet here, without exception has such a brilliant mind, it is no wonder we are under attack, something does not want the light that burns so bightly in each of us to shine.”
Sometimes I feel that, something doesn’t want me to shine. Even in a family where I’m so loved and everyone’s favorite person, I was always the “star” in my family, the one who was going to do something great with their life. But here I am 32 years old, and I haven’t done all that much by my standards(we are always hardest on ourselves). At times it’s like someone put a lampshade on my head so I can’t shine to my full brightness. Loved your post Joe.
I had a little emotional breakdown last night watching tv. This lady was tslking about losing her boyfriend at the world trade center on 9/11. And everything shr said about him was the exact same things I said and felt 10 years ago when my boyfriend died, so it hit way too close to home. Then she had a letter that she had written him and had wanted to bury it with him, but just couldn’t let go at the time. I did the same thing, I ended up burying the letter at his grave a couple months later. I am not a cryer, not emotional, but that stuff was just too real for me, I went through almost exactly what this woman was going through.
So feeling weak last night, I went to gather up all my charms. I have a dogtag of my grandpa on a chain with a dogtag of my boyfriend Mikey who passed. I used to wear them all the time and they gave me strength. I quit wearing them about 6-7months ago for some reason, but I realized I think I need to start wearing them again. So I added on this little plastic fish that my niece gave me off the first fishing pole I got her. And I went to add the “mom” charms on there, that I had sitting on the table next to where I always sit and they are missing, so now ineed to clean and try to find them. : / I don’t know how I could misplace them, someone else could have moved them i reckon. But don’t worry I will find them and they will go on the chain with my other three.
I’m glad you’re back, Southern Mom. I missed you and wish you all the best with the start of your sobriety.
Angela, I hope you’re doing okay. I hope your grandma is doing well. I’m worried about you, but I understand not having the time or energy to check in here when you’re dealing with so much there.
Metoo, Stu, Where ya at?
Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Good Morning,
southernmom, there are no words that do justice the hell one goes through as they let go of dope, in fact the mind and the body are indeed going to say it can not be done, at least it did for me.
it was only by divine grace that my eyes were open to this truth, the human being is a thre part creature, body, mind and spirit.
when the spirit wills it the body can endure it, the mind can make it, somehow.
you know it gets better, so everything else is a lie.
the darkness will be screaming now, see your light is so bright, it does not want it to shine, it’s a battle. A real battle, this shit is not made up.
the one thing i pray you can feel, that you know is that the power you need is always available, it really is your choice if you want to live drug free, it sound like you want to. I know God will love you clean and love you using, the difference is you can feel that love clean.
jamie, the thing i realized that has been so important to me is that being a star is not winning american idol, it’s hugging a neighbor, loving a stranger, sharing what you shared in your last post, i feel your hurt, your loss, your wounds..it’s time to heal, and remember. it takes time for a wound to heal.
now i am just gonna smile love and know that anything that is anti love is a lie.
thoughts, the thought battel is the real fight. you can win it.
love
Oh, there is so much good stuff to read here!! So many inspirational thoughts~~when I think of this whole addiction thing, and holding ourselves to a higher standard…Jamie, that’s exactly how I see YOU. YOU know what you can and should be doing~YOU are now holding YOUrself to a higher standard. SouthernMom is too! Just to say NO to something we’ve said yes to for so long is our changing our own standards~~~Because deep down inside, we KNOW that we are BETTER THAN THAT. We have to raise our standards. Jamie, your family needs YOU to be the leader—to hold the bar a bit higher. Mark my words, Jamie, that once you have this addiction thing licked once and for all, other members of your own family will ask you to help them to do what you have done. And, at that point, you will be able to help them. And, really you guys….isn’t that what LIFE is all about? Especially you, Jamie, are one to hold yourself above this addiction. I don’t mean that in an egotistical sort of way, or an attitude of ‘I’m so much better than you’ way, but a way of personal determination and personal respect. PERSONAL. And every step of the way each and every day, we are all here with you…helping you to believe in yourself.
Then there’s the light shining bright thing…and a comment Joe made about what being a star is about. I am from the camp that says if I am thinking something sweet or nice about someone I encounter, I must act and speak on it. LOL~~~~I am the one you will see talking and walking with the elderly man on the way into the store, the one taking a minute to chat with the greeter inside the store, the one in the small kitchen appliances aisle chatting about waffle makers….SIMPLY BECAUSE that is how MY light shines. But that is also selfish, because that’s how my light recharges too!! Don’t stifle your light when it needs to burn…
SouthernMom, I hope you can feel my prayers!! Please remember too that I am just a phone call away!!!! You can text me or email me also, and I am here for you! Praying my thong off. NO!!! I MEANT PRAYING MY SOCKS OFF!!!!! Geez, I hate when things slip like that. sheesh.
Seriously, you are a friend whom I treasure~we have been through so much together, and it has given our friendship a charming character that very few have. We are tried, and we are true, and I am always here for you!! 
Please use some of my light if yours feels dim. And like Joe said, oh, the darkness of addiction is going to be pissed. LET IT BE, BLACKBIRD….let it be. You were only waiting for this moment to arrive….
Angela. I am praying for you. Please post when you can. I speak for everyone here when I say how much we love you and hope that things are as good as they can be in your world. I pray that you have peace surrounding you…
Lori, LOOK AT YOU!!!! You are doing this!! Keep your light shining bright, and KNOW that you’ll be better in no time! You’re giving it a run for it’s money!!! ROCK ON!!!!
Kitty!!!!! I have a question for you. What is your ‘take’ on the feelings AFTER the addiction is broken?? What keeps you so UP in a day??? I think it’s rather ironic that SouthernMom is going to need what you lay out in this answer….she is going to need some suggestions of ways to positively deal with LIFE AFTER PILLS. And I think it’s ironic because YOU are the piece of HER puzzle that was missing the first time she ‘got clean’….the aftercare is the key I think. Lay it out, sistah!!!
That’s all I’ve got today, except a thanks ONCE AGAIN to Joe, who was alone on this path not so long ago…..until Metoo did as she does—-she saw a man walking alone, and joined him to walk and talk—-to recharge her own light. Hmm…analogies. I love you, my friend, Joe…thanks for the volts!
Hello all, gotta make this quick, but I wanted to add to Lori’s post about our fallen police officers in FL. His son, goes to school with my daughter and the whole school is surrounding the family with so many prayers, help where needed, grief councelors…
Any prayers for this amazing boy, losing his dad at only 12 years old, I can’t imagine the pain and fear he must be in. His name is Caleb, please God send your angels to wrap this precious child in your warm and loving embrace!
Thank you everyone for the welcome backs, the cheering section, the well wishes.. the list goes on and on. Day 1, made it!!! on to day 2, taking every minute at a time. That darkness keeps creeping in and saying “don’t you want a vicodin little girl?”
I can honestly say “THANK GOD FOR KRATOM!!!” He made it, it’s natural and it is my saving grace at this point, that and some great wine and Russian vodka that I stocked up on, on the cruise. I will worry about the alcoholic in me later, I need to kick the drug addict in the ass right now!
Joe, the darkness lost again, it tested me, but it did not win. Thank you for the reality of what this horrible disease is all about. It’s the deamon satan, the darkness, looking for a crack, a weakness, to sneak in and lure me/us back. I vow he will not win because I have all of you and I God gave you all to me for a reason and I promise to to fulfill my commitment to God, I vow to get sober, I vow to be real, I vow to be a person that is worthy to call herself a true Christian, I vow to let God guide me on His path!!!
I’ll be back later, time to go “make the donuts”
Thank you everyone for your prayers and your uplifting words for my Grandma and for me. I am sorry I have not had time to check in with you guys, but I am always thinking of all of you. My Grandma is still holding on, but we don’t think it will be much longer because the staff infection that she got is MRSA and the only antibiotic they can use is damaging her kidneys. So I am at peace I am just by her side to make her journey to heaven as comfortable as possible. She is able to open her eyes when we are there and she can nod her head to questions that we ask, so that helps a little. Geez, I thought not taking drugs was hard, but this goes way beyone that. I hope you are all doing well, and you are all in my prayers which I have been doing a lot of. Thanks again everyone, Love you all!!
Angie,
I am sooo praying for your Gramma, because we are the “About Family” she is our Gramma too, and we feel your pain and sadness, come here, let us comfort you, Ww ARE FAMILY!!!
Angela…One thought for you. You are helping your Grandma to be “reborn”~~~this is not a death, but a REbirth into Heaven. Think of it as that sort of process…it might help you both. I felt like I had one arm inside Heaven when my own Mom passed away~~as she was dying, I said to her, “One more push, Mom…just one more push…you’re almost there….” I spoke those words through tears, as I knew she was afraid of dying, but after having 10 children, she KNEW how to give birth…and her last baby was there to help her into Heaven.
Oh, here we go again. More tears…
OMG Metoo, I am so crying right there with you my sister!!!
You are such an inspiration to so many, that is why God gave you to all of us!!!
I am blessed to have you in my life, as I am sure everyone else feels the same!!
LY2P
sm
Day 1 again for me. Let’s see how this goes. I’ve told everyone no more pills. I’m starting to get damned determined! Every time I slip up, it just makes it harder on myself, so now I’m getting to where I’m like “fuck these people” they’re only trying to bring me down and I’m not gonna let that happen! I’ll post more later! Just checking in!
Hey Now,
OK let’s see, we have so much going on. Love it, LIFE. man I love everyday, every interaction, every post.
Southermom—I need you to know, and understand how great it is to see you get 2 days, you are now amongst the 1 percenters, yeah i figure about 1 percent of active addicts every get 2 days clean. I pray you get a third.
Metoo–what a treat, to have Love hanging around, man what did i do before metoo came along, oh yeah I waited. And shared and prayed and waited.
Jamie–I have been in your shoes so often, bewildered by it all, it’s weired isn’t it. i remember one time I was all strung out, I think I had a day or 2 clean, back in the day thses message boards didn’t exsist, which was fine because I would have sold my computr for dope anyway. That always amazes me here, how you guys hold onto your internet connections and computers while you use, anywayI was hanging around this church basement at an AA meeting, they had labled me a chronic relapser, had told me I was going die from the shit, that I was one of the unfortunates.
Prison did not even stop the using, right ut there was this one guy, old guy…He would give me a smoke and a buck and say…Just keep cominng back, I see you have recovery in you.
So here is a smoke and buck, I see you have recovery in you.
Angela, the deal your going through and the grace your showing are so special, you are such a bright light of love, that is thing about love it is just there.
Lori–I hope this day brings a revealtion for you, from a dude with long salt and pepper hair, mostly pepper now adays Kuddos for the trip to the salon, and the 4 hours out and about…I was thinking i take for granted so much stuff, little stuff. and you bring it to life for me, I am thrilled your here.
Kitty- I’m so enthralled with your journey, all of it. We all are, really I mean that. and just a little pick me up, we can all use them from time to time..
But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon.
Not my words, but my sentiments, i have discovered the darkenss is jealous of our light, slay the darkness sistah.
Stu–are you reeling in the years…stowing away the tears…hope your well my brother.
amd for everyone here who will today the greatest day evah yeah, rock and roll can neve die!!!!!!!!!
Hey Y’all
Joe, you are the best cheerleader a woman/addict could have! Your encouraging words keep me on the steady pace that is called detox!!
Half way through day 3!!! Still feeling good, not great, but good. Even went to the gym today and did the full work out until I was exhausted and very sweaty!!! Did you know that your sweat smells different when you are taking those damn pills?????
I hope everyone is having a blessed day, I am STILL doing laundry and trying to find all my stuff that the MIL “organized” while we were gone This sucks!!!
I am enjoying a nice crisp Chardonnay with my lunch, it sooo mellows me out!
I’ve lost my cruise 5 lbs and now I need to get rid of another 5 lbs and these flaps on my upper arms, totally grosses me out (does anyone say that anymore?)
Keep those prayers rolling in and I’ll send them right back atcha!!!
Hi Folks
Well, I just wrote a freaking book of inspiration and it just went away just like that….oh poop!
Kitty Mom is feeling better today mainly because I prayed to my savior, Jesus Christ and He made me realize that instead of feeling sorry for myself because I am not getting the attention I desire, I need to start showering my attention on others and so here goes.
To SOUTHERN MOM – my dear and estranged friend…I am so very glad that I called you today and and even more happy that on your third day of detox you are doing so well. It must be that you are truly walking hand in hand with God and putting Him in control now. He has the power sister!! Give it over to Him!!
To Metoo – OMG what to I say to someone who inspires me so much. You are so happy and so bubbly (hate that word but can’t think of a better one) and you make me smile everytime I see you in my minds eye. You, who inspire us so much of this site. You who speak to old people you see on the street. You mak a shy person like me want to be more like you. We all need you here sister.
To Jamie – I pray for your success in your detox. I think back to my day one and I know that an intelligent, creative, young thing like you can beat this thing. Like Metoo said, show that family of yours what you are made of – that there is life after drugs. Live for today. If you don’t do it for them, then do it for the most important one in your life, YOU!!! ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!
To Angel: My prayers are with you and your family Angel. The most difficult thing in life is letting go of a loved one who is struggling with their last days on this earth. Just remember that when the time comes, she will be with her Lord and Savior who will make her whole again…no pain…no suffering and some day we will all be with those we loved here on earth that have left before us. I have to and do believe this will all my heart. I pray for you as you go through this difficult time.
Lori – my new friend across Tampa Bay – You are an inspiration in that you are travelling the road where we all want to be. You are right behind me my friend and you will eventually know that taking the first pill is never an option. Keep that engraved in your mind and best of luck in keeping that dragon slayed.
To Stu – if you are out there brother, let us know how you are doing – we miss you – I miss you!
Joe – now what can I say to my biggest inspiration and cheer leader. Thanks Joe for being here since my day one. What more can I say except…..
Goog Night Good Night
Parting is such sweet sorrow
that I shall say
Good Night till it be morrow
Love
Kitty
Day 2 still on the path. Got woken up with word that a family friend may have passed away, so I’ve been trying to find out for sure. Somehow, I have lost every way to contact this person’s family. I’m gonna keep at it til I know for sure. It’s strange, it’s actually my boyfriend who died, it’s his aunt, and from what I’ve been told if she did pass it was on the same day that i was having an emotional breakdown about her nephew. life is strange.
Love and hugs!
Well, I found out for sure that she did pass away. This night is rough! I just want a pill and I just want to puke. Too many emotions, too many memories flooding back at once. Ativan has not helped. Gonna be a long sleepless night. It’s nights like these I wish I could sit here and text my support people, get that instant support! But I wait and check back about every dragging on half hour or so. If you ever want to get the feeling of time standing still, cold turkey quit a drug and wait. I’m out for now. Who knows I may post 50 more times before the night’s over
Love and hugs
Hey Now,
For those in the midst of the battle of active drug use, Vicatory can be had. It is so very hard and so very simple at the same time.
Don’t use no Matter what.
Once I decided I am done, I will not take a pill to trat my withdrawl, I was forced by the pain and pressure to try all sorts of crazing things to get through those irst couple of nights.
The insomnia was brutal, because when it’s 2 and then 4 and then 6 and your swaety and cold an sick and dead well man It hurts to think about it. But I made it and shit it’s brutal.
Things I did the first 7 days clean.
Layed in Bed—sick as shit
Cried
Sat on the porch in the heat
Drank water
Wrote No Dope on a peice of paper abd said it over and over
searched frantically for that lost fucking pill
posted here
yelled
got really angry at God
cut the grass
did one push up
puked
drank a sprite
cried
tossed and turned
had really low self esteem
ravaging depression
guilt
remorse
shame
hate
darkness
and one tiny little voice–it kept aying please do not get high, please stop. you don’t HAVE to take a pill. Give it a go. Hang on.
That voice was the holy spirit I understand now. I choose to listen to it.
Here is what the last 7 days of my life were like
went to work
made money
made people at work smile
walked my dog
heard the rain on the roof
had some great food
slept like a fucking baby
felt so alive
Loved
hung out with a bunch of sexy woman on a vicodin message board, perhaps the highlight
Helped my kids
watched some kcik ass football
jammed out to some sweet music
read
prayed
worshiped
exercised
watched miracles unfold
got a shout out from southermom–thanks
got a shout out from kitty-love
Man if the last 7 days are LIFE the first 7 days were DEATH
It is only by dying we find life, it would seem.
hang in there, it gets better.
This one just hit me…funny stuff
So if I got this right, About is now home of The real housewives of Florida– We got Lori, Kitty, Southernmom anyone else? now we got something here it could be a tv show.
kinda the real housewives meet dr drew.
I can play dr drew and well you florida ladies can be yourselves.
Priceless. I love you all
Please keep coming back
Dr. Drew,
I love you. Your words are helping me to keep on the path of my now 25 days clean!! 25DAYS!!!! I can’t believe it. Mostly to the grace of god and you people I AM doing it. Actually cooking great homemade meals again and loving it. My friends are all telling me how ALIVE I am again and the old Lori is BACK!!
Yes, it is still with difficulty but every day is a milestone and I somehow am making it through.
JAMIE I feel your struggle so much. My mother passed away two years ago in a very horrible 6 month stretch in a hospital and loss makes it so easy to use, but you aren’t and how wonderful is that. You can do it, I am such a newbie in the clean dept. but I know how much better you’ll feel after a week or so. YOu are strong and can do it!!!
Southern Mom
Glad to hear you are doing well. Keep going and soon everything will start feeling so much better and the motivation to keep going will get stronger.
Kitty Mom,
I just have no words for how much you have helped me. I look at your almost 5 months sober and every day I pray that I will be in your shoes soon. What an inspiration you are to everyone.
MeToo
I love reading your posts and all the encouragement you give. Thank you so much. I need it as bad as eveyone else here to stay positive when the light gets a little dim.
To everyone, another huge THANK YOU for all the love and support I feel here. When the time comes and I start thinking of the drugs, I hop on this website and read and reread till my mind calms down and realize that sobriety is very real.
God bless all of you today on your journey and always and to Angela, my prayers are with you and your family.
Lori
Early into day three…going on two hours of sleep and a war with myself from minute to minute. Yes a pill would make this pain more easy to bear, but in the long run I’m just postponing the inevitable and I hate waiting, so why not get this shit over with sooner rather than later.
I’m bursting with thoughts, just trying not to drown out everyone else on the board by posting too much. Thanks Joe and Lori.
Jamie,
If posting helps you keep away from the pills then do it girl. I was on here so much the first two weeks looking to see if anyone answered when I felt I was going out of my mind I got a neck ache from being at the computer all the time. It helped me to concentrate on something else than the pills. I tried taking the vitamins in the Thomas recipie and after I stopped throwing up so much I started taking them and I feel it made a major difference in my physical well being. Mental struggles are so much worse. I along with so many others were so afraid of the withdrawls I couldn’t see through to the other side. My friend, so far so good. Yes, I struggle mentally at times but not anywhere near what I did in the beginning. Every day away from the pills is another victory for me personally. I know one thing is for sure, if I had not found this site I would have caved like I always did the last ten times I tried to quit. Never made it past nine days. I am now and you will too. Fear is the enemy and I know it all to well. Every day will get better, try to make your mind do something else especially when you are feeling better. I know the battle, I am in the middle of it, but it is a war I can finally see winning.
Keep up the good work and if you need to write 100 times a day do it!! Thinking of you.
Lori
Hello everyone:
Still kicking butt here in the sunny south. Joe, very funny the addict housewives of Florida!!! I would watch it
It’s day 4, went to the gym again, getting easier every day. Lost 4 lbs so far, friggin cruise food, gotta loose about 5 more lbs and I might be able to get into my jeans!!
Angel, I am so sorry for all this stuff you are going through. My last relapse was stress related, don’t let the darkness win!! Let you love light shine little one!!! Show the darkness whose boss, you are in charge, you can do this, take baby steps, every second, minute, hour, day week at a time. I love waking up in the m orning and not have to run downstairs to grab a pain pill before I start getting sick. Instead I’m taking so many vitamins my pee has turned orange!!! )Sorry TMI) You CAN do this, we are all right here cheering you on, praying our socks off for you, loving you through this difficult time.
Lori, you are so inspiring. your words really speak to me, loud and clear, in fact everyone’s words here speak to me in one way or another.
I am an avid journal writer, and I have been plagerizing the dicken’s out of all of you guys. All I need to do is open to any page and see those encouraging words and it feels like a big old group hug. Loving it!!!
Kitty, talking to you yesterday was an amazing blessing, heaqring your voice, hearing your words, I could just picture that knowing nod and light up the room smile!! Thank you for being you, our special gift from God!!!
I hope everyone is finding something to smile about today, maybe just thinking about Metoo talking to random old men on the street, golly you crack me up!!!
Love, hugs and prayers to all of you!
sm
SouthernMom you would have really laughed at my antics yesterday!! I was at my favorite grocery store, and there was the tank of live lobsters~~~ooooh, yeah…..never pass on a chance to chat up the big crabs!!!!! So I’m telling the lobsters, “Hey, yeah….it doesn’t look too good for you today…” and there was this little old lady with her cart, and so I struck up a conversation with her…lol. By the time we were done, we had exchanged beef and pork roast recipe ideas, and my ‘bandwidth little light of mine battery’ was recharged. LMAO..but I thought about you guys as I was talking to the lobsters, and looking at that scene might have been hysterical!!!! Hey, you know~whatever it takes to charge the “BLLOMB”!!!!! A girls’ gotta do….
So, SM, I can see that some pats on the back are in order!!! Way to do it, girl!!!! I am looking forward to being able to have a nice long conversation with you this weekend, I HOPE!!!! Email me with a good time to call, and I will MAKE it work, ok??? I’m sure I’ll need another charge for my BLLOMB by Sunday!!!
DDKitty, you just blow me away!!! I love getting emails from you!!!!!! I came home from cleaning the new place today, and I am feeling my “poor me” thing because I am getting things ready to go, cleaning the other place, pack some, go, unpack some, load the truck, unload the truck, and feeling like the world is on me. And, just when I needed it most, there was an email from DDKM. You brightened my day, and I needed that, and I need you. Thank you SO MUCH!!!!
Stuart. Where are you, we gotta talk!!!!! Get HOME!!!!!
Jamie, I feel as though you are doing the same thing I have done so many times…get a good amount of time under your belt, then slip up and take a pill….days…pill….days…pill…. At some point you are going to have to make the FINAL DECISION. You’re riding the fence, and it’s time to make the choice once and for all, FOR YOU. I can see that you are putting yourself through hell, and as Joe has said so often, YOU DON’T HAVE TO TAKE A PILL TODAY. You can do this!! You could post all day and into the night, and if it keeps you from taking a pill, POST AWAY!!!!! Just keep us close to you, and DON”T TAKE A PILL.
Angela, I wonder how you are holding up. We are here to pull you through!!
Lori, lori, lori. Another Floridian. Funny, last night I was talking to my wife about my withdrawal board friends and where we each live. Wondering if Florida has a high percentage of addicts??? LOL…Is it in the water???? 3 addicts from florida, 1 from texas, and a lesbian from michigan!!!! What a hoot!!! Looks like I got the double whammy~~lmao!!
More later, I have to unload the truck. It’s what I do.
*Metoo puts the world back on her shoulders and plugs in her BLLOMB and walks away….*
Joe – you crack me up with your housewife addict from florida post….only we are going to invite Metoo and Angel to the group and just call ourselves Desperate Housewife Addicts – from Mysterious Lane….
Hey Southern Mom and Jamie – keep up the good work and remember that you made the decision to quit and you are going to make it. Jamie come here a million times if it makes you feel better – That is what got me through the first few weeks. Pills are not an option – that is my new mantra…everyday I tell that to myself – every time I find a pill on the floor of my car or in the bottom of a purse – pills are not an option. Everytime I get an E-mail from my on line pharmacy solution – pills are not an option. PILLS JUST ARE NOT AN OPTION. Good luck to those starting this trip and those like me who are not wanting to take the trip again.
Tomorrow morning – about ten AM I want all you gals with charms to hold them in the palm of your hand and think – we are all in this together and then SMILE real big and think of Metoo talking to lobsters in the grocery store.
Je vous aime mes amis
Kitty
Friday,
Thank God, I mean i have said this before but I think this might be the best part about being clean…Differences.
let me share a bit, drop some Joe on you, if I might.
When I got high, everything was the same there was no REAL feeling, just this drug induced thingy. I mean I was trying to escape into euphoria, but it just turned into a haze, I felt the god same on tuesday as I did on friday, there was no difference between the weekend off and the weekend on. No pain, No pleasure, no up no down, No love, no excatasy, no thrill. Just constant sameness. Sunny day, rainy day, people around or alone. I only had one though Dope.
Today I get it all baby, I can have 57 emotions walking from the living room to the kitchen, One minute I am running away to south america, the next minute I am living in a back room of one of kids houses . I love future tripping, Godd I love coming here and reading the thoughts of such incredibly gifted and sexy ass woman, are you kidding me, if this little board gets out, we will be flooded, there will be 7 million dudes tuning in each day to watch you ladies, oh shit..now I am jealous..Loveit, I love how fucked up I am, it hilarious.
anyway–there is more power in yeilding to the light than in fighting the darkness.Jamie the end of my last active use was all about me trying, fighting going as long as I could, usually about an hour. This time I was like focus on the light, focus on the light, so it wasn’t stopping dope as starting light.
I for one, am going be crazy as i can…
Love
Made it through an awful day three. Now I’m on day four. Going on about 4 hours sleep for 2 days. I really am determined this time. I was struggling a lot yesterday, but I think that was mostly due to this death I am dealing with and all the memories and emotions it brings to the surface. It was just a few days ago when I was having a little emotional breakdown about my boyfriend Mikey who passed, and then to find out like a day later that his aunt passed away suddenly has just been really rough to get through. His family and mine go way back, 30 years or more, so they’re like family.
I got a story for you, and you may believe it or not believe, but either way it was very real to me…When Mikey died, he hit a tree driving home in the fog and died instantly, they didn’t even try to bring him back. That happened at like 3am and by 4 am I was at his parents house and at my aunts house and making rounds to family and friends. I got home that afternoon and just laid in my bed and curled up into a ball and cried for hours and hours. I got to this point where I was almost hysterical, I was just losing it. But at that moment I got this feeling like he was there with me, and a moment later I felt someone sit down on my bed next to me. I was under the blankets and I actually felt the blankets pull tight against me like they do when someone sits down, but no one was there. I was still crying uncontrollably, but a moment after I felt that someone had sat there I felt like something touched my shoulder and all of a sudden this calm washed over me and I stopped crying and felt comforted. Some people have said it was God, an angel, Jesus, but me I think it was him.
And why I think it was him…For months after he died, there were little things that happened. He was a joker when he was alive, he’d hide things from you, play little practical jokes etc. I’d be trying to go to sleep and it would feel like someone was bouncing up and down on my bed, something he would do. I’d leave the house and come home and my stereo would be on, and not just on but on a rap station, which I never listened to at the time, but he did. I’d set something down on one side of the room, leave the room and then come back to get it and it would be on the other side of the room. You get the picture? And it wasn’t just me that this stuff was happening to, it was happening to his family and my cousin and aunt who lived next door to where he lived. So I know it wasn’t me “going crazy” or reaching out for some way to hold on to him.
Looking back now, I know that some people wouldn’t mind that their loved one stayed around after they passed. But at the time, for me, it just made it that much harder to deal with. So I studied up on the subject and what I learned at that time was that if I asked him to leave, he would leave. So I did. And he did. He would still come to me in dreams, but there was no more practical jokes and silly stuff happening, but since then every now and then I feel him with me.
I think he comes to check up on me. And at times when I’m feeling my worst, I can feel him there. We used to lay out at night and watch the stars and try to figure out what the constellations were. So after he died, someone had given me some glow in the dark stars to hang from your ceiling, so I hung them up in the shape of this constellations that we had made up together, don’t know if it was a real one or not. But at the times when I felt down and I needed someone I would ask him if he was there and I would be laying in my bed staring at my ceiling and the biggest star hanging there would be spinning in circles.
The last couple years, mostly since I’ve been with my fiancee, I haven’t felt him around but once or twice. But these last three weeks or so, I have felt him around a lot. And there has been the little jokes happening every few days. I had this thought yesterday…maybe he was hanging around here because his aunt was gonna pass away, maybe he was here to welcome her or escort her, ya know. And maybe he was checking up on his loved ones and he saw I needed someone and so he let me know he was here.
Whatever the reason, I know that guy loved me and he would not want to see me in the state I’ve been in if he were alive. So there’s another reason to stay sober, to learn from him, to live life after he couldn’t. My world shattered 10 years ago and I haven’t been the same since, and it’s taken many years and a lot of work just to put of few of the pieces back together. So that’s my new goal, to get as many of the pieces back in place as I can. It may take a lot of crazy glue and duct tape, but I come from Okies so I know I can make it work. haha
I just remembered this as I was typing this story. Mikey used to tell us that he wasn’t gonna live very long and we would be like “oh whatever” but the last year of his life he said to everyone that he wouldn’t make it to 22. We all thought he was crazy, he wasn’t suicidal, his car accident was just that an accident. So he lived every day to its fullest, and he was always so full of life and happy, and had one of the greatest, kindest, most loving and forgiving hearts. I remember this conversation I had with him a few months before he died. We were talking about the distant future and he mentioned that he wasn’t gonne be around then. And I asked him why do you say that? And he said he just knew. And then with a grin he proceeded to tell me he was an angel and angels are only allowed so much time on earth. And by the end of that story he had gone from being just and angel to Michael the Archangel. But regardless of all that I think he is my guardian angel.
No sleep has left me a whole lot of time for deep thinking and reflecting. So watch out for my future posts.
I want to thank you all so much. You guys are a tremendous help to me in so many ways that you can’t even begin to imagine. Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Oh and by the way, I found my charms! So Kitty Mom and Southern Mom, you two are now hanging with Mikey, Grandpa and my niece Caylin on my “Strength Chain”
Day 5.
Hit the wall. Husband and daughter are sick, son is heartbroken again over the idiot stick figure, trying to make everyone happy and no one even notices that I am struggling here.
Went out to dinner last night, it has been hard for me to do anything at night because that’s when I need a pill the most, but we go out, we come home and I am having to baby everyone. Just not into it!!!!
Took today off, no gym, just being quiet and writing all these random thoughts that keep popping my head in my journal.
We have family coming for dinner, how I wish they wouldn’t!!!
So I am taking Jamie’s lead and putting my charm chain around my neck, ordering out and if they would like to see my house vacuumed and dusted, they can have at it!!!
I know I sound really pissy, but….
Love to y’alll
sm
Southern Mom,
I feel you so much! I had such a hard time too, especially being so ill but somehow I did it and I know you have the strength to pull through. I for some unknown reason just watched the funeral of the two st. pete police officers and cried my eyes out and I didn’t even know them. Then I thought, my troubles are nothing compared to those families and friends present today. One of the wives was so distraught I wished I could have done something to help her. I was more distraught than she was at my mom’s funeral and that was pretty darn bad. So prayers to them and to you as you are strong and you have helped me and I hope through all the love and support on this board you can get through one more day. I know you can.
Jamie,
I hope you are doing ok. YOu are doing so good, please find the will to stay strong. You are almost through the worst. Hang in there and you know how people on here are your biggest cheerleaders and KNOW you can succeed. ONce I decided I had had enough something just said this time you will make it. One minute, one long hour, and one day at a time. You will do it girl!!
To All, peace and love as always,
Lori
Lori, you are such a sweetheart and great cheer leader on here. We needed you sister…another success story and a great inspirational leader…You go Girl!
Hey Jamie – Hang in there – you all probably get sick and tired of hearing us say that it gets better, but it does. Just let those dogs and cat just walk all over you and cheer you up – there is no love better than a animal’s love haha. It was nice talking to you today about our farm backgrounds…enjoyed it…thanks!
Southern Mom…man I feel for you my friend. This is when it gets hard girl – when the everyday stresses drive you to reach for that pill….but I want to tell you….those pills don’t solve anything..not a thing and don’t let your “addictive mind” tell you otherwise. I won’t harp too much more but I have to harp a little cause that is what Metoo and Joe did for me back five months ago when I was coming to terms with my withdrawals. They suck BUT THEY DO NOT LAST FOREVER!!!!
Metoo, you are probably busy moving, but if you do venture into the “Desperate Housewives from delerious Lane” site, I want you to know that you, Joe and SM saved my life and I appreciate it and always will.
Now we have newborns out there to help and I hope we keep getting the chance to help and tell our stories.
Jamie, that was a great story about your boyfriend touching you from above as an angel. I have to believe that is God’s work also. God brings comfort for us in the most unusual ways. I believe he directed me here to meet Y’a ll because there are hunmdreds of sites out there about drug addiction and none light a candle to this one. Geez, this typing is getting slower and slower – I need to get of before I loose everything.
Goodnight Jamie, Southern Mom, and Angel (my prayers are with the three of you especially)
Goodnight Metoo – prayers for a smooth move and succesful Job hunt
Goodnight Stu wherever you are …Miss you!
and last but not least
Goodnight Dr Drew – you might be fucking crazy – haha, but we love you.
Je vous aime mes amis
Kitty
Hey Y’all
I am always associating songs to drugs and getting free from drugs and these are lines which I can relate to…Black Bird – from one of my favorite Beatles Albums:
“You were only waiting for this moment to be free”
“You were only waiting for this moment to be alive”
Prayers are with all of you out there that are trying to slay the beast so you can be free.
Love Kitty
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kr58609VuUQ
Wow Kitty Mom, what wonderful lyrics to start a new life too.
I have to share this as I feel it is sort of a milestone for me.
I AM FOUR WEEKS CLEAN AS OF TODAY!
I look back on the moment I decided I had enough and am not sorry about it at all. I suffered physically and mentally, but Kitty
Mom, you said it will get better and every day has. I just try to put the memory of the pills behind me.
Joe, you so got to me when you said about your first 7 days what you felt and the last and you are so very right! I have had feelings and emotions I haven’t felt in years. I thank the good Lord every night for his help and guidance that brought me here to you fine people in helping me to a new life.
Jamie, Southern Mom and MeToo, I hope this day finds you strength and peace.
Have a wonderful day.
Lori
Happy rebirth day to you Lori – You are really on your way to freedom….I am so proud of you!
Your broken wings have learned to fly!
Love
Kitty
Day 6 I believe. I can’t remember shit and I didn’t write it down, but I think I was one day behind SM. OMG my anxiety has been bad last couple days. I’m trying to get my head straight, I catch myself every now and then thinking about pills and how to get some, then I make myself think of something different. That’s the toughest part retraining your brain that a vicodin isn’t a cure all. Been really depressed, finally managed to get some sleep yesterday. But today I guess I’m back to insomnia, going on three hours sleep. : / but I got my niece til this evening so things could be worse.
I actually got to spend a good amount of time yesterday afternoon with my buddy Phil. It was so good for me to spend some time with someone outside my family. We just sat around my house and talked up a storm, and after he left I felt a lot better just having spent that time with him.
Well, my tummy is a grumbling, so I’m off to fix some breakfast. Have a good day all. Love and hugs!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Thank you Kitty for all your love and support, it continues to help me through every day.
Love,
Lori
Jamie – just remember or think to yourself – the pills DO NOT make you feel better – after about ten minutes – you end up in the same boat again…Vicious cycle babe!
Kitty
Hey Now,
I just wanted to say thank you to each perosn who takes the time
to come here and share there life with me. I know how busy life can be, how hard detox is, how the mental part of this disease wants you to isolate and how it may seem trivial.
But believe me it really isn’t. I have seen so much pain and hurt and lonliness and self hate and emptiness in my life.
This place is Hope. it is the exact oppisite of using, and wwhen I come here I heal.
The benefits of posting here are so real. I am changing inside, I am taught about life everyday from a group of such incredible people. I thought I’d list some things I have discovered on the road here.
1. Love–It is REAL. It is on display here for me every day I need Love you see it is when i am deprived of joy, I use. The thoguhts, that come to me as I see you guys march on produce a spiritual joy. I hope i always smile whne I see a person go 1 day without dope, I never want that Joy to be deminished,
2. Friendship–I reley on you folks to get me through the day, and you deliver, for each one of you that has taken the time to inspire me, be there for me, say hello to, and listen to me ramble. Each of you has helped me become a better guy.Thanks so much.
Peace–Life is hard right, constant thought battle going on, everyday it’s something..This place and the love and friendship is the place i retreat to, to recharge, refill and fight the fight. Your words sooth me, I loe them,.
See, I never found Love, Friendship and Peace in the dope. Turns out that is what the fuck I wanted all along. I did finf it here.
Desperation led me here, faith helped me post and reach out, hope brought me back and Love keeps me around.
And has it is written… In the end three things remain,(the desperation is gone) Faith, Hope and Love and the greatest of these is Love.
I Love you guys..
Joe
OK let the pity party start!!!
OMG!! these past 2 days should have been a breeze for me, then life comes crashing in and kocks me off my feet!!
Friday night started hell weekend for me with my son and this piece of crap girlfriend. I have had to come to the really bad point in my life of how much I can love my kid and how much I can love myself and how crap I’m going to let him put me through. I have found that if his lips are moving, he is lying, if he has money in hi pocket he has probably stolen it from me or his sister. He probably will not graduate because he wants to stay in school where he has no responsibilities, mommy and daddy pay for everything and he can be with his 15 year old skank of a girlfriend (whew thanks for letting me vent)
I can control what goes on in my home and as soon as June comes around I am kicking him out. He has quit the Marines, he has lost more jobs than he has had, he isn’t going to graduate and he thinks we are going to help him get hi GED so he can go to college, couase he loves the frat parties!!!! R U KIDDING ME???? Needelss to say I reached out and got some pills. took my last one yesterday morning and I am back to day 1 again! I feel like such a friggin’ loser!
My anger capacity is off the charts, I can’t even talk to friends right now because I am in such a funk that I can’t find anything nice to say.
I apologize to all of you, no nice nice today!
Please forgive me.
sm
Southern Mom,
Don’t feel bad about being upset. I went through hell for 6 years with my daughter. In and out of trouble and I was a single mom with no help. Had her in and out of psychiatrists, etc. she kept running away even though she had everything at home. I wasn’t even on anything at the time and I know how infuriating it was. I asked for help for her through every oraganization possible in Pinellas county and all I got was “unless she gets arrested there isn’t anything we can do” Well that day happened when she was 14 when she was with a group of kids who stole a car. After she served a week in JDC they put her in a place for troubled kids that was a lockdown facility for a year and a half. I have to say that was the most freeing year and a half I had for years. She came home, was put in a special school for kids like her, it was great but she finished and started the same crap all over again and I kicked her out. It was the gods honest hardest thing I ever did and had the guilts like crazy but I was damned if everything I worked so hard for was going to be pissed away by her. TOUGH LOVE IS THE HARDEST THING A MOTHER OR FATHER CAN DO AND I KNOW THIS BECAUSE IT SAVED MY LIFE!! Before she left she stole all my jewelry and other things. Never found them. Lesson learned. Fast forward to now. She is 22 has my 10 month old grandson whom I love to death. She went to live with my Dad in Orlando about four years ago for two years and got her GED. She still has not gone to further her education but it was her decision to have the baby, one which I wasn’t for as she is not financially stable, but now he is here I wouldn’t trade him for the world. She knew I would not be his major caretaker as 1) I did my time as best I could as a mother and by the way I NEVER got in trouble with the law or anything else for that matter in my 51 years on this earth, so where the behavior came from is beyond me. 2) I am physically unable to take care of a baby all day. Idid watch him in the beginning but never for more than 4 hours a day. He was easier to pick up then. She has had to learn to fend for herself. She has changed for the better except some of those old habits like picking the wrong friends and boyfriends are still there. There is nothing I can do, she is an adult and we all have to live with our choices.
So be angry, yell, post till you can’t write anymore. I have felt your suffering and even though I don’t envy you at the moment, I know just like the pills, when you decide you have had enough of your son you will do something. My decision was to just stop enabling my daughter, it worked. I cried a lot of tears and spent a lot of bad days at work, and I was an animal nurse and ran a very busy animal hospital for 23 years. It sucked, but I survived!!! I had no one supporting me either.
One day you will decide you can deal with things without any medical help and when you do watch how strong you become. I only tell you that now because it has been like I have awakened from a coma and I am making my choices now clear headed. Every day I have felt better and stronger and actually don’t even think about the pills too much anymore. Of course I have thoughts of getting them. I can get them now if I want as my script could be picked up anytime, but I’m not. I have come to far in a month to risk going back again. You can do this, I am and I swear to god I thought I couldn;t . I was one of those people who thought I might just take the whole bottle and get it over with just not to have to try to get off pills. I am glad that I decided against it. Life now is like having the sun come out again.
Yes, sometimes I struggle still, but it gets easier to change my thoughts the longer I am away from them. I can’t tell you if I will be successful or not but I have it in my mind I will make it.
Sorry to carry on so, but when I read your post, I really feel for you. Pray, post and do what you think is better for you. YOu have to take care of you before dealing with everyone else and boy did I learn that the hard way.
No forgiveness necessary for you. We are all human and have a right to feel what we do.
Love and healing wishes to everyone,
Lori
Southern Mom – love and prayers my friend. This is the day I was going to call you – but I understand – a funk is a funk – just came out of one myself.
Love You
Kitty
To all the other board peeps – I love you guys too. Lori and Joseph you are both inspirational and I truly depend on you. All you others that have not posted for a few days…hope you are all right and post again soon.
Jamie…you all right?
Love
Kitty
Hey Lori,
Thanks so much for opening up and sharing that. It’s just amazing at the amount of wealth that is on this board.
I think for me, the change of my views on what wealth is, has been the most endearing thing to me. The greatest gift I ever could get.
Once what I thought being wealthy ment chnaged, my whole life changed.
I used to think being wealthy ment having money. enough money so I would not have to worry about shit.
Then I realized they don’t print enough money to ease my fear of finical insecurity.
So I took the word welathy and gave it a whole new meaning. I mean money is money…It ain’t going change, it comes and it goes.
But what remains, what are you left with. if i spend my cash on dope I’m left with an empty pill bottle, not real wealth, huh.
So what could I chase if not money. Well one day this cat came by his name was Jesus Christ, sure I had heard about him, who the fuck hasn’t.
I even had tried hanging out with him before, but sorry brother I thought “your great”, but dope, money, woman, houses, ego, and earhtly shit is well, where it’s at.
So I bought the same old lie, that we have been biting since day 1, I bit the fucking apple. Needless to say the led to oh, 40 years of wandering in the fucking dessert of addiction..Boy that sounds fimilar, 40 years…
Anyway, it appears Jesus who is Love, waited, that is what Love does it waits, so when i reached the end of the fucking road, there he was. He kept it simple so that I heard him.
He said…Come follow me.
And so I did, shit I had nothing else to do and somewhere on our walk he changed me..He taught me how great and email from a friend could be.I mean HOW FUCKING GREAT, it could be.
He taught me the JOY of his word.
He taught me the truth.
And he promised me NO Mattter fucking what Joe, I will never leave you.
So today, I will once again hang out with my brother, and I will sadden him by my fear, and gladden him with my love. And shar in his Joy. And spread the news, he dame message he gave me. awhile back.
The one I must carry.
IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO USE DOPE, YOU DON OT HAVE TO, REALLY, I MEAN THAT.
Here is to new money, if you will…The love and joy of one addict helping another.
Just For Today…No Dope
Love
Thank you everyone for understanding. Lori, your story really touched me, we do have quite a bit in common. I was not a bad kid but I also wasn’t a good kid either. Both my parents worked, both were alcoholics and the only time I got their attention was when I getting the crap kicked out of me for something I didn’t do (vacuum, iron, scub floors toilets…) Tehy didn’t know that I was having unprotected sex at age 16, that I had been stealing from their stash of meds and liquor cabinets and from all the neighbors that they loaned me out to clean their homes. I didn’t get a cent for it, it just made them look good so I stole everything that wasn’t nailed down, when I got caught, instead of them making me pay for it, they pretended like it never happened so it wouldn’t ruin their reputation.
When we moved to FL, I was a senior in high school, leaving a school where all my friends were, boys and girls, I was a cheerleader, I was populare then I come to Tampa and I am nobody, and they could have cared less. They had to get out of MI because my dad got busted drinking on the job and someone got really hurt due to his imebriation and so they moved as far away as possible to start over and in the process ruined my life!! So I made them pay, every single day I did something so outrageuous that they had no idea what to do with me, but they also didn’t want to do anything that would make them look bad. So I got a modeling job, I made tons of money, got my own place and from the age of 17 on I went flipping crazy! I literally partied like a rock star, becasue I WAS partying with rock stars!!!
So now I look at what my kids are doing, NO I don’t like, but it could be so much worse. I just don’t want them to make the mistakes I did, I have been so open with them, maybe too honest because now I am getting the “you used to do this….” But I keep stressing that the one thing they have that I didn’t was parents who love them too much to let them keep fucking up!!!
We literally spend every penny we have to make sure the kids get to have the most fun out of life, yes they are spoiled, we did it, I admit it, but I had so much fun watching them have fun, I was living the childhood I wish I could have had through them and my husband is reliving the childhood he DID have with them. I don’t regret spoiling them, I regret that they don’t have any respect for us or the sacrifices we make for them. I guess it’s stupid of me to think we are intitled to being treated better because we do everything possible for them.
OK today is day 2 again, I took my son out last night for dinner and bowling and talked to him, openly about how he was making ME feel. I can’t beleive he cried, he hugged me and promised he would try to do better. My hope is he actually goes to school so he can graduate, keep this job so he can a portion of his car payment, stop dating girls young enough to get him put in jail, and clean his room, or find out where that smell is coming from and clean it up!!!
Thank you everyone for listening, thank you for understanding, thank you for being you!!!
sm
SouthernMom, LAY THE LAW DOWN there!!! What’s going on with your boy has nothing to do with the pills….don’t let the guilt eat you. YOU are on the right track. Whip that household into shape, and KNOW that we support you 110%!!! Sometimes getting good and fed up has it’s benefits! ROCK ON, SOUTHERNMOM!!! Go get ‘em, tiger!!!!
My sweet and dearest friend Metoo! You always have the right thing to say!!!
Right after I made my last post, I was called to my daughter’s school. She has a problem with her math teacher and I guess she “told her off” today, using “vulgar” language. They wanted to give her an in school suspension but because she dropped the “f” bomb, I have her home with me, and she is pissed off at me????? What the heck??
I just popped 4 more Kratom which usually puts me in a mellow place and I need to go there before I talk to daughter dearest!!!
And I have both my nephew coming this weekend to go to the fair and spend some time with us. I know this sounds really bad, but I really would rather spend time with the nephews who appreciate any/everything we do for/with them than to be with my own kids who think the fair is for “trailor trash” but want to go on the weekend to hang with their friends ARGGGG!
Metoo I am going to take your wise advice, this is my house, this is my life. I will not let them put me a place that I feel the need to take those friggin pills!!!
I wish I was stronger! Why is it when I get these emotional set-backs that the only thing that sounds good is a pain pill??? I hate the control this drug has on me!
Typical day, get the kids off to school, go to the gym, then I come home and to deal with work, being home alone, wanting to do so many things, but I feel I can’t because I only get that creative urge when I’m high, so I start popping the Kratom with a bunch of vodka and by the time the family gets home I am shitfaced!!! This is NOT good!
Any advice, anyone been where I am???
sm
Day #8. I’m still kickin’. Just got a major case of the blah, and don’t feel like doing ANYTHING. These last four days have been worse than the first four. Starting to get back physically to how I was before I started vicodin and then get painful reminders of another reason why I took ‘em.
I remember waking up with no motivation every day. I remember feeling shitty and sick to my stomach all day every day. I remember all the anxiety. I remember the monotony and complete boredom. I remember that one little pill a day helped with all that and that this just sucks. Right now, this moment, if I had a way to get some, I would have some. So I reckon it’s a good thing that I don’t have a way. This is gonna be the hardest part, trying to convince myself that one little pill is not the answer, even if it does make me feel better for the moment.
It’s kinda funny but today I’ve been looking at the pills like you do when someone dies. You know how you have those moments where you just can’t think of living the rest of your life without them. Yeah, that’s been me today. Struggling.
Southern Mom, hang in there. My mom’s parents were similar to yours. So my mom wanted to give us everything she didn’t have. We were poor, but we got spoiled in whatever way she could spoil us. But no matter how spoiled we were, we were always scared to death of our parents. So put the fear in those kids! Of course, I’m one of those people who think the world’s gone to hell since people stopped whooping their kids lol. My parents used the belt on us in the most extreme circumstances, and I tell you it only took once for me to never act that bad again. But no beating your kids isn’t the answer, scaring the hell out of ‘em could be though! Just stay strong, show ‘em who’s boss.
Hey Y’all
I am thoroughly exhausted and it is late – but I just wanted everyone to know that they are in my prayers daily for newfound Peace and Love. I truly feel your pain. Be Strong.
I love You
Kitty
Well, it’s 11:38pm here and I just got back from the ER. Guess what happened to Jamie? I frickin’ hurt my back real bad shortly after my last post. I swear, God is messing with me. Last time I quit vix I was doing real good, didn’t want them anymore, but there was that whole several week long dental fiasco and I ended up back on them. This time I’m really struggling with being off them and I get hurt, and what does the doctor give me? frickin vicodin.
It’s that damn darkness, Joe! It’s just reaching up from the shadows trying to cover my light. I’m doing the smart thing though, I’m giving my script to someone else to hold for me and only give me one if my pain gets to be too much. Already fucked up my sobriety though since they gave me one at the hospital. So 8 days down the drain.
Well, I’m fucking exhausted, frustrated and in pain, so I’ll fill you guys in more tomorrow.
Love and hugs!
Hey Now,
Progress not perfection right, I mean we are healing and healing takes time, I love having you guys around, all of you.
Give yourself a break man, and relax..It will be OK. It always is. the only thing I know for sure about life is that, it always changes and how you are feeling now, is not how you will be feeling a year from now.
It is so fucking cold here in Texas 10 degrees, anyone got an extra hoodie I can borrow.
Lighten up ladies…
Joe
Jamie
Sorry to hear about your back but what a brave thing to do to give your vics to someone else to give you. Good going!! Feel better soon.
Southern Mom
Hope you are having a much better day today. Sounds like you are headed in the right direction.
Joe
Your words keep me going im more ways than you will ever know. Sorry about the cold. I guess there is a benefit to Florida after all besides addiction! It is going to rain but not get too cold thank goodness and I love to watch the rain. Keep warm!!
Kitty Mom,
I need to ask you if you ever hit a “wall” so to speak. The last few days I have not felt as good in the getting off pills dept. I found myself thinking about them more but still fairly easily dismissing the notion as I have come so far and I know that. I am easily agitated over the dumbest things. Nothing bad in my life right now, my daughter is moving to Tampa today which in one way is a relief and another I will miss seeing my grandson all the time.
Please tell me if you or anyone else has experienced this and what they did to help.
Thanks everyone. I am praying for everyone here and all those out there needing a friend here.
Have a good day all.
Lori
Lori,
In direct response to your question – did I ever hit a wall…well, I can say several times. In the back of my mind there is still that little voice wanting a pill. I know though that is my addictive mind talking and not the true spirit of Kitty. I guess it is never going to go away…but for me, as loud as that voice gets, taking a pill is never going to be an option. I have thrown away two pills already that I have found laying around…I have told my doctor that I was addicted to the medication he prescribed, and even though I keep getting E-mails from the on-line consulting services….well, I just keep fighting the feeling….but of course the feeling is still there. Last week I was in a real funk and feeling very insecure – you probably noticed by the tone in my posts. When these feelings of insecurity hit me, and I start feeling invisible, that no one cares if I am here or not…all it takes is one kind word from you or anyone else on this site, and I start to feel better. My insecurity right now is that I am incapable of helping anyone else and I just hate that feeling. Joe told me one time that all we can do is carry the message, not carry the addict so I just try to carry the message – to let people know that I have been there done that and that there is hope…so I carry the message to you that yes – I still do think about pills – but today, I will not take one – and yes I still feel insecure and at times that insecurity in thinking that I am not good enough – that I am not helping anyone with my rants on here – that noone could possibly want to hear my music, my remarks, or my advice – that is when I could easily take the road to dousing that insecurity with two or three vicodins. Lori, I hope that answered your question – probably way too much information..haha.
Jamie and Metoo – you are in my prayers my friends – I wish I could do somethimg – anything to ease your pain… and anyone out there who wants to talk on a one to one – I am on facebook…E-mail regarding that and I will guide you there.
I truly love you Folks
Kitty
PS – I meant Jamie and Southern Mom – sorry. Metoo you are always with me and in my prayers too but I would guess by your posts and emails, that you are in a happier place right now and I am certainly happy about that.
Love you girls!!!
Kitty
DDKitty…
I think that you are the best friend a friend could have. You are the sweetest, most kind person here. I just wanted to put that out there into the universe, because you know how I am~~if you are thinking a kind thought, you need to stop, drop and share it. Thank you, KittyMom, for being such a positive and honest force for friendship and addiction non-fiction. You always tell it like it is, but you are constantly reaching (and helping the rest of us reach too) for the better days that lie ahead.
We are blessed to have you, DDKitty….and I thank God that He sent you straight to us. And, hey, I use that word, “straight,” with the purest of figurative speech!!
Love you, kid…
God bless you Metoo – You made my day!
Love You
DDKM
Poor Joe! Some days he’s the super luckiest guy, having all us ladies around mostly to himself since Stu is wayward lol. But man on those other days when we’re all down and out, I don’t envy him lol Lighten up, Joe says, so I will try!
Lori, we all hit that wall I think. Just don’t bang your head against it too hard like I do!
Kitty, thank you, just thank you!
Everyone else, love and hugs to you guys, y’all are the greatest!
My ER experience last night was a joke! I went in there all hunched over walking like my 82 year old grandma took me a couple minutes to get up out of a chair when they called me into triage and then when they put me in a room. After an hour of laying in the bed, and there was no one else there, the doctor came in. He went at me straight away like I was drug seeking. He was all what did you come in here for? What is it you want? Pain pills? Oxys? Vicodin? I was all uh I want you to figure out what’s wrong with my back. He was like “okay, I guess that’s reasonable” I was just laying there all WTF? He had me sit up touched my back for one quick second in the spot where I said the pain started, made me lay back down and felt around my stomach area. And then questioned me again about how I hurt my back. I guess my story wasn’t all that believable. So he asks me if I want anything for the pain and I said that would be nice. And he asks me what I want, I told him I can’t take muscle relaxers and ibuprofen because they make me sick, so all I know that I can take is tylenol. So he says okay I can give you some tylenol or some vicodin, and I said I’ll try some tylenol. So he leaves and then comes back and tells me I need to have a chest x-ray and an EKG. He leaves and someone comes in and takes my blood. Then someone comes and takes me to x-ray to x-ray my chest FOR MY HURT BACK? I get back to my room and the doctor comes back in another hour and says well maybe we can skip the EKG since my bloodwork and x-rays were okay. He left and the nurse came back in to check my vitals again before they released me, and then the doctor comes back and asks me if I want an EKG or not. And I was all “You’re the doctor, dude” to which he replies “It’s your health to worry about” So I said do the EKG if you think you need to, why are you asking me? I didn’t go to medical school. I was frickin’ frustrated with this guy by this time. So they do the EKG, come back and tell me everything was fine and they are gonna release me. By this time I had been there for over three hours and they still hadn’t brought me any tylenol. So I mentioned that fact, had to wait another 30 minutes for some tylenol. Then had to wait another 30 minutes or more before they came back, they gave me a vicodin and told me to take it and about five minutes later they released me. It was just a joke, on of the worst ER experiences I’ve ever had. It was like no one knew what they were supposed to do, didn’t know what everyone else was doing and kept asking me what to do?
So today is my dad’s birthday and his brother and wife came to take my parents to dinner. My aunt just retired from the hospital I was at and I asked her if she knew Dr. Jackass. She laughed and said “you mean Dr. Jacksa?” and I said yeah and she told me she’s heard him called that many times. Then I got the lowdown on him, how he’s had many complaints about him. So when they send me the little survey card to ask me about how my hospital visit was they’re going to get an awful response lol
I’m doing better today painwise. It’s kinda moved from the middle of my back lower down, which is a lot easier to deal with than middle of the back pain. Last night I was almost in tears, it felt like someone took a sword and was trying to cut me in half. And every little move I made or too deep a breath I took sent that sharp stabbing, chopping in half pain from my back right through to my front.
Well, I better get, need to change positions for a while. I just had to come on and complain about my trip to the ER!
Love and hugs!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hey Now,
Oh a chance for quick health care rant!! I can’t pass that up!!!
I hear you on the ER visit, I haven’t been to one in years, they are a nightmare. I noticed our local hosptial now has a wait time counter on there web site. Like I’m having a heart attack, but the wait is 3 hrs and 4 minutes, fuck it.
I am convinced I can treat any illness I have via the internet with greater effeciency than any ER intern, couple the costs and well. I’ll just google it.
Dr’s are good for one thing right, writing scripts for medicine our goverment says should not be dispensed without their signature.
Of course since the nation is now besiged by a pain pill epidemic, they refuse to write them, so our compassioniate turn to pain is now a joke, everyone is an addict seeking dope.
I swear I have a hard time differeniating between Dr’s and Airline security screeners, they are ovverpaid, haven’t a real clue, could care less, make us no safer and annoy those of us being honest, meanwhile I can go around the corner and buy 100 vics on the street, but I can’t get 30 from my Dr. I see the system has created yet another steady revenue stream for the drug cartels.
Rant Over!!!!
On a Happy Note!!!!!!
Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Chinise style baby) party time, Chinise Buffet tonight, yes.
It is the year of The Rabbit…
here it is folks….A placid year, very much welcomed and needed after the ferocious year of the Tiger. We should go off to some quiet spot to lick our wounds and get some rest after all the battles of the previous year.
Now that sound perfect.
Jamie, I take you ladies in any mood, are you kidding me.
Where is Stu?
Lori, The miraacle is I am not loaded, that to me is what I can never forget. You know for me Not eating a handful of pills to start the day is no less incredible than the red sea parting. I mean that. Both fact are total unbelievable, yet if the former is true, and it is, then why not the latter.
Kitty–Giving me just what I need, right when I need, inspritation.
Metoo—so you working yet(j/k) that’s what my dear old mom always asks when I call her, So you working. i always say, no.
Oh about hitting the wall, fuck yeah repeatedly about 100 times a day, I just don’t take a pill no matter what.
Happy New Year
Hi everyone;
OK so I’m at the gym today and some “muscle head” loaded up the only bench press that specifically says “WOMEN” on it with so many weights I lose count, so as I am straining to take off like the 10th 50lb weight, I twist the wrong way and down I go!!! I guess I passed out because the next thing I knew I was layed out on the floor with everyone standing over me looking really worried!, I try to get up and this pain shoots up from my back to my brain and screaming seemed like the only logical thing todo. Someone had already pressed the emergency button and the Paramedics were on their way.
With a lot of big guys helping, I got to my feet and I knew I needed someone to crack my back stat!!!
This wonderful retired Navy nurse who I work out with every day, jumps in wraps me in her bear hug leans back and I swear you could have heard the pop a mile away! Guess what?? Pain was gone!
I come and get back to my About Home and read the nightmare Jamie went through and I just know that God was with me in that gym today, with Nurse Sally, with all the guys looking helpless not knowing what to do because I’m a “girl”/”old lady”.
The paramedics get there, check me out and insist I go with them to the ER and the one thing that kept running over and over in my mind was, if I go to the ER I will be offered pain meds, I will take them and who knows when I’ll ever stop again. I’m reading Jamie’s post and it confirms what I already knew. I’ve been in the ER with my husband so many times I’ve lost count (bad ticker) and after the hours of sitting in waiting rooms and watching addicts come in just to get a scrip, they are really good actors, while they are waiting they are on their cells, or talking with friends, outside having a smoke, going to the cafeteria, then they call their name and here comes the Oscar award winning performance of a person in so much pain they now need a wheel chair!!! And Jamie I know that’s what goes through these ER doctors heads, just another junkie looking for a fix and that’s the way they treat you. I feel so bad for the people who are there in real need of a real doctor and his expertise (like you Jamie, having to ask him what he thinks you should do is just ridiculous!)
So I am sitting here, perfect posture because slumping brings back the pain, I have hot and cold presses, a couple of Extra Strength Excedrin and big old glass of wine. I will not go to a doctor for this. I have 2 friends who are liscensed massueses (sp?) and they are going tonight.
I want a pain pill so fucking bad, but I am not going to do this, I never want to go back to that weakness again!
Lori, this is hitting the wall for me, even on only day 3 (again) I have decided to stop counting, it makes me feel like such a loser. I want to just wake up one day and not think about when I had my last pill or wanted one, I just want to wake up from the nightmare that is my addiction and laugh because I was so fucking stupid, God knows when. I want to wake up feeling like a whole person, not the parts of me I am missing, who I am today, tomorrow and the rest of my life. So no more daily countdowns for me. I am ready to be me, not the addict.
KM I am always a phone call away, any time, any day! POick up the phone my friend, I will always be here for you, for Metoo, for Joe, for Lori, for Angela, for Jamie, and for our wayward brother Stu!!!
Thank you God for making me make the hardest choice today. Thank you for loving me no matter how many times I screw up, and no matter how many times I say the f word!
Love and prayers to all of my About Family!
sm
SM – that is the greatest gift – that God loves us unconditionally and forgives all of our “screw-ups” Sometimes that is all we have but it is the best and only thing to hold on to.
I love you my sister!
kITTY
Shoot, Joe, the wait time at our county hospital is over 24 hours. That’s why I just go to the Kaiser ER here in my town instead of going all the way to county and have to sit and wait for two days.
Southern Mom, OMG! If you don’t go to the ER, maybe you should go to your regular doctor. Get me worried about you! Hey, at the very least we can be back pain sisters! Maybe we can trade home remedies!
My back felt a little better today, but then I had to go to Wal-mart with my parents and I think I did too much moving around. The only bonus is I got my fishing license for the year.
I’m supposed to go to Monterey tomorrow with my parents for their anniversary. It’s like a 2-3 hour ride depending on traffic and I’m so not wanting to go, don’t feel like going. Riding in the backseat of their truck kills my back on a good day, so I can only imagine how bad it’s gonna be already hurting.
I’m sitting here with my aroma-therapy heating pack on my back, it smells good, but I don’t think it’s doing much for me otherwise. lol The prescription the doctor gave me was 12 5/500 vix. I’ve only taken half of one when my pain gets to be too bad, I think I’ve only taken 3 pills total since Tuesday evening, so I’ve been doing good I reckon. Well, at least it’s better than I did with my dental pain.
Well, again, I need to find a more comfortable position, so I’m gonna get. Love and hugs to all! And SM take care of yourself!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Ahhhh~all of our collective self doubt could fill the world. “If they give me more pills, I may never stop…” “I’ve only taken half of a pill when my pain gets too bad…” And then there’s me…”What IF I am not as good as I think I am and I don’t find a nice job?” What IS OUR ANSWER?? Because I believe the pills are a “symptom” of our disease….and I believe our disease is self doubt.
Now, I also think that anyone looking INSIDE the SM bubble would say, “Lady, YOU can do this…and you will work through the road blocks. BUT YOU are doing great so far, and if you keep going, there will soon be a BIG LIGHT ahead for you!!!” I BELIEVE THIS!!!!
I also believe the Jamie isn’t as much of an addict as she is a very VERY STRONG PERSON. I believe Jamie just needs to LET GO of the self doubt. You are doing a great job of using your pills as they were prescribed. FOR PAIN. And you know what, Darlin??? YOU HAVEN’T ABUSED THEM. Just this once, just for me, tell yourself that IN THE MIRROR. Please tell yourself from me that you ARE GETTING BETTER. YOU ARE holding yourself to a higher standard. YOU are NO LONGER under the spell of the wicked white pills. Set yourself free.
Perhaps if we can all set ourselves free from all this guilt we can in turn pull each other up out of the pit.
As for me, well, I need to get a move on. Geez. Do you think I can do it sitting in bed half the morning and doing busy work all day?? Naw, prolly not. And then I get too far inside my head. I need to get out and be surrounded by people. Please pray that I get some signals from above as to what to do next. This just seems overwhelming, and the ONE thing I can say is thank God I don’t have anxiety!!! And that is a big thing, so for that I give thanks.
Lori, keep hanging in there. I know about hitting the wall too. I wish I had something valuable to say to help you!!! I wish we could all meet up in Texas and have a Joe hug. And I wish we could find our Stuart. I miss you, Stuart. I hope you’re ok wherever you are, my friend!!!
To all, my prayers go out to you, as always. To the lurkers, the watchers, the ones who know who they are~~you are receiving prayers too. Please join us as we bond together to help each other!! Everyone has something to contribute here….
I love you guys. Hey, now, here’s a hug for you!!!
((((((((((((((((((((((YOU)))))))))))))))))))))))
Thanks for the words MeToo. Your words are so true!!!!!
I am feeling better today, I was really headed downhill in my mind for the past two days but last night I actually started feeling ok again and found myself doing housework and feeling halfway decent afterwards. I think God was nudging me in the direction of just doing it. Hate the Nike cliche but what the heck.
YOu can be sure I thanked him for his help.
Another day without pills, wow, who would of thought, certainly not me but here I am. I guess I just need to follow the advice of everyone here which I have done so far and it has helped me get through some long, dark days. I thank you.
Joe, SM, MeToo, Jamie, and my lovely Kitty Mom, thank you for your strength and guidance and I only ask to please never stop posting as I need you all so much to keep me on my new straight and very narrow path of sobriety. I love each and everyone of you,
Prayers and blessings to all of you and everyone needing the love and support of everyone on About.
Lori
Hey guys I have been reading all of these and you guys really have inspired me, i am on day 5 and actually ate a big meal last(first time since i quit) nite and slept for prolly 5 hours in a row(also a first!)… Im so tired of that fuckin life i get pissed off because ive done all this so many time while only 26 the sober streaches of my 20s n teens have been awesome and i started college at 24 and im 1.5 semesters from being done with a nice GPA but I can still maintain in school even while doin oxy’s and whatnot but i know im such a different and smarter and harder working person when not effin addicted…
Sorry for this long rambling hting but u guys inspire me and i actually feel pretty good this morn, ive been reading these posts for 4 days now tho suffering !
Hi y’all,
I can’t sit for very long, but Jamie I just want to share a word with you that I have just recently learned…
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!
No, you do not need to be in more pain enduring a truck ride.
No, you do not have to anything that you don’t want to.
No, today you are just going to do what YOU want to do!!!
“NO” I am learning to love that word so much!!!
Just say NO!!!
Love y’all
sm
I came here from the other board where I posted yesterday but see that my comment is still “awaiting moderation.” I started out taking 3-4 yellow norco a day for legit problems (which I still have), my doc has offered to change me to something stronger since over the past 6 years or so the norcos aren’t as effective. My doc continues to tell me that I am not addicted, I am dependant but that doesn’t help when I have 2 weeks left until I can get a refill and I’m already out.
I have been out of norcos since the day before yesterday, yesterday a friend gave me some tylenol 3′s but I still have alot of the wd symptoms. I wasn’t able to find B6 (shocking I know) but got the B12 sublinguals and those seem to help. I got potassium gluconate, not sure if that is the “right” kind of potassium but once again it was all wally world had, I also go a multi-vitamin and something called “leg-ease.”
I slept pretty well last night with the aid of a klonopin and a large drink of nyquil.
Scared to death of full on wd since I have been there before when I ran out.
I feel like such a loser at life, a total hypocrite and you name whatever you want that sucks and thats me.
My daughter is, as I type this, in rehab for abusing xanax. She doesn’t know I take pills, so I tell myself. I go to the rehab facility on family day and go to her meetings with her and the whole time I am listening to these stories I want to cry and scream out “I’m a druggie too” but I don’t because I don’t want my daughter to know.
I feel worthless and terrified. Who will I be without Norco’s? and how will I manage my legitimate pain?
YEAH!!!!! Now THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN” “BOUT!!!! Way to set ‘er down, SM!!! Yeeeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw!!!
I just went to the grocery store to recharge my battery. Helped a little old lady find the raisin bran, found the elderly couple find the pinto beans, advised a lady on toilet paper, and asked what the best deal was in the frosting section. Whew!! What a day!! Now I think I will go scrape at the icy/snow buildup outside, and then clean the kitchen and decorate a cake. Stop over for some cake, you guys. You are always welcome here!!!
OH!! Totally different subject. What do I get my wife for Valentine’s Day?????? I am teetering on the prospect of a weekend in Florida, believe it or not….any ideas??? I usually do the typical man gift…lol…sorry, Joe…and Stu…I buy the flowers and the chocolates. Pooey. I got her roses last weekend anyway. What now? Help.
That’s it from metoo today! Have a great day, and great job saying NO!!! Keep up the good work, folks. When you hit that wall, just act silly, strike a pose and say, “I meant to do that!!!”
Sometimes you just gotta laugh.
Hey Now,
A big shout out from the frozen pineywoods of east texas, Currnet tempature 16 winds out of the north and everything icd over with 3 or 4 inches of ice.
Winter rant 2 od the season, I hate the fucking cold, period it sucks, why don’t I live in southern california or key west.
I mean why do i live where i don’t want to live, that is a deep one there.
And it’s Super bowl weekend so I am not going deep this weekend, I am however overeating, and going into a frenzied state of sports guy.
So I am kicking off this Steeler weekend with a little trip back to the seventies with this tune…
party time phreaks…..
HERE WE GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7ALxylSbaU
I am only here to carry the message…I love you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LV_V8wZsiDk&feature=related
I see your temperatures and your ice…and I raise you over a foot of snow to boot!!!!
Key West would be very nice today….I’m with Joe!!!
Party time!!!! Got milk?
I just heard the weather report for FL, it’s scary!!!!
Partly sunny skies, temps in the high 70′s low 80″s, the suggested clothing for the day, BATHING SUITS!!! I am sweating bullets over here!!!
I KNOW I SUCK!!!
I don’t know how y’all are dealing with this weather!!
Someone really pissed of Mother Nature!!
At least the groundhog predicted an early spring!! Does that help!!
OK Me, Kitty and Lori are sending sunshine blessing your way.
Metoo, I bet that trip to FL is sounding pretty damn good right now eh??
Forgive the gloat, don’t hate, appreciate
Well, the Monterey trip was postponed a day. I went ahead and went with them. The day started out miserably. Managed to get to sleep at around 8a.m. and was awoken at 11 a.m. and told let’s go. So feeling grouchy and in pain and running on three hours of sleep I hurried up and got ready and got in the truck for what I new was going to be a miserable day.
My niece is here for the weekend, so she was with us. It was a horrible two and half hour car ride. The backseat of that truck I swear is part of hell, and with my niece back there with me it was even more uncomfortable. And the last quarter of the drive was some windy ass road, so I was hurting bad by the time we got there.
But once we got there and walked around on Fisherman’s Wharf I got to feeling a little better. It was 79 degrees there today. It has never been that warm in Monterey when I’ve been there. It’s right on the ocean, it’s usually freezing. We had lunch at the Fisherman’s Grotto, well they had lunch, I can’t stand the smell of fish cooking, so I was unable to eat my lunch. I almost lost what little I did eat, the smell had my stomach turning.
After that we walked around the wharf some more, the kid was having the time of her life, which made it all the more enjoyable for me. Saw a sea otter and watched the cute little guy for a while. My niece was fascinated by him. He kept diving down and coming back up with a big rock on his belly and was smashing clams or whatever he was trying to open on the rock and eating away. He was a cool cat just floating there on his back and having himself a snack. Saw some HUGE Starfish stuck on some of the poles in the water. Came across a guy with like 10 parrots and got to hold them and pet them.
Me and the kid went in all the little shops and I bought her a bunch of little things she wanted. I remember when I was a kid and we’d go to Monterey and my parents didn’t have money to buy us souvenirs, we usually got a jawbreaker at the candy shop, and were so happy to get that. But I told her if you see something you want tell me, and she did, so I spoiled her a little. But hey it felt good, I remember seeing all that cool stuff and wishing I could have just one thing, so now being an adult and giving her the stuff I couldn’t have makes up for it all. As much as I would have enjoyed a little souvenir on a trip when I was a kid, I think there’s more joy in giving that to her now.
We did hit the candy shop and I got my jawbreaker of course, like always, it’s tradition now. I gave her an empty plastic bag and told her to get whatever she wanted. She was scooping all different kinds of candy left and right, I was right behind her lol. I introduced her to rock candy. Which she now loves. Got myself some chocolate fudge and white chocolate. We walked out of there with like 3 pounds of candy. That’s 30 bucks worth of candy there!
Fell asleep on the ride home and that alleviated some of my pain. Managed to get the kid to let me lay my legs across her and stretched out as much as I could in that backseat. All in all it was a good day. The pleasure was worth the pain. I could have stayed home and slept all day and been comfortable, but I would have missed Caylin experiencing Monterey for the first time. So tomorrow when I’m at my sister’s for Superbowl and I can hardly move, I’m just gonna have to look at that kid and remember how much fun she had and hopefully that will ease the pain.
Miss Jamie is in good spirits today! Didn’t even bother me when I came home and my fiancee was mad at me for some unknown reason. Nothing is gonna bring me down right now, and I haven’t felt like that in a looooooong time. Yay, nieces!!!
Love and Hugs to everyone! Hope you all have a safe and happy Superbowl Sunday! I hate football, but I’ll be at my sister’s watching the game rooting for the Steelers.
Happy Trails,
Jamie
I love rock candy!!! Does anyone know how you make it at home?? That would be a fun project for you and your niece, JameCat!!! Find out how you do it for me~maybe we could all participate??!!!
Hey Y’all. Well my Steelers lost yesterday but there is always next time. The pre game excitement and seeing all my cousins and cousins kids as far away as Japan talking about the game on facebook…well, that was just so amazing. And, of course my infamous wings and weinies helped some to.
Missed you guys the past few days. I was lying low, getting my thoughts together, but thinking about you all the same.
I hope all of you are doing OK. Just one message today and it is the same old message I always bring to you. Today, you can decide not to use drugs. And, if you decide to do this, please rely on my prayers and support because I will be here praying for you. Love to anyone who is lurking out there and wants to join us…..we are a bunch of crazy chicks and at the time being one crazy guy….who are kicking our habits, one day at a time.
Angela and Stu – my friends I hope you are OK – please let us know so we won’t worry.
Love You guys
Kitty
Jamie,
I am glad you went to Monteray – Somestimes we just need to push ourselves into going places instead of just staying home and this time it was a gift for you to see your neice so happy. That is where the real pleasure is after all – in pleasing the ones we love and seeing the sparkle in a childs eye when she experiences life situations for the very first time…YOU DID GREAT…Love You
Kitty
Metoo…found this at candy.ABOUT. com….was that a sign it was the right recipe? lol
Rock candy is a simple sugar candy that can double as a science experiment. The process can take up to a week, but it’s fun to watch the sugar crystals growing over time. Note that the exact quantity of sugar syrup you will use depends on the size of the jar you have. If you want to make several pieces of rock candy, use multiple jars and skewers, and double or triple the sugar syrup solution as necessary. Be sure to check out the photo tutorial with step-by-step instructions showing how to make rock candy.
Ingredients:
•2 cups water
•4 cups granulated sugar
•1/2-1 tsp flavoring extract or oil (optional)
•food coloring (optional)
•glass jar
•skewer or thread (see below)
Preparation:
1. Prepare your materials: wash a glass jar thoroughly with hot water to clean it. Cut a length of thick cotton thread a few inches longer than the height of the jar, and tape it to a pencil. Place the pencil across the lip of the jar, and wind it until the thread is hanging about 1 inch from the bottom of the jar. Attach a paper clip to the bottom of the thread to weight it and ensure it hangs straight down. Alternately, you can use a wooden skewer as the base of your rock candy, and use clothespins balanced across the top of the jar to clip it into place.
2. Wet your thread or wooden skewer, and roll it in granulated sugar. This base layer will give the sugar crystals something to “grab” when they start forming. Set the thread or skewer aside to dry while you prepare your sugar syrup.
3. Place the water in a medium-sized pan and bring it to a boil. Begin adding the sugar, one cup at a time, stirring after each addition. You will notice that it takes longer for the sugar to dissolve after each addition. Continue to stir and boil the syrup until all of the sugar has been added and it is all dissolved. Remove the pan from the heat.
4. If you are using colors or flavorings, add them at this point. If you are using an extract, add 1 tsp of extract, but if you are using flavoring oils, only add ½ tsp, and make sure you don’t stand right in front of the pan—the scent can be very strong as it rises in the steam. Add 2-3 drops of food coloring and stir to ensure even, smooth color.
5. Allow the sugar syrup to cool for approximately 10 minutes, then pour it into the prepared jar. Lower the sugared string or skewer until it hangs about 1 inch from the bottom.
6. Carefully place your jar in a cool place, away from harsh lights, where it can sit undisturbed. Cover the top loosely with plastic wrap or paper towel.
7. You should start to see sugar crystals forming within 2-4 hours. If you have seen no change to your skewer or thread after 24 hours, try boiling the sugar syrup again and dissolve another cup of sugar into it, then pour it back into the jar and insert the string or skewer again.
8. Allow the rock candy to grow until it is the size you want. Don’t let it grow too large, otherwise it might start growing into the sides of your jar! Once it has reached the size you want, remove it and allow it to dry for a few minutes, then enjoy or wrap in plastic wrap to save it for later.
Hey y’all
TG Superbowl is over, my neighborhood goes beserk over it, we all do something, this year it was my turn to do the pre-game and appetizers. Deep frying a few hundred chicken wings and wrapping what seemed like a billion pig in a blanket and OHHHH the dips, I started making them 2 days ago and was still finishing them when the first round showed up, for the game we all moved on to the next house and for the first time ever I WON part of the football pool! I was so excited. By the time we were getting ready to move to post game I was exhausted so we came home. Anyone want some wings, pigs dips, chowdah, crab cakes, Cubans, cake, cookies, fudge and every type of jelly bean known to man????
So I am going shopping with big winning bucks and this time I am only shopping for ME!!! Not stingy or selfish it’s just that I think I deserve to go spend my first winnings on me!!!
Have I shared that I am throwing my husband a suiprise birthday party????? It started out at about 30 people and the guest list has grown to 75, so I had to go back to the drawing board and start over. I doubt it’s even going to be a surprise anymore because people keep slipping up and I have almost been caught too many times to count. I know he knows somethings going on, but instead of letting me off the hook, he is playing dumb and I bet he’s having a good laugh at all my cover up antics! I am stressed beyond recognition and my back is still giving me grief, but I past the point of no return so i just need to suck it up and get it done!! He better be pretty damn thankful
I hope all you “snow” people are staying warm (it’s 82 and sunny today
Blessings to all
sm
Hey, crew!!
I just got an email from another incoming ‘about’ girl!! Her post is awaiting moderation, but I just wanted to say hey scoot over!! More great people incoming!!!!
Where is the moderator?? Sometimes TIME is a killer when you’re an addict….
Day 8 now and goin strong, Peace.:) Joel.
I have been reading all of the posts starting from the “Thomas recipe” page and all of the 900+ posts on this one. I feel like I already know all of you so well, and think that you are all very strong ladies and gentleman. I have been reading as I have been detoxing over the last two days. It is amazing to hear everyones accoplishments, struggles, love, and dedication. I have cried over so many posts from each of you. I want to thank you for carrying me through the first couple of days and all of the inspiration you provide.
I have been taking 6-8 7.5/750s a day for the past 4 years. (excluding 9 months of pregnancy) I have finally decided that I am ready to take my life back. (starting to sob) I hope that I can join this board and continue staying strong with all of you and your amazing strengh.
I’m still laid up with my back. But I’ll scooch on over to let someone else sit down. Welcome new “about girl”! SM I’ll take all the goodies! Cookies, fudge, cakes and jelly beans. I’ve been craving homemade cookies and fudge lately. Maybe cbecause I was sick and didn’t get any for Christmas.
My fiancee is being an overly sensitive, moody woman! lol So things between me and him have been on edge last two days. OMG, sometimes he’s such a jackass! Men!
Anyway, I’m gonna get for now. Love and hugs!
Happy Trails,
Jamie(or is it JameCat?)
It’s JAMECAT!!! And, yeah, SM, I want goodies over here!!!
Hey Y’all
Today is the 8th of February my friends – do you know what day it is……5 months clean for Kitty. I wish to thank all of you for being here to see me through this….back in the very beginning – Metoo Southern Mom and Joe were here holding my hand through each daily post. I am here today to hold anyone,s hand who needs me…with God’s help.
I love you guys
Kitty
Kittymom001@gmail.com
Can we all sing a chorus or two of “Lets get high on “life” with a little help from our friends..shall we.
Love,
Kitty
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWs1-NEV9O0
YEAH KITYY MOM, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
I am so proud of you. I am also envious. The strength it takes to do what you did and continue doing gives me so much hope and strength that I too will be able to continue in your footsteps. You are such a loving, caring individual and you deserve nothing but the best that the good lord and this world can bestow upon you.
Keep up the fantastic job and I know for a fact you are the inspiration for me and others to keep going.
Love,
Lori
News from Angel:
Please join me in prayers for Angel and her family in their time of need. Her grandmother was moved to another hospital and is in stable condition but her lungs and kidneys are not improving and Angel is at her bedside daily. Below are her words relayed to me by e-mail: God Bless you our dear Angel.
It would be great if you could let everyone know that I am doing well and I can feel everyones prayers. I will be back on the site as soon as things slow down and I will have a lot to say. Thanks again for all of your kind words and prayers and I will talk to you soon.
Thanks freinds
Kitty
Yay for Kitty!!! You go!
And thank you for the update on Angel. Been worried about her.
I got a doctors appointment this afternoon to see about my back. So fingers crossed it’s nothing too serious. It hasn’t gotten any better in a week so I’m kinda concerned. Still laid up on the couch and fighting with my fiancee during, the last couple days. I’ll say it again, he’s a jackass!
Anyway not much to say today. I’m kinda tired of words after arguing for 4 hours lol. Love and hugs to all.
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Ok, kids, where is JOE?????
OMG – thanks for joining us J-lady and onaplain. It is great to see some new faces on here and believe me when I say, we are here for you. Sorry the mediator took so long to post your posts and I hope it does not deter you from coming back. I remember five months ago when I first came on here and read and read and waited for my post to come on here – it seemed like an eternity – hey, but now you are on – and “one of us”….. so WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME!!!!
Us girls on here have a some common charms to remind ourselves of our common bond on here. (Southern Mom and I took it upon ourselves to get the charms together for anyone who is interested in a token) I would be most interested in providing you one if you are interested, but if you are not that is OK too….just an offer. You can e-mail me at:
kittymom001@gmail.com.
…and your information will be held confidential.
Love to all (old friends and new)
Kitty
5 months clean (Sept 8, 2010 to February 8, 2011)
WELCOME NEW KIDS!!!!
Please update us now that your posts will slide right in!!!! For some reason, your having cried while reading our site means a lot to me. I’m a sappy old lady. Hhahahaha!!! Well, not exactly OLD, but…feeling older every day. Needing some angels and some guidance!!
Hey Now,
Everyone Lurks sometimes (in my REM everybody hurts voice)
It is always a real treat to see a new posts. So refreshing. I have been digitally recovering all over the place the last week, God i have typed a bunch.
If your new to living without pills or it’s been awhile, I have learned just one truth.
ONE IS TO MANY AND A THOUSAND IS NEVER ENOUGH.
The rest of it is well, the rest of it.
No magic pills in recovery, daily grind…But oh the rewards. more countless than the stars, if you thought the euphoria of 10 lortabs was spot on, wait to you wake up free, on a spring morning and the thought of dope isn’t in your consciousness, or if your like me, the smell of bacon cooking, the smile of a woman..My god the list of euphoric experiences is so endless.
hey Metoo, you working(j/k) i love to say that, it’s so funny.
Well new guys, welcome to what Buddha described as the middle path, the road to where suffering ends.
love,
joe
Welcome, welcome new lady! Another woman, Joe! Lucky dog haha
Tuesday night I took my last vicodin. Had my doctor’s appointment Wednesday afternoon. I’m starting to become convinced that every doctor is a frickin quack. Again, I’m treated like a drug seeker, at the office I’ve been going to for close to 10 years? Oh yes, cuz I come in all the time with pain complaints. I like go to the doctor once or twice a year and only if I absolutely have to. I gave it a week from my ER visit hoping I would start to feel better, but I didn’t so I went to the doctor. He didn’t even examine me, did no x-rays or tests, just handed me a paper with stretches on it and told me to take tylenol. So I’m like okay, I’ll go with it. I’m in a lot of pain but maybe it’s better I don’t get prescribed anymore vicodin. But now from doing the stretches and shit the pain is just ten times worse than it was before and the tylenol might as well be candy, because they don’t even touch my pain. So I’m taking home remedy suggestions…
This is going on my third day off the pills, again. Got that funeral to go to this afternoon and I’m already having a lot of anxiety about it. Most of the people who will be there I haven’t seen since my boyfriend died. And the last time I saw them was at his funeral, so I’m sure there’s gonna be some emotions drudged up there.
I’m just having a hellish week, too much drama and other bullshit to deal with.
Anyway, I’m gonna get. Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hey, Jamie…was it you or someone else who was going to try kratom? If you ask me, you know my answer. I haven’t looked back…but I don’t want to push, so that’s all I will say!!!
KittyMom, you ain’t no double dipper no more!!!! You rock!!!!
Hey now, Joe. LOL..don’t make me have to come down there to kick your butt, because you know I can!!! Thinking a weekend away in Houston might just do the trick!!!! Or maybe you could get me a job at the plant, and I could just shack up there with you and your family?? How about it??? The rest of the board could come to visit…it would be real nice, ci??
Haha Meetoo – I could just see it now – a kitty train to Texas…how bout you all come here instead and sit by the pool and sip something cool….I would prefer a white chocolate mocha how bout you…a cold beer?????
Love Ya – you crack me up
DD Kitty sittin by the pool!
Hmmm….first I would try the white chocolate mocha, because I have an unrevealed love for white chocolate!!! How did you know this, DD??? After that, it’s all about the beer, baby!!!!! I would love to come join you! It’s too bad that airline tickets are so freakin’ expensive, because REALLY…I NEED to go somewhere where it’s 80 degrees!!!!! NEED!!!!! Is Joe coming?? JameCat??? Angel is busy….SM is already there….JLady??? Lori?? Onaplain??? Hee…onaplain…like that a lot…wish I were too…onaplain…onaplain…taps heels of ruby red slippers three times…onaplain…
Hey y’all,
I wanted to check in and wish you all a very Happy Valentine’s Day, it’s also my husband’s birthday and this year I am TRYING to throw him a surprise party and it is literally driving me crazy!!!
So if I don’t get back to all tomorrow ON Valentine’s day I wish you all love and pray that God blesses your day with love hope and happiness.
sm out
What does God give Joe for Valentines day….
Hmm let’s see he knows he loves the ladies, he knows his heart is troubled, he knows he is a connoisseur of sexiness and taste(j/k)..no I’m not.
he know he loves woman in all states, both actual physical residency and mental and spiritual.
he knows that the only thing more than their bodies that Joe
loves is their minds and their feelings.
He knows Joe needs this to stay clean…..
So he gave him the unbelievable pleasure, honor and privilege that comes in the form of the woman of about.
I can never explain the depth or greatness of this blessing, I mean it is beyond even my vivid imagination.
Today, let me honor each of you who takes the time, risk, and effort to let me into their lives.
Thank you Jesus.
Thank You Metoo
Thank You Kitty
Thank you Southermom
Thank you Jamie
Thank you Angela
Thank You Lori.
You each have made my life so amazingly rich, so wonderfully full
So no matter how it all plays out in our lives, I NEED each of you to know, you have saved a life, My Life.
I can never repay the debt.
I Love you all, more than you will ever know.
it is through your words, God has shown me this….
Ask and you shall receive, knock and the door shall be open.
If I doubted the existence of a loving caring amazing jaw dropping miracle creating God when I got here,
I sure as fuck don’t now.
A seed of Faith is all it takes to get started
Happy valentine’s day…
Love
And a very happy Valentines Day to you Joe, I am so proud and grateful to call you, Kitty Mom, Southern Mom, MeToo, Jamie, Angela, and everyone else my friend. You are all so precious to me and I will have with me always the wonderful miracle of friendship through good and bad times with me.
May everyone have a happy and blessed day.
Love to all,
Lori
Happy Valentines Day
I love you guys
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydfH7iuLR0I&feature=related
Valentines Day, another day in the life of… all of us have struggles and all of us have fears. I hope that all of us have someone who loves us who an help us through this night and the next. I am so glad that just less than a week ago I shared with my husband the horrible experience I’ve been going through because through him and our working together we found all of you. I am really feeling the music tonight as it runs over and over in my head. All day long I’ve been thinking about this song and I realized that it’s because last week when I sang these lyrics I was crying out for someone, anyone and this week when I hear them I think of you. It’s a song by Nickleback..yes I’ve been into angry music lately, but it’s really a beautiful song. The lyrics are something like this:
And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we’d see the day when nobody died
And in the air the fireflies
Our only light in paradise
We’ll show the world they were wrong
And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we’d see the day when nobody died
I just can’t stop thinking about how amazing a difference it makes to know you’re not alone in this. Thanks for your support. I go to the doc tomorrow, scary deep breath, but I’m gonna be okay, no rubber room, no terminal diagnosis, just another person who can help me get through this. It’s been 5 days since I last had to step back from the ledge. 5 whole days! Thanks again.
Today you go to the Dr. PA, and I AM WITH YOU. You will be in my thoughts and prayers all day…please let us know how you do!! You are never ever EVER alone….
Ok..so Sunday I went to Mass. I prayed all my normal, fervent prayers of “Help me, Lord!” “Talk to me, Lord!!” “Please, PLEASE hear me and help me, Lord!!”
I was sitting there with a guy on each side of me, when I started thinking about our little ‘about’ family here, and friends I would lay down my life for, yet don’t even ‘know’ because we are internet friends….just thinking about all of you…us…the community we share…just US.
I thought of the man to my right…who might he ‘be?’ If he were one of ‘my guys’, I think he would be my friend, Andy. Yep, he would be Andy. And, to my left, certainly this man would be my newest friend, Will. So, I was sitting there, continuing my prayers of “speak to me, Lord…please guide me and give me the direction and BANDWIDTH that I so need…” And the ‘answer’ came to me….
Andy Will. Andy Will. ANDY WILL….
And He will…
And He will…
And, so, He will.
Metoo I am also really feeling Andy lately! I pray that God is holding him.
I feel like I have gone through every friggin’ emotion, trying to throw someone a surprise party while you are trying to stay sober. DO NOT RECCOMMEND THIS!!!!
in your valued words…more later
Love you all happy day after heart day, put down the chocolate
I wonder how Stu is…..
Could we all figure out a time and day to band together in prayer? Is it possible for us to set a time for each of us wherever we are to unite for a few moments?
Anyone?
Hey everyone – Metoo has a great idea – can we get together at a certain time and pray for Stu. Metoo can you coordinate it on here or on facebook – I am IN sister!!!!
Love Ya
Kitty
Metoo – HAVE OUR CHARMS IN HAND!!!
lOVE
KITTY
I really don’t do praying, but I can squeeze my charms in my hand and send “vibes” haha
That’s all it takes, JameCat!!!! Vibes are perfect too!!!!!
Ok…we will have to do this sometime on Sunday??? Anyone else??
And now where in the heck is Joe/??? YOU BOYS BETTER START BEHAVING!!!!! Don’t make me have to come over there!!!!
I’m in for sure, let me know when!!
Ok…how about 1pm Michigan time? I think that would be noon for Joe, and 1pm for the rest of us?? Sunday?
I’m on the west coast, do the math for me lol
Where is a man?? I don’t know what west coast time would be…lol…
Her we go girls and Joe – pray time for Stu on Sunday with time zone differences.
1:00 – Lori, SM, and KM – Eastern Time
12:00 – Joe Central Time
10:00 AM – Jamie Pacific Time
I will email Angel to see if she wants to join us and I can’t remember wher she lives but will check into it.
Love YOU
Kitty
Hey Now—>”Where is a man??
Now I have several witty responses to that one baby.
But they all made me realize one thing, I am so fucking lucky i am not a homophobic, bigot or racist.
I am though a sex deprived 45 year old mildly depressed obsessive who takes a antidepressant because he has some weird reaction that actually increases my desire as well as induces vivid dreaming. (which I actually enjoy).
So you know where I went with that one Metoo.(holla)
So you know we all got our cross to bear….
I will be praying on Sunday for sure…In the mean time I will be JAMMING TUNES, BREATHING FRESH AIR,AND DAYDREAMING!!!!!!
OH, I just got Andy Will—AND HE WILL.
And He Does.
love to all. no exceptions.
Joe
Sunday is my total prayer day!! So I am in on the prayers!
Joe a bit TMI but that’s OK
tt Y’all soon
sm
Good morning Y’all.
Wow – quiet weekend around here – I hope that means that everyone has just been busy and doing OK.
I prayed for our Stu as planned on Sunday afternoon and I hope that our prayers find him safe and secure in our Lord’s hands and that he returns one of these days and lets us know how is is doing. People we meet on here really end up touching our lives and it is really sad when they disappear on us. Some on us are sticklers and some post and do not stay. I hope in some way the ones that do not stay, are touched in some way buy visiting here. My friends on here have helped me more than you know and I hope I can reciprocate in some small way.
Be safe and know that I love you….my friends
Kitty
Hey Guys,
Well I turned 27 on Valentines and was sober 14 days then and today Ive made it to day 21! I feel great and I am gettin much acomplished so I feel really good about the direction I am headed. Thanks for all the support!
Peace. Love.
Joel
Joel, I AM PROUD OF YOU!!!!! I am sitting here smilin’ away…..KEEP ROCKIN’, JOEL!!!!!!!
I’m still kickin’. Been a blah week, and figured you guys were tired of me talking about my back pain. I talked to Angela the other day, she said she was doing okay and will be back soon. Been worried about her.
Not much to say lately. Love and hugs to all!
Happy trails,
Jamie
Hugs to you, JameCat!!! I sure hope Stu is ok. Is Angela’s grandma still with us? Gosh, I know what she’s (angela) going through.
Oh, you guys, spring will be here before we know it. I am so sick of winter. I am ready to bloom!!!! It just feels like this winter has been so long! I am ready!!!!
Hugs to all of you, my friends!!
When I talked to Angela she said her grandma was still holding on. She said that it was hard to see her going through pain and suffering. I feel for that girl. I know what that’s like to sit there with a dying grandparent and there’s nothing you can do. My grandpa was my hero, and one of the hardest things I ever had to do was watch him wither away. I remember the first time I walked in and saw him when he became bed ridden, had only been about a week since I had last saw him and he had gotten so much worse on that short amount of time. I barely had enough time to turn around and leave the room before I broke down crying. The one comfort was that he got to go out the way that he wanted, he wanted to die at home on his land he loved so much, and thanks so much to hospice he got that. He got to take his last breaths in the house he built, with a beautiful view, surrounded by his family.
Ah Metoo, you got me to telling a story!!! This place has that effect on me. I come on here and offer support or whatever to someone else then I get reminded of something and end up typing a big ol’ long story.
Hugs
I always love your stories, JameCat. And I love those hospice people too. Maybe I will be one of them someday! Maybe you will be too!!
Joel – Congratulations on 21 days. You are the same age as my daughter so I am so routing for you to get through this. You are over the worst and are going to make it. Keep on hanging around because there are a lot of good people on here that have beat this thing and we are here cheering you on.
Love
Kitty
Thanks KM and MeToo for the kind words!! Ive saved so much money over the past month that im able to take a trip to Houston this coming thur to see my family. My lil bro just graduated from Sam Hou St. and has a badass job with Baker-Hughes now and finally got an appartment in a nice part of town south of Memorial. Anyways, hope everyone is doing well!!
BTW, I have a band that plays around OKC(where I currently live) and I have one song on a indie station 105.3 The Spy that plays alot of local music. Heres a link to a vid I put together with pictures of me and my buddies shark fishing in Matagorda, Tx together with the song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eu-06KO3V28
Peace.Love.
Joel
Hugs to everyone tonight expecially Joel who is well on his way to beating the beast….Cool video by the way. Which guy are you? Have a good everyone. Typing on here is as slow as molasses is January so I am not going to try to type too much,
Love to all
Kitty
Hey Everyone,
Here’s an update from PA. It’s been 7 days on anti depressant meeds and back to the doc today. Things are getting better, lower highs and higher lows. I appreciate all the support I found here. Don’t feel like I have much to contribute. If you wanna check in on me you’ll find my blog @ notapencil.com. It’s a little too much info for most people but you all are familiar with the pain and the process so maybe you will find comfort in my journey. Thanks again for letting me know I’m not alone.
Hey Now,
Blown away man! Joel, nice tune brother, got a hint of some Nirvana inspired drums and riffs, lyrics, got a hear it a few more times. I am just glad somebody remembers rock.
Now, you have come into a great place here brother, you have taken you first step into The City of God.
That’s what I call it now, I must apologize for being slow on the post, man I so remember those first very painful,very sick, very lonely days of detox and withdrawl.
These posts literally saved my life, they have that kinda of power.
I love OKC, having been there a few times, be it back in the day, and it has been awhile I have great memories.
The brickyard, and brick streets….I also remember hanging out at this lake at night , man I can not remember the name, had benches and stuff. Good Times, real Good times
Also, when OkC got the Thunder and drafted Durrant, I became a fan, followed the franchise from the get.
Defense is sketchy this year, and Westbrook needs to pass more, if we hope to get out of the first round, we need a three seed. Not sure if your a Thunder guy, so stop me if you hate ball.
Anyway, I know you did not wind up on this board by chance, it just does not work that way. Getting here is inspired staying here is up to you…
Keep coming Back,
Hey Pa, I will be all over that blog, the journey is my power, my life source, reading about sharing about it living it is my life, so I am thrilled you posted a link, I am sure all have plenty to talk about after I check it out.
I have been off on this deep Cain and Able study, it is freaking me out, how engrossed this tale has me…
One is to many and a Thousand never enough….The first truth.
So thanks guys for bringing the sunlight of the spirit, the place is much brighter.
Oh and having left Houston, for the peace of the East Texas Pineywoods, there are no nice places in that pit of congestion(kidding)
Love
Hey everybody, I have missed you guys so much. I hope you are all doing well. I am doing alright, my Grandma is still hanging on, her insurance company is making us put her in a nursing home after the 4th because they won’t pay for her to be in the hospital any longer. I feel so bad because she would have never wanted to live like this. I had prepared myself to let her go, but not to watch her suffer. Again thank you everyone for your prayers and for keeping me in your thoughts. I hope everyone is doing ok, I think about you guys all the time and you are all in my prayers. Love you all, Angel
Hey Angel!!! I was so happy to see your message!!! I thought of a question…without knowing the ‘exact’ situation….well, a couple questions~
Do they expect your Grandma to pull through this?
If not, have YOU told her that it’s ok to go?
I am thinking of you, praying for you, and wishing you happiness hidden in the layers of the emotions you are feeling, kiddo. You are thought of every day, and I am so glad to have encountered you on this path!!
Hey Y’all
Angel – so glad you touched base with us. I have missed you also and sorry to hear that your Gramma is having to be moved. What are they thinking, moving her around like that. I know it hurts you to see her like that but whenf God calls her to his heavenly home, she will feel pain and suffering no more. My grandmother lived to be 91 and it was still hard on us. We wanted her around for ever. You are in my prayers my dear one.
On a lighter note my friends – we’re having a heat wave, a tropical heat wave….up to about 80 today. Here is a little song for ya – before your time – but Motown at it’s best – The Supremes.
Love Ya all
Kitty
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=so2CjbqGMPQ&feature=related
Metoo – good to see your positive voice around here. Get ready for a big party next week on March 8 when I hit 6 months clean you guys – don’t let me down…party hardy …be there or be square….Joe, good to see you coming back around….miss you!
Hey Guys!
Well this will prolly be my last post till I get back from Houston but thanks for everything guys… Its weird, I cant really talk to ppl in my life about my struggle with drugs cause ive always been so ashamed of it… But I feel like I can talk to you guys and lean on yall for support, so thanks!!!
Joe- Thanks for the kind words on my song and ya Im a big Nirvana fan! On that track I played all the instruments n did vocals, cost alot but well worth it.. Just gotta get signed now
Oh BTW, im a Rockets fan but ive gone to a few Thunder games and they got a nice squad! Durant is nasty!
KM- Thanks! Hope your doing well and im the shorter, skinny blondish guy in that vid.
You guys have a great weekend
Peace.Love.
Joel
Joe – Was it Lake Hefner? Maybe Lake Overholser?
March 8th isn’t that Mardi Gras, I can’t wait Kitty,
Oh and Angel, I love how the a is now gone, that is no typo.
Being there, that is the first fruit of the spirit, It is the only one I seem to have. I am there today, and that is the grace, Now what I do now that I am here instead of missing in action, I have yet to figure out,
I guess I love in the way that feels completely natural to me, without thought of reward.
Joel, the Rockets, good luck with that. lake fucking heftier, that’s it.
The last time I was in OKC was when sprint pcs opened a call center there, they brought me in as. Trainer, motivation speaker, I wonder if that call center is even there
It was shortly after Mcveigh, and I went down to the courthouse area, it freaked me out really fucking bad and I was using then.
I also went there for The grateful dead shows in 1982 my favorite of the over 500 I saw.
Special place okc
Love
Joe-Yes it’s not a typo, Angel is my real name. when I first came on here I was so scared to admit anything even my real name, but now that I know I can pour my heart out to you guys, I feel like we should be on a first name basis.
Metoo-The Dr’s dont really tell us much anymore, just that she is very sick and it is a day by day situation. She is stable on life support, which I just don’t agree with because I think she is suffering. I have told her that it is ok for her to go, I have tried talking to my Mom and aunt to tell them she is done fighting, but they don’t want to hear it. So I am just praying and trying to stay by her side as much as I can.
Kitty-I am so proud of you for hitting six months, you are such a strong person. I have really had the urge here lately with everything that is going on, but I am staying strong. Well thanks again for everyones prayers and hugs. Love you all!!!
Big hugs Angel!
Okay, I have a question…I went to the doc today about my back again. It has been 24 days since i hurt the damn thing. So they finally decide to send me to physical therapy and prescribe me tramadol. So my question is about the tramadol? I’ve never had it, my parents have never heard of it. So is it another vicodin type thing or not as bad? Just looking for some info from a good source on this.
Hey Jamie – Sorry your back is still giving you problems – Tramadol is similar to Vicodin as it binds to opiod recepters in the brain…so that being said, it has the same possibility of being abused and causes withdrawal symptoms just as other opiate based drugs. Difference is it is a man made synthetic. I hope that answers your question…Feel better Jamie
Love Kitty
Angel dear Angel…my prayers are with you and may God bring comfort in these trying times. It is in God’s timeline now and in His capable hands.
Love
Kitty
Joe – Hey Marti Gras – sounds like fun. I was there on Bourban Street about 20 some odd years ago and had a beer is just about every bar until I passed out…do not wish for those days any more. I will celebrate my 6 month sobriety on a much quieter note from by couch or on my computer….Love
Kitty
Friday….Thank God.
I am so happy to see people walk the path od change. I think it is really hard to break habits, change personalities and disregard familiar paths for new ones, there is always so much to factor in, right.
I think the one thing more than anything else that winds up making a difference is just persevering,
For me that started with no dope for one day.
And for me that remains the main thing.
I also, realize what an important role grace plays.
I have been studying about grace foe the past week or so, I guess I never understood the depth of Grace, the types of Grace, where grace came from.
Man, I love grace.
I love you guys, remember.
KEEP COMING BACK
I just filled out my first online job application…
CONGRATS, KittyMom!!!!! 6 MONTHS CLEAN!!!! Yahooooooooo!~!!
So I’m somewhat allergic to Tramadol, just great. And could a doctor possibly get back to me before the weekend? No. I’m starting to think like Joe, doctors are useless. I’m just glad I don’t pay for insurance, got that state medi-cal from disability. I’d hate to actually have to pay those bastards.
Screw doctors, screw the government, aargh to family drama!!! Anyone want to have a bitchfest this weekend? I’m your girl.
Love and hugs to all
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Metoo – you go girl – good luck with your job aps…any company would be priviledged to have you as an employee…so what kind of job are you lookin for….
Love
Kitty
Just wanted to let everyone know that my Grandma died this morning. No more tubes no more suffering, but still the hardest thing I have ever done. Once they took her off of her breathing machine, she was gone in about a minute. Thanks again for all of your thoughts and prayers. Love you all, Angel.
Angel – and your name says it all – You have been an angel to your grandma and have had such loving dedication and perserverance by being by her side in the past few weeks. God speed her soul to the loving place of Heaven where she will be pain free and her spirit light where she can sit and chat with those you went before her. Love You
Kitty
Angel…watch now for signs that your Grandma is with you. She is free!!! You will see her again in glory….Love you, kiddo….let peace settle in. You are loved!!!
Big hugs, Angel. I sent you my number, use it if you need to.
Angel,
My prayers for you and your family, I am here if you need anything.
joe
Angela,
I am praying for you and your loved ones. I’m sorry Ihaven’t been on lately, my computer was down. You will get through this.
To everyone, I missed being here and hope everyone is doing great.
Lori
Hi guys. I am back. I had some surgery and got back on the pain meds bid time.
I got 24 hours w/o the hydros. My stomach is killing me from the stupid surgeon. Just got back. I have not read any posts.
So. Hi guys!
Stu!!!!! Nothing too serious I hope with the surgery? Everyone missed you and we’ve all been worried!
Love and hugs to all
Happy Trails,
Jamie
I am full of hope and excitement and the realization that prayer REALLY does work and He hears our call. Stu, thank you for returning and please stay and let us hear your journey.
Love
Kitty
Hey Stu,
Welocme back brother. sorry to hear you had to endure some health issues. it never takes me long of being sick to realize how important health is.
Some great posts to read while your laid up there brother.
Hope you mend well.
Joe
STUART!!!!!!
It’s a good thing you are ailing, because if I were there, I’d have to slug you for ignoring me for so long.
JUST KIDDING!!!!! I missed you so much!!!! Welcome home, my friend…I missed you. We all did. But me more than any of them…lol….
Please don’t leave us for so long again~it’s not the same without you HERE!!!
We prayed for you….
Good evening friends
Love to all of you and a hearty thanks for letting me into your lives. God bless
Kitty
Well, got a new haircut for the new me. But I fell off the wagon last night because my back hurt so bad, but damn that pain pill took all that pain away. So starting over, I may have to shave my head though. I’ve had two people tell me I look like Michael Jackson(WTF), one of my sisters said I look like my most hated aunt who looks like and wishes she was a man(not to mention the fact that she’s like 60 and looks 100), and my cousin told me I look like my Grammy, a woman who was tore up from years of alcohol and tobacco use. So the new-new me may go shaved lol
I get my hair cut and feel good and pretty and people start insulting me lol hell
Don’t have much to say, just thought I’d pop in and say howdy. Love and hugs to all.
Happy Trails,
Jami
Hi All,
I wanted to give good wishes to all and hope everyone is finding the help they need to live a better life. Today it is two months. I can’t believe it. I found out yesterday I should have surgery on my achilles so walking won’t be painful anymore but as much as I need it I won’t be able to do anything for six weeks. We are probably moving over west of the orlando area in May or June to take care of my almost 79 year old dad so I really can’t afford the time off plus I know I will need pain meds after the surgery and I really want to wean my body off of those things for as many months as possible. Plus my grandson will be one next month and I wouldn’t miss his birthday party for the world. plus I had a bad vibe about the doctor and office I went to. It was like a conveyer belt of people in and out and he really didn’t answer my questions and when I asked him how much pain I can expect to be in his answer was, “pain is pain”. What the hell kind of answer is that. He treated me like some sort of dumbell which I am far from. I called and cancelled the surgery. I will have it done when we are settled over in the Clermont area. I dont need that shit from anyone.
Sorry, I was just so pissed off at this guy I had to vent. All my other docotors who I like a lot said he was the best. Piss off, I’m sure there is a nicer just as qualified orthopedic surgeon in Orlando that will be happy to take care of me.
Again, good wishes to all and try to have a stressless day.
Lori
Go Lori – Go Lori – Go Lori
2 months – way to go girl. Sorry I did not catch up with you till now. You are on your way !!!!! Ah…so sorry to hear you need surgery – seems like there is always roadblocks to staying clean for us…but we can perservere and we can do it again if we have to. Each month I have been off the pills, it gets better and next tuesday it will be 6 months for me – we need to celebrate – the two of us have “BIG” milestones…..Be here for “Fat” Tuesday and we will let it all hang out – start thinking about the music everyone and I will provide the food…lol – Come on folks – alot of us clean this beautiful March!!!
Love Y’ll
Kitty
PS – hey guys we are getting a little slow with the posting…we must be “getting a life”
As I was just sitting here ‘inscarpulating’ the “getting a life” thing, I realized that April 1st, I will be 1 year clean too. It feels good and so refreshing to not have anything weighing on my mind…except the usual things, which I just wish would go away. I hate to complain!! But I hate anxiety. Within the past year~actually 2 years now…~I have turned my life upside down. I’m certain it’s all for the better, and I have realized just how fully I have placed my life in God’s hands~and the realization of that TRUST and FAITH is truly amazing…and yet I am tired. I feel old and tired. I think I need some positive self talk with my friend, the mirror, today. I gotta gussie up and get ‘er done. I’m better than this slump I’ve gotten myself into!!
So, if anyone has any time for prayers for Metoo, I would appreciate them all!!! Thank you, my friends!!! I love you all, and am SO PROUD of how together we have tackled this beast. There really isn’t anything we can’t do now!
Hey everyone I’m back and ready to talk. We had my Grandmas funeral Wed. and it was really hard, but I was able to get up and talk about her at the funeral. Everyone was so proud of me, I did not leave a dry eye in the entire place. Another thing I was proud of is we had to get rid of all of her pills and she had an entire bottle of Vicoden that I could have just shoved in my purse, but I didnt, I got rid of them just like all the other pills. I told my Grandma when she was in the What a blessing it is to have someone like her in Heaven watching me keeping me in line. Between you guyss helping me and her watching me I think I am going to be just fine.
Sorry that you are down Metoo, I am sending big hugs and prayers your way, you know that everything is going to work out. You have faith and that is all you need
Well I better go , I have not cleaned my house for a while and it is getting pretty gross. I have to get back to normal and I guess that is the first place to start. Love you all–Angel
OK
First – Metoo…You HAVE turned your life upside down and inside out and I don’t think it unusual that you would once in a while feel a little turned around by the whole thing…but, you, my friend have been a blessing to me in the past six months and with the hard cold winter almost over and Spring bringing a fresh new season, keep looking at “the blessing basket” and you will see that it is filled with more blessings than you know what to do with. I will definately throw in a prayer for you….sometimes I forget to pray for my friends who are seemingly OK for the time being…so I apologize for that one…and will include you every day from now on. You are always upbeat to us needing it on this site…and we need you still. None of us have been posting as much lately for one reason or the other….So lets get to posting more regularly so we can lift each other up to our Lord and Savior. He can then show us who is boss!!! lol
Angel – God bless you for your strength in throwing away the pills – that is just too wonderful for words….you are now a free woman – free from dragon. You have done a great job slaying that old SOB!!! And, like you said, you now have a special guardian angel sitting on your shoulder – God’s helper!!
Well now – all us ladies have something to celebrate on “Fat” Tuesday….all of us have slain the ole dragon to certain degrees….so come on….get your booties movin to the music on Tuesday…I expect each of you to post some music on Tuesday. Don’t let me down…you too Joe!!!
Love you ALL unconditionally.
Kitty
Just checkin’ in. I’ve been grouchy and frustrated as hell dealing with incompetent doctors and trying every thing they will prescribe me, which I keep having bad reactions to, so it’s well let’s try this. So I’m still dealing with all that back pain crap.
Big hugs and love to everyone
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hey Now,
God i love the about site, I love coming here and I love u all for being here.
I wish I could add real deep meaningful stuff that would inspire the hell out of us all and raise the roof of off the place.
But you know I don’t have to Love, does that man.
That is the joy, Love just overcomes it all, If you Love being clean you will make it, If you love your friends you will be there.
If Love well Life is easy, it’s all spaces outside the love that are so fucking heavy.
Here is my go get em line for today,
This game is mental man, it’s mind over matter, you gotta play through the pain. (lol)
Ok some personal shout outs.
Lori–2 months, that is a BIG FUCKING DEAL, nothing or no one can ever take that from you, your touch to this Joe of is precious, I hope to hear more about your day to day while your are laid out with your Achilles issue you should scroll back up this thread, there was a woman here Sweet Freedom, she went through an Achilles surgery or two, if I remember correctly.
Angle, god what a vision of Love, the way you stayed by your grandmas side, got through the ordeal, tossed the pills..Sometimes Love just picks us right up.
Metoo–I haven’t been to bible study lately, I need to Get Back…How about you, lent is upon us time to refocus, re up, and go deep. I’ll see you there girl.
Kitty–beyond words, forget about it, as they say in my old hometown.
Ok so Fat Tuesday it is, I will have plenty of beads LADIES, so show me those….(lol)
Love to all no exceptions.
Hi All,
Kitty Mom and Joe, I can’t thank you enough for your support. I would not be here without you guys and the strength and support you give constantly. I thank everyone else on About who has supported me as well. I still have so so days like everyone else, especially since aspirin, advil, etc. does nothing for the pain in my foot, but coming this far I refuse to go back to the drugs. I would be a fool to think I can control my intake. I’m an addict for goodness sake. I postponed my surgery and will wait till whenever we move as I don’t have six weeks to recover.
I will live with it like I have till then.
Kitty Mom, CONGRATULATIONS on your sixth month anniversary!!!!!!! You give so much strength to everyone to keep on going. I love and appreciate your help to no end. Thank you my friend.
Joe you have made me laugh and cry more times than I can count. Please don’t stop writing, I look forward to seeing your words all the time. And here goes my treat for you to get my mardi gras beads ……………….. Did you see them, they were a lot better twenty years ago but what the hell.
Love and peace and good luck to those on the journey. Everyone on this board gives nothing but love and encouragement, take it from me.
Love,
Lori
I’m going to get all gussied up for Tuesday!!!!! I WANT BEADS AND I DON’T MEAN MAYBE!!!!! Lori, I hear you on the twenty years ago mammories…lmao…isn’t it the truth. What the hell.
Heading out to Mass in a couple of hours. I need it again…I’ve been looking forward to going again to hear my next direction to get me through the week.
In being here in this ‘new’ existence….I can see my growth weekly it seems. Just a two week time span is a great deal of progress toward making this life my own. I am thankful for many things, glad that I held out for the cash instead of just running. Glad that I had truly evaluated what I “had” there before jumping ship. Glad that my glass there was more than half empty because now there is nothing to miss, nothing to be homesick for. Except I am lonesome for one little dog that God and St. Francis (I am convinced it was they) sent to me to help me through. Without that little dog I would have been in rough shape there. Or should I say ‘rougher’?? LOL…or ruff ruff ruffer…. Anyway, if you have a pup, please pet him/her for me today and give it a little lovin’ from metoo.
That’s my daily rambling. Joe, get those beads ready, and please make sure there are some purple ones for me!! Is there a limit as to how many beads we can earn???
Hey Metoo,
Thanks for your kind encouraging words. I actually feel great today, it appears that this dragon may be easier to slay the 2nd time around? Actually went out last night with my wife. I drank a little Kratom yesterday and it really eliminated almost all of my w/d’s. I feel pretty good this am and don’t have a craving to take any Kratom. I can’t be tempted to take any pills as I flushed my prescrip. on Thursday to help me through this. Feel good enough to go to our church in a couple of hours, may visit a different church where I don’t know quite everybody as I am not in a super talkative mood.
Thanks!
Hey Now,
Well Metoo, nice to hear from you, and since your heading out to mass, please let me offer up some food for thought.
First, be it known that i am on a deep journey into the Book of Genesis, hey, what better way to start my
restoration of Faith. See that is where I am at, Today now, I understand what happened to me.
Now, I am studying the works of St. Augustine, my personal favorite. The City of God is my reference.
See I am kinda taken back by lack of memory of events in my life prior to 4th grade. Any memory prior to 4th grade is so shadowy, so vague.
I remember basic things, Our house in Pittsburgh, My front yard there, the street an even when I broke a window with a baseball.
I remember very little of Michigan, Yeah Metoo I lived in Grand Rapids for a year or so,
Anyway I have no idea if that is common or not, I remember more clearly after 4th grade.
Now I think that is where I lost my faith.
I see faith as both subjective and objective.
Objective, as it has been the driving force of everything I did, First, I wanted to just leave faith alone, to get as far away from it as I could. Now, it is all I seek.
So it is the OBJECT of my life
It also is always present in my mind, my thoughts my actions.
So it is the SUBJECT of my life.
I have studied and prayed and mediated on the Book of Genesis From Adam and Eve through Cain and Able to Abraham.
Anyway I discovered that once you have lost your faith, your highest aspiration becomes Hope,
You are never sure of anything, bur you cling to this little seed of hope, that some dam miracle is going to happen,
that you will get some type of break, that there is no truth to speak of, you wander.
I wander and needless to say I found dope which led me so faraway I got lost.
Enter Grace, this is the thing is it not, for if grace did not exist, I would not be here to type this message.
Grace to my understanding is two fold, absolute–a supernatural event that occurs so that you can continue on your heavenly destiny.
and sanctifying grace which is a state. a state of being without fear.
So it leads back to faith.
Now faith is restored, i think only trough knowledge.
And knowledge is where I am at. “To Know”. I think your acquire knowledge by recognition. and also by understanding.
It is this understanding I am now into.
How does one begin to understand simply i guess. The brain I see is both a storage unit and an exploration ship.
Which leads right into today’s readings.
The first reading…Moses clearly stating the choice, a blessing and a curse. Follow the law–get the blessing, stray from the law and get the curse.
My old mindset for sure. Interesting he ends with worshiping god you did not know (knowledge) or lack of is the cuse.
Th second reading–Paul says essentially that the righteous occurred outside the law, put has been given us by gift (faith).
The gospel–Jesus says “the will of the father is what is needed to be done.” I believe the will of he father is to obtain knowledge so as to grow faith.
At which point the love of God and Neighbor is what matters. And the drive to escape is replaced by the desire to return.
I love you guys..I am so stoked for Tuesday, now..I am going to be chowing on Craw fish, swigging blue Mt. Dew, my new addiction and I got a brown bag full of beads, a lot of purple beads…
Well you know, I say all that to say. I love your ladies, thanks so much for letting me hang around.
Peace,
Joe
What a great treat today is! Surely this is the day that The Lord has made!! My spirit was refreshed yet again. God spoke directly to me, as He so mercifully does each time I seek Him as I was taught.
Today I heard that the Holy Spirit will light our way on this path. We do not need to be afraid. I am so thankful to hear this. I worry that I might get off course, when I am trying with every breath to do the right things, as God has set for me to do. I pray that this week I will remain diligent in my senses~~to see the light the Holy Spirit shines, to feel the grace and love of Christ in my soul, and to put my heart into every word I say, every act being done as Christ Himself would do. To be more Christlike is my prayer.
I did pray that the cup of anxiety be taken from me….but if it is not His will, then the anxiety is my cross to bear. I feel small and ashamed that I have asked Him to take something like anxiety off my shoulders when He suffered so much more….more than anyone can humanly imagine. So, not my will but His be done. I will take what I am given!!
Today I brought David and my other friend Will to Mass with me, and after I laid all my issues on the table, I turned my focus to David and Will. All of our board members made an appearance in my mind. People probably thing, “what IS that crazy lady smiling about??? Geez, one minute she is deep in prayer~you can almost hear it pouring out of her~and then she will look up and smile…” Thank you all, for living in my heart and coming to mind when I thank God for my blessings. Each of you has a special place in my heart~!
So Tuesday is Fat. Let it be. It’s 6 months free for that Double Dipper we call Kitty, and that alone is reason to celebrate with every fiber of our being!! Lori has 2 months under her belt. 2 months!!!! It might as well be a lifetime for the amount of effort that those 2 months required. But, the Holy Spirit has shone His light, and those who have followed it HAVE been illuminated by the grace of Christ. They saw, and they heeded. They followed the path. That is the reason to PAAAARRRRTTTAY!!! They got it right!!!!
….and God smiled.
Your prayers were heard , Metoo. I am doing fantastic today. Church was great! I hope that my state of mind stays this positive and the cravings stay at bay. I had read that the first detox is the worst, hope that this is true.
Thanks!
David – welcome to the about page – we are happy to have you here and share in your journey. I will keep you in MY prayers also for a smooth journey in your detox…you can do it – alot of us around here have already walked that path and believe me it will get better – join us tomorrow in our celebration of milestones – our own personal “Fat Tuesday” – Bring us some music as we eat cajun food and drink Joe’s blue mountain dew!!!
We just love newcomers, those who come back to us, and us old timers!!!
Love
Kitty
Kitty Mom,
If I recall tomorrow is your 6th month anniversary. I want to say how proud I am to call you a friend and an inspiration to me and everyone else on here. You must be so proud, I know how happy I am for you. I congratulate you with admiration. You give me strength every day on this path, please believe that.
How convienent your sobriety anniversary lands on Fat Tuesday. Well you know what you need to do now, right? Joe is waiting for it, earn your beads gal.
Love and everything good,
Lori
:O) sweet!
Repeating from the TR page: This is 2nd post…1st was 08-10…I was clean a week and then back to using (albeit only 20mg perday, it has been about 4 years of legal use). Anywho, I am on day 6 and the fatigue is STILL THERE. WTF ? No RLS, some depression but I increased my Zoloft to 100mg to good effect. I am taking multi-vit/min but nothing else of the Thomas plan. I have my script reorder coming up this Friday and actually thought of calling it in…I got back to this site and am thinking twice…wish me luck!!
Thanks for the encouragement. Well see if I call it in…so far so good. Iam eating a bit more today.
A little pre fat tuesday jazz for y’all for tomorrow…Love
Kitty
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyLjbMBpGDA&feature=related
Hi Y’all
Happy Fat Tuesday and thanks for anyone who is joining me in my six months drug free…thanks to everyone here. Could not have done it without you.
Now comon – party time – hope someone brought the crawfish and mountain due.
Love You guys
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GwjfUFyY6M
Congrats Kitty!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qoqyHkYSJqY
Hey Now,
Eat Drink and Be Merry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As we get our groove on today, I just really wnt to thank everyone for showing up.
I love you guys…
Dave hope you can EAT, I;ve got 100lbs of crawfish, seasoned to he hilt,
Blue Mt. Dew…..Shit is incredible, yo.
And I got beads,balls,a nd more beads…
Kitty, Lori thank you guys so much for letting me witness the miracle.
Now waht song says Mardi Gras to me, that is a tough one…
But I will go with….
This You Tube Classic….
.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMH0bHeiRNg
Love to all No exceptions
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mW1dbiD_zDk
Cuz you’re on a natural high these days….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vpLAw-rVlE
some more for the party
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2JWJYLNUq4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIYiGA_rIls
cuz this reminds me of sitting on the porch in the summer sipping ice tea
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_1LfT1MvzI
we wont get fooled again, right?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rp6-wG5LLqE
this is my family theme song heh
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04854XqcfCY
I’m not gonna crack, and you guys are the friends inside my head
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkcJEvMcnEg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wE1drrFLG-E
reminds me of Metoo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3ssLcHq3AE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hB9XiOBR5i0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkAdwFhpSZM
for the cowboy in all of us, reminds me of my grandparents place
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-GMU2IBuno
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIw0ewEsNHs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DL7-CKirWZE
I may have went a little crazy with the music, but I love it so :p
Okay one more, because I have to send a song up to my Mikey who would have been 32 today. This is my only downer for the day I think….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdeSLxz5TTE
Joe,
I laughed so hard I almost cried at the video. Thanks for starting my day with that! Reminded me of my good old partying days of endless dancing and fun. Thanks again!!!!!!!!!
Lori
Fuck Jamie – you are the girl with music….Thanks everyone – Where is Metoo!!!
Love
Kitty
You guys are crazy and I love it! Where else can you get unconditional support, crawfish, beads and great tunes? I wrote out this whole long eloquent post, multiple paragraphs and just lost it all. I so hate it when that happens. Now it won’t be so perfect but I’m gonna try again.
I’m soaring on blue skies and sunshine today, feeling the cool air in my lungs and so dam happy to be alive. I can’t help but think that life before was just a haze, a daydream compared to the clear bright future. I know it’s so cliche’ but whatever, it’s true. I don’t want to understate the significance of the past, we all need to grow and evolve into the people we become and let’s not kid ourselves, it’s a wicked roller coaster some times. I have to say I can’t ride RC’s due to anxiety but if I could I would wanna ride with Joe and Jamie and listen to some great tunes and maybe do some yelling and have a good time.
As the world straightens out for me and I start to deal with the responsibility of day to day rebuilding of who I am and discovery of who I want to be and learn that though i am poor my lack of wealth does not have to stop me from being happy.
I look at all those people in Wisconsin and I think about the parallels between their revolt and our revolt against the things that try to attack us and it’s a beautiful silver lining we see in our humanity. Those people, wether you agree with them or not, they believe the fight is worth fighting and they are in it together and isn’t it just amazing to see the power of people together looking out for each other, with no malice or anger but with hope, and support. That’s what I see here, a group of people who stand together in a cause that is not just an accomplishment but a passionate fight for our lives. We will win this battle and if we lose the next then we will fight on to win again but through it all we will have each other.
Here’s a song that’s really been in my head lately:
Third Eye Blind – Jumper
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies that you’ve been living in
And if you do not want to see me again
I would understand, I would understand
The angry boy, a bit too insane
Icing over a secret pain
You know you don’t belong
You’re the first to fight, you’re way too loud
You’re the flash of light on a burial shroud
I know something’s wrong
Well everyone I know has got a reason to say
Put the past away
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies that you’ve been living in
And if you do not want to see me again
I would understand, I would understand
We’ll he’s on the table and he’s gone to code
And I do not think anyone knows what they are doing here
And your friends have left too, you’ve been dismissed
I never thought it would come to this
And I, I want you to know
Everyone’s got to face down the demons
Maybe today, we can put the past away
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies that you’ve been living in
And if you do not want to see me again
I would understand, I would understand, I would understand
(I would understand, I would understand…)
Can you put the past away
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend
I would understand
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend
I would understand
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend
And I would understand
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend
I would understand
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend
And I would understand
Glad to see everyone is doing well. I’ll keep checkin in on ya so you don’t forget about me.
PA,
So happy to hear from you and that you are doing great!!! Your post was right on the money. What a roller coaster we all ride. I can personally attest that no one here will ever forget you.
You are part of a genuine family here that cares for anyone having the courage to undertake the “journey”.
Hope you had a great time with the tunes here as I did.
Have a wonderful whatever!
Lori
PA – glad you could join us today – thanks for being here. We need another guy around here..haha!
Jamie I finally was able to hear all your music – great selection.
Joe – Lori is right – that dance video had me laughing out loud…for sure.
Metoo – It is not a party without you girl – get your arse over here…you OK?
Angel – Are you gonna join us?
Love you guys
Kitty – 6 months clean today…yooooo hooooooo
PA,
Shoot PA – I am sorry – I thought you were a guy and I realized I was thinking about our new guys Dan and David on here – I am sooooooo sorry – I am so happy to see some newcomers on here that I got all mixed up. Welcome anyhooo – Keep up the good work and keep on a posting.
Love everyone
Sorry to be such a pest today
Just excited
Love
Kitty
Be a pest Kitty, you have earned the right! And I’m sure no one thinks you’re being a pest anyway lol
So for Kitty(and my family since they were here) I cooked up some dinner. I didn’t know what I was gonna end up with when I started, but I just gathered up a bunch of ingredients and threw them together. Browned some hamburger, diced up some onions threw ‘em in, minced some garlin, tossed it in. Threw in a couple cans of chpped olives, added some tomato sauce and stewed tomatoes and a little bit of hot sauce. Then I said hey might as well warm up some refried beans and throw all this into a burrito. And damn if they weren’t the most delicious burritos ever! And I made extra for everyone here in honor of Kitty’s big day, so enjoy!
I’m on a roll this week. Sunday I made the best pasta fagioli i have ever made…oh wait Dean Martin moment “When the stars make you drool just like pasta fazool, that’s amore.”
Now I just need to convince my fiance to eat dinner at the table with us. He doesn’t like to eat in front of people so he hides upstairs. But I’m like dammit, if I stand here all day cooking you can sit at the table with my parents for a few. Men! No offense to the wonderful guys on here.
Once again, congratulations, Kitty, we’re all so proud. Good job, and let’s all raise a glass of that blue Mt Dew to 6 more months of Sobriety!
Love and hugs to all
Happy Trails
Jamie
P.S.
I love me some music, any kind from any time, so I was sitting here for hours trying to find the perfect songs to post for everyone today. But you gotta tell me, Kitty, which one did you like the best? And doesn’t that “When there’s no one around” song just remind you of Metoo, although I have a feeling she might do that stuff with people around lol Ah talking about music distracted me, I’m going now!
Jamie – thanks for the food lol and the music – and let me think about which songs I liked best and I will get back whicha on that…There were a couple of older ones in there that sparked my interest the most – but right now at 6:00 AM my mind is a little sleepy!!!
Hey everyone out there that is pondering the possibility of using.
Just today – you can CHOOSE not to use…no easy by all means, but hey, there are alot of good folks on here that got your back…God Bless
Kitty
Hey Guys, Thanks for the encouragement. This is day 6 and I feel pretty good. I did this almost a year ago and it was much worse. It seems that this time wasn’t nearly as bad, maybe because I knew what to expect. This time I am not going to relapse, don’t want to go through this again. I am working on other avenues for pain relief.
Hope that everyone else is doing well, you too Dan. I guess that you and I are the new guys.
Thanks, David. Day 8 for me. More energy today, the biggest problem now is wanting the old buzz back. I just gotta remember that a couple of vics dont do the trick anymore, and think hard about how lousy I feel trying to get the buzz back. My script is coming up !! Will I call it in ?? Day at a time.
BTW, I started reviewing the posts going a while back, and ended up joining (in spirit) the Fat Tues celebration…I gotta say its an interesting and informative site…espec those posts from a while back…the challenges others faced, and surmounted, make me feel better. Thanks.
Welcome, Dan and David!!! We love having new guys on site!
Jamie, I LOVED MY SONG!!!! 
And I was quite honored as well! Wasn’t that a party??? *I don’t think you guys saw me sitting in the corner behind the helium balloons…Hee* (The beads got so darn heavy!!)
It’s Ash Wednesday…throwing a birthday party tonight for my girl…I think I’m all set….maybe I should get my butt to Mass and get my ashes.
Is anyone giving anything up for Lent this year??
Metoo, I don’t think I can give anything else up right now! Have fun tonight! I am doing much better, don’t think about taking a pill every 4 hours anymore. It is amazing how God has made our bodies. He has given us the strength to do all things, we just don’t want to do it. We are stubborn and hardheaded and don’t want to think about feeling uncomfortable or sick for a few days. I am hoping that eventually I regain my gusto and motivation. Will it ever happen, or have I lost the motivation of my youth? Could any of you out there let me know? I have forgotten how I used to feel 5 years ago before the pills. Have found that aspirin and ibuprofen are working about as well as the vicaprofen. I seemed to have built up a tolerance to the prescrip pain meds, of late they didn’t work any where like they used to at the beginning. Shame on doctors who don’t warn their patients about the horrible withdrawls they will feel when quitting the meds. I had no idea at the time, and would not have gone down this road for pain relief.
Thanks everyone for listening.
Well, David…the ‘motivation of my youth’….if you happen to find yours, let me know where it was found, because maybe mine is in the pile right beside yours!!!
I know everyone’s folks used to say, “It’s hell to get old,” but man, I’m believing it!!! I can’t find my motivation of my youth. I’m sorry to report, dear David, that it might not be found anytime soon. That’s the hard part. Then again, I BELIEVE in God, and I BELIEVE in miracles~~~I just want a miracle for ALL of us. It seems like I don’t know anyone who is just so freakin’ happy to be alive they can’t stand it….and I wish I were just that.
Ah, better days must lie ahead, my friend. We must be diligent and watchful!!!!
I’m on it though. It just HAS to happen for us. We have slain the dragon!!!!!!!!!!! 
Hang in there, David, we’re all rooting for you.
I posted something in “How to Deal With Post-Withdrawal Depression” and I would really appreciate it if someone read it and just let me know if this is all normal…
David, I am not sure I read you correctly, but as for gusto, right now I am laughing at the thought, cause today, during detox, it seems so remote. But the same with my drinking…I stopped that 2 years ago and could never have imagined the positive changes over the months.
Dan, did you feel depressed at all during withdrawal? Did anyone here?
Where the heck is my other About mom? She hasn’t posted since Mid February. Southern Mom, we miss you!!
Hey Now,
Dan and Dave, now I think I have a movie here Dan and Dave Detox.
We can get the lady directed Hurt Locker to come into a house and film you guys for the next year, man what a tale.
on the real side of this, Thanks man for taking the time to get up, drag the body to the computer and type a posts, see that is the remarkable thing, I have learned.
Somehow, Someway, people xeroxing from dope find there way to this path, I used to think is was google, now I think ti might be something more.
And as you typenyour posts it goes out, goes out to a guy like me, who reads it and gets filled with the very “gusto” your lacking.
you have no fucking idea how great you made my day today, if you would not mind, posting again, he’ll post anything, just post.
I need it.
Metoo
Sorry, still hitting wrong keys on the IPad on screen keyboard.
me too, my dear here is to 40 days of journey, journey within, journey with out, the voice is calling, time to put in some work, shall we.
I have given up control for lent, for the next 40 days I could care less about the outcome.
I will act and let go.
day 2 of Letting go…….
I will keep you posted.
Love
David and Dan,
Please keep posting. Hopefully I can help you as much as your recent posts have helped me. You see, reading about your journey makes me not want to go back. You might not get the viggor of your youth back, but believe me my brothers, you will return to a new kind of normal. My biggest fear was would I ever be able to do anythng without pills again – you see I could not even leave the house without them – could not go to Walmart, to the hair dresser, the nail salon, out to eaqt, on vacation, across the street, or to work without the pill. In fact I was waking up in the middle of the night with withdrawals thus having to take pills mid way through the night. It was bad – the body gets addicted as does the mind. But,,,good news…I do not feel that way anymore – I am out there now without the pills – doing my thing – my life has continued and I rarely think about it anymore.
So, I hope this gives you some hope…it you can just get through the first week – most of the bad stuff is overwith – and will keep getting better…maybe not the old better – but a new better.
Please keep posting cause we need you here.
Love to all our about friends….
Joe
Metoo
Angel
Lori
Jamie
Stu
LilDove
SM
PA
Dan
David
Onaplain – you back yet?
Have a great day and remember – you can Choose ‘no pills today”
Kitty
PS – took a day off to do stuff around the house and it is pouring down rain…guess I will have to watch a movie with two ball Clyde
It’s been 72 hours since my last pill. I was up all night at a very close friends house praying, crying out to God and reading his word. I feel amazing! My depression was so intense but God has relieved it. The sarrow may last for the night, but joy comes with the morning! After 72 hours I still feel a little down but I stand firm in my faith that God has already begin healing me. I know He will finish the good thing he has started in me.
Miss Kitty~have you seen the movie, “Eat, Pray, Love,” yet?? I have seen it a couple times and keep getting more out of it. An excellent pick for a flick!
That and, “The Breakfast Club,”….. I love that one too. I wish we could all watch a movie together!
Me too Metoo lol
Thanks Kittymom,
You SO encouraged me, you answered that nagging feeling that I have that I will never be able to do anything “enjoyably” without pills. I am so glad to read that you have made it. You described my life on pills to a T.
I feel good this morning, and now feel terrific after reading your post. It was almost like you crawled into my mind and read my fears. I will be 50 in one month, can’t wait to be over the hump at this milestone in my life.
You have helped me more than you know.
By the way, today is Day7…….
Day 9. Tough. Ive got some stressors today…not huge but I sure want the vic to ease things a bit. Ahhhh…aint it amusing how the brain works. I can get them by just making a phone call, legal and cheap. . Thanks to David and Joe for the posts.
David – thanks for the response – glad I could help – you help me just by letting me know what it is like to go through withdrawal and knowing that I survived – that is the best part. Hang in their my brother – you will come out on the other side and it will be rewarding. Hang Tough for a few more days one day at a time.
Dan – Day 9 – great – I hope you are over the worst of it – you should be…It keeps geting easier – don’t take that first pill – the euphoria (if you even have any at this point of the game) will last about 10 minutes and then you will be right back in the same boat….so is is a false feeling – that feeling that a pill will make you feel better…You guys are doing great – keep up the good work and keep posting….it does a recovered addict good!!!
Love
Kitty
I got a question…is Soma addictive, because with my doctor hassle with non vicodin pain pill having side effects and allergies and not working, i’ve been taking the hell out of those muscle relaxers. Was wondering if I’m gonna have another beast to slay when the time comds. Man i get myself in spots, don’t i?
Jamie…my post just went to moderation, (I THINK because I copied and pasted a link on Soma…) but YES, Soma is addictive!
Cool it on those, kid!!!
Jamie
Soma can be addictive and like vicodin only it is a muscle relaxer. Like Vicodin, your body builds up resistance and it takes more and more to kill the pain. It also has withdrawl problems because there could be seisures in some cases when the drug is stopped abruptly. I think like any drug, if you are taking it temporarily and as the doctor prescribes, it will not be a problem…the problems come when addictive personalities like us, like it and use beyond the need. Just be careful ….what is wrong with your back – have you tried chiropractic treatment. Sorry you are still in pain but just be carefu with the mustle relaxers.
Love
Kitty
Thanks, Kitty Mama. It is actually worse today than yesterday, I think the stressors cry out for relief and I cant do the alcohol anymore, now the VICS !! Whats an addict to do!! Well, not today. My Dr. said to cut down 33% so I will hold to that if I get refilled March 20. So I tell myself (now) that I will hold off and reorder then. It makes me feel better…by that time it will be almost 20 days clean so I am hoping the cravings will lessen by then…that is the plan.
Hey, Jamie…if you are looking for a pain aid, why haven’t you tried kratom yet…?
Hey Dan, don’t get your prescrip refilled. I can get a huge bottle full by going to the Pharmacy. I don’t have it in the house to make it less convenient to take. This is my second time to go cold turkey, last time I picked up my prescrip and took one after 11 days, it started all over again. It does get easier each day. Let me know if you want my phone number to talk, we’d be good encouragement if you need it.
Dan – Don’t do it – Dont fill the script. The relief it gives us is so very temporary and the pain from withdrawal is not worth the temporary relief of the pills. If you need to talk – my email address is kittymom001@gmail.com
You have come this far – don’t let the beast bring you down again.
You can choose not to use drugs – the saying goes 1 pill is too many – 1000 is not enough….I have lived through it my friend….I know where you are coming from.
Kitty
I am on day 4. The first few days were really the hardest for me because of all the depression. I’m not nearly as depressed but still down. My bowels are getting loose (I know to much information) not too runny. I thought that diarrhea was supposed to be on the first couple of days? I don’t know, but its not nearly as bad as the depression so I can take a little burning of my bottom. Maybe its even helping me remove all that poison.
My stomach feels a bit weird. Not really hurting too much but does bother. Kinda feels like I ate a whole lot of Mexican food. Should my fecal matter be burning as if I had eaten hot peppers? I appologize if I’m at all too discreptive, but I’d really like to know if others went through anything similar.
I’ve been reading all your post on here. Still havn’t got through them all. They really do help and all of you seem like great people. God Bless you all.
Wow. Thanks, folks. All is well at end of the day. Tonight attended a mtg of an AA spinoff. My regular mtg. this a.m. and also facilitated a support group of another org…got outta myself and then found these posts to read…icing on the cake. The idea of waiting until March 20 comes is still inviting and I want to keep it that way for now…but at end of today I dont feel like using for the first time in a while. Thanks again K Mama and David.
Metoo, I tried the Kratom once before. I got all anxious and shit, but I don’t know if it was from the actual Kratom or if it was me psyching myself up over it. The reason why I’m going through such a hassle with the doctors is because I’m very sensitive to meds and always have bad side effects where I’d rather be in pain than have to feel like the meds make me feel.
My doctors seem to not be able to find their ass with both hands. Two weeks ago I was supposed to go to physical therapy, but they can’t figure out where they’re supposed to send me. They’ve yet to take x-rays. I got some advice from a friend the other day to ask to see a specialist, so if I can ever get a hold of them, that’s what I’m gonna do. It seems to take them 7-8 days to get back with me when I’m calling them and emailing them every day. I’m still sooooo frustrated. I’ve been through tramadol, was allergic, neurontin, had bad side effects. the soma makes me a little nauseas but at least it helps a little with the pain.
I’m getting fed up because I can’t do anything. If I lay still on the couch propped up I’m okay, but if I have to get up and move around I’m in tons of pain. Taking a shower kills me, standing at the stove for 20 minutes cooking is a pain etc
I hurt my back on Feb 1st, so it’s been almost 40 days of this BS. And honestly at this point I’d rather have vicodin than the soma, because I know they will help my pain and i know they won’t make me feel like shit. I sleep all the time on the soma and i’m grouchy as hell when i’m awake. : / It’s a test, everything is a test!
I’ll quit grumbling now. Love and hugs to all
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hey everyone, check out thevous.com and check out the video on demand. Some really great sermons. Has helped me a lot especially the “Reality Bites” series. It really encourages me to get out of the gloom and live! Please check it out.
Jamie, I feel your pain. Back pain is horrible. The older you get the worse. Try alternating from hot to cold on your back. That may help the discomfort and stimulate healing. And never take for granted the power of prayer. I’ll be praying for you.
Hey guys another tip that has been helping me.
Chamomile tea
it boosts the immune system and fight infections associated with colds
Chamomile tea relieves muscle spasms and menstrual cramps in women
Chamomile tea relaxes the nerves
Chamomile tea soothes the stomach
Chamomile tea reduces inflammation
Chamomile tea improves liver function
Chamomile tea helps relieve back pain
Chamomile tea helps relieve rheumatism
Hey Tony
WELCOME – your posts just now showed up today so I appologize for no response. I am so glad you found this site and are posting – Good bless you and keep you in this jouney that you are on. It will get better and with your positive outlook and walking with GOD, who will do well.
Thanks for posting and stay around.
Love
Kitty
Kitty Mom
Thank you so much! I want to tell you one of the reasons I’m so positive.
There’s a story about a guy who was lost at sea. Some of you may know it. This dude cried out to God for help. He wanted God to rescue him.
Three ships passed and to offer help but to each one the dude told them that he was fine, he’s waiting on God.
Well that dude wont be me. I ask God for help and I find this forum. That’s not to say that God does not help directly, because he does, but he often uses people to help. All of you are a Godsend.
God has given every single one of you purpose in life. I’ve been reading past posts and I see so many people being helped on here. Then I see those same people helping others. This is truly a beautiful thing to see.
Don’t let it stop here. There are people right where you live in the same kind of pain we have all been in (and I’m currently experiencing) that you could reach out to and give support. Compassion is one of the best things we can have. And I believe the reason we all have compassion for each other here is because we can relate. We put ourselves in each others shoes.
Tony – Amen to that! We are in the same boat – rowing as fast we can so that we do not sink – and when we get to tired to row, I believe we have God taking over for us….Sometimes prayers are answered in unsuspected ways – the people on here have helped me so much and I hope only to reciprocate in some small way in helping others going through the same thing. Together, we form a strong bond and with faith in God it is even stronger…God Bless and keep on keeping on! Your attitude is as fresh as Spring!
Kitty
Jamie, so sorry that your back is still hurting. You will get through this because you are such a strong person. I have no idea what I would do in your situation,I have told myself no more pills, but there is nothing worse than being in constant pain. Love you girl and I am here for you .
Kitty, you are such an inspiration to me, six months of being clean is such a huge accompishmment and just thinking of what a great job you are doing is going to get me to the same mark. I love you so much and I hope I get to meet you one day.
Metto, I hope you are doing well with all of the changes in your life, you deserve all the best. I really don’t know what I would have done without all of your kind words and encouragment over the past few months.
Sorry that I have not been that much support to all of you the past couple of months, I have really been going throuhg a lot, so please don’t give up on me, I will be back to normal soon. Love you all. Angel.
Ahhh Angel, thanks for the kind words and don’t worry I won’t forget you. You have been an inspiration to all of us in how you have given so much to your Grandma in the past month or so – You are one special lady. We are here praying for those who can’t make it around for whatever reason….
Thanks again,
Kitty
Love You too!
Dan and Tony hang in there! Day 8 for me and I have really rounded the corner . You guys will make it, the days just go by so slow on days 1-4.
Am praying for you guys and others on this sight taking this journey.
I’m so grrrrrrrrrr with doctors right now it’s not even funny. I seriously want to hit mine in the middle of the back with a baseball bat and then lock them in a room for a few days with nothing but tylenol and ibuprofen for the pain. And give them a phone that takes 7 days to reach the person they’re trying to call. Then I’ll tell them hey I’m gonna send you something for your pain and never do it.
That’s what I got today, again. I can’t reach them all week long and they fuck me on a Friday! At 8 this morning I got an email from my doctor saying he was gonna call in a script for me, then this afternoon his assistant calls me and asks why I haven’t scheduled an appointment with a pain management specialist or orthopedics, and I said this is the first I’m hearing about it. So he was like WTF and said he’d call me back in 10 minutes. He did and said he set it up for me to go to this orthopedic guy who specializes in spinal. He tells me to call and make an appointment. So I call right away to make the appointment and they have no idea who I am, said they never got a call or referral. So they put me on hold for 15 minutes, come back and tell me no we have nothing on you, then ask me to hold again, another 5 minutes later they come back and say oh we just got the fax with your file, we have to review it and we’ll call on monday to see if we want to make an appointment or not. grrrr
But I was kind of not too grrr at that moment because I figured i can wait till then cuz the doc called in a script for me. So I go out to dinner with my family and swing by the pharmacy and he never called anything in. So that frustrated the hell out of me and pissed me off. I told them I was out of muscle relaxers, ran out today, so now I’m back to ibuprofen and tylenol which I might as well save the damage it does to my body and not take it because it doesn’t do shit.
I’m sick and tired of all this hassle. I have insurance, I’ve been going to this same doctors office for years. Why the fuck can’t they give me the time and attention I deserve? Like a 2 minute phone call is gonna break their day! Not a very happy Jamie right now, sorry for complaining, but I needed to get this out.
Love and hugs to all! And way to go, newbies! Keep up the good work. I’m 11 days off my last slip up.
Happy Trails,
Jamie
David
It is so true, the days 1-4 were truly the worse and the slowest. I’m on day 5 now. The first couple of days I was so depressed that I didn’t want to do anything. For some reason it would make me even more depressed when I tried to do things that I usually found joy in, like eating.
I’m not sure if its normal, but I didn’t even have diarrhea until like day 4. My stomach is still feeling very uneasy. I do have most of my appetite back. I just feel sick now. Much less depression, but now I have a feelings of sickness. Mostly centered in my digestive track. Also I feel like my face is really warm, and my body is kinda cold. Hard to describe. A hot bath seems to help temporarily. I hope it doesn’t sound like I’m complaining, I just want to see if anyone can relate and perhaps give me pointers.
God’s got me this far. The amount of depression and hopelessness have went way down. When I do get a feeling of hopelessness I just pray and use my faith that God has already answered my prayers. Some things just take time. I know God could have healed me in just one day, buy hey, he could have built the world in one day but for some reason he chose to make it 7 days.
Jamie
Sometimes doctors can be worse than lawyers. LOL. I suppose its not about profession. Some people just don’t care. Maybe they don’t become doctors because they want to help people but because they want to make money.
Don’t let them bring you down. And don’t let the pain bring you down (I know, easier said than done right?) In the end you are in control of your life. I’m not here to push religion, but I just want you to know that through Christ all things are possible. I really do believe this. I will pray for you, but it is ultimately your faith that will make you well.
Hang in there
Good morning folks,
Florida is having one more stab at a cold spell, but for most folks it probably would be a summer vacation compared to all the cold weather in the upper states. It went down to the 50′s last night and is way too cool to sit on the front porch and have my coffee this morning.
Now, for the serious stuff:
Tony, you are going through exactly the same physical stuff that I went through – the worst for me, though, was the sleeplessness and the rls – Geeze, I thought I would never sleep again…but guess what, I am back to my old self again and can’t even watch a tv program at night without falling asleep – Miracle from God it is being able to sleep again. I can’t even remember now how long that took but I want to say that was the last to return and it was a few weeks. But the first week was the roughest and my stomach was upset and my appetite was nada! Everyone of us complained of the flu like symptoms. Are you taking the supplements of the Thomas recipe…they really helped me in the first couple of weeks. The thomas recipe and Gods healing hands – two things I could not have done without…and also folks on here that are in the same boat.
So you see, Tony Dan and David – you keep ex adicts like me going strong. By seeing your journey, we remember how ours was…and I never want to go back there again – I just want to move forward and if God is willing, help just a little in someone elses struggle….Keep posting. You are an inspiration.
Love
Kitty
Jamie,
I hope you get to the root of your back problems soon. Having been down that route with pain before, I really think you have exhausted all the different types of pain medication. Over the counter, vicodin, muscle relaxers, tramadol. Unless they put you on a morphone drip, I don’t think there is very much left out there for you to try. You said you were off the vicodin for 11 days – you don’t want another narcotic medication, do you? Doctors and the medical process is a pain in the ass these days and the pain management doctors are just pill mills. Sounds like you are headed in the right direction by going to the ortho doctor and maybe he will find out the CAUSE of the pain and come uop with a remedy to FIX IT instead of just trying to cover it up, but it will be along process..probably therapy, manipulation, excercise, anti inflamatory medication.
Have they even taken Xrays yet????
You are in my prayers and I am praying for patience, relief, and peace of mind for you. I know you do not pray, but hold on to those charms and meditate for relief because prayer by any other name is still prayer.
Love you baby
Kitty
Thank you, Kitty!
And no, no x-rays yet. Here I am 40 days later and still no x-rays! Even when I told them my spine felt “crunchy” in a certain spot they swear I just have pulled muscles.
Tony, I’m the black sheep on this board when it comes to religion. I’m not an atheist, I just have problems with organized religion. Plus, I think there’s that stubborn part of me that hates to ask for help of any kind lol I just keep my head down on the subject and my opinions to myself. You guys are all praying folks, I sit with my charms and think about you all, so my faith is in myself and my About family at the moment.
Kitty mom
It really has been a bit cold here lately. I don’t mind it, in fact I kind of like it. As long as it doesn’t get cold enough to snow. What part of Florida are you from? I’m from Miami-Dade County.
I’m taking a vitamin supplement and drinking herbal teas that seem to help. I bought a bunch today brand name Yogi from walmart. They have different herbs for different stuff. One of them is actually called Detox. I figured I should give it a try.
Jaime
Just keep hanging in there. Keep pushing to get an xray. And if it is a muscle or possible a tendant, than ask to have an MRI done. If your doctor isn’t helping you, ask him to refer you to a specialist. Kitty is very right when she says to fix the problem, not cover it up. So many doctors have developed such quick fix mentality. Keep us informed my new friend.
By the way, I’d like you wondeful people to check out my “youth group”.
http://WWW.thevous.com
You can click on “Video’s on Demand and check out some sermons. Reality Check series is really good. Also check out “Special Guest” series Carl Lentz. Very inspirational. Even if you don’t consider yourself a christian, its worth a watch.
And for you readers out there, I just bought the book “90 Minutes in Heaven” a true story about this guy that dies for 90 minutes. His heart actually stoped beating for 90 minutes. So crazy but it was documented. I haven’t read it yet, but if anyone would like to join me it would be nice to discuss the book.
Forgive me for trying to turn this into a book club. lol
Hey Now,
WOW, I had know idea we were having a detox party here. in would have shown up a few days ago, “Ain’t No Party, Like a Detox Party”
So incredibly awesome to see folks stop using dope for a day.
I tell you it never gets old, for me at least.
I was thinking of the irony of it all.
When you are using, you feel great and every other person in your space senses something is very troubling going on.
When you get clean, you are a complete mess and every other person in your space is beginning to pick up on how much better you seem.
I was the last one to see the devastation and the last one to feel healthier.
I love to see your optimism and faith Tony, I really hope you keep coming around, it is indeed a priceless commodity.
Jamie, I am not so sure your the blacksheep, perhaps just another one of us sheep.
Well, all I can share is what I know and that is, Just for Today, for right now, I am not going to take some dope, that leaves me with many many choices on how to spend my now.
I am reading Yeats this week in honor of my Irish blood, may I leave you with one of my favorite lines…
The lonely impulse of delight
Nothing more scary, more deep and more delightful, than that impulse to be clean…That is why I am around.
You folks keep it so awesome.
When you brain is screaming for some dope, hang on, I found that it quiets over time.
Love
Joe I’ve been reading all of your older post. I still haven’t got through them all. It is really amazing to read your journey. You seem like a good writer, ever thought of making a book about your life? I’d read it.
Peace
Errr, I so want to get back into a normal sleeping schedule. I went to sleep yesterday at 10:30 am and woke up at 5pm. I’m happy that I can sleep more than 3 hours at a time, but its a little depressing to wake up and the sun is setting.
I’m going to stay up all day now and go to sleep at around 10 pm if I can. I’ll have to keep real busy to stay awake more than 30 hours strait. Wish me luck!
Hey everyone – Hope everyone had a good weekend. I did but I feel as if I did not accomplish much but did get to spend time with my daughter on her birthday Saturday and with my mom on Friday…so that made it ever so special.
Tony – I live in Tampa. I hope your sleeping pattern in getting back to normal. Like I said before, that is the last physical step I had to get through and it was a tough one.
Hope those who have not posted in the past couple days are doing ok..like Metoo and Angel. Jamie, hope your back in getting a little better…have you tried ice packs or heat. sometimes alternating the two helps especially if it is muscles or tendons…
Joe – thanks for posting. We will you around here and of course you know how your posts helped me in the past.
PA – you OK – I hope so
David, and Dan (D&D) hope the two of you are coming along OK and getting through the worst of it by now.
Today I chose not to use and I hope the rest of you did the same.
Got to go watch Army Wives now. Touch base tomorrow – all of you – and I will do the same.
Love and God bless you – you are in my prayers every day.
Kitty
Do you suppose we could all pray for Stu again – for his surgery and whatever else he is up to. Does not have to be in unison – but last time we prayed for him. he did show up for one post so it would not hurt to do it again.
Again, Love Kitty
Hey Now,
Just popping in to lend a hand, an ear or whatever you folks need.
I unfortunately have no easy answers for anyone, I do have a hand though and a hug and a smile and a whole lot of love for anyone who is trying to live free today.
See, for me dope is a symptom. kinda like a high fever, If I am pouring dope in me, well you know I got some deeper stuff going on.
First thing First I guess, I mean as I went through my detox for the hundredth time, when I did not use, I just wanted all the bullshit to stop. I just could not keep feeding the beast.
The biggest hurdle for me was “the voice” It bombarded me like every 10 seconds, it would say, fuck this, or your to far gone, or you will never stay clean, or being clean sucks, or my back hurts or my legs hurt
I mean non fucking stop, I realize now, by the grace of God, the voice is the result of some wide open dopamine receptors in the portion of my brain that creates need, the pleasure center.
I know now that all the dope I did, damaged those receptors, I know I am healing today.
yet, still I battle the voice as it keeps trying.
Tony, man thanks for showing up, look brother I am not sure if you got a support group around you in your local area, I just need you to know, that it matters to me, that you have chosen to discontinue dope.
I am here if you need me.
I went and checked out that link you posted and Looked at a price of Reality bites, which was kinda cool, although not my flavor, I always appreciate people trying.
I have been studying Genesis, on my own for the last month or so, and I come from the St. Augustine line of theology on this one.
I also just recently began a look at the verse he quotes…
Just for me, The calling out of Abraham, is more about the journey of God, then it is about Abraham, it is about what St. Augustine describes as the two cities of God.
From my perspective it is about the realization that, there really is no risk at all, as to oppose the thought that the guy in the video was promoting risk taking.
Faith and Promise eliminate risk. And god gives the promise to Abraham before he takes the first step out of his father’s tent.
I mean think about it, if God, God talked to you and told you to do this and you get that, well I just fail to see the risk involved.
I think without the knowledge of the truth, well shit everything is a risk.
Like I don’t know, wearing a Yankee cap backwards while I try to sound cool, now that brother is a risk and one I am afraid my not hold promise.
Maybe if Rich was just Rich I would be forced to believe him.
I don’t know….I guess I don’t need to be cool to carry the gospel, it is fucking cool enough.
love to all,
Joe
Hey Y’all
Where is everyone – hope you are all doing OK – drop a line please so I know that for a fact. Ordinary Monday at work for me – Glad to be pill free as usual and feeling very fortunate. My main prayer besides you folks, are the people in Japan this evening. My heart really goes out – My cousins daughter is in the army over in Oki – but that was not effected at all like the mainland. She is scheduled to leave for the states on Saturday. Praise the Lord that the military bases were not affected.
Love to all and hope to hear from everyone soon.
Kitty
Day 11, I feeeel goood! The worst is over, this was my second ( and last ) detox, and it was much easier this time. Thanks for all of the prayers and positive messages from all of you here! You all helped me make it and know that there was light at the end of the tunnel.
David, congrats brother – You have made it and it will get better still. Your testimony to others will now make you whole.
Love
Kitty
Hello all
Its great to hear from you Joe. I think I get where you’re coming from. I do believe in what the guy said. I think in life we have to take risk, but not unnecessary risks.
Sometimes we have to step outside of our comfort zones. Abraham took a risk when he was about to sacrifice Isaac. That was his only son. He would be risking everything he had. He was willing to risk it because of his faith.
Its just that life is short and we should take chances. Without risk there is no reward. For instance, are you married? Didn’t you have to risk being rejected when you first got up the courage to approach your wife for the first time?
When he says take risks, he doesn’t mean to take all your money and place it on red, he means we have to get uncomfortable in life sometimes.
David bro congrats. It really does feel good to be over it all huh? The best is yet to come. I don’t care how old you are. Heck, Abraham was 100 years old when his son was born.
Kitty Mom God bless you.
Love you all!
By the way, if anyone has free time tomorrow at 7:30 pm EST come watch The Rendezvous live at http://www.thevous.com Just click on “Live Streaming”.
I’m alive. Was hassling with the pharmacy and doctors office back and forth all day yesterday, so I was so frustrated. Been so stressed, my parents informed me that they want to move before summer, three hours away, up in a crappy unfinished house in the mountains with no kitchen, electricity, water, phone or reception, you name it. And given the way things are with me personally right now, I pretty much would have no choice but to go with them. So I’m stressed, depressed, and trying to devise a way to convince them to stay.
Kitty, you keep on praying for Japan. I have a friend over there. I went to school with this girl from 6th grade on and her mother was my main teacher all through high school. Her mom was the best teacher ever and the main driving force behind me graduating HS. She’s a teacher now and is over there in Memuro, teaching the kids.
Love and hugs to all
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hey everyone, I hope you are all doing well. Great job David on 11 days, that is a huge step. Just keep your head up and when you have those dark days just look at how far you have come and remember that you don’t want to go through it again. As most of us would say that the drug does nothing for us until we try and go off of it, then you feel like a damn truck hit you. Just don’t go back, and we are all here for you.
Jamie, sorry that you are having so many problems with your back and your Dr’s, it really sucks when you are in pain and nobody will help you. Good luck trying to convince your parents not to move. Hope you get to feeling better soon.
Kitty, thank you so much for the card, you really lifted me up. Any time I open the mailbox and see your name on the envelope I get so excited. It is the small things that touch my heart and you have your arms wrapped around it. Thank you for being my friend and helping me through this thing we call life.
Love you all, Angel
Hey Now,
I hope all is well, for those of us who have elected to take the road less traveled.
I understand what you suggesting in the story of Abraham.
I love to think I am working out my salvation, you know.
My favorite exercise in that work, is discussion of The Word, while I realize not everyone is into it, believes it or even gives a shit about it, well I just can not get enough of it.
I guess for me it comes down to what you understand risk to be.
I think of risk as danger or loss of something based on an action.
I do this and , this could happen.
So yes in the flesh world we encounter risk every second of every minute of everyday, it is the jail of self, the prison we all live in, or can choose to live in at anytime.
For me the thing to remember is risk is man made, an idea created by man for the purpose of man The core of risk would be fear, right.
It is my understanding that In Perfect Love, there is No Fear, none, not a smudge of it, it just is not thought, felt, endured. It can not exsist.
Law number one love and fear can not share the same space.
Now the thing is, I have found is that for whatever reason, I am going through a slow process from fear to love, mostly because I am one sick cat, enamored with earthly pleasure, and this love of self and stuff and the ladies, and dope and money and pleasure.
So I hold on to stuff, slowly over time I am changing, and my new Hope is to get better.
So when you suggest risk, or Rick suggest risk, I often wonder why fear is triggered.
What purpose would be gained by suggesting to people that Risk is somehow involved innLoving the Creator.
I think if all the times Jesus encountered someone, I am searching for the time he said….
Hey put down those nets, take a risk and follow me…
or hey tax collector, why don’t you roll the dice and follow me.
No if you can point me to where Jesus wants me to take a risk, hey I am down.
I think it was more like, follow me.
Now if it was my one job to keep myself and others from that simple, risk free offer. what would my strategy be…
I might come up with this notion of Risk, see even if I am saying, Look brother, take a risk, what have you got to lose, or the reward is worth the risk. I still plant the seed that I could fail or lose.
I think in God the is absolutely no failure nor loss, in fact I do not even think he recognizes it.
thoughts, ideas and suggestions….see that is the battle brother. I battle that get’s noisier every day,
The seed is what is important, we ether sow good or bad seed, and in my humble opinion if I bring the word risk into the truth well I got some useless seed. Because the only thing that stops the seed from growing is fear and it’s million and millions of forms.
Hey Jamie, you know I have met hundreds of people who are in your shoes, wanting to quit using opiates but in physical pain, mental anguish and well just a real hard time in the current moment of stopping using.
I know I was in that space for 12 years, there is no more desperate place on this earth. I would rather do 12 years in prison (clean)than out on the streets feeling that way.
Anyway, there is something called drug replacement therapy.
Generally there are two drugs provided by doctors.
The first is methadone, the second newer one is called Suboxone.
They both have benefits and might be something you can explore.
I have watched you suffer, yes suffer and suffer needlessly.
You can google both of those and get information.
I have several friends who are on Suboxone it stops all the craving for opiates, and allows them to go to work, go to therapy, go to meetings.
If you have any question about that path, let me know sister.
personally I was on a methadone program and well it did not work for me, because I wanted to get high.
So like anything if you want to get high, I would say do not bother, neither will be of much use.
But if you really want to get clean, but just can not do it and function in the world, well then they are both great ways to go and they change peoples lifves everyday.
hang in there man, don’t give up…Your day will come. We has a people have come so far in the treatment of this shit.
There is no need to suffer, no as they say pain well it is unavoidable but suffering day after day, week after week month after month, baby you don’ need to.
Have a good one folks,
Joe
Hey Everyone,
Wow – Joe you wore me out on that one. What I believe in a nutshell, and I did not watch the video to which you are referring, is that for me, believing and following Jesus Christ, not as a man, but as my savior and my salvation, is by far not a risk. It is blind faith….can not see him…but can feel his spirit. He calls – I follow – no risk involved.
Love you all
Kitty
Jamie,
One thing I have learned as a Mom and as a Daughter and a adult person – as a Mom of an adult child, I need to let go. I nurtured, guided, and taught her what I know, and it is now time to let her spread her winds and make her own mistakes and learn by them. Therefore, although it hurts me at times, I might give my opinion but realize it might not result in action. As an adult daughter, my life is up to me now. My parents have cared for me, nurtured me, and taught me, and I am on my own now. I depend on them for adult friendship and although I want to please them, my decisions are mine. They also have no reason to ask my permission in their life decisions.
This philosophy, although it hurts at times, is something I stick to.
Spread your wings my dear Jamie. Yor are an adult “child” of parents who have paid their dues and are making a decision based on their needs, not yours and although that hurts, there are alternatives to moving with them that you need to consider.
And – on what Joe is saying about getting off pain pills when you still struggle with pain. I think the first step is honestly looking at what you want out of recovery both for your back and your addiction to pain medication. What exactly are you expecting out of the doctors that are treating you and move forward. If it is pain medication you are seeking, then admit that is what you want. If it is getting better and proceeding to a productive adult life, then make a plan and go for it. If these are harsh words, I appologize. I have only good intentions for your well being. I have got bitten in the but for saying too much in the past so I can take it.
Love to you JamesCat
Kitty
Wow…so many things to say within my heart today, kids!!!! First, you D Boys and Tony, keep up the great work. You are a strong new bunch here!!! It seems you young whippersnappers get more strong as I get older!!!! Anyway, you are doing great~keep supporting one another!!
Risk. The series struck a chord with me simply because I HEARD that voice, (the one that said, hey, metoo, you life is really kind of sucking, so why don’t you let it go and see what else there is out there??) and I weighed it out, dissected it piece by piece, examined my heart, and FINALLY went with it. I did it. Sometimes I sit at Mass and just go WOW….I did what He talks about when He says, ‘follow me’…and knowing that I took that risk makes me proud. With all my faith in Him and my ‘wife’….with trust and faith put into action.
And now, here I am, waiting for the next step to be told. Seriously, guys, this feels like a REAL communication between God and me. “Kick the vics, Metoo” and so I did. Step one done. Then follow me. “I am here….” Still listening….
Jamie, I agree wholeheartedly with what Kitty is saying. YOU have to do what’s right for YOU. It’s time you got out on your own, kiddo. Isn’t there a song about it?? I will post it after I write, so I don’t go into moderation. lol. I hate that. I just also want to say that IF I still had my parents, I would do my best to just LOVE them….their life is up to THEM. You seriously have no say in what they choose to do with THEIR lives……so make your own. You have options, I’m sure. You’re an engaged adult woman. Get gussied up and make something GOOD happen. Let them fly and lift them up!!!
Here’s the song!!! Time for me to fly!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGwCP2hX2FM
Hey, Jamie…
In thinking about your pain, once again, I think ‘kratom.’ This is what you wrote on a previous post in regard to it:
“Metoo, I tried the Kratom once before. I got all anxious and shit, but I don’t know if it was from the actual Kratom or if it was me psyching myself up over it. ”
Jamie, try ‘bali’ kratom again. OR ‘indo’ kratom. Those two strains are said to have great pain relieving properties. There should be no anxiety involved with either one of those two strains.
I have heard terrible things about subs. I would exhaust all other options before going that route. Do you truly feel you have kicked your addiction to opiates? If so, you have freed yourself from that and you no longer need to go back to that dark place. BUT there ARE other pain remedies out there. Dig deep, and find some answers. This one might be up to you, especially if you feel your doctors aren’t listening or hearing you. Only you can do this for yourself, my friend!!
We are all here on your side, cheering you on, and KNOWING that you can do this. Take the steps…
The indo kratom works GREAT for pain! Thanks metoo for telling me about it months ago. It also helps with the withdrawls at the beginning of detox.
No worries, Kitty. I’m a big girl, I can take harsh words. But I didn’t find your words to be all that harsh, just being honest and supportive and offering advice.
You guys are all great for support and advice and kicks in the rear, or Gibbs smacks to the back of the head when needed haha.
The reason it’s been such a hassle with the doctors is trying to take other things that aren’t vicodin or opiates. Trying to get them to pay attention to me and try to fix the problem instead of just throwing meds at me.
Today I finally got a call from the pain management/spinal specialist doctor. So I have to give them a call tomorrow. I have no idea what pain management is, but I reckon I’ll find out. It’s gotta be better than sitting here on the phone trying to explain shit to a doctor, who can barely speak or understand English, over and over again.
I kinda spazzed out about the whole parents moving thing. Nothing is set in stone, they are thinking about their options. It just stresses me out. When I was in my early 20′s I did my wing spreading and moved to Colorado with 20 bucks to my name. Things didn’t work out there, I ended up coming home. A year later I moved away again to Nice. Didn’t like it came back. And here I’ve been ever since with my parents right here. I know they have to do what’s best for them, but as a human being you can’t help but worry about how things will affect you. With them that far away, I will have no one here to turn to. So the thought of being really ALONE kinda freaks me out.
I just got so much on my mind lately, you toss something else in there and it throws me for a day or two.
Well, I need to go rustle up some grub. Love and hugs to all! Keep it coming, I can take it!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
Check out this video on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hjs7OSvSO_Y&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Put on your green and enjoy!!!!!!!!
Joe
Happy St. Patrick’s day!
Jamie style…old sea chanty from my favorite movie
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3SKuvXqnNE
Hey Jamie, please be really careful with pain managment because they like to throw pills at you too. Trust me I took as many as I could from my Dr and that is how I got to this point. I actually got discharged from my Dr because I was taking my meds so fast that when I went back for my refill appointment they drug tested me and I didn’t have any in my system because I had run out. They sent me a nice little letter in the mail, I felt like a real loser that day. I guess it was a good thing because it has made me get clean. So just be careful!!!!!
I have come to the conclusion that being a recovering drug addict and losing someone you love don’t go well together. I just need that extra boost to make me feel better again, so I think about Vicoden all the time. Between that and my Grandma I just find myself sitting staring into space and I just need to snap out of it. The only really good time is when I sleep because I dream about her and it makes me feel like she is still here. Things will get better I know they will, I just hope it gets better before I start looking for some pills. I am going to stay strong, I have come so far and I am not going back to that horrible place.
Well I hope everyone is doing well. Love you all, Angel
Oh, Angel, I hope you can feel the angels that I just sent out to you, Honey. I SO KNOW WHAT YOU ARE FEELING!! I wish there was something I could do to comfort you, my friend….I have been right where you are right now, and to some extent, I have never come back from it. Your loss was (and IS) huge, and very life altering. Remember that only those who have loved so deeply can ever know the pain you are feeling, so don’t expect many people to ‘get it’. This is a feeling I wish that I could take onto myself, just to free YOU of it~believe me, I would take it so that you could be free and happy once again.
I think it really sucks that we even have to lose those that we love. Things are just never the same!! So many times each day I just yearn for ‘the way we were’….losing my parents really did a number on me, and I KNOW we are supposed to think happy thoughts, and keep busy, and oh, you know, things will be just fine in time—–blah, blah, blah, SCREW THAT. It’s never the same, it ALWAYS hurts, and most days life just plain SUCKS. It sucks.
Geez, aren’t you glad you caught me on a good day????? And they wonder why we search for ANYTHING that will make us feel better, to just be able to take a break from LIFE if only for a little while.
All I can say is, “Thank God for kratom.” …a leaf from a tree.
Angel, hang in there. It will get better. It just HAS TO.
But don’t go looking for pills~trying to dig yourself out of ANOTHER go-round isn’t the answer, and we all learned that the hard way. Stay strong~you’re doing fine for right now…and I am with you, sister!
OK Girls – we need to get a grip here. We have everything to be thankful for – so lets just snap out of it right now – just do it – do it for your children – do it for your spouse – do it for yourself. It is spring – soon to be Easter (The time our savior died for us) and we are alive and drug free.
Eachtime that I have got depressed this week (cause I have been in a funk too) I have thought about the tragedy in Japan and all that those people have to endure with more to come and girls, look at our lives. People love us and we all have angels in heaven who look out for us – we have friends that support us – and we have children who depend on us…..so Kitty gets out her whip here and is going to whip you ladies into shape..lol.
I L O V E Y O U L A D I E S !
Let’s get that love of the Lord in our hearts now and Metoo you go talk to the people by the lobster tank if you have to!!! Angel, and you are an angel – do something fun with those boys so that gramma has something to smile about up there.
Hey you guys – how about a trip down to Florida – I have a spare room and you are welcome…get your sweet asses down here!!
Bye
Love You
Kitty
Jamie – I agree with Angel – be careful of pain management clinics – in florida they are nothing but a way to push pills on people – unless it is a legit orthopedic doctor, physical therapy type place – stay clear of such pills pushers.
Just be careful that is all we are saying.
Love Ya
Kitty
HAPPY ST PATRICKS DAY FOLKS – I am just a speck Irish. I forgot to wear my green today so I put gumby in my shirt pocket and he hung in there all day for dear life – lol – Hey, he is green isn’t he….Love, Kitty
Joe, I like you. You make me think. I would like you to email Pastor Rich and ask him more about those particular sermons. I would really love for you to post the emails on here.
Also you could go to google and search “risk in the bible” for a little more info.
And in the end all that really matters is Jesus Christ. There is nothing like a relationship with God. None of us are perfect, and we never will be (not here on earth anyways) but if we ever fall God helps us right back up. Eternal life is a gift from God. All we have to do is believe.
I’m so ugh today. I blame the time change! I slept til 6:30 this evening.
Kitty, please smack me upside the head! lol
Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hey Now,
it is the day after St. Patricks Day and I woke up clean, in my right mind and healthy.
Now if you knew me, like I know me you would understand the complete depth of that statement.
I hear you Tony and please understand I am wrong a lot, which of course makes life so much fun, Man I remember when I would have to be right, of course I am a wordsmith so you know I got give some insight into the word.
Risk—-See words Tony or has Homer would tell us are mere windows to ideas, and ideas unveil the mind of God.
Now the first time we see the basic form of the word Risk is in fact by Homer ….In one of his books not sure at the moment which one.
Anyway Oddesus is battling Zues, and he is hanging on a cliff and he is faced with jumping or being killed, homer introduces the idea that letting go of the cliff will posses certain difficulties for Oddesus yet hanging on means sure death.
So he uses the word to suggest the idea of difficulty at sea, the word was shelved until later when people would suggest kings give them money to go see if the world was flat, the kings would suggest those difficulties at sea were well of no benefit to them.
Then of course capitalism came along and a guy thought what if for a dollar I would take on all the possible difficulties from your life, and if you encounter that difficulty well I will give you money, say 80 cents. if you don’t well I will just keep the dollar.
So in viewing the word risk to mean difficulties at sea, as opposed to the losing something changes the whole idea.
While I agree Jesus Christ is very important, I suggest before we can know Christ we have an idea of Christ.
the difficulty for the addict is that ideas are fixed, as opposed to there normal creation which is to be buoyant, that is where the holy spirit comes in.
So is marriage a risk, yes in the idea of , difficult. in the idea of loss heck no, that is why we created divorce, you can always get out.
Anyway, I hope you keep coming back brother.
Love
Kitty, I need more whippin’!!!
That was fun! Thank you for, once again, giving me what I needed.
*****Metoo runs around in circles saying, “life sucks, life sucks…” over and over again, looking at DDKitty with each round….egging her on*******
Haha – I do get carried away and part of my message is always for myself who gets in the same funks the same ‘ life sucks’ attitude but learning every day that “sucks” is a pretty heavy word – although it if a perfect word to say how we feel at the time, our life in not way deserves the term – that word is for the homeless, the sick, the loney, the destitute…and babes – that is not us.
Love You guys
Kitty is out of here funk today
DDK
Hi everyone I am new here read all the posts and sound like everyone is doing great I will be going CT in 1 week off 8 norco a day any advise would be great I have been using fir 2 years and hate this stuff I want off so bad I want to have a baby more than anything and can’t Waite to be off this pill .. I hope I will get support from everyone I’m a big baby have never WD before so I am gonna give it a shot thanks
Meetoo and southern mom how many days are you clean now thanks for showing me the way to this site I will really need it in my days of he’ll from what I hear lol
Mary,
You found us – so great. Now in eight days you can count on some help from us. I used the thomas recipe. I bought everything at GNC.
A liquid mineral supplement
L-Tyrosine
L-tryptophan
Vitamin B-6
Sam-e
l-theanine
These minerals and vitamins helped significantly so get them head of time so that you will be ready. The withdrawal symptoms will be uncomfortable, but you must keep thinking that “THEY WILL END” They are temporary, and in about a week or sooner the worst of the physical symtoms will be getting better. The worst part for me was the lack of sleep and restless legs which took a few weeks to come back. And, mentally, the worst was the feeling that I did not who I would be without the pills. THIS TOO WENT AWAY….and now I see things clearer and am enjoying (most of the time) a new kind of normal.
I have not heard of a better reason to get clean than yours – wanting to have a baby…that is THE best reason I could think of. So, my friend, keep coming back and we will be here to support you in any way we can. You can do it!
Love
Kitty
Welcome, Maryam! We are getting a lot of new folks lately, and that is great!
Kitty, SM, Metoo, Joe, you guys are rock stars! Do you feel like celebrities? Everyone coming in, reading your words, saying you’ve helped them. That’s got to make you feel good, It’s got to make some of, if not all, the hell you went through worth it. Great inspirations, and great people to be in your corner rooting for you!
I had this small little “everything happens for a reason” moment this morning. I woke up, after only a couple hours of sleep and couldn’t get back to sleep, so I tossed and turned for about 20 minutes and my phone went off with a text message notice. So I’m like hell I can’t sleep anyway might as well check it out. Well, it was one of my good friends. He’s gone through a lot in the last couple years, and it has really taken its toll on him. He said he was at the end of his rope and didn’t know what to do. So we chatted for a while til he got to feeling better and he thanked me for talking to him. Said he really only had me to talk to about his depression and other problems. I told him he’s one of my best friends, I’m always gonna be there for him. After our talk I fell right back to sleep like a baby. It was kind of like a “whoa” moment when I thought about it. He was really desperate and needed a friend and at that exact moment I couldn’t get back to sleep for the life of me. But after I talked to him, no problem going back to sleep. He’s coming by later today to hang out a while and talk.
I really worry about this guy sometimes. I know he’s thought about suicide, and that scares me. He’s got depression, anxiety and PTSD, and it’s a totally new thing to him. Comes from one of those families where they didn’t have or didn’t talk about those kinds of things. So his family really doesn’t understand what he’s going through. So all he has is me. And if ever a guy deserved a break or someone’s prayers it’s this guy. He served his country, in the Navy for 5 years, got hurt and was discharged just before 9-11. He tried to go back in but they wouldn’t let him. So he became a firefighter. 4 years ago he was fighting a forrest fire and a tree fell on him, dang near killed him. He ended up with a broken back, all kinds of broken ribs and other bones. He ends up being unable to go back to firefighting because of his injuries. His back is still messed up really bad. Ho got workman’s comp for 3 years and then they cut him off. Doctors say he’s permanently disabled, but he applied for disability and they said no. He lives off his military pension, he was discharged as a disabled vet, but he only gets 200 a month. He has a 5 year old daughter and that is really the only thing keeping him going at the moment. He’s 33 years old and has the body of an old man, he can’t work and he can’t get any help.
I don’t know why I just told you all his life story. I care about the guy, we’ve been friends for around 19 years. The only way I know to help him is to be there and listen and offer what advice I can.
Ah, my fingers hurt from typing today, so I’m gonna hit the road. Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Mary, WELCOME, and you will need one more thing on that shopping list…
POTASSIUM SUPPLEMENTS….for RLS. (Restless Leg Syndrome), which you are SURE to get, and for me, the most annoying part of withdrawal. Please buy potassium supplements. IF YOU CAN’T find them, eat a shit ton of bananas.
Hey, Jamie…your friend would also GREATLY benefit from kratom. SERIOUSLY. Bali or Indo. It helps, believe me. It helps with depression, pain, anxiety, you name it. Please at least have your friend look into it. My email is
metoo05@live.com
if you need me. I would also be willing to share what I have here if anyone needs anything. Hey, kitty, maybe we should be making up a kit for our new friend, Mary????? Hmmm?? We have 8 days to get our new friend some help??? I have potassium!! I have kratom!! Let me know!!!
Prayers to all….and tomorrow is Sunday. I think I will turn my sites toward Stuart again tomorrow and see if he turns up again.
Oh…yesterday I was ‘talking to God…’ and I told him how much I miss the little neighbor doggie I loved….and yesterday guess what??? I met 3 new neighborhood doggies that I haven’t met before. IS GOD LISTENING??? “Affirmative, Captain.”
Hi everyone what is kantrom and how does it help and yes I need a kit lol I am not really scared about wd but I guess that’s because I have not gone threw it yet. I am really excited to be here with all you guys it’s already making me feel better
just want to know how long everyone has been clean off these stupid pills I also have Valium and clonidine could anyone give me advise on how to use these to meds also all the vitamins and stuff are ok to be taken on a empty stomach cause from what I’ve heard I won’t be eating for a few days if not more … That’s what concerns me and how much of each do u take starting when I need all the info lol thanks
I would love a kit I’ll pay for it … I also have wellbutrin that I have never used before would that be good to use I’m new to this whole thing I am going to be a real pest I hope that’s ok I actually just got layed off so I have the time to get this out of my life ….
Hi Mary
I did not take Valium – I chose not to take another drug that may get me addicted. I have been clean 6 months on March 8…I will let the others speak for themselves – but Metoo and Joe are way ahead of me and Lori is a few months after me – so we all are pretty far into rehab. I will go reread the page on “thomas recipe” to see if I can come up with the doses cause I can’t remember exactly. I took everything in the morning and I was lucky in that I did not throw up – some claim they did have a problem with this. You will not have much of an appetite – I sent my husband to the health for store for a powdered protein drick or you can drink ensure – drink lots of water too.
I will get back with you on the dosage.
Kratam is a herb that you can get on the internet with opium effects but is not of opiate origin. I did not use it to withdraw but others have and swear by it. Metoo can tell you more about that – she swears by it. I, with my addictive personality, chose not to.
Talk Later
Love and good wishes
Kitty
Mary – Angela also has been off pills for a few months – she can also tell you how long…not sure exactly – and Jamie has been off them also – not sure how long.
Sorry, did not want to forget anyone – but I am sure you will be hearing from them also. We all are anxious to support you!
Kitty
Hello all.Been spending all morning reading your posts.Everyone has been inspirational,and helped me just knowing that there are other folks suffering
with opiate abuse.I am 9 days clean and due to lack of money and pills(obviously) have lived a hell.I’m broke, close to starving,getting evicted and
just don’t care because right now have no control over lack of finances.But I do like to think I am going to manage my addiction.I have had nothing to fight WD’s but sleeping pills,Antivan and Wellbutin.And an assload of aspirin and ibuprophen.But the inner voice in my head tells me I can do this.The worse is over.(again)I don’t want to do this again.I’m high anxiety and menopausal.Yeah that makes it all worse. But thanks to you folks I have found support and information.Just remind me to keep fighting the demon in my head that tells me to use.Thank you.Kitty Mom u rock.You help complete strangers and that is wonderful.Once I get out of my self pity stage I hope to do that as well.I hope to make some new friends here.Don’t have gas to goto a meeting yet.Peace.
Thanks so much for responding can’t Waite to be where you guys are I’m sure it’s great .. I just can’t Waite my husband does not know that I have a problem so I’m gonna have to do this as quick and easily as possible. I just want to get back to my normal life and start a family more than anything I can’t even explaine how much I want that.. I just hope I can get threw this and move on but I know it’s gonna be hard but I’m getting myself ready because I have to do this for me and my family ..
Joe, you are a rock star. I’d like to know when you’re coming out with that book. You got so much stuff in that head of yours that you need to share with the world.
Maryam,
welcome. I’ve been clean for 12 days now. The first few are the worse. After 7 days you should expect to nearly feel back to normal. The thomas recipe does help. I took vitamins mostly. Also certain teas can really help. You should really try “Yogi”. I bought some at Walmart but you could also buy online.
Here is the link http://www.yogiproducts.com/
I bought “Bedtime”, “Detox”, “Kava Stress Relief”, and “Green Tea Kombucha”. They really do help. I wish I would have had them the first couple of days. The bed time and stress relief helps with the anxiety and insomnia. The detox flushes out your kidneys and liver which helps your body get rid of the poison faster. The kombucha helps your immune system, fight fatigue and detoxify your body. I’d recommend you use 2 or 3 tea bags to make it stronger.
Jamie, I’ll be praying for your friend. It is really sad to hear his story. I don’t understand why he wouldn’t get paid disablity if the doctors deemed him permanently disabled. Maybe he needs to move here to Florida. We take care of our Veterans.
There are times in our lives when nothing seems stable and everything around us waivers with change. But we’re still alive and I know we are able though every single ounce of our strength may be drained. Though disappointments and setbacks take their toll we perserveer and we push on because we have to. We either give up and die or we do the best we can with what we’ve been given. This life is full of amazing people and I often find myself wondering where the strength comes from, where the hope, where the love and where the miracle of friendship seeds. I have always looked into the eyes of children and wondered what fills their world, are they happy, do they know love, have they been trained to believe in something real or something magical that gives them hope? I see myself as a child and I wonder how I survived and I remember that there was nothing but my will to live that was stronger then the stench of death. Many times I was broken and tired and wanted to give up but I, not knowing my own strength, took the next step, woke the next day, absorbed the next beating and I, again unknown to me, grew stronger.
For many years I believed that the torment of my childhood was what made me who I was. I was a victim, a sad soul, a fragile and broken child who never grew up. I believed that I lacked the power to change my life. I believed that my destiny had been laid out before me and all I had to do was take the next step every day. Even as a young adult I was broken, then as a middle age wife, I was still broken, empty, hurting, crying out to a God who turned a deaf ear to me. I knew not what it was that I needed or who would rescue me but I continued to hold out hope that somehow some day there would be something more to this life then pain and suffering. My battered soul was nothing compared to my weak and battered body. The toll of years of violence and neglect, being starved and fed lint or dirt that I missed when cleaning, was near a permanent poison that just bled into me day in and day out. And my mind though tortured by my the disease of the body grasped for hope, longed for some relief. Fast forward 10 years and one Tuesday night in February 2011 I felt like I could go no more. The pain medicine was gone, the bottles of liquor had run dry, I was poor and hurting and very much alone when I found a long lost bottle of vicodin and decided to take my life. That night was longer and more torturous than any I had ever experienced in my youth. The damage I had done to myself far greater than any that had been done to me. In the hours and weeks that followed as I discovered slowly that I had fallen victim to a disease, an addiction, that gripped me like a vice and squeezed the life out of me every time I took a pill I was humbled, shocked and scared. Through the next few weeks as I discovered this blog site and the people here and as I openned up to those closest to me and sought help from my very intuitive and understanding and patient doctor I slowly began to piece my life together. I say together, not back together. I decided not to go back to being the person I was. I didn’t want to be a victim anymore. The bottle doesn’t control me, I control me. My past doesn’t define me, I decide who I am. In that moment when I had the clarity to realize that my addiction wasn’t something that I created, my pain wasn’t something I created, but it was all something that I could take control of.
My life began in those weeks that followed I built piece by piece the new me. I am not perfect, far from it. Everything does not always go right for me, far from it. I am still in pain, but I’m managing it with the help of a different kind of medicine, one that doesn’t take over control of me. I am not a victim of fibromyalgia, sleep apnea, and all the other ailments that come and go, they are just a part of me, that I control. They contribute to my character but they do not define me, just as my past does not define me, my attempted suicide does not define me. I am a person who loves passionatly, gives unselfishly, feels deeply the pains of others. I am a wife, a friend, a companion, a co-worker, a writer, a singer, a pet owner, a daughter, a grandaughter, an acquaintance, a stranger, I am me and me is no less than anyone else. I am not the only one who feels alone, I am not the only one with suffering, I am not the only one who has suffered from addiction and withdrawl, I am not the only person who has tried to end the pain. I am not the only one who believed that life couldn’t be more. And neither are you.
You need to believe in yourself. In you is the power to be free from all of the labels, restrictions and condemnations of your life. You are real, your life is worth living, your pain is real, you should have hope, you do have friends, you will succeed. You can get through today, and you can conquer tomorrow. Today can be the first day of the rest of your life. I believe in you. There is life beyond these walls. It’s okay to cry, it’s understandable that your pain is overwhelming. You may feel like you are the only one, that you are all alone, that no one understands but you not only have us but you have you. You can do this. You are worth saving. You don’t have to do monumental things to be successful, just take the next step, let us help you, take control of your pain and get help. The best thing you can do for you is believe in you. I do.
Hello all,
I’ll be coming to my 5th day of no vicodin today(Saturday) @ 2pm…. I had surgery on January 12th and was in the hospital for 6 days afterward. This isn’t my first time on pills either. Surgery was due to a severe car accident in 2008 and I was on 25mgs or more a day of oxycontin for 5 months and also percs at the same time. My withdrawals then didn’t seem nearly as bad as they have been this time around for only being on it for 2 months. I can’t even imagine what some of u go through who have been on opiates for years. I had the whole 9 yds of symptoms.. 3 days of pure hell.. Started feeling better Thursday night.. Still not sleeping the greatest, the RLS is killing me.. Past two nights I’ve taken melatonin. Worked great last night, not so much tonight, I do have xanex, and vallium.. But i don’t want to get addicted to something else. How much longer do you expect this BS to go on.. I just want to be normal again. I hate this
An addendum to that last post. Reading through everyones posts from the past two weeks really got to me. I realized that here I am so focussed on getting through my trials and having some success with steering my life in the direction I want to go. The tragedy in Japan also really got to me. I cannot begin to fathom the suffering that those who lost loved ones and homes and so much more than that are feeling. The shock is starting to wear off and I’m beginning to think about how I can make a difference. I know it’s probably hard for you to know this since you don’t know me but my heart is deeply broken by the tragedy here in this blog and abroad, both in Japan and Libya. Part of who I am is that I am someone who needs to comfort and encourage others. I have only recently turned that around to see that in the past it was at the expense of me that others and what they thought of me when I cared so deeply for them plunged me into a deep abyss of loneliness. In the past weeks one of the things I’ve learned is that I need other people more than I need others to need me. So now this part of me that naturally wants to nurture and help that used to get caught up in the results is free to give without reciprocation. In this case, what you’ve given to me you gave in the same way. You reached out to me and now I want to reach out to all of you. So many of you seem to be in a place that I have been at one time or another in my life. Desperation sometimes hinders and sometimes enhances clarity. This judgement free zone created by someone years ago who like us was searching and finding answers, who wanted us to know we are not alone, is a safe place. I hope that the person who started this all that time ago is still here occasionally and sees how the seed has grown.
If you at first glance just see a bunch of people hanging out, chatting, sharing something they have in common, you are right. But take a step back and what you see, the big picture here is hope. Thanks to each and every one of you for being vulnerable and sharing your journey with us. Thanks for being a light in a dark and scary place. I look forward to all of our successes.
Ok guys I am so sorry but I am back on day 3-4 again..
I went 28 days sober.. I will explain more why I relapsed and im so damn tired of this… I feel like I let all you good people down who had faith in me… I know I have to shake this, Ill either die or shake it. I will write more when I feel better, this has been a strange withdrawal….. Im so sorry everyone. 
If anyone wants to email me with ideas to prevent relapse plz do @ jrobinson86@gmail.com
Love Peace Joel
It’s about progress, not perfection
Hey everyone – Jamie is right progress not perfection – after all none of us is perfect – just trying to make it through each day – some are good some are bad…Joel – welcome back and I will be praying for you my friend and on a positive note – day 3 or 4 – whatever the number – New day – new growth – new spirit to survice, improve, and get healthy.
Love
Kitty
Hey Joel…you haven’t let anyone down, my friend. We are all here on your side still! These little setbacks are just that…setbacks. Not roadblocks, not anything permanent. BUT they DO make the victory much sweeter when you look back from the finish line!! Keep your eyes on the prize, and keep on going. You’re ok, Joel…and you’re human. Be nice to you!!!!
Hey. I love all of you kids here….just an FYI.
Hey guys I don’t know why but ever since I set a date to quit I am sick when I take the pills I seriously dint feel good at all when I take my doses my stomach feels nasuated and no appetite I haven’t even weaned down or anything it’s like all of a sudden my body doesn’t like the pills anymore I guess that’s good for me cause I will know that when I do go threw WD the pills won’t make me feel better this has started the last few days now has any one experienced this before fight before quitting it’s really weird I still need advise on the Valium and clonidine also haze xaxax I gave never took any of these. Meds before I got them for the WD process also I have wellbutrin for after any ideas on these meds and how I should take them when to start and any other suggestions would be helpfull… Thanks guys u r great Maryam
Hello Maryam,I’ve read your post and many others as well and I can tell you it will get better.I’ve been seeing a pyschiatrist for about a year just because I couldn’t survive one day without taking Norco.Initially he hooked me up cause I’m pretty good at begging and crying.But recently I kept running out due to overusage.So he told me straight up that it was my choice to check into a rehab and get daily fixes of methadone or suboxene.Or just go cold turkey.Personally I didn’t want to exchange one drug for another.Many people have quit this way but since I have an addictive behavior I opted for cold turkey.Which as you know it is something you have to commit to for about 7 days.No work,no responsibilites,and the worse flu you ever had.Dr. did give me clonidine for the racing heartbeat.Didn’t take it.Also Dicyclomine for diareahha.Didn’t take it either.But it was there if stuff got too bad.I do take Antivan for anxiety.I don’t know anything about Xanax.Goto Drugs.com and check it out.Wellbutrin is an antidepressant
that kinda works in the background.I don’t really notice any difference when I take it.I’m an old girl going through Menopause and withdrawals at the same time so I do have to take my maintaince meds or I would be loony.And if you are the one wanting a baby then I would suggest multivitamins,lots of hydration,prayer and set your eyes on your goal.Your Friend,xxrainxx
Anyone with a better memory than me, can you remember when it was when I showed up here? Kitty’s been clean for 6 months and I was thinking man that’s a long time, then I got to thinking about how long I’ve been coming here and I think it’s been like 4 months or so. I reckon I’ll go over to the Thomas Recipe and see when my first post was….
Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
11/12/10 was my first appearance on here. 4 months lots of ups and downs.
Hey Now,
Metoo , I needed to give you a shout out, OK, I feel better now, did you hear it? I was like MeeeeeeToooooooo.
Man depresses in Pa. That was one hell of a post, deep and revealing for me.
I am learning about, studying and praying and asking and working on one word Idea.
As I read your posts, which by the way described my soul. That word came back up, Idea.
See that is the one thing I can not change right Idea. I can not change them, because I do not create them or control them.
What I can do is filter them, and act or not act on them.
I just find it so fascinating to see the two parallel ideas running through life.
As your post started the idea of , fuck it, seemed to be in control , later in the post the idea of I give a fuck, seemed to be in control.
The thing I learned about addiction is that for me any way it is the bridge of ambivalence where I keep both of those ideas alive.
I have found this out, as well…there is a road, no simple highway that was not made by the hands of man.
In other words and my experience has been, the fucking thing is supernatural, I can no more explain how I became so broken, that I could tell you how I am alive today.
Yeah I created the idea of ambivalence , The river of love is slowly eroding the bridge back to flesh living and over to spirit living.
Dylan said it so much better than I…
There is a slow, a slow train coming,
Joe
Hey everyone. Hope everyone is doing OK tonight. I have been trying to post something and it was like a slow boat to China – now it seems OK – I can’t stand it when I type a whole sentence ahead of the words showing up…LOL
Joe – I really like your one sentence that you could no more explaine how you got so broken than to tell you why you are alive today. A phychologist would have a field day with some of us wouldn’t they. I could ask myself a million questions…Why did I find this site two days before I quit my 10-12 norco per day habit. What drives me to this place every day and compels me to talk to others about my addiction and my recovery. What made be so broken in the first place. What keeps me together now. How did I ever ever get through the first week of withdrawal and live to tell about it. Don’t Know Why – JUST know I gotta be here around you folks who are in the same boat as me. Some of us are still in the water trying to get in the damn boat, some of us are clinging to the boat for dear life and some of us are slowing getting the courage to float outside the boat. Regardless, I NEED to be here – without the pain of others, I would not know where I have come from – without the joy of others – I would not know where I was going….so to all my about FRIENDS, whatever your situation whatever your place on the boat, I am honored to be with you and thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here with me. If I get to pushy or bold or judgemental, just give me a hug and say now Kitty, calm down…it’s OK….let’s just get that cup of coffee on the front porch now – everything is going to be OK!
lOVE YOU
KITTY
Well I am not sure I fit in here I have been posting with no response I really thought I would have the same support that others here feel but I’m not feeling that at all right now so any how thanks anyway just feeling like I’m to new to be here you all have been talking for some time now and are all good friends maybe there is no room for a newbe I guess I’m on my own hope everyone does well and stay on the right track goo luck and sorry for intruding … Maryam
Hit the send button before I was done I really needed every one to know how hard it was for me to post my first post it took everything I had and I guess for this reason … I have read all he post several times even onyour guys other threads and finally I thought just post see what happens and I did .. But now I am sad that I did and it has gotten me feeling worse than when I was just reading the posts I feel like I post and then there are 4 other posts after mine and all names are mentioned but mine my questions that I thought I could get answered a few days ago and I’m sitting here still waiting well enough about I feel like I said I wish u all the best of luck and I’m truly sorry that I intruded on your ciber family keep up the good work I guess and have a wonderfull clean week …
Maryam – don’t leave – noone meant any offense and did not mean to leave you out. You and everyone is welcome here. I followed the thomas recipe exactly how it is written on the thomas recipe page. It lists several minerals that I found in a liquid (they were all combined together) and I followed the doses on all the vitamins. I did not take valium or any other scipts because I did not want to get hooked on any other drugs. So my advice would be to get all the ingrediants on the thomas recipe plus Sam-e (from GNC) take a good multi vitamin and of course imodium for diahrea and just follow the directions on the thomas recipe page. It helps alot along with the hots showers and even a dip on a cold pool helped me. Other than that – just coming here and letting us support you.
I went back and saw that I did miss your last post about your getting sick on the pills already before you quit. That may be a good sign that it is your time to quit – keep positive – noone is ignoring you and often times we miss a post or two and do not mean harm…yes we have made friends on here but we all started at the same place – and the more you hang around the more we will know you and you will know us…don’t give up on us and if you want to speak in person to me my email address is
kittymom@gmail.com. I would love to send you a set of charms to remind you of our support if you would like them – you can email me your address and I will try to get them to you before you start your detox. Let me know the exact time and day that you plan on starting and I will try to be here for you.
Love
Kitty
Maryam – I punched in the wrong address
it is
kittymom001@gmail.com – Please contact me if you so desire.
Don’t go Maryam. Don’t take it so personal if we miss a post. These are great people and there’s always someone new coming in and we all try to help each other as much as we can, especially the new people who are trying to find their way. I fear you will miss out on a great opportunity for support if you leave.
4 months ago I was the newbie and they all welcomed me in with open arms. I know what it’s like and in that time when you’re feeling so vulnerable and raw having just spilled out your heart to a bunch of strangers on a website hoping for some direct response to you and yeah, I did feel like no one was paying attention to me at times, but then I realized that hey away from this site everyone has lives that they are living and their own struggles they are going through. So while in my moment of torment and weakness, yeah I wanted all the attention to be focused on me, but I also realized I’m not the only one with troubles. I don’t want you to take this the wrong way. I’m just giving my experiences. The more you come back, the more you post, the more you find support and comfort. For me it hasn’t always been about what others had to say to me, a lot of the times it was what I discovered about myself by coming here and posting. I’ve made a lot of realizations in just typing my posts. And yeah, it’s always good to get feedback, but don’t neglect what you can learn from yourself.
I came here just about every day in the beginning and I posted. And it wasn’t anything major. Just what I did that day and how I made it through. Or oops, I slipped up again and I’m picking myself back up and starting over again. Just keep coming back.
If we miss something and you really need support or advice on it, say hey guys I really need your input on ____! Sometimes we just need a kick in the rear. But I can guarantee that you will find a great supportive group of people here, if you give them the chance. I apologize if you had expectations and we didn’t meet them. Maybe that was the problem, having high expectations…I don’t know.
We want you to stay and we are here to support you, but if you decide to leave I wish you all the best and good luck in you’re effort to get clean.
Love and hugs to ALL!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hey everyone, I hope all is well with you guys. I wanted to tell you guys about a great accomplishment for myslef. I just finished my first year of college with a 4.0 gpa. In this year I have stopped using drugs, gained some great friends from this site, and getting beter grades then I ever did in High school. Kitty, you are so right I need to look at all of the good things in my life and stop being so depressed all the time. I know my Grandma wdoes not want to watch me lay around on the couch all day, she would want to see me bettering myself and taking care of my family. Thank you everyone for your support and I love you all.
Maryam-I am sorry that you have not gotten the response that you were looking for. You really need to know that the people on this site are the best support system that you will ever find, they have literally saved my life. The good thing about the site is that even when some of us are away for awhile we know that we can come back anytime and our support sytem will be here for us. Please give us a chance and you will fell the same way as the rest of us.
Good Morning,
Well now, we have so many new folks on board, it is incredible, thank you God, for allowing me the privilege to witness Love.
I give it a shot, with a quick note for everyone here.
Maryam—–You are LOVED here. I am not sure at his point what more I could possibly say at this point, than I LOVE you, I know EXACTLY what you are going through, every thought, pain, fear, angry sentiment, you name. I also know that deep down in you below all that noise is a tiny voice saying , Man this dope is wrong, it is killing me and preventing me from the life I want…My only tip would be CLING to that voice…..It is the real Maryam, it came here and kicked that initial fear in the ass, it is that courage which you can trust, now that voice telling you fuck place, well I am not so sure about where that one goes, I do know it led me to places like prison, hospitals, the streets, and asylums. Keep Coming Back.
METOO——I am on my Lenten journey, I need you girl, as I make my way to the passion.
Kitty—-Looks like you are NEEDED here, don’t go away.
XXrainXX—-I hear you loud and clear sister, ain’t life grand.
Tony—-where you at brother?
Depressed in PA—-I hope you come back, I enjoy your posts, I am sure that your life and all it’s struggles and pains was not lived for my enjoyment, fuck I am so selfish, anyway maybe relate, validate, respect and think about would be better words to describe how your posts make me feel, nah fuck it I do enjoy them.
STU—-Love
Angela Ok so now I discover not only are you one of the most caring woman I have met, loyal and loving, you are also brilliant, which of course in no way surprises me…I can’t wait for your next post when you reveal you will be featured in Playboy (kidding). Of course it would not shock me. I am just really, really honored that your here. Thank you.
Onaplain— So how is it going friend!
Jamie How is your back, I hope your OK, any in spite of all your pain you are always here for support, amazing. Really admire that, I need to be more like that, more available.
Adam—-thanks for turning my dream, into a reality…I think of you daily.
Steve—-How are you sir?
Dan and Dave—-I hope you folks are mending
This thread is really, really long now, so I think we need to take that into account, patience people.
love
Angel——Way to go girl on the college and the 4.0. You are so very awesome, ambitious, and have the heart of gold! I am so very proud of you…in all you have gone through this year and you still were going to school and achieving your goals. Big Big hug for a job well done!!!
Jamie – I loved your post. It was so positive and awesome. I am glad you have received the comfort and help on this site that you describe. It makes my coming on here worthwhile. We all desire the feeling of being wanted on here and guys and girls, I hope we all find what we come for here for and I hope in giving back to the new folks and passers through, we get an even greater sense of why we are here.
Maryam – what Jamie said about new hit the nail on the head. We were all new at one time. Hope you give us a chance.
Geeze, I remember when there were only four of us coming on here every day and now there are a bunch of us, no one more important than the next.
Hope the rest of you are doing good – get to postin people.
STU – buddy – friend – past sojourner – post if you are reading this…we miss you
Love
Kitty
Hey, Joe!! Are there any beads left over from the Mardi Gras party?? I am thinking I didn’t get nearly enough of them!!!
Hey, Maryam, hang in there with us. We are human, and we do miss some things~but what goes around comes around, and you are an important member of our world here. In my own case, if I ever feel like I’m not getting what’s due me, I will usually reach out to someone else~I realize that maybe, (just maybe…) someone needs me more than I think I need them…and it evens out in time. Also, you must realize that NO ONE would intentionally overlook you~you are a wonderful, beautiful soul with so much to give as well as so much to receive. Hugs to you from Metoo!!!
Stuart. If you don’t get your butt back here right now, I don’t know what I’ll do.
Hey guys thanks I know I may have over reacted but I’m just feeling like I need so much support and I don’t have that here at home because no one knows I am going to be going threw this.. I fell on live with all the support you guys give eachother and thought that I may not be wanted I hope you can forgive me and allow me to post here.. It’s coming soon and I’m just not sure what to expect for my self since everyone is different and it’s a little nerve racking but I do apologize for my last comments.. I will keep coming back maybe I’ll start posting while I’m going threw this instead of before I have started I just want the clean time you all have thanks
Maryam,
I know how you feel. When I was going through my first month I was in such distress I wanted someone to talk to me right now!!! Can’t you see from my words how much I hurt? I just kept rereading posts and it got me through my darkest hours. Everyone on this about page has been where you are. If it were not for these folks I would be back on pills like I always was. Yes, it is not the most pleasant feeling in the world to go through withdrawl but the good part is it doesn’t last forever. Anxiety and no sleep is what got me the most but now after almost three months of sobriety I can say it gets better.
These folks here do care, believe me. They are with you in spirit all the time and I have never in my life met a group of people that are inspiration like these folks. I felt like an outsider when I joined here and thought no one would consider me worth the time but I was wrong. Please keep posting, every day, every hour if you need too. You do have friends here and believe me, Nobody Here Judges Anyone. The support you need is here and it has helped me so much.
Don’t be afraid, just get out what you need to on here, or anywhere else that you think may help. No forgiveness is needed, we are all human and have feelings and feelings here are respected, not judged.
Good luck. You will get your clean time, I promise
Best Wishes,
Lori
Hello,
Today is my 6th day off vicodin. I have taking vicodin for about 3 years, this last year and a half every day. I usually take about 1000mg/a day. I take it because I am addicted to it. I got a precription for it a long time ago and since then I have been buying it on the street. I need motivation really bad right now to keep going. I haev never been able to stop for more then 2 weeks since I first started. I feel so bad right now. Can someone tell me the positive effects on my body & mind that will happen once I get through this? I really think that will help. It will at least give me something to think about besides these cravings and aches.
Thank you
I am new here. I have been taking 1000 mg of vicodin for about 3 years. I take it and purchase it illegally. I am on day 6 of cold turkey. I am going out of my mind. I have intense cravings, aches and anxiety. Does anyone know how long before i will fee normal? I forgot what normal feels like. Also, does anyone know what the positive effects are by quitting vicodin? I need something to hold on to while I go through this…..
Thanks!
Grace, hang in there baby…it gets better. If it gets a little rough, just think of it as having the flu and try to do things that will take your mind off it – watch a movie, exercise, and just take it in little time increments. I quit 6 months ago and I felt the same as you do now…it is rough but doable by the Grace of God. When I look back now it is like it wasn’t that bad – that is why when new people come on here it is a reminder of how it was back when I was so very addicted – same exact boat as you and it reminds me never to pick up the habit again. Believe me I think of it but it is no longer an option – addicts cannot pick up a pill or two – they want more and the vicious cycle goes on – scoring – paying big bucks – feeling sick – you do not need it – Be strong. If I can be of any help let me know. my email address is kittymom001@gmail.com
Love
Kitty
Hello Grace,like you I am also new here.I can tell you that if you read the older posts they explain how long you should expect to feel crappy.It depends on how long you’ve taken vicoden and if you know what to expect after stopping.Yeah it’s pretty scary but these folks here offer alot of suggestions and help.Like you
It’s been so long since I’ve been (clean)I don’t know how to feel normal yet.I just know that every day that passes makes me a better person not taking that stuff.
The anxiety,panic,and aches will get easier to deal with.You might want to start a journal and later down the road read it back to remind yourself of all the nausea,aches,shakes and crappy feelings you had went through so you don’t ever want to withdraw again.The positive side is you won’t be chained to vicoden anymore.You’re taking your first step to being your “before vicoden” self.Like you I don’t remember how I was either.Maybe we’ll find out that we’re more likeable and can endure pain better.There’s more than one path to the same destination. And the good thing is keep coming back here and checking in.Everyone here has the same goal.I won’t use TODAY.Pat yourself on the back or give yourself a hug for each day you celebrate.Cross off the days on a calender.
I went to a NA meeting and got a one week key chain.That says Just For Today.
It really helps me.Pray,meditate,set a goal,go bike riding,pet your cats!!Be proud
of yourself.I”m proud of everyone here who wants to quit opiates.Peace and prayers.
BTW I’m almost at 2 weeks.Woo-Hoo!!That hasn’t happened in like 5 years.Can I get AttA Girl???lol!Still feel like shit but I hope the worse parts over.
Atta girl!!!!
All these new folks are making my head spin, so it’s gonna take me a bit to get you all sorted out and remember who’s who and what story goes with you lol But it’s so cool to have so many new people in the trenches with the rest of us. We are all fighting this thing SIDE BY SIDE.
Good going to all of you and I will be cheering for you as you make your way.
Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
hey Grace
the perfect name for this place, and what you are dealing with.
You asked what are the benefits of getting clean, I would suggest, they are very different to each of us, there is common ground we all share, the pain of withdrawal, and the joy of surviving it. The wonderful thing is how that joy and hope manifests itself in each of us.
I know when I had about 6 days clean I would dream of what I wanted, and the funny thing is what I have gotten since then since day 6 is so much better and wilder than my dreams, in fact they are wilder than anything I could ever envision, and I have a very vivid imagination.
So write down all of your dreams, than don’t use just for this minute, and repeat that process for five minutes, ten minutes, looking at your dreams, then one day long after you will wake up in this place and you will look at all you dreamed of and you will realize that the things that await you are a zillion times more electrifying than your dream list.
HOPE, sister, it is the only game in town.
Lori, man did I miss you, thanks for posting, you are such a benefit, you are so special, keep on posting.
peace
@ xxrainxx: are you ready???
ATTA GIRL!!!!!
Keep it up, baby!!!
ATTA GIRL!!!!!
ATTA GIRL!!!!!
KittyMom, you deserve an ATTA GIRL too!!!!! I sure wish we all lived closer!!!!!
Joe. Beads, beads, I gotta get some beads. You never said if there were any left over. Need beads. Hahaha! Thanks for being you, Joe….I hate imagining my life without you in it…seriously…where would we ALL be??? We wouldn’t be nearly as good as we are, that’s for certain….and I see you, Joe, as the center of all of us. The nucleus. I like you.
For each of you individually….collectively, together and separately, from my heart to just yours, and from my heart to us as a group….this song sums it all up for me. And Jamie must be the girl in the video??!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vJXCqg9ZFc
lol yeah Metoo, I’m a video star. Chick with a dog. I’ve always loved that song. And y’all don’t take this the wrong way, but if I had only one friend left I’d want it to be my dog lol My CandyBear is the bestest!
Song from me…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qnk1vlS9G5w
one more, got to thinking about my dog and got sentimental…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5t2aL79_2e4
Ok….my walk continues…I just applied for jobs at two retail stores online! If you have a second or two, please say a little prayer for Metoo~~~~that prayer hopefully centered around, “not my will, but Yours be done”~~~~so that my life might touch another’s life in a positive way~~~so that I might truly make a difference to anyone who needs anything that I have to give. I feel so positive-the time is right to move ahead now.
“Please, Lord, help me to be able to touch others lives in a positive manner, with You dwelling within my mind, heart and soul…please continue to bless me with your presence and your grace. I implore your mercy, Lord, and thank you for the gifts you so freely bestow!!”
I’m on it, Joe!!! YEEEEEHAAAWWWWW!!
The pieces of the puzzle are connecting! 
Ok hey guys it’s me I am getting so close to the day I stop this bad behavior I gave allowed my self to have .. The good news is that I have Been talking to my self saying u can do this it will be over soon every day praying that I will have the strength to get threw this with all my new friends here on this bord I will probley be posting every hour for the first week but I now know that’s ok I even thought to have my mom come to my house and take care of me for a few days so I can be babied I will say I have a terrible flu she can draw my baths and cook ne some nice home made soups and make sure I am on while taking these meds and I think that will help having some one around that lives u no matter what … I am really feeling like I can do this I have my days where I think what if I can’t then I say that’s not a option I have to get threw this and think about the baby I will be pregnant with in like 6 months right guys what is better than that … I hope u guys won’t get upset that I will be posting at all hours but please keep me in ur prayers cause I’m going to need it the thing that makes me happy is that I’m really not scared like I was I just have this feeling that I will be ok and that is a great feeling right about now thanks guts please Just talk to me and help me threw this as I don’t want to be alone even though I will have people taking care of ne and forcing me to get up and out and to eat it’s nothing like having support from people that have been threw this before u know it’s different I want to know where southern mom is I miss her posts u hope she is ok any one heard from her ????? Please post on how she is doing and kitty mom I would live ur charm set I am so thankfull u offered me this great gift I think it will really help what foods do u think I should get before I start thus what was every body able to eat or what was any one craving during this time I want to be as prepared ad possible also I don’t want to inconvence my family any more than I have to to keep running to the store let me know please as soon as u have any answers fir me and jeep me in ur prayers every hour every day I’ll need it but I can say I’m not scared just ready more than anything is this normal ???
Maryam,
You are normal as can be. I have to tell you I had no appetite for about a week, some don’t have this problem but I made myself at least eat a banana or some yogurt to get something in my body. Make sure you have a lot of gatorade or the like. It helps put electrolytes back in your system. Water the first few days made me want to throw up. Try to follow the Thomas recipie on this site as I really believe it helped me. After the physical symptoms started going away it was the mental part that drove me crazy, but I kept coming back here on this page and read everyones suggestions and encouragements and it helped more than you know.
Kitty Mom, Joe, MeToo, and everyone else on here kept giving me the strength I need to get through. It is always nice to know you aren’t alone and you truly are not.
Good luck, I know you will be just fine, keep the faith. You have it in you to do this.
Best Wishes.
Lori
thank you soo much for the atta girl!!!!
Jamie
MeToo
Lori
Kitty Mom
Joe and everybody else who listens to me and holds my hand!love ya guys!
OK – looks like all the peeps are checking in – but there are a few missing – Angel – you OK??? Let me know.
Maryam – I lived on a chocolate protein drink from the Health Food Store. I can’t remember what else if anything – gatorade like Lori said and bananas because they have potasium for the restless legs – maybe some chicken soup – you will not want or feel like eating anything heavy. Good luck – what day are you starting? I told my mother and sister the truth about detoxing – first time I admitted that I had a problem and my sister called me every day for two weeks. When I look back, I think it was a way to get better – putting it out in the open – no more secrets.
Yes, please email me your address – I would love to send you similar charms that the rest of us have and cherish. Southern Mom and I put them together for everyone a few months ago.
Southern Mom is OK – She e-mailed me a short time ago and says she needs some space right now. Hopefully she will be back one of these days. I am sure she would still appreciate our love and prayers.
Thanks for being here everyone – the board is really active right now…hopefully by Easter, there will be alot more people that have slayed the dragon so to speak.
Man, I got to get to bed now – I have been working on home videos for four hours and am beat…take care friends.
Love to all
Pleas excuse me if I don’t mention everyone (there are so many to keep track of) but collectively you are in my prayers.
Kitty
Maryam, for me it was crackers and french fries and tons of gatorade. I don’t know if anyone else went through this and I never really mentioned it before, but I was extremely thirsty when I quit, I couldn’t drink enough gatorade. Also, I couldn’t have ice cold drinks, made me sick, so room temp gatorade was my best friend .
Haha I feel like a gatorade spokesperson. My name is Jamie and when I’m going through detox, it’s nothing but the best for me. So grab yourself a gatorade and join me!
Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hey Now,
Man, I really, really appreciate the posts Maryam, see that is the thing for me. A person comes on the site seeking help, someone to hear them, someone to encourage them.
I hope you find that here, but won’t you may not see, which is so fucking cool, is YOU are the help.
See I could sit here and tell you stuff, the stuff you know already, yes it will be unpleasant, yes you will ache and yes you will not sleep, and you can try this and try that, but there is only one way through it, a fucking minute at a time.
I can cheer you on, I can pray, I can offer insight. but there is ONE thing you can do and ONLY younget to do it, you get to be.
Maryam ONE day clean. That first day, the day everything changes, that day you make it through.
This is the day , right all the fucking hell of using, the lies, the cash, the bullshit, the sickness, the death, the hate, the running out, the finding more..where I come from we call it The GAME, sister and the thing about the GAME is well sorry to say, you are just pray in the GAME, no one gives a shit about anything in the GAME except dope and money, and you dear care
And the Game devours folks that care.
I found out the only way out is TO LET GO.
I did not quit using pills on May 23, 2009. I walked away from a relationship that had become very abusive.
The problem was the relationship I had to get out of was with me, the part of me that was broken, I had become two people over the years Clean Joe and Using Joe, the retionship began to sour when Using Joe began to be dominate, in fact it took over.
We always ended up doing what Using Joe wanted to do. Which was use,
Using Joe is so cunning, his lies seem true, oh and the promises he makes, awesome, he is quite a charmer. but all he ever wants to do is get high.
Clean Joe wants to meet folks, keep a few bucks in his pocket, sleep through the night, sit and think, read, listen, love, ohh and the beauty God Clean Joe loves the beautiful things, like a smile a tear and the one thing Clean Joe needs to survive The one power, the juice, is Maryam or Grace or Tony or whoever with ONE day clean.
That is the LOVE, THE LIFE! Without you Maryam I die, I mean not in like oh this sucks, I’m dying here. No I mean like 2 kids in Texas lost their dad dying. funeral dying.
So sure I will be here everyday, I just hope you realize YOU are the one who keeps it all alive, you my dear are the reinforcements we out here in the war have been praying for.
So glad you made it.
joe
Great post Joe – reminds me of the ones you wrote when I was just starting out 6 months ago. Thanks for being here and thanks for sharing with those whose decisions to quit are new and fresh and – yes you are right – their decision to quit brings them here – they are the heros – we are just the sounding boards.
Love you all
Kitty
Huh. Still nothing about the beads. Guess I gotta wait my turn!!!
Hhahahahaha…no sweat.
Joe, THAT was a GREAT post. Keep it up, my friend!!!
It’s true….
Well, Jamie is in a state here. Back hasn’t gotten any better. I’ve tried every suggestion of help I’ve received from you guys and everyone else in my life. Tried all the different non-opiate pain meds, with all the allergic reactions and bad side effects and the just plain not working. I have an appointment with my primary doctor on the first, and the first available pain management appointment was the 4th so I set that up. But to get me from today the 24th to the 1st I asked the doctor if there was something else we could try for the pain to get me through til I went to pain management or to see my primary doc. I didn’t get a response from him, but I decided to call the pharmacy and see if he had called in anything for me. I have one of my psych meds pending a doctors approval for refill and when I called, the pharmacist said I had one ready for pick up and one waiting to be filled, so I asked him what was ready for pickup and guess what is sitting there waiting for me? Yes, our old enemy Mr. V!
I’m really having a crisis here. I don’t want to take the damn pills. I don’t want to go pick them up. But I’m also tired of being in pain and not being able to do much of anything. A couple weeks ago when I slipped up again and got a pill from my aunt, physically I felt good because I could get up and do something that day and I wasn’t in any pain. Mentally and emotionally I just berated myself.
I’m trying so hard to stay away from the damn things, and it’s so damn hard. First I have to deal with the fact that everyone else in my family is a pill popper. And the ones who aren’t have them anyways to try to use to get something they want out of you. And then I keep having these frickin’ physical ailments pop up. First it was the three weeks or more of dental work and I thought once I got through with that, I could pick myself up and dust myself off and start over again. But then BAM Feb 1st it’s a hurt back. And here I am almost 2 months later and I’m still in all kinds of pain. I had vix for the first couple days from my ER visit, then I started the try and fail of different pain meds with my doctor. And I think twice in this time I’ve gotten a pill from my aunt because I was really hurting, but it’s fucking a pain either way. I can take a pill and make my body feel better, but my mind just kills me. Or I can be in pain and feel good about myself. I’m just like AAARRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!
With the dental work I was like, well just get through this and you can start over, you did it before, you can do it again. And I did, went through that, got done with the work and done with the pills and started over again. And now I find myself in the same position. I’m tired of these tests, ya know? It’s like that old saying…I know God won’t give me anything I can’t handle, I just wish he didn’t trust me so much!
So here I am, already beating myself up, just because I know I have a prescription waiting for me at the pharmacy. Kitty, please smack me upside the head. And can someone make some sense out of what I just typed? lol
I’m just teetering here. Bring it, folks! Give it to me! My mind and my heart want to stay away from those little white devils. But my body is crying out for relief.
I gotta go find something to occupy my mind….Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Well Jamie – I can’t tell you what to do – and if I were in the same situation I don’t know what I would do either – but you know that vicodin does not heal the back – it just makes you forget about the pain for an instant and then the pain comes right back – then you are right back into the vicous cycle all over again – tell you the truth, we all could come up with a reason why we need to relieve pain = some is real – some is our bodies addiction crying out. I have resolved myself that I will not take pills again but I often think to myself what I would do if and when I had surgery, hurt myself, or had pain so bad it was hard to endure. I want to say I would say NO – give me an anti inflamatory or if you have to, tylenol 3 (a little codiene) but even that I believe would get me right back on the merrygoround of addiction. So, First thought for me is to tell you to get up and run as far as you can from these pills – Have you tried a chiropractor yet? Honey, please try to be strong – and I know you can be. Don’t know that this helps – but there is NO WAY IN HELL that I would tell you – Oh yeah, Jamie , take the vicodin – it’s OK – Nope, won’t do it!
Love You
Kitty
Joe would you please let Metoo flash you and give her some freaking beads…LMAO – Paleeeeese!
Love
Kitty
Well, JameCat, here goes….
Go and pick the crap up, take it, and don’t beat yourself up. Like you said, you did it before and you’ll do it again. I know that on some level, you DO just want someone to say it’s ok for you to do that. I will say it for you, but there is ONE condition.
Once you get your back in order, under NO CIRCUMSTANCES will you EVER take another vic. Get it out of your system now, and when you’re not hurting, (after you’ve taken one…), you get your butt to the nearest mirror and you kick your own ass! This is the LAST time. No more back and forth. No more wishy-washy. It’s TIME, JameCat, IT’S TIME.
I know this isn’t probably the right thing to say, nor is it the popular thing to say, but it’s not out of Jamie’s system yet. If it were out, she wouldn’t even be thinking this way. Jamie, if you want (WANT WANT WANT) to be clean, you CAN BE. If you really sorta kinda maybe so so want it, it’s not going to work. I just don’t think it’s your time yet. You’re on the fence and you’ve got to make up your mind.
I hope no one is pissed at me!!!
Hi guys ur posts were so good they instantly make ne feel better.. I am so glad I found this site I really am Jamie I hope u can make the right decision you have cone so far it wouldn’t be worth going back I know I should not be giving any advise here but what the other posts say are true really read them then re read them once you have hurt your back there is always going to be some pain IE: when is cold outside u will get pain when u do to much there will be pain so it’s so hard to just take the vicodin and relive it cause at all points there will be a little pain you have made it 2 months already with the pain it will subside shortly I will pray it does it had to have gotten better than it was 2 months ago so just hang in there you have so many people praying for you and u can do this call and cancel the RX …. just take it easy and it will go away also maybe this will help try not to think about the pain when it’s there just keep telling ur self I’m ok you are a wonderful person from what I can see and you deserve to be happy and clean and PAIN FREE. It will happen hope I didn’t over stand my boundaries I am going to start next Monday that is my last day and since about a month ago I tell my self 10 thousand times a day u will be fine u can Dobruja and being able to prepare ur self really does help it makes the world of difference I think any ways I hope every one has a wonderful day here and I will be reading more posts to get my self ready for the WD’s that I have wIting for me LOL
I really hope u can make the decision that is best for u Jamie thank you all
Kitty, I wanted a smack upside the head!!!! lol
I”m not looking for someone to tell me it’s okay to take them. I’m looking for a smack upside the head! Like a what the hell are you thinking? type thing.
But thank you guys. I’m feeling better than I was earlier. No pharmacy trip. I’m sitting here cracking up at my dogs. My chihuahua pup Jess is in heat and my old girl Candy is trying to sleep and Jessi keeps trying to mount her.Candy’s too big for her and she gets fed up and goes around and puts her rear in Candy’s face, so Candy keeps having to move her sleeping position. It’s quite amusing.
I need $200 to fall from the sky so I can get Jess fixed and get both my girls their shots for this year. My fiance’s grandma had to take her dog into the vet at midnight the other night, he had to take her to this vet like an hour away. The dog is still there, racking up a vet bill that’s into the thousands already. My fiance has to take her to see the dog every day. I’m like it must be nice to not have to think twice about spending a few grand on your dog. I can just afford to feed mine, half the time we can’t affordd to feed ourselves, but there is loaded granny forking over a fortune for a vet bill. It’s crazy. I just recently found out that when my fiance’s grandpa died he was worth 11 million and at some point down the line he will inherit a quarter of his estate. Meanwhile though we live paycheck to paycheck. Although, after you’ve been with someone for 5 years, engaged for a little over a year, it’s kinda nice to find out that the guy you chose to spend the rest of your life with will inherit a few mil lol I really could care less about it though, never had any money, don’t really need it. I wish life was like on Star Trek where they somewhere along the line cut out the need for money.
gah I’m babbling, rambling on and on trying to keep my mind from other thoughts. I’m gonna go now, ignore most of that hehe
Jamie – here is your SMACK upside the head –
S M A C K – SMACK – S M A C K…..Now shape up Jamie Girl!!
lmao!
kITTY
MaryAM – YOU ARE DOING WHAT YOU ARE MEANT TO DO – helping others – LOVE IT GIRL – and you are never never ever out of place no matter what you say on this board – otherwise the best of us would have been kciked off by Now.
You Go Girl!!
Kitty
Okay, you ready for this?
My sis called me at around 10:30 this am. Said my niece Caylin, my mini-me, was sick and needed to bring her over while she went to work. So I said sure thing, and told her she might as well pack her up some clothes in case she wasn’t feeling well later then she could just stay the rest of the week through the weekend.
She dropped her off and I was super glad to have her here to focus on. I forgot to ask her if she had sent medicine with her, so I sent her a text and she said no, she didn’t have any. My sister is like super struggling, her husband cheated on her, beat on her and left her with two kids to raise and doesn’t give her a dime to take care of them. She has a part time job and just barely makes enough to feed the kids. The bastard does pay some of the household bills because they’re in his name, but she can’t get shit out of him to feed the kids or for their medical needs.
Anyway, so back on track, I end up having to go to the pharmacy to get her some cold medicine and juice and soup. Went there did the shopping I had to do, thought for a second about that prescription, but then looked at the kid and asked her if she wanted anything else(auntie spoiling) and I walked out of there without picking up that script.
Small victory for today. And I come back here to find that I had received my smack upside the head from my Kitty Mom, so that must have been sent at the time I was at the pharmacy. Kitty was smacking me in the head and it veered me away. Seee? All I needed was a smack!!!
I think I’m done posting for the day. lol Just had to come back and share this, cuz I got a little proud of myself.
Love and hugs
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Jamie – Way to go – I will refrain from the smack and lay a great big hug on you! Good going!!!
Love
Kitty
Wow Jamie,Way to go!!I am seriously proud of you.Took alot to walk right out and NOT get that script. I hope you and your niece are both doing better.I’ve just learned that when I have a bad day and the demons come out I come here and focus on sharing and somehow I feel better knowing you guys care and ALL KNOW how bad I feel.Uh anyway you have access to a hot tub?Sometimes it helps with all the pain and just one glass of wine helps ohh so much.Hehehe.Oddly
enough I don’t overdo alcohol.Sometimes wish I could but that wouldn’t help with my head hurting already.I’m kinda a slow learner….lol Love to all.
Btw Joe I like the stuff you write.
xxrainxx
I wish I had a hot tub! Or access to one! And as for the wine, well Miss Jamie here was an alcoholic by the time I was 16. Quit drinking at 20. And at 22 I lost my boyfriend and best friend due to drunk driving. That makes you despise alcohol even more. So in the last 13 years since I quit, I’ve only drank alcohol a few times.
It’s funny, because you mentioned that and I explained why I don’t drink. I’ve been thinking lately that a drink sometimes would make me feel a little better. So thank you for making me remind myself why I don’t drink. The Lord works in mysterious ways.
Love and hugs
Happy Trails,
Jamie
hey now,
Metoo I am at the car rental counter in the Detroit Michigan, Can I get your address so I can plug it into the GPS, shit if Metoo is showing me those tits, I am seeing them live baby, I have brought a Brown Grocrey Bag of beads and the NA basic Text, I thought we might mix some business and pleasure.
Love you MeToo, and I see your a facebooker, so I understand where to find you, when I need you.
Thanks xxRainxx, not as much as I enjoy reading yours.
holler.
Yeah!!!! I gotta clean the house!!!! A WHOLE GROCERY BAG OF BEADS!!!! WHEW!!!!!
Sweet work, Jamie…..sometimes the best thing to do is make a choice. You did. Congrats, girl!!!!
You’re welcome Jamie.Sorry I wasn’t aware that you stopped drinking.Good.From what you told me about your situation I would of stopped too.I can’t even imagine the hell you must of faced when alcohol took your loved ones.I’m so sorry.My pain and emotional turmoils pales in comparision to yours.Thank you for sharing that.At this point in my life faced with all sorts of financial,medical and the day to day b.s. I needed a reminder that I should pull up my big girl panties and suck it up and tell myself I can make it through one more day.LOL!
Joe and Metoo..You guys meeting for the first time?Cool.
Someone fill me in about the bead thing.I’m assuming us girls gotta show boobies?Got no problem with that.I’m a tattooedfreak/addict/goddess/bitch LOL!
Maryam,How ya doing girl??Give us a holler.
Love and strength to al,l xxrainxx
Hey Everyone – Just got back from visiting my parents and am soooo tired. Just want to say hi – and wish everyone a great evening – it is after 11 PM here is Floria and it has been a trying day.
Rain – glad to se you posting – I love it when we get a fresh new person on here and it makes visiting here worthwhile.
Metoo – glad you got your beads….any left over for me??? Hey, Joe, any beads for kitty??? lol
Jamie – I am so proud of you girl – keep it up – hope your back is not giving you a fit!
Angel and Lori – where are you girls. Miss you.
Maryam….hope yu are OK too – what day are you starting your detox….let me know on here on by email….still waiting to send anyone charms who want them…something Southern Mom and I started a while back – nice to have to think of the support we all give each other. Email me if you are interested in them – just something I enjoy doing for you all.
Prayers for all of you
Kitty
Hi guys it’s me !!! Monday this Monday will be the day I detox once and for all I would love ur charms ghats so wondeful that u would offer them to me I think I may need them soon …. I can do this and I will I see everyone else is doing well I hope southern mom is ok I wish she would come back and post she sounds like a wonderful person just like everybody on this site u guys r triely great like everyone else said it feels like I’ve known u all for years I am so gratefulthat when I am going threw he very soon that u all wlll be there cheering me on I’m warning everyone now that I probley will ne posting every 2 min I hope that’s ok with everyone getting nervous but I am going to be just fine with all the love I will be getting from this site … Joe metoo kitty mom Jamie Angela SM rain Adam I hope u r ready for me next week and kitty mom please send me ur charms I would be honored if u did truly honored I have never meet people in my 30 years of being on this earth line u all it’s great and I hope I get lots and lots of support when my time comes if I missed mentioning any one sorry u all will be in my daily prayers also …. I know how I felt when I was left out and would hate to have anyone feeling like that anywho it’s almost time love u all
CHARMS FOR DETOX – contact Kitty Mom – kittymom001@gmail.com.
Love
Kitty
Maryam, you’re already doing great just by coming here and posting. I’m glad you decided to stick around. We don’t care how much you post, as long as it’s helping you. How many times did I post the other day, 4-5? lol I think of it like this, if I need to get something out, I come here and I post it. I feel better just posting it. I may get advice or support, I may not, but just being able to get it out helps tremendously.In my daily life, I have found this place to be such a comfort. I can come here and say whatever I’m going through, even if it has nothing to do with my addiction, and I get what I need by doing so.
Yeah, this board was made for addicts, but it’s the little things, the day by day, the things that pop up in our lives, the weak moments, the triumphant moments, the just plain L-I-F-E that happens here that makes it feel so inviting and comforting. There’s no judgement, no beating each other up or down, because what it all comes down to is that we’re all here for the same reason. The circumstances might be different, but I’m and addict, no better or worse than you. I feel like I’m channeling Joe a little bit here
Anyway, that’s my bit for today. I’ve had my niece here since Wednesday. Poor thing is so sick, so I’m taking care of her. It’s nice to have her to focus on. Yesterday morning she was hungry and feeling a little better, so I pushed through the pain and got up and made her some pancakes and bacon. That kid saves my life on a daily basis without even knowing it.
I’m out for now. Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Well Kitty Mom, I made it over to the “about” page, thanks for the heads up. I’m glad Jamie is the same way cause I felt like I was wrong for keeping the stuff around. I found, with cigarettes, you eventually get bored thinking about it and the desires just go away. I am hoping that it is the same with the vics, but I have to have them around to prove to myself that I can take one but I CHOOSE not to. Not because my supplier ran out or it a moment of strength I flushed them, I need them staring at me and for me to know that in my weakest moment I can take them but walk away instead. This way I know there is no temptation in the world than can persuade me to use again. I will toss them eventually, or forget all about them, but for now I need to know that I’m going to make it and that is the true test for me. Otherwise I will wonder what I will do when they are available again, this way, I know….and that is, I will do nothing. As easy as I’ve seemed to have it so far, I still NEVER WANT TO GO THRU THIS AGAIN, NEVER!!! I want to be done with all things that control me, including food and alcohol. I have realized thru this website that I am an addict. I never thought I was. People would tell me I have an addictive personality but I never thought I was an addict. Now I know I am and have to make my choices carefully in the months to come. I don’t want to replace one addiction with another. I even become addicted to people in my life and the thought of living without them is as scary as running out of vics. I need to get this under control. I have hit rock bottom but feel like I’m growing as a person from this experience. For one, I am acknowledging I am an addict and need to rebuild my life with positive, health activities.
Thanks for listening, Pink
Maryam, I am SO HAPPY that you will start your detox on Monday. I will be with you every step of the way, lady!!!!! Today I will offer up my Mass for you~~my ‘wife’ is going with me today too, so I’m hoping the priest puts on a good show. I am proud of my faith, and I know that pride is a sin, but I secretly hope that isn’t true if it’s your faith that you’re proud of….oh boy. lol! SO at 430pm Michigan time, you will be my focus. If anyone would like to join us for an hour of reflection and thanks, please do…find a quiet spot to sit and reflect for just an hour~’when two or more are gathered in my name…’
Stu will be in my heart too. I wish that boy would come home….
A friend of mine composed this song and is playing the piano in this video – Awesome, Jane
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DsjO-7NErnQ
Sat on the floor for a little while and when I went to get up PAIN!!! Now I’m back to not being able to stand up straight again!!! Ugh!!!!! I’m 32 and I swear sometimes I have the body of someone twice my age. Makes me rethink all those bull rides, wild horses I broke, the racing I did, the fights, that whole rough and tumble cowgirl thing…ah hell, those were good times, it was all worth it, nevermind lol.
The kid is feeling better today and bouncing off the walls, so that’s something to be thankful for. I’ve been using my need for distraction and OCD to go through all my baseball cards and give her my doubles, so she’s loving it.
Six more days until my next doctor’s appointment, I hope I can make it. I’ll take all the encouragement and prayers you can give me.
Love and hugs!
Crap….my ‘wife’ and I watched a movie tonight…and this song from the end of the movie was just MY STORY..of when I left my husband and started this new life a couple of years ago…just before I started in with you all…WOW…you should all check out the movie too…BIG TIME GOOD!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZhmXGjqaw8
Hi guys everyone hope all is well I hope I didn’t have any one misunderstood my last post it’s not this Monday is the following Monday that I will be stopping sorry if I miss led anyone I hope no one is upset my time is conning and real Sion but not that soon !!! Lol thanks for offering it mass to me bit I hope it wasn’t to early to do that cause teal soon I’ll need it again thanks sooooo much for all the responses I got it’s truly amazing but don’t give up on me just yet teal teal soon I’ll need u all alot thanks and again I apologize if there was any confusion love u all very much u guys everyone has been great and support …. Post again real Soon
hey folks,
moving veido kitty, incredible photos.
ahh, metoo, I love your sappy side.
maryam, this Monday next Monday we will be here, it is where we are.
OK folks just remember stopping pills is not really about quitting something, it is about starting something.
for me I never had a problem quitting shit, I did it all the time, I always quit, Imjust never started.
I quit using like a million times, of course I never started anything in it’s place.
Every Time I ran out of pills I quit, then I got some pills and resumed.
Resuming is not the same as starting.
Once I decided to start something, well things began, when I resumed they just kinda picked up where I left off you know the scene where I am filled with shame desperation pain and regret.
So, just for today I am starting over…Care to join.
Oh, befor I forget xxRainxx, I am not actualy in Michigan, although I would rather be sitting in metoos living room this morning than my own in Texas, it is kinda this virtual thing I do, virtual world, inside this virtual world.
we have virtual parties here all the time, the beads were from the Mardi GRAS bash, the virtual one held hear, so yeah if there is a. Real world day of celebration going on dam right we a partying here as well.
Have a great one folks
Hello everyone, it’s Pinkerton and on day four of detox. Sleep better last night and cut back to two valiums before bed and sleep most of the night. However, today and yesterday I had the chills so bad and couldn’t for the life of me get warm and also started have diarea today, which didn’t occur until today. I also feel very weak….is this normal? I thought I’d be past most of the physical stuff by now. Any feedback will be appreciated cause now I’m wondering if I have the real flu.
Hey, Pinkerton, you very well could have the real flu. Seems we never get ill when we are on vics, but soon thereafter we cease, an illness will ‘start’… Try hot brandies to warm up! That’s what I ALWAYS do when I am chilled to the bone. It helps me every time!!
Maryam, I WAS under the impression your detox would begin tomorrow, but it is what it is! My prayers will pave the way then! Mass was wonderful, and I know that my prayers for you and for Pinkerton, as well as the rest of us were heard!!
Stu…I miss you, and I long for the day you return to me, to us. But please hurry…
Hey, Pink, hang in there! Day four is/was always my worst day, but usually day 5 is a little better.
Pink,
I haven’t posted in awhile for personal reasons but I saw a need for input with you.
Hot baths my friend, they are like heaven when the chills and cramps start, sock as long as you can (just don’t fall asleep in the tub BTDT!)
Start a journal to record your daily progress, once you see the steps you have taken, it feels like every new day is a successful day.
Good luck and God Bless
sm
There’s my other About mom! Yay! We’ve missed you.
Hey Y’all
Pink – The physical stuff should subside in a few days. I hope you are feeling a little better soon. Just remember, that it does not get worse – only better. You are in my prayers as are the rest of those suffering in detox and those of you that are thinking about it.
SM – wow, I did not expect to a post from you and am glad to see it. I do miss your contributions on here and everyone is asking about you.
Folks, I am not feeling very well lately so throw in a little prayer for me, will ya. I am so tired all the time and I am having a hard time swallowing…not a sore throat but the muscles in my throat are tired…very weird. So I will make this short, cause I need to get some rest.
Until tomorrow
Love
Kitty
PS – Maryam – Like Jow says, it does not matter the date that you start detox – we will still be here.
Hello everyone, and thank you for the words of advice and encouragement. I am officially on day 5 with day 4 being the worst so far. I took two valiums before bed but still woke at 3am and couldn’t fall back to sleep…not RLS but just plain old insomnia.
Southern Mom, I like to write anyways so I think journaling will be a great idea. Need to get started and I need to remember how miserable this is so as to not start again. The first day I was repulsed by the thought of taking a vic…by day 3 & 4 I started wanting just one to feel better for a little bit, I thought, “I’m almost detoxed what harm can one do?” But quickly got myself together. I, like everyone, hate being sick, any form of sickness, I’m a big baby! I just want to feel normal. Yesterday, my kids did everything for me and now they are going back to school and I need to drive at least 4 hrs roundtrip today and have several meetings….not too sure how that is going to go, but I have to get out of the house. Unfortunately, this is the day I scheduled to be out of town. Still thinking of taking a sick day but I just don’t want to be couped up in the house anymore.
Thank you all so very much and whatever struggles you are facing please know that I pray for the people on this site.
Pinkerton
Good Morning,
Hey PInk, keep going..you are almost there, wherever there is. I found that sitting around dwelling on how fucking bad I felt made it worse, just a bit of exercise, a minute reprieve from the clamor in my mind.
Hope you get out today and feel better.
Kitty I hope you get well soon…
I love coming here, it is and has been the spot for me, the spot to not use dope for a day, the spot to share, the spot to listen and to learn.
I am glad I have a spot, fuck I need one.
No work for me today, anyone off today, metoo, Jamie, kitty, stu, anyone…
Let’s hang out and get. Topic for the day rolling, how about….Change…that is always cool to talk about.
I am online, today, I have dropped out of the gotta get it done mindset for the day, I want see if I can do nothing but troll around and watch TV, I doubt it, shit I will be performing some kinda of work by 8am man.
Holler!!!!
Thanks Joe,
I’m probably gonna go to work. I’ll make it I’m sure…lol…I always think the worst.
I have realized the need to replace the negative with the positive but have decided to take this process as it comes and try not to push too hard but challenge a little. So, for example, when I woke up this morning at 3am, instead of getting upset I cuddled up to my little boy (who has somehow, once again, made his way into my bed) and I just held his hand and thanked God that I have healthy children. I laid with him for awhile and then decided to just get up. But I need to savor these moments because they are growing so fast and I have been in a fog and I am missing their childhood.
Have a great day hanging out and “trolling”…I like that.
Hey, Joe!! You KNOW I’m off today!!!!
We need a chat room for our forum peeps!!! Direct me, Joe!
Pinkerton, you’re almost there now, kiddo. I feel as though you are going to be a very big helper to others when it is their time. I do hope you will stick around here after you’re ‘all clear’…and I hope you have a really amazingly rewarding day at work today!!
SouthernMom, it’s no fair just dropping in like that!! Just pull up a chair and stick around!?
OK…just want to make sure everyone watched this!!!!
I was so geeked on Friday night to get HERE to share it with you kids…..OMG…..Joe, did you watch it????
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZhmXGjqaw8
Poor me – still not feeling well!
Kitty
I second the chat room, real time help, I shall see, I set one up, maybe we could start with a set time like , you know 4am central works for me… But whenever, however, the time may be upon us for about 2.0 chat.
hang tight, I will be back.
Hang in there, Kitty Mom!!! This might sound weird, but do you have anything stuck in your tonsils??? This happens to me from time to time…get a flashlight and open yer yap in front of the mirror…look way back in there and see if you might have some foreign matter/particle stuck in your tonsils. Ok now I look like a big weirdo. LOL~~SO WHAT’S NEW?????
Prayers to you, KittyMom….sit and absorb them!!!
I’m hangin’, Joe!!
Metoo or anyone try this link…I may need tonsend an invitation to anyone via email.
http://www.chatzy.com/547886536839
Hi Everoyone,
Hope everyone is doing well. Kitty Mom, feel better. I haven;t been feeling too well either this past week and tomorrow I have to get a broken tooth pulled, goodie!!! I don’t know why I am stressed over that but I am.
To all a good day.
Lori
I am in!!! I am in the chat room!!! Here is the link again, to keep it fresh!!
Come join us, folks!!!
http://www.chatzy.com/547886536839
I am in also – see you there
Thanks
Kitty
http://www.chatzy.com/547886536839
Hey KM,
Both the hubbie and I have been having a terrible time with the pollen and my throught is so swollen and I feel like I have a blockage in there when I try to swallow. We both tell each other every morning that each of our snorring could wake the dead, so we are trying several different types of allegy meds. I can’t do antihistamine, it makes me feel like my skin is crawling.
Oh, and I have never had a problem with allergies before this spring, but if that’s whats going on with us, it sucks!!
Hey SM – Yeah I was thinking I could have allergies because there is like a lump in the back of my throat but my neck is also sore on the outside – but I have never felt this tired before. It takes all my strength to do anything – I went out this afternoon for a while and only lasted about an hour and I had to come home. I also have also been on a diet for the past couple of weeks and have lost ten pounds so maybe I am just weak from that…don’t know, but I want and need to feel better soon.
Love
Kitty
Okay, I don’t want to seem all spazzy, or freak you out Kitty…but have you been to the doctor? If not you should go. My aunt had the same problem pop up on her one day and it stayed around and got worse, when she finally went to the doctor it turned out she had throat cancer. So just hearing your description worries me from that experience with her. I hope it’s nothing serious and I hope you and SM both feel better soon!
Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hey Kitty Mom, could you have mono maybe? The swolen glands and fatigue is what drew me to that conclusion. Also, congrats on loosing the 10 lbs…could also be sugar withdrawl or Candida dying off. If you are not familiar with Candida, check it out. If you eat alot of white flour, suger, etc. , when you cut the crappy food out and replace with healthy food the Candida have nothing to live on and die off….I know sounds wierd but it’s real. I hope you start feeling better!!
Thanks Metoo, I am less “needing” to be here and more “wanting” to be on here. I enjoy reading the posts and interacting with you folks. Most importantly, if I can help anyone, in anyway to overcome this obstacle, I will be more than happy to…it’s tough and it’s scary, but you folks gave me the courage to take that first step…a step I planned (read big fat procrastinating joke) on taking months from now, but after getting on here by some chance of fate, I realized that I had to do it now and you folks help to subside my fears GREATLY. I would be honored to be that for someone else.
Day 5 did get easier. I did ok at work yesterday, more tired than anything until we had to go to my Mom’s for “Monday Night Dinner”. I still had no appetite and felt a little sick and fevery but fortunately it was soup night and I had 3 different soups to choose from. The funny thing was that the salad is what I enjoyed the most but after I ate I felt sick. Maybe it was my obnoxious brother talking politics again…lol. Slept from 10pm – 4:30am with the help of 2 valiums at bedtime….when do they become a problem? Should I stop taking them now??
Well, off I go into day 6, feeling alot better and stronger. Thankyou to all who have helped, even to those who haven’t communicated with me directly — your stories helped tremendously!!
Lifting up prayers for everyone who is struggling…..
Pinkerton
KittyMom, please post as soon as you can to let us know how you are doing today! You know that I am an old woman, and I worry about you kids!!!
Pinkerton…oh, Pinkerton…I am SO GLAD that you are doing so well!! I am more proud of you than I can say!!! Next, we need to get you going on strategies to fight depression~sad to say that PAWS is coming next. Do you currently take vitamins?? SAM-E is a good mood support one…and I have a package of another vitamin coming in the mail today….I should find more information on that one and post it if I find it to be of any help. I pray for your continued success, and am glad that my prayer for you has been heard~~~I asked for Mercy from Above for you, as well as for all of us here. I am thankful that you have made it through the valley!!
Prayers and good wishes to everyone here….:)
Metoo, is SAM-E found in health food stores? Just started taking vitamins since detox. Feeling kinda crappy after I started working and picked my son up and came home…I have a job where I can do that. Feel very nauseated and still have no appetite. We went to the DQ and got blizzards and that helped. My job takes me in and out of: hospitals, dr. offices, schools, etc. where I am very exposed to everything. However, I have a build up immune system since I have been doing this job for 8 years. Just hoping I haven’t caught something, I doubt it since I have only been back to work two days and yesterday I stayed away from high risk areas. Question: is it normal to feel good one day and then get diarea and nauseated the next? I’m on day 6.
Thank you so much for your prayers and right back at ya!
Hey KM,
I feel the same exact things you are feeling or have felt. The throat thing is the same thing I got going on, so I got some antibiotics we bought in Mexico and I am feeling better today.
When I went on a super diet to lose 10 lbs before our cruise the one thing that made me feel loopy was the lack of protein and fluids, so I drank as much water, took as many vitamins and ate an egg every day until I get my strength back. A huge part of your diet has to do with your energy level, certain foods add to it and other foods take away from it.
Right now I am eliminating dairy to ease the pressure in my sinus’s. I also take vitamins throughout the day, not just in the am. I get smaller dose suppliments so I can take them after my biggest meal, lunch and I take the ones that help my insides, SAM-e and Potassium, St. John’s Wort and Fish oil in the late afternoon with soup or salad.
I would suggest that you keep trying stuff to see what works for you, give it a couple days and then change up whatever you feel is not working.
Good luck my dear friend, I pray for your health and happiness!
sm
Pinkerton, my children and this site are the only things that have gotten me through my withdrawls and my depression. I am so proud of you, if you can make it through the first few days you are on your way. You will notice that your emotions good and bad will start to come back. I cry at the drop of a hat, even stupid commersials make me cry like a baby. It actually feels good to start feeling pain again, when I was using drugs I had no emotions and really felt nothing. Now good or bad it just feels great to feel something again. I am not going to say that everything is going to be great for you all the time, but just take advantage of all of the good things that are happening to you. I still have bad days and that is when you need to jump on here and just let it all out, Lett kitty Mom or Metoo tell you how it is and you will snap out of that depression. Everyone on the site have been Angel’s to me with my struggle and I don’t know what I would do without them. Good luck to you, and we all Love you.
Jamie, sorry I have not talked to you in a while. I am so sorry to hear that you are hurting so badly. There is nothing worse that being in pain and having an addiction. I get kidney stones and I have not had one since I quit using, I am really scared what I am going to do the next time I get one. Just know that I am thinking about you and I love you girl.
Kitty Mom, I am so sorry that you are fealing bad, I had that junk a few weeks ago and it is horrible. Here is a big hug from me to you, and I home you start feeling better soon.
Love you all and I am back, I am going to try and post every day, because when I don’t I start to lose track of my things. Talk to you all soon!!
Hi
Glad to know there are so many “new” people here really doing well. I know it helped me to get through every day knowing that there were those that went before me that were making it despite all the insomnia, depression, rls, etc. This site is and continues to be a godsend to me. Thanks to everyone for caring to share with me when I posted my journey especially in the beginning.
I had my tooth out today and if this was four months ago I would have beaten down the door for pain pills. I am so proud to say today, even though I am sore I have not the desire for them at all and the ibuprofen I took once after the novacaine wore off took care of all the discomfort. How nice to know the pills weren’t needed , wanted or even an option.
Kitty Mom, I hope you feel well soon. If not, please go to the Doctor.
Good luck and best wishes to everyone.
Lori
Angel, glad you’re coming back, sista! I’ve missed you around here. I get to missing everyone who doesn’t post daily. I’ve been thinking a lot about you and hoping you are doing okay since your grandma’s passing.
And right now, I really need all of you. I messed up again. I went to the grocery store with my mom to get something for dinner, came home and we cooked dinner. By the time I was done I was in agony, intense pain from my lower back to my shoulder blades. I couldn’t stand anymore, sitting made it worse, and when I laid down I got no relief. So I fucked up and took a pill. But here is a new development, made my pain feel better, but also made me sick to my stomach. Never had that experience when I took a vic before. Could be the mental berating I was doing to myself and how disgusted I was with myself for doing so. Could be the almighty making me not feel so good as a form of help to stay away from the damn things. I don’t know. I’ve put myself back to square one so many times in the almost 5 months since I decided to quit. I hate feeling like I disappointed everyone, I hate feeling like I’m on a merry-go-round sometimes. I hate what I do to myself when I screw up.
There’s so many success stories on here. And I know you’ve all gone through your own slip ups, but I can’t help but feel like the odd one out when I do. I don’t know why. Like, Joe, I need to come here every day. I need to read your stories. I need to post my stuff. If I hadn’t found this place, and if I hadn’t stayed around, I don’t know what I would be like right now. You all mean so much to me, and I hate to think that I let the people I care about down.
So I’m gonna be beating myself up for a few days, I guess. Bear with me while I spazz out on myself.
Oh, and I have to add this…if I didn’t feel like I was disappointing someone or letting them down, if I hadn’t found this place and really saw the light so to speak and got my heart into getting clean. If it wasn’t for my guilt, I would be popping pills without a second thought. I want to get clean for myself, but I also have that side of me that needs to feel like it’s also doing something for someone else.
I’m gonna hit it for now…Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hey Now,
So I was thinking that we could setup a meeting time, in the chat, we could pick a topic and share on it, along those lines, I know everyone is busy, I would love to know what you guys think about it.
No one, understands the desire to quit using dope, and not being able to. I was there in that space for 12 years man, The interesting thing was, as I look back, people there to Love me, every time I would stop a hand was there.
I would try and try and then I would take a pill, I would try and try and do some coke, I would try and try and try and get drunk.
I walked around so fucking defeat, I once went three years without using, then I got high as shit.
I really do not have an answer to How do you stop using drugs, when you love using drugs.
I know th
Sorry about that, wrong key…..
The last run I went on, I felt so tired and sick and unable, I had been reduced to less than nothing, I just could not take it anymore, I could not endure the agony anymore.
I see Jamie where you take a pill, I mean for me if I could take a pill, I would have a real hard time stopping, heck of I could take them as prescribed I would never stop.
I just can not.
See for me it comes to to control and enjoy. Can I control my using for any period of time and still enjoy my life.
All I know is for 30 years girl, I never once enjoyed controlled using, I always every time needed more, and when I came down, I needed to get high again.
The thing that beings me the greatest JOY is the fact that I now know, that a person does not have to die, go to jail, sit alone at 4 in the morning thinking about all the fucking pain, be afraid to leave the house, sell themselves and there stuff, lose everything for some dope.
In fact I am so blessed to see people stop who still have a home to live in, family around them, an Internet connection, a computer. I love God who is seemingly introducing people caught in the struggle sooner now.
Love has sought you out Jamie, made you aware, look sister, I can assure you, disappointed that you used is not a feeling in my feeling psyche, I could never feel disappointed, because I know.
I do know I am faced with the exact same decision to take a pill today. Or to get high today or not use. I get hit with that choice the minute I wake up.
if I choose the go get high route, I know what’s up, if I choose the do not get high, well different story Now die how the day plays out.
I do know that as I would keep using the circle of Love that would be around me to protect me, would get lost, because when I am getting high, I am getting high.
I surround myself with people who are getting high, I get high and I spend all my time getting more.
The simple fact that you hang here day after day, despite the struggles, girl I have never been so privileged to see the spirit they so hard to be free.
Look stay connected, stay honest, be you, it is your best HOPE,
keep coming back….
@ Jamie, I’m new here and only on day 7 so I’m not gonna pretend that I know anything. You got me thru day 4 by telling me day 5 gets better and it did!! I just want to say in my humble opinion that although in a perfect world we would never have pain and never have a need for relief, but you were in pain and held out as long as you could — sounds like you are beating yourself up. I could see if you thought, “hmm, I feel like getting high today so I’ll take one” but you were really in pain. Is it wrong to use them for the purpose they are intended as long as you control your consumption? If you have been strong enough to quit (which now I know how hard that is) then I’m sure you are strong enough to let that pill be your last and move on…
I respect you and your successes and they have helped me tremendously and I will pray healing prayers for your back and you conscious and your struggle today. Pinkerton
Jamie – just like pink and Joe said, just the fact that you are feeling guilt about taking one pill, shows you can get through this and the fact that you took it for the pain and not to get high, that is a little consolation. Dont beat yourself up too bad, but dont let the one lead to many if you can help it.
Pink, I enjo9y you being around – stay if you can. I just invited several folks over to this page from another one – 4 new folks over there that could use our help…hope they venture over here because it is so much easier when we are all ast one place. Anyway, if you pray, keep them in your prayers and if you don’t please keep them in your thoughts.
Love you guys
Kitty
PS – I feel a little better today so thanks for your concerns. I appreciate it so much
Kitty Mom, thanks, I enjoy being hear and I do pray and have been praying for everyone on here and everywhere there is suffering of any kind.
Glad to hear you are feeling better!
I have a question: I am on day 7 and still have no appetite, feel sick to my stomach, chills (sittinig here wrapped in a blanket), have diarea, and drained….is that normal??
Pink
Yeah I would say that is normal – Some people have worse physical withdrawals and flu like symptoms…I think it is the body ridding itself of all the poison. I kept thinking as I went through all of it, that the worse I felt, the better I would feel when I came out of it and it was very true. I just told myself that this poison has been accumulating for a long time and it had to work its way out…and it did. Each day that goes by, will get better and better and there are days inbetween that you will feel like shit. But, the good will eventually outweight the bad. Truthfully, I feel like I never had an addiction at this point. I just know that taking one pill is not an option for me. Since I quit, several times I found a pill in a purse or on the floor of the car, and I just through them away….Don’t ever ever want to go through that again…and my only mission now if to be here for others that are going through it also.
If you would like a couple of charms for blessings and friendship, please email me and I will send them to you…no strings attached.
Thanks and have a great evening
Kitty
Our GOD is an Awesome GOD!
Love, Kitty
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcF75h4BHk8&feature=related
Well, finally got my refill on muscle relaxers. So I’m back to being grouchy and sluggish. But I don’t have much pain, so I reckon I can deal. I really despise the muscle relaxers and how they make me feel, so I’m not too worried about getting addicted to them. But I also know I have an addictive personality and I’m flirting with danger, so I got an eye on mysellf.
I’ve felt like shit all day today, physically and mentally. Today was my sister’s birthday, so my mom baked her a cake and we picked up some pizzas and spent the evening at her house with her and the kids. It was nice, the kids loved us being there, we watched a movie as a family, got to tell stories and tuck the girls into bed. I spent most of the evening on the couch, because I was having these painful spasms in my back. Ugh, it’s never gonna end!
I think I’m gonna call it an early night, so everyone take care. Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Kitty Mom, thanks for the feedback because I wasn’t sure what was going on….w/d or the flu…I thought, what does it matter I feel like crap either way….lol. I do ok the first few hours (aside from the diahrea) ie. getting ready for work, dropping the kids off, starting my work, and then I hit a brick wall…I get my work done as quickly as I can, pick my son up and come home and rest and then get my other son and buy fastfood or pizza for dinner. I don’t feel bad as long as I’m sitting down resting. Unlike, when this first started, I couldn’t focus on anything. I slept well last night, took 1.5 valiums, decided to try the couch and that helped…why, I don’t know. I think tonight I will do the couch thing and drop to 1 valium and stop taking them on Friday night, who cares if I can’t sleep Friday – I can always take a nap on Saturday….don’t want to be addicted to those too!!! JEEPERS!
@ Windbourne, how are you doing?? Please update. I have been worried about you.
Any thoughts on Echinacea Goldenseal? I have been reading that the opiates reduce the effectiveness of our immune system and I have always had a bottle of the E/G on hand for when I feel like I’m getting ill….how funny is that, I don’t take antibiotics unless it’s seriously life threatening but I’m addicted to vicodins…I am a mess..lol
Fortunately, I have only craved the drug a couple of times and then quickly forced the pleasant memory of how they made me feel out of my mind and replaced it with negative thoughts. I make myself associate the pill with feeling sick and so far, most of the time, it turns me off. Now I wonder what will happen when I feel 100% again? Will I forget the nasty w/d or will I continue to feel good emotionally because I feel good physicially??? Baseball starts for my boys in April and I can walk and enjoy the outdoors with my dog while they practice and then games start and that is really enjoyable to me too even though I’m sitting, I LOVE MY BOYS!!! AND LOVE CHEERING THEM ON!!! I love spring and the way it make me feel, I love gardening and yard work, swimming and hanging out at Grandma’s pool visiting, etc. so I am trying to focus on the fun to come. Thank God I didn’t decide to start detox in January where all I had to look forward to during this critical time is cold, nasty weather!!! Just a little pep talk to myself and maybe will prompt others who are at the same place I am to envision things you are looking forward to doing this spring and summer!! Oh, and after the w/d have subsided, I plan on losing that extra 80 lbs I put on after I quit smoking. I wonder if the vics helped me pack on the pounds? Anyone gain weight on them, even a little?? I know most of my weight came from replacing cigarettes with food but around the same time I started taking vics too. I was 140# and now 230# in three years. I gotta start hitting the gym consistently, and I was before I got off the pills.
Thanks for listening to my rambling. Kitty, if you send me your email I would love a charm!
Pinkerton
Hey, good morning all
Well, Pink, speaking of diets. We had family night at my husbands lodge last night and I have been dieting for the last month and low and behold they had about 25 different deserts there and I tried at least five of them…lol…talk about going off the wagon…It is so freaking hard. I eat one desert and I want more. Almost like vicodin! Any way with all that sugar last night I now feel like shit and have to get right back too it this morning.
Pink, my email address is kittymom001@gmail.com and I would be honored to send you a charm.
Later folks – come on peeps – check in
Love
Kitty
Kitty Mom, that sounds so much like me with dieting and being around the foods I love, that is why I have allowed myself to indulge a little during detox. Not too much harm can be done since I don’t have an appetite and I think the worst is what I mentioned in one of my previous posts…but hey, gotta live a little. But the time will soon come that we have to take this serious because my weight, if not lost and then controlled, could kill me just as fast as the vics!! Also, I want to play with my kids, and my grandkids….none yet of course my boys are 5 & 8 but their grandmother hikes, bikes, swims, gardens, and does more in one day than I do in a month. I don’t feel good with this much weight on….but one thing at a time.
Yes Pink – don’t try to diet until you whip this dragon and then you can think about it – taking pleasure in food will get you through it. I did not have much of an appetite either – I sent my husband to get me some protein powder and made shakes out of it. That at least gave me some nourishment. Definately slay one dragon at a time…lol…good luck
Love
Kitty
Well, day 8 and I have felt much better. Work wasn’t too tiresome and I didn’t feel nauseated all day! I drank a red bull and that really did seem to help, along with taking my vitamins and L-Tyrosine/vit b. Also started taking my echinachea too.
Windbourne? R U OK?
Hey everyone, there is something I have been trying to tell you but I am so ashamed, but here it goes. I have been using heavily since my Grandma passed away, I found a source and used it until I blead it dry, and now I am back to the same situation I have been in a hundred times before. I am so sorry, I know you guys have to be so tired of picking me up over and over again. Once again I have lied to my family, my friends, all of you, and to myself. I am guessing that some of you probably figured this was going on because I have not been on here as much. Instead of getting myself better, I have floating around in a damn Vicoden cloud that has now busted. I just wish for all of us that I could come up with some sort of magic potion that would make us all hate drugs. Today is day three for me, I have been on here and typed probably ten messages and deleted them all, but I am going to send this one, because I really need you guys right now. Again I am sorry not only to you guys, but also to myself. Love you all, Angel.
Angela,
I am fairly new to here but all I know is that there is no way to be sorry. We are human and we do things. Please do not beat yourself up over this. I know exactly what you went through. Two years ago my mother was in the hospital for six months on a ventilator. It was horrible because of all the things she wanted she didn’t want that and everyone knew it and no one listened to me. She even told me even though she couldn’t speak she did not want to live in that hell. My family never believed me and she had no papers drawn up to tell them that. I was the only one who was telling the family she doesn’t want this but no one believed. Very long story short, I used heavily during her illness and even more after her death. It has taken me two years to get over her death and be able to talk about her with happiness instead of sadness. I do understand so please do not be hard on yourself. I have lived in your shoes and understand. When you are ready you will make your choice and go forward from there.
I wish you nothing but goodness and I hope you keep on. If you go by the wayside, so be it. You have done it before and when you are ready you will do it again. No judgements here from me. I have been you. I live by judge lest ye be judged. I have learned that from many years of life.
Good luck to you my friend and may God help you in all you search for.
Best Wishes,
Lori
Angel, Please don’t feel quilty and certainly don’t feel like you have failed any of us. I am here for you my friend and I feel bad that I did not figure something out and try harder to reach out to you when you were depressed lately. This is a hard time for you and you should never ever feel ashamed of this stupid sickness that we all have. You are so brave and have such success in your life and have been able to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and here you are on your third day of withdrawals. Angel, you will be in my prayers – you just forget the guilt, and if this is the time you are ready to quit or if it is not, I am here for you as I am sure the rest of your friends are also.
Love You girl
Kitty
Angel, I’m right there with you. Remember what you said that you and I are true addiction sisters. I’ve slipped up a lot in the past couple months due to my back. Today is my second day from the last one, so you’re one day ahead of me. We can do this together again. I’m always here for you, using or not. Who would any of us be if we gave up on the ones who struggle and need us most?
As for me today, I’ve got the flu I think. Either that or the muscle relaxers are REALLY messing with me in a way they never did before. So once again I’m gonna call it an early night. Love and hugs to ALL!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
@Angel, I will be praying for you to have a peace of mind and I think that it is wonderful that you have Jamie to walk beside you. This is my first detox so I don’t know crap…well, I do know that…lol…but I just wanted you to know that another is sending positive healing thoughts your way!
Love, Pinkerton
@ Jamie, I do hope you start feeling better! First the back and now the flu…..GOOD GRIEF!! Healing prayer being sent your way too..
Just had a very upsetting phone conversation with someone I thought was my best friend. We had talked last night about her parents and after I gave my opinion she agreed but then quickly got off the phone. I thought about it and called this morning to say that I didn’t mean to offend her and that if I did, I’m sorry. She said that she wasn’t offended but just didn’t want to discuss it anymore. I said that I thought it was odd to cut someone off like that if you weren’t offended. She went onto say, “I have listened to you repeat yourself for the last week and didn’t feel like hearing you repeat yourself about my parents,” and shocked, mainly because I’ve only talked to her once a day briefly, it’s actually been my other friend who has stopped in and checked on me. I said, “you mean about the detox?” and she said it was about the detox and I was/am pissed. I said, “this is the hardest thing I have ever done and for youto complain about listening to me and throw it back in my face is really nasty”…..She hung up on me and I just want to know if anyone else has had this happen? She and I do argue on occasion but there are some things that you just don’t say, esp. when I’m trying so hard to be positive and upbeat. I have talked with her before the detox in case I needed help with the kids or telling her how I planned to do it but I have not sat around feeling sorry for myself….maybe day 4…lol…but I didn’t even talk to her that day…
Normally I would reach for a pill to calm my anger and hurt but I am just writing you folks instead to release. She has no idea what this is like because her life is perfect, and she will tell you so, she feels that it because she always makes the right choices and it has paid off for her….I guess she thinks I deserve this since not as perfect.
Thanks for listening.
Pink – Sorry about your “friend” Sometimes “we” do not make the right choices…. but none of us is perfect. My daughter encountered this same kind of thing at her previous Church – They did not stand by her when she decided to mary someone from outside the Church and it broke her heart. Sometimes people are only our friends when we fit their mold of what a friend should be. Hang in there and if she is worth it, she will see the light…..and no one deserves to be addicted to drugs….and no one except who has been in withdrawals understands what our bodies and minds go through in getting off them. That is what we are here for my friend…we understand and you can, if you want, rant and rave and celebrate, and get all kinds of crazy here, and it is just, well, OK!!
Love
Kitty
Hey, all! Pinkerton…we have all had friends like that at one time or another, I think!! The key is to talk it out….stupid, but true! My friend like yours complained to another friend about how I needed her to do this or that, and guess what? When I ‘called her’ on it, she denied it. We walked on…and THEN the time came when she NEEDED ME…and I was truly THERE for her. We ‘define’ what a friend is every day of our lives, and we ‘mold’ the friends we do have. My friend who is like your friend continues now to be one of the pillars of my life. I had to confront her once, and that one time has been the last time. I hope the same will be true of your friend!! But you have to talk it out….and in MY book, it is NEVER OK TO THROW HER UNDER THE BUS. She needs you as much as you need her. The sooner everyone realizes that the better off the friendship will be….good luck!!! Oh! Screw the diet!!! Don’t worry about crap that is meaningless right now. In time a diet will have a place in your life, but we need to take things one day at a time. The Alamo was not built in a day. Hee!!! (THAT was for Joe…xo, Joe!!!
)
Angel, my friend, SHIT HAPPENS. It could happen to any of us!!! PLEASE don’t feel so bad. Feeling like that just makes it worse. Instead, how about, “I was at a very low point in my life, and I retreated back to an old habit.” Now, you are kicking it again! So what’s the problem?? You did it before, and you’ll do it again! (the detox, that is…) And, next time a crisis occurs, hopefully you will be strong enough to get through it without the vics. How many times have I personally relapsed??? Quite a few. Will I relapse again??? It could happen~~~I just know that it won’t happen TODAY. That is the point that Joe is getting at. Each day summoning our strength and our conviction to not take that pill. Just for today. You went through (and are still going through) a great loss. Pick up your chaps and get back on the horse. I will ride on with you, my friend.
@ Metoo, this friend and I have been friends for over 10 years and I HAVE been there for her when her husband was working nights and she had three little kids and no-one to help her. We went to church together and that’s how I knew she was struggling, caring for 3 kids under 4 yrs. So I would help her in the evenings. I have also tried talking with her about her about the disagreements we have but she said she doesn’t need to talk about anything cause it’s just not her style. I almost laughed out loud when I read that you said I should talk it out with her because that is one of her biggest criticisms (sp) of me – that I want to talk through everything. I AM BY NO MEANS THROWING HER UNDER THE BUS, she is a good wife, mother and daughter to her parents and to me in certain respects but when it comes to weakness, she thinks it’s stupid. As far as needing me, she has said that she doesn’t “need” me because she has her husband to confide in, but she feels that I need her because I am a single mom now. So, I don’t me to disagree but our situation is not the same as the one you had with your friend. Bottom line, I confided in her and feel like it was minimized and thrown back in my face….it hurt and made me angry. It also made me wish I had never said anything to anyone.
I didn’t mean to offend you, Pinkerton. Just giving you my opinion is all..nevermind then.
Hey Pink,
I think I know what you are feeling about your friend because I have been that not very good friend at times to others and even some on this site.
I am sad that I made others sad, it took awhile for me to get to a place where I could see what I did and how that affected others. I didn’t like what I saw I have ben apologizing ever since.
I think Metoo was trying to help by talking it out, not necessarily with that friend, but with others that care about both of you and see both sides. No One getting thrown under the bus, just two friends that have had differing feelings and someone in the middle to help sort them out. I hope you both have someone like that.
The best thing is you have us to talk this through, we understand what you are going through, maybe something your friend doesn’t understand how earth shaking this whole thing is, withdrawl flipping sucks and it make everything so sensitive, feelings, pains, emotions… All the things we can normally control are now hard to deal with. The best part is it does get better.
I hope this helps.
That’s what we are all here for… help!
sm
There is no offense taken I just wanted to be clear on the dynamics of the friendship. We had discussed her insensitive behavior a few months ago because I felt our friendship was becoming toxic. So w/o that info, I’m sure it’s a difficult situation to comment on. There is alot more that has happened with regards to this particular friend than meets the eye. I, a few months ago, suggested we not spend as much time together as she was always too busy or indifferent to get together or talk. She realized how she has ditched me and the kids now that her husband’s shift has changed and she no longer needs the help, and said, I have really been blowing you guys off and it isn’t right. So, all during the planning for the “detox week” I could tell she wasn’t interested so I didn’t share too much with her, just that I was doing it and how. During detox, I really didn’t talk to her as I felt like crap. Once I even said I didn’t feel like talking when she finally did call. So for her to say that she had to listen to me all week repeat myself about this was hurtful. I presented the situation on here for some support and hopefully some personal stories of others that would help me understand – just as most of my posts…I want to understand this process and what is normal to expect. So in other words, Has anyone ever had a friend who really didn’t understand and judged you and made you feel worse for sharing with them?
I had my mom tell me the other day about getting my vic script…she said really nastily “a drug addict like you must really love that” that hurt, bad. And considering that she was my main supplier for the firt couple years it just hit me hard.
Just this morning my ‘best’ friend, (not the one in my previous post) told me that my life is NOW perfect and that I have nothing to complain about. {When in actuality it feels to me as though I have given EVERYTHING up to make this move, and after 46 years of continuity, changing everything about my life is just a ‘tad bit’ unsettling…a.k.a. everything in my life has CHANGED—NOTHING is familiar…and I’m sorry, but that frightens me.
Needless to say, I didn’t say too much to this friend about my doctor’s appointment this afternoon in which we discussed which medication for depression and anxiety I should start taking. Normally, preparing for the appointment is one of the important subjects we would have discussed.
I hope she feels like shit.
Wow
I love it when the emotions come out, it is something to behold,
People get mad everyday, they get over it.
Peace
Hey Y’all
Metoo – I am sorry to hear about your continuing anxiety dear one. I can understand completely – You know, you are right. It just had not hit me to just this very moment what a huge adjustment it is for you up there – you did give uo quite a bit. I have up until this point just been thinking of the good part of your move and the fact that you would be with the one you love – not thinking about the difficult parts of your move. Instead of slapping you upside the head, I should have been giving you a great big hug. Geezs, I am sorry for that!
My mother is the one who I let hurt my feelings…but she is getting old and I have to excuse some of her actions. She is the first one to tell me I am fat or that my house is dirty or when am I ever going to quit working…and my daughter can hurt my feelings in a heartbeat also….There is always someone is out lives that hurts us – sometimes it seems intentional – other times I do not think they understand how it effects us. Anyway, I guess we have to step back sometimes and see their point of view and that is so darn hard. So…whoever is on our proverbial “shit” list for today…lol, we can either let it fester in our minds (and I do that all the time with my mom…just little things that drive me craaaaaazzzzyyyyy) or we can let it go. My daughter when she lived at home drove me crazy in the fact that she would never ever let an argument go….kept asking me are you still mad – are you still mad – are you still mad…dammit just let me be mad for now and I will get over it eventually. Oh…the trials and tribulations we place on our relationships, huh….that it why I like it here – seems my pals on here do not judge me so much.
SM – it is just so great to see your posts on here – you are missed.
Angel – your are back on that horse, so keep on a riding. Don’t beat yourself up too much.
Hey Joe – can’t believe you are breaking the Joe rule and posting later in the day…love it!!!! ….love you!!!!
Love all of you
kitty
Hey – and Jamie – my mother saw me suffer through the first week of withdrawals and she tells me every time she sees me that she has some vicodins – what the hell does she mean by telling me she has vicodins – does she expect maybe I will jump at the chance to get the fuckin things – what is with that! Why would you tell a drug addict that you have pills!!!
I love you MOM but you know not what you are saying…lol
Love
Kitty
WAY TO GO KITTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hello I am wanting to stop taking pills any advise
Hello I am a young woman that is addicted to this shit called vicodin and now well I think you all know I as do many others need to stop. Well here is my story I have been taking about 14 pills 10/325 per day not to get high but to function and could take more but don’t cause I mean damn how much more could I take shit this is a evil drug it can take your life over finding new supplies worrying about when you run out all that normal Whig that y’all know already… Well I am going threw some legal stuff right now that does not help my situation so as soon as this is over my court drama I am going to get off this shit once and for all !!!!!!! I have tried CT before last o October and the just 3 months ago checked into a bull shit rehab that gave suboxone and that was worse coming off of than the damn Norco I was literally dieing from that I had to start again it was 100000 times worse than my DOC !!!! I paid 7000.00 wasted might as well burned it anywho I really need to dump this stuff ASAP hopefully I am going to get there soon and I am thankfull that I found this supportive site with all y’all here to help when my time is here !!! I hope y’all like new people on this site cause I will be back posting and posting and more posting LOL I know I am a LAMO !!!!
anywho any advise would be much needed and I hope I can join and be great friends with each and everyone here I would love to get clean time and help others the way I will be helped here !!!!! I also pray alot all the time for strength and corage to fight this beast inside me that yellow devil has to be killed Lol meaning norco it’s a yellow color now I hate that color for any thing anywho please tell me what I should do prior and maybe let me know how much each of you were taking so I have hope I hope I’m not the o my one taking so much of a dosage that will give me the strength that I need to see there is a light at the end of the tunnel
Dear “quiting”
You have come to right place. Here is what I did to quit almost 7 months ago.
First – Came here every day to post my progress and get support
Second – followed the Thomas Recipe – lots of info on her and other places on the web
Third – told my husband, sister, and mother
Fourth – Called in sick from work for a week (told them I had a reaction to medication…lol)
Took one day at a time
Hot Baths
Cold pool dips
Be here and we will be here for you.
Love
Kitty
Welcome Quittingnow,
I am not sure if this is actually advise, I am not one to offer advise to someone just like me, kinda rhetorical.
I never really take advice. I guess if I did, well I would not have ended up in such a desperate place in life.
What i am able to do is let you know, that I was addicted to opiates for about 30 years, I tried a million times a million ways to stop, and well I never got anywhere with it, until I found this site.
I came here and then I just kept coming back here, I just did not take dope for one minute, then for a few minutes, then for a hour, then a few hours, then a day, then a few days.
SIMPLE STUFF ——The first thing I had to do was realize that my very own mind and body had been taken over by opiates.
I could provide you with all the physical mental and spiritual information on how that takeover occurs, but one look in the mirror was sufficient for me.
No that my being was under control of the opiates, was very helpful, because if that was the case than if I could only clear my body of mine of these opiates toxins, completely I would then maybe look at things from a different place.
when I look at things from under the influence of opiates, it is always the same view, Get mor opiates.
keep coming back….
Love
Hello Quittingnow, I’m rather new to this site too. I read alot of stories before I went CT…no control to wean off….and I got alot of inspiration, advice, and much needed understanding from the folks here. I am on the beginng of day 10 really still day 9 until this evening….whatever….but I just want to say that I have had good days and crappy days and always have found this to be the place to share both. Why? Because…THEY GET IT!! They understand the struggle but also rejoice (genuinely) in the successes. I hope that you continue to read these posts, get through your court issues, buy the needed supplies, dig your heels in and detox and then…rebuild your life. That is where I am…still no appetite and feel depressed and tired but I’m starting to think again.
@ everyone who posted a friend story, thank you, as once again I didn’t feel like I was the only one who was hurt by someone we trust. There are so many components to this ordeal, so many people affected and I realize that I can’t control how they see me, I can only control how I see myself and my future. I am damn proud of myself. Aside from another friend’s support and this message board, I have accomplished this detox monster on my own. I felt depressed yesterday and really last night but I thought to myself, this too is part of the process, and as long as I know why I feel a particular way I can deal with it because I have Kitty Mom, Jamie, Metoo, Southern Mom, etc. etc. too many people to go on naming but you know who you are, to tell me that it gets better and that it is to be expected. Thank You All!!
I don’t want to speak too soon, but I actually feel normal. I will be working today and then some housework and getting ready for a 70th birthday party for my surrogate Dad …lol
Even if you are in the beginning of the detox, you can find some blessing, I did. I realized some things with my kids that I would not have if I hadn’t been sick and now we (my 8 yr old) are actually getting along better. I realized I was too nit picking with him and when I back off he makes the right choices. When I was sick, I wasn’t focused on them so much and boy did they ever step up to the plate. So now I know what battles to pick and in a wierd way this has made me a better parent…..not that I would reccomend this approach…lol…I doubt they would advise it in parenting classes…”Hey, get addicted to pills and then detox and see how much better you get along with your kids”
Everyone have a blessed and beautiful day!! Pinkerton
Hi Quittingnow,
Welcome, I was in your shoes three months ago and felt so alone. I would sometimes take as many as 30 vics a day. I was so tired of being in a fog for the last ten years. I found this site and it has been a godsend to me especially the first few weeks of cold turkey detox. The first week was the hardest, but everyone here told me there is a light at the end and there is I am three months clean and I am back to being my old self again.
I was terrified because I tried so many other times to quit but I didn’ t know of this site then. People here support you no matter what.
Good luck to you.
Lori
By the way, a song that has helped me thru this is by Michael W. Smith called “This is the air I Breathe”. I’m sure it’s on Youtube and it is a song that is basically crying out for God’s help in desperation….it’s beautiful and uplifting and a saving grace.
Welcome to the board! We will all be here for you when you need us, so just keep coming back, no matter what. When you get clean share your triumphs, if you fall share that too. we will be here to cheer you on and pick you up and dust you off.
Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Pink how many did you come off of and any one else that would love to share would be great just want to see my light and that’s a question that’s been lurking in my mind …. Like maybe they all came off of 3 per day that’s why they were able to do this and I haven’t you know prob a stupid thing to think but that’s always going threw my head so any answers would be helpful
I am just wondering how the fuk I got my self in this sitiuation ????? I ask my self that daily sometimes hourly and I can’t seem to come up with a answer to yell you the truth I font feel good while taking them any more and I font feel good off them so might as well not feel good off them and give my self the chance at one day actually feeling better you know cause staying on them as you all know I’m screwed and have no chance of getting my life back and actually feeling like a normal human being !!!!! It’s just the worst feeling or place one could be it’s Lonely, terrifying , hard , always sick feeling , anxiety like a mofo and well I can go on and on but as y’all said you know the feelings I just need this out of my life !!!!! I don’t deserve to feel like shit any more I am better than that and a wonderful beautiful young lady and I need to start presenting my self as such !!!! Anyone agree ??? Well this is going to be the last time I AM DOPE SICK because I WILL NOT ALLOW IT TO HAPPEN AGAIN IF IT’S THE LAST THING I DO PERIOD !!!!!!!!…….I have made my mind up hopefully the third time is a charm BTW I would greatly appreciate the charms KITTY MOM AND ,, SM I will email y’all my address and I think it would not only give me hope but remind me that thereare great people just like me out there that helped me get threw this struggle that I have put on my self !!!! There goes those thoughts again … But I have made my mind up and I’m not a quitter so this is something I hope y’all will hold me accountable to and remind me each min or hour or day that this is something I can overcome and not only that but it should make me stronger and it builds character right !!!!!!! My husband of 10 years has NO IDEA NO IDEA that his wife is a dope fene well I guess that’s ok when I slay this beast maybe then I will let the cat out the bag no need in him worrying bout me all day and night when I have y’all right ????? Hope I get some responses cause I think I am starting to get worked up aboutcwhat I have done to my self I’m must be the stupidest person there is I have never dine drugs in my life not even MJ shit 30 years without and coped just fine I have also been prescribed vics soooooo many times before never touched them I don’t take meds for anything I feel like the body heals and given enough time it will heal what ever might be going on at the time dint even take advil so why in the name of god would I have fine this to my self why ??? Someone please help me understand why I am as stupid as I am !!! I went to college have a great education IN THE HEALTH CARE FEILD I AM A RN !!!! dumb ass me right but never in s million years in a trillion years did I ever see myself in this position never but guess what yes you guessed it her I am sitting here just like all the other addicts asking How, Why, for what ?????… I can keep on for hours but I won’t boar y’all if I haven’t already done that but I think I’ll fit in just nicely thanks to all that responded JOE, KITTY MOM ANGEL,LORIE PINK ALL if I forgot anyone you know who you are THANKS FOR LETTING ME SHARE I WILL BE BACK FOR A LONG TOME COMMONG LOVE TO ALL MY PRAYERS ARE WITH EACH AND EVERYONE OF Y’ALL
QUITTINGNOW
Ps:) sorry for the long post just needed to have someone anyone hear me !!!!!!:)
@ Quittingnow, I took about 100 vics per month and the amount per day would vary. So for a week I might take 6 per day and then taper off to make them last until I could get more. Then, the two weeks before I quit I took about 7 per day. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t pleasant and still fatigued and have no appetite BUT no matter how sick you get, just try to think of it as the flu. We have all had it, vomiting, diarhea, etc. Hot showers and baths really do help the RLS and aches. Take the potassium as it helps too. Most of all be patient and know that the worst will be over by day 5, at least it was for me and for alot of others I’ve read about on here. I’m still very tired and just feel beat up but I know that tomorrow I’m gonna feel even better. If you can make yourself get out, even if your miserable when you are out, it makes the time go by faster and you’re going to be miserable anyway, so why not. That helped me alot, forcing myself to do things. However, day 4 really sucked and I stayed on the couch most of the day and that’s ok too. Do what feels right and don’t be too hard on yourself.
Don’t worry too much and try to clear your schedule as much as possible so you don’t have to stress over commitments. In my case, I made sure I had all the laundry done and ironed for over a week so that I wasn’t trying to do that and I also cleaned the house so I could be miserable in a clean house. Just some tips that helped me. Good luck, keep posting, and YOU CAN DO IT!!
OK “quiting” – rule number one – don’t beat yourself up. Do not feel guilty….we have all had this happen to us with no intent whatsoever to become addicted to a freaking pill. It is not your fault. In answer to your question – I tool as many as 12 per day and was going through 120 in 10 days….so far worse than you and I got through it in less than a week. Now, you won’t feel 100% in a week…but the worst and unbearable part will be over with.
I would be most honored if you would e-mail me “quiting” so that I could send you the charms. Pink, and Lori…you also, please.
Metoo, Southern Mom, Angel, Jamie, and me all have them now so if you would like I could send you some.
Once again, my e-mail address is
kittymom001@gmail.com.
I would be thrilled if you contact me and glad to support you in any way I can.
MARYAM – are you out there and are you starting your detox this coming Monday. Please let us know so we can keep you in our prayers.
Love you guys
Kitty
The charms are a great comfort, believe me! You look at them and you think about this site and the people. And for me it reminds me of what everyone has said to me. All the support and advice. A great comfort to have when you’re feeling low. Can’t thank Kitty and SM enough.
Hello everyone, beginning of day 11 and I’ll tell you it does get better and better. Of course I have been tired but when I think about it I was tired before, single parent with two little kids (into horses, baseball, piano, school work), a job, house, etc. So my point is that now that I am no longer taking the pills and having energy to be supermom, I’m listening to my body and when I’m tired I try to rest, I mean sit or relax instead of pushing it. Who cares if the house is dirty as long as the toilet is clean and they have clean clothes! I actually think it’s normal tired now and I’m just so used to being on the vics that I’m reading more into it.
I have also discovered that I am enjoying music so much more now…while driving yesterday for work I listened to some inspirational music and tears just streamed down my face. Very nice to feel something again.
@ Quittingnow, you remind me of how I felt, I was so scared and anxious….try not to be, the worst will not take that long and you can handle it….it’s unpleasant but not unbearable..I don’t think so anyway. I wish I knew then what I know now….it was up and then down and still is but just roll with it and try to find little lessons to keep you going and find a positive that will come out of all of this. In my case, like I said before, I realized my oldest son is quite the caregiver and it brought us closer and I’ve learned that bitching at him is not the approach but rather being more patient. DON’T GIVE UP, DON’T GIVE YOURSELF AN OPTION, NEVER STOP FIGHTING FOR YOU LIFE!!!!
Just a little note from Pinkerton.
For Pinkerton – thanks for being here!
L O V E
Kitty
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gs_qlCWrPk&feature=related
Well, I’m feeling a little better. The warm weather hit and I got the craving for some of my mom’s good ol’ southern sweet tea. Been drinking two quarts a day for the last three days. And I feel better physically and mentally. Nothing special, just plain ol’ Red Rose brand tea. Odd, but I think I’m gonna stick with it. Haven’t even had a soda since, and that’s usually all I drink.
I had a good day, aside from the damn back thing. Slept til noon, watched the race and was on the edge of my seat yelling at the TV for the last 20 laps or so. Dale Earnhardt Jr should’ve won that race!!! I woke up to find my fiance bringing in groceries, he went shopping, sweet. He said either he could make tacos or someone could barbecue the steak he bought as long as he got fried taters with it. My stomach isn’t ready for tacos, so I said I would do the steaks, but I wasn’t gonna fry the taters, so I offered to teach him how and he said okay. So I marinated the steaks, threw some veggies on the stove showed him how to do the taters and grilled up the steaks…and OMG, best steaks I think I have ever made. They were so tender and flavorful, makes my mouth water just thinking about them. And he did an outstanding job on the taters, for his first time.
So we had dinner, I had him help me fix the fence where the dogs were getting close to being able to get through. They didn’t like that. He bought me a new video game today, so I spent a few hours playing that, then we ended the evening catching up on our TV shows. It was a great Sunday. And here is the best part–I didn’t think about vicodin at all the whole day, and when I realized that just a few minutes ago, I was kinda surprised. Especially since I was on my feet most of the day and my back was killing me all day long. Progress. Little Victory.
Kinda nervous about my pain management appointment tomorrow. I don’t know why, maybe because it’s something new and I don’t know what to expect.
Anyway, I reckon I’ll quit boring you with my life. Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Thanks Kitty Mom…I do find strength in that song as many times I feel broken and need help from above.
Jamie, great to hear you had such a fantastic day. Good luck with your appt. Sounds like you have a good guy and I know what you mean about the tacos…..they were having taco night somewhere…can’t remember now…on about day 7 and asked if we wanted to participate and the smell alone almost made me hurl.
Quittingnow..what’s up? let us know how you are doing please.
I was concerned about yesterday as I had two big parties to attend along with getting a ton of stuff done around the house in prep for the week, and I thought “how in the hell am I going to make it thru this day” but I did and it turned out to be a fun day. I thought I needed the pills to enjoy visiting with people and socializing, kinda like going to a bar and not drinking, but I actually had as much fun without the pills as I did with them. I drank a red bull between parties and I was ok on energy. I don’t know if anyone drinks that but I get the sugar free and it helps – I first drank some when I tried weaning off and it helped with fatigue.
Well my supplier’s refill is tomorrow and I know that he will be calling and I’m trying to decide what to do. I have 7 left. I thought, “what if something happens ?” (alot of different things have happened with me or family or friends over the years where having a vic has helped until they or I could get to the doc) For me, I have cysts that will leak or burst and when it does it’s excrutiating. I feel like I don’t even have a desire for one, I’ve had seven and at my worst moment only been tempted but didn’t even come close to taking one. I feel like they are a security blanket in case of an emergency and not just for me. I only want to get a few more so that it’s not enough to feel comfortable starting again, but enough that if one is needed down the road I’ll have it. I really feel so strong right now that I don’t see it being a problem but I wonder if it’s just my mind playing tricks with me?? Please give feedback. I guess I’m really afraid of something happening with my cysts or back and not having anything to get me thru. I feel like I won’t have the same access to my supplier once I tell him I’m done…I know he NEEDS the money and will probably find someone else so I feel like this is my last chance. Still undecided. Almost thought of getting more and then giving them to my friend to keep and then if something happens she controls them.
Have a good day everyone! I finally feel normal again…..it’s day 12..so for everyone else that is just starting, know that by day 12 I felt like my old self again….really. Hang in there. Pinkerton
Pink – You may not like my opinion – but close the chapter on the pills – you have come this far and you would be surprised in the fact that the pain I thought I was relying on the pills for, was indeed caused and made worse from the pills.
It is the addicted self that is hashing over the getting more pills. Dry up the sources – that is the only way to get and remain clean.
Just me, but believe it with all my heart.
Jamie – we had steak on Saturday and man I would love to hear about how you make the “taters”….I made twice baked potatoes and they were really good too…sound like you had a great weekend and you sound happy and that makes be smile.
Metoo – you better get you arse back on here…I miss you girl!
Love and concern to all the others that have not posted this weekend…please let us know how you are doing.
Maryam, are you OK and are you going to detox today. Regardless, you are all in my prayers.
Love
Kitty
Kitty Mom, that was the answer I was looking for. I have trusted you folks thru this whole ordeal and I said to myself that if you advised against, I would take that advise. Thank you. I’ll take that money and reward myself by endulging in something good and healthy…..like new clothes that I so desperately need!
Love, Pinkerton
Good choice Pinkerton – that money could be well spent on something else – treat yourself to a spa pedicure..LOL!
Kitty
Yeah, Pink, I agree with Kitty on that. If I didn’t have access to pills I would be sober 4 months now. But all that pain, and that easy fix was sometimes too tempting. Which explains why I have had so many slip ups. I’m on day 6 from my last one.
Well, I found out what pain management was….went in for my appointment at 3, got in to see the doctor at 4:15. Had the hardest time understanding here, because she sounded like she just got here from China. So there was a lot of asking her to repeat herself. She examined the hell out of me though. Made me bend every damn direction, hurt like hell. Poked me and prodded me. Acted like she didn’t believe me, but with the language barrier thing she was hard to read. Gave me some non-narcotic pain patches to try, and a new kind of muscle relaxer. And finally sent me to get x-rays. So I went over to the hospital, got bent and moved around some more to get all the x-rays done. So now I’m really hurting, but hopefully I’m on the road to getting fixed. The doc said pain pills and muscle relaxers only cover up what’s wrong and it doesn’t cure it and I was like that’s what I’ve been saying to my doctors, I want to be fixed I don’t want to be drugged. She asked why I haven’t been to physical therapy and I told her my docs couldn’t find their ass with both hands. So I go back in three weeks. Hopefully, we can figure out what’s wrong and get me back in shape.
My man just got done cooking dinner, so I’m gonna get some grub and try to relax the rest of the day. Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Thanks Jamie and Kitty Mom…much needed encouragement as he has started calling and his appt is today…need to tell him when he calls today..didn’t realize what a big deal this was going to be!
BTW..where is everone else…worried about a few people, i.e. Quittingnow. Not sure if I’m in the wrong area but I hope they are doing well!!
Thanks again and off to school and work we go! I can’t remember what day I’m on now….must mean something good!
Way to go Pinkerton….Yeah, I am worried about all the people not on here lately – it has just been you and me and Jamie lately.
Metoo – PLEASE come back on – I need you.
You too – Lori and Angel.
Angel – you alright?
Quittingnow – You OK?
Maryam – You ever goin to join us again.
Hey everyone, I survived jury duty yesterday and was dismissed from serving on a rape trial that would have lasted the rest of the week. I would have loved to served on a trial, but glad it was not that particular one! Glad to be back to work today!
Take care everyone and Paleeeese let us know how you are doing folks!
Love
Kitty
PS – Jamiecat – hope you get to some conclusion on your back and get to healing real soon – WTF – 3 weeks between doctor appointments…whats up with that!
Hi,
Sorry Kitty Mom, just kind of going through “stuff” at the moment, mostly in my head but still there. It’s funny. Most people I know never get called for jury duty in their life. I have been called four times and served on three juries. The last one was a three week trial that was two years ago. I have to say I have an appreciation of our courst system now and learned about things I really never wanted to know about. What you hear about jurors having “knock down drag outs” over guilty or not guilty is absolutely true!!!!!!! I think I have done above and beyond duty for our judicial system over the years and I hereby announce, DON”T PICK ME ANYMORE! After that last long trial I am done. And God help me if they call me for some unknown reason for that Casey Anthony trial, I have already found her guilty in my mind.
Sorry for the rant. I have been clean over three months now and for the life of me I have all of a sudden been thinking about pills again. No, I am not going to get them because it was hell to come out this new otherside. I just haven’t been feeling too well lately and when I really could have used them (my pulled tooth was infected and I was in constant pain for four straight days until my family doctor put me on antibiotics) I thought I better not even try. OH well, the life of an addict.
To those who are new to getting clean, yes, it is really worth it. I have my mind again along with my smile. Good luck and best wishes to every one of you.
Lori
Casey Anthony=Super Guilty. I was thisclose to joining the police academy a few years back, either that or go into forensics. Just couldn’t make up my mind, but I lived on CourtTV and shows like Forensic Files and The New Detectives. Love me a good puzzle to figure out. As for jury durt, I’ve gotten the notice to appear a few times, but I get out due to my anxiety and depression.
I’m taking it easy today, still hurting like hell from yesterday. The non-narcotic pain patches they gave me to put on my back do not work at all. So I’m taking the little relief I get from the muscle relaxers and trying to do nothing.
Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hey every one thanks for thinking of me I wrote a long long post yesterday but somehow it didn’t make it not sure what happened ?? Any who I’ll Start over with a new fresh post … I was really thinking and would love any and all feed back on how y’all approched this matter !!! I was planning to stop after my court drama was over but just found out today that could be upward to 8 weeks so then I thought to my self do I really want to Waite that long and who know it could go on and in for weeks after that !!!!! So my question to everyone is how and when did you guys plan to stop I guess what I’m asking is HOW DID YOU PICK A DATE AND JUST ROLL WITH IT)!!!???? I have reLly been feeling like I’m ready to take on this battle that I’ll be facing and I have days where I’ve said to my self why not start today ??? Then I’ve thought to my self if I’d already started I would have been 2 months clean when this whole court thing started !! You know now since I know I won’t have to be in court for another 6 to 8 weeks I am thinking I should start soon but can’t come to a conclusion that where all you wonderful people come in I would live to hear your stories and how it all played out in each of your lifes ???? If that’s not to personal !!! Thanks I’ll Waite for your responses
Dear Quitting – I Made the decision to stop when one of my scripts was getting to the end and I had sources to get more, but was so sick of the merry-go-round that I was on that I just decided to quit on a Sunday after my last pill was used up fromt he current script. Just did it – cold turkey using the Thomas Recipe. Frankly there is mever a good time – it is going to hurt but it is not goiong to last. I was getting so sick and tired of chasing down scripts and being sick inbetween doses and was afraid I was going to get caught for doctor shopping and doublt dipping so to save my life and save my sanity I jsut quit that Sunday and have never looked back. It will be seven months on Friday since I quit. THERE IS NEVER A BETTER TIME TO QUIT THAT RIGHT NOW but plan some down time and get your supplies and in a week you will start feeling better. That is what I did – everyone of us is different with different circulstances.
But there is not time like the present and like you said, in a few weeks or months you can look back on your decision to quit with pride and you will be yourself again or a new kind of self.
Take Care and best of luck to you.
Kitty
Jamie
I am a court tv addict and when I am home I always watch it. Can’t believe some of the crap people really think they can get away with!
Quitting- I have tried so many times to quit before and always gave up. I knew I had to finally slay this dragon and I had sort of a peace in my mind knowing the day I picked was it. Yes I knew I wasn’t going to feel well for a while but I was finally determined. I have said many times before, thanks to this site I had the courage to keep going even though I thought I would go insane with insomnia and anxiety. I held on to every one heres words, It will get better, and it did. All I can say is try to stay the course if you can. God knows I fell off so many times before but I think when you finally decide, your soul and your want to be free drug free mind takes over. Good luck to you.
Lori
Hey Lori not sure what your comment on the Cory tv was about and the crap people get away with but I thought that was pretty rude implying that I’m trying to get away with some sort of crap … But your way off my court drama is a law suite I have against someone so that hit a wrong cord with me cause it wasn’t even part of what others and myself was talking about !!! But anyways thanks for all the replies to what I was concerned about … I thought there wasn’t any judging … Thanks kitty mom and pink I think I just have to suck it up and start it sounds like everyone started on a Sunday so I’ll try that maybe this Sunday gives me a few days to get my supplies and get some time off to just get three this hope everyone is well thanks again
Oh hey Quitting, that had nothing to do with you, she mentioned the Casey Anthony case and I mentioned about my wanting to be a cop and/or forensic scientist and being addicted to court tv. Go up a few post and see what we were talking about. There’s no judging here. Just so happens we were talking court stuff same time you mentioned your court stuff, had nothing to do with you personally.
Quitting – Our discussion all stemmed from me being on jury duty and and then court tv – sorry you thought we were being judgemental – not at all – nothing to do with anything you might have said. We only get judgemental when we get to know you better — only kidding!
Good luck on your decision to quit and we will be in and out of here to help!
Get R done!
Kitty
Metoo – I am drowning here without you….please come back!!!!
Love
Kitty
Quittingnow, my story is only about 13days old but it feels like I quit a lifetime ago. I actually feel normal again. I decided to go CT when I was looking at my little calendar and making a weaning off schedule that took me to the end of May. I have done this before and as soon as I get a refill the plan goes out the window. Somehow that day, and because of this site, I decided to stop that coming Thursday CT. So I posted and posted and got alot of support. It sucked but wasn’t horrible. Thursday & Friday weren’t the worst, but Saturday and Sunday I really felt terrible. I still blame part of it on not forcing myself to get out. I know it’s hard but if you can, do it! – it makes the time go by faster. I was back to work Monday, didn’t feel great, in fact didn’t feel good the whole week but I worked, took the kids to their activities and keep up with the house….so I functioned but just wasn’t supermom anymore. I am almost at two weeks and just last night I finally slept until 5:30 am…..keep in mind that I fell asleep at 7:30pm (my kids woke me up). I was absolutely exhausted all day Monday and Tuesday and the lack of sleep finally caught up with me. So I guess I’m not completely back to normal but they say sleep is the last to come. So that’s my story so far….
Oh, and I told my supplier that I no longer needed anymore pills when he called. It was hard to do (esp. since I had never felt so tired in my life, literally) but it felt good afterwards. Still lingering thoughts of, “what if 6 months from now I need one?” but I keep squashing that lil voice….sorry lil voice…lol
Quittingnow, I don’t know of your exact circumstances and if you can take some time be sick, but think of it this way…what if you really did get sick? That’s all it is and I’m no expert on anything but I hope to goodness you would be completely out of the woods by your court date which I think you said is 6-8 weeks away. I would say to make sure you have at least 4 days set aside because day 4 was the worst for me and the day 5 got much better. I would, if you can, just rip the band aid off and go for it while you are motivated!!!
@Jamie, healing prayers being sent. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to deal with all this at once!
Good Luck! Pinkerton
Quitting,
My post was not about you and your court drama at all and I am sorry if you took it the wrong way. I was speaking as Jamie said about the Casey Anthony case and I have been a long time watcher of Court TV. It has nothing to do with you at all.
I have been called to jury duty many times and served on three jury trials. I was just stating I really do not want to be another juror anymore as I have done so many when most people I know have not even been called.
I mean no malice to you, all I want is to offer my own experience of quitting pills. I don;t judge anyone. These people here have been my life blood literally as they understand the ups and downs of going through this.
A lot ofpeople said in earlier posts that they come back here all the time even after they are clean to help them stay that way and I am proud to say I am now one of those people.
Again, I am sorry if I offended you as it was not and never was about you.
Have a good day,
Lori
Hang in there, KittyMom!!!! Haha!!
quitting now…I’ll throw my two cents in here. I used for about 5 years, starting with a pill here or there, and in time, it turned out that I would take up to 10 750′s a day. I have been ‘clean’ for just over a year now, and you can do it too. And each time a script ran out, I would detox, and I would start up again, and then I would detox..over and over. Those initial detoxes were ones that I didn’t even realize what it was…life just sucked and I didn’t have any pills to make it better. So, once I realized what it “WAS”, I made a decision to stop. S.T.O.P. And seriously, that’s what you have to do~just get your gumption up and stop it once and for all. I think it helps to go in with an OFFENSIVE mindset. Fight through it, and hate those pills all the way for what they have done to you.
As far as all this talk about judging….come on, you guys!!!!! Can we TRY not to be so sensitive?? Just because someone mentions a friend, or court, or jury duty, and then others give their input it DOESN’T MEAN that we are all up in your shit. It means WE ALL have friends, some have had court experience, and sometimes people get chosen for jury duty. It does not mean we are judging anyone. We are all hard enough on ourselves, and we don’t need any help beating ourselves up. Can we just try not to jump all over everyone?? That kind of drama makes me want to go fill a script. We are a support UNIT. None of us is a battering ram.
Joe! Get over here, you.
Hey everyone, sorry I have not been on for a few days I started a new class Ethnic Diversity, and you can probably tell by the name that it consumes a lot of my time. I think about you guys all the time and you are always in my heart. I am officially on day 9 again, it has been a rough week starting a new class and detoxing, but I am surviving. As many of you know I have been struggling with the passing of my Grandma, and I wanted to tell you all about a book that I got that really helped me and I know you would all love it. It is called Heaven is Real, it is a true story about a three year old little boy that almost dies but he survived and when he came back he told his parents that he had been in Heaven sitting on God’s lap watching over his family. I don’t want to give away the details but you should all read it, it made me feel a lot better. We are going through her house and found boxes and boxes of pictures, we sat in her living room for hours laughing, crying, and remembering what great lives we have all lead because of one women. What a miracle life is!!!!!!!!!!! I see some tension on the site and I know that detoxing is the hardest thing to do, so this is a time that we need to all come together and just be here for each other. This is a place to come and say what we want without being judged, so let’s all just have a great big group hug and say goodbye to these damn pills together.
Love you all–Angel
Wow, I am sorry to anyone and everyone if in any way what I said was taken the wrong way. I thank everyone that has spoken and given encouragement to me along my way including Kitty Mom, Me Too, JOe,Jamie, Angela and everyone else. I love you people so much and I don’t mean anything but love on here.
I think in the future maybe I will just stick to answering folk’s questions about my experiences with detox and such to help anyone that needs it.
Finally, I am grateful to everyone on this About page and sorry to have offended anyone. I am not like that at all in my life.
Happy Wishes,
Lori
Hello all !!! Sorry Lori it just sounded like u were talking about me thanks for clairfying it for me I guess I’m just anxious about all this shit that I’m bout to go threw … Thanks everyone for your support I think I am going to start Sunday it has to be done and no better time than the present !! I’ll keep y’all updated I also had a bad day yesterday seemed like nothing was going my way but that’s life I guess the good the bad anywho I will post later thanks again hope everyone is doing well !!!:)
Quitting,
No problem at all. I wish you nothing but the best in your new journey. Keep coming back here because you will get nothing but support and that is important. Hope your day is better today.
Lori
Hello everyone;
It seems like the reasons I don’t want to be on this site everyday/week/month are still going on. Judgement is such a huge waste of time. I have judged to death and only me,myself and I know what is really going on with me. I like to offer what I have learned through experiences and life when I see the need. I never want to judge others, that’s why sometimes I just keep to myself. Everyone on this site is their own entity, have their own beliefs, their own feelings… as do I. There are times when other people’s posts offend me, but that’s just me, other’s find those same posts in their own ways.
I just finished reading a book by Rev Chad Holtz “Love Wins” and this book sums up my beliefs in a nutshell. I don’t believe in hell because I know that I have a loving and forgiving God and if there is a hell, it is the day to day challenges to get through this life. I don’t fear God, I trust, love and obey His word in my life and even though I have had many discussions with friends of differing beliefs, the one constant was, we all have a loving and forgiving God. If everyone could just embrace that every day imagine what a world this could be??!???
OK climbing down of my soap box and wishing everyone a blessed day!
sm
OK Y’all – Whew – glad that mess is over -m Now I am laughing my proverbial Ass off on how us girls can get out whiskers all bent….LOL
Love all of you – unconditionally
I don’t want to get out my baseball bat girls so hows about a bug HUG…
Double Dipping Kitty along for the ride
Holy Shit – I meant hows about a big HUG – not a bug HUG
LMAO
Kitty
Hee! Or howzabout a slug bug??!!
It’s so easy for any or all of us to be having a bad day (and we would not, will not, and canNOT admit it…as we women do…myself at the top ‘o the stack there…) and take it out on those ‘closest’ and yet farthest away. Maybe if we all step back and breathe…? I just know that all of you mean the world to me, and I don’t EVER mean to hurt any one of you!!! So if it feels as though I have stepped on anyone’s toes, I apologize, and will do my best not to do it again.
*wags her finger now, and says, “So ya’ll LISTEN HERE NOW!!!” Haha…JUSS KIDDIN’!!!
I am sincere on how much I care for each of you here. DD Kitty gets a double dose though, because, darn it~she’s just special. And I SLUG BUG Kitty first!
GAME ON!
Okay, I need clarification…can someone whose been offended please point out a post where there is a personal attack or judgement, or a post with intent to offend?
I don’t think that I’ve made any posts like that, but maybe I have. I have never ever read a judgemental post from the regulars here. I’m a little confused here.
So how anout unless someone says (YOU) blah blah blah judge judge judge, we all try not to take posts too personal?
Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
What the hell – all you slug bug hugabugs just cool it – get offffff the who offended who kick now…this is a kitty Demand HERE!!
Not another word – you hear me girls!!! LMAO
I love you girls –
Hug a bug but not a slug – fug you but dont tug a lug cause it might be a pug…..LOVE YOU
Kitty
Wow, what’s up with everyone? This site really helped me to get off the pills and for that I am grateful. I also have learned alot from you folks as will others who come on here to get clean. This kind of arguing really takes away from the healing powers that this site offers.
I had moved on from the misunderstanding about my friend Metoo so I don’t know why you brought that back up? I was not being sensitive I was explaining the difference between your friend and mine and that I wasn’t throwing her under the bus. I was reaching out for help to understand how to manage my relationships with those whom I care for and I felt that you didn’t understand the dynamics, which I went onto explain in a non-confrontational way. This is bringing me down and when you just commented that this kind of drama makes you want to go fill a script…I don’t need to feel that if I disagree or explain why my situation is different from you that you are going to take it that serious. I hope that you are just being sarcastic but I think that you may forget you are talking to some people who have just started their journey and don’t understand the bantering that goes on here. I don’t know if you actually mean that because I am still that vulnerable. I am still trying to figure everything out for my life and have alot to learn but I can’t continue to participate in an environment that adds stress from people I don’t even know.
Thanks to all of you who have helped me, you’ve probably saved my life and for that I’m thankful. I wish everyone the best of luck and for those of you who are just starting the journey, hang in there because it gets better.
5 days with no Joe? Come back!
Good morning friends.
A fresh new morning – remember the cat stevens song – “morning has broken, like the first morning – black bird have spoken, like the first bird….New beginnings folks…..it is so awe inspiring to see new folks on here struggling to get clean and it is even more awe inspiring to see that some make it to 12 days – to three months – to 7 months – to one year – to two years.
My prayers are with those starting out today and for us that are still in the battle to stay clean.
Love to all of you
Kitty
Haha…Joe must be lurking.
I hope everyone is having a bright day! I am especially wondering about Maryam today….where oh where is she? Stu tu.
Joe,
The female hormones are subsiding. PLEASE COME BACK. YOUR HUMOR IS NEEDED, plus I miss the hell out of you.
Lori
Good Morning everyone!!!!!!!!!!!! My kids are staying with Grandma and Grandpa tonight and they already have their backpacks on their backs sitting at the window waiting for them. Those boys crack me up!! It makes me think of when I was little and I knew I was going to Grandma’s house, I would sit on the front step and wait for her to drive up. I am so glad that my boys have the same relationship with their Grandparents as I did with my Grandma. Man I miss that women, but luckily I know whenever I need her she is right here. I know my kids get tired of me kissing and hugging them all the time, but I am going to enjoy every single second I have with them. That is the reason that I am done doing drugs. They are starting to ask why we are sitting in the Dr’s office again, or why we are waiting at the pharmacy again, and that is not something I want them to remember about me. Plus they tell everybody everything, and I can just see them blurting out my secret in the middle of their class when they go to school. If I ask them to grab my purse for me they ask, why do you need to take your medicine? So leave it to two four year olds to get a person clean, but they are going to do it for me.
Well I hope everyone has a great day. Everyone go give someone you love a big hug and let them know how much you love them, trust me you will feel better. Here is a big hug from me to all of you. Love you all, Angel.
I felt that hug, Angel…thank you!!! I can FINALLY understand the world of children too. My ‘wife’s’ 7 year old daughter is slowly but surely weaving her way into my heart, and I am doing the same. It’s a wonderful thing to feel love bloom, and to be able to almost measure it’s growth daily. It’s happening here…and I am thankful.
God has finally given me one of my own..
Hello everyone well I think I will start on Monday or Tuesday this coming week …. I need to get this started so I can get to the finish line the otherwise as y’all call it …. I hope everyone stays around to help me cause as it looks I will need all of you thanks again for being here !!!!
Metoo — that’s so great that you are feeling the love the way you explained it it is the very best feeling isn’t it ?? Any who I’m a little confused by your relashinship you were alreDy married to your wife before you just moved down with her I got the part that you are a women but anywho if that’s not my business then just tell me so !!! Lol want to understand your life as well as others do here on this site you are talked about so highly and would love to be a part of the about world also !!!!
Kittymom — you have so many wonderful words to say to me they ate just what I need now and in a fee days here hope you will be tight by my side every step of the wY I’ll need your insparation each min I’m sure thanks again
Joe — where are you I’m starting here soon and you promised you would be with me Lol hopefully don’t sound selfish
Jamie and angel — thanks to both of you also kind words were great to hear !!!
Pink — I hope you come back cause even though you are just shortly clean you have already helped me with your posts … Please come back as again I’ll be selfish I’m starting here soon and need your wise advise !!!
Thanks again here comes the hurricane in just 5 days here !!!!! I’ll keep posting and will leave the hormones at home kittymom LOL …LAMO I love that line !!!! Hope I see tuns more posts here I’m gonna need lots and lots to read …
Hey Y’ll –
Quitting Now – I would be deeply honered to be by your side when you detox on Monday. Now I might not be here every minute cause I gots to go to work, but whenever I can, I will be here – I sneek a peek when noone is looking at work – you understand – The great big words VICODIN WITHDRAWAL.COM do nothing for the career path…LMAO. So look for me I will be here.
Angel – I wish you a great evening without the kiddo’s – strange how Mom’s look forward to the time alone – and then turn around and miss the critters when they are gone.
Jamie – I AGREE – We need you Joe – we got one starting recovery on Monday…get your arse on here and post your wisdom…Love you Joe!!!
Metoo and Lori – thanks for the E-mails today and you two are two of a kind – not afraid to have a little humor going on around here…Hey guys can’t we get and stay clean and still have a laugh or two….I think that is possible – let’s have a vote..OK?
Pink – don’t stay away – we are not such a bad group here.
It is funny how people enter our lives on here – some stay, some just pass through, but regardless, they touch our lives and make a difference…Remember lil dove – I wonder what happenned to her. Remember our Stu – where is he and what is he up to. Ans my friend, Southern Mom who occasionally pokes her head in here and we are happy when she does…David, Dan, xxrain, onaplain, depressed in PA, grace, where are they and did they ever win the battle…who did I forget, there are so many that just post a few times.
Well girls, I just came from a manicure pedicure and was also plucked and waxed in places I dare not mention – so think about the hairs being ripped out by the roots and have a chuckle or two.
Well, I am rambling like I did back when I was detoxing. Thanks for listening and I will post tomorrow.
Bye
Love
Kitty
Kitty again – I was sitting here thinking if I missed anyone that posted lately and there is MARYAM – you disapeared dear – let us know how you are doing – did you start detox – if you did or did not, please les us know.
Again,
Kitty
My back made a snap and pop on the way out of walmart, more pain soon followed. Ugh!
Think I’m gonna lay low for a while, less drama that way. I’m still behind you guys and I’m still cheering for everyone, past, present and future. I’m clean and I’m staying that way, I have a new attitude lately and I’m gonna run that for as long as I can.
So, Love and Hugs to All! I’m sure Ill be lurking, so I’ll pop in here and there.
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hey Now,
Are you kidding me, there is only one thing hotter in this world to me than a beautiful woman, a beautiful woman with some baggage baby!!!!!!!
I have truly loved watching the LOVE.
As Metoo touched upon, new LOVE, kind of sneaks in for me anyway, and it grows, and hammers, and it chips away, and it releases and forgives, oh LOVE.
You know I meet tons of folks right, but the pill head man something about us, see we live each and everyday a pill away.
I love that.
I love having a choice. LOVE it.
I have been on my Lenten journey so I more about Listening than talking these next 2 weeks as Easter nears.
See for me The Voice is always faint, and well I only hear what i want to hear.
So yesterday at the plant, I was talking to this cat, Mathew…former meth cook and TDC (Texas department of Corrections) alumni.
He has been there and clean about as long as me, so yesterday he is get taken to the shed over some bullshit and I can see the anger raising up in him.
He comes over to me and says dude remember that shit from the program, that is what they put you in if your an addict in TDC.
They give you some coping skills. anyway the big time slogan is this.
When someone is laying it on you and the choice is kill this mother fucker, with words or deeds remember guys you can always…..
TAKE IT, TAKE IT, TAKE IT!!!!!!!!!!
It becomes the sarcastic banter of us eloquent inmates.
But yesterday as I watch Supervisor Mathew, talk about miracles, fight aginst his normal desires, I thought…Take it Take it Take it..
As I reflected on christ, i thought TAKE IT. TAKE IT.
I thought about withdrawal, the pain, the legs, the back, the mental fucking insanity. I though TAKE IT, TAKE IT
I never realized that the first rule of Love is TAKE IT, TAKE IT.
We all want to move past the pain, we all want to feel better.
So from your friends at TDC, you can TAKE IT, or not. Choices after all is the name of the progam….Funny.
Remember, I am always around and I can Take It.
love
Jamie – I refuse to see you as a lurker – Babe, you have to be a poster. I need you here!!! And, I am so freaking happy that your attitude is that of staying clean – if we could just get that back pain to go away!!!!
Love You
Kitty
Jamie I really hope you feel better and it makes me so happy to see you refuse the pills. Keep up the good work and I hope you have some kind of relief from the pain soon.
Joe I am so glad your back. Your words are such an inspiration to me, you have no idea.
Have a great weekend everyone,
Lori
Hey now, Joe…
I think that was the best post you’ve ever written….
I’ll take it too…
I will take it to metoo! LOL
Kitty
Hey guys it’s u know who the lurker !!!haven’t started yet but soon it will happen…really hope this goes well … Not to many posts lately hope all is well .. Not much to say today so I’ll get back on latter XOXO to every one out there a little down today I have been having horabel dreams lately it’s kinda scary all of my dreams have been very bad and frankly they scare the shit out of me wake up with my heart racing like a mofo , anyone experienced this
Hi everyone, its been awhile since I posted. I’ve been staying clean off pills but I’ve started to drink a little too much lately. I don’t wont to replace one vice with another. It’s just that I’ve been feeling a little down and depressed lately.
I think all of you here for your encouragement. Not just to keep clean from pills but for encouraging us to live life how it was meant to live.
I know God has something better than this for us. Man I love you all for being so strong. Keep it up and keep encouraging people like me.
Joe, how do you keep living life? Do you believe that something will change?
Joe..I have a couple more questions for you! These are things I either can’t remember or never knew…You intrigue me in this recovery process~it’s like you are ALIVE NOW, and in thinking about Tony’s question above, I want to ask that too!! (A lil upset that I didn’t think of that question first..but…lol) So, Joe, do you believe that something will change? And my shallow questions are: do you ever have a drink? and do you take any medication for depression? Sorry to put you on the spot Joe, and just give me a slug bug if you don’t want to answer!!!
I sure respect the heck outta you, Mr!!
Also, I seriously woke up in the middle of the night last night and realized that I didn’t answer a question that was asked of me by Quittingnow~and I don’t ever mind a question. So the answer that might clarify a bit is that I am currently married to a man, but separated, and I have moved to be with my ‘wife’ and try to start a brand new life!
lol!!
I tell you what though!! Putting applications and resumes and cover letters in ONLINE??? Well, back in MY day…lol. This new fandangled stuff is a wreck, and I wonder if I ever really got anything in!! And it’s not like I don’t know my way around the internet either. I wish someone took applications the old fashioned way. That’s my rant for the day. So there.
Hey, Tony..(and I LOVE your name….St. Anthony is one of my fav’s…please don’t be too down on yourself for drinking a bit more than maybe you should. You lost what used to be one of your best friends when you quit the pills. Take that into account. It will all even out soon enough, my friend!!! Be nice to you from metoo!!!
Stay strong everyone!!! Hugs to all!
I am not sure I get Tony’s question, but from what I read from the question I will give it a stab.
How do I live life…..One singular moment at a time, in deep thought and incredible joy,
But I love woman, sports, God, music, movies, books, talking about issues and the word, going Outside and my kids, so I mean I got so much to enjoy
Outside of those mentioned above I could care fucking less about it
So I spend my time doing what I love.
I had to quick taking dope first to find out I loved other stuff.
I’m not sure that is the question, if your looking for something else let me know brother.
Do I think something will change?
I don’t think something will change or things will change, that sounds like something my addict mind used to beat on me with,
See things never change, there is no things there is only a thing. An that can change.
I have to take a thing a work on changing it.
The one thing that amazes me more than anything so far is the one change I made.
Since I was oh in college, I have always dreamt of having a friendship with a mature woman, I mean a specific type, well I lived for 25 years with this obsession, this dream, but I could never begin, right, I would meet one, and know I was way to fucked up to be a responsible friend.
I was thrilled by this type of lady, without a doubt, Yet it eluded me.
I had given up on it actually ever happening, and I never imagined I would ever, ever have the courage or self worth tho ever ever experience it and I really believed with all my mind, that dream was dead.
Then I got clean and time went by and day I said fuck it man, I am solid enough now that I could experience rejection and not use,
This mindset took me well over a hear of serious prayer, writing, studying, working out, healing.
So with every once of courage I had a sent an email….
To my fucking amazement, they responded, and a very moving experience is being cherished to this day.
So a forgotten dream was awoken, a risk taken and a dream fulfilled.
This experience has change me, I am different today then the day I sent the email.
Oh and the reality of my life long dream is even wilder than me dreams.
if I look at changing things, no dice man things is impossible for me to change.
A thing, One thing without question.
Metoo, know sweetheart, I do not drink. yes as I have shared I take 20mgs. Of Lexapro a day, under the care of my personal physician, who knows my addiction history.
I take it because if for some fucking reason makes me really horny, and very aware.
or it removes the things that block those feelings, either way I enjoy it.
I see him again though in June, and I may ask about going off it,
See at six months clean, I was unable to feel anything man, but pain and I sought help.
I also use caffeine, coffee, and energy drink.
keep coming back
Metoo – I am sorry Metoo but your explanation justed cracked me up…because I know you and I know your situation, well, Honey, you were so fucking serious…I don’t know why, but you brought a smile to my face this evening.
I know what you mean about the stupid e-applications and resumes. I absolutely hate them. Have you ever thought of going with a temp agency…The job I have now was supposed to be for only 6 weeks and I am at 6 years now…lol…see once you get your foot in the door and they see what a terrific worker you are, well, then they do not want to let you go…look into it…It might work.
Joe – I can’t believe you posted late today – but any time is fine – I will take it.
Where is everyone else – hope all is well. I worked my but off today on the pool area and after it was all done, Clyde peed on one of my freshly washed lounge chair cushion…I was madder then hell…little brat….Clyde might be going to the pound tomorrow…NOT!!
LOVE
Kitty
happy Monday,
I have been struggling the last few days with posting, I so love coming here and the reason is since the very first post here I have done just one thing, bared my soul, exposed my disease and cried out for help.
I report my life here,.
I am an addict man, and I am clean today because I do not want to suffer.
I mean the feeling of the last pill, the last beer, the last line, the last rock.
The feeling that comes right at that moment, I will today do whatever I can to not feel that,
if you have not felt it then you probably don’t get me.
bur, yo man, dawg, (in my best Randy Jackson voice)
You gotta keep being real.
So I have no answers, I know that just for today, I have. Partner, Jesus Christ, real, fantasy, fiction, fact. I can not say for sure.
What I can say is I love him, I. Trust him, I pray out loud.
HELP ME CHRIST.
So, I am a mess, a fun mess, but a mess none the less.
I am gonna trust my partner has my back, if it is his will than it will manifest itself
I am gonna do what I do, sing, smile, worry, lust, talk smack at the plant, try to get out of jury duty, this morning.
One more day, I pray, one more day…
Good morning folks – hope you all had a good weekend. Please write and let us know how you are doing this beautiful spring morning.
The last two days, my lenten prayers have been guided in the direction of praying for the sick, the troubled and all those in distress….and asking God to lead me to someone who needs encouragement and to help me be an encourager.
Today, I am lead to pray for missions my Church supports and missionaries. We support two churches in Cuba, so I start with those.
I am trying to take the focus away from me these past few days and focus on the needs of others…The difficulty in that is that I am human and human’s can be self centered so I pray that God will guide me to do better on that.
The weather here in Florida has been summer like – the temperature registered at over ninety yesterday. We are busy sumerizing the house – planting, mulching, scrubbing, cleaning pool and patios….A cleasing of spirit comes along with it. A new beginning, a change of seasons. I hope you get strength and renewal from it as I do.
One more season without drugs
Love
Kitty
PS – miss you everyone – get to posting!
Guys tomorrow is the big day it’s my day to quit so here goes nothing !!!! I will prob be posting alot I’m going to need all your help and support like no other … So please be here for me I’m ready really ready not scared but ready I don’t know what I’m feeling but it’s time to start my jurney… Thanks every one
Many good luck wishes to you “quittingnow” it’s a big step but everyone here is here to support you on this new phase of your life. A phase that is not controled by a drug that contols lives and minds.
I am not yet “clean” I take a pill now and then, I don’t feel like I NEED them anymore, but I still like to have one now and then when I am in the mood to just relax, that and a glass of REALLY good, cold, crisp chardonnay, a sunny day, my kids, pets, husband, pool and kicking back with a book on my new Kindle.
Find your pleasures and enjoy them, don’t abuse them, don’t NEED them, just enjoy the things that make your life worth living.
I know that this site is about QUITTING, I am more about everything in moderation and it is working for me right now.
I just want to enjoy each day without restrictions, enjoy what God has given me and feel and relish in the beauty that keeps me going every day.
I don’t let the crap get me down, if I did, the crap would win. I would rather let the sun in and feel good about everything I experience during the day.
I hope my babbling will give you at least one thought that will help you during this time and this phase in your life.
BE HAPPY PEOPLE!!!
Quiting Now,
God Bless you for deciding that tomorrow is the day and I will check in now and again throughout tomorrow to see how you are doing. Post often if you feel like it and let me know how youa re doing. That is what got me through the first few weeks – coming on here every day. Back then, it was Metoo, Joe, and Southern Mom who were here every single day and it was God’s Blessing to me at the time – I truly believe that. There are many of us on here that got through it so I believe that you can also. Just take it a day or minuit at a time if you have too and lean on God and this site to get you through it…if is tought, no wat to get around that – but it gets better and better as each day passes. Good luck to you and may God give you the strength that he gave me to conquor this dragon that got us all…Love
Kitty
Hey, where is everyone. I have never felt so alone in all my life…Metoo, Jamie, Lori, Angel, Joseph. Hope all is well with you – please don’t leave me to fend for myself. I hate fending!
Love and miss you
DD Kitty
Kitty
Quittingnow, I am so excited for you, it’s time!! I will be praying for you and it won’t be as bad as you are anticipating. It won’t be a walk in the park, but it will get better before you know it. By day 5 you should feel alot better…at least I did. I’ve actually lost count but I’m on the third week and it really does physically get easier every day!
The emotional part has been a hurdle for me as on my 14th day my mom had surgery and she waited until a couple days before the surgery to tell us that she has breast cancer. I took 1/2 of a pill when she was in surgery and honestly haven’t beaten myself up over it — I know I have to focus on moving forward and if I stumble I need to regain my balance and center myself and keep going. I haven’t had another even though it would be nice. We know that it moved to 2 out of 5 lymphnodes and are waiting to see if it is in any of the others that they took out …. so the temptation to take even one to ease the worry is great but I’m fighting not to give in.
Just know that I am fighting right next to you and it sucks but sometimes it’s ok for life to suck. I think we are conditioned to believe that every moment of our existence should be happy and fulfilling, but guess what, it’s ok to feel like shit and it’s ok to be depressed for a while. Just think, when you start coming out of the fog and sickness…spring will have sprung (hopefully).Christ has risen and washed us clean by spilling His blood, the blood of the Lamb, for you and me and everyone. You are starting this and will be whole again and new by Easter. Celebrate your new risen self. Christ suffered as will you my friend, but remember, you will rise.
Thanks to all of u that posted . I’m already feeling sick and haven’t even started I guess all the thinking about it has gotten to me…….. I hope u all will check in on me tomorrow as I may not post but I’ll need to read read and READ all the insparational posts from y’all so please don’t forget about me and all the prayers all the prayers you can give please send them my way as I will do the same thanks again and I’m ready tomorrow will be the start of my new life and soon I will have joined all of u on the otherside
if there is any thing I can do for u please let me know although I will be out of commission for approx a week or so LOL !!!! but I’m here for you as I know you will be for me thank you again for coming back for me …
Joe LOL !!! before the biggest complaint from everyone comes true the insomnia ??? But I hear it gets better ….. So here goes till tomorrow
Pink– thanks for thinking of mr and comeing back I really need you please check in on me and I am so sorry to hear that about your mom but I know she will be just fine I know that cause I’m a nurse myself a RN and I know what u have described is real easy to get out and with u by ur moms side and all of our prayers she will come out of this perfectly fine mark my words
Kitty mom — I would love for you to post post and check in on me also I will need it and your prayers as many as I can have I’ll take it !!! You have been great and I feel like I know you so well just by your posts thank you so much can’t Waite to be helping others like u r helping mr now
Everyone else hope u all r doing well and prayers from everyone would be greatly appreciated here we go another on their jurney I hope I see you all tomorrow thanks and good night one last good night of sleep I’LL TAKE IT
Hey, Pink, I’m with ya. My mom had breast cancer had to get her lymphnodes removed, they said she was at stage 4. But she fought through everything and did so good, and now has been cancer free for over five years.
Kitty, I’m still here. Been lurking around. I’ve been kinda depressed lately. Just want to be left alone with my thoughts as I listen to some tunes. So when you don’t see me posting, just picture me out in my yard with my pups, with headphones on and a pencil and notebook in hand, writing songs or poetry.
Good luck, Q, we’re all rooting for you.
Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hey Q…
I am here, there is no place on earth I would rather be, than with someone who takes their first step.
Just know that I am here, you are not alone, nor will you ever have to be.
So how you doing?
Peace be with you
Q – so today is the day and I will be checking in on you every few hours. Don’t be afraid….when you can walk no more, the Lord will carry you. The days will be long at first, and time seems to stand still but in a few days you will begin to feel a new kind of normal. Be strong – know that you have support here and with God and if you get to weak to pray, I will be praying for you.
Love
Kitty
Jamie…sorry that you are depressed little one….you have been in my thoughts lately, wondering how you be. Listen for a tune for me and enjoy the pups and their unconditional love.
Love and miss you
Kitty
Good Morning Quittingnow….I hope this email finds you doing ok. I remember feeling like I was in some kind of bubble and the rest of the world seemed to be going on without me and made me appreciate those people who are chronically ill and/or in pain. It’s a lonely feeling and it will pass too, you will rejoin the rest of the world soon and be a better person for having this experience. Everytime you think (in the future) of starting again, remember how today feels.
Thanks for your comforting words for me. I’m sure she will be fine. The morning after her lumpetcomy she got up made breakfast for her and dad and the third day she walked around a country block and made dinner and came to church on Sunday…she is stubborn and I feel confident that she will make a full recovery. And you must know that all of us tried to “take care of her” and the only thing she let me do was bring dinner the night she came home from surgery. She even had our “Monday Night Dinner” last night where she makes dinner for all her kids and grandkids every week. And it’s not a light meal, it’s comparable to Thanksgiving every week. She prepares, serves, and cleans up and if you try to help, she will chew your ass up! She is amazing!!
I will be here following your progress so try to post when you can. If I don’t post it doesn’t mean I’m gone; I just had that come up with my mom out of nowhere last week and also have two little boys who play baseball, piano, take horseback riding lessons, etc… and I work full time along with keeping up with the house. However, I will be checking in on you everyday now that I know you have started so please keep us updated.
Pinkerton
Jamie, thanks for sharing about your mom – Hooray for her and you and your family!!!!! I feel positive about my mom’s prognosis. We haven’t heard yet if it spread any further than the 2 of 5 because she just had surgery on Thursday and they said they would call with the results from the 10 they removed. She will have to do radiation for 6 wks for sure but if it spread more then they will consider more aggressive treatment. Will someone please tell me why it takes so damn long to get test results back…..ARRRGGGHHH !!! I know why but the waiting sucks…that is probably why she didn’t want to tell any of us until right before surgery…lol…
I hope everyone has been healthy, happy, and enjoying good weather!
Hey, Q! It’s your time!!! I am so excited for you, and although this won’t be easy, it will be WELL WORTH IT in the end. Please keep in mind that “this too shall pass” when it gets hard. Lean on all of us here, as you can be SURE that at any given time of the day or night, one of us is thinking of YOU and praying for your safe and happy outcome. I’m glad it is your time, and I am glad that you are here with us. Please post when you can…we are right there by your side, my friend!!!
Cancer sucks and so does depression. I would sell my soul to find a cure for both. Perhaps love is the cure…
Pink
You’re Mom sounds like an amazing woman with a fight in her that is going to help her get through this. My sister is also a breast cancer survivor going on 8 years. She has a masectomy and reconstruction surgery. She is doing great as is Jamie’s Mom and is truly a survivor and amazing woman. I will keep you and your family in my prayers along with all other’s going through this. My daughter is a nurse specializing in cancer and her department administers trial drugs and treatment on an outpatient basis. Her husband had non hodgekins lymphoma is has been in remission for several years now. Cancer effects so many of us and I will keep you in mine. God Bless you also for being a strong and ambitious woman who has come so far already in your detox….keep up the good work and the encouraging words to others.
Love
Kitty
Q – still here if you need me
Hi everyone thanks for all the kind words doing ok OK VERY WEAK so not going to type much but the most amazing thing happened today I have been living in my condo now for over 3 years .. Not once has any one knocked on my door with pamphlets about god today though there was a knock at the door I was wondering who in the name of god could. That be and it was a church handing out phamphlets about Christ and god I can’t beloved it really can’t ur prayers are they truely are coming my way that’s my sign that I am ready and can do it thanks again love to all
Q – miracles never cease to amaze me – hang in their my friend.
Love
Kitty
Hey Metoo – we must have been posting at the very exact time. How you doing buddy. God, how I miss the old days when you and me and Joe posted every day. I must need to get a life!!! Glad you have one…lol!
Hope all my friends out there are OK – drop in and say hey!
Love you all!
Kitty get a life
Jamie is going through some stuff, man! I got so much going through this already busy head of mine. I’m still clean! I’m just at one of those points in your life where there’s a fork or two in the road and no matter which path I choose, there’s consequences that affect others and someone will get hurt. Or I could just stick to the path I’m on and be miserable, but there’s no assurance that these new paths will make me feel any better. Nothing to do with dope, my head is so far away from that thought, so at least that’s good.
Metoo, I’m sure you have something to say about all this. I know you’ve made some big leaps in your life. Right now I feel like I need to leave this house, my fiancee, to go find myself again and be happy. And it doesn’t help that there’s this other guy who just expressed that he had feelings for me. But I’m not gonna leave one man for another, and I’m no cheater. If I am going to leave, it will be for myself. I just don’t know what to do. I know that I haven’t been truly happy in a long time though.
And as I think back now, the vic used increased around about the time when things started getting crappy in my relationship. Up until that point it was an every now and then thing. I would take a pill because it took away the anxiety and made all the bullshit easier to deal with when we started fighting a lot.
I just want a sign, what should I do?
Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Jamie – sometimes the hardest thing is being true to yourself. You want to know something – I am the queen of leaving when not happy and you know something else, in the back of my mind I have been thinking this about you and your relationship…I wonder what’s up about Jamie’s relationship with her fiance…she rarely talks about it in a positve way….so Jamie, this is the time to do something about it. If it is something that can be discussed and resolved, well, work on it. If it is something that is making you miserably unhappy, well, do what is best for you. Now, better than later. People do not change once you marry them either. If you are misearable now, you will be twice as miserable later. Don’t get me wrong, I think relationships are worth working on and saving, but examine your heart and if you just know in your heart that it is not what you want, do something about it. Your are in my thoughts and prayers Jamie and I hope you resolve these issues and go forward with your life.
Love
Kitty
Whoa. Yeah, this IS my area, isn’t it?! I have a lot to say. Fasten your seat belts.
I too, (or Metoo…lol) have ‘known’ for awhile now that ‘things’ just weren’t right at the house of JameCat. Now I see that this could be the underlying disease that triggers your addiction, Jamie. THAT IS WHY you MUST take the steps to fix it.
In my own case, when my parents were aging rapidly, and I knew life was going to get tough, I started using pills. They made things pretty again. They made things happy where underlying things were getting dark. A storm was gathering…when it started to really blow and got even darker, (the period when their deaths were imminent and eventually occured), I was buried with them in a casket of pills. There weren’t enough pills to cover my grief. But the pills couldn’t help any more. It was TIME for ME to HELP MYSELF. That’s when I knew I had to go. I didn’t fit in my own life anymore. No one listened. No one heard. I had been in the rut for so long that everyone just thought I wouldn’t be strong enough to get myself out of the casket of pills and rise again. I had been living for everyone else and not living for myself. When the ones I had been living for passed away, a part of me died too. And so, a crossroad was inevitable. I had a choice to make.
CHOICES….the first (and the easiest choice) would be to stay put. I had already done everything I could to change my circumstances. My husband did not listen, and part of me didn’t even WANT him to. To stay put meant SETTLING. In all honesty, I WOULD HAVE SETTLED…..BUT….my very own ‘angel of deliverance’ came and helped me get my stuff together and climb out of that casket. She helped me to see that the girl lying in the casket of pills was NOT the child that my parents had raised. NOT AT ALL. She helped me to realize that I am made of GOOD STUFF. She saw the good in me~the good that so many days I could not see. She saw my heart. She took my hand and dusted me off and helped me to get free. She helped me choose THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED.
To stay in the current situation (for ME…MY OPINION here….not trying to put my life on someone else or assume anything, so don’t holler at me later, anyone..lol..just sayin….) was to choose CERTAIN MISERY. But~~~at least the misery is A GUARANTEE!!!!
The road less traveled…the freedom route…well??? There ARE NO GUARANTEES on this road. You can very well STILL turn up miserable down the road. But there is also a CHANCE of finding the happiness of life down this path. I figured that it was worth a shot…(even though it has been so long since I have had JOY in my life that I am not sure what it is and how it feels…..) It just HAS TO BE worth a shot…..?! But that lurking thought~~there are NO GUARANTEES…will you still take the road less traveled??
And so I chose my path. The road less traveled. I am looking for happiness that used to be found in the amber bottle with the child proof lid.
Fast forward to today—> It isn’t happening overnight. I am still struggling to gather my stuffing and put it back in. But I am pill free for a year now, and that in itself has to be worth something.
I think EACH of us has to figure out what we will make of our lives. What will we say to our creator when we finally get home?? Will we say, “Well, Lord, I made do! I honored my marriage and I put up and shut up….yeah, I wasn’t happy, and yeah, I know that you gave ME the gift of MY OWN LIFE…but since he wasn’t happy either, I couldn’t leave him.” Loosely translated (in MY soul…just mine here…no one else’s…) that says to me…”Lord, not ONLY did I hold back the gift of MY life, I also dragged my husbands life down too…and I held HIM back from finding his happiness…” By so doing, TWO gifts from God were not fully appreciated. To me, THAT’S the sin. The goal of my life is to really really REALLY make the most of this gift. What I have to say when I get to Heaven is the thought that I keep with me every moment of EVERY day. And IF by chance it is true that we have to live our lives over and over again until we get it right??? Well, I am trying to make SURE that this is my LAST life. I need to get it right this time!!
Therefore, if there is some good that I can do now, today, I will do it. Because I WILL NOT pass this way again.
Jamie, the real question here is: Will your remaining ‘in’ your current life ENRICH the lives of those around you, OR, is your soul telling you that you must go ‘in search of…’
I also believe that each of us knows, deep down in our core; our soul; what we are to do. If we get deep down inside ourselves, our path has already been set. Deep inside, we know.
The great thing is that you are THINKING, Jamie. That little angel on your shoulder is certainly working hard. Listen to that angel. You are being guided!!!
And thanks for prompting me to write this down. I think our angels are in cohoots! I needed to step back and look at my own big picture today. I will be praying for you, JameCat, and I know that you will make the right choice for YOU.
Hey guys I need word of incurgment I’m feeling so bad please help
Q – I am so sorry that you are feeling bad – you know it was going to happen though, right? Hang in there and take it slowly. You will make it. I wish there wa some magic word I could say to wipe away your pain – oh wait a minute – there is a word – GOD and rely heavily on his and let HIS strength hold you up. Just think, this is already your second day and by day five you will be ten times better than you are already – actually I felt alot better on day three and took a nice long walk around the neighborhood that day – I will remember it forever – My eyes seems to see things brighter and prettier than they saw in years and my thoughts were no longer on where can I find some pills! You can and will do it…just stay positive and if you widh to e-mail me please do so…All I can do is be there in prayer for you. Sorry I was not on earlier but it is hard foe me to sign on at work – too many eyes…So Q, be brave –
Love
Kitty
Q – kittymom001@gmail.com just in case you need me.
Love
Kitty
Hello everyone 2 days almost feeling like shit real shit but I need to keep this up … I can do it please post so I can read read read I’m going crazy with the time going so slow
Hey Q – glad to hear from you – yeah time seems to stop in its track – I used to sit around waiting for it to be time to go to bed and then toss and turn all night and not sleep. But I think third day may be easier for you. Good luck, and be strong. The will has got to be there in order to be a success. Sounds like you have the Will – and all I can do is stand behind you.
Take Care
Love
Kitty
Hey Q, You can do this, once you get to the third day you will notice a big difference. Detox sucks so bad, but just keep telling yourself that once this is over you will never have to go through this again. I am so proud of you for making it this far, yes I know it feels like you just want to lay down and die, but you can’t because you can’t hold your legs still long enough. I have been through this so many times and I feel your pain, if I could take it away from you I would. I think sometimes we need to feel the pain to make us not want to go through it again. Just know that we are all here for you and things will start to get better. I am not going to tell you that things will be perfect right away, but you will start to notice that you are getting your emotions back and it really does feel good. Just stick with it and you will be so happy that you did.
Jamie-I am so sorry that you are having issues with your boyfriend, I am the worst person to give relationship advice, but just know that I am thinking about you and if you need me I am here. Love you all, Angel.
Good Morning Quittingnow,
This is your third day!! CONGRATULATIONS!! How do you feel? It is a rough road but the bubble will burst and you will join the rest of the world soon. If you are like me, I resented everyone and everything because I felt so emotionally and physically beat up and out of touch. It really did feel like I was in a bubble with the rest of the world going on with their business and I was locked in this hell where no-one could reach me…except for the people here on this sight. It will pass and you will face new challenges and all you can do is your best….really, just do your best and at the end of the day you can be satisfied in knowing that. Just like the day my mom had surgery, I had a half a pill, I didn’t beat myself up or feel like I failed. Was it the greatest idea, no, but I moved on. I am not suggesting that you take even a half a pill right now because you are almost there and your body needs to rid itself of this animal. But remember, there is no failure, only experiences and with every experience we learn something. So relax and know that you can get through the detox and you will be ok in just hours. When you are finished with that you will have to figure out how to be a “new normal” and that too is a challenge. But you will make your way and you will fulfill what is meant for you in this life. Don’t look back. Don’t think about what you should have done or coulda done…just do your best and remember that you are only a human being. Every human being has some struggle or another and this happens to be ours.
@ Jamie, I am sorry to hear that you are facing a decision of that magnitude. With pills the answer is clear but your answer falls in a gray area, which I believe is more difficult. When you know the answer for certain you can pour all your energy into that conviction, but if you are not certain it makes things so much harder. I’ll be praying for you to get the guidance you need and for you to be strong in this conviction.
Pinkerton
Good morning everyone….Hope all of you are doing well.
Q – best wishes on your third day…please keep us posted on how you are doing.
I am sitting here at work thinking how very fortunate I am to have found this site and although it is exuberant to see people come on here broken and in pain, and become fixed and healed, it is also sad when they no longer show up. I need to let go, and that is difficult. Sometimes I feel that I have replaced the pills with this site. But, I feel compelled to enter it daily and just maybe I can help one person like I have been helped by the ones before me. Now, Kitty is getting a little sentimental here this morning and probably could use a few attagirls so if you have it in your heart to help me on this particular day, I would appreciate it. Sometimes I just am needy like that…lol!
Love you guys
Kitty
Kitty, Love you, Love you, Love you!!!!!!!! You are the glue that holds us all together, I hope that you know that. You are one of the resonns that I want to stay clean to make you proud of me.
Kitty, you are SO HERE for everyone~and to that I say, “ATTAGIRL”!!!!! We are blessed to have you here. If it’s true that you’ve replaced your addiction onto the site, SO BE IT!!!
That’s a victory for all of us here! You keep your chin up, girl, and be sentimental all you want. I do it all the time…lol.
Q, I wish I could be there to hold your hand through this. This is going to pass verrrry soon!!! But the thing is, you have to go through it to get to the other side. I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS!!! Keep chugging along!! The poison has got to work inself out of your system. Stay strong, and hold the fort, Q~! You can beat this thing!!
I love you Kitty!! Metoo and Angela said it all.
Lori
Ahhhhhhh – thank you my girls! You have made my day!!!!
Love all of you and am SO VERY PROUD to have you as friends.
Kitty is off work for ten days after today and will be by the pool – anyone care to join me????
Love you – I mean that!
Kitty
Hey, Q…a thought: Try to actually ‘embrace’ the bad feelings that withdrawal brings. Try to measure your discomfort to the ‘discomfort’ of Christ as he was on the cross. Sometimes when I am feeling BAD, I think of this, and I lay it at His feet. I need to keep this thought in mind myself today, and thought it might help you as well.
You know I love you, Kitty. You’re my internet mom!!! So ATTA GIRL!!
Oh, I just wanna throw in one more, “ATTA GIRL!!!!” just because Kitty deserves it, darnit!
WHY??
Cuz Double Dippin’ Kitty got off the ride!!!! And she’s helped so many others to do the same!! (I WAS gonna say something about her helping others get off too, but something about that didn’t sound right, EVEN TO ME!!!) Hahaha! Keep a goin, DDK!!!
LMAO, Metoo! Thanks I needed that.
Okay wow, been asking for a sign…go on my random quote page and it says “Stop chasing what you want, before you lose what you have” crazy and you know I’m not really into that stuff all that much. Had to share I’m going back to lurker status now
Love and hugs to all
Happy Trails,
Jamie
METOO – you are too much girl – Yeah, I wish I could help just one person get off! LMFAO!!
Love
Kitty
Jamie – Is is a sign…or just a realization of what is? Hang in therir baby!
Love
Kitty
Q – WHERE ARE YOU – I hope you are OK – please check in and let me know how you are coming along. Your well being is in my prayers.
Love
Kitty
Joe??? Joe, where are you…
Metoo – Joe took the last train to Clarksville and we are meeting him at the station!
lOVE
kITTY
That is classic Kitty, I loved that song when I was waaaaaaayyy
younger!!
Hey Joe, I miss you too.
I hope everyone has a safe and happy weekend.
Hey guys I’m still here day 3 feeling very weak went to the doctors yesterday to find out I have a kidney infection and is on antibiotics now over all doing ok at my patents house they are taking real good care of me bit my husband wants me home !!!! Nobody knows what’s really going on so since I’m almost threw the worst I can leave it that way … There is no chance or way to get mote any how so I’m glad for that I got a text from my husband last night saying HE CAN’T WAITE TILL LIFE GETS BACK YO NORMAL AND THAT HE LOVES ME MORE THAN I KNOW It broke my heart but soon very soon life will be back to normal
Q – glad to hear you are OK – you are getting there – don’t give up – soon YOU WILL have your life back – I will check back later – going to my parents house for a visit. Once again, glad to hear from you and that you are OK – keep posting
Love
Kitty
Hi everyone. I’m s single mom to a toddler who’s on day 12 of CT detox from 4-6 7.5 mg Percocets/day.
The first three or four days I seriously thought I would die. I had the worst anxiety of my life, could barely move, had almost constant diarrhea…blah blah blah. Horrid. I had a few xanax, ran out yesterday and a few Ambien. Not very effective, but better than nothing. Today, knowing I have nothing, is a really hard day. I so anxious I literally don’t know what to do with myself. I make myself go through the motions because I have no choice, but I’m exhausted. Sleep is a distant memory, and while it’s better somewhat I STILL have awful diarrhea and no appetite whatsoever, ZERO energy. And the time thing? I look at the clock expecting an hour, at least, to have gone by…and no joke it’s like five minutes. I’m going crazy.
I have a bunch of other really tough things happening in my life at the moment that I just don’t feel up to going into, but it makes me feel stuck and paralyzed to do anything about it.
Encouraging words are sooo appreciated. I’m having a rough day. Thanks.
Hey, Jema!! Welcome! You are on day 12!!! GOOD FOR YOU!!!!! Anxiety has been/is a good friend of mine, and I understand TOTALLY everything you just said in your post. Hopefully, your anxiety is only from the aftermath of your detox. THEY say exercise is the best thing for anxiety. Don’t ask me, it was the last thing I wanted to do! Maybe you would be able to work out and shake off the anxiety?! Prayer is the path I chose. Those angels can do wonders…if you haven’t already, ask the angels for help (yes, you HAVE to ask them), and they will be there within seconds. I am remembering one detox in particular when I was on the bathroom floor, just sitting there so anxious I could have crawled out of my own skin–thought I was going to lose my mind–and I put my head in my hands and asked God to send the angels NOW, and wow….HE DID. I felt better within seconds.
Hang in there, Jema. As long as you’ve made it to day 12, the worst is over. Depression and anxiety are monsters too, but at least you are going about dealing with them now, and not masking them with pills.
If you need more from me, Jema, you can email me at
metoo05@live.com
Hugs to all! See you at Clarksville, Miss Kitty!!
Jema,
That is sooooo terrific, day 12, congratulations. I have recently come off opiates and I remember the anxiety and no sleep were the worst. Metoo is right, if you can make yourself move and do things even though you have no energy it helps. I remember one minute seemed like an hour but guess what? Everyone on here kept telling me to hang in there and it will get better and it did. What helped me were taking all the vitamins and minerals listed on the Thomas Recipe (really helped with the energy issue)
and I took two benadryl at night to help me sleep. About day 14 I was finally feeling better and actually slept about 5 hours.
I just think it is really great you have made it this far. The people on here are absolutely fantastic. It was through their encouragement and words of wisdon that helped me through to the other side. I have never met a bunch of more supportive people in my life. They were a real life changer for me when I felt all alone and crappy.
I have been clean for three months and the fog I lived in for so many years has lifted.
Again, congratualtions and keep going!!! You will do it!!
Best to you and your journey,
Lori
Jema – good going – 12 days, that is nothing to take lightly. The worst part for me at theat stage was not knowing who the heck I was any more. The pills were me – were my personality so minus the pills, I was minus me. But somehow I emerged, same person only better without the baggage…so keep on posting and we on here will gravitate to your needs. I too am willing to communicate by e-mail if you so desire…
kittymom001@gmail.com
Have a good evening everyone
I had a great day today with my Mom – we went to a thrift store and a craft store – got some stuff for my garden and an old pre world war I posted witha bunch of children in diapers – one for each country and the USA kid is in the middle…so cute and different I will post it on face book for all to see.
Love you
Kitty
Meetoo – I’m not a particularly religious person, but I figured I’m not above saying a prayer in a time of need. It must’ve helped, because I made it through, and even though I could have gotten another xanax to take, I chose not to. Thank you so much. This is literally a minute-to-minute battle. Phew. I’m exhausted in every way.
Lori – Good job in your success. This is insanely hard! I’m taking a multi-vitamin and Benadryl at night too. I couldn’t seem to string together more than a few minutes at a time last night, even so. I’m so tired now that I can’t imagine not sleeping tonight, but I’ve been saying that every night. The Benedryl initially made my leg symptoms so much worse, but that’s gone away, thank goodness.
Kitty Mom- Omg, SO TRUE! I totally have no personality at all right now. I feel like a robot, a really, really anxious robot. I’ll be glad to get this stuff outta my system and see who emerges from in here. Thank you so much for the encouraging words. It really helps!
Oh, and I’m going to try to take at least a walk tomorrow even though it sounds crazy hard right now! I used to be a hard-core runner before the Percs. I’m going to work back up to running again a little at a time. There is NO way in heck that I’m going to turn back now. I NEVER want to go through this again.
Good for you quittingnow…..hang in there!! Yikes, an infection on top of everything else!!!
Jema, I’m struggling with the anxiety and exhaustion too. I have two boys who are in everything. One day I was so tired and stressed that I actually screwed up and took a couple which lasted the three days because I thought I would be able to take one just to ease the anxiety (I had some left over) and not take another and then I did, and then I did again. I’m not going to go back down that road again now that I see I can’t handle using even just one time as it has led to three days now (1.5 on wednesday, 2.5 on thursday, and 2.5 on Friday) .
I hope I haven’t let anyone down….just really concerned about my mom and the results still aren’t back and excuses and excuses…. I couldn’t believe how low my tolerance is now. That I did find interesting. 1/2 a pill now would make me feel like I did when I used to take 2. Since it’s been three days will there be any detox symtoms or have I caught it early enough that I can stop without feeling sick? I know some of you have posted that you have quit and started up again, and I thought you might know how the yo-yo effects your body.
For those who are where I am in your detox and are thinking about taking just one more, it doesn’t work, just makes you want more. I am not too upset with myself, as I have said, we are only human and there are no failures, just experiences that we learn from. I learned from this experience and if I hadn’t tried a few to see if I could handle it in moderation, I would always wonder….now I know.
Sorry if I let you down Kitty Mom. Love, Pinkerton
Oh Pink – We all have this happen to us so don’t beat yourself up about it – at least you learned a lesson and found out that us people addicted to pills cannot take a pill just now and again – it we use, well, then we keep using – Just a fact, nothing to be ashamed about – just a fact. Now that you know, just pick yourself up and start again – I would not guess that the withdrawal should be much after jsut three days – but let us know how it goes. I still think – oh wouldn’t it be nice to just kick back, relax, and take a pill…but I just know I can’t because I am an addict. We are just prone to keep using – our bodies made that call for us – our chemical makeup must be different – whatever the reason…no pills for me today or ever unless I want to be in the vicious rut that is addiction. But don’t worry about it, fret about it, or give up because you slipped…Shit happens.
Love and prayers
Kitty
Hey, Pink! Ditto EVERYTHING that MissKitty said. We have all been there, I believe. It is indeed something we need to learn, and sometimes you have to live it to learn it. I fooled myself for a long time~relapse after relapse~until I realized that I can’t have any treats. No vacations from this life of an addict. One is too many, BECAUSE a thousand is not enough. I was never able to leave it at one. Oh, I could go on and on..but you get the picture. Shit sure DOES happen. Dust off, girl, and keep moving forward.
Q~I am having an unusually anxiety FILLED day here today too. I have no idea why, and this isn’t any fun….and it’s the weekend. Time to sleep in, lay back…and I am on pins and needles. So you can try sending me part of your anxiety, because I would rather take it all than just some, so SEND IT MY WAY!! Maybe you will feel better! (Wouldn’t it be great if it really did work this way—someone could be spared this anxiety…) I am going to go with the flow today, and drink some kava and some tea, I have some lorazepam and kratom. I wish I could live every day without a remedy from life of some sort. Yet, I guess with the path that I am on, it is to be expected some days…and yet, I want everything to be FINE RIGHT NOW….but I am still dealing with the aftermath of change. Sorry…now I’ve turned this toward myself and it isn’t about me. Sometimes this board is my outlet too, so bear with me!! Thanks, kids…
Love and hugs to you all, and I hope Joe returns soon…I could use some Joe today!!!!!!!!!!
Metoo – Thank you for being here for me when I need it and I hope i am the same for you. You know, we all have these days where we need the pat on the back, the hug, the Atta Girl, the You go Girl, and the love. I hope you can feel the love and concern I am sending you way – and if I could take it away and give you a break for just an instant – then throw it my way. My arms are wide open.
Love
Kitty
Hey guys made it another day feeling much better than I thought only thing is no energy at all .. Let me give my experience this far first 3 days were he’ll I mean he’ll but today I’m ok just weak I was able to eat threw out the whole thing witch has helped alot I’m a tiny girl 120 lbs so losing any more weight would not be good I have been praying day and night witch I don’t care what any one says helps so much I think by next weekend I should be back to normal I was taking clonidine the first 3 days and Valium but nothing since last night and have done great loading up on my vitamins and taking b 12 injections witch help build endorphins .. Anxiety is gone and I’ve selpt pretty good with just tylenolol pm so thank all for the encouragement I needed it and I’m on the other side just as I hoped and prayed for I have not had any depression yet I hope it doesn’t cone but I think I’ll be just fine thanks again to everyone that hped me I can’t even begin to repay u guys gave been great thanks again till the next post
Is it just me or does anyone else have a hard time loading this page? Plus, it seems like my comments are only appearing about half the time.
Thanks Kitty and Metoo. I appreciate the feedback. I didn’t think that three days would take me back to square one (detox sick that is) but I didn’t know and was sorta freaking out about it. It wasn’t that great anyway and I felt hungover the next day and even more tired than before. Wierd huh? I just don’t want to be sick again…yuk!!
Way to go Quittingnow!!! I’m so glad to hear that you are sleeping ….. I still am unable to sleep real well so you are doing great, keep up the good work!! You will be surprised at how many people your story will help conquer this animal.
Q~seems we have the same tiny girl thing going on too. I’m glad your anxiety has passed!
Kitty….thanks for being you. I can feel you pulling for us..just so’s ya know.
QN – Oh how happy I am that you are doing so great – You are sleeping and that in itself phenominal! Take the very best care of yourself and give yourself some “me” time – You deserve the very best for pulling yourself over the addiction hump and I am so proud of you…You go Baby!
Love
Kitty
PS – Metoo, glad to be your friend and I am glad you are feeling the vibes!
If I had the energy, I would tell you what happened yesterday, but I’m so weak and sick, so I’ll wait til i feel like it. It was nothing serious, just some major hypocrisy. Oh and on top of the flu, hurt my back worse by trying to stretch. Still off the vix and down to 2 muscle relaxers, so I’m expecting lots of pain til my doc appt on tues.
love and hugs to all
Good morning. Day 15. I finally slept last night. I still woke up every two hours, but I slept five or six hours total. Better than this past week of two or three hours a night. My anxiety is a little less, I’m a little less overwhelmed. I think I might live through this. It’s still a minute to minute battle, but I think I’m going to make it.
Jamie – The Flu – Darlin, what else is going to happen to you. Hope you feel better soon and angreat big “You go girl” for not taking and Vics. I know it is hard, but this too shall pass…I pray it does anyway!
Jema – Great to hear you are at a milestone of starting to sleep – I remember still the first day I slept through the night – it is soooo sweet! 15 days is a great milestone and I pray that you keep o healing and keep on improving each and every day. Keep on posting cause it gives us recovering addicts something to celebrate…
QN – how are you doing Babe????
Love
Kitty
Love
Kitty
@ Jamie, I lift you up on a pedastool because that is an aweful lot of shit to be going thru and still not give in!!! You are my hero!!
QN – what’s up with you ?? you ok? Don’t give in, not that I’m one to talk because as soon as I started feeling better and stronger, I did give in and regret it. I need a swift kick in the ass right now!!
Kitty Mom, I need some prayers, I need to get back on track but feel so depressed that I keep thinking “this will be my last” and want to stop before I get myself to a point where I’m sick from W/D again. I said I would stop on day 3 but it’s day 5 and I took another one today and tomorrow I’ll start over and get rid of my leftover supply….HELP!! Someone please tell me I won’t be sick again, I haven’t gone over 2.5 and just want to stop tomorrow and start over. I am worried that I will feel the same way I did a month ago…any advice or experience with this anyone? I will feel less stressed out if I know that I won’t feel sick again. Depression is enough. I want everyone to know that has come as far as I did, 3 wks, and you start feeling better and have the thought that one won’t hurt….you’re wrong, it does and it’s not worth it. Even if I don’t get sick from taking a total of 12 pills over 5 days, the guilt and shame isn’t worth it. I’m not one to beat myself up over stuff but I really do feel like I’ve let myself down and everyone on this board. This is my first time at getting clean and I know others have said they fell off the wagon so my question is, how did you get back on and was it hard on your body?
Thanks everyone for listening to a big fat dummy. Pinkerton
Hey Pink – You see, I know for a fact that I could not have had a stash of pills for “just in case”…because one is never ever enough (although as the saying goes i IS too many and one thousand is not enough). I cannot tell you if you will be sick again – but I am guessing that the body is getting used to having them again the longer you go on with taking them, the harder it will be. Many many many people have stopped taking for extended amounts of time and started using again…this is something in an addict that cannot be explained – so pick yourself up and start over again and see what happens – we keep using because we are afraid of the withdrawals but they are a necessary evil to get clean. If our bodies and minds did not get addicted and withdrawal did not cause pain, well, I guess we could go on and on destroying our bodies to out hearts content. I guess what I am saying is, try again. this time it just might work. Witht the determination you have and the guilt for recently using, you CAN and WILL be able to do it. So, yes my prayers are definatley with you and I hope you allow God to lift up your pain and finish what you have started.
The best of luck to you
Remember all of us are here for you and have all been in the same boat!
Love and prayers
Kitty
Thanks Kitty Mom, esp. for not making me feel like a loser. I don’t know why I made the decision to take just one, but I did and now I understand first hand why it’s not a good idea. There is alot going on and I felt sort of entitled or like it deserved to take one. I guess maybe I hadn’t fully accepted that I’m an addict yet, well now I know. I know it sounds whiney to be worrying about being sick again but I just hated it so much and don’t have the time off this time to heal. Oh well, like they say, if you want to dance, you gotta pay the band. I will get it together and I will fight the depression and drudgery of life without the pills. I hope it passes. I guess I’ll never know if I don’t give it a chance!
Thanks for you unconditional support and healing prayers …please keep my mom in your prayers too as we find out tomorrow if the cancer has spread any further.
Love, Pinkerton
Pinkerton- By all means, I will keep your Mom and your family in my prayers….I know it has been a long wait – I pray everything turns out favorable.
Love
Kitty
Hey guys sti here I don’t know why but I am so weak what can I do for that very very weak any advise would help thanks other than that doing good all the bad symptoms r gone and I am sleeping with the tylenolol pm so that’s good first day I got up and took s shower I’m able to rat and all but this weakness thing is killing me my birthday is the 20 th of April and my husband wants to take mr out but I need energy I’ve been loading up on my vitiamns haven’t done anything else house is a mess and still on my antibiotics for my kidney infection now my washer is broke do sears is comming out Wednesday to fix it then my mom will come over to help mr clean up or I may hire a cleaner to just wipe it out thanks please keep the prayers coming as many as I can get and metoo I keep asking the angles to come to me and they do they come when I need them the most thanks again
Hey QN – I think the weakness will go in time – it just takes time and the first few outings I had – going to the store and out with my daughter – well, I had no interest or energy in it at all. But, good news is, it will pass – believe me – it will pass. Hang int here cause it will get better. You are probably worse also because you have an infection and infections also make you weak.
Take care and I will keep praying for you
Love
Kitty
Hey, Pink, from someone who has fallen off the wagon several times…the biggest thing I had to deal with, aside from beating myself up, was the anxiety again. But I have really bad anxiety anyway, so do what you can to not be stressed and try to relex. You and your mom are in my thoughts.
Back to my sick bed…
Thanks Jamie, I appreciate the support and you guys really make me feel strong and confident in knowing that even though I fell off the wagon, I can get back on and be successful in beating this just like you have. I am back on tomorrow and realized that restarting on April 18th will take me to a solid month clean on my Birthday May 19th and I’ll have a real reason to celebrate!!
Quittingnow, you are amazing! Detoxing with a kidney infection has got to amplify all the symptoms so much more….good for you for hanging tough.
Kitty, you are so nurturing and sweet….I’m thankful for you. You remind me of a lady I used to work with who has since moved away from me. She was always the mother hen, looking out for all her peeps. You always seem to know what to say and are always there. I know that if I post something or ask a question you will be there with a response when I check back.
Thanks for the prayer for my mom. I just talked to her and her appt is at 2:30 pm tomorrow. She has a good attitude, it’s my dad that is freaking out….men are supposed to be the tough guys…lol…but when it comes to stuff like this they are marshmellows. I’ll post her results.
Love, Pink
Shout out to Jema here~~how are you doing today, my friend? Please keep us posted!
Miss Lori, how are you doing these days??? I am missing you over here!
I hope everyone is doing fine and I am also sending prayers for positive results to the Pink family!!
Jamie,
Still hoping you will feel better soon…I mean that!
Pink, thanks for the kind words and I feel honored to me on here and love my friends who came before me and helped me through the worst time of my life…Thanks, Metoo and Joe and SM – Love you guys.
Pink, let us know when you find out about MOM so we can start a prayer vigil.
QN – let us know every day how you are doing – it will help you and it will help us also.
Lori,
Sorry – I was not done yet
Lori, Angel, Joe, Jema, let us know how you are doing.
Hey Metoo – I guess Joe missed the last train to Clarksville, I did not see him at the freaking station, did you? He must have taken a slow boat to China instead..lol.
L O V E Y O U G I R L S….(and guys)
KITTY – DD again but this time in the pool!!
EXCUSE the language but “OH SHIT” I typed twice already and my message did not post – one more try cause I was not finished yet.
Lori, Angel, and SM – hope you are all doing OK – let me know!!!!
Metoo – Joe must have missed that last train to Clarksville cause I did not see him at the station…lol Maybe he took a slow boat to China instead…Joe, get your Irish ass back here!
I L O V E Y O U G I R L S (and guys)
DD Kitty – but this time in the swimming pool! lol
OK – wtf is going on here – my posts are not showing up! Let me try again
shit shit shit – ONE MORE TIME
Lori and Angel – hope you are doing OK – miss you
Metoo – looks like Joe missed the last train the Clarksville – did you see him at the station – I did not! Maybe he took a slow boat to China instead…lol.
Love you gurls (and guys)
DD kitty – but in the pool this time…no more pills!
Guys I FUCKED UP I was doing so damn well then I started looking around the house cleaning up and found 2 big ass boytels that my husband hide from me I took 1 please tell mr what I do please I was so happy I was going to be clean for my birthday in 2 fricken days why why please help me get rid of them help me flush them I don’t want them. I really don’t but I need energy that’s all that’s all I want I don’t want to take them I want to be happy with my husband I even stopped my birth control pills cause I wanted to try to get pregnant I know it takes a while I already went threw the worst of the W/D just no energy and my court stiff that I thought would be here in 8 weeks popes up supper early and I have to deal with that my family can’t be pit three this again from me I can’t keep doing this my husband keeps sending me texts all day every day please listen to what he said I. Cried so hard and he didn’t even know “. he said baby I love u so much please come back to me we r a team let’s keep it strong that’s one of them the other said I need u and love u so much please please get well … He just thinks I’m sick and depressed cause I quit my job cause that’s where I was getting the norco u guys will die when I yell u I was ordering bottles of 500 for 50 dollars that’s how cheap those things are but the pharmacy and street dealers rip people off that was the best job I ever had as far as pay and schedule was there for 5 years only been doing norco for 2 years my husband broke his back and had a script for some time 2 years ago and I tried one and that was it so I otdered them my self never got caught thank god but I knew the only way to get away from them was to leave that job I feel like I’ve ruined every thing for my family and an so damn disappointed that I wanted to be clean for my birthday the big 30 I am running out of time to have a baby and I can’t tell u in words how much I want that I can’t even put it into words …. Please I want to get back to my life and be done with this I said in earlier posts that I wasn’t able to get any cause I don’t have a doctor and don’t go yo doctors any way I wouldn’t even know how to buy then off the Internet or the streets .. And then I find these why wouldn’t he of thrown them out why please respond some one all my fucken symptoms are gone except for energy I’m sleeping and eating no anxiety anymore just weak I haven’t tried energy drinks or the l- trodine
I cut my self off please tell mr what I can do for the energy and I know I can get rid of them he’ll I’ll mail them to any one just to prove I got rid of them help please hope everybody else is well all my posts have been about mr everybody else has thought of everyone else and I sorry for that please myast pill was the 11 th of April kitty mom pink Jamie lorie Angela any one please help Joe if ur still here I need u guys asap
QN – sorry I have been outside for awhile and just saw your post, OK let get the facts straight – 15 days clean – one pill. I think that the world is not quite coming to an end and the one pill is not going to be a catastrophe – UNLESS – you go buy some more and that would be falling off the wagon.
Calm down – get your thoughts together – think positive – don’t beat yourself up….But, you just have to realize that the fatigue the lack of interest – those things are going to take time. The addict mind is telling you that you will feel better and have more energy – but if I remember correctly the energy is only temporary – and the passing out comes after that. So the good feeling you are trying to recreate, is not a true good feeling. Try to think of the negative aspects of taking the freaking pills and I am sure you can come up with a few – and then think of the postive aspects ofd being off them…especially that sweet baby’s face looking up at you in adoration. You will never know a love as great as your first child…pout what ever little energy you have left into thinking about that. Only you can make up your mind to do this and you haven proven so far that you can – Don’t let that one pill push you over the edge.
All we can do is be here for you and carry the message to you that getting off the pills is possible – you have to do the rest.
So, all that being said, QN – I am praying hard for you. You have a dear husband that loves you very much – and an opportunity to start over…I hope you go for it.
Love and prayers
Kitty
QN – typo above – I meant to say that you HAVE proved that you can do it…..Love you sweet one
Kitty
QN, just relax, take a deep breath and try to remember the fact that you made it 15days. I ended up falling off the wagon and taking a total of 14 and freaked out too. But it will be ok and one isn’t going to set you back nor is 14 going to set me back….I’m moving on and so will you. It is what it is and nothing more!
FYI – My Mom had good news, I think, they only found 3 out of 28 lymphnodes were cancerous. I guess that’s good new right?
Pink – 3 out of 28 sounds pretty good to me – Does she know what kind of surgery she needs yet. I will continue to keep your Mom in my prayers – and I really do believe that 3 is much more better than it could have been…Love, Kitty
Kitty, she already had the surgery and the lump on her breast was removed along with the lymnodes. Now they need to determine if she will only do radiation, or radiation and chemo. She will see another doc for that. She is very pleased with the results but dad is still a mess and worried sick. Thanks for your prayers.
Quittingnow, where are you, are you doing ok? I don’t like the way you sounded in your last post and am worried about you. It will be ok, please don’t worry. So you took one, just remember how this one made you feel the next time you want to take just one. I will definately remember how this little binge made me feel and will know better next time. And if I don’t or you don’t….then we just keep trying until we get it right. Never give up!!!
Love, Pinkerton
Pink – Oh sorry I was not paying attention. OK – then it sounds good. My sister had a lumpectomy also and she is doing great after many years…Best of everythings – still praying.
Love
Kitty
Pink, I’d say that’s good news. Hopefully, the radiation and chemo won’t be too rough of a go for your mom. My mom did fairly well with her treatments. You are both still in my thoughts.
Q, don’t beat yourself up. I’m sure everyone of us has had a relapse at one time or another. Just pick yourself up and dust yourself off and flush whatever pills you have down the toilet.
As for me, as if things weren’t bad enough…now my Candy, my angel dog, is sick. So I’m super duper stressed from that. I don’t have the money to take her to the vet and I’m super worried. Some asshole in this town has been poisoning dogs in yards that back up to the bike path that goes through town, and guess what my yard backs up to the bike path. Like 5 dogs have died already and a bunch of others have gotten sick, but they caught it in time to save them. I don’t know what to do!
Well, I’m still super sick, got the doc tomorrow, so I’m gonna get scootin to take care of myself and my Candy bear.
Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Jamie – OMG – I hope Candy is OK – you know how I am – more sympathetic about poor animals than with the human race…well, just as equal anyway. How could anyone poison a poor innocent dog…They need to catch this person and put them away. I wish I could come up with something to ease your fear or get you to the vets – No free clinics around? No help from family? I rally hope that you and Candy both get over this soon.
Love
Kitty
Oh no Jamie, I will be praying for your Candy bear to get better. Make sure she is staying hydrated. Take an eye dropper if you have to and squirt water down her throat. I love my dogs and cat so much and I feel for you. I have an English Mastiff and a Beagle
Thanks for the input. My mom is being stubborn and fighting with my dad because she doesn’t think that she will want to do chemo, only radiation and he wants her to do both. They haven’t met with the Oncologist yet but will next Wednesday.
I hope you feel better Jamie.
Hi Kitty, still need to get it together and get back on the wagon. Tried and felt really yucky so I decided to do it over the weekend…shouldn’t be as bad as last time….let’s hope. I have too much to do for work to feel like shit so I will get it done this weekend. Thanks for understanding and being supportive even though I am a dumb ass… I’m a dumb ass who has learned a lesson though!! Never again!! YIKES!! Let this be a lesson to everyone…I really thought I could handle it but boy was I wrong. I’m ok though and realize that the pills aren’t “all that” anyway…I don’t feel that different, except for the feeling of a hangover. Can’t wait until this Friday….Pinkerton
Well, had a doctor’s appointment today. Got some anti-nausea medication, but nothing for my back since I went to the pain management doctor. So now I have to try to get a hold of them : / My doctor was actually nice and helpful for once, shocked the hell out of me. First thing she said to me when I walked in the room was that I looked like a vampire lol. She was all, “You’re too pale.”
Got Candy to the vet at 6pm yesterday, they said they needed to keep her for X-rays and for me to call back at 8 and check on her. They were worried about her having an obstruction of some kind. Called them at 8 and they said to come in a half hour to go over the x-rays with the doc. That didn’t sound like good news to me, so I was a wreck for half an hour. Went in at 830 and waited around for an hour. They finally brought her out with her x rays and put us in a room. I thought well maybe this is a good sign, she gets to come home…it wasn’t. Went over the x rays and the doc said there was nothing in her stomach, but it wasn’t clear whether there was a blockage further down in her intestines. So they wanted to keep her overnight, give her some IV fluids and give her barium in the morning to see if they could find a blockage.
So here I am unable to sleep, this is only the second night I’ve been away from her in the six years I’ve had her. While looking at the x rays the vet told me she’s an amazing dog. He pointed out a few bones on her spine that had started to grow, which he said should be very painful to her, but she shows no signs of pain. Then when he looked at the xray of her hips he said that on both sides it was bone on bone. He said it was astonishing that she acted like she wasn’t in any pain. I told him she acts kind stiff sometimes when she goes to get up, but I’ve never heard her whine or saw her act like she was in any kind of pain. And he replied, “like I said she’s an amazing dog. definitely a keeper”
You all know me and religion. I don’t pray, but I’ve found myself praying since we left her at the vet. This dog literally saved my life, I don’t know what I would do without her.
Thank you Kitty and Pink! I need to try to get some rest, I’m still sick as a dog and I was going all day yesterday. Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Jamie, I am so sorry to here about Candy, I know how much you love her. I will be praying for her and you to get better. I wish I could come there and give you a big hug.
Pink, you are not a dumbass for falling off the wagon. We have all done it, and the good thing is we have this site to come to and everyone understands what you are going through. I just take it a day at a time, and every day that I don’t do drugs I get so much stronger. I wish that I was able to taper off like you do, but if I have pills they are gone within a couple of day. I think that is one of my major problems is I take so many pills then when I am out of pills I crash and have nothing to bring me back up. I think a major reason I liked the pills so much in the beginning is because I had depression and they made me feel so much better, so I am starting to learn that I have to deal with my depression or I will just end up going back to pills. I just have to learn to love my life and live each day to the fullest. I have so much to be thankful for and that includes all of you. I could not do this without all of you. I love you all–Angel
Quitting Now, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so sorry that I have not been on in a few days. I don’t want you to be so hard on yourself, trust me the several times that I have relapsed I feel like the biggest piece of shit. You are such a good person and you have to keep telling yourself that. Don’t think about the past that is behind you, think about the future and getting your life back on track. When I think about the past I start thinking about all of horrible things I have done and there is no reason to bring myself down when that is all in the past. As far as energy, about the only thing that helps me is to drink a lot of water and as much as I hate it, get out and exercise. Give yourself time though, if you need a couple of days to just lay in bed then do it, you just can’t stay there, you have to get up and move. Don’t worry about other people right now, think about yourself and get yourself better. Just remember that we are here for you and we have been in your shoes. Hope you have a great birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi Everyone – well I had the folks over and my daughter and her husband for a great big spaghetti and meatball dinner – and I did it without drugs – 7 months ago I would have been slipping into my bedroom and popping pills just to get through a simple family dinner – today I did it without the pills and I am so very gratelful to be able to accomplish that one thing. I still get a little anxious around my parents and really want approval – but I am accepting that is how it is and that I can just get through it without drugs…just wanted to tell you that today in hopes that it may give just one of you struggling to get off the damn things – a ray of hope.
Pink – I so hope your Mom is OK and that whatever treatment is in her near future, that she and your dad can accept it, get through it, and move on to better health.
Jamie – I so hope that Candy is OK – a tear comes to my eye when I think of the unconditional love that a dog provides, any pet for that matter. Give her a big healing hug for me…
Angel – glad to see you posting and giving such loving advice. You are truly needed here to provide comfort and experience.
QN – Happy birthday. Hope you have a great one.
After today, lets not sabotage our recovery process. Let’s not let the addictive mind reak havic with our recovery process. Let’s not let the bastard pills win the battle. Let’s not just survive, let us flourish and bask in foregiveness, love, and life.
Father God, please heal the sick, the sad, those hurting from addictive behaviours, and let the sun shine upon them and feel the warmth and love that you provide. Please let us realize the supreme sacrifice you gave to us in giving your son that we may have a place beside you in Heaven. Thank you for that one supreme and loving sacrifice. In your sons Holy name, Amen
Metoo – I sent you an Email
I love y’all
Kitty
You guys I am such a idiot I think my husband knows and I keep denieing it cause I’m ashamed today is my birthday and he just found out the pills he stashed away from me a long time ago I found them we were suposto go for a nice dinner tonight for my birthday but I ruiend everything he says stop lying to him and to tell him if I have a problem but I can’t I love him so much I can’t even put it I can’t even put it into words I feel so imbarresed and ashamed to admit it to him … Now I’m home feeling like shot and no birthday dinner for me I’m really messing everything up … I don’t know how this happened or why I allowed this to happen I was getting better just weak and now he is mad at mr cause he knows I’m lyeing what do I do he got mr a really nice card and a great gift I just put it back in the envlope and layed it on his side of the bed cause I don’t deserve it … Any advise would be great there was a point in my life I thought these pills were not causing any problems but ever since I’ve been trying to stop my life is falling apart any advise would be helpfull
QN – My advice is for you to face the truth and confess it to the people or person who loves you. Honesty is the first step. Your husband already suspects that you have a problem so why not just fess up. the first step to healing yourself is to admit you have a problem. When I first decided to quit…my husband already knew I took pills, put my mother and my sister had no idea. I knew I could not do it alone – so I told my husband I was quiting and he was here for me and supported me – then I called and told by mother who also supported me – then my sister called me and she was the biggest support of all – calling me every day and checking on me for two weeks straight. That is what worked for me….just saying!
Are you still using the pills you found. Remember, you are going to come up with a million excuses to keep using….all of the reasons are false – are figments of your addicted mind telling you a million reasons why you need the pills.
So, this is just my two cents worth QN – aren’t you wanting a baby? As long as the pills control your life, well, that baby is less important than the pills….I hope you accept this information, and it is given only because you asked…..Love, Kitty
PS – this is a tough love speech!
Word, Kitty!
I’m just at the end of my rope here…Candy has to spend another night at the vet! They are still uncertain of what’s going on, but at least they didn’t charge me for tonight. I miss my baby, I need my baby. It broke my heart to leave her there again.
Super stressed, neglecting my own health because I’m worried so much about my girl! Ugh!
Love and hugs to all!
Jamie – I feel for you Darlin….the hardest thing in the world is to see a pet suffer. Last year was the worst for me, loosing two of my beloved – Mya and Smokey. But at least Candy is in good care right now and you know you are doing everything you can. Hope you get her back today….Love, Kitty
Thanks, Kitty. I’ve had a lot of great supportive friends these last few days. It’s nice to know that I have such great people who will be there for me without asking. Even if it’s just through the internet…I appreciate everyone so much. My family heard the news and that I was broke, and those fuckers who claim to love me and her, well my family disappeared the last few days, except for my parents. I have this internet friend who I’ve known 4-5 years, but never met, she offered to send me a couple hundred to help with the vet bills. My own family can’t even be bothered to pick up the phone or send an email. I have stitched their pets up, taken care of them, paid for the vet when they couldn’t and what do I get in return? And people wonder why I love animals so much. I’ve never had an animal use and abuse me and then turn its back on me when I needed it.
Okay, end of the rant! These last few days have been focused solely on Candy, but I’m starting to not stress as much and starting to think about what else has been happening or not the last few days.
Love and hugs to all! And extra hugs to Kitty! Two in one year? That’s an ouchie on the heart.
First of all…WAY TO GO KITTY!!! I’m so happy to hear of your success. I’m sure the spaghetti and meatballs were wonderful!! I know what you mean about getting through events like dinner without the pills….GOOD FOR YOU!!
Well, I wish you would have had a Happy Birthday Quittingnow but it sounds like it was pretty bad for you. I don’t know your husband but it sounds like he loves you very much. It also sounds like the secrecy is what is upsetting him more than you trying to get clean would. I agree with Kitty, and I think that you need his support and hiding this from him is adding to the stress you are already under. I learned (the first time I got off the pills) that some people will understand and be supportive, some will be apathetic, and some will not understand at all. I understand now that whatever the other person’s reaction is, it’s ok. They are entitled to feel the way they feel just as I am entitled to feel the way I feel. However, it really sounds like your husband could be your greatest ally and supporter, and if he isn’t, he isn’t but at least you are being honest.
@ Angela, thanks for the support. I don’t know if you know but about a month ago I came off of the pills CT and went for several weeks and then fell off the wagon. I don’t taper either but I am able to control my intake during this slip up. I took them for 8 days and kept them at 2-3 per day. I think I’m gonna try to stop today (planned on next Thursday) but I don’t really want to wait a whole week as I believe the WD will be worse. I tried to stop the other day and felt really crappy but I am starting to think that it was actually a touch of the flu. I want to get this back under control again asap!! I have learned a tough lesson….as Kitty said, “one is too many because a thousand is not enough” So true. I have decided I need to switch up my schedule and take away tempting situations. For example, instead of chilling out with a couple pills and beers and watching TV or a movie, I need to read, scrapbook, etc. something that completely takes my mind off the subject and makes me tired. I also realize I need to quit drinking. I need to do yoga or exercise in the morning. Alot of changes need made before I will be successful. I thought before that if I make it through detox, I will be fine…WRONG! Need another plan for afterwards.
@ Jamie, what’s the update on Candy?
Have a great day! Pinkerton
@ Jamie, I know the feeling. My siblings are the same way, I have three, and they all will be the first to call when they need something but if I need something they are nowhere to be found. Or, in my sister’s case, she will develop her own drama to get attention. It’s stupid. Mom has breast cancer, sister finds a lump too. She gets a mammogram and they find nothing. Her son is the same way. She had chronic back problems to where she couldn’t even drive, I would take off work and take her to the doctors and time after time I would hear them tell her that they couldn’t find anything wrong. This went on for at least a year and then miraculously she recovered on her own. Don’t get me wrong, I know there are alot of people who have legitimate illnesses or pain that the doctors can’t diagnose but you have to know my sister and how she goes from one issue to another and they can never find anything wrong with her. I’m sorry that your family is not supporting you during this time. I am a dog lover and love my two knucle heads and have felt the worry that you are faced with. I will keep her in my prayers.
Kitty, sorry to hear about your losses. What a painful year for you. These lovely creatures become the love of our lives.
Hey, kids! Q, I think you should give yourself a belated birthday gift. You have all seen quotes like, “every problem is an opportunity…” welllllll….isn’t this one? Q, you have your husband WAITING to truly BE YOURS. This addiction can be something that will bring you closer together~~if we use it in a positive way, good CAN come of it!! Look at what the addictions on this board have brought to us?? Friendships that have the opportunity of lasting a lifetime. Maybe some of us will never meet on this earth, but I have thought and thought about this, and I believe that WE will all meet up someday~~if not on earth, we will meet in heaven. Do you guys think this could be true? Look at how much we have brought each other through! How many beautiful prayers have originated here! There are no accidents with God, I believe..
JameCat…there was a beautiful little four legged love in my life. She came to me on Christmas Eve, scratching the cardboard of her box…I lifted her out and fell in love with her. “Silent Night” was playing as I told her how much I loved her on that first day. She died in my arms after she ended up under a tire….I cried and cried and told her it was ok to go with St. Francis and with Jesus..and that I would see her soon…and that I love her.
Love sure hurts sometimes. If we lean on those we love and those who love us, we make it through. Happy belated birthday, Q…think about giving yourself a gift this year.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJZ3bcPr-Ds
*have to clarify…my little four legged one and I had the luxury of spending 14 years together before she died. In the end she was getting a little slow and hard of hearing…and I am so thankful that I received not only the gift of her, but the gift of being able to send her off to heaven with love and peaceful words…it’s hard to let them go. She has a grave with a stone, and leaving her grave when I left ‘home’ was hard to do too…but it was also by her death that I was ‘more free’ to set out on this path. (refer to post #1340 above..)
Just wanted to clarify. Hugs to all!!
Metoo – It just would not be Heaven if we were not to meet up with our beloved pets some day.
Love
Kitty
Metoo, first of all, you have really good writing skills…are you a writer? The way you describe things makes the reader feel like they are right there….which of course is a sign of an excellent writer. I really felt like I was there with you on that Christmas Eve, I could picture the whole scene in my mind. What kind of four legged friend was she? I pictured a little black and white Shitzue (sp)…don’t know why but I did.
Secondly, I think that you are right in the fact that we may never meet face-to-face on this earth but we will meet in Heavin. I have learned alot from all of you….most importantly, unconditional love. I am used to walking away from people when there is any conflict, but it didn’t happen for me here. You all have led by example and taught me that we can have a disagreement and move on….really move on. I have also learned to accept my addiction and not feel bad about myself because of it….many people in my life have very high expectations from me and when I fall short of perfection they can be very critical. Others, just don’t care enough to even have expectations from me…they are too concerned about themselves. Bottom line is that I feel really accepted here just the way I am. Sometimes I feel like such a fraud because to those who know me they think I am so put together and have a “successful” life but really I’m a mess. I can’t talk to anyone (counseling, NA meetings) in my community because everyone knows me and it would hurt my career if people knew.
I have come to actually care about the individuals on this site and I can’t believe that happened. I’m glad it did. I have an issue with pills and still need to get my act together and get off them again as I still haven’t stopped since my relapse, but you folks have become more that a site I use to get support with this, you folks have become my cyber friends.
Just my 2 cents.
Pinkerton, I think you’ve just made my day…and I needed it. Thank you, my friend!
My little one was a totally white American Eskimo. And every time I hear “Silent Night” she is right here with me again.
You’ll get back on the right track again, Pinkerton. I have faith in you, as do the others on the site. Hell, if I can kick it for good, anyone can!
Hey, I need some input from you kids here. I am contemplating taking a 3 week course to become a Certified Nursing Assistant. It falls in line with my goal to help someone else, and it has just kind of appeared as an option. If some of you could offer up a prayer so that I will know if this is something that is supposed to be a part of my path, that would be great. I guess I’m thinking it can’t hurt~but I’m not all impassioned about it either~so I’m kind of in limbo, and need some yays or nays…thanks in advance!
Guys it’s me I want to make things right with my husband I’m gonna give him the pills back and hope the WD won’t be bad and just Waite till the energy back haven’t tried the L- troseine yet any one have and does it really give u energy please tell me the truth cause that’s the only thing that was killing me
Good for you, Q!! Please give us a good head’s up on when you will start again. I am behind you all the way!!!
For me, the L-Tyrosine didn’t help. And if you are prone to anxiety, it might just kick the anxiety up a notch, which to me is NOT good energy. I will hunt around for energy herbals and report back. I’m glad you’ve decided this…hugs to you, my friend.
Oh, yeah, in other news, I just got my lab reports back. My thyroid med was upped to 125mcg from 100, and guess what??? I have HIGH cholesterol too now. 272. I should be almost dead by
sun-up…ffs.
QN – I used the L Tyrosine, L tryptophan, and L Theanine – I am not sure which one gave energy – but at first energy is at a low because your body just is fighting against not having the pills – that is going to take a little while to come back. But, Q – allot of the battle is the mind also – if you really make up your mind that this is going to work – it might just work.
And, I think getting it honest beween you and your husband is a good start. Let him help you fight the urge to give in to the pills – you may just get pissed off at him for not letting you have any – I did with my husband (I knew he had a script) so don’t be surprised about that!
Anyway, all my best to you
Love
Kitty
HELLOOOO!!!
Did anybody see that Metoo is having some serious medical issues???
Come on she is always there for EVERYONE and NO ONE can even offer up a prayer for her???
It’s no wonder so many have left this site.
I won’t say any more, just fill in the blanks!!!
How long till the energy comes back
Calm down southern mom we just got the thread wow!!! Metoo your thyroid is underactive that’s why they up’d your syntheoid witch will help with ur energy level don’t worrie it’s not dangerous at all as far as your cholesterol are u on a statin and depending on what ur LDL witch is ur bad cholesterol is that’s the main number u should be concerned about that needs to be under 100 the total witch is what I am thinking you are saying is 272 that’s nothing yeah it’s a little high but no where near death trust mr we have patients that are in the 1000 ‘s so u do have to brush up on ur diet also have u had a coronary artery scan to see if u r a plaque collector cause if u don’t collect plaque then ur cholesterol doesn’t even matter if not ask ur doc to have one … So u r ok if u r on a statin already then add co-q10 50 mg or more that will bring it down also it’s a OTC med over the counter ….and u r always in all of our prayers u r the best SM seems to be worried about u and maybe u should send her a little note !!! LOL any how I’m a nurse a MSN RN. So trust me u r ok but do let mr know what ur LDL is thanks much love
Metoo – you and I must have been posting at the exact time because your post was not there last time I posted. I certainly was not ignoring you – you know that!!!! Anyway, wow I pray that your medication (I assume doc put you on something for cholesterol) helps bring it down. I am taking blood pressure, and cholesterol meds and they seem to help…hope you get everything regulated soon – please don’t die by sunrise cowboy!
Metoo – you and I must have been posting at the exact time because your post was not there last time I posted. I certainly was not ignoring you – you know that!!!! Anyway, wow I pray that your medication (I assume doc put you on something for cholesterol) helps bring it down. I am taking blood pressure, and cholesterol meds and they seem to help…hope you get everything regulated soon – please don’t die by sunrise cowboy!
You are in my prayers bud!
Love, Kitty
PS – you don’t think I was ignoring your cause do ya!
Boy this site is acting crazy – my post posts before I was finished and then it posts again??? Is anyone else having problems? And posts are not showing up right away either …OK
QN – I don’t know how long it will take for you for your energy to return – everyone is different. You seemed worried about this one aspect more than others – is this what you had the most trouble with. Did you take a multi vitamin – B-6 supplements, potassium, mineral supplements, and those I listed above. I think you are just going to have to tough it out – energy will come back – it did for me and I am much older than you – so don’t give up on the energy returning – if anything, the leg issues and sleep were a bigger problem for me.
Anyway – Take Care
Kitty
Metoo, I hope you know how much we all care about you and I pray for you everyday just like I do for everyone here. I don’t want to be rude but Southern Mom maybe you should quit being so negative all the time and take a look at yourself. We are all here to support each other and I personally don’t like you saying rude things and trying to bring us all down. I hope you all know how much I care about each and every one of you. Angel
More drama?
Thanks, Pink, for keeping Candy in your prayers. You have been a great support for me with this. And I thank you for that.
Metoo, having just seen your posts a few minutes ago, I was not ignoring you. My thoughts are with you and I hope you get your health in tip top shape. Thank you for sharing the story about your pup and the song.Oh, and one would hope that we could all meet up somewhere, if not in this life, then in the next. We all have a connection already, so that’s all we need.Also, I think that you would be great as a CNA!
Kitty “MOM”, you are always a tremendous support on here and on facebook. I appreciate your kind words and friendship always.
Q, I’m with everybody else. It makes things so much easier if you can be honest with the people around you. You don’t have to tell everyone, but maybe those closest to you. You may find a whole new group of supportive people. At the very least, I think you should be honest with your husband. You guys are partners in life, for better or worse, its sounds like he wants to be supportive, give him the chance to be.
SM, I don’t want to be rude either, but we really don’t need someone telling us what to post and when to post it. The site has been acting wiggy, as a FORMER poster you should know that it acts up from time to time. We all have daily lives outside of this board, we’re not sitting here watching posts 24/7, so give people a chance to actually read someone’s post and offer up whatever they feel they need to. For whatever reason, you chose not to be part of the daily group here, that’s your choice, but I don’t think it’s fair to drop on in with negativity and judgement. Everyone here is trying to be positive and help each other out, we don’t need that shit. And I think if Metoo felt neglected she would speak up, I don’t see her as the type to keep quiet when she feels something is wrong. But whatever, I’ll shut up about it now.
Angel, where you been girl? Always glad to see you posting, sista!
As for Candy, got a call this afternoon saying that her kidneys were starting to shut down from dehydration and that they would need to keep her 2 more days. So they said to come in at 5pm. I was pissed, my dog has been in their care since Tuesday and now her kidneys are shutting down from dehydration? So I went down there at 5, the vets assistant was told to go get Candy so we could visit with her til the doctor could get to us. I waited around for an hour, no sign of my dog or the vet. I got even more pissed. Asked my mom, “If I start breaking stuff, do you think they’d pay attention to me?” Well, then the assistant asked me if I had been helped and I said yeah you were supposed to bring me my dog an hour ago! He put us in a room and said he would bring her soon. He knew I was pissed my mom said he was making “oh shit” faces as I walked past him. When I got in the room I said, “Don’t think putting me in a room is gonna calm me down any, because it’s not”
So after a few minutes the vet comes in, I was just steaming mad by then. He starts to explain what they need to do and I stopped him. I said I want to know what the hell has been going on. I demanded to know when they gave her her first IV. I said I brought her in here and no one said anything to me about her being dehydrated, she was at home drinking water just fine and I was giving her gatorade. The vet said I never signed an order for her to have an IV the first day, I said yeah I did. He argued that point with me for 15 minutes. Then the assistant came in with Candy and the vet asked for her chart. Meanwhile, he kept arguing with me about the IV. He was being all defensive and said that he was not trying to bilk me for money, he has plenty of patients he doesn’t need to do that. I was like I know that, they haven’t been charging me for her staying there, just for the procedures and IVs. I told him my concern was that I dropped her off on Tuesday at around 6, when I came back in and saw her 4 hours later she still hadn’t had an IV and when I left her a little after 10 that day, no IV. My concern was that they stuck her in a cage all night and didn’t give her an IV until the next morning. He responded by telling me if I don’t like the care she’s receiving I could take her home and find another vet.
So finally the chart was brought in and he looked at it and found out that HE WAS WRONG. He changed his tune then. He said oh you did sign the order for an IV, I must have you confused with another patient. I was like whatever, I highly doubt that, I have been down there several times a day and calling in when I’m not there. So I told him to show me when she got her first IV, because I didn’t see her with one until day 2. He looked at her chart and showed me that she had gotten an IV that night after I left, but she had already been there for 5-6 hours by then. So then I made him go over everything in her chart with me, every single thing they had done to her. Apparently she chewed through her first IV and had to have another put in that first day, wonder how long it took them to discover that. Then I made him go over all her x-rays with me, I was pointing out things to him and asking him questions about things. He said, “You’re very smart.” Then he turned to my mom and asked her if I had been to medical school, she was like no, she has been around animals all her life, she loves them.
So Once I was satisfied with what I was seeing I asked him had they figured out what was wrong with her in the first place. Her x rays were all good, no obstruction. He said that they suspected foul play, that she was poisoned. I got mad again, I was all it has taken you this long and cost me this much money to figure out it was poison? He said well we just can’t tell you hey your dog was poisoned right away, even if we suspect it. I had another WTF moment there. My mom asked him if he had any idea how she was poisoned and he said a little too accusingly “Oh you know, put a little anti-freeze in some food and give it to the dog.” Like I’m gonna poison my dog and then go pay $700 worth of vet bills for fun.
So I finally asked him about the deal with her kidneys. I looked over the lab results and her kidney functions were so high that even I could see that she probably had elevated BUN and Creatinin levels before this whole ordeal, but the blood tests were done the morning after I brought her in, so he said the levels should be a little better right now since she’s been getting fluids ever since. So we talked about doing the kidney flushing as opposed to not doing it and I finally told him to go ahead and do it. My mom then explained to him that she was my service dog, like a seeing eye dog, she keeps me calm, keeps me from having anxiety and panic attacks. He got a whole lot nicer after that. And she really is, in the few moments I’ve been with her the last few days I’ve been calm. I come home and I’m a wreck.
On the phone they told us it would be $90 for the kidney flushing thing, but after I told him to do it he said it will only be about $150. And at this vet you have to pay before they will do anything. So I told him, I’m flat broke is there any way we can work out a payment plan, I get paid on the first, I can pay it then. He asked me if I had already paid for the care she had received up until then and I said yeah, I’ve paid over $500 so far, that’s why I’m broke. He said he would take care of it.
He had an emergency so he left us to visit with her for a while. I loved on her and tried to calm her down. She just looked at me with those big brown freaked out eyes and begged for me to take her home. I sat on the floor with her for about 15 minutes and just talked to her and loved on her and she calmed down. She looks good now, aside from being super nervous, she’s acting like herself again. She’s super strong again, almost pulled me down when I walked her out to hand her back over to them, she started for the door and I don’t think she’s ever pulled me that hard. Even when she was trying to protect me she never pulled that hard. And she doesn’t pull on her leash ever, she walks right beside me, don’t even need a leash on walks. They took her and I asked if I needed to sign anything or pay anything and the assistant went back to ask the doctor and came back and said no you’re good. So hopefully they will let me wait to pay them on the first. They said she might be able to come home tomorrow night. I got my fingers crossed. I just want her to be home, I need her to be home. I think that once I do get her back home I’m gonna collapse from exhaustion, because I’m still sick but I’ve been neglecting the hell out of myself because all my focus has been on her.
Oh and on the family front, my aunt called me tonight because she thought she was coming home today. And after I told her what was going on, she had to mention how they had no internet cuz they couldn’t afford to pay it. I was just thinking, bitch I wouldn’t ask you for water if I was on fire. But I kept my mouth shut.
Well, it’s after 2am here, and I’m sure I’ll be unsuccessful, but I’m gonna try to get some sleep. Got the nieces here and they will be up bright and early. So love and hugs to ALL! And thank you my friends!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Good morning y’all
First of all I want to tell you something positive – I have been on an at home vacation all this week and it has done me wonders spiritually, physically, and mentally. I have had time to do chores, talk to friends, read, watch movies, lay on a raft in the swimming pool – without having to even think about going to work the next day…it made Kitty a new refreshed woman.
Secondly, I want to thank all of you for doing something that I could not do, and that is voicing your discontent with the way Southern Mom came on here out of the blue to tell us what we ought to be doing. We all know that we are here for each other – we are here for the detoxing, the triumphs, the slipping up, the depression, the anxiety, the family matters, our daily shit, our illness, our pets illness – you name it sisters, we are here for each other. So Southern Mom, I ask you, please do not give us your negative opinions. If you wish to lurk, no one can stop you, but please keep your negative feelings about us to yourself. We are sisters and sisters don’t take any crap from people who want to bring us down….
Love to all my about sistahs (and Joe)
Kitty
Where is Joe? We need a male voice to straighten us out again haha
Now – a few more comments
Jamie – what a fiasco about poor Candy. Girl, I bet you just wanted to pick up that baby and take her home with you. It sounds like she is a little better than when you took here in – but a big WTF – about them getting her dehydrated while she was there and sabataging her kidneys like that. That is the most important thing – keeping them hydrated…anotherWTF!!! Thnat makes ME pissed !
Angel – thanks sister…miss you!
Lori – miss you too!
Metoo – I hope your meds bring you back to normal levels. Selfishly I say I need you around here….you saved my life a few months ago.
Everyone else – keep on posting….we are all needed for special reasons.
Love to everyone
Kitty
Jamie, your poor baby! My question is, if she was getting dehydrated and they knew it but didn’t give her an IV because they “thought” you didn’t sign off for one….WHY DIDN’T THEY CALL YOU??? They could have called and said, “listen, Candy is getting dehydrated and needs an IV….” It sounds like neglect either way. When you said that he was using that as an excuse for not taking appropriate, life-saving, measures for Candy, I thought, would a hospital doc do that if a human patient was in the hospital for something…NO…they give you the care you need to live…I understand that you did sign off on an IV but my point is that even if you didn’t, that still doesn’t make it right. I do hope she gets better soon and gets to come home. What does she look like and what kind of dog is she?
Metoo, I hope you are feeling and doing well. QN seems to understand your situation but I’m not a clinician so all I can do is pray for you to be healthy and whole.
A white american eskimo….I was way off…they are so pretty!
Get better!!
Quittingnow, it’s good to have a nurse to explain things….even though I still don’t understand…lol. I’m glad to hear you are opening up to your husband, I think that is the right thing to do.
I am like you, I hate not having any energy but I have also discovered that since I fell off the wagon, the pills actually make me feel kinda shitty. I used to take one first thing in the am but when I did the other day I almost puked!! I really can’t take them until evening…I think my body is trying to tell me something. I’m gonna try to only take just enough to function this weekend and see what happens but have requested for the next Fri-Mon off to do this detox all over. Hopefully it won’t be too bad since it will have been about 2-wks and I will cut back to almost nothing. This is my first (and last) relapse so I don’t know what to expect. I know that when I went off after several years, taking alot more than I have been now, I didn’t get super sick, just miserable and couldn’t sleep, RLS, fatigue, weak, cold chills. It wasn’t horrible and I think this detox will be easier. Just need to shake things up moving forward so I stay clean. Let’s do this “relapse recovery” together QN.
Kitty Mom, Southern Mom, Angela, QN, Jamie, Metoo and everyone else, have a great day. Pinkerton
Everyone, have a great day and you all are in my prayers/
Just a note girls – I won’t be able to check in much today – will be in and out doing “girl stuff” today.
Love to everyone
Kitty
See if this link works, Pink. I had nothing else to do but gather up all the pix I could find of Candy and post them on facebook lol
http://www.facebook.com/#!/media/set/fbx/?set=a.216438198368978.59785.100000083997487
If you copy and paste all that mumbo jumbo it should take you to the album. Oh and not too sure what she really is, my best guess is Lab, she has a water repellant type coat like a like and webbed paws. And I think she has a lot of Chow in her too, has some black spots on her tongue. Actually has a upside down heart right on the tip of her tongue. Was told she could possibly have pit bull in her when I got her. I don’t know. She was a year and a half old when I got her. She was a rescue from my cousin’s abusive husband. He went to jail and they lost their house and she asked if I wanted a dog and I agreed to give her a chance, had never seen the dog before, and I’ve had her ever since.
Jamie, the link worked. Awe, she is so sweet and you can tell how close you two are and that she loves her mommy. I hope she has a quick recovery and comes home soon!! Thanks for the pictures.
Hey, kids. Well, my LDL is 272, and Q, I am sure glad to hear that you’re a nurse! Prepare to get your brain picked!! What is the correlation of my thyroid fluctuating and my anxiety? Why is my anxiety in the morning only? I usually take my thyroid med first thing, so is it my body ‘running out’ of the thyroid ‘juice’ that causes my anxiety? Should I switch it to taking it later in the day?
This other test you speak of…do they normally do that test?
It’s just hard for me to imagine that everything has changed. My cholesterol was fine last summer. (or was it the summer before that..hmm..) Then my thyroid is out of whack, anxiety is here, my weight was falling off (Starting to come back now, THANK GOD..) and now high cholesterol.
You know, I wonder why I even want to know stuff like this. I swear, if I ever get cancer, I will not fight it. How pathetic is that? I just feel so DOWN!!! You all know me well enough to know that it just isn’t right. Q, I hope you have some answers for me! I need the biggest mood booster in the world~~~and we ALL know that yesterday, IF I would have had pills, they would be gone by now, and they wouldn’t have gone into the toilet. Just sayin. So I am glad I didn’t have any.
Ready for this bubble to just pop so that I can be happy again!
Oh, and no, I didn’t get (nor was I offered) a prescription for lowering cholesterol. Just diet and exercise advice.
Someone just told me about Red Yeast Rice for naturally lowering it. Does anyone know anything about this? Going to google now.
Thanks for being here, you guys….in a whole world of people, you are my ‘go to’s’ … and I must confess that I was starting to feel invisible even here, so SM wasn’t all that off. Actually, it felt pretty nice that she thought enough of me to speak up. Angels come from everywhere…
Hey, Q!
Check this out..and there are other types of this supplement that have the thing you mentioned above too…can you help me pick one please?? It’s said this is safer than the pharm meds….
http://www.iherb.com/Now-Foods-Red-Yeast-Rice-with-CoQ10-600-mg-30-mg-120-Vcaps/3336?at=0
Metoo – I am sorry you felt ignored and invisable. I get that way quite often myself and you ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS have my back and make me feel better. If it was my fault for making you feel ignored, I apologize. One difference though, you do not make the group feel less to make one person feel more. You always distribute advice and love to everyone…thanks for being YOU!
Love
Kitty
Jamie, I went out with a friend today – and we must have sat at dinner tonight and discussed every animal that we ever owned – their life, their funny little ways – their health – their sickness – how they lived – how they died. I thought about you during the conversation, wondering how Candy was doing. A pet and their unconditional love is something that I never get tired of talking about.
Love
Kitty
My baby is home!Never seen a dog so happy to be home. The doc wasn’t in so I will have to find out about her blood tests and kidneys tomorrow. I can relax now finally, take an easy breath. Got her up on the couch with me and I’m not letting her out of my sight. Thank you everyone for your prayers.
Jamie – I am sooooooo glad to hear Candy is home…keep that baby on the couch and safe.
Love
Kitty
Hey Jamie, that is awesome!! I’m glad she is doing better and I’m sure is much, much happier to be home with her family! She is a very pretty girl and seems to be so sweet, those big eyes of hers could melt away anyones anxiety.
Metoo, you feeling better today? I will continue to lift up prayers for you and hope that Easter brings you some joy…the chocolate bunny alone is enough to make me happy…lol..
We have a busy weekend, but the monkeys are still in their cages (sleeping…don’t call CPS), so I thought I’d check in and wish everyone a blessed Easter. We watched the new Karate Kid last weekend and last night we watched the original, and I was so disappointed because my kids didn’t like the original…it’s the same story just different era….oh, maybe I just answered my own question….Oh well, I enjoyed it!! We have an Easter egg hunt this morning then dinner at Mom’s and then home. Tomorrow we will have dinner at my second family’s house with my best friend, her husband and parents. I am fortunate to have those in my life that I have. I hope everyone has a great weekend!!
Next Friday is my day to start over so be ready for some bellyaching over here….just kidding…this time I think I know what I’m in for. I actually think I can start on Thursday and still get my work done and then have my fourth day fall on Sunday instead of Monday (the 4th was the hardest for me) because my youngest son is having a Mother’s Day party from 9-11:30am at preschool that I am going to.
Happy Easter!! Pinkerton
Metoo sorry it’s been a while any co q 10 50 mg and above the higher the mg’ s the better but also more expensive … Ur thyroid can and does affect tour weight and causes anxiety did this problem come about after u stopped the pills cause that cause cause abnormal thyroid functions ..???? Also no u have to ask for the cornary artery scan they don’t just do it that will come back with a score anything above 0 means u do collect plaque and u should be on s cholesterol lowering med … Red yeast works well but not that well to lower ur cholesterol alot maybe at most a few points we gave to get it LDL under 100 how’s ur diet the rule is anything white stay away from ; pasta bread carbs u know ect r u seeing ur primary care doc or a endocronlagist ?? And still like I said before that is not to high so I think that was all ur questions but if I missed one let me know …. Having hypothyriod can cause a more rapid heart rate witch then triggers anxiety but the good news is that once they find ur dosage it will work what was ur TSH level also make sure they do a T3 and a free T 4 level also ur weight loss could be do to ur thyroid but u should be happy it’s not the other way around cause people gain tuns of weight let me know
Jamie I’m glad to hear ur dog is at home with mommy I am scat girl have 2 gorgeous Persian long hai cats that are literally both my husband and i’s life he won’t admit it but he loves them to death … I’ve realized that I have a great man … LUCKY ME !!! back to u I sm do happy you are happy now really I am pink if u need mr let mr know did u taper down and if it’s not to personal on Thursday how much ate you comming off of I will be here as much as I can for u both Jamie and u have been a life saver for me I’m typing on a iPhone so if there is slot of mispellimg sorry this phone just changes words on me metoo what in the name of god would I do with out u and kitty mom u also u both have been more than wonderful to me love all u guys metoo please tell me if there is any other questions u have I know slot and van really shed some light on ur situation … I think u r not focused on so much cause u made it u r clean off of pills and well on the otherside and u have it together u r where I want to be I would hive my right arm to have it clean time I swear .. I think the other would agree it’s still not cool but I think of u at least 100 times per day and what u and kitty mom and pink and Jamie and everyone has told me I keep depleting in in my head I would pay for u to come out to San Diego and be with mr for 1 week to detox I would that’s how much u mean to me love u guys check in I know it’s Easter but just pop in and say hi pink — I hope u r ok and doing well pretty early for mothersday
Party but every mom deserves a huge party and u seem like a great mom I would love more than anything to be a mom my husband wants mr prego also but these
This site is acting a little crazy it cut mr off any how … It would mr much easier if we could all talk on the phone …
Where is Joe and angel hope they r well and doing good I wish everyone a HAPPY EASTER. And hope everyone is happy healthy and doing fun things can’t Waite till I have a baby I know I would be a great mom and get to do holiday things with my little family soon I know it will happen soon …. I went back to mr again Jamie u know dogs r much like humans the meds that r used the procedures they use all are very much the same as humans u seem to know alot already but if I can help in any way I am here for u
Pink Thursday is the big day I’ll be here for u as much as I can u can do it so can I and thus will be our last time we don’t gave to go three this again right !!!!
Quitting now – if you ever want ot talk – email me at kittymom001@gmail.com – I would be glad to talk by email or by phone –
Love
Kitty
Happy Easter to all by about girlfriends and Joe
We serve a Risen Saviour – Christ Jesus lives today!
Love always
Kitty
Quitting Now and Pinkerton – are you girls on face book?
Happy Easter to all!! I feel ready for the fresh start that Jesus provided us by his death and resurrection…my prayer:
Lord, please grant us a new beginning. Please loose the chains around our hearts-the chains that hold us back from the true glory of your love. You know each of our hearts~please come to each of us today, and mend what is broken so that we may be one with you and begin to truly celebrate the gift of life!
Happy Easter to you too Kitty and everyone on here. I hope you have a great day!
Quittingnow, I am right there with ya…this is the last time and I am journaling every minute of it so I don’t forget how it feels. We have to give ourselves enough time to readjust, rebuild and get used to a new normal. I started using again before I was healed and now I’m back to square one. But as I said before, there is no failure, only experiences that we learn from and grow as a person because of…we will bust through to the other side and start a new life. I lived 37 years without the pills and lived 4 years with the pills. My point is that I was happy in those 37 years, was healthier, (physically & mentally), was athletic and at a perfect weight (since I started taking the pills I have gained almost 100#s because I eat constantly and drink alot when I’m on them). I want that life back. You asked if I was going to taper….probably not because I don’t control myself when I use.
Everyone have a great Easter.
@ Metoo, how are you feeling? In laymens terms please cause I’m not a clinician.
@ Jamie, how is Candy and how are you?
@ Kitty, yes, I’m on FB, kinda. Don’t really check in on it everyday like this site. People post the most boring things on Facebook…like, “my dog has gas” or “I’m going to bed now” and it’s pages of this stuff and when someone posts something important or significant I usually miss it because I don’t read thru all the stuff. I’m thinking about shutting it down or eliminating some “friends” whom I’m not close to and who post those kinds of things all the time.
Happy Easter everyone!
Well, I was right, as soon as I got the relief of having Candy home my own illness reared its ugly head again. Do you think it’s a sign that I’m always sick as a dog on the religious holidays? Last East, Christmas and now this Easter.
Candy is doing okay. I can’t get her to eat her dog food, at all, no matter what tricks I try. I have managed to get her to eat treats, so that’s what she’s been eating since i got her home. And last night we shared some vegetable beef soup and crackers. She eats like she’s starving, but won’t go near her bowl of food. I’m wondering if she thinks that’s what made her sick. Right now I’m giving her whatever she will eat cuz she hasn’t had anything in her stomach since like Monday.
Well, I need to try and get some sleep. Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hey, Jamie…try giving her some beef or chicken broth maybe? I think she knows she shouldn’t have something ‘heavy’ ..?
Thinking of you! Happy Easter!
Jamie,
I was an animal nurse for thirty years. Instead of treats try boiling some either chicken or beef and mix it with a little rice. If it is stomach trouble she is having it is better to give her very small meals every two or three hours. You can flavor the water with some garlic powder. If she manages to eat that you can gradually start adding some dog food in.
I wish you and Candy the best. Did the vet say what might be wrong with her? Anyway good luck to both of you.
Lori
Thanks, Lori, I will give that a try. The vet suspected poisoning, he said most likely food laced with antifreeze.
Wow, that’s a tough one but I have seen animals make it before so have faith and you are there for her and that is a wonderful thing. All the best.
Lori
What a blessed day.
This is happiness…
http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/photo.php?fbid=217616564917808&set=a.217615001584631.63805.100000083997487&type=1&theater
Good morning everyone. I hope you all had a great Easter!!
I was wondering where you order the Kratom from? I remember reading that some of you use it and really liked the effects it had while detoxing. Thanks, Pinkerton
Hey, Pink! This is a great place to order kratom. Also, SM, I am not sure where you are buying your kratom, but this is a great spot-one of the best I’ve found.
Kratom got me through my withdrawals like a breeze, and now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not for everyone, I’m just saying it was a lifesaver for me!!
http://entheofarm.com/Super-Green-Bali-Kratom-Powder-SGBali.htm
In other news, I started taking my zoloft on Easter morning. Please pray, friends, that this is a good thing…here’s to hopin’!!
When is JOE COMING BACK?????? WE NEED YOU!!!
Thanks Metoo. What kind do you buy and how do you reccommend taking it? The site is a little overwhelming in that I don’t know what I’m looking at and what is the right thing to buy. Good luck with the Zoloft….I have know alot of people who have done very well on it.
I think you should try commercial bali. The link I sent should have taken you to the right page.
Email me at metoo05@live.com for more from there!
Thanks Metoo, I just sent you an email. The link did take me right to the Bali and I ordered some.
Ok…this is weird…I didn’t get an email. I’ll keep checking!!
Hey Y’all
Off topic – but please keep us in your prayers – we are having a storm like I have not seen in a while. The water is overflowing the gutters and both the front and back porches are almost wet all the way to the doors – It is coming down so fast that the pool has gone all the way to the top within half an hour. I am holding my breath, hoping it does not come in. If this keeps up, we are going to need sandbags!
Love
Kitty
Hey Kitty, you still afloat?? How are you doing down there??
Metoo, thanks for everything . Wanted to know how the Zoloft is working for ya? You started on Easter right??
Jamie, how about a Candy update…and a Jamie update too.
Quittingnow, are you still with me on this? Are you ready for this weekend. I ordered some Kratom to help with the w/d. Hopefully it will get here by Friday, I ordered it yesterday.
Well, my basement is flooded once again and on top of that my washer is acting up again and stopping in the middle of the cycle. So I’m trying to wash the wet, dirty clothes that were in the basement when it flooded and the washer is acting up AND the damn toilet is leaking…..GOOD GRIEF!! I think my son kicked the toilet’s connecting plumbing again, we’ll see when I get done working, and I may have put too much in the washer (let’s hope)!
Everyone take care and have a good day!
Hey,Pink! Yes, I am on my 3rd day of zoloft, and so far so good! I have been working all morning on a cover letter for a cook position at an assisted living place. Got all gussied up to deliver my information, and had a nice chat with the elderly lady at the front volunteers desk. I told her to put in a good word for me!!
I really like the feel of this place, and hope they will like the feel of me. Please say a prayer if you will, all!!
I’ll be with you kids who are starting the quit on Thursday…you CAN do this…hugs and happy faces to all of you!!
Metoo is havin’ a good day…
Good for you Metoo!! Prayers coming your way!! It’s awesome to here you are having such a good day….and hugs and happy faces right back at ya. I’m hoping for an easy go of it this weekend since it has been only two weeks off the wagon. I’m hoping it’s not as bad as the first go of it.
Kitty, here Kitty Kitty….where are you? I hope you haven’t floated away…please check in if you can.
Good for you Metoo!! Prayers coming your way!! It’s awesome to here you are having such a good day….and hugs and happy faces right back at ya. I’m hoping for an easy go of it this weekend since it has been only two weeks off the wagon. I’m hoping it’s not as bad as the first go of it.
Kitty, here Kitty Kitty….where are you? I hope you haven’t floated away…please check in if you can.
Pink how many will u be conning off of ? How may pills a day and mg ‘s I’m. Down to 3 per day and doing really ok not great but ok I can’t start on Thursday I wish I could but my court stuff is really coming up big time and I have to be focused …. So maybe next week I’ll let everyone know just wondering how much u r conning off of ??
Every one else hope all is well I will check back on a fee love to everyone
Hey everyone – I am here – tonight we had to remove the area rugs I have on the back patio outside and hang them on the fence – They are supposed to be indoor outdoor, but they were just saturated with water and I hope they do not mold or mildew.
We are drying out – and just signed up to buy new thermo pane windows for the majority of the house…I knew if we had the contractor out here, that we would be suckered into it…haha…Wow are they nice though – Can’t wait to get them!!
Pink – I am here for you sister – I am going to be praying hard for you on Thursday…Quitting, are you quiting also…No time like the present and as a team member to Pinkey!!! You go girls…you an do it.
All my other silent friends – hope all is well you ya!
Metoo – so happy to see you smile. I am glad you had a good day and I am having a prayer vigil that your job oportunity comes through and that they see your potential….I know all you have to do in get that foot in the door and they will be loving you.
I was in such a funk this morning, over all the rain, but feel better this evening just seeing y’alls posts.
Jamie – how is Candy doing – man girl, were you up all night last night – you were still posting songs on face book as I was getting up to go to work!!!
Love all my “about” sisters (and one brother if he would ever show up again) LOL
Bye – gotta go get something to eat – spending money makes be hungry…
Kitty
Yeah, Kitty, I was chatting with a friend of mine all night and we were having such a good time laughing our asses off that neither of us wanted to go to bed. So me and her just kept each other on a roll, every night should be that fun! lol As I was trying to fall asleep this morning I said damn I forgot to check on Kitty! Do you need me to build an ark? Or is the rain over?
Candy is doing good. I found a food she will eat, but it’s $20 for a small 5lb bag. So hopefully she will go back to her regular food soon. She has been getting better and better every day. She has been having puppy style energy, running up the stairs(which she never did before), been spending a lot of time outside with her sister playing. Last couple days have been nice, sunny, warm with a cool breeze flowing through, and she just loves it. I give her another week to be pretty much back to normal.
Me? Well, whatever it is that I have is not going away. I’m starting to wonder if it’s some kind of parasite or something. Everything I eat goes right through me. But I’m not feeling the way you do when you have the flu or something. I had the fever and nausea the first few days, but the fever went away. Still have nausea here and there and no appetite. And OMG the pains that start after I eat and the food starts it’s journey out! Probably TMI for you guys, but who knows maybe y’all have had something similar and can tell me something lol All the doc did was give me anti-nausea meds. I have to go back next week. Hope I’m better by then.
Thank you, Metoo, for all that helpful info
My friend and I really appreciate it. He’s looking for anything that can help with his pain.
Well, I’m gonna go annoy facebook with more videos! Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Glad to see you are ok Kitty. Those new windows sound great. Your rugs should be ok since you have them up and they are drying out. Do you have a carpet cleaner or wet/dry vac to suck some of the water out of them – that might help.
Quittingnow, I have been at about 3 – 4 for the last few days and then about 2 – 3 for the a week and a half before that. I had been clean for about 3 wks and then lost control one day and have been using for the last 2 wks. I will take my last 1/2 pill on Thursday morning and work and then be done. I have about four days off. Whenever you are ready to quit again I, along with everyone else, will be here to cheer you on. I know what you mean about not wanting to start when you are under alot of stree. Cutting back to 3 per day is good and maybe you can keep cutting back until it’s time. I can’t do that because I feel W/D when I get down to 2 per day so I might as well just get off them all together. AND, it’s only been 2 wks so I’m hoping that getting back on track before more time passes will reduce my discomfort. I guess we’ll find out tomorrow night. The thing is, I wasn’t sleeping well when I started back up and I expect a few sleepless nights…that’s why I took some time off. I have two little boys who have stuff almost everyday (baseball, bb pictures, horseback riding lessons, piano lessons, etc.) – I will be forced to get up and go, which is good, but I won’t have the pressures of work. I am renting some movies I’ve wanted to see, got some books, scrapbooking stuff, ordered the Kratom, have the ingredients for the Thomas Recipe and I think I’m good to go. By the way, fixed the washer and the toilet. The basement is still wet but it keeps raining so more water keeps coming in. At least it isn’t destroying anything since I have already had the big flood about a month or so ago and that one is the one that ruined the playroom carpet and toys, etc. And I have almost all my laundry caught up, which never happens, but the dirty clothes got soaked and I had to. That’s nice to go into detox with that done. Ok, I’m rambling…
Jamie, glad to hear Candy is doing better! Could you have eaten something bad? I hope you have a full recovery soon!! Keep us updated.
Everyone have a good day. Pinkerton
Hey Pink – thanks for your concern – God, I don’t know how anyone gets through flooding – I am upset about several big rains that effected outside living space and not inside. The windows we are getting are hurricane windows – and energy efficient – so hopefully even though we are spending money, they will save up energy costs in the future.
There is only one other big thing that will be needing replacement in the near future and that is a new air conditioner – and we are milking that sucker until it totally dies. Then our house should be good to go for a while.
Pink – I truly hope this will be an easy detox for you. Good that you were able to take time off work and also good that you have your boys to occupy you and keep you focused. I will be here routing for you! The best of luck to you or God’s Grace would be more like it!
Jamie – hope you feel better soon – what’s up with that young body of yours…you are too young to be having all those problems…lol – just wait till you get to be my age!!!
Metoo – check in and let us know if you made any progress on that job. Lori and Angel – hope you both are doing OK.
And, Joe, it goes without saying that you are missed on here.
Quitting Now – I wish you were quitting now, but when you are, you will get support from us and in the meantime I will be praying that you make the decision soon. One thing us addicts do is come up with reasons not to quit – it is probably the most difficult thing any of us have ever done but the most rewarding.
Love you guys
Kitty
Whats up everybody. I’m glad to see so many people staying on track. You are all awesome!
I haven’t gone back to the pills but I did start having a problem with drinking so I decided it was best for me not to drink at all. It would start with just a drink, but a few days down the road I’m drunk. I just don’t want anything to master me. Plus I know alcohol was seperating me from a relationship with God.
Things are getting better. Right now I’m under the weather though. Had a fever for 2 days with a really sore throat. Now the fever has went down but still have a sore throat (it really hurts to swallow) and developed diarrhea. Thats the human body for you.
God bless you all. Its good to read that you’re doing well.
TONY!!!! Thank you for posting!! We have NEEDED A MAN AROUND HERE!!!!!
I’m glad you stayed ‘quit’!! Congratulations to you!!
Don’t forget to drink lots of tea for your throat! I hope you feel well soon, and hey….why don’t you stick around awhile and walk with us??? I would like that a lot!
not sure which board to post on, so i’m doing it on both!
so for the past two weeks or so i’ve been spending a couple hours a day reading posts from this site and other sites like this; i’m finally ready to admit my story to someone and this blog seems like the best choice, hands down. some of you really have no idea how inspiring you are; i think of you as angels. if only you knew how many of us would be honored to be like you someday.
i am 21 years old (my birthday was the 25th) .. young .. but i feel old now after all the things i have put myself and my body through. my favorite demon is roxys/oxycodone .. SURPRISE! lol .. thank god, i finally had a moment of clarity (while high, of course) on my birthday and decided i have my whole life ahead of me and would be smart to quit now before all of this gets worse (and trust me, it’s bad enough). i have not done any pills since; so today is day 2. unfortunately this is not my first time attempting to quit; i have failed miserably again and again .. and again. and again. it’s so frustrating, isn’t it?
i honestly believe it is a lot harder to stay off of opiates when you are in a relationship with someone who is on them also. my boyfriend and i started down this road to hell together almost 3 years ago and (thank you god) he is right with me this time; we both need to stop or we will never EVER live up to our potentials. i was with him before i even knew what a roxy was, and i cannot wait to get my baby back once we are clean. i will not leave him over these pills because i loved him already before. he didn’t get me started on them; i did, and he doesn’t ever pressure me or make me feel like i HAVE to do them. however, it is hard to worry about and protect and comfort another while still doing so for oneself. as selfish as it is, i have decided to worry about ME first and foremost this time, regardless of what he chooses to do. i probably have said this all before though ..
i am lucky enough to have subs this time, so i won’t feel as ready-to-die as i did the other times. i can almost always get through the physical withdraws (easier to say when you’re not trying to get some sleep or sit still); it’s ALWAYS my mind that fucks me up and there i am, relapsed yet again.
nobody knows of my “dirty little secret” other than my boyfriend and a very select few members of his family, and the people we “deal” with. i don’t live with any of my family.. i don’t even like to imagine what they would say if they knew. but i can’t keep down this road or i will never be able to support myself, not to mention my bf. i used to dream of becoming an author.. going to college.. being independent.. i see these things slipping further and further away every time i get high now. NOT that that makes me stay away from the pills-that would just be too damn easy, wouldn’t it? i have been trying to get a job for the last year and a half with NO luck. i got one today :] i start tomorrow, on day 3; hopefully the subs will get me through the day and i am praying i don’t have that overwhelming urge to use while i’m at work.
i don’t get a script.. so when i get my fix, i’m getting it off the streets.. no place for me anyway, right? … tell that to all the people who have been calling nonstop the last two days. i have deleted everyone’s number who has anything to do with my addiction, and left only those of family members and VERY few friends who i know will not remind me of getting high. it’s sad to see how short my phonebook is now.
i feel like i’m rambling but there’s so much to say.. feels good to get it all out .. guess i’m just scared and happy and sad and unsure all at the same time and looking to talk to someone who’s felt the same way. i know i came to the right place. i almost feel like family here, and this is only my first post. even opening up this website and reading the last few posts i didn’t read yesterday morning inspired me to stick it out tonight and not mess up again. thank you for that. you all are so strong and smart .. i want to be like that. i want to be free.
this, too, shall pass
Welcome, Thistoomustpass! Sounds like you are on the right road!
Hi This2mustpass! Looks like I’ll be 3 days behind you as I’m taking my last pill this morning and then that is it. As far as you starting over again and again…remember the past does not equal the future AND Col. Sanders tried selling his fried chicken recipe approx. a thousand times before someone bought it….my point is that some things in life don’t come easy and even if you have tried and not been successful YOU STILL KEEP TRYING because you will get it right and this could be the time you get it right. You are young and have dreams and aspirations so go for it 100% and start college whether you quit or not…I went back to college and got my BA last May and I was using vics, esp. the last year. I also am a single mom of two boys, full-time job, etc. Don’t let the pills take your life away, it’s better to get college over with before you have a family because it’s much, much harder to do then. I enjoy writing too and feel that it helps to turn down the demons in my head when I write….you will be a better writer off the pills, trust me on that. There is a book by Renni Browne and Dave King called “Self-Editing for Fiction Writers” that is really great. Good luck and keep us posted.
@ Kitty, isn’t it a good feeling to get the “big” stuff done around the house!? I got a new furnace and air last year and it felt so good to get the big expense out of the way. I will need a new roof in the next 5 yrs but I want to save until I can get new siding done at the same time cause I want to get a new enclosed back and front porch added on. That will take some serious money but worth it as my kids grow and get into more activities…we need the room. I bought this house when I was by myself and then planned on selling when the boys came along but then the market tanked and here we are….
Everyone have a great day and let’s dig in our heels and keep up the good fight! Pinkerton
Hello everyone, I have decided omit the one pill I had planned on taking today and decided to work without it…good decision as I didn’t need it. I have a question for quittingnow since you are a nurse.. the last week I have noticed a dull ache on my right side under my last rib and now that I’m not on any vics the pain is more prominent…any idea what this could be? It comes and goes and at times I’ve felt nausaited…any ideas, is it a side effect of the pills or something else?
As evening approaches, Pink, I’ll be increasing my prayers for you. Please make sure you take a couple potassium supplements tonight before bed~and I wish I were there to make you some chamomile tea. Get to your ‘calm place’ before sleeping, and don’t forget to say your prayers!! I’m with you in spirit, and you can do this!
Pink good and brave choice – hope you have a good night – sound like you are doing good so far and I am here praying for ya so if you feel an angel on your shoulder it is probably metoo or me!!
Best of wishes for a speedy and not to dramatic detox!
Love,
Kitty
Metoo – how is it going my friend….Hope the zoloft is working for ya.
Love,
Kitty
Love to everyone else also!!!!
thistooMUSTpass hang in there. It is not easy to break free but well worth the suffering. Just remind yourself that the suffering wont last. If you start feeling down listen to this song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXi5iq1zAl4
Listen to the words. It all really comes strait from the word of God. Keep posting we are all here to support you.
Metoo thank you for such a warm welcome back. Life has been a bit overwhelming lately. So much has happened this year. WOW! And we’re not even half way through. I think God is just really pushing for us to get on track.
WARNING!!! Be careful not to replace one vice with another. Now is your opportunity to begin or repair your relationship with God. Don’t get clean from these pills only to start drinking or smoking or whatever else that can put up a wall between you and God. I speak based on experience. Jesus Christ did not die in vain. He died and rose again for us to be free. Free from sin, free from pain, free from sickness, free from loneliness, free from shame…Let Him be the bridge between us and God.
Oh and by the way, my fever is gone. Throat is feeling a lot better. My appetite is back for the most part. I’m going to try pizza for dinner and hope my stomach can hang. lol. Also I tried blue mountain due, didn’t like it much. I think I’ll stick to sprite and coca cola. Love you all!
Pink you can do it!
Tony- thanks for coming back and it is always refreshing to here you spread the word of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. And, it is very easy to replace one addiction with another. I even feel that I am a board addict at times but keep coming back to see if I can spread the word that it is indeed possible – not easy by any stretch – but the pain and agony that addiction surrounds us with can be wiped away with a little help from our friends and a lot of help from God. To all that have begun that path today – God bless and keep you and YOU CAN DO IT – today, no pills.
Love,
Kitty
Hey pink I had that to and it is from the pills it’s nothing to worry about my pain was like a 5 on a scale of 1-10 10 being the worst so don’t worrie …. It will go away … Any how really post all the symptoms cause u and I r on the sane boat .. So I know what to look forward to soon hope u do well and this will be our last time I just know it …. Good luck and hope everyone else is doing great check back soon !!!!!
Hey QN – happy to see you post – I had that pain too and I always worried that something was wrong with my liver, but it is gone now. I was always paranoid about the liver and to much tylenol!! Happy not to have to worry about it any more.
Tony, I hope you dont mind me posting your utube to facebook. It really was a great pick me up! Thanks,
Kitty
Wow! Thanks for rallying for me everyone! I really need the support because this time I didn’t tell anyone what I was doing because I didn’t tell anyone that I was taking them again.
I realized Kitty that my first two days weren’t too bad and that this time has got to be even easier since I was on for only two weeks, so that is why I started now. I worked today, made dinner, push mowed for about 30 minutes and now plan on relaxing and I want to watch “The Office” tonight.
QN, thanks for the feedback, I was starting to think I was having Gallbladder attacks or something. Why would I experience pain there?? I have paid more attention to that then anything else.
Your prayers are so appreciated and needed Metoo. Thanks and this time will be my last. I have decided to try and not use any of my valium and cut out drinking tonight as well. Might as well take this time off I have and use it to get off of everything – if I don’t sleep tonight, I’ll nap tomorrow. Thanks for those words of wisdom Tony, that is why I have decided not to take anything else. Might as well be miserable all at once. I still reccommend to everyone that staying as busy as your body will let you is the key to this….for me it’s a time game…get through the first four days and then I don’t feel like shit. If I feel like resting, I will, but I am going to keep pushing myself. I think that was my mistake day four and five and why I felt so shitty. Also, I need to stay busy after the detox.
Thanks to everyone! Have a good night. Pinkerton
hey everybody.. hope everyones doig good today .. work was interesting. i actually felt like part of the world today; it was so weirddd. i hadn’t realized how truly reclusive i have become. i still think about the pills a LOT, but i know damn well i wouldn’t have had that feeling today if i was high. i hope i can stick this one out because from what i read the feeling only gets better :]
thank you all for the encouragement; it’s so relieving to be able to tell/write the truth about EVERYthing. i made sure to check the website when i almost decided screw work, i don’t wanna go, i can just stay by myself; reading the feedback made me get my a$$ outta bed and go. lol. i was a little thrown off but i made it through the day.
also felt good to get out of the house; sometimes it feels like i’m trapped here.
tomorrow will be the REAL test-going to meet my mom &my brothers &grandmother for dinner to celebrate my birthday. ummmm .. can’t tell you how long it’s been since i’ve been sober for a whole weekend of “family-time” .. i’m determined to do it, but then i’ve said that before. ugh.
gonna go take a little nightwalk; i need some breathing room. thankful for the subs lol; otherwise i’d be waiting a few days before i could do that. everyone on here is in my thoughts. keep finding that strength you guys have; it’s inspiring.
day 3 DOWNNN.
Kitty Mom- Ya that song has stuck with me through a whole lot. I’ve song it through some very dark times. I still don’t know why we suffer. Maybe we bring it on ourselves. I don’t know. But I do know that I always find myself at the feet of Jesus.
Pink I’m very proud of you. Making the decision to break these chains isn’t an easy one. By the time you wrestle your way out of the shackles you’ll have some bruises and cuts but with time they’ll heal. I have been and best believe I will continue to pray for you.
Here is another good song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDDdFlVvfwE
Hey everyone, sorry I have been gone for a while, sometimes I don’t even have enough time in the day to think. I am going to make more of an effort to get on here every day, because I need you all and hopefully you all need me.
I want to start off a conversation, lets all list five reasons that we want to be clean.
1. I am tired of lying to my family and friends. My addiction started out with me having kidney stones ten years ago and for some odd reason I have had them ever since. That is what my family thinks. I don’t want to lie to they anymore.
2. I don’t even enjoy the pills anymore. I remember taking that first bottle of pills, there was nothing like it. I just remember this feeling of complete peace and I was on top of the world. Do you all remember that feeling? What is the feeling when you take them now? The feeling I get is, I feel like shit, maybe I should take another pill. If I take another pill I will only have five left, oh no I better call the Dr to get more. It is a big nasty circle, and I don’t want to do it anymore.
3. My health!!!!!!!!! Pink, I read your post about having pain below your rib. That is the first pain I get whenever I quit using and I am always scared that it is my liver. I know that the amount of pills I have taken over the past ten years has done damage to my body and my brain and I have to be healthy for my kids. I don’t want to die at a young age.
4.MY CHILDREN. Most of you know that I have 4 year old twin boys and they are truly miracles. They are starting to ask me why we are at the Dr’s office again and that is not something that I want them to remember about me. Everytime I am looking for my purse they say, do you have to take your medicine. I want them to be proud of me and not think that I am a pill popper. I also want to be healthy for them, both physically and mentally.
5. I want to make myself proud. I think you would all agree that having this addiction is not good for a person’s mental health. Keeping all the lies straight, worrying about where I am going to get my next bottle of pills from, going through the detox, the depression… I just don’t want to deal with it anymore, I want to be HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
These are just a few of the reasons I want to be clean, can I hear yours?
Love you All, Angel
Hello everyone! Day two has started. Surprisingly I slept well last night with no alcohal or valiums. I think that what they say about alcohal knocking you out only to wake you back up a few hours later is true. Thanks again Tony.
Another surprise is that the diharea has started earlier, day two instead of day four. Maybe the detox is speeding along since I only used for two weeks. I also felt sick to my stomach which I didn’t at all through out my first detox. I’m wondering if it has to do with cutting out alcohal…hmmmm…I used to have about 3 beers every night and have now stopped..aside from that I just feel ok….not terrible and not great…the pain has subsided under my last rib too.
5 reasons, well, I can give you the two that make sense and do play a part in my choosing to quit. 1. the chase…I am sick of chasing down pills and compromising my integrity. 2. My health. I don’t want to suffer from liver or kidney disease, and let’s not forget the weight I’ve gained since I got on these things. 3. The money. I’m spending way too much money every month and what I was getting was not enough any more.
I would sayfor my kids because they are the most important thing in my life and I love them more than anything but the fact of the matter is that, right now at this place in time, I ‘m not a bad mom. In fact I have more patience and care less about the small stuff than when I’m not on anything. So to be honest I think that I’m a better mom on pills. HOWEVER, as I have said, what I was taking wasn’t enough anymore and I thought about 3 yrs from now, 10 yrs from now, where will I be? Will I be obsessed with the pills and neglect my children’s needs for the sake of the almighty pill? I came to the conclusion that the answer is Yes, I could see myself spiraling out of control. That was the big decision maker for me…not the here and now…but the future. My family’s future is under attack and I have to fight this fight to protect my little family unit and keep it healthy and in tact.
There are alot of sensible reasons to quit but it’s my job as a mother to be the best that I can be and prepare my children to be happy, healthy, productive adults and how can I be effetive if ten years from now I’m spending their college money on drugs or I’m so out of it that I’m not a good mom anymore.
ZERO TOLERANGE – This makes sense – let’s stop using every situation in life that is stressfull as an excuse to USE –
Instead of 5 reasons to quit – because I believe that there are a million reasons to quit -juat a there are a million and one reasons to use —- here is an excerpt from “Spiritual River” giving the main ingredients necessary to STAY clean instead of trying to figure out why we should stay clean lets just say it is what it is – necessary – Sorry it is so long – but great information!
First things first: your zero tolerance policy with yourself.
My belief is that before you can even consider yourself to be living in long term recovery, you have to have something down pat with yourself called the “zero tolerance policy.”
The zero tolerance policy is the idea that you make a deal with yourself, a commitment of sorts. And that deal is this:
You don’t use drugs or alcohol, period.
Pretty simple, right? But that is not anywhere to be found in the 12 steps of AA or NA. It is super important, and some people actually screw it up.
So think about this long and hard and get it straight in your head: you have a new, zero tolerance policy with yourself. You do not allow yourself to use drugs or alcohol, period. You have decided against them, and you are making this policy your number one priority in life.
If someone tries to say that they are no longer a newcomer in recovery, and they do not actually have this mindset straight in their head, then they are lying to themselves. They are still a newcomer, trying to figure things out.
When you enter long term recovery, this mindset, this “zero tolerance policy” is automatic. You no longer have to think about it. You no longer have to say, “gee, should I drink a beer tonight?” Your mindset has to be more fixed than that. It has to be a lightning fast reaction when you think of taking drugs or alcohol; you should recoil in horror at the thought of it. This is your zero tolerance policy in action.
You have made a decision that you do not take drugs or alcohol no matter what, and everything in your life has to enter your mind through that filter. If you do not have this mindset, you are probably not living in long term recovery yet.
It has to be automatic. Sobriety should come naturally to you now. And the way you measure this is with your reactions to triggers. If you entertain the thought and have to talk yourself out of it, then that means you are still in a “newcomer mindset.” That is not the mentality of someone living in long term sobriety.
Now that is not to say that triggers and urges do not exist for someone in long term recovery, because they certainly can still occur. But it is your reaction to those triggers and urges that defines the quality of your recovery. If you have the right mindset (one of zero tolerance), then you will quickly brush such urges aside, and not dwell on them.
If you dwell on such triggers or urges, they will make you miserable. And that is not the mindset of someone in long term recovery.
This can be practiced as well. You can improve at this skill, of using the zero tolerance policy. Simply increase your awareness. Notice if you have a craving or trigger to use or drink. When you do, shut it down immediately. Do not dwell on it. Do not think about how you used to have good times with drugs or booze. Doing so will make you miserable. You have some control of your mind, so use it! Shut down those thoughts and move on with your recovery.
This is one baseline for long term sobriety. You have to get this mindset right, or nothing else matters. This commitment to yourself has to come first. It has to be the strongest part of your entire life. Do not use drugs or alcohol, no matter what. That is your mantra, for the rest of your life. Keep that number 1, and good things can then happen.
Why this is not step one in AA and NA, I have no idea. Think about it: “Don’t use drugs or alcohol no matter what.” It makes way too much sense. So direct, powerful, and necessary. Every single person who relapses in recovery violates this mindset.
It is the foundation for recovery. Your mantra for success.
Miss Kitty, I LOVE IT. Your post makes total sense to me!!
Hey, Tony…I was just out laying in the sun, and I thought about your post regarding addiction being a wall between us and Our Saviour, and I wanted to share some thoughts. Personally, I don’t believe that addictions build walls. Although I understand what you’re ‘getting at’, I know there have been plenty of times it has been much easier for me to be thankful and to give thanks when I’ve been under the influence of vicodin. There has never been a wall between me and God. IF I had worshiped vicodin, yes, then I would be putting something before God in my life, and I can see that that could be seen as a wall~but God is always near (my opinion) whether or not I am an addict. Also, ancient peoples have used substances throughout history to enhance their relationship with God-the native american peace pipe comes to mind here-and other herbs used to enhance visions. I just wanted to share what I was thinking in response to your post, and I’m not trying to say, “huh uh” or anything, just putting my thoughts out there perhaps for healthy debate!?
One thing is certain~I am thankful that God always listens, and I am thankful for the angels. I keep the angels pretty busy around here!!!
I hope everyone has a great weekend, and Pink, I am proud of you girl. You keep up the good work!!!!!!! And I’ll keep praying!!!
Metoo I agree with you when you say that addictions don’t build walls. However we just can’t put anything before God. I suppose we should all be addicted to Christ. But what does build walls is sin. When we satisfy our fleshly desires we are sinning.
The Bible says in 1 John 2:16 “For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.”
1 Peter 5:8 “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”
When we cloud our mines with pills or alcohol we cloud our judgment and we don’t act like ourselves.
1 Corinthians 6:12 “I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything.
If you are “mastered” by something you are addicted to it. If you are addicted to something than you are enslaved by it and you make the source of your addiction your master. and the Bible says you can only have one master.
About being seperated from God, well I think we are not always close to him.
James 4:7-8
7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
If we walk towards God he will run towards us. He’s always watching and waiting. And I know that it makes him happy when he see’s us coming back.
I am so at the end of my rope right now. My fucking fiancee decides to go all psycho stalker on me. Somehow he got it in his head that there was something going on between me and my best friend. So he somehow got my email and facebook passwords and went through all my shit. And from “everything he saw” he was more and more convinced. I don’t know what the fuck he’s on, but you friends that are on FB know that I’ve been posting a lot of music videos almost every night. My friend Jen and I stay up and talk and share music. Well, apparently in psycholand all my songs were about long lost love and then he went on my friends page and said everything he posted was about wanting someone who was in a relationship.
I wish someone would just shoot me right now. I may be a lot of things, but I’m very old fashioned when it comes to relationships. I would never ever cheat. Also, my friend would never be that kind of guy to cheat with. But instead of coming to me and asking me to my face, the fucker has to be all shady and completely break my trust and invade my privacy. I don’t think I will ever be able to trust him again. I spent 10 hours yesterday defending myself when I did nothing wrong. And I’m stuck here in this house with this psychopath because I have nowhere to go. Just thank God my parents are here too, because I don’t know what would be happening if they weren’t.
An old friend of mine supposedly has a house that is sitting empty, so I sent her an email today asking about it. I hope we can find someplace to go soon. I can’t take this anymore.
Jamie,
I think it is time to take a long hard long at this relationship and where it is going – in previous posts you had already been questioning it, right? Time to commit or get off the pot so to speak…..My prayer for you today is to get this drama out of your life….grow…..find something you enjoy doing and do it…..Love and best wishes….Kitty
I like your post from yesterday Kitty. As hard as it is, it is necessary. I have not had a pill or a drink in two days and I’m on my third day. I did break down and take some valium for sleep last night before bed and then at 3am. I have a busy day with the kids today and needed to sleep, which I did. I don’t HAVE to do anything tomorrow or Monday so I’ll tough out the sleepness nights if I have to. The first night I didn’t need anything, but last night, WOW, I really wanted to take a pill or just get tired. I think that sitting around all day is a bad thing because I experience the most anxiety when my body has been parked all day.
Jamie, I do hope you can take a step back from this and look at the situation objectively. If you love him and his good out weighs his bad that’s one thing, but if you aren’t “in love” with him and he is dangerous then you need to start planning your exit strategy. Even if you are in love with him and he is dangerous, then you need to get out while you can. On the other hand, if this is his first time of acting jealous and snooping, then he may just be going thru an insecure period. I don’t know the situation or him so it’s hard to give feedback. Is this a pattern with him? Is he always possesive and jealous? Is he dangerous? Or, have you fallen out of love with him and he has picked up on it and is grasping at straws to find a reason why? I wish you luck.
I connect with what Tony believes because for me I go from one thing to another instead of turning to God. I always replace one addiction with another, whether it’s food, alcohal, pot, cocaine, vics, etc…and that is where my focus is most of the time. So for me, I have to get rid of it all, get back to the basics, deprive myself for awhile of anything that might trigger the addict in me and tough it out. I need to go back to church, start eating healthy, and exercise. That is all, besides my children, which is a given, that I will focus on. Maybe I won’t move to the next quick fix and really build my life back up, one brick at a time.
And to anyone who has relapsed and feels defeated…DON’T! I think relapsing and knowing how that feels was necessary to make the connection for me to change my whole life style. The first time I quit I continued to drink and eat and take valiums to sleep because I felt entitled. For some reason this time I know that I have to suck it up and eliminate all of it. We all are different and I’m not saying that my approach is for everyone because some have more self control than others…I’m don’t.
Love, Pinkerton
Pinkerton – Sounds like you are doing pretty good and the best thing of all is that yo have a determined attitude. I really believe in my post yesterday because I am living it right now. After almost 8 months clean, I know now that taking one of anything is not an option. It does not even get a thought anymore – at first it was a choice – now it just IS.
I am hoping for your continued success – I believe that 99% is controlled by our mind and if we can controll that mind than we have it beat. Same with weight loss – same with drugs and alcohol. If our mind is not quite made up yet – well then we are on a sinking ship….so I am staying in the mindset as long as I can – hopefully forever.
Love all you guys
Kitty
Hey, All! Happy weekend!
JameCat…wow. I’m praying for you that you will do what is right for YOU, to stand up for yourself. You have gained so much inner power over the course of the last months..and I don’t think you can see it right now, but it’s with you. You are THINKING more. You are rationalizing things. You are looking toward the future. Now, all you have to do is decide if you want this fiance to be in it, or out of it. Find that inner compass, girl!! It’s in you…and I, for one, believe in YOU!!
Tony, it sounds like you and God have a great thing going! I totally respect that kind of relationship, and it’s a wonderful thing. It’s amazing to me how different we all are on this path. For me, even when I was using, I was grasping the hand of God…begging Him to help me along, every step of the way. Maybe it is as you say, because I am clean over a year now, and although I don’t see it exactly the same way that you do, I’m still clean and still here today. It’s just that for me, He was never out of my mind. Heaven has always been my goal, using or not, and God has never forgotten me, using or not. He and I sure had some awesome conversations when the world was seen with a happy hydo haze..but even so, the thanks that I gave to Him was as honest and sincere as ever…
I think the zoloft is kicking in a little more every day! Kitty, did you ever notice that there were some definate ups and downs while you were in your first week of starting zoloft? It seems like I am ok…then better…and then I have a few bad hours…rinse and repeat. Was it like this for anyone else? I can actually say that yesterday, I had a great day~for the first time in a long time. If the future holds more good days than bad, I’m IN. Please pray that it continues to improve….thank you, my friends!!
Pink~you are kicking!! Keep it up!!! I haven’t checked my ‘other’ email in a day or so, so I will check in there to see if there is any other news from you. But honey, don’t be so hard on yourself about the valium either~do what you have to do to make it through this. Just because you take a valium to help you relax I don’t think the world will fall…and it doesn’t make you weak….you are human. Just sayin’…. but you are doing great, and I am so proud of you!!! ROCK ON!!!
Joe, where the heck ARE you??? Are you EVER coming back?? Don’t you miss us just a little bit???
Miss you…
My poor Jamie, if I lived closer to you my door would always be open to you. I really hope you find somewhere to go, because you can’t stay with someone that you don’t tust. It is probably good that we don’t live closer though, with our addictive personality’s we would be in trouble for sure. Love you girl, and you know everything will work out. I hope your boyfriend does not read this because he might think that we are in love, just kidding, I am here if you need me.
Pink, I understand what you said about being a good Mom, even while taking pills I have always been a great Mom too. I feel with me though that if I am not taking care of my body in order to be around with my kids for a long long time, then I am not being the best Mom I can be. Do you mind me asking how old your kids are? Mine are four and it is such a fun age, they sure do keep me hopping. We are sitting here on the couch right now watching cartoons and they are giggling, could life get any better than this?
I feel your pain with the sleeping issue, that is the worst part of detox. I always dread going to be at night, you are so tired but your body just won’t hold still. A long hot shower always helps me, I will stand under the hot water and lean against the wall and just let it numb my body. I have been known to take two to three showers in a night. The important thing is you are doing it, you are getting past this damn addiction and you are not going to look back. We have a lot of the same reasons for getting clean and they are really important ones, so I know that you do not want to go back. Good luck this weekend and remember no turning back now.
Love you all, Angel
Hey guys it’s been a while !!! But I’m still here all my court stuff is going to be over may 10 th I can not Waite to get my life back on track from all of this crap and to be off the pills … I know it will happen it’s not a option … I WILL SUCEED THUS TIME !!!! sorry guts for all the spelling errors cause I’m typing on a tiny iPhone and it sometimes just changes things by it’s self I’m not stupid and can’t spell LOL ….:) just kidding
it’s easier said than done I know but change is not always a bad thing somethines it can be great hey at the end of the day u will do the right thing I know that u r very smart and will make the right decision … Hey can I ask u something ?? Are u still off the pills and for how long now if u r….
Pink — I’m soooooooooooooo happy u r well and sounds like it’s not that bad this time u r truly a strong person u really are in my eyes anyhow I hope it gets better and better very very soon
Jamie—- I’m so sorry u r going threw that with ur boyfriend .. My husband looks threw all my things also but I’m ok with it cause it makes him feel better and I don’t really have much for him to look at at first it was a little annoying but I got use to it but I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART … so I guess the question is are u in live with him if so then work it out cause there is nothing better than being with someone u love it’s a great warm feeling …. If u don’t love him or should I say ur not in love with him then leave and find someone that will treat u like a queen cause that’s what u r
Meetoo— it’s great u r doing well zoloft will tale 3 weeks to be 100% effected so if u r already feeling like it’s working then it will only get better and better isn’t that great I’m so happy for u sounds like everything is on the right track …
Kittymom — I will start soon but u don’t know how grueling these court days are and this is such an important case I have to finish and I just couldn’t do it with no energy once thus is over I have nothing at all standing in my way and I want it so bad that it will be my last time with the pills period …. But thanks for all the kind words and hopefully u will be right with me when it is time to stop thanks for being u
Angela — twin boys that are 4 that’s sounds so great I can’t Waite to be a mom and reading all ur. Posts sounds like u r the best and I hope that when it does happen for mr I’m as great as u hey and same question how long have u been off the pills ??? I love hearing all the success it just motivates mr to get right where u all are sorry
Joe — where are u at ???? Drop by and just say hi to us everyone is missing u !!!!!!
Anyone I missed hope u r doing great and I’ll send a prayer for everyone right now thanks again to all for being here !!!!
Oh the question why the pain is there under the rib cage !!!! Well ur liver and kidneys work harder while u are on meds any meds not just vicodin …. So when it’s use to getting rid off all the toxins every few hours and then one day it’s not there to get rid of it confuses the body and takes a few days for it to get back on track all meds go threw the liver to be excreted threw ur urine or BM’s sorry !!!! But to everyone unless u have cerossious of the liver that is the biggest and one of the most important organs in ur body it will heal it’s self with time it will go back to normal with a little time do kitty ur’s is back to the way it was before the pills 8 months is great and ours will get there to so that pain is nothing to be worried about …. Anyhow hope to check in later to read all the great new posts
Hey everyone – Sounds like most everyone is doing good.
Jamie – darlin, I hope you straighten out your love life and I agree with what Pink and everyone else wrote above. I can imagine the hurt and invasion that you felt when your BF sent into your computer and face book like that. And, nothing is worse in the wrold than being accused of something that you did not do. I hope you iron things out – sometimes through hurt, our loved ones act out – now if it is a forever controlling behaviour, now that is something else again.
Everyone else – hope you all have a great weekend. I am having a bad day today and feeling sorry for myself kind of. Every once in a while I get this way and I want to run away from everything and everyone and just be with my thoughts. So, please if you have it in your heart for a little extra prayer for Kitty, I would be most appreciative.
I have nothing to be feeling low about so if you want to, you can slap this kitty up side the head to set me straight…lol!
A thought entered my mind this morning – and that thought was to stop coming to this site and just do the e-mail thingy from now on….my email is
kittymom001@gmail,com. I am not certain that I am going to do this – just thinking about it – don’t even know why.
I love you girls!
Kitty
Kitty, so sorry you are not doing well today, you are definatley in my prayers. You can’t stop coming to the site, you are the one that holds us all together. WE NEED YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We all love you so much and you are such an inspiration for me and others to stay clean. Please don’t leave. Here is a big hug from me to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kitty Mom,
I am so saddened to hear that you are feeling the way you do. I wish there was something I could say to lift your cloud …I will try praying it away. I think you give so much of yourself on this site and it’s probably an indicator of your overall personality in that you give as much to your family, friends, neighbors, etc. and it’s understandable that you may need to recharge your batteries. I’ve known a few people like you in my life and they give and give and give but then sometimes just need to break away and give to themselves. If that is what you need to do then I support you and will be praying for you to heal and “recharge” because there will be new people who are looking for help on this site and you need to be here to get them through (probably) the worst thing they will ever CHOOSE to do. I know your email and know that I can reach out to you there but it’s not going to help those who are stuck on the other page and don’t know anything about the “about” page…lol…remember you were the one who guided my way over here. What I’m saying is that you are such an inspiration to those starting their journey, a contant friend to others, and a joy to everyone…..what a void there will be if you choose not to return. Also, the people who come here are real and have a real problem, they have families, jobs, life issues, and need help getting off the pills….you are needed to help all those who want to change their life.
That said, whatever you choose to do I will always hold you in the highest regards with respect and love and will always hold out hope that you will return, BUT I hope you can regroup and come to the conclusion that you want to be here as much as we want you here. If there is anything you need or feel upset about, please, please share so we can make things whole again.
Love, Pinkerton
@ Angela, My boys are 8 and 5 yrs. The five yr old will be 6 in on May 28th. Your kids are at a really fun age and keep you busy, busy chasing them around. When they get to the age of mine they are a little more self-sufficient (the 8yr old is anyway) but are into other things that keep you busy.
@QN, thanks for the feedback about the pain in the lower rib….you are right, it did stop hurting. I appreciate the positive feedback but I have not felt very strong this time. I think about having a vic all the time, which I didn’t the first go of it. The physical w/d wasn’t bad, still sleepless without taking valium the last two nights. I did try just a little Kratom and even that little bit helped to mellow me out so I’m gonna try the full dose this afternoon and see if that helps.
@Jamie, how are things at home?
@Metoo, thanks again for the guidance yesterday!! You are a very patient woman…lol…I got a little needy there for a minute.
Everyone have a great day! Pinkerton
Hey, kids!! MISS KITTY!!! Girl, you should give me a call today if you are still feeling low! I know exactly how you feel, and although I can’t MAKE you keep coming to the site, I hope with all my heart that you do. It isn’t easy when you lose your ‘bandwidth’ and keep looking for it everywhere. I wish I had the magic answer, but all I have are prayers that you will return. Without you, I might not have proceeded with the zoloft…so you at least have to stick around and make sure it works for me! (Selfish, I know…but true!!!
)
Pink…you just keep being as needy as you need to!! I want to see you fly…and you will! I’m glad the kratom calmed you down a notch!!
Things are going well here! I am going to be trying a new ‘thing’…. to view my own life from OUTSIDE my bubble….draw it up in my mind like a comic book~~~anyone want to join me for a fresh perspective?? Maybe that way I can be more of a planner of my own journey?! It’s worth a shot. I have plans to turn in a couple more resumes tomorrow~and I will go to Mass and get my sustenance for the week today!
Kitty, I believe I have your phone number….watch your phone today~we should talk!!!!
JameCat….things settled down yet? I’m pulling for you. You can move to Michigan! We’ve got lots of room but no jobs. LOL….YET! One of the hardest things here for me is knowing only my wife and ‘her’ peeps….I need to get out there and make my own friends. Except no one ever likes me. Hahahaha!! Just kiddin’….did I make anyone smile?????
Hi guys. Sorry I haven’t been here in awhile. I’ve been separated from my douche of a soon-to-be-exhusband for almost two years. He finally served me with papers the other day, as well as wanting shared custody of our 18-month-old despite never seeing her and not paying child support. So I’ve been interviewing attorneys and trying to scrape together the retainer fee. I’m living in a place that I hate and have been told that he can make it very difficult for me to move back to my home. Needless to say, I am depressed, worried and anxious…and furious.
Anyway, I am on, I think, day 28 of being off Percocet. The first two weeks were pure hell. It does get easier. I didn’t sleep for almost three weeks except for an hour here and there. I was a disaster. Somewhere in the last week I began sleeping again. My physical symptoms are pretty much gone. The one that lingers is an absolute lack of energy. All I want to do now, ironically, is sleep. As a mother of a toddler, I can’t indulge, but I go to bed as soon as she does, nap when she does. I’m sure this is depression driving me to want to stay in bed all day every day. I do feel hopeless, helpless, uninterested in life. I know I need to exercise, but I’d seriously rather stick a fork in my eye.
I am, however, so happy to be off of those pills. I was a slave to them. I loved them and hated them at the same time. Getting off of them is the hardest thing I’ve ever done next to childbirth, and I will NEVER go back EVER. It’s too hard to have to do it twice. I just can’t. I did get my script for klonopin filled and even though I can take three a day, I only take it as-needed when my anxiety is off the charts, usually two a day. I also have a script for Ambien, but I’m so exhausted I hardly ever take it.
So to anyone who is just starting this process…or struggling through a second or third detox…it horrible in the beginning, indescribably horrible, but it does get better. Give yourself three weeks and I promise you you’ll feel like a new person. Not perfect, but much much better. You get through it minute by minute. You CAN do this.
I just pray I get through this divorce/custody process and am able to move back home. I want to get through this depression phase. I have no desire to go on anti-depressants because I think they ruined my life in the first place. (long story) And I’d like to see who I am without medications for a change. But to anybody who is on them and needs them and sees beneficial changes, more power to you. They save some peoples’ lives, I know.
Anyway, love and support to you all. xoxo
Hi Girls – Now I can say “girls” because there is not a freakin man in site on this page any more…lol
Gosh, now I feel guilty and needy as hell for acting out yesterday, but I felt as if I just needed taken care of for a bit instead of taking care of others – not that I mind at all….I love the caretaker roll – but when you are the caretaker at home also, sometimes you just want someone to take care of me, myself, and I.
So don’t be mad at me for acting out…..I will keep on coming on here and touch base with y’all.
Metoo – you can call me anytime honey. I would be honored.
Pink, metoo and Angel – thanks for the kind words…as usual you all just make me feel so much better.
So now I guess you are stuck with me, “Girls”. Sorry to be so needy this weekend. I have a few issues that I am working on, but today I am going to forget about everything and lay in the pool and soak up the sunshine – geez I wish you all could join me – someday we need to have an about reunion – wouln’t that me a hoot, huh?
Pink – keep up the good work – you can do it babe. What neck of the woods are you from anyway…we have Florida, Minnesota, California…where else, folks?
Love you and thanks for knocking sense into me….the proverbial slap upside the head, hey Metoo?
Love
Kitty
Kitty, I’m glad you are staying around. Like I said, many people I know who are the caretakers to everyone need to have a little meltdown themselves every once in a while. You are only human and have needs as well and I think we all forget that sometimes. Please don’t apologize, no need to, you deserve to give yourself permission to have a bad day where you need us to be there for you.
Where do I live? I live in North East Ohio, far, far, away from your warm weather. However, the kids and I visit Ft. Lauderdale (close friend lives there) and Ft. Myers (close friend has a business there and in Ohio). I am really finding it hard to feel too bad for you as you talk about laying in the pool….lol…the only pool I have is in my front yard as it has not stopped raining here for 40 days and 40 nights….OH CRAP, I REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME…I guess vics are the least of my worries…I have to figure out how to build a damn arc!!
Thanks for the encouragement, I really need it this time. The physical stuff isn’t bad at all this time but the mental is killing me! The kratom has helped tremendously today. It does reduce the desire to take a vic to almost nothing.
TTYL, Pinkerton
Oh Pink – thank you so much – and I know how you feel – the mental part was the worst – I think that is what has just hit me a little – I used to look forward to chilling with the pills and now after a long day – no vices any more – I very rarely drink – a sangria once a year – but both my husband and I both quit drinking not too long after we got married 20 years ago it will be in July – He has diabetes so I have to keep constant vigil to that so that he does not get too low of sugar – and act accordingly – He gets so weird – I can tell by just looking at him…Ohhhhh my, gotta love him…lol!
Yeah – I know laying in the pool is great and I am going to go make myself a killer balsalmic vinegar salad right now – they are sooooo good. I got the dressing recipe on line andthe salad has cranberries, nuts, apples, blue cheese, celery, and spring mix – mmmmmm – you all should try it some time. I’ll give you the recipe if you want in.
Love to all of you
Kitty
Good Morning Everyone,
Wanted to update you on my mom. She has treatment plan in place. She is going to do hormone therapy first and then radiation. It looks good, praise God.
I’m hanging in there. Still really struggling mentally with wanting a pill. I didn’t have this issue the first go of it so I don’t know what is up with this. I feel physically better, a little achy, but didn’t loose my appetite, don’t have the chills, etc. The w/d symptoms aren’t that bad this time. In fact, I probably didn’t even need to take any time off. For instance, I did paperwork in the morning yesterday, cleaned the house, did laundry and ironed, cooked, etc., where day four on my first detox was hell. But I can’t stop thinking about taking a pill….UGGGGHHHH!
I guess I just don’t feel that fire burning inside me to quit, and I’m much less motivated and committed. I will power through.
Alrighty, Pink!!! I have a plan….I think today is the day you need a giant pep talk!! Today is the day you need to look BACK and see just how far you’ve come!! You are almost out of the hole, and getting ready to kick some dirt in where you once were. You are beating this thing, and I couldn’t be more proud of you! Give yourself a big pat on the back, and breathe! Then get your inner resolve together, and get motivated to get this job done. You have done great, and it’s time to kick it up a notch and get ‘er done!!! Hat’s off, Pinks!!!
Also, lean on the kratom as you need to~I know from experience that it will keep you off the pills. If it’s not quite taking the cravings away, turn it up a notch and take just a bit more kratom, and most importantly, PUT YOUR FAITH IN IT. You have to BELIEVE.
Kitty, I’m glad you’ve seen the light! Glad you are going to stick around our little nest here. We sure need you…this is where the nurturing happens. And you are the best at it!
It seems a lot brighter in my world today. I hope it’s not a mirage, but I am believing the best. Please continue to pray for me, and I’m sorry to be so selfish!!
Jema!! I love your attitude!! That attitude is exactly what you need to power through this rough time in your life. I see you as the mother lion…protecting her cubs and her den. I am praying for you, and praying that you use that anger to power through this!!! You are not alone there, sweetheart! Keep all of us in the ‘back pocket’ of your mind, and feel us there supporting you!!
Jamie..how’s it going, kiddo? Please fill us in if you can. Prayers are with you, my friend!!
Q~THANK YOU FOR YOUR KNOWLEDGE!!! Your words give me the will to stay the course…things can only get better!!! Thank you for keeping me optimistic!!!
I’m still here. I’m just kind of numb right now. He’s in all out kiss my ass, bend over backwards apology mode, but what good is that if I can’t trust him. I told him to stay away from me for now. I’m thinking things out weighing my options. I have wanted a pill so bad these last couple days, but haven’t had one.
Wish I could be on here being supportive for y’all, but right now I just don’t have it in me to do much of anything. So please forgive me. Love and hugs to all!
Thanks for checking in, JameCat~it means a lot to me to know you are safe and still thinking. I have to throw my opinion in here, JameCat, and it’s just my opinion from a possibly jaded place. Don’t hold this against me please! Here goes.
Bust the F*@^ out of there. You are better than the shit he is handing out. Who does he think HE is?? You OWN YOUR LIFE. I’d bust the hell out of there in a big way, find a place that YOU want to be, and GET THERE. Shut the world out for a bit, and just BE. Life is way too short for crap like this. There is a better place for you. Grab your stuff and GO.
But don’t hold it against me, and I will continue to love you either way, you know that!
Thanks, Metoo! Yesterday I started looking into cheap places. I live on 800 a month so it’s not gonna be easy.
My theme song of the moment…
http://youtu.be/y_taCp3KNIg
@ Metoo, thanks for the pep talk, I really needed it. I have found kratom to be a huge help, BIG TIME!! I took some this morning with applesauce, the easiest way for me to get it down and a cup of green tea. It really does mellow me out to where I don’t even think about the vics. Yesterday I kept screwing up and eating and never took a second dose and had alot of anxiety the rest of the night and this morning. However, I’m gonna try and plan better today. I feel really vulnerable right now and weak in spirit so thank you again. How much and how long can I use the stuff without getting dependent on it?
Hey, pink..The dependency thing is your call…to be honest, I use kratom every day. The way I see it, it’s better than taking vics, and it’s legal. Personally, I think you should use it without a thought until you get to the point that opiates don’t bother you any longer. The physical wd symptoms of kratom are far far less than the wd’s from vics.
I know that substituting one thing for another isn’t popular. I know that. For me, though, and I know myself….if I weren’t using kratom, I’d be right back to the vics. That is MY truth. My truth isn’t ‘up’ to anyone else, and no one but me can own it. That having been said, it’s up to you. Isn’t it nice though, that there is a legal herbal replacement out there? God is good!
Yes Metoo, I agree. We all are different and have different needs. I have no idea how long I will need to use this to be ok but as long as it won’t hurt me, ie. liver, kidneys, etc., like the pills I will have no issues with taking it. I was afraid at first because I had never heard of it before and was concerned when I took that first little bit but now that I have, I love it. It completely takes the urge away.
I am working with a therapist to help me sort out my own truths. There is a reason why I constantly need to numb myself. We have discussed many different reasons that I have this problem. She thinks that something may have happened in my childhood that as soon as the truth starts to surface I retreat into either an amber bottle, beer bottle, whiskey bottle, a line of coke, a joint…you get the picture. I don’t remember much about my childhood, which I’ve learned is unusual. There was alot of abuse. I think if I can love myself rather than loathe myself, that will be a start. I don’t know why I’m dumping this out on here and I almost want to delete it but I figure maybe someone else that reads this will relate and find comfort in my story. I am very insecure and don’t like myself very much, why I don’t know. I am always trying to please everyone around me and fear abandonment terribly. I think that vics silenced those demons and for the first time in my life I was able to function without fear….fear of not being loved, not being good enough, not making the right choice, fear of losing a loved one AND I finally had self-worth. I felt good about myself. So there you have it…part of who I am.
BTW, the mother I talk about isn’t my biological mother, it is a family I met twelve years ago who have taken me and my children in as their own. My bio dad passed away 10 yrs ago and my abusive bio mom is alive but we don’t talk to each other. My bio mom is very abusive and I put up with it until I had kids and then I couldn’t allow her to abuse them. I still try every once in a while and it ends up being a disaster. Well, enough about that, thanks for listening and indulging me in my little confession.
Love, Pink
Pink~what a beautiful way to honor your friends here~by sharing a little bit more about yourself. I know that I consider it a blessing to have you as a friend. Thank you for putting a little bit more about you and your life out here, and I hope it helps you to heal. It is a part of the healing, you know, and it’s just another little sign that YOU are going to be ok.
Let the healing begin…
Wow I’ve been away for only a few days and come back to a whole lot of chatter. Girls sure can talk. lol. Its really good to see how you support eachother.
Pink I’m glad to hear that you’re feeling better. I’m sure I would have tried Kratom if I knew about it.
I learned that keeping busy is the best way to get over WD. I got early tee time on my day off…i will then most likely spend the day in a pair of wranglers giving high fives not working out driving my gas guzzler eatin a hamburger with a side of freedom fries and wash it down with a coke while i listen to a baseball game with my pet bald eagle and read the constitution…cuz im an american, and this is america. lol
Does kantrom give u the same feeling as weed or is it different feeling that it gives ?? Just wondering why dies the website say it’s not for humans to ingest ??? What is the feeling that it gives
QN – Kratum is nothing like weed – the feeling is more similar to an opiate in my opinion and it is always sold as an incense not to be ingested – but people do not buy it as an incense – it is purchased to be consumed. I hope that answers your questions.
Kitty
Hey Tony, I forgot – we do have a guy on here with all us girls! I forgot about that..haha. Yeah, we are here to support eash other whatever that takes – personal lives, detox lives, love lives..spiritual lives – Hope it does not sway you.
Update: We are from these states – who am I missing
California
Minnesota
Florida
Ohio
Anyone else?????
Love You all
Kitty
@ Kitty Mom, didn’t Metoo move to Michigan?
@ QN, Kitty is right, it is nothing at all like weed. It is alot more like a vic only slightly different in that I don’t feel the same intense level of euphoria but I can tell you this: it takes away all urges to take a vic and is truly what has kept me from popping a pill this time cause I really am struggling, and you feel mellow and worry free. It definately takes away the anxiety. The only down side I’ve found is that it’s nasty to take. I researched it online and haven’t found any information that says it’s dangerous and has been found to assist with opiate w/d.
@ Metoo, thanks for the response to my last post, I didn’t want to clog up the board but for some reason felt the need to share.
Pink – thanks for sharing your life – it is always good to see where others have been in their lives as we try to heal ourselves. I know this detox thing is hard but you can beat it – It is damn hard. I still remember coming home and popping pills and chilling out. But, we tend to remember feeling good when actually it was a miserable freaking cycle to be in – not to mention expensive as hell. I pray for peace from the pill craving….it is a beast but some of us on here are proof that it can be beat. THANKS for being here and showing me where I have been and I hope I can show you the light at the end of the tunnell.
Metoo – my Gotoo girl – thanks for being there for me today. I know I depend on you alot – I hope it is not too much. Thanks Again….
Jamie – I kind of agree with metoo – if you are in love with your fiance, then I hope the both of you heal in each others love. If this is a pattern and you are not feeling the lov, perhaps it is time to take a greater view of things. I hope in time you find the truth.
Angel and Lori – you are always in my thoughts – hope the two of you are doing OK.
Love you all
Kitty
Pink – yeah what is wrong with me
We are from
California – 2
Michigan – 1
Ohio – 1
Florida -2
Don’t think I have Angel on this list…Angel, I can’t remember where you said you are from – or maybe you didn’t!
Hello everyone!
Kitty, how are you feeling today? Have your spirits lifted? I sure hope so and I will continue to pray for you.
Everyone, there are some folks who have posted over on the other page…I think the WithDrawl Kit 3, who need some coaching and some of their needs are beyond my understanding. So if you could take a look and see if any of you could help these poor folks, that would be great.
Well, day 6 is here and we’ll see how it goes. I really do think all this rain is bringing me down too. I am going to keep up the good fight and thanks to all who have listened to me ramble lately.
Jamie, my prayers are with you and I hope you get centered and make the right decision for you.
QN, how is the court stuff going and when will you be done?
Metoo, how is the Zoloft working for you?
Everyone have a blessed day! Pinkerton
Metoo
Metoo – I think it was u that left the link for this page. Thank u. I have felt so alone and depressed these past 60 hrs and while I am sad that others are going thru this, I am also grateful that there are others I can share with who will understand.
In the bathroom at work, crying, once again. The depression and craving is driving me nuts. Literally. Most of my other symptoms have gone… except for the chills and leg pain. I keep thinking about that 60 I could go get and then I ask myself…. how long will those last for uSteff? Maybe 3 days at the most! And then what? Start the withdrawls all over again? I want and need to kick this addiction. There I said it… addiction. I am an ADDICT. And u know what hurts most about that? It means I am no better than my mother.
I know I need to go see my psychiatrist so he can evaluate how I’m doing on my mess and the last thing I want to do is tell him about my addiction. I regularly take klonopin, seroquel, and zoloft. Used to take Wellbutrin and it was my life-saver, but had to quit cold turkey when I got preggers with my 4th.
I have 4 beautiful kids to live for and an ex-hubby (we’re together again) so I will Prob just call him my hubby in my posts.
Anyway, sorry so long… so much to say. So, so, so freaking scared.
Steff, welcome. Breathe, baby, breathe. You are going to be ok now. You have made it to the best place on earth. Take some time here, read the posts, and gather the information you need here. We are all here for you, and IN TIME, you are going to be just fine.
Thank you very much… from the bottom of my heart. I think I’m most.scared of having to deal with all my issues, whereas I was able to mask.the pain of them with the 20+ 750 vicodin per day.
I am going to go thru the posts. I can’t seem to function here at work anyway.
I sent u an email metoo. I really hope you dont mind. It’s regarding the Kratom. It may go to your spam box…
Got it! Two replies sent! And it did go to my junk, but I saved it now!
Just hang in there, S74!
I sure miss Joe.
I was going to post yesterday about the zoloft, but I didn’t want to jinx myself….I HAD THE BEST DAY!! I FELT JOY!!!
And this morning I woke up with no anxiety!!! I was so excited yesterday. Everything’s going to be ok. I was so thankful that I walked around the house talking to God and the angels~if anyone would have seen me, they would have known I am crazy!!! It felt so darn good!!! Now, today I am just having an ‘off’ day I think. But I believe that yesterday, God just gave me a little taste of what being happy can be. Honestly?? I haven’t felt that good in YEARS. Like more than 10 years!! I am guessing that my seratonin has been off for some time now. I wonder how many of us that are addicts are really just off balance in our levels. If I felt that good every day there would be NO NEED to reach for substances….
Where’s Tony?? Stu?? Joe?? Ain’t we got no men here???? Just wondering!!
1 Peter 5:8 “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”
Thank you so much Tony!
Thank u metoo! I responded to your email. I’ve gone thru so many of these posts and I feel like ya’ll are gonna think I’m crazy for the daily any of vikes I’ve been taking. BTW I’m in So Cal.
I ordered it from the website you mentioned above, Metoo and I called them just now to find out about delivery because I paid for overnight. I spoke with Tia and she said she would go back to the office right now and send my order out today so I should receive it tomorrow by 3pm. I pray this takes away my craving. I’m going nuts. Thank you all again for your support. I am so thankful I found this website and I’d been looking for such a long time! XOXO
Steff,
Welcome Welcome Welcome – This is probably the toughest thing you ever did but in the end it will be worth it. I and the others are here for you and will help all we can. My email address is kittymom001@gmail.com and if you need to talk email me for my phone number. Just breath deep like Metoo says and also don’t think too far ahead of yourself. Time seems to stand still when you are detoxing so thinking ahead even an hour is going to make the time even slower. Wow, four kids – what a blessing – If nothing else sets you afire to do this, then think of those kids. I spent so many of my previous time on pills during my daughters growing up that I missed alot – I can’t even remember anything from her wedding I was so doped up…but now things are as clear as a bell and although I still get depressed at times – It is better, much better without the merry-go-round of taking and seeking pills….so I know it is possible with the will to do it….Take care and God bless you for joining us – we need a fresh face once in a while….California is winning – 3 peeps that I know of are from CA!!!
Love
Kitty
PS – Metoo – I am elated that you are feeling happiness – the zoloft corrects that seratonin imbalance – FOR SURE…glad you listened to me girl!!!!
Omg my lawyer is ripping mr off … Robbing mr blind …. But unfortunately I’m to far into it with him that I can’t switch in tome my court date is this Thursday and then next Tuesday please everyone say a prayer for mr that everything goes good …. Then I can slay this beast once and for all thanks pink for thinking about me I hope u r doing well how are u feeling ?? How many days now I think 6 WOW THAT’S GREAT u r almost out of the woods I’ve been praying real hard for u I know we can do this once and for all do u agree ?? Sorry guys for bringing my drama here but I really do need the prayers hope everyone is doing well
Kittymom. Hope ur funk is over we love u here more than u know … U too metoo hope u are doing well thanks will post later
Ah! I’ve been reading this site for two days-i was looking for some help with the awful w/d symptoms of opiates .I am just on day one of no opiates after a few years of daily heroin and oxy use. Its one of the worst feelings I’ve ever experienced- I lost count of my w/d times…but this has to be the last time…its GOT to be…thanks for the words- it is so good to know I’m not alone.
QN – thanks for the kind words. Best wishes for your court date and hope everything turns out to your advantage. We will be here for you when you start your detox.
Love
Kitty
Good morning! Day 7.
Well, I almost had to change my name from Pinkerton to “SINK”erton last night but the Kratom got me through. I can tell you that this time it is a constant mental fight to stay clean. Last time the W/Ds were much worse and I was excited about starting a new life without the pills and then after 3-wks I started feeling better physically, the depression set it. I was not very sick from detox this time and I truly believe I’m where everyone warns you of…the PAWS. It’s real folks, and your mind does play terrible games with you. Last night I thought, “if I only take one a day is that going to hurt me?” and then I took it one minute at a time like Joe always says AND took some Kratom and made it through. BTW, WHERE IS JOE???
How long did everyone have to endure the PAWS before you didn’t think about the vics constantly?
S74, my heart really does go out to you and I think you will find some relief in using the kratom, I know I did.
Metoo, I ordered some Yerba-mate too when I placed another order. As long as I take it every four hours am I ok? I don’t want to over do it. I have read where they suggest taking it only a few times a week, but when one is struggling not to use is it ok to take like three times a day?
Thanks, Pinkerton
Jamie, how are you doing, check in please.
Pinkerton
Hey, Pinks…it is my belief that you are using the kratom correctly. The key is the longer you can go between doses, the better the dose will be. I’m glad you have had success with it!! That makes Metoo happy!
So far it’s kept you on the straight ‘n narrow, and I think that’s worth a lot! You will love the yerba mate too-prepare it just as you would coffee, and it is most beneficial to keep reusing the ‘grounds’ several times to get all of the antioxidants, etc. out of it. GREAT STUFF!! 
(I am having a cup now!)
Any extra prayers would be appreciated today, as I am heading off to a job fair. How does one set oneself apart from the crowd? I am going with all of you in my back pocket, and also with the mindset that this is God’s path that I am on. If it is His will, I WILL stand out. Angels are everywhere. If there is anything I believe, it is this!!
Hoping that everyone will check in today…missing you who haven’t posted–I know you’re out there!!
Please post..
S74 where in so cal I’m from there to SD HOPE U R DOING WELL TODAY …. Hope everyone is doing well
Hey Y’all
I get a daily devotion in my email box every day and I thought this one (with a few word changes) kind of fits us girls:
Here goes – Hope you can relate
I did not really start being the me that God created me to be until the day I was ready to quit. That afternoon I fell on my knees before God and choked out the words, “I can’t do this any more.”
And in that place of surrender, His peace came over me. His gentleness calmed my nerves. I felt like God bent down before me and spoke to my heart: You are right, Kitty. In your strength and through your perspective, you can’t do this. But with My promises, My presence and My power – all things are possible. I will help you become whole again.
Love,
Kitty
Amazing….isn’t it amazing how much God DOES love each of us?? I am spending some time this afternoon reflecting on all of the handprints of God sprinkled throughout my life~especially the past few years..the part where He helped me become whole again too. The proof is everywhere…all of you reading this are the proof…my gifts from God.
I think the zoloft is working. lol…
Wow! I typed out a whole book and it went to lala land! Blame it on the user!
Well I think I quit counting the hours. I havent had a vike since 8pm Saurday
Dang! I wasn’t done! Damn touch screen. Anyway, I didn’t go to work today. After ex hubby made dinner last nite, I was craving even more so I just gave the baby a bath and put her down. Took my zoloft and seroquel and I was out by 8pm. Woke up at 3am to some major RLS. At 6am, I made the decision to call in sick. I hadn’t been very productive the last couple of days anyway. Daddy took the baby to the sitter. She’s 21 months old. Our 3 boys are 12, 14 & 15. No one knows my dirty little secret. They all just think I have the flu or something.
I got my Kratom at noon. I burned some. Not too bad. I think its helping with the craving.
My friend who is my supplier (but doesn’t know she supplies it for me) has texted me twice today asking when I’m gonna pick up the 60. Haven’t responded yo her. So proud of myself.
Hope u all are doing well. Thank u all for being here.
QN- I’m in Orange County.
And does anyone know of a faster way to get to the end of these posts? I have to scroll for miles and sometimes it will only take me halfway and then stop…
Anyone got sore throat remedies? I’m an illness magnet and I caught whateverit is that my mom and the nieces had. My throat hurts so bad I can’t talk and can barely swallow.
As for the other stuff I’m still here, still thinking things through. But I have my own bedroom now, gonna put a lock on the door. So I can just shut myself away.He’s still telling me he’ll do anything to keep me, but my mind is shut off to what he’s saying right now. He’s even gone so far as to talk to my mom about things.
I’m just living in sick and numb land right now, staying sober(i don’t know how). Been looking for places to live, haven’t had much luck so far. Every place is too expensive or won’t allow pets. And I know it may sound loony, but I would rather live in my car than give up Candy.
Okay I neeed a nap. Love and hugs to all!
Steff – Yeah just click on the last post that shows at the top of the page on the right hand side – it lists the last five or so posts – all you need to do is click on one of them and it will being you to the the end…Kitty
Metoo – sooooo glad that you are feeling good – your posts sound more “UP” than in months…you go for it girl….I am happy when you are happy!
Kitty
Jamie – So you are saying your fiance lives with you and your parents…girl, you gotta get out of there and start a new life – I will be praying for you honey!
Kitty
Well everyone, you can officially call me “SINKER”ton now. I became so anxious today at the beginning of work that I freaked out, really freaked out, felt like I couldn’t breathe, I guess it was an anxiety attack. I ended up using again. I am embarrassed and ashamed. I didn’t feel it going into this detox like the first one…I think I said that before. I just wasn’t motivated and my heart was not in it. I struggled from the beginning and couldn’t focus. I didn’t keep my eye on the prize. Anyway, I don’t know where to go from here. I was almost too ashamed to post this but felt everyone deserves for me to be respectful of our relationship and give you nothing but honesty. How can I offer anyone else advice when I’m a mess?? I will not leave this site but I can’t tell you folks what is going to happen right now…just feel so defeated that I don’t even want to think about it. I don’t want to think about the vics or getting off of them or staying on them or any of that…I have no idea what is going on with me but I feel like crawling off into the woods to lick my wounds and figure things out. I just hope you all will forgive me for my weakness because you all have been so wonderful in cheering me on and I have let you down again.
Love, Sinkerton
@ Metoo, I do hope the job fair went well. The way I always interview is to keep in mind that PERCEPTION is everything. If you dress and behave like the position you want then you will have them eating out of your hands.
@ Steff, how are you doing? Take notice from my screw-up…don’t go back once you get through this…it will throw off your mojo, at least it did mine. I am in a terrible funk and the first detox I was pumped, motivated, and ready to take on the world, but I thoughtlessly decided that one pill wouldn’t hurt, used for two weeks, detoxed, and here I am relapsing for a second time, having panic attacks (I have never had one before), and completely feeling defeated and lost. SO, PLEASE HEED MY WARNING: IT IS MUCH, MUCH, MUCH, HARDER THE SECOND TIME!!!! I want you to succeed and I hear the determination in you posts, you will conquer this aweful demon!
@ Jamie, I take echinachea goldenseal when I start getting a sore throat, it helps reduce the duration of the illness.
@ Kitty, oh Kitty
Oh Pink! I’m so sorry. I give u so much credit for being honest. I am still tempted, but I know I would take 3 or 4 7.5′s at one time and as soon as it wore off, I’d take more.
No one knows how many times I relapsed so I understand how you feel. When the time is right, you will stop using, only you will understand when the time is right. I have been clean since Jan 2 and it has just been the last two weeks where the feeling to use has left me. Go figure.
Kitty Mom, I love you, if it wasn’t for you and Joe encouraging me all the way I could not have made it. I hope you are feeling better.
Jamie, I hope your dog is doing better.
MeToo I have been on zoloft for ten years and it has been a godsend. I am very happy to hear it is helping. It definitely has made a difference in my life.
To everyone else, best wishes on whatever part of recovery you are in and my prayers are with you.
Lori
Pink, dont worry about it we all have failed many times, and yes it does make you feel like a lose, but you are not!!!! Let me tell you what happened to me today. My husband had to go the the dentist to get a toothe pulled and guess what he came home with, a big old bottle of Vicoden. He know nothing about my addiction. I know he won’t take them because he does not like them, so I asked him if I could have one. He gave me a disgusted look and asked what the hell I need one for? I got really upset and asked him why he was being a jerk about it and he finally told me I could have one. I told him I would not take one if I like depended on it. Little did he know that my plan was when he went to bed I was going to switch all the pills out for some Tylenol that look just like Vicoden. When I got up to do the switch they were gone, I dont know where he put them, but talk about making me feel like the biggest piece of shit. So really dont think poorly of yourself, because if I had them I would take them. I am almost two months clean and I have the urge for pills every single day, I just have to completely eliminate them from my life or I will take them. Gook luck to you and I will be thinking out you.
Angela – so funny (not really) for you to talk about the switch – man I pulled that so many times it is not even funny. I did it with my hubby, my mother and would have done it with others if I had the opportunity….OH I am glad to get past that point – but God – I know where you are all coming from – the desire for those pills supercedes anything else in our lives. Hange in there girls – it gets better – I can honestly say I do not think of them any longer…..Thank the Lord above.
Nice hearing from you Angel and Lori – Miss you gals!
Angel – maybe hubby knows more than you think he does – My husband hid a bottle of his pills from me back in the day also.
Love
Kitty
Pink – don’t beat yourself up too much honey….When you are ready mentally you will beat this thing. It is hard because not only our mind craves the stuff, so does our body. I think that was the hard part for me….that constant craving and sick feeling you get without it. I wish I could have used kratam – Metoo swears by it and I trust her judgement – I got all kind of flushed and anxious on the stuff and also had vertigo with it. Now that the entire detox is over, I am glad not to be on anything. I am afraid I am too much of an addict to use anything – even plant derivatives…..I will through in an extra prayer for you my friend – this too shall pass.
Read the prayer I wrote above – when you are ready, ask for His help – take the pressure off yourself and put it in the strong hands of the Lord.
God be with all of you
Love
Kitty
Good morning ladies!
Metoo – Hope that job fair went well – I have never been to one of those shindigs – let us know how it went. You should knock them dead Girl!
Jamie, little jamie – hope your sore throat is better. I always take Zicam to ward of that kind of stuff. I start taking it at the first sign of a cold or sore throat and it seems to ward it off. I hope you are feeling better. I am praying that you find a safe haven in your life.
Hey Pink – How are you doing this morning – I know yesterday was traumatic for you. Why does it have to be so freaking hard, huh. I feel for you. So many of us have been there done that – you are not alone. Extra prayer thrown in for you this morning!
QN – how is your legal situation going. Hope it winds up soon so you can move on.
Steff – be strong – you can do this. Hear what Pink is saying and try to stay with it – remember one minute at a time if you have too. Are you taking the thomas recipe supplements? They really helped me…that and the hot showers – sometimes 5 times a day – and believe it or not – cold dips in the pool helped (weird) but I think it is anything that shocks the nerves – hot or cold.
Lori – so proud of you girl – you are getting there – just wait till you get to eight months – I can say that I am really feeling it now – after so many years of taking pills I thought that I would never be normal again – never be the me that I was before the evil fucking pills took a hold on my life – would never leave the house without the pills – would never wake up in the middle of the night just to pee instead of in withdrawal and needing a pill – would never leave a bottle of my husbands cough medicine with codiene on the bathroom sick for 8 months and not drink it and replace it with something else – would not look in my mom’s medicine cabinet and take her pain medication. There is hope girls – there is hope.
Thanks for being here everyone of you in different stages of addiction and recovery. It is you who keep me sane – it is you who keep me clean. I am honored to be here with you each day.
Love you all unconditionally
Kitty
@Lori, Angela, and Kitty, thank you for your understanding and compassion. I don’t wish for anyone to face this struggle but hearing that I’m not the only person who has relapsed or who can’t control themselves around the stuff does make me feel less like a loser and more like a human again.
Like I said, I have never before experienced such anxiety, EVER! It was like, “if I don’t do something my airways will swell shut, my heart will beat right out of my chest, and then my head will explode.” I know that sounds so “Desperate Housewives of Ohio” but it’s the truth. I feel like everything going on around me was too much. The basement flooding AGAIN, scheduling all the activities for the boys, work (my boss was being bitchy), my mom, etc. etc. And despite all that was going on I was only able to obsess over the pills. I haven’t given up even though I did give in, but I need to figure out what went wrong and fix it. Still looking at it as a learning experience. I thought about it last night and came to the conclusion that I need to reinvent myself, get into good habits …not to take my mind off the pills but because I enjoy them. For example, get back to church, the gym, bikinig, hiking, reading, scrapbooking, etc. I think that any changes I made were somehow in connection to the pills and getting well and I think I just need to NOT think about them for awhile and start enjoying life. The pills and detox started to define me because everything I did was about that. I know that isn’t what will be the popular opinion but I just wasn’t ready and it blew up in my face and now I think I need to find another focus. I hope that if I fill my life with enough good habits, they will push the vics out and when the time is right I will be successful. I need to enjoy the activities for what they are and not as a way to distract me from detox. Does this make sense?
I still want to be here, not only for my needs but because I really do care about how everyone on here is doing. Also, I don’t want to go where I was. I do want to kick this think but right now I’m not mentally able. I talked with someone yesterday and they suggested Zoloft too…maybe I’ll ask the therapist.
Love, Sinkerton
@ S74, thanks to you too and please hang in there and show me how it’s done!!
Hear me when I say that the second time sucks worse than the first and don’t let your head play tricks on you like mine did. I will be cheering you on!! You are strong and brave and can do what I couldn’t!!
Ahhh crying again! Did anyone else cry this much? I think im on day 4??? Trying not to count, but on the other hand, gotta count to remind myself how far I’ve come.
Went yo bed again at 8pm last nite. Up at 430am. Actually slept pretty good and felt pretty good upon waking. Trying to tell myself its gonna be a good day! I’m surprised that most of my withdrawls symptoms have subsided. And that kind of freaks me out because I keep waiting for it to get worse. Dont get me wrong, the withdrawls during the first 24-72 hrs were nearly unbearable, but somehow I made it thru. thank You Lord. I didn’t use the Thomas recipe…. but I did use my reg meds: zoloft, seroquel and klonopin. In addition, OTC drugs: tylenol, excedrin, ibuprofen. Oh ya and I did have an old rx for Robaxin thay seemed to help with the muscles a bit.
Anyway, I hope u all have a great day. U all are truly my inspiration. It actually feels good to have finally admit to other people that I am an addict. I dont know if I will ever tell my family or personal friends. Im vwry ashamed. I know that just in the last 12 months, I’ve wasted over $9k on vikes. Wow!
I Kratom aroma seems to also help a bit with the craving. Learned this a.m. that I can handle it with Sunny Delight!
Hey Devon! I just saw ur post… how u doin? Withdrawls suck, but you can do it!
Hey, kids! Man, have we done stuff or what? I thought I was the only one who thought of swapping other pills for vics..lol. I still feel bad about it too. When surgery is mentioned anywhere, my FIRST thought is of painkillers…I wonder how long it will take for that to go away!
PINKerton…aw, girl! I am bummed out FOR you, but I have been there too. Anxiety makes you feel like you are going to go crazy~and when that happens, it is an emergency…and any of us would do WHATEVER WE COULD to make it go away. It’s a good thing that I have distanced myself from my source because on those mornings that anxiety hits, I would have done the same thing. SO, I move that you don’t change your name. You’ll be back in the pink soon enough. Take a break and catch your breath. When the spirit moves you it will be your time to be done with this curse for good. Until then, HAVE ONE FOR ME!!!! (now, something about THAT is so wrong!!! Sorry…but that’s how I feel…) But don’t be so hard on yourself.
Hey, Steff!! I’m so glad that you got it down with Sunny D!! Yay!! You might have to adjust the amount upward because everyone is different, but once you get it right you will know.
I slept like a rock last night after some awesome bedtime exercising, and woke up AGAIN anxiety free. I could get used to this!
Metoo, you just made me laugh out loud, you are too funny!! I was hoping to hear from you today cause I didn’t see any posts from you after I disclosed my indescretion. Thanks for understanding and supporting me even when I don’t deserve it. Happy to hear you are happy and I guarantee that your genuine feeling of wellbeing beats out any feeling that comes in a bottle!! Good for you!!
Love, DINKerton (is that better? i do feel like a dink)
Pink – Dink is better than dork!
Love Kitty
Metoo – LMFAO!
Did somebody call for me? Thought I heard, “Dork!”
Here I am!!
Yesterday I was trying to explain to my wife how I felt–I think I’ve been waaay off on the seratonin for a LONG time–and it felt MENTALLY the way vicodin feels..just plain old elation and happiness, and my old long lost friend, joy. I also said it’s no wonder I took vics~~sometimes we will take or do anything that will make us feel better, and that was my tool at that time in my life. Seriously, I wish I had found zoloft earlier!! My wife isn’t keen on the idea of me taking zoloft–you know how it is when you just want to make something better for someone? SHE wanted our life together to be my zoloft equivalent. Ah, we women are complex creatures!! Today, though, the zoloft hasn’t kicked in yet. And I’m waiting…ah, here comes my kratom!
Ugh! Detoxing and PMS’ING are NOT a good combo! How’s everyone doin?
I will take all bullets to the head! I’d rather be detoxing than be this sick! And it’s like 90 degrees with no ac.. whine whine whine. It hurts to talk so i’m gonna whine whine whine in type lol
Love and hugs to all!
LOL Jamie! Hope u feel better soon! I use throat coat when I have a sore throat and it usually helps. I get it from Trader Joes, but I think Walmart and Target have it now too!
@ Metoo, your wife sounds sweet and very much in love…that is so romantic that she wants to be your cure.
Well, I got more bad news today and need all my friend’s prayers. My sister had a tumor removed from her breast and she called me and it came back positive for cancer. She will need a masectomy as the dr didn’t feel he got it all since there was cancer in the tissue around the tumor. So to keep everyone straight, my mom had a lumpectomy and has cancer in 3 of 28 lymphnodes and is having hormone therapy and radiation. And now my bio sister just found out she has it too. UNBELIEVABLE! I feel positive because both caught it early and have been regular on their mammograms. Please pray for them though and also, check yourselves ladies….my sister’s didn’t show up on a mammogram because it was off to the side. I am going with her on Monday to discuss the surgery. They are also testing her lymphnodes and that will determine if she needs radiation or chemo. I’ll keep you all posted. CHECK YOURSELVES TODAY!!
Thanks S74! I am pretty bummed I slipped up- went to dr with a kidney infection and they gave me a shot of morphine. Shoot- so my first few days of torture were pointless! I got some ultram from my dr tho and hope to wean with those for a few days. My family is on the line here!! Nothing can be more important!!! Especially no stupid high!!!
Ahhh Pink, I’m so sorry! My thoughts and prayers are with u and ur family.
Devon… yes, family is so important. I actually think I’m beginning to see clearer…
And Metoo… ur a lucky lady and so is ur wife!
I feel like my world is crumbling and there is nothing I can do to stop it. My husband is my best friend and we can tell each other anything, he has never judged me and he has always treated me like an Angel, no matter what I have put him through. The one thing though that I have never talked to him about is my addiction because I thought it was something I had under control. I feel like he knows now, he won’t come right out and say it, but he is treating me different and I know that he knows. I am not taking the pills, but if he knows I am sure that he is thinking back to all of the times that he has felt sorry for me when I am sick, all my trips to the Dr’s office, and if he knows he is never going to trust me again. What do I do wait until he says something and let this tension go on and on? I love him so much and I just can’t take this, I know he would never leave me because he really does love me, we are truly best friends, but it breaks my heart to think that he does not trust me. Please I just need somene to say the right thing, my heart is truly breaking. I am a good person, but I feel like the biggest piece of shit right now. The one person I can count on to take me in his arms and hold me tight won’t even look at me. Sorry to vent everybody, I know that everyone has their own problems but I need someone to give me some guidance. Love you all, Angel.
S74, good to see you here. I love coming on here and reading about people changing their lives. It is good that you have your hubby for support. It really sucks trying to do it on your own. I had my wife helping me out. It must be more difficult for you having 4 kids. I have one myself, 14 months old. I know you’ll be fine. You have so many people praying for you.
I miss SD but I am very used to Miami now. Except the humidity, I’ll never really get used to that.
METOO! I hope all is well. What have you been up to? I hope you havn’t been feeling depressed. I wonder what causes depression. Aside from the chemical imbalance.
Has anyone ever read the book “The Purpose Driven Life”? I just started it again. You are supposed to read one chapter a day. I have started it before but never made it to day 40. I’m on day 3 now. Let me know if anyone wants to join me in reading. The book says its better to do in groups. You can find the book very cheap on half.com.
Mothers day is coming up. Happy mothers day to all you wonderful mothers. I’ll be going to the Zoo with my wife and daughter. It really does feel good to walk for hours then come home, lay back, and watch a movie with my wife. I don’t know why but I sleep so much better if I exercise.
Angela the best thing for you to do is sit down and talk with him. Be completely honest with him. Remind him how much you love him and how grateful you are to have had him by your side through it all. If he is upset it is probably more so for the fact that you didn’t have him in on the loop when you were taking pills and wd and all. I’m sure he just feels like you didn’t trust him with your problem. Assure him that you do trust him. Tell him you will never keep a secret from him again. Then just try not to. Just make sure you’re honest with him when you talk. Don’t make excuses. Be strait forward. I know everything will be fine.
Love you all. Stay out of trouble.
I think I’m on day 5.5… if I took my last pill at 8pm last Sat. nite. Why do i feel so dumb that I can’t figure that out?
Anyways, up and at ‘em! TGIF!!! Thx for the kind words Tony… I may be interested in doing the book thing with u.
Angela, if u can be honest with him, I say go for it! hell, I wish I was in a position like that with my ex hubby. But he’d freak because then he’d figure out where my money was going. Good luck! I will be praying for u.
Angel~I think there comes a time in every relationship when we need to sit at the table and eat some crow. It won’t be among your memory of proud moments, but it WILL help you and your husband to be stronger together. I would make an ‘appointment’ with him tonight, and just spill your guts. Face it head on, and deal with it now. You are strong, and you can do this too!!! Imagine all of us sitting behind you, backing you up. You’re a fantastic person, a great mother, and I’m sure you are a wonderful wife too. Also, since it’s Mothers Day weekend, the timing is right for you to get this out of the way, and have a beautiful day on Sunday…that’s what I think…and hope!
Jamie, I hope you are getting better! I am thinking of you!!!
Kitty, I hope that YOU have the best Mothers Day ever….you are a fantastic influence in my life and I am thankful to have you…so thankful!! It is one of my prayers that you will be a lifetime friend of mine..
Steff, hang in there!! You are doing greattttttt!!! (In Tony the Tiger voice!!!)
Oh, and Devon? I say that since THEY gave you the shot, you can’t have that on YOUR conscience…hee!! You just keep on movin’ on!!
Tony, it is great to hear from you! Please stick around here and walk with us. Stinkerton and I need you!
To all the Mothers among us—Happy Mothers Day!!!
And if you would all do me the honor of listening quietly to this song for my own Mom in Heaven. This was one of the ‘staples’ on Mothers Day for us at our house. Maybe if Heaven has a link to youtube, my Mom can listen along….I miss you, Mom~Happy Mothers Day, sweet lady!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjQOpWH3shg
Tony…I have that book here somewhere! I will dig it out and reach for excellence with you! Steff, do you have the book yet? Who else is in for this special reading?
Good morning everyone!! Hope everyone is having a groovy start to your weekend. We finally saw the sun on thurs and the first part of fri so we folks here in ohio are smiling.
Quittingnow, I’m gonna need your clinical expertise regarding my sister’s condition. Hers is different than my mom’s. She said that the doc described the tumor as having smaller tumors inside and also it is known to break off and spread around the original tumor undetected. That is why they have to do a masectomy where my mom’s tumor was encapsulated and that is why they were confused as to why there was cancer in a few lymphnodes. Any light you can shed on this would be appreciated because I am totally confused and on overload with info and trying to keep it all straight. I feel very positive for both because they are vigilant with checking and getting their mammograms. It’s been caught early.
Metoo, I believe our loved ones are always watching over us and continue to be a part of our lives. That is one reason why I have been so respectful of my bio mom and bio brother even though they have been unkind, abusive, and down right mean to me and my children. I feel like my bio dad is looking down and when I meet him again in heaven he will be proud of how I handled the situation. Keep in mind that when I say bio mom she is not the same mom with cancer who has adopted me and my kids. I always refer to anyone in my bio family as bio ….
Kitty, haven’t seen you post on here in a while, you good?? Same with you Jamie?? Angela, I agree with everyone else, tell him what is going on, esp. if he already suspects it. Tony, that book sounds familiar, I may be interested in participating…is it too late to join?
Great Job S74!! Keep it up, remember to never give in to the temptation…that is what screwed me up royally and I can’t describe how disappointed in myself I am and how much it wasn’t worth it!!!
Stickerton
Spent some time in the ER yesterday, cuz my doc couldn’t squeeze me in. But I got seen and got some antibiotics, YAY. Feeling a tad better already.
Hi all; I have been taking vicodin off and on for about a year; I thought I licked it and hadn’t had any for several months until my dr prescribed it after some minor surgery, with 3 refills. I used all those then got more from another dr. I was only taking 3 a day but I stopped taking it yesterday and am also having a lot of depresssion. I hate this feeling and I just want it to stop. I have no real physical symptoms but would rather have those than this feeling. I was already taking prozac for past 10 yrs but I think the vicodin was overridding that. I found this site and it is a bit comforting to read that others are also going through this. I feel so alone.
Happy Mothers Day!
Where is everyone??
Jamie, hope you are feeling better!
Have a good day whatever you have planned. Pink
Happy Mother’s day to all you moms, and an extra special happy day to my About mom Kitty!
Hello everyone again.Been quite awhile since I posted.Obviously been relapsing.Yeah this is a long slow process for me.Just get sick and tired of being sick and tired. I feel like crap so when I do find a pill or two I “treat” myself and just feel so much better.I know it’s a stupid cycle to be in but thats where I’m at now.
Been going through past posts and read how all you good people have been dealing with all your day to day pressures and it reminded me that once again I can be strong through this again.
Jamie I can’t even describe how I admire how you could actually deal with your baby being sick and at the mercy of an incompetent vet.My whole life is my animals.I could care less about myself but do believe that my greater good revolves around my animals.I would of cried myself to death if I would of had to deal with what you went through.I’m glad she is better and I hope your back and other problems are not unmanageable.As for me I am still sunk down in my
feel-like-shit-week and ALL my physical problems are just making me so damn worn down I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel(yet).
I will return to gain inspiration from my friends on here when time permits.You all add something in each of your lives that reaches out to everyone to give hope
to the addict who still suffers.Thank you all.xxrainxx
BTW…Happy Mom’s Day All you girls You rock!!
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ALL THE MAMA’S ON HERE! HOPE EVERYONE HAS A BEAUTIFUL DAY! XOXO
Happy mothers day mama’s! I hope you had a good weekend. Still not too late to start the book. I’m only on day 5.
By the way, my sleeping pattern has been off lately. One day I took a long nap in the afternoon and didn’t get to bed until very late at night. Now when I go to sleep at night I wake up after like 4 hours. Then I go to sleep again at like 2 in the afternoon. I can’t seem to sleep a whole night through. Any advice?
Wow! Just have to share… went to the in-laws for a Mother’s Day BBQ and guess what was in the open medicine cabinet? Yep… a bottle of vikes… so proud of myself… I didn’t even let the cabinet stay open enough to see how many were in the bottle! I slammed that shyt shut and walked right out of the bathroom…. and then to the kitchen to wash my hands!
Wow S74 that is not easy. Its amazing how life seems like one big test. You passed today hun, congratulations. Keep it up, your on your way to greatness. Those pills were a road block. You’ve busted through it. Brush off the dust and keep moving forward.
Welcome Back Rain!
Way to go S74!
Alrighty, mamas, how was your mothers day?
My parents and I went to my sisters house. My mom and I took the girls to buy something for their mom. We got back, had a nice dinner bbq steak and various salads. I chilled with the nieces watching youtube videos, while my sis n parents watched a movie. Then we all sat and watched home movies from when the girls were babies. Came home and my girls were so happy to see me, whining ang wiggling with their tails wagging. It was a good day.
Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Today is Vous Day! I will be attending and if you are anywhere near Miami I would be more than happy to sit with you. But if you do not live near Miami, you can still be involved. go to http://thevous.com/ and watch it live! I hope to see some of you there, at least online. Keep up the good fight.
love ya’ll
Just checking in with everyone, how are you folks doing?
Haven’t heard from you in a while Quittingnow, Metoo, and Kitty. Hope all is well!
Mother’s Day was ok. My oldest son has some issues and acted like a jerk but it ended nicely at a cookout at my mom’s house. My bio brother had a cookout for my bio mom and of course didn’t invite us….oh well, he has to live with himself. I called my bio mom and she of course didn’t get the card I sent…I’m sure he threw it away (she lives with him). I asked her to lunch one day this week and she accepted so I can visit with her without going through him. It’s a mess but I continue to try to have a relationship with her even if it’s rejected at times. I just wait and try again later.
Have a great day! Pinkerton
I am OK – if you need anything give me a hollar by email and I will respond.
Just trying to keep it together and survive change.
Love to all
Kitty
Birdlvr, how are you doing?? I hope every day gets a little better for you!!! I am praying for you!!!
Q, I could use more of you! Last week I got my dose of zoloft upped to 50mg from 25 mg. I was HOPING that the happy times were going to increase too—but not so far! When you increase the dose, does that mean you set your ‘clock’ back to getting used to it again?????? I am waiting every dayyyyyyyyyy for the happy moments, and they seem to be gone. What is going on, Q??? Will it get better??? Please respond when you can-I know you are busy too, but I am needing you!
Change. Oh, boy. Love it so much. NOT.
Let’s keep hanging in there together, folks. We can each get through our individual trials if we hang tight and support each other. I am here for anyone who needs me~
metoo05@live.com
….it was then that I carried you….
Good to hear from both of you ladies!! I was starting to wonder…
Kitty, you seem to be disconnected, is there anything I can do to help? I hope the change you speak of is a positive change.
Metoo, I agree about supporting each other and hanging tight. After I relapsed I thought about not coming on here anymore because I felt like a hypocryte but I realized that I still want to help where I can and also have alot left to learn. I have not given up and will take the steps I need to when the time is right for me. I needed to step back from the situation for awhile and get myself centered. I am working on me right now and pray that when I need it that God will give me the strength to overcome. I hope that you and Kitty stay on because people need both of you and look to you for support. Not to put pressure on you ladies but it was both of you who got me started thinking about quitting and got me to at least try twice and you are who I want there when I try again. Before I came on this sight I didn’t see quitting as a viable option, I didn’t think I had the strength but the folks on this site gave me the courage to try. Yes, I failed but I will dust myself off and try again. I hope the Zoloft levels out for you and you start feeling a constant feeling of wellbeing.
Good job S74!! Way to stay strong!! I admire you and look forward to seeing your continued success.
xxxrainxxx, I know how you feel with the cycle thing. I am trying to figure out my journey and how to be successful in licking this once and for all. Good luck to you.
Jamie, what’s up with the boyfriend?? Are you ok? What a sweet mother’s day story. I love my two dogs and they made my mother’s day extra special. It’s like the Mastiff knew it was Mother’s Day because he sat down next to me (his head is even with mine when I’m sitting in a chair and he sits) and gave me the sweetest little kiss (read “slobbery lick across the face”). My boys, on the other hand, were not so loving, but hey, they are little and still in the me, me, me, stage of their lives.
Angela, Lori, Joe, where are you?
Quittingnow, where have you gone?? Went with my bio sister yesterday to consult with the reconstructive surgeon as when she has the masectomy they will do the reconstruction at the same time. He said that she has very little need to worry that he has seen alot of patients in her situation and they come out ok. She has Lobular (sp) cancer. It was the size of her thumbnail when they removed. Any thoughts?? My mom finds out Fri what type of hormone therapy she will have (type 1,2, or 3).
Everyone take care and have a great day!!
Hey everyone
Kitty – go -lightly
is back
Want to share this video “Do you love me – now that I CAN DANCE” with y’all. DIRTY DANCING – one of my favorite movies of all time!!!
Put on those dancin shows – come on Metoo -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epPiqIUlhPU&feature=related
Man, Pink, I try to lurk and you always call me out! lol
I’m doing okay. Starting to feel a lot better sickwise, so I’ve been trying to keep busy the last two days. Cleaned the carpet upstairs, did some room rearranging in MY new bedroom of my own. I’m still here, he’s still kissing ass trying to make up for what he did, I still am not sure what the hell I’m going to do. But the last few days have been a lot easier, I’ve been given my space and the room to breathe and think. But he’s starting to get all mopey and more sad because I guess he thinks that I should be ready to forgive and forget by now. I don’t work like that, you usually only get to betray me once, because I don’t give you another chance, you’re out of my life. I just have sssooooooooo much zipping through my mind and trying to sort out feeelings and facts and ugh blah blah, just making me confused.
So Jamie has been withdrawn from the world some, going through my emotions and my music collection as my facebook friends have noticed I’m sure. I’m annoying people but the music helps.
I better get to the Z factory, 3:16am here. Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Oh my bacon! Withdrawl symptoms are back full force!!! I didn’t realize that’s what I was feeling yesterday. Wth? They can to away and come back? Headache, chills, sweats, restlessness, anxiety… it’s been 10 days and it’s back? The depression sucks enough as it is. I really want a pill or 60! :’(
Hey girls and guys sorry my court thing was so difficult and couldn’t get on line but any how sorry I’ve been gone ok pink — that is the best kind of breast cancer to have I was just going to ask what kind there are names for each cancer any how lobular cancer in the breast is the easiest and the one that is 99.9 % curable so that’s good and then they will give her breast implants so her self astem will be good insurance covers that for people who r young so pink dint worry at all she will be 100% fine mark my words she may not even have to have chemotherapy or radiation once the mastectomy is finished ….
lol I know I’m not that important …. I really hope you are ok and doing not just good but wonderful
Metoo — yes any time ur dose is increased u have to Waite a whole 2 to 3 weeks for it to be 100% effective so it will get better I belive you can go all the way up to 100 mg not 100% sure have to look it up on my palm piolot not telling u to increase Waite till ur doctor tells u but just giving u light if the 50 mg doesn’t get u happy happy then u still have 2 more upages is that a word ???? Any how I don’t know if u have heard of abilify it’s to be added to a antidepressant to increase the effectness just ask ur doctor everyone we put that combo with does extremely well ??? Just a thought but hope u do feel better
Wow new people great s 74 hope I got that right just hang in there u will get much better so soon u r almost touching it so don’t give in u will make it on the other side and I hear it’s much better !!!!!!
Jamie — sounds like ur man loves u I hope u can work it out I know how u feel but sometime snooping is a sign of love case if they care enough about u to even risk the look then they want to make sure u r his 100% that’s how I look at it … But ur heart will lead u and what’s mention to happen will … I WISH U HAPPINESS
KITTYMOM — u haven’t asked about me
All the new people welcome and hope we can all be here for each other love u guys till next time have a wonderful day
OH QN – I am so sorry – I have been selfish and thinking of myself the last week or so – and I meant no disrespect at all. Please bear with me folks – I am in kind of a self reflective slump right now and I need to get out of it soon. Sooooo – how are you? Let me know when you are quitting (now?) and I will be right there with you. I was 8 months clean on Mother’s Day (I like saying that) and for some reason am feeling sorry for myself (well, I know the reason, but can’t say)
Jamie, Metoo, Angel, Pink, Lori – all of you – I think of you daily and keep you in my prayers. Please throw one in for me if you will and ask our Lord and Savior to heal my heart.
I love you all and please fogive what seems to be my uncaring attitude – not true, not true at all.
Kitty
I love you guys! I am going to my favorite store, and then off on a bike ride…looking for morel mushrooms and endorphins!!! I will settle for either one!!
I always pray while hunting, so KNOW that all of you are in those prayers.
Q, THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME HOPE. You have no idea how much you, (Q) mean to me…
All of you…each of you…are in my heart. Thanks for being so great.
DDKitty, you hang in there. I need you here…but only because you want to walk with us. Not because we demand it-(But dammit, WE DO!!)
Wow, so happy to see everyone back and doing ok!!
@ Jamie, I guess I do call you out….lol…just concerned about you and want to hear how you are doing. Take your time with this guy and figure out what you want. I don’t think he committed the unforgivable sin but if he did in your eyes then you do what is right for you.
Thanks for the feedback QN, makes me feel so much better. All this cancer stuff is confusing and scary. What about the kind my mom has? She had a lumpectomy and is having hormone therapy because they found it in 3 of 28 lymphnodes. Any thoughts? How are you doing?? Court go ok??
Kitty, I have been praying for you all along. I could tell something was up. I am so glad so see you posting again….we all need you so much. Tie a knot and hang on Kitty, you’re gonna get out of this funk.
Metoo, love seeing your posts too. Hope the Zoloft gets the job done soon!! Been praying for you too.
Love to all, Pinkerton
Hey everyone – thanks for all the attagirls! I need you guys too
Now enjoy this music – Every Little Things Gonna Be Alright!
RIP Bob Marley – 30 years today! Still Love the guy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaGUr6wzyT8
Ok, here it goes everyone, I have so much to say so bear with me. Friday night my husband of 11 years went to bed and I went in to talk to him and confess my addiction, before I could get anything out he told me that he is leaving me and the boys for a girl he has been having an affair with for a year. For three days I was on my hands and knees begging him to stay that I could forgive anything, and he flat out said that he is in love with her and he is done with me. I told him how much this was going to hurt the boys and he thinks they will be just fine. He actually thought he was going to get them half the time and I was going to get them half the time, he is crazy. Now that he has actually talked to people he has realized that he is screwed and he is giving me everything in the house and me and the boys are moving to my parents house, thank God I have them. I am a stay at home Mom and have no income besides what he brings in. I made sure to print out a legal agreement and he signed it and we went and had it notarized, he says he wants nothing but to see his kids. The plan was for him to stay here while we moved, but after one night of him being here I told him that he needed to leave until we are gone. So this week has been very hard, I am truly broken, but I have realized how many people love me, and with the help of God, my children, friends and family I will make it through this. I have to be strong for my children. One good thing is I have not even thought about pills, I think because I know I have to have a clear head and I have to make all of the right decisions for me and my kids. I could say so much more, because right now I sure do love to talk to people. Just please say a prayer for my children, they are the ones I am concerned about, I just don’t understand how his stupid mistake has changed their lives so much. Well I am going to “try” and get some sleep, I have lots more packing and moving to do tommorow. Love you all, Angel
It is great to be able to come on here for support. I urge you to also plant yourself into a local church also. It is amazing what God does through people. I know His will isn’t for us to be alone and isolated.
Okay, first of all I want to apologize if I’m not being as suuportive as I should be lately. My life is a mess, but I shouldn’t neglect you guys. You’ve all always been a tremendous help to me and I owe you more.
S74, you got 10 days in, hang in there! Things will get better.
Q, hope your court stuff is going well for you.
Kitty”MOM”, congrats on 8 months. You are always the one on here being so supportive. You deserve to take some time for yourself once in a while. You’re our glue and we all don’t know what we would do without you, so you do what you have to to keep your sanity.
Metoo, you’re always so encouraging. We love you for it. How are you doing with your meds? How is the job hunt going?
Pink, keep calling me out. I know you must be going through a lot with all this cancer stuff in your family. I know what it’s like, I almost had a nervous breakdown when my mom was going through her breast cancer. You and your family are in my thoughts.
Angel, girl, you know I’m here for you. Haven’t heard from you since our last chat. I hope you are getting by okay. I am glad that he’s at least making it easier for you by not fighting you on things. You can call on me any time you need to, here, on facebook or on the phone. Wish I could hop a plane and go kick some asses for you, cuz I’m vicious when it comes to the people I care about. I hope your boys are doing okay with all this change. I’m thinking of you and hoping for the best for you.
Tony, it’s nice to have some testosterone around since Joe abandoned us. We need a man around to keep us crazy ladies in line!
I had quite the odd day today, surreal. My friend came by to drop something off, the one I was accused of having the affair with. Well, my fiancee got home from work and saw him here and was instantly pissed. My friend and I were sitting in the garage with my mom just chatting, fiancee walked right past didn’t say a word or look at anyone. A few minutes later he came back out and asked me if I was ready to talk, I was kinda confused, then he turned to my friend and asked him if he was ready to talk.
So we ended up in the backyard sitting around a table. The fiancee laid out his problems he had with my friend and his concerns. My friend agreed with him on some things, disagreed with him on others. But the shocker was that they sat there calmly and talked. And they were brutally honest with each other. Fiancee was like I don’t like you, but I really don’t know you. My friend was like I don’t like you either you’re a dick. But it was all calm, I was kind of amazed actually, because I know they really don’t like each other. Fiancee laid out all he wanted to say, my friend said some things he wanted to say and made it a point to say he wouldn’t abandon me as a friend because the fiancee didn’t like it. So they ended up shaking hands, fiancee went in the house and my friend had to leave. I was still kind of in a WTF daze at this point.
A littl while later when I finally went back in the house, the fiance comes in the living room an sits down and starts talking with me about things. We’ve been together 5 years, never have we ever sat down and communicated like this, especially with so much drama going on. But we sat and discussed our issues calmly for a few hours, he broke down at one point and srarted crying. It was nice, neither of us got mad, we let the other say what they were saying before we responded. For me nothing has changed really, feelings wise. But I think that we have just a little tiny bit better understanding of the other. I’m still up in the air with what I’m gonna do, but at least for the moment the waters have calmed in my environment. Which will make it a lot easier for me to sort things out in my head.
Well, once again, here I am at 3am. Got the pain management doctor this afternoon, so I better get some rest. Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Angela, I’m so sorry to hear this kind of news, esp. when children have to be uprooted and tramatized. Thank goodness you are not even attracted to the idea of taking a pill…BE PROUD OF YOURSELF!!! Also, great thinking in having him sign a document stating he only wants to visit the kids. …way to keep your head on straight. When you say “girl” is she alot younger than him? Hey, thank God that you were detoured from telling him about the vics cause he could have used it against you…God works in mysterious ways.
WOW Jamie, at least your dude has some balls and can handle it in a rational, adult-like manner rather than getting pissed and jumping the guy. In my opinion in takes greater courage to talk things out face to face, man to man than to kick someone’s ass. And the fact that you two are discussing your issues is going to bond you closer together in the long run. No couple goes without issues from time to time but talking things out and moving on actually makes you stronger.
Tony, good point about church…it saved my life, connected me to positive uplifting people who have helped me grow and become a better person. Also, there are some crisis in our lives that only God can carry us through. BTW, Jamie’s right, it’s nice to have some testosterone around Tony!! You always have great feedback and advice.
Angela…One point I’d like to add…find a church that fits you and your family. Maybe you already have one, but if you don’t then make sure you “shop around” for a church that shares the same beliefs you do. Secondly, try to find a neutral person to talk to, maybe we are that for you and that is great, but you may want to consider a counselor (shop for them too). That way you have an objective point of view. I think this situation will be constantly changing and you will need a compass and someone who has your best interest in mind.
Kitty, I’m hoping you are shaking off the funk and are back to feeling like your old self. You do what you need to and if it’s to take a few days to nurture yourself then you know I support you and pray for you the whole time. However, you need to come back as soon as you can…lol..Can you hear Carly Simon playing in the background..”nobody does it better…” lol…
A shout out to Metoo, how did the hunting go yesterday….catch any wild mushrooms?? fall down any rabbit holes? lol…I love this time of year and love hiking and riding my bike. Right now I’m sitting at a ball field in NE Ohio most nights…I enjoy that too though, anything that will take me away from laundry and cleaning!!
Another shout out to QN! Have a blesse day my medicinal friend.
Lori?? Where hath thou gone?
Everyone have a great day!! Pinkerton
Angel, I am hurting for you. I am so sorry that this has happened in your life, and in the lives of your precious boys. I need for you to know that when you talk about what has happened with others who care about you, the bad feelings that are expressed will be less on you, because you are ‘getting it out’. Please use us here as a good way to dispel the hurt. Get it off of you and get it out!
I pray for you to receive God’s help, the swift assistance of His angels, and a vast abundance of friends to share your load. They say that God never gives you more than you can handle, but at times like this I wish I understood the whole plan. May God in his agenda for you give you his mercy and the grace to follow this path He has laid in front of you. There is something glorious at the end of this trail, Angel. Lean on us and we will help you walk. Lean on the angels and they will help you fly…
Hey guys …. Ok
Angel– OMG I’m so glad you didn’t tell him cause just like pink said he would of defiantly used it aginst you … And what a jerk men sometimes are such jerks man !!!!! You will be better off with out him and your kids will be just fine with the greatest mom in the world so that’s taken care of I know you have to be going threw he’ll now but it will get better with time … Time makes everything better doesn’t it I really hope the best for you I really do you are such a great person and font deserve this you have slayed the biggest beast already ( the vics) so now you can do anything !!!!!!
Jamie — see I told you he did it out of love I think I have mentioned before that my husband looks threw all my things also at first I was upset but then I relized he just lives mr more than I know and now it actually feels good when he cares enough to look threw my things … I may even wonder what’s wrong if he doesn’t (LOL) I knew everything would work out great ….
Pink — you are welcome you have really helped me and hope that you stick around cause I’ll be starting my detox Sunday this Sunday and that’s it for ne never again mark it on your calendar this is it I am fucken done with this shit I’ll be on the otherside starting to feel better and better everyday …. Hope you start soon also we have got to get the pills
Kittymom — glad to hear you are feeling better hope you are here Sunday to talk me threw this one LAST TIME it’s over for me … Thanks
Meetoo— hope the meds ate helping did you need these before you started the pills or is this something new ??? Any way you are the best and I pray for supper happy days for you cause god knows you deserve it !!!!!!
Everybody that I missed hope you are well and happy and staying off the pills !!!!! I’ll be right there with you guys very very soon thanks sorry it’s so long I just read lots of long posts and thought I would add to it
Q, my Mass on Sunday is for YOU!!! I’m behind you ALL THE WAY!!! Thank you for all the insight YOU bring to us here. We are definitely better with you as a part of us!
Hey everyone,
QN – You’re darn tootin I will be here on Sunday checking in – checking in – checking in….
Metooey – I just want to thank you for being here the past eight months – feels like I have known you forever – and if it were not for you and Joe – I wouldn’t have survived the detox….so thanks – oh and I like your new profile picture – girl, it rocks!!!
Pink , thanks for being here – you are part of our girl gang now….love having you here.
Jamie – I am glad to hear that there might be a light at the end of the tunnel with you and your fella – Work it out baby – before you even consider marriage. Issues remain issues until they are discussed and worked out…don’t run away, pout, or hide from issues – until they are talked about, they are not resolved – listen to your “about” mom on this one – and sounds like you are moving in that direction!
Lori – (and metoo) thanks for the emails girls – what would a kitty do without friends like you!
Last but definately not least – my dear dear Angel. Sounds like you got your ducks in a row – now you just gotta let your heart heal. Excuse the language – but what the fuck is wrong with these guys – and we know what they think with and it is not their brains! Someone pays the least bit of attention to them and they start thinking with that thang between their legs…Sorry Tony, present company excluded!
Well all I can say is thanks for being here and I will try to be more responsive going forward – Kitty’s get in a slump sometimes and are appreciative of freinds like Y’all….
Love you guys
Kitty
PS – This is “the” day the Lord hath made….make the most of it!
SouthernMom & MeToo – I have been reading your posts over and over for the past few weeks to find inspiration and not feel guilty for my addiction. I love that you are so honest. I have done some of the same things maybe even worse in order to feed my habbit. I have been taking Vicodin for 10 years. Started out at a low dose for migraines. My doctor kept insisting that if I took a steady dose I would not have the clusters. CRAZY, right. Well, after two kids and a stressful job I am now at 10 a day. Varies from Vicodin to Norco – 5/500 or 7.5/500 sometimes 10/325. Either way, I feel like I need it for every event, whenever I leave the house, to deal with my husband (who is amazing). He does not know and would be devistated if he found out. I feel like I am hurting my family in so many ways by not being the mother or wife I should be. Vicodin has made me into a completely different person. I”m bitchy all the time and have no interest in anything. I have a well paying full time job and I”m able to work from home. I am just now feeling like the addiction is affecting my job. I hate the way it makes me feel now but take it to not get sick. I have tried to stop several times and it sucks. But, I do realize the more you keep busy, the more you don”t have time to deal with the symptoms. Even if I am sick with withdrawls I still have to take my kids to swim, soccer, etc. It actually helps keep my mind off of it. I recently told my doctor that I did not want her to fill anymore scripts. Then of course I wished I could take it back. So, now my supply is gone. I have stolen meds from friends and family which I am so ashamed of. As far as the Thomas Recipe, Coconut water has more potasium than the supplements and bananas and has helped. BUT
AMAZINGY enough, I ordered the Kratom and it is the BOMB. I had a weekend event with friends and was so scared because had just run out of vics. I took 4-5 in the morning 4-5 afternoon and felt a little tired but no diahrea , no crawling out of my skin, no shakes, no RLS. AMAZING. Thank you MeeToo. I hope I can stay away from the vics but I know myself too well. I just remeber the day when I had no idea that those stupid pills even existed. I am sad what I have become. I used to be so much fun, full of life. I feel dead inside now. I will keep reading everyone”s posts for encouragement and hope for the best. God Bless everyone trying to beat this nasty habbit.
I just read Angela’s post and my heart goes out to you.
Not Myself – Welcome to the “about” page .Reading your post was like reading my autobiography – really – same – same – same….I hope you beat the beast and if you stay here, we will all be right by your side – so I gather you are detoxing right now???? and you are taking kratum…and it is helping? Good Good – the potassium helps and the minerals listed in the thomas recipe. There is a liquid mineral supplement at GNC that I took along with everything else on the recipe – Hot shower worked for me – cold also helped – walked into the cold water of the pool in September in Florida – I think anything to stimulate the nerves helps…Time – time is the most important factor – the fact that it almost stands still for a while is the worst , but each passing day will bring you closer to freedom. Alot of us on here are surviving after pills and a few are still starting out. So, either way, you have fellow travelors. You are in my prayers dear –
Love
Kitty
Notmyself, WELCOME!!!
Your post made my day!! (Heck, let’s be real~it made my WEEK!) I am SO glad that you found kratom to be so helpful!
What day of detox are you actually on? And I am interested to know where you got your kratom from. There are some not very good places to get it, so I hope you ordered from EntheoFarm. I am also interested to know how much kratom you took at a time to help you to feel alright.
The good part is that when you get through the detox stage, kratom can help you to stay clean also. I have made it well over a year now, and I credit kratom for that victory. When you get to the point of realizing that kratom is better than vicodin, you have slayed this dragon. (In my opinion…) And then, when it’s time to give up the kratom, it’s not at all like getting off vics. It’s like stepping down in my mind. (and NOT going back!)
Notmyself, if you would like more information on kratom and also the web address of an excellent forum about kratom, please email me at metoo05@live.com. If I hear from you that’s great, and if not, that’s ok too! Just putting it out there for you.
Hey, JameCat, I think you’ve done something we would all love to do…you got that man of yours THINKING. Keep at it, girl. If he’s able to sit down and DISCUSS things, there is still hope for this rare specimen of manliness. I’m all for love, so I hope it can be worked out!!
In other news, I’m glad I’m gay. But I still need a job!!! LOL!!!
Ah geez! I typed a whole book again and lost it….
Thank u MeToo for recommending the Kratom. I had a great day and didnt burn any kratom until after work.
NotMyself… u came to the right place girl! So much support here. I too cannot tell the (ex) hubby cuz I know he’ll be angry and I don’t know if he could forgive me.
Angel- hang In there mama. I’ve been there with my daughter’s sperm donor who turned out to be a sociopath. Ex hubby has been there for me thru It all and we are back together. He Is the only father Bella knows… Thank God. It’s a long devastating story and some day I hioe to have the balls to share with all of u. I think it will help me to talk about it. The vikes def helped mask it. My thoughts and prayers are with u and ur boys. My boys were 2, 4 and 5 when the ex hubby and i separated. We always tried to maintain a good friendship for the boys. They are now teenagers and pretty good kids. I’m glad u have family support too. Hang in there. It hurts like hell, but u will make it thru a stronger woman.
To the rest of the ladies and Tony…. I thank all of u for ur support. U all are awesome. If anyone needs to reach me, u can email me at stephanie1974@rocketmail.com. Im also on fb if anyone is interested, but I’d have to trust that no one would mention my addiction.
I love you all! XOXO
Thank you so much everyone, today was the first day in 13 years that I have not seen him or talked to him and I thought I was going to die, but guess what I made it through the day and I will make it through the next… I still can’t sleep and eating is out of the question, if I even try to eat I just feel sick, this sure is a great weight loss remedy. I got most of my stuff moved to my parents house today, I am pretty proud of myself doing all of the packing and moving on my own, one thing that did make me laugh today was the boys were helping to carry in my hanging clothes and Noah hand me this pile of dirty mangled clothes and says “Mommy I kind of dropped this in the driveway”, it was so funny. They are my little Angels. One more funny thing for the day that did not think about until today is that he has a tatoo of my name on his arm with wings around it. Try and cover that up bastard. Hee-hee. I knew there was a reason I never put his name on my body. Anyways, I hope everyone is doing well staying clean, you all mean the world to me and nothing makes me happier then knowing that you all are winning the fight against pills. Again, love you all and thanks for all the advice.
Well, my pain management appointment was a waste of my time. On a good note, all my x-rays were good, so it’s likely a muscle problem with my back. But I swear doctors today are worthless! She asked me how my physical therapy was going, and I was like “I’m supposed to be in physical therapy? I never got a referral, was I supposed to search for a place on my own?” She said I should have been referred. Also she sent a request to my insurance asking for an approval for these shots she wants to give me in my back, 5 weeks or more later and they haven’t approved it. So she asks how the muscle relaxers and pain patches she gave me are working, I tell her they didn’t do anything for my pain. She says she’s gonna get my physical therapy lined out and ask for an approval again. So I asked her if there was something she could give me in the meantime for my pain, maybe try something new. She tells me I’m too young for pain meds and such, so basically fuck you deal with it. So I get no help for the moment, she poked around on my back which only made me hurt worse and now I’m supposed to go to physical therapy which is gonna hurt and wait for a shot that may or may not get approved. She kind of pissed me off, I was trying to explain my pain to her and she just kept repeating her line of how I was too young for meds. So I was like “basically, I’m gonna be incapable of doing muchof anything still(3 months of this pain), because I’m in so much pain and you’re not gonna help me?”
I’m a month shy of 33, I should be able to stand at the stove for more than 5 minutes without it making me down for the day, ya know? Just the small things I do on a daily basis hurts so much and I’m on the couch the rest of the day. I just get so frustrated that I can’t do what I want and that I’m not getting better.
Okay, I had to vent! Hope everyone else is doing a lot better than me! Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Good Morning Everyone!
Angela, you are going to make it!! Keep focused and pray – we all are praying and rooting for you so just talk it out with us. Don’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you hurt. It will drive him crazy when he sees you doing what you have to do and moving on…believe me. The less emotion you show him the more he is going to wonder why your aren’t upset.
Jamie, I’m so sorry that you are having such a hard time with this doc….hopefully you will get some relief soon.
Notmyself, I have two little boys who are in everything too. I relate to your situation. I have quit twice and then started up again. I am still trying to figure things out for myself. I am glad you are on here and will be praying for you …. keep up the good fight!
S74, Awesome job! Sounds like you are doing great! I’m so proud of you and your courage throughout this ordeal. Kratom is sooooooo good and helpful. I used it when I was detoxing and it does a tremendous job. How are you feeling?
Metoo, what’s up with the job search?? How is the Zoloft? I hope you are doing well and that you’ve landed yourself a dream job….don’t settle for less! I was talking with someone yesterday who quit her job because she just wasn’t happy. She said, “I’m 59 yrs old…I need to do what makes me happy”. I do pray that God is leading you to a place of fulfillment and meaning. If you didn’t get one yet then there is a reason, I’ve experienced it and felt like I was never going to work again but then the perfect job came along and I was thankful that the others didn’t work out. That job lead to so many other things that are good and worthwhile in my life.
Kitty, thanks for including me in the “girl gang”. I appreciate the fact that you continue to support me and everyone else in a non-judgemental way. You come to where we are and if we fall down you pick us up and when we start out of the gate, you cheer us on, and when we have made significant progress, you recognize our accomplishments….Thank you for being such an inspiration and loving mentor. That goes for you too Metoo. I hope to figure this out and get myself back on track…I have not given up but still feel very vulnerable and weak. I want to be really ready when I get started again.
To everyone, have a great day! Pinkerton
Good morning girl friends – Today I am off work and the weather in Florida is awesome and I have already done two of my most favorate things – have my coffee on the porch and walk around outside in my flower garden. God is Awesome this morning and he is healing me. THAT is the thing about our God – He heals the sick and the broken if you let him into your heart. People hurt each other and God puts us back together.
He also has given us each other and that is a gift I am most thankful for. Eight months ago I knew none of you and today I am blessed with all of you – your pain, your triumph, your addiction, your detox, your everyday lives – all of it is a blessing to me and without you I would not be in the place I am today.
Thank you and God bless you
Kitty
Kitty here again – Now I just got a call from my doctor and my pap smear came back with a lowgrade sqaumus lesion – the same thing happenned 6 months ago, was treated and is still showing up – Not over concerned but kind of concerned – WTF – why can’t I get rid of this! QN – need you advice!!!!
Love
Kitty
They must not have freezed (or lasered) it all off well enough. Get in there again, Miss Kitty!
I remember when that happened to me (about 15 years ago..lol) and I freaked out. You would have thought I was dying. I hope they can get it taken care of soon for you Kitty!
Hey, Pink..THANK YOU for so much positive input here! My zoloft hasn’t kicked in nearly enough yet. I want to find that joy that I felt after the first week. Does anyone know how to find it again? I think I need to pray more…and so I will. I also need to find my inner conviction and passion for life. I have been an ostrich for far too long. If anyone has advice, I would appreciate it a lot!!
Angel, I am proud of you. You are doing great, and finding the humor in his tattoo is EXACTLY fantastic…I love that humor!!!
Kitty mom— that’s what it is they didn’t get all of it the first time the margins were still there but thus time they will take out or freeze off a bigger and deeper peace and 90% of the time they do not gave to do it more than. Twice almost always it take 2 times to get it all cause the first time they are just guessing how much to take out and now they know where and how much to get so it will diffently be taken care of thus time … So don’t worry it will be over with this last doctors visit mark my words I’m sure of it …
Guys Sunday will be day 1 so here I come to all that’s on the other side
Hi Kitty,
I had that problem too on and off for about fifteen years as well. My cervix looks like a war zone from lasering, freezing and you name it. All has been well for the last five years so I think MeToo is right, they just didn’t go deep enough last time. Don’t sweat it too much, they are so good these days in getting rid of everything before it even has a chance to go anywhere.
Hope everyone is doing well. Good luck QN, you can do it.
Lori
And we will be here on the other side of the bridge to greet you, Quittingnow!!! I hope you’re getting mentally prepared and have lots of potassium!! It’s really not going to be so bad, and we will be here for you. Feel my prayers on Sunday, girl!!!
Yeah QN!! Metoo and Kitty will be on the other side waiting for you and I’ll be shoving you from behind…lol…and if you try to turn around, I’ll be standing there blocking you. Show me how it’s done!!
Hey Lori, good to see your name! How the heck are you doing?
Kitty, healing prayers being sent your way. Your morning sounded so peaceful…how nice. I love flowers but I love coffee even more!
Well we find out today what is up with my mom’s treatment. I hope it’s not going to be too unpleasant for her. Anyone know anything about hormone therapy? She finds out if she is a 1,2,or 3 …whatever the hell that means. My bio sister is not taking her diagnosis very well, I tried to tell her what you said QN but she is convinced of the worst case scenerio and has her son and husband completely devastated. The plastic surgeon even told her that he sees cases like hers often and most of the time the patient is just fine. My mom on the other hand doesn’t talk about it much at all and prefers to ignore it. It’s funny how people handle things so differently. Please keep them in your prayers.
I am starting to think about detox again and getting off these things for good. I want to do it when the time is right and I am set up for success as much as possible. I need to figure out what went wrong and make the appropriate changes. Please don’t give up on me as I haven’t given up, just stalled for a little bit.
Pinkerton
I”m back. I tried to respond yesterday but my husband was looking over my shoulder every time I got on the computer. Kitty Mom, I meant to include you in my initial post. You are so supportive to everyone it really makes a difference!
Thank you Pinkerton and S74 for your kind words. I really wish I found this site years ago, I might have stopped sooner.
MeToo, to answer your questions, I am only 5 days clean. I ran out of all prescriptions a month ago, started reading all the posts on this site, ordered the Kratom and started my journey. I took 5 at a time and did not have any withdrawals. I order from kratomherbs.com. I was doing fine then the addiction started up and my mind kept wanting to call in for a refill. I really didn”t think it would go through and sure enough the pharmacy called and said we have your prescription ready. So I ran down and took (4) 5/500 vics on the spot. I was doing fine and once I heard it was there waiting for me I had the cravings all over again. I actually felt a little sick after taking them but still continued to take the rest. This was a set back and I am not proud of it but I know I have to keep at it. As I read all the stories of how so many of you have overcome this addiction I know I am on the right path. I am tired of being angry at my kids for the slightest thing because I am not high. I want to feel happy again and can”t wait for the day Vicodin is off the market. I WISH. Thank you everyone and have a wonderful day!
Hey, Not!
I’m glad you got the lurker off your shoulder! We truly need you here, and, besides that, well, I like you! It sounds to me like what you need when you get the craving is more kratom than you’re taking. I am glad it kept the withdrawals away, but after the fact, if you had a craving and replaced those 5 kratom caps with 5 more, you would in fact FEEL the true effects of kratom. Yes, it keeps withdrawals away, but it can help you with cravings too. I COULD BE WRONG, but I honestly don’t feel as though you are taking ENOUGH kratom to do anything more than make you comfortable. For me, kratom has turned out to be better than vics. I can honestly say that kratom is my drug of choice. Even if the caps contain .5 gram of kratom, if you took 10 caps instead of 5, you would only be taking 5 grams. (and I know there isn’t even a half a gram in each one…) 5 grams is a pretty low dose. Just my 2 cents worth…
Strange how almost everyone’s detox story contains a relapse…or two…three.. We’ve all been there, Not! Keeping hanging in there! You will slay this dragon too. I hope you can continue to check in here!
Thanks MeToo : ) I am so happy to finally be talking to you. I feel like I have been hiding for so long. I just ordered more of the Kratom Bali capsules. Is that the best? I will take more today because I”m feeling a little under the weather but nothing compared to the normal withdrawal I go through every time I quit. Funny enough, alchohol really helps and I don”t drink that much. I certainly don’t want to replace one poison with another. What ever happened to SouthernMom? So many things she went through were so similar to what I have experienced. I really feel like I can be myself here.
Hey! Who sells capsules? I don’t think entheofarm does, but they really are an awesome vendor! I just load up on the sunny d!
EntheoFarm doesn’t sell capsules. Most of the really good vendors don’t sell capsules because kratom is an ‘incense’ not meant for human consumption. It’s a long story, but if they were to sell it incapsulated, it would ‘suggest’ that it IS for oral use…and noone wants to get the fda involved.
I’ve learned to use the powder~mind over matter. Have a hot drink afterward too, Notmyself. Let me know how more works out for you!
I hear you about the switching one for another thing, but vics are evil…anything that could get me off of them works for me! And to think a legal herb can do the trick! That’s just fine with me.
Glad you could make it, Not~and I’m glad you found entheofarm, S74!!
They are great!
What is the difference in taking capsules vs powder? And do you mix the powder with a drink or food? The capsules are so easy but I want to make sure I am getting the best bang for the buck. I currently order from http://www.kratomherbs.com Please let me know if this is not a good source anymore. I took 8 15 min ago and should be feeling better soon. My husbaqnd is at work, kids at school. I have to work today but have the weekend to rest. I usually tell my husband I have a cold. He is so wonderful and always takes the kids out to give me some quiet time. He would probably believe I was having an affair over being addicted to pills as long as I have. He thinks so highly of me it just breaks my heart. I can’t say it enough. It feels so good to finally talk about this and be a part of this group. Thank YOU!!!
Hey, not~email me so that I can give you details. It’s easier that way!
metoo05@live.com
Hey metoo I think I need some kantrom but in pill form where should I get it and are you sure it is super safe ??
Could you send me some so I can try it I would rather send you the money than them I am so nervous about ordering threw them … And what if I don’t like it or it doesn’t help what do u think …
QN… it really does help. My goal we to use it to get off the vikes and then wean myself from the Kratom. I’m burning (on avg) 3 tsp a day of Bali and it has helped tremendously.
I agree with S74. I have tried to quit many times and this is the first time I think I can actually do it. Kratom really makes a difference. I have placed two orders and have not have any problems with fraud. MeToo is so amazing. I would have never been able to do this without. Also, Coconut water has more potassium than bananas or the supplements. Good luck! It really helps.
Hey girls – thanks for all the positive feedback on the papsmear thing – I wish I could just get one clean test result and I would feel better…but perhaps it is not that bad…thanks!!!
Pink – my sister had breat cancer too and has been clear for many years so I am praying for your mom and sis….don’t know too much about the hormone stuff. My sister also has breast reconstruction and was glad to get the other breast tucked up a little so she had two great looking boobies afterward…lol!!!
You guys all are taking kratum now? I guess I will have to get on the bandwagon….but I have been clean for so long I hate to try anything to confuse my addicted mind… glad to hear it is helping you. I used it occasionally when I was out of pills and avoiding withdrawals but it did not mix well with my blood pressure and it gave me vertigo….but, it could have been withdrawals from the lack of vicodin …who knows!!!!
qn – I will be here on Sunday for your detox and if you need to call me, email me for my phone number. My sister called me every day for two weeks and believe me her concern and her knowing helped me alot. Also, this site was a Godsend. Could not have done it without metoo and this site.
Praying for all of your continued success!
Love
Kitty
Thanks kitty mom I’ll need you and pink and meetoo and s74 and notmyself and everybody else that would like to join in my recovery thanks guys have a great night send lots of prayers my way pretty please
Good Morning Everyone!
QN, you doing ok…you sound a little anxious? R U getting ready? Both times I made sure to have all the laundry, grocery shopping, ironing etc. done so I didn’t have any chores to worry about. I didn’t want feel like shit in a dirty house…lol.. but it’s true. The Kratom helped me alot in dealing with cravings and W/Ds. I think I relapsed because I wasn’t motivated. I have ordered from the site that Metoo suggested and have not had any problems in any way. Praying for you in Ohio!
My Mom got her results….drum roll please….SHE IS A ONE! That is really good I guess and they told her that only one lymphnode had cancer and the other two had such small traces that it could have been an error….so that was more good news. She will do radiation first and then start taking the pills (hormone therapy) and end in 5 years. We are very releaved. Thanks for you prayers and support in this matter. No additional news on my sister yet. She has gone to the oncologist but hasn’t returned my calls..so I don’t know what was said…this isn’t unlike her though so I will give her, her space and wait to hear from her. I feel very confident that she will be fine.
Well, my bio mom and bio “creepy” brother stopped last night competely unexpected and stayed for about 2hrs. She was appropriate and only went off once…he was appropriate too so overall it was a good visit. I hadn’t seen her in 3 months probably. It’s a very ugly situation …. I’ve tried to be close to her but he controls everything and is afraid that I will find out what he is doing with her money and other assets so he makes up stuff that I supposedly do to him (to hurt his feelings) and gets her pissed off at me. Long story.
S74 and Notmyself, you two are doing great and are an inspiration to everyone! I admire the way you have taken the bull by the horns and TACKLED IT!! I’m glad I can be witness to such courage and determination.
Everyone have a great day! Pinkerton
Awhhhhh. Saturday morning. Birds chirping – Kitty cats are frisky- coffee on the front porch. How much good stuff can a kittymom stand. Another beautiful sultry day in Florida. I have to take down all the antiques I have that are close to my windows cause new windows are coming on Tuesday….Home remodeling is my favorite thing in the world…if I had lots of money I would buy an old two story victorian and remodel the shit out of it. If you guys don’t mind, I might just be writing more about the daily stuff along with the detox stuff. It keeps me sane. Hope I don’t bore y’all.
I am so fortunate to know all of you girls on here. Do you realize that at this very moment there are 9 regulars on here – 10 counting Tony. How great is that!!!!
To those still battling the “beast”, I say this…..you can do it. If the time is right today, go for it. You have all of us here pushing and pulling for ya. If the time is not right until tomorrow…So be it. We are praying that it will be soon. My personal opinion is that there is never that perfeft time to quit. From personal experience, as long a there is pills, there are addicts. I did not quit until the sources dried up…with God’s intervention. I believe in my heart that my “three” (yes three) sources dried up simultaneously because it was my time through the Lord’s intervention. That is my story and I am sticking to it!!! After that I was stuck into getting it right. First I told my sister then my mother then I found this site.
Well, my sisters, I pray for you today and everyday to get clean if you are ready and to know when it is the right time if you are not.
You girls rock!!!
Have a great weekend
I will be around
Love
Kitty
QN – QN – QN – you can do it…are you ready?
Love
Kitty
Woohoo QN! We’ll all be right there with u. Today is day 14! Woke up with a headache (chronic migraines) and had some RLS last nite, but other than that…. feeling good. Hope everyone has a good day! XOXO
Keep up the gReAt work, S74!!! And, Q, even IF I don’t happen to get on my laptop the rest of the weekend, YOU will be FIRST IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS from this point forward. Please KNOW that we all BELIEVE IN YOU, and we KNOW you can do this!!!! May God once again bestow his mercy on one of his ‘about’ children and grant Q the grace to get to the other side of the bridge safely. Feel the angels, Q! They surround you and they will assist you…
Rooting for you, Q! And everyone else too!
Got my niece here this weekend and she’s been helping me get MY bedroom straightened out. My back is killing me. Think I may just try kratom again as soon as the first rolls around and I get paid. So I had a somewhat productive day, despite the pain. Now we’re sitting back continuing our X Files marathon. I love my little mini-me, gonna be bummed tomorrow when she goes home, but she only has two weeks of school left, then I can have her for the summer, Yay!!
As far as the man situation goes…he’s been extremely nice. Helped me out today moving some heavy stuff. And this whole having my own room thing was his idea, trying to be helpful and give me my space I guess. He even bought me a few gifts yesterday and if I mention I want or need something he goes right out and gets it. Not sure what to make of that yet lol. It’s nice, but it’s kind of odd. Guess he realizes he screwed up and he’s really worried about losing me.
Well, I hope everyone is having a great weekend! Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Failed.
Pick yourself up and dust youself off and get back on that horse and try riding it again!
Good Morning!
Fresh start Quittingnow, I’m here rooting you on and know that you can do it…just hold out no matter what. If your mind plays games with you and you start thinking that you are going to take a pill…just don’t take it. I would think, “what am I to do” and the answer was always, “nothing”! I have screwed up and you don’t want to go down this path….stick with it and show me that it can be done!!
S74, It will be ok, just don’t use anymore. And if you do, then you do but I’m still not right mentally after my second relapse. Don’t get so caught up in counting the days that you throw the baby out with the bath water. Just think of yesterday as a hiccup and keep moving forward. It’s like if you binge while on a diet, get back to the diet asap…I didn’t and I regret it. Either way, I do understand and support you and pray for you. Just do the best you can…that’s my motto.
Jamie, sounds like you have a good guy who is trying very hard to right his wrong. Glad you are having such a great time with your niece…..you interested in two boys for the summer ….lol…
I hope some of you have a great “new start”, and some a great “restart” and to all a great Sunday! Pinkerton
Thanks guys day 1 feeling ok nothing to bad yet so let’s see send all your prayers my way please
I will do it thus time no joke this is it for me
Thanks pink and Jamie a s74 let’s do thus thing together we can do it and it won’t last forever it will pass that’s all I’ve been telling myself all day so far thanks will check back soon
Hey everyone
QN – hang in there girl – you can do it…won’t be easy but noone every said it was gonna be. If it were, all of us would still be addicts…lol. Let us know how you are doing. You are in my prayers..I wish you the very best.
S74 – hang in there baby girl – when the time is right you will get your ducks in a row and remain clean. You are in my prayers too.
I love all you girls and hope everyone else is having a good Sunday….I have been trying to write on here all day but my computer has been getting hung up.
Love
Kitty
I feel like such a fkn failure. Feels worse than my divorce did. Starting over tomorrow. Thank u all for ur support. I feel like I not only disappointed myself, but disappointed u all too. Im rooting for u, QN.
Happy Sunday everyone! I went to a friends party last night and thought I would be miserable without vics. But I had 2 beers and a great time. It’s funny how I notice other people that might be loaded on meds. I have not been keeping track of how many days I have been off vics because the kratom has helped so much I don’t want a constant reminder of those stupid pills. Oh and my husband found the kratom capsules and wanted to know what the hell they were. I told him it was an herbal remedy for ovarian cysts, which I have been struggling with the past year and have been able to keep my vicodin supply going. Amazing how he has no idea what I have been hiding. S74 – Relapsing is almost impossible not to do. Keep strong and just start over. Each time it gets better. I think it is great you have Pinkerton and QN to go through the process with, and Kitty Mom, MeToo and so many others for support. My advice is to keep busy. The best part about this site is you can be honest with your failures and no one will judge you. Hope everyone has a great week. I know I feel great today but tomorrow is another day. I am trying to be as positive as I can possibly be and could not do it without all the kind words from everyone here. Thank YOU!
Hello all my friends.Been trying to type on this page but it’s nearly impossible seems there is a delay when I type.But will try to get through this like all my other
challenges.Quitting Now you can do this.Believe me I too am in the same boat.I hope I can keep clean once hubby picks up his necessary “evils.”I read all the posts and gain strength from all of you.Thats what helps me.
S74 don’t beat yourself up.I can think of a million reasons of why I should eat that first pill first but ONE reason why I shouldn’t.I don’t want to go through this
dependancy AGAIN.I’m menopausal,ache in every bone ,and are highly agitated all the time.Yeah I need them to feel good,to calm down.
No No I don’t.You guys can do without them.So I can too.Keep strong my friend.
Jamie Girl,how’s the back and fiancee doing?I’ve been married for 26 years.I know what a pain men can be.Oddly enough I am still trying to see his better points instead of his dumbass stuff.Kinda hard since these days everything angers me.I’m pretty sure he loves the hell outta you.
KittyMom,You’re the glue that keeps us together and in line.Keep it up.Every once in awhile I’ll need a headslap.Or a atta girl!!You’re the best!!
Metoo,I love reading your posts.You’re very optimistic and cheer me up alot.Thx very much!!
Pinkerton,You too have inspired me.Just for today I won’t take a pill.And I will be proud of myself:}
One last thing..Thanks also to anybody I’ve forgotten.And where is the silver-toughned devil Joe??Have a happy day my friends.xxrainxx
Hey girls!
Rain – welcome back – sounds like you are doing good and I like your philosophy. Good Job!
It is great to have you here and we need all the inspiration we can get. I know what you mean with the typing situation – I had to sign off and on several times before I was able to type anything earlier today.
QN – how are you doing – I hope you muddle through the next couple of days. When I think back on the torment of addiction, well, I just don’t want to go back there – hell – I was so bad that I had to get up in the middle of the night to take pills because I wa getting withdrawal inbetween doses – I was taking just so I did not get sick any more – no good feeling was coming out of it at all – I guess I had to hit rock bottom before I was able to quit – everyone has to be ready in order to quit…I was to the point of probably getting into trouble for multiple prescriptions and did not want to end up in jail or overdose and die. So each day when I hear everyone else’s triumphs and struggles, I feel better to know that it is behind me and that I do not want to go there ever again. I hope all of you get to this point some day and I am praying for you every step of the way. Don’t be hard on yourself, just pick up where you left off and start all over again. One time very soon you will make it to the other side.
Love all of you
Have a good evening
Kitty
Well I am back for the 100th time im so sick of this cycle I need to quit and quit for good so sad . Why do I put myself thru this crap.
Ok doing ok not great but hanging in there well NO MORE SORCES ALL SHUT DOWN so I don’t have a option …. No more ways to get pills and all the pills are gone out the house not one left trust Me so this is it fir me … Tomorrow hopefully I’ll be doing just as good I really don’t want the pills anymore something inside of me says I don’t want or need them anymore I was scared the first time but I’m doing pretty good this tome I know it’s early but really something is different today … I’m actually happy that it’s day 1 going on day 2 and I’m not dwelling on feeling like crap witch helps I tell you girls this is my last time to go threw this …. Last time I was already searching for a pill hear and there but this time I’m just actually invraseing the down time I need it and ice convinced myself that I have the flu and it’s just gonna take time to get better so there you go girls I’m ready to never look back … I hope that all you girls are praying that I feel better soon causevi can’t Waite for my new normal ( kittymom) you told mr that it’s going to be better than my old normal ( LOL) I can actually smile and have been all day and I’m freaking detoxing can u believe it !!!!!! I know god is with me and the angels that metoo are sending my way are right on my shoulder
kittymom is waiting on us to catch up to her
Pink — come join me I hope you get this feeling I have today that IM DONE AND NEVER EVER TURNING BACK THIS IS IT !!!! Something came over je I swear I’m so relaxed you don’t even know I know u will have it soon it just has to be ur time and I feel it’s soon you are do great
Kittymom —- keep telling me it gets betterxsnd about your experience cause I love hearing it all over again you know what I did today I went back up and read you first day second day and all the way up to where you are now and it was wonderful you post feelings thoughts and every step u went threw and now you are back a new better improved normal I will be there soon Waite for me Kay meet me there !!!!
S74 — you can do thus I know u can we r never turning back right babe YES I AM !!!!
Rain —- you sound like you are doingcwell how many days clean r u tell ne how u r doing and how u r feeling post post post girls I need. You
SEND LOTS AND LITS OF PRAYERS MY WAY GIRLS I’LL NEED IT AND WANT THEM !!!!
Just for today I won’t hive in I won’t take pills anymore and I GOT THIS ( metoo) !!!!:) I really have a grip on it thus time can’t really put into words what I’m feeling but it’s there and I have this feeling that this us my last time and I will feel better and I never ever have to feel thus way again
And most of all I’ll be able to be a mommy I listen to all you girls talking about you babies and I get this warm feeling in my heart cause I can have that to once I’ve slayed this beast … I’ll be such a great mom and my baby will be the most lived baby in the world I tell you I want to have the feeling you girls have talking about your kids it’s so great I’m rambling I know but hey I can right girls you guys all once told mr post all day as much as you want and I know you all will be here right with mr reading my bullshit
Till next time girls you are the best much love being sent from quittinnow and prayers for each and everyone of you wonderful people XOXO
QN – I just loved reading your words and I am glad my words gave you inspiration – I am so proud of you. You have the right attittude – not you just get through the next couple of days and I will be waiting for you here on the other side of hell!!! And, what is the other side like – well, like HEAVEN, of course!!!
Now – God works his wonders when we least expect it and he works it through his Love and through others….so we are here working the prayers and youa re there reaping the reward. That, MY DEAR, that is why it is different THIS TIME!!!!
Love Love Love abounds
Kitty
Jen – welcome – if there is anything I can do for you, please let me know. Give yourself credit for knowing that you have a problems and know that there is hope – hope to beat this thing. This just may be the timne to do it.
Love
Kitty
Well I felt like shyt all day. Grouchy. Don’t like this feeling. I had some friends on FB making me laugh, although they have no clue what I’m going thru. Gonna snuff this for good. I realized last night and today that ut just makes me feel like shyt. Tomorrow is a new day and I Thank u all for being there and not judging.
Let’s DO THIS QN!
Hello Jen! Glad to see you here for support. I am also stopping after several attempts and am so tired of the cycle. Kitty Mom and MeToo are so wise and are always quick to respond with advice.
Quitting Now – the best part of this journey is that you are not alone. You sound like you are really ready to quit. Just even posting a little bit of your day, each day really helps. I was sneaking around and lying to everyone I loved just to get more pills. I didn’t even recognize who I was anymore. It’s very important to not beat yourself up for things because you will end up relapsing to numb yourself.
Kitty Mom – you mentioned that you were almost at the point of getting into trouble. I went too far and was using two docs for multiple scripts. Can you go to jail for that? Yikes, I am so glad I am done with this stuff. I feel like I wasted so many years of my life going from one prescription to another. I really need to be done this time.
God Bless to all.
QN,glad to hear from ya.I am feeling better but still praying for myself and all my cyber friends that need support.Geez I can really sink down into a” pity me”stage now but still I managed to take myself to a movie yesterday totally without any and that made me feel like A NEW PERSON.First time in about 5 years.So girl I am praying for you to put on a smile and we’ll help each other with the demons we need to defeat.I haven’t made it past 3 weeks yet…but I’m getting stronger and wiser each damn time I fail.So keep in touch with all these wonderful influences on this site and we can do this thing!!We all trip up once or twice but we all came here with one thing in common,we want to quit.Yeah it’s hard and we’re weak but like KittyMom said we’re all praying for each others recovery.I don’t have any kids around me to remind me I NEED to be a better person but I do have a great husband, a pup and a houseful of cats
that I feel blessed to be a part of.You’re family here will help as much as we can.Praying praying hugs hugs:}
Pink,How ya doing??
Jen,Welcome!You’re at the right place!
S74,Take a deep breathe,Breathe out sloowly,Take a deep breathe,Breathe out slowly,repeat this(Alot)Take a hot bathe with candles.Get them endorphines working baby!!
Jamie,love and hugs coming your way.Hope the family is doing better along with your back.
KittyMom,{{{{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}Feel like you’re a sister to me.Always appreciate your input.You just make sure you’re taking good care of yourself.Besides all {your family} on here. Anyone who would like an e-mail from me give me a holla.I’ll post my address.
One day at a time….XXrainXX
oops…my bad ladies…anyone I leave out please forgive me.
metoo,sending you hugs to:}}} How’s the job search going?Wish you the best.
You hiding Joe??j/k.Miss him too.
Good evening and have a wonderful{ick} Monday.
Damn my last letter didn’t post:{ Well I’ll try again tomorrow.Peace be with all of you!!xxrainxx
Hello Jen! Glad to see you here for support. I am also stopping after several attempts and am so tired of the cycle. Kitty Mom and MeToo are so wise and are always quick to respond with advice.
Quitting Now – the best part of this journey is that you are not alone. You sound like you are really ready to quit. Just even posting a little bit of your day, each day really helps. I was sneaking around and lying to everyone I loved just to get more pills. I didn’t even recognize who I was anymore. It’s very important to not beat yourself up for things because you will end up relapsing to numb yourself.
Kitty Mom – you mentioned that you were almost at the point of getting into trouble. I went too far and was using two docs for multiple scripts. Can you go to jail for that? Yikes, I am so glad I am done with this stuff. I feel like I wasted so many years of my life going from one prescription to another. I really need to be done this time.
God Bless to all.
Not Myself – I will definately keep you in my prayers. Have you stopped already just so I know how to direct my prayers. Either way, I wish the best to you today – Monday, for a fresh new start or continued success, which ever applies to you.
QN – go for it babe – get another day under your belt today and you will be one more day closer to getting past the bad part…you know what, even though our bodies are physically addicted and get physically sick in withdrawal – I think the ole mind has alot to do with it also – and if you have the mind set that taking a pill just is not an option, then I think it is easier – so all you girls out there in whatever stage youa are in – just say – pills just are not an option – today – just today…..and God Bless You in that decision.
And miss S74 – you can do it today…I here it in your typed words how much you want it….so go for it one more time and this very well might be THE time for you. Let God carry you this time out of the addictive path into the healthy path. But, I support you no matter what – just want to see you on the other side of this addiction.
Love,
Kitty
Good Morning!
Wow, sounds like so many of you are really battling it out and the pills are losing…that is awesome! Keep strong and focused and you will be on the other side before you know it. You are really inspiring me to get my sh!t together and figure out what it is that is holding me back and take charge of my life again….I just feel a little lost right now. That you for setting such a great example…all of you, every last one of you!
Kitty and Metoo, you are the ones that we all look up to and aspire to be like you one day…..free of this burden that is oppressing our very existence. I still feel like it’s this giant who has wrapped it’s enormous arms around me and each day that I don’t break away he squeezes a little tighter and I stay even though I know he will eventually squeeze me to death, like a snake…… I commend those of you who have cut the head off this snake and kicked its carcass aside and walked in the light, breathing again…
Everyone have a great day and know that I will be praying for you all. Love, Pinkerton
Pink – I love your analogy about the snake…that is exactly what it is like – and so close to the truth – the pills sucked the very life out of me – I was a shell of myself – just worried about where the next pill would come from instead of thinking of my husband, my daughter, my parents, my friends. Drugs first – family second. I would choose taking pills and laying around comotose over going out with my daughter….a snake – I like that one – and so very true. One of these days YOU will get sick of the strangulation and cut that suckers head right off…lol!!
Love You
Kitty
You gals hang in there. This is not the first struggle in life you’ve ever faced and I doubt it will be the last. I read on here that these hard times we face will lead to something greater. That is true but its not like God is causing us to suffer. It’s a consequence of our actions. If you touch the stove you will get burned.
But God, before you were ever in your mother womb knew what mistakes you would make and knew what kind of suffering you would endure as a result. He takes that into account and is able to use these sufferings for your good. All of us have our own weaknesses. God turns our weaknesses into our strengths. Keep on keeping on and know that God wants nothing more than for you to be full of joy. Love all of you.
Your brother in Christ
Hello Kitty M0m – I am almost two weeks pill free. The longest I have ever gone has been 1 month. I feel better every day but know I can not be trusted around opiates. I would take it if I had it. Once I am past the mental addiction I should be fine. I hope everyone has a wonderful week. Good luck to all : )
Kitty Mom – what ever happened to Southern Mom? Haven’t seen her on for a while and was hoping she was doing ok.
Tony, we need MORE of you around here. Please keep posting..
I’m glad our girls are doing well. S74 and QN, keep on kickin’ ladies!! Let the moments pass one by one, and IN TIME, you will see that you are standing on the other side of the bridge. It’s just a few steps away now.
Jen, welcome HOME. Q, I have been praying my socks off for you. Every thought when I awake in the night has turned to you. My prayers are with you, and I believe in you. Slay the snake.
Hugs and prayers to all…my friends.
Good morning! A day of gettin dirty has caused the hot flashes and the shivers… I ain’t goin thru this again. I’m so done.
Hey S
Maybe You needed that little relapse this weekend to see that you are ready this time to quit – ready to put the misery behind you – and ready to lead a life without pills – let’s hope you do not have to go through this again. Praying for you my friend. We need to get you and QN and Pink through to the other side….
Love Ya
Kitty
Tony – thanks for stopping by and you are so right – God uses our mistakes for us to learn by them but he does not put us in a position to fail.
Love
Kitty
I am a LOSER!!! I took my daughter to the doc this morning for a cough and wanted to make sure she didn’t have an infection. He prescribed cough syrup with codeine so she could sleep at night. I filled it, took two shots and hid the bottle under my sink. I did not tell my husband she was prescribed cough medicine. Fortunately, it is a small bottle and will be gone quickly. I feel sick to my stomach. Just as I toot my horn for not using for two weeks I mess up. It’s crazy how I felt fine all morning, all week for that matter. But the second I knew I could get my hands on opiates, the cravings kicked into action. I waited at the pharmacy for them to fill it in such desperation. Kicking this habit will need serious willpower and honesty. I almost feel like I need to tell my husband in order to be successful. As ashamed as I might feel, I am tired of sneaking around and lying to everyone. I feel like I am always being tested. And today I failed : (
My first thought was to post my failure in order to move on from my mistake. In previous relapses, I would have stepped it up a notch and kept going. Now I have a place I can go to and stop the cycle. So, tomorrow will be day 1 again. Thank you for listening and not judging.
Hey guys day 2 doing pretty good sitting in a hot bath to try to get the chills away .. That’s really all I gave to say today I’ll check back later this is it I can do it
Dearest NOT,
You made a big step by posting here – sometimes fessing up to our darkest times puts us out there and makes us accountable not only to yourself but to those who have been in the same situation and care. I don’t think that the amount of codeine in childrens couph syrup will be that hard on you. You shouldnot have to start from scratch tomorrow. I would try to save some for your daughter so that she does not have a fitfull night sleeping. I have been very fortunate in that I have been able to leave a bottle of the same stuff (my husbands) in the medicine cabinet for 8 months now, but I have talked everyone in my family out of drugs in the past….been there!
Sorry – the typing got ridiculously slow.
Wishing everyone a calm evening.
QN – good attitute girl – I love it!!!!
S74 – good time to start again – keep trying – your attitude is there, just got to get the mind telling yourself to be strong.
Pink – Slay that big ole snake that has a grip on you girl – you are sick of its hold on you – good timje to do something about it.
The rest of you – miss you!
lOVE,
Kitty
Thank you Kitty. You made me feel 100% better. I knew that if I posted and got it off my chest I would be able to get back on track and not beat myself up over it. I told my husband about the cough syrup so I won’t be able to take the rest. She will now have it tonight for all the right reasons. It scared me how much my mind could go right back to wanting it as if it was the first day of detoxing. How long did it take you to get rid of those feelings for good?
Dear Not,
I was lucky in that after the physical symptoms were over, that I never had a need again for them mentally. My mind is very strong and when I made the decision that never again were taking pills an option, then that was it. I live with that promise to myself every day now – pills just are not an option…nor is alcohol, or any other replacement for taking pills – even the kratum of which alot of people speak of. That is just me – I am an addict and pills or substitutes just are not an option. I am either very lucky or my mind is strong – I don’t know what the answer is – but I thank God that that is the way it is. Every once in a while I think to myself it would be nice to kick back, relax, and take a pill or something else that would relax me – but is is now just a fleeting thought. I hope you get to this point soon and I believe it to be possible…..I was realllllly Addicted so it is possible to stop. Not saying it is easy – it is not – just saying it is possible.
Love,
Kitty
This is like the third mes I have written… Whatsthe deal? Not really a computer person but everyone’s stories seem to be helpin. I’m in my early 30s and uses. To be quite the party girl. I don’t even know howmit happened but am ( was) up to20 or so 750s a day…. I am almost 4 days in with none buti sure wanna take one. I think what the he’ll right? I did 4 days what’s oneor two from 20 ? Someone talk me downplease!!!!!!! I have an excellent job in medical field ( go figure huh) butif this doesn’t stop I’m am gonna loose everything! My first dayi made it through all day till I got home then took 5′ can. Say stupid? Day 2 I made it all day then got home and took 2. Day 3 was bad. Anxiety and leg cramps /rlls was horrible along with lack of appetite and diahreah. How can one have soooo much bathroom use when you can’t even eat….lol. Tomorrow at 11 am will be. 4 days. My 3rd day I HAD to take one a work cuzof anxiety. Then 3 at home. Next dayi took 1 and since then none. Hence day 4 to come tomorrow late morn…. Someone tell me I am just starting gee if i take one correct. I am afraid can’t gethroughnwork tomorrow! San IRS have been helping with sleep and I ctually smoked a little grass for sleep today which hadn’t done for years! I also got wasted on sat night cuzinfiguredifi was hung veri wouldn’t wanna Vic just to throw it up. I used to. Be quite the party girl and that’s not whoi am now. This has to stop and. Need help from anyone listening…. I feel like I have sent this same mes twice….. I am I tinylittle thing and like I said was up to 20. 750s a day…. That’s nuts… That’s asking for sum thing bad . Someone please encourage me… Also I want to be preggers and I keptbtelling myself hat if itnhappened I wouldnt have a choice… Could these have prevented my chances of ever being a mother… It’s a lli want right now and is where I should have been 5 hrs ag but was to best taken v’s……any advice would help. Please and thank all for your stories!!!!!!!!!!!
I have relapsed numerous times since I decided to quit in November. The worst thing is the berating you do to yourself. I don’t think anyone could make me feel as bad as I make myself feel for doing it. I was doing so well the first attempt. Made it a few weeks, maybe over a month I don’t remember, but then I slipped up and it has just been a series of slip ups since then. Wish I had never slipped up that first time. And here I am on the slip up again, but I’m starting over again today. I keep trying so hard and I know one day I’m gonna get it right. My biggest problem is the mental part, that first go I had it right and ever since I messed up my head has fucked with me. So, ladies, don’t give up on me. I’m gonna be there with you guys. And hopefully in several months we’ll all be like Kitty and Metoo with a lot of sober time under our belts!
So if you’re gonna throw prayers my way, please pray for me to get my head right! Every one of you are in my thoughts. Love and hugs and best wishes to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Awwww Jamie, You are definately in my prayers. As I rode into downtown Tampa this morning, and as I sit here at my desk now, I can see a huge beautiful full moon over Tampa Bay and I am thinking how everyone of us can see that exact full moon from all the different places we live….and I think to myself how awesome the universe is that God has created. The most awesome part is that he created each and every one of us and as different as we all are, we have that one thing in common – that we were made in God’s image and we are his Children. He loves us no matter how many times we slip up. So, Jamie, I guess what I am trying to say is, there is always today to start over and that is a true luxury that we have – as many times as we fail, we are not doomed to a life of drugs. But, just for today, tell yourself that drugs are not an option…..look at that full moon this morning and think that I am here in Tampa praying for your success.
Love You Girl
Kitty
PS – sometimes I sound nt he corny side – but my thoughts are sincere….lol!
Good Morning!
Jamie, I think I know how you feel. I too beat myself up and feel defeated, but I realized a few things from this last relapse and from something Kitty said in one of her last posts. I realize that I need to quit obsessing about whether to take a pill or not and not give myself a choice. Kitty just did it and moved on and doesn’t let the fantasies of vics take up residence in her head. I felt like the first detox (and afterward) was not that bad (mentally)and when I took a pill I was actually feeling great…..what a trick my mind played on me. The next time I detoxed I only lasted a week and felt such anxiety that I started back up. I had not fully committed to staying clean and I allowed the vics to continue to control my mind. I know that you will get back up, dust yourself off, and ride again. I will too, I need to refocus and find a reason that motivates me enough to value living clean as opposed to the value I’ve placed on using to numb myself.
How are you doing QN?? Sounds like you are kicking ass…way to go!! Keep up the great work!!
@ Notmyself, you did the right thing posting on here because we all have empathy for your situation and understand. Don’t be too hard on yourself, it is what it is and that’s all it is. Life is just one choice after another and you made the right choice this time and you will make the right choice again. I think the fact that you didn’t continue to “step it up a notch” is an indicator that all the past relapses have taught you a valuable lesson and now you are using your knowledge to make a healthier choice.
S74, everything will be ok and you will make the right choices and move on…don’t worry about the stuff that doesn’t matter, focus on your successes.
xxRainxx, thanks for asking about me. I am doing ok but have some tough choices to make. I am feeling very vulnerable and confused right now. I don’t feel good when I’m using but I feel even worse when I’m not…hmmm what a debacle. I am depressed and just don’t feel like myself or that I even know who I am anymore. Alot has happened while I was self medicating and I think it all caught up with me, all the emotions I should have been feeling but didn’t because of the pills. And more stuff keeps happening that keeps me feeling like I need to be numb to get through the day. Your prayers would be appreciated.
Thanks Kitty for continuing to believe in me and I will figure it all out. I’m glad you like the snake analogy, it reflects my feeling on this stuff.
Shout out to Metoo…how’s life and job hunt going? I agree, it’s good to hear words from Tony…they seem to bring me inner peace when I read them.
Everyone hang in there, no matter which tree your hanging from! Love, Pinkerton
NotMyself, don’t beat yourself up. We all make mistakes. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again. I do think you should talk with your husband about your problem. It is good to have someone to hold you accountable.
Father I pray that you touch this persons life. You know the desires of her heart. You know the pain she has endured. Heal all spiritual or physical wonds she may have. Set her free from all bondage. Break the chains of addiction. Break the generational curse. Let her life be full of joy and blessings. Let her be a testimony to others who are strugling with these same strugles. In Jesus name I pray and everybody said AMEN!
Kitty mom you are so right. Gods love is unfailing and unconditional. We can not earn it. He loves us no matter what.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZEX5Q9tT_9s&feature=player_embedded#at=36
Ah…the blanket of the moon. One moon, and each of us separately and yet together under it. Under God’s sky. One common thread tying all of us here together. The wish to be better people, to live better lives, to help others on the path that we are traveling under that one moon, under God’s sky. I love it.
NotMyself, I know that my former person would have done the same thing that you did. I see so much of myself in you. I agree that there is a decision to make~are you going to use or not use? Until you decide for you, set your mind to it and OWN IT, you will do what we all do–flop around and relapse. (And we have ALL been there) Maybe it’s a necessary part of our healing? But you WILL get there!!! I KNOW THIS!!!
QN, you, my friend, are rocking this thing. Keep on going-the moon is watching and you are doing great!! There are so many thoughts and prayers going out to you!!! I am proud of you.
S74, keep on keepin’ on. You are developing the perfect attitude for success!! Owning it looks good on you!!!
Rain, I love it that you went to a movie WITHOUT ANY. That is HUGE!!!!! I also think it’s great that you can measure how much smarter you get as you go down this road. You have the stuff to make it!! Thank you for the support you give to all of us here. This job thing has me down, (thank you for asking…it means a lot,) and I just need a boost of self confidence. I don’t know where it comes from except to look to God for it. I laid it all at the foot of the cross on Sunday and had a great day, but it keeps cropping back up. The zoloft doesn’t really seem to be kicking in either. I don’t know what the hell…I just want it all and I want it now! At the same time, I am NOT used to the unconditional love that I am receiving here at home, and the pessimist in me waits for the bottom to fall out. In my mind it’s like, ‘if I don’t get a job soon, she is going to dump me…’ and that adds so much pressure. Thank GOD I am not broke! Or using!! I am glad that I kicked the vics when I did. And I should let all of you in on a little secret-my supplier has been keeping a stash of vics for me. Over 300 of the 7.5 bastards. I can hear the collective gasp in the universe as I type this…and just last week I told my supplier that I won’t be taking them now or ever…I have slayed that dragon and I will not be going back. Will NOT be going back.
Pink, I feel the same way you do in your post above. Who am I? Feeling quite lost here..but my angels are at work. I am clean and on the right track. I have you all in my corner. This too will pass.
This too will pass.
This is day 3 and doing pretty good I have to say the best detox I have had to date so short posts cause I’m not really feel like typing bit think by Friday or next weekend should be good to go no pills ever again !!!!!
To everyone else hope everything is good don’t mean to be disconnected but just doing well and trying to relax and move on from this love all you guys
Oh by the way I still need all your prayers sent my way thanks :$
Metoo – my Angel
Have faith that the job will come – you may not be getting one immediately because the that perfect job – the one you were made for – has not come to your path yet – it is out there somewhere and eventually will be put before you.
Your experience owning your own business will surely fall upon someone who can really use your expertise. I am praying for that for you.
Now, Did you read my last couple of e-mails about happiness.
I stated that I really did not know what happiness is.
Is happiness a warm bed beside someone you love.
Is happiness enough food to keep you healthy and satisfied
Is happiness the innocent “I love you mommy” from your child
Is happiness a full moon in the sky
Is happiness your favorite music playing on the radio or IPOD.
Is happiness a purring Clyde on your lap
Is is waking up drug free each morning, no longer sick mentally and physically.
Or are we constantly yearning for something better – the feeling that pills give us? But, it is not what it is cracked up to be. It makes us sick and broken.
All of the above make me happy -Is it drop dead exciting all the time – no. Am I still lonely at times – yes
Shit – where am I going with this. I guess what I am trying to say is – that excitement is not the same as happiness. I think if we dig deep and not just on the surface – happiness is there in the form of the people who love us – in a good book – in a week end get-a-way – in a full moon….a friends support and especially in God’s love for us – No pill can outdo some of those things. So, lets not wait for that explosive happiness to surface – let’s enjoy the little things that we have….they are the big things after all!
Is that sappy enough for you…sorry!
Love you all
Kitty
Hey guys it’s me doing really good today got up made a nice bagel with a hot cup of tea .. Took a hot bath and I can say all your prayers are sure with me cause I don’t feel that bad and don’t want a pill so there u have it … I AM DONE WITH THOSE BASTERDS FOR GOOD
Don’t let the BASTARDS get you down….lol
Loved your postive attitude QN – you rock – sending prayers your way most certainly!!!
Love
Kitty
Litty
Hey guys it’s me sitting here watching tv… Guess what actually felt like making my husband dinner tonight DAY 3 hello !!!! But honestly kittymom you are right once your mind is made up that’s it and your attitude does have alot to do with it so here’s thee last time I went to my parents house all sick and pitty on me but this time I’m telling myself I’m fine yeah little sick but it will be over in a few days and that’s that so I’m up and about don’t get me wrong haven’t left the house … But here is the question I have the opportunity to get my little nephew tomorrow and take him to chucky cheese to play nit sure if I’m pushing it so any advise would be great
Guys also once I get atleast a week or so under my belt I’ll be on here daily giving advise bit right now I font mean to be selfish but I need to work on me so I’m sorry if I haven’t responded to any post but I will start real soon
QN – You just worry about YOU right now – there is plenty of time later to help others and they will be patient for you. NOW ABOUT the chuck e cheese – It could go two ways – you will forget about things or you will freak out. The first time I even went to the grocery store was a big feat for me and then I went to a banquet less than a week in with 700 people – I think it is good to go out and resume normalcy – but don’t ask me to go to disney world – I would slap you upside the head – only kidding (about the slap that is) LOL!!!
Love you guys (girls and tony)
Kitty
PS – each time I did the normalist of things (things I would never do without popping a few pills) – well, it wa a celebration. Now I can honestly say that I do not think of it any more….and that makes me happy.
Good evening!
@ QN, great to hear you are doing so well, way to go!! As far as Chuck E. Cheese, well let me put it this way….it is a miserable place even when I’m on pills…lol…so I would probably avoid that place on day 4, which was always the hardest for me. Don’t get me wrong, I am a big on getting out and staying busy, but you might want to do something a little more low key. Just my opinion.
@Metoo, you and I are alot alike in the sense that it is hard for me to accept unconditional love as well. I associate love with pain and abandonment so I sabotage alot of relationships because I am afraid of getting hurt. Not to assume that you are sabotaging anything….that is what I do. Kitty is right in that the job you are meant to do is not ready for you yet. Short story: years ago I was layed off, went to work for my friend’s husband and still couldn’t pay the bills, did this for about 9 months and hated every minute of it, found the job I have now that pays well, I enjoy most of the time, enabled me to adopt my two children (something that would not have happened if not for this job – I work for a psych hospital for children) and so much more….so just when you think you are doomed, you will turn a corner and a perfect fit will be waiting for you. Don’t lose faith because your life will come together and this period of time will nothing more than a stepping stone to greater things.
Hey Kitty, did you get your windows in yet??
Everyone have a great evening and a beautiful night. Look someone you love in the eyes and tell them you love them and then hug them with all you’re worth. Pinkerton
Having a hard time staying on this page.
QN- ur doin great!
Pink- u said something that hit the nail on the head for me…
” Alot has happened while I was self medicating and I think it all caught up with me, all the emotions I should have been feeling but didn’t because of the pills. ”
Ive decided not to count the days since I’m pretty pissed for relapsing at 14 days. And I knowingly put myself in situation.
Anyway, i have a lot to say but can’t cuz I keep getting booted off. I may email kitty mom it me too and Maybe they can copy and paste what id really like to write…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2btQ0TMiivI&feature=youtube_gdata_player
My loyalty is my greatest asset and biggest liability…
I hate not being able to sleep. My psychiatrist put me back on Wellbutrin. Since 2003 I’ve taken a high dosage of Wellbutrin… 400mg. I was taken off of it abruptly in 2008 and switched to zoloft because I became pregnant with Bella… funny how I’m never really depressed when I’m pregnant… weird. Anyway, I’m really hoping this helps as it has In the past. I have suffered from depression since I was 15. My mom was diagnosed what was manic depressive back in the day and now bipolar. They thought I was bipolar… it’s actually on my medical chart… but I don’t have manic episodes and now they say it’s just depression. I will admit that I stopped taking the zoloft regularly, so detoxing and stopping other meds Prob hasn’t helped me much. I just hate the fact that I need drugs to keep me sane… ironic huh? Cuz I def need those vikes to get thru
every day. Hmmm… not tired, but know i need to sleep. The seroquel def helps me sleep, but is like a hangover in the a.m. and Im not a morning person as it is… everyone knows not to talk to me until after the first hour of waking…
http://vimeo.com/21352662 this is where I plan on going next week. Also going to try and make it to Wednesday nite’s regulations service at 7pm. Please pray that i can get the ex hubby to come with me tomorrow. I know that it will be difficult because Bella’s bedtime is 739. But I’m hoping I won’t let that deter me. I know this church has an awesome children’s ministry where Bella will be safe. We’ll see if i cn convince the teen boys to go too! Please pray we can do this! Thank u. XOXO
Changed my name to steff74 and now my last comment is awaiting moderation. Oops… here was my comment…
http://vimeo.com/21352662 this is where I plan on going next week. Also going to try and make it to Wednesday nite’s regular service at 7pm. Please pray that i can get the ex hubby to come with me tomorrow. I know that it will be difficult because Bella’s bedtime is 730. But I’m hoping I won’t let that deter me. I know this church has an awesome children’s ministry where Bella will be safe. We’ll see if i cn convince the teen boys to go too! Please pray we can do this! Thank u. XOXO
Steff
Sounds like an awesome ministry. I will pray that your family gets it together to go there and benefits from their many family and substance abuse ministry. Maybe this is exactly what God has in store for you.
Love
Kitty
Good Morning!
Steff, I hate not being able to sleep too…you feel like you are the only person left on this earth. It’s the lonliest feeling when the rest of the world sleeps and you remain awake with only your cravings to keep you company.
I do feel that all my emotions didn’t disolve but they gathered together in my heart and waited for me to come out of the vicodin coma and then they all rushed me at once, wanting their turn to be dealt with and released. They are like ghosts floating around in an abandoned house, waiting to cross over to the other side. Alot has changed in my life in the last 3 years, alot of bad situations have exploded into disasters…not due to my addiction or anything in my control…but none the less these sitautions have effected me and my children. It’s amazing to me that you can’t run from your pain…maybe God wants us to learn how to cope with our issues and move on a stronger person and so He pauses the pain until we wake up to deal with it. I don’t know, I really don’t. I do know that I have run from God lately and feel like I’m a little girl lost in the woods and the sun is starting to go down as I look up thru the high trees and I know that I have to move or I’ll be stuck in those dark, scary woods all night long….but I’m afraid I don’t know which direction to start walking in…that is my struggle right now. It sounds to me that you have found the path that leads out of the woods, stay on it, don’t stop to pick flowers or wander off for any reason because if you do you might find yourself standing right next to me. I know that it is aweful but you are on your way out, PLEASE DON’T GIVE IN, TRUST ME ON THAT, JUST TRUST ME!
Didn’t mean to go that deep but I really want you to succeed, all of you and I pray that you keep walking until you are out of the woods.
Love, Pinkerton
Oh, the dragging time! Today has lasted forever for some reason. I felt it dragging, looked at the clock soon after I had awoken, said don’t look at the clock today, but what I felt like was much later on I decided to look at the clock to see what time it was, it was an hour and a half later. I really thought it was four or five hours later! The slow ticking of time has got to be one of the worst things to deal with as an addict. When times moves so slow it seems like it gives your mind so much more time to think, and for me thinking is never a good thing. My mind is always in overdrive anyway, always has been, but my addict mind doesn’t need any extra thinking. So I’m back to stupid facebook games and trying to find this and that to occupy my mind and try to pass the time. All the older facebook friends remember the huge picture uploads of a few months ago, that was me occupying my mind. lol I need to find something as OCD as that to do!
It’s funny, my last post I asked if you are gonna pray for me to please prayer for me to get my head right. I get on facebook this evening and one of my old friends from high school who i rarely talk to just happened to tag this picture of me, so I went to look at it and it wasn’t a picture of me it was a picture of a passage from some inspirational type book. And it was all about changing the way you think, and trying to stop negative thinking and start positive thinking. I was kinda like whoa! After I had asked that you guys direct your prayers towards my head, out of the blue I get tagged to this page, and it wasn’t like she tagged everyone just me and one other person, and she knows nothing of my problems. I just kind of saw it as a sign. If you’re one of my fb friends check it out! It’s like the first pic that shows up when you go on my profile.
Well, folks, nearly 5a.m. so I’m gonna try to get some rest. TRY. Hope everyone is doing well. Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Has anyone triedMELATONIN for sleep? I took first one last night on my 4th day instead of taking a zannies and I slept for almost 6 hrs which is a he’ll of slot better than the last 4days. These posts are the only thing helping my mindf@!$! That I feel like I am going through so anyone who wants to chat. I have tried it all and am hem for next five days…. Just one or two sounds soooo good. I prob have 40 750s and everyone says I need t get rid of em. I think the anxiety of not having them at my dispose is worse.n. I think if I get ridof em then I am going to panic and relapse. Does that sound insane or what?
Inspire me.
Quitting now
We are at about the same place. I will be 5days today. Havin a cup of coffee and a muffin right now. Have your legs quit hurting cuz mine have not. And I still wanna Vic and have a ton of em….
Dear Need Some – You will never get clean with a stash of pills at your disposal – My opinion only – get rid of them – until they are gone, by either disposal or flushing down the toilet – they will be forever on your mind and the decsison will be there for you to make – so why not just make it now and dispose of them. I could not have made it clean with any in the houe and took them until they were gone – after about a week dclean I was able to throw a couple away that I found in my purse. My opinion ONLY!!!!
Good luck on your detox – gload to have you here and I will check in eve4ry so often and answer posts.
Love
Kitty
I had to get rid of all of my vikes the first time. I am an addict in the srnse if it’s near me or I have it, I’m gonna take it. And I should have known better to go visit my mom after 2 months cuz she’s got a pharmacy. I took 20 perco.cet and took they were gone in less than two days. So for me, can’t have them around. But I couldn’t flush em either cuz I had them and god forbid I waste them.
Pink- Thank u so much. Let’s deal with our emotions. Come join me when ur ready. When it’s time, u will find the light and follow it. I’ve got a lot of anger to work out. Thought I was over it thru counseling… but hA! The vikes were masking my pain. Love u ladies and tony.
Jamie that fb story is awesome! Prayer works. U can email me and i’ll give u fb info. None of my friends know about my addiction tho.
Jamie – OMG don’t you hate that the time stands still like that – it was so weird – I was like waiting around to go to bed and when I got there I did not sleep anyway. That was so hard – I hear you on that one. God works in mysterious ways Jamie – he got the message and sent it through a friend….how phenominal! I agree – I have seen you over the months think “glass half empty” about alot of things going on in your life….It is so freaking hard to think positive some time – but just remember yu are never alone – the Lord is there and although he gives you a free will, he is there to place his hand on your shoulder for comfort when you make the wrong choices….I truly believe that – and I also believe in looking at your blessings however small they may be – be it your special place of solitude that you love so much or those awesome dogs that are so dear to you – or your neice who you love to spend time with…think “glass half full” and you will come out on the other side in less pain physcally and mentally.
I love you – you are special – and I want with all my heart for you to overcome all your burdens….I will be praying for you – and even though you say YOU don’t pray, looking up to heaven and just thinking – I need HIS help – will help you.
Love
Kitty
Pink,
I am so sorry that all the emotions are coming to a head and that they are bring you down. I guess God thinks you can handle them now and they are coming to the front instead of being pushed in the back of your mind somewhere. I found when I was on the pills that I really never faced anything head on. I started using heavily when my husband cheated on me and wanted to leave me for someone at work. He left the house on a Thursday and came back on Saturday. I never prayed so hard in my life and I never thought in a million years that I would take someone back who cheated on me – but after we talked to our minister and after alot of time passed, I finally was able to forgive – have not forgot, but forgived. We are having our 20 year anniversity in July and all that is behind us – anyway, my point isl, I never really faced the reality of things like this until after I was off the pills – I was numb to everything…so after I went off of them 8 months ago, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I am better now, but emotions of all kinds came back after being clean – happiness, sadness, dispair, love, hate – it all came back and I was not suppressing it any longer – part of getting sober I guess – facing the pain without pills.
Anyway, my dear Pink – I hope you can get past the bad feelings and perhaps talk about them to someone – or talk about them to yourself outloud if you have to….It is funny, because the recent funk I have been in do to a loss of a dear friend (male) had me talking to God outloud walking down the streets of Tampa on my lunch hour and down the halls of my office when going to the bathroom…haha I probably looked like a crazy person. I am still dealing with the pain, but am dealing better with it a little more each day and I realizing that maybe it is not possible for a man and woman to be friends and that is too bad….perhaps I need a Gay man friend….lol!
Anyway, long story short – emotions run rampent after sobriety!!! I think that is good rather than bad though in the long run.
I am rambling so – later!!!
Love
Kitty
Kitty Mom. I love you. I’d like to adopt u as my mom… we can just sayy u had me at a really young age. LOL. My mom was an rx addict my whole like with 3 suicide attempts and I swore I’d never be like her. She recently moved out of my house and now has her own apt. Thank God. I love her cuz she’s my mom, but I’ve taken care of her since i was 11. My brother and sister who are 4 and 5 yrs younger finally gave up on her and have no communication whatsoever. I met a really good friens in 2001 and her mom and nana have been there for me for the past tow yrs. Unfortunately that real good friend was my supplier but she didnt know It. She thought I was getting them from somewhere else. She still has the 60 I was suppsed to pick up and asked me about them last friday…. told her my friend went to rehab… at least half of ut was true.
MeToo… if it wasn’t for u first answering my email about the Kratom, I Prob wouldnt still be here. So Thank you. When i grow up, i wanna be just like metoo and kitty!
Pls forgive all the typos and abbreviations. can only do this from my phone with touchscreen and i suck! It’s not the phone, It’s the user!
at least It appears theaweata and chills have gone away so I don’t have q physical craving persay. Mentally thia morning I dont either. I take the Kratom twice a day, but as soon as I feel I dont need it, I plan o. Dropping It. I think It does help though.
Love u all. Thnk u for being here. And thanks for praying that i make it to church tonite…
Hey guys it’s me just checking in day 4 and doing pretty well trying to figure out what I should do to get out of the house for a little bit but I’m really receiving all your prayers cause this time it’s nothing like last time it’s been much much much easier but I think that also has to do with the fact I’ve made my mind up that this is it
NSI– no my legs never really hurt and today they don’t hurt I’m just trying to eat right and take my vitamins and just do things move around take little walks and that’s about it hot showers really help … And watching your favariot shows to pass the time till my hubby gets home …
Thanks to everyone that has kept me in their prayers keep them coming cause I’m almost there almost on the other side for good thanks guys
NSI– how many were u taking and for how long
One last thing you have to get rid of the pills cause if you really want off then then you don’t need a stash !!! Just my opinion
Kitty
Thanks sooooo much for being here. Idk what I would do without having u and everyone else on here that understands what I am going through. I WANT to get rid of them sooooo bad but I am sooooo scared of the panic that may set in. I know it sounds nuts but just knowing they are there for the time being calms my nerves. That is such classic addiction huh. I know I have to get rid ofbthem I just don’t know if today’s the day. Also; I have been alternating ibuprofen and Tylenol for muscle aches why has no one else said anything about doing that… Is that bad…I mean it’s a pain killer it’s not 20 little yellows. Also I have cats as pets and they are reallypissin me off. My little one … “chicken” won’t leave me alone! Is this irritability just withdraw? And when will my legs quit hurting? I don’t think u know how many people u have helped. What u are doing is awesome! U are a good person
Inspiration… I took tylenol, excedrin, ibuprofen, andorobaxin for the withdrawls. There is a supplement u can take too, but i dont remember what its called. I’ve been eating lot of bananas tho. My kids are like dang mom, u wanna be a monkey? LOL. They have no idea, Thank God. I can see though that my almost 16 yr old has my addictive personality. So one day im going to tell him and pray he doesn’t go down the same path. You’ve either gotta take those pills or GET Rid of them. It’s going to be so much eqaier to relapse If u have them at ur ready disposal. U’ve already been off I think 5 Days. I’d rwther u not take them because relapsing sucks… but u gotta be strong, ready and wiling to ax this addiction. I know that I can not and will not put me in the situation again where they are avail to me like I did on Sunday. Anyway, good luck! We’re all here for u, even thoae that have fkn relapsed… ya Im still mad about It, but trying to get over It. guess it was something I just had to go thru tho.
NSI, WELCOME!!!! Isn’t this place great?? Kitty always hits it right on the head, and this post is mostly just to say, ‘ditto’ to all of the above!!
I wouldn’t be able to do it either with a stash of 40. No way. I can also hear the ‘waste not, want not’ thing…I would give them to someone else. Not sure we are supposed to flush pills either—it gets into the nations drinking water! (Heard that somewhere).
Everybody is doing great here, hanging in, supporting and being supported. So I’m going to go work on a cover letter! Oh, yay…
Prayers are going out to all…Jamie, send some of those positive thoughts and vibes this way!! NORTH!!
Message from Angel via face book:
Hey lady how are you? Could you do me a favor and let everyone know on the site that my computer will be up and running in a few days and I will be able to update everyone. The boys and I are healthy, happy, and moving on, what more could you ask for. When I have my own computer and more time I will send you another message with an update, but I miss you and everyone, I will be back though. Love you, Angel..
Love Kitty
Metoo – Love it when you post!!!
Love you my friend – feel good soon and “Get a Job” cause I know that is what you are wanting soooooo bad!
Love
Kitty
NSI- how are you doing and how are you feeling how many pills were you taking and what kinds things will get better they really will just hang in there and get rid of those pills with them there you are sure to relapse when u start feeling a little better …. Get this addiction out of your life once and for all the strongest thing you can do for you and your family is to be done with those basterd pills!!!’ are you off work cause I am to let me know if you want to talk I’m here ….
Quitting now- yes I am off work for rest of the week. 5 days and 1.5 hrs as of right now. Work thinks I have the flu. How many was I taking.? Started out with just a few a day and eventually was anywhere from 15-25 either yellow tens or 750s DAILY! That’s nuts right? I am tiny too. I am 100 lbs and barely five foot tall. I was getting cash back off my debit anywhere I could . Gas station. Walgreens wherever. That way my fiancé wouldn’t see actual cash withdrawals from bank. I was prob spending 60 to 100 bucks a day and last week my fiancé was like. Wtf? Why are we broke? He and I both have great jobs and shouldn’t be. Short money and we are and it’s all my fault. If I add it up truly over 6 years I bet I have spent 20 grand. That’s just ridiculous! I know I have to get rid of these but it makes me panic to think of it. I haven’t touched em but just knowing they are there eases my mind… That’s a bunch of bull huh. A lll I know is that this is helping more than anything
S74(monkey) – thanks for your encouragement. This place is awesome! My friends are amazing and have been here for me but they can’t understand what it’s like. It’s not like stopping drinking or smokin pot. It’s different, it’s physically painful and yheydont get that so thank u thank u thank u. If I can make it through this weekend to Monday it will make it ten days I am hoping work Monday will go ok
Me too- thanks for the welcome! This place is great! I really don’t think I would be here 5days clean that is without this site. I just happen to stumble across it 9 days ago and everyone on he is what truly inspired me that I can do this . So thanks to everyone
Hi Everyone! No relapses since the cough syrup incident.
NSI – I am surprised you still have a stash.I could never taper down because I had a hard time saving them. Do you have someone you can give them to for emergency? I would definately not have them in the house. I am around 2 weeks clean from vics and feel pretty darn good today. The hardest part is retraining my brain to not want to take pills before I leave the house, go to an event, walk the dog, go to work, etc. I have a work event that involves travel and I am starting to get nervous. Usually when planning for a business trip, I stock up. Now I will have my Kratom and hopefully that will help.
Wishing QN, Pink, S74, NSI another successful day!
Not myself- I can’t believe I haven’t gotten into them either. And on top of it I am checking in on my old neighbors cats for the next two weeks and I will be damned she handed me ten500 mg vics. What the heck? Never has anyone just handed to me and now that I am quitting they just fall from the sky. I haven’t touched them. I think it’s mental for me; like a security blanket. I thought about just giving them to my fiancé for emergency but sonfar I have stayed out of them. He knows I have them and I have been honest about it. I really didn’t taper down too much either. If u wanna call it that I went from approx20 a day to 5, then 2, then 3 then 1 and now almost 6 days with none. Do u really feel good? What is Kratom? Yes the retraining before work , getting ready, hell I would take em just to blow dry my hair. Good luck on your trip. Two weeks! That’s amazing! This site and everyone here truly is what inspired me to do this. I figured if they can do it so can I. I didn’t think there was anyone out there taking the high quanity like I was. So thankful for this support
NSI – Funny, when it rains Vicodin it pours and when you are out it is an extreme dry spell. I used to remember looking at a bottle of 200 pills and be so happy but knew it wouldn’t last long and I would soon be looking at the same bottle with 2 pills left. I used to get jealous when I would read posts on this site of how someone had so many pills left over and didn’t want to take them anymore. Now I try to remember only the bad things they have done. You sound like you have a lot of self control. How long have you been using Vics?
Notmyself
OMG – you sound just like I did – I could not do ANYTHING without 3 10MG Vics – had to take them to drive to work, after I got to work, to go to lunch, to go to get hair cut, to go to grocery shop, get gas – whatever – could not do anything at all without them – but guess what, now I do not even think about pills except of course when I hear all your stories – and they make me realize how far I have fome – so thanks girls – and soon you will be int he same position as me where you do not crave any more….I know I sound like a broken record – but keep telling yourself that it IS NOT an option to take a pill and one of these days your mind will believe it – IT IS NOT AN OPTION TO TAKE A PILL!!!
Love all of you for being here….wow so many of us now….I love it!
NSI – hey girl – thanks for the kind words – but part of me being here is because I want to see where I have been and helping others helps me as well. I hear you on the kitty cats – I have Clyde and Boaz – Clyde was born on September 8, the exact day that I started my detox. Little did I know that he would be sent to me 2 months into my recovery and be my little guardian angel. He is such a freakin pest and loves to lay on my keyboard while I am typing. I can’t tell you how many times he eradicated my entire post…lol I love my cats. Boaz is the polar opposite of Clyde – he is anti social (i think he is autistic) He will circle around me for an hour and then when he finally jumps on my lap, he jumps immediately right back down and circles some more – but I love him all the same – I just dont pick him up and I give him his space. Clyde is a lap kitty and can lay on my lap for hours. Gotta love them.
OK about the legs – sleep and the legs were the last to get better. It took a couple of weeks to get the sleep I desired but could not get while detoxing. I thought I would never sleep again – but, now I fall asleep any time the TV is on so I am back to normal in all respects. My body was so addicted to the pills, it was like a living hell but after the 5th day, I could see me getting better a little at a time and I went back to work after the 7th day and after that it was all up hill – started doing things one at a time that I formerly did taking pills….there is a light at the end of the tunnel folks and it is by far less scary then being on pills and being sick and addicted and worried where the next script would be coming from.
Long story short (sorry, I tend to ramble) I am waiting for you in the no pill zone….keep on peddling – you can make it.
Love to all of you
Kitty
Hi Kitty Mom – I can’t wait to be where you are at. You sound so healthy! You mentioned in a recent post that you almost got into trouble with multiple scripts. Can you really go to jail for multiple scripts? I was using two docs and rotating pharmacies. I am so glad the cycle is over, it was exhausting.
NM – Yes, I believe it is against the law to doctor shop – most definately…I was using my primary care doctor and also two internet doctors – my primary care doctor somehow got wind of one of the others through my medical insurance – I told the pharmacy that I did not have insurance but somehow they found out I had it and used it – therefore my primary care doctor called the internet doctor and told him that I was getting the same drugs from from both places – how embarassing is that! That is the day the madness stopped and I came clean with my doctor and told him not to give me any more because I was an addict! At the exact same time, my third source was arrested for giving out prescriptions without a physical exam. So looks like someone was looking out for me and it was time to quit, right? God, I am glad that lifestyle is over. I never thought that at this stage of my life, I could have become an addict….
Love,
Kitty
Hey guys just wanted to check in doing good hope it gets better tomorrow and even better the next day … This is it I’m on my way hope everyone else is doing good and staying off the pills ….
I really need more energy hopefully that come soon who knows guess I have to give it time !!!!
Hey guys it’s me just trying to pass the time can’t wait till next week cause I know I’ll be feeling much better by then !!!:) I just need energy please send energy prayers my way I would love that !!! Thanks everyone for your support keep me in all your prayers
QN – keep up the good work and the good attitude. I am happy to hear of your success – and yes this time next week you will be free as a bird!!!
Still praying for this freedom for you
Love
Kitty
Not myself -
How long? Well I told myself it had been 5yrs straight without missing a single day. I was very resourceful and know everyone! I am one of those people who is friends with everyone and could have a conversation with a wall; so u can imagine I had many hookups not to mention my job is in med field and if worse came to worse I have the authority to call in meds for patients (which sometimes was actually a friend who just said they needed something to my boss then they would give to me). But a friend put into perspective for me that I really have been on them for over 7 hrs straight. Seriously not one day missed. I am lucky I still have a job. That my friend needs pain meds bull would eventually catch up to me and who knows I could have ended up in jail and I am not the survive in jail type of girl (if therebeven is a type). I would get a fill of 40 Vic es which are the 750s and at one point in time I would be like cool these will last me all week. Now a full script of those 40 might last mee 2days. I was 24/7. Thinking about where I was going to buy my next pills at or which friend have I not used their name for meds at pharmacy in a while. You know spacing it out so it wasn’t noticeable. My REAL friends when they noticed the habit said absolutely not anymore and they wouldn’t let me use them as an excuse to get more. A couple people in my family I have done that before. Using their insurance so I didn’t spend 200 bucks I spent $10. I was like he’ll yeah that’s perfect but it HAS to stop. What if one of those people really got hurt and needed meds and pharmacy were to say but u just got 40 yesterday. I was jeaprodising their well being too. What a shitty thing t do huh. I just pray it’s over and my life will not be consumed with this anymore. I took em he’ll just to getout of bed which makes no sense cuz I would take a couple to bed with me too at night. What a waste iwas goin to sleep and would still pop a couple before sleeping.
Not myself- that was supposed to say 7 years straight…. I am on I pad and I hate the spell check on this. Guess I should read before sending lol
NSI – wow awesome story – thanks for sharing it. I am so glad you are getting out of that merry-go-round of drug seeking. Isn’t it just terrible that a substance can have such control over us and that innocent people who take a prescription for pain that was prescribed by a doctor end up addicted and sick and hopelessly caught up int he vicious cycle of seeking more pills. I would not wish that on my worst enemy…and it starts out so innocently – for me it was pain, than…OMG these things make me feel soooo good and so I kept on taking them for the spark of high that I got and then I had to take more to get that same spark and then I had to take even more because my body becomes sick and addicted and no longer felt that spark no matter how many I took……Thank you God for getting me out of this cycle…I pray that he does the same for y’all.
Love
Kitty
@ NSI, and you want us to inspire you..lol…that was quite the inspirational story. You are going to be very helpful to others on here by sharing the story of your past and in sharing the story of your detox. Someone or ones will read that and identify and find strength and resolve to take the first step and/or to post their own story. So, thank you for sharing.
@ QN, you are doing fabulous!! So proud of you and I so admire you….keep on moving forward and NEVER look back!!
I hope all of you folks have a good day and stay strong in your resolve!
Love to all, Pinkerton
Thanks for all the support it helps so much!! I think this time is it. I had a long talk with my husband last night about these pills. He gets them for a back problem which has caused us to have “THE PROBLEM” . I told him if he couldnt find an alternative I would have to leave, because Im strong but not strong enough to be around them all the time! That has always been my problem they are always around here to take. We have become so lazy, isolated, and moody! He started crying and said he hated it to and he knew we needed to stop together. Im so glad because I really thought the only way out of it was if I left him. He said no pills werent worth ruining our marriage. Thank the good lord I hope we stay strong and make it thru this. I am praying for everyone on here and its great having such wonderful support it makes all the difference in the world !!:)
Crossing fingers that this is it for good Im done !!
Hey guys today is day 5 I think and doing well today I’m going to leave the house go somewhere maybe go visit my mom or something ….. I think the worst is over and to be honest this time wasn’t to bad wasn’t a walk in the park but was doable so now the road to recovery is very up and down but you have to make the best of it …. What ever that means any who to any new people that wants to stop for good you can do it just set your mind to it and do it don’t turn back just go go go !!!! Hope everyone is well and feeling good
Pink — it’s time baby you need to get this behind you too I’m rooting for you
QN – Way to go -I am so glad you are doing so well and have such a great attitude about quitting. You are truly an inspiration>
Thanks for sharing your journey.
Love
Kitty
Kitty Mom – Thanks for the words of encouragement . hearing that just helps sooo much. It will be 6 days with none in 2 hours. one of my bff’s is off today so she’s coming to get me and keep me busy. I think she may MAKE me shower too. lol
We have another female and the two of them hate each other; she’s fine with the male. I think part of her problem is the other female but she’s gonna have to figure it out cuz the other 2 were here first and they are brother and sister. anyways sorry to ramble about cats just thought u might enjoy that little story since iam also a kitty mom. 
I seem to be feeling better today than yesterday by the way. I also had gotten to the point where it almost didn’t matter how many i took they almosrt wouldn’t do anything for me… hmmmm maybe cuz my toleerance was soo high. they used to make feel all tingly and good and give me energy; but the last couple years i think they have just depressed mealong with the money i spend and the laziness; which i thought they were helping to give me energy; but i am starting to wonder if they had started to do the opposite to me due to my length and excessive abuse. thanks for talking with me 
By the way you were talking about your babies (cats) and idk if i told u but we have three. 2 by choice and one that we kind of inherited. The one i inherited belonged to my best friend and she’s itty bittty. All white with blue eyes and a pink nose . Sweetest thing ever and she’s NUTS! She is on prozac just like her mother is now! (meaning myself) When she’s not on it…. welll.. the only way to truely get a good picture of what she does is… she darts all over the house like she can’t figure out where to go or what to do and is “literally scared shitless”. don’t know how else to say it cuz that s truely what happens. its been hell with her; but i love her sooo much i can’t get rid of her. of course now my friends call me the crazy cat lady…. i had never owned cats before. they are pretty darn cool. they have their own personality that is for sure… oh by the way the crazy one… her name is Chicken Liver Dinner. We call her Chicken. Of course i didn’t name her since she was my friends originally but i tell people she’s nuts cuz of what name my friend gave her. She wasn’t crazy till she came to live with me… Go figure.
Pinkerton- Thanks sooooo much! U have no idea how that one sentence from u saying I am the one inspiring people gives me more drive to just keep this up ya know. I guess when I chose name nsi I was just hoping to grab someone’s attention . One more hour and I’ve made it 6 days with NONE! Legs and sleep still an issue but state of mind seems better today…. Thanks to all
Quitting now- one more hour and it’s 6 days. If I can do it with a stash so can u! Believe it or not today I feel kind of good. I am off the couch gonna shower (and trust me I need to). Part of the depression for me is not getting ready or dressed. My legs still hurt and sleep is still crappy but mentally I am feeling better now than I think I have in a long time. I had been taking soooo many for soooooo long that I don’t think they were giving me the high or the energy that they used to. So keep it up and keep encouraging me too and we’ll get through this together.
Kitty Mom here
Thanks NSI – you truly are an inspiration. Thanks for sharing your progress and your kitty story. I love your crazy cat’s name – I thought of inquiring about prozac for my BOAZ also – he is just so stressed all the time – always has been but started out as a sweer little kitten – he even bites out his hair from the roots and he is black and white and when he bites out the hair they come in white – he is a total mess but I love him all the same. lol!
God bless you with continued success…You are doing great!
Love
Kitty
Wow NSI, thank you for sharing. Doesn’t it feel so good to open up and reveal your darkest daemons? This site has been therapy for so many. Has anyone noticed that your sex drive comes back? Amazing! I have been numb for so long I forgot what it was like to actually want to. I am going away with my hubby this weekend. My normal routine would be to call in my script a day before I leave so that I had enough to make it last. I have thrown out all my old rx numbers so that i do not have access to easily call in a refill. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. Be strong, you have come so far. I get my strength from your success.
NM – Now that you mention it – yes detox makes you horny as hell….lmao!!!
Love
Kitty
day 1 here I am this sucks
Ok, Jen-you’ve made the decision-let’s do this thing!!! Please tell us how you’re feeling and what supplements you’ve taken to help…we are all here with you, girl!!!!!
Let each moment pass and KNOW that you’re on your way to being rid of the poison in your body. It has to hurt a little bit, because God knows you’ve hurt yourself by taking it. Try to find a way to deal with the aches and the emotions. WE ARE ALL IN YOUR CORNER, and EACH ONE of us has felt what you are feeling right now!!!
HANG IN THERE!!! I am sending prayers out to Jen!! Anyone else with me??
Hey guys I’m doing great almost there enough about me
Jen– you can do it trust me ask any one here I put it off and then put it off some more but then I did it only on day 5 but doing really good …. Just take little steps at a time don’t worry about anything else but you
Pink — how’s it going set a date yet ???? I’m rooting big time for you
Kitty mom — I’m doing good thanks to you and everyone on here how are you how’s the day going ??
Metoo — what the heck happened to u are you doing good I pray that u r
NSI — sounds like you are on your wY doing the damn thing way to go
NMS— hope you have a great mini vaca and get your horny on lol
Hope everyone else is doing great love to all
Ps.. Keep all the prayers up for me still feel like I need them thanks again to everyone
Jen – Each day will be better – God bless you in your struggle from freedom from pills – glad to have you here.
QN – keep it up my sister! Glad you are getting better day by day. The worst is over.
Metoo – hope you are getting happy and staying well my friend.
Love
Kitty
Thanks metoo your great.You have always been awsome at lifting spirits
I havent taken anything yet. I need to go buy some vitamins they help so much. I guess the worst for me is when I quit I’m always depressed. I have gotten used to the physical shit which is very sad but it seems I can handle that better than always feeling depressed when I quit. ……..but I know in the long run it goes away and you feel better. I’m just not there yet but im gonna fight hard for it. Quittingnow Im proud of you 5 days is awsome you need to pat yourself on the back 
. Thanks everyone praying for all of us.
Hey guys where is everyone how is everyone doing tomorrow I have my first day out baby sitting my nephew with my mom so wish me luck I really have to get out of the house
Ok I’m feeling pretty good but have one question how in the world do you get motavation to get out the house what are some things you guys did
Wasn’t finished I have been very lucky as to never experience depression or anxiety and I don’t feel sad just can’t get my ass out the house what should I do it’s almost like I’m scared to leave or something before you couldn’t keep me in I was always out doing things with family and friends but now I just can’t even force my self out what should I do it’s not like I feel bad cause I feel pretty good nit great or anything but good any suggestions where is everyone at ??????
That to will pass I felt that way before. Honestly you just have to make yourself its hard but once your out you will feel better.
Thanks Jen I’ll let u know how it goes tomorrow thanks for responding
ur welcome
QN – yes that is really hard to do at first and gradually after you go out a few times your interest will return. My firwt trip to the grocery store was for only about 15 minutes and the first time shopping with my daughter was the pits cause I had no interest in even buying anything – but believe me it will all come back – the interest – the joy – it takes a little time. You will be fine – I will be praying for you.
Love
Kitty
Thanks kitty mom I’m going to have to be out all day tomorrow so I’ll just have to make it work and push myself cause that seems to be the last thing that’s lingering other than that I’m really doing good
eating doing things around the house and even taking little supper little walks around my neighborhood so I guess that will get better and I am so proud if myself that I’ve come this far and doing so well 6 days now …. Don’t even think about taking any kind of pill thank god my vitamins are gummies lol thanks to all of you guys I would not be here if it weren’t for you I’ve already marked on my calendar my 30 day mark that U KNOW FOR SURE I’LL MAKE IT TO !!!!! yeah
not myself
in all seriousness though i truely feel like my sex drive is returning; i have been numb for so long and disinterested and i think i am finally starting to get my sex drive back. glad u mentioned it. thought it was just me. Day 7 tomorrow!!!
so i’m not just a hornball? lol…. my friends dog wouldn’t stay off my leg today; like he knew i was horny.
quitting now- i totally ge tit; i went to groc store and health food store for all these vitamins and stuff and i really thought i was going to have a nervous brreakdown; it will pass though and i know u can do it.
quitting now- also; i told my friends they HAD to come get me. Do you have anyone you can have do that for you? Yesterday one of my friends made me go with her to breakfast. didn’t eat but atleast i left the house. Today two of my friends MADE my ass get in shower and dry my hair (thats a task in itself for me, i have tons and tons of long blonde hair and it takes forever). One of them actually helped finish drying it for me. i have amazing friends. then we just messed around. they got lunch and i just kinda went along for the ride. it felt good to get dressed and bathed
and actually leave the house. just a suggestion. and sat night one of them came and got me also. she knew when i called and said u have to come get me that i was trying to quit that i meant business and she was here in 30 min. if u haev somone like that it could help. hang in there … day 7 for me tomorrow at 11 a.m. leggs still feel like crap though
kitty mom ; about the prozac for my chickers; best thing ever!!!! your BOAZ may be happier on it. your choice just know that it toally worked for my crazy A cat. sometimes i think shes fine and i will start to taper her off cuz i would rather her not be on it… AND watch out; here comes the “runnin around scared shitless”. sounds nuts but it works for her. Now i just hope it helps for me. tomorrow is day 7 and my legs still ache. i did leave the house today and spent the day with two of my best friends. lots of laughter. one of them is quite funny and i think that laughter can cure many things. now i just have tomake it through tomorrow.
anyone else had probs with this being really really slow?
Jen ; i am assuming u have been through this before? i think somone else already said it; but making the decision has to be the first step. i think everyone on here is why i truely made the decision. everyones stories were inspiring to me. i didn’t think there was anyone else out there taking the quanity i was. so if i can make it tomorrow day 7 for me; then so can u and will be checking in . this has been a life saver for me. good luck and believe in yourself. i think we are all a hell of alot stronger than we realize
NSI and QN – you are both doing sooooo fine girls. I hear you saying all the exact things that I went through and I can so relate. Not to beat a dead horse, but in a couple of weeks when this is all behind you, you will forget all about the pain and agony of detox (to a certain extent) and that is why I come back here day after day (1) to tell others there is a great light at the end of the tunnell where you will see clearly and feel joy and be so glad you are over and done with the bastard pills and (2) to not forget what detox was like so that I never have to experience it again…thanks girls. It makes me so happy to hear your success.
Love
KITTY
Oh Jen – mI am so sorry – when I went back and reread my note – I had forgot to include you also. Gosh, so sorry – of course you are doing great also – I include you in all I said above.
Love
Kitty
Thanks everyone!
. You sound like your doing very good:).Thanks for the thoughts and prayers this site is seriously the only way I make it through this . Its amazing how something like this can have such a great impact on your life its a wonderful feeling. I might comment 20 times today but it helps me pass the time thanks for listening.
NSI sounds like you have a great support system at home that is wonderful your doing great! Kitty thanks I made it to day 2 man yesterday was a killer time was sooo slow and I just wanted to go to bed and wake up after 5 days! Im feeling ok right now Im gonna try and keep myself busy. QN hope your day out goes great today
One thing that helped me get out of the house was simply pretending that there was nothing wrong at all! I have never missed a day of work for a detox–I put it on myself that this was my cross to bear–I got myself in it, and I will get myself out. That really always worked for me. Fake it til you make it.
All of you are doing so well!! It is such a blessing to have so many people reaching out to others here! Yes, I have noticed the webiste is slow also~we must have weighed it down?! Jen, it is great reading all your posts, and you just keep on a postin’ girl!! Whatever helps is what you have to do!
It is such an honor to be able to be here to help get you ‘kids’ over this bridge. There is so much happiness in my little heart when I read all these posts!! I know that I speak for all of us who got clean and stayed clean when I tell you that being here to help you actually helps us a great deal. It holds us accountable on our continuous journey too. It bothers me though that Joe has left us. I don’t understand how someone that was basically ‘the founder’ of the about page could just walk away. I don’t like losing friends, especially the valued ones…just sayin’. I hope he’s not using again!! I just had to get that out~thank you for bearing with me!
Big hugs to everyone reading! And if you are out there lurking, jump in anytime!! The water’s fine!
Jen — that’s ok post post post all day if you have to I’m feeling physically almost 100% better the only thing that is dragging is getting out of the house but I know with time that will be better also and I’m only on day 5 so there you go … You will get threw it you will and feel much better I promise … If you want to talk let me know
I’ll let everyone know how it goes today is going to be my first day out wish mr luck
Thanks meetoo that is actually what I’ve been telling myself there is nothing wrong I’m ok and it does help …. I dint even think that I ever took the pills and that not only helps with not thinking about the pills to witch at this point I don’t even think about it thanks guys u r great
well I felt pretty good this morning but now feel shitty again talk about mood swings wow! I read everyone elses comments about being 5 and 6 days clean and it seems so far away. I cant wait to look back and read how miserable I was so it will remind me why I hated these darn pills!! They ruin your life and when you take them so long they dont even make you feel good anymore but you continue to take them anyway ughhhh Im so not going through this again ever. To make things worse my husband is going thru it also so we are both miserable. Lord please give me the strength to get thru this. I know how wonderful it is to get to the other side of this misery. Thanks guys for all the support and Im thinking about all of yall. QN have a great day energy always seems to be the very last thing I get back after doing this shit 100 times. I do notice being active helps with getting energy back even though its hard you feel wonderful afterwards. Prayers for everyone going thru this you have to be a very strong person to be so strong if that makes any sense.
Jen, have you gotten any of the vitamins yet? POTASSIUM is the key…how did you sleep last night? Make sure your husband gets some too…how is he doing? Is he ever going to use again or is this his last detox also? You’re doing great!!
Hey guys well today just last min had both my nephews 2 and 3 years old here at chuckle cheese and doing great even having a good time I think I’m on the other side we r haveing a hood time energy is here and we r playing thanks just a up date !!!!:)
Jen and QN – keep pushing forward. You are doing great and in a week Jen you will be over the hump and pushing forward. QN you are doing so good with your attitute – when you were ready YOU REALLY were ready – so good to see that.
Metoo, you are absolutely right when you say we are so blessed to have so many on here right now…..Man, Joe does not know what he is missing with all the new gals on here, right? I hope he is OK – I wish at least he would let us know that!!! I still love and miss him as a friend!
WELL, let me tell you about MY day. Yesterday I realized that our air conditioner was not turning off in the garage – turned off the fan and the total air at the thermostat and it still did not go off – the only way it would go off was turning it off at the circuit breaker – so they are fixing it right now. The air company was also going to seal our ducts – the electric company pays for it so it is free to the consumer – well, our duct work is so bad that it is not working effectively and it is so bad, they cannot even seal it. So, here we are with brand new energy efficiency windows and the air conditioning system is all fucked up!!!! Then, my hubby calls – he was in a minor car accident and is OK, but you know he is diabetic and anytime he has an accident whether it is his fault or not, the state questions his ability to drive a vehicle.
So paleeeeeeese keep us in your prayers for at least the accident thingy – cause we dont want him to loose the ability to drive!!!
Love You all and thanks in advance
Kitty
metoo; wow that’s one helll of a mindstate to be able to have… maybe i can do that. :just tell myself nothing is wrong: great suggestion.
quittingnow- ialso have to leave house today; have to go get paycheck and go to bank. get anxiety even thinking about it. we can do it though; we HAVE to!!!
It’s day 7 for you, isn’t it NSI? And just LOOK at how far you’ve come!!! It’s true…NOTHING IS WRONG!! It’s all just getting RIGHT. Day 7 is a reason for celebration for you!!! I’m proud of you!
Metoo : I started taking a multi vitamin this morning I will get some potassium today I need it. I fell asleep ok but woke up at 4 tossing and turning and pretty much did that till I just got up. My husband is doing good he works so I think even though it sucks going thru this his job helps keep his mind off of it some. He is done to I told him if he wasnt I just couldnt be with him. He threw everything away and said no more so I’m optimistic .He wants to do it for himself and our family. I told him we have to be strong together and keep each other in line, he is such a good husband I would hate to have to leave him over these pills. I asked him dont you want more out of life than to be a slave to these? We cant have that with these pills consuming our life he agreed.
im so happy for you. Love reading it.
QN I feel your happiness in your typing
Kittymom I cant wait for next week to feel that:) Im so sorry your having problems with a/c we went thru that last summer it sucked so bad then in winter our heater messed up I was like SHIT wth did we do everything was breaking. I hope your husband is ok prayers for your husband and why would they take his license away thats not right I didnt think they would do that just for being diabetic. I hope your day gets better many many prayers.
Me Too – yup day 7 ; just have to get through sat and sunday and then monday hopefully work week will consume most of my time and start to get back to “normal”; if any of us really are “normal”. i kinda like being crazy ole me; lol …. FYI- when driving i found a good cd and cranked it today and that seemed to help me TONS!!! i stuck in some U2 and cranked beautiful day; thought maybe just the inspiration of the music would make me think; hey it is a beautiful day and it did. just suggestion for anyone having a rough day. MUSIC can be great therapy!!!!
JEN- i have been taking melatoninn for sleep and it seems to help and i am day 7 a few hrs ago.. can’t believe i have made it this far. USE everyone for inspiration!!!! I had never went a single day without taking one for 7 yrs straight and was up to about 20 750′s or 10′s a day and now none for 7.25 days. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!
kitty mom- that sucks to hear about a/c!!! its starting to get warm here too. We boutght a new house almost 2 yrs ago and same BS. We have had to replace Furnace, Ac, one thing after another… hope your day gets better!!!
quitting now-
chuck e cheese!!!! great idea!! how could u be shitty there?? what a fun place to go and with your nephews too.. Glad its going ok… i used MUSIC to get through my outing today plus my amazing friends help tremendously. 3 have been here throughout the day just hanging out. one brought lunch. one watched some dvr with me and another and i sat on the porch and smoked cigs. my friends ROCK. i hope they know how much i truely LOVE em. i tell em all the time. sorry rambling now. glad your outing went well 7.25 days here and counting with YOU!!!
Anyone want to come swim in the pool with me – I sat here all day waiting for the ac man to get finished and was looking forward to going out somewhere to eat dinner not remembering that my husband has a freaking lodge meeting – UGH – kitty is in one of her occasional funk moods now….lol but I will get over it – I am going to make me a big ice coffee and float in the pool anbd read the rest of “the Girl that played with fire” I could not relax enough today with the ac man here…AC is working but we got a price on replacing it and the duct work also. With a house there is always something – but I love my house and it is my most favorite place to be.
I am so proud of all you grils – you are doing so good. Jen, hang in there baby girl – each day is easier and monday you will have gotten through all the roughest stuff – I am routing for you coming down the bend with NSI and QN coming down the home stretch…..Just don’t turn in to pitt road..lol
Jamie – you OK – have not heard anything from you today?
WELL, ladies, I made my huswband feel guilty so we are going to sweet tomato on the way to his lodge meeting….better than nothing i guess…then I will come home float in the pool and read my book….it must be over 90 this afternoon – summer is here.
Love
Kitty
Well my daughter stopped by to meet a friend and go out to dinner with her – and hubby and I did not have time to go out with me – so here I sit like the last person on earth – hungry and sad and mixed up – what is a kitty to do….Love to all of you!
Kitty
Hey guys well here goes I’m over the hump I went out and it was not bad at all actually I had a good time … The day went by fast it’s already 4:00 pm here and made a late lunch for my hubby and still going …. I’m done never ever again I don’t even crave them really I don’t I’m really starting to think if I was addicted or dependent the difference I was scared of the withdrawal and tried a few times because the process wasn’t going fast enough for me but this time I did it and did it right … Who knows I just don’t have any depression or anxiety after the withdrawal I was scared about going out but I did it today and it was just fine nothing at all no weirdness I had energy and had a great time I don’t know I’m not letting my guard down or down playing any thing but I’m starting to wonder the difference and why most people have the paws and some don’t maybe that’s what could differenceate from addicted and dependent we all know that once you start taking the pills there are sites that say it takes 7-14 days to become dependent then u do then u have to find the time to detox with out poising your whole life like your significant other or jobs or get into legal trouble ect …. I don’t know maybe I’m thinking to much into it …. To be honest I quite my job because they were so easily available and that was the hardest dissicion I had to made this far cause I had a GREAT PAYING JOB and I left and then it gave me a chance to get this done to be honest I would of stopped a long time ago if my sicomstances were the same as they are now you know …. Now I’m rambling sorry any who sorry for spelling errors cause I’m on a tiny iPhone
I hope you get out of your funk cause u r the best ever and sooooo supportive
Now let’s get to all my friends here
Kitty mom — I know what u mean when owning your own home it’s so costly and I do not understand for the life of mr why when one this goes wrong 10 things follow all at once they can’t even spread themselves out I don’t know about over there but the area u live in over here on San Diego is what your price is for instance I live in la jolla witch is one of the nicer areas and my friend lives in el cahone and we both had to call plumbers for dishwashers my price was double hers and it took all but 15 min any who I get it and they come in threes I hear so sounds like u r good for a while with home repairs
Jen — you are doing so great keep up the good work and soon u will be right back to where u were before the pills even better I know this …!!!!
NSI —- we are rocking out right we may have thus behind us and now it can only get better doesn’t it feel great to know no pills idk it does for mr today I just thought for a min OMG I feel great and no pills and that tells mr it’s only going to get better
NMS — I hope you are doing just as great I know we will be with kitty mom and meetoo before we know it doesn’t it seem like a blink of a eye and it’s been idk like 3 years on pills it went do fast or what ever length each of us were on then it just flew and then u r like OMG I have been taking pills every day for this amount of time …..!!!! Well I know getting off the pills the clean time will be just as fast before we know it we r going to have one month then 2 months then 6 months then 1 year we will look back and wonder how the time flew !!!!!
I dint even know if I’m making sense but I know what I’m saying LOL
hopefully you guys understand what I’m trying to say ….
Metoo — we you know what I think about you u r great and always here for everyone …
Guys I’m really thinking once I’ve got like one month should I continue conning back and posting cause I started to think it may be best to forget thus ever happened but how can that be done with coming back am I crazy what everyones advise I would love to help others but then I’m not going to be able to move forward and forget I ever had this problem … I’m rambling I feel so good that I just gave more than normal to say I guess hopefully I get feed back cause the advise I’ve gotten so far has worked so I’ll know what I should do I acutally vowed to my self that some how some way I want to help others going threw this just haven’t figured out how I guess
If I missed any one so sorry my post is already 10 pages long bit u r all in my thoughts and prayers just as I hope you guys will be sending them my way also ….
Oh BTW kitty mom — yes I would love to float and drink done tea and get sun with you when can I come cause I need a vaca !!:)
BTW — where in my pink I hope that you are ok I really miss ur posts just a little secret between u and I your posts have been so inspiring to me you have always made it a point to rote for mr in every post
Not that everyone else hasn’t but I really need pink here to post and better yet get of those pills
Please nobody get affended by what I’ve posted I am just trying to say I need all you and THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART each and every one of u have helped mr in a different way
I just want my friend pink to join us on this side of the bridge it’s so much brighter and nicer and I just really pray that she does this cause I can feel in get posts that she wants it more than anything and the think is pink I have so much faith in u I know 100% u can do thus and I will make sure to be here when u r ready but I want to tell u when the time is right u will know and it will be sooooo much easier than any other detox I promise u mark my words
Kitty mom and metoo. I just wish we could talk on the phone cause I have 100000000000 billion kind words to say to both of u maybe someday
I’ll stop posting
Jen my prayers r going out to u girl and everyone else that in the stages of detox
QN – No, I love your rambling and am so glad you are doing so well…now your question about comiong back after or not – well, for me, it helps me to come back and hear all the stories and the struggles of others because then I remember what it wa like to be an addict and reminds me never to put myself in that situation again. There are others that do not want to hang out with folks that are stuggling – they want to put it behind them. I guess you will have to answer that question for yourself when you get a little further down the road. And you will not be judged whastever decision you make. It is sad to see some folks disappear and they are always in the back of my mind after they leave – but if that is the best for their well being – then I guess we have to let go of them.
Does that make sense – I hope so – so give it some time, ande then make the decision.
Love
Kitty
Well tonight the backache has kicked in I think tonight will be worse than last night. Im still hanging in there tough but im still here thanks for the thoughts Im gonna try and take a hot bath to help the aches.
NSI — day 8 right how r u feeling post and tell us how u are doing are you almost back to normal and I’m so sorry I forgot how many u were taking I’m on day 5 and doing great really I am I go to bed at 8:30-9:00 and wake up at 7 am with the help of 2 tylenolol pm that’s it no other meds except all the vitiamns and I take b 12 shots the pills are only 15 percent obsorbed the shots or sublingual tabs are the only b12 supp that u will get 100 % obsorbed …
NMS— tell me how u r doing how u r feeling how many days now girl I think u should be well into it right ?? Post third things I hope u guys are doing great
Jen Jen Jen — girl keep fighting uvwill be right where everyone else is so soon and be feeling so so so good so so soon trust ne how is ur husband doing and how many were u taking again I think I am just so freaken happy that I can’t shut my mouth …. OMG I am so tired I’m about to hit the sack of any one wants to talk by phone or e mail please let me know I’m here for u all
Like u guys have gotten me here
I do gave to say hands down that GOD has been a big part of my speedy recovery I swear with out praying everyday and him knowing how bad I wanted this I would not be here and of course all my about girls where r the boys
Omg of Joe is not ok or using again I swear I would be heart broken but I just think he is on a little break or a wonderful vaca where is Tony omg the testosterone on thus site has left Jen why doesn’t your hubby post to see if it helps him to love u guys more than u know
Good my girls
I should get him to it would be good or atleast let him read everything. He is having the body aches pretty bad he said he was dying at work it hurt so bad.He is more physical symptoms as mine are more mental because I have nothing else to do but think think . I felt nauseated also but I dont know if its the wd or really getting sick everyone has been sick around here. Its gonna be a long night tonight. I hate the rls it sucks. I hope everyone else is doing great and cant thank yall enough for all the support yall are on my mind all day.
. i dont know Joe but I read his comments he is also in my prayers hope he is well and doing good if your out there let us know.
I also love reading everyones comments I dont care what you have to say I want to hear it all it keeps me sane
Just wanted to give a quick Hi! I miss u girls. Have had a hard time trying yo post on here. Doing good tho and I good u all are too. Luv u. Xoxo
QN: I know what your saying about not coming back here in a month in one way it helps so much to remember how miserable it was and you never want to go there again but…… at the same time it reminds how MISERABLE it is and brings it all back so I see both sides its your choice but it does hurt the heart:( when you bond with someone on here and they go away you always wonder how it turned out. Its bittersweet but you have to do whats best for your sobriety that is the number 1 goal and everyone on here wants the very best for you
.
s74: well hello hope your doing wonderful
kitty-
ac or not u have a pool in the backyard!!!!! thats soooo awesome. our next house definatelly a must. igrew up ona lake with pool in my yard and i miss it soooooo much!!! i’m in Illinois or i would join ya in a second; ice coffee and all!!!!! My day has been best so far… 8 tomorrow!!!! TRUST ME PEOPLE IF I CAN DO THIS ANYONE CAN!!!!! I REALLY THOUGHT IT WASN’T POSSIBLE!!!. i just put dishes away went to groc store AGAIN and doing some much overdue picking up that my fiance has been taking care of mostly the last week!! GOD BLESS HIM!!!
quitting now; tried to post couple times today; for somereason super slow from my laptop and faster from ipad; don’t get that at all… tomorrow at 11am will be day 8… feelings come and go. i felt great at about 5pm this evening; then went through some panic; but it does pass and i have to tell myself that to get throught it… i assumes its panic/anxiety… pounding heart and heavy chest….. hoping that will get better. day 8 tomorrow. everyone kep up the good work and keeep being here for each other… anyone else noticed that the times stamps are all f’d up? oh well doesn’t really matter. its almost midnight so technically i am 7.5 days now….. i took whole week off work. had a little scare there will tell you all about it tomorow. talk about panic and that sure as hell put into perspective some stuff for me and how serious this is. oh yeah QuittingNOW u asked how many.. don’t apologize… we’ve all talked about sooo much stuf its hard to keep thing stright sometimes. i was at about 15-20 daily of either 750s es vics or the yellow 10s… if they were 5′s lord only knows how many i may have been taking lost count… 7yrs without missing a day; of course the quanity grew over time but last 2 yrs quanity was pretty up there… nuts huh? how bout u?
quitting now; that sucks about your job!!! i am sort of in same osition. i have a great job and have authority to call in vic’s all the time… hoping i can do this AND stay at my job… tell you toomorrow about what happened today and it freaked me out and yes we are soooo rocking out!!!! how many were u taking? and for how long?
I was up to 30 750′s… 100 pills wouldn’t even last me 3.5 days. Took 4 at a time every couple of hours. Makes me sick just thinking about it. Not sure what u all paid, but doctor only have me 30 5/500 a month, so the rest was purchased from a friend at 2.50 a pill. I wasted sooo much money… one of the reasons I don’t think I will ever be able to tell my fam…
I’m doing okay. I’m away for the weekend with my parents. Feel so much better mentally. At my grandma’s for the night and hijacking someone’s internet connection to post this..haha..I’ll be heading out to my paradise tomorrow and hope to get some fishing in. Right now my back is killing me from the 3 hour drive, it’s threatening to go completely out so I’m trying to take it easy. I NEED to go fishing, it’s been too long.
So odds are you won’t hear from me for a couple days. I’ll be playing in the mountains. Staying in our mountain house with no electricity, phones, running water. yay! Just praying my girls and I can stay away from the rattlesnakes, they are bad this year. My dad almost got bit by one two weeks ago when he was up here. They ended up killing two in one day! Used to be you’d only see one every now and then. I’m not scared of them, I’ll stand there and kill one with whatever I have handy, but I don’t know if I could take one of my girls getting bit by one right now!Candy’s still on the mend, and I think Jess is so small that if one got her it would kill her. So I reckon I’m gonna have to be super cautious doggy mama. There goes Candy’s enjoyment of chasing cows and rounding them up! lol
Well, folks, I need to hit the hay. Hope you all have a good weekend. Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Good morning all you awesome girls. I am so proud of all of you and how good you are doing. Well the third thing that sucks happenned yesteray but I feel certain it will be OK. Boaz my autistic black and whit cat went out yesterday morning when the AC guy was here and the yard guy cut the grass and the sprinklers came on later int he day – so hey – he would freak about any one of those things – he has not shown up at home yet – he wa out all night….so I am praying he is all right. I love that little crazy mangy cat – COME HOME BOAZ!!!
talk later – gotta go make coffee and look for him again
Love
Litty
Awwwweeee Kitty…I’d help you look if I could but I’m a 3 hr flight away…I do hope he is just hiding somewhere, keep us posted. Any word on the status of your husband and his accident? You are having a horrible streak of bad luck..I’ll be praying for you.
Thanks QN, I appreciate the shout out
I am so happy for you, you just have no idea! You really have committed to this decision and made it through to the other side. I have sorta looked at how you did it…you waited until you were really ready and then you were successful when you did take that HUGE step. I am watching your progress and learning what I need to do to be successful. If you feel that at some point in your recovery you need to take a break or leave all together I will miss you terribly but I understand the way you are thinking. I felt that way at one point when I was clean for about 2-wks but I kept getting drawn back in because I realized that I have developed a connection to everyone. You have already helped me and I’m sure many other people that come on here and read your story will find strength too. You do what is best for you as compromising your recovery will not help anyone.
Jen and Husband, “The dynamic duo” … Sounds like you both have alot on the line here and failure isn’t an option…keep up the good work.
Metoo, What is up with the job and the Zoloft and your life?? I have been thinking about you and keep praying that you find the right fit. I miss Joe too and miss his double spaced posts that always made sense to me in this sensless world I’m in right now.
NSI & S74, Way to go girls…you have really stepped it up and are moving on!! AND you seem to have had alot to move on from so hats off to both of you!!
Jamie, please watch out for your four legged babies …they are so sweet
I envy you, I would love to be up in the mountains somewhere….just relaxing, being lazy and enjoying nature. I have been so overwhemed lately with work, kids, my house has flooded again and had other issues, I just need some down time.
Everyone have a great day!! Pinkerton
Hey everyone – Boaz stolled in about twenty minutes ago just as if he had not been missing for the last 20 hours…lol. I love that little mangy beast!
Husnabd in fine – going to wake him up now and have some coffee with him on the porch.
PINK – I would have loved your help on finding Bo – lol!
Gosh – so many good things going on at this site right now – it truly inspires me.
I may be taking a little break from things today so if I do not post quite so often, you know I am busy but still thinking and praying for every one….For me, you will always be part of me.
Love you all
Kitty
kitty mom- omg ; i would be freaking out!!!!! my prayers are with u!!! i truely beieve he will be back; where else is is craxy A gonna go and who else wants his crazy A. just kidding; but i believe he will be back. chicken go out through a window one time; i found her hunched right under the same damn window she jumped our. pretty sure she hadn’t moved all day long. she was probably too scared. crazy kitty!! good luck!! kep me posted on BOAZ. i am going to check on m neighbors kitties right now. so now i am takin gcare of 5;;; craaaazzzyyyy!!!! keeep me posted . i will be thinking bout it all day till u find him!!
HOORAY KITTY!! I’m so happy to hear Boaz decided, because we all know that a cat “decides”, to come home! Yes, I would gladly help look and I would even employ my two boys even though they would probably scare the shit out of him.
BTW, I would like to ask all of my “about” friends to pray for my sister on Monday as that is the day she is having her masectomy and reconstructive surgery. Also, my Mom is starting hormone therapy on Wednesday, please pray that it doesn’t make her sick or even uncomfortable….I won’t know if it does because she doesn’t let on but I am worried that she won’t feel well. I really care about her alot and want the best for her.
I forgot to share something. I had a breakfast meeting yesterday at our Mental Health Board (I work at a psychiatric hospital) and their speakers were recovering addicts. I felt like the biggest hypocryte…here I am, an addict, sitting among the community providers as a representative of our facility thinking I have no right to sit on the other side of this podium. THEN, a promenent figure from the community spoke after them and I thought he was just going to give a “see how great we are and what a difference all of us professionals can do for these poor dejected addicts” speech, but instead he disclosed that he was a recovering alcoholic and spoke of his journey. I really did look at this meeting as a sign because I am such a public figure in my community I have been very reluctant to reach out for help, that is how I ended up here, I know everyone and don’t trust that anyone in substance abuse treatment would keep this juicy tid bit a secret. BUT, this guy was even more public that I and had the courage to reach out and is now living a sober life. I don’t know, I’m supersticous but this is the same room that I met the director of children’s services (by chance) about 6 yrs ago and she is the one who set me up for my home study to then go on and adopt my two boys….if I hadn’t attended that meeting that day, I would have never met my kids. That is one encounter that you can say, “if this didn’t happen, then this wouldn’t have happened.” Just wanted to share, don’t know what it means but it did mean something.
Kitty. Mom
Glad he’s back! I was worried for u. For some reason my I pad is ahead of my laptop… That doesn’t make any sense to me at all but oh well. Glad he’s back, 8 days in. 3 more hrs!
Everyone quitting- Hang in there with me. I’m almost 8 days after 7 years…. Stck with me! I NEED you all to stick with me
Hey guys it’s me up early going to make hubby some lunch and send him off to work and give him some breakfast fix my kitties up with food and then watch some tv get up shower and get the heck out of my house cause I can and it was great …. Hope everyone is doing good day 7 for me and doing really well went to bed at 8:30 last night and woke up at 6:00 am. So I’m nice and refreshed …. Love to everyone have a great weekend and I’ll be back posting in just a few
I was taking 3 pills norco 10/325 this last detox per day so u girls rock big time
Pink – It absolutely means something. God puts people before us and puts us in places that have an impact on our lives. Just as he put me on the about page the exact day that I was contemplating quiting the pill cycle…..Prayers are answered in mysterious ways and prayers are not answered for even more mysterious ways. Look at it as a sign…moswt definately.
THANKS everyone for your concern about BO
NSM – ytou must been writing at the same time I posted last – BOAZ did stroll in this morning from his all nighter – acting like “what the hell were you all worried about” like nothing even happenned – the Brat!!!!
thanks and Love
Kitty
s74- don’t take this wrong but its nice to h ear someone else was taking the quanity like i was!!! what a bunch of crap huh??? how did we ever get to that point? just kept needing more and more and more!!!! $2.5 a pill. Luck you. i was paying double!! $5 for 750s and $6 for 10′s. $3 for 500′s!!!! what a rip off huh??? but there were other people out there that wold pay it so if i didn’t i wasn’t gonna get them!!!! crazy huh??? over a period of 7 years i am just guestimation thousands and i mean thousands of dollars spent… like 20 maybe 30 grand if it were all added up… i would hope not but if i am being ohnest with myself it probably is that much money … aaahhhh what i could do with that money!!! i could have that pool in my backyard like kitty mom..lol how many days do u have?
Pinkerton- I know exactly what u mean. That’s my biggest fear. I know EVERYONE and if I don’t know them, they know me so going to a rehab locally, he’ll even in the state was out of the question.I know there are hippo laws but I work in medical field and people still talk! I would die if the wrong person got this info! Thank god for this site!
ALSO- I totally believe in fate and that things happen for a reason. I think that’s why the prominent man in your community was there yesterday… To show anyone can have a problem. We all put our pants on one leg at a time..(unless someone out there is freaking talented). Jk
. I also believe thats why we all have found this site… Day by day together!!
Hey girls I said this last detox I was on 3 per day there was a point I was up to 14-16 per day so I forgot to mention that but here’s what I did I weaned down to 3 then jumped off oi would not allow my self to take any mote so I think that is why I had a little easier time thus time but it still was very hard and miserable but I kept telling my self there is nothing wrong I’m not sock I’m feelin just fine all day I was telling that to my self for the first few days but I don’t know if u read my earlier posts I was getting bottles of 500 count notch 10/325 from our distributor for 50 dollars that’s how these people even the pharmacys are ripping venerable people off they are dirt cheap dirt cheap so there u go that’s part of the reason I had to quite my job I could not go back there everything was just not controlled I ran the show did what I wanted when I wanted ordered more when ever my heart desired the freaking bottle the 500 count came in was like a jug of milk LOL
I can laugh now bit honestly I never had to worry about getting them off the streets to be honest I wouldn’t even know how or where to look but any who that’s why when I first hot here I was soooooo scared cause I had never ever ran out or went threw withdrawal if I started feeling bad I just took another one who cares I could get more and shot I had 2 bottles of 500 at all times so I didn’t know what to expect any how please tell mr to stop posting if any one is annoyed
Ok I want to be in the mountains or in kitty pool just thought I would share that when I read pool I pictured it haha. I slept like shit my back is killing me but I’m gonna try and get up and me and my husband will do some yard work to keep us busy. I was taking up to 5 10′s a day on top of 4 somas at night to sleep. But I also got a hold of the 5′s and 7.5′s and everything in between.I used steady 5 yrs and 3 years before that on and off. Man just typing that makes me wanna cry I have been using forever ughhh. My husband is the one who got the 10′s from his doc so we always had some.
pink: things do happen for a reason your better able to help these people because you have gone down that road. From my experience working in mental hospital it helped me relate with patients.
NSM
Metoo : how are you today? I hope you are doing good my doc put me on zoloft a few months ago all I did was sleep then I tried cymbalta it made me more depressed so I said to hell with it and just stopped which isnt a good idea but I felt more screwed up after seeing a therapist. praying for you old friend
Everyone else hope your day is great I optimistic again hahaha we will see how long it last
we are all sooo slowing this website down; my comments awaiting moderations from ipad…?? don’t get tht
Any how hitting the swap meat this early morning … My mom loves to go and haven’t taken her in a while …
Jen — how r u and it hubby doing today just hang in there pray pray it really works I tryely hope u are doing much better today
Kitty mom — one of my cats got out cause someone left the door opened all night and my husband had to call the ambulance for me after I found him cause I instantly got sick throwing up and couldn’t breath and was histeracle that is why he said after these two cats that I have witch by the way they will live forever !!!! I can’t get any mote animals cause he says I get to attached and I treat them probley better than any one in my house … Any how I was in my night gown at 5 am screaming and crying threw my neiborhood and my night gown was not appellate to go out side in 2 people came out of there houses and asked if I was raped I said he’ll no I lost a cat they all helped look and the whole freaken time he was on the next door neighbors porch if I was calm as soon as I walked out side I would of been able to see him but since I was out of control I didn’t …
:)
I am so happy he is back I live my cats to death litterally …
Jamie — good to hear from u hope u have a wonderful time my hubbys hobby is fishing every chance he gets he goes on his float tube or his new addition his kyayk that has pedals he love it and he can go out for hours I mean hours
S74 — sound like u r doing great love to hear that do u think u r over the hump and well on it way I think u should be going on your 3rd week right except for that little slip I won’t count it any way … Let me know
NSI — sounds like u r there to do u feel like u have gotten over the jump and on it way I think so let me know
Kitty mom Joe and metoo watch out here we come
NMS — u too girls we have done this the most hardest think to over come is opioid addiction and all of us are almost there pat our selfs on the back !!!!!!!!:):):):):):):)
Kittymom I forgot to ask how ur husband us doing I’m so sorry I’ve been so feeakin happy that I didn’t even check to see how he was please tell me
Metoo — has that zoloft kicked in yet are u having happy days cause u have to know I’ve been praying that u do
If I missed any one don’t worrie I’ll be back lol
quitting now – where would i find sublingual b12 or whatever that is… i taking b12 just vitamins though and energy would really be helpful. is tht something i legally can go purchase or my doc could prescribe or want to prescribe.. sorry don’t mean to sound like an idiot but idk what it is and i don’t do shots…. scared of needles even though i work with them every day… i’m not a good patient lol
Me to try to hive mr a shot or even draw my blood shit hood luck with that they r OTC over the counter you have to just read the bottle they say sublingual that way 100 % is observed the pills u swallow they dint do anything so gets some they r great u can take them daily for the first 2 weeks then once a week
I just want to say i love all yalls comments i picture the pool the mountains chasing cats in a night gown ahhhh i love it. Im an animal lover to and lord I have a bunch lol!!
NSIP: I have never heard of those sublingual b12. I know those energy shots have a ton in them.
Quitting now- absolutely not! Keep posting ! Your story inspires me. I could call in well not milk jugs lol but 2-3 times a week I would call in 40 Vic es 750s. I was resourceful with people I trusted would go get em and give em to mee….lol. Eventually it would catch up to me and who knows if I would have a job and I love love love the doc I work for. He is the nicest man EVER….caring , honest, great at his job and helps people get over the fear of the dentist…oh guess ya know now… I work at a dentist office. Been there since I was 21 and I am 32 so obviously I love my job. Wouldn’t have been there that long if not
. See…. Here I go rambling! KEEP PoSTING! I am lovin the stories, just wish this was quicker! I’ll be checking in a llllll day. 8 days 1 hour! Yay
quitting now- i would think that i am over the hump; 8 days and 45 minutes… that nuts that we count like that. lol my best friend had a kitty incident like that once time too. her mother actually came over with a megaphone calling for BOO!!! it was funny to me at the time; that was befoore i had kittys that i love soooo much too!!!
my biggest thing now is the lack of energy and i feel like constant anxiety…. hoping prozac is going to kick in SOON!!!!
quitting now
u said b “12″ right? will help with some energy??
Just a note – Boaz in layng out by the pool – he is so sleepy that he can barely pick up his little black and white head – what in the world was he doing all night long!! HE HAS NO BALLS AFTER ALL! LMFAO!!!
lOVE,
Litty
Kitty mom: i wish i was laying out there with Boaz sounds so relaxing omg nothing here but heat and dirt thats texas for ya.
Yes with energy any grocery store will have them bit b 12 sublinguls they are great to take forever they also help with weight loss and appetite control not so much for me but they do I’m 115LBS now. Shit that’s soaking wet I do not need to lose any mire weight !!!!! But I’m suupper skinny
LOL. Any how r u a hygienist there atvthr dentist office
Oh yeah dentist offices they are vicisin city I will let u know the only way u would ever get mr to a dentist office is if there were teeth growing out my cheeks and even then it may be hard I will not even get teeth gleanings he’ll to the no I brush good as he’ll 3 to 4 times a day every day and if that’s not good enough then I won’t have any teeth and I will quite ok with that
I’m a RN MSN so I don’t even need a doctor to approve the scrips I can call in and that was the hard part even though I never had to do that I had freaking milk jugs at home hey I could of became a drug dealer ( just kidding ) man I would of been rich shit over her u think they could go for 5 dollars a pill x 500 x as many jugs as I wanted man in one year I would be a millionaire !!!!! But to bad that’s not mr at all when people do third things u have to be ready for the consequences and that I am not I would get killed and raped like a logo in jail ok enough about that on my way to a one year old b day party with my nephews so I’m having another good day out took my mom to target and then drove around like for a hour looking for garage sales and dropped her off and on my way to party hardy !!!!!!!! Hope everyone is doing well
Kittymom — I how all this time u r spending at the pool and out in the sun u better be using supper good sun screan !!!!!! Cause the sun is a biotich u know what I mean
Hey gave u heard from angel how is she man that’s a whole lot to deal with at once I truly hope she is still off the pills cause if that’s not a good reason to keep on them I don’t know what is bit she is so strong I know she is well fighting and moving toward hopefully she gets everything !!!!!
Guys I can start off my birthconyroll and start trying to get prego prob in like a month or so I’ll be back to normal I freaking can’t Waite I’ll update later love all u gals
Ok guys got threw the kiddy b day party no prob had a good time now I’m on my way to a water park cause it’s finally sunny here OMG no pills and I’m on my way what the heck I feel great I really do I feel like I’m over it and it’s day 6 or 7 idk who cares any way I am doing great hope everyone else is well kitty mom watch out I’m about to be as tan as u lol
I feel like I’m posting and posting and posting come on guys it helps to justpost post post ….. See u latter hitting the water park with my nephew
Hey Hey everyone – great Saturday afternoon – finishing one book and starting another in the pool – watching the Preakness and now hamburgers on the grill and watching Nascar race….lazy saturday!!!
QN – your attitude is to be commended – so positive that it inspires me to be more positive myself…. Have a great evening everyone
Love
Kitty
PS – Bo is Still SLEEPING out by the pool – could any creature be sooooo tired…lol
Kitty-
No balls….what was he doing? Or who was he trying to do? So jealous of u and your pool! We have a hot tub in our damn driveway waiting for DAmN city to approve our deck…. What a bunch of crap. We own our house but cant build a deck unless it’s approved…bs!
Quitting now…..FLOSS. FlOSS FLOSS….most people. Don’t know how to do it properly…. U have to go way below gum line & hug each tooth and scrape…..most people loose teeth not from lack of brushing but lack of floss! yes I am a hygienist and I assist too.. Really enjoy assisting more…. More surgerys and stuff ya know. nitrous for scary cats at dentist! I have been there for years and years and still hate having work done…. They give me a Valium and stick me on some laughing gas to get me through it! Many people like that….sorry to ramble about dental health….. And yeah I could pretty much call in wtf ever I wanted whenever toooo….baad deal for someone like me….. I have just told myself no more! I could be jeaprodising my friends health if they were hurt too…..your deal was way tooooooo easy and yeah u could be loaded….lmao.
We are still hanging in there my mind seems a little clearer but I’m achin some and my husband is achin alot. We did eat lots of bananas today lol.I want to eat everything which is crazy I thought you wouldnt want to eat from being sick but all I have wanted to do is eat. Sounds like everyone else is doing wonderful!!! I cant wait to feel that. Its so crazy when you quit taking them and you feel again we have laughed, cried our eyes out, got pissed off, and depressed all in three days crazy. prayers for everyone
Jen
That’s awesome. Trusts me eating is much better than having no appetite whatsoever. Tomorrow will be day 9 and mine is just now starting to come back but really picky…I want donuts and jimmy johns and that’s about it. I actually finished a whole sandwich today. That’s good for me…. I should be skinny as hell! Don’t feel like I have lost weight though so guess that’s good…. I don’t have much to spare.
Keep p. Good work!
Jen
Also bout the aches… I have been alternating midol (which is a little better than reg Tylenol I think cuz of caffiene in it). And advil or ibuprofen for aches. Unfortunately as long as my abuse was I think I could have aching legs for a very long time…. Your hubby can take midol too it’s not gonna f him up or anything….;)
Ok guys it’s 7:30 pm here did early breakfast with my mom shopping then a b day party then water park … I’m am exsated see can’t even spell it OMG a great great day …. How is everyone else doing I’ve been checking for new post every hour or so darn it I’m on a roll look 100 posts from me and then 1 or 2 inbrtween sorry guys I’m just so darn estatic about being off these pills and back to normal and happy as a I don’t know a kite or something love it love it love it
but since u r so great I’m going to try to do it tonight I just will not make my gums bleed I hate the Taft of blood in my mouth but for u I will love u 
Nsi – that is the thing I hate most is FLOSING I know u have to but like I said I would rather loose my teeth … U know what I would rather detox again than floss
Where is metoo I want her to see how she has helped mr get here OMG metoo write mr a post
Jen — you haven’t posted to much lately I really hope u r doing well I truly do and it husband
NMS — u r doing great to rock on
Kitty mom — I’ll send my happiness it way cause with out u I wouldn’t be freaking over loaded with happiness and greatfullness it’s u who got me here and of course GOD he has been with me every step of the way I think I can ask him to leave mr for a while and go help others like Jen and her husband cause I know when I call on him again he will be right here with me
I hope that doesn’t sound crazy I don’t mean I will give him up OMG just forget that part I know what I’m trying to say but it’s not comming out right girls girls life is great let’s all keep it strong we are a team and always will be love to everyone …..
Oh yeah good night and I’ll be back bright and early Sunday morning
:):):):):):):):):):):);););););););););););););) I could keep that going but I won’t I know I’m a big freaking LAMO ……. 
:):):):):) please give me posts to read by the morning girls love to you all and of course prayers 
:):)
Quitting now
Is it fate or what? U sound just like me. My friend made me go to target with her and garage sales last fri and this fri.. I luv finding cool stuff a them. I also am. 115 lbs soakin wet lol;). Just a few coincidences that made me laugh. Along withour jobs too. Lol. Inhale to be careful at garage sales sometimes I think I buy shit just to buy shit….that’s such a girl thing (I think). “it’s only a dollar!”. Cuz I need it for what….???? Nothing! Oh we’ll I still think they are fun and uncan find some treasures. My fiancé plays bicycle polo and I found them an old goal post with net for free last fri….sorry rambling. And u are day 7! That’s sum thin right there, 8 for me today, we R kickin A!”
Quitting now.
. Can’t wait to see how u are tomorrow. U sound GREAT!
This is just slow doesnt matter where I postbfrom! U sound soooooooo soooooooo good. We mustbhave been posting at same time cuz when I scrolled back up there ya was….. The bleeding by the way will stop as soon as gums get healthy! This is gross but I hate it too; so I do it on the couch while watching shows at night. Hey it’s my freaking house if I wAnna floss on couch will do…also most people brush hard and scrub back and fortth….terrible for your gums, soft circles not scrubbing hard..sorry feel like I am lecturing a patient but most people just aren’t educated on it. I would never have known if not for my profession. I scrubbed the shit out of my teeth too… Back and forth causes gums to re- cead away from the tooth…. Sorry just a little FYI. Not trying to Lu tire. Sorry.
Quitting now
U freaking crack my ass up! I would rather detox again than floss! Truely laughing out loud. My fiancé is like what’s sooooo funny? Love ya girl! Almost ten pm here gonna eat a tiny bit ore ifi can and crash tell bout today tomorrow… Luck and prayers to all luv!!!!!!!!!!!
QN – you crack me up too – and a agree, I rather detox than floss…lmfao. I need to get to the dentist with all this talk of teeth cleaning cause now I feel like my teeth are freaking going to fall out of my mouth if I do not get there in the next week. I even had a dream last night that all my bottom front teeth fell out…OMG…I am going to make an appointment right away!!
Quess what – I am not a garage sale person, but I am a thrift store junkie – I have found some of the most wonderful finds there lately like an antique little wash stand for 45 dollars and a beautiful oak wall shelf for 5 dollars and a pair of great lamps for 7 dollars….and of course I am always picking up things for a dollar or two that I do not need….but it is the thrill of the hunt to see what I can find. Of course, I used to go all buzzed up with pills and now I have my witts about me more.
Keep up the good work QN and NSI. You are both a great inspiration to me as you have been since the get go.
Jen – honey, I hope you and the huby are doing OK. At least the two of you are doing this together…now if my husband were going through detox, I would be the caretaker I am sure – cause men (mine anyway) are such babies when they are sick. At least when someone knows about your detox, it makes you more accountable. I could not have done it without my sister – and when I told her she was so supportive. My daughter has not a clue that I was taking or having to detox from pills. My husband knew and was supportive and of course this site was a true Godsend.
I finished my book yesterday and need to go buy the third book in the series which is “The girl that kicked the hornets nest” cause the second one left me completely hanging…I mean completely. Reading the 2nd book was just a segway to the third. I am trying this summer to read more and watch TV less – the only show I look forward to now is the finale of the biggest looser and on Sunday evening I watch “army wives” and of course home improvement shows – I never get tired of those.
GIRLS – all of you – even those who are doing well and are dormant right now – have a great Sunday afternoon.
Love to all of you
Kitty
I just had to come back and mention everyone by name….
First and foremost
Metoo and Joe – you are always in my prayers cause without you I would not be the person I am today. Peace and happiness be with you my sister and brother – my friends.
Jamie – I truly wish and pray for your peace of mind and finding where you fit in this life.
Angel – Let us know how you are doing dear. I hope this difficult time you are going through turns out to be a new beginning, a life that is better than the last.
Lori – Thanks for being around when I needed a friend. I hope you are OK and I feel that you are.
Pink – are you OK – please let me know.
Steff – You too honey – let me know how you are doing
NM – have not heard from you in a couple of days – Please check in
NSI and QN, and Jen – been talking to you girls for days now and enjoying every minute of it.
XXrainXX – Where are you girl.
In a nutshell – hope you all enjoy a pill free beautiful Sunday and if not pill free – think about making that leap of faith to a better existance…It is great on this side…think seriously about crossing over.
Love you
Kitty
Good Morning Everyone!
Great to hear how well you are doing QN & NSIP!! Isn’t it funny how you come here looking for help but end up helping others instead. I’m so impressed with your attitude and progress, you are really setting the bar pretty high..lol.
BTW, I used to brush so hard that my gums did recede and had to have oral surgery. I do floss and brush in a gentle circular motion…lmao…I’m a weirdo about my teeth and brush constantly and floss every day.
Kitty, what series are you reading? We should start a book club, remember when we talked about it with Tony? I love to read and find that it is an activity that I don’t think about the pills. I watch the Biggest Loser too, it amazes me how these folks can transform their lives in just 5 months.
Jen plus one, I’m so happy to hear that you and your husband are moving along as well…it takes such courage to beat this beast!! Keep on keepin on….
“As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” That is one of my favorites. Well, my mom told me last night after my son’s birthday cookout that she will be expecting us at church today and what momma wants, momma gets….lol. I know this is all part of God’s plan, it always is. Some of my greatest gifts came from that church and I have been away far too long. My heart is heavy with life’s burdens and I need the relief of the Holy Spirit. I need it to move thru my body and fill my soul with peace. I need to “be still and know”. So for today that is what I will do, “be still” and listen for God’s word and allow Him to lead me.
Pinkerton
Kitty-
. And yay at least I got one person to make an appt. Make your hygienist show u how to floss properly cuz like I said not trying to lecture but most people “think” that they are doing it properly and are not. K I will quit with the teeth…just been doin it long. Long time…I could do everything the dentist does no prob whatsoever….. And love it! Granted there’s a limit but my boss let’s me do lotsof stuff uz ihave been there so longi have more experience than most actual dentist…lol
. Gonna go check on neighbors kitty’s… I will be back. It’s almost 7am here… Not sure why I am awake I am a sleep in kind of gal… sorry if I am driving anyone NUTS! Tell me to stop if so PLEASE for real if I am annoying as shit tell me…. That’s how my true friends to each other…. We tell each other how it is… Like honey sorry. But that shirt lookslike shit on you. Lol. If your real friends don’t tell ya who would…. Right. Here I go again. sORRY!
I feel like u are like all of ours moms..lol. I have vad those teeth falling out dreams….omg they freak ya out & big misconcemtion just. Uzi am in the dental field I by no means have perfect teeth. Root canal, root canal. Fillings etc etc…. I think of it’s genetic…my grandparents are in Kentucky lol. Sounds like u like to read quite a bit. I have a hard time getting into books sometimes but Author Kristin Hannah almost always has me interested within the first chapter and if nt forget it I am not reading it… So far her books have not lef me down. Just a suggestion.. (NOT JUST FOR KITTY BUT FOR ALL).
Anyway. I also do thrift stores. I love findin ols stuff… Old stuff can bebeautifl!! I found the coolest ashtray cup holder and mag rack that stands and is brass on bottom and hand painted glass on top a couple years ago. It’s my fav thing ever it’s soooo stinkim cute and sooooo different. My fiancé hates it cuz he is one of those people that like newer more modern stuff. Whichis fine. He makes fun of me all the time. I.E. I theres someone’s trash drug out to the road to be picked up for garbag…couch chair. Dresser whatever….he’s always saying”want me to stop for u baby sou can jump out and grab that?”. He thinks he’s funny…maybe it is a bit…
Pinkerton- Morning sunshine…… Yay for floss and soft circles….:). I’m a weirdo that makes me happy.
Thanks for complementing quit now and myself.. Those little pat on the backs are a good thing..
BOOK CLUB, Yes good idea….I read slow sometimes too unless I really have some time….ya would have thought this week would have been a good time…..dur! By the way I was telling kitty that I luv luv luv luv kristin Hannah books….. I hav trouble “getting into them so to say”. But she usually has me by first chapter…..heart felt and great description….. Think she’s made me cry a couple times…. Abhor cry though….gotta go check on neighbors kitty’s. I keep sayin that!
Stupid spell check crap….yes I am not speaking properly, I CAN get into her books quickly…..others I have hard time keeping my interest. Sorry just wanted to make that clear.
Anyone know where s74 went.? Or two diff names and I missed that somehow
NSI and Pink
I am reading a series by Stieg Larson a murder mystery series about a girl named Lizbeth Salender – The first was “the Girl with the Dragon Tatoo” the 2nd is “The Girlwho played with Fire” and the 3rd is “the Girl who Kicked the Hornets Nest” I would normally not even pick up a book such as this but they were reading them at the book club at work – so it sparked my interest. I also started “The Shack” – One of the blurps ont he back of the book reads “The Shack will leave you craving for the presence of “God” – Also here is what Wynonna Jod wrote about this book – ” Reading The Shack during a very difficult transition in my life, this story has blown the door wide open to my soul”
Love
Kitty
PS – I once found a beautiful drip leaf table in my neighbors trash and just had to take it home – I gave it to a friend who refinished it into a work of art!
And I love old stuff – my house is full of antique furniture!
Quitting now
I swear we hav soooo many similarities it’s funny; lol. I want babies soooooooo bad… I am 32 years old and have wanted for long time…I am so ready! Hopefully I can start trying soon myself now. Yay! How crazy would that be if we both get preggers….. Just one more reason we HAVE to stay clean. I’m getting old so if I want emi better get on that soon:)
NSIP:Im lmao cuz I have also so worked in a pediatric dentist office so I know exactly what your talking about haha I hate flossing to but it needs to be done and if gums are healthy they will not bleed anymore
. I worked in dental office for 9 months man I caught every virus from all those kids I stayed sick. We saw like 300 kids a day I swear it was insane.
QN: you sound so great I love reading your posts your inspiring to me .
Kittymom: I love antiques ohhh if I go in an antique store it isnt good lol. I want everything my husband always tells me why do you buy old stuff, Im like cuz old stuff is way better lol!! I have a vanity from 1913 its gorgeous I love it.I want to buy an old victorian house I would be in heaven:).
My poor husband he had a rough day yesterday he said he was just depressed I told him he would get better it just takes time. I notice when he is really down I forget about how miserable I am and step up to care for him which in turn helps me. I slept ok last night still having some back pain but advil seems to help it alot and my husband has been taking it also. I woke up this morning and went outside and watered my yard and thought wow I can hear the birds chirping away. Not that I couldnt hear before lol, but everything seems so much more real when your not high as hell on pills. I had a lil moment it was peaceful. Today is a new day I thank god and all my friends on here I have made it this far. Hope everyone is doing excellent and I know yall are.:)
QN and NSIP yall have those babies they are wonderful and precious:) I have three love them more than life, Im doing this for them they have no idea about all this I hid it well. But they are my inspiration
NSI– me freaking to I’m only 30
not as old as u ( ha ha ha LOL) but I want a baby more than any thing and u know after 35 there are so many complications that can happen and pluse we don’t want to 100 and trying to get are asses to a foot ball practice or if my baby is a girl ballerina classes … Shit we have to get on this I am any how I just wanted my body to heal for like a few months and then my hubby will be like WTF. Is your prob cause I’m the kind of person that will be like at 7 pm we have to do it that’s when I’m ovulating and then it’s no fun but I don’t care …. There are test for every thing u know to make it easier to know the right time and I’ve already stocked up so there let’s race to it we detoxed together now we will be preggers together we can call each other from the hospital and I would say ok forget I’m out of here the part that scares mr most is pushing that sucker out but I’ve already decided to a sea section I know I know longer healing but I’m ok with it now … When this happens WTF are we going to do for the pain omg I’m already over this vicodin shit so I think I’ll be fine I know u will be to that’s how far ahead I thought !!!!!!
Ok that’s that
Kitty mom — u couldn’t get my ass to read a book if u paid me I hate reading I like to go go go and it’s just to freaking slow to just read give me the movie to the book and I’ll be set how r u doing and how us ur husband is he better and ur little crazy kitty he will be back to getting into everything real soon trust me ok I need this answered I buy my cats all the latest toys lasers and all this cool macanical shit that’s always moving around my house to keep them busy but they would rather play with a coke box for hours omg that’s weird ,,,,,
Jen — how r u doing let us know please post it will get better so much better …
NMS– where the heck r u let us know u r ok even if u slipped we still want and need u here
Metoo — ok I’m coming out there to see u geese u haven’t posted in like days do u see how good I’m doing with ur help come say hi
Ok well I’m doing great great great
today is another outing day for me I’m getting out and about almost all day feel great took my vitamins and now my sub b12 and I’m ready to go will check back later …..
I flossed yesterday and it just reminded mr of how much I hate it so I gave it a try and no thanks sorry girls
Will be back later if I missed any one dint worrie look at yesterdays posting omg I will be back
Oh yeah pink thanks for checking in I hope u r back on here getting inspiration to stop those darn pills u will feel so great and I will be sooo happy cause I’m rooting for u let’s set a date how bout it ??? Love to u all
No better time than the present to stop third bastered pills
Ok one thing don’t think I’m stupid please just wanted to know what the lmafo means so sorry I want to use the shit out of it but can’t figure it out my bad any ones help would be great ?????
Oh yeah NSI — did u say u had cats ??? If so once we get prego we r off litter dutie OMG wouldn’t that be wonderful our men on litter dutie cause I hope everyone knows that a prego women can NOT CHANGE LITTER. I’m sur u all know but that’s the first thing that comes to mind !!!! I’m already thinking what duties I’ll just have to give up ohhhhh so sad
BTW —- right now I love my cats so much that I don’t mind doing litter dutie I love it anything to make them happy so it will actually be sad to give that dutie up ….. Not just right now omg all the tome WTF am I saying gotta get some coke in mr I’m a coke drinker not cofee !!!!!
Omg I just hAd something come over me … I’m so sorry so many posts but I have to share !!!!!!
I AM GOING TO KEEP COMMING BACK TO HELP ANY ONE I CAN I JUST RELISED IT RIGHT THIS SECOND !!!!!!!!!!
I hope that’s ok with everyone cause I really love it here I do
QN your so funny lmao means laugh my ass off. Can you share that energy I need some lol. Hope your day is great Im about to take my vitamins and eat a banana
sorry i guess all our posts are delayed a few hours its 10am here
I love this site omg feeling pretty good this second did yall get that this SECOND lol!!!:)bahhaaaaaaa
kittymom: I try to get my children to read im to adhd to sit and read but I want my kids to have that reading is a wonderful thing and relaxing if i could be still long enough !
UPDATE on my husband he called from work and said he feels better today thank god things are looking up
Hey Kitty, I read “The Shack” and it is a good book and very inspirational but theologists are arguing about it…go figure. I, however enjoyed it.
Went to church and before we left I told my son he couldn’t take his batman with him. So, we get to church, sit down and his shirt rode up a little and I could see an arm sticking out of his pants and here it was his batman shoved down his pants. It was all I could do to keep a straight face. It is moments like these that make me glad to be a mom.
Well, church was great, sang my favorite hymm and worship songs…”Here I am”….I almost lost it but of course I, as always, can bury my raw emotions…not a good thing but who I am none the less…my goodness, I certainly wouldn’t want to feel anything today (read sarcastically). Anyway, I have started doing all the right things to start rebuilding my life and need to take it one step at a time….QN, I love ya girl and you know it, but I can’t set the date yet because I think I will wake up one day and “just do it” (Nike robbed that line from me). I am a very spiritual person who is always led by the good Lord and feel that for some reason I am going through this relapse for a reason. I need to get my ducks in a row, need to reconnect with my church family, need to reconnect with my mind, body and soul and then center myself. I was flying by the seat of my pants before and now I am getting this done but doing it a little at a time. I have alot to work on in my life, alot of things have fallen apart and are in need of repair. When it’s the pills turn to go all of my “about” friends will be the first to know
I do hope you all have a wonderful Sunday where ever you are in this beautiful country of ours. It’s sunny here in NE Ohio and so I think we are gonna work a little in the yard.
Love, Pinkerton
I’m so happy to hear you and your husband are feeling better u don’t know I wish ideally wish u and ur husband can get my energy dnd feel as great as I do just keep telling your self that seriously it works play with ur mind like those fucker pills did it works any how already started my morning got my husband breakfast at my parents we r all going to hang put today then chuckle cheese again at 5 pm my nephew likes to go there like 7 tomes a week get it every day hope everyone feels great today
Anybody listen to the same music as me rap and R&B ??? Cause that song by 50 cent and jeramiaha down on me is great if u dint look it up on u tube and think of me jamming out to it that means u to kitty mom
Kitty mom and everyone else I want a full report on that song by thus afternoon I would attach it to my post but know how I’m on a iPhone all the time sobriety u go everybody give mr one line of the song so I can make site u listened to it please do it for mr love to all
Jen…pedo…uhhhhh. My doc is amazing with kids we actually get referrals from our pedo office in town…lol. Too funny:).
I love old stuff too, I actually picked up my grandmothers old dressers and vanity and bed not too long ago.. They are beautiful and aremade way. Better than today’s crap. Solid cherry…my fiancé was just like whatever….lol. Day 9 and 1.5 hrs here…. Good job everyone!
Quitting now
Lol. U young ass hoe….:). I already have ovulation tests too…lol. And yes we have cats! One that’s insane like me and then two that we actually meant to get . They are brother and sis…. It’s on… That would be sooooo cool if we both gotpreggers … I’m a littler nervous cuz myfiance rides bikes ALL the time…. The man doesn’t have an ounce of fat but can’t be good for his swimmers…. I am also scared that these vics have f’d me up and that I won’t be able to get preggers. Ihavent been on bc in long time and nothin… Thank god though. Maybe that was god saying look u B until u get off these get no babies….Lol. That’s what I tell myself at least. I also am scared of pushin something outta there…. I already told my friends that I can see myself delivery day saying never mind I changed my mind. Leave. Em in there! I can’t do it! I will be the worst patient ever!!!
This message got lost over on the thomas recipe page:
Heygirls – reading is a stretch for me too but I am replacing TV with reading and if I do not read when I am in the pool, well, then I am up landscaping the yard or something like that – and I am just trying to relax for a freaking change – I am getting to old to work work work all the time and that is the only way I know how to be I have been working longer than some of you have been on this EARTH…LMFAO – And that my dear Quitting means – laughing my freaking ass off…so lmfao…..You crack me up!!!
Love You
Kitty
All that I can say is that I love you girls and you inspire me and make me laugh and cry – and I am sooooo glad you are here and I am honored to be your kitty mamma….
Kitty
Quitting-
I have some 50 and some Garth and some jack Johnson and some joss stone and korn….. Etc. Etc. U get the point I luv ALL music. Rap, r&b, soul, old alternative, Old rap (too short..lol). , The new kiddies songs… Everything!!!! If u like rap u should check out eminems new pop/rap group…. He’s hilarious first of all and it’s just funky rap/pop…idk even how to describe it…. Group is Hollywood undead and the disc I like is called swan songs….check it out. Track 3 is hilarious
Im with NSIP I love 80′s country 80′s pop I love rap new and old lol some Hank williams jr. and some disturbed lol I love it all!!!
Omg I was typing away and it just erased so here I go again I’m so tired been up and out since 6:00 am it’s mow 4:30 pm I had a great great day feeling hood but just want to lay around and watch my show house wives of new jersey the new one comes on today should be good and then hit the sack …… I feel soooo great to be off. Third pills man I feel the same as I was on them at first I have energy want to do things like going out and love relaxing but no sickness I’m so greatfull everyday and I thank god almost every hour I really do I don’t even know if I can feel any better that’s how great I feel I wonder in 1 week is it just going to get better geese I’d like to see how much better I can feel not a craving nothing at all I’m done told u guys when I say I’m done I done told u to mark my words and there u have it I’m on the otherwise kitty mom do u see me ….
NSI — we should meet where do u live I’ll fly out I never got where u live I’m in San Diego CA La Jolla to be exact where u in OC CA if so I swear we should meet that’s supper close I’m not sure if I’m mistaken so many posts and I forget shit I’m newly off drugs hahaha it’s to be expected right ???? Let mr know
NMS — where r u r u ok have u posted lately ??? What’s up come talk with us how r u feeling how r u doing ???????
Metoo — where r u !???? No posts for a while come back I’m taking up all the slots by posting every 2 hours LOL
Jen — I stick with R&B and a little rap old and new school I also like oldies but goodies but I have to say that rock and alternative stuff I can’t mess with…
Guys I started today taking prenatal vitamins haven’t stopes by BC pills yet but the prenatal bits have almost triple everything and they say it’s good to start on that a few months before trying to get prego and extra extra folic acid brain food is what that is so here goes guys I’m thinking about being a mommy sooo much I know I’m ready just want my body to heal a little hive it a break before I shock it’s ass again !!!!
Enough about ne come on guys post tell me how everyone is doing feeling days off or on pills anything I check every few hours I love reading new posts !!!:)
I may still go to chuckie cheese cause I promised my little Aadyn I would take him and he waits fir me so dint want to disappoint him but any who I’ll be back in a few to read read !!!
Pink — everytime I post I see ur post later idk why but glad to hear u had a great day and went to church and loved it what u said about your son omg I can’t Waite to have thoes little thing happen to mr I would actually laughed my ass of in church hey I do believe in god I’m suppers be catholic but I don’t go to church but 3 tomes a year Easter christmass and well only twice a year oops … But i think I can pray and believe at home in the shower in the car but I really would love to be into that maybe when I have a child I’ll get into going at least Sunday morning cause it can only be good for u but I am so ashamed to say I can not get my butt to church idk why it’s so hard to get mr there I hope that doesn’t sound bad but I love god and I know now more than ever he is here with me at all times cause with out him I would not be here feeling this great after 8 days so there u have it but pink u r right that’s what I did fixed all the bullshit then when everything was clear got off them and doing great and will never turn back !!!! I’m so sorry that I can’t see ur posts till so much later I dint want u to think that I don’t acnoalge u because I love u the mostes ….
omg pink tell me where u live again I’ll fly there to I gave nothing but time u r in Ohio hah if so my sister in law is there in cleavland how far r u from there tell me cause I can kill 2 birds with one stone she has been begging me to come out for a weekend then I can run to see u for a min then get my ass home to my wonderful and beatifull family I really have the best family ever any who I gave been praying for ur sister and ur mom and please tell ne how they r doing … I know they are going to be fine I told u that but I want to gear that from u and ur mom should feel great on the hormone therapy once they get it stabelized u know any way dang this whole 10 pages just for u but really u r the best and have been there from day one for me and u r a big part of why I’m where I am today ….. Please post and talk with mr more I love hearing from u
Dude just a FYI I have a masters in nursing 6 years of college and my grammar and spelling on here I should be ashamed of my self but I said it like a million times I’m tying on a touch screen I phone and I just start and go and do not check to see if the spelling or any thing us right and further more I type something and my phone changes it on it’s own it just changes to another word then I read it and I think omg these people must think I’m ignorant !!!:) LOL SO don’t let my posts full u … I can type on a regular computer like a beast and everything us proper so sorry the last time I’ll mention it but for all the new bees lurking or posting don’t want u guys to think how invent name of god could she gave passed college ???? But I did
!!!!!!!!!!
Quitting
U inspire me!! Can’t believe how great u feel! ( you shit.
). Just kiddin. Sorry people I should have been a sailor…my mouth is terrible.. My fiancé was a sailor too…lol. I try to keep it clean but guess that’s just me…. My friends are on me all the time so sorry if I offended anyone.. AnywAys…Cali? U are a shit again! No I am in flat A. Illinois. I have a friend who’s in carmel, ca. Been meaning to see her for long time … Wouldn’t that be some sht? I want your energy! Feelin ok though… Tomorrow is day 10 At 11 a.m. I go back t work tomorrow from my “flu”.
Get this crap too….doc texted me three times today to have me call in Medicine for patients with emergencies. (Includes vic 750s each time)
Really didn’t phase me either sot hats good
This thing is soooooooo slow… Where did some of my posts go to? 730pm here
Quitting
Ditto on spell crap and don’t read befo sending
QN: well shit Im in west texas I will go with ya lets go
!!! WEll today I feel way better I had a busy day but it keeps my mind off them its great. Just a few day left of school for my kiddoes will have a busy summer glad i will be sober to enjoy it. I freakin love this site!
Pinkerton: kids are so silly they say and do the cutest stuff. They make me laugh. I tell my 7yr old to clean his room he tells me no momma I cant im a bear and bears hibernate im like uhhh yeah but they are awake now so clean your room hahah silly kid!!
Kitty: how are you doing? we love you to our new momma I’m 30 so you can be my momma to lol:)
NSIP: we need some of QN dam energy send it down south please! Its 7:33 here. Hope you have a great day back to work I will be praying for you
.I have nothing to do here but sit and be bored to death lol.
and while we are all praying for each other can someone pray for us some rain. Our whole dam state has been on fire and Im right in the middle of all them it sucks but maybe a lil baby jesus prayer for us
Pink
Love the batman story! That’s some funny shit! Kids! I can’t wait! I have been ready for sooooo soooo long now… My friends little girl (Whois like a niece to me). Says to her the other day…..”mommy it’s like I’m peeing but it’s brown and comin out of my but instead of my peepeeee “. She’s 4! She had diarrhea !!! She says the darndest thing,
Jen
No shit…I would be all about some Cali… Anyone watching bulls game? Go bulls …..I’m in Illinois and my BFF is in Miami..lol. 744 here
Kitty
I planted flowers yesterday..It would have been greatif. My legs didnt still hurt… Hope your new book is good.. Have u ever read Kristin Hannah books? If not u should… They get ya interested quickly.
How’s evthin else…ac better yet?
Ok Jen u r a stay at home mom I’m not working I’m not sure how well I’d do in Texas but u can come here to sunny San Diego CA doesn’t that sound great ???? Let mr know I’m not working for now at least for the next few months then I’m going back to the job I love most helping people heal …
Who lives in orange county ca someone said that is it NMS ???? and NSI — think u should come to sd to we r all about the same age although me and hen are quite a bit younger than u NSI (:) just kidding shit what is 2 years nothing any who we can chill by the beach and get some sun ??? Let mr know girls
Where is everyone else I hope all is well check back soon XOXOXO
Jen YES!!!!!! Neeeeeedd. Quittings energy!!!!
Ihave Always wanted to go to San Diego….! I gotta recover from my $150 daily habit first but wouldn’t that be cool… Don’t worry u will be 32 soon.
. My friends and I laugh about it…we think we look pretty ht for 32. 
. Lol. B the wa just gotta mes that said “slow down u are posting too fast “. I think it was meant for u QN…ha ha aren’t I funny.? Just kidding. I love your posts and I love helping people too. 
Ok girls here is how u get more energy any one chime in if they have anything to add get up everymorning take a nice hot ass shower and take some supper dupper vitiamns a sub lingual B12 pill and hive it 30 min get a coke and get ur ass on the go …… I’m gonna treat myself thus week with getting my long ass hair re highlighted I have 5 colors in my hair it’s down just a little above my but and a little curly I have light brown light blond and light red and dark brown and med blond all in foils so it’s like my whole head is highlighted you know it’s looks great then I’m gonna go get a spa Peddi and my acrylics dine supper cute hot pink tips and my toes to match it’s like the white on one part you know put pink looks great that’s how we do it in Cali …
And I’ve decided I’m gonna start to work out everyday fir 30 min not to loose weight but to tone my butty up
Just thought I would share
Quitting now
U crack me up seriously I luv it…. I have some long sass hair too… Almost to my but. Lower part of my back..really thick and natural blonde with some “real” big ole boobies at 115 lbs. I would fit right in in Cali..
Who watches jersey was it u?
By the way the older. Have gotten my blonde is more dark blonde now so I have got partial foil couple months ago. I was sad cuz it had always been sooo blonde by itself, my mom used to teach cosmo school many moons ago and she says as adults only like one percent of population are natty blondes… Don’t know if that’s true or not but made me feel better…:)
QN your funny as hell yep we know about them pink tip nails down here to.:) Haha I was working out but stopped time to hit the gym again since I still pay monthly lol. Yes I’m a stay at home mom for the summer I’m also a student hehe Im on summer break wooohooo!! yeah there are pretty areas of texas but west texas is hot dry not very pretty!!I would friggin love to go to cali I would be all up in that shit with my map and fanny pack takin pictures haha i wanna see some famous people woohoo!! (I’M kidding about fanny pack bahhaaa to funny !!
NSIP: no im watching billboard awards.
today I can say I felt pretty dam good woot woot!!!
I feel like me and NSI have high jacked this site I hope that’s not why everyone else is not posting please tell me if that’s the case maybe we can email or something I just don’t want any one upset with me I just love u guys so much and am so so thankful for all the regulars on here cause u guys got me here sorry guys
I love it I hope its not me posting to much
but I love getting on here hehe:)
Jen
Son of a b…what did I miss? I never miss music stuff! Totally forgot, not self absorbed or anything! I just saw very very end of it…damn! Any good performances?
Everyone.
Ditto on what quitting now just said… Can’t help. Being on here. Yal got me here now ya have to deal with me.. We have hijacked it..I just luv u….QN. U make me smile….hijacked it…lmfao….u know what that means now right? Just kiddin
Can’t believe I missed damn billboards….
NSIP: well I loove pitbull he performed and Beyonce was good I missed a lil bit cuz I was on here
lmfao NSIP to funny! QN will have a new word for everyone in cali
Ok guys Cali prob already knows what that means but I just didn’t ok this is funny my birthday is 4-20-1981 ok I went to do some shit with my iPhone ( wonderful. AT&T ) any way the lady behind the counter said OMG I love your birthdate I said that’s great why and she look at me like I was crazy she said everyone parties on ur b day I was all like damn I’m the bomb but I didn’t know what she was talking about over here I don’t know where u guys r but it’s like the national smoke weed day and I seriously did not know that I thought she just thought I was fabulous !!!!!!( LOL ) that’s a true story
NSI — don’t be mad but I have to say this you said in ur post your mom said only 1% are natty blonds hahaha I agree ( I KNOW WHAT U MENTION ) but I was lmaof is that it ????
Any how I’m going to hit the sack
Ok one more funny thing last tear. We went to cleavland Ohio to visit my sister in law and my hubbys brother and I called my sister on law and asked if they have ATMs over there or do I have to bring cash man the response I got was so bad I won’t even post I’m just not like smart that way she said do u think u r coming to a 3rd world country I thought to my self maybe I’ve never been there shot want to make sure I could get my shopp on and they had ATMS.
I could go on and on and on about some of the dumb shit I say
Ok one more if any one that’s reading this right now is not laughing then u r well idk
Ok when the supper bowl was coming on this past year my husband was making bets on who will win and in front of everyone I said well if we called a friend in japan or some where they would of already watched it cause there like a day ahead of us and we can find out who won and then we are set my husband was so inbarrsed he told mr babe could u just not talk any more I didn’t know it’s live shot I thought it played at different times so there u have it I’m not street smart just book smart maybe that’s why I couldn’t find any drug dealers on the streets to buy my pills from even though I didn’t need to nut I told my hubby one day like if some one wanted to buy drugs where would one go to find a drug dealer and again he just looked at me and said babe please don’t say any more any who just a coupple of my natty blond moments ( hahaha I loved that it made mr laugh ) natty blonds OMG I’m going to bed be back brightvand early tomorrow morning love to all Jen this post is for u to I knew u all needed a good laugh !!!!!!!
Jen
Check it out..she still doesn’t have it…lol.
Quitting now. No it’s lmfao. ( laugin my. F ass off). Not Lmaof.
. Too funny… And 4/20. Yes its national smoke weed day… Specifically at 420 pm….I smoked in high school guess that’s how I know. Considered it for this bs but was afraid it would gimmie a panic attack.
Girl it’s after 11. My first patient is 7am. Prob won’t check in till 5pm don’t forget me and send some prayers that I don’t relapse first da of work. Gotten through whole day twice b4 so I can do this!
Night and love to all.
I am beat! Just thought I’d pop in and tell y’all me and the girls survived the weekend! No snake bites! Had a very full weekend, lots to tell. So I will fill you guys in tomorrow!
Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
QN: LMFA off bahhaaa your are so friggin funny I love it I seriously was dying laughing reading your comment. My husband always tells me Im book smart not street smart but you got me beat omg your sooo funny made my day bigtime!!!:) yes I know about 420 my ex boyfriend when I was teenager went and took the highway 420 sign off road and put it in his game room lol it was funny.
reading QN comment lol love it!!! I hope you have a wonderful day at work. prayers for you. I woke up feeling better guess the cravings are fading some Im so happy 
.
NSIP : Im sure your were LyAOT made a new one (laughing your ass off to)haha
Jaime:Im glad your back and everything went well sounds like your trucking along nicely:).
Yall all make my day seriously yall are great!!!
Heh guys good morning
!!!!!
Jamie — so glad to hear that u have a great time with no insadents that’s wonderful can’t Waite till u post and tell us all about everything u did there !!! So happy u r back .. It sounds like a blast to go up to the mountains my husband is a outdoorsy person I think I would be to but never really had the opportunity to try it out !!!
Pink — where r u post talk to mr girl how’s things going ??? I truly hope u r feeling better I’m waiting for you
Metoo — what happened to u come back don’t leave mr like Joe did come back and give me a post please ?????
Kitty mom – are we using this site wrong let mr know u used to post all the time now just here and there need you to stay with me how are u and how is ur husband doing ????
NSI — omg I’m praying u do not relapse remember the he’ll u have gone threw and how far u have come and u don’t way to go back I know u don’t u have to be supper strong and I have faith in u you will be just fine come on here and post if u need some incursgement ok I’ll be here all day love u guys
NMS — please let us know how u r doing post and let us know if u r ok and feeling good or if not still post ??
Jen – hey were the only ones still off so I think we will be doing slot of talking right how r u feeling and how is your husband doing tell me ??
Well as for me I’m well on my way I’m doing great feeling good up bright and early going to find something to get into today all my family and friends and hubby is at work so I’m on my own but that’s just fine I’ll be ok
Will post in a bit
EVERYONE IS GREAT ABD HOPE YOU ALL DO GREAT AND GAVE A WONDERFUL DAY
Guys it’s day 9 fir me and I have never ever felt better I was so scared that I would get the depression and anxiety that almost everyone talked about …. But I didn’t and I want to go out I want to do thongs I want to clean up I want to cook for my husband. I’m so happy have great energy and just am loving life I can’t be more happy right now never even crave or think about third pills and it’s day 9 OMG I couldn’t of done it with out all of u !!!! I can’t tell you how much this means to me I don’t even have words for it
THANK YOU FROM THE NOTTOM OF MY HEART !!!!!!!!!!
And I also thank GOD. Every hour I have never been closer to him than I am now and it’s wonderful …. I’m moving on with my life like nothing was ever wrong I seriously don’t even remember taking pills no joke maybe it’s s miracle I font know but I’m so glad I’m here I already feel so healthy with my vitiamns and one more thing I actually enjoy eating and tasting great food I love that !!!!! Thanks again
Day four for me I think lol im doing a little better and better everyday. I feel so much more happier and my mind feels clear. I cant believe I made it the first few days were so horrible. Im so happy I have this site whenever I think about them I get on here and read all the comments it helps keep me sober. I am thinking about them less and less. Yesterday I was busy all day and I actually totally forgot about them for a few hours it was wonderful.
Im home to kids are at school hubby at work so long day of cleaning it needs it. Hope everyone is doing great!!
QN: 9 days is awsome very proud of you it will only get better doesnt it feel great:) I have a place in my heart for all of yall couldnt have done it alone. Hubby is doing good he seems a little depressed but I told him it will take awhile to feel totally normal again and remember its just temporary.
Hey, kids! Glad to hear everyone is doing great! We had a great weekend here again, and this morning I’ve been out marketing myself. So far, so good! Going out to make one more stop and try to make something happen.
It’s nice to see so much life on this board—took me awhile to read all your posts! It sounds like you are all making some lifetime friends~and isn’t that what life is all about?
hey o everyone; i actually am on lunch!! so far so good!!!!!!! i actually came home to post. didn’t want anyone to trace my history on our computers at work … no relapse yet and its 1pm; i WILL make it through this day!!!! THANK YOUALL SOOO SOO MUCH
Jen — day 4 Omg that’s great it’s hard I know but u will be here soon and it will all be behind u and u will truly feel so much better and like everything u do so much more !!! Soon we will be on here saying it’s been 3 months then a year !!!! So hang in there don’t turn back now
I’m on day nine and I truely feel 100% back to normal going out meeting friends and it all is just normal I even forgot that I had a problem already since I quite I’ve been lucky no cravings no thinking about pills nothing just like bam gone so I know it will be u too !!!!! U r doing great keep up the fight ….
Thanks QN:) NSIP im glad your first day back at work is going good. Metoo we missed you! Im busy cleaning this house lol I will be back in a few!!
Hey girls doing well getting some Persian food to eat yummy … Can’t wIte till u girls get home from work … I like weekends better everyones off ..( LOL ) any way will check back way to go Jen cleaning the house is the last thing that came back for me ( if u know what I mean ) LMAO there girls she has it
I get someone to clean and do laundry while I was working and even now that I’m not just can not get into it really I have tried but can’t so way to freaking go and u left the site to get back to it yep u r doing it I knew it so happy for u post when u get home girls
thanks QN yep I got some cleaning done thank lil baby jesus
.Around 2 i was pooped lol but gotta start somewhere right lol. Im starting to be more excited about this sober thing
i made it!! day one back to work; novics 10 days and 7 hrs now… still have aching legs and i think i may be experiencing some anxiety; no let me say this I AM HAVING PANIC ATTACKS!!! i know that will get better; atleast i hope…. anyone have any experience with panic attacks… its all in my head i know that… just like the cranberries said right? in your head , in your head, zombie , zombie
jen
Good for you though!! i am hoping by next weekend that i will feel more up to it; thank GOD for my fiance otherwise this place would be a mess. i mean i have been bad… leaving my sprite cans all over the place and he did all the laundry over the weekend.. man i wish i had qn’s energy; got some of that b12…. just taking it day by day. couldn’t do it wihout you guys
i’m with quitting now; cleaning sucks big A!!!
NSIP: yes i have panic attacks that is one of the worst wd symptoms and it takes awhile to go away. I woke up this morning with my back hurting figured it was wd symptom but popped some advil and it helped alot. My husband is depressed he called me crying poor guy
NSIP: have you taken any tylenol pm or anything with benadryl in it cuz it will intensify your anxiety ? I finally figured that out and quit taking it which made a huge difference
jen; today the stupidest task was sucha huge decision!!! which gas station do i go get gas at???? why was that such a big deal i have no clue whatsoever and it put me in a state of panic!!! my leggs and back are still hurting and ihave been alternating midol with advil and yes its helping otherwise i think i would be literally moaning in pain. what about an antidepressant for your hubby? i know some people don’t believe in them but i am taking prozac till i get through this!!! how do you get through the panic?
no tylenol pm; have a few zannies and are using them only if i have to and have only used them for sleep strickly.. i don’t wanna abuse em; last night i tried to sleep without and finally had to take a half to fall asleep. my vic abuse was years, and i mean years, so i assume this is normal? may take me a little longer than everyone else?
Girls you sound like u r doing good did any of you have anxiety prior or depression prior to pills ???
I can’t chime in on that cause I’ve never had depression or anxiety so i don’t know how u all can fix that sorry but I hope u r ok let mr know
QN
yes; i probably always have battled some sort of depression but i think that’s part of the reason for the addiction to diff stuff.. used to be quite the party girl; def had some alcohol bs going on; then again didn’t we all go through that phase?
Never anxiety though; it sucks!!! panic over stupid shit and little stuff seems like these huge ass decisions; its weird cuz i never had any of that shit before. sorry i’m a sailor!!!
Good evening everyone.
Just wanted to let everyone know that my sister did very well today and came out of surgery just dandy. Good news, she didn’t have cancer in her right breast. They don’t know about her lymphnodes yet but removed them all….so keep praying please.
Glad to hear everyone is doing so well….really pumps me up too!! You ladies sound like you are really living the good life…way to inspire others who are just starting…what a great thing to look forward to!!
Long day @ the hospital so I’m gonna do some paperwork and go to bed.
Love, Pinkerton
he might need an antidepressant we will have to talk about it. I got an anti anxiety medicine but Ive only taken it like twice cuz all it does is make me sleepy.When I feel that way I have to sit calm myself down and if its something I dnt have to do at that moment I dont do it. But if its something I have to do I usually will call a friend and talk to them while im doing whatever i needed sounds stupid but it helps lol. It gets better but it takes awhile. When i got clean last year I had been clean one month felt really good and one night went to bed fine no problem woke up sooo depressed and had baaad anxiety. I didnt know why nothing had happened just went to bed woke up and was alll screwed up baaad. I’m talking really bad and it lasted like two weeks of bad depression and anxiety. Im guessing it had to do something with the pills. Maybe my brain had ran out of serotonin or something. I pray that it doesnt happen again. I thought wow I’m over the pills I had been working out feeling good then bam woke up super depressed worse than ever. So I’m terrified of that cuz it was like the worst sadness ever for no reason. I always have anxiety when I go grocery shopping I hate it lol!!
me too ; glad to hear your trip went well!! yeah sounds like a bunch of hens on here huh?? i couldn’t be doing this without all of ya!!
Yes Ive always had a little anxiety but nothing like now. it’s worse and I know its from the pills I abused them for yrs and yrs also. It was worse I noticed if I ever took tylenol pm to I would wake up and freak the fuck out and think oh cant do that cant do that it was bad. So I cut the benadryl out and noticed its not AS bad.
Pinkerton: that is excellent news I hope she turns out perfectly fine lots of prayers for her lots! God bless her. Keep us posted.
jen
my best friend in miami gets them really bad!! i have been talking her through them for years and years and years. coaching her breathing sometimes 3 times a day when they are really bad for her; now i know what she has felt like all these years. i should know how to deal since i have been her support for so long but its diff when its yourself.. what do you take for them on occasion? i have a doc appt on friday and i am gonna tell her everything; truthfully this time and see what she says but suggestions help
pink
glad to hear about your sister!! i have a little sister and we fight like cats and dogs sometimes. we are totally opposite; shes gay and well i’m not but we are just sooo different but i love her with all my heart and don’t know what i would ever do without her or if something happened to her so your sis will be in my prayers for sure!!!
NSIP: they gave me clonazepam .5mg as needed for anxiety but I wouldnt take it out some where till you know how you will feel because it makes me sleepy. I have an older sis she is 11yrs older than me she is like my other momma I would not ever be ok if something happen to her omg just thinking bout I’m gonna call her and tell her I love her .
Pink — my girl I typed a long ass nite for u but it got erased OMG but that’s ok cause fir u I have all the time in the world to Re type it any how here goes first and for most I’m so happy to hear a post from you … Now just a few weeks ago what did I tell u she was going to be just fine and she shouldn’t need any hormone replacement like your mom did so that’s good news I’m so happy to hear that everything went well I have been praying my u know what off not only for u but your sister and mom and I know that in just a few weeks everything will be right back to normal !!! Trust mr I haven’t steered u wrong this far right ??
Any how u need to get yearly mammograms regardless of ur age cause thus runs in ur family I hope u r doing that ?????
Any how how r u feeling and doing I know stressed out from all the hospital stuff but u how r u I need to know that u r doing better expecially knowing that both ur mom and sister r ok and will make a 100% recovery let me know
Girls becareful of the anti anxiety meds they r worse than vicodins cause u have to be in a hospital to safely detox from them they cause seziures and all kind of heart problems so please be careful it only takes 14 days to become dependent on them they r good I guess for people with occasional anxiety attacks and panic attacks but really girls only once in a while
Like I said before I have never experienced either one of third problems ( thank God ) but we prescribe anti anxiety meds all the time and I warn the shot out of people cause just 2 weeks later they want to stop and have severe withdrawals so do that’s best but with caution
Any how I’m doing great and so tired today went here and there have a full week but u guys know I will be checking in often to make sure my girls get threw this
NSIP- if while at work u feel like doing something crazy u know what I’m talking bout I can give u my phone number and I’ll talk u out of it I want us all to sucede so just offering don’t feel obligated but I know it’s hard that’s why I’m unemployed cause I knew that they were to easy to get so I know what could happen let me know and how was ur day how did u feel did u make it threw ok let me know
jen — are u invent medical field … Just curious I didn’t hear much from u today are u doing good and I know I feel for ur husband I would just feel horrible if my hubby ever got depressed he has been as lucky as I as we gave never experienced this for our self( thank God ) but I see this everyday and it is horrible but just like u said it’s going to pass
Kitty mom — miss hearing from u today post let mr know how u r ??
Metoo– u too hope ur job searching is going well don’t worry I’ll be there shortly but I’m lucky here nurses are needed left and right so I’m holding that I don’t have any problems but have been praying u find ur dream job love to u too
Jamie — glad ur back glad to hear u had a great time hope now that ur back u will post more I love reading ur posts they help me so much and how’s the fiancé doing u guys back and good
???
Any one I missed love and prayers out to everyone I’ll be back bright and early I’m going to bed early my sleep is so great I’ve been sleeping like 8-9 hours a night and even squeeze a nap here and there love sleep as much as I love to eat idk I love food all types I actually get excited when it’s lunch time or dinner time when I wake up I’m alreadycthinkibg what am I going to eat for lunch and while eating lunch I’m already thinking what am I going to eat fir dinner but I’ve always loved food and sleep with pills no pills pre pills post pills lLOL see ur posts in the morning
Good night God bless and talk to u in the AM !!!
I can’t believe I have internet connection today!! We had a really nasty storm last night and Pink and her Pinklettes almost got blown into OZ…
Thank you all for your well wishes regarding my sister. QN, they don’t know if it’s hormone driven but are hoping that it is…not sure why- maybe you can answer that for me. Anyway, I will see her sometime today and hopefully she will be feeling ok. I do get mammograms yearly but just a word to the wise, she just had a mammogram in Jan and it didn’t show up. She was doing a self examination and found it off to the side of her breast. Even after she found it and they tried to capture it on a mammogram, it didn’t show up and it was the size of a thumbnail. I guess there is a cancer that is hard to detect, esp. if it is off to the side under the lymph glands. Just passing this along to all of my girls because I didn’t know about this kind of cancer. If she hadn’t checked herself, it may have been too late when she did find it cause it moves quickly. Ok, enough said.
Keep up the good work and don’t let the anxiety get the best of you….it will only be worse if you take that first pill, trust me on that.
Everyone have a great day and keep up the good fight.
Pinkerton
QN: I have heard anxiety meds are bad but I think I got a bottle two months ago and only have taken two lol!! I only take it if Im having super severe case. I haved worked in health field forever and some dental. Girl I feel ya on the food I wake up starving to death lol. Food food food. Going to get my hair done tomorrow excited gonna get a mani and pedi wooho. My back has still been aching but it’s not to bad 2 advil a day and I’m ok. glad to see you doing great!!
.
Pinkerton:so glad she found that wow thats amazing she found something so small that a mammogram wouldnt show . Im praying for your sister.
NSIP: I’m thinking of you have a good day at work pill free. Just say no
My husband seemed happier this morning he is working so I hope it keeps him busy.
WOW TODAY IS DAY 6 checked my phone lol ITS NOT DAY 5 ITS 6 woohoo!!!Hope everyone has a great day. Im going to pay some bills and get some more cleaning done. Kids get out this week so trying to get everything ready for a house full of kiddoes.
Metoo: Hope you are finding the best job ever
praying for you. How has it been going?
Wonder why wd from these pills causes your back to hurt so much. Anyone have an idea?
Oh, ANXIETY~~I know this one!!! I am learning more about that bugger as time goes by. I believe it is definitely a PAWS symptom. I think the hard thing about anxiety is that you are constantly looking over your shoulder for it to appear even when it has been lying dormant. My anxiety is always morning anxiety, and it started with wd’s. It is ongoing now with life changes! BUT…since I have started zoloft, it seems to be fading, THANK GOD. I also think it’s timing mechanism is located close to our menstrual cycle engine!! I’ll tell you more about that within the week!
I also have a script for lorazepam, but I have a question for QN: My lorazepam is .5 mg. I have NEVER noticed it work. Never felt it. What is that all about? Is it too small a dosage? It isn’t hard for me to stay away from them, though, because I can’t notice their effects. Maybe that’s a blessing in disguise?! Also, I’ve lost track of who is using kratom and who isn’t, but kratom also helps with anxiety and depression. Just an FYI, I’m not a pusher.
I am pleased with my progress on the job search. I was assertive yesterday and made a couple of stops to check on jobs. Then we had a GREAT dinner (made by me
), and then came out to the neighbor lady. All in all, it was a great day!
OH! Another thing about anxiety~try drinking tea before bedtime to get a better night’s sleep~chamomile and valerian are great herbs for anxiety as well as depression. I guess having anxiety issues is our ‘cross to bear’ for what we’ve put our bodies through by abusing pills…but man, I hate it. When I had a bad bout with it over a year ago, I had a friend who had it too, and we would talk each other through. A friend who can do that is priceless~tell your friends you are thankful…
Keep going strong, everyone! Ya’ll are doing great!! Let’s keep up the prayers for everyone! He’s got the whole world in His hands!
Metoo: funny that you say its worse in morning mine is to I would wake up in like sudden panic it was very strange. Anxiety is a pain and like you said even when your not having it your so tramatized from it you always thinks its gonna come out. That how I feel about the depression I went through last yr it hit and it was bad. I thought once I got over the wd symptoms I was in the clear I was wrong way wrong
Yeah, the depression thing is a very dark place! And lots of people don’t get it–and say, oh, you just need to BE happy!! Well, you can’t even figure out how to GET happy, much less get out of bed! LOL!!! I wonder how long the depression actually hangs on. I mean, I have been ‘clean’ for over a year now…if I ever find the cure for this, I swear, I’m telling the world!!!
Idk i had it severe for like two weeks then I felt better. but i had been clean a month was doing great then just woke up like something in my brain went crazy. Im terrified of that happening again.
Hey girls it’ me again
Jen— I think if you keep worrying about something down the road happening u r setting it self up for it … Don’t worrie about it just enjoy getting well and feeling better day by day if it happens in – month or 2 months then we can help deal with it then I just think that if u. Dwel on it it’s going to come if u say nope no way is that going to happen again then it won’t u know when I was detoxing I kept telling my self there is nothing wrong I’m fine all day and I was and I told my self I’m going to go out somewhere everyday for a few hours and I did now I feel great. Nothing no cravings I dint even remember how the pills made mr feel really I don’t actually I think now they were making me feel bad. And lazy and no motivation now that I’m off them I love everything soooo much more and it’s soon u should be turning the corner any day now so dint eorrie about something that could happen and worrie about feeling great now u know font take this the wrong way cause I love u and want u well 100% well ,,,
Metoo- glad to hear ur job searching is going good so happy to hear the zoloft is working as well
Guys where is kitty mom did u guys start a new site and not tell us about it ????? LOL
NSIP — WTF I was sure u would be on here all night last night but nope how r u tell us we want to know …..
Everyone else have a great day will check back later
thanks QN
yeah they probably thought dam them two girls wont shut up lmao talkin bout us haha j/k! NSIP is probably workin her booty off 
. I love everyone hope yall have a wonderful day I’m gonna get some cleaning done 
“Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty….”
I found you guys! Should I post here from now on??
Please do!!! Fill us in on the supplements you have on hand too, please!! Got chamomile tea?
quitting now; this thing is ooo damn slow. i was and it wouldn’t let me send comments for some reason lunch again right now everyone; talk tonight; no relapse yet!!!!
az
yes!!!
AZ momma how ya doing?
Hey girls we have a newbee yeahhhh
AZ — where r u in the process pleases post and tell us how u r doing and stuff
I loved that metoo here kitty kitty kitty LMFAO
I THINKS THAT’S IT
NSIP — good u better not have that same prob tonight cause I sure did miss u last night
Any how I’m great as usual out and about keeping busy doing just great tomorrow on the other hand out all freaking morning and day and part of the night fun filled day busy busy it’s going to be great I love it
Hey guys just got home full and tired but still feeling great .. Had a wonderful day with my family … Now tomorrow is a busy day for mr will have my nephews going to target for a toy. That is conning out tomorrow then chuckie E cheese again cause like I said before my nephews like to go like 7 days a week then he has ordered me to take him swimming after so OMG. I’ll be dead by the time I get home to cook dinner for my hubby and then watch a kittle tv then hit the sack so if I’m not on here much tomorrow u will know why !!!!!
Az – are you doing ok let us know how r u doing feeling ??? Post it helps alot
NSI- u better be in here tonight and tell me about how ur day went how u were feeling is ur energy coming back how’s the anxiety ????
Jen— you doing good ? How is your husband doing with this all today hope u both r well
Metoo— glad to hear from u hope u r well thanks fir everything
Kitty kitty where r u ?? Everything good at the home front working hard ???
NMS — where have u gone hope u come back
Everyone else hope ur day goes well
Pink —I hope you are well doing good hope to hear from u soon
Love to everyone
Hey girls just relaxing watching tv and thought I’d check in to see if there were any new posts but nope I’ll check back soon prayers to everyone
Girls girls girls I’m am sooooooo freaking happy all my court stuff I won just got the letter in the mail 10 min ago and my big check OMG I’m done with all that shit got paid off drugs my life is back to normal just a update I love GOD SO MUCH he has been with mr this whole time and I know he made all this happen for me !!!! Going to celebrate peace
hey guys; idk why but this is osooo sooo slow from my laptop and my finace has my ipad. i seriously type for a minute and walk away and come back and none of my words are there yet; thats how ssssslllloooooowww!!! i hasve tons to say; panic was a little better today; but not much; i really think the vics were making me lazy too!! lunchtime is bad and driving is a huge task; where did everyone go?
I FEEL LIKE WE DID HIJACK THIS SITE; I HOPE YOU ALL ARE NOT GONE BECAUSE OF US!!
i think keeping busy is key to anxiety… (i can’t even see my words on here yet); anyways; i feel like when i am busy the anxiety is better. work is just day by day and today is what day 11 tomorrow will be 12. i really don’t even want one i just want this anxiety to go away and i want to want to eat!!!
NSIP— I’m so sorry the anxiety Is that bad but it will get better very very soon I’ll be praying for u night and day that it leaves you by the morning !!!!:) when did it start to get that bad or have I just been a ass and not noticed ???? But just remember when it passes u r done so do not turn back it will get better trust me !!!!! Just hang in there let me know how u r feeling now I’ll post u out of it LOL
!!!!!! I need u to continue this journey with me and so does everyone else just for today don’t use love u !!!!!
nsip: I WANT TO NOT WANT TO EAT LOL !!!Im doing good have a really bad headache though. Happy your on day 11 that is awsome!!!
. glad your feeling so awsome:)!!!
QN:thats awsome I dont know what you won but winning is awsome lol celebrate girl
metoo and kitty we miss you!!!
qn i’m here having trouble with this shit (website)
I hope this aching back crap goes away soon cuz its driving me crazy its worse when I wake up in the morning. I havent wanted them or really thought about them today so happy for that. They are fading in my mind its amazing ! Day 7 tomorrow woot woot!
NSIP: I swear that anxiety crap is a bad wd symptom we must have screwed our brains up good. I guess its gonna take us a long while for our brain to fix. I abused so long it will probably take 5yrs to heal that shit from all the bad crap I have done . Just hang in there if it gets to bad seriously you can call me I’m with ya . Over all even with the aches and anxiety I still feel better than I did when I took them. I had gotten to where I was taking them and just wanted to sit on my ass and not do anything at all. Good luck we are here for you
I have a hair app tomorrow morning so I wont be able to post for a few hours tomorrow. It usually takes three hours for my hair.So if yall dont here from me for awhile thats why.;)
quitting now; and jen; no it just kind of came on out of nowhere; probably cuz i went back to work yesterday. don’t apologize girly. i do feel better tonight than i did last night.. last night was bad. and i think they were making me lazy too. all i wanted to do was take vics and sit on my couch and smoke cigs and watch t.v. i have seen my friends more in the lst two weeks than i have in the last year; that’s sad; cuz my friends ROCK!
jen- just FYI; anxiety was bad yesterday; but today was better. last night was bad. not sure why but it was. i am alone tonight and fiance is at work; maybe in a weird way thats a good thing. he’s been so awesome… my appetite sucks ass and he cooked me 3 things before i finally settled on half of the grilled cheese he made me. lol Day 7; that ‘s awesome!! i just6 told my bff in miami that i think the vic’s were making me not give a shit abouot :life: you know the stuff i love. music and basketball and bseball and having a couple of drinky poos; and sex and get the poiont? it’s kinda weird; ;i thought i HAD to take em to even have enough energy to get my ass in the shower or dry my hair or just :be: but i think maybe they were doing the opposite… sooo messed up how we all thought that and re finding out the opposite… I Got zannies for anxiety if it gets really bad; haven’t had to take one during the day; just to sleep at night; i probably shoul d have taken one yesterday during day; but i made it and if i can do this thean anyone can!!
quitnow
glad to hear of your good news; man that’s a booster huh? talk about a natural high right? i think panic started on friday but wasn’t too too bad cuz i was still off work.. friday i got my paycheck and when i opened it it was like double; my boss didn’t take out for my 401k like normal and that may have been what triggered all of this for me.. it freaked me the f out!! i thought i had lost my job from being gone with the “flu” all week long. when i found out it was a mistake i was soooo soo happy and the high was crazy cuz i was just soo relieved.. i love my boss soo much he’s a reallly nice guy and i wouldn’t e ver wanna work for anyone else.. this website is letting me type now and i cn actually see the words… oh wait a minute now i cna’t. that’s why you havn’t heard from me!!
Yep girls I was ready to quit like 2 months ago but knew I couldn’t until all my court dtuff was finished … Cause it wouldn’t of worked for me otherwise cause I needed to be up and out all the time and in court and talking to judges and all that shit so there is a right time I know slot of people say there is never a right time to quit or no better time than the present but I knew that this was it just had to do it when the time is right look now I’m 100% back to normal all that shit is over and I’m rich now LOL. Kidding and drug free and everything I prayed and asked for everyone on here’s prayers for I got all my way I’m back to me …. I never really got a high from the pills so I didn’t do it to be high just to function and every couple of months u have to add to the doses you know so I don’t know how the high felt …. Maybe that’s why I haven’t looked back don’t think about them have not craved them just like I never had a problem u know so I know I’m supper lucky !!!!
but I just hope and pray that u all stay with it and feel as great as I do now I WILL NEVER GO BACK I know people may say never say never I agree with that but as far as norco I can say I will never go back I think u know if its that way for u !!!
Just made steak and home made French fries for me and my hubby with A1 sauce was great this is one happy house
I hope AZ — is ok I wish she would post and just say hi
Kitty mom. Post please let us know u r ok I’m worried I don’t think there has ever been a time u haven’t posted in this long in all 1950 posts hope u r not upset
Where did the rest of the girls go girls OMG maybe were it from now on who knows I want to help as many people as I can
Pink — just a quick shout out holla LOL
OK GIRLS I’M GONNA go give my man some loven and hit the sack we r going to watch a movie hall pass love to u all
Oh BTW. Girls please tonight say a prater got all third tornato victimns my heart is broken for thoese people trying to locate family members and babies I just couldn’t handle it please say a prayer for them they need it most right now have u seen the distrucktion there my God I hope they get all the love and help in the world I truly do !!!! Don’t know if any body else has seen the news lately but that’s where my heart is tonight
GOOD NIGHT GOD BLESS
AND DON’T FORGET UR PRAYERS
Just wanted to pop in and say hi. I haven’t had a chance to go thru all of the posts. I’m working the homeowner catastrophe team for the most recent tornados and hail storms. Please pray for everyone in those areas. It’s devastating. I’ve taken so much for granted and the people that I talked to today and yesterday are just thankful to be alive, while some are still searching for loved ones.
God Bless.
Hey everyone – just can’t deal with ther typing situation here lately – too frustrating and slow.
Just a thought – you girls might want to chat on this site that Joe set up for us a while back…it would be faster for you. Here is the link
http://www.chatzy.com/547886536839
I’m still recovering from the mountain trip, but remind me to tell you the whole trip story when I get to feeling better. I’m still alive, worrying about the family and friends I have scattered throughout Missouri and Oklahoma. For some reason I don’t have any phone numbers to call and check on people. I guess people change their numbers and don’t tell everyone lol
Just a quick pop in to say howdy. Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
@S74, you are so right!! We need to be thankful for what we have and we need to pray for those who are suffering and in despair. I’m sure that working with that situation is very stressful and depressing…hang in there S74.
Metoo, way to go girl…be assertive, be the “pack leader” and I’m sure an employer will snatch you up!! Have you ever thought about working in recovery and counseling others who would benefit from your experience?? My motto is, “an experience is a terrible thing to waste”…lol
Jen, QN, and NSIP…sounds like you are doing great, keep it up the good work and don’t let the anxiety get the best of you, I did and let me tell you that the pills don’t take it away but compound the issue even more.
Jamie, any updates on your back, fiance, etc? Can’t wait to hear your story.
Thank you everyone who has been praying for my sister and mom. My sister came out of surgery ok but was really sick and throwing up but was feeling better yesterday afternoon and my mom goes today to start the hormone therapy.
Everyone have a wonderful day. Pinkerton
NSIP: girl Im with you I thought I had to have them pills to even get out of bed. I look back and I had isolated myself from all my friends never wanted to go anywhere or do anything super lazy. I havent really gotten a buzz from them in yrs but still felt I had to have them. They made me worse not better glad I see that. I never wanted to leave my house just sit on my ass and do nothing.
QN: rich biiaaatch lol hope you have a great day I’m going to get my hair did lol I will ttyl.
s74: prayers for everyone in those situations thats horrible. I saw the tornadoes on tv I couldnt imagine prayers for all their families and friends.
Pinkerton: hope your mom does well today prayers for her. Also prayers for your sister and Im sure they are thankful for you helping them through this.
Jaime: I hope you get a hold of all your loved ones. keep us updated prayers go out for them.
DAY 7FOR ME WOOHOOO!!! Congrats to all our sober days girls and guys!!
“nice Kitty…such a nice, nice Kitty!!”
Mornin’, kids!! It’s really great to see all the posts here! AZ, I am praying for you and hoping that we get to hear from you soon. You have come at the right time, and your support team is waiting to surround you with light and love and healing!! Post when you can, Doll!!
I have to tell you all what a great day yesterday was for me. I have loosed my chains~I ventured out on a job hunt yesterday~I am a bit directionally challenged, so I changed the voice on my GPS and headed out on the open road. Sunday’s homily at Mass was about direction, and I have known all along that I had to ‘face my fear’ and yesterday I just did it. It sounds so silly to all of you I am sure, but it’s intimidating for me to drive out of my comfort zone in a new city…God, I sound so pathetic…lol. Anyway, I faced my fear and loosed my chains. Now there isn’t really anything I cannot do. Made another great dinner and had some great time with my little family. I am thankful to see the handprints of God all over my life!! I am lovin’ it!
I am sad to see Oprah end her show. The Oprah message board is where my ‘wife’ and I first met. The rest is history, as will be the O show. I really admire Oprah for the way she is just like an old friend and is such a comforting and comfortable spirit. She has helped many in her lifetime. It is one of my most fervent prayers that whatever career I choose that somehow, someway I might be able to HELP OTHERS. Pink, you are SO right in that experience is a terrible thing to waste. As I have been going through this major change in my own life–struggling all the way–I’ve told myself that it will be worth it, and that I will be there to help someone else. This website has given me so much in that way and I am thankful for it! (but it sure would be nice if the pages could load more quickly!!!!)
Praying for all of us and the souls affected by the devastating weather…and thankful that my friend in Jo, MO is ok…
Again, AZ, we are here for you—-GREAT JOB to everyone here!! QN, congrats to you!!! Now let’s get your chains loosed too!! Your next victory awaits!!!
Love and hugs to all, especially our Kitty. Where would we be without that wonderful friend?
MeTOO:im so sad to see oprah go Im like what am I gonna do everyday at 4 im gonna miss her show very much
Hello metoo, glad to hear you conquered another challenge! That is so interesting to me that you and your wife met on Oprah’s message board. How did that happen? I am not the biggest Oprah fan but I do believe she has helped and inspired alot of people. Her show never became like Jerry Springer and sometimes I think Dr. Phil has crossed the line so for that I commend her. She kept her material fresh and relevant.
Way to go Jen!! keep it up!
Day 12 for me but I am going to stop counting cause I’m already over it !!!!!! I’m on the other side I feel great haven’t felf this good in a while and I did it with all my girls on here !!!!
I have been praying my socks off ( metoo)
for the people that have had this traumatizing things happen in their lifes I just am so amazed on how well they are copeing cause hands down that us something that I could not deal with at all looking for my family forget my stuff but I honestly would be a hot mess
Love to every one got a. Super busy day and will be back tonight love to u all
Well, we happened (ironically) to tune in on the same day to the Oprah show. (keep in mind that I NEVER turn on the tv during the day-and I was at work too-but for some unknown reason I did that day) The show was about gay wives. I had just ended a relationship and decided to go to the message board that they had advertised after that episode…and I posted about my ended relationship. Something in my words inspired her to reply to my message, and it just bloomed from there. That show was so inspirational~~I SERIOUSLY believed that I was the ONLY person to be so stupid and marry a man, only to find my own truth…it literally blew me away…I was not alone.
From other relationships that bloomed on that board, we have a group of friends we found there—LIFETIME friends…and we have met up with 3 of them since it all began in 2006. It’s amazing, really. God bless Oprah!
Hey girls – Geez I am able to type – go figure – it has been a real struggle to get on here the last couple of days and I am sorry about not showing up – but you all have been doing fine it looks like and it warms my heart to see so many getting over the hump of addiction to a clean start…WOWEEEEE!!! that makes me happy!
Now for my funny story for the day….I got home from work yesterday and came in from the garage leaving the garage door open a few minutes until I was able to shut it….I went into the house and looked to great Clyde and he was there and rubbed around my feet and loved on me a bit – and then I proceeded to look for Bo de Bo (Boaz) so I looked everywhere, all his spots – out on the back porch, inside the house – every freaking where that he usually sleeps. Then I thought to myself – the little shit got out of the garage door – so I proceeded to look int he front yard and the back yard. No Boaz. I waited a while, looked again and waited a while and called for him outside again. Got pissed at him! Jim went outside – walked around the yard – called for him. Then about 8:00 PM I went out and called for him – Jim went out and called for him. About 8:30 I was just about to go out back and call for him again – And – THE LITTLE SHIT WAS LAYING OUT THERE – he was never gone in the first place – just hiding behind a rubber raft – like nothing ever freaking happenned…..Kitty Cats – gotta love them – but was I ever mad at him…the little shit was probably hanging there the whole time and laughing to himself!!!!
Love YOU ALL
Kitty
Well here’s my cat story. Since I got here, I have been doing lots of work on this cat. He liked to go on tables, countertops, drank out of the toilet-you name it. I SAID NO WAY!! SO! We moved to the new house and I started to trim his claws…he pissed on the couch TWICE. I said, “ONE MORE TIME AND YOU’RE OUT OF HERE!!!” The combination of the move and more intimate care ticked him off. Then, I added brushing him to our care routine…and added a flea collar. Then, one day, my real chance came. I walked in to the bathroom to see him perched on the seat with his head in the bowl. I grabbed his neck and stuffed his head down the toidy and lifted his head up and did it again, got him real wet, hollering the whole time, and then I flung him out of the bathroom. After a nice chase around the entire house he avoided me for a day or so….then we caught him on the countertop and the same chase ensued. Time went on, and now when I brush him he rolls over on his back so I can get his tummy, and we are all lovey dovey…I constantly give him scraps of food, and I talk to him always and just love him up…so it’s nice, and somehow I fell in love with him.
Then, last night…
We were in the dining room finishing up dinner. I look over into the kitchen, to see him on the COUNTER. Ooooh! I chased him out of the house. When he came back in, I picked him up and took him to the counter-said NO, NO, NO! while I tapped his nose hard. He avoided me all night. I went to look for him last night before bed, and he was sitting all snotty and mad like in the corner of the spare room, with this look on his face….lol.
The fight ended this morning when he jumped up onto the bed and we had some nice snugglin’. His coat is so soft and nice, and I told him how much his momma loves him but he better not get on the counter again.
Funny he didn’t pee again. Huh…
What a cool story Metoo and isn’t it funny that even though we are adults, we still think that we are the only person who is going through something and then when we connect to others who are having the same life experience we have this huge AHA moment. Definately sounds like God was working overtime time that day. I felt a tap on the shoulder from Him today. I am having alot of trouble with my oldest son and have been so depressed that he continues down this self-destructive road and then all of a sudden, this morning, I had a revelation. I realized that I need to let God handle this and pray for guidance in parenting him until God is has done what needs to be done with him. I have been sick with worry, staying up at night fretting over his future and what I can do to help him, but since this morning I have felt a peace of mind in knowing that the Lord will take care of him and I need to be still and listen for direction. It’s not going to happen IN MY TIME, but rather in God’s time.
Hey Metoo and Pink – I so enjoyed your inspirational stories about your Son (Pink) and the Oprah Site (Metoo). Ohhhhh how God works in mysterious ways. He puts people in our paths and sometimes gives us trials and tribulation with the same people he gives to us and then he watches us struggle when all along if we put our faith in Him, everything works out fine. That is our God – he gives us free will but He is ours to help us if we let Him. I love Him for that.
Now if it were His will to give us Joe back, I would be eternally grateful, wouldn’t you be too Metoo?
And, about the cat story – take it from a cat person – You DO NOT train cats – they train you – They allow you to love on them, only if they feel like it and they do not know right from wrong. My cats are declawed so do not ruin anything and when Clyde decided to Pee on my lounge chairs on the back porch – I had to throw them away before he would stop – putting another litter box on the back porch solved it though. But, let me tell you, I am a littler box cleaning freak of a freak….I am there everytime one poopie is in that box or one pee….cleaning it out and I use clumping littler for multiple cats and put a deodorant in it each time I use it – I defy anyone to smell cat in my house…lol. Getting a little spray bottle with water in it – will deter a cat from going on the counters – unless they like water!!!! Just remember, you can train a dog – but a cat is just going to laugh her ass off at you and when you are not looking – well, that is all I am going to say!!!
Love You
Kitty
That’s GREAT, Pink!!! That is kind of the same path I am on with this job thing. Looking at the whole path I have been on, I realize that for the first time in my LIFE, I HAVE put God in the drivers seat..I have trusted him TOTALLY that this move is right and that He would show me the way if I JUST LISTEN. That is my silver lining. I KNOW He has something great planned, and the adventure of it is seeing just what He lays out…and try my best to listen and stay tuned. But BOTTOM LINE, I am HIS, and HE will see me through. That is huge!!!! I’ve never been this far out on the limb before, and it is TOTALLY OUT OF MY CHARACTER..and I am still fine. He’s GOT me.
Hey Metoo and Pink – I so enjoyed your inspirational stories about your Son (Pink) and the Oprah Site (Metoo). Ohhhhh how God works in mysterious ways. He puts people in our paths and sometimes gives us trials and tribulation with the same people he gives to us and then he watches us struggle when all along if we put our faith in Him, everything works out fine. That is our God – he gives us free will but He is ours to help us if we let Him. I love Him for that.
Now if it were His will to give us Joe back, I would be eternally grateful, wouldn’t you be too Metoo?
And, about the cat story – take it from a cat person – You DO NOT train cats – they train you – They allow you to love on them, only if they feel like it and they do not know right from wrong. My cats are declawed so do not ruin anything and when Clyde decided to Pee on my lounge chairs on the back porch – I had to throw them away before he would stop – putting another litter box on the back porch solved it though. But, let me tell you, I am a littler box cleaning freak of a freak….I am there everytime one poopie is in that box or one pee….cleaning it out and I use clumping littler for multiple cats and put a deodorant in it each time I use it – I defy anyone to smell cat in my house…lol. Getting a little spray bottle with water in it – will deter a cat from going on the counters – unless they like water!!!! Just remember, you can train a dog – but a cat is just going to laugh her ass off at you and when you are not looking – well, that is all I am going to say!!!
Love You
Kitty
lol…Ach, I’ve heard it all before. lmao! But you’re probably right. I’m just glad he lets me love him, cuz it wasn’t SUPPOSED to ever happen, but it has…I love getting the tootsie rolls out of the litter box too!
Yeah, I would love it if God would give our Joe back to us.
kitty mom
not that i am glad you have had prolems typing on here cuz me too for sure; but glad its not cuz you were annoyed by us (or atleast it doesn’t sound like it);
GIRLS
i am on lunch; anxiety is better today ; not great but better and leggs are not as cramapy as they had been ; today is day; 12 !! yay!! i don’t even want one i just wanna get through this and on with my life
METOO/KITTY MOM boy do i have a kitty story for you guys; maybe you can help; my chicken has always been a problem; i think i told u guys a little bit about it when i first started this detox.. i love her with all my heart ; but man is she a struggle!!! we bought a new house to and its been hell!!! chat later; just wanted to check in; good luck to all and keep it up you are all in my prayers!!
haha – tootsie rolls – Lmao – yeah soon as those tootsie rolls hit the sand – they are out of there…..sometimes I stand there and wait till they poop so I can clean the box – no wonder Boaz has autism…..haha
Yes Joe – get your Irish Ass back here – there are people who love you here and you just can’t arbitrarily decide to throw us away!
Love
Kitty
NSIP – I am sooooooo proud of you. No for some reason I am able to type today and it is not annoying – but it could be because of the volume here lately – maybe since you and Jen and QN are not posting your asses off, I am able to get on here today…lmao – but don’t stop – I love hearing your progress.
Love Y’all
Kitty
Well today wasnt a good day. The lady that does my hair (for 8yrs) has screwed my hair up again .She used to do it so nice now idk what the hell she is thinking so I cried over that. Then found out my daughter failed part of her taks test so cried over that not a good day for me friends :’(
Kitty mom: sorry we bogged the site down I will try and not post every 5 min lol. I dont have cats but I do have ferrets and they remind me of cats. I have one that always steals my pink bra not any others just that one. I can put it on chair and he will climb up there get it and hide it everytime. If I take it away from him he looks at me like uhhh why did you just take that away from me its mine . he is so bad.
Jen -m sorry you are having a bad day – but I am lol over the ferret story – animals always brighten up my day no matter my mood…
Love
Kitty
Hey girls I just touched down at home …. Had another wonderful day now watching the tornado on tv some more my heart is broken for those people man I hope they all come threw this ok and stronger !!!!!! Man I said it before I couldn’t deal with something like that that’s why I live in San Diego my gosh !!!! Please everyone keep praying for these poor people that’s where all my prayers are today !!!!
QN… Tornados… We are on again off again warnings right now.. It looksmlike it’s ten at night instead of six pm
Jen- hold your head up high girl unary doin great, I am almost at two weeks. Mon was a baaaaad day for me and I am sorry u had a bad day today but tomorrow’s another day ! Tues was a little better and so was today.. I have cats and they are nuts but my ex had two ferrets. Cain and Nino and they were bad too… That’s hilarious about your pink bra!
Me too- that was a great story by the way. I think younwill inspire others to go after what’s truly in their hearts. My sis and her “wife” have lived together for 7 years going strong. She talks all the time about a friend of hers that she knows is not happy with her husband but has never done anything about it.. I can’t imagine how she must feel. Glad u are happy,!
Omg. The thunder is terrible right now my cats are freaking out. Go figure the crazy one “chicken”. Isn’t scared at all but big ole fat boy is terrified!
Kitty mom, thanks for the kind words, Just hearing u sayni am doing great is spiration to keep doing great!
Quitting now… I bet. Are a trip. U have sooo much energy! I luv it! Almost two weeks girl. Anxiety was better today and I am going to doc on Friday to tell my whole truth. Last week I simply went to doc in a box or express care, but. Fridayi am gonna tell my reg doc the whole story…… A lll the many years of it!
Kitty mom
I love hearing your boaz stories. Yeah he was sooo laughing his a off at u calling for him. I lost marzipan one time and found him in the kitchen cabinet like 8 hours later. Chicken got out one time and that was enough for her.. She was scared to death I don’t think she moved from under the window she thought was a good idea to jump out of that morning …. She was there ALL day I am pretty sure.. I found her late after work but pretty sure she had been there for like twelve hrs… Just sitting like a statue… Crazy cat
Hey girls just wanted to say good night trying not to post to much !!:) any how hope everyone is doing great I’m wonderful and will be back tomorrow to read all the new post and to say what’s up my girls
GOOD NIGHT GOD BLESS
Kitty Here – Just want to say how proud of you I am Jen, QN, and NSIP – you girls rock. Keep up the good work.
God Bless everyone
Kitty
Thanks kitty mom
. well its 1:50 and cant sleep lol hope everyone else is getting some good sleep. Haha speaking of ferrets I have one ferret if you dont give her a snack she will bite you on your foot till u give her one and if you ignore her she will keep doing it. Then she will stand there and look up at you like hello .I have video of her doing that to my husband and first we thought it was funny but now we are like ok lil shit no more snacks. They also drink out of toilets to dont ask me how they get up there but they do its funny. Im scared they are gonna fall in but never have. its so gross lol.
.
NSIP: hope yall are safe and no tornadoes that is scary. Hope your days continue to get better and better. I had a bad day yesterday just really aggravated with everyone and crying. So I just went to bed early and now cant sleep go figure lol.
QN: wuuuzzuuup girl lmao
metoo: that cat story is hilarious they sure think they run the house lol.
Well guess I will try and go get some sleep now goodnight.
Oh yes and many prayers for all the tornadoe victims very sad
Heh girls it’s mr bright and early well plans today getting my nails and toes done and my hair did !! So I’ll be looking like a hot mamma like my nephew says !!!! And it will make me feel even more amazing than I do so going to start my day early just popes my vitamins and my B12 tab is next then I’m off to get all done up !!!!!
I have been so happy just how I was before the pills I was waiting for a new mr but I got the old me witch is just as good a happy go lucky girl and I’m ok with that you know what girls I still sneeze here and there maybe like 6 times a day any one still sneezing my family says I nay have allergies but never had them before so I think it’s part of the process witch I’ll take and embrace I sell at 8:30 pm and woke up at 6:00 am do doing great !!!!!
Any who how’s everyone ????? Please post and let me know will check back later
Hi my about girls I left the house and forgot to take my B12 pill omg they give me even more energy but oh well on my way to get my girl day on thought I would be nice and picked my mom up and she will join me I’m treating her to get her hair colored and cut and nails and toes !!! Then going home in time to watch my new eposoid of housewives so there u have it any who just waiting till the stores open up at 9:00 am !!!!
I hope you guys have a great day love to everyone
What happened to AZ hope she does well
Awsome QN I have a busy day to just went grocery shopping, now home to clean up then some running around. I sneezed a few times but not alot didnt think much of it. Hope everyone has a wonderful day.
sure is quiet today
hello? is anyone out there hello lol!! Well day two of being super aggravated is that a wd symptom? I have been wanting to go off on some people super short tempered! Back pains still going on.
Jen – If I remember correctly, it is just another thing about getting clean and feeling stuff that has been hidden…just feel like slapping the shit out of people for no reason….hopefully it will pas and won’t be your new normal…only kidding – the numbnes is just wearing off!!…LOL
Love
Kitty
Omg kitty mom that was freaking funny hope that’s not ur new normal LMAO !!!!
Jen — I think if u keep telling ur self u r on it will be I didn’t have the irritability but then again I was never like that before the pills on the pills and now while off them sorry can’t chime in on that one I think thinking positive all the time and just being a happy person even if u have to force it it will go away !!!!
Any way I hope u feel better
I just touched down at home and waiting fir my showes to come on the new epodoid of housewives ok just got my nails done they r longer so guys hate to say it but my typing on this tiny phone is going to be worse and the spelling will be bad I’m already having trouble I could of typed 5 posts and I’m barely done with this one I guess I won’t slow down the page LOL
HOPE EVERYONE IS WELL
NSIP — where the heck r u u usually have a post at lunch but not today hope u r well
Guys where did not myself go hope she is good and doing well and still off the pills either way post and let us know u r ok
Thanks guys well I felt pretty good then yesterday wasnt great and today was not either. After my errands this morning I layed in my bed all day had no energy and no motivation to do anything. Hope tomorrow is better. I’m still hanging on.
Kitty mom lmao hope i’m not like this forever lol im usually a nice person so hope not. my husband is doing well just working and working. That might be my problem Im bored to friggin death all day.
Any body home from work yet ???
either way
We r slowing down and that concerns me girls let mr know how u guys r doing even if u got back on the pills
QN im here guess im the only one.
Jen looks like it’s u and me u doing better Girly how’s it going !!!! Things getting better I pray that it does how many days now ???
You r the bomb and doing great
We r on the otherside statmy with mr don’t give up it will pass soon
Hey Jen where is my friend NSIP hello where the heck is she I freaking need a update no matter what !!!!!!! U hear me NSIP
pink — u too where the heck r u girl I need to hear from u !!!!!!! Tell mr how’s it going ????
quitting now
yeah no time at lunch; busy busy busy ass day!!! our office is huge . we are probably largest in the state as far as production goes and i someti mmes have 2 and 3 patients at one time; we have 10 ops in our office with 2 more being added and space to grow; its nuts sometimes; i’m hanging in there.. anxiety and aches still suck!! long weekend; we only work four days a week and we re down to one doctor right now and havae enough production for three docs; its crazy; poor dr is just literally running wherever we tell him to go and do what we say.. lol
tomorrow is 2 weeks darlin; we f’n rock!!!! hope i haven’t missed anything on here; theres so much activity its hard to keep up;
Jen- my first week i was super ass irritated with everything and still ama little bit and tomorrow will be t two weeks; but i took them for years and years inexcess so i figure 2 weeks isn’t long enought for my body to heal yet..
i wanted to beat my favorite cat :chicken: and i love her to death even thoughs she’s nuts; anyways; i think it will get better with time so hang in there with me.. i work with 15 girls and they can be bitches sometimes and i made it through this week so that means u can too!!!
guess what kids; this damn thing is getting bogged down again; here comes the weekend!!
quitting now
actuallly having a drink tonight no work tomorrrow ; yay!!!! this thing is just slow as hell again and i don’t have my ipad either; seems faster from ipad; don’t know why; still hanging in there; tomorrow is my doc appt; guess i have to tell my story ; that makes me nervous as hell!!! i need to be honest though right?
NSIP: glad to know its not just me
today was a rough day if I would have caved in it would have been today but I didnt.I also used for like a total of 8 yrs all together so yeah I guess 8 days is not enough time to heal 8 yrs lol. Have you a drink girl two weeks is awsome way to go woot woot!! 
QN today is 8 days thank the good lord. Today was rough but survived without any. I can tell my husband is aggravated to we dont even want to be around each other.
PRAYERS for my girls kitty, metoo,pinkerton,qn, nsip and thank yall for being here for me:).
NSIP go get your drink on and have one for me maybe a lil crown and coke hehe!!!
NSIP: forgot good luck at app tomorrow. I would just be honest that way you can get the right treatment for what you need. I know it must be tough but it will make you feel so much better when its over
oh and im sorry I meant to put prayers for my boys to hello jen duhhh sorry lol
i used to love to have some drinks but the vikes had made it to where i would hurl everytime i drank so its kinda nice… 3 margaritas and feelin ok and just gonna crash ssoon
jen good job girl; we will do this together!!! yeah 8 yrs is a long ass time; i was 6 or 7 ; same diff if u ask me… i couldn’t have done it without all of you!! QN and i did this together she had an easier time; but i am still hangin on!!!
Great girls I think I’m on day 10 or 11 not sure but who the heck cares cause I’m over it and better so not counting but I wanted to know ur guyses days cause I love to hear that we r getting further. And further in the road and it is just so darn great love to all my shows are on so will check in later
Going to bed will check in tomorrow bright and early:)
kitty we need some more kitty stories it makes me laugh my butt off!!
Today i think was my day of over posting lol all i see is me lmao!!
quitting now you hott A B; tomorrorw is day 13 for you!!!lol
Hey girlies…
I am reading ‘The Shack” and if you want to feel close to God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit – read it – OMG, just the best book I have read in like forever! And short – I finished in a couple of days – I could quote till the cows come home – but just this one -
“Oh child, God said tenderly “Don’t ever discount the wonder of your tears. They can be healing waters and a stream of joy. Sometimes they are the best words the heart can speak.
So tonight, my friends, Kitty cries in joy for the fact that God directed me here and my life is truly blessed from knowing all of you.
Have a good evening
Love You
Kitty
kitty
i am going to get it this weekend for sure.. i thought u said there were two before it though
Oh no dear – this is a totally
different book than the series I was reading – very light reading and inspirational book….helpful in alot of ways!
Love
Kitty
Ok guys I had this big ole thing typed and bam it got erased so I’m going to watch a movie with my hubby and hit the sack talk to u girls tomorrow good night god bless
Good morning everyone.
Just wanted you all to know that my sister did not have any cancer in her lymph nodes and none in her other breast. She is home from surgery and doing well. My mom got her tatoos for radiation and is ready to go on that.
Happy to see that everyone is doing so well.
Kitty, I enjoyed “The Shack” too. May have to get the CD back out and listen to it again.
Have a great Memorial Day weekend!
Pinkerton
Hey guys it’s me bright and early just thought I would say hello …. Everything great here hope everyone is doing good
Pink — you r up kinda early hah so glad to hear that I knew that would be the outcome so there u have it everything moving toward the right direction for you and your family that’s great news so happy for u guys all the prayers worked hah !!!!!!
Nsip — how r u doing good I hope u sounded so much better today that us key keep busy and u won’t w en think about it anymore
Jen — hope ur anxiety is better hope u and hubby are doing better and better everyday
Any way I will check back later to see how many new posts I can read here today thanks and have a great day and a even better memorial day
My last couple posts didn’t show up…hmmm?
Mrning girls;
so i had 3 margaritas last night and didn’t wake up puking my guts out for the first time in years. i think the vics were doing that to me. i don’t feel too bad this morning. i was nrvous about having drinks because of the way y it would make me feel in the past (cuz of vics)… it would take me 2 days to recover even if i had just one drink; my friends were totally sick of the fact that i couldn’t even have a drink at dinner with them and they all knew it was cuz of my good ole friend vicodin. so yay for that !!! (not that i amgonna replace them with alcohol ; cuz i won’t)
jamie- that sucks your post didn’t show up; last night was really slow on here for me too and this a. m. seems to be a little better; we’ll see….. it’s all us pill poppers boggging this thing down
AZMomma wher’d ya go? hope you are well!!!
kitty mom- gotcha on the book… i love that you said its a short read.. i love to read and i think it would do me some good so its on my list for this weekend. sometimes i am slow about it though; i will read a littler here and there so may take me longer than 2 days. thanks for the FYI
PINK- YAY!!! that’s s awesome about your sister; i was thinkin bout ya.. very good news!!!
OK my new name for Need some inspiration is:
Neesip
I am glad you are getting the book – You will really enjoy it – and it is strange cause it is in a perspective of putting human character to diety….very odd indeed….but soooo good. I am kind of lost right now not having a book in process – I need to go get that last book of the series by Stieg Larson – The Girl that kicked the hornets nest…the second one left me hanging!!!
I am just waiting for the AC man to come and measure for new ductwork – it is a bit cloudy and humid to get in the pool – then I am going to my Moms house for dinner – my sister and my neice will be there over nite so I will get to see them….and my daughter might go if she gets off work early enough.
Hope you all have a great day. I was going to transfer one of my earlier posts here for inspiration to you girls, but it was so slow and would not copy and paste….if you wish to see my posts from about the same time frame of recovery you are in – go up to around the middle of September 2010 and you will see me going through what yu are going through now….just a thought.
Back then it was Joe and Metoo who were the inspiration – and I love them dearly for it…that will never change no matter how much time passes. I wish he would come back so that you new girls could learn from him…..but at least yu have Metoo and me….I hope with all my heart that that will do for now.
Love you
Kitty
kitty
awwwww you are soo amazing!! i thank god that i found this place…. i couldn’t have done this without all of you !!! i will def go back and read old posts for sure!!!
Thanks Neesip – I do not want to go back to that place again, but sometimes it helps to know where I have been compared to where I am now – and I feel like I am dancing in God’s garden now compared to the hell from which I came.
Glad you are here for the dance!
Love
Kitty
Well me and my husband are going to watch Hangover 2 woot woot. Im hoping today.
thank the good lord soo soo happy. Cancer is an ugly thing i have had family and friends that have died from cancer it so scary.
but glad your doing good 
!!!
Pinkerton: Im so happy no cnacer omg what a blessing
kitty lmao on the neesip lmao!!!!
nsip: i know the feeling I could never drink either ughh hell I would be nauseated just from taking them let alone drinking to.
Qn hope your day is great!! your sailing along !!:)
Jaime sorry your post disappeared not cool
Well the AC “boy” (to young to me man) is up in the attic as we speak crawing around like a rat up there – Clyde and Boaz are looking up at the ceiling as if to say “WTF” is going on up there. I hate when someone is in my home to do work – it is like so invasive or something….oh well, the ducts so need replaced so the “boy” had to do what he has to do…right?
I can’t wait until he leaves so I can get out of here for a bit….I feel like I can’t do anything until this is done.
Jen – enjoy the movie – was there a “Hangover One” Been wondering about that – never saw it if there was!
The rest of you – peace
Love You
Kitty
OMG KITTY you have to see it yes go rent the hangover I swear you will laugh your ass off for ever I still watch it and its just as funny !!! Also yes I hate when you have to get people to come fix stuff I just stand there like an idiot till there done . Im like hurry up hurry up get out!!! Its supposed to be like 106 here today we are gonna burn the hell up. I hope we dont have anymore darn fires.
Guys guys I have been having severe pain in my right side after I eat for 2 days only in the middle of the night … So I figured I’ll just leave it alone it gies away after about 4 hours any how last night I told myself I’m gonna go to ER cause again at 1 am the pain woke mr dead up so any how went to ER and they did labs and a ultrasound gave me fluids asked if I wanted pain meda I SAID NO THANKS I’LL WAITE didn’t get any pain meds just went to make sure everything is ok well it’s not they wanted mr to go to surgery to get my gallbladder out cause the duck is blocked by a stone that’s why the pain so I said I’ll Waite and see it’s only happened twice the doctor said once the attacks start they font stop any how gonna give it a few more says to see if it will pass or stop on it’s own any how they gave me a RX for percoset Nd rocy codeine and I took the rx home and my husband and I ripped it up I told Jim I didn’t wNt any pain meds the doctor was amazed that I was laying on the ER bed in quite a bit of pain but the moral of the story is that I didn’t even wNt anything didn’t think to myself well I could get the pain meds and feel better and then a RX to so there u have it I really think I’m over it HONESTLY I didn’t even want any meds !!!!!!
Now I’m gonna talk to my family and get a second opponion and see what I need to do to get this cleared up only my husband knows about this cause I dint wNt to worrie my parents and sisters cause they would be all freaked out
Anyhow either way I know I’ll be ok because nobody needs there gallbladder any way so there won’t be any replacement meds or any thing and as far as the pain I can Handel it and will never ever take another narcotic again in my life period but I now know that I can do it wasn’t even a issue this early in recovery so there u go girls I’m hopping tonight it will not happen and that’s the end of it but if not that’s ok to .,,.
Send prayers to mr please this time not to not take pills but that my attacks stop for good
Thanks love to all going to have a busy fun filled day it’s so warm my hubby is going fishing and we r just chillin the whole day together
Thanks guys check back later
QN – I had my gall bladder out a few years ago and they did it with lazer so only a couple of half inch incisions and one through my belly button….it went smoothly and was no big deal. Also, when my daughter was six weeks old we found out she had a gall stone stuck in her bile duct and she did not get the gall bladder removed until she was in college. Once you have a severe attack, you will probably opt to have it out though – I had two before I decided – they were worse than having a baby!
And…..my dear QN – I ammmmmmm sooooooooooo proud of you – now you can honestly say that you have beat this thing. Tore up the scripts – OMG in heaven – I am so very proud of you. You are an inspiration – did not save them for later – just tore the freaking things up……Thank you God!
I love you kids!
Kitty
Yep girls and I have not had s bs y yet but I sure did wake everyone in the house up it was terrible and it’s happened 2 nights in a row if it happens again soon I’m done with it take that shit out I hope haveing a baby doesn’t hurt that bad cause if it’s the same pain forget it but at least I’m vetting something from haveing a baby this shit is not cute but I an praying it’s all done and over with so we will see but thanks fir sharing ur story yeah they say one night in the hospital but I just don’t wNt to do it to early u know well I play it by ear how long till u were recovered kitty mom when u had it done ??
QN – I was able to be up and around in a couple of days….Just stayed one night in an outpatient hospital. It was not bad at all. The attacks were worse than the surgery – it was minor Hope you do not have another attack.
Love
Kitty
QN: so sorry you have to go thru that!…. BUT OMG IM SO FRIGGIN PROUD OF YOU FOR TEARING THE SCRIPT UP I WISH U LIVED HERE WE COULD GO HAVE SOME DRINKS
!!! fRIGGIN FANTASTIC YOU ARE AWSOME. Hope you get to feeling better soon praying for you.
We went and saw hangover 2 we laughed our butts off so funny! Now going to eat I’m starving.
NSIP: how did your app go let us know;)
quitting now-
sorry to hear bout gall bladder; that sucks; but sooo sooo amazed at how you handled the rest of it; meaning no pain meds!!! i think that might be hard to do; idk; i really dodn’t want one either; just wanna get throught this and be done and back to l ife
kitty- i was working on reading old posts… its sooo nice to see the inspiration that joe gave to other people including you!!! i am going to go back and read some more for sure
jen how’s your day girl?
I went to doc today everyone; prozac it is for now; my friend went with me to make sure i told the whole truth. lol; i told her if she stepped over her boundaries i would throw her ass our; she’s my evil h alf; she’s kinda bitch and tells me i am alsways way too nice to everyone; i think she needs to learn to be nicer like me. lol
Hey girls doing great today again just hopping tonight I font have another attack just going to try to eat supper light my attacks for some reason wake mr up out if a dead sleep at like 1 am so I’m not in the clear yet with the attack anyway no pills no way no how no matter what that’s that no pian meds for thus little ass of mine I can work threw it on my own any ways thanks guys for all the support really feels great
And ripping that RX up was so easy u don’t even know didn’t e en consider filling it not once and at the hospital the doctor told mr there is no prize for bring in pain with no meds so to just let her know nope I said I’ll Waite and be fine and I did after about 4 hours the pain completly went away done gone and I did it on my own no help no meds so there u have it I’m three the worst of the problem I had not calling it a addiction for me anymore idk I just think different now and I’m not going to give my self a title I’ve slayed this beast and turned down meds and RXS so I’m over it just going to be here to help others thanks again for the prayers and support love to all !!!
jen we must be writing at same time ; lol
i was a nervous wreck but made it trough; prozac for now and i CAN take my sleep meds (trazadone) which i was afraid to mix with the prozac but she of course would rather me not take any zannie; which i habe not abused just used for sleep ; now that i know i can take my sleep meds i will only use zannies for emergencies!! my friend went with me too; itold her i would kick her ass out if she got too mouthy and didn’t let ME talk; she realy is a good friend; but man is she opinionated !!!
thanks for asking!! how is your day going woman?
Jen thanks so much for the incoiragment really nice but I don’t drink alcohol so we could of gone and got shirly temples lol !!!
I’m actually boaring guys I don’t do any drugs now including pills I dint drink but I’m still the life of the party I do love to eat though everybody asks mr where does all the food u eat go to ur big toe lol. But that’s the great part I can eat eat eat and still stay a skinni Minnie I think if I gained slot of weight from eating my ass off I wouldn’t like food as much as I do geeze girls I’m so lucky in everyway I am realizing how lucky I have been guess I should play the lottery I do girls all the freakin time haven’t won yet
LOL
BUT any way hope e retune is doing great and glad to hear NSIP — the doctors appt I would be like ur friend I’d be like uhmmmm doc she Is not telling the truth just kidding lmao
Kitty mom thanks so much for all ur support I love it ..!!!
Be back later
quitting now; you crack me up shirley temples; lol
quitting now; that “B” so would have busted me out if i waswn’t telling the truth. that is what i was there for.. i am lucky to be blessed with some pretty bad ass friends… i’m talkin these girls have been in my life for 25 ; some for 30 years and i’m only 32; so we have known each other all our lives… not many people can say they are still friends with those girls from highschool ya know what i mean; but i have 5-10 of em that i can call my very best friends; and i mean like family!! i really am blessed in that area no doubt!! and you don’t have to drink to be fun; your just hilarious just like you are!!!
i’m having on e though which doc said was fine just don’t go over 3
QN: lmao i dont drink often so I would probably drink 2 or 3 and be like woohoooo lol!!! you skinny biiaaatch lol!!!Hope u dont have anymore attacks.
NSIP: glad you went girl good for you.:)so prozac is the answer I used to take prozac it made me not want to eat I was a (skinny minnie as QN would say lol).
OMG YALL NEED TO SEE HANGOVER 2 its soooo funny
jen
believe it or not i still haven’t seen hangover 1 and i work in a dentist office; i’m freaking lame huh? yeah 2 drinks for me and i’m loike whoo hoo too . i’m with you on an being a skinnny biiaatch!!!! lmfao
Hi Everyone, I’m back!!! I have been trying to catch up on all the posts the past few days. There is a ton. I saw a few asking where I was (so sweet of everyone) so I wanted to let everyone know I’m ok. So, I didn’t do so well on my vacation : ( I had percocets in my travel bag. Enough for a few days. I must have been high when I put them in there. I don’t even like percs but I took them anyway. At first I felt sick but I was craving that high. The ahhh feeling of getting the hydrocone back into your system. Never got it with the percs. Crazy thing is that I feel like I am detoxing all over again. What a waste. Even though I didn’t take any vics, Opiates are Opiates. Oh and my husband found this website on my cell internet history. He never checks my phone WTF? I told him it must have been spam. Is anyone else hiding this from their spouse? Kitty, did your husband know? After reading how QN & NSI got their vics, WOW you girls are professionals. I have even more respect for you and how far you have come. I feel like if I don’t have access to it, I will be fine. So, I am still a few days behind and will try to catch up on all the posts over the weekend. I just wanted to thank everyone for thinking of me. I will get back on track and be ok. I hope everyone has a wonderful Memorial Day weekend! I will be drinking my coconut water and popping kratom.
Hello NotMyself, good to hear from you again. I know the feeling, I really do! I can’t have the stuff around and have been struggling since my relapse. I want to get it together and want to be clean but hate the idea of detoxing again and hate the idea of facing the depression again. I’m not married so I don’t have anyone looking thru my internet history but I do have close friends and family that I have kept my relapses from. They think I quit the first time and stayed clean. I can’t disappoint them.
Hang in there and know that I will be praying for you.
Pinkerton
Hey girls no freaking attack tonight !!! Yayhhhhh I slept like a baby ….. I love it omg I prayed my ass off for no gullbladder attack and didn’t get one I am so freaking happy today
Kitty mom u know how bad they hurt and I was free from it last night….. Thanks for the information on it I have never had any health issues and to get mr to a doctor let alone a ER is impossible but I wanted to make sure it wasn’t my appendix u know so Now even if I do have a attack again at least I know what it is and that in 4-15 hours it will go away
NSIP — glad you love my post I love reading posts to from everyone well I think I’m at 3 months now ( LMAO JUST KIDDING SURE FEELS LIKE IT) I’m with NMS I never took anything but vicodin never took percs or roxys so there u have it but any how I hope everyone has a wonderful day
Pink __ glad u posted loved hearing from u
NMS– you have got to cut ur sources off in order to stay clean I know it’s hard to do but it’s a must go back up and read all kitty moms posts she says it over and over and I finally did I’m like on day 11 or something but am back 100% to my normal self I e en got offered pain meds at the hospital and refused and got a RX and tore it up just as easy as that not even thinking twice about it it was just like a normal thing to do u can get back there see u may get a little relief but then u r back to squat one not feing well and all that BS u know just get over that hump and u wi be feeling great and have tons of energy with out any thing at all just a thought
Wow kitty mom I feel like I am plagiarizing your words but to be honest everything u said was true and had to be done in order to be successful so there u have it
Any how girls finally I can wash my hair and get ready to get the heck out of my house to go out and about I got my hair highlighted so hAd to Waite at least 2days before I could wash my hair but I’ve been still clean girls taken hot baths to make sure my butty is clean LOL
Be back later girls love to all
Hey girls it’s a wonderful day. Hope everyone has wonderful plans to hang today and then maybe a BBQ on memorial day wow. We r so lucky cause there r people right now that don’t have homes and missing family members so everyone say a prayer for thoes that are with out I sure am !!!
Let’s see lots of posts today and hope everyone is well getting off the pills
Kitty mom — I am so thankful for u cause everything u told me happened just that way remember when I was so nervous about getting off this shit and u said in time u will feel back to normal I have to tell u at that time I didn’t believe u or maybe I couldn’t believe u but it was so true I’m feeling great better than ever and off the pills so I just wanted to say thank you for that
NSIP __ I didn’t mean to emply u and Jen were fish or hit the sauce daily but I just wanted it out there so that when we all do meet up one day soon u r not like u never said u didn’t drink LMAO LMAO LMAO
so sorry if u thought I was making u guys out like that but was just saying love u girls do much we really do have to meet soon to we should have a about reunion like by the end of July haaaaaa I know that’s soon bug I want to meet everybody !!
NMS — don’t worrie girl u will be fine and make it threw I know it and yes if u read my earlier post my husband did not know none of my family knew I was on them or got myself off them but my husband I guess a while back took to big ass bottles from mr I was like 1 week clean and had all my court Drama conning up Luke with in days and I was so weak and not feeling good the first detox a fee months ago any how I started searching my house cause I needed to feel better mostly so I could get three my court stuff and found them he had hid the bottles in a shoe in his closet apparently he would check on them Now and again and that happened to be on my birthday I was so happy I found them got all ready was waiting for him to take mr out but then he checked and starting freaking out r u a frug addict where r the pills I just lied and said I didn’t know what he was talking about and then we got into a heated argument and needless to say my birthday the big 30 was ruiened at first I was mad at him then I relized it was my fault so there u have it nobody knows my dirty little secret except fir my about girls I just couldn’t admit to it or tell him cause I love him so much and I was embarrassed and ashamed about it more than any thing he gave mr plenty of chances to confess and he would help mr three it and would be loving and understand but I refused I said I will do this on my own and did with out a soul knowing that’s part of the reason I type all my posts from my iPhone cause I don’t want to use the real computers incase he would stumble upon this site and then know for sure I think we think they don’t know nut like kitty mom td mr then be gas a idea and I think that may be the sane with ur husband u just may not want to believe it if they live with us and love us as much as they do they know ‘!!!! Maybe he is just waiting for you to tell him u will be suprised on how much better u will feel cause now that I’m done with this battle I think back and tell myself I should of told him when he asked cause lieung to him hurt mr more than any of this and I thought he would of been such a big help and support maybe I would of had more clean time had I told him !! Who knows I won’t now but maybe u should think about telling him and getting his support or do it like I did keep it from everyone and just slay thoes bastards pills !!!!
Hope that helped I know it’s long as shit but I’m just waiting on my family getting ready to get out and play cause we r so lucky to gave today
Peace
Quitting now
You nutballl…:). I didn’t think you were implying that silly..lmfao
Anyways thtnwould be sooooo cool an “about” reunion. I gotta fix my bank account first .. I be. Have spent tens of thousands of dollars on those damn pills… What a dumbass I was! If we ever meet you know we are all gonna wannna come to sunny Cali… I love Cali. I have always wanted to live there (since I was little girl). You have mountains and ocean and forests….what a beautiful place
Not myself
Soooo glad tom have you back… Oh well about the percs..F@!&. It and let’s move on girl…. Hey at least they weren’t vics right….? You can do this….. As far as hiding stuff…. I did iy rightin fronton my fiancé….prob got in my purse 15 times in an evening and he never said a word.. I think he just was in denial ttooo… He knew it was an issue and he never said “hey wtf are you taking?”. I think he just didn’t know how to deal with it ya know. In hindsight i thinki did it right in front of him as a sign of me asking him for help. He didn’t realize the cash I had spent on it either…maybethat would have made him speak up.. Ypuncan do this and we are all here for ya… Get back up on tha bike and ride…:)
lmao QN you are silly well I did have a few drinks last night and like I said I was lil drunk off a few. Going to go to the gym and work out I need to after last night. Then going out on my buddies boat it will be fun but its like 105 here ughhh I hate this heat its insane . Glad you didnt have any attacks last night.
NSIP: Im with you on bank account we r some broke b#@$# over here lol. We r going out of town next month to see family in CO it will be fun.
Kitty, pink , metoo hope yall are doing well I will be back later to post.
Hi Guys… You guys are SO sweet. I, on the otherhand, suck. I feel like such a failure. I started in with the WD’s and I ran out to Urgent Care under my maiden name and got an RX. Then that ran out the next day and so I waited til the WD’s kicked in and then freaked and got another 2 day supply from the Urgent Care. UGH!!! I’m never gonna get thru this… So I’m back where I started. I have enough for today and that’s it. The crappy part also is that 3 weeks ago I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and had radiation and one minor surgery since then. I’m going to be having major surgery soon. My tolorance is so high that when I REALLY need it, it doesn’t work. I am so torn….
Oh AZ MOMMA —- it’s going to be hard but think of it this way once u r done u r done no more feeling like that no more panic no more trying to get pills it will all be done how many are you taking and what strength why would urgent care only give u a two day supplie that’s weird any how we are all here for you to walk you three it you will be so happy once your off them I’m telling you it’s such a better way of life and if I can do it u can to I was the biggest freak ever and talk about being a baby that’s me but I got threw it and it wasn’t that bad now that I look back !!!!
so anything u need just post post and we will all be here to respond and talk u threw it it helps if you let it something I did was tell my self every min if u have to that there is nothing wrong and I was ok and it helped alot I’m only like day 10 and 100 % back to me so there is hope just hang in there I don’t work right now so I’ll be in all the time looking for you just don’t disappear again at least just check in I know at first I didn’t feel like typing but would just say hi and then check back later thanks for conning here we need you as much as u need us keep coming back I’ll send prayers ur way
Hey! Another gloomy morning in NorCal. I need the sun!!! I really appreciate your support, Pink, NSI, QN. I feel great today and went out for a run with my dog. I wish I could be addicted to running like I was to vics! I loaded up on all my vitamins and I’m off to take my kids to the movies. AZMomma, I am so sorry to hear about your thyroid cancer. I always feared that if something ever really happened to me I would also have such a high tolorance and the meds wouldn’t work. If you are off for a few weeks that should help. I didn’t realize you could use your maiden name at urgent care. Don’t they ask for insurance? I guess we all have our ways of getting it in our desperate moments. Years ago, my friend went through several surgeries. I would always offer to pick her up at the hospital or bring flowers. She rarely took her pain meds so I would take a few here and there. Shitty friend right? I really hate the things I have done to get a quick high or when I am coming down and I yell at my kids for no reason. I can remember the person I was before I ever took a vic and I want her back. I am obsessed with all of the rehab shows, Intervention, Celebrity Rehab, addicted. Everyone has some crazy story that happened to them as a kid. There was never anything wrong with me. I was never raped or abandoned. I just loved the way I felt on vics and didn’t think there was a problem until I started going through my supply too quickly. Well, it feels good to be back on track. I am off to have a wonderful vic free day with my kids. This site is my therapy so thank you all for being there.
AZMomma: very sorry to hear about your cancer that is terrible. I am praying for you. I am very very we are all here for you. I have gone to the er before when I ran out and got some just to get by its so sad to think about the things you do to get them. I feel ashamed of myself.
I’m on day 10 I have some good days and some bad days. when I have things to keep me busy I’m way better off. when I’m just home bored I tend to be depressed.
Notmyself: I’m in texas its like over 100 degrees it miserable here I wish it was gloomy here. I wish I could be addicted to running to. I would be a hell of alot skinnier lmao!! I watch all those shows to it’s funny because my husband hates watching them he say it makes him feel like he is on drugs again and can’t stand to watch them. . I am startinging to want to be around my friends again and do things so I know i’m getting better. Before I isolated myself and just wanted to be at home doing nothing but getting high on pills. I hope you have a wonderful sober day
.
how is your day going?
Qn: how you doooin lol. well im going out on the boat in this 100 degree weather wish me luck my ass might melt off lol.
NSIP: wuzzz up
Jen
You beotch! I would love to be boating today…it’s really rainy and gloomy here.. 55 degrees out and mon supposed to be 90 degrees… That’s our recipe for tornados here in Midwest…
I grew up on a lake….like lake was my backyard I miss boating sooo much. My sis has place on lake and my mom has a boat but it’s not the same as it being MINE ya know… I would soooo live on z boat I love the water soooo soooooo much
Azmomma
You Have to what it bad…it is hard… Been there done all that script shit….. It will catch you eventually I am in medical field and alll those systems are related wether it be cvs, walgeens, etc…. bE careful. Don’t want ya in trouble…. A lot of it is keeping busy! Do u have any really good friends you can have come get ya for a couple days? I couldn’t have done this without my new friends here and my old old friends that are in town,,, they took turns takin care of me, keeping me busy, shit they even dried and straightened my hair for me one day cuz I had no energy to hardlynmove….. Busy busy busy I think is partly the key… Some people think smokin pot helps too… It gives me anxiety now but back in the day I would have been all about that (don’t trade one for another drug). Just to help sleep and take your mind off things, Busy busy busy babe…. Weare all here for you… You have to do this so that you can get through your surgery! Aim here for ya. 15 days today… Cant believe I had made it this far, hopefully no relapse… Go back and read kitty and joes post from last september they are very inspiring
Not myself
You sound better, and trust me from one addict (runner-kind of). To another… You CAN get addicted o running….I used to be addicted to running and lifting… Cardio twice a day and weights once a day…I looked amazing….not that I am fat now, but that’s my plan, As soon as I am over most this b.s. I would like to become a runner again… I was run/walking when I was still on v’s. Just waiting for all to return to normal and then we could encourage each other to run run run.. I used to love it years ago…. Maybe it’s my age but 30s are gonna take me a little longer to “get up to speed” so to say’. It can happen though. Cuz like I said I was addicted to working out … Guess that’s the personality of an addict….nothing in moderation huh? Balls to the wall no matter what it is. All or nothing…. Glad you sound better today.. 15 days and yes I am still counting.lol.
Not myself
Also…. I too loved the wAy vics made me feel.. The first few years… The last couple years I think they had just made me lazy where I used to get an energy buzz from them and I have done some pretty shady shit to get some v’s. I actually swiped a ton of my grandpas cuz he would get soooooo soooooo many and he didnt take em often. Same with stepdad… Terrible person? Shitty thing but doesn’t mean weare bad people . Just addicts..
Jen
I too am better when I am busy…even though work is giving me some anxiety it’s better when I am too busy to think about it… I too had isolated myself, I just wanted to come home take some v’s be high and watch reality tv and smoke cigs…. Funny how we all sound sooo much alike
NSIP: girl we are u sound exactly like me lol. It said in truck 127 degree omg its a hot mess down here . Its miserable!!!!
NSI – Congrats on 15 days, that is AWESOME : ) I had such a great day and agree on keeping busy. Thank God for my kids. I seriously do not have time to sit around and think about my mistakes and how I am going through detox. Oh and you would love to know I am now brushing in circles and flossing!!! Ha! I now keep floss on my nightstand, desk and purse. Have a great evening everyone. I’m off to the jacuzzi to rest my tired aching body and have a glass of wine.
Hey Joe
Just want you to know
You were there
when we needed you most
with your daily post
and now when I think
about my almost 9 months clean
you enter my mind
because we were a team
I, in no way
want to inflict pain
or doubt or unhappiness your way
But I do want to say
I miss you
and wonder and pray
that this day
finds you OK and clean
It is the unknowing that drives
me insane!
Love
Kitty
NSIP:hope your night is great from one sober person to another ( ellipticuler to a runner) lmao!!! I so just made that a new word lol. Well went and watched another movie Bridesmaids has to be the funniest movie i ever seen ever!!
Kitty: hope your night is going great
i think today just might have been my first day to not think about them the whole day and my husband also said it is getting easier for him. We realized today I think how resally lazy we had become. I told him wow you kn ow we wouldnt have went out on the boat or gone to the movies or spent time with friends on the pills because we didnt care about doing those things . He said yeah your right we wouldnt have. I can’t believe how miserable those pills make you, but you dont realize it till the cloud is gone. I’m like wow thats all I can say wow moment of clarity.:)
Just wanted to check in. I miss u all. I’ve read a few posts… the vikes made me major lazy! Anyway, I’m not counting the days since my lil relapse w/my mom’s percs… but I do know that if I hadn’t relapsed, I would be one month clean on the 30th. I really haven’t even been craving them… been busy w/working 7-7 mon-sat. Maybe that’s why??
I hope u all are well. I do think about u all and pray for u all every night.
Love,
Steff
Njot myself
You sound sooooo much better. Glad to hear yesterday was a better day! And he’ll yeah in recruited a flosser! Yay, You will thank me one day when you still have teeth to chew with and less bone loss.. For real! Good for you.. I know it’s gross buti do it. On my couch sometimes…. My fiancé. Hates it, but it’s my damn house if I wanna floss in the fam room then so be it! Lol.
Also….imtoo have been having a drink here and there… Haven’t been “drunk” yet But itbtakes the edge off a bit.. I wasn’t able to drink the lase ehhh 5 maybe 6 yes cuz of vic’s. …. Prob destroyed my liver.. Anyone else ever throw up blood if took more than needed..I mean like ifi took 30 I might throw up and blood would be init, Ghent soon as imwas done hurlin I would pop another cuz I figured I just hurled my vics…used to make me really mad cuz I was like there goes 50 bucks!
What Vic addict….classic huh
S74
I say we ignore that litte lapse and say one month on the 30th! 16 days today.. I hope I can make it to one month. I think I can, the thought of taking a v makes me have anxiety…. Thanks for checking in and keep doing it.. Everyon here is how I am staying clean!
Kitty
. Don’t know him but been reading your old posts! I hope he is doing well and I am sure the not knowing is hard for u!
I too would love to hear from Joe…
Jen
You are a movie wtchin fool…. That’s good though, I usually wait till they come out and watch on Netflix ilove movies too. Devils advocate was on yesterday and I love that movie!
Oh by the way girls I spilled the beans to my mom and sis yesterday. My mom cried and cried and was soooo happy and proud… I told her I was 2wks and a day anD she said … “preggers?”. I was like no silly.
My sis kinda pissed me off I think her feelings were hurt. My sis is a recovering alcoholic and an addict she had a problem with coke and crack when she was youn young and has been to several rehabs and a year and a half ago she tried to pull an intervention on me…. That wasn’t gonna fly with me… You all know we have to decide for ourselves….anyways I think she was probably hurt that didn’t come to her about it ! Oh well she’s my sis she will getover it, she did cry and said shrews scaredvijust wouldn’t wake up one day sothere ya have it now my mom and sis know
Hey girls how’s it going Sunday morning it’s raining here well it was last night any way my husband thinks he is going fishing this am but I don’t think so when he wakes up he will be bummed ! !!!! Ok no attack again OMG I think it may be over the gallbladder attacks for a min anyway I happy with that … Anywho today plans plans plans the whole family is going to go out and hang I am so happy about that can’t Waite we r all meeting at 10 am !!!!!
I am feeling great today actually more than great wonderful today
NSIP — you are a funny girl u posted this shit out ur self yesterday LMAO !!!! I loved reading everyone ….
NMS — I couldn’t find ur post but NSIP said in her u r doing great so I’m happy to hear that we have a strong group of girls here we r all kicking forward great job girls ….
I will check back soon
AZ MOMMA — post and tell is how u r doing ok either way we r there fit u
Quitting now
I was bored as hell…same now… I should be cleaning the house … My fiancé is off to play bicycle polo already and I’m just not into it… Glad someone else is on here… I did pOstmy ass off… 16 days today…. It rained terribly yesterday and today is kinda muggy…. Wish I could clean this dirty ass house… That will come eventually for me I hope
Hey I don’t clean I get someone in once a week I dint even do laundry last time I thought I would be all house wifey I broke the washer so there u have it it’s not that I don’t gVe the energy I just don’t like it I actually hate it so it’s easier to get someone to do it and I’m helping them by paying them right?? I’m not all stuck up or anything just can’t get into it !!! I dint know thought since I wasn’t working now that would be the least I could do but nope !!!!! I Blame my mom for mr not being able to cook or clean she never fought mr always had someone doing it !!!
anyhow it’s so freaking cold here it’s 68• today that’s cold here ….
How r u feeling ?
What’s the plans for today ???
I’m just waiting till 10 am to run out
My hubby went fishing anyway that’s ok cause I have a huge life insurance policy on him ( LMAO
He is crazy it’s cold and wet and he is going to Coronado to fish on a kayak ??? I don’t get it but he loves it so if it makes him happy I’m all for it
Hope my post went on and didn’t delete
Hey girls where is everyone got rollers in my hair waiting till they r done and ready to hit the town cold or not I’m out and about …
How is everyone sorry I’m not using names but I want to know how everyone on the site is doing feeling and just holla if u need me i check often
Any who hope all is well it’s a great day and having a wonderful memorial day weekend
OK, Here is my first post from the Thomas recipe page last week. Gives you my background-
Here go’s nothing! Hello everyone! I stumbled across this website somehow and I have reading all your posts for the past 2 days. I didn’t realize this board was still ongoing, since I was still reading posts from last year! I’m 32 and have been struggling with addiction since I was 18. I have 3 kids and I’m divorced. Currently, my addiction is at its worse. Everytime I try and detox I get so dehydrated and my heartrate nears the 200 mark, I end up in the ER and I get another “fix”. I have been taking about 16-20 of the 10mg Vics or Percs for months. And since my baby was born I’ve had 4 surgerys. Weaning is never an option for me because I have ZERO will power. I will be finishing the last of my supply today, and I want to kick this FOR GOOD. I have no family in this state… and to top it off my ex is a cop. Yeah, if he found out I’d lose my kids for sure. Today is Monday, and I start my Bachelors program Wednesday. I’m a nurse. Ha! You’d think I’d be smarter than this! I’m SO ready… and I have to be. My Dr told me on Thursday that he was handing me my last Rx of 50 pills. He’s worried about my use. Anyways… I’m glad I found this site, I would appreciate any kind words and prayers! Thank you!-
SO, I obviosly didnt make it very far. So here I am today. I just took my LAST “dose” at 8:30am. Just as i began to get them out of the bottle, I FREAK. I start thinking about what I’m going to have to do to get more. Go to the ER? Urgent Care? Drag my 3 kids out to one of those places? Or pawn them off on someone so I can go exaggerate a pain to get meds? I DON’T WANT TO CONTINUE THIS CYCLE!!! I have never been this far gone. Ever. And honestly, I cant even put a finger on what aspect is making me freak out and run and go use again? Anyways, I have the best of intentions to stay clean. I need to come to this computer and post every time today I think about running out and going to get more.
I’m going to continue to read everyone’s posts on here now. I’ve been reading September ’10 for several hours. Such amazing words. I havent gotten as far yet to find out what happened to Joe, since I keep seeing everyone say they wish he’d come back.
Bye for now!
Quitting
I just took one of my bff’s breakfast (along with her boyfriend herbbrother and his two kids). That was nice of me..lol
Washed my car… Now I’m gonna wash my ass and go back overbto her house to grill out and hang with friends…. Prob have a couple drinks too… My mom is all worried I will become a drunk. Trading vics for alcohol but I won’t let that happen I have come too far….
U are always doing your Hair lol
I hate doing my long ass hair…lol. It takes foreeeevvvver to do. Just drying it takes an hour!
QN:I wish it was cold here this 109 shit is crazy. I hope you have a great day out on the town:) Im glad no more attacks. Thats awsome news we prayed the hell out them gallstones lmao. Girl I found three vics in my closet in a box wth??? lol see I hid crap like a crack head lol!! Anyway it gave me bad anxiety I grabbed them and flushed them. Thank god I was so proud of myself. Then I remembered you arent suppose to flush them but oh well they got flushed. Cant believe I did it woohooo.
. Sorry to hear about your sis but your right you wont get clean till you want to. I need to clean my house to, but I been running the town like qn going going going lol!! Its been fun I never get to to all this fun stuff so I have enjoyed it alot. Clean 16 days for you thats awsome you go girl I cant wait till I can look back and say we have all been clean three months;). I am on day 11 starting to feel better. Thank baby jesus 
NSIP:so you came clean to your peeps thats awsome girl so proud of you. i bet your momma was so happy you are clean
Hope everyones day is great so ber prayers for all!!
Kitty how are you doing today?
?
Joe: come talk to us
S74: dont count that slip up seriously lets just say 30 day s you have plenty to celebrate for 30 days awsome. I cant wait to be at 30 days. keep posted lover reading your posts.
notmyself: how are you today?
metoo: how are you?
Az momma
Yes keep reading and coming here for support. You have to believe in yourself…. I was taking 20 norco yellow 10s a day and I thought I would taper but I went 15, 5, 2,3, 1, And it’s been 16 days for me today… You will get caught eventually doing the urgent care and all that bs…. It really is usually all connected.. I work in med field…. You will get red flagged eventually for pAin killers, But you ARE gonna stop b4 that happens RIGHT? If I can you can.. I can’t believe I did it…. The anxiety for me has been worse than the physical pain…. Had terrible leg cramps. Get the stuff from Thomas recipe and alternate Tylenol and ibuprofen for leg cramps that’s what I did, along with a hottest hotter hottest ass bath as you can stand , it helps with the muscle aches… I put Epsom salt in mine along with lavender bubbles cuz it’s supposed to be relaxing…. I also went to urgent care freaking out and they put me on prozac it helps with anxiety also…. I used Xanax to sleep… Very little though and melatonin from groc store to sleep too…. I am here for you if u need anything… This place helped me Nd still is helping me immensely I think I have prob made some life long friends here.
You have to be strong and stop yhis cycle and u will be free a few weeks of pain for freedom …
I will be here if u need anything u Just have to say I am done no matter what and do it and stick with it it’s gonna be hard especially in ur situation but it can be done u just have to want it bad enough
Jen
Isn’t that soooo nuts the shit we would do? Yeah it was like being a crackhead huh? Isn’t it weird how the thought of taking one now gives me anxiety tooo…wtf. Soooo messed up…lol
NSIP: yes I picked them up probably sweating lol and just threw them in toilet before I could process it all .
. The pills took their outgoing, enjoying life, fun loving mother away and turned her into a lazy, unmotivated, numb, grouchy addict. I’m so thankful for this site this is round two for me I’m really done this time. I love everyone on here I will always have a special place for everyone on here. If you need anything you have us its tough but so worth it. We will be here for you and many prayers your way.
Azmomma: I also have 3 kids and have done the ER thing saying my back was killing me or calling one of my friends knowing they had some pills and telling them I was sick so they would give me some its a sick cycle. You just have to be strong I have only been clean 11 days. The first few days time is soslow and painful but it does get better. I still have some back pain and leg pains but nothing that two advil wont fix. I remember the panic I would feel if I was running out.. you freak and go get more pills. Then my husband started getting them from doc so there it was we had a monthly supply of 80 and still we would go buy more. I think of how much money we spent on those that could have went to something better ughh it makes me sick. I just kept telling myself I need to get clean for my kids. I didnt want to look back when they were grown and say I spent most of their childhood on pills it breaks my heart
hello my friends.Hope everyone is well and living the best they can.I still occassionally pop in just so nobody worries about me.been kinda in a funk lately.gotta get moving and live in the moment.My prayers are with you all.typing kinda is slow now so will return later.keep you chins up..peace and loves xxrainxx
Well it’s been 10 hours and my brain is just racing. Part of me just wants more medication but the other part of me doesn’t want to keep fighting this addiction!
AZ — just hang in there the first 3 days ate the worst but to get clean and free u have to go three it and then it will be done over in a week or so just tell ur self that every min if u have to don’t turn back we r here rooting and praying for u 1weeks time I was normal again and feeling great better than good read all the posts u will see that the only wY to rid ur self from this is to suffer a little I also told my self what is a few days of feeling bad to get my life back forever if u need to talk I’m here for u u can do this u rock and I know u want it more than anything u have to if u r here I know when I cane to the site I wanted it more than anything I could tast it I even said I would give my right arm to be clean here I am a week or so later still have my arm and clean and never felt better u will to love goes out to u I know how u r feeling I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy but each day gets better just hang in there my prayers r with u tonight
azmomma just get on here and post your butt off thats what i did. I swear the first three days time went by so slooowww it drove me nuts.Is there anyone there to help you keep your mind off of it? You need someone or something to keep your mind from thinking about them. Lots of prayers your way .
Hey girls today was a great day went out with my family then came home and watched 3 movies with my hubby hall pass ,, the new big momma move ,,, and another one I forgot but it’s where the man takes the clear pills and becomes rich and smart any how great great day and night way past my bed time so we r going to bed Now ;;) I will say a prayer for everyone that is suffering getting off thoes bastards pills … And hope everyone hangs in there good night and much love to everyone will be back first thing in the am
Hey girls good morning another beautiful day sun is out warm and going to be a wonderful day hope everyone BBQ’S their butts off …. It’s memorial day and we r clean NMS, NSIP, JEN , AZ MOMMA ever thought that would be ???? Any how we r no longer new bees now we can help others get to where we r and stay there I think it’s day 16 for me !!!!!!! And I am so greatful for this clean time and going everyday happy and energy for days and motivation and best of all NO PILLS EVERY FEW HOURS girls that’s what we accomplished together with this site just take a moment to think about it !!!!! If feels great I know it does for me any how …. Thank to everyone couldn’t of dine it with my new friends
In no time at all we will be at day 30 then 60 then 90 then a year OMG can u imagine what hell
Wasn’t finished what hell we went threw but how worth it it is now that we made it girls we r the bomb
You know that this us the hardest addiction to beat and we did it love it girls we r stronger than we think than we knew just a moment to think about it !! You will hVe a big smile on ur face
.)
Qn very true we did it together
all of us I’m very thankful for all of you. Day 12 for me I’m starting to feel normal again. Today woke up with no leg pains maybe because I have been working out some. I feel good… some days are tougher but thats life. I’m not numb anymore can actually feel happiness, sadness, all the normal emotions. I love this site. Love all my new friends 
Az momma
You there? How’s it going? Please check in.. There are people rooting you on ! I never could have done it without my new friends on here . For some reason you too found this site. Take that as a sign!
Jen, QN, NM, pink, kitty( and anyone else I forgot)
17 days 1 hour! Yay! Jen, my legs still ache a bit too… Probably due to my long long duration of using and not to mention my quanity… Working out prob does help…ughh. Been telling. Myself gonna get running again but haven’t yet
So my BBQ was last night… Fun fun fun… It was sooo nice to be ME again! Little hung over today but oh well it was worth it.
Pretty sure my fiancé broke his foot playing bike polo. But cant get his ass to the er. He says they won’t do anything for it anyways.. Prob give him pain meds…lol. Cuz that’s what we need here.
Anyways. You know me I can go on and on so I will check in later
QN and Jen,
Very Happy and proud of you both.
Atta girls!!
QN Jen
. I also think it’s now our job too help others get through this and to keep ourselves going strong! welcome welcome new comers. I think we all found each other for a reason . To get clean and to help others get clean too and be here for them. As kitty was for us
No I never thought we (I) would be here , yay! I too could never have done it without ALL of you guys! I love this site and my new friends too!!!!!
xxrainxx: how are you doing today hope your doing great. We are here for you. Thanks you and I’m so happy I made it to day 12 woohoo. I feel like I’m getting better a little bit everyday. Keep posting for us let us know how its going post 20 times a day it helps lol.
NSIP: girl I feel ya on not wanting to workout. I have been going because my husband has been off so we push each other. If I had to go alone my anxiety would kick in and I wouldnt go. Good ole anxiety ughhh. Hope your fiance is ok that is terrible. Dont you love it when your trying to stay clean and something always happens where someone gets hurt. That always happens around here. it’s the devil trying to pull us back in lol. I hope he gets better poor guy
.Day 17 thats awsome proud of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:) We are doing it we are sober woohooo!!! I decided today I’m gonna hang out at home I had a blast this weekend now time to chill at home and relax.
Qn: We did do it and yes we are tha bomb. you have to be strong to get thru this addiction its a tough one and we did it so happy for all of us yaayyyy for us!!!!I couldnt have done it without yall.
Hope everyones day is great I feel so blessed to have all of yall.
Kitty, pink, metoo thanks yall are awsome.
lol NSIP we are typing at same time.
Azmomma keep posting we are here and love to hear from ya.
Jamie. Not myself
What’s up Girls? Just wondering bout u guys
Hey girls just got home !! Hope all is well I’m resting and watching tv then need to get up to get some dinner fixed or actually get dinner brought in cause I don’t cook !!!!! But any how toddy is going to be a chill out day and relax I’m with u Jen had a busy week so today is relax day
Metoo– where have u gone ur not posting much
Kitty — you too what’s up tell us it’s really weird how u guys don’t post any more well any how I guess it is what it is have s great day
Pink — where r u at ?? Not many posts from u to I don’t get it there used to be posts and posts from all u guys but as soon as some new people came on no more posting hummmmmmm
Well everybody that is here and posting hope ur day goes great and have a wonderful memorial day eat lots and lots of good mood food and relax take the day off from everything …..
Post later peace out
I can’t do this… I just keep getting more. I freak, and get more. UGH
Hey girls watching hangover 2 now I think it’s going to be funny. Just watched hall pass Nf that shit was funny as hell … Check back later
Az momma
Yes you can! I freaked just now cuz I had to get my car from last night. Driving seems to be an anxiety trigger for me. Don’t be so down on yourself , If u go back p and read older posts everyone on here seems to have rseelapsed or went through a series of tries . You have to get in right mindset and have to keep busy busy busy busy!!! Didn’t u say u have valium? Use em to sleep ONLY but use as a crutch to get through to this side…. And pray I don’t relapse cuz I have come so far. Reading older posts made me think about that, I can’t I cant I can’t though. You can do this, post your ass off..we are all here for u
Azmomma: I know how hard it is. You feel like your alone I understand it sucks. I have used so many years I didnt even know who I was without them. The first day is hard and the second is worse but it does get better. Ignore the voice its just addiction talking not you. You want to be free from this or you wouldn’t be here. Try your hardest to stay away from them. Get rid of all of them if you have them you will think about them. I know it sucks but try try try it hurts but it is temporary. I’m only on day 12 and I feel so much better. You can do this. I wanted to just give in and take some the first night but I didnt. I came onto this site and it does help alot. We are all here for you and you are not alone. Let us knowing how you are feeling, thinking maybe we can help you thru it the best we can
azmomma: I used some of my somas to get thru the first nights and it helped alot just dont get hooked on those in the process like NSIP said use them for sleep only. We have all been there honey and we are here for you.
Az
I did this with a stash. Just cuz uhave em doesn’t mean u have to take em… I agree with Jen get rid of em! But…. On the other hand, getting rid of them gave me a terrible anxiety attack so I still have a shit ton of em but haven’t touched them! My fiancé knows that I have em and says when I am ready we can get rid of em. I don’t even look at em or think about em, Gives me anxiety just to think about taking one, so why doi still have em? Idk. I probably would be fine getting rid of em now but, anyways thought would share that with u
Jen
What up woman? We are typing at same time again..lol
Quitting… Want your life…in the sun in good ole cali, no clean no cook, I don’t cook much either, I just suck at it and quite frankly I don’t like doing it.. My fiancé is a pretty good cook, and delivery rocks!
AZ — you have to cut all your sources off u can’t be able to get more or it won’t work I think we can all say that the first few days if we had them or could of gotten then we would of but we cut all sources off and it wasn’t a option now we r all in the weeks sober so I know it’s hard but it’s gotta be done no and if’s or buts about it … Cause the pills will never win they will just end up hurting u more than help !!!!!! But u do have to be ready and have the mind set that this is it and u want it more than anything look at ur sweet children every time u think u can’t do it and if that doesn’t help I don’t know what will but I know if u think about them and them getting their mommy back there real mom back it will work bit first and fore most u have to want it bad and second u have to cut all sources off if all of us could keep getting them with no problem I don’t think we would be here clean mo what I mean I had to make the hardest dessicion of my life witch was to quit my job to rid myself from thoes devils !!!! Best paying job I have ever had easy and been there 7 years it was difficult and I honestly think at first months ago my sadness was from that not the pills u know !!!!! I am the biggest baby ever I mean ever I did it back to normal with in a week or so now I don’t even remember doing them in the first place really I couldn’t be more honest right now I’m speaking from my heart all jokes aside it feels so good I feel so happy love life and there isn’t anything I can’t do now that I’m off them nothing I can’t do I hope I dint sound harsh but I really want to see u succeed cause I know what u r going threw but it’s only temporary it doesn’t last forever trust us just get threw the first week and u will see but unti u cut ur ties with the pills I don’t think it can happen I wish u the best and much luck and my prayers r with u if u need mr to talk on the phone I’ll give u my number we can do this take can’t out of it vocabulary cause we can do anything we set our minds to nothing worthwhile comes easy remember that I am so envious if u cause I keep telling myself I can’t give birth and want a child more than life itself Now that I have beat the hardest thing in the world it makes child birth a piece of cake I’m not even scared anymore of it cause I took can’t out and replaced it with I can do anything I put my mind to
Enough rambling hope everyone else us well and keep posting girls love reading all the posts
You guys rock and r the best ever
Check back later peace out if anyone needs mr just holla
It’s weird becasue I am finding sources I didn’t even know I had! All I did was mention to my friend (aquaintance more like it) what was going on and he’s like “oh my mom has TONS of those and he showed up in 10 minutes with 45 pills. She even called to tell me if I want more just call her. Well that is a days worth since I have to take 6 of them (the 5/500) to even make it worth it. But it seems like they are just falling in my lap left and right. I hate this crap…. HATE it.
I hope that’s not a days worth cause u r overdosing ur self on tylenol 500 mg x40 omg that could kill u I think u said u were in school to be a nurse or something like that ?? But u just have to Waite till the time us right and u will know when that time is if u reD my posts I had to do it when I was totally 100000000 % ready and I did and it worked I wish u the best and u will get it down it’s just a matter of when but I know u can do it but please don’t take all thoes in one day that will give u liver failure and that’s nothing nice it’s way to much Tylenol hope u r doing well my prayers r with u when u r ready cutting ur sources off will be easy and that’s when u will know it’s ur time to stop maybe try to tapper down since they r readly avaibke now that may help out alot !!!!!
maybe go down by one or two every week till u r down to a few then jump off idk that may be easier cause u r still on them and cutting less out of ur system each week the WDS shouldn’t be that bad that way slot of eatlrkuer posts people dud that and it work well for them ??? Keep posting and updating us on how u r doing we r all rooting for u AZ momma ….
AZ,
Long story short….
I am not taking a pill today – pills are just not an option.
This is the mind frame
This is the game
Pills – just for today – are not an option!
Reasons are plentifull
They numb our souls
They separate us from God
They control our being
They consume us
They destroy our finances
They destroy our relationships
They make us miss out on opportunity
They make us place more importance on them then our children
They destory our liver
They destroy our happiness
So today – and we will worry about tomorrow, tomorrow
No Pills
Love You
Kitty
Az
Same thing happened to me, I had like 4 or 5 days in and my old neighbor asked me to watch her cats, she knows I take them sometimes for my back pain. Yeah right little did she know huh? And I will be damned she just hands me 20 5/500s. I couldn’t believe it. Never do they just fall from the sky….thats the devil testin you and me , just my opinion. Well I took them from her cuz she would have thought I was weird for me to turn them down, but. Didn’t take them.. U need to keep reading kitty’s post… She is very insightful and inspiring, she really is our momma! We are all here for u! Like quitting said. Take can’t out of your vocab. , I too am a big baby, cry baby, all that stuff. I can’t take pain.. My mom said when I was little I could have a hangnail and u would think I was dying, so if my big baby of a self can do this s can u. You have to do I when it’s right for u. Go back and read quittin now posts… She didn’t do it right away but now her and I have over two weeks girl uncan do this!
Kitty
Awesome post! I am gonna go back and keep reading that over and over! Hey FYI… On chapter 3 of the shack… Told ya I am kinda slow and read in spurts but so far so good.. Thanks for the tip on book .
Kitty ( and everyone else too that have been here with me through this)
And thanks for all u do for all of us. I really am more gratefulnthan I can ever put into words…you all have a special place in my heart forever and ever and will nevr foyer what everyone has done for me
NSI— what’s up haven’t talked to u in a while how it ???? How r u feeling ?? And how’s the anxiety I really connected with you and everyone on here something I never said my husband and I talked about having children about 8 months ago and he thought I was off the pill and just thought something might be wrong that I wasn’t getting preggo but I told him it takes a while when u get off BC pills and that’s true it does but I never stopes cause getting preggo while I was on the pills WAS MOT A Option FOR ME any way I’m thinking now starting next Sunday I’m gonna stop the pills I’m so excited but here is the thing I do want to go back to work I’m nervous snout getting preggo before finding a job cause who in there right mind would hire a preggo girl cute girl at that no just kidding LMAO so give mr some advise girls any one ?????? I just really want it bad when I went to the ER they did tests after tests and I’m as healthy as a horse my liver is perfect no damage my pancreas is perfect kidneys perfect !!!! Well u get it only thing Is the gullbladdet thing but so far mo more attacks so there u have it but any how girls this Is the next big huge step in my life and I want no need everyones advise on how and when and what I should do any advise good bad ugly cute LOL. !!!!!!! Just something for u girls to think about ???
Girls I think I will be the best mommy ever but I’m looking for a Manuel for parenting cause I’ll be like a freakaziod mom u know have to do this have to do that I just really want it bad I want a child with my hubby we have been married 8 years and together 13 years my first love we love each other so much and I waited and waited cause I thought I wasn’t ready I wanted to be emotionally ready financially ready and just freaking ready but I’m starting to relize that u r never really ready just do it and it will be amazing just want it guys thoughts I feel like u know me more than u know and it opinion matters ???
There is a song by Alicia keys and my hubby sends it to me all the time
I was wondering maybe if I make u a baby
If we do the unthinkable would it make us go
Crazy or would it be so beatiful either way I’m saying if u ask me I’m ready , time is only wasting so why waite for eventually if we gone
do something about it we should do it right now
Nice song u guys should get her album she is the bomb any how the song makes mr wonder shy I am waiting ?? V
Going into evening on Day 4.. I want to thank all who have posted on here, as well as the site itself. I found it truly helpful and inspiring.. I am truly scared when I see the dosage posted by most of you.. We all know a true addict will dummy down dosage so it “doesn’t look so bad”.. mine is/was WAY beyond what I have read here, and am surprised I lasted as long as I did… Thanks again.. One day at a time.. Don’t wanna sound korny, but I truly feel, one must know addiction to really understand it.. that’s the loneliest part of the addiction as well as the WD. We are all brothers/sisters in addiction.. Only we know.
edub43
Thanks for posting and yes you are correct – only addicts know what other addicts are going through – the sorrows and anxiety of addiction – the withdrawals. We can relate to each other and I for I are glad you decided to join us and hope that you decide to stay and share on this addiction withdrawal site.
Love
Kitty
QN – only you and your husband know when it is the right time to start your family. I wish you all the best and God’s guidance in this important and personal decision. Just remember that it does not always happen the minute you decide so talk it over with your husband, get a job, and be patient and when it is the right time, it will happen.
Love,
Kitty
PS – why do all you young folks use the word “preggo” – It sounds like you are talking about spaghetti sauce…LOL!!!
Just saying!
Kitty…..LMFAO
Good Morning Everyone!
edub43, Nice to meet you and glad to have you here. Day four was always the worst for me, I hope today finds you well. This is a great place for support and unconditional understanding.
Good to read all the happy posts! Sounds like you all are doing so well and have really done a great job kicking this monster out of your lives. Congratulations.
Everyone have a blessed day.
Pinkerton
Good morning girls hope everything is well hope everyone has a wonderful day
Welcome ED43 hope u feel better soon just remember the WD won’t last forever and soon u will be free from this addiction !!! How many pills were u taking and what ?? Either way u will make it threw and feel so much better just post post post !!! It helps anything u need just ask and I will try to talk you threw it prayers r with u
AZmomm: I can say that everytime I have tried to quit which has been several times It seems like people just start showering you with them its very strange. Back in mt teenage years I experimented with cocaine and when I stopped everyone was bringing me some its the devils work. Thank god i never really got hooked on that stuff just teenage party stuff. On the other hand the pills are the worsed thing I have ever done to myself. I dont smoke cigs Im not a regular drinker and never really been hooked on anything but these pills. I would just cut all the sources off. I agree with NSIP about the anxiety about not having them sometimes as long as I knew I had them I didnt want them but if I ran out I would go crazy wanting them. This time I just got rid of them because I would have eventually gave in. Be strong we are here for you and know exactly how you feel. Once the physical stuff is gone you will wake up and feel so much better. I’m not gonna sugar coat it…. it is hard but just for a few days and then its easier and easier. We are all here for you and praying.
edub43: JUST WANTED TO SAY CONGRATS to day 4 thats awsome glad you found us. I’m on day 13 and feel pretty good. You are probably either at the worst of the wd or past it congrats to making it this far. You are right we do feel as though this is a family. We are all here for you and addiction is a dark scary place. We are all here for a reason to help one another and hope you continue to keep us updated it also helps all of us make it through thanks and prayers for you
KITTY MOM: its the new age word for pregnant lol just a slang word lol.hope your day is wonderful. I get to take my boxer and weenie dog to get a bath and nails clipped yaayy!! Also loved your post Im also ging to keep reading that its very inspiring. Love, your daughter
hehe
QN: you will make a great mommy someday just relax and it will happen when it should
. You sound like you are doing awsome, it inspires me . I also wanted to tell you send some of that energy my way.lol
NSIP: darn me and you and our anxiety wth are we gonna do lol. I have anxiety about going to the gym alone guess Im not going today. Hope your doing great my pains in legs have been less and less. My back still hurts some. Also have you noticed sometimes you have alot of energy and other times none at all its strange I go back and forth.
Prayers for you today hope your day is great.
JAIME , NOTMYSELF how are yall doing? keep us posted yall know we worry our self sick over everyone
keep in touch.
Well, I made one huge step today. I cancelled my appointment with the the pain management clinic. I realized one thing this morning. If nothing else, I need to cut my tolorance level WAY down because I am staring at a huge surgery coming up here in the next 2 weeks. I sit here and try to justify my use, I have cancer, I have legitimate pain… but I am an addict.
AZ – admitting we have a problem and that we are addicts is the first step in healing our body and our soul. I will pray that this is the right time for you to hold God’s hand and beat this thing.
Love
Kitty
Thanks!! Everyone, for the kind words. Feeling a little better today. QN: I was taking primarily vicodin, vicodin ES, or the yellow norcos. The regular vics I was taking 15 pill doses up to 60 (4 doses) a day, on a good day. Then of course the ES and norcs are stronger so obviously less of those but all doses pretty much staying with that 15 vicodin “standard”.. (eg. 7-8 norcs per dose..) Anyone heard of that? I know thats alot, DUH, but like have you guys heard or had experiences that bad? Any words would help.. Thanks again!
Quitting
What’s up little mamm… We totally bonded re u kidding! I have made a life long friend in you no doubt! I couldn’t have done this without you!!! Luv ya girly! As far as getting preggers only u know when it’s right. I am sooo soooo ready! Have been for long time but glad I didn’t cuz of v. I kept telling myself that god was taking care of that, like I didntget preggers cuz it wasn’t right yet.. Idk. Maybe I am nuts, well…. I am nuts, but that’s besides the point! Do u think v has affected us. As far reproduction goes? That really worries me that I have done some damage…! Anxiety is a little better and I was actually hungry at lunch today, yay! Oh and as far as baby goes u sound pretty ready to me and u will be an awesome fun mom with all that energy
Edub43
Glad to have you here and u have one he’ll of a support system here. I couldn’t have done it without everyone here. Kitty is very inspiring, she knows what she is talkin bout.
Yes I have taken that many at a time… I have went through 40 ES in one day many of times… Lucky I am alive! How long have u been taking them? I was taking same ones. ES. Or yellow norcos were preferable but I don’t have to tell u that.. I am day 18 after years and years of use, I mean I didn’t miss a single day! Norm was prob 20 ES a day.. U just build a huge tolerance and need more and more. It’s a vicious cycle…. Good jib on day 4!! You can do this and we are all here for u!
Jen
What’s up woman, ? Yes I have totally noticed the back and forth crap. Funny you mentioned back pain, mine is throbbing now! I have noticed that the time between ibuprofen or Tylenol has gotten longer (slowly). But I think it’s getting better. Anxiety still there but not like last tues… Last tues was the day I. Couldn’t pick a gas station…. Whatever that was all about… Pick one u dip, they both sell gas! Lol. I felt like totally nuts… Today was better though so that’s good. How’s your day?
Az
Good girl!! Sooo sooo proud of you!! That’s the first step! I had known for a long time I was addicted , But telling other people. (like our family on here). Is a big big step…. U go girl. U can do this!
Kitty
I have been thinking about the shack all day and couldn’t wait to get home and read. Thanks.. Xoxo Oh and I say “preggers”. It’s also a slang …lmfao.
Ed43 — wow that is. Leathal does of tylenol I my self have not known of any one taking that amount where in the world were u getting that amount from ? U have to get a cpe complete physical to make sure ur liver is not damaged I know any amount of tylenol is bad on a daily dose buy the Mac is 4000 mg per day so I see taking more than that cause slot have done that but that dose is literally a leathal dose I am so thankful u r off now !!!!!
how long where u on that amount ?? U r strong wow I have much respect for u getting clean way to go u rockbig time
Edub43
Quitting is sooooo right, that’s a lot and u should be sooooo proud of yourself.! I tooo need to have some things checked but you for sure do too!
Wow girls and boys hope everyone is well I just touched down from 6 am this morning it’s now 5:00 pm OMG fun filled day went to breakfast with family went to mall got my teeth whitened and got dinner for hubby tomorrow getting house cleaned and carpets shampooed and I’m afraide I will be in mist of the day cause can’t leave with people in my house so relax day
Sounds Like e everyone is doing great wow we have all sorts of clean time on here from days to weeks to months Ect …. That’s great to hear today is day 16 for me and feeling great ,
I will check back later glad to see new peoe on here and doing the damn thing
!!!!!
So happy to see that !!!!
NSIP– you sound so good much better than last week threw ur words it sounds like u r so happy and doing great what day r u on girly ??? I think u r a few ahead of me but who cares u sound great do glad ur r posting !!!! I know the anxiety will get better it can only get better u know shit we were at Rock bottom it could only get better right wow we r all so string u never thought I could do this now that I have it wasn’t to bad and much much worth it right ?????
You can get checked just doing blood work u need to ask for a CMP complete metabolic panel that will have your kidney function and ur liver functions on there that’s just a start to make sure ur AST & ALT are not raised also get ur thyroid TSH checked cause these pills can effect that to usually for only a short period of time and then it goes back to normal …
But if u really want to get checked a ultrasound of the ABD abdominal area would bee 100% to tell u if everything is hood or not but one thing u need to know about ur liver unless u have cirious of the liver ur liver will heal it’s self with time it’s the organ that can get it’s self back to being great if u allow it to heal so there u have it
Thanks guys
Quitting
. Who kicks major A? We do!!!! You too Jenny Jen Jen! Now I need a bike cuz I haven’t been feeling the running thing yet (cuz of anxiety). Figured if I could go for a couple bike rides that would make me feel better about going for a run! All those tests sound expensive! I have no med insurance. 
. If I could find a wedding dress and get this wedding on the road I would have health benefits.. We have been engaged for 3 years…..I am such a procrastinator !!!
I do feel better, today was way better than last tues (the gas station incident lol). And by the wayyiu are 17 days and I am 18.
Oh and by the way….don’t u drink coke? If u had your teeth whitened u should avoid things that stain for the next few days, i.e. Spagetti sauce. (preggo). Lol,red wine, coffee , tea,etc…you get it….if u have to have your coke use a straw…. That sounds bad! I meant coca cola use a straw to drink it…
And you are. Soooooooo right , This can only get better from whe I was! Come on Friday! Three weeks Friday girls!! What’s Jen say? Whoot, whoot,!
Who watches housewives? Watching last night right now, those siblings need to kiss and makeup…. I didn’t think theresa did anything that bad, Her brother freaked out!
Hey Y’all
Wow – you all are kicking ass…I am so happy for you.
I am sitting here with no air conditioning (air was not working when I arrived home from work) and my little Clyde seems to be sick. He was licking ad licking his chops and will not eat his favorite kitty snack “party mix” and won’t even drink water and he is usually a water hound….I hope he is all right – will take him to vet tomorrow if he is not better. Isn’t is strange how we can tell the slightest change in our pets personality and know something is not right. Say a prayer for little Clyde, will Y’all…I am just worried sick!
Love Y’all
Kitty
So… they are gone. My house is officially pill free. I am absolutely going to take the “one day at a time” approach. Kitty, I think out of everything I have read on this site, when you said that taking a pill TODAY was not an option~ that hit me the hardest. I am going to wake up tomorrow and stand strong. I am going to claim my right to be pill free! At least for tomorrow ;0)
Then repeat daily! I hope this works and I hope I don’t feel to crappy tomorrow evening because I have school from 6-10 pm.
Jamie s74 me too.??? Where is everyone? Thinking of you!!
Kitty
I soooo get it about pets.. Hope Clyde is o.k., Maybe it’s the heat? Thought that got fixed…? Thought u had a a.c boy crawling around last week. Maybe I am wrong… Chapter 6 of the shack!
Az
Good for u girl! Kitty is right one day at a time… One hour whatever it takes! I am still alternating ibuprofen and midol or Tylenol for body aches, it helps! Get those vitamins and stuff from Thomas recipe, take a hot hot bath before school If u can, baths have been haloing me with aches! You can do this and we are all here for you!
Neesip – The air WAS fixed but – when I came home from work tonight it was the outside compressor that was not working – It is not too bad though – I will sleep in our family room in the back of the house – it has a window unit…and Clyde is still lying around…not much different than he always does but there is a distinct difference – maybe he just misses my husband who is out of town!!!
Ahhhhh – Chapter 6 – you are just getting into the awesome part where Mac is meeting eveyone back at the “Shack”
Have a great evening every one – I just went in the pool for a few minutes to cool off and Boaz was like meowing his head off as I floated around the edge of the pool but every time I went to touch him – he screamed and walked away – He soooooo has Autism!
Later
Kitty
AZ – very good – follow that – today taking a pill is not an option – and you will be souring with the eagles in no time at all. Just remember, you Will feel crappy – but that is part of the healing process – just remember that it will not last – do not listen to your addictive mind telling you that it is too hard. Let your body heal itself and consider the pain part of paying your dues to get better.
Keep me posted
I lift you up in prayer my sister…
Kitty
Omg NSIP — u renembered I’m a coke drinker that was to cool when I read that u r great u actually read my posts and that is asume thanks for that !!!
That mace my night so I’ll leave on that note thanks again
I hope and pray that everyone will feel better and the suffering of getting off these pills will get better for everyone
And thanks fir reminding me I’m on day 17 u r really asume NSIP.
Good night guys
NSIP: lmao woot woot your so funny. I whitened my teeth the other day with my braces tray I hate the sensitivity part ugh . But I like my pretty toofers lol.
Good Morning Everyone!
Kitty, hope the Clyde man is feeling ok. Yes, I too am very intune to my furry friends needs. I have a 210 lb English Mastiff who is prone to infections in his feet….just picked up another bottle of antibiotics last night.
Ladies, ladies, ladies, JOB WELL DONE!! AND it’s nice to read your support for others. Try going over to the other pages and troll for new posters cause they really need your help….I’ve seen a few who have gotten lost out there. Your posts will certainly inspire those who are considering getting off the merry-go-round. You will, along with everyone else (starting with Joe) save someone’s life. Remember that.
Have a great day!
Pinkerton
Pink— what other sites what’s the names of them I would love to check them out but I’m not to good with finding them hope ur doggy feels better what’s wrong with his paw it’s infected what did he do to it poor big thing LOL he sounds super cute
Kitty mom– I hope ur kitty gets better I would take him to the vet if he is not eating or drinking I think they told mr once ghat it only takes 2 days of not drinking water to hurt the cats insides I hope he will be ok
I have 2 Persian cats that I love to death they r healthy but my older one he is 4 he never ever in the 4 years I’ve had him meowed until 3 days ago I thought he didn’t have s voice box all this time he made no noise until 3 days ago he meowed like 6 times loud with a toy in his mouth my little one does that all the time I just wonder why now he has a voice was thinking of taking him to the vet to make sure that he is nit trying to tell mr something other than play with me it’s really weird I love their noises….
NSIP– hope all is well with u hope ur day is going good and I hope u have a great day at work the lady is coming to clean this morning at 7:00 am that’s why I’m up at the crack of dawn it’s 5:45 am over here … Post when u can
Jen — way to go sounds like u r doing great I love to hear that u guys get a double u rock cause ur husband is doing it to good for u guys
E43 — how r u doing r u off work how r u feeling today should be day 5 or 6 wow that’s great hang in there it should Soon be over abd u will be done with the cycle it will feel great trust me !!!
.) 
Hope everyone else is doing great and staying off the pills we can do it we have done it !!!!!
Check back later
Hey girls hope everyone had a great day
Hey to the mommas on the site I bought my 4 year old nephew heeleys the shoes that have the skate at the bottom has anyone got those fir there kids abd how r they they come with a big old warning and caution stickers all over I know they could be a little dangerous I get that but just wanted to know if u guys had Ny personal experiences with these cool as my nephew would say (Tight shoes ) ??? Just a thought
Hey everyone… I’m doing it. No pills today. I’ve been on this site all morning ready posts from way back… Still on Noevember. Still wondering what happens to Joe. He seemed like such an inspiration. Depression is kicking in HARD. So are the chills/sweats. It’s been almost 24 hours since I had any pills. I have zero motivation and a messy house and 2 small kids (one a crawling baby) relying on me. I hate for them to see me cry. I hate this depression. It always takes me back to using. Not today though. That’s my goal. NO PILLS TODAY!
AZ– great job great job the first few days will be rough but it will pass and get better real soon u can do this …. We will be right here rooting for u did u get rid of your pills ??? Now looking back on my detox it was not bad at all really I even forgot how much I suffered but think positive and keep telling ur self there is nothing wrong and u r ok and it helps get out as much as u can and do as many activities as u can cause moving around and exercising builds endorphins and that is what we all need so just keep posting and keep up the great work u r stronger than u think I’m waiting for u on the other side u will be here in a few short days great job u ROCK BIG TIME !!!!!!!
AZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!! I’m with you all the way, girl, and will now be praying HARD for you!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!@!! You’re gonna have to TOUGH IT OUT, but you ARE STRONG!! Let each moment pass, and try to put your misery in God’s hands~~~~Also, as I tell everyone~~~~~~ASK THE ANGELS OUT LOUD TO HELP YOU THROUGH THIS!!!! They WILL be there!!!!
I am SO excited that it’s your time, AZ!! You are on my mind, and in my prayers!! Please post often and keep us updated!! Did you get some potassium supplements????? TAKE GOBS OF THEM!!!!
YOU CAN DO THIS!!! I have to go and pray now….
Azmomma : get it girl awsome!!! I still have good days and bad days but that is life right? You just hang in there give it a few days and you will have a clear mind and feel much better just give it time. I know first few days is tough sleep as much as you can down banana’ s and hot baths and pray. I almost gave in first day or two but stood strong and I am so thankful for it. I’m sooooo proud of you prayers for you my friend.
QN, NSIP: sorry I have been busy working on this house its exausting. I will get back to yall tonight. Had a little bout of depression but tried talking myself out of it.
Hope everyone has a great day.
Quitting
Long long day… I have another 4day weekend though . Yay! Of course I remembered u drink coke, glad I made your night! Of course I read your posts! Always darlin! The little things in life huh?
Jen
Hope you are feeling better. Depression sucks, I get that way a lot! Probably part of my addictive personality along with depression, but you are right there are just going to be days like that. Think I am getting ready to start and I am usually bitchy and depressed and irritable the week before my period. Little nervous about it. I had been thinking about quitting for over a year and each time my excuse was my pms cramps. I would say let me get through this period and then I will stop.lol. What a bs excuse….. Hope you are feeling better. Tomorrows another day! I still haven’t done much cleaning, this has got to be the weekend for it though. I HAVE to clean this dirty a house!
Kitty
How’s. Your clyde? Is he better? Getting ready to read some shack. I will keep ya posted on where I am in book… Omg his little girl, brought tears to my eyes.
Pinkerton
I have been checking the other pages. I have caught a few but not much response. I feel it’s almost my duty to do so. U were first to respond to my post and I thank god for u for that everyday! If I can help even one person than that’s great. Probably why I love my job too. Helping others is such a great thing!
Quitting
Wish u could send that cleaning lady my way..lol
And I think that pink is referring to the other pages on this site. Like if u go to “opiate withdrawal”. I think that’s what is says. On left hand side of home page. Then it takes u to another place that has like …”survival kit part one ,two, three”. Something like that. And under there are posts… There have been a couple newcomers.. Like a girl named Ashley …I have been trying to check other places for people teaching out for help.
Azmomma
YOU GO GIRL!!! We are all here to get u through this. Hot hot baths with epson salt helped me and still are helping me. One day at a time!!! I too read and read and read all the posts and imposted. My butt off..it helped me to have someone to talk to about it. So if u need to , post post post, Ibuprofen helped my aches and alternated midol the first week.. You can do this!!
I don’t get the home page thing I always keep it on here and don’t see any other pages !!! Don’t think I’m stupid I just don’t navigate on the web to well I barley know how to check e mail any way hope everyone is doing good check back later
NSIP: girl I know all about the cramps I stayed high during that week its the worst forsure. Maybe the cramps were so bad due to being an opiate addict who knows .Guess I will see this month. I also noticed my periods went from 31 days to 33 days and up to like 40 days I was wondering if it had something to do with these pills. Glad we are sober and happy
woot woot.
Qn: yeah like nsip bring that cleaning lady here she would run away screaming lol. And since you drink we could always have a coke thats my coke lol. When someone ask you… you wanna coke and you say yeah then they say what kind im like coke lol is that a texas thing or what.
Kitty , azmoma how are yall and pink and metoo how are things going
love all you guys have a blessed evening
@ QN, first of all, GREAT JOB!! Secondly, to find the other pages you go back to the home page and look at the categories and the “Opiate Detox” (I think) is the one you click on and it will bring up several categories and you click on them and go to the bottom of the page and see if anyone new wondered on there. I did my first post and Kitty came along and fished me out.
Oh, and my Mastiff’s name is Carl Patrick and he has a brother, a beagle mix named Henry Raunce. Carl P. gets boils between his toes then he scratches his ears and both get infected. I had him tested for allergies (hundreds of dollars), spent over $140. per month on doggie antibiotics until we tried Ceptholoxin (sp) and that seems to keep the infection at bay. He is a big baby and the love of my life!!
I just want to say how proud and inspired I am with all of you!! You have really broken thru that brick wall and taken control of your lives back. Did I say you are an inspiration…lol…
Everyone have a clean and wonderful day!!
Pinkerton
Pink: I’m sorry about your doggies thats horrible. Do they get any chemicals on their feet that would cause that maybe something they walk on. I have two Boxers and a weenie dog they are so silly. My weenie dog thinks she runs the house she chases my big dogs around like the is all that its hilarious. If she only knew they could kick her butt lol. One of my Boxers can hold her down with one paw its funny to watch and he does it all easy they are adorable. Have a great day pinky winky
Well me and hubby are doing good.bUT yesterday I was having some cravings I had to keep myself busy its weird how some days I dont some days I do its the devil !! Still having to take advil for back aches. But I have been clean 15 days I cant believe it yaaayyyy!!! I decided to sand my wooden floor yesterday which took 9 hours it needed to be doneand it kept me from wanting the pills, but omg every muscle in my body is killing me ouch. Then my child had asthma attack so we were in er last night. Doing much better today after they gave her three breathing tx and prednisone and zpack.
Qn: how u doing girly? I’m sure your doing fantastic cuz you are fantastic hehe have a great day.
NSIP: yes the depression sucks I have good days then moment of freak out time then moments of sadness it sucks.I try to just get through it. I hope you are doing good I think about you alot I think we both have the same issues with anxiety, depression all the crappy crap lol.
Kitty: how are you? How are those darn kitties love hearing about them they are silly lil guys. We love cats but allergic to them so we have dogs, ferrets and a rabbit lol dont ask how we ended up with this rabbit crazy story lol.
azmomma: how are you honey please post worrying about you hope you are doing good we are here for you.
Notmyself :you to how are things going keep me posted prayers for yall and everyone on here.
What up edub how you feeling are we still sober
keep us posted prayers your way.
S74: how are you doing keep let us know. I think about All of you all day yall are to my inspiration that helps me stay clean. hope your doing good.
PRAYERS FOR EVERYON AND METOO I MISS YOU I HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GREAT DAY!
morning girls;
i am off today and going to go help a friend pack up her stuff. she bought a new house and i am sooo soo excited cuz the backyard is AMAZING!! In groung pool ; heated with lights and a built in brick smoker and grill; deck with 3 level; sunroom and bar outside by the pool.. i am so going to take care of her pool,. i will be like kitty mom floating around this summer. my friend is my old roomate. we almost killed each other when we lived together (we were early 20′s) . our friendship is lucky it made it through that time of our life; but it did survive and is strong as ever. i actually have keys to her house and vice versa; anyways i am excited about her new house to say the least.
Jen
WE can do it though; we have made it through the worst of it. sorry bout your daughter; glad to hear she is doing bettter though;
guess what i started? yup very beginnings of spotting.. here we go … i am gonna find out how bad these craps witll be without “v”. atleast i am off the next few days so if they are bad i can take hott bath and relax. i really think v wasn’t doing much for the cramps anymore anyways; it was just my excuse to still keep taking them. I still had bad cramps even with vic so more than likely ibuprofen or midol will help just as much as the v’s did or that i thought they did
You sound better today. you go girl with the floor!!!! i still have days like that and probably will for a while.. i think i read somewhere that PAWS can last up to a year..
you have a weiner doggie!! one of the docs i work for has two and they are spoilted rotten. there names are Oscar and Mya u know like Oscar Mayer hot dogs. i thought it was clever. lol
i think we are very much alike; the depression anxiety all of the above; addiction; and not wanting to clean; lol
quitting
whats your plan today? some fun adventure? i am getting my hair done tomorrow; yay!!! its way past due!! i was always a “natty” blonde; i think we talked about that; anyways; some of it still grows in pretty darn blonde but other places are dark and you can see them roots!!! aaahhh getting old sucks!!!! anyways; whats up? i am off today so i will check back in
I LOVE ALL OF YOU SOOOO MUCH!!! and couldn’t have done this without every single one of you!!! Sorry i keep saying that but its true and i am going to keep saying it!!!
QN
if you can find the “recent comments” sometimes i see new people that way too; just a hint for ya; i am computer stupid too; i had no idea how to do this at first and i was like whats “moderation” and why is it taking a day and a half later; finally there was my post and i was like yay i did it!!lol sorry but i am really bad with computers; lol
Hey, NSIP! Here’s the link to help you cut down on your smoking! It works!! (I read your post on the other page..)
http://store.vapor4life.com/
The job search continues, ladies! Please say a quick prayer if you can.. AZ, I am waiting for you to check in! Praying for you, girl!!!
Hi Everyone! Wow, what a week. I can’t believe I hav made it through all of the end of the year parties without any vics! AMAZING!!! And I had a great time. I think the only thing that has kept me clan this past week is that I haven’t had time to think about those stupid pills. I had my anual doctor’s appointment on Monday and she asked me how I was doing on pain medication and if I needed more. OYE, I was able to tell her I was fine but now I know in the back of my head if I get desperate I can call it in. I really hate that the doc didn’t remember my conversation of how I don’t ned thm anymore, CLUE to the doc. Well, I just have to be strong. I love that QN, Jen, Pink & NSI have come so far. Very inspirational. Well, I am off for a run with my pup. Hope everyone has a wonderful day. BE STRONG!!!
Hello ALL, Again… HOLY SHIT!! DAY 7..!!!! This is a personal best since.. I cant remember! I wouldnt say I feel great yet but I take comfort and feel some sort of hope with every passing day.. The advice I have received from you all, whether you know it or not, has been invaluable.. I will continue to update and hopefully get to know some of you.. So much to talk about, you know, like “the firsts”.. You know the “first” time doing all the things you used to do, but WITHOUT PILLS!! Man, I’m kind of excited but the depression still very real, and I get tired easy.. I been out and about somewhat last few days, totally helped.. I see some of you guys just starting out fresh and the temptation is there… its all that matters.. One thing that really helped me was thinking back to all the uneeded drama and BS I had to deal with just to get them and try to live normal.. which was anything but… Almost Free!!! Please stay focused all of you… We hurt more than ourselves..!
edub: I want to say congrats great job very proud of you my friend!!!People that have never been an opiate addict have no idea how hard this journey is.Thank god for this site we are all in this together. I hate the depression I started crying today over something so stupid. thats what takes the longest to go away depression and anxiety but just knowing I’m not alone helps so much. You will have good days and bad days just stay strong. One of my first real just normal experience drug free is when I sat on my porch and heard all the birds singing. Now might sounds like ok thats not a big deal but I sit out there everyday and for whatever reason I never listened to anything its like I was deaf. So that day I just felt I was there in the moment and it was a very peaceful moment and a very happy moment. Those darn pills numb you in every way from everything. I used for so long and I guess the addiction was so gradual you dont realize how much you have changed for the worse until you stop. It breaks my heart to think of all the times I could have been playing with my children , reading to them, spending quality time with them instead I was sitting down just being lazy and grouchy. I’m so happy I had everyone on here to help me thru it. I also get tired very easy to I try to rest when I need to and when I’m full of energy I get busy
. Prayers for you my friend and to all of us !!
Hey girls got a late start this morning !!!! On posting that is been up since 6 running about so glad everyone is feeling better and doing so well hey we almost have everyone past the detox stage that’s great …
Well doing my hair hot rollers everyday it’s a chore and then getting back out to run some errands and get some lunch
Greatfull everyone posted love reading everyones posts and love it more hearing everyone is feeling better !!!!
My cleaning lady is on her way I told her to stop by NSIP and then Jen she will do u on the same day so she should actually be knocking on ur door any min !!!!! Let mr know what u think she is great LOL !!!!
Check back later
Jen: I totally agree and understand what you are saying.. in every way. Its scary how numb these pills make you to all you do and everyone you hurt. I too regret what I have missed out on.. My life is in a rough place and instead of blaming it on other people, I have realized I am where I am because of me and me alone.. This fight is not easy.. but its a fight worth fighting. Also, funny you guys talkin bout a cleaning lady, when thats what im doing at my place now.. cleaning, trying to stay busy while I have the energy.. Keep my mind FOCUSED on NOT continuing to ruin my life and let down and hurt all who care about me.. WOW.. Anyone reading this who is going through it right now, you not alone, and every day that passes, your eyes will open a little more.. and those of us strong enough, will hopefully see.. take care all, check in later..
Jen: I totally agree and understand what you are saying.. in every way. Its scary how numb these pills make you to all you do and everyone you hurt. I too regret what I have missed out on.. My life is in a rough place and instead of blaming it on other people, I have realized I am where I am because of me and me alone.. This fight is not easy.. but its a fight worth fighting. Also, funny you guys talkin bout a cleaning lady, when thats what im doing at my place now.. cleaning, trying to stay busy while I have the energy.. Keep my mind FOCUSED on NOT continuing to ruin my life and let down and hurt all who care about me.. WOW.. Anyone reading this who is going through it right now, you not alone, and every day that passes, your eyes will open a little more.. and those of us strong enough, will hopefully see.. take care all, check in later..
Computer tripping out.. sorry if posted twice
Hey girls how’s it going with the days off any plans how is everyone feeling ?? I hole u girls have a great day
Hey Y’all
Kitty has entered the building!
Well, Clyde seems to be OK – He was busy beating up Boaz a few minutes ago so I guess he is feeling better…and my AC is working again…sooooo happy about that. My husband is back from being out of town so everything is back to normal. Tomorrow our new AC ductwork goes in and hopefully that will keep the house cooler and cleaner.
Talk later – we are going out to eat…
Love
Kitty
Kitty
There is a young lady on “surv kit three”. I believe whom has questions about after 90 days clean… I can’t answer cuzi am not there yet but maybe u could help her.
Kitty
Her name is Elena.
Kitty
Oh yeah and glad Clyde is well and beating yo boda. Boaz..:)
Me too
Thanks for the link…. When I’m ready… I figure one addiction at a time but def something that’s been on my mind for long time. Thanks!
Me too.. About job search… Have u ever considered dentistry? I love my job and many offices will train assistants … And it’s helping people.. Either giving them a beautiful new smile that they weep about. That’s zoo cool when that happens or getting people out of pain and they are grateful…of course u have those days when no one seems appreciative but it’s when people are so grateful for this gorgeous smile u gave them or make their mouth quit hurting that makes it all worth it. Just a thought..:). Sorry if I got this wrong but. Tought it was u at said u want to help people
Not myself
Good for u, and there u go with that running again… I have to get back into it! And as far as the doc, I have heard that many times. My friend goes to pain management and has told them 4times about his Vic addiction and 5 times now they have offered him more vic’s and the last. Time they said how about oxy then? What the heck ya know, His wife pulled him out and is taking him somewhere else… She said I am not going through that crap with him again….so docs either don’t care or don’t pay attention and need to take and read their notes better huh
Edub
Awesome! Soooo soooo proud of you! You are doin great. U talk about hurting people, I can relate. I have stolen from my grandpa and step father…. I hate even saying that…. Other than some pills I have never stole anything in my life… I am very honest person and I can’t believe them pills reduced me to that… I also had called in meds under friends names and picked up a big e bottle of some 750vics, But in all actuality what if something had happened to that friend and they “needed”. Pain meds and couldn’t have them cuz of me… Pretty crappy huh. . ? We are almost there! Keep us posted on your progress and keep up the good work. Hang in there with all of us that deal with this daily
Quitting
What up with your cleaning lady? She must have gotten lost
Jen.
How the depression today, any better? I had to take a quarter of zannies today but that’s first one I have taken since…. Monday sot hats good.
Girls… Did some packing with friend today… Ironically talked my friend in Miami. (I call her my wife). We are bestows ya know… Talked her through a panic attack… Which is crazy cuz I have been talking her through them for years, kinda weird that now I know how she feels. I think hers are way more severe than mine…. Totally sucks for her. Just going to the store is a huge ordeal sometimes….and now I know how she’s felt all these years…
Then I got a pedi with my other friend here that’s moving and now home checking on my other girls (and boys). Not too many on here huh? Thats ok . I am not complaining…:)
Hey qn think cleaning lady got lost lol!!
Sorry guys another bery busy day working on house I been trying to stay busy to keep from thinking about pills. Then I was back at ER with my kiddoe asthma. I am worn out will be back in the morning prayers to all my buddies
Kitty Mom { 06.03.11 at 2:23 am }
REPOST FROM THE OTHER PAGE
Elana – I am just about at 9 months clean now, and am at the age where you said you could resume taking pills again because you will be at old age and it would not matter any longer. But, let me tell you, there is no good age to be addicted to the damn pills. I was physically sick between doses. It was so bad that I could not last through the night without getting up in the middle of the night to take a dose. I was lethargic, sick, in physical and mental pain and would not wish the situation on my worst enemy. Soooooo – I guess what I am trying to say is, eventually the pills do not even help the physical and mental pain any longer – no matter what your age. And, being that you are 90 days clean, please, please, please – do not let your addictive mind tell you all these stories on why you should go back to that hell again. Your current hell can be no way near what the addicted hell was.
So – Elana, my manta – and one that I preach over and over and over again to the girls on here probably get sick of hearing it is:
No pills today – just for today – pills are not an option
No matter what my addictive mind tells me
It tells me pills will help me – but they will not
So, just for today, ELANA, do not even consider it.
And, on the craving question – mind over mater – my friend – I just will not allow myself to consider that there is such a thing.
Yes – I would like to feel the elevation that the first pills gave me
Yes – I would like to chill out on the couch with what my mind tells me would feel good
Yes – I would like to be pain free
But – it is all a lie
Now – I sit on my porch and actually hear the birds chirping
Now – I spend time with friends and family and am not sneeking off to medicate myself
Now I feel
Now I am
Please Elana – do not submit to the thought that pills make you feel better
Sorry for the speech – But I feel strongly on the subjet
Love
Kitty
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Need some inspiration PLEASE on The Opiate Withdrawal Survival Kit Part 3: The Detox
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Sorry about the funky post above – with all the funky shit – haha
Love
Kitty
Kitty I love it reading that made my morning I love how inspiring you are. As I type this my weenie dog is crawling over my laptop move dog lol!!!
Good. Morning girls how everything going great I hope I think this sat is day 20 for me not sure but any how my husband and I talked yesterday and I think he knows what was happening to mr when I was sick and he now knows I’m not taking them any more well any way I thought wow atleast he knows I quit and was so happy about that !!!!! We had a good talk
I agree I think the older u get the worse off u are cause with age comes other health issues and taking vicodin everyday is not going to help the sitiouation it will probley kill ur liver faster cause ur body also slowes down so there is never going to be a good excuse to take drugs there is never a good time or place to take drugs
So there u have it and why would u even want to after going threw the hell one goes threw I know for me I would never ever consider taking them like I did any how now I can’t say if I were in a emergency or after having a baby u wouldn’t need some for a FEW DAYS ONLY I. Don’t know but I go know that I will never have a problem with them again it’s just not worth it and now I feel better than ever even with the pills so please any one thinking maybe now I could try one or start back up because of a thought DON’T !!! U will be much better off with out them
NSIP, JEN — my cleaning lady said u guys were not home WTF I send her all that way and u guys r not there LMAO !!!!
hope u girls are doing good I for one am doing great love life and am so freaking happy it’s day 20 soon. Day 20 wow i am truly blessed cause I have not even thought of a pill had no cravings I think that I was just blesses with that cause the depression and anxiety missed me to THANK GOD !!!!!
Well let’s see today I’m taking a shower getting ready and going out to do errands so there u have it my day is going to be fun filled and wonderful can’t wait to get started
Check back later
Good Morning Everyone! I woke up with the worst migraine today. I took a Maxalt and hope to be back to normal soon. That’s the thing about the vics, I wish I could have been normal and only used it when I needed it (migraines, mentrual cycle). Instead, I took every last one like they were vitamins. Another thing I noticed was that I never got sick when I was on them. Now, I feel like I am catching all the crap my kids bring home from school. Today is going to be a tough day. It is the last day of school, kids are out at 12pm and my husband is at work for 2 days. I just want to stay in bed and catch up on my shows. This is where I feel like I am thankful for my kids to get me out of the house and out of a slump. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and can enjoy all the things around them. It is wonderful to not be numb anymore. I guess the pain I feel today is part of being alive. Taking a nap now : )
Notmyself: its crazy because I get really bad migraines and took the vics and it helped and sometimes when I didnt have a migraine the vics gave me one crazy stuff. I hope your weekend is great. I sometime have to force myself out of this house, but when I’m out I feel better. I started finishing the remodeling we started years ago one task at a time but it keeps me busy. I sure as hell havent had time to think about them the last three days. I have been so busy I pretty much just fall over by 10 and I’m out. My daughter asthma is horrible ER three times this week not good.
Qn: darn cleaning lady she should have just come in and clean anyway lol! She prolly got to Texas and said screw that hot ass place lmao!! . I am also so glad you havent had the depression and anxiety cuz it sucks bad. My husband went to dr and they put him on focalin for his adhd maybe he was trying to dr himself. We are doing better he left for work so will be gone a few days. So just me and my kids and my little projects which I wish I would have thought it through first I’m exausted. Hope you have a great day out running around I bet your hair looks pretty
. You have made it so far day 20 gotta give you a woot woot !!!! Awsome girl. Oh yeah so glad you had talk with your hubby sounds like everything is working out for the best your a blessed girly 
.
NSIP: Well the depression and anxiety is ok. I swear I can be just sitting down being a happy camper then get depressed or sudden anxiety and then it will go away its strange. I have been super busy around here trying to keep myself from thinking about pills. I seem to think the only time I crave them or think about them is when I’m bored. So I have been trying to stay busy even when I would rather just lay in bed. My daughter asthma has been very bad so I have been worried sick about her. I think its my fault from sanding my 1940′s wooden floor that hasn’t seen the light of day since then lol. They almost admitted her last night but I have everything they would be giving her and can do it all myself. my poor baby she was scared if she fell asleep she wouldnt wake up from her breathing
.Hope your day is wonderful anxiety free 
.
prayers for you buddy.
What up edub43 hows it going staying strong
azmomma: how are you doing ? Everythink ok ? Thinking bout you.
Kitty: I just had to tell you my stinking ferret has hidden my friggin bra again I swear he drives me nuts and its always my pink one the very expensive one that lil shit. I need to just buy him one maybe he will leave mine alone haha!!
xxrainxx: how are you doing? We miss you!!!Prayers for you.
OK girls – Kitty is here and I hope I am not too graphic in this post but I just have to have a sense of humor about this whole colposcopy test I had this morning…I had squamous cell lesions and had to have this test for the second time in six months….well let me tell you something – this old gal thought I would jump through my skin this time around – I felt like they were up there with a freaking pair of pruning shears and cutting off pieces as big as a house…God help me it hurt like hell – I can’t do this any more and the doctor kept telling me to move on down closer and spread these legs wider and these legs just don’t do those things any more ….so what can I do….they just wont! lmfao!!
Anyway if these tests come out positive he is going to send me to a gyn oncologist so keep me in your prayers. If I have to do this again I am going to tell him to knock me fucking out….I can’t take it!!!
I am home now after working all day and am going to put my feet up and send hubby out for some food and milk my condition for tonight…lol…and hope fully will feel better tomorrow!
Hope you gals are all doing great – you really make me feel good knowing you have come so far. Even those who are struggling know that they have to come clean one of these days – so that is a great start, right?
Have a great evening y’all.
Love You
Kitty
PS – sorry if I gave TMI!
NSIP– hey have u heard of the million dollar smile teeth whiting ?? Cause I’m gonna do it it’s makes ur teeth 5 shades whiter I know I have to stop drinking coke only light color sodas that’s ok better for me any how ur input would be great ….. How r u doing no recent posts WTF r u ok I know u r and just busy but any who post soon
Jen — I hope ur baby feels better I don’t know what I would do if my baby Shen I have one wasn’t feeling well it must be a horrible feeling for u ! B
That folicin is not a good drug coming off that shit is BAD BAD BAD if he e Ed plans on not taking it one day worse than vicodin ! B please read up on it and the people that have been given that they say it doesn’t. Work well just check in go it have a great day
Check in later
Kitty mom — that’s funny but I don’t think there is anything to worry about I know that they will have gotten it all thus time this happens 90% of the time I see it all the time do just know that … But when we do paps we say the sane thing and everyone complains they say WTF how can I spread more and if u notice when u are at the doctors to get anything done down there it’s hard to be in that position and spread wide I know with my paps I could spread these legs more but it’s like my legs are trying to close on there own they have a mind of there own it’s just super uncomfortable u know do they understand and I’m sure it was painful they usually give you something did u refuse it ?? We at least we hive a pain med and wait about 30 min or even a pain shot little little dose !!!! Just to make the person more comfortable !!!!
Qn: yeah I heard it wasnt a good med I checked up on it. he wants to atleast see if it helps Im like ok but if you turn into the devil your not taking it anymore. also becarful with the teeth whitening to much is very bad for the enamel thats like when you see people teeth that look like a chalk stick thats why lol over whitening !! But I’m sure you know that
Kitty: I hope everything is ok with you. That story was funny my mom is an RN and she is the biggest weenie ever when she got hers done she made them stop and they couldnt finish lol. We were like mom no you were not in there hollering acting all crazy. But on serious note I hope you are ok and prayers for you many prayers.
Well guys going to bed my daughter is still sick and the on call nurse would not let me speak with dr and finally told me not to call back. Im so friggin glad that was not my pediatrician I would have died !!! Oh but it is on on mon day they are getting an ear full big time!!! I was so mad I told that dam nurse I have a house full of nurses and I want to speak with pediatrician and ask a few questions nope couldnt even get that.Im not taking her back to er I have the exact meds they give her here so why take her back they did absolutaly nothing different. My poor baby girl is on zpack,xopenex,prednisone,benadryl, albuterol , atrivent its ridiculous. Well her 02 is 100 but anyone with asthma knows that dont mean crap when your lungs feel like they are being squeezed to death. Especially when your a little kid and you cant take a deep breath and cant sleep cuz its worse to lay down. Sorry to vent but they brought the momma bear out in me its gonna be on… monday grrrrr !!!! Anyway hope everyone has a good night. I’m so worn out with this house and my kiddoe i will be back in morning. Prayers to all
Omg. My whole huge letter just got erased, Dang it!
Jen, you poor baby and little one – Sorry if I missed this situation….I will keep you in my prayers. Hang in there – nothing is as worrysome as having a sick child. I pray she is well soon,
Love
Kitty
Good Morning Everyone!
It looks like it’s going to be a beautiful day in Ohio packed with horseback riding, baseball, piano lessons and maybe (if we are lucky) a little pool time.
Kitty, OUCH!! I have to do that too and now I’m thinking of putting it off even longer. I went to my pcp and he said that since my Dad died from Colon Cancer and I’m over 40 yrs that I have to do it every three years. He gave me the referral two months ago and I’ve cancelled one appt. already. Good luck Cat.
Speaking of cats, I have to say, my girl Nuni is so ornery but you don’t realize unless you really watch. My mastiff and beagle get into so much trouble because of her. I watched her today, lay just out of the beagles reach and as soon as he would lose interest in her she would meow and dangle her tail and then of course he would come running. However, she didn’t account for the height of my mastiff (prob. cause he doesn’t move very often) and she tried that trick with him and he stood up was towering over her before she could get away. She was so pissed because he just stood there and drooled all over her and you know how prissy cats are….serves her right!!
Want to say how proud I am of all of you and hope everyone has a great saturday!!
Love, Pinkerton
Jen, I want you to know from one mom to another that I will be praying for you and your baby. I know how aweful it is to be so helpless when watching you baby suffer. I hope this is remedied asap.
Love,
Pinkerton
Thanks guys I hope today is better for her.
Pinkerton: MY husband is the biggest ohio state Buckeyes fan its crazy. I swear he is the only guy in Texas wearing that stuff. I have to special order him stuff because ofcourse everything here is Longhorns. He also hates the cowboys and loves the Colts its funny people look at him like your so in the wrong place lol.
jen
i tried to write last night but my whole thing got erased somehow; anyways.. can you report that crap to human resources or something? i sure as heck would thats a bunch of crap!! i hope today is better!! poor thing!! (not to mention you are stressed the hell out too i am sure of it!! ) hang in there!!
Kitty
theres ever tmi for me!! i am not very modest at all. think i get that from my dad he’s kinda that way. anyways; my mother has gone through all of the same stuff you are going throug; i will see if she has any advice or what her exp was. might be helpful ; who knows. doesn’t hurt to ask. its my mother; i can ask her anything.. sorry you had to go through in first place…
quitting
i willl find out about the whitening on monday and report back some details for you… (may wana remind me sun night…lol)
three weeks yesterday! yay!! sorry i tried to post last night late ; yesterday was a busy busy busy day. i had to take my car in; went to malll; had hair cut/colored and my friend from florida (my super close male friend) just got home!!! yay!!! he’s sooo soo great i love him. you should look him up; if you google man hits plane destin, fl. he pops up!! yeah the man hit a freaking plane in florida. his drinking is kind of out of control… i am hoping if he sticks with me i can keep his ass in check… who hits an airplane? wtf. lol. we can laugh about it now but at the time it was NOT funny… he was stuck in jail in florida and no one was abl to bail him out. the night it happened he called my phone at 3 am for me to go drive to his partents house and wake them up ( i was asleep of course and didn’t get message till it was too late) anyways; it was a mess and he as of tuesday got his license back and can cross state lines!! yay!!
Hey girls how’s the day going ??? Hope everyone is well and having a great Saturday !!! It’s the weekend well what the heck I am going to do today tuns of stuff to choose from just woke up getting up later and later every day it’s now 9:00 am !!!!
Will check back later cause I have to hit the road hey I may be going to Texas July 30 th to Houston who is picking me up for lunch ????? Maybe also port aruther Texas also for my husbands family reunion !!!
Check back later girls
girls
i have friends daughters dance recital at 1230 this afternoon; in an hour!!! then a retirement party at 4pm and a benefit tonight for my sisters girlfriends brother in law who died in a terrible car accident.. omg the anxiety is getting me. so much to do!!! i just need to breath. my fiance says do you have to do it all? yes i have to do it all; i can’t let any of those people down they are all very close friends or actualy family; so yes i have to do it!! wish me luck!! i am gonna need it!!
oh and i got rid of part of my stash today!! baby step i know but it was a step!! i got rid of 20 of the 5s i was holding onto.. 3 weeks and a day!! still cant part with all of them (not that i am using them; they are just ….”there” ) chek back in later!! love and hugs to all muah!
nsip
Hey girls, I’m still around just can’t post well because typing is really sloow.I type and 15 seconds later it appears.Arrgg!Will try on desktop dinosaur later.Hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend filled with love and NO drama.Love reading about your crazy animal stories!!This might make you laugh.My girl kitty bites her toenails.Eww it’s kinda funny to watch.Hope it’s not contagious.Keep smiling and peace to all…xxrainxx
Hey girls it’s me just wanted to stop in and say what’s up !!! Haveing a great day going out with hubby tonight dinner and a movie
hope everyone is well Check back later
Thanks everyone my daughter is lil better today, I didnt sleep much last night, because i woke up every 5 min to make sure she was breathing.
Also big congrats on getting rid of those its a huge step girl 
.
NSIP: yeah I am reporting his ass that was ridiculous. I was so mad my mom had to come over and calm me down. You have a very busy day you go girl. just remember to breath and not think about it and have a great time
Qn: oh I wish I could pick you up but its like 8hrs away
. I’m prolly closer to you where you live now lol!! Hope your day is great. I have been working on this house still god Im so friggin exhausted like when your body doesnt want to go anymore. Have fun tonight on your date 
what are you gonna see?
xxrainxx: glad your doing well good to hear from you.
Thaats funny about your cat. My dog eats cigarette butts and if they are not out she will pat them out with paw and eat them its so gross.
Good evening everyone!
Well I took my first step today in preparation to get off this merry-go-round. I told my supplier that this will be the last time I will need any pills. I have tapered to two per day for the last week…I can’t believe I did it…tapering is sooooo hard. I am planning on starting my exercise routine, eating healthy, house projects, and other enjoyable projects to keep myself from getting depressed. I am going to quit on the weekend after the fourth of July. By then baseball will be over and we will be taking a break from piano that month. I won’t have the stress of any obligations other than work. I can go to the pool, hike, hang out at the barn, cookout, golf, walk my dogs, garden, etc. …all the fun summer stuff. Also, I want to be in a workout routine to help with the anxiety. I have been really anxious as I cut back…ie. not being able to catch my breath, feeling totally like the biggest bitchy asshole ever!! I don’t want to wait to start my routines until I quit, I want to already be in the habit of doing it daily and have my physical strength built up….I have alot of weight to take off because it makes everything hurt, esp. my back and knees.
Thank you for all your support and I hope that my relapse has been an example to others….don’t start using again no matter what, you will only end up right back where you started. I decided to continue posting even after I relapsed because I thought it might be helpful to some else to hear of the agony it causes. I’m glad I did because in the end I love all you guys and feel like I wouldn’t have wanted to return for support in a month because I would have felt like I was hear only when it benefitted me. I have also learned that this time I can’t have anything around and had to tell my supplier not to call me anymore.
Thanks again and I am going to be following in your footsteps all you clean ladies and gents very soon. My time is coming soon and I feel very motivated to be as prepared as possible.
Love,
Pinkerton
Glad to hear everyone had a busy fun filled day and that’s ok Jen my hubby would. Be like who do u know in Texas haha any how I am also glad to hear ur daughter is better thanks for posting
Pink — I’m so glad to hear u set a date that’s wonderful I’ll be here cheering u on u r going to do great I know it this will be ur last time I have a feeling !!!!!
I will be here with bells on it’s much easier when u taper that’s what I did and it was the best detox I ever had I felt great Fyef 2 days so I pray that happens for u
Pink – Pink – Pink
I am so proud of you – tapering is hard and I was never able to do it so I really give you credit for getting down to 2 a day. You must already be going through some withdrawal pain. You have a plan and a strong plan it is – and I will be praying for you my friend. If you need anything, please let me know. I can give you my phone number is you need to talk. When you start, just remember my mantra – taking even one pill in not an option for me – just for today. I love you
Kitty
Good Morning Everyone!
Thanks Kitty and QN, I appreciate it. I feel like the only way to guarantee I won’t break down and use again is to cut off the supply or I will always be thinking about it. I didn’t get too bad with the w/d until day before yesterday when I cut back to 1…and that sucked but burning Kratom really helps. I want to stay at the minimum until the weekend after the fourth and then, bye- bye pills forever. I do think part of what screwed me up is that I was so busy with the kids and their activities and school and my work that I was getting so stressed out about that and then on top of all of that my mom and sister had surgeries for breast cancer. I think it was too much and I kept the pills around. God willing I will not have any issues like that this time and the kids are out of school and I make my own schedule at work so I don’t have to be up and running by 5:30am. Also, I’m gonna take about 3-4 days off. This way I can do fun stuff while detoxing, like swim and hang out at the pool. It’s hard to be too miserable when swimming…don’t ya think…lol….and it wears you out too.
Thanks for sticking by me. Kitty, I will remember your mantra along with many other things you have tought me. Your love is “patient and kind”~ God. Oh, and by the way Kitty, I’m thinking about bringing home two lil barn kittens that my son has fallen in love with….not decided yet, I already have one fat cat and two dogs so I don’t NEED anymore but I am one who truly loves my animals and find great enjoyment and pleasure in being with them.
How is everyone else. Jen, glad to hear your baby is doing better!
Love, Pinkerton
Hey girls hope everyone is well … Today is Sunday and I hope everyone has a great fun filled day today us family day all day so mine should be great
Check in later
Love u girls
Well pink I’m proud of you !!! You will soon be free from the demon. It will be so much easier since you are preparing for it. Not like me that just woke up and said no more with not vitamins no nothing I’m so crazy. I’m sure that pool wpold take my mind off them to
.
Well my daughter is not better she is having problems again. I dont know what is making her asthma so bad. Its always worse towards the evening . Again last night she said she didnt want to lay down because it made her breathing worse. She said she cant breath very deep even with all the breathing tx. I’m wondering if she is developing an allergy to our animals or something. I have been worried sick about her. Day 18 for me cant believe it!!!:) I have been so busy with this house and my daughter I havent been thinking about those darn things. I can take her to see her “REAL” dr tomorrow thank god!!! I just hope I dont have to get rid of my animals.:(. I have worked my butt off on my hardwood floors I’m talking 8hrs a day they are gonna be gorgeous when I’m done did it all myself I’m proud. I’m sure that didnt help her asthma but I did our other rooms last year and it never bothered her at all. This time her asthma started before I ever started on floors so idk.
Qn: yeah your husband would be like uhh you meeting people on eharmony LMAO!! Who you going to eat with hahah thats funny. Hope you have a wonderful day today sounds like alot of fun:)
NSIP:How are you probably worn out from your busy day. Hope you have a good day !!
!!
Kitty and meeto how are yall doing?
where is edub i love saying that edub lol hope your doing great
Morning sunshines!
Made it through yesterday… Whoot whoot Jen
. Maybe a little hung over but oh well had a really fun day and night didn’t get home till3am . My fiancé issoooo awesome ehe dropped me and my buddy brian off at this tent party at a bar I used to work at last night… Had soooo much fun and knew everyone there!
Jen.
Sorry to hear she’s not better, maybe she is having anxiety ever thought bout that? Glad she will see real doc tomorr
Pink
Sounds like u have a game plan! Awesome! We will all be here. For u whe. U need us but u know that, 22 days!, yay I am really doin. It! And so can you! Busy busy busy is key for sure
Lve and prayers
Les
QN/Jen
Oh ya FYI. I am paying my friends daughter to come clean..lol just nit at that stage yet for me. Lol
Hey everyone – well it is a relaxing Sunday afternoon her – 1:37 EST in Florida. Hubby has bad bad alergies today and I am wondering whether it is from theAC duct removal of Friday. I am sure there are all kinds of dust in the air fromt he removal of the old ducts….I just finished my third book of the series By Steif Larsson…”The Girl that Kicked the Hornet’s Nest” and it was excellent – Now I am “without book” I think I will start “The Help” next….everyone tells me it was light and funny….I need something like that after this series with all its millions of characters and mystery and intrigue!!!
Well, sounds like everyone is doing well and I am happy about that – I miss the old gang on here more than you know. Joe won’t answer e-mails – Metoo is busy with her life – as are Lori, Angel, and Jamie. I miss everyone but am busy with my life also. Send me an e-mail you guys or a post on face book and let me know how you are doing.
Love Yuz
Kitty
OK – I am sitting here with a tear running down my face. I don’t know why I can be empathetic to everyone else but today being home with a husband who is hacking and couging and spitting and needing my constant attention – How can a person feel lonely in a situation like this….I was feeling terrible friday worried about the biopsy and the fact that I am being sent to a GYN oncologist and nothing – not a “I am worried about you” – not a “everything will be OK” …just silence.
And today, I wrote Joe and kind of told him what I thought about him just cutting me off cold turkey – and I finally got a response that he had to give up the online “stuff” so I wrote back and said that I am not “online stuff” – I am a feeling human person…..So that part of my life is definately over and that is two on-line friends that I got attached to and they want nothing to do with me any longer – days like this that start out happy and end up sad – well, they are days I can do without. Where is that proverbial rock – I want to climb under it!
Love
Kitty
Kitty— third time trying to post my long ass message to you any way I wanted to let you know that i am sorry you have been in a funk for the last few days ….. I need you to know that we need you on here you have helped so many people you dont even know I dont know if i have said this but Thank you from the bottom of my heart with out your help i would not be where i am today 21 days kitty did you hear that 21 freaking days i could not of have done this with out you you were ther to walk me threw my horrible dark days always there and i cant say thank you enough well now about your medical situation i have told you several times that you were going to be just fine i know i see these cases all day long every day mark my words i know you cant help but worry its only natural but really you are working your self up and u will see everything is going to work out great and it will all be over soon i promise you
as far as joe we dont need him i guess if he chose to leave us on here well thats his loss cause we still have you and look at all the people you have helped 3 people you have gotten over to the other side me 21 days NSIP– 22 days Jen– 17 days OMG with out you im sure my girls will agree that you have been there from day one and we couldnt or maybe wouldnt of benn here where we r today if it werent for u i pray each day that i can touch one persons life and you have already helped 3 im sure there are many many more people but 3 for sure hello thats great i just hope that i can do that one day thats why im still here i could of left but i thought no i have to stay and help kitty help others…
as far as your husband goes ( Dont take this the wrong wayplease) but maybe just stop for one minute and think about how he must be feeling how scared he must be of the unknown probley more scared than you are … men dont know how to express themselfs most often they just stay quite i know my hubby is that way they dont know how to bring it up and its scarey for them they are worse than women so they are thats probley why he hasnt said anything but i know he loves you from all the posts and reading all your posts and you mention him all the time and the love is diffently there i would just bring it up and talk with him about it just my oppinion i hope i didnt cross any lines here you have just been a great support for me and i want to try to be here for you when and if i can …
and please dont let Joe get you down cause he is the one that will be missing out maybe he has trouble in his life or maybe even useing again what ever the reason people leave you win some you lose some you have all these newbees that love the heck out of you and want you to feel better you are truely great and i hope this message finds you feeling better love QN
Hey sorry Jen didn’t respond to ur post have u tried advir for her well how old is ur baby maybe that wouldn’t work they have to be 10 and up sorry if I missed it if u already told me her age I pray she gets well and sometimes time us all we need but I know how hard it has to be for u I would well idk whT I would do I do have to say I think I’m pregnant I stopped bc pills 1 week ago no period and and tired a little and boobs are soar i haven’t taken a text yet cause I don’t know why but any how if I am I would be estatic my family is freaking fertil lol I’ll let u know and keep updates on my situation my hubby is so excited so maybe I’ll get a test tomorrow any way back to u I reay hole and pray she gets well
Pink /– I am so proud of u really I am I can’t Waite till u r here on the other side I Leats rembrtef a qote u said to mr I’ll be Ed forget it h said to be if I was going to fall u would be right behind me pushing back up that u wouldn’t let mr fail and u didn’t so it’s ur turn and I hope I can be there for u like u were for mr u r do wonderful and kind and have the best heart and I pray that this is ur last time to have to feel pain like this just remember it won’t last forever can u belive I’m day 22 omg I fell the best I ever have I know u r strong enough to do it and u certinly are doing it the tight way I also started vitamins like 2 weeks prior do my body was loaded and I think that helped also another thing that helped mr was I kept telling myself there is nothing wrong shit by day 2 I was feeling good and everyday after that has just gotten better and keeping busy is key u know that u were the one that told mr to get the he k out my house and I did and felt great now u can’t keep me in LOL any how just wanted to give u a shout out and day that I am so happy I have been waiting for the day u post ur quit day if u need mr u know I’m here slot and will keep checking
NSIP /// where the heck r u hope u r well I remember getting on here and seeing like 200 posts from u don’t leve us font slow down we need u I hope u r doing great and give me a shout out girly I need u to post I love reading ur posts thanks girls much love and will check back before bed just ordered pizza and hot wings I know should not be eating thoes with the whole gallbladder thing but I’m craving spicy food idk I need it !!!!! LOL pleasy pray I font have a attack tonight but it’s still early here do hopefully I’ll digest it before hitting the sack by the way just wanted to say I have the best hubby in the world I love him with all my heart !!!!
He is do hood to mr it’s not e fm funny I just thought I’d share till later love QN
kitty: I’m sorry you feel so down. I dont really know joe but I think sometimes when people quit using it makes it harder to continue talking about it. Also for some its therapy and is the only reason I have gotten clean is the support from you and everyone else on here. I thank you and want you to know I have a warm fuzzy spot for you in my heart
. i hope you get to feeling better and your husband also.
Qn: That would be awsome if you were preggers. Hope you are attack free from all that yummy food sounds good:) I have been keeping busy with this house. Busy busy. My daughter is 9 she is on pulmacort . She seemed better this afternoon so maybe she is getting better. She wanted to play today so thats a good sign.
NSIP:wuz up busy woman?:)
edub,xxrain,nmyself keep posting lets us help yall
prayers for everyone hope yall have a good sober night!!!!:)
Hey girls hope everyone had a great weekend I know I did so glad to hear grim u girls Jen pulmacort is good but check cause advir is better and make them give u a sample cause it’s supper expensive idk how ur RX coverage is but it’s like 400.00 dollars if u had to pay cash but any how glad to hear she feels better. …
Kitty — so sorry forgot to say hope ur hubby feels better my dad has terrible allergies all the freaking time and it’s horrible is he on any meds singular is great also zyrtec it’s OTC now also nasonex well I’m sure he is in something sorry but I truly hope he feels better cause I know it wears my dad out all that sniffling and sneezing and coughing it’s draining u know any how hope u and him feel netter healing prayers sent ur way from San Diego LOL !!!
hope that makes ur night cause you have made mine many times
NSIP/// WTF I’m on my way over there if u don’t say what’s up what u have Been up to how u r feeling and everything like the old days come on get ur butty back here it helps mr and I’m sure it helps others reading ur crazy ass posts LMFAO just kidding u know that but for real get back here !!!!
XXRAIN— how r u glad u posted yesterday how r u feeling and how many days now have you got u r doing great how r u doing e erupting good keep posting Kay give mr a shout out
NMS //– you are doing great also wow girls we have come so far good for us tell mr how many days now how r u feeling what’s going on keep the posting up ,..,,,
Well as for me ate my dinner watching a movie with my man and then jotting the sack I have a busy week ahead of mr gota get down to bussiness hope in the morning there will be lots of updates and posts thanks to everyone again love and prayers are being sent all u guys way
Good night God bless
Love QN
Hey good morning girls and thanks QN and Jen for the kind uplifting words. You know by now that I get this way every once in a while but snap out of it. Yesterday, I just snapped and knew that I had to get over some things.
I am sad but just have to move on. I have a tendency to get attached to people on this site and they are real people to me – maybe that is bad – but maybe it is good. I just need to learn how to let the baby birdies fly away…lol.
Miss all those that stay away and glad those that are here remain here.
I am back to work today after not having Friday off so the weekend went sooooo fast. I finished reading another book and I even feel sad when a book ends – let alone a three book series…see, I even get attached to books….what is wrong with me!!!! lol
Have a good Monday
Love
Kitty
Hey Kitty, Guess what, I love ya! That’s all I can say because that is the only truth I know. I don’t know Joe or his circumstances but I know you and that whatever is going on with him, it has nothing to do with you. You are a constant reassuring voice that I hear in the back of my mind all the time. I am facing the biggest demon I have ever had to face and it isn’t my family or friends I turn to, it’s you. There is a book by Miquel Ruiz called “The Four Agreements” …I would like for you to read it, it’s quick, probably will finish it in one or two evenings but it changed my life……I know, I know, you’re thinking, “shit, I don’t want to be in her shoes”…lol….seriously though, please try reading it for me. Like I’ve said before, when I relapsed I felt embarrassed to get on here but I realized that all of you have become important to me in a very unique way and I value each and every one of you for who you are. I could not just stop communicating with you all even when my life was extremely busy and exhausting. It’s like looking forward to having coffee with a good friend when I get up in the morning and read the posts. Sometimes I have something to say and other mornings I just shout out but we all need to remember that people are still people and when we bond over something so devastating as getting off pills, we have to honor that committment. Just my feelings on this and Kitty I know I can’t replace anyone but know that I will always be here for you. I’m not going to comment on your husband cause I don’t know him but I do hope he does what he needs to do to make you feel comforted and cared for. I am praying for you. Please keep your spirits up. Let us know as soon as you know something from the GYN.
Thanks QN!! I know you will be there for me and look forward to being on the same side of the bridge as you!! I feel like we have been waving to each other for quite some time now. First I was on the clean side waiting for you to cross and now you are on the clean side extending your hand. I’ll see you there soon. I really wish I had time right now to quit but I have to follow my plan. The fact that I cut my supplier off means that I have no choice. I have decided to stop May 30th. I am going to take of May 30th & June 1st. I will have cut back to 1 per day the week before my detox, I’ll take your lead and consume a ton of vitamens, and I’m starting my Workout stuff today. I am going to continue taking 2 per day for the next week, then 1.5 and then 1. The Kratom helps alot.
Jen, how’s your baby??
Have a blessed day!
Love, Pinkerton
Hello everyone! ESPECIALLY KITTY…we must be soul sisters, because very often when you get down, Kitty, I am down too~~what’s up with that?? I tend to crawl into my cancer crab shell, so that’s where I’ve been! I wish I understood Joe’s leaving too. I am a hanger-onner too. I don’t ‘allow’ people to walk out of my life, and I will sacrifice ANYTHING in order to NOT lose a friend. It’s that tenacity of the cancer crab claws again…my bet is that Joe will be back. I am hoping so. I am praying so. I will not fail you either, Kitty, and like Ms. Pink says, I know I cannot replace someone special in your life, but just please know that I will not leave you. As a matter of fact, I dare ya to try to get rid of me!! Hahaha!!
So, I’m here, applying for jobs every day. I should have made a tally of how many apps I’ve put in. No one calls. How long does this take? Will the money run out first? I am feeling so down in the dumps, but it’s odd because my faith is stronger than ever! That’s another part I don’t quite understand…I KNOW it will happen, so why is this waiting so hard? I am fearful of WHEN the time comes, will I be ready?? Confident, sharp, and ready? All I can do right now is trust in God and hang in there.
I have a mammogram today. I have the address in my GPS. I really hate not knowing my way around here, but at the same time, I’m not out there driving around to find things either. UGH!!! I am my own worst enemy. Oh, and I NEED to find a job this week or sooner, because school is out on friday, and I do NOT want to be the ‘daycare’ step momma!!! HELP!!!! I love the time shared with my ‘little one’ but I don’t want to do it all the time, and be expected to do it because I am not working. DOUBLE UGH!!!
Thanks for listening to my rant today! Kitty, hang in there…your results will come back fine, and so will mine. We’re ok, and know what? This too shall pass….
I love you guys!!!
Metoo
Thanks Pink – I know in my mind that I am acting irrational but it is my heart where I get totally F&*%$d up….but today is a new day and I have a friend like you out there routing for me and I hear from y’all that I am a spiritual prescence on here so I will bite the bullet, pray for all of us, and not take a pill – paving the way for you on the other side – to freedom – to clarity – to love – to peace – to a new and improved Pink!
Love you Pink
Kitty
Kitty, for what it’s worth–I don’t think you’re acting irrationally at all! You are a very caring, kind, soft individual, and unfortunately, folks like us tend to be hurt more often. You’re just being you, and THAT’S WHY WE ALL LOVE YOU SO!!!!
Just my two cents….
KittyMOM: some of us just wear our heart on our sleeves which is a good thing. I do and it also make me a very caring person. I think and worry about everyone. You have been here to help us through this and we are here for you. Your a great inspiration for me and love hearing from you. Prayers for you
Hope your day is better.
Pink: My daughter is doing better today still taking breathing tx every 4 hours but she slept good last night. I hope she is over the worst of it. It has been so dry here and with all the fires we had recently its no suprise her asthma is bad. We have had like maybe two days of rain this year its horrible. they said its the worst it has been in like 100 years. Hope you have a great day. When you ready to quit we are right here with you holding your hand .
Metoo: Ive never had a mammogram but sounds painful lol. Hope they give you a sucker when your done:). Praying you find a great job that you love it willl come.
Qn: wuz uppppp busy week for me to. I will ask her pedi about advair my husband takes that and yeah it is expensive but if he doesnt have it he uses his inhaler 20 times a day. We usually call the doc and see if he has samples for him. She is doing better today. She said she felt better after she quit taking the prednisone thats strange usually you feel better on it. Who knows but glad she is doing better. She was crying the other day saying why cant I be like you and not have this. It was so sad then she thought if she fell asleep she wouldnt wake up made me cry my poor baby. :’(
nsip:hope your doing well miss you:(
how are all the other newbies doing post peeps post lol!!
Well, my f-ing bio mom and creepy asshole bio brother stopped by a little bit ago to bring me another stupid purse. WTF!! After they both destroy my heart and my kids’ do they think they can patch everything up by giving me a f@#king purse!!??!! For those of you that don’t know my bio mom was extremely abusive and I put up with it for 35 yrs until I adopted my boys and she started abusing them. My bio brother is a total creepy stalker …I hate him so much!! He is 18 yrs older than me and let’s just say that I have plenty of reasons to hate him! Sorry if TMI but they send me into a tailspin every time they come around. Also, she is not who I refer to when I refer to my mom….my mom who has cancer is a woman who has adopted me and my kids into her family completely. Whew…thanks for letting me vent
Hey Cat, you’re not irrational just because you aren’t afraid to FEEL…I have always wondered…why is it socially acceptable to tare others down, but it is abnormal to let your love for someone flow …think about it..how often do we hear people saying nasty things about others but would die before they would lift someone up. Kitty, you lift others up around you, for real, and in order to do that you have to be someone who is capable of giving great love to the point where you get damaged in the process. Not everyone will be as loyal, as loving, as unconditional as you….that will be a cross you will have to bare. I am sensitive, I want the people I care about to love and care for me too. Of course I have huge attachment issues but that’s a story for another day. I love ya Cat.
Metoo….just thinking about Metoo daycare…instead of the hokey pokey they will be doing the tossy washy….lol…Sorry to hear you are in a funk too…geez all my favorite people are struggling…you know I love girl…
Wow, I didn’t think it possible but within 15min after the mobro visit I feel better.
Pinkerton
Hey Y’all
Metoo – thanks goodness I was getting worried about you. Isn’t it funny how we get in a slump together. Geez, you are not going to believe this but I actually thought to myself that metoo better get a job before summer so she does not have to watch the pipsqueek all summer – isn’t that weird….That will really put a damper on your job hunting. If you really want to do it, then that is another story and go for it – but if it is not, then I hope and pray you get something soon. Have you tried the temp agencys – That is how I got this job I have now – and they liked me and kept me!!! Try looking for a temp agency – you might just be able to get something!
I love you and missed you girl!
Pink and Jen – thanks again for the kind words. I guess that the hurt I feel right now is for letting myself be vulnerable to love a person who helped me through a tough time. Right now, though, I think Joe is being selfish and he only is thinking of himself…but on the other hand, he thinks this is keeping him clean – and that is the most important thing to him right now. I can understand that even though I am hurt and pissed that I have been dumped by someone I considered a friend.
Pink – I am sorry to hear about the bio mom and brother getting you upset. Sometimes we just have to accept that just because we are flesh and blood to someone does not automatically mean that we like or love them especially if they have done wrong by us…right? I am glad that you have your adopted mom and sister to look after you. That is truly a gift from God. My mom says hurtful things some times and I try to look the other way but it hurts at times….and you can also love someone and not necessary like them…lol!
I have to go get my hair cut at 7:45 tonight. Don’t ask me why I picked such a late time – I am usually in my pajamas by 6:00 PM and ready to chill out.
Well I just cancelled my appointment and my hubby has gone to a lodge meeting so I will have a peacefull at home evening.
Hey, we should plan a time to get on chatsy – anyone up for tommorrow evening around 8:00 PM – let me know!!
Love You girls
Thanks again for being so supportive
Kitty
http://www.chatzy.com/547886536839
metoo: omg i feel ya on the watching kiddoes all summer i’m the step momma babysitter lol plus my own kids sitter lmao!! I would rather work to all summer cuz lords knows and my husband i cannot handle all them kids i seriously go crazy. My husband says I have no patience. I’m like ok you stay home and do this for the summer while I am gone working 18 hours days. He would never ever be able to ever!!!! So I got you on that one
:)
So 19 days clean how long does it take to just not think about them anymore? Is it just a life long process I dont think about them all the time. but ever now and then I guess its a craving idk and how do you deal with it? I keep myself busy but just want to know how everyone deals with it or am I the only one that has that .
Jen,
I will be honest with you, it took me until last month which was my fifth month clean before I thought about them. I can not explain it, but one day I just stopped thinking about the way the way they made me feel. I just accepted I was pretty much normal again after ten years of addiction. Every day does get better even though I know exactly how you feel. I think it is fantastic you have gone 19 days. That is one hell of an accomplishement. I asked Kitty Mom everyday just what you asked. It is different for everyone. To be honest I was surprised it took me as long as five months. Six months clean today and it was the best decision I ever made in my life. Coming to this board everyday and sharing my journey with others who were going through it and those that made it helped me more than anything.
I wish you so much success and just remember, our minds our strong and a thought is just a thought and a thought can be changed.
All the best,
Lori
Jen,
I just read what I wrote and I meant it was five months until I didn’t think about them anymore. Sorry
Oh my goodness how I do agree Jen and Metoo. I love my boys but this weekend they got on my nerves sooooooo bad. As soon as I would sit down one of them would need something or they would start fighting….GOOD GRIEF CHARLIE BROWN!! I was so happy to get back to work today but missed them by the time I picked them up.
They lost their game tonight 
My whole adoptive family (brother, sister, dad, mom, nephews) were there to support my kids. Wow, what a difference from my bio family.
Thanks for the support Kitty. My mom was so emotionally and physically abusive my whole life but it’s funny to me that I would put up with it and never confront her (still am always respectful and have never said an unkind word to her…NEVER) but when you have kids your priorities change and you protect them at all cost. Everyone was shocked when I told her that she was welcome to visit as long as she was appropriate around the boys….this was after she called my son a son-of-a-bitch and told him that his other grandma wasn’t his grandma and that she was a bitch. I told her that is the last time that can EVER happen. I then distanced myself.
I would love to chatsy tomorrow but that’s about the time I’m getting the boys ready for bed. Have you thought about that book Kitty?? I’ll mail it to you if you want.
Metoo, please trust me in the fact that I know in my heart that you will find the perfect fit. You have so much courage to take the steps you’ve taken and I can tell you are still adjusting, just try to relax and let God and His angels take care of you.
Love, Pinkerton
Pink – Yeah I thought about that being not a good time – maybe we will get to chatz one of these days – it is hard to get everyone together at the same time, but it would be fun…I forgot about the book – I will look for it this coming weekend. I got to start writing things down. I am sorry about your bio mom calling your son names and being so hateful like that. Joe told me one time that people who are in pain -cause pain…but I know that not all people in pain cause pain cause all of us on here are in pain at one point or another and do not treat others badly…we got a great group here.
Lori – so nice to see you on about….you are so an inspiration being clean for 6 months – BRAG girl – BRAG…lol!!!! And, Jen, God, girl, I cannot believe you are at 20 days….Wednesday will be 9 months for me…can you believe it girls…All our milestones are so inspiring. …and soon we will have Pink over here with us….Go Pink!
Some of my girlies are missing on here today….get your butts on here…hope everyone is fine.
All of you inspire me and I will never ever throw you away!!
Love and thanks for being here with me
Kitty
Hey Lori, I like that, “a thought is just a thought and can be changed” in fact I love it.
Evening girls. Busy busy monday! Sorry i didn’t post much yesterday, fell asleep early early, actually that’s about all i did all stinking day. Haven’t caught up on all those posts yet, read a couple but lots of activity yesterday, that’s awesome! I love reading everyone’s post.
Kitty
Sounds like you were down yesterday, hope today was better. I want you to know that I am the most. Dedicated loyal friend anyone can have and I pride myself in that, anyways what that means is I won’t go anywhere if that means anything.
Kitty- also, just so u know, you have saved my life, my job, my family, friends and my relationship! And for that you should take some credit and know that you did that for me cuz i could not have done this without you and your inspirational words! I think god brought me to you and everyone here. And I am eternally grateful for that so lift your head up and remember what you have done and are doing for people! I can never thank you enough! U really are our kitty”mom”.
Jen
I am here darlin. Just fell asleep last night on couch, was hung over! Had too much fun on sat night! Hand guess what…I went for a short bike ride tonight and I didn’t have a heart attack nor did my heart pound outta my chest! Also, I still have”cravings” but they do pass. Not all the time, but I really wanted to take a couple to clean my house and instead paid my friends daughter to do it and I recovered from my sat night.(she did a crappy. Job but it’s better than it was so whatever)
how is your daughter doing? Any better today? I hope so, that alone would give me some anxiety!!
Quitting
What up woman? I am here, just had a rough sat night and slept most day sun and then fell asleep early on couch..so I followed your example and had my friends daughter clean my house! Never again! I paid her fifty bucks and it took her only two hrs. That’s $25 and hour! She’s only 12 hrs old. Lesson learned huh? Next week I am gonna hire a real cleaning lady. At least until I am ready to do it myself.. I think it’s a trigger. I wanna take vics to clean, might be a little bit of an excuse too. I mean who likes to clean anyways!
Pink
I think it takes a really big person for you to even allow them in your lives.. Sorry you have to deal with crap like that. I have a total creepy “uncle”. If ya know what I mean. Sorry if I am tmi now too, but I freak out every time I see him. And trust me I Don’t see him at fam functions anymore and if he’s gonna be there I am not. He just sends me into total panic and I don’t use this word very often but I hate him for it! Keep your head up and I can tell that you and kitty have a great relationship. What a good friend you guys are to each other. I love it! I am sooooo soooo thankful for all of you!
Lori
So 5 mos huh? Nice to hear how long I may deal with this. 3 weeks and 3 days today for me and I am starting to get some energy.. I have to remember I cannot have even one cuz that’s my mind game.. Hmm just one…no no no though! I can’t wait to say I am 6mos.. Congrats to u girl!! You are an inspiration to me!
Jen quittin
You girls hear that? 6 mos. One day we will be saying that together too. We rock girls!
Me too
There you are… I don’t know if saw my suggestion to u or not so I am gonna say it again.. First of you are an awesome friend to kitty… I am glad you guys have each other. Good friends are hard to come by.
Anyways, have you thought about dentistry? You can usually train on the job actually. It’s usually decent money (of course money is better longer you have done it or as long as you stay in one office) . Anyways I love my job… I like the assisting side the best which you dont HAVE to have a license for. And it’s helping people.. I love it when we do a huge surgery and make someone’s horrible mouth beautiful. Or when I can help someone who has fear of dentist and I help them get over the fear by making their experience pleasant (has to be a good docyou work for). Also I love getting someone “out of excruciating pain” . I am helping people in some form… Just a suggestion. You must be a “people” person. I luv it though. Anyways like I said just a thought..
Hey girls it’s me just thought I would check in to day hi and to let everyone know that I’m going to try to slow my posting down I’m doing wonderful and it’s 23 days I have felt great for sometime but I just want to try to move on and look for a job and I am pregnant so excited and just want to focus in my new family and hubby I just dint want any one wondering if I’m ok cause I will be great I’ll. Check in once in a while to say what’s up maybe this will help kitty get the old Crew back on here thanks again to everyone and hope u all stay clean and happy and healthy cause u know I will with my new baby inside mr thanks for all it help and prayers I can’t tell u how much they mean but my life is just Turing out to be better than great !! And the things I wanted most I’ve now gotten and am so thankful
Peace out for now
Love QN
Qn: congrats preggers that is awsome.So how did you find out how far along are you how exciting. But my heart did sink a lil when you said you were gonna slow down posting
. Im very happy for you its the best experience in life and changes the way you see everything in life
Im glad you had a fun weekend. My daughter is feeling a little better it kinda comes and goes gotta keep giving her the breathing tx. My anxiety is bad today my husband is getting his kids tomorrow which are the same age as mine so it gets crazy. I feel so bad cuz as soon as he says we are getting them I get bad anxiety and my bloodpressure goes up. I dont even have to sit and make myself that way it happens instantly. Sometimes I feel I’m just not a good stepmom or something for feeling that way.I willl just start crying thinking about getting them tomorrow. Its just hard and his ex is the worst bitch on earth. So I had to take my anxiety meds. I have been having cravings but like you said I tell myself I cant have one at all because thats how it starts so NO pills!!!
.
Thanks Lori thats awsome I cant wait to be clean that long great job that is awsome. I been a lil down the last few days I wish I wouldnt have these cravings they come and go realy fast but many times a day does that make sense.
Nsip: thats good you got some rest
kittymom:thanks im so glad i have made it this far. It is a big struggle but I love being clean. Thanks for being here for me I so needed it today
.
what a blessing for someone to take you in like that they are angels on earth.
Pink: yeah I have three kids he has two and I guess im just a nervous wreck kind of person I get such bad anxiety when I have all them I will sit and cry just knowing I’m gonna have them all. I dont know why I am like that but I just am. I am sorry bout ur real mom that must have been tough dealing with that. But thank god for your momma
Thanks guys for helping me thru this I have had a craving kind of day. Wish you could just erase that feeling and be ok for good . Prayers for everyone sober trying to get sober and in between
qn: sorry i kinda posted sporatically i meant how exciting being preggers not that you werent gonna post anymore
im all sad now i love your high energy and spirit
Wow, there are so many things going on. Glad to hear everyone is doing well. Congrats QN!!! That is so exciting. It will be so easy for you to stay clean and get on with your life now that you have a little one to be healthy for. Today was tough. I don’t know why but I just felt like I really didn’t care if I took pills or not. I really liked the way I felt when I took them and my problem isn’t a problem. I am fine. I wasn’t hurting anyone. THEN I STOPPED. I am NOT fine and I do have a problem. My addiction was creeping in. I really had to think about how my whole life has been effected. How I became a completely different person and how I didn’t really like the way it felt after being clean for so long. I would basically have to force myself to take the pills, even though they made me sick to get back to a point where my system would accept them. So, long story short, I had a HUGE urge to call in an old script. I DID NOT and went to the movies with my husband (Bridesmaids). I really hate that I still have these feelings out of nowhere. The movie helped incredibly. So, tomorrow is a new day and I am going to take a few Kratom to take the edge off. Good Night : )
Good Morning Everyone!
NotMyself, I feel like I’m reading something I would have written a month ago. That is exactly the kind of rationalizing that got me into trouble, EXACTLY! Don’t do it no matter what because let me tell you that it is never as good as you think it was….seriously, I became instantly anxious and demoralized. The high just won’t come anymore. Now, the only reason I am still using is because I don’t have time to go thru the detox and if you read my previous post, I want to have certain habits in place. PLEASE, TRUST ME, I thought I could “manage” my intake. That didn’t even last a day!
Jen, I understand the nerves kicking in when more kids come into the picture and change the whole dynamics. I get irritatable and nervous too. My friend called me the other day, her car broke down, needed to get her son to the hospital for x-rays. I took them, meaning me, her, and five kids. I took the other four to the cafeteria and what a nightmare!!! Just burn some kratom and you’ll be fine.
@ NSIP, I appreciate the support regarding my mom. It’s wierd, but it’s almost like I have already grieved for her. She and my brother did some outrageously mean things to me and my bio sister about 2 years ago. It all stemmed from when I first adopted my boys. I explained to everyone that the boys and I needed time to get to know each other and that I didn’t want them to be bombarded with new people and that I would invite people over to visit. The reason I did this was because everyone was so excited that I knew we would constantly have company and that is scary for two little boys moving into a new home and not even knowing their new mommy. My brother was the only person who didn’t respect this request and would come over twice a day and I asked that he respect my wishes he became offended. He started telling my mom and made her mad…and it goes on and on and on…he still drives by my house everyday and even my Mom has told him to leave me alone.
Yes, I do love Kitty and she is my friend but she is also everyone’s friend and that is what makes her so special to me. She is there for everyone at just the right time. I thought she would be upset with me for relapsing but she was kind and gentle with her words. Metoo is the same way. They both really get it and they aren’t here just to have their needs met but are here to help others in their journey. That is why I did’t go anywhere even when I relapsed because I followed their example and thought that my relapse may help someone else stay clean. You are also a good, solid person whom I’ve seen over on the other pages helping others and I can tell you are going to do great things on this site for all those lost people looking for answers. I will be needing you soon, I cut off the supplier, …… I’m so A.D.D. the Bob Marley song just popped into my head, “I shot the sheriff” except it is “I cut the supplier”…I’m so crazy!!
Congratulations QN! Take care and I hope all goes well for you and the baby.
Everyone have a wonderful day!!
Pinkerton
PINK:I’m so sorry about your mom and brother and why does your brother drive by everyday thats strange. omg I know exactly what your saying is so true about the pills!!
notmyself: I feel exactly how you feel about the cravings it sucks. I seriously have to talk myself out of taking them everyday. I’m just make it till tomorrow then make it the next day . It is forsure a day to day process.
jen, have you tried kratom? I can’t remember if you have tried burning it or not. It has really helped me in weaning off. In fact I burn some first thing in the morning, take a vic after lunch, then burn more kratom right before dinner, and then take a vic before bed. It’s working wonders for me and I hope it helps ease my urges when I quit for good.
My brother told my bio mom and bio sister that he drives by to check on us. My bio mom said, “what is driving by going to prove?” and he said that it was his daily routine and he wasn’t going to stop doing it just because I don’t like it. What do you think, crazy or what!?!?!?
Hey Kitty and Metoo, how are my two girls today??
You gals rock! Keep up the fellowship.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU Pink, I really appreciate the words of wisdom. I woke up today and was so happy I didn’t call in my script. I went for a long run, felt tired but pushed myself. It’s so weird that I have been vicodin free for 30 days today. This is about the same time I relapsed a year ago and it started all over again and I took it up a notch in my dosage. I almost wish I was addicted to something that was harder to get. It’s hard to get vicodin but not that hard. I’m so grateful I am not an alcoholic, you can walk right into a liquor store anytime you need it. Could you imagine if Vicodin was OTC!!! I would never be free from it. I have Kratom on board today so I am feeling good. MeToo & Kitty Mom were my inspiration for starting this journey and now Jen, Pink, NSI and QN have all kept me clean with their posts of hope! Hope everyone is healthy and happy today. It’s a new day, enjoy!
Hey Y’all
Just taking a little break from work and thought I would give you all a big hug and a “you go girl” for each and every one of you and even those that are not posting.
Pink, I am so appreciative of your kind words – it makes everything I try to do here worthwhile – and I am praying very hard that you will get through the vic addiction and detox that you plan in the near future. I will be here for you, routing you on – you can count on me.
NeeSIP – You are doing so good and are so full of inspiration to me and others – keep up the great work, staying clean – and coming here to post. I never get tired of hearing from you. You are giving more inspiration and you are taking lately. Thank you as always.
NM and Jen – I hear you ladies – that first month is still fresh in my mind and you must listen to me when I say…..the mind will try to play tricks on you. It wants those drugs – your reality mind knows that you will be back in a vicious and sick circle if you go back to them – but your addictive mind is craving – for the fun and energy it thinks the pills will give you….it lies, that is all I can say – the addictive mind lies – it tells you that just one would be OK when it knows it is never enough. It tells you that you can start over in a few days when it knows it could go on for months or even years…..this sick and addictive drug plays games on your mind and your body – making you believe that you need it and letting you go to hell and back to get it.
Just for today – do what you are doing and listen to your clean mind for clarity – trust only that the devil resides in the addiction and is just waiting to snatch you back to the hell that is pill addiction.
Now with all that being said – I have faith in God and faith in you, that YOU CAN KEEP CLEAN – one day at a time!
QN – Now isn’t that something – that you just happen to mention that you are pregnant…..Girl, how wonderful…..just a few weeks ago you were talking about getting clean because you and your husband wanted a baby – and here you are already getting clean and already being pregnant…..Great Great Great. What a wonderful reason to stay clean and sober and in good health. I pray that is the most wonderful experience of your life (and motherhood is exatly that) and I know you will be a great Mom with your energy and excitement. Now, for the other statement that you are getting clean and moving on. That is understandable, but would be sad. I think you could do some real good on this site helping others. Sometimes, folks on here want to put this part of their life behind them and that is 100% OK….just don’t let us hanging by going away cold turkey on us….and stop in occasionally to let us know how you are doing. Kitty cannot take people leaving cold turkey…we all know that!!!
I love all of you – hope you know that
And – my old buds – Metoo, Lori, Angel, and Jamie – my charm girls – Love yu forever.
If any of you other girls want me to send you some charm tokens to remind you of our trials and triumphs, please let me know by email to
kittymom001@gmail.com.
I have not sent one out in a while and would love you to have one – I keep mine on the rear view mirror of my car so the girls are always with me.
Well, I think I may be rambling….so fare-thee-well my friends.
Love
Kitty
Kitty Mom – You should seriously be an addiction counselor. You are so amazing. I went back and read posts from Joe, you, MeToo, Southern Mom and Jamie. Wow, you guys are funny! Lot’s of great stories. What ever happened to SM? And crazy how Joe just dropped off. I guess life happens. QUESTION: Now that I have 30 days, I really want to com clean to my husband. I feel if I do this, I for sure will not have the chance to relapse. I have only ever made it to 30 days and then I start up again. Kitty, did you tell your husband? Does anyone have advise on how I should go about bringing it up? I am very nervous but know I need to do it.
NotMyself, I would like to make a suggestion in telling your husband. I suggest you go into it with no expectations from him. I found myself hurt because those I cared about didn’t always react the way I thought they should when I told them. I didn’t realize that this was new to them because I had been living with this addiction for years. However and whenever you tell him try to respect his reaction.
Hello Tony, how are you doing? So nice to hear from you!!
NM and Jen, Kitty is sooooo right. I am telling you from my experience…I was certain in my mind both times that I would not take more than a couple and then a month later I’m still taking them AND they don’t make me feel better or happier nor do I have any more fun…I’m MISERABLE!!
NM – My husband knew I was taking pills, but I do not think he knew how deep I was into them. Does your husband know that you even take them and what was your “excuse” (we all had an excuse to start) I would just tell him, you know, I think I had a problem with taking too many pills and my body became addicted, but I have not taken any for a month now and I would like you to make sure I do not take any more because I feel so much better since I stopped taking them. Ask for his help but let him know yu are not presently using them. Thats is how I approched it with my sister and my mother – I told them that I was taking pain medication and my body became addicted (so that I was like a third party to it or something) That way the blame was on the pills and not on me. He was supportive but most of all my sister was supportive and called me every day for two weeks….But you have the worst behind you now and are going to him after you became clean . Does he have any idea that you used let alone became addicted or is this going to be a total shock to him…go from a medicine point of view instead of a street addict point of view if you know what I mean. If you feel like he is going to be supportive and helpful in helping you remain clean, by all means tell him. If he is going to be an ass and beat you over the head with it and give you reason to use – then I would just not tell him. That is my opinion only.
Good luck – email me if you want to get more info on the matter.
I will be pulling for ya no matter what!
Love Kitty
Just a funnynote on today -
My Husband and my Father in law and my mother all think I am freaking Bill Gates or something – they are all bugging the shit out of me about their computers and they think that there is some little elf in there somewhere fucking (sorry) up everything on his own….LMFAO – just thought I would mention that!!
Thank you! I will try my best to find the right time. Maybe on date night. Ha! He knows I take pain meds every now and then for migraines and ovarian cysts. But he would freak if he knew how much I was actually taking. I will spare him the details. I used to keep a bottle in the cabinet with fake pills (generic asprin) just so he wouldn’t think I was going through them so fast. I’m not worried about him freaking out as much as I am having him treat me like a victim. I don’t like to dwell on things and he likes to go over them and make sure everything is okay. Argh, now I’m not so sure I want to tell him. He is the type that will keep bringing it up to make sure I am ok. Annoying. I know that sounds mean. It also makes me realize what a great husband I have that he cares.
Quitting
Omg congrats congrats congrats! I guess youwon,lol
So I totally understand that u just need to move on but please check in every once in a while…you just brought tears to my eyes! I was reading Jensen post to u and was like what? What I.s she talking about? So I went up and found your post. I am sooo sooo happy for you, pray that I will be next.! I also know that I will not go back to where we came from.. I want you to know I will always have a place in my heart for you! I couldn’t have gotten through this without you!
Love always
Les. (nsip)
Pink
I cut the supplier… U mad me truly lol…:). I am pretty certain I gotta little a.d.d. Going on myself… I love the crazies! Thanks for yhr kind words. Yes I have been seeking out new people .. I thank the lord everyday that u responded to me . So I think that even ifi can help even one person at least I have tried. I love helping people anyways.. My friends know I am. The best friend they will ever have and always will be…ALSO…your relapse (sorry to say so). But it’s helping ME.. You remind me that I cannot have just one and that the high won’t be ther and that I can have just one cuz it WILL turn into 20. So I am sorry about your relapse but you will be with us soon. I know so and I wil be here when you need it most,!
Not myself
I agree completely with kitty about telling your husband. I think as long as he won’t be an ass about it, that u will feel like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. And you ARE going to make it past 30 days. Fri will be 28 days for me.. Let’s hit the 60′s days mark together… Jen is right there with us too. I have used pinks experience with relapse to learn from it. It won’t make me feel good and I can take just one. Just what I have been telling myself
Kitty
Hope today was a better day for you , and yes I hope to try and help anyone I can.. I still can’t believe I have made it this far. I just have to remind myself that I can have even one!
Jen Jen Jen
Omg QN is preggers and I was really sad too.. Made me tear up! Now pray I can have a baby one day and that I haven screwed my body up!
How ya doing today? You get all the kiddos? That would totally be enough to make me panic! I think anyone who can take care of five kids at once HAS to be super mom! So stop beating yourself up! I will start calling u super j! I too still have cravings… Damn house cleaning, sit,l can’t do it myself yet.. I have to talk myself down. You TOO can do this. We will keep doing this together! Soon we will be saying 60 days and then 90 days. Wholly crap I never thought I could say one day or one week even,, we have come so far!!
QN,Congrats girl!Clean and pregnant.How awesome!Nice way to start a new chapter in your life.
KittyMom try not to be bummed about Joe.He knows the bond you all share and I’m sure he’ll pop back in if he needs the inspiration or support.If not like the other gals said it will be his loss.Chances are he says a prayer for all of us daily.
Lori,Pink,MeToo,Jen,NSIP,Tony,Edub,AzMomma,and whoever I forgot,Love reading your posts.It helps me gain insight into my own addiction.Feel unworthy when I’m using but sometimes my job just beats me down so bad I gotta cave.Not clean by no means but do know the difference between (Needing) and (Wanting).
Hope all of you are strong.And living life to its fullest.xxrainxx
NotMySelf,Love u too girl.Your man sounds like mine.He’d crap b.b’s if he knew I can eat Vics like M&M’s.
Xxrainxx
That’s a good way to put it. We can eat vics like m & m’s.. Lol
Soooo soooo true!!
Oh by the way girls and Tony
Today’s bike ride went from ten minutes yesterday to twenty minutes today. Baby steps right?
Kitty
My computer does have a little elf… He’s my fiancé.
I am horrible with computers.. Iwanna charm to remind me of u and all of this every day bu that means I have to figure out e mail or what is it now… Now I have g mail…lol
Jen
Where are you? I am worrying about you! Check in even if u f’d up. Check in ! I can’t have u and QN both gone!! Hope u ate just busy with the kids.. Hang in there super j !
NSIP: I’m here just having a shitty day . Im not going anywhere;). I have all of our kids today and it seems when his and mine are together all we do is fight ughh its ridiculous. How are you doing?
Jen!!! Yay!! There ya are girl!! Never mind me.sounds like you have had shittu couple of days! How long do u have to have ALL the kids?
That sucks his ex is a beoootch! Ex are hard to deal with and usually cause unnecessary drama.. Just remember you both are goin thru some shit and it WILL get better!! How is he doing? Still Vic free on his end too? We will get thru this crap! And kids aren’t there to stay forevr, not that u don’t love and care but that’s a lot to deal with and u deserve to get frustrated and you are allowed to be stressed out! Even super j. Can have a bad day and remember tomorrow’s a new day! Hang in there! Luv ya girl!
NSIP: thanks I love them to death its my husband that drives me nuts when we have them all. He is sober to but has been pretty bitchy last few days hope he isnt using behind my back. Thanks for the support
love ya to !!!!
Jen
Maybe he is just goin through the same crap we did. I was sooooo irritable and still am sometimes. I hope he’s not using either. I think men are usually better at this stuff. Kind of like how guys cam just switch off their feelings in a break up. But women can’t. Maybe I am wrong though. Hang in there. Talk tomorrow lady. Night.
Ha! Rain you are funny. So, we went to an Italian restaurant tonight and I drank a ton of wine thinking tonight would be the night to tell him my dirty dark secret. We got on the conversation of one of the wives and he went on to say she always seemed to be medicated and she was a HOT mess! Well, I took that as not the right time and drank some more. I am now home and have a splitting headache. I am going to take some excedrine, drink a ton of water and go to bed. Good Night all!!! I appreciate all of you : )
NM – Just as thought, but I think you need to stop looking at your addiction as dirty and dark and blame it on the freaking addictive quality of the pills themselves – it is not like any of us want to get in the situation we have gotten ourself in. The pills make us feel good at first and then stick like a mother to our brain – WTF – I have quit blaming myself and figure it is the nature of the beast that beat me down to the ground and sent me to hell and back…..just a thought for y’all to think about!
Love
Kitty
@ Rain – You are right about men – they can have passionate love for you one day and then leave you cold turkey the next….lol! And, my husband does not discuss anything that bothers him – But, I guess I should be thankful for his constant positive attitude and keep looking at the glass half full instead of half empty….gota love him for that!!!!
Love
Kitty
Neesip – If you can get me your address to me somehow, I would be glad to send you a charm.
kittymom001@gmail.com
I am also on face book if you use it – but I would have to give you the link somehow. Do you have an email account?
Love
Kitty
Jen – hang in there with the kids – with today’s blended families, we all take on added stress, don’t we? My husband raised my daughter with me since she was 6 and let me tell you, there were times, I was in the middle of constant turmoil. Always, trying to smooth things out from both sides – always trying be fair to both of them….Even though she still sees her dad, her step-dad is a big part of her life. Blended families are anything buy easy – I hope you enjoy your summer is spite of it all…sometimes it is hard to have fun ….lol!
Love
Kitty
Good morning everyone!
I just thought of something a drug and alcohol counselor told me (my hospital takes referrals from theirs). She was discussing one of our shared clients and she said, “I told him it’s ok to feel crappy sometimes.” For some reason that stuck with me. I think because I always feel like I have to feel good, happy, content, etc. or else I’m doing something wrong. When she said that I felt like such a burden had been lifted. I DON’T HAVE TO BE “ON” ALL THE TIME.. It’s funny how one offhanded comment can make an inpact. That is why I always say that we need to be mindful of how we treat others and what we say. enough of my lecture on the importance of paying attention and exercising selfless loyalty….:) I like to share things that help me in case they help someone else.
“It’s ok to feel crappy”…let’s all give ourselves permission to feel what we feel today and not strive for a false euphoria. Especially those of you who are struggling with PAWS. Feel the misery and embrace it because you are stronger than any temporary feeling.
I want you all to remind me of this when I am struggling….PROMISE???
NotMyself, I’m sorry but your recall of your attempt to tell your husband last night reminded me of a Seinfield episode. I’m not minimizing but what are the odds that he would say something like that? I do hope you are able to share with him soon so that you can get it off your mind. I think Kitty is on the mark about how you look at this addiction. We all started innocently and before we knew what was going on, BAM we are addicted to the little monsters and feel like a Dr. Phil special waiting to happen. You are a good person who got ambushed by a not-so-good substance. I will be praying for you, and I do hope you can put this behind you soon.
Love, Pinkerton
Wow! QN IS PREGNANT!!!! I want to shout it to the world!!!
I am sooo happy for you, QN!! See??? You CHOSE to get clean….and God has seen you grow. Way to go, kiddo, way to go….I am so glad for you….and to know that you have made the great triumph of your life by beating the dragon and proving what you are made of. That’s the good stuff!!!
Pink…I LOVE the ‘it’s ok to feel crappy sometimes’ thing. Isn’t it just the truth that we always expect so much of ourselves. Still, this is something I haven’t mastered….how to just BE crappy sometimes….
And miss Kitty. I am a fan of looking at our addictions in the third person!! It gives US a break and tells it like it is!!! I believe also that as we travel the road after the slaying of the dragon we are able to view it more objectively, and THAT helps others who are walking through the muck make it through. Being able to grab ahold of someone’s hand when they are struggling is the most rewarding thing I have ever done, and I am thankful that this board affords us the luxury of helping someone else. When I say my prayers of thanks, this board is one of the first things I mention…and all of our peeps here, in various stages of recovery, yet all on the same road. There is a light at the end, folks, and it’s just up ahead!!! Let’s all get there together.
Lord, please help us all to grow on this journey, and give us the gift of your Divine Mercy. Show us the way, and then help us to show others. Thank you for the gifts of companionship and compassion! And help me find a job, amen.
Hey girls I didn’t say I was leaving OMG just won’t post as much but every morning I read all the posts well thanks guys I know it is a miracle cause I’ve wanted it so bad and now it’s here kinda scary though but I’m one if thoes people that will love being pregnant I’ll wear cute clothes and show off my belly LOL no like a HO but classy u know LMFAO. Thanks for all the posts girls I feel great and life couldn’t be better … One thing I sill hate is going to the doctors all the time got check up and tests cause I hate third things but maybe now I will love it who knows ( I don’t think so ) but it’s good to think positive ….
Hope u all are doing well girls u rock we gave cone so far we r done with those bastards !! They lost the fight and we won !!!! As Charlie sheene would day we are WINNERS .. LOL no but fir real I fell bad for him he is messed up a supper hot mess !!! For real hope he gets well
Any how hope everyone has a great day I’ll check back in a few but keep sending prayers my way I need prayers for 2 lol cause u can never have to many prayers being sent ur way right?? Thanks guys love u all
qn woot woot!!! happy for you. If you quit posting im going to go kick ur booty
and lmao we always use the word WINNING lol
!!
Kitty mom: your right thats how I feel always being in the middle trying to keep the peace!!! Thanks for the support
Pink : yyour right I always feel I have to be super mom and super happy which doesnt work !! I’m glad to know I can feel crappy and ts ok:)
Pink and Metoo,
What beautiful posts. Pink, that is exactly true. We can and should allow ourselves to feel less than ecstatic some time. After all, that is why us addicts reach for the pills….because if we feel less than perfect or less than ecstatic, then we want to reach for something to make us feel that way. So, that is going to be added to my mantras along with Just, for today, no pills AND pills are not an option – It is OK to feel down today. I love IT!
QN – So, when is our new little pee due – do you know yet….and when you find out its gender, you need to give us a holler! It is just so great that you became clean – and now this baby can be your drug of choice – because there is nothing more euphoric than your first born in your arms. Ahhhhh, can I bee the “about” Godmother!
Metoo – good luck on your current job opportunity….just curious, have you put in any aps in person or do they insist on sending them on-line….Things sure have changed since I was looking for my last job…not counting this one I have now because it was through a temp agency and was not as hard.
Well gals, just want you to know how you inspired my life and I am thankful each and every day that I found this site. Trying my hand at helping others, helps me, so it really is a blesssing.
Pink – I will most certainly stay of my high horse and let you feel crappy (if you want to) during your detox….but I will give you the prespective that things are going to improve and you will see the sun rise and the set and the full moon high in the sky with a new appreciation – an appreciation that comes from having a clean body and spirit – I am truly looking forward to seeing you through it…you can do it girl.
Love You
Kitty
Good evening.
Thanks Kitty, I’ll be needing you and I know that I don’t have to ask you to be there because I already know and what a wonderful feeling, to just know. Same with the rest of you, I just know. You all are my sanctuary….away from the expectations, the judgement, the pressure…you all are my sanctuary.
I am reading “Eat, Pray, Love” and in the book her friend tells her to write a letter to God and the universe asking for what it is she wants and needs. I’m gonna try it…..I’m sure I’ll be surprised with the end result…I always am when it comes to my writing. I have also pulled out my notes from my novel and think I’m gonna start writing again. The vics drained all my creative juices and I couldn’t come up with an original idea to save my life so I just put it away. I let my son read some of it…he was cute about it, he said, “good job mommy but you made some mistakes”…lol…he was right. Eureka, I have found my editor!! God in heavin, I love my kids.
Ok, I put in for the 6-30-11 and 7-01-11 (Thurs and Fri) to be off and then have the long weekend to get thru detox, but be feeling better by the 4th of July and I’m gonna pretend those fireworks are for ME!! I will not take any pills on the 29th … I am usually ok on the first day and will have no trouble working. I know I moved the quitting day up but I want to get it over with.
Love, Pinkerton
Good for you, Pink!! And you KNOW we will all be here for you. Let’s all celebrate our freedom from this addiction this 4th of July…and the fireworks can be just for each of us together!!!
Kitty…only ONE application is an actual piece of paper!!! I emailed you the best application I’ve ever filled out today~~damn, that thing sounded like gold if I do say so myself..lol!!! If I had received an application like that, I would CREATE a position for the candidate—but I guess I’ll just have to wait!! I told my ‘wife’ that today I was going to take the day off from my search, and what did I do???? Went through pages and pages of jobs online, and applied for another ton of them. Oh, and did all the laundry too. At least no one can say I’m not trying, but this might just drive me over the edge!!! If I had any idea how to get into a job at a dentists office I would certainly go for it. How does one go about that?? I haven’t seen anything online…? And the search continues…
Otherwise, things are going well here! My girls are thriving under my care!
And so is the kitty cat who stayed out all night last night! He came in this morning and ran to his dish, and then spent most of the day curled up in my arm while I used my other arm to job hunt. I am gaining a lot of ground with my little one, (not just the kitty..lol..), and things are getting better here every moment of every day. When I DO find this job, my life will be very nice, and I will be able to take care of the upcoming divorce. Then, it’s on to the next challenge–which will probably have something to do with how to raise a child in a gay household. ( I hate the “L” word—not the series on Showtime—I love that, but I just don’t like that word..) But, one thing at a time, and this too shall pass.
Hey girls thanks for thinking of mr well I’m like weeks pregnant if that cause last month I had my . Lol get it !!! And I checked and I wasn’t so this is just super brand new thank God cause I think my body is back to normal I think what helped is taking prenatal vitamins a while prior and thoes things are loaded so I think my body came back to normal much before my time cause I was loaded with the right vitamins that’s what I’m guessing or it’s just my time !!!!
Of course Kitty you can be my about godmother I would be honored thanks and I will diff let everyone know if it’s a boy or girl but that’s going to be some time down the road I just prayed and prayed for this and it’s my time sooner than I thought but I will sure take it
One thing is finding a job knowing I’m pregnant that’s going to be tough nut maybe I can go back to work after the baby is here !!!! Have to talk to hubby bout that !!!! Hope he agrees well he might just have to agree
Hope my BFF’S are doing greT Jen . NSIP and w everyone else on here I can’t use names cause I forget who name is who but I mean everybody hope everyone is getting one day closer to getting more clean time …
Well girls till next post have a great week and know that I’m reFung every day your posts and I wish everyone health happiness and I’ll check in later peace
Good night God bless
Wow super long day just got home. Hope everyone is doing great. I’m worn out. I will be back in the am when im not so pooped out lol!!
Good morning little birdies…..hope everyone has a Blessed day. Remember, just for today…..no pills
With God’s strong hand
With your friends on about
You can do it
I am proud of each and every one of us
I’ll check in later
Love
Kitty
Good Morning Everyone!
Metoo, this is just an idea, but is there anything you would absolutely LOVE to do but need the education to do it?? If so, would it be possible to use this time while you are off work to go back to school? I say this because I want to teach at the college level but I need to further my education. The only problem is that I have only found PhD programs that required you to not only go to classes but intern for 20 hrs per week. There is no way I can do that but if I wasn’t working, I would take out a student loan and go for it. Just saying what I’d do. I am still working on finding a way because I really want to do this. I hope you find what YOU are looking for and not what comes along, honestly that is my wish for you. I would hate to see you take something that isn’t fulfilling.
Nice words Kitty. I am so nervous about this next step. I am thinking about it all the time. It’s the feeling of when you are on a wonderful vacation and you are packing up to leave in the morning and going back to work but first you have the long drive home….that is what getting off these damn pills remind me of. The long drive is the detox and getting back to real life is PAWS. I always feel that way when leaving the Outer Banks. One day I will own a house down there and when I retire I will go down in the summers and write my books. Ah, to dream!
Jamie!! Please don’t split on me girl!! I miss ya and wonder what’s up with your life, Candy Girl, the boyfriend, the rattle snakes, your health…
I hope all of you have a wonderful day!
Pinkerton
just checking in; on lunch ; don’t have much time
hope everyones day is great!!!
pink: and when you get that house im coming to visit
.
Kitty : I so need to read your status everyday it helps me make it to the next day love it.
nsip: how are you ? hope your day at work is good.I bet ur a busy bee lol!
Well another rough night with my kiddoe the is better today I feel so bad for her asthma sucks!!!
As for me doing good I feel good somedays and have energy and somedays I am to tired to move its crazy. I got lazy on taking all my vitamins. I need to take them everyday they help alot. My husband is doing ok its just a rough transition for the both us i suppose having two in the same house. Thank god he works alot so we dont drive each other insane lol!
QN: hope your doing good. you better keep us updated on all the bebe stuff how exciting
maybe you will blessed and not have morning sickness ughhh it sucks. Very happy happy for you !!!!!
I’m crappy. But at least I know it’s ok to BE crappy!!!
Girls the 14th will be 30 days party time!!! With my about girls and boys 1 month this part of my life is diff over I can’t even remember why I took thoes darn things and I honestly have never even had a thought about them I am so happy and greatfull and now I’m PEEGGO geese this has been the worst year and also the best year I am so thankful fir everything and everyone in my life I can’t even put it into words I’m so happy and hope all my girls are the same
PS… I try to stay away but can’t I just love to read the great posts so I’ll try not to post to often but it’s hard
QN: KEEEEEPPPPP POOOSTTTTTING WOMAN!!!!:)
Metoo sorry I posted and then saw ur post typed a post but erased so here goes I hope u come out ur funk Soon happy and heLing prYers coming ur way !!!
any who just remember there is a reason u haven’t bound a job yet cause the perfect one is still waiting for you girly u deserve the best and sometimes the next takes a tiny bit more time than just a regular job I know that soon very Soon you will get the perfect job cause u deserve it God knows you do … When one door closes another opens and usally it’s better than the other !!!! Any way hope u feel better soon
Jen — glad to hear your daughter is feeling a bit better it sucks cause there is nothing you can do that had to be hard but keep ur head up cause I’m sending healing prayers ur way and so glad to hear your hubby is doing well u guys rock big time !!!!
Hope everyone is well and doing great love to reads ur posts I just can’t stay away I feel like I have to cone here daily dirty girls I tried but couldn’t stay away love u gals to much
Guys IDK if I already said this but Tuesday will be one month geeze that’s great to say I’m we on my way I have gotten everything I have prayed for I thought to my self this has been the worst and best year of my life anything worthwhile doesn’t cone easy right girls
Pink — can’t wait for you girl I’m swear I will be estatic when u meet us on thus side cause like I said before u have been a huge part of my success along with a ton other people but I really took a liking to you instantly Now I will be right behind u when u r to weak to jeep going I’m not going to let u fall I will be pushing u forward and this will be the last time u have to suffer if I have a say in it I believe in u and u r so much stronger than mr and that shows if I can do it u can to cause I’m a big ass baby
And u should write and teach cause u deserve to be happy and love and live life to it’s fullest u have great kids and life is good we r a team let’s keep it strong !!!!
NSIP — where the heck r u post and let us know what’s up maybe I’ll give my babys middle name ( ABOUT ) not cause I couldn’t do that to Jim or her that’s cruel but girls if u have named that are your fav post them kitty god momma give me done suggestions any body geRs from Angel I’ve been non stop thinking about get she has to be the mist incredible girl I know cause to go threw what she has had to deL with man she deserves a metal !!! I sure couldn’t do it but any way girls check back later !!!!
Good Evening!
QN, thanks for the kind words and I’ll be appreciative of all the support I can get AND congratulations on your 30 day anniversary coming up on the 14th!!! Woot Woot
I’m very proud of you, but I always knew you could do it. OK, baby names, well I like Berghan (bur-gan) for a girl and Khegan (key-gan) for a boy. Also, my friend named her little girl Lenox and her little boy Rhen and I love both of those names.
Metoo, what’s going on?? Why are you feeling crappy? Even though it’s ok…lol…I still hope it passes quickly. I have been thinking about what you mentioned regarding raising your little girl, and you know what, I am a single white female who adopted two bi-racial boys. Not your typical household but surprisingly, once you get used to the idea yourself, you will find that you don’t even notice the reaction of others. Love, security, and stability are what’s important — along with communication. I am honest with my boys about their past, their bio mom, their adoption, their race, etc. When they have been teased occasionally I do my best to explain to them why the other child is teasing them and how to handle it. I tell them that everyone has something that someone else can tease them about…..we all have something that makes us vulnerable to critizism. I also tell them to remember how it makes them feel so they never do that to someone else. I don’t know if I’m right but I feel that they are uneffected by the opinions of others. I am so certain that you and your wife are wonderful parents who have created a loving environment for your daughter and she will flourish and grow into a well-rounded adult. Just my opinion.
I hope everyone is having a great start to your summer.
Love, Pinkerton
Hey gurly gurls – glad to hear everyone’s posts and comments this evening. I just spent 3 hours playing “bill gates” working on my father in laws computer. He decided he wanted to set up his old computer so that he could get some stuff off of it, so I set up his old computer, cleaned it, compressed it, and defragmented it, I hooked up a wireless connection for his laptop, fixed his printer connection, fixed his telephone answering machine – I guess that is it. Boy am I tired, but he was so happy to be able to use his old computer again and happy he could now take his lap top over to his wheelchair and sit in the front of the TV and use the computer. He holds me up on doing the work because he asks me a million questions about what I am doing and since he does not know an ethernet from a elephant – and he can’t hear very well at all, it is like talking to someone in chinese when all they speak is pig latin – what a freaking trip….lol…but I got r done and he was happy when we left there. He is 83 and in ill health and his wife has been out of the country for two months – I think he is just lonely. (long story – I will tell you about it some day)
Me too – It is OK to feel gloomy today and I hope the morning finds you in better spirits. Have you tried to march your little behind into some establishments and talk to someone in person about a job. I just hate that internet process – how can a potential employer choose applicants from a freaking peace of paper – you need to look at someone in the eye to know if they are a good candidate…you need to feel their handshake to kow if they are a good candidate. I know there is something out there for you – God, if they could see you smile, and hear the ambition in your voice, I know you would be in like flint!
Pink – my sister in law is a University teacher in Pennsylvania – she teaches advanced mathematics – calculus, etc…..and she simply loves teaching. It would be wonderful for you to continue your education and do something you really want to do. There are so many more opportunies these days with on-line classes, weekend studies…if yu really want to do it, it is possible. And, tell me about this writing a book -I always wanted to write a book. I have been contemplating writing something about addiction recovery from an addicts standpoint. I have been thinking about it alot lately. It would certainly help me by putting everything down on paper. You inspire me to start being more serious about it.
Jamie – girl, where the hell are you…I see you posting thousands on songs on facebook so please take the time to get your arse over here to let us know what is going on in your life.
And, Angel, my dear Angel – how are you doing. Don’t think for a minute that you wayward girls are not on my mind and in my prayers cause that would be wrong. You are with me always.
My orignal charm budies – please let me know how you are doing. I will try to get some emails out to you folks soon.
I am getting tired and my arms feel like bloody stumps (they are really hurting) so if I did not mention you, I am still thinking about you….Love each and every one of you.
Remember
Today you are allowed to feel grumpy, sad, or insane
But Today you will not take a pill to compensate
For today, that is not an option
Love you folks
Kitty
Howdy girls. Busy busy day. I haven’t had a chance to catch up on all the posts yet. Had my fourth bike ride of the week tonight and possibly got myself knocked up. Sorry tmi right? Anyways I hope so! My anxiety is better and aches are way better than they were!yay!
Me too
As far as a dental office goes there is usually a high turnover rate on assistants. I see adds all the time where I live for dental assistant and some offices are willing to train on the job. I know many girls who have learned on the job. It’s only like a six or eight week course too. My opinion is that learning on the job is way better than school cuz you have more hands on experience. If I were you I would march my bu right into some offices and take in my resume. Impress them in person with your charm and personality. First impressions are huge as far as my opinion goes. It’s worth a shot. Tell them you are willing to train on the job. Just a thought. Can’t hurt right?
Kitty
I am still catching up on posts. Haven’t had a moment to even read the shack. Someone else said they are reading eat pray love.. I bought it months ago. That will be my next book now that I am interested in “life” again. Thanks to everyone here.tomorrow is 4 weeks.. Hip hip hooray! Anyways. I will get on email sometime e this weekend when I have more time to mess up our computer…. I might need ya here Bill.
Quitting
Are you kidding me? Don’t stay asagi miss you already . Yeah I got a little dramatic when you said you were gonna slowdown … I might be a bit of a drama queen sometimes.. Lol:). Glad you are doing well and keep us updated on baby!! Yay! I am soooo sooo happy for you! Now say a little prayer that I too can get preggers.:)
Jen
How’s it goin mamma? Still have the kiddos?
How’s anxiety? I think my Prozac is starting to work cuz anxiety is getting less either that or the fact that tomorrow is four weeks.. Yay!
I can’t believe how far we have come. I really had no faith in myself.. Thank heavens for all my about friends! We rock!
NEESIP – Isn’t it wonderful when you can count you time in weeks instead of days and before you know it, you will be counting in months – my next goal will be one year…and who knows, then maybe I will stop counting…but I doubt it…lol!
Love
Kitty
Good Morning Everyone!
Kitty, I think that writing a book from an addicts point of view is a very good idea. I believe there are alot of self-medicating people out there who want to hear the truth and read about real-life experience of addiction and recovery. AND, not from a clinicians point of view either!! I have taken a few courses and a book I will reccommend is “Self-Editing for Fiction Writers” by Renni Browne and Dave King. Even though your idea sounds like non-fiction, you will still gain alot by reading this short book. Here is an idea to start….just sit down at your computer when you have time and write constantly for about five or ten minutes. Ignore punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc…..just write whatever comes into your mind…anything at all. You will be surprised where your mind will go if you set it free. Let me know how it goes if you try it. OR, go back in time to a place or event in your childhood and write about it, describe how it smelled, tasted, the colors, the feelings, etc. If you like I can email you my 5 page childhood place and you can see what I mean. Not that it is any good but it’s just to help you with getting started. One thing for sure, if something is buried deep, it will submerge in your writings…at least mine did, and you will see cause you know my families issues.
Love to all,
Pinkerton
Good morning everyone; i still haven’t caught up on posts from yesterday and day before i feel like a bad friend. sorry
only have a few moments here. usually i am running late late late; and lately i have been more punctual. i used to get up four times a night and i am sleeping through the night. and today i too have noticed the birds are chirping; not sure if its cuz yal were talking about it or if its cuz i noticed on my own ; but i don’t think i had noticed them in a long time. the heat wave broke here and its really nice out this a.m. usually i am off on fridays but i have to go to our satelite office cuz them bitches sorry are lazy.. i am soo angry at how much advantage they take of our doc. anyways enough ranting.
kitty; yes weeks is much better than days!!! yay for me and everyone else gotta go ; our caravan of dental people here; this office is out of my city and we ride together
hope eveyone has a great day. check back tonight and weekends coming so i will catch up
Pink – I already do the writing thing of which you spoke – I have something called “my life” that I dable on when ever the spirit hits me to do so and you are correct – it brings out all kinds of feelings – You know I stopped all kinds of creative things when I was so worried about my next pill – and now the creative juices are coming out in me again. I used to make quilts and have a whole shelf of little quilts and several large ones throughout the house – I have not sat down to do anything like that in years…so I am going to make a serious effort to let my creative juices flow in the next couple of months….wish me luck.
Love
Kitty
Hey girls my body feels weird like it’s always hungry I dint know if I’m tripping or what but also it feels weird a great weird I think anybody else that has been preggo felt this remember this is my very first pregnancy so the new feelings are kinda scary I don’t think I’m hungry but it feels like it also it rumbels slot is this normal girls ???
All the mommas our there if u remember let me know !!!
I’m great just freaking wonderful happy as a lark just thought I’d stop by and say what’s up
Kitty where are you from cause u sound by ur words Luke u r Irish my mom is from Belfast northern Ireland we just went and visited grandma and aunties ect last year my mom still has her acent and talks like u arce bloody all third things just was thinking about it ??
Hope u girls have a great and blessed day
Metoo hope today brought u some happy and u r feeling better
Hello my friends!Hope everyone is wonderful.Just popped in to share my two favorite mantras…”Goosefrabra”From Anger Management,
And Puppies Kittens And Rainbows!Even if you say it with clenched teeth it helps get me through the day.
Puppies Kittens Rainbows
Puppies Kittens Rainbows
Puppies Kittens Rainbows
Smile my friends, today you’ve earned it!!xxrainxx
Hey, kids!! Well, yesterday I had this thought. Back before I made this move, if someone would have told me my future accurately, they would have said, “Well, there will be a period of time when you will be without employment, but you will have money in the bank still.” To them, I would have replied, “Shit, that’s NO PROBLEM!!” Then I would have thought of ways to ENJOY the time, knowing that something good will come along, simply because IT ALWAYS DOES. So, I gave myself a kick in the butt, and today is a new day. I have a feeling something really good may be just around the corner, so today I am optimistic. Everything has turned out better than I anticipated already, so I can only believe that the rest will come, and will follow suit.
I had a nice kitty snuggle with me ALL NIGHT LONG…lol. So I think everything’s gonna be ok. Thanks for bearing with me!!!
PuppiesKittensRainbows!!!!!!
OK metoo – do I see you becoming a cat person? I am telling you – cause I am a kitty momma – there is nothing as coy as your cat curled up on the foot of the bed or even better beside you!
I am torn between cleaning the house and laying in the pool reading a book – what do you think girls?
Puppies Kittens and Rainbows
Love
Kitty
PS – I meant cozy not coy – damn freaking slow as shit typing on this website drives me crazy!!!!
Puppies Kittens Rainbows and Panda cubs!
Love
Kitty
Yeah, it’s happening, Kitty….I never thought it would!!! I vote for the pool. I’m gonna go weed-eat I think…otherwise, I’m doing a big, fat NOTHIN’!!!!!
I’m with metoo kitty,definitely pooltime!!
Good attitude metoo…Kitties rock!!LOL!!
kittty
are you kidding me? lay in pool and read girl; hope i get some time this weekend to read; still havent caught up on all posts and will be kind of in and out tonight..so my very very best friend in the world; i call her my wife on many occsions; its not like that but we are just really close; she told me that she had gotten to the point where she didnt’ even wanna talk to me cuz of the vic’s .. it hurt my feeelings but she meant well by telling me. she said i am diff now. she said she couldn’t get a word in edge wise before and that i have changed even in the past weeks 4 weeks to be exact!!!
nsip; Im ok just been so busy the kiddoes went back we will have them again next week. My anxiety is better I just have moments of depression that come and go quickly its strange.
QN: let me tell you from experience you will hungey all the time. I used to stuff my face go to bed and wake up at 4 in the morning with my stomach growling so bad I would have to get up and eat something just to get it to stop. That happened with everyone of my kids. I was hungry, tired and had to pee all the time lol!! I’m so excited for you.
So happy for you girls woot woot!!
metoo: you will find what you are looking for sometimes it takes longer than usual but it will come;)
pink, kitty yall are so inspirational yall make me feel better everyday
I can say it is still a process I have to tell myself everyday no pills I wish that thought would go away forever and ever!
qn: love the way i spelt hungry lol
Hey girls well I had the most amazing day with my hubby yesterday we hung out all day went to the movies saw super 8 and it sucked came home and talked till 11 pm and it was great !!! He is the best love him anywho glad to hear everyone is doing well that’s wonderful today is a family hang out day !!! So it should be great have to tidy up a little tiny bit lol then vet ready then hit the town !!!!
I’m not alone right lol I just don’t want to get big as heck u know I want to be a cutie petutie while preggo crazy but it’s just me I’m weird I guess but I can eat lots of healthy foods like carrots and ranch love that and salads and stuff so here goes going to eat again it’s only 7 am
I hope when I get back I have lots of great posts to read !!!
Jen– thanks for that info needed it
Check back later
Hey girls just got out of a hot ass shower and ready to hit the town !!! Just a update
Hope everyone is doing great
QN,Glad you’ve come this far and are having a blast with your man.It’s fun to realize we can actually function without them damn pills isn’t it?
I have spent the last week pill free and managed to smile a few times.Yay!Course there were alot of times spent in hot tub too.I’m happy you are doing great.
Everyone have a great weekend.Kittymom,have you heard from Jamie ?Been thinking about her.Loves to all!!xxrainxx
Hey guys hope everyone is well. My couple of days have been super crazy. Think I need a vacation with no kids for a few days just nned a break. Hope everyone is great
xrainxx: that is awsome way to go
Jen
Glad to hear anxiety is better. Yeah I bet you need some chill time after being soooo busy. I think the depression is probably normal. I haven’t had a ton of depression, but have had some major cravings lately, which do pass. I felt pretty crappy this a.m. But I think I am coming around.. Partly just boredom I think causes me to be a little down.. I am gonna go run errands with a friend so that will get me outta the house for a bit… Can u believe QN is preggers… Hungy lol
Now I wish I could get preggers sooo sooo badly. I know when time is right hopefully it will happen. Hope u ate having a chill day
Quitting. You hungy girl. I am ssooooo excited for you and can’t wait to hear all of your experiences. And I am glad you can’t stay away. Your upbeat positive attitude is good for everyone to hear..luv ya girl and glad u are postin more again !
Xxrainxx
Awesome! That is super good. Soon you will be saying one month! Keep up the good work! We are all here for you! You have a hot tub? Ghats awesome. We have one that’s not hooked up yet, but hot baths were really helping me so keep that up! I really think they helped me big time with aches and. Rls
Me too
I was never a cat person but I love love love my kitties. They have such their own personality they are all so different and have these funny idiosyncrasies … Their sooo funny and I guess now I am cat lady ..:)
Pink
Good luck with the writing. I used to do what u are talking about in a sorta journal or diary.. I have sooo many crazy stories.. My bff used to say she was gonna write a book about me and all my stories. I should start writing down the ones I remember cuz I have so man I can’t remember I should write em down as I think of em
nsip: yep your right it seems like when Im not real busy is when Im down in the dumps and I also have been having craving ughhh sucks but hey we have come a long way girl
and yes cant believe qn is preggers I want to hear all about her experiences 
Hey girls just wanted to say thinking of you guys hope everyone is well and feeling great !!
Girls I feel diff not bad at all but I feel like something is going on with my body it’s weird not a bad feeling at all I feel great but it’s like shits changing in my stomach and insides or something it’s like a funny feeling but any way
Sunday is almost here and the DEL MAR FAIR is here can’t Waite to take my nephews and the FOOD OMG IT’S GOOD MOOD FOOR LOL
can’t wait till we go maybe Tuesday last day of school treat !!!!
Jen — how many days now Girly ?? How u doin !!! Hope u and ur hubby is well and happy and full of freaking energy and ur baby is her asthma better ???? Let me know just are a big bowl of my homemade speggiti the ONLY thing I can make that’s eatable actually it’s darn good !!! LMFAO
NSIP — what’s up girlfriend how’s it going we r going to Texas in July for my hubbys family renioun and I can’t wait I need a vaca from my vaca get it LMFAO hope u r well I sent u and Jen a bunch of energy did u guys get it ?????
Kitty metoo hope u r well and happy and having a great weekend and can’t Waite to read ur next post metoo sounds like u got ur happy back that’s great my prayers came true ..
Rain — you are rocking girl u can do it one week wow that’s great u will be one month before you know it keep ur head up stay positive and keep posting we r a team we will keep it strong hope u feel great not good but great Soon sending healing and happy prayers ur way just remember u only have to feel this way once
Pink — couldn’t stay away ur big day is coming can’t Waite Tuesday is one month for mr can u believe it remember my posts a month or so ago u were so nervous for mr but look I’m doing great better than great everything is back to normal except my body is changing cause I’m preggo did u hear so freaking happy I can’t even put it into words before I meet u on thus site and all the OG girls I never ever ever thought I’d be here today clean one month feeling hood and preggo everything I asked God for he gave mr with ur help so I will be pushing ur booty the whole ezy don’t turn around cause I’ll be right there pushing u forward u will have a great detox trust mr u tapered like a queen and it does help big time !!! Can’t Waite for the date LOL
Everyone have s great rest of the weekend and talk to you gals later u guys r trueky the best ever !!!!!
.) so glad I found u girls I just can’t even go one day with out reading posts and posting my butt off cause I love it putting positive energy out there love to hear the success stories and the not so successful stories they are all great and helpful to all of us Now I know what u mean kitty that it helps to stay around cause I agree 1000000000000% !!!! thanks for listening to my long ass post sorry again
Omg NMS — how did telling ur husband go please share ?? Hope u r doing great and feeling wonderful
:) didn’t mean to leave u out just got to posting and rambling and forgot my little speal for u girly lots of love QN 
Hey girls good morning it’s Sunday next weekend is fathers day !!!! Yeahhhh any who hope everyone is well and feeling great have a great day girls today spending the day with my hubby we r shopping till we drop LOL !!!
Check back later love QN
Morning ladies
So I don’t know if I told you guys but , last weekend my friends 12yr old daughter cleaned my house. Well she did a terrible job! Anywhoo i was a little nervous to tell her mom cuz you know it’s her daughter and I didn’t wanna piss her off, but I told her anyways. So today sheis gonna learn a little lesson about some ethic and that dont get paid if u do crap jobs! She is gonna come back today and do it all over again and do it right. Man I am gonna bump down her list of cool people. Oh well maybe she wil learn something. I did. I should have checked all of her work.. My bad in that area. Anyhow hope everyone got some sleep last night.
qn: have fun shopping till you drop You go girl with all that energy i almost typed injury instead of energy im such a dork must still be tired lol!!!! Have a great day awsome day!!!
!!
nsip: well she should have cleaned it right the first time. I would never let my 12yr old clean anyones house he wont even clean his room right lol!!! But he does do yard work for people and gets paid so yeah she should have done it right the first time. I have so slacked on laundry so bad I have zero energy last few days. I just want to lay in bed and do nothing. Hope you have a great day and clean house
how is kitty ,pink,metoo, rain doing?
Where is edub????are you out there and notmyself how are you????
Morning my friends,Wish me luck…Gotta go do laundry…ICK!!Hope everyone is groovy today!!xxrainxx
So my friends daughter is coming tomorrow instead of today , oh well. And my fiancees doing laundry. I just put away four weeks worth. Yuck! Four weeks cuz that is last time I took a Vic. Will I ever ever be able to do simple things like laundry without wanting one?
I think I am gonna go out on moms boat for a bit hope evrone has a good day!
Hello all my little doves….
Today has been a nice quiet Sunday filled with the Lord’s blessings of sunshine, a peaceful day, and sleepy kitty cats.- I am making wings and they are in the oven as I speak – smelling aroma-licious…mmmmm can’t wait.
On the serious side, I want to discuss the doing things without pills.
On day 7 of my detox I thought to myself (not even knowing who my self was at that particular moment) how is the world am I going to go to the grocery store, the hairdresser, out to lunch with friends, Church, Walmart, out to dinner, to family functions, Christmas, New Years, the 4th of July, to get gas, to WORK, do laundry, make dinner, sit on the front porch and have coffee, read, clean the house….you all know where I am going with this. How are we going to get through our life – our day – this very minute without taking a pill or a handfull of pills for that matter. But, I am hear to announce loudly my friends, that after a while you are going to development a different mindset – you will no longer need to be medicated to leave the house – you will no longer need to be medicated to stay inside the house – you will no longer need to be medicated to go to functions, to observe holidays, to be with friends and family, or just to wake up in the morning. You will be free and that freedom will bring you to a new reality, and I hope you will stay around and share that new reality with the folks who will need you the most – those still struggling – those still not feeling the freedom – those following in your footsteps – those are the ones who will really set you free. Those like you, who are currently setting me free. You are my Rock along with my Lord Jesus Christ who died for me.
Thank you girls for being here.
Thanks for being my Rocks!
Love Y’alll
Kitty
Kitty : thats awsome cuz I think that everyday how am I gonna do all this crap pill free. I think before when I wanted to clean pop a pill there I go now I look at my house and I’m like ughhh!! The first few weeks I think I had more energy then now. I dont feel like doing anything. I need to do like 30 loads of laundry but cant motivate myself to.
Thanks for the inspiration it always lifts my spirits
Jen – you will be all right – just don’t take that first pill and you will be on your way to freedom – it is damn hard – but doable. Hang in there cause it will get better…at first you will have to force yourself. I remember taking all day to just do one load of laundy and get it folded…and to cook a meal – holy crap – the whole kitchen looked like a bomb went off – what a mess just to boil some mac and cheese….it gets better – it gets better. Noting is worth taking that first pill again….gives me the heebie jeebies just thinking about it!
Love Ya
Kitty
Very true words kittymom.It is hard to do things like normal people but afterawhile I pat myself on the back because I got dressed,cooked breakfast,and did laundry,without pills!!
So Jen if I can do it so can you girl..Keep in touch.xxrainxx
Hey girls it does get better u do have to give it some time but you will be able to do everything u did. Before the pills even more but most important u will be better at everything u do Also just hang in there don’t give up I’m only 28 days and everything including sleep is all back to normal I can also say that I have tons of energy and do so much more things than I did with the pills I have motivation and ambition and rewally love life just As before no pills for today
We can win this don’t let those pills win u r stringer thanks girls any one needs to talk just let mr know I’m here for each and everyone of u guys love QN
Hey girls another great day with my hubby we spent the whole day together mow housewives the reunion is on and a BBQ so there u have my day hope all is well love QN
Good Morning Everyone!
About the taking of even one pill…it is the worst mistake I’ve made in my life I think, aside from taking the first pill to begin with (to feel euphoria rather than cure a pain). I have to admit that I am really concerned about feeling depressed when I quit again and I have been racking my brain on how to avoid PAWS. I have come to the conclusion that I am broken and that is why I depend on these pills. I need to recreate myself and instead of only feeling content and relaxed when I am taking medication, I need to work towards finding happiness outside of that amber bottle. I went to a party yesterday and was medicated and it still wasn’t enough and that was all I thought about, “when can I take another,” but when I was not using for those few weeks and went to family functions I was surprised at how much I enjoyed visiting with everyone. So, they aren’t making me happy, but rather numbing me to the unhappiness that I feel. It’s true, in order to enjoy pleasure, you have to deal with the pain. I need to work through my issues instead of medicating myself so that I can be the person God created me to be and not a sedated zombie who remains on the outside looking in at life and love.
Glad to hear everyone is doing well
QN, yes of course I heard that you are pregnant, but you must have missed my post congratulating you and offering up name suggestions. I like Berghan for a girl and Keeghan for a boy. I am so very happy for you and your husband.
Jen, don’t worry about your house no-one ever died from a dirty house. I have little ones too and they just mess it up as soon as I get it cleaned up. Just try to keep the bathroom and the kitchen clean. I keep a container of Clorox wipes on the back of the toilet and wipe it down and around the bottom and floor daily. Maybe try to do a little every day, like one load of laundry per day, that will take a total of a 1/2 hour at the most. Then once you start, you might feel like doing more.
Have a good day!
Pinkerton
Thanks guys yall are so right just a lil at a time. I have a dr app for my daughter so I will get back to yall later
Hey girls. Tomorrow is 30 DAYS HOW WE GOING TO PARTY !!!! one freaking month omg
Hey girls typing was duper slow any how guys it’s party day for I think mr and NSIP and maybe Jen. Are u at one month yet ??? We have to have a time that we r all on chatting for the big party !!!! Everyone is invited join us celebrate at least 3 great girls that have beast this beast we did it now we will be partying again before we know it it will be a year !!!! Way to go we Rock
Pink — we all will help you threw the PAWS I was lucky in that I didn’t experience that part thank GOD but I will be here for you In every way I can !!!! That’s for sure some of the girls one month out ate having the PAWS so I’m sure they figured out little tricks to help that they could share don’t allow that to be a fear why not go into the detox saying I will not have PAWS this time ??? Tell your self you are ok and there is nothing wrong ???? That’s what I did through out the whole process I tried to stay positive and think great thoughts and it worked your mind is do powerful play with it see how that works for you but mo matter what I’m here any ye of the day if you need to talk or vent or u just need a ear to listen I’m here for u !!!
Just remember you are a huge part in why I’m where I am today I know that may sound stupid but mote than any one on this site u were the one that helped me !!! Don’t get me wrong everyone helped alot but for done reason I took to you more than others so I hope u keep that in the back of your mind when or even if you get down !!!! You told me stay busy and I did and it was the best advise anyone could give !!!!
Sorry for so many posts guys but one of our OG’S. is getting ready to detox and I am sure she will do great
Just for today no pills right kitty yes it is hope everyone is well thanks QN
PINK– my offer us open any time
Hi Everyone!!! It has been a while since my last post. I sound like I am in confession. Ha! Sounds like everyone is doing great. I have been using Kratom this past week just to help with cravings. I am over my 30 day hump but have to say I could not have done it without Kratom, and the support from all the girls on this site! I finally have my life back. I will check in again soon and wish everyone the best!
Great to hear from you NMS glad u r doing well good now we have 4 girls that are 30 days or so right ?!!!!! Way to go party party tomorrow or tonight shit what’s one day right
Pinky Tuscadero -
Now Kitty is going to scold you a little – Just one little thing – If you go into detox with a negative outlook, you are going to have a rougher time. It will suck even greater if you worry about what has not happenned yet. So with that said – Worry about PAWS when and if it happens – and if it does, well, it is not near as bad as staying on the merry-go-round of doing drugs. I support you 100% – you know that – and I will be here being your support, your cheerleader, your prayer warrior – and I know you can do it – but if you start thinking of excuses why it will not work – then it won’t. Just do it my friend – you can and you will! Take one day at a time – think positive – remember the mantras – and a month from now you will be a new improved version of yourself.
Go Pink!
Love You
Kitty
Jen,
Your brain needs time to heal – it is used to being fed poison every day and it now is not getting any – If you do not feel like doing the house cleaning and that sort of thing, go out and find something you enjoy doing – or go get a pedicure and just sit back and let the chair massage you and come out with a pretty new set of toenails. Sometimes you have to make yourself do stuff but it is also OK to do nothing once in a while. No extra bails of hay in heaven for being a OC house cleaning machine..lol
Love and hugs
Kitty
Speaking of doing nothing – hubby went to a meeting so I am headed to the pool and am going to read some of my book – I am reading “The Help” it is so good!
lOVE kITTY
Thanks for the support QN! I forgot to mention that I have NOT told my husband. When I do, I will take Kitty’s advice and tell it as it happened and use the vic’s as a third party. One thing I do want to share is PLEASE be careful if you drink and use Kratom. You get super wasted super quick. And more in a halucination way. Fun in my 20′s but not now with kids. So, be careful. Also, I have lost 15 lbs in the last month and feel the Kratom helped : ) Kitty, do you know if there are any withdrawal symptoms when quitting Kratom?
NM – I do not know if there are or not – I only used it a long time ago when I was still using drugs and I got really sick on it. I am not a real advocate of using Kratom – it works for some but for me I am afraid it would be just replacing one addiction for another. I think if you google it, you could find out some information on it. Good luck – I am thinking it is not anything like coming off the vics.
Love
Kitty
congrats all my 30 day girls…What an inspiration for me!!Keep it up!!YOU ROCK!!!
Hey girls just wanted to say hi hope all is well today was a busy day tomorrow even busier so hope everyone is feeling good and gaveling a great week so far!!!!
Check back later
Pink
I luv luv luv name suggestions for QN. Hang in there. U have a plan in place and one heck of a support system here. We will all be here for you. One da at a time. I am still having trouble with everyday normal stuff but i am trying not to get down on myself and I have you guys when I do get down. You can do this!
Jen and QN. . What’s up my girls? 31 days today. We are sooo awesome!! QN I luv pinks name suggestions by the way. Too cute both names!
Jen
I still can’t get the cooking and cleaning thing down but oh well. So what’s a dirty house for a clean me? Remember that. I keep getting down on myself for being so lazy and house so dirty and then I tell myself, but I am clean so that’s something right there. In time we will get with it again for sure. I agree with kitty do what u want right now, a pedi, a massage, shopping, hang with a friend. Whatever you want. I have been doing lots of that lately. I have been having some margaritas on Friday or sat only. Don’t wanna trade vics for alcohol but I figure a couple margaritas with a friend and some cs and salsa Wont hurt as long as i don’t make a habit of it.
Hang in there everyone! Tomorrows a new day and like kitty says
Not one pill, just for today no pills
Luv and hugs to all
Xxrainxx
Meant to say thanks for congrats to us! 31 days! That’s huge right? I never ever in my wildest dreams thought 30 days ago I would have said I haven’t taken a Vic in 30 days. Wow! This site is what inspired me to do it! I couldn’t have done it without everyone here! So it is doable! How are u doin? Hangin in there?
QN
. I can’t wait to hear all bout the baby stuff. Throw me a baby momma prayer. In hopes that I could be preggers.. I hopei hope I hope!
By the way you must have got my address wrong cuz cleaning lady didn’t show and neither did that energy!
Not myself
Congrats on over 30 days. Thatsreally sum thing huh? 31 days for me today. Good job!
Quitting. Jen
31 days for me today…We kick but. It’s def something to celebrate. I might just take a vaca to Miami to see my BFF. Something huge to celebrate!!
Hey girls. Just thought I would drop you buys a line fight about now I know we have come so far one month over a month we are sure on the right path and I know we will all be there in a. Year !! Wow saying that feels great I’m sorry NSIP that u r still haveing a bit of trouble feeling 100% but it will come and you deserve it !!! I just think we rock big time !!!!
Everyone on this site clean not clean who freaking cares we all stuck together and are supporting each other either get clean or to stay glean and all the BS that comes after being clean who can say they have support like that who ??
NSIP thanks it’s about time you cane here and read all the posts and posted ur booty off u go girl leave ur house a hot mess my God you are clean just like you said I on the other hand will never be able to get cleaning done cause I just don’t do it be like me Sis !!! We can be the no cleaning no laundry ladies !!!
Jen — you r such a great support and a e en greater person I hope I can be a great mommy like you !!! You sound like everything I want to be thanks for being here what r we going to do for our one month party I guess no one else wants to join us LOL
Everyone is invited
Pink – thanks for the names those were great I loved them but what do u think about Chad I love love love that name but hubby doesn’t love it just said he likes it???? Ur day is creeping up on us girly can’t Waite no one deserves to feel free and happy more than u u r wonderful I already posted earlier how much u have helped me be here saying I’m one month clean and back to my normal self and I pray hard that u will find the happiness I feel right now and u will mark my words u r my inspiration !!! U truely are !!
Metoo where the heck r u girly cone join us in this wonderful celebration
Kitty — u joining us ??? Shit u helped us get here I know u will be partying with us over a month hello that’s great. !!! Right ??
NMS – you are asume also u have come do far and we mace it pat ur self on the back girl u deserve it more than u know
U partying with us. ????
Rain – yes yes yes it feels great to feel again I’m in such a great place in my life that I’m lucky to say my feelings gave been all great but we all suffered enough right !! You r tootin tight along it’s almost two weeks for you right great job yeah dome of the OG’S on the site don’t post as much and it’s to bad cause every last one of them has helped each one of us get to here we r today right. ??????
If I missed any one I’m sorry I have much love for everyone here my ABOUT FAMILY LOVE YOU HUYS FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART !!
Sill check back later to see new posts
Peace and love
Good night God bless see u in the am going to get us some party favors LMFAO
Good Morning Everyone!!
Oh Kitty, my sweet “about” mom, how you worry so…I appreciate “the scolding” and yes, you are right, I need to think positive and break these chains. I have no choice now because I cut my only supplier off for good and there is no getting him back. I made sure he is gone for good…..(picture Bewitched…poof, he’s gone). I can’t have an option because I’m not strong enough to turn the pills down. Don’t worry Kitty, I’ll be ok because I have no choice but to be ok. I accept that I may be miserable but I won’t be using. If I’m right about myself, I’ll get bored with being miserable after about month and move on. I really believe that I was obsessing over the pills I had left and eventually gave in. I am tapering down to where I’ll have nothing left when the day comes, not even one. That is such a line of crap when I say that I need to keep a few just in case of emergency. Thank you Kitty and everyone on stand by to help me thru this recovery.
Thank you QN for the kind words but this was all you baby! You did it, yes we encouraged you but you were the one who took the bull by the horns and overcame all on your own…so proud of you and all the other girls who have done the same thing. PARTY ON GIRLS!!!!
Chad, I like that name too.
To all of you who are at your 30-day mark, congratulations, congratulations, congratulations!!! I am sitting here in admiration of the courage and perserverance you all have displayed these last four weeks. You are strong beautiful women who have accomplished something that deserves a round of applause.
Jen, give yourself permission to feel like crap, I know I am going to. It’s important to remember that your body, mind, and soul are going through some major reconstruction and it is exhausting…not just physcially but mentally and emotionally as well. AND, they say that dirt builds a strong immune system..that is why my kids are never sick…lol! It will all work out and the thing about a dirty house is that it will not get too much worse, now like an unmowed lawn where the grass gets so high you can’t mow thru it, a dirty house may just need a little elbow grease when you get to it. My friend has a barn and horses and her house is always filthy, literally filthy, with horse shit and mud all over her hard wood floors, musty dirty clothes everywhere, here bathroom is disgusting, but guess what, she doesn’t care and nothing bad has ever happened to her because her house is dirty. She is actually more relaxed and content than I am. So, remember, nothing bad will happen due to a dirty house, but if you don’t take care of your body, spirit, and mind, something life threatening could happen.
Love to you all, Pinkerton
@NotMyself, The link below is a link to “The Kratom Forum” and it has anything you will need to know about Kratom. Make sure to read the rules before posting. There is a thread for “noobies” to ask questions or read others questions and answers. That may help with your concerns. I have burned Kratom but usually only in the morning and afternoon so I never had anything to drink with it…thanks for the info. I have read that there isn’t much withdrawl from it but when I burn twice in one day the effects aren’t as strong. If I just burn in the morning on an empty stomach the effects are much stronger.
http://www.thekratomforum.com/search.php?do=getnew&contenttype=vBForum_Post
Pinkerton
Good morning girls today is 30 days we need to do something nice for our selfs !!!! Have a great day
OMG!!! I have a job interview tomorrow!!!!!!! FINALLYYY!!!! Please pray for me, my peeps!!!!!!!!!! I am geeked!
Metoo – OMG!!!! I will be praying my arse off for ya…Good luck my friend – show your true colors!
Love
Kitty
metoo many prayers so excited for you prayers prayers prayers
sorry guys another busy day here packing to go see inlaws should be exciting with all the kids aghhhhh im gonna die lol!!!!!! Hope everyone has a good day hopefully I can get back on here tonight when my kiddoes are asleep i been so busy !!!!congrats on 30days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Metoo!! What is the the job?? I know you will do great!! Let us know asap.
Love, Pinkerton
MeToo, Good luck on the interview, you will do great!!! So exciting. Pink, thanks for the info on Kratom. I have been burning since the first day I stopped vic’s. I truly never had withdrawal symptoms when using Kratom. But I am going to stop and see how it goes. NSI – thank you for the words of encouragement and congrats to you in your success. It’s amazing looking back at the posts when everyone was at day 2, 3 and even 5. You could just tell you were going to be successful in how sure you were that you were finally done with this demon. Once you decide you do not want to continue the cycle of destruction it is much easier to make a commitment to yourself to stop. Then the hard part, for me is to not be disapointed in myself. And if you fail, you start all over again and learn from your mistake. Each time you realize it was not worth it and you didn’t get the high you wanted. It hurts but that is part of the process. Being on this site is such a huge part of coming clean. Sins and all. No one judges just encourages. Congrats to everyone in just making the effort.
Hey everyone
I have not felt good today and even stayed home from work so I apologize for not coming on to conratulatate y’all on the 30+ days and I hope I did not offend you Pink for spouting off about going into detox with a positive attittude…if I did, I am sorry…God – I just get so gung ho on this detox thing…and so excited cause I just know it is doable, possible, and achievable. I will be your biggest prayer warrior when you start. I am with you on not being able to have any in the house – I had to finish up what I had before I could start.
Here is a celebration song for Y’all
Love You All
Kitty
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvX_5ym_ajI
Hey girls stuck at the fair the parking lit was on lock down and won’t let us out till 9 pm so here we are just having more of a blast except didn’t bring a jacket and it’s coldy so Check back later hope everyone is well and healthy and happy talk to u in the am
Thanks for the kind words Pink.You are very special and like you said nobody ever died from their house being dirty.NSIP Congrats on 31 days!AWESOME!!
QN also doing great!!So proudof you lil mama!!
NotMyself,wise words Thank you for the advice.
OMG,MeToo…WAY TO GOO!!!Good luck and sending my prayers…fingers crossed too!!tAll my friends be safe and happy
KittyMom Hope you feel better tomorrow.
Jen,How you doing??Loves to you!!
Puppies,kittens,rainbows and panda cubs!!xxrainxx
Im back sorry I have been so busy my daughter asthma is still really bad.I dont know what it is. Im gonna have to give my animals away or something she cannot breath thats all she says she cant breath deep. I am so worried sick about her. I dont want her to see me cry but its hard. It has to be the animals I dont know what else it could be. It always seems worse in evening to. As for me I have been so stressed today I sure havent thought about the pills today.
Hope everyone has a great night. Prayers to all and can you send some for my baby
Good Morning Everyone!
@ Kitty, hope you are feeling better. I was not offended in the least…I judge on intent and I know that your intentions are always pure. Sometimes helping someone with this issue is difficult because what we need to hear is not always flattering but it’s necessary for healing to begin. I appreciate all your encouragement and I am certain that you will be there praying your butt off for me…thank you and I love ya. By the way, I think I’m gonna start early, like tomorrow, because I just want to get it over with. I feel like tapering has been a roller coaster and not consistent. Every time I cut back I go thru detox symptoms and feel myself obsessing over how many days and pills are left and how I’m gonna break it down, etc., etc., I think I’m gonna take tomorrow and friday off and take the weekend and get the big time detox over, screw the tapering, it just prolongs the agony. I just don’t feel good when tapering because my body still wants more so I truly believe that I need to just go off CT. I am so freaked out because this is it this time and it’s almost like saying goodbye to your best friend.
@Jen, my prayers are going out to you and your peep. I know how hard that must be to see your baby in distress and not be able to help her.
@Rain, how you doing. It’s true, a house will still stand with dust bunnies. However, I do understand the desire to have a clean house. I am famous for starting a project and then not finishing it so my friend comes over and does a “project clean-up” for me where she will finish all my undone projects in a day…she is a work horse. My thought for this detox is that I would rather have a clean body than a clean house. My kids aren’t going to remember whether the house was clean but they will remember how their mother treated them and how she acted. Right now I’m emotionally unavailable to them and that is unacceptable. I try to be attentive but get easily distracted. I need to end this asap. So, I’m gonna focus on me and my kids, and let the house worry about itself.
METOO, how the hell did it go???
Keep on truckin “30-day girls”, can’t wait to call you all the “60-day girls”!!
Everyone have a good day. Pinkerton
Here we go! It’s almost 9am here now, and my interview is at 1:30pm….This is at a place that didn’t have any openings, but–it looked like a place I would like to be, so I went ahead and submitted my cover letter and resume. They still don’t have any jobs posted on the internet, so ??… looks like I may have done just the right thing to get noticed… The starting pay is great, and I couldn’t ask for any better there…it will be training on first shift and then working second or third shift which I love, because then there aren’t any big wigs running around!! Second shift rocks!!! SO, please, please, please, if you’ve ever prayed for anything for me, pray for this to go extremely well, and for me to walk out with a job. I know it’s unrealistic to want to hear it today, but I do. This will set the last pillar in stone and allow more building to commence!!! I will take all of you with me to the interview, so if you feel out of sorts, you’ll know you are with me!!! Wish me luck!!
Hey girls good morning wow lots of posts from some OG’S great to hear everyone sounds so good that’s great I am doing wonderful and can’t Waite for the day to start it’s early here so gotta Waite for everything to open LOL. I’ll check back later
Jen — if you have had animals for some time and now her asthma is bad it’s prob not them although u can develop allergies as we go along in life but her doctor can do allergy testing to make sure cause that’s a big step and it’s going to hurt the kids also I would hold off with bring allergic to animals comes slot of other symptoms like sneezing and runny nose runny eyes I believe it’s something else just a suggestion normally things dint happen like that but thought I would chime in on that one u know what’s best I just gate to see animals torn away from there home that they gave know all their lifes but of corse what’s worse is if my child was sick so tough descicion but I would get her tested first !! That way u will know for sure what she us having allergies to and not wondering could it have been something else u know any way hope u feel better soon I’m taking all your stress away right now can u feel it !!!!!
Metoo good luck on the job interview u will get it font worry be happy
Rain — you are doing great to how many days now going on two weeks ??? That’s great u Rock I’ll come clean ur house for u not a good cleaner at all but for u I’ll try LOL !!!!
Pink my dear pink let mr know when u start and please reach out to be as many times a day as needed I mean that u should then be starting today or tomorrow by ur last post right !!! U r going to do just fine Girly we r all here for u
Check back later girls
hanks QN your right I think it had alot to do with me sanding our old floor it made it worse I have cleaned everything up wiped down washed all blankets clothes walls anything in between and she says her asthma meds are not working and she cant breath deep that is what she says everyday and yes we have had ferrets 3 yrs and dog since nov and rabbit since april and they are all in house so idk.
But thanks i felt you taking away stress
Metoo: im with you hope you get the job that is awsome prayers for you.
Pink: we are hear for you like you were for us. I hope you know we are all here for you and feel our strength for you
Im packing we are leaving out of town tomorrow and wont be back till next tue so Im gonna try and get on here from phone but havent figured out how. If you dont hear from me thats why no pc lol!! But I will be back
hopefully getting out of this house will help her asthma
Jen,hope the trip goes well.Try to relax.
QN,thanks for the offer but trying to teach hubby how to clean.Most importantly(to see things that need cleaning).Gosh how can you not see a dirty bathroom floor?Anyway my point is I’m a little lax now I try not to write my name in the dust on my furniture.lol.
I want to get a plaque to hang on my door that says “Martha Stewart and Bob Villa Do Not Live Here”.lol
Pink you’re very right, kids need you even if you guys just sit and eat popcorn together.Don’t worry I have a hard time with my granddaughter too.Man I just wanna sit and chill and she’s full of piss and vinegar..So we compromise I let her mess up the kitchen making cookies and we both have a blast.I grit my teeth alot
but I’m fulfilled after she goes home 1,000 miles away.
One thing about being clean is eventually you will start liking the person you used to be.In my case it will take awhile andalot of patience case right now I don’t have any.You are a caring person I bet they appreciate everything you do for them.
Metoo,How it go???
Kittymom,Hope the pool feels wunderfull:>
Peace be with everyone xxrainxx
Good Morning Everyone!
Day one of my third and detox. Wish me luck. Since I cut off my supplier I don’t think it will have anything to do with luck or will power but rather not having a choice. That is how I have to approach this in order to be successful — not give myself a choice.
Wierd thing happened yesterday, I was very nauseated, horrible headache, kinda out of it, but it had nothing to do with detox. I felt so bad that I had my mom and dad take the boys to their baseball game. I can’t tell if I have the flu or not. It doesn’t matter, either way I’ll feel crappy.
Metoo, please let us know how you think it went. Waiting to hear.
Thanks to all of you for standing by me and waiting for me to come around full circle. To those of you who have detoxed, relapsed, and feel like a failure and don’t want to post, don’t feel that way, POST! I am a living example of how people treat you on this site even when you mess up. You all have been so wonderful and supportive and that is why I’ve decided to come clean again and I know that I’m not alone. Secondly, to those of you who feel that it’s too much and you want to take even one pill, don’t, for God’s sake don’t! It’s not worth it even in the least. It screws you all up and destroys your momentum. Now instead of being over 2 months clean, I’m not even 24 hrs clean and it sucks to think that I could be feeling back to normal by now. Believe me, no matter how convincing your addict voice, the road always leads back to day one and detox. You will never find the same high or the same feeling of well being again from the pills whether you take one or not, because your healthy voice has now become stronger and it is constantly arguing with your addict voice and you never feel comfortable with what you are doing. I just hope that my journey through detox, relapse, detox, and relapse again will help someone who is feeling ashamed or embarrassed. I hope that they will see that you can get back on your feet and start over and be successful. I just had to take time to figure our what was preventing me from kicking it. I know that I can’t have even one pill around and can’t have a choice because I will give in.
Have a great day everyone, talk to you later.
Pinkerton
Ok, I’m gonna copy and paste a quote from Joe back in January and it sums up how I feel right now.
“That’s what relapse is to me now, f#@kng rework and I hate f#@king rework.
I mean I don;t want to keep working the same dam chicken day after day, I like fresh meat.” ~Joe
I do miss reading Joe’s posts. He made sense out of the whole damn mess.
Pink,
You are so very inspiring. Here you are starting your detox today and have the empathy in you to welcome and inspire others. You are ready. I can feel it in your words and I agree with the two voices within us that battle against each other. It is almost but not quite like God battling the devil. But it is not in the sense that God is with us no matter if the addictive voice is talking to us or not. He is just waiting there until we make a conscience decision to quit and then he holds our hand and carries us through our pain to the other side.
I wish you strength through the difficult times and courage to follow through. You can do it my friend and I am here if you need anything.
Rain – You are also a huge inspiration. Like Pink, you are battling detox and doing so well and still take the time to inspire others in their time of need. But, I guess that is what we are all “about” on here. Joe and Metoo inspired me when I was first was becoming clean, I hope that I did the same for you, and now you are doing for others….it is a chain on love, compassion, and healing.
I lean on you folks just one more day and reach out my hand for you to lean on me also…I know I know – I get corny some time. But, I truly mean all that I say.
Metoo – Congrats – Congrats – Congrats – I saw your post on facebook – tell us more about it – when do you start – I am so so happy for you. I knew your time would come and you would make us all prouder than we already are. Go knock em dead, my friend!!!!!!
Love you all!
Kitty
PINK!!!! I am so proud of you, and THIS is YOUR TIME!!! Muster through it…you can do it this time! We are all here with you, and you just post your little heart out here!! I am praying like crazy for you, and I know you were all praying for me yesterday BECAUSE…drumroll…hee hee…
I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s just this warehouse place that packages things…saw some eye drop boxes being put together…one pamphlet, one bottle, folded up by machine, stamped by machine, you check the date code and lot number….pack it up. Stuff like that!! I think I had the job before I got there, because I don’t think (judging by the workforce…) that they get too many cover letters and resumes. If anyone can give me a crash course in Spanish, that would be good! The pay is even better than I thought, because with my vocational school degree, I get $2 more an hour TO START…and I wasn’t complaining about the starting pay before!! After my training and certification, I will get another $2 bump. I can’t believe my luck, and I can’t fathom how much God must love me to have put this in my lap. I have been blessed, and I am thankful! I start on July 5th. So, now is the time to tie up my loose ends here–dentist appts, dr appts, etc. Have to get some jeans that FIT…and I have to buck up and start eating better and more. Another step has been taken, and a big thank you goes out to all of you who prayed and cheered me on!! I love you guys…(girls..lol)
Pink, keep on trucking. It will be worth it!!!!
Hey girls congrats metoo on the job I knew u would get it now u r all set !!!! That’s great to hear u deserve it !!!
Pink __ how is it going how r u feeling today let us know ??? Today is day one or two either way u will get threw it !!!!
Check back later
Where the heck r u girls NSIP. NMS I know Jen us on vaca
Sorry girls typing was so slow any how !!! Everybody is going in to the 4th of July with something to be grateful for we are all getting clean or are clean can’t ask for much more than that right !!!!! Have a great weekend I’m starting to worry about u NSIP hope u r still well let us know u haven’t posted in so long just pop In to say hi
Oh My Goodness!! Congratulations Metoo…I knew you would get the job, I just knew it
So happy to hear the money is what you wanted and then some. {{{Virtual hugs}}} Have a drink on me tonight or burn a little kratom. 
Yes, I was praying for you. It’s still so odd (in a good way) how much I care for people I have never met.
Thanks for the support, things are going well. Kitty, your email brought a smile to my wary heart…. I appreciate the fact that you never, ever give up on me, neither has anyone else and I’m so thankful. You all make this girl who has attachment issues, feel attached.
Have a great night everyone! Pinkerton
Pink, I am in turn praying for you!!! I KNOW you can do this!! Thank you for your prayers yesterday—-I’ll bet it was you who put me ‘over the top’, and I will do the same for you now!!!! I’m proud of you for reaching this day….and it will get better!!! You’ve said, “NO” to the pills all day, and you will keep saying, “NO!!!” I have faith. And I have faith in YOU.
As fate or whatever would have it, TODAY I got a call for another interview!!! HAHAHAHA!!!! Too late!! I declined the interview because it was far less pay than the job I took, although in retrospect I won’t be so quick to decline again….a smart girl would keep her eyes open. I just wasn’t so smart right then!!!
I pray that you are all well, but none so well and fine as our lovely Pinkerton. Let us focus on the wellbeing of our beloved friend, and get her through this time with as much love and support as we can muster!!! I’m with you, Pink!!! Keep the faith!!!!
Congrats MeToo! So happy for you.Your time has come, you deserve so many great things. Pink, even though your journey has just started, you have so much support here and will succeed. You sound like you are mentally ready so now you just need to get through the physical part. Even though I am past my 30 day mark I still feel like I could relapse. I do not have a lot of will power and don’t know if I would pass on vic’s if they were right in front of me. I live in my sheltered bubble and might need to stay in it until I am mentally healthy enough to venture out. That’s it for today. Glad everyone is doing so well. Congrats to all.
Hey everyone – Wow – so many blessings today – Metoo with her new job – Pink starting a new journey – QN, NM, Jen, Rain holding their own and healing each day. Where is our Neesip at – miss you girl! And, I especially miss Jamie. – Jamie, your e-mail address fell off my address book – could you please send it to me by email or on facebook. I heard from Angel today – Hang in there girl and do what is right for you and your boys – You are so strong and you can resist any temptation – man I am proud of you! Lori – I need to shoot you a message also – hope you are doing well.
By golly, my husband and I ran errands for three hours after work today and my freaking feet are burning like wildfires. I went in the pool for a few minutes but that did not help. Took an ibuprophen for my aches and pains and now I am going to settle in and read my book for a few minutes before I fall asleep.
I wish you all a Blessed evening
Be Safe
Love
Kitty
First of all CONGRATS METOO!!Yay! We knew finally you would be rewarded.And now you got two offers:}Awesome so happy for you!!
Pink,we’re all with you.Praying hard for you to beat this demon.It’s o.k. to feel like shit.Sorry but once you do it again time and time again(Like me)There will be a time where you(and me) hopefully have enough sense to say Fuk that I never want to go through that shit again.God I am slow learner and still crave the high,the peace,the calm…but dammit if I can get through a month I will feel grateful.Hell it’s a learning experience.Something that might help if you feel up to it is maybe take in a meeting?Find some folks you can feel comfortable around and exchange phone numbers.I have a dear friend I have frequent sessions with
and it helps me stay on my path.Or of course the friends on here are always available.If you would like my e-mail I will gladly give it to you.This is my santuary.Love to all my peeps hanging in there.
Kittymom…Loved the holla…U made my day!!
Notmyself and Quitting Now…Proud of ya’ll.You make me want to reach my goal.Thanks:}NSIP where ya at girl?
xxrainxx
Good Morning Everyone!
Day two, slept ok last night without any valium. The diarea has started and I feel a little crappy but other than that I’m doing well. I would describe this third detox as somewhere between the first and the second as far as discomfort goes. The first was tough (but doable), then I was clean for about 3-wks, used for 2-wks, detoxed a 2nd time without many symptoms, and then used for 6-wks and this time is uncomfortable but less that the first and more than the second.
I am writing this for those who remain anonymous but are reading these posts trying to make a decision and are afraid of the unknown. I know that most of you are now clean and don’t need this info but I still think of how much influence the stories of others had on me before I started posting. When I was still scared out of my mind to even take that first step. SO, to those of you who are thinking about it, try it, it isn’t as bad as you think. To those of you who relapsed and are thinking about detoxing again, do it, and post cause I need a detox buddy
You know how wierd it is to be on the pills and come clean?? It’s like I’ve been under water, floating along, in another world. When I get clean it’s like coming out of the water. All the familiar things and people are still the same but you see them differently now and they are not really the same to you because you aren’t the same. They are in a relationship with a different person, in my case they don’t know I’ve relapsed, but they don’t realize it and for a while you have to fake it so that they don’t realize you have changed. I know this sounds odd, but it is what dawned on me today.
Hope all is well. Pinkerton
Great, great post, Pink. For anyone reading, you can join us by posting, and we will see you through your detox and we will believe in you~many times believing FOR you until you can see clearly again. Where are we if we do not have each other to lean on???
Keep up the good work, Pink….I am right there beside you, as are your angels. Feel them, talk to them. They are right there to help you!!! With the events of especially the past couple of years of my life, there is no one in the world who can tell me that angels are not real~~~~they have amazed me consistently during my journey. I do these ‘angel card readings’ to communicate with them, and I KNOW it sounds weird, but I truly believe. Right now, I am going to get out my deck and channel to them for a reading for Pink. Here goes…..
Card #1: Remember who you are.
Archangel Michael: “You are a powerful, loving, and creative child of God. You are very loved.”
Card #2: Healthy Lifestyle.
Archangel Raphael: “Eat a helthful diet, get adequate sleep, and exercise regularly for optimal health.”
Card #3: Teaching and learning.
Archangel Zadkiel: “Keep an open mind, and learn new ideas. Then, teach these ideas to others.”
That’s what the angels want Pink to know today….and I want you to know that you are supported in this struggle, and it will be for the good!!!! Love you girl….I hope you liked this!
I’m here girls!! had trouble with site; seems fine now
Pink
day 2 yay!!! awesome lady!! you can do this!! you KEEP me clean!!
everytime i wanna take one i think of you and your journey and what you have taught me. You too should learn from yourself. not trying to preach to ya. i am proud of you; you have got ME where i am today so i believe in you!! 5 weeks for me today!!
MeTOO
CONGRATS!!!!!! i knew your time would come!!! you said all of our prayers for you were answered and that may be true also; but YOU are the one who got that job!!!! I am sooooo happy for you!!
Girls today is my follow up doc appt since last time when i spilled the beans. wish me luck i have to go shower and dry my hair which i really hate doing without a pill!! i will check back in later
LOve to all!!
Hey girls where the heck is NSIP I hope she is still kicking it !!!! Please post either way it’s ok we just need to hear you are ok girly .. If you slipped that’s fine we will help you start again …
hope u feel better soon sending prayers ur way !!!!!
Everybody else hope all is well and pink you go girl you rock big time it will get better and u know this !!!!!
@ Metoo, Wow, that is really wierd cause I was just watching Dexter and when he asked his sister how she got through a tough time she replied, “I just remembered who I am and where I want to be” and I thought that I need to think about that approach. Then I got shut down Netflix and got on the “about” page and saw the first card reading and it about knocked my socks off. The second card is also so interesting because getting healthy has been a huge, I mean HUGE, theme in my life lately and one I’m sharing with my best friend and family. We are actually doing a version of the biggest loser. And the third, well I want you to know that I just started looking into Universities to go back for a Phd so I can teach at the college level. If you don’t believe me then go back and read older posts. Your angels really know me well….I am thanking them right now and I also thank you. Love ya Metoo.
NSIP and QN, thank you, and I’m glad you all are doing ok.
THAT is sooo cool, Pink!! They say that the ‘reader’ may not quite understand what the cards mean-and how accurate they are-so I hesitated to do this, but something made a reading for you come to my mind, which just means to me that your angels want you to know that they are there….I think it’s just awesome. I did a reading after I got back from landing my job, and I was just thanking them over and over, then did my reading. I picked two cards, (it just seemed right somehow..), and I got, “The hardest struggles are behind you. Move ahead and have FAITH”, and then, “VICTORY…your prayers have been heard and answered!”
Angels are so real…
Keep up the great work, Pink…and thank you everybody for being such a great support system not only to me, but to each other…
Pink _ sounds like u r doing well that great real great I knew this detox would be easier !!! Than the others any way keep it up and it will soon be over u will be gone with it sooner than u know
NSIP– so glad to hear from you glad you posted u scared mr for a min thought I lost u but I should of known better we won’t ever go back right !!?!!!
Well TGIF. Tomorrow is my lite nephews b day party he will be 2 years old big big day and have to help set up and the party doesn’t start till 2 pm so I’ll be busy busy all day so it looks like any how it’s my pleaser girls have a great weekend and remember to just check in even if it’s just to say hi ! !!!!
Check back later
Oh yeah any body have fathers day gift ideas for men that have greakin everything omg font know what to buy my hubby or my Dad but need to get on it right after all fathersday is Sunday well any suggestions would be helpful
Hey QN, I know this Fathers Day gift may sound stupid but does your dad have a pool or bird feeders?? Cause my dad does so I buy him either pool chemicals or bird food (the good stuff w/ cashews) and he loves it. Just an idea… However, I think this year I’m gonna get him a Bob Evans gift certificate because he and my mom go out to breakfast after her hormone treatments there all the time.
Yes, I am feeling a whole lot better mentally and physically this time. First of all, I was ready and motivated to quit this time, which is absolutely the most important ingredient to my success, and Secondly, the angels have arrived (@Metoo, I kept saying my cards to myself tonight as I mowed the grass.. “I am a powerful, loving, creative child of God”), Thirdly, I am burning Kratom three times a day and it really helps me with an overall feeling of wellbeing. When I burn that I don’ t have the desire for a pill nor do I feel any withdrawl symtoms. This may not be for everyone but it certainly helps me…ALOT! I’m taking potassium and multi-vitamins…the L-Tyrosine and B vitamin made me really anxious and I believe that contributed to my freaking out last time. I’m sure it helps others with fatigue but I have only eliminated that this time and have not had any anxiety. Also, I said it before and I’ll say it again…the weather has been so nice here in Ohio and I really feel like it makes a huge difference in my mood. Maybe I’ll take the kids to the pool after their baseball game tomorrow. It felt so nice to go to the DQ for lunch and sit outside in the sunshine.
No one knows what is going on except for my “about” friends and you all are all I need….thank you for being there for me.
Pinkerton
Hey everybody. Sorry I have not been on today. Pink, sounds like you are doing really well. The angels really help, don’t they? Metoo turned me on to the angels too and they were a gift I could never repay.
I was busy today cause I had my parents down for dinner and was busy cleaning up the house, scrubbing the pool tile, and preparing chicken parmesan and penne pasta for dinner. We had an enjoyable dinner and my daughter was here also. She stopped in after work (she is a nurse) So all in all a great day. I bought my dad a cd for fathers day. He likes to sit in the bedroom with earphones on and listen to music….he is so cute. I can’t imagine life without them and am so thankful for still having them at my age!
So it appears that everyone is doing good. Pink I am praying for your success. It sounds like you are ready, willing, and doing good. Like I said before, you inspire me for being here for the others right in the middle of detoxing yourself. Those that are reading and not posting yet should definately learn something from you. I know I do – even though I have been clean for 9 months now. It keeps me clean by reading all the stories and posts on here.
Just for today – no pills
pills are not even an option
I request an angel and she is here
and
kittens, puppies, rainbows, flowers, and panda cubs
I (and you) are worthy of God’s Love
I am a child of God and he loves all his children
I love you guys for keeping me sane and sober
every time I am down, you pick me up
Have a good evening peepers
Love
Kitty
Pink the dextor u said u were watching was old right last season cause I know the new season hasn’t started yet right ???? Please please tell me it’s old and I haven’t missed the new season I love love love dextor weeds and all third showes so there u have it let me know asap thanks hope u r well keep on keeping u will do this great job
Hello
First off, I want to introduce myself. My name is tammy and I am a 33 yo woman with a wonderful family. Great husband, 3yo daughter and 14 yo son. I feel as my life is perfect with the exception of this addiction. , You all seem very kind, helpful and knowlegeable. I was hoping you could give me some advise. .. I have been on Norco- appr 120 mg a day for the past year. I have had medical issues, and just last week had surgery and do not need them now. I, along with my dr have worked out a plan for me to quit. I am almost at the end of day 2 with no norco.
It has been hell.
Just wanted some input and advise. I am almost at 48 hours,,, it only gets better from here right?/ I have been followoing this thread for a while, and you are very helpful. My dr gave me some meds to help with with drawls.
I have also been on effexor for years and am still taking them
He gave me Phenergan for nausia
ativan for anxiety
Lomit for diarrea.
I have also boughten some stuff that I have read will help.
I am taking a couple vitamin b-2 a day
a one a day womens vitamin
a couple potassium pills a day
a couple magnesium pills day
I also bought some SAM’e and taking a couple of those a day.
L-tyrosine, altough I havent taken yet, as I am concerned there may be a problem with the effexor and the SAM-e together.
So far,,, it is been hard, but I tried a few months ago cold just to see if I was feeling better and it was utter hell. I was off them for a week, but my abdominal pain was unbearable so I got back on them.
Please let me know if yo uthink I may be taking a harmful combination and that it will get better soon.
Day three, and I slept pretty damn good last night with the help of some valium. Woke up with sweats around 3:30 am took a couple more and slept until 6:30am. I haven’t had the RLS this time too bad or at all really, I attribute it to the Kratom and Potassium cause even with valium I still had the rls.
Kitty, thank you for your kind words. I think that we all inspire each other. This group of lovely people are the only people in my world who truly understand this addiction. Additionally, we all have different stories to tell and in this forum I feel safe sharing things that I would be too embarrassed to share with even close friends. This is truly a therapeutic place to go and be free with who you are. Aside from helping me, I want to share my struggles so that my story may comfort or inspire another. You and everyone else on here have done that for me. Thank you. I feel that anyone who is reading this and considering posting, do it. For some reason I feel like I am actually talking to someone and I don’t know why, but I feel so compelled to continue urging this unknown person to post….maybe I’m losing it but if you are out there, post so I don’t feel like I’m barking up the wrong tree.
Ballgame today, wish my boys luck.
Oh, QN, it is a episode from season 2 when Deb is talking to LaGuerta about Dokes being the Bay Harbor Butcher. I downloaded it from Netflix. Dexter is getting me through those long hours of detox….lol….I’m now on season 3.
Everyone have a great, blessed day. Pinkerton
Yo! I’m alive. I’m clean, been over a month now and that part of my life has been going good. I’ve been dealing with a lot of personal and family stuff, so that’s the main reason I’ve been away so long. I will have a novel to tell you guys later. Right now I’m just trying to get all this drama straightened out. Hopefully, by the end of this month things will be really looking up on the drama angle.
My double 3′s birthday is tuesday, don’t know whether I want to be 33 yet lol. But that will hopefully be the bright spot of this month. Yesterday was me and my man’s fifth anniversary together. We’re still working on things.
Well, I need to get some rest. But since Metoo, Kitty and Pink hit me up on facebook I figured it was time to check in. Oh and Kitty, my email is newland5x@aol.com Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Morning Girls
Today is really dreary and rainy outside. Ikinda like it though. i like a good raid day every once in a while. Girl i didn’t know anyone watched DEXTER! I love it!! i actully am a season behind cuz i got mad at our cable company and took hbo and showtime off. Anyone watched SHAMELESS? i heard its AWESOME. CALIFONICATION is my favorite favorite favorit, i think david duchovony is hot hot hot.
Pink ; sounds like you are hanging in there. i am sooo glad no rls yet cuz it sucks. i am praying that you don’t get them at all. that alone will make your detox better!! and like i said before; you and your story is what keeps me from taking one!
Jens outta town right? i was worried; but i think she said she’ll be gone for long weekend so she should be good then . i hope so!
quitting; i have absolutely no clue about dads day either.. my dad has everything; bird seed may be a good idea for my dad; he also has 2 little doggies; maybe something for the dogs ; they have soooo many toys already though!
Jamie!!! yay!! i was soooo wondering about you!! glad you checked in and glad to hear you are doing well. I too will be 33 on my next b day. not sure if i am ready yet either; esp since i don’t have any babies yet.
you guys are sending my baby prayers right???
Kitty; thanks for worrying about me (quitting too) and xxrain xx
when i went back and ready posts i saw people asking where i was at. that’s sooo nice. it was a nice feeling to know there are people who really care about me. thanks soooo much!!! it encouraged me to keep on being pill free too. so love and hugs to everyone!!! thanks so much !! i love alll of you soo much and this is my therapy and means more to me than you guys can ever know!!
So my doc appt yesterday went ok. she is going to keep me on prozac and my trazadone at night for sleep. ;; BUT ; she thinks i probably need some addiction counseling; which is probably true but i don’t have insurance and that can get expensive cuz i can’t go to like a group thing cuz i know everyone in town and that just can’t happen. i might look into seeing a counselor once a month or something.
anyways; she also thinks i could be borderline BIPOLAR!!! i really don’t like that word at all. anyone know anything about bipolar?
she tested me a few years ago and i was borderline she said and she said i t can be hard to diagnose . esp with addicts.
she told me some symptoms are extreme highs an lows. check
tons of energy and doing 100 things at onece. check (when at work)
promiscuity in femals. check (not now cuz i love my fiance but when i was younger i was kind of a slutbag sometimes and i chalked it up to my drinking; but hmmm now i think about it maybe not…??)
goiong to mall to buy pantyhose and coming home with $400 of clothing. check
what do you gusy think??? i need to research and see if i really have this or not and see if it needs treated but just wondered if anyone knows anything about it .. i would love some advice.
thnaks my friends
xxrainxx
our female dentist at our office; her mom DOES have a sign that says
“martha stewart does not live here” lol so they do make em; they are out there
NSIP, is this doc a primary care physician or a psychiatrist? I have worked for a psychiatric hospital for almost ten years and I wouldn’t take a pcp’s diagnosis very seriously, they try to play shrink but are usually guessing. If you are bi-polar, don’t get too freaked out because it isn’t as horrible as all stigma makes it out to be. Yes, there are extremes that can be really debilitating to ones life but there are more people who have this disorder who live a high functioning, productive life. Also, bi-polar is a mood disorder that is recognized by insurance companies and so many times that diagnosis is used for the doc to get paid. If you really have this disorder you should probably be on something other than prozac. I’m not a clinician but do have some experience in this area. Just my opinion and I could be wrong. Try getting the book “Abnormal Psychology” by Susan Nolen-Hoeksema. Just one more thing, when I started my job my boss told me that when you start reading about psych you will find yourself or someone you love with every disorder in the book. Remember, we all have highs and lows. What makes the difference is if it is life-threatening behavior or harmful and debilitating and prevents you from functioning normally. Otherwise, you are just fine.
Hey Jamie, good to see a post.
Off to the game.
Hey, NSIP~~~I have a friend who is going through the same borderline bipolar stuff!!! She was just prescribed something that I can’t remember, but I will find out from her what it is and get back to you!! ALSO…her psychiatrist told her that FISH OIL is THE most important thing to good mental health.
Personally, I had a GREAT visit with my Dr. yesterday. I am getting all kinds of appointments and modifications taken care of before I start my job on July 5th!! Knockin’ them down one at a time, and feeling upbeat and very very proud of myself—which is a good thing in my case!! Driving around with my new GPS like a big girl now!!! Monday I have a long dentist appointment and then a chiropractor appt to start KST therapy…it’s supposed to really help anxiety and depression, so I’ma give it a shot!! I have insurance, and hopefully it will be covered, so I have nothing to lose, and will only gain from the treatment. Google it, KST chiropractic therapy. Also, my Dr. upped my zoloft to 100mg now, up from 50mg, and he said it appears things are going well. He explained my cholesterol numbers to me, and said he believes it’s more hereditary than dietary, which is GREAT, because I am not a big girl—lost over 5 lbs since april 1st, which is NOT good. So, I need to eat, and buck up, Buttercup!!! And, you know what??? I WILL.
Thank you, Jamie for checking in—you are an important part of our ‘about’ family, and I applaud you for your month of sobriety!! WAY TO GO JAME CAT!!!!!!
Also, Pink…I am SO GLAD that my little ‘remedy’ is helping you. You have no idea how wonderful that makes me feel!!!!! Jamie, the angels are wanting me to do a card for you….are you up for that??? Let me know!!!
KittyMom, I love you more than words can say. Not in a gay way. LOLOLOL….but YOU are SO instrumental in my life. On a daily basis, you are in my thoughts and prayers….and one day we will meet up!!!!
Hugs to all….and Happy Father’s Day to my Dad in Heaven. Hug your Dad’s extra long for me on Sunday!!!!
Hey everyone – I just got up 6:00 AM as I usually do, made coffee, sat down and started watching a little TV and just woke up again at 10:30….This Kitty must be tired. I have not done that since I was loaded with pills……see sleep comes back again and you do not even realize it.
Jamie – I am so glad to see your post – glad to see you are clean but sorry to hear about your family problems. I will e-mail you shortly…thanks for sending me your address.
I love all you girls and glad everyone in doing OK this morning.
Now AKitty has to get another cup of coffee. I feel worse after sleeping all that time – too vivid of dreams – they wear me out..lol!
I will write more later
Love yous
Kitty
Hey, Jame Cat…I couldn’t wait with your angel reading, and i love what they have to say to YOU!!! Here it is, my friend!! You got two cards, cuz that’s what came to mind….
Angel card #1: Outdoors.
Archangel Jophiel: “Go outside, get some fresh air, and connect with nature to relieve stress and gain new, creative ideas.”
Angel card #2: Passion.
Archangel Haniel: “Trust and follow your renewed passion in your love life and career.”
There you have it!!
Metoo – look at our post times – They are like minutes apart. We must have been typing at exactly the same time cause your post was not there as I typed….Angels? I love it.
I love you too….(not in a gay way) – lol – you are too funny!
Love
Kitty
PS – I loved seeing Jamie here!
pink
yes she is strickly my pcp. she’s really super nice though. she knows i don’t have insurance and pay out of my pocket for everything so she does lots of things to keep my bills down. she also did say that she is not a psychiatrist and that bipolar is hard to diagnose too so i don’t think she would try and rip me off; but if I DO have it; then it needs treated. I have taken many phychology courses and yes you are right; if you think about it; everyone has….. something ya know. IF i do have it i think its very mild case of it. maybe i should make appt with a psychiatrist or psychologist… one can prescribe meds and oone can’t thats the difference right? but they should be able to accuratly diagnose me? maybe…?? not sure. i personally think that everyone just has highs and lows period; its called “life” lol… my sister on the other hand seems to think everyone is bipolar to an extent. i think she’s kinda wrong and that people just have good days and bad days ya know. my pcp did say that if i do have it i do need to be on something diff than prozac; she told me just to pay attention to my own behavior and do some research on it. i also think thats dangerous cuz i could convince myself…. like oh yeah thats me; like you said about reading that book. if you think about it you can apply stuff like that to everyone. thanks for the input . you are great!!
speaking of you being great; how’s it going? i know you are still hanging in there. glad you got some sleep; and remember as you already know; that it does get better and before you know it you will be counting weeks like i am instread of days..
Me too
fish oil? think i have heard taht before and that it helps with something else too but not sure. sounds disgusting; comes in capsule form i would hope . is it somehting i could buy at health food store?
thanks again too
quitting
here i am posting away now and where ya at woman???
out being you i am sure. shopping with your hubby is gonna be my guess. i have not clue bout my dads gift either… aahh i hate buying stuff for him. i guess he lost his job on thursday and my sister said he is really really depressed. hes super smart and always has a management position; but i sure am worried about him.. he lives 2 hrs away almost; but i am def gonna drive to go se him tomorrow.. i ned some prayers for my dad girls. big time!!!
Fish oil comes in capsule form, and you can buy it almost anywhere. A psychologist is a listener, and a psychiatrist can prescribe the big meds! I would get on some fish oil, though, and make an appointment with a psychiatrist….but I think you have to have a referral by a psychologist. Not sure though!
Either way, we are on your side, and you are OK!!!!
I need a life. LOL!!! It’s almost noon here, and I need to get in the shower. And eat. lol. Yeah.
Metoo, over and out.
We won the game!! 18-3 and finished the season 11-3. Now comes the tournaments!
NSIP, Metoo is correct a psychiatrist can prescribe meds, they are a MD. A psychologist is a PhD. However, I would reccommend finding a Community Counseling Center that treats uninsured because they usually have a sliding fee scale and they will first connect you to a counselor and then you go from there. I’m sure your pcp is great, not minimizing her input, but just want you to be careful when it comes to your mental health and that without a thorough evaluation from a mental health professional, I wouldn’t be too concerned. But I would look into the counseling center I spoke of.
Off to the pool….pushing it a little but it’s better than being in the house!! It does get better, right folks?
Pinkerton
Pink – living proof – it does get better! You are doing more than I did in the first few days – I could not leave the house!
You are phenominal!
Love
Kitty
i haven’t taken any vics for 14 days tomorrow. i was on them for about a year on and off due to back problems and kidney stones. i decided to go off them when i realized how just not myself i was feeling. i went thru some horrible WD symptoms. mostly mentally and emotionally. I just went 4 days feeling amazing…back to myself and then wham! i woke up in the middle of the night with an anxiety attack. i hadn’t had one for days. before that i went 2 days. will i eventually not have this happen? why is vic WD so mentally and emotionally exhausting? i never took it more than the script and almost always less…so i didn’t get addicted and i then i stop found i was addicted. thanks for any thoughts on this. it helps to know i’m not alone in feeling this way. btw, my whole family knows about me stopping vics…they didn’t know i was on them, but i decided to tell them so i would have the support i needed.
Thanks, Metoo, I like what the Angels had to say. All my drama this month has been surrounding my grandma’s house in the mountains, going up on Tuesday to hopefully get that stuff finished up!
I’ve also been teaching myself to play the guitar, so picture me Tuesday or Wednesday either fishing on my pond or sitting on a rock playing my guitar. I’ll probably be working my ass off, but I’ll let you guys imagine me doing what I really want to be doing lol And Tuesday is my b-day so I’m not doing anything I don’t want to do Hah!
My dad just got home from being up at the place and in the middle of him telling us what happened over the last few days he broke down crying, so of course I hugged him and broke down with him. This stuff going on has just been heartbreaking for my family.
Looking at a busy week, so may not check back in for a few days. Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Monkan,
Unfortunately, it is the nature of the beast that even though a prescription drug is taken as prescribed, our bodies become physically addicted and out minds mentally addicted. I don’t know which one is worse and we all go through withdrawals a little differently. Since you have not abused and were following a doctor’s script, I would present your anxiety problems to your doctor and see if he has any advice about it. I myself did not have any anxiety attacks that far into my detox. But, I am on zoloft before and after, so that may be the reason.
By the way, welcome to our wonderful site here. I hope it helps you as much as it helps me. It is a pleasure to meet you and I hope you stay around and share your expereince. I was on vics way longer than you – many years – and in realizing I am a slave to those pills, I call myself an addict. But, I have been free for 9 months now and know now that pills are no longer an option for me. There are many others on here that are at various stages of detox and we chat about that and various other things on here daily. If you stick around you will meet everyone and believe me, it will be helpful to you.
Thanks for joining us
Kitty
Hey Jamie,
Can I come to the mountains and sit on a rock beside you while you play that quitar……such a comforting thought. Hope everything works out for you.
Pink – how you doing little girl – going into day 4 – how awesome. Day four was tough for me, but I have faith that you will be fine….get through day four and you are well on your way. I am praying for your strength daily.
Love to all our daddys today. Happy Fathers’s day!
Talk later – gotta get Kitty Dad’s presents wrapped
Love You ALL
Kitty
Good morning and Happy Fathers Day.
Welcome Monkan, nice to hear your story. I find it interesting about the anxiety because my first detox I didn’t have any, then my second I did, this is my third with no anxiety (I’m on day 4 – the worst for me usually). I’m wondering, are you taking something that may trigger it, like for me I believe it may be the L-tyrosine and B6, so I cut it out and my anxiety went away. Don’t get me wrong, my emotions are all over the place but I’m not freaking out. Or, are you having any stressful issues in your life (besides getting off the pills) right now? Hang in there, everyone says it gets better.
Well, it looks like when I’m detoxing I always have a huge fight with someone…why I don’t know because they didn’t do anything wrong. I feel really bad and wish I could take back the nasty things I said because I didn’t mean it but I don’t think they are willing to accept my apology right now….and I do understand because it was uncalled for. I guess all I can do is apologize and hope for the best and accept the consequences of my actions and words.
Feeling the cold chills, body aches, etc. today but I expected it. My mind and body feel beat up. I really don’t know who I am sometimes because I have never taken the time to be me or deal with stuff.
Lil down in the dumps this morning. Didn’t sleep well. No pill urges which is a great thing!
Everyone have a great day! Pinkerton
Well, looks like I’m forgiven afterall. Thank goodness because she is my very best friend. She said that she knew I was being emotional and didn’t mean a word I said and didn’t think twice about it….am I lucky or what!?! I don’t know if anyone else has this issue when getting off this stuff but boy do I ever. I think I even yelled at my beloved Metoo one time…and of course she forgave me and loves me anyway…WOW I have some good friends, thank you all for accepting me just the way I come to you…sometimes happy, upbeat and fun and then other times I’m down, miserable, and a real asshole. Today is day four and I’m probably going to be in a real bitchy mood…just burnt some K so that might help.
Pinkerton
Pink – I still have those times when I feel so mean inside that I am afraid that someone will look at me and see it. And, sometimes I want to slap people for being in an elevator with me….lol! And, detoxing is not easy – Sometimes I sugar coat it – but, hey, if it were easy then we might not be addicts. So, today, if you bite my head off, or anyones – I understand. I send you my blessing to be mean as shit for at least a week…OK? Hang in there – it gets better – (if I sound like a broken record, I am sorry)
Love
Kitty
I am feeling better, HOT shower, burnt a little K and that helped alot, took some advil, and I feel like I can be civil. My head still hurts but remember I had the flu the day before detox anyway so who knows what’s up with me. Thanks guys I appreciate the support.
Hah! I don’t ever remember you yelling at me, Pink!! Not at all…? Well, I’m glad I forgave you anyways…lol!~!!! Keep up the good work over there!!!! You’re doing great, my friend!!!
Hey girls it’s me QN well u knew that any wYs had a greT birthday party yesterday didn’t sit down from 8. Am to 9 pm was literally beat down but it was worth it everyone had s great time and it was wonderful any how todY is fathers day how I love my daddy he is the best dad in the universe I love him with all my heRt well I still haven’t figured out a gift yet but I’m on my way with my hubby daddy to be to go shopping and then a late nice lunch with the whole family man life is great hope everyone is well
Pink wow day 4 u r well on it way it will all be over before u know it great job keep us updated on how u r feeling sending healing prayers ur way !!!!
NSIP – my girl u sound great u sound like u r getting better with the anxiety but just one thing yes I amswnding fertility prYers ur way but u shouldn’t get prego if u r on Prozac right ?? But I hope u do get preggers with me we can have about twins lol I am so so so happy to hear from u
Jen — hope ur cava is going great let us know the min u touch down and tell us all about it
Kitty metoo — you guys sound great to hope ur weekend was great keep up the good work
What about a reading for mr metoo ???
Jamie — wow wow u r back and doing great over a month me too we must of been detoxing around the sane time glad to gear u and ur man are doing good I love that keep posting
Monkan — glad u found us u r going greT keep it up it get much better infact it gets great live is so much better off third evil little devils and u will Soon see how great it is keep posting
Check back later
Good evening everyone.
My day ended much better than it started, I swear by the Kratom, it helps me so much.
Metoo, I don’t even remember what I snapped at you for but I think it was around the time we found out about my mom’s breast cancer and I relapsed and I was just being a real tool to everyone and you happened to be my “about” friend that got it that day….glad you don’t remember…lol …. cause you have been so good to me and helped me so much with every part of this transition. Love me some Kratom…love the smell of that aroma
Going back to work tomorrow. Hope I can sleep tonight.
Love to you all. Pinkerton
Thanks everyone for the welcome. @pinkerton – In 18 months, I have been separated, divorced, engaged, remarried, moved, become a grandmother for the first time, started a new job, lost my grandmother, and helped my sister thru breast cancer…so yeah, I’ve been under some major stresses.
I’ve been talking with my husband and we’ve realized just how much stress we’ve been under for the past year alone. During this past year, I have been taking vics for the different ailments. It’s only now that I have been really feeling better (no kidney problems or back issues). So we’re thinking that maybe these anxiety attacks (heart racing, impending doom feeling, things closing in on me) are my body saying ENOUGH…I can’t handle more stress. I was Cymbalta for 8 years when I was married to my first husband. My new husband and I have started running and jogging at night together to find an outlet for stress relief.
Today was a great day but I’ve had times of just not feeling like myself. I’m feeling a lot better now, but it’s hard to get through those small times when I don’t. I have an appt with my doctor in a few weeks and I will discuss the anxiety attacks. I just don’t want to be on any meds…I feel like I’ve been on too many recently.
Sorry so long winded..or written 
Good Morning Everyone!
@ Monkan, Yes, Yes, Yes, you have definately been under some tremendous stress. It appears that it is catching up with you. There is a list of the top 5 most stressful situations and you have had all five all at once practically. I’m just surprise you didn’t abuse the vics to get through it. Since you only took what you were prescribed and less sometimes, and felt like you weren’t yourself or didn’t like the way they made you feel, I’m hoping you aren’t too far down the rabbit hole. Maybe all your life events in combination with detoxing is just putting you into a temporary depression, and I stress temporary! I don’t hear you saying that you’re craving the high or the pill, so that is a beautiful thing, be thankful. Keep exercising and try different relaxation techniques, that might help.
Well, the beginning of day 5 for me! I just realized that I don’t like counting. I wanted to get past day 4 cause of the detox misery but now I just need to be a regular person who is not taking any pills. If I have a bad day, it’s because I’m having a bad day and nothing a pill will cure. I’m sure tomorrow I’ll announce it’s day 6, lol, but that’s how I feel right now. Last night went well, took some valium to sleep and tonight I’m gonna cut back on those too. I have four at night to sleep for three days, 2 @ bed and 2@ 3am, which is when I seem to wake up. Tonight I’ll try taking non and see how it works out. Definately don’t want to get addicted to them…Kratom helps me sleep too so maybe tonight I’ll burn some before bed. I feel good and ready for work. By the way, I slept most of the day and then went to my dads for fathers day and had a cookout and felt great….I think the worst is behind me and for those of you starting out, by day 5 you should be back to feeling human again.
Oh, and Monkan, don’t ever apologize for a post no matter how short or long. Your story WILL HELP SOMEONE and even though it’s therapeutic for you to share, it’s just as helpful, if not life changing for others to read your story. Think back to when you were that anonymous person who was scared out of your wits…:) You have an interesting story to tell with a fresh perspective, please keep up the posts.
To all the other great “about” friends and supporters, have a wonderful day.
Pinkerton
Good morning ladies and once again, welcome Monkan. It is always good to meet someone new on here.
It is a sultry summer morning here in Florida. The humidity and heat is on for the next couple of months and it is very hard for me to leave the house sometimes. I pulled my car in the garage Thursday after work and did not have it out of the garage all weekend. I tend not want to leave the house as much these days. My husband took me out to do some errands on Thursday evening and again on Saturday night when we went out to dinner. I had a good time after I was out, but getting me out is like pulling teeth. I think it is still a little after math of not relying on the pills to get me out and about. I do not crave them or anything but there is still something a little wacko about the whole existance of life. I really enjoy my time at home though and go to work every day so I guess I am getting on OK…I just have a moment every once in a while if you know what I mean.
So…how are all you folks doing. I hope everyone had a enjoyable father day weekend. I got to see my parents and daughter on Friday and we enjoyed it. It is sad seeing my parents get older and I am so very Blessed to have them.
Monkan – you can be long winded (as you put it) any time you want. We all occassionally let it all hang out. That is what we are here for….to help each other get through this detox thing and life in general.
Pink – I hope your day 5 is a Blessed and easier day – don’t let the nature of the beast get you down. Now I am not in your shoes, but it appears that you are holding your own and for that I am so happy. It always gives me hope when someone overcomes those damn pills…..I know it is about the hardest thing I ever did but so rewarding when the beast is out of your system.
Metoo – I bet you are getting exciting about the job. Sounds like you are making the best of these final weeks off….pretty soon you will be like the rest of us working stiffs – wishing for the weekends…lol….the curse of the working world – a blessing to have work, but lusting for time off.
The rest of you peeps, rain, jamie, Steff, Lori, Angel, QN, Neesip, NM, Jen….hope you all have a Blessed day.
Love to each and every one of you
Just for today – I will not take a pill
Kitty
@ Kitty, Just for today you will not take a pill AND it’s ok to feel like crap sometimes
I’m sorry you have been in a funk but it will pass as it always does and you will be back to floating in the pool, reading a good book, making yourself a beautiful balsamic salad and inspiring others to better themselves and their lives. I am really focusing on the fact that just because I don’t feel great, happy, social, etc. that it’s ok and I’ll just get through it. Love ya Cat.
WELCOME, MONKAN!!! You are so welcome here!!! Post your little heart out!! We will support you 24/7! On THAT you can rest assured!!!
QN, it’s time for the reading you requested….
Card #1: Brilliant Idea!
Archangel Uriel: “yes, your idea is Divinely guided…please take action to bring your idea to fruition.”
Card #2: Remember Who You Are.
Archangel Michael: “you are a powerful, loving, and creative child of God. You are very loved.”
So what kind of ideas do you have brewing there?? Hmmm??
Kitty, I am the SAME WAY!!! My car hasn’t moved since last Friday!! Home is where the heart is!!! And that’s just fine with me!
Hey Metoo – Yeah, I know what you mean. I would rather be home than any where else in the world. We even decided to take a Staycation instead of a Vacation this year and are just going to stay at home for the entire week and do an occasional day road trip if we feel like it…so the week of July 18 I will be just floating on a pool raft, drinking white mocha lattes and reading a book or two unless my hubby can drag me antique shopping or something. For one thing the Florida heat is just too brutal to really enjoy being out and about. We were going to go to the mountains but had to replace the duct work in our house and do not want to spend any additional money. But, I am happy to just stay home. I used to plan my vacation around if I had enough vicodin to get me through a week of vacation which was most of the time double the amount I usually took (lethal doses) but those days are over. Not that I would take them again or anything, but I think they did get me out more. So, that is one thing I have to have a mindset about. First of all, my memory of pills is a fantasy – I did not feel as good as I think I did. And secondly, they are no longer an option. I am glad that I have this place to come to and people who understand the feelings that us addicts go through at various times.
Pink – thanks for the kind words. They are most precious to my well being.
So long story short – I am OK – I am enjoying a slowed down version of life – my party days are long over – and I enjoy the peaceful existance to which I have morphed.
Thanks for being here
Love You
Kitty
@ Kitty, I think the reason this detox is going so well is because I’ve seen for myself that when your mind tries to take you to that fantasy world and tries to temp you with the promise of euphoria…it’s a lie. Once your rational mind realizes that you need to get off the stuff, the euphoria doesn’t return, at least not for me. All that came to me was guilt, regret, anxiety, and the feeling of “why the hell doesn’t this feel as good as it used to?” Can’t explain it but it’s true for me anyway. And also, you are sooo right in the fact that one isn’t even an option because there aren’t enough pills in the world to satisfy the addictive cravings. Today I had to by my son a new bike because our family reunion is this weekend and we always take a bike trip…anyway, I realized as I was standing in line that first of all, I wouldn’t have gone into the store without taking an extra pill, but secondly and most important, I actually felt better, didn’t feel zoned out, I just was in the moment. Now I am a little tired today but when I thought about, I used to be tired on those things anyway.
I think one of the reasons I didn’t abuse the vics was I worked in a hospital where there were many people who came in addicted to prescript drugs…at the time, I didn’t feel a bit sorry for them bc I thought they got themselves in trouble in the first place. So I didn’t want to become one of “them” and that’s what prevented me. Of course, now having gone through the symptoms of WD why wouldn’t they go back on it? It’s horrible coming off the meds. My empathy is with them now. Also, I am someone who even under the worst stress NEVER realizes it until I have crashed. THEN, I can say wow, I’ve been under some crazy stress. I’m now trying to identify the stress as soon as I notice it and find a way to get rid of it…like talking with my husband, elliptical, walking, and now have been finding deep breathing. It’s only in the past week all these things are hitting me. I’m realizing I have been in a mid life crisis for awhile. I was tired of the life I was living, made some changes, and then stalled in my changes bc of the vics. They numbed me to all the changes that I had made. I’m realizing that I haven’t been living life for awhile…I’ve just existed and that is not cool. Thanks so much for this outlet!
@pink – I hope today brings a better day for you! You’re right that in having a bad day, a pill does not make it better. You feel better temporarily and still have to deal with life anyway. The feeling in the moment feeling is such a great feeling.
@kitty – “but there is still something a little wacko about the whole existance of life. ” I so understand this feeling. I didn’t ever feel it until I went off the vics. I hope you’re starting to feel better!
Pink and Monk – Oh it is a wonderful feeling just knowing someone else understands. isn’t it. Thanks for your concern and complete knowledge of the situation. I will repeat myself again – That lieing cheating addictive mind will always tell us we will feel better if we take a pill – they aught to make a freakin country song about it….haha!
Love you guys
pink and me too
thanks for the advice on counseling the other day. i appreciate just being able to talk to someone about it in the first place. so thanks again.
pink
how’s it going? sounds like you are really do ing great this time. you go girl!! i used to also think the vics gave me energy; but in hindsight i think i was tired even when i wasw on them (which was always). i couldn’t see that till i got clean though. keep up the good work. you are an inspiration to me and i still and probably always will think of you any time i have the desire to take one.
Monkan
welcome welcome welcom. its great to have a newcomer. this site and all the people here are wonderful and will be very helpful in getting you through this. in your original post you talked of anxiety. Jen and i both have been dealing with it quite a bit. mine has personally gotten better. i started on prozac one week into my detox and i think it has helped with the panic attacks. i still have them occasionally or in stressful situations; but not as sever as they were at first. maybe its not the prozac maybe i am just getting better. i will be 6 weeks on friday and everything is slowly gotten better. we will all help you through this so hang in there. just know that if you are having anxiety.. “this too shall pass”
quitting
what up woman? yeah prozac is supposedly ok if get preggers. my friend is a nurse and she said her o.b. said it was fine. she went off of it though just in case. i figure if i get preggers i would do the same thing. i think that hopefully just being preggers would give me soo much joy i wouldn’t need the prozac… how are you feeling little mamma?
anyone else have a stressful fathers day? my dad lives almost 2 hrs away; and he’s just super depressed and my step monster sucks!! yesterday was a long stressful day for my sister and i and our 4hours of travel to spend 3 hrs with out dad. i guess i sh ouldn’t bitch huh. atleast i have my dad to spend time with. he’s just soooooo difficult. he is almost like he’s pissed at the world all the time and very frank. it sometimes comes off rude and mean. my sister can be the same way and i just; well i’m just not that way. i try my hardest to go out of my way to be nice to people so when people act that way i don’t understand it.. family!!! gotta love em i guess!!!
jen
are you home yet?? you are gonna have some catching up to do … i missed like one day and theres lots to catch up on!!! hope you having a great trip!!
kitty
it’s soooo muggy here. i am gonna imagine i am reading in your pool. still reading shack by the way. told ya i am slow at books sometimes. winter time is best. i do most my reading in winter. i love curing up with a blanket by the fireplace and reading.. it’s great. how do you keep you books dry in that pool anyways? lol
Ok guys I have some very sad news I am ok nut here goes Sunday at about 3 pm I had a gallbladder attack so bad that I couldn’t breath my hi by called 911 they brought mr to the hospital well needless to say I had to go under emergency surgery and have my gullbladder removed it was infected and it was once again clogged with stones I have never ever never ever x 1000000000000000000 vet that kind of pain in my body before but I am still in the hospital did have to go under Anastasia and stuff only had deluded 2 times so far and won’t take any more I hade to get cut open not lapscropy cause I was infected and inflamied so I had actual surgery last night and will be in the hospital toll Friday and I’m preggers it was the most scariest time I think I have e er been in well I was in great hands cause I had the surgery and e erything went great not taking any pain meds except for alive and IBPROFEN so I don’t consider this a mess up cause I literally hD no other choice but I am now choosing while in the hospital not to be medicated with narcotics there u have it … I got out of surgery this am at like 8 am and doing great already walking and eating liquids clear liquids only but I’m happy to say everything went well but I am kinda traumatized by the pain I was in for several hours I will never ever ever forget how that felt kitty u were spot on but u could. Of never put in words the pain I experimcef any way the moral of the story is yes I did get a few mg of filifid but I me my self and I choose not to continue with thoes kind of pain meds OTC meds work good not great but good and they do the job the while hospital has came into my room and said how r u doing this with no meds strong meds I said mind over mater font get mr wrong I am in pain and uncofertsble but is it worth it to take narcotics hell no thanks for listening still here in the hospital and the nurse is here to take vitals and draw more blood and u can be 100000 % sure I will not be needing a RX TO TSKE HOME I will be just gone with mr my hubby and family and lots and lots of love and my snout girls do if I font post just know that I won’t be home ti Friday and I am doing great this is a leRning experience I find my self prouder and prouder of my self as my life goes on refusing meds just relizing how much pain I can deal with and how OTC meds can work just like narcotics if just if u give them a chance to do their job !!!!!
Love u girls say prayers not for mr but for my baby they said e erything is wonderful but who can’t still worry right live QN
when u can refuse pain meds while in excruciate ing pain and refuse a take home order lol RX then u have beaten this thing right well I think so any how
Sorry girls hope everyone else is handing a better weekend than mr although u can’t say mine was horrible cause I learned I can do any thing input my mind to and hope everybody starts the work week energized and healthy and happy
First day of summer, first day of Jamie, oh the dreaded adding another year onto your age. the big 33 and I’m not doing anything I don’t want to do today!
Love and hugs to you all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Sorry girls for the mid spellings but my phone is so messed up and has it’s own mind on the words it is actually making up it’s own words plus it’s dark in my room and I’m tired but to noisy to sleep so there u have it
Jamie – Happy Birthday girl – You don’t look a day over 25..!!! Have a great day and certainly do something enjoyable to you. Super glad to see your occasional post – keep it up – I miss you girl!
QN – OMG – I told you so….gallbladder pain sucks and it seems like younger people are now having gall bladder problems where it used to be middle aged women. I am so happy to hear the baby is OK – by the way – do you know the sex of the little one yet? To go through all that pain without narcotics – you are so brave. Of course back when I had my gall bladder out, I used it as an excuse to get stronger pills because I was a using addict at the time. You are doing great in that respect and I wonder what I would do in a hospital situation. I think I would refuse the pain medication too. I have bone and joint pain every day now and do not so much think of getting medicated so I am hoping I would be as strong as you. You are quite an inspiration to all of us – because we CAN refuse to get medicated – they can’t make us do it. lol ! Any way, I am glad you are OK and the baby is OK. Thank God for that miracle.
Neesip – I was just laughing at myself on Sunday because I read in the pool by hanging on a raft and holding the book out over the water – but three people read the book I am reading now before me and the book was in pristine shape when I started reading it and now it looks like it has been to hell and back from water splashes. I have ADD and I can be kind of reckless abandon anyway so when I do anything at all, It looks like all hell broke loose….but I have learned to laugh at myself and just do things on my own terms, otherwise, I would be depressed all the time. For instance, I could stop right in the middle of cleaning the house and decide to paint the fireplace or I could be making dinner and decide to paint a chair or make a curtain for the window. Sloppy – yes, but creative…lol!
Well, I had better get some work done. I am sitting here at work and people are starting to come in.
Pink – Day 6 my friend – I am so proud of your determination this time. I knew you could do it.
If I do not mention your name, it is not that I do not think about you girls – Hope everyone has a Blessed day and remembers that…
Just for today – I will not take a pill
Pills are not an option
Love everyone of you
Kitty
QN!! I am so happy AND SO DAMN PROUD OF YOU I COULD JUST BURST!!!! And all is well with the baby!!!! That’s the greatest news of the year!!! Way to go, girl!!!
Pink…how are you doing today?? I’m praying for your comfort!!
@ QN….Leapen Lizards Batman!! You go girl, what an inspiration! I can’t express how thrilled I am to hear you turn down those pills when it would be very, very easy to use this as an excuse. I sure am praying hard that your pain subsides. Keep us updated on your progress. Give the “lil Q” a pat on the belly for me
Just got back from a 3 mile walk, lost 5 lbs this week…Metoo, your angels are helping me get physically healthy again. I’m doing pretty good. Love the Kratom, really helps so much! Only took two valiums to sleep last night and slept from 10pm – 4:30am and I’m ok with that. I’m gonna just take one valium to sleep tonight and then that’s it I think.
Remember the Bob Marley song, I shot the sheriff, well I’m changing the words again, “I love the kratom, and I like it with a little tea….the vics started to get the best of me, and I thought what will be, will be, but then the aroma shot them down ..the aroma shot ‘em down…and I said,I love the kratom, and I like it with a little tea…” My song for the day. That was for you Metoo—to answer your question about how I”m feeling today
.
Love, Pinkerton
Great job to everyone especially QN who is a trooper!! You go!! @Pink – way to go! You’re doing great…keep it up!! I’ve had a great day with no anxiety attacks at all! Felt like I was living instead of some of the weird feelings I’ve had lately. This day just reiterates the reason why I do not need any pills. I signed up for classes this summer and if I keep going like I am I’ll have my BS in Education (Mid-level Math/Science) by this time 2013!! So excited! I watched The Secret and really responded to it…it talks about how we respond to life’s events can make things better or worse…very interesting. I hope everyone’s day is going well!! Stay the course!
You out there QN? Getting worried. Hang in there and post when you can. We love ya and are praying for a quick recovery.
@ Monkan, so happy to hear you are feeling better!! Yay
@ Kitty, I’m as add as you are …. same story…I have multiple projects left unfinished who greet me daily, screaming for my attention.
@ Metoo, glad I could rock someone’s world
I had a board meeting to go to tonight and since then I been singing the Jimmy Buffet version of “the asshole song”, if you don’t know it, you have to youtube it…I hum it when in public, I even told my kids to hum it when they get upset with someone because you can’t help but smile.
Well, did okay dokey today. Got up at 4:30am, worked for a few hours, made breakfast, walked, worked, went to the bike shop, went to a board meeting and finally picked the kids up and came home. Now I’m having a nice cold beer and getting ready for bed.
Good Nite Moon.
pink, kitty mom, & me too
Hi guys, i finally found out where you guys have been posting, it was confusing to me becuase initially i was posting using my iphone and it would just take me to these shortcut pages, but for those of you who don’t know i was posting under the PAWS page. I am 3 1/2 weeks into detox of vicodin/norcos taking 2-3, 10/325 mg a day. I am having awful depression and severe anxiety. My anxiety is horrible in the morning, first thing when I wake up my heart starts racing and jumping out of my chest and i feel super anxious and i just want to go back to bed so I dont feel like that anymore but the anxiety forces me from going back to sleep. When I get up in the morning I don’t know what to do with myself half of the time, the other day I forced myself to go for a walk with my mom… felt like the walk was never going to end. I have been out of work for a few months, had a job interview last week though, but I just don’t have anything to do but to listen to these voices and thoughts racing through my mind. On top of the depression that just makes me want to sit and lay around in bed all day. I used to take anti-depressant medicine awhile back but I took myself off of them awhile back. I just took one of them today, going to see if the anti-depressants help. I have a doctor appointment for the depression but couldn’t get in until july 12th, when they told me that was the first thing they had open i burst into tears. everything has been making me cry lately, things just arent going the way i want them to and i just feel like i have no control over anything. the good news is i do for once feel like i have some control over me, right now at this moment i dont want pills and have my mind made up that i will get through this, i don’t see the light at the end of the depression tunnel right now, but im sure i will sometime maybe not today maybe not tomorrow but someday i will.
I am going to try and get some sleep, sorry for rambling on in the previous post. im not really sure what to say on here, never really followed a blog before, all of this is new to me. I also have a lot on my mind right now… I have been contemplating breaking up with my boyfriend and I know I need to because he is not doing anything for me in a positive way, he wasn’t there for me when I was going through the physical withdrawls which were absolute hell and made me feel so helpless and upset, he’s got 2 DUI’s, an 8 month old daughter with some psycho chick ( he rarely sees his kid ) has all these court dates constantly for driving on a suspended license, 26 living with his mom, i think he’s an alcoholic even though he claims he’s not ( he frickin drinks every single day ) does cocaine often, all of his friends do the same thing too they drink every single day and get messed up on cocaine, pills, extacy. Ive found him texting multiple other girls before and he cheated on me. That’s just some of it. Ive tried breaking up with him a few times but he kept saying i’ll change i’ll change i’ll do anything you want, please dont leave me I love you blah blah blah. Its kind of funny that I just read what i typed and I thought to myself I seriously must be crazy for contemplating breaking up with him. I know I need to. I know I need to just focus on myself right now and getting ME back, the ME without having to take viocodin everyday, I know I cant be worrying about other people right now or worrying about him or if he’s going to call or if he’s out cheating on me again or what. I know you guys arent relationship experts or anything and sorry for blabbing on about this story but its just what was going through my head. Anywho I think i need relationship detox as well as vicodin detox, I don’t know why but i guess im just afraid of letting him go right now because I feel so helpless, yet I also feel empowered. I know what I should do, but its just doing it…. idk why this is so hard for me, yet ive managed to stay vicodin free for 3 1/2 weeks now… hmm. again sorry for the blabbing just needed to clear my head before I fall asleep. Goodnight all
prayers for everyone posting on here
xoxo
Mel
@ Mel, glad you found your way over!
If morning is your worst time for anxiety and you feel like you don’t know what to do with yourself, try finding something you enjoy and do it first thing in the morning, as soon as you wake up, then move onto the next thing, etc.. get a schedule going and stick to it no matter what. I have a schedule because of a job and kids but the first thing I do is get a cup of coffee and look on here (I feel like I’m having my morning coffee with friends), then paperwork (home office), then breakfast, now I’ve started exercising in the morning since the kids are out of school, etc..you get the picture. My point is that you need to focus on that schedule first thing and get excited about whatever it is you choose. Volunteer somewhere or make a job out of finding a job..
About the boyfriend. Well, here goes my opinion, right now at this fragile point in your recovery I would suggest that if you don’t know FOR CERTAIN what you want to do then do nothing. It sounds like he is not a good partner but it also sounds like you are in love with him and as long as he is not abusive then I would suggest one traumatic circumstance at a time. Just don’t focus your attention on him right now and focus on you and once you’ve put yourself back together then deal with your relationship issues with him. Just my opinion and I could be wrong.
Day 7, feeling pretty good so far but it is only 5:30 am…lol….I like getting up early. I’m gonna do some yoga before the kids wake, then work, then we have a baseball tournament tonight. Keeping busy and my mind off those damn pills as much as possible. Things are so much better this time and I have a different sense of resolve, I just know I will never take another pill again.
@ Metoo, no song yet, still humming “The Asshole Song” by Jimmy. Are you getting ready for your new job, getting excited??
@Hey Kitty!! Thanks and rest assured that Stinkerton is dead and buried and I will not let you down again.
Pinkerton
Well, looky here – we have two newbies on here. Welcome Monk and Mel. I am so very pleased to meet you. Now by reading your posts, I am assuming you are both young ladies…correct? So glad you found us.
Mel – I so agree with Pinkerton about the boyfriend issues – now the mother hen comes out in me and I think of my own daughter and her old relationship issues and the mom in me wants to tell you to dump his sorry ass….but in your case, I agree that lets work on one issue at a time and your issue right now is to stay clean and heal yourself. And, when you are feeling a heck of a lot better physically and mentally, then you can address the other issues….so get yourself to a doctor and get the anxiety treated, stay clean, and then go from there….but do it, none the less.
Hey Monk – you go girl! Sounds like you have a plan and already over to the other side…that is what us folks here call the road to recovery – the other side – where we are getting better and moving on with our lives. Congratulations, and welcome.
Pink – so you are a sister ADDer…huh. It is so funny because when I have a specific project to do or at work – well, I can concentrate and get the most difficult reconciliation (I am in accounting field) completed but at home sometime the whole house looks like a hurricane hit it when I decide to do a project and I usually finish it all except maybe a few little incidentals. I am the same way paying my bills and dealing with mail – the quantity of junk mail and regular mail aludes me and I keep piling it up thinking that I will go through it and when I do, I never completely get it done. I am a hopeless mess but yet get everything accomplished some how…hard to explain….but I have been like that all my life.
QN – hope you are doing OK little one – let us know – are you out of the hospital?
Metoo – its getting closer!!!!!!!!!! Are you excited?! I am praying that on July 5 you will find out you LOVE your new job!!!
Hope the rest of you are well – let us know – Jen, are you back from vacation – miss you!
I gotz to get back to work and get dome things done before the crowd arrives….I will check in on you later.
Have a Blessed day
Just for today – no pills
Love,
Kitty
PS – on July 8, I will be 10 months clean….can you all believe it!!!
Thanks Joe and Metoo!
Kitty, how funny, I do the same thing with the mail, I’ll go a week and not even check it and then when I do I throw it somewhere and find a stack about a month or two later…fortunately most of my bills are paid on line. Every single room in my house has a little piece of an unfinished project left. EVERY ROOM!! I have to admit that if I have mundain paper work to do, the pills did help me to stick with it until I finished. Fortunately for me the paperwork is minimal. My job is perfect for an ADD person. I have a home office, set my own schedule and go out on different appts all day.
We have alot to celebrate…July 8th…10 months clean…CONGRATULATIONS!! Metoo starts a new job, QN is pregnant and so many others have gotten clean and are staying clean…… Like I said before, this 4th of July when we are watching the fireworks with our family and friends, let’s take a moment and think of our “about” family and pretend that those fireworks are just for our special celebration!
Neesip, ?? you out there?
Hey, All!
This post is especially for Mel…dang….I don’t believe I have ever felt so much empathy for someone in my lifetime. Girl, I HAVE BEEN WHERE YOU ARE NOW!!!!! I am just coming out the other side… So many things of you strike a chord within me. Relationship changes, job searches, and depression and ANXIETY, not to mention the vicodin. Honey, tag on to me, and to the others here, and we will help you get there. WE WILL GET YOU THERE. (I always wanted someone to tell ME that—someone to take some leadership/responsibility/caretaker/friend) to see me through what seemed to be the hardest times of my life. I have ALWAYS promised God that if He helped me to get ‘there’, that I would do ANYTHING TO HELP SOMEONE ELSE. Mel, I extend to you my hand today. I want to help you to ‘get there’. I know you so well, and I share your anxiety. Please try to channel your thoughts toward me, and send me as much of your negative emotions as you can~I have been there, and I can handle it. Lean on me, and we will get there!!!!! I PROMISE YOU!!!!
Thank you, Lord, for giving us each other on this path. For the comfort and warmth that these friends provide, I thank you!!!! Thank you for giving each of us the opportunity to help each other, and in turn, help ourselves. Thank you for Mel.
Another thought. Mel, have you had your thyroid checked lately?? Please do even if it’s only been a few months. Anxiety, depression, the things you are feeling are symptoms of an underactive thyroid. I know because I’ve got one of my own that has been doing a real yo yo; my meds were just adjusted AGAIN. It’s been up and down at least 4 times in the past year.
Another post for Mel….I just channeled to you and asked the angels for a message for you. I am amazed, once again. You need what I needed…and continue to need. Another similarity here….
Your card: Angel Therapy
Archangel Raphael: “Give your cares and worries to us angels, and allow us to take your burdens.”
Please ask the angels OUT LOUD to enter every cell of your being, Mel. They cannot come to you without your invitation, your free will. Once you ask them to help you, their response is immediate. All you have to do is ask!!!
Just found this and fell in love with it.
IF GOD…
(If God isn’t leading you to a certain place, why go there?)
Lord, I am following You. I will not run around in circles trying to find my own way. I place my feet in Your footsteps. I take the place that You have prepared for me. I will faithfully remain where You have placed me until You make it clear it is time to move on.
(If God hasn’t asked you to do a certain task, why perform it?)
Lord, I will only carry what You ask me to lift. I lay down my agenda and my ideas of what I think needs to be done. I say “no” to all stress and striving and “yes” to the peace that comes from obeying what You are asking me to do.
(If God hasn’t directed you to speak something, why declare it?)
Lord, put Your words in my mouth. I want to speak words that are fitting for the moment—the right word, the true word, the edifying word, the anointed word, the word in due season—the word from Your heart to others.
(If God wouldn’t be pleased with your choice, why choose it?)
Lord, I choose those things that will bring a smile to Your face. My greatest pleasure is to please You.
(If “for His glory” is the right reason, why do something for the wrong reason?)
Lord, I love Your righteousness. I want to live right, think right, and act right. I want my motivation to be for Your sake, and my attitudes to be a reflection of who You are. May others want to know You more because of what they see of Your life in me.
May the name of our Lord Jesus Christ be glorified and become more glorious through and in you. 2 Thessalonians 1:12 AMP
Hi guys. Has anybody heard from Joe?
I have been out. Had some surgery about four months ago with “complications” and rode that out until a couple of days ago with copious amounts of hydrododone and percocets (I bought a bunch extra on the street). Two days ago I started cold turkey. I was climbing the walls last night and feel like crap this morning. My bed looks like I had a wrestling match in it.
Funny, I read some of my journaling from last September about the time I quit then. It makes me feel so stupid for having to go through all this again. Well, at least I am trying.
Some bad stuff happened along the way, recently, to make it imperitive I get my shit together. Some extra motivation helps me.
I am trying my own version of the Thomas Recipe and took 10 mg Xanex and a double dose of Ambien last night just to keep from climbing up the walls. No opiates though. I don’t really have a taste for those drugs and only want to use them to keep the hell of the opiate withdrawal at bay for a couple of days.
This is a great board. It helped me before.
Great to see you are still here kitty mom and metoo. I will post again. I am on shaky ground.
OMG – Stu
I never thought we would hear from you again and I am so glad you are back. Good Lord – remember the days of the core four back in September…It has been 9 months for me Stu. I can not believe it. Joe was still clean last I heard but he decided to stop depending on message boards and moved on. He is certainly missed around here – there is not a guy in site on this board any more…just us girls – but you are right, this board is helpful for those going through the detox…it really helped me. Some of stay and some of us move on.
I hate that you have to go through this, but it will get better my friend. I will keep you in my prayers.
Love you my core four friend
Kitty
Pink- thank you for the advice about the morning anxiety, I had tried that a few days, every day when i wake up i get a cup of coffee and chill out for a little bit, the one day i took a really long walk but instead of the walk giving me energy it just made me super duper tired. I have been having a really really really horrible day today. I woke up this morning and had the worst anxiety and was feeling all shaky and I just wanted to go back to bed so I wouldn’t feel like crap and I couldn’t so i got up for a little while and my anxiety was so bad i couldn’t even drink my coffee and had to take a xanax and lay back down for a few hours. I kept trying to tell myself this too shall pass this too shall pass but it wasn’t helping.
All- Where are all of you ladies from if you don’t mind me asking, and how long has it been since you last used? just so I can be clear of where everyone is at. I talked with the boyfriend today and he said that i sound like a broken record everyday and I tell him the same thing ” im sick, i don’t feel good, i don’t have any energy” and he said i should be feeling better now because it has been almost a month. He is not very supportive and has no clue what im going through, he’s been to rehab before that was court ordered, but he has never had withdrawls from opiates which i have heard are the worst. I wanted to get on here earlier today but I just couldn’t seem to get motivated, for some reason my stomach was all in knots earlier and i was back and forth to the bathroom. sometimes i think maybe my nerves cause that. I have been up and down out of bed today havent really done much, but I did force myself to take a nice hot shower, that made me sleepy as well. I just feel like im never going to get better and Im never going to be like this happy little person I used to be. Can anyone relate? it seems like somedays are good for me and somedays are really bad and i just want to lay in bed all day long, don’t want to answer my phone, don’t want to do anything around the house. I just want to lay in bed and pray to god that I will get better. Normal? I got really depressed about an hour ago and just thought to myself I don’t want to be like this and I just want to feel better.. i need some damn opiates or a shot of heroin or something ( never done heroin before ) i get so down on myself that i say oh im just gonna say f it and kill myself cause i don’t want to feel like this… i would never do it trust me, but sometimes i just want to instantly feel better and I know thats not going to happen.
Metoo- I had tears coming out of my eyes when I read your post about the angels and I opened myself up to them just like you said. I have been praying every day. Thank you for that post and I will try to channel some of my anxiety and stresses over to you and the angels. I haven’t had my thyroid checked in oh wow probably awhile, do you think that has something to do with it or you think its just the post withdrawl stuff, I also have alot of stress and depression underneath just the withdrawl stuff, so i think im getting a double whammy. me too how long has it been for you? how old are you? I just want to be able to fuction like a normal human being, you know wake up and feel refreshed have a cup of coffee excercise do some cleaning around the house, job search, just enjoy my day. I want nothing more than that. Feels like im asking for a freakin miracle. I literally am DRAINED of all energy in my whole entire body. I just don’t freakin feel right. Ugh i hate this feeling…. please help.
xoxo
Mel
Dear Mel,
I am not an expert by any stretch, but I am thinking that you have more going on than just detox. I know many on here have expressed depression and anxiety, but I think you need to go see a doctor as soon as you can. It sounds like your depression could be clinical as you say you cannot get out of bed and all. If there is a underlying cause like hormonal imbalance or clinical depression, you probably need a medical doctor to prescribe anti-depressants.
In answer to your question, I have been clean for 9 months and my age – lets just say that I am the mom figure around here.
I feel so bad for you – I just want to reach my arms out to you and give you a huge hug. I was back to work in a week after detox from 12 10/325 norco (hydocodone with tylenol) per day for many many years and nothing I could go through in detox could be as bad as the merry-go-round of being addicted to pills. I just took one day at a time and after a while I did not think of it as much, but like I said, I was on zoloft – that may be the reason I did not have much anxiety. Don’t get me wrong – it was a bitch going through the first few weeks but it got better.
Prayers go out to you Mel – I pray that you feel better soon.
Love,
Kitty
Just today – I will NOT take a pill!
Pink – you are a good board buddy and I enjoy the wisdom is your posts. I am proud of your progress. Keep up the good work and tomorrow I am giving you permission to feel H A P P Y! Yes!
Love Ya Pink
Kitty
Where have all the flowers gone….girls get on here and let us know how y’all are doing
Metoo – I loved your inspirational post on here and on facebook today! Did you write that yourself. It is sooooo beautiful. Thank you for sharing…You are so awesome my friend. I can’t wait until you wow your new employer with your smile and your hard work ethics….Take an angel on your shoulder to work on the 5th and name her Kitty!!!
Love You
Kitty
Kitty-
Yes i also think there is more going on with me than just detox, in fact i know there is, i think i just have so much stress on my shoulders and i can guarantee you that i probably have clinical depression. I started taking my anti-depressant pills that i used to take awhile back. just started taking them yesterday so today is day two for that. i couldn’t get in to see the doctor until july 12th so we will see what he has to say, maybe he will put me on something different but i thought it was worth a try to try the ones that i was on before for now cause i cant just lay in bed all day. I don’t know why but for some reason i seem to feel better around 9pm at night. It was the same as when i was going through the physical withdrawls as well. do you think that is just my body’s way of healing itself? maybe I do need more than 8 hours of sleep at night right now because my body is still trying to adjust..? im no doctor either but i tend to self diagnose myself lol. thats awesome that you are 9 months clean! Keep up the great work! I cant believe you were back to work after 1 week, and yes im sure the zoloft helped and also the fact that you had a job to go to and kids to take care of, im sure you wouldn’t just be able to lay around and have not much to do like me over here.
xoxo
Mel
I had an AMAZING day yesterday and then today…WHAM! Horrible day! O.K. maybe not horrible…but another bad day. Three anxiety attacks…yuck. It started with the feeling of (this sounds so crazy)…am I dreaming…is this real life. It doesn’t feel like real life. Those are the thoughts that start my heart racing or maybe it’s not the thought but almost like a realization of wait a minute…maybe this isnt real life. It’s very hard to explain these feelings. I am lucky enough to have a husband who empathizes and listens to me as I start feeling these crazy feelings.
@kittymom – Young, but not that young…old enough to have been with my first husband for 20 years and have a grand daughter! I’m actually 36 so still young
@Mel – totally feel you!! I’m so sorry that you’re having such a rough time! I’ve been off vics for 18 days and am still having anxiety attacks. Not sure if it’s from the WD or if it’s from all the life changes recently…but which ever it sucks!
I have some days where I feel great and others where I’m dead tired from the moment i wake up. Hope everyone else is having a great day! Keep up the fight!
Hey girls still in hospital having some complications with my liver enzymes they have gone threw the roof after my surgery also haven’t had a BM in 4 days since I hot here so I know everything will be fine just thought I’d update my girls still In a ton of pain they had to cut mr open instead of doing it with just 3 little incisions but no meds no way I’ll deal with it I guess that’s why I’m up at midnight here well I guess I was doing so well I was over due for something to go wrong I’m so thankful this is all that’s wrong cause some of my neighbors here in the hospital are really sick and not doing well so there u have it it could be worse and it’s not !!!! I will get threw this and I will be fine and get back to mr when I get the heck out of here no date set yet just when I’m ready and working properly I hope everyone else is well and send prayers my way I see a newbee I wish I could help by posting something other than what’s going on with me but kinda feel selfish today thanks for all the praise for no pain narcotic meds but I have a baby to think about on mr I hope all my pain is not bothering my perious little baby in my tummy I don’t want him or her to worry lol !!!!! Have a great night nurse is here on e again on the hour to get blood and my vitals good night lobe u guys QN is still kicking strong and this will not deture mr from what I have aconplishef only help me be stronger right
Good Morning Everyone!
Day 8, feeling ok, tired, miserable, etc… but I’m not letting myself focus on “why” I’m miserable, make sense? Last night at the game I usually enjoy visiting with the parents and grandparents and we all sit together and last night they all got on my nerves…even the ones I love (my son’s teacher/friend from church), I thought “shut up about your f#@king trip to Vegas”
I’m looking at each moment that I struggle as a workout and in the end I will be stronger and better mental shape. My coping skills are very out of shape so I will put on my fake smile and pretend to be charming, all the while thinking “I wish you would get the f away from me!”
@Mel, I agree with Kitty. After reading your last few posts I have concerns that you may have an issue other than PAWS. I would definately go to the doctor and find a good counselor, if you don’t like your first counselor, try another. I wouldn’t just start taking anti-depressents willy-nilly, even if they were prescribed at one time, you may need something different now. Definately get to your doctor, get the appropriate tests done, find a counselor, and try not to anticipate the stress because that will bring it on. There is something going on with you that is debilitating and you need to fix it. Do I sound bossy, GOOD! I work in mental health and I know that depression is real and can destroy a person. We self medicate for a reason. I have found a therapist who has been able to unlock alot of my issues. I never understood myself and then finally someone figured it out and now I can work on my attachment issues and I know why I have attachment issues and now it all makes sense, and what a relief!! There are meds out there that can help so don’t try to get through this on your own anymore….GOT IT?!?!
QN, so proud of you!! Give the baby a pat for me!
Monkan, I know the feeling, just focus on one minute, hour, day at a time and this will pass. Life was not perfect before the pills and it won’t be after. God did not create us to be numb zombies. He created us (I think – don’t like speaking for God) to live, and feel, and love, and lose, and fail and succeed.
Metoo, I’m with Kitty, loved, loved, loved, did I say I loved your inspirational post. I have read it three times outloud as a prayer. Thank you!
Love, Pinkerton
@ Kitty, I just wanted to say to you that I love your words, your insight, your attentiveness to everyone who is struggling. In this world there are alot of people who try to bring people down to lift themselves up, but not you, you are always lifting others up and in the process you are rising above. Above the stress, the anxiety, the void, and the hurt that we all carry within ourselves. I tried to explain to a friend the impact that this site has on people and how wonderful that God has created a safe place for addicts to go who wouldn’t have reached out for help otherwise. You are the face of this board, you are the facilitator, you are the one keeping watch over all your peeps. You keep me going!!
I hope you have a good day
Pinkerton
Well said AGAIN, Pink!!!! You hit the nail on the head about our dear Kitty once again!!!
Here’s my ‘particulars’..I am 46 yrs old, live in Michigan, am gay, and I haven’t used in 14 months!!!!! And I ain’t never ever going back to that rat race!!!
Mel, I DO agree with the other gals…and the thing is, it’s MEDICAL stuff. It is NOT a reflection on you!! If it ever gets to where you’re feeling badly about yourself, just stop~~medical issues cause emotional issues. And I’ll bet a dollar a donut that your thyroid is off. Either way, we support you!!
STUART!!!!
THANK YOU for posting!!! You are, and will be, in my prayers, my prodigal friend!!! I love you so!!!
I didn’t write the ‘piece’….I saw it on facebook and it spoke. It’s so true…
I love you guys!!!
Hey girls I’m hone got home early today any way doing great very very soar but doing great once I get back on my feet then I’ll have to check out the newbees on here so happy to see all the new posts
Jen NSIP NMS. What the heck where are you girls ????
Hello all,
I am a 28 year old male that has been taking 6-7 10mg vics per day for about 4-5 years…like many of you it started off for medical reasons, but i liked it so much that it def. became recreational use quickly..I don’t smoke pot or drink so i never thought I had an addictive personality so didn’t think i could or would get addicted to them…until my dr. cut me off and i was forced into detox…so of course i found other ways of getting them. I started off very successful at a young age so i thought spending close to $200 a week was ok as long as i could afford it. Then it got to the point where it was affecting my work b/c when i was running low or out i just wouldn’t go, so in turn it was costing me even more $..I then knew it was time to stop, so i struggled w/ trying to get off of them for the next two years…I even went to the extent of requesting a transfer to another state so that I could get away from my supplier(that wasn’t the sole reason but def. had a major part in my decision)I even made it to 30 days clean but wouldn’t you know I had a headache one day at wk and asked someone for a tylenol and she pulled out a bottle of 10mg vics…I kept a straight face but on the inside i was bursting with joy..lol Anyway that has gotten me to the point i’m at now, i was forced into detox 8 days ago…I had a some left but decided that I’m done(hence the name)The first two days were pure hell and on day 3 when i woke up stilling feeling like crap I took 1 in the am and 1 in the pm…I then went another day w/out having any…and then day 5 1 in the am and 1 in the pm. Long story short out of the 8 days i had a total of 8.(before anybody gives me props please realize that it was b/c my supplier was out) I am now at day 3 w/out any and even at the 2nd day 1 throughout this process i dont have any more w/d symptoms…but i still have the cravings really bad…my supplier is good now and it is taking everything in my system to not go and get some….but after reading so many of your posts I am truly inspired to make it thru this for good…I am thinkin of trying out Kratom if anyone has taken it please let me know if it has helped you…Thank you and congrats to all of you for your accomplishments
p.s sorry it was so long
Hey everyone – I am late posting this evening because I was hanging out with my daughter – Her and I had a pedicure and then came home to eat one of my killer salads and then sat around talking about her house buying process which, as any real estate transaction, is a slow painful process….OMG, they were supposed to close on Monday and now they are just waiting for several pieces to come together and probably will not be able to close as expected.
Pink – thank you so much for the kind words. as always you never cease to amaze me with you messages to others during your most fragile days of detox. Thanks for being here and thanks for your inspiration. You made me laugh out loud – really – when you were talking about people getting on your nerves. I think we are very similar…..I feel the same way at times and wonder if people can see what I am thinking. There is a young mother of two who works where I do and she is is the proverbial yuppie chick who analyzes raising her kids to the tenth degree. Now me, I think I was a good mother, but I raised my girl flying by the seat of my pants. I was by myself with her until I met my husband and her and I would cry at the same time. She turned out great and smart and I never agonized over her learning to read when she was three years old and she was not in every activity available at school and whatever. We did sit down to dinner every night together with no TV in the background – but I think that was the strictest rule that I had. Well – I am starting to get off subject – sorry. Just saying that people get on my nerves too – I have always been a quiet one and can’t work and talk at the same time – so at work – that is what I do – work. I do not go to socialize…one of my little crazy idiosyncrasies…lol
Metoo – I think our Stu posted once and will not return for another 6 months – what do you think? He better get his ass back here and tell us how he is doing. I still can’t believe, as much as I try, that Joe has abandoned us here. He was so instrumental in my getting clean…OH SHUT UP KITTY!!!
QN – glad you are home and able to be in your own surroundings. I am sure you will feel better. Do you have anyone to help you. I had a hard time getting around the first couple of days and I had the lazer version of gall bladder surgery. So tell me, how major is the incision they did on you. I am glad it did not effect the wee one!!! Take care of yourself.
Well my girls, I am going to settle in and read some of my book. This book, the glass Castle, is a memoir by the author, and holy crap – you never saw anyone as dysfunctional and poor as this family – It is really enlightening. Good book!
Talk to you in the morning
Love
Kitty
PS – tomorrow they are going to freeze my ying yang – I dread this procedure and I need all your prayers that I will not jump off the table, punch the doctor in the nose, and run for my life!! lol – wish me luck!
Kitty, good luck with your ying yang, ding dong
….lol…I had a freckle removed from my breast two weeks ago…no big deal..but in the middle of the procedure I had to sit up cause I thought I was gonna pass out…mind you that I didn’t even flinch when they numbed me but when I saw the scapel…the room started spinning… Good luck Kitty, I’ll be praying for you!! Love Ya.
Oh, and Kitty, you and I are alot alike…I am very, very hard on my boys in the sense that I don’t sit around and reason with them like some over achieving, yuppie, parent book reading, look at you funny in Wal-Mart, people do…if they don’t listen, they get my foot up their ass…lol..but at the same time, I spend time with them, I listen to them, play with them, they come first in my life. I could have respite (because they are adopted) where someone would take them as many days a week as I want, but I don’t because I want to be with them. Sometime swe have ice cream dinners, play in the mud together, etc…our time with them as little ones is too short to push them to be “super kids” just let them be kids. But I do demand respect…..or, they will get my foot up their ass…
Glad your home QN!! You are doing great!!
I’m doing pretty good this morning…no valiums to sleep last night and slept from 9 to 4….not bad…esp. since both boys slept with me last night and I had feet, legs, arms, assess, in my face all night….oh, and throw a beagle in there and you have a real party.
Pinkerton
Hey everyone!
Pink – Thanks for the prayers. I dread this procedure mainly because I just had it six months ago….I want those cells out FOR GOOD!
I am glad you had a good night’s sleep. That was the last thing that I had to conquor. It was very difficult.
I think this whole detox thing is part mind over matter, don’t you. Looks like you have made your mind up and that is half the battle. The other important thing is not to let your options open to acquire the drugs. Dry up those freaking sources – that is the only way! Keep up the fight, my friend. I know you can do it.
I agree with children learning respect for their parents and the importance of having fun with the kids. I would rather spend hours playing barbie than worrying whether she had a high IQ. I did read to her alot when she was a toddler and when she was able to talk, she had memorized all the books – I was like shocked…but I did not force her to memorize stuff! Yes, cherish those moments with your kids. Man, they grow up in what seems like an instant. I wish I would have played even more with her instead of working so much – but hey, we have to make a living. She turned out a very independent young woman though and I am really proud of her.
Well, I am going to go chill for about half and hour and have a cup of coffee before going to the doctor.
Have a good day everyone – you are all so awesome and inspire me each and every day!
Love
Kitty
Metoo – Love you girl! I did not know you were gay! LMFAO!
Love
Kitty
Well, the gates have been opened now!! I have another interview at another sought after company today!!! This is for a part time position to start, BUT, IF they have partner benefits, this might be the way to go! So, I am being smart this time, going to go check it out. I am job SHOPPING.
I look like a million bucks in it, (if I do say so myself), and my self confidence appears to be at an all time high….THANK YOU, LORD….I KNOW that You are the source inside of me….and I am SO THANKFUL!!!!! The song, “Everything’s Comin’ Up Roses”, is in my mind this morning.
My best ‘other’ friend has come to visit for a few days, and yesterday we went to the mall and I got a GREAT INTERVIEW SUIT!!!!
Have a brilliant day, everyone!!! I love you all so much….
My prayers are with you today, Kitty!!!!!!
Stuart’s ass is grass if he thinks he can just waltz in here and tease all us ladies….WE NEED OUR MAN!!!! He’s OURS, I tell you!!!!!
Dear Kitty,
I am indeed gay!
Love,
Metoo.
Hey girls I’m up and doing really good …. Still soar not in pain but soar u know beat up that feeling like a truck ran over but I will be just fine the incision was about 5 inches and 2 of them ! But I’m healing nicely have a appointment with the sergon in a few days to get a check up. I think I will get a great report. Where are the other about girls I hope they are on the right track still but even if not get on here and let us know bow u r doing I’m Almost at 40 days I’m not counting my anastesa meds and the 3 times I got diluted at the hospital cause at that point I had no vhoice but as Soon as I did have a choice I said no so that’s what counts not many people could have or would have done this recovery with out pain meds cause it was hard with a ton of pain after surgery but I fix it so there god I font think I messed up and should start my counting over right ??? Please tell me if I’m wrong ? Check back later
I think you’re spot on, QN! Don’t sweat the small stuff, I always say! Sounds to me like you are one brave and very strong individual, and you WANT this sobriety. That’s what sets YOU apart! You’re gonna make it after all!!
Hey everyone – I am back from the procedure and let me tell you – if I ever needed a pain pill it is now. Of course I won’t and can’t, but I have the worst cramps EVAH!!!! God, I hate this. I have to go back in three months and doctor told me next time he is sending me to the GYN Oncologist. I told him to knock me out next time.
Whoever said this does not hurt is a MAN!
Love you all
Have great day
Kitty
Ahhhhhh Metoo, when it rains it pours as they say – Great to have options! Good luck – knock em dead!
Love
Kitty
Thanks metoo loved hearing a whole post for me LOL I’m so glad everything is working out for u I knew it would hope u choose the best job ever it comes in spurts for a long ass time no jobs then when u get the first opportunity then 1000 come it’s weird but it’s life now u will be able to choose what fits u best and that is a wonderful feeling my friend !!!
Kitty u mark my words u won’t have to go to it next appointment cause they will have gotten every thing out u wait and see hope ur crampies go away sending cramp taking prYers ur way girl love u guys
Kitty metoo where is Jen NSIP NMS omg where did they go ??
Metoo, awesome!! You make them fight for ya…remember, you get your money coming in or when you threaten to leave…take advantage of the opportunity!!
QN, glad to hear you are doing so well. And in my opinion, I wouldn’t worry about anything that happened in the hospital…and you did great refusing the meds. I personally feel that I got so caught up in how many days and how many hours before that it became overwhelming when the fact of the matter is that I can’t take these pills because I can’t live without them once I start. Ya know what I mean? You did great so don’t worry about anything. Honestly, if I could take one or two here and there on special occasions and be able to stop, I would and not see anything wrong with that but the fact is I CAN”T and found out the hard way. Believe me, I’m not suggesting that you do because like I said, I found out the hard way that it just isn’t possible but I also don’t want you fretting, you did good, just get better.
Hope you feel better Kitty,,,prayers going your direction!
Pinkerton
Hey friends, just wanted to let everyone know that the big family reunion called “Riff Raff” has kicked off and it’s all weekend long. Tonight dinner, fire, horse shoes, etc…tomorrow, bright and early, a long bike ride, then in the afternoon crafts, then evening we are having a square dance….busy busy busy!! Sunday is breakfast and then everyone packs up and takes their campers and tents down and goes home. So if I don’t post, don’t worry, just busy and tired! Couldn’t have imagined this weekend without the pills before!
QN and Kitty, I will still find time to pray for you as well as our MIA girls Jen, NSIP, NMS…please touch base just to let us know what is going on with you…if any of you relapsed, you still need to post because we all still love and support you.
ca mom
OMG – I was going back to old posts and found your post on the 17th. It must have taken a while to post so I did not see it. Believe me. we usually jump on new posts like white on rice so we are not ignoring you. I would assume that you are doing alot better seeing your post was on the 17th. I think you are doing everything right by going through your doctor and taking all the supplements. Yes, detoxing off those miserable pills is awful – like hell at times – but IT DOES GET BETTER. You WILL get better. No matter if we are street addicts, self medicators, or following a doctors script we all go through exactly the same thing. That is why this board is a God send and we are all sisters and brothers fighting the same cause…freedom from addiction…something none of us in our wildest dreams would imagine would happen to us. So you hang in there cal mom and PLEASE post again and let us know how you are doing. We hope you are still on your detox, but will take you either way.
Love to all my About Friends
Kitty
hey girls;
i am here; just been a few really busy days; fell asleep on couch at 6pm last night . just had lots going on; ball games, helping my friend pack still and yesterday i moved as much stuff as i could on my own cuz she was at work;
gonna catch up on some posts and will be in and out today
man i missed you gusy!!
love to everyone;
nsip
quitting
wholly hell!!! i just read what’s going on with you. i am sooo soo glad you are o.k. i am sorry i missed it and wasnt here for ya. you are sooo brave and soo proud of you. i know it wasnt easy either cuz i remember talking about the whole labor thing with you back when we were detoxing so i know you are not the best patient either as neither am i. so rock on girl!! and you are not to start over counting!!! YOU ARE 6 weeks TODAY!!!!! sooo glad you are ok . man i am sorry i was mia for a coulple days.. hang in there and get to feeling better!!!
love ya girl!!
pink and kitty
catchin up on this weeks posts. but i too am part of the ADD sisterhood. lol my finace hates it when i clean the house. i don’t do just one room at a time. it drives him nuts cuz he is OCD for sure. I will start laundry, start vaccuming one room, dusting in another room, have toilet bowl cleaner in toilett, you get the point. 100 things all at once. it always cracks me up when i realize that i am doing it cuz i hear my dads voice in my head saying “start something and finish it” well i guess it just didn’t stick. i’ll start something alright; i ‘ll start everything. lol and no gaurantee that any of it will get finished; just a bunch of half started stuff. oh well i love who i am anyways. my fiance is super ocd. our pillows on the couch have stripes on them and he has to have them turned all the same way. sometimes i think its funny to mess with him. he will fix them all the right way and then i will come behind him and move just one out of place. 20 min later i will watch him fix them again and i will giggle to myself.. that’s sooo mean of me huh? but pretty funny too.
Pink
sounds like you are doing really great!! sooo soo proud of you!! 6 weeks yesterday for me!! i can’t believe it!! i feel like a different person. still don’t wanna clean ; but oh well who cares.
i am sooo glad you are hanging in there!! keep it up woman!!!
Mel
hey girly; hope you are doing well. the anxiety can really suck huh? i totally dealt with it. my prozac seems to have helped with it. i started the prozac a week into my detox; so i have been on it for 5 weeks now and i think thats what helped me with the anxiety. still have a little but not like before. i couldn’t even pick a gas station one day; it was weird cuz i had never dealt with anxiety before and it was terrible. hope yours has gotten better. Also; about the boyfriend; i too agree that yo should deal with one thing at a time. i also wanna say what kitty said; dump his ass. but thats easty for us to wanna tell you that. i too have been madly in love with someone who cheated on me over and over and over; he broke my heart; he actually was emotionally and physically abusive and i was pretty young. anyways; my point is that i have totally been in a realtionship like you are now inand if you would like to talk . i am here for you. you have to believe you ownself that you are better than that and don’t deserve it. it sure did a number on my self- esteem at ayoung age.. my boyfriend was way older than me and was mr joe cool and all the girls wanted him; but he was mine; but really he just did a number on my mental state of mind. it’s kinda of funny though cuz 12 years later (last year actually) he called and told me he still loved me and how he screwed up and would do anything to have me back and that he had been feeling that way for years and years; but he’ s not exactly the come back graveling type of guy; it sure felt good to hear all that ; but its too late now ; he lost me and its just too late. sorry for rambling; that was a huge chapter of my life and i could talk about it for hours and hours cuz there was soo much crap he put me through. but anyways like i said my point is that if you wanna talk i am here. TAke care of you right now girl and glad to have you here!!
l
Mel
or atlest i like to tell myself i look and act like i am still in my 20′s and i am good ole flat cornland illinois to answer your questions from the other day
i am no doctor; but it sounds like you are battling some major depression. i thought i read that u used to take antidepressants. are you taking anything for depression now?
i am 6 weeks clean today; everyday is a little different; i am 32 but probably act 25 lol..
Mel
also; about the anxiety; you drink coffee right? caffiene can sometimes bring on more anxiety. i can’t bee without my coffee; but my doc suggested getting half caf or decaf. also if you drink coke or diet coke or any of that stuff during the day it also has caffiene in it and can add to the anxiety. i did’t get half caf or decaf coffee; but i have been doing caf free diet coke instread of my regular coke or root beer or sprite are caf free too. my best friend has been battling sever, and i mean severe panic attacks for years and caffiene is one of the triggers for her so now i have heard that from her and from my own doc. my best friend also says that if she gets realy drunk that the next morning she i more likely to have a terrible anxiety attack; not sure if you drink or not but if you do maybe don’t get wasted drunk cuz it can attribute too. sorry posting sooooo much BUT i am trying to catch up
oh and my cat (chicken says hi) she just walked all over my keyboard and i had to erase a bunch of stuff. lol
jen nms
where the heck are you girls?? hope all is well; hope you guys are just busy as i was for a couple of days
metoo
did you hear that they legalized gay marriages in new york?/
i hope all the other states catch up. esp illinois cuz thats where i live and i know my sis would love to get married to her partner!! i am totally celebrating for all those couples in NEW YORK !! now come on other sates!
Hey girls well 7 days since my ordeal and 5 days since surgery getting better and stronger every day !!! Geeze NSIP we call for you and boy do u come and strong great news thanks for posting glad to hear from you girl !!!! Any who I’m still a tiny bit soar but nothing I can’t Handel thanks for thinking of mr where is Jen come home Jen how’s it going how’s the hubby and ur precious baby ??? Talk to us u have Bern gone to long ???
Hope everyone is well and doing great !!!!
Hey girls
This will be short because I am flailing around making a clam about a lost cell phone – I am such a spaz (another look at ADD) and I lost my phone for the upteenth time!!
And, my printer just broker – a part fell out and it is probably not worth fixing…now I have to email my self stuff I want to print and print it on my husbands printer. Oh well – it could be worse, right?
Neesip – welcome back. I missed you!
QN – I am glad you are getting better. You could not control what they gave you in the hospital when you were knocked out, so we won’t worry about that. You are a strong young lady for turning down the script. I have often thought about that situation and I hope I would be as stong as you and turn it down.
Pink – hope your family reunion is fun – another FIRST without pills – I had lots of those – actually still have an occasional first without pills – How awesome, huh?
Hope everyone else is having a great weekend. I am feeling pretty good now – just an occasional crampy feeling.
Love to all
Kitty
Adam, thank you for the words of wisdom. You may have saved my life. I have been using prescribed opiods since 1997 due to 3 back injuries over an 8 yr period. I had been taking 400 mgs per day of Morphine or Oxy’s since 97/98. From my first injury in 91 I have been on some type of pain pill and muscle relaxers looking for some relief. I spent almost 2 yrs in bed and on the couch fighting pain that would not go away. I didn’t give up I just took enough pain meds to numb my back and brain and carried on. I recently moved to Nebraska and had searched for a pain management clinic to prescribe my meds. I had all my records and a letter from my Dr with all the phn numbers to facilitate the change. What a surprise when the new woman Dr just looked at me and said “No”. She sent me away with a couple of useless scripts and never said ONE WORD about what MIGHT be coming my way!! About day 3 I went straight to Hell. If my lady had not been reserching morphine withdrawal on your website I just might not be typing this mssg. The last intelligent thing I remember doing was sending my Lady my last thought in a text msg” I am losing my mind”. She was reading your website and rushed home to find me in a convulsive rage with no operating systems left functioning. She had read enough to know she couldn’t help me and she took me straight to the ER. I don’t remember 18 -20 hrs, I just went away. I came to in my hospital room wondering what in the Hell was wrong and where was I? She saved me, if not from death, then a certain night of convulsions and body spasms I had no clue were coming. I spent 3 more days in torture after 24+ hr stay in the hospital. I hope your suggested meds will help me finish off my final days a bit easier. This is day 12 post drugs and I feel a bit better everyday. God I wouldn’t wish this hell on anyone. Thanks again Adam…Keith
THIS POST WAS FROM THE 17TH….
NEW MEMBER ALERT!!!
Please make her welcome!!! (I hate that new posts go into moderation and tend to get lost~~to new posters…keep at it…many of us don’t scroll back, so keep posting and knocking on that door until it’s opened!! We love and welcome ALL to our ‘about’ home!!!!!!!)
ca mom { 06.17.11 at 7:36 pm }
Hello
First off, I want to introduce myself. My name is tammy and I am a 33 yo woman with a wonderful family. Great husband, 3yo daughter and 14 yo son. I feel as my life is perfect with the exception of this addiction. , You all seem very kind, helpful and knowlegeable. I was hoping you could give me some advise. .. I have been on Norco- appr 120 mg a day for the past year. I have had medical issues, and just last week had surgery and do not need them now. I, along with my dr have worked out a plan for me to quit. I am almost at the end of day 2 with no norco.
It has been hell.
Just wanted some input and advise. I am almost at 48 hours,,, it only gets better from here right?/ I have been followoing this thread for a while, and you are very helpful. My dr gave me some meds to help with with drawls.
I have also been on effexor for years and am still taking them
He gave me Phenergan for nausia
ativan for anxiety
Lomit for diarrea.
I have also boughten some stuff that I have read will help.
I am taking a couple vitamin b-2 a day
a one a day womens vitamin
a couple potassium pills a day
a couple magnesium pills day
I also bought some SAM’e and taking a couple of those a day.
L-tyrosine, altough I havent taken yet, as I am concerned there may be a problem with the effexor and the SAM-e together.
So far,,, it is been hard, but I tried a few months ago cold just to see if I was feeling better and it was utter hell. I was off them for a week, but my abdominal pain was unbearable so I got back on them.
Please let me know if yo uthink I may be taking a harmful combination and that it will get better soon.
Good Morning Ladies, you now have a man on here to join in with all you ladies!! I have been reading the post for over an hour and couldn’t help but notice the abscence of male suffering!! First, thank all of you for posting. I feel MUCH better knowing I’m not alone in my quest to slay this monster called Morphine Addiction. After reading so many posts about the struggles y’all have gone through it makes me feel so connected in a way only an addict can understand. God help and bless you all, because I certainly sought His face in tormented prayer as the BEAST inside me totally swallowed me up. Jeez, I had NO clue just how powerfull that crap really is. I am so blessed to have a woman in my life who is willing to do WHATEVER it takes to help me, dear Lord I love her beyond that 4 letter in a way I never knew I could feel. I can’t imagine trying to cold turkey alone. Today is day 13, her lucky number!!! I am free of back pain this morning and I can’t remember the last time I said that without a head full of drugs!!
My bones still hurt in my legs and the muscle spasms have left me totally drained of energy this many days in. My lady ordered some of the stuff Adam suggested and I’m waiting on wobbly legs for the postman to bring them to my aid. Did any of you lose it like I did and just went away mentally?? I do believe God spared me, why I don’t know, but I did get in the floor and prayed while my body took over and curled into a 176lbs of knotted muscle. Did any of you lose weight? I am down from 194 lbs a month ago to 176lbs today. I weigh myself every day and I’m struggling to gain back any of the weight I’ve lost! After a 20+ yr dance with narcotics I am trying to find ME again. Do you get it back?? I feel small at times whenI read the other post and realize just how many people suffer an order of magnitude I can’t imagine with narcotics. My God, the different cocktails I’ve read about makes me cringe in disbelief. What lengths we can go to in order to feed that damn beast that lives inside us. I never went over on my meds in all 20+ yrs, but that doesn’t change a lot, I was still seeking peace of mind and body through the same vessel..DRUGS and alcohol; when the drugs weren’t enough.
Pray for me and I will do the same for all of us who are fighting for our very souls to come back to a new reality…the one we lost when Mr. Morphine or your drug(s) of choice slipped in the back door of our minds and won control. I refuse to ever go there again; I think I’ll just try to live with whatever I wind up with pain wise and deal with it the best I can. God Bless you ALL, Keith
Geez all my peeps going through some major shit…Sorry ladies hope Qn everythings all better and you never have to have go through that again.Next time you’re in hospital they better be a baby coming out of you.Haha.Good job on not taking meds.Good girl!!I’m happy you made it through.
KittyMom How’s the doodah?Can’t believe you had to go through that you poor thing.Hope all will be well and the angels are on your shoulder. love and prayers to you my friend.
Nsip,Metoo ,Pink, Mel,Monkan,hope all is well with my “about friends”.
One thing I’ve found is if you have addiction,anxiety,depression,issues then you’ve come to the right place to sound off about stuff.It tis a great help and
cheaper than a therapist. Take care my friends.xxrainxx
Jamie,Just went back and noticed you posted.Happy Birthday my friend.Hope you’re doing great.Miss hearing from you!!Love, xxrainxx
Hey – nothing better on a Monday morning than hearing from xxrainxx! You ya doing bud! My ying yang doodah is doing fine, but holy shit – I was ready to kick the doctor in the balls while he sat down there making chit chat while I had the cold poker stuck in me for five fuckin minutes (I know – tmi) I have to go back in three months and I told him he might have to knock me out if I need it again.
Hope everyone had a great weekend. I was kind of lazy, and now that I am at my desk at work, I am thinking of all the stuff I have to do. My daughter is closing on her first house this week and Iwill be gearing up to help them clean and paint this coming week end. Soooooo busy times ahead. I am excited for her. It is an old 1920′s bungalow so it will need some serious TLC and work but the structure is pretty sound.
I bought two phones on e-bay this weekend. I am electronically challenged when it comes to phones and I still like the Motorola RZR phone – so I bought two of them since I either break or loose phones a couple times a year….part of my ADD that upsets me so much….such reckless abandon. My mother was always on my case for being careless. Now, I know that my brain just works differently than most folks and I accept myself more and say it is what it is. So, enough about me. I hope all of you check in this morning and let me know how you are doing…..especially, you, Stu. Hope you are getting through your detox OK. I know what a beast it can be and I hope you are OK.
Love You All
Kitty
Funny…I tried to post several times yesterday…and I could not. Muted by the system…lmao…gonna try this one…more later…I HOPE to have more job news//I aced the interview, but told them I could NOT accept part time/temp…..which is what the interview was for. Going to see what happens next, but, girls for the FIRST time in a long time, I WAS PROUD OF ME….
hoping this posts…
Good Morning Everyone!
Hope Kitty and QN are feeling better! Give us an update please, been praying for both of you to heal quickly.
Doing well over here. Family reunion was fun….rode the bike 15 miles, square danced my butt off (even tho I have no clue how to), games, and had an overall good time. Just very tired and sore. My mom came over last evening and looked at my flower beds and is going to help me relandscape my yard…hers looks like a tropical garden (in Ohio). Once again, keep busy everyone and push yourself and I’m sure you will make it! I know it’s hard to keep the depression away but it does lessen it when you are around people…and since this will pass, I am going to be around as many people as I can until this is over….even if I feel miserable and unsocial…it’s ok to feel that way. I’ll just pretend.
Metoo, what’s up with the other job, have you made “the decision”?? lol…in case you aren’t an NBA fan from Ohio, that is what James did when he decided to go to the Heat. It was a TV special….so funny.
Everyone have a great day and to those whom I haven’t heard from in a while I hope you are doing well and you are still in my prayers.
Pinkerton
Hey, Pink!! You should try talking to your doctor about zoloft…it sure helped me!!!! I know how you feel because I have BEEN THERE. Please just know, my friend, that you WILL feel joy again. For some reason, you are meant to walk this walk….try to stay thankful along the way, and keep that dialog with the angels OPEN. Sometimes I wonder how I ever made it~~it is SO DARK where you are now. But you are NOT alone….keep that in mind and in prayer, girl. We are going to see you through this!! I love you, my friend!!
Hey girls it’s me just feeling a little run down I was do busy before all this now I’m still healing they lied to mr they said oh 3 days and u will be dancing at the club well here I am 8 days later and still not even 60 % better I guess that’s better than nothing just bummed that’s all want to get back to my happy busy life
IM BAAAAAAACK GOOD LORD i HAVE MISSED ALOT!!!! jUST GOT BACK YESTERDAY !!! I think I have like 70 loads of laundry !! How is everyone its gonna take me awhile to read everything. I am still clean wooohoooooooo!!!!!!!!!! We had a blast but so happy to be home. How do you come back and it seems you have like a ton more shit to unpack lol!!!
qn so they took your gallbladder out? Hope you and lil one are doing wonderful;)
The whole time I was gone I didnt think about them pills at all its wonderful! I have never felt better im never going back to that again!!!!
Girls I’ll be away for a week going on a nice romantic trip with my hubby he surprised mr and thought we needed a little R&R together he is great I tell you any who just do nobody worries I’ll deff be back on here posting my butt off when I get back but part if the deal is no phones just us time so there u have it it soups be great talk to u guys when I get back
Hey girls forgot to say hope everyone is well and healthy and happy !!! Pray for mr to heal soon cause I’m ready LOL !!! you girls are the best love u all thanks to everyone who reached out to me it makes my day and where the heck is Jen I hope she is still with us on the other side either way Jen please please post and let us know u r ok please just a what’s up anything I miss u and I need you back on here posting love reading all ur posts thanks again to everyone of you girls u have been a GOD send !!!
Good Morning Everyone!
How ya feeling Kitty? Hope work went well.
QN, have a great time on your romantic getaway and I hope you are all better when you return.
I’m doing really well. Mom came over yesterday and help me make a new flower bed and transplant and plant and so on ….. then we had a game and lost so now we are out of the tournaments. Stay busy people and keep your minds off the pills.
@ Metoo, I have thought about getting on something. What exactly does Zoloft do and can you burn Kratom while taking it?
LOve, Pinkerton
@ Keith, I’m so sorry I missed your post, sometimes that happens but WELCOME!!!! Yes, we do need a guy around so please keep posting
I can totally relate to trying to find yourself again….that has been the real issue with me. I am taking the attitude that I need to recreate myself and become what God has intended me to be. I believe that God allowed for me to go through this for a reason, and that I wouldn’t have changed into the butterfly he wants me to become if I hadn’t. Be still and know that God does things in His own time and in His own way.
Good morning folks.
Well, I decided to go over to my daughters after work last night and we went to home depot and looked at paint samples for the interior of her house. And, if you know Kitty at all, you know she is a home improvement and decorating addict. So, needless to say, I was right there in my element. AND, it is so great to WANT to do projects again and to help my daughter with her house. I remember one time when she was moving into an apartment that I was out of pills and could not help her at all because I was so sick from withdrawals…couldn’t focus….was only interested in myself. So “I’ve come a long way baby” and all of you are out there coming a long way with me….I AM SO EXCITED!!!!! GOD BLESS YOU AND ME!!!!!!
Ah Pink – nothing is as great as working GOD’s soil and planting his creations. I need to work in my flower garden too. The weeds are coming up again. It is so hot and humid and now the rainy season has arrived so every day after work it will be raining and muggy. That is Florida for you. I was not even able to get in the pool this weekend. Boo Hoo!
Pink – also, I have been on zoloft for years. It is a SSRI drug used to treat depression, compulsive disorders, panic, and social anxiety. I started taking it for extreme pre menstrual syndrome and found that it helped me be more level in my emotional state. It really helped me. I quit for a while and picked it up again later in meno-pause. It has been a life saver for me, really, especially for social anxiety.
Well my girlie girls – hope you all have a blessed day. God is answering prayers – My God is an awesome God!!!!!!
Love You All
Kitty
Oh – Keith – Sorry I missed you post. I hope you continue to join us in our journies. Yes, we have all dealt with the beast – we are all brothers and sisters in this together and it is so soul cleansing to be here among others like us who have experienced similar situations. Welcome, I am so very pleased to meet you and to hear your story. You are so fortunate to have a soul mate to help you through this difficult time. SLAY THAT BEAST! GO FOR IT! We are all right in this boat together, and we WILL NOT LET IT SINK!
God Bless you
Kitty
@ Pink..yep, you sure can use zoloft with kratom! All I know is that SOMETHING is helping me…nowadays, I have more UP time than down….God has blessed me real good this time….and I am one thankful Metoo!!!!
Going to scroll up and find Keith’s post now. I hate it when they get snuck in….can’t that be fixed??? ADAM, WHERE ARE YOU????
KEITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WELCOME, my new friend!!!! I love your post and look forward to more from you! I love how you think!!!!
I think we all have ‘lost it’ emotionally….I know I have, but I am coming back around now, finally. It is such a dark place to be..but I guess it’s necessary to our healing!!! Keith have you taken any potassium??? That WILL help with the body aches!!!! Also, you might want to check in to kratom. I hate to be such an advocate for it, but it helps folks like me stay clean….
my email is
metoo05@live.com if you want more info on kratom. I will do what I can for you!! I am SO HAPPY WE HAVE A MAN!!!! A REAL LIVE MAN YOU GUYS!!!!! Let’s jump on him!!!
how is everyone doing?Im doing good I have a ton of stuff to do here ughh its gonna take me weeks to catch up. Hope everyone has a wonderful day. Can you see my posts?
I can see ‘em!!
I am waaaaiiiiting for a call back from the interview I went on last friday. It went amazingly well, and I am HOPING to hear back from them, as I would rather work for this company than the one where I am supposed to start on monday. Either way, I am going to work!!!
Ordered an i pad for the little one this morning~~she has been great, and has made sacrifices right along with her mother and I, and she deserves something special just for herself too. I am so thankful these days…just for EVERYTHING…and I can really feel the zoloft working. It feels so GOOD to FEEL GOOD…and to have so many blessings.
Hey, have all of you seen the movie, “Eat, Pray, Love”???? There is a line at the end of the movie that goes somehthing like this: “If you are willing to leave everything familiar behind and to go where you have never gone before–if you regard every person you meet along the way as a teacher–the truth will not be withheld from you”…. something like that. I watched the movie AGAIN (3rd time) last week, and that popped out at me. I have done this. And the truth will not be withheld from me….and this, I can see. Thank you, Lord, for giving me the faith in You to do just this…..thank You…
As I said in my last post – this is directed at Metoo because everything seems to be going your way and you seem so happy lately……”Our God is an Awesome God!
Love
Kitty
Metoo: that is awsome I’m so happy for you
!! It’s funny how everyone is so different my dr put me on zoloft I could not wake up from it. It made me sooo tired I couldnt function so I stopped it and felt better. Im glad your doing wonderful. Rub some off on all of us 
Kitty Mom: how are you doing?
Pink: how are you doing hope your doing well
Good Evening Everyone!
Bought some delicious steaks and went over to my mom and dads and had dinner and the kids swam and then went over to their Uncle Tod and Aunt Nicki’s house (they lives next door) and Nate got his first mohawk…not a big fan but it made him happy. Jay didn’t because he already cut his own hair right up the middle and gave himself a reverse mohawk – he did it while I was detoxing and I thought how quiet they were being…..word to the wise…always check when the kids are too quiet. I don’t care though, life’s too short to worry about stupid shit like hair…it grows back! I’ve posted it on facebook for those of you who are fb friends and pics of Nate to come.
Have a great night, I’m doing really well and hope all you fellow “about” folks are too.
Oh, and Tod and Nicki and their kids got a new black lab puppy…oh my goodness, I thought my heart was going to explode, it’s the cutest thing I have ever seen. I LOVE PUPPIES!!!!
Pinkerton
Hello Ladies…..thank you for the welcome!!! I’m still alive and kicking and AMAZINGLY not Jonesing for my long lost buddy…no cravings for his company at all. Ladies I have questions…..whats up with this internal “burning sensation” I’ve been expierencing in some of the strangest places??? I have felt this 3 times over the last few days…the first one was in my head…no I didn’t imagine it…it lasted about 5 mins which was 4 mins and 59 seconds longer than I enjoyed it. The second one was in my chest HELL, MY HEART to be exact and it lasted about 3 mins, nope didn’t like it either and # three was lower in my abdomen with about the same duration and welcome !!??
My life has been a downward spiral of injuries and more pain meds for the last 21 yrs. THREE different back injuries and a shitload of drugs!! The last one was in 99 and it put me in bed or my recliner for another year of my life. My daily dosages for the last 11 years were 1) 100mgs Oxycontin 1st then switched to Morphine,quid(4x’s a day…for the uneducated..not my new lady friends)..2) Soma 350 quid, 3) Zanaflex 15 mgs quid.. 4) Serax 15 mgs bid(2x’s a day) for anxiety..5) Mirtazapine 45 mgs at bedtime.. 6) Amytriptoline 175 mgs at bedtime 7) 12.5 mgs bloodpressure pill !!! Well ladies, how do I stack up in this crazyass world of delusion…lightweight or contender? I couldn’t believe some of the doses I read about as I read and read untill my eyes crossed!!! This site has had a few I couldn’t believe anyone could survive..funny ain’t it, how well God built us..we should live to be 140 or more if we took care of ourselves LOL !!
I’m still having some pretty serious tremors and involuntary muscle spasms, I REALLY hate those badasses!! Any of you ladies got the scoop on those badboys.. the spasms..as to when they will stop?? Damn things woke me up at 2AM this morning and didn’t quit till about 4:30AM. I have to leave the bedroom so my lady can sleep undisturbed. It’s not her fault so why should I punish her? I go to sleep every night worried I’m gonna start flailing around like a runover rat and whallop her, so yea, I fear and hate them. This was my first WD since my nightmare began 21 yrs ago. I was on and off ALL KINDS of narcotic shit for several years after my initial injury but I guess I didn’t build a significant dosage untill after my last injury.
My first spasms started 3 days after my last dose and I lost my mind..literally, I made one text I remember to Traci(my lady) and it said” I’m losing my mind”…within 60 secs I could no longer speak English or write it because Traci told me some time later it coulda been a math problem or Ancient Greek, take your pick!! After that moment I ceased to exist and I have one 15 second snippett of memory with someone telling me to be still!! Yea, right, like I was gonnna mind her with Satan inside me ripping me a new ass….from the inside with a six pronged pitchfork!! Not likely, not this old boy, I HAD to move!!!! Didn’t have a choice really!! The weirdest part is I have an 18-20 hour BLANK SPOT that covered the first part of WD. That ever happen to any of you ladies???? Like I said , I have questions!! What kind of triggers should I avoid?? Aside from enjoying a nice cold double shot of some very expensive Tequila or some of that super smooth Crown Reserve, I don’t have many bad habits. The pricy stuff goes down and stays down much better and it costs way too much to waste it and get hammered on it. Haven’t had any in 3 months and I miss that more than the Devil’s little buddy!!! Well my eyes are crossing so I gotta go, Love to all you ladies …talk to you tomorrow..Keith
Hey ladies and Keith,
I hope everyone had a Blessed evening. It is funny now that I am drug free, how I look forward to going home for so many different reasons other than drugs. There was only one thought in my mind 10 months ago, and that my friends, was to go home and pop 3 or 4 vicodin and sit in front of the TV until I became oblivious and fell asleep. Now I find pleasure in mundane things and a, especially grateful to be more involved in my family and friends. I watched an episode of intervention on TV last night and it was oh so scary to see those two young folks addicted to heroin. I never went that route, thank God, but I could relate to their pain and addiction none the less. That life style is just so similar.
Keith, I am really enjoying your writing and hope you plan to stick around. We have not had a guy around since Joe and sometimes we need one to get a man’s perspective around here. I have never experienced the burning sensation of which you speak. What I remember being the worst was the restless legs and muscle aches and pains. It is funny. Now when I look back, the detox memories are fading and that is scary. Us addicts cannot forget detox. That, my friend, would be the biggest trigger for me…forgetting the agony of the constant fight to keep my body from going into withdrawal and forgetting how difficult it is to become free from the little bastards.
Hope all you girls are doing good this morning. It seems like every time I post in the morning, some of you are posting at the very same time. It is so easy to miss each others posts. We must keep scolling backward so that we do not miss any newbies on here. It is even possible to miss each other’s posts. Well, I had better get on to working. I will respond later to you individually as you post.
Love You All
Kitty
Hey, Keith! I THINK your spasms are a reaction from your frazzled CNS, central nervous system. On the up side, if it started in your head and moved downward, I think that means you are making progress at getting the toxins out of your body! I would pump UP the potassium, and drink some soothing teas~~some chamomile, lavender, sleepytime, anything like that. It’s moving out of you, and that’s a good thing!!! It sounds like you are being very strong, and the worst should be over soon! Let us know how your spasms go, and try to massage the area that is reacting….if you’re the praying kind, it helps to pray it away, or make ‘peace’ with it as you are massaging…it’s in you, and it’s got to come out and run it’s course.
Hell, maybe I should be a doctor instead of a gay baker. Hee!!! LOVE YOU, KEITH!!!!!!!!!
Thank you, Kitty…..There is NO WAY I could have come this far without YOU, my friend. For one thing, who knows if I would have even started the zoloft!!?!!! There is such a phobia around anti depressants…but it HAS helped me 100%. And it has helped me to be ok enough to get out there and do the rest myself!
I am not afraid to get into my car and use the GPS any more. There is no place I can’t go now!!! What a change!!!! THANK YOU JESUS!!!!
Good Morning Everyone!
Good for you Metoo…you get in that car and go girl!
Kitty, you are so right about the vics driving you right into the lazy boy, cracking open a beer, throwing back a few pills, and zoning out….what was so appealing about that??? I had no interests or ambition. Now, I’m working out, redoing my flower beds, looking for an art class to take, etc, etc,…
I hope everyone is doing well. Pinkerton
Morning my ladies!! Thank you Pinkerton and Metoo for the info and answers. I was once a church going man and was raised in the Pentecostal Faith. My Grandfather was the preacher so any time I had a question he would pull out the well worn Word of God and would answer my questions with scriptures. He never interjected man’s word so all my answers were based in the word of God. I don’t attend church anymore but I do pray A LOT!!!!
Man, this has been very exhausting, it feels like a giant has grabbed me and squeezeed every damn drop of energy from my body. I started cutting back and slowly reducing my intake of morphine a month and a half before my supply was competely cut off. I had it down to two 100 mg Morphine pills a day but I still had most if not all of my arsenal by my side to ease the WillieNillies to some degree.
My lady ordered 3 of the substances Adam has posted for self help and I’m still waiting like a 4 yr old waiting for Santa on Christmas eve!! I can’t believe I’m narcotic free…whata rush…I had always known that one way or another, I would eventually have to deal with this shit….WD’…but never thought it would end like this. My mind has been working like a monster computer trying to digest “our” new reality..SOBRIETY…very uplifting ..and also VERY SCARY!!!
I hate the lables people put on those of us who are “legally addicted” to opiods. Never judge a person untill you have walked a mile in their shoes!! I have a chance now to start over as I have just recently relocated from as far south as you can go in Mississippi (without standing in the Gulf of Mexico) to Nebraska. Can we all say CULTURE SHOCK (lol), but it’s all good, bc of one person ,Traci, she is my rock that I will build my new life on and with…never knew love could feel so damn good!!!! I spent 36 yrs in a loveless marriage and I guess in some very twisted way she gave me a new lease on life by telling she wanted out. I thought I couldn’t or wouldn’t seek the company of another woman, yea she broke my big ol’ heart into slivers of glass. Three yrs, almost to the day the ex showed me her new life on her damn “My Space” pg I met Traci on line!! What a strange co-inkidink, and the journey began. We have been talking every day since and I flew up for a week of get to know each other better time. Couldn’t resisit her charmes and those huge green eyes just sorta melted me right down into my boots!! Needlesss to say I can’t imagine my life without her in it. MEN….if you are reading this and you are addicted to opiods/opiates , and you have a good woman in your life, do what it takes, get off this trainwreck of a life and go back to her sober and see what life can be.
This is a chance for me to get my life back in order….I’m excited and scared all in the same breath. I have a GREAT job OPORTUNITY comiing on the 8th of July and it’s for a very physical type of work..welding on RR train cars! I’m scared bc I haven’t done this without the Devils henchman in my pocket, literally! Friends, please remember me in your prayers as I will need all of the help I can muster to get this job and keep it. Traci deserves to be pampered a bit and if I get this job she’s definetly gonna get the royal treatment!!
Did any of you ladies change so much you don’t feel like the sane person?? I swear I don’t feel like the guy whose been running around in MY body for the past 21 yrs!! I have one lasting problem I have yet to conquer, malaise and fatigue, 17 days sober. I seem to be energy-less and no matter how hard I try I can’t find my energy button !!! HELP PLEASE…..I want so badly to run or bike, it’s almost a damn craving for excercise but evry damn time I get up and go, I hit the wall so fast I just have to stop. I just started working out on a Total Gym(the one Chuck Norris pitches) Traci has in the basement and today will be my second workout day. My arms, chest,and back are sore so I know I hit the targetted areas. It hurts, but in a good way, and the gains will far outway the pain!
Ladies, if you have any suggestions I’m all ears!!!! Can’t wait to hear back from my new friends, God bless you all…..Keith
A meaculpa….thank you tooo KittyMom, love reading your posts, very grounded and your determination to propagate the sober life is worth following as well as all the other ladies……and thank you for the warm welcome….Keith
I forgot something else…I am also a registered x-ray technologist with 15 yrs expierience working in hospitals, clinics, Doctor’s offices, as well as doing portable x-rays in nursing homes. Yea, I know…pipewelding and x-ray technologist…it gets them every time!!! Meetoo……a gay baker…that one cracked me up….NO…I’m not the least bit “Homophobic”, had a gay ex-sister-in-law and loved her to death!! I knew when she was 12 she was gonna grow up and be “different” from the other 7 kids..INCLUDING her twin sister!!!
I am ssccaarreeddd shitless…. in a good way, I woke up without another night of muscle spasms and no back pain(well maybe a bit, but not enuff to worry about) and why I don’t know…it sorta gives me a bit of anxiety. I just thank the Good Lord for another good day and ask him for a calm heart and mind…it works….just takes a minute or two!!!! A prayer warrior will help everyone! If you aren’t familliar with that term, it refers to what we all have….someone who’s lifting your name up in prayer for God to hear…He knows how important we are to those who seek his face in prayer and solace in his loving care. I’ve had one all my life, my Momma, now it’s my turn to go into my prayer closet(figuritivly) and pray for her. She had major back surgery 7 weeks ago and has had a very BAD outcome, she fell a couple of times post-op and did some MAJOR damage to her SI nerves and it’s partially paralyzed her right leg below her knee. If you can ladies, pray a short prayer for her to heal and walk again, she’s surely earned all the help I can muster and you ladies represent a small army of warriors.
Thank you all for all the kind words, this is some of the VERY BEST THERAPY I could have found…a whole pack of folks willing to read and respond as I try to purge myself of this Demon of addiction. I plan to keep praying and posting as long as y’all care to read my drivle….This is the good stuff of life, soul mates in the internal/eternal war that wages in our minds! Kitty, I get it now, that fear of forgetting what WD Hell is/was for each and everyone of us needs to be forever burned into our daily consciousness…I NEVER WANT TO FORGET THAT HELL ON EARTH!!! I think that’s a great reason to keep on posting. Maybe, some day I can reach out to another struggling addict trying to leave the drugs at the pharmacy or in their Dealer’s/Suppplier’s pocket and at least give them a ray of hope…like you ladies have given me…FAITH…that this too shall pass and life is recoverable and can be better than before the Beast took us.
Is it the fact that we have this “chance to be better and live happy” that pushes us away from the addicts life or is it just a built in survival technique for those of us who wish to return to the land of the living?? All I really want is the chance to be happy and give my lady the love she deserves and a good life with a good man who has no secret life behind closed doors or tucked into a nook to grab a taste of the Beast to calm my addicted mind. I don’t know what’s wrong in my head…it won’t shut off!!!! It’s like a 2000 page science fiction novel that just keeps pouring out words like a damn mini-gun firing full bore at some imaginary enemy….Lord please turn it off.
I guess it’s an attempt to tell the whole damn world I have kicked the Devil’s Ass in a fist fight to the death….I want HIM DEAD…FOREVER, and I think the Good Lord put EVERYONE into my life to help me escape my own demons one long day at the time. I love all you ladies and please forgive the brain rupture…it just won’t stop….Keith
Hey, Keith….you, my friend, are like a big gulp of cool refreshing water on a sultry summers day!!! I JUST LOVE YOUR POSTS!!!!! Thank God you came along!!!
I will most certainly pray for your Momma, as well as for you!!! Keith, do you believe in/and/or talk to your angels?? (Just wondering….)
I just got back from a bike ride to a park, and while I was there I called to check on the other job I interviewed for last Friday. Well, it turns out that I was NOT selected for that (part time~seasonal) position, and that is that. Something tells me that something is off though, because the interview went amazingly well….and if it IS the end of that, I am astounded. I am not trying or wishing to sound conceited here, but the interview HAD THE ATTENTION of the plant manager, so I am scratching my head here. On the other hand, it’s just fine, because I start my other job on Tuesday, so there’s no love lost~I’m just surprised. God will lead me where He needs me to be, and He is certainly taking the wheel and taking care, such excellent care, of me and my new little family. I have no worries, no fear, and certainly nothing to complain about. Life is good, even though I really wanted to work THERE, dang it!!! LOLOLOL!!! I am happy that I can still smile and know everything’s gonna be ok. Stay tuned, though, because I just still don’t believe it….lol. Oh, for God’s sake, would someone just throw a brick at my head already???? LOL!!!
Hey back Metoo, thanks for the kind words….damn I can hardly type..just finished a 30 MINUTE INTENSE workout. Damn, I forgot how bad outta shape I have let myself get. Don’t think I would be so drained if I had my supplements. Going to that Christmas tree with the key (mail box) and praying for Santa to be on the J O B…I want /need those supplements!!!!
Anywho, I’m so sorry you didn’t get the job, I know how you feel, I had a welding test a month ago that was, at the very least, unorthodox. I have 19 yrs exp. as a pipewelder and what he had me weld together was a joke…but I did it and I couldn’t see a thing wrong with it…..oh well, it was his loss, not mine!! That’s how you have to see these things. Perception….it;s 90% of how the world sees us. If he had seen this side of you it would change his perception again!! If he could go back to your first cry for help, he would have yet another perception of you. It’s the here and now that matters Sweetie, God has His hand on all that seek his face in solemn prayer for His help and His will to be done. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard that expression but I heard it from an old saint of the faith. I asked and was told if you seek his visage in prayer you are focused and relaxed and truly deep into God’s heart. It doesn’t mean go nuts, just look deep inside of yourself and forget everything but what is important, His countennance, His company,and His blessings. What could possibly be BETTER????????????????????
I have ALWAYS prayed, it’s ingrained in me……talk about hippocrisy, praying for help with a badass hangover, now there’s one I’m guilty of on an order of magnitude I can’t express,,,,oh yes, I have drank the fire water to excess WAY TOO MANY TIMES!!!! Wouldn’t EVEN try to count em up…but I do have the memories of some that ALMOST rivalled WD!!!! Yea, those that last 2 days…they SUCK….a very LARGE one!!!! Thank God I burned out those brain cells, flatass killed ‘em graveyard dead. Now-a-days, EVERYTHING in moderation…even sex. Too much of a good or bad thing eventually leaves a void in our noggins we can never recapture!! Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE SEX, especially with Traci, oh…..My…Dear….God !!! She could sap me in a single day if I could keep up!!!!! But, she’s smart enuff to know when to stop and let me recharge. Now that’s LOVE LOL!!!!! Hey, I’m a realist, NO MAN can keep up with a woman, esp at my age…but I do know enough tricks to help, hmmmm, how to put this, satisfy her. NUFF SAID!!! TMI I know!!
Back to the important stuff, just keep your head up and keep me posted, I’ll always be here….gottta keep the faith with the faithfull! Well, it’s time to go slay the dragon in the kitchen before Little Momma get’s home…man I can’t wait to find a J O B..I hate kitchen duty…….talk to you later Metoo PS I do believe in Angles
hey girls; have some major catching up to do ; our motem was out for last few days!! i hate our internet serice/cable company; its comcast and they suck; actually i would love to blow up the building. lol
anyways; i posted like crazy a few days ago; but not sure if yal saw em cuz sounds like this site has had issues too. i have some reading to do and catch up on everything
jen yay you are back; missed you girl!!!! we both have catching up to do i think.
Keith
welcome welcome welcome. everyone here is wonderful. i feel like i have made some lifelong friends. as far as the muscle aches and spasams; i promise it gets better. hang in there and post you ass off if you need to. it really helped me.. quitting and i will be about 7 weeks on friday so we are newbees too; but can’t believe i have made it this far. i never could have done it without my about friends. they are wonderful good people here and will see you through everything. sooo glad to have a male join us. we ned some boys around here. not that i don’t love my girls; i
will catch up on everyone and be back. (as long as my damn internet keeps working) stupid comcast.
its been driving me nuts to not be able to talk to all of you!!! so glad i finally have an internet connection again!!
Good evening every one.
Holy Shit – did I ever have a hard time getting on this site tonight and now my typing is two sentences ahead of when the words show up.
Metoo – Sorry you did not get the Sara Lee job. But, God answers prayers sometimes in a way that we least expect it.
And, I have been praying for Joe to come back, and who does he send – some fresh new blood in the form of Keith.
Please watch this video and song – It is my mantra right now and I want to pass it on
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaU6EMR37NA&feature=related
Keith, I love hearing your story and your words.
Your words heal me
My words heal me
My words heal you
Your words heal you
Words, thoughts, ideas, happiness, suffering……all forms of healing ourselves and each other so keep on posting my friends. I hold you up – you hold me up. I could go on and on. I would not be here if it were not for Metoo and Joe holding me up with God’s help while I gave myself over to the detox process. I hope I have helped a few along way. And, most importantly, I see folks like Pink, who in her darkest hours on detox, holds others up. Is this place Awesome or what. Every time there is a new person that pops in here and stays ,(There are many who do not) I feel a new lease on life…a new purpose in life…a new beginning. Sorry – I get sappy at times – but I am speaking from the heart.
Tonight I attended family night at my husband’s lodge. Ten months ago, I would have slipped into the bathroom a few times to down some vicodin just to get through the evening. I truly do not think about it any more and am enjoying the small stuff again. I am looking forward to another holiday weekend without the help of our little evil pills. Just saying this so that any one that is thinking about quiting will know that there is life after pills. The hardest part was figuring out who I was without the pills and yes, Keith, it takes a little while to get that energy back. It is a slow process but one of these days you will realize all the things you can do just the same or better without the pills. Hell, my first trip to the grocery store was excruciating and mentally painful.
Sorry to go on and on like this. I am just so grateful.
So where are all my girls today? You are all miracles in my eyes. Each time someone beats the beast I can’t get over the power of friendship and of God.
Have a great evening everyone
I love You
Kitty
HELLO MY LADIES ……the ole man’s still moving air in and out!! Thank you for the sweet welcome nsiPLEASE..and thank you Kitty for the input…I feel like Johnny 5..neeed input need input!! You don’t sound sappy to me, I get it, I really do. You know Kitty I don’t know how long you were stuck in Hell, but I bet it was a good long while, as we say back home! It seems I’ve got a lot of catching up to do in a lot of areas. My mind feels so damn weird now…..it’s firing so fast I have to let my fingers catch up. I’m a hunt-n-peck typist so this is gonna be an adjustment for me. When the Beast was on board I could do the same stuff but it wasn’t this crisp….my mental edge just sorta jumped up a few notches when my mind cleared..oh well I digress. My youngest son went to see Momma in the hospital and told her I was off the drugs and she was very happy I escaped with my life..literally..hahaha..take that Mr. Morphine.
nsiPLEASE, we will undoubtly be bouncing stuff off of each other since we’re the newbies on here. I love to hear how and what this shit did to each of us individually bc it seems we all had the same differences if you get what I mean!!! A head full of drugs and always watching the clock, tick-tock..tick-tock is it too early…why is time standing still…tick-tock..tick-tock! Always having to compensate and always vigilant, tick-tock..tick-tock is it OK o’clock?? I was always aware of how long it had been between doses and worried OK o’clock wouldn’t get here before I give in to that Beast in my mind. I had enuff sense to know I could cripple myself if I jumped a dose in early..I guess it was some sort of coping mechanism I used to try and control the drug intake.
I made good grades in college and I was blessed I wasn’t on the really hard stuff back then…NO damn way I could have accomplished what I did had I been carrying those 100 mg blue bullets around in my pocket. The morphine really fooled the Hell outta me, that’s for damn sure! I guess the slow build up year after year allowed me to compensate somewhat as I continued to work. I was convinced I was ok…NOT..it was all smoke and mirroors and sleight of brain. I know for sure they contributed to the end of a 36 yr marriage but the Lord puts us where He wants us. I don’t know what or how to feel about this strange dicotomy of did He want me to be an addict so I could be a better version of me later on….or was it just my choices that put me here…go figure…I sure don’t have a clue!! Absolutely not sharp enuff to decipher that Rubik’s Cube of a question!!! Still running a slant 6 upstairs, can’t wait to get to my fully blown Hemi V8 brain…whoa, want that be fun!!?? Hell, I might be a really smart dude if I live long enough to fully recover!! LOL.
Kitty, I got my Valerian Root in today and I just swallowed the four caps they recommended. God I hope I don’t go into a coma…and actually sleep past the 4 hour mark!!! That would be nice for a change. I haven’t slept more than 6 hrs in so damn long I can’t remember the last time. I have averaged 4 and a half hrs a night for about the last 8 yrs. I seldom napped unless I was exhausted physically. My last job was some kinda tough…work started at 6 am and I worked overtime whenever I could. The first 3 and a half months was one long stretch of 4 12 hr days and then two 8′s or two 10′s depending on what they needed. Damn near killed me at first, I probably averaged walking at least 4-5 miles daily. and the bad part was half of it was vertical!! I worked in a giant ass shipyard back home as a pipewelder building warships for the US Navy. Those were some badass monsters. Really difficult to give y’all an acurate description without typing for two days. Just imagine you felt like an ant and you had to climb to the top of a garbage can (no not the one in the bathroom..the big boy in the kitchen) with 40-50 pounds of tools over your shoulder, yea, it was like that. Strangely enough I actully got to the point where I was in MUCH better health and my back didn’t hurt any more than normal after about a month and a half.
Question for anybody and everybody….I was told the morphine actually caused mt brain to generate pain so I would feed it…has anyone heard this???? Sounds crazy to me but oddly my back has hurt less and less over the past 4 days…who’ld a thunk it??? Hell I’ll believe just about anything now about narcotics after what I went through with WD. It sounded good when they told me. I never had even a hint of a clue as to what WD really was and now …all I can really remember is the very begining and the stage I went thru after I came home. Man that sucked, one long as week of jerking uncontrollably like I was a damn epileptic and sneezing my damn brains out and Lord don’t let me forget the diarrhea..EVER!!! I half expected to look down in the toilet and see my heart bobbing around pumping away!! Yea, it was that bad. I’m still struggling to put my weight back on. I have just been slowly regaining my appetite. Today, I ate like a horse. Hope it stays put!! Well it’s time to try and go to sleep..LOLOLOLOL….one more thing…new member, her name is Tammy! I hope she keeps trying to get in here with us…it is a bit difficult unless you understand how this site post. Metoo brought her to my attention and I just plain forgot to give her a big ole addict welcome…come on in girl..the water’s fine …I spotted another man who posted on the 23rd I’m Done is his handle…go get him ladies, read his post and see what you think. I have no clue as to whether vics are like morphine so one of you with that problem needs to give him a heads up!!! Night all, God bless you and I pray we all have a better tomorrrow!!!
Good Morning Everyone!
Keith, I love your posts, your writing is so vividly descriptive that I almost feel myself right there with you…you have a gift my dear. I’m so happy that you have joined us and look forward to reading what you have to say daily. It helps me on my journey.
Yes Kitty, the holiday weekend is upon us….you know when you said that you went to family night and used to sneak away to take a pill, I can relate and I will tell you that it doesn’t make the evening go by easier or faster but just the opposite …wouldn’t you agree? Now that we had the big reunion and I didn’t use the whole weekend, I had more fun, genuine fun, played games that normally I would opt out of and had real conversations rather than the kind where I’m staring at someone, blank faced, fake smile, and completely uninterested… It’s just interesting that what I thought was making an event more enjoyable was actually making it less and I think that because in the beginning the vics did enhance my mood but after years of abuse they just made me tired and numb.
I’m sorry you didn’t the the job you wanted Metoo but there is a reason why you didn’t and one day it will be revealed…
Hey, NSIP, good to hear from you!!
Where is Tammy????
Morning Ladies, THANK YOU LORD FOR VALERIAN ROOT…..I went to Nappy’s house and stayed put for 5 and a half hours…man, I feel good this morning!!! Thank you Pink, you made me blush….LOL!!
This should be a very interesting day, cannot remember the last time I felt like this…My drug free start date was June 14th…..gotta put that in a note to self….this is day 17!!! Yea me!!! I feel like jumping up and down and shouting it out to the world, I am FREE, thank GOD ALMIGHTY, I’m FREE!!!!! NO BACK PAIN EITHER!!!!!
If 5+ hrs of sleep can make feel like this I can’t wait to just sleep till I wake up naturally. Traci woke me with a soft kiss to tell me goodbye and was I shocked when I realized what had happened. I have researched sleep deprivation in the past and I was shocked to read what happens when our Circadian rhythms are crippled by pain, strees, anxiety, and any other reason. Our brains actually rewire to some degree and yes, it does afffect EVERYTHING we do! Our bodies heal faster while sleeping, as does our brains, and that’s one of the reasons Dr’s put people in a drug induced coma after a severe life threating injury.
I went back in time last night on the About page to get a better idea of where everyone’s at now relative to where they were then. I read QN’s story and did that ever inspire me…Damnnit Girl, you are one tough cookie!!!! I have a much better understanding now of why we can draw so near to those who are suffering, struggling, begining, and mentoring! It takes a lot to kick this shit. We need the support of friends and family. This site offers us a chance to purge ourselves of all the self doubt and fear that only an addict can understand, then we can begin to heal from the inside out. I read enough to get the importance of having someone with no connection to us at all, save for our common language….drug addiction….our constant companion…fear of relapse….and the strength it takes to try and rip our lives away from the Beast and reclaim it for ourselves. Only an addict can honestly understand what we all went through to get to this point. The suffering and mental anguish of realizing our bodies and minds are no longer in our control is a very scary sobering thought. I intinctively feared being pulled off my drugs for a lot of reasons, but never gave voice to the Beast….I had to admit this to myself and speak it out loud to a strange Dr who could not have cared less about ME…all she was intersted in was telling me I was on MASSIVE doeses of too many drugs!!! She never said a word to me about withdrawal or what to expect or what my options were. On top of it all she was a “Pain Specialist”!!!! I now know what kinda pain she specialized in….my pain….The first words in the Hippocratic oath that ALL Dr’s have to solemnly take is “Do No Harm”!!! I am gonna remind her of that when I see her. Maybe the next poor soul won’t leave empty handed and totally unprepared for the Hell they will soon have to endure. I have reclaimed my life..my body…my soul and I pray I am strong enough to spit in the Devil’s eye should He ever tempt me again!!!
The love and support of someone on the other end of cyberspace becomes very important to us all very quickly. We do not judge, we do not label, we do not chastise, we accept that person into the fold because we know how they REALLY feel…..LOST and so ALONE. No one outside the lines has a clue of the PAIN, both mentally and physically, we must endure to come back to the land of the living. If they did they would pin a medal on our chest just for trying.
I have seen real addiction and what it costs through my oldest son’s life. He was everything a father could want in a namesake.A tall strapping handsome young man with a mind as sharp as a razor. He had so many beautiful girlfriends I was afraid he would he forget where he was supposed to go…to college…and forgo that to marry one of them. But, he went to college, and that’s when Hell descended upon him. We had no clue he would fall into the drug scene and man did it show acedemically. The first semmester 3.5 gpa….the second semester 1.5 gpa. I snatched his ass outta school and put him to work thinking this would give him a better perspective on life. Wrong!!! All that did was give him money to by drugs. When we asked him what happened at school to cause his grades to fall into the basement he blamed it on baseball. He made the team in his first year and he was always telling us how hard and long he worked to make the cut. I had to admit, his body did change, he gained about 12 pounds of muscle on a body that really didn’t need it for baseball, or so I thought. The coach wanted all of the young men to be strong as an ox and that’s what he sent home to me and the (ex)wife. A bullheaded brute full of piss and vinegar….and the first stage of narcotic addiction. The next twelve yrs were a nighmare Freddy Krueger couldn’t touch. I can’t even remember how much money HIS drug addiction cost us. The stealing and lying and deceit nearly killed me. My worst discovery came when I caught him stealing my pain pills. I bought a small safe which he promptly picked the lock on and continued to augment HIS stash with MY pain meds. The next safe I bought had two sets of locks which he couldn’t pick…keyed and combination locks were the only way to stop him. He’s clean now and we now share a common bond I hate to admit, opiate withdrawal. I cried my eyes out that second night home from the hospital when I realized my son had endured the same Hell I went through. I had helped him 2 or 3 times when he would go thru WD by giving his ladylove enough of my morphine to help him get through it. I trusted her, or I would have NEVER given him the same shit he was trying to kick. His life is still suffering from his addiction and I pray God will reach him and help him to keep sober and clean.
That was tough…first time I ever put that out there…pride cometh before the fall!!!! I’ve fallen, but I’m finding my legs again Lord and I humbly ask for Your help. Keep my family safe and all my new friends here on the About Page…Amen
Keith, I admire you. Thank you for coming with us!!!
This is what it’s all about…
Thanks Metoo…nuff said…Keith
Ok, this sounds stupid but I found some darvocets (from 2006) in my cupboard and I was wondering if I should throw them out or are they harmless to take for pain. I don’t want to take anything that has the same effects as a vicodin so can someone please advise? I tried to look online to see if they contain the same ingredients but can’t be sure.
I think they are weaker, but weren’t they taken off the market a couple months ago? If it were me, I would VIEW them as ‘NOT A DRUG’ and keep them on hand for pain. To me, (and I am SURE that everybody will disagree with me), that would keep me from viewing them as anything more than an aspirin, and would help me to not want them…does that make ANY sense???
Ach, on second thought~~they ARE a painkiller, and you should flush them. You haven’t come all this way for nothing…
Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty….where are you and your who ha ha??
Man what a trip I just took…I went back in time…a million words ago on this About Page…Pink, you and Kitty Mom are a pair of REAL PRAYER WARRIORS!!! Metoo, with your advice on the cause/effect symptoms and your Angels have helped everyone. NSIP, you really made me feel welcome with all the support and kind words.
I hadn’t really taken stock in the strenght of the Beast. It can pull ANYONE into Hell. I see I am blessed as I crawled backward into time and took snippets out of evryone’s stories. QN’s struggle and a few others really gave me a moment of pause…thank you Lord…I needed to know I’m not alone. Kitty, your story gives me strength, what a deal..adopting TWO KIDS…you are strong as titanium..to hell with steel..
To be perfectly honest….I’m afraid of my success…I don’t crave the Morphine at all….that’s the source of my fear!! I keep waiting for the 600 lb gorilla in the room to stroll over and rip my head off! I haven’t possessed one single pill since June 13th and don’t have the slightest desire to take one. I guess prayer must work, because I most certainly have prayed for relief and a return to life. I used to think that God only answered my prayers when I was praying silently over one of my sons when they were sick or injured, or a prayer for anyone else…BUT me!!! He does work in mysterious ways, He saved the best for last, He knew I would need Him down the road..and whenI cried out in a world twisted and flipped and turned upside down…HE walked in and took charge. I wish I had a video of what I went through…I need it so I can remember what was wiped from mind. It scares the Hell outta me everytime I stop and think…what did I just make it through?
I KNOW…from a medical professional point of view and the father of a recovering addicted son( I only say that b/c we will ALL always be addicts). But, I haven’t read anyone’s post that went to Hell the way I did!! My trip consisted of a horrible morning of uncontrollable seizures and flopping on the floor and then the bed with my body doing shit IT HAD NEVER DONE!!! Then I sent Traci just one text..after that one that was it, and then they just stopped. I don’t remember a THING after the one text that was written in English…I guess that’s where the Lord stepped in and gave me the ability to send just the one text to just the right person….the love of my life! I suffered for another week and then, just like you Ladies told me..this too shall pass, and it did.
FROM HERE IT’S ABOUT MY LIFE….y’all can save the rest for a really boring evening….background stuff and the things that are important to me. I have NO clue as to why I can’t just shut off my brain and STOP……………..DAMN DRUGS,,,,,,musta closed down this side of me for a LOOOONNGGG time….20 yrs of it.
Well, I’ve bared my soul and told my son’s story but y’all need to hear the other side of this sibling story…my youngest son grew up and I do mean UP..he’s 6ft 4″ and tips the scales at 290lbs…yea, I sired a fully growed man, as we would say down South. The only thing bigger than him is his HEART…and his mind. THIS son, took everything I said to heart as he was growing into the man I so desperatley wanted him to be. He got to know the Lord as a young man and kept Him close to that big heart. His walk with the Lord had to have helped him. He graduated from HS with a GPA high enough to earn some help from the college he chose. He went to a major college…got a job there and worked the entire time he was a student. Come summer time, he would come home and his old boss would always give him a summer job. God’s hand on his life is so evident, HE was always their propping my boy up when it looked like things might not go the way we wanted. Car repairs done for little or nothing from family and friends…me getting to work MONSTEROUS amounts of OT so we could help him!! Can y’all see what I’m talking about??? A walk through life with God as your PILOT can be an extreme advantage. My baby boy graduated with honors with a BS in Industrial Engineering and has just soared into adult life. He’s got a great job and a great woman, and he bought himself a home to share with his lady.
I feel so guilty for leaving my boys so far away from my helping hands…yea, I’m that Dad, they ask and I answer regardless of the need. I can’t deny my boys …my Daddy NEVER failed to answer the call for me or my brother and sister. I was the oldest and we all loved Momma and Daddy to death. Lord I miss him..cancer took him in ’99. THAT sucked the biggest one ever…I was sooooo close to my Dad. We could talk about ANYTHING and he always had the answer to my questions. I wanted to be just like him…a great Father. I did my best!!!
I had to leave home if I wanted to be happy….Traci lives in Nebraska and I fell head over heels in love with her. She couldn’t move and my job ended so here I am..sitting in Nebraska…sober, the Lord does things His way on His schedule….I’m begining to see a reason for things I never saw before. I’m not the one driving the bus, I’m just a passenger..
I’m sorry for the long seemingly pointless narrative about my life…It just keeps crawling outta my mind….I guess I’m looking for affirmation that I did all I could to do the right things in my life for the people that mattered the most to me…family. And now I’ve entered another family of people with the same demons in their past and present…must be where I’m supposed to be!!!! I feel right at home…LOVE TO ALL MY NEW FRIENDS AND PRAYERS FOR A HAPPY LIFE……..Keith
Pink…they are NON NARCOTIC PAIN RELIEVER…not much past a jazzed up tylenol…they won’t break the work you’ve done..I know this for a fact…otherwise I’ld say shitcan ‘em too.I wouldn’t take a chance with anyones sobriety…. just a thought..keith
Hey girls and Keith
I am slightly intoxicated , my ? Is….. Is sx talk allowed here? Cuz I got some isssssues goin on
Hey girls and boys hey Keith thanks for reading my posts means alot I’m 6&1/2 weeks now and have never felt better although I did get meds in the hospital to be pit under for my surgery but nothing after that I don’t count that as a mess up cause it had to be done … Your story is greT 17 days OMG u rock big time hood job that deserves a big pat on the back I’m 100% back to normal now and am do happy to say it it does feel freaking good to be able to go about your day needing nothing no pill poping it’s do wonderful u will soon feel great not just good but great happy you are here and doing the damn thing all my girlies went to doctors today got my stiches out and feel great I’m healed still soar but nothing I can’t Handel !!!! NSIP hey girl we did it Jen u to u r not far behind and pink u r catching up also this is great I’m do happy to hear we are all off these bastards wow GOD is great he gas helped each and every one of us get threw this he’ll we put our selfs in Check back later my peeps my tummy is growing u guys should see it I look soooooo freaking cute I love it love it can’t wait to be a mommy girls I’ll be just like you guys can’t Waite
Check back later much love to everyone QN
Hey my girlies and Keith,
First and foremost – PINK – through those darvacets away – they are not a strong narcotic, but they are not to be taken by an addict. Your taste for the real stuff could easily be aroused by these sweet pills. Don’t keep them – don’t consider them – out they go!
Hey Metoo – I am doing great. Gearing up for the big cleanathon at our daughter’s house tomorrow. They closed today. I am so excited for her! I feel I owe her since I have not really been there for her the last few years. She was always a good Christian girl and never gave me a minutes worry – but she is very bull headed and strong willed which I guess is a good thing. She breezed through college and has been working as a registered nurse for about five years – married for three years now. I would like to give myself a bit of credit for raising her in the right manner, but sometimes I think people do everything right and still have children that go the wrong direction and then, for sure, we have to place the situation in God’s hands. All we can do is teach them manners, moral values, and love them as much as we can and pray for the best. Believe me, I did a lot of praying because even though she was a good child, she was not an easy child and had a mind of her own.
I was married to her dad until she was three or four and my current husband and I raised her.
Angel and Pink – It is so awesom that you each have your boys. I wish I could have had another daughter or better yet a son so that Megan could have a grown sibling now. I think it is sad that she has no brother and sisters and therefore will have no neices and nephews. And as for me, I am wanting a grandchild soooo bad. Wouldn’t that be awesome!
Neesip – in answer to your question, there are no absolute rules on the site about what we talk about, but I would hope that we all mind our manners and are respective of others. I have not seen anything that offended me, and sometimes we tend to give tmi at times. Iknow I have…..but, hey we are all in the same boat here and sometimes get carried away and let loose. I remember a few times that Joe let loose and said fuck about fifty times in one post….lol! But, let us know if we say something to offend you. One thing I like about this place is the fact that we do not have to walk on the proverbial egg shell around here if you know what I mean.
Well folks, I have to get my house straightened up so that I can go clean my wee one’s house tomorrow.
Have a great evening
Miss your prodical daughters
Love
Kitty
Hi Kitty,
Thanks for the video clip above, it truly blessed me,
here are a ccouple to pay you back
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4OnZUfzlHU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gs_qlCWrPk
God is truly inspiring!
Hi Kitty,
One more that really hits home for me (as probably with many here)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcGJb-mPMmg&feature=related
God loves all of us here, amazing, all we have to do is accept it!
Hey, kids!! Here am I, enjoying my last day of unemployment! I am thankful and ready to go!
Ready!!
NSIP, let ‘er rip! I’m so good at sex advice!! LMFFFAO!!!
Keith, I LOVE reading your posts. You are so descriptive and honest, and it sounds to me as though you have done a phenomenal job as a Father……and I also totally empathize with your feelings about our Heavenly Father…isn’t it just amazing???? I got on my knees a couple times yesterday to simply offer thanks. I had a great day yesterday, made two new friends in the neighborhood, chatted up some folks at the grocery store~my forte…lol~and talked to My God one on one…thanked my angels and St. Francis….what a day!! Oh, and I got to take a bike ride with a little friend who is 4 years old~~that was SPECIAL. Then the neighbor gal brought me a part of a plant that I have been admiring all spring long….and THAT was priceless…she said it’s us who give to everyone else..? But it came right back in the form of friendship and a plant..I love how God works among us.
Of course you know, that’s just ME. A plant can never be just simply a PLANT, FGS, and a rainbow?? Well! A rainbow is never just something pretty that happens in the sky….and a smile from a stranger is never just that something might be sitting funny in their panties….lmao…it’s all a SIGN FROM GOD to me. Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me!!! LOL!!! But I never want to fix it if there is something off with my elevator!! Haha!!
Let it be.
Kitty, I am so happy for your wee one’s new home!! And NOW, her Momma is CLEAN, and READY TO CLEAN!!! I am still so proud of you for setting your sights and staying true to your dream. You never cease to inspire me to do the same…to be your soul sister on our journey.
Hey, Keith…you were saying you wish that you could see a ‘replay’ of your detox…and I believe, and hope, and pray that when we get to Heaven we get to see our ‘moments’. Those times when it was simply GOD who stepped in. I am so elated that your Momma and Daddy as well as my Mom and Dad gave us the tools that we needed to simply HAVE FAITH. To ASK for His help. To BELIEVE that He would see us through. Above ALL ELSE, I am MOST THANKFUL for my FAITH….and I know where it came from—who passed it on to me—who lit the fire for Our Lord in my heart. And you have passed it on to your tall drink of water, and I am passing it on to the little one God has entrusted me with. May the apples never fall far from the tree!!!!! LET IT BEEE!!!!
Can you tell the zoloft is working??
I love you, my peeps, and I wonder what the hell you’re going to do without me next week!! LOL!!!
Hey, Keith…I’m not sure if you read the ‘snippet’ of my story, and I wanted to share it with you…here’s a copy n paste of a post that explains my story. Just for you! Sorry for the repeat, all you about regulars…I just had to do it!! Thanks!!
In my own case, when my parents were aging rapidly, and I knew life was going to get tough, I started using pills. They made things pretty again. They made things happy where underlying things were getting dark. A storm was gathering…when it started to really blow and got even darker, (the period when their deaths were imminent and eventually occured), I was buried with them in a casket of pills. There weren’t enough pills to cover my grief. But the pills couldn’t help any more. It was TIME for ME to HELP MYSELF. That’s when I knew I had to go. I didn’t fit in my own life anymore. No one listened. No one heard. I had been in the rut for so long that everyone just thought I wouldn’t be strong enough to get myself out of the casket of pills and rise again. I had been living for everyone else and not living for myself. When the ones I had been living for passed away, a part of me died too. And so, a crossroad was inevitable. I had a choice to make.
CHOICES….the first (and the easiest choice) would be to stay put. I had already done everything I could to change my circumstances. My husband did not listen, and part of me didn’t even WANT him to. To stay put meant SETTLING. In all honesty, I WOULD HAVE SETTLED…..BUT….my very own ‘angel of deliverance’ came and helped me get my stuff together and climb out of that casket. She helped me to see that the girl lying in the casket of pills was NOT the child that my parents had raised. NOT AT ALL. She helped me to realize that I am made of GOOD STUFF. She saw the good in me~the good that so many days I could not see. She saw my heart. She took my hand and dusted me off and helped me to get free. She helped me choose THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED.
To stay in the current situation (for ME…MY OPINION here….not trying to put my life on someone else or assume anything, so don’t holler at me later, anyone..lol..just sayin….) was to choose CERTAIN MISERY. But~~~at least the misery is A GUARANTEE!!!!
The road less traveled…the freedom route…well??? There ARE NO GUARANTEES on this road. You can very well STILL turn up miserable down the road. But there is also a CHANCE of finding the happiness of life down this path. I figured that it was worth a shot…(even though it has been so long since I have had JOY in my life that I am not sure what it is and how it feels…..) It just HAS TO BE worth a shot…..?! But that lurking thought~~there are NO GUARANTEES…will you still take the road less traveled??
And so I chose my path. The road less traveled. I am looking for happiness that used to be found in the amber bottle with the child proof lid.
Fast forward to today—> It isn’t happening overnight. I am still struggling to gather my stuffing and put it back in. But I am pill free for a year now, and that in itself has to be worth something.
I think EACH of us has to figure out what we will make of our lives. What will we say to our creator when we finally get home?? Will we say, “Well, Lord, I made do! I honored my marriage and I put up and shut up….yeah, I wasn’t happy, and yeah, I know that you gave ME the gift of MY OWN LIFE…but since he wasn’t happy either, I couldn’t leave him.” Loosely translated (in MY soul…just mine here…no one else’s…) that says to me…”Lord, not ONLY did I hold back the gift of MY life, I also dragged my husbands life down too…and I held HIM back from finding his happiness…” By so doing, TWO gifts from God were not fully appreciated. To me, THAT’S the sin. The goal of my life is to really really REALLY make the most of this gift. What I have to say when I get to Heaven is the thought that I keep with me every moment of EVERY day. And IF by chance it is true that we have to live our lives over and over again until we get it right??? Well, I am trying to make SURE that this is my LAST life. I need to get it right this time!!
Therefore, if there is some good that I can do now, today, I will do it. Because I WILL NOT pass this way again.
Everyone have a wonderful weekend and feel blessed for our wonderful friends on this site.xxrainxx
Hey Metoo, loved hearing your story again. What an inspiration!
Went to the fair today and had alot of fun but boy am I tired because afterwards we went to the pool and hung out for a few hours. Now I’m beat and ready for bed. This weekend is going to be crazy busy so if I don’t touch base just know you all are in my thoughts.
OK, I POSTED THIS ON THE OTHER PAGE BUT THOUGHT I’D POST IT HERE TOO BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT MIGHT HELP ME TO KNOW IF THIS PART OF RECOVERY IS NORMAL:
Hey Metoo, I’m doing pretty well, a few ups and a few downs but I think I’ve leveled out to a place where my body and mind is trying to figure it all out …. for example, I’ve been physically feeling better but emotionally I’ve been a holy terror!! I mean pissed off at the world and everyone in it. I was pissed at my mom (who is a saint) for not being more excited when I told her that I’m taking the kids to Gettysburg, my friend for, well, nothing, my bio sister (who is long over due for me to pissed off at her), my boss for asking if I had enough PTO days banked up in case my kids get sick, like it’s any of her f#cking business…..and so on, and so on….I even got into a fight with a carnival employee yesterday! I think this is normal but hope I am not a raging bitch for the rest of my life….OH, I forgot, I told my doctor of 25 yrs that I wanted my records cause I’m going somewhere else…see what I mean?…out of control…
OH, AND LET ME ADD, I WAS NOT ONLY MAD AT THE GUY RUNNING THE FARRIS WHEEL (YELLING AND SCREAMING AT HIM) BUT I WAS ALSO MAD AT THE GUY WHO GAVE ME THIS STUPID 6 INCH SNAKE AND SAID IT WAS A “MEDIUM” PRIZE…I TOLD HIM HE WAS RIPPING ME OFF AND GRABBED MY SNAKE AND LEFT….SEE WHAT I MEAN…THAT ISN’T LIKE ME…KINDA FUNNY NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT. THE POOR FARRIS WHEEL GUY WAS POUNDING HIS FIST INTO A SEAT YELLING BACK AT ME…I KINDA FEEL BAD NOW…PLEASE, PLEASE, TELL ME THIS WILL PASS AND I’LL QUIT PICKING FIGHTS WITH EVERYONE!!
Hey, Pink!! Yes, I am quite sure you are normal. You know if you think about it, you’ve just lost one of your best ‘friends’ when you left the pills….so, yes, you are a little upset at the whole world….try to make peace with letting the pills go, and I think you’ll see a difference!!!
Morning to all my Glories!!!!!
@Metoo, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!! I loved your story!! NO…THAT’S WRONG…I LOVED THE VICTORY YOU GAINED FOR KEEPING STRONG AFTER YOU BROKE THAT BEASTLY S.O.B.’S BACK!!!!!
Morning has started to become my best time!!!! My symptoms are starting to fade more and more with each passing day. Prayer has most assuredly become my new constant companion. I find myself asking God for my physical strength to come back….I miss feeling that thing we men have inside us….that animal thing He put in us to work hard and protect our women and kids….I miss my silent roar!!!! As everyday passes I feel for it deep in my heart and my mind. It’s almost like I want someone to piss me off so it will just well up and burst out….and with it my old strength. I know I must sound nuttty, but I NEED THAT RUSH OF ADRENALINE…I AM DYING FOR IT TO FILL MY HEART…then I will feel like me again, healthy, whole, ready to tackle the world and all my problems and kick ‘em all right square in the ASS!!!!!!
Hey Pink……try what I’ve been having to do….look for that calm spot in your mind, I know it sounds wierd, but it’s been helping me control that rage and the fire right below the surface. IT AIN’T EASY…trust me.
I finally figured out some of the reasons my mind has been puking up EVERYTHING!!!….ANXIETY…ANGER @ MYSELF FOR LETTING SOMETHING ELSE DRIVE MY LIFE….SORROW, for all the pain I know I caused my sons and…..I HAVE to ADMIT THIS, the pain, worry, and anguish I brought to my 36yr marriage and the woman I USED to love.
Now, I have a woman who honestly loves ME..and not what I could provide her with and life is getting better by the hour!!!!!!! YEHAW….that’s a Rebel yell…..y’all….yea, I am a Southern Child born running wild and a taste for the simple things…pretty girls, fast cars, the smell of summer, and a love for all things wild and natural!!!
I am begining to thirst for everything I’ve been denying myself through my Morphine induced fugue of a life. My head’s clearing a bit everyday, the anxiety has abated some and with it the need/craving to spit out every single thought that has crossed my mind….amazing what a little bit of prayer can do!!!!! Peace of mind is a wonderful thing….git you some folks…it’s awesome. Three days ago I would be in a mental rage trying to cull ALL the crazy random thoughts just so I could post a thred with some sort of continuity….hence, the family story. Today, my back feels fine and my noggin’s slowed to a run, instead of a rage, and I’m hoping a day or two down the road it will slow to a walk!!!! Then I can focus on the here and now and try to put yesterday where it belongs……in the past!!!!! I won’t forget yesterday…just won’t dwell on it so much..
Well, got stuff to do and a woman to love….may all who read this have a Blessed holiday and a safe one as well….love to all my friends here on the About Pg …. Keith
Good morning everyone!
@ Keith, thanks for the feedback. I do try to quiet myself but I believe part of my rage issues comes from the fact that I have suppressed alot of “stuff” my entire life and when I was on the pills those demons were silent because I was numb to feeling anything. Now, all my past and present issues are rushing to the front of the line, not taking a number like they are told, and are demanding my attention. I am very angry at alot of things and people. Most of all I am angry the bio mom of my adoptive son, he has disclosed sexual abuse by his bio mother and the men she let rape him, and I tried to press charges, called two children’s services agencies in two different states, called in every favor I know and they tell me there is nothing they can do because he was too young when it happened and isn’t considered credible. I tell them, “AN 8 YR OLD DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO MAKE UP THAT KIND OF STUFF”. I read her posts on facebook (we’re not friends of course but she doesn’t protect anything and she has her 9th child (the other 8 were removed)) and volunteers for this “family support center” and has been baby sitting other peoples’ children and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it!! I’m angry that a woman who could rape her son and allow others to is being celebrated for getting her life together while my son still cries and feels less than deserving of a normal life because of what she did to him. He told me just the other day in a fit of rage, “just get it over with…you know you’re going to get rid of me just like everyone else” BUT she is being celebrated and looked at as an example, talking in the school systems to teens about being homeless and on drugs, etc….
Maybe TMI, so I’m sorry, but I guess I needed to get it out. I didn’t hate her before I knew about the abuse, I felt empathy for her and prayed for her to recover and have a happy life. I would even write a journal for her documenting my kids progress so the children’s services agency could send them to her when they found her. But then after about 3 yrs my son disclosed some (I say some because I’m sure there is alot he hasn’t told me) of the abuse I almost lost my mind. I found out where she lived and went and waited outside her appt … not going to say what I had planned, but I waited for hours, and she never came, thank you God because I won’t do my kids any good in jail. I have since realized that I need to keep my distance. So there is my big, bad demon who is always looking at me. Every time he cries and talks about this I just want to….well, you know. I pray my prayer of prayers that God will do her justice and no other children will be hurt because of her . In the mean time, my son has been damaged, can’t attach to me because he is afraid that I will hurt him, has to sleep with an alarm on his door at night because he can be dangerous, can’t have sleepovers, cries, sabotages, lies, steals, and the list goes on and on….but she is the hero winning awards and walking around like she just solved world hunger. I’m sorry to be so negative, I really am, but it is a huge part of my issues right now.
Pink….my Mass today will be offered for you and your boy. Watch for those angels. I am sorry that that is all I can do, other than to listen and try to empathize and understand. You will handle this just right, Pink. Every thing I know about you and about faith tells me so. Thinking of you and praying hard for you!!! I love you, girl!!!!
Thanks Metoo, we are heading off to church today ourselves. I know the only one who can bring peace to my son is God, the Father. I appreciate your offering and I will be looking for the angels today. I love you too!
Morning kids
Have some catching up to dohere as always with me.
Me too
You and I are gonna have that sex therapy at a later date. (I will be tasteful everyone)
Pink
I am still catching up on some things here butyou are in my thoughts today. The system does not work sometimes. I have an uncle who molested my sister and I both and I WAS old enough to know and I pressed charges on his ass. Anyways long story short, he was arrested on work release and still was able to be with his two daughters , one who isn’t biologically his and if god is my witness I KNOW he sexually abused those kids. My sister pressed chargeson him also and he still was allowed to be alone with those girls. Of course this was many many years ago and things are diff now. But system didn’t work then either and it’s something that sticks with someone the rest of their lives. So for u today I am sending you some major prayers for u and your fam.
Keith
I am sooo glad that you have found your about family on here. Aren’t they all great? Kitty, pink, me too all have some wonderful inspiration to live by. I don’t know where my life would be without ALL of them.! Glad to hear you got some sleep. It gets even better I promise! I still have crappy days but isn’t that just life?
Jen. ,quitting
Where ya at my ladies?
Thanks for the support and for your sharing NSIP, boy have you come a long way, I remember when you were still stuck over on the other page girlie. I’m so sorry to hear that happened, I can only imagine based on the terror it’s cause my son. It breaks my heart to think of him being brutalized and not be able to protect him. My therapist feels that my rage is so overwhelming because I am his REAL mother and I wasn’t there to protect him and so I want to go back in time and defend that little boy who needed me…..I don’t know why but I do know that I have never in my life hated and wished someone as much harm as I do her. No one worry, I’ve know about this for a long time and only once tried to act on it until God interveined and kept her ass either in the appartment or away from (you needed a key to even get in the building). I almost snuck in while the vending guy was there but thought that he will have seen me…that’s how close it came people BUT, and that is a HUGE BUT, I have since come to my senses and realized that God will be the ultimate judge and my place is with my family and not rotting in a jail cell. It’s so hard for me to imagine a mother doing that…..I can’t wrap my mind around it. Yes the system does fail the children. I work for a psych hospital for kids and see it all the time. Most of the time children have no voice and are pushed along through the system until they age out and then are given a months rent and the clothes on their backs and an nice farwell party that the mayor, the commissioners, the board, and all the executives attend to have their faces on the front page of the paper and then these kids are never heard from again until they are incarcerated. Sorry to get on this soap box but children are my passion in life and I am in a position to make changes and I try, believe me I try but I fight with all the above, tooth and nail, to protect the innocent. Sorry for this but I feel compelled on this the day before we celebrate our freedom to say a prayer for all those children who are not free from the abuse of their families or who are locked up in jail or a residential center because of what their families have done. Don’t mean to be Debbie Downer but just wanted to get some of this rage out and this is the root of alot of it.
I guess I’m kinda having a bad day, want a pill, not going to take a pill … day 17…but really want to feel peace and happiness tonight. Instead I feel angry.
Hello Ladies…..
@Pink, I wrote you a very personal reply this morning and damnned if I didn’t hit the wrong button and deleted it. I told you I’m a hunt and peck typist…damn blind ass fingers!! sooooo Redooo time.
Brace yourself, you’re about to see a whole ‘nother side of me.
I DESPISE ANYONE WHO ABUSES CHILDREN AND WOMEN. And not in any particular order. I am a true Southern Gentleman, and I will STEP THE FUCK UP WHEN THAT LINE I DRAW IN THE SAND IS CROSSED. God made me tall, strong and mean as Hell when it comes to who and what I am. I am that asshole who get’s right in your damn grill and puts you in your fucking place in a New york minute and I couldn’t care less how big or ugly or scary you are. I don’t fight to lose!!!!! Pink my eyes filled with tears everytime I read your thread. I had Traci crying when I read it to her. My hands are shaking again….FORGIVE ME FOR THIS THREAD LORD AND YOU LADIES TOO. How in the Hell did that bitch do that to her SON?
HER SON!!!!!!!!!! God, help me I want to chicken choke that fucking bitch to death. I would too. The pain that child is in and has beeen for so long is unbearable to ME. Oh my God in Heaven, please explain to me why a child is made to suffer THAT kind of ABUSE????? Pink you are made from some tuff stuff, I doubt I could’ve stopped myself. I guess it would have taken God to hold me in that car too!! I have questioned the Almighty’s decision to let that stuff happen more than a few times. I know…it’s His way and His will..but still. I have this big..no…monsterous side of me that wants to defend those who are preyed upon by the trash of the world. I have an empithetic heart and it has gotten me in a tight spot a few times in my life. It’s funny how a man’s voice can convey a message that means “backoff asshole” without saying the words.
@NSIP, Man, you and your sister too???….that shit must be rampant in this world!!!! I prayed for all of you this morning. That was all I could think of to do. It was an angry prayer but an earnest one. I just prayed for God’s will to be done in all our lives and to touch Pink’s son and ease his troubled little mind.
When I think of my childhood it’s always about the fun stuff, but, when I was a kid life was juusstt a bit different. Momma had to drag my wild little ass in kicking and screaming just to feed me. Hell, no wonder I was so damn skinny!! But I did eat….alot, just burned it off being a kid. Y’all remember the games we would play as kids that involved running and hiding?? ALL OF THEM…involved some sorta excersise. Nowadays you can’t dynamite a child away from a TV….video games, computers, cell phones, Jesus…no wonder we have so many fat kids walking around today. Technology isn’t always a good thing is it?
Pink, thank you for sharing that with me. It makes me feel connected here in cyberspace. Anytime you need a shoulder to vent on or cry on I will be here for you. I have broad shoulders ladies , so there’s room for a crowd and I do have a big ol heart with plenty of room for more sad things that we encounter in our lives. I may get mad , but , I calm down after a while and go back to being the calm slow talking redneck my Traci loves so much. I do have to give technology some props where we’re concerned, because without my computer I would’ve never met her. GO FIGURE!!! Well the witching hour is nye and I gotta go to Nappy’s house, got a woman to love tomorrow….hard to when I’m sleepy..LOL. Goodnite ladies and have a blessed day tomorrow..be safe y’all……..Keith
Keith, thank you so much for that….FINALLY…..someone who is as pissed off as I am !!! Everyone in my life tells me that she isn’t worth a second thought because she is just trash (NO, SHE IS A PEDOFILE) or they tell me that I’m wasting my time feeling this way and to focus on getting my son better (which is all I focus on) or the social workers tell me that they see multiple cases of this come across their desk everyday and there is nothing I can do, no prosecutor will take the case and no attorney worth having will take the case…..and so I stifle it and push it down, and down, and down. No one gets it, no one sees the pain he is in, no one sees him trying to tare his skin off because he is so repulsed by what SHE did, SHE DID, not the other men but her. And even though this is an unpleasant subject and this isn’t a message board for this I am so glad to feel like I have a big, strong, powerful, man who feels the same way I do….for your last post Keith, thank you, and I feel the same way. I would LOVE to hurt her and had she been at the right place at the wrong time, I would have, I was a waiting mother bear with my claws out waiting to tare her heart out with my bare hands, no weapon just my hands I would have ripped her limb from limb, but she didn’t come and I believe my angels started talking to me and calmed my inner monster, the monster that could actually take another life, and led me home. Keep in mind that I will actually scoop up a bee and take it out of the house, that is how gentle I usually am, but when it comes to her I could do unspeakable things. Thank you again Keith, somehow I feel better and validated. I’m so tired of people trying to tell me how to feel about this, so sick of people who have never seen the pain of an abused child, their child, surface. He doesn’t like to lay down with me to take nap because he said he is afraid that I will do to him what bio mom did…how sad, every little boy deserves to cuddle with their mommy and tickle and tell stories and laugh themselves to sleep…but not my son, he lays plastered to the wall as far away as he can get….that’s why I asked him and that is what he told me…so now I don’t have him nap with me and his brother but the other day he said he would like to sleep with us and wanted to lay with me…and only when he thinks I’m asleep does he reach his little hand over and pat me and rub my hair but if I open my eyes he retreats back to the wall. He will never be 100% but I will make sure he has every opportunity to be all that he can be. I don’t think he will ever trust anyone completely.
Hey, sorry for this but believe me, Keith, NSIP, and Metoo, this has helped my recovery tremendously!! Thank you and I love you all for understanding and allowing me to vent the biggest demon I have.
Love, Pinkerton
Keith, thank you so much for that….FINALLY…..someone who is as pissed off as I am !!! Everyone in my life tells me that she isn’t worth a second thought because she is just trash (NO, SHE IS A PEDOFILE) or they tell me that I’m wasting my time feeling this way and to focus on getting my son better (which is all I focus on) or the social workers tell me that they see multiple cases of this come across their desk everyday and there is nothing I can do, no prosecutor will take the case and no attorney worth having will take the case…..and so I stifle it and push it down, and down, and down. No one gets it, no one sees the pain he is in, no one sees him trying to tare his skin off because he is so repulsed by what SHE did, SHE DID, not the other men but her. And even though this is an unpleasant subject and this isn’t a message board for this I am so glad to feel like I have a big, strong, powerful, man who feels the same way I do….for your last post Keith, thank you, and I feel the same way. I would LOVE to hurt her and had she been at the right place at the wrong time, I would have, I was a waiting mother bear with my claws out waiting to tare her heart out with my bare hands, no weapon just my hands I would have ripped her limb from limb, but she didn’t come and I believe my angels started talking to me and calmed my inner monster, the monster that could actually take another life, and led me home. Keep in mind that I will actually scoop up a bee and take it out of the house, that is how gentle I usually am, but when it comes to her I could do unspeakable things. Thank you again Keith, somehow I feel better and validated. I’m so tired of people trying to tell me how to feel about this, so sick of people who have never seen the pain of an abused child, their child, surface. He doesn’t like to lay down with me to take nap because he said he is afraid that I will do to him what bio mom did…how sad, every little boy deserves to cuddle with their mommy and tickle and tell stories and laugh themselves to sleep…but not my son, he lays plastered to the wall as far away as he can get….that’s why I asked him and that is what he told me…so now I don’t have him nap with me and his brother but the other day he said he would like to sleep with us and wanted to lay with me…and only when he thinks I’m asleep does he reach his little hand over and pat me and rub my hair but if I open my eyes he retreats back to the wall. He will never be 100% but I will make sure he has every opportunity to be all that he can be. I don’t think he will ever trust anyone completely.
Hey, sorry for this but believe me, Keith, NSIP, and Metoo, this has helped my recovery tremendously!! Thank you and I love you all for understanding and allowing me to vent the biggest demon I have.
Love, Pinkerton
Hey girls wow there is some deep things going on here I just don’t know what to say … I’m glad everyone is getting better and stronger in their own ways !! I doing great feeling wonderful and it’s the 4th of July hope everyone has a good one girls we are doing great …
NSIP – I’m here Girly thanks for thinking of me I’m almost all the way recovered from my surgery and getting back to myself being busy busy busy spending the day with family BBQ ing at mommas house yum yum !!!! We r hitting 2 months soon omg can u believe it I sure can we r strong girls …
Have a great day everyone
Happy 4th of July
Check back later
@ QN. I told my brother and Traci about you going through post-op without ANY pain meds….holy shit Batman….that one really sucked!!
As a reg. xray tech I have seen first hand the level of pain a gall bladder can produce. SO, you are a hero to me, QN and I can only hope I’m as strong as you!!!
Pink, you are correct…SHE IS A PEDOPILE(of shit)…and always will be…just the same way we all have to own OUR badge of shame and recovery. NO……I’m not puttting her on our level, she’s no where near us, too far down the slippery slope. BUT…she should have to wear a badge that says I am a pedophile, don’t trust me when your kids are near me or a tatoo with the same mssg.!! Just a thought….
Well, I gotta go do something with the anxiety attack I feel coming on………I’m gone…..Keith
Hey guys what’s up … Keith so glad you are here and thanks for thinking about me that made my day it really did well the surgery I had meds they use fentanyl for anasegia … So that fucked me up and the next 2 days at the hospital I had diludid round the clock but I was in the hospital 6 days and after the third day no pain meds no rx to take home nothing so I was bummed cause they messed my days up u know I had 5 weeks up till then I feel it’s cheating to say they didn’t mess my clean days up but when I wS alert enough to say no pain meds I did they kept telling mr there is no prize for taking the pain but I knew I didn’t want it and I told my self I wouldn’t have it and that was that my pain was like a 20 out of 10 LOL but it didn’t kill me I’m here now proud of myself and stronger that a few weeks ago enough about mr I’ll be back posting my tiny butty off LOL !!! hope nobody minds but I am so inspired by u Keith all those meds and you are off all of them OMFG. U r a rock star I am a RN MSN. And yes they day gull stones are worse than labor back to u I am so glad u are here ur posts are great and u should pat ur self on the back cause what u have done is beyond great u r strong and inspiring u don’t e en know I feel like a wimp compared to u keep posting !!!!
Pink — sorry for everything u r going threw I have never heard of such things u r such a inspiration u font even know I can’t comment on what u have posted cause I don’t know what to say but I’m glad u r getting off the pills 19 days omg almost a month I think I’m almost 2 months if u don’t count the hospital … You are the reason I am here today love u so much and u should be feeling better right it’s a wonderful feeling right ??? Not having to take pills all the time I love it
NSIP — where u at how’s it going how many days ??? U rock big time u do
Kitty and metoo — how r u guys ?? Haven’t heard from u guys today hope ur 4th wS great
Jen — where r u I’ve been calling for u daily and u don’t post much how many days over a month tight u rock big time post for mr give me a shout out please !!!!!
Rain — great to hear your post hope u had a great day post more often u r do inspiring live to read ur posts also
Anyone I have missed have a great day and I will check back first thing in the am
Lobe u boys and girls
Life is great keep it strong and moving forward !!
Till next time XOXOXO
Good morning everyone!
TODAY IS METOO’S FIRST DAY ON HER NEW JOB….GOOD LUCK AND KNOW THAT I WILL BE THINKING OF YOU ALL DAY AND PRAYING FOR YOU TO HAVE A WONDERFUL FIRST DAY!!!!!
Good to hear from you QN! Yeah, I got a little off topic and a lil deep but I felt the need to vent that demon and I feel better. There is nothing to say and the only thing to do is love my son through this and give him security in knowing that I will never hurt him or leave him. All I ask is for prayers for him and all the lil ones who are or have gone thru that. I think, no wait, I know that when I come off the pills all my feelings surface and I become a raging bitch….I’m still not where you are my darling QN…I still want to bite everyone’s head off. For example, everyone watches the fireworks at my house and my aunt, who is probably 80 yrs came over at like 7pm and they don’t start until 10pm, we weren’t home, so she left her car parked in the middle of the driveway and walked over to the carnival….AUGH!! Now when people start showing up there is noway to get around her car to park and it turned into a debacle….I used to have patience with this kind of stuff, after all, she is an old lady and I am never disrespectful but I did feel like screaming. Then her grandaughters who are wierd start going through my house while everyone is outside watching the fireworks…they are like 11 & 13…too old to be in my bedroom when I come in to check on them. Anyway, that’s what I’m sayin, I am in a foul mood lately and I’m just waiting for it to pass. I think that it is being physically exhausted and still on the roller coaster from getting clean. My body aches from the exercise and that is also a new feeling. Number one, I didn’t exercise before (very often) and number two, I didn’t feel anything afterward.
Kitty, how is your daughter’s house coming along?
Anyway, thanks for allowing me to rant and to share and everyone have a great day.
Pinkerton
Hey girls Nd boys how is everyone this fine morning ?? Hope everyone had a great safe clean 4th ??? Any how today is going to be a scorture here is sunny San Diego !!! So time to get some vit D lol !!!!
u will feel better Soon u will and it will be real soon that parking shit is annoying mr being clean and over it would still be aggitated cause when people don’t use common sense then it’s almost like they deserve what’s about to cone next but I get she is old but she really should know better u know any way what I’m trying to say that was justifiable and people in it bedroom oh no hunny not at my house !!!!
and WOW is that a great feeling it makes all the suffering and hard work worth while !!!
Pink — prayers for u and the family are always coming your way from SD
Should get some nice posts today from everyone I had a great BBQ with my hubby and my parents house and it was great it is amazing how I didn’t deluxe how good I have it while I was on the pills and what a great husband I have I took him for grantid and mow I’m seeing everyday that he is the love of my life and loves me more than I ever thought
Check back later love QN
Metoo Happy first day of work
u knock them dead !!!! U will be great
Where is everyone no new posts going to lay by the pool and somehow figure out s way to cover my war wounds lol !!!! So I don’t get scared for life although I think that’s gonna be hard to avoid well girls and boys have a great day check back later love QN
Hey QN, I know, you’re right, I always say that people must think they are the only people in the world….driving, grocery store, parking….etc…use some common sense and consideration! The girls that were going through my room are just wierd and sneaky.
Ok Kitty, where are you?
Metoo, check in with your “about” family and let us know how your first day of work went.
As for me, I’m gonna try and relax for a little bit and not bite anyones head off…lol.
Me too
Needztoknow has questions about krat and I don’t have answer for her. You may wanna pop over to the other page and see if u can help.
How’s the job? Yay! Hope you had a great first day!
Pink
You can vent anytime!! I sooooo understand what you are dealing with. At least he has you!! I think, no I KNOW that my uncle screwed up my little cousins big time and they didn’t have someone like you and that’s awesome for him!! My younger of my cousins is just now 19 and last year she asked me what her dad did to me (and my sis). And she says he never did anything to her but I know that’s not true! She says she remembers showering with him! she was too old to be showering with a grown man!! Anyways, my point is that at least he has you and that’s a really big deal so hang in there with him! In time he will trust that you will not hurt him or leave him. And as far as being aggravated with those inconsiderate people. It gets better (some days). Man I had to go to wal-mart over holiday weekend which is also the first of the month and we have what I call ghetto wal-mart due to it’s location and some creepy people at the one on north side. Anyways, I couldn’t get out of there fast enough! I thought I would hurt someone! People aresoooo. Sooo rude! And those girls know better than to be in your room!! At least you caught em!
Quitting
Where is our Jen? So Friday will be eight weeks. So sat will be 56 days for you! Crap can you believe that? Feels like just yesterday we were celebrating 4 weeks! I bet you are getting a nice ole tan today! I am fried to a crisp. My friend got into her new house and I spent the weekend laying in her new heated in ground pool! Hell yeah! What’s the vit d about?
Kitty how’s daughters house going? I bet you did some poolside this weekend too.
Jen Jen Jen where are you?
Keith
How’s the anxiety? How many days? What is helping you with anxiety? I am sooo lad to have you here! I totally agree with your rant about pinks situation! I also love that you are kind of a ” corn fed” boy as we would say in illinois. It’s nice to have ya here!
As far as the anxiety goes. Mine got bad after my first week or so and has not gotten better but I think Prozac helping with it!
Hey NSIP well the sun gives u vit d … That’s what that was about Great u r doing hood thank God u r counting for us I love it … 56 days wow that asume right u r further than he right ??
Glad to hear from u and I really worried about Jen she had not checked in with us even to day what’s up
Hope everyone had a great day till next time
Hello Ladies!!!!
Whew…..what an awesome day!! This may sound a bit weird but the truth is what it is. Today would have been my 37th anniversary had my ex-winch not lost her mind and tried to become something she wasn’t/isn’t a younger woman!!!!!!! The new love in my life pretty much erased that thought COMPLETLEY from my head…and body. She took the day off without a word from me,(the Lord’s working in my life) and a surprise like that is priceless. I didn’t think about my old life and my old wife all day!!! I just told her what she did without knowing and all I could do was smile!!! Love is a strange emotion and it can swallow you up on either end of the spectrum…trust me…I have been on both ends of that deal. One more special thing happened today, we got our first big purchase together, a super duper special bed just for me. I have suffered for years with trying to find that sweet spot on the couch, a recliner(slept in one for 10 yrs) , the floor, and finally found the answer in an adjustable bed like a hospital bed…go figure!!! This puppy ain’t no hospital bed!!!!!
A queen sized play ground for us to snuggle and relax on…won’t find that in any hospital I know of!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@NSIP….I don’t know why or what set me off the other day…maybe stress, I don’t really know. My ladylove has a way of abating those things with a lot of TLC, I am sooooo blessed to have her. I have been praying when I feel them coming on and it doesn’t just stop them cold , but it does give me another reason to realize how much I depend on Him for my sanity. I never knew just how damn bad those little puppies could be!!!!! I felt like I could crawl up the walls and across the ceiling a few times. AND THEN…the really bad ones where I wanted to beat the Hell outta something! I HATE THAT FEELING!!!!!
Pink, I will always be here for you if you need me for that special reason. My God, I can’t begin to imagine what YOU must go through my ladyfriend…not even for a minute. Just focus that HUGE love you have for him straight at his heart, it can’t fail, no way. I will keep you and your’s in my prayers.
@QN…..I can’t begin to fathom how you did what you did!!!! OH MY GOD…..a 20…bullshit….try a 50 outta 10 on that world famous sliding pain scale!!!! I know how bad surgery is….THAT SHIT HURTS WHEN YOU HAVE THE BEST DOPE MAN CAN INJECT INTO YOUR BODY…INCLUDING THOSE EXOCTIC COCKTAILS. Yea, your Superwoman….you’ve earned the bragging rights for the next year!!!!!! My Hero……
Metoo I hope you had the day you wanted!! I know how that stuff can work on your head….just be yourself and let the chips fall where they may. If you know your stuff, it will always show, so relax, clear your mind, and don’t forget to breathe….it’s easier with a clear vision of what you want to happen!!!!
Alright ladies, I’ve been saving this for the right time…I need all my prayer warriors to say a prayer for me Thursday night!!!!! I have to take a pre-employment test for a company that selected me from a cast of thousands( THEIR WORDS NOT MINE) and it is a VERY lucrative oportunity. Just remember me ladies…I’ve got a lot riding on this one and faith will carry me when my brain won’t.
Well, time to go try out my new bed…oh yea, it VIBRATES!! lol
Have a good night’s sleep and a Blessed day tomorrow…Keith
Keith I have that bed also it comes with a remote and goes up and down and it vibrates that’s soposta be a massage not it just vibrates I love it I can sit up with out moving and I don’t even need a bed like that but it was so freaking cool I got it and the best mattress in the world I tell u my bed is great I love it I was thinking about a sleep number but I’m glad I hot this one and that is a huge purchase if it costs anything near mine did $ 6500.00 but I tell u it is the best thing I have ever bought cause a comfy bed means a great night sleep and that means a new refreshed me every morning and that is priceless right !!!!
Oh yeah I don’t know if u are in need of a new vacuum but the purple dyson ball vacuum is the best ever it’s like 600.00 but u won’t be sorry it will vacuum a person up no joke and goes anywhere and everywhere that is my second fav thing I have bought recently not to mention a big ass 3D tv I have been on a shopping spree with my hubby love it love it love it !!!! U sound so in love and I am to it is the best feeling in the world mr and my hubby have been together for 13 years and married 7 and he is the best thing ever be lives mr with all his heart and mr the sane and that feeling is priceless I know how u feel after all these years I love him more and more with each passing day and that says alot I hope u get here with ur née gal one day it’s wonderful love QN
Good Morning Everyone!
Jen, are you ok? If you are having any kind of issues please let your “about” friends help, or just give us a shout out to say that you are at least still kickin
No matter what is going on we still care about you and want to know that you are alright.
The hating of others continues for me….lol….it must be part of the process…boy do I wish I could be as upbeat as you QN!! I am as mean as a hornet right now. I have yelled at my doc because he wouldn’t give me the results to a test I had over the phone, instead he wants me to come in, so I called the surgeon and he gave me the results over the phone and was fine with me taking out my own stitches…so that made me mad. My boss told me that she got a note about me not having many personal days left (a fib because she always blames someone else), I told her that I had like 49 hrs and can’t I take everyone of them if I want, and she said yes but that she knows I have kids and that they might get sick…that made me mad. Shall I go on?
I’m just plain ole pissed off if anyone even looks at me the wrong way!!
METOO, how was yesterday? I prayed for you then, today and I’ll pray for you tomorrow and I’ll send you angels and lots of love my friend.
NSIP, thanks and you are really becoming such a strong force on this site. You are reaching out and helping so many people, myself included. I appreciate having you around and sharing your wisdom and insight. You are awesome!
Keith, thank you again. You are such a breath of fresh air! Hope you slept well last night….or whatever…ha ha. You are an inspiration too and your lady is very lucky. I picture you to be this tuff guy who melts when it comes to puppies, kids, and women. Kinda like Haus from Ponderosa…that is how I have you pictured in my mind…or maybe Matt Dillon from Gunsmoke…maybe a mix.
Wow QN, take me shopping with you next time!!
Rain, you ok?? Jamie, I know you are ok, but it would still be nice for you to come down from the mountain and say hi….. you still can’t teach my son how to bull ride!
lol
Well it’s day like 21 for me…I’m still struggling. The only physical stuff is fatigue, still not sleeping well and get really tired in the afternoon. It’s more the mental crap. Oh well, life goes on.
Everyone have a blessed day! Pinkerton
Good morning to all my about friends. I am sorry I have been MIA for the past few days. I was just busy with our daughter’s house and it was worse than our wildest dreams. It was a foreclosure and sitting empy for a while and besides, it was built in 1926……adorable but lots and lots of work which will be very worth it in the end. The two rooms that are completely painted are just beautiful. There are hardwood floors throughout and an abundance of windows. My daughter is just amazing me with her hard work and appreciation of the rest of the families hard work. And me, well, lets just say I could not have done this last year when I was addicted to popping 12 vicodins each and every day.
Thank you my dear God for that.
No words could express the anger and frustration I feel over the not guilty verdict of Casey Anthony for killing her beautiful little girl, Caylee. The trial had of course held everyone’s attention the last month or so and the tragic story has held everyone’s attention since 2008 when it started to unfold. The jurors were chose practically right in our neighborhood, just across the bay. Most of us have been hearing the story daily since that time. The fact that Casey did not report her daughter missing for weeks after, that she made up various lies regarding the child being kidnapped ….I could go on and on. Someone killed that child and it just sickens me that it could possibly never be solved.
So, nothing I could say about my daily struggles or triumphs could superceed what I feel for this sweet child who did not even get a chance to live her life because her mother thought her freedom was more important than her daughters life.
Today, I pray that the children who suffer in the world will somehow find the peace and security that they so deserve.
I love and miss you guys
Kitty
Well girls bope this doesn’t rub anyone the wrong way but she did her time went threw weeks of trial and was proven innocent so that’s it just tired of people saying she is guilty and going on and on not any one here but in general we would of all had the same trial and they said not guilty we don’t know what really happened and there is no winner the baby is still not here she will have another trial soon when she meets with God and he will do the right thing … It’s all do upsetting I know but now we can only pray she won’t have a y more children and this won’t happen again but kids drowning in pools happen to often and all thoese tradgies can be prevented if a gate is put up and it’s just sad that people don’t take the right precautions to give a safe life to their loved ones just a thought sorry if I offended any one everyone has the right to their oponions I just put myself in her shoes and she is already going to have a hard time picking her life up and moving on I just believe for now she got her trial and 12 people all said not guilty they were there in court everyday and heard and say things we didn’t and all 12 people said not guilty everyone makes mistakes and everyone deserves a second chance we all here got a second chance everyone deserves a second chance at life and
we deserved it right ?? I believe when this happened meth was involved so thunk of it that way also drugs are never good for anybody
Morning Ladies,
Well the new bed was good and bad…Traci couldn’t get comfy so we reset the bed about 6 times. I slept in snatches and patches and can’t wait for both of us to find that “sweet spot” where we can sleep uninterupted.
As for the trial of Casey Anthony….I have never understood how her story jived with an accidental death or murder committed by someone else??? Why she didn’t report her missing just makes no sense no matter how we slice it. I guess the multiple stories confused the issue enough to put that fleeting shadow of a doubt in the jury’s collective mind!!! The dueling experts and the science they used was confusing….traces of chloroform…no traces…how in the world do you come to a conclusion that could possibly include both sets of scientific data?? Ultimately, she will pay the price of being marked as a woman who was’nt mentally ready to be a Mother, a Woman, or anything close to a decent human being. These things won’t wash off nor will they fade. Case in point…anyone remember O.J.??? His trials and tribulations still continue to this day. Her day will come, either here with us, or with the ultimate judge (sans jury)….Our Lord. His judgement is FINAL and all the story telling in the world won’t change his sentence. Guilty or innocent….she will own her part in that innocent child’s death.
I struggled with that decision for a few hours and finally I just had to let it go. I can’t change a thing no matter how I feel.
You Ladies have a nice day and go in prayer wherever you go. Keith
Hey guys it’s a hot tamili here in sunny SD Ca to hit if u ask me but other than that I’m great hope everyone is wonderful happy all is well with all out about family keep on keeping live QN
QN – I guess I will have to agree to disagree. Here in Florida we have had this trial and investigation in our face since 2008 and have seen pictures of Ms Anthony out partying while her baby girl was missing and ultimately thrown in a wooded area. Where is that baby girl’s second chance? I would not compare any one of our circumstances as similar to hers and would give up any second chance of mine to see that baby girl alive again.
Love
Kitty
Quitting
Told u I was a blonde.. Lol. .. I was like …why would she take vit d to lay out… Duhr. Duhr. Lol
QN, I will have to disagree. I believe she is guilty. I don’t consider killing your baby making a mistake, and I certainly don’t feel that Ms Anthony deserves a second chance. I would NEVER put her in the same category as a myself or anyone on this message board. This monster is not a victim and if she is taunted and harrassed the rest of her life, she deserves that and much, much more. I’m sad and troubled that this woman was not found guilty. An innocent child was killed at the hands of her own mother, the one who is supposed to protect and lay down her life for her baby. I don’t want to get into any specifics of the case because at this point we all are familiar, but in closing I will say this, if my child was missing I would do everything I could to help law enforcement to find my child. I have always said that for your child to be missing has to be one of the absolute worst things that can happen to a parent. I don’t understand, really I can’t wrap my head around the fact that she was seen partying while her child was missing. So I guess I see things differently and that’s ok. I respect your opinion but just have a different point of view.
Pinkerton
Hey Pink,
I would expect nothing less from a child advocate such as yourself. I lost my daughter for five minutes in the Kmart when she was small and I went hysterical all over the store – and did not care that anyone in there thought I was a complete lunatic. I still remember to this day the sick feeling I had for that five minutes and would not wish it on any MOM. She had walked out of the store in an instant when I was checking on my purchases.
This woman is a sociopath and will be on the streets tomorrow.
Deep subject with me!
Love You all and miss you – will be back more often shortly.
Kitty
Goodnight everyone….tomorrow I am 10 months drug free. Please celebrate with me because you are the ones that keep me clean with the help of our most graceous God!
Love
Kitty
WELL….Kitty and Pink, as a loving father and uncle I get it….from a common sense point of view there’s no chance in Hell that Casey Anthony was innocent. I listened to that bullshit she was trying to sell the world and a deaf man wouldn’t have believed her!!! No damn way. Yep, she got away with murder at worst and being a degenerate mother obsessed with her “own little party life” at the other end of the scales of justice. I too heard all about this case from the begining and personally I never believed a damn thing that come out of her yap. I would honestly like to have been a fly on the wall in the jury deliberation room just to know HOW they arrived at THAT decision!!
That being said, there’s absolutely NOTHING any of us can do about the outcome. I know…it sucks, but…we can only pray and thank God for taking her(the baby) home with Him. I know this sounds so trite and single minded, but in the end…..the REAL END, she couldn’t be in a better place, even though the way she arrived there is an atrocity and an offense to every sane person’s way of reasoning.
Over the past few years I have had to accept things that made no sense to me. I know this is so damn personal, but just read it, you’ll get it!! I lost everything I owned in Hurricane Katrina, my brother lost all he owned, my mom’s home was severly damaged, my ex’s Mother lost her home, my ex-brother-in-law lost all he owned and I could fill this damn page with all the people I knew who lost everything. Fastforward 3 years I just finished a complete remodel of a “newer larger nicier home” and 3 weeks later my then wife sat me down at her computer and showed me her new life!!!! I had agreed to let her stay with her BFFL 40 miles away while I lived in what was left of our old home while I worked 50-60 hrs every week (for 2 yrs) giving her money to spend because SHE couldn’t tolerate living with a zombie. The last nine months I spent in a really fucked up place mentally. I was so tired from working and then spending nearly every single weekend working 12 to 14 hrs Sat. and Sun. on the new remodel.
The happy day arrived…we moved in…three weeks later..I was living with my Mom. I damn near lost my mind. Rage wouldn’t come close to how I felt. I was crushed and would probably have killed the bitch if she hadn’t went back to her friend’s bitchlerette pad across the state line. That distance saved her. I wouldn’t drive 40 miles to kill that bitch, but I could have walked from Mom’s to the new house in less than 5 minutes!!!! The Lord works in mysterious ways my friends.
My life did go on….and now, I’m drug free….have met the most wonderful new woman to love and be loved by and I have a whole website full of new friends!! Funny how life goes by…ain’t it!!??
Just some facts for y’all to chew on…love ya ladies, gotta go to Nappy’s place shortly. Keith
Keith,
Once again, thank you for sharing your story. I more than often wonder how people survive natural disasters such as you went through, losing everything they have worked so hard to achieve over their entire life. I know they are “just” material possesions and that the human life is much more important than physical material things. But, material things are part of who and what we are and they are tied to the physical relationships that we have built. Memories are built into this “stuff” we accumulate. But to loose the material, and then have to turn around and loose the physical. Needless to day, I am glad you are here to share it with us and am mostly prayerfull that you have found a new reality first of all in your new lady and second of all in the fact that you are getting away from your former drugged existance. You are amazing my friend and I am so very pleased to have met you. I got through some pretty tough times with the help of our so called friend, “vicodin” including infidelity and sickness. It is all behind me now and my husband and I will be celebrating our twentieth anniversary on the 20th of July. I am very thankful that we got through to the other side of a little mid life crisis type deal with no animosity and no regrets. I never prayed so hard in my life as I prayed that one week of my life.
I feel so blessed to have found this site 10 months ago – a place where we can voice our anxieties, our troubles, our opinions, our happiness, without judgement.
I AM 10 MONTHS CLEAN TODAY MY FRIENDS.
Thank you all for being here for part of the journey!
Thank you JOE and METOO for being there at the start of this journey.
I Love all of you
Kitty
Dear Lord,
Today my dear friend is ten months free of the drugs that kept her tied up and bound. She worked hard and faced these demons one day at a time. She yoked herself to you and let you lead her down the right path. Now she has yoked herself to the others who struggle on this message board, and leads them out of the darkness. Please give her strength when she feels wary, give her understanding when she feels impatient, but most of all, give her joy and lots of love. Fill her today with pride in knowing that she has come ten months with no pills to get her through even one day. Fill her with peace in knowing that if she can overcome this hurdle, she can do anything with your help. And fill her with your Holy Spirit and give her a big hug from the inside from me. AMEN
Congratulations Kitty, I love ya!
Thank you Pink for the most awesome prayer – I love You too.
Without friends like you – 10 months would have been impossible. Have a Blessed day
Kitty
HOLY CRAP!!! I took a job that is certainly going to be challenging!!! Please pray that I have the brains and coordination to do it!! I hope to have more time to report and check in someday soon!
How IS everyone???? I miss you guys like crazy!!!
Get girls hope everyone is well and keeping busy boy it is hot here in Cali have been getting a great tan more like burnt lol !!!! Have a great day my about peps !!! Check back later
CONGRATULATIONS KITTY MOM!!!!!!!! Ten months, that’s a few life times in an addicts life. You are to be commended most highly for this austere accomplishment…I’m sure the Good Lord is smiling down on you for all that this represents!! I’m closing in on a month. Man, time runs in some strange rhythms…W/D time is double or triple normal and then it starts to pick up the pace…tick-tock-tick-tock and one day we realize we are no longer watching a clock or a calender to see how long it’s been since we kicked the Beast’s ass. Then it becomes serious friend time…right here on the “about page” where we call a spade a spade and let the hide go with the hair….no bullshitting when it comes to sobriety and helping each other and the lost souls who stumble on to this site. I wish we could let the newbies know that it takes a day or so to get hooked up with us…and the weekends can seem like it’s dead..till Sunday late and BANG the world comes alive and then it fades just as fast. I bet that would help more folks to understand…we want to help…and we will..just don’t quit knocking. talk to you later Ladies…..tomorrow’s the big day…JOB test…pfm…Keith
Hi everyone! I’m back. The kids are out of school and I have been super busy. I check the site from time to time to see how everyone is doing. A lot of crazy things have happened to you guys! I am trying to forget about the pills as much as I can and get on with my life. I come back to the site for inspiration when I am feeling shitty. It is so great to see that everyone is stilll here. And even better that there is a male presence (Keith). I have a friend coming over tomorrow to visit. She and I used to help each other out when the other was out of pills. I really hope she does not have any on her to offer, although I feel that I am in a great place and will be able to tell her I am done with Vic’s for good. CONGRATS Kitty on 10 months. That is amazing. Glad to be back and hope to post again soon. Love to ALL!!!
Good Morning
Keith, I hear you on the time thing. I remember the first week or so that I kept looking at the clock and it was like being in the freaking twilight zone….5 minutes seeming like an hour…waiting to go to bed just so I could lie there and not sleep. Newbies on here are a blessing twofold. For me, they bring to surface the fading rememberance of the pain of detox and for them, well I just pray that our experience is going to help the newly decided or yet to decide detoxer.
Thanks for being here everyone and hopefully in our reaching out in pain and in our ultimate healing, we can reach and help others to heal. Contrats on a month, Keith…it only gets better!
Pink, my friend, I see you struggling, but it will get better and @ 22 days, you almost have a month under your belt. It does get easier. Just slap a couple of adult people each and every day, and you will feel much better….lol…..better than any anti-depressant…start with elevators….people in meetings….and oh, people who don’t merge into traffic properly!! Love You Girl!
Metoo – Hope you are surviving your first week back to work and I know you can do it…knock em dead with your smile and your hard work. (PS – love your pool party pictures on facebook)
OMG – NM – so glad to hear from you. Just knowing that friends are getting on with their life, makes me smile. Its allways sad to not hear from folks, but understandable. I am always always glad to hear that it is for a good reason and not because of relapse.
But I have to mention this once in a while – relapse is the best reason to post – that is REALLY when one needs the help from friends.
I have a hard time keeping up with new folks on other pages. I wish there was a better way to navigate on here. I was on a couple of the other pages because I saw posts on there and saw much to my dismay a bunch of posts that slipped through the cracks. I want to reach out to everyone, but sometimes I feel helpless. Hopefully, together we can reach as many as we can.
Still cleaning and painting the daughter’s house, but today I am taking the day off to work in my flower garden….but it is pouring down rain so I might just have to clean my own house!
I might just read a book. It has been several weeks since I put down the last one…..and no kindle for me…..like the touch and feel of a real book…one I can turn back the bage to mark my place. One where I can hi-lite pasages to go back to. I shutter to think that some day there will be big beautiful book shelves empty except for one electronic device sitting alone on the shelf.
Sorry, I am getting off subject…but I guess that is the greatness of this site. We can ramble on and there is someone to listen.
Have a great day
Love
Kitty
PS – Just for today – drugs are not an option
O
Good Morning Everyone!
@Metoo, I agree with Kitty, love the pool pictures you little hottie!
Ok Kitty, you gave me permission to be as hateful as I want so I’m gonna just go with it. You, however, I have not one hateful thought towards, you are an inspiration and I’m so proud of you getting 10 months under your belt!!!!!!
Everyone have a great day.
Oh – one other important thing – GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR JOB TEST…Keith!!!
Love
Kitty
Hey guys it’s the weekend yeahhh hope everyone has a great day today seems like the weather is great everywhere … Enjoy your day pill free it’s great check back later
Hello My Ladies……well, I passed my idiot test and left em laughing at the interview, they seemed to be impressed with my job skills. I told them I had a lot of practice and a LOT of time invested in learning my craft. I have a strange combination of job skills…I have 19 years of pipewelding expierence and 15 yrs as a Reg. xray dude…go figure, you do whatever it takes to make a nickle. I’m with you on the REAL BOOKS Kitty Mom, nothing can replace the feel of a well worn book cover and the connection you can make with reading something 2″ thick from cover to cover!!
I can’t remember the last time I felt so damn good. My back pain is diminishing daily and my mind has just about cleared the fog of drug addiction. FOR ALL THE POSSIBLE NEWBIES WHO MIGHT READ THIS….I WAS A LEGAL ADDICT….NEVER BOUGHT OR TRADED ANY THING FOR WHAT MY DOCTOR PRESCRIBED…THAT DOESN’T CHANGE A DAMN THING!!!! I was and still am an addict, always will be. Owning that title has been the most liberating thing I have ever done. We HAVE to admit this fact and not be ashamed of it….it gives us power over the Beast, regardless of what drug (or DRUGS in my case) we are a slave to. I will NEVER forget the Hell that the Beast put me through to get to where I am now…..FREE OF THE CHAINS OF ADDICTION…..THANK YOU GOD FOR MY LIFE…I OWN IT AGAIN!
I had a few minutes to reflect on what I said in my last post. I guess those of us who have kicked the pill habit/addiction would be more accurately described best as “recovering addicts” just for the sake of clarity. To the fortunate people who’ve never danced with the Devil that would indicate our attempt to become the person we were before we stepped out on that dance floor and took a spin into Hell!!
To all my ladies who chased the Vic’s I asked my Dr excactly what the Hell is Vicodin? She replied it was a synthetic drug that has become the most sought after pain med at the pain clinic. I’ve never taken one so I don’t know how they affect a person’s mind and body. Her response led me to believe it must be pretty damn effective and plenty powerful if it’s replaced Oxycontin and Morphine as the drug of choice. I know from reading so many of the threads and posts on the about page it’s just as nasty as the morphine I was hooked on for so long.
I just did the math on how many of the pills I was taking EVERY month for 11 years and it is staggering….my God, how did I survive…this is just the narcotics total (not the rest of my stash) it comes to 47,520 pills!!!!! Man, that puts the shit in a brand new light!! Ladies, anyone of you have a guesstimate of what you ingested? I ain’t bragging, believe me, it just occured to me…how many of the damn things did I take??? Jeezus….I should be a babbling Idiot after all that…well, who says I’m not, right???? Man-o-man-o-man, that’s scary, and it should be. Well, never again will I rattle when I walk, those days are over. I never knew that Morphine was such a trickster. I found out that it actually takes over the day to day operations of our brains and IT causes our brains to create pain where none exists so that we feel the need to keep on keeping on with the viscious cycle. That’s some seriously scary shit ain’t it?? It opened my eyes to what I had been doing to myself for so damn long, poisoning myself to satisfy a need I no longer had….pain that my addiction generated. Talk about a vicious circle…I guess I lived long enough to discover the truth. Lord, I hope this helps someone to look at where they are on that revolving dance floor going around and around in a downward spiral that only gets worse as we continue to chase the Beast.
Ladies I would love to hear what Vicodin does to your head. I’m not trying to be morose or drag anyone down, I just wonder what kinda Hell y’all were in. I’ll understand if you don’t respond, I’m just the curious type and it would help me to understand what the draw is on a different drug than mine. See ya later, Keith
Hey Ladies and Keith,
For Keith,
My hell started when I first ordered vicodin over the internet by just sending a copy of my drivers licsense and a prior medical record from my doctor saying I was prescribed vicodin. My doctor gave me an occasional prescription of 5/500 pills for a frozen shoulder that was giving me pain. Well, immediately I loved the feeling they gave me so I was out to seek more after a time because if 30 were good , I was quessing that 90 would even me better. Better yet, the 90 were 10/325 – twice as much hydrocodone and less tylenol (I was worried more about the tylenol giving me liver damage than the vicodin becoming addictive). I started off with taking 1 three times a day and three years down the road I was ordering from three different doctors and going through 120 pills every ten days. I needed the pills just so my body would not feel sick and the pills did create more false pain so that I would keep feeding the addicton. The money I was spending was astronomical as I look back on it.
To answer your question, I think it is all about being an opiate derivative. No matter if it is synthetic or natural, it all acts on the opiate receptors of your brain. That brain of ours snatches on to the stuff and our brain and bodies , well, then need it to survive. There is an add of TV for rapid detox and the doctor says it takes a entire year for the brain to heal after opiate addiction. Of course he is trying to sell his method of a six week recovery. In fact, it looked real good to me when the thought of detox first entered my mind. OMG, am I glad I did not spend the ten grand that it costs and pay my dues the old fashioned cold turkey way. No pain, no gain – I belive that to be true for us recovering addicts. We have to go through the suffering part to get better. Otherwise, what would keep us on tract?
So to all the newly recovering addicts out there who are reading our stories.
Getting free is doable and we are proof. I am not bragging, because believe me when I say I went through my own personal Hell during the addiction and during the recovery, and that ain’t nothing to brag about. You can do it and come out on the other side, a new and improved you. I would be very honered to hold your hand and pull you through. My email address is kittymom001@gmail.com.
Love to all
Kitty
Good Morning Keith!
I started because of a stupid pinched nerve in my back and overall back pain. But the first time I took one was the day of my first visit with my children, the visit where I pick them up and take them somewhere rather then meeting them with social workers. I stretched in bed and literally went into spasms in my upper back and neck. The only time I was spasming in pain was when I was sitting upright, straight as a board. So my friend gave me a couple vicodin that were left over from her husband’s knee surgery and my sister drove me over to pick the kids up. There was no way I was going to disappoint them, esp. after all the times their bio mom didn’t show up for a visit. Well, one thing let to another….picking up a baby, etc, and my I had to continue to see the back doc….and borrow a pill here and there….then I found a constant supplier and I probably took about 1-2 per day for 2 years then the amount grew. But I only bought from him and every once in a while I would get a few “bonus” pills. So I usually didn’t take more than 100 per month.
As to why I took them? Well, they made me feel good, my worries and stress seemed to melt away. Then by the time I realized that I might have a problem, it was too late. So I have been struggling with life after the pills ever since. I don’t feel great and I don’t feel horrible. I’m not really ok with that but I’m done trying to force myself to be happy or feel upbeat when I don’t, I just don’t. I’m gonna just go with it for now and hope for the best.
Have a good day!
Pinkerton
Proverbs 9:13-18
“The woman named Folly is loud and brash. She is ignorant and doesn’t even know it. She sits in her doorway on the heights overlooking the city. She calls out to men going by who are minding their own business. ‘Come home with me,’ she urges the simple. To those without good judgment, she says, ‘Stolen water is refreshing; food eaten in secret tastes the best!’ But the men don’t realize that her former guests are now in the grave.”
“Before reaching for forbidden fruit, take a long look at what happens to those who eat it.”
Hey guys well my problem started with a car accident 2 years ago well 18 months I literally could not move I being a RN know what happens with pain meds so that is why I wS even mire pissed with what happened to me any how back to my story the most I took was 8 per day but mostly at first I was only taking them here and there and not everyday then about 8 months ago I was up to like 4-6 and on days I just felt to much pain I took up to 8 but not to often any way I wS able to get them from my job ordering bottles if 500 count norco 10-325mg when ever I wanted so I never paid or spent to much on the pills but I wanted to stop so much earlier but didn’t have the time then about 3 months ago I had to make a huge decision to quit my great great job cause they were easy to get most places are not like that but this doctors office I ran from front to back so I was able to get away with it hospitals and most doctors offices are not like that so that’s what I did and then for the last few months I set my mind to quit and here I am feeling great and preggo and happyer than I have ever been everything I dreament of has been given to me and I can’t be more thankful I think I’m going on 2 months besides the few days I was medicated in the hospital for my surgery and I don’t consider my self a revovering addict I just think of it as a problem I had that I have now taken care of I’ve been tested in the most important way ever I know everyone on this site said what would they do if they needed surgery or hot hurt what would happen then well it happened to mr only 5 weeks clean and I passes with no problem and I never even thought twice about it so I know I’m set to go won’t let my gaurd down. But I have fixed my problem and moving forward that’s my story hope it’s not to boring !!!!!
Keith u were so lucky with all third pills that u still have a liver have u been checked out since u stopes to see what damage has been done to ur liver and that can be done with simple blood tests cirrohous my phone always changed that spelling OMG !!! well u really inspire mr that u were able to quit on ur own on that amount of drugs that is almost next to impossible most people on meds like that need a recovery home for months so pat ur self on the back cause u deserve it boy do u deserve it
Where is Jen and NSIP come back to mr girls I need you here
!!!! N
Qn. Im here its just super slow I don’t have my pc do trying to usentwait to get my pc my phone takes 5 min to type one word sorry I wasn’t trying to avoid everyone just couldn’t figure it out on phone but im doing good and cant wait for my pc to be back and running im gonna bookmark this page so I don’t lose it again.hope everyone is great I miss all of y’all very much im still sober and man I have gotten more stuff done in the last month than I. Have in years!
Thanks Ladies, it’s nice to know I have such a special group of friends. Well Kitty, I have to agree with your statement, no pain…no gain!! My lady Dr(the one I was so mad at) came in apologizing all over herself after she realized what happened to me. Her story was she thought my other Dr (back home in MS) was gonna somehow prescribe my pills here in NE…go figure! Well Kitty, she also thought the cold turkey process was ultimately the best way to go. NOW, almost a month later, I would agree….reason being, once we get past the God-awful suffering we are on the downhill side of winning!! I know it sounds crazy as Hell to anyone who hasn’t been there and done that, but, if you trade one drug for another what do you gain???
I see that most of the Vicodin crowd developed a taste for the Devil’s nectar….me…I just gradually worked my way up to getting it by the pound!!!! Not Really…just kidding, but the bag weighed quiet a bit. QN…I have been concerned about my liver and had a liver panel run a few years back and all was normal. My Doc said as long as stayed away from booze and ate regular meals and ate healthy, which I did, my liver would maintain. He was very concious about my weight and my job was one tough ass deal, which kept my body in some degree of shape. I do plan to get it checked again as soon as I can find a regular Doctor that will take new patients without requireing a $500 dollar fee up front!!! OH, thank you QN for the kind words and your concern as well…my Buds, they care.
My W/D was a torture test of my body and mind and my will to set myself free from the silent partner I was carrying around in my pocket. It was something I had feared and dreaded for far too long and now I sit here in stunned amazement….I am clean and sober for the first time in 20 long years. More importantly, I am closing in on my month of surviving my withdrawal and remaining drug free, that’s the important part.
I hope and pray I can inspire someone like ALL of you inspired me. I don’t care about coudo’s, I just hope my story will give some suffering Newbie the courage to see it through to the end. Lord knows I used Him as much as I could and you ladies propped up my courage through those dark first days…thanks Kitty, Pink, and QN for telling me how your stories went…much love for you all..Keith
Good morning folks!
Well I had a busy and fruitful weekend, not without it’s issues! Thursday night and all day Saturday I was still helping my daughter clean, paint, and move. They are in their 1926 bangalow now and as snug as a bug in a rug, like the saying goes. It is wonderful to see her so happy. Even though they are living out of a cooler right now until some electrical work is done in the kitchen, my kids are back in Tampa and as happy as clams.
The issue came on Saturday when I developed severe pain in my chest and thought I was having a heart attack. I told my daughter to call 911 and the paramedics came. Meanwhile I was praying hard that I would not die on the day they moved into their new house. There was nothing wrong with my heart, pulse, or blood pressure, and the pain felt like a gall bladder attack but subsided shortly after. Everyone there told me to slow down, sit down, and calm down because I had done too much work. That morning I had cleaned and waxed all the hard wood floors, scraped the remaining windows, and hung six blinds. This was before the moving truck arrived. I felt OK the rest of the weekend, so I am guessing God answered my prayers for the time being…lol! And, I spend several hours on Sunday picking weeds in my flower beds.
All this, when ten months ago I could not get off the couch except to go to work and three years ago I could not even decorate the Church for my daughter’s wedding because all I was interested in were the pills.
Needless to say, I am so glad not to be in that spot any more and so Blessed to have you to tell my story to.
Pink and Keith, and Metoo – hope you all had a great weekend and thanks for the posts. I bask in the sunshine your good days bring and I am praying during your not so good ones.
Hope today is one of the good ones my friend.
Love you
Kitty
How how is everyone today im ok had a little bit of a depressed mood today.its myoney im tired of always being broke ughh.How. e are kitty,,metoo,Nsipl and qn doing is everyone doing good pink how are you? I ALMOST GAVE IN YESTERDAY AND TOOK A PILL FOR MY BAD MIGRAINE BUT I DIDN’T THANK GOD
Kitty Mom,So sorry I didn’t get a chance to say CONGRATS!!!on your 10 months clean.You truly are a godsend to anyone who reaches out to you.Now you be careful and slow down with your daughters house.Gosh that sounded scary.Chest pain is very frightening.You be careful…We don’t want you to break.Gotta keep an eye on all of us.lol.Pace yourself.Pat yourself on the back for all the great things you can get done now without pills.Yay!!Sorry I wasn’t around on the 7th to give you an ATTA Girl!!but had my internet down for awhile.Prayers and hugs for you my dear friend.
Rest of my about friends,prayers for you all as well.Keep smiling and love life:}
WTG Jen!!xxrainxx
Oh Rain – it is so good to hear from you and thanks for the atta girl. It is always so good to hear from one of my friends that has moved on. THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH. Yes, chest pains are really scary but I think it was more anxiety than anything.
How are YOU doing. Email me some time.
Love Ya Rain
Kitty
PS – Jen, glad to hear you are also doing good and kudos to you for not taking that PILL….great job!
Love
Kitty
Pink im good just don’t have my laptop and it is very hard to type on this phone. I have been so busy we have been working on house since the vacation I have lost like 7lb just from working my butt off and dealing with just normal everyday stuff on top of it has made it even harder. Im still clean I have some good days and bad days but staying busy really helps. I can’t want wait to get my laptop back so I can type more. I miss talking to everyone all day lol. I hope everyone is doing wonderful and prayers forr for all taking this journey with us
Good Morning Everyone!
Kitty, you have to slow down and take care of yourself!! That must have been pretty bad …. so glad you are feeling better. It is amazing how far you have come and how inspiring it is to those of us who are still wondering if it will ever get better.
Hey Rain and Jen….great to hear from you!
I’m doing ok. Just hanging in there. I just feel so down and uninterested in everything and many times just come home from work and walk around like a zombie until it’s time for bed. I just hate this feeling of despair. Oh well, I’m holding onto the hope that it will pass.
Love, Pinkerton
Im sorry pink I hate that feeling you just want time to go by so u can go to bed. HANG IN THERE IT WILL PASS we are all here for you prayers your way.
Im sorry pink I hate that feeling you just want time to go by so u can go to bed. HANG IN THERE IT WILL PASS we are all here for you prayers your way.
Hey Ladies
Damn Kitty, you get yourself all cleaned up and then go and try to kill yourself helping your daughter…..a word to my wise friend, Time is something we never have enough of….once past a number, the clock’s hand refuse to go back, we may try to cram as much in as possible…but time is one thing we have only so much of. I understand why we try to catch back up, because we lost so much of it in the fog. I feel the same way some days….like I need to work out, go running, clean the house, cook, go run some more….we are running away from where we were and running into a new begining. Slow down a bit and you will see life running straight at you. I know mine is, I am starting to have to duck some days…..be careful Kitty, we still need you. Keith
Hey guys thought I’d check in doing great a little over 2 months for me feel great 100% healed from my surgery and my tummy is getting bigger and bigger everyday hopefully that’s the only thing that gets big I could use a bigger butt also but nothing else LOL … it’s a hot tamili here in sunny Ca and was getting a little tan this morning now waiting on my hubby and then we r going to relax and cook dinner together to bad I can’t have seafood anymore while I’m preggo it’s my fav so looks like it’s steak and home made fries and corn yummy !!!! Hope everyone is well and healthy and happy check back soon
NSIP I need ur email so I can check in with u more often miss u same with u Jen glad u r doing great how many days now ????
Hi friends! Omg! Congrats QN!!! Babies are a blessing. I everyone else is well. I miss u all!
Hey guys just thought I’d check In well got some bad news today my grandma is dieing so my mom and I are on the next plane out to Belfast Northern Ireland and she is supper sad so I won’t be on for a min we leave tomorrow I’m doing ok but my mom is super sad do I need to be there in support for her !!! We went last year for 2 weeks and it was great we had a blast with all the snow loved it so e retune please say prayers for my mom and my grandma if you have the time thanks guys check back later today
HEY KIDS; man its been hard to get on here; don’t think its website its been our connection; then i finally get on last night and my whole thing got deleted. anyways; guess i will do some cathcing up here
KEITH
you asked the other day about our vic stories; well mines kinda long so hope i don’t bore you to death here.
I would probably say the first time i took one was with a buddy of mine in madison wisconsin at his parents lake house. he was all “these things are great” and i was just kind ehhhh whatever.
well that was probably 7 years ago give or take. well i sure figured out real quick why he liked them so much. i would occasionally take them with him ; i don’t know if it just took time for tolerance or if i didn’t take enough; but i soon after that felt a high from them. i had energy and my back didn’t hurt. i was working my “real ” job and bartending at that time and thursdays were really long for me. i went to dentist office at 630 a.m till 530 pm then straight to the bar and would close the bar; therefore, i wouldnt get off work till like 4a.m; which ended up being like a 24 hour day for me almost. anyways; those vics sure helped me get through that long day. one of the ladies who worked in the kitchen had some medical probs and she would sell em to me (god rest her soul; she passed away 2 yrs ago). She would get a ton of em each month and sell me all of them. eventurally that wasn’t enough and i was purchasing them from many diffferent cnnections on the street. people i knew of course; but many diff peeps. i bet i have spent 20,000 or way more acturally on them. i did the math and i think over the past 5 or 6 years i have taken close to 30,000. at five bucks each that’s more like 150,00 in cash. wholly crap that’s nuts!!!! Anyways; once i quit the bar i realized that i could call them in for family and friends (because i have the authortity to call in narcotics from my office). i would use a friends name and go pick them up. at first it was every few monthes that i would do that and right before i stopped it had gotten really bad. i was running out of friends and family to use. i had used em all threee or four times. i am lucky i did not get in trouble. i of course had permission from doctor to call them in; he just thought a friend had a tooth ache and many of my friends were patients so it seemed ligit. for example if a friend had a tooth pullled we always give them 20 vic 750s anyways; well i would give em 40 and ususally they would give em to me. then a few days later i would say that they got a dry socket and then call in meds again. i became very resourseful land i am super ashamed of it.. what would have happened if a friend or fam member got seriously hurt and they couldnt get pain meds because of my addiction? it was a really shitty thing i was doing in hindsight and it was a constant merry go round. i was constrantly wondering where i was gonna get my next pillls from and how could i iget money out of account without my finace noticing missing cash. i am 60 days today yay!!! i can’t believe i am off those evil things!! anyways; sorry so long; but thats my story.
Kitty; you are awesome ; i read you are ten monthes!!! heck ya!!! you are such an inspiration!! sorry i missed your 10 mos celebration!!
Jen JEn JEN ; yay!!! my girl is back!! i was really worried about you!! glad you toughed that migraine out!! we kick major A!!!
60 Days for me today!!!
quitting
what up mamma? you are 59 days today and i am 60; heck ya!!
omg i just read about your grandma. i am soooo soooo sorry. you guys are goiong to ireland?? sorry its not for a fun trip. atlesas yal spent time with her last year. try to just make the best of it and spend time with them together. i hope your mom hangs in there. shes got one tough cookie of a daughter to lean on!!
pink
how’s it going? hanging in there? hows the mood been? irritable still or is it getting better? i promise it will get better. i promise promise promise!!! 60days for me today and i feel better than i have in a long time!!
jen
oh by the way; i finally cleaned my dirty house. my finace helped too and now you could eat off my floors. it only took me eight weeks to get to a place where i could clean; i still hated it but its clean. does that mean i can go another 8weeks without cleaning?? lol
kitty
i am soooo with you on the “real” books too.. i have been lazy on my reading lately. i think i read more in the winter than i do in the summer. and i couldnt imagine you reading a kindle in that poool of yours. lol.. its gotta be the real thing. oh and you better take it easy!! chest pains are no joke and everyones right; we need our kitty!! your our mamma and we love ya!!
Hey good evening everyone. I want ot thank everyone for the kind words. I have not had any more chest pain, but have been really tired. I guess maybe I have been working too hard, but I am on vacation next week and willbe off for 10 days in a row. My husband and I might go over to our daughters tomorrow night to put up some ceiling fans, and then it will be fun things next week
Neesip and Jen – girls, it is so good to hear from you again and glad you two are keeping yourselves clean like the rest of us. When I hear your story, Neesip, I thank the Lord you got clean and stopped that script merry-go-round. I shutter to think what could have happenned with all that going on. It is inspirational to hear how innocently we all went into the pill scene, but how deep and involved it became for each one of us. How close any one of us could have got ourself into deep shit trouble by following our addiction. Praise the Lord we are done with that! We may feel like crap at times, but my friends, think back to the hell we were in, take a deep breath, put a smile on our faces, and thank sweet Jesus for our successes.
Love you guys
Kitty
Pink,
I am deeply honored to call you my friend!
Metoo – miss you girl – check in sometime and let me know how you are doing.
Love You Both
Kitty
Good Morning Everyone!
Approaching 30 Days!! Glad to have that under my belt but also apprehensive about celebrating too much because last time I felt so good about this I relapsed. So I’m happy but cautious.
NSIP, Good to hear from you and Keith it’s been nice hearing everyone’s stories again…it’s been so long since we all met. Yes NSIP, I am still Archy Bunker over here…lol…but I think it has to do with unfinished emotional business that I was able to ignore for so many years that has finally resurfaced and is forcing me to pay attention to it. Also, I gain a ton of weight over the last 5 years, to the point where my knees hurt, my back hurts, it hurts to look in the mirror, it hurts to exercise, and I know that I have to center myself and focus on getting healthy but I feel like I’ve already given up so much already that I don’t want to give up my comfort food. Literally, in five years time I went from 135 lbs to 245 lbs….I know you may be thinking that it could be medical and I’ve had tests run to make sure it isn’t a thyroid issue or something. I have just kicked back, cracked open some beers, popped a few pills and watched tv when I came home. Or, I would need to eat alot in the morning or I would get sick to my stomach and it couldn’t be anything light but rather, bisquits and gravy, bacon and eggs, etc. I have noticed that now that I’m off these things I don’t need to eat as much. Like I said, I felt sick to my stomach if I didn’t eat alot.
Anyway, I’m facing that mountain to climb now and I think that is part of what has put me in a bad mood. BALLS TO THE WALL …that’s what my friend said I needed to do yesterday. So now I’m planning my meals for the weekend and next week along with a workout schedule. I have been in weight watchers before and have all the stuff still so I think I’m gonna use their stuff. I’m too hateful to go to the meetings…lol…I want to tell them to shove their diet recipes up their asses…damn overachievers! lol
Did anyone else gain a bunch of weight during their use of the pills? I know I go at everything extreme…food and drinks esp. so gaining over 100 lbs doesn’t surprise me of myself.
Good to hear from you Jen….I appreciate the encouragement, I know it will get better. I know I’ve done alot of damage to my mind and body and I need to be patient.
Kitty, I’m so glad to hear that you have some time off and can relax and take care of yourself. I just started “Cross Country” by Patterson…I love the Alex Cross series but I have to put them down after I read a few in a row because I need a break and then I’ll pick up another.
Everyone have a great day!! Pinkerton
Morning Ladies,
30 DAYS CLEAN TODAY!!!! I had a rough time over the last few days due to anxiety attacks. Last night was the worst and even had a slight case of the tremors. Nothing like those monsters to put things in perspective. I want to thank everyone for their support and all the kind words and prayers. Finding y’all has made a huge difference in my successful effort to hang tough and get through the dark days of W/D!! I also have to give my loving woman a huge I LOVE YOU, for without her I shudder to think what might have been. I must give praise, love, and thanks to our Lord and Savior for holding my hand while the Beast was slain and kicked out of my mind and body. With Him all things are possible.
NSIP….thank you for your story. It shows how difficult and demanding addiction really is. I’ve seen many movies and true stories about addiction and the Hell of W/D. It looks rough on screen BUT,the real life expierence makes that look a bit tame. No one can describe exactly how it FEELS inside their head and body, just make descriptive associations and comparisons for others to draw from. I almost forgot how poisoned I was untill last night. I guess addiction is the gift that never quits giving!!!
@ Pinkerton….If you have the strenght to quit and stay sober you also have the same resolve to lose the weight you have gained. Just take it one day at the time. Exercise and diet control work, we all know this to be true, the hard part is commiting to something that takes months to accomplish. Too bad it doesn’t come off the way it went on…sitting on that ass!!! Get up lady, and start doing something for your future. You sure as Hell are worth the quality of life you will regain and the years it will add to your life. Please don’t take this the wrong way Pink, I just hate to think you accomplished something so difficult and life reaffirming as kicking the pills only to let the last vestige of your addiction dictate how spend the rest of your life. You deserve a great future, all ya gotta do is go get it. Nothing but love for you my friend.
Everyone have a Blessed and safe day, Keith
Qn qnsorry to hear about ur grndma so sorry
my grndma passed away 7 yrs ago and still some days I just cry she was the only stable loving thing we had its very hard to deal with.
pink
sorry you are still arcy bunker. lol that was funny. But you have soooo much to be proud of and don’t forget it!! This time you are gonna make it past two monthes and keep on sailing cuz we are gonna get you there!! its weird that you said you would pop a couple v’s have a beer and sit on the couch and eat. I was opposite. i quit drinking cuz alcohol and vics made me sick sick sick and i wanted the vics more than alcohol. Also i had very little appetite and now i am starving all the time!! the girls at the diner down the way from our office wrote “see ya soon. lol” on my bacon egg and cheese biscuit today cuz the last 2 days i have went back and got a second one; with extra cheese too. bad bad bad. i am a pretty little person i barely weigh 120 soakin wet but 120 is alot for me cuz i am not even 5 foot tall. i feel as if i have had more of an appetite lately; but i have been trying to walk for 40 minutes atleast 3 days a week. i started out with like 10 minutes and have worked myself up. maybe that would help ya. Also; you don’t truly burn any fat unless your heartrate is elevated for atleast 40 minutes; the first 20 min or so is more of calorie burning/ mainting where ya are now. so shoot for 40 min of elevated heart rate. you don’t haveta sprint; i used to be a runner and i am still job/walking. also ; over the years i have always had a tummy . and on someone as small as me even a pound or two really shows on me. anyways when i was lookin my best i had cut out my soda / pop.. so think about that. what do you drink during the day or at night. i have just recently been motivated to cut out my pop. i havent had one today cuz usually if i drink lots of water i can loose weight that way. Also; when i really wanted to loose weight about 7 years ago and my tummy was really bad… i cut my carbs almost out. almost atkins diet. i would still get my favorite food in the world.. “mcdonalds” but i would get a double cheesburger and take the bun off. or i would get a sausage mcmuffin without the muffin. when i would eat subway i would take off the top part of the bun and only eat the bottom part of the bun. just small things like that. like i said it wasn’t full on atkins but i am junkfood addict and fastfood junkie so diets are really hard for me. anyways; thats my diet plan again and i think its working. just thought i would share. its so funny how we are all different with the pills too. i would throw up sometimes cuz i had taken too many; but eating was the last thing i wanted to do; i sure could sit and watch some televison no doubt. lol
hope you are having a good day and i miss all of you guys. wish jen would get her laptop back sometime soon. lol
Nsip nsipfunny you mention throwing up just readingthat reminded me of that feeling. I would get that way to and feel sick all day then ask myself why do I take these just to make myself sick its such a horrible feeling.
I just found the about page but with me the only time I have an appetite is when I take pills. Then I eat eat eat!!!! Mainly chocolate bad bad bad but I have gained about 90lbs since being one these awful pills. After Im done with wd then time to do something about the extra weight. Tomorrow starts my freedom from pills, Im scared but I know I can and will do this!!!!
30 days! One month under my belt!
Scared, I know it seems overwhelming, but it is no worse than the flu, and we get hit with the flu out of the blue all the time and have to deal with it….you can and will do this!! You will feel like shit physically and then mentally you will go thru a mental flu, so to speak, and you will have to suffer through that but you can do it and you have to do it!! I see you are the only one who is like me in the fact that you gained weight on these things. Take a word of advise from me…you said after wd you are going to do something about the weight, give it some time because right now you don’t need to deprive your body completely and when I detoxed I let myself have whatever I wanted to eat and drink…..hot wings, ice cream, Twinkies, pizza, etc. because it gave me something to look forward to. Now I’m back to eating right and road my bike with the kids (My 6yr old has a tag-a-long) about an hour and a half yesterday evening. And I’m planning my meals (salad for lunch) and time to exercise. Thanks for the feedback. Keith you are absolutely right, and that is what I say to myself, “why get clean only to kill myself slowly by sitting around getting fatter and fatter and not feel good enough to do anything with my kids” I want to be like my mom, she is in her 70′s and can out hike, out bike, out everything I can do AND she is having radiation treatments. By the way Tuesday is her last treatment and then she starts hormone therapy…so happy she didn’t have any terrible side effects from the radiation.
Scared, I’ll be praying for you and praying for you over the next few days and I will encourage you to post your ass off, it helps to vent your demons to people who have gone through exactly what you are going through and come out the other side. One thing, make sure you get rid of all the pills, if not it makes it harder to succeed, trust me, I’ve relapsed because they are there and I was weak. Please dispose of them.
Metoo, you might want to send her some angel readings.
Kitty, day one of your 10 day vacation. Have a great one and also, Happy Anniversary to you and your husband!
NSIP, I really can’t blame everything on the pills…..lol…I’ve always been a little hateful…the pills just mellowed me out. I get cranky when I’m tired and hungry and lately I’ve been very tired so guess what…I’m mad at the world…
Have a great day!
Pinkerton
jen
thats so weird someone else did the same thing. i would take soo many of them that i would actually throw up blood and as soon as i was done throwing up i would pop another 750. right before bed too. how stupid was that. thats a waste. first of all i threw up the 10 or 15 i had already taken and then just take another to go to sleep… duhr duhr what an idiot i was. that was cash i was throwing up and wasting. so glad to have you back mamma. you got your computer yet?
Morning Scared!
hope your night went o.k. glad you found the about page. like i said on the other page; there are soooo many wonderful , amazing, people on here that will help you through this!! telling your hubby was a big step. you go girl!! we will all be here for you and don’t worry about posting too much. no one will get annoyed or mad at you for it. if quittingnow was around she would be all over you but she has a family emergency and won’t be around for a bit. she posts her booty off and when her and i were going through this i am sure we were a little overwhelming cuz we were one day apart in our detox; but if i hadn’t had people like her on here i would not have survived. this gave me an outlet with people who understood and it kept my mind busy. after the physical w/d is over keeping busy is key. busy busy busy. i did fun stuff and didnt worry about my responsibilities. i actually just cleaned my house really well for the first time last weekend. you may go through some mental stuff too. i battled some anxiety and it was weird cuz i had never had that before. still have it some times and its been 63 days for me today; 9 weeks !! sweet!! never thought i could do it either and i was scared to death. when i found all of these stories and these amazing peeps here ; its what gave me the courage and inspiration to do this. i thought if they can do it; so can i; and SO CAN YOU!!!! you are in my prayers and probably everyone on here so you h ave some major A support woman!!
keith
Good stuff on the job too!! things sound like they are looking up for you!! we have a newbie did you see that? we all have to be hrere for her and get her where we are at!! got some errands to run; be back later kids. love and prayers to all!!
30 days!! that’s awesome!! i remember 30 days thinking; “really? , am i full of it? did i really go 30 days?” but i did and so did you!!
congrats!! what a great feeling right? hows anxiety? 30 days i was still battling the anxiety quite a bit. i’m 63 today and its much better but not gone. i also am on antidepressent which i think has helped me tremendously!! thank god for prozac. lol
kitty
i bet you are layin in that ppool reading a book. no? maybe too early. your staycation starts today!! yay!! you take it easy if you go hangin fans and stuff. no more chest pains? cuz thats no joke!!
I was up until 5am and woke up at 8:30am. I woke up with one thought my husband got paid today why do this when I could sneak alittle money and he wouldnt even know!!!!! So I called him and told him so that wouldnt be possible!!!! This is alot more difficult to do then I really knew. I really want away from this. I couldnt destroy the pills I only had a few and yes I took my last one when I woke up but after what I have been taking I dont really think one pill did too much for me but they are gone and Im trying to make them to hard to get. Telling my husband was the best way I know to do that. I dont work outside the home so I dont have my own money thank god!!!!! I am gonna do this just never thought my mind would try to get me to do things I dont want to do anymore!!!!! The next few days will be the hardest but I know me and as long as I make it through the physical part the mental wont be too hard!!! Once I make my mind up to do something I wont go back I have always been that kind of person!!!!! Not that it was any good but I made a promise to never take more than 2.5 vics at a time and I stuck to that somehow and to never take them again in less than 3hrs. It was still bad but I did have my limits I stuck too. So I think the phsical will be my worst part of this!!!! I do have some will power!!!!! Very little I know!!!! I WILL DO THIS!!!!! Thanks for everyone who is here for me I dont think I would have been able to start this without reading all your posts.
Good morning EVERY ONE1
Man, we have a lot to celebrate this day! First and Foremost it is that “scared” found us and is contemplating quiting
the evil pills tomorrow. Scared, don’t be scared. We are gong to be here and keep posting because that is what helps – throwing out those feelings to others that have been the same boat. We have your back baby girl. Contratulations for making that decision and you know what, none of us have drown in that boat. We fell in and had to swim for our life, but we made it or are one the way to making it….all of us here.
Secondly – Celebrate! Celebrate! Dance to the MuuuuSic!
Pink and Keith – I really admire you guys for sticking it out. I am honered to have witnessed your 30 day milestone. I think that was the most awesome milestone for me….One freaking month – YES! And, Neesip and Jen – Geez you are at two months.
I think we all deserve a pat on the back girls.
Oh Pink, you make me laught. When you mentioned the weight watchers meetings, I literally cracked up….BECAUSE…..I love the weight watchers method, but I would like to take a baseball bat to those people in the meetings. REALLY, do they honestly live like that. I a sorry. but if I am going to eat salads, I am going to put a little dressing on the damn thing! You, are so right in that it is not a time to diet when you are first in detox mode. Your body can’t stnad another shock to its system. When you girls are ready I would like to join you in a diet together. I need to loose, also…simply because of my love of food!!
I am also a member of the mean girls club…but you know what I bet we would all give the shirt off our back….there is just that mean streak in us that hates random idiots! LMFAO!!
Well, I am doing laundy and hope to get out to that pool before the afterrnoon thunderstorms – I need to round me up another book to read. My daughter gave me some and I have a really small memoir by Michael J Fox that I might give a try.
Have a Blessed day
No pills today
Member of mean girls club
LOL
PS – where the blazes are you metoo!
kitty and pink;
you gusy can’t be mean girls. lol i just could never imagine that. its funny to hear that. well i am def not a member. i am tooo nice to people and get taken advantage of cuz i cannot say no to anyone. oh well thats just who i am. i do have a bit of a temper sometimes. i can be a little spitfire; dynamite comes in small packages. my friends know that if you piss me off then its over. but mostly i am too nice.
scared.
like kitty said; don’t be scared. the worst of it will be over in a few days. you sound much like myself about the money thing. i do work ; but our money is in account together. my fiance must have wondered where i was driving to all the time cuz i would get a soda at the gas station and get $40 cash back off of our debit so it looked like i just got gas; then a day later i would go to groc store and get like one item and get $40 cash back off debit. you get the routine. it was a constant merry-go-round of how am i gonna get more cash without actually making a cash withdraw at the bank and where will i get that next pill. its no life to live when its constantly and i mean it was constantly the only thing i was thinking about!!! kudos to you for telling your hubby about the money thing; thats a big step and YOU CAN DO this!! POST, post, post ; it really does help!!
I have been on here reading posts from years ago the last three days. Its funny you saying how you got your money that is exactly what I would do. Then he would ask what I need to buy and this bad, I told him pet food and cleaning supplies, then we might go without those things for a week because I couldnt find another reason to spend more money. He did know a few times I was getting pills beside once in awhile I would ask if I could because my script wasnt ready to get filled for a couple days. He really had no idea but I know being honest with him was the only way to get me under control. I know what Im gonna feel like for the next two or three days because there have been times there were no pills to be found. Im scared of it being worse after that because I know how awful those few days are. I really am done like I told my husband if I wasnt I wouldnt have told him it just ruines everything for me to continue being selfish. By the way one of my reasons for wanting this so bad is my 18yr old daughter is pregnant and she will need me and I cant do this to her or that baby. I have been feeling so guilty for not having money to help her get the things she is gonna need but yet I always had pills. Its just sooooooo wrong. I feel bad for what I have done my kids all know what mom does. I have asked them in the past not to tell their dad what Im up to. I feel like a awful human being. I love my kids more than anything and cant believe how I have behaved these last few years. But no more I wont do it again I just cant!!!! Im not me right now and it scares me to death!!!! Thank you for listening Im feeling really bad about all this right now.
scared
its o.k. cuz now you are ready to be done. i know how you feel. our account would get overdrawn and as of the last 2 monthes right before i quit i really screwed us good. our house payment was even behind and i had no idea how behind we were. my finace and i both make great money and there is no reason except for my pill abuse that our house payment is behind. we are finally catching up and i told him all about the groc store and gas station and he said he had known all along. don’t dwell on it cuz when i did it just made me more depressed ; just say screw it its over now and move on. move on to no more pill chasing and no more.. where am i gonna get cash from so i can get more. it was a vicious cycle huh? i don’t know if you read what i had been doing or not; but i was NEVER out; not in like 5 or 6 years and i was sooo soo scared of what was to come and like i said i was taking what your sis was taking. you may have to distance yourself from those peeps in your life like your neighbor, etc.. just for a while. i still have a stash to this day; not sure why i still have em cuz i am never ever goinhg back to that. for some reason it has been a security blanket for me. i had like 40 750s and i got rid of most of them after my first 30 day i sold them ; but couldnt part with every single one of them. i know its not smart cuz i don’t wanna relapse. but i know i won’t .. you just gotta ge throught these few days ; then its alot of mental shit and you said you are strong in that department so you should be al good. YOU CAN DO THIS!! we will all be here. keep posting it really does help.. love and prayers neesip
Hello Ladies,
Good Morning and Hello to Scared, I can totally relate to being frightened about the prospect of going through W/D cold turkey. I just passed my one month of sobriety and have’nt felt this good in a long time.
Let’s see…Prepare for the worst and pray you don’t suffer. Make sure you have fruit and/or fruit juices(100% fruit juice, the real stuff) , your favorite comfort food( don’t worry about your weight, not NOW), plenty of vitamins (supplements), and drink plenty of water. You may also need Immodium AD to fight the diarrhea if it affects you the way it did me. Does your husband know what’s coming?? He needs to be onboard and all hands on deck for this. My ladylove was so key to my detox I can’t even begin to tell you all she did for me. He really needs to go online and read about the W/D signs and symptoms and stages. He REALLY NEEDS TO DO THIS!!!! If he doesn’t, he may freak out and panic when all he needs to do is support you and provide you with as much comfort as he can.
PRAY, if you believe in God, PRAY OFTEN, because you will need that support. Be strong Scared, it’s Hell, I know but the reward is soooo worth it. I have been legally addicted for 11 years total and the last 7 or 8 at a level most people just wince at. If you need something to occupy your mind just back up a week or so on the about page and read. The girls and I relived our introduction into drug addiction and the volume of narcotics we injested. You aren’t alone!!!! Like Kitty and NSIP said…POST your ass off…it works. Write whatever comes to mind, ANY AND EVERYTHING is fair game when you hit the wall. PLEASE, don’t give in to the Beast, it only gets worse, trust me on that one.
My addiction was to morphine and I took so much for so long that I was amazed at how fast my mind came back to life. Just back up a week or so and you will find my post that details the level of my addiction and the Ladies posted their foray into darkness at my request. It’s the knowledge that you aren’t alone that will help pull you through these first few days of Hell. Hang on for all you’re worth and focus on what’s coming fast, a clear mind and the freedom from the drug(s) is so liberating. We all know what you will go through and will be here to offer support and advice if there is any to be given that will help you.
The drugs will start talking to you, just don’t listen, they are still in there and will be for a while…a long while. I’m not trying to scare you, just simply prepare you for the fight. Yes, it is a fight, for your life and control of your future!! Being one month sober I know all to well how strong the drawing power of the Beast can be…enormous…just don’t give in. Time may seem to stand still while you detox, it doesn’t, just a mind game the dope plays on you.
Good luck Scared, be strong, pray, post as often as you can and don’t give in…you are worthy of a shot at a clean and sober life. We will keep you in our prayers.
Everyone I get them from knows its payday and they have been calling but I wont answer I just cant. I wasnt gonna tell you all but my neighbor came over and asked if I want 1 and a half 7.5 I took it. Now I really feel like shit but I did tell them no more I cant do it anymore this is it, they cant come over with them anymore. I cant say no right now when I feel so awful, after wd are over maybe it will be different. I hope soooooo I have such a weakness when they are in front of me right now. This is a hard day to say no when everyone wants me to come buy them. At least the one and half were free ones but NO MORE FREE OR NOT!!!!! I dont want to be sick a couple times a month any more when there arent any left for a few days. My sister never goes without either and that is one reason we are fighting. It seems when I had only two left she would want me to give them to her but if she only had twenty left I couldnt even buy a couple from her. I never charged her if they were mine but she always did so there was the arguement and I know its the drugs not her or me really. She is just way more addicted than even I am and thats bad. If she doesnt take more in two hours time she starts wd but she refuses to see it for what it is. She keeps saying she has a medical reason for the pain in her stomach but no doctor can find one. No doctor will write her a script so all hers are illegal, needless to say that for the 3rd time this year her family is homeless and living in a camper. I wish she would admit it for what it is. My stomach pain and shits I realized over a year ago was from wd. I tried talking to her but she doesnt listen because then she couldnt lie to herself and others. I think deep down she knows. I havent spoken to her in over 4 months but I do keep up with her kids on fb so I know what is going on. I worry everyday about her. She has always had a drug or alcohol problem since she was 12yr old. I never have touched anything before these awful pills and still never will!!!!! I hope the pills are finally ending for me too, its way past time. She is my only sibling and she is 7 years younger then me, and while I did get a script for some of mine I went to her at first to get extras. Then I met my own people and eventually I didnt need her anymore I had my own supplies. I am soooo done some of them I dont want to even talk to anymore but all that I have to talk to now know no more pills for me!!!!! I just hope they will listen. After Im done dealing with myself about this, I will try to get my sister to stop too for her and her kids sake. I will only try until she gets pissed off then I will leave the rest to GOD maybe he will be able to help her if I cant. I have to be selfish about this though and take care of me and my family first!!!! Thank you I feel so stupid rambling like I do but getting it all out helps to feel better.
Scared – just worry about YOU right now and deal with your sister later. I know you love her and want to get back in good graces with her but you are going to enable each other. Stay away from those that enable your habit if you are trying to quit. And, remember this – you can carry the message but cannot carry the addict. Sometimes even on here, we need to just listen and be here for each other, but we CANNOT have control over each others sobriety.
Just for today my friends
we do not NEED to take a pill
Love
Kitty
Hey Kitty, you said it perfectly, you get pissed off at random idiots…me too!! I will have all the patience in the world when it comes to an old lady standing in my way at the grocery store but let some busy body who thinks their time is more important than mine get in my way, Oh, it is on! I can be a big mouth, get down on the floor fighter when I’m mad. I told you I got into yelling matches at the fair….I have major anger mgmt issues. On the other hand when it comes to children, animals, and the elderly I will defend them with my life and treat them with respect and dignity no matter who they are or how they behave. I am a very loyal and kind person but let me see someone hurting someone who is more vulnerable I turn into a beast! I know I’m a 42 yr old mother of two so I have forced myself to mellow out.
You are making all the right choices scared and now you need to accept the fact that you are going to feel like shit and that’s ok. There is nothing you can do about it anyway, really there isn’t and you have to quit so center yourself and focus on what your life will feel like in one year, then five years, etc….You’ll be amazed at how much that puts this small period of misery into perspective. You don’t want to be doing this five years from now.
Love, Bitcherton LOL
scareed
kitty is right. you need to worry about YOU right now and thats it!!! surround yourself with people who won’t tempt you with pills . people who do tempt you with them knowing what you are trying to do; well they just plain suck ass then. i have a great support group of friends here in town with me and i kept myself busy with them. even if it was just going to breakfast (even though i couldnt eat) ; it kept me busy atleast and believe it or not no oone ever offered me free pills until i was quitting and then i had a couple people just flat ass out give me some.. what the hell i thought? but i didn’t take them. actually i sold em. felt good to be on the other end of that for once; not that i am encouraging selling pills ; but my friend was gonna get them one way or another. kind of like your neighbor just handing you one; crazy huh? you need to distance yourself from your neighbor for sure!!! i promise if you felt bad taking that one; once you have a couple days under your belt; you will have come so far that maybe you won’t wanna take one. i didn’t want one after a week or so. i knew i would be soo mad at myself. YOU CAN DO THIS!! you will prob have the poops and not sleep and ache and be irritable and not eat either; but it all will pass. my appetite is just fine now. keep posting and don’t feel bad about rambling. i too am a rambler and no one has ever gotten mad at me for it. so keep it up it helps.. hang in there and tell yourself you CAN do this!!
I know it has to be me I worry about for now but its hard when she is my sister. I wont go around her until I know I can without taking pills if they are in front of me. It is great that you were able to not take those pills I wouldnt be able to say no if they were in front of me now. Im hoping in a weeks time I will feel better physically anyway and I know if all the aches and runs are gone I wont be tempted. I HATE the runs the most really thats the one thing that gets me to take them. I WILL do this I feel crappy today but I know tomorrow will be really bad.
I know it like the flu funny thing is I wish it really was the flu because then if I took a pill it wouldnt work. I have tried taking pills with the flu it made me more sick so I would go a week with no pills and came through it fine. Im sure some of what I thought was the flu was wd’s but at first I know it was the flu because I had been taking lots of vics til that point. At that time I knew nothing of wd’s so I wouldnt have thought that was what it was anyways. But Im gonna go take care of my pup she is feeling as bad as me. She ate some chocolate and the vet thinks she will be fine but she has the runs and is throwing up. She ate it the day before yesterday so the vet said she would have died from it by now if she was gonna. Lots of pepto for her though.
I have been reading some really old posts and it seems alot of women on here say that they started taking pills because of relationship problems. I never really thought too many people got on them like I did. Before my problems I only took them for real pain never felt like I had to have them. I could go three months without them when I had no real pain and never thought twice. I would be lying of course if I said I didnt like the high and extra energy they gave me but I didnt abuse them. One little bump completely changed who I am. WHY? I wish someone could tell me this but Im sure no one really knows. This just is sooooooooo eye opening now that Im trying to quit and figure this out. I never thought I would get dependant on them, of course doctors say take only what you need because there is potential for abuse but they dont say if you dont listen your life will be hell if you stop taking them after a long period. I really think if I knew I would feel like this maybe I wouldnt have started over taking them, maybe? Maybe not, IDK but I do wonder about it. I cant sleep because My hubby is on his way here he will be here within the hour. I havent seen him for about 2 weeks but also I feel so horrible but lots better when I read and ramble on here. Takes my mind off the bathroom so much. LOL right now the runs have been in full force since around noon and Im achy and cold, then hot, then cold, then hot. My nose drips non stop does anyone know why that happens or is that just me? I know its from wd but I never have or would snort them so Im confused as to why my nose is affected like this. I think Im gonna go take a shower to get rid of some of the aches before he gets home it really helps me alot with that. Oh and ibuprophen too that really helps alot.
Scared.
Hang in there – all these things you mention are normal. I was sneezing like crazy too and I had the runny nose too. All kinds of weird things going on, but just think ahead a week and the worst will be over. Be strong. The nature of the beast is, well, the nature of the beast. None of us meant to become addicted …it is some kind of mean trick these narcotic drugs do to us…no matter what the source, whether it be heroin, morphine, oxy, or hydrocodone, they make a statement by attaching to those receptors on our brains and then it is over….we are addicted and it is no fault of our own!
Take care
Love
Kitty
Scared, how did last night go? Stupid question….terrible right? I know and I’m so sorry that you are feeling this way and have been praying for you. It will get better and you will move on, you will not remain in this state very long and then you will begin to figure out what the rest of your life holds for you. If you think about the human body and how if you have one kidney stone the size of a grain of sand, it is horrific pain when you pass it, the body is made to experience pain to tell us something is wrong..a warning signal…detoxing is your body telling you that you had a substance that was not good for you and as the last of it leaves you it is making you very sick so you are aware of its effect on you. We are meant to go through emotional struggles for a reason, we are meant to become dissatisfied with certain things in our life because that is when we make changes. We grow from adversity in our lifes. God did not make you and me to be numb, medicated zombies who have centered our lives around pills. He wants us to experience life…you will be surprised how much you realize you were missing once you are clean. For example, I would drive to work and listen to old CDs and cry because music sounded so beautiful…this is true…I was so medicated that I had lost an appreciation for music. This period of time is far from fun and far from over but you have to commit to this because life is worth living. Picture yourself 5 years from now…what will you be doing now that you are off the pills…tell us…it will help to invision that. For me, in five years, I want to get physically heathy, lose the weight I gained from the pills, get back into the church and activities with my kids. I am going to start taking art classes…just for me. I am going to go back to school and start my PhD process. So there is my plan. What is yours? We are more than what these pills make us! We are strong, creative, loving creatures made by God who were put on this earth for a reason.
You can do this Scared! Keep posting and let us know how you are feeling, don’t give up….I did twice and it makes it much harder to get back on the horse, really it makes things much worse…do this to yourself only once and you won’t regret it. When your mind starts playing games with you and tells you it’s ok to take just one…you will wake up 100 pills later and say how did this happen and where am I going to get my next 100…so don’t even think about it. One last thing…I’m not huge on measuring the length of time I’ve been clean, I do keep track and will post now and then but my focus is on changing my whole lifestyle and for some reason counting the days makes me want a pill even more…don’t know why but if you’re like me then just focus on life changes. It’s like losing weight, I can’t focus on how much I lose each week like others do because it makes me crazy but instead I focus on changing my lifestyle permanently and so it doesn’t really matter how much I lose that week because eventually it will come off. In this case, it doesn’t matter how long I’ve gone without a pill because I can’t take one again anyway so all that matters is that I don’t take one “just for today”. Just a thought.
Love,
Pinkerton
You ladies are soooo awesome Im sooooooooooo glad I came to this site. I dont know how I really came across it except I was out of pills and thought about checking out how bad the wd would get if I didnt get more pills soon. I havent been happy about my behavior for a long time. I read a few posts and started thinking why not just quit this altogether if others have then I KNOW I CAN!!!! I feel awful I managed 4 hours sleep some how but my stomach and rear hurt. I am happy to though my husband came home last night so now he is here with me. I thought when I told him the truth he was gonna be so mad because he gets mad about stupidity, hes not acting mad at all which surprised me. He just put his arms around me and told me he loved me about a million times. That kinda makes me feel guilty I guess I really felt like he should yell at me but hes not at all. We have been married 20 years and still he can surprise me.Feel like crap so Im gonna go for now. THANK YOU ALL SOOOOOOOO MUCH you are making this alot easier then you know.
Scared, I’m so glad to hear that your husband is being such a wonderful man and supporting you through this. You are doing the right thing and I’m glad he can see it for what it is….what happened is not stupidity but rather a very unfortunate accident that has terrible consequences. We all just fell into this by chance, none of us started taking these pills with this outcome in mind. Don’t beat yourself up, please…you are doing the best you can.
Love,
Pinkerton
PS…Metoo, you better get your skinny little ass on here and tell us how that job is going or I’m gonna wait for Kitty to fly into Ohio and then we are driving up to find out for ourselves…lol..
Yeah I just think about when I started taking them for my depression, I did know I shouldnt but I did it anyway to feel good. I just mean that was a stupid thought to do that. I can be hard on myself when I know I messed things up. And I did this, so I just wish I wouldnt have.
It’s not stupid to want to feel good…that’s what everyone strives for…to feel good. Some people are blessed to live without depression and anxiety and some people suffer from both. We all want to be at peace and feel content and happy and those pills did that for me but the problem is that it wasn’t real and sooner or later you have to stop using them and then the reality that was hard to deal with before becomes even harder because we are used to the pills taking care of everything.
Hang in there.
Scared – have no regrests – just look forward – you deserve better and will soon be feeling better. You will heal and be a new kind of normal.
Pink – you are so awesome in your words. You help even me who has been clean for a while.
Love
Kitty
PS – girls, I am praying for you hard and now I need some special prayers …PLEASE???? My diabetic husband has a new (or not so new) bad wound on his toe and I am so scared. This is the fourth leg wound he has has since we were married, one resulting in amputation of a toe….Please Lord, give us strength through another diffucult situation.
Love and prayers to all
Kitty
I used to have panic attacks really bad before the pills so. I havent had one in a long time Im soooooo scared of having them in this process. I used to take zoloft and xanax for them. They stopped so I no longer take those meds I am worried about it but try not to think about it too much in case I might think my way into one. You know though I think back to the xanax and I would get a script of 30 pills every 6 months(i only got like 3 total) and my doctor said he wouldnt give me any more because he thought I was taking to much. 30 pills in 6 months how is that a problem. IDK doctors make no sense and I couldnt get addicted to them all they do is make me sleep. But a hundred vic’s a month is ok, I took more than that but they didnt know that part but still. Was just thinking about it, so wierd the way they think. I have a question about vic’s and sex but dont know if I should really ask it, so tell me if its not ok before I do.
scared
hows it going girly? did you survive the night? sleep sucks!! but it will get better!! super super hot baths with epson salt were frequented by me often and they helped with the aches. also the ibuprofen and alternating tylenol; actually you can take one tylenol with 800mg of ibuprofen at the same time and it helps even more and it is safe. we prescribe it all the time. soooooooooooooooooo glad your hubby is being supportive. get some a and d ointment for your sore behind cuz believe me its gonna be sore. i call it crackfire lol cuz it feels like your butt is on fire from wiping so much.. lol sorry so graphic but hey we all went through it. i took antidiahreah and that helped or some imodium will also help. try and eat too. i know you wont be hungry probably so get your favorite foods and try just a little bit. also for sleep you could try some melatonin; its safe and over the counter. i had prescribed sleeping meds so that helped me tons. i would take a half a trazadone and one melatonin after a hot bath and it helped. the restless legs suck too but they get better. i felt like i was running in place in my bed. just remember that the worst will be over soon and that you have had the flu lots and you made it through them just like youo will make it through this!!! so how many hours since you took one now? or did you find more and take some.? no one will be angry with you. its a process and we won’t judge you. hang in there and keep up the mindstate that you have. don’t beat yourself up and remember YOU CAN DO THIS!!! hope your morning is going o.k. oh and pink was talking about the music thing and its soooo true. i forgot how much i love love love music and all types of music. i found an old U2 cd and listened to it for a week straight cuz it was inspirational to me. like “its a beautiful day” that one was uplifting to me and helped with my mood. so maybe you should throw in a good cd that you love and crank it up and sing along. that helped me a ton!! sounds silly but it helped me; maybe it will help you!!
love and prayers. i gotta baby shower today but will be back.. gotta go get a gift and come home and get ready. will probably be late. i’m late to everything !!!
love to all neesip
Awwww thanks Kitty, that makes me feel so good…esp. coming from you
Scared…a long time ago and I mean like 15 yrs ago, I started having panic attacks ..BIG TIME.. and a friend who had them gave me a book that explains why and what I learned which helped me to get over it was that number one..you will not die, you are breathing, and you are not having a heart attack….number two, it is your body’s natural emergency response system, meaning that if you were stuck on a train track and saw a train coming your panic button would go off and you would flee the car. So, when you have a panic attack your body is reacting as if you are on that train track except you’re not. I just learned to “ride it out” and eventually I stopped having them. I used to feel like I would choke on food or couldn’t breath, etc…you know since you’ve had them. Don’t think too much about it or you will have one and that is all you need right now.
Please relax, breath, it’s going to be ok, it really is, you are going to make it, you are going to be a better person and you will look back on this in time and be so proud of yourself and know that you did it, YOU kicked this monster’s ass!! I am proud of you. Follow NSIP’s advice. Take hot, hot, hot, showers or baths, baby yourself, watch your favorite shows, eat your favorite foods.
Who asked about the sex?? I am ok with any questions or conversations as long as we try to be respectful and choose our words carefully and keep it relevent to the subject. Ok, I’ll start. I find it much more enjoyable now that I’m clean….as in reaching the top of the mountain …if you know what I mean…lol… sometimes I never made it to the top, no matter how hard he tried to help me along
I could have become a nun while on the stupid pills because I had no interest. There, I started now if anyone has anything to add, feel free.
Pinkerton
By the way, Need Some Inspiration PLEASE, I have to tell you how proud I am of you. I often see you reaching out to others and helping them along…me for one…and I just wanted to tell you that I am really impressed with how much wisdom, compassion, and support you offer to everyone. You are a good person and I’m glad that “I knew you when” lol. Keep up the great work and I’m happy to know you.
Love,
Pinkerton
Well my sex question was about that exactly. At first when I would have sex after taking a pill I would get there faster and more intense. After awhile I guess I didnt really notice but it got less and less intense. Now even though I felt awful my husband was gone 2 weeks so I couldnt say no. Anyway last night was just like in the begining when I took vic’s. I think thats why I was about to get sleep, for awhile I was able to forget about my bad feelings but I didnt expect to enjoy it much last night either. I was just wondering if this is a normal thing with this addiction too? For the past few years I thought I wouldnt enjoy sex much without it. Main reason I took it before sex at first if you remember my husband cheated and when we started having sex again I really didnt want to so I took a pill to get through it. Sorry if that is an uncomfortable question or topic.
I think it was 1:30 yesterday when I took my last pill and it is 1:30 now today. I did rest a little last night thanks to my hubby. LOL My stomach is hurting most and the sweats and being cold annoy me. Not to restless yet but its starting. Food sounds soooooo gross and I am having problems wanting to drink anything but I have at least made myself do that. I am gonna go so that I can get dressed yup still in my pj’s at 1:30pm. I cant be lazy too much longer got to take care of my pup who is sick right now too.
Scared,
and any exercise helps with sleep and also sounds like you found something you can do to help take your mind off of this…lol..and that will keep husband happy too! Don’t feel bad about the PJ thing, I”m not detoxing and still in my jammies…been cleaning and cooking and preparing for a “barn party” tonight. All the kids qualified for state so there is a big party to celebrate. My son is a new rider so he isn’t showing yet but he is well on his way.
I can’t speak for everyone but I do kinda think it’s normal. It was like if I had too much to drink, I had a hard time “getting there” and I know I’ve had other women say the same thing about that. Good for you…at least you got some exercise
Kitty, keep us posted on your husband. Been praying for him. At least he has some vacation time to heal.
Well, everyone have a good evening and I’ll probably be out the rest of the day, but I’ll be thinking of you Scared and praying for you…..it will be ok!!
Oh, and one last thing before I sign off. Kitty, I think our own “about” weight watchers would be really cool. We could post our weight every week …that’s basically all the w.w. does unless you stay for the meeting, which I told you already that I don’t. I’m glad you feel the same way Kitty. What did it for me was when this goody-goody stood up with her “I lost 30 lbs smile” and told us how we need to call ahead and find out what someone is serving at their picnic before we go then we can plan our meal ahead of time and count our points. I was like, WTF, are you F@#king kidding me you stupid ass, you need to get a life….if someone called me ahead of time for that reason I would be like, “we are serving lard, butter, and bacon grease”. When it comes to picnics and stuff I just eat alot of vegetables and have alot of something good for me before I go and then I’m not that hungry and I usually stick with the meat and stay away from the potato salads and stuff like that. Anyone else interested??
Also, where is Keith man?? Or K-MAN as I think I will start calling him. I miss you already, please, please stick around we ladies need a big hearted tuff guy around to add to the hen house.
Ok, I’ve post enough for one day, hells bells, enough for one week. I guess Scared has my attention and my concerns along with Kitty’s husband and Kitty herself with her health…geez everyone please take care of yourselves…I love you guys.
Hey guys thought I would check in and say hi hope everyone is doing well sounds like there are some disturbing events going on and I send my prayers to third that are in need of them today !!! Keith hasn’t been on for a while where r u Keith come post …..
NSIP — what’s up Girly u sound like u r doing so good and that’s wonderful to hear I’m doing fabulous but a little morning sickness nothing to bad but it’s there I’m not letting it slow me down though so happy to gear from u
Scared — you can do this and it will be over sooner than u think and before u know it it’s going to be one month then two and so on I have never felt better Now that I quit everything is better and everything that I’ve ever wanted has come to mr and that will happen for u to and so glad to hear u have a supportive hubby mine is and was to he is great love him to death with out him I couldn’t have cone this far so we r lucky to have supportive hubbys to help us threw this difficult time and u will see your relashinship will be so much better after all this crappy stiff is over and about the sex thing I didn’t experience that we have had great relashins on and off the pills do can’t hive to much input there but seems like some of the other girls can relate that’s the great thing about this site that if one person doesn’t know then the other will u know ??? Hope u beat this beast and get rid of all third bastard pills cause that’s all they r I think I’m a little over 2 months and it’s great I’ll be waiting for u on the otherside u sound like u have ur mind made up and that’s the first step and u will make it threw u r a strong wonderful girl and that’s going to get u threw just jeep telling ur self that there is nothing wrong it really helps hope my post helps a little my prayers r with u
Jen where r u girl haven’t posted lately and miss hearing from u how Many days now for u ???
Hope everybody is well and going great
BTW my granny Is still hanging in there we will be leaving in 2 days so Ireland here we come all three of us cause this time my baby is coming to I wasn’t preggo last time !!!
Do all your prayers are needed for my granny and my mom thanks to all the girls that sent prayers to us just want to acknolage you guys thanks again
Check back later
Thanks everyone Im glad you are all here for me. My puppy looks like she isn gonna make it after all Im still doing everything the vet told me but she looks real bad. She is not vomiting anymore but she looks bad. That being said I talked it over with my husband and he said I could try those Kratom capsules but Im not sure how they should be taken I dont want to get hooked on something else. If anyone knows how I should take them please let me know. They wont be here til tuesday because of the weekend and I did find six more vic’s to last til then, my hubby has them and wont give them to me until he thinks I can have another. I just had to with being so upset about my dog. I have wanted this kind of pup for a long time and we paid alot of money for her and I LOVE her sooooo much. I didnt feel strong enough to stop with this going on. If she does die it will be sometime really soon, before monday. I AM gonna do this I just need help. I wish I were stronger to do this without pills, but its to soon for this kind of stress. A week later and maybe it would have been different but like I said tuesday is the day I WILL stop for sure.
Scared,
I’m so sorry to hear about your puppy, I love my two dogs very much and they are part of the family. I will pray that your little one is just recovering and will be ok. Keep her hydrated even if you have to take an eye dropper and squirt water down her throat every half hour.
I wish you could just hang on a little longer (the worst is almost over) and not have to go thru this again but if you are going to wait until Tuesday then we will be here to support you then too. I understand the stress of detoxing compiled with the stress of possibly losing a puppy is too much but you must get back on track because you can do this.
Love and prayers, Pinkerton
Well my poor puppy didnt make it through the night and the vet said it must have been something besides what she got into. I think this another thing these stupid pills have done. If it was because she didnt get her shots, the only reason for that is because we didnt have the money lately. I certainly have spent enough on pills since we had her to get her shots 10 times. Im soooo mad about this right now and feel its all my fault. Sorry I had to get this out Ive been thinking this all night and it makes me sick. Will be back when I dont feel so bad.
Pink
AWWWW you just made my eyes water up a bit. you don’t know how nice it is to have a member of the meangirls say such nice things to me. lol no seriously. thank you sooo much. i am proud to say you are my frined too. i really couldnt have done this without you. you were the first person to reach out to me. my writing had been in moderation forever it felt like and i just wanted someone who understood to talk to sooooo badly and when you responded to me; well that was that. you know the rest. so i feel like i owe my sobriety to you and everyone on here. quitting was a huge part too since we were one day apart in our vic free lives and she posted her but off .. lol i mean we had to get a litttle annoying. anyways; i feel like if i can reach out to someone on the other pages that are lost out there and get them to this huge support team that maybe they too can survive this journey and get off the merry go round that wasnt a life to me at all. sooo thanks to you . i just woke up and read that. what a great way for me to start my day. love ya girl!!!
pink
yeah what the hell do you think is at a cookout? braughts , burgers, pot salad, baked beans, etc… duhr yeah i wouldnt have like that girl either. i would think ” she can blow her 30 lbs out her ass”
you make me lmfao. lard, butter, lol. i really laughed out loudd. jeff’s was like whats so funny..
oh and i think def calling keith k-man is great
scared
about the sex; i had lost all interest in it before and really didnt enjoy it. i believe that since i got off pills that my sex drive is back again. in full force!! i enjoy it more and want it more than i have in many years. so there ya go ; thats my take on the sex thing.
quitting
glad you checked in girly. i have been praying for you and your family; is it ok for you to fly with our little about baby in your tummy? wasnt sure about that. i am sure you know though thats your expertise ; knowing stuff like that. i’m sure you made sure it was ok too. hope you have a safe trip and all goes as well as it can be expected . sorry you have to go through this. my grandmother on my dads side has alzheimers (sp) really bad and i hate to say this; but i wish she would move on over to the other side. its sooo stressful and sad everytime i see her. she lived through the depression and she’s 94 years old. she looks amazing; but her mind is gone. she once said to my sister about a year ago “girls , look at those clouds , they look real” and my sis and i were like yeah grandma thats cuz they are real. two seconds later she said it again, and we just laughed. it was either laugh or cry; so remember that. if it gets bad like that . try to laugh through it cuz theres nothing you or anyone else can do. atleast thats the case for my g ma. keep checking in girl. i miss you when you are gone. your my energy mamma to be;
scared
if metoo would get her but on here; she knows about the kratom; actually i think pink does too; sorrry i can’t answer that for ya though. if you go back and read they talk about it quite a bit.
scared
i am soooo soooo sorry to hear about your puppy. what kind of puuy was he/she? what was name? i’m sure you are really upset and i am soo sorry to hear that. i do not have any children yet and my cats are like my kids and i would be sooo upset if anything happen to them. my friends call me the crazy cat lady. i don’t c are i love them to pieces. do something fun today with your hubby. get away ; go to park and get some icecream or something. something that will make ya feel a little better. i understand you not wanting to quit during this trying time. just a little advice though … there will always be SOMETHING. before i quit; i used to say “after this period i will quit” once my cramps are gone i will quit. i don’t know how many months i had been saying that bfore i found my about friends and was given the courage to go through with it. and if it wasn’t my period it was. once we get through the holidays i will quit. the holidays are busy and i need them. etc… etc.. you get the picture. there will always be something; but if tuesday it is then tuesday it is and if its not tuesday and its wednesday; whatever. we will be here for you when you decide. and YOU CAN do it!!! hang in there and keep that mind set.
kitty
how is your hubby doing? make sure he takes it easy so he can heal. thats no joke and very scary. my sister had a girlfriend years ago that was diabetic and she used to go into siezures and start convulting. i remember the two of them were staying with me one night and her girlfriend, had an episode. it scared the hell out of me. my little sis knew exactly what to do and took care of her girlfriend. i couldnt believe it. i was sooo impressed with my sis taking care of her like that cuz i was scared shitless and thought she was gonna pass right on my floor in front of me. anyways; hope your hubby’s isn’t that bad. i don’t know much about it; but i know there are diff stages and severitys of it. i’m sure you are taking excellent care of him and making him take it easy.. thoughts and prayers with ya
love neeesip
I know I will quit, I want it to bad now not too. Im still having wd’s Im not taking much at all compared to what I was. I have 4 left and he bout 6 yesterday cause I cant buy them anymore and he wont do it again. Normally they would have been long gone by now. I just take one when I feel the wd are too much I went 12 hours in between the two I took which isnt bad since I was taking them every 3. I know I could make tons of reasons to continue and yes this kinda is but because of this I want to quit even more. Like I said she should have had her shots instead I had to buy pills so we were always to broke. She was a beautiful brindle and white pitbull named Cocoa, she was 3 months and six days old. I will quit I really have to, I have cats too and my pets are like my kids too. My children are all almost grown my youngest being 15 so animals are like babies and I always liked to take care of something. My kids really dont need a whole lot of taking care of anymore. I will not get another animal until Im off these things its just not fair to them. Bye for now I have an awful headache. Thanks for listening and being there when I need you all.
Scaredtoquit I just wanted to say when I was high on pills I couldn’t have sex and get off to save my life I was numb ..well I think they numbed everything in my life. I WISH YOU THE Best! Pr ayers for you and im very sorry about your puppy that is very sad
.I. started using pills for the energy and also underlying depression. I knew I was depressed. But instead. Of getting proper help I abused pills for 5 plus yrs. I have been clean I think 2 months I don’t count days anymore. But I feel so much better I love this site and everyone on here is the main reason I stayed sober all the support and love is wonderful. Prayers for you and keith and all the newbies.
Scared, I’m so very sorry to hear of the loss of your puppy.
Kitty, how is your husband?
Good to hear from you Jen. Hope all is well.
Metoo…I miss ya.
Love, Pinkerton
Well we spent time with my husbands daughter fom before we were married and her baby. Took them to the lake and had a blast. Thanks NSIP for the idea to get out it did help. I am beat but I dont think I will get much rest. Oh well it will get better I know.
Good evening everyone. Hubby has decided to go to the doctor for his toe tomorrow even though it is our vacation. I have not had the guts to looks at it…I am such a coward. I have just been praying that he does not end up in the hospital again and that they will give him antibiotics and send him home. The last time he went to the hospital for his toe, he came home without it. That was five years ago exactly because we were in the hospital during our anniversary which is Wednesday.
Oh I am sorry everyone – so worried about our situation that I have nothing more to give. I hope all of you are holding up OK.
Scared – everyone here will be cheering you on. When your pills are all gone, I am here to hold your hand during your withdrawal. This will be a first for me – taking care of my husband when I am not pumped up on pills.
Thanks Pink and Neesip for concern about my husband and I know the prayers will help.
I miss metoo and I hope you are back soon – cause I need you and your angels.
Love You All
I will touch base tomorrow
Kitty
Kitty. Im sorry about your hubby. Hope everything. Is ok. Prayers your way. I have typed stuff three ti mes and it got erased hope all is well today has been a down day for me hope tomorrow is better. Have a wonderful night everyone
Scared what happened to your puppy … What did he get into ?? Tuesday it is girls we got a new detoxer on Tuesday u have to be ready for it to work and I’ll be here to support u as much as I can
NSIP yep yep it’s ok for me to fly and my trip was postponed till Thursday of this week so I will be here for a few more days …
My pup got into thr hot ceral chocolate malt o meal and a whole snickers bar. I think she had parvo from what I have learned and it could have been prevented with shots. But I kept putting off the shots because I couldnt buy pills and get them. It is my fault, and I feel absolutely horrible for it. I feel really sick this morning and I have to take my daughter to her doctors appt, we are gonna try yo find out if she is having a boy or girl. Will be back on later. Thanks for being here again I dont think I could quit without knowing you are all here.
Hey everyone – I am shaking right now as I write. My husband goes to the doctor at 3:45 this afternoon with his foot. I am afraid it has gotten much worse over the weekend. 5 years ago at this very same time he had his other big toe removed due to his diabetes. I pray that this isn’t going to play out the same way…buy things do not look very good right now. I need you guys and am afraid I am not good for anything else right now.
Love you
Will let you know more this afternoon
Kitty
NSI, Pinkerton and Kitty. Just found my way to the “about” page. Thanks for the post, you guys are great! I am doing a little better. I refuse to set at home and do nothing, I stay busy. I know that my mind is my worst enemy right now. I will keep posting every chance I get. I can’t tell you how much you guys are helping me. I don’t know you but I think I love you!
Kitty I hope everything went ok for you and your husband. I had a very busy day today and couldnt sit and dwell about no pills much. The runs have gotten better now and not having cold sweats so much now either. I have only taken two pills a day the last two so I still went through wd. Im sure tomorrow I will have wd after its been more than 12 hours but Im hoping that it wont be as bad I have no more now so starting at 12am today I havent had or will have anymore. Here it goes, since Ive been having wd for the past week anyway Im not expecting to much worse things to come. Oh as it turns out my pup who died well her mom had no home since her owner went to jail so I have got her now and she has had her shots. I miss the pup but she is awesome too. Had a pretty good day, but I still miss my Cocoa Pup. Goodnight all will write more in the morning.
Scared and Bob,
God bless you and keep you comfortable today during your withdrawals. Your attitude sounded good yesterday which is a very good start. With the mindset of quiting comes an easier battle. I wish you all the best.
Bob, I am glad you hopped on over to our page. Welcome, my friend. There are so many good people over here that are willing to help. Keep coming back because you help us as much as we try to help you.
Scared – having the pup’s mom – well, it is always comfort to have a pet because their unconditional love is like no other. My Clyde (kitty) was born on the exact day that I started my detox. Coincidence – I think not. He is my little kitty angel. Little did I know that five weeks into my detox, he would be presented to me to love and take care of.
Well, my husband went to the doctor and he prescribed antibiotics so at least he has started on medication – now he was referred to a wound care specialist who is supposed to call us to arrange an appointment. I hope t is today. At least he was not put directly in the hospital so there must be a chance. He seemed less scared last night so I was less scared temporarily.
Prayers to all my about friends. I hope you are all OK and I apologize for the “me” dwelling lately, but I guess we all have our crosses to bear, and this is mine.
Love you guys
Kitty
Kitty, how is your husband doing? I just got on and read that he has gotten worse. Please keep us updated, I am here for you and will be praying.
We went to the zoo yesterday, but before we left my english mastiff had pooped all over the house…very unlike him…so while I was cleaning it up I let him out and then noticed that he didn’t come back…so I went outside and realized his back foot and leg were swolen and he was having alot of trouble walking. This isn’t completely unusual for him because he is prone to infections in his feet. So, I started him on antibiotics and called the vet on the way to the zoo and my sister (who went over and gave him some pain meds). When I got home, he was worse and breathing hard, went back to the vets and got Tramadol for the pain. She thinks he might have bone cancer. It’s been 24 hrs since he went to the bathroom at all, he won’t get up at all this morning, he isn’t breathing hard, the doc said these pills are strong and will probably knock him out…he is 212 lbs. He is my first baby and I’m praying that it’s just an out of control infection and that he will be ok. For some reason, in my heart I just know it’s different this time. He is 7 yrs old and big dogs don’t live past 8 yrs very often.
Kitty you and your husband are in my prayers.
Bob, thanks, we all are cheering for you, you are doing great, as well as you Scared!
Like Kitty, I’m probably not going to be good for much right now…Nate and I have cried since yesterday evening when the vet said we may have to face putting him down. I just wish he would walk out here right now like he usually does and sit down by me and look at me like he does with his big droopy eyes and wait for me to stop typing and pet him but he isn’t.
Wow it must be the time for stress for everyone. Im sorry about your doggy pink that Is horrible I know having just went through losing my Cocoa Pup. I hope your hubby is doing better too kitty. Im glad that we have this place to come to to help each other the best we can. I wouldnt be able to do this without you guys praying for me and being so kind and understanding. No one knows what we go through better then each other. It is 10 am and Im feeling pretty good considering I didnt have any pills to get out of bed with. I only have mild stomach upset and a backache that was my reason for taking those stupid pills. I took tylenol and Im about to take some Ibuprophen to kick it up a little. I will be thinking and praying for you all to have better days soon. Try your best to think positive thoughts to get you through. I really do love you all.
Wow everybodys having done troubles lately that’s weird how it’s all happening at the Dane time we need to hang on there and pray our butts off … Idk what’s going on but we r being tested in one way or another … So let’s not fail no pills everything will work out the way it us supposto .. And there is nothing we can really do but pray it is a good out come !!!!
Anyway I’m on my way to the pool and to get some sun soak up vit d …
Bob — glad you made it here to the about page hope u feel better soon what’s your story and how long have u been clean ?? You sound great and keep up the great work u can do this it does get better
Well I had rough night went to er. Had bad migraine and. The shot they gave me guess im allergic to made me so paranoid and severe anxiety. Thought I needed to be in mental ho spiral it was. Terrible. I have never felt that way ever and from the migraine my bloodpressure. Was very high. I HOPE EVERYONE IS DOING GOOD PRAYERS TO ALL I WOULD WRITE TO EVERYONE INDIVIDUAL BUT THIS. PHONE ERASES EVERYTHING WHEN I
Just got the Kratom I took two and decided to see if that would be enough. Wish mw luck!!!!!! I got them just in time before the wd had time to get to bad. I hope everyone has a great day!!! No more stress for any of us!!! Love you all!!
I thought I would let you all know I feel GREAT!!!!! and I didnt need vic’s to do it!!!! The Kratom really worked within a hour I started feeling completely normal. I havent felt this good well in more than 3 years. I can honestly say I WILL never take vicodin again!!!! I just hope after awhile I wont need the kratom either. For now though it helps wd go away completely and that is awesome!!!! Thanks for the idea to try it. I would never have even knew about it without this site.
Scaredtoquit. Im glad your feeling better that is awsome! !;)
Well here is take two
Ji guys wanted to let everyone know it prayers have made it to Ireland cause my granny pulled out of it and is getting stronger thank you thank you to all that sent prayers my way please keep them conning I need them thanks again really love u guys
Kitty have ur husband tried the hyper Bareck chambers that helps heal diabetic wounds much faster and better than the traditional ways the hospitals now days do just a thought hope he gets well
Jen what shot did they give u was it imatrex or zomeg ?? Sometimes thoes meds make u feel worse are u sure it wasn’t a pain shot with opiods in it ?? Hope u feel better
Scared hope u do great thank God the kantrom helped u hope it takes all the WDS away u can do this hang in there
NSIp u missing again OMG where r u at keep posting please at least once a day
Pink I have been praying my butt off for ur dog what is up with all the sick pets ?? I truely hope he gets better I do how r u is the worst over ?? Hive me a shout out
Bob how r u where are u at feeling good ??? Let us know
Qn :no it was a benadryl and renal or regan or something like that and it made me so paranoid and feel horrible I felt like I needed to be tranquelized it was so bad. I can’t believe you can have a rea croon to a med that bad. I Still have a headache but not near as bad. As yesterday I told that dr before I left er I didn’t feel better at all he said go home and rest. So I just came home and felt worse..Im so glad your gma is doing better what a blessing that is great news.Have you found out if your having a boy or girl yet?
Hello Ladies……
Glad to see everyone’s still here.
@Scared….congrats on the exsit from the active file of drug seekers. Just remember it’s never going to get any easier than it is right now. My life’s still clean and sober and aside from the occasional bought of the trots I’m doing fine. No more anxiety attacks of any appreciable affects so that’s a new change for the better.
Good to read all the recent posts and catch up a bit. Sorry to read about the puppy dying, that always sucks. Saw the new man’s post, welcome aboard Bob. These are a special bunch of ladies my friend, very special indeed!!
@QN, so glad to hear your Grandma’s doing better!!! Kitty, hope the hubby’s injury heals soon, a sore toe is a real pain in the ass as well as the problem walking on one!! Been there…done that too!! If you live long enough you hurt everything once or twice.
@MeeToo, I hope your job is going well for you, I’m still searching for mine!!
Well, it’s late here and my eyes are closing, I’ll catch up with you guys later……Keith
Good Morning Everyone!
Kitty, how is your husband doing? Any chance he got in to see the specialist? I’ve been praying for both of you.
Well, Carl, my mastiff is in about the same condition. He is comfortable from the pain meds…he is on Tramadol (Ultram), I guess this is an opiate..anyone ever heard of it, this is a first for me. He is eating and drinking. I took pictures to the vet yesterday (he is too big to try to get in the car when he is this weak) and she said that based on the photos, she is starting to think this is an infection, which is what we are hoping for. He is on two antibiotics, an anti-inflamitory, and a pain med. It is now a waiting game and if the swelling does not go down by Friday, I’m gonna take him in with the help of about 3 or 4 people, OR the vet may have to come to my house. I feel a little more put together today as yesterday felt like a bad dream — I was an emotional wreck! Everyone loves this dog because he is so sweet and just a big lovable knuckle-head. He is very lazy and hates to take walks…he will lay down and refuse to get up when we reach the end of the driveway … he is huge but is afraid of his own shadow, and is just an overall funny guy. Even though he stinks (even after a bath), slobbers on everything (even find them on the ceiling when he shakes his head), and is just an total train wreck, I love him and will do whatever I have to to get him better. Hell, I’ve already spent around $200.00 on the medication.
So sorry to hear that you have had such a rough time Jen
Scared, glad the Kratom worked for you…I use it too but have to take breaks here and there cause after a couple weeks it doesn’t work that well for me and then after the break it is really something to look forward to.
Good to hear from everyone. I know that when everyone is having such a tough time themselves it may be silly to ask for prayers for Carl but I’m asking anyway. I know he is not a person but he is a part of my little family and me and my kids would appreciate the prayer warriors to come out on this one. Metoo, if you are reading this please send him some angels. His name is Carl Patrick. I know that he is old for a mastiff and he will eventually have to move on but just not right now.
Love,
Pinkerton
Good morning all
Pink – I hope BIG DOG is doing better and keeps improving. He sounds likes one big lovable pet….get better Carl Patrick!
My husband is on day two of antibiotics and cannot get in to see the wound care specialist until a week from today – at which I am totally pissed off. Medical professionals have no urgency whatsoever, even knowing that the first time he was sent to wound care with a diabetic sore on his toe, he was immediately sent to the hospital for amputation. And after the last fiasco where he had a compound fracture of this same leg and spent a year recovering because the wound would not heal (including hyperbaric chamber every day for I believe 6 weeks) you would think they would be more proactive. This is the forth leg incident he has endured in our twenty years of marriage – needless to say, I have a hard time being positive. Thanks for the well wishes everyone – prayers are really appreciated.
Jen, hope you are feeling better with your headache and drug reaction. Geeez, that sounded wicked and I am so sorry you had to endure that.
Scared – glad you are feeling better and the Kratum s helping. Just be careful you do not replace the feeling of pills with the feeling of Kratum. Be responsible about it like Pink is and you should be OK.
Well guys and girls I got to go wake up the hubby and tell him happy anniversary…..Vacation, anniversary, and a diabetic foot – well two out of three aren’t bad!
Love and prayers to all
Kitty
Well its been 33hours since I took a vicoden and I could care less about them. I woke up this morning and didnt even feel the need for the Kratom either no wd so far. I didnt post to much yesterday because I had a busy day playing with kids and pets. I cant believe how good I have felt with no pills Im sooooooooo happy about this. Pink I will pray for your doggy, I know what it is like to lose them. I wouldnt wish that on my worst enemy. I really hope he pulls through for you. Kitty I will pray for your hubby too I dont know anything about that sort of thing but I can imagine its scary as hell. Dont worry I wont replace vic’s with kratom it has just helped the wd’s. Kratom leaves a funny taste in my mouth that I couldnt put up with for the high yuck!!!! They are capsules so Im not sure why that is but oh well just until I dont need them. I cant tell you all enough how happy Im am that I found you all!!!!! Everyone have a great day!!!!!
Hey guys. I am feeling somewhat better, I just have to keep my mind occupied. The WD’s from the Kratom can be absolutely awful and they tend to linger for a while. Just when you start to feel better they return and usually with associated pain and extreme restlessness. I am continuing to work and stay busy and think about the future rather than the past. I started opiates to deal with the pain of the loss of my father about 5 years ago. I knew how they would make me feel because I had taken them in the past for migranes, and boy did they help bring me out of that depression! I just didn’t realize that I was digging a bigger hole. I became addicted very quick without considering the consequences. It is all my fault, I had to come to terms with that fact. I am responsible for me, therefore I must take action and move forward. I will not be in bondage to a little pill, not anymore. Although it is dark now, I can see the light. Thanks to everyone for being here. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you guys. Please, for you guys using the Kratom, be careful!! Stop as soon as you possibly can. Hope you guys have a great day, I’ll be back.
Well, THANK GOD that I FINALLY made it to this page!! GEEZ!!! This was my last attempt to post, so here I am!!
I haven’t read through all of the posts yet, I just wanted to stop in and say hello!! I have been SO busy with the new job and stuff. It’s going to be hard to have any time with my girl….and we both hate that!! I am learning so much on the job, and am hoping that I find the rhythm that it requires. But, still, life is good. I miss you all, and don’t know how often I will be stopping by, but I will do my best! Regardless~all of you are constantly in my heart and in my thoughts. Thank God for each of you and for this forum that has helped bring all of us back from the clutches of addiction!!!
I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!
WOw, wow, wow!!! Kitty, I am dispatching my angels even as we speak!!! I hope things are going bearably well for you and the man….thinking of you, my dear friend!!!!! You will get through this one step at a time!!!! We really need to call each other on the phone sometime. Geez, except I have NO TIME..ffs. Can’t find enough time to spend with my wife….I am on second shift now, and it leaves her alone at night until i get home at midnight. I am trying to learn all I can on the job, and so far, so good, but there is a ways to go. Please pray for me too.
Scared, I am so sorry for your loss. Pets love unconditionally, and when they are gone they leave a bigger void than some humans, don’t they!??!! Remember that your special pet will be the FIRST to greet you at Heaven’s gate…that thought ALWAYS makes me smile!!!! Strength is sent out to you too!!!!
I am once again out of time, but PLEASE KNOW that I am thinking of all of you always, and will check back when I can. I LOVE YOU ALLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!
me too is back!! yay! sorry been under the weather for a couple days and havent been on . went jet skiing on sunday and screwed my neck up; its feeling better though so thats good and i only took ibuprofen for pain. yay me!!
BOB
i see you found your way over to the about page. good deal man! there are soo many people on here for support. you found the right group. keep your head up; it gets better. like you said; you can see the light at the end of the tunnel; there really is light. I PROMISE!!
scared
i am sooo proud of youo!! 33hrs!! that’s awesome!! good for you! i told you that you could do it!! from what i have read on here usually after 3 or 4 days the worst of the w/d is over with; but if you are feeling great already ; then maybe you won’t go through all the wd symptoms. its a great feeling to feel good without those damn pills huh? i never thought i could do it either. i mean never ever ever did i think i could do it and i couldnt have doone it withouth my about friends. you go girl!! busy, busy, busy, i felt like that was key to keepinng me off of them. keep posting; sorry i was gone for couple days; my weekend starts tonight so i will be around.
pink
thinking and praying for your puppy. i know how much you love him!! and yes i have taken tramadol (ultram) before; its more of a muscle relaxer/pain killer if i remember correctly. i never got a high from them like i did vic’s. hoping carl gets moving around asap!!
oh yeah; by the way; my sister and her girlfriend are getting their civil union today. i’m so happy for them. so there is one thing for me to celebrate. they have been together for like 8 years or sumthing like that; so they might as well be married anyways; even though stat of il doesn’t recognize it as a marriage i think civil uniion is next best thing for them. so congrats to my sister crystal and kim today!!
Hey guys it’s mr just thought I’d drop a line and say what’s up hope everyone had a great day clean and sober love to all
Kitty how is everything going been thinking about y’all prayer s your. Way.
pink im sorry you have to go thru this with your dog I hate when animals get sick prayers your way to.
Nsip hope your neck gets better sounds like all of us have had a crazy past week.
BOB AND KIETH GLAD TO HAVE Y’ALL MANY PRAYERS YALLS WAY I HOPE YOU FEEL ALL OUR STRENGTH FOR Y’ALL
QN I FEEL ALOT BETTER TODAY THANK GOD I CAN SAY THAT WAS. A ROUGH FEW DAYS FOR ME.
MEETOO MISSED YOU;)how is the j ob going?
many prayers for all mll my about friends all of u are on my mind tonight hope everyones has. A happy evening love all of you
quitting
hey girl; glad to hear your grandma is getting better. do you call her grandma ? or mema or what? i always think its funny to hear what people call their grandparents. i had a MIMI.
jen
wtf? dude what the heck? i can’t believe you had such a crazy reactions with migraines . that sucks. sounds like you are all back to normal though. i missed you. i am guessing your computer is back up and running!! yay. glad to have you and qn both back.. thought qn was gonna be gone for a while and well.. you were mia threr for a minute. we got some newbies huh? pretty cool i think. if we can help them the way kitty and pink andmetoo and everyone helped us. then thats awesome!! check back later. love and prayers
kitty
hows hubby? any better?
pink
hows that boy of yours? i mean the big hairy one that probably drools. hope hes doing better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well its now 47 hrours and still feel good. That is sooooo crazy I would normally be feeling so bad I couldnt stand it. I have been doing more housework and playing around then I did on the vicodin. Im really doing great and I owe it all to this site. I hope pink and kitty are having good luck with their guys. Will talk to you all later.
How are my girls doing?
Just wanted to pop in a send love and hugs to all! I’m over two months clean now, still dealing with family business. I haven’t forgotten about all of you, I will be back to bug soon as things start to settle down.
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Scared toquit:that is awsome your doing so well so early that is a blessing
hope it keeps getting better and better
nsip : yes I was mia for a lil bit lol after. Our vacation me and hubby bbywent on a weekend vacation with no kids then when we got home we had to get rest of our floors done before my daughter came home the dust was causing her asthma to be severe so I busted my butt doing my floors pretty much alone because hubby had to go back to work. SO. WHEN THAT WAS DONE THE DREADFUL CLEAN ING HOUSE was the next on list still needed to wash from vacation tons of laundry plus dust was on everything. So had all that to do. So it. Has definitely been crazy around here. ALSO REALIZED there are manymeds that a odd strange psychotic reaction in. Me so they will be put on my hell. To the no list forsure!!!lol
Good Morning!
Kitty, what’s going on with your husband? How is he feeling? How was your anniversary? HAPPY ANNIVERSARY by the way
Scared, that is so great!! Keeping busy and focusing on getting well are key to recovery. Good for you!
Now it’s time to help those other people who are scared out of their wits on the other pages.
No news on Carl Patrick. He leg and foot are still swolen, but he can walk due to the pain meds. It’s just a waiting game to see if he responds to the antibiotics and if he doesn’t then we may be looking at bone cancer or a bad sprain.
Everyone have a good day.
Pinkerton
Hey everyone – hope everyone is doing OK in their detox and otherwise.
Pink – I hope Carl Patrick gets better soon so that you do not have to think about it being anything worse.
I am trying to stay positive for my husband, but the toe so far is not improving – but the nurse said the antibiotic would take up to 72 hours to start working so that would be this evening some time. Of course all the worse case scenarios are going through my mind.
And, the fact that he does not see the wound care specialist until next Wednesday, well, that just scares the shit out of me.
I am sorry that I am dwelling on my own personal hell right now folks. Please know that I still love and pray for all of you guys also. Nothing is so powerful as a ring of prayer.
I will touch base with you all later. Have a good day and congrats in ALL your success with the beast.
Love
Kitty
Morning everyone its now been 57 hours and still feel great but of course I did go through the wd’s when I was just taking a few pills a day last week so IDK maybe that was the worst of it for me. I still havent felt depressed or that I want a vic either which Im happy about. I hope that doesnt happen but Im ready if it does. Just thought I would check in. Im still praying for kitty and pink to get through their troubles. Love you all and I cant say thanks enough for being here when I needed you most.
jamie
hey girl! glad you checked in with us!! miss ya girly!! glad to hear you are doing well!! we all kick major butt being over 2 monthes!!! keep checkin in please/
Jen
so you cleaned then huh? so did i. 2 weeks ago was the first time i really cleaned since detox and man did i clean. it was a little overwhelming; but now that this place is back to normal last weekend i cleaned again cuz it wasnt as overwhelming to me. it felt great to have a clean house and no cat hair growing on my sofas. lol can’t believe it took me that long to get to that point but i did it and sounds like so did you even though we both hate it soooo much. lol
i am off today and its like 116 degrees out with heat index here and i think i am gonna go lay in my frineds pool all day; i am getting super brown. have you been having any cocktails? isn’t crown and coke?? i have probably been drinking more than i should lately and need to make sure i don’t trade vics for alcohol.. i used to be quite the party girl and drinking was my choice of drug amongst other things when i would drink so i gotta watch it and slow my but down. just wondereed if anyone else has done the same and i knew you said you don’t mind a drink now and then. so??? did i tell ya i misse you. lol
KItty
about your hubby. i think its b.s. that they can’t get him in until next wed. thats a bunch a bull if you ask me. have you asked if they could put him on a cancelation list in case someone cancels or no shows he could take their spot on docs schedule? we do that all the time at our office. and if its something that important then our doc would accomodate and stay late if needed.. i just don’t like it. it really makes me angry the way some doctors are. just a thought about the cancel list though. you should call and ask them . also; the nurse is right it takes about 3 days for antibiodics to start working; but its not like you are gonna see immediate results ; it wil probably be more like 5 days or more before you actually see them working. just and fyi. sorry if you already knew that; not trying to be a know it all…
scared
sooo glad you are feeling as good as you do. hope to see you keep up the good work. once i got to a certain point i didn’t wanna vic either. i was having anxiety and if i had taken one i would have been sooo mad at myself it would have thown me into full blown panic attack. even if you did take one; it probably won’t make you feel all tingly and good and give you energy like you would think. ask pink about that. she has relapsed and will tell you its not all its cracked up to be. good job girl!! soooo proud of you!!!!!!!!!!! you guys have a boat? i thought that you said you guys went on the lake the other day when i told you do something fun to keep you mind off it. my mom and sis have boats and my sis lives on lake and we have four jet skis . they are so much fun. our new one goes 70mph; wholly crap its sooo fast. too fast to be exact cuz i think thats how my neck got hurt; but its getting better and i know i will be right back out there. i would live on a boat if i could. i grew up on the lake and i love love love water sooooo much!!
Pink
aside from carl how are YOU? still a mean girl? or is that a little better for ya yet? you are doing great by the way. you are on your way to two months right? isn’t it the two month hump you have had trouble with in the past? sorry if i am wrong about that; but thought you had said that before.
quitting, bob and keith. where ya at kids?
Hey everyone – just a little update – Home health came out to dress the wound and he thought it was absurd that my husband could not get in to see the wound care until Wednesday and he called personally to talk to them – well what they told him was beyond belief – they told him nothing is available until Wednesday and that if it gets worse to have my husband go to the emergency room… I am sorry, but I just have to cuss here and I know you will forgive me….WHAT THE FUCK!!!!
This group is the only wound care in Tampa so I guess they think they are GOD – thing is, they are GOOD doctors. My husband has been to them before and really liked them.
Thanks Neesip for the advice on the antibiotics – if I knew they would work in five days I think I could tolerate this – but with being a diabetic – he may have to go on an IV which I wish we could start right away…..Please pray for us my friends- as I continue to pray for all of you. Glad to be free and clean from the pills although I was drugged up much of the last leg incident, I am better for him being clean.
Take care all you newbies – I hope you find your way over to the about page. It is easier for us to stay on top of things from this page – so hop on over.
Love and prayers coming your way
Kitty
kitty
i am with you on the wtf!!! that is a load of f”n crap!! i just can’t believe that!! it really makes my blood boil. i am sending lots of prayers your way!!! what a bunch of shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks Neesip for your agreement!!! – Sitting in the emergency room is a bad option also – because with the last toe amputation, he picked up MERSA which did him absolutely no good at all. Home health is the best solution for him right now but he needs to SEE THE WOUND CARE SPECIALIST right away!!! Fuckin doctors!
Love
Kitty
Nsip:I missed you to. Yes I do have a crown and coke every now and. Then but not since I was on vaca have I had any I been a super busy momma lol I could use a few cocktails and a nice pool this heat is horrible I miss the nice cold weather that we get like two days a year lmao.I did clean ugh it sucked but alot of my time seemed fixing things and finishing projects arouund house that never got finished. Glad its. Done.
Kitty I can’t believe y’all are having to go thru this crap the. Last place he. Needs. To be is the germy er my goodness those people. ArAreAre ridiculous prayers your way hope it gets better and you get someone who is good and takes great care of him
Good Morning Everyone!
Kitty, OH MY GOODNESS!!! WHAT THE F#@K!!! That should be against the law, I mean if it’s a situation where immediate treatment could save his toe then there should be some protocol in place that would force someone to make sure that he gets the treatment he needs. It’s like if someone had a blocked artery, would they send them home and wait a week to see a cardiologist? If he needs intraveinous antibiotics … then he should have access to it. Saying alot of prayers for him Kitty and for you. I’m so sorry this has happened.
NSIP, lol, yes, I’m still a mean girl…esp. with my dog being sick and the humidity and heat …I’m a really hateful girl right now. I’m just nervous and worried and then I get irritated very easily and have a hard time faking a good attitude. I’m off work from today thru next Tuesday, so that will help. I am a little past a month…doing ok with that not great but ok. I think it’s gonna take me a little while to adjust to life without the pills.
Carl Patrick is doing ok. He keeps throwing up his pain meds but is still wallking around and seems to be comfortable so maybe he is getting better. I can’t tell by looking at his leg and foot because they are still swolen. He is eating and going potty. It’s also hard to tell with him because he is so lazy anyway. I mean this dog doesn’t move unless there is food involved or he has to go out….PERIOD! He literally drags his feet when he walks, like he is ice skating, he just scoots along, never, ever, runs or even walks fast…just a big ole spoiled stinky baby. Whatever I make for dinner I make enough for Carl and Raunce. Chicken, hamburgers, etc. It was just Carl and me for years and so I got into the habit of making enough meat for him to have a piece. Well, I didn’t quit just because I have the boys now and I can’t very well leave little Raunce out….he is a beagle mix. I love my boys…Nate, Harvey Jay, Carl Patrick, and Henry Raunce.
Hope everyone has a good day and I will talk to you all later.
Pinkerton
Well was in er again today with high bloodpressure fast heart beat and they did ekg and said was fine so they said its stress and anxiety and gave me ativan glad I wasn’t having a heartattack. Hope everyone is. Well I will be back tomorrow im lil sleepy
prayers my friends
Jen, I’m so sorry to hear that you are experiencing such anxiety. Try to relax and breath deep
Kitty, I hope all is well with your husband. If you get a chance, update us on his status.
Carl’s swelling has gone down but now he is throwing up … ALOT!! I stopped the pain meds because I thought they may be causing him to be ill but he took is last two yesterday at noon. He doesn’t seem to be in pain…just sick to his stomach. It must be the antibiotics or the anti-inflamatory but he has to continue to take those so his leg will heal.
Everyone take care…it sounds like we all have some stuff going on right now so let’s just keep praying for each other and maybe things will settle down.
Pinkerton
pink
about carls throwing up; does he eat reg dog food along with yals meals too? i don’t think its healthy for dogs to have to much people food. maybe thats upsetting his tummy too on top of the meds. just a thought. i know you just love him and want him to have a special treat but maybe ask the vet about it. ??? idk just a thought. my friend gives her dog peopel food sometimes too and then she says i don’t know why i think she can have treats like that ; her dog ends up with the runs every single time she givees her people food. llike i said; idk. just a thought. hope he gets back to being himself soon!!
as for you being hateful; i was still preetty damn bitchy at a month; but it has finally passed. i think it took longer for me due to my length of abuse and how many i was taking; or maybe i just heal slower; but i am finally back to not being able to say no to people . lol. you too will get less bitchy in time. and yes the f”n heat does not help!! it is sooooo hot outside. i hate that feeling of not being able to breath when you walk out the door.
so i think i told you guys my sister and her girlfriend are getting their “civil union”. anyways; it got postponed till monday when judge can finish paperwork. but she told me yesterday she is taking her girlfriends last name. i’m a little weirded out by that. i’m not against it or anything; but its just gonna be weird for my sister not to have the same last name as me anymore. wow its weird to me . just thinking of it really is freaky to me. she has to work so i have to go ring shopping today for her. which is good cuz my taste is way better than hers. lol
jen
anxiety again? that sucks. only use those adavan AS NEEDED cuz they can be addicting like xanax can be too. my best frined in miami that has extreme panic attacks has been to er for them before. she once called 911 from here in town and was taken by ambulance cuz she thinks she is truly dying. she gets them bad bad bad. she takes lexapro for them and every couple of years she decides she is fine and doesn;t need her lexapro and then she ends up having them really really really bad after a couple months of no lexapro. she jus weent through it again. she made it to the gas station one day and got out of her car and couldn;’t walk in. she said she barely was able to walk back to her car. she sat in here car for like 2hrs. she callled me but i was at work then she called her brother and sister in law and they tried to talk her through it but it just didnt get better that time. she ended up calling here ex b friend and he had to come to gas station. go in and get her some wine (cuz alcohol helps her get tthrought them. and shes a bit of an alchoholic too) and he had to drive her car back to her ploace.. and then walk back to get hers. talk about a bad atttack huh? she went to doc the next day and got back on her lexapro; but for a couple weeks i was talking her through them daily if not twice a day. she keeps a paper bag and a straw in her car for breathing. have you tried that? breathing through a straw or in a paper bag helps to slow things down and regulate your breathing and has helped her through many of anxiety attacks. just a thought that could possibly help you too. can’t hurt to try it right? sorry your dealing with this. its no freaking joke at all. i found that out that day of my gas station dilema. i think my prozac has helped regulate mine. also there are other things that can trigger them. coffee. (caffiene). my doc suggested for me to do half caf coffee and i have been doing caf freek diet coke instead of reg diet coke. can’t cut out all caffiend cuz it will give me headaches bad. i also notice i am more prone to them after a night of drinkin and my friend in miami says same thing. too much alcohol ; the next day will send her straight into one. overeating also triigggers them for her too. maybe try and pay attention to what may be your triggers. hope they get better girly!!
kittty
hows it goin with the staycation? not much of one with hubbys toe. huh. how is he doing? nothice any change yet with antibiodics? what antibiodic did they put him on? hopefully not just pennicillan ; hopefully something stronger.
Thanks for the feedback NSIP. Carl eats regular dog food too. The people food I give him on a regular basis is no more that the meat we are having. Like a boneless chicken breast, fish, roast beef, etc. He hasn’t had anything other than dog food and bread. I started giving him a piece of bread before the pills to make sure he had something in his belly, but it didn’t help. His swelling went down so I am hopeful but this throwing up thing has me worried that it’s more than a reaction to the antibiotics but rather another symptom of something worse. He has taken both the antibiotics and the anti-inflamatory before and it didn’t make him sick so I’m hoping he is just having a bad reaction to the pain meds but it’s been almost 24 hrs since his last dose…I don’t know.
TTYL , Pinkerton
Nsip. When I usually have panic attacks its for a few min I don’t really feel it was anxiety I thought my bloodpressure and pulse have been high even when im laying in bed so I never thought it could be just anxiety but I did start hyperventilating when the lady was trying to get iv in cuz she dug in myarm forever but he said he thought it was just anxiety. So there are bad affects from ativan? That’s the last thing I need is more wd off of something lol.
Jen
idk if i would say ativan has bad affects; but i would only use AS NEEDED. i am pretty sure they can be addicting. they are kinda like xanax but in a lesser form. not as strong ; they are anti anxiety. but when i went to doctor i asked about her putting me on those cuz i knew she wouldnt want me on xanax and she said all the anti anxiety including ativan can be addicting so just be careful thats all. i have xanax that i use only as needed. like if i drink too much then the next day my heart is just racing and i have been occasionlly taking like a half of one. you could try that too. see if a half of one is enough instead of taking a full one. ???? i’m not a doc but thts how i have kept myself from getting addicted to xanax. i will taka half and if i am still feeling anxiety after 20-30 min then i may take the other half. i have just been real careful not to get addicted to sumthin else.
where the heck is everyone at too? no keith, bob, kitty, ect.. etc.. ??
maybe they are just having a fun filled weekend.
Hey Y’all
Here I am at 3:20 in Florida – last day of vacation before returning to work – still caring for a wounded husband (his foot is still with wound) and it is hot and sultry outside – not wanting to go to the store or fill my tank up with gas – just wanting to lay in the pool with another iced white chocolate mocha and never leave the house ever again….alternating between bathing suit and casual PJ like outfits all week.
But the time has come to say goodbye to vacation and go back to work….my husband will be out for a while so we will be counting our nickels and dimes once again.
Am I imagining it, or am I seeing spell check on this site…..weird!
let me check – ar wei speel shecking nowe – holly crap – wei ar speel checkeing – Grat – I am sooooo happie! LOL
Love you guys!!!
Kitty
Who was the add wizard that put spell check on here? I simply love it!
Love all of you guys – hope you are all doing well and having a good weekend.
Love
Kitty
Kitty that sounds so great laying in pool. Ahhh that’s the relaxation I need laying around in pj”s
hope hubby is getting better 
nsip thanks for the info I will try taking. Half.I. have never taken a xanax. But I have heard about them being addicting. EVERYONE keeps telling me its just stress so I guess that’s it stress. I can’t believe stress alone can make u so sick. Thanks for letting me ramble on to you lol.
ON ANOTHER NOTE I GOT ACCEPTED INTO. LVN School. I START LATE AUGUST SO THAT IS ANOTHER STRESS LOL!!!!
Kitty
How’s the hubby? And was that spell check bit sarcasm or am I a real blonde here? Lol. So idk if u member or not but I am not very great with computers. Anyways , I have taken on quite the task. I have wanted all my music in one place for a while so I am downloading all my cd’s. And all of my fiancée cd’s too. I am putting gym in our i tunes library then gonna save em on flash drive. Wow this is gonna take forever! Between the two us we have sooooo. Many CDs. From Christian rock, to tool to rap and soul, you get the picture. But it will be soooo nice to have them all on computer together. I may still be downloading come winter. Lol
Where is everyone? Hope ever ones ok!! Bob Keith. Quitting me too pink???? What’s up kids?
Jen
Congrats on school too by the way. You should look at that as an accomplishment to celebrate and try not to let it stress ya out. Yeah easy for me to say huh? Are you gonna take a full load. How many credit hrs are you thinking of taking? Don’t overwhelm yourself ya know. Or do if that’s what you want.. Either way you will kick A! Congrats congrats congrats.
Oh yeah kitty you went back to work today huh? U have we’d off to go to doc with hubby?
Just thought I would check in on lunch
Love and prayers to all. Neesip
Good evening everyone!
Kitty, how did hubby do today with you at work? I hope all is well with him.
Poor Guy.
I took a long weekend and spent time with my kids and my family. We went to the zoo, had two fish fries, went to the pool at Grandma’s almost every day…busy, busy, busy but had alot of fun with my boys. Oh, and went school shopping.
Carl Patrick has not thrown up today and seems to be feeling better. I’m still giving him antibiotics but cut out the pain meds and he seems to be ok. The swelling went down in his leg and foot so I’m praying he is on the mend. Still a waiting game.
Metoo, I would love to hear how the job is going.
Good to hear from you Neesip and Jen. Jen, try to just breath when life gets too hectic and stressful. Just take five minutes, go to a quiet place and just close your eyes and take deep breaths.
TTYL, Pinkerton
Hey Everyone
No Neesip – it was not sarcasm….when I type on here now a gold box is around where I type and all the misspelled words are underlined in red….I was just wondering if it is m computer (I just downloaded Google Chrome) or if everyone is seeing the same thing…it is weird to see spell check on “About”
My Hubby is still hanging in there – I went to work today. He has a cane to help him around and gets around pretty good – it is just that he is supposed to stay off of it. It does not appear to be getting any better, but may not be getting any better either. It is just a waiting game until he sees the wound care doctor on Wednesday. I most likely will take off to be with him, especially since he could be sent to the hospital.
Thanks for asking about him Neesip, Jen, and Pink. I appreciate it more than you know.
Pink, I am so glad BIG DOG is feeling a little better and that you had a fun weekend with the boys.
I missed the pool today – I just may take a quick dip before I turn in tonight. It cools me down while sleeping.
Neesip – sounds like you are doing just fine with computers. You found us and that is what is important…lol!
Jen- congrats on getting enrolled in school – what kind of school is it and what are you going to be studying?
Well, everyone, I am going to go watch Hell’s Kitchen and Master Chef….I love those shows for some reason.
Talk tomorrow
Love
Kitty
PS – I meant his foot is getting no better or no WORSE – see spell check does not help that much…lol!
Good Morning Everyone!
We have some folks on the “home page” commenting who may need some help. The one girl sounds like she is in real trouble. She was on day 6 and still in a fetal position and dropped to under 90 lbs due to detoxing. There is another person who is looking for some friends too.
Kitty, I don’t have spell check on this site so it must be the software you downloaded. I’m glad that his foot isn’t getting worse but shouldn’t it be improving by now? Is he in alot of pain? I will keep on praying for you.
Carl’s foot and leg look better and he is walking better and now he is not on any pain meds so I think he must have had an infection of some sort. I’m still watching him closely.
Jen, tell us more about school.
I’m doing ok going on over a month. I still am not feeling the joy of life that others have felt by this time but like I said, I think that is why I took the damn things to begin with. I will say that by detoxing and coming down from the high I have realized the importance of being selective with whom I allow in my life and to be a part of my children’s lives. I think alot of my issues were due to the stress that my biological family created and while on the pills I was able to distance myself (because I was numb) and now I realize that was the best thing that ever happened to me. Now I know that I have to be very careful when giving of myself. Just a thought. Maybe that experience did serve a purpose of some sort ….. esp. since I was so controlled by my bio mom and family and they just used and abused. But I would have never had the balls to do what I did sober so maybe all this pain and suffering wasn’t in vain. AND, I never would have met all of you lovely people.
Pinkerton
Well guys I finished all my prereqs and now I will start my clinicals and its 5 days a week .Three days a week Are 12hrs and the other are 8hrs . I Think friday might not be 8hrs maybe 6 but its gonna be a crazy year. SO I Have to get my physical books uniforms everything plus get kids ready to start school. Im gonna be a tired momma LOL. Then IWill graduate in may if I pass. Everything. I have already taken nutrition,microbiology anatomy. And physiology 1and 2 .OH YEAH AND TWO PSYCHOLOGY. CLASSES SO THIS IS STRAIGHT CLINICs for a year. Sorry about the spelling and weird typing im. Still using my phone my pc isn’t fixed I think it died lol ..
How is everyone doing today? How is the hubby and how are the doggies and how is our prego? And nsip
hey everyone
NEED SOME MAJOR PRAYERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my mother lost her job of 15 years or so today. they say they “eliminated” her position. she is soooooo upset and its not easy to get a new job when you are in your mid 50′s. so please say some prayers. it hurts sooo much to hear your mother cry. she was the assistant director at our childrens museum for years and years. soo please send some prayers this way. on lunch in hurry; will be back later and pink i will hop over to thomas recip to see if i can’t help some folks
love and prayers; neeesip
Kitty Mom (repeat from the other page)
Norcal – Oh, please come back and let us know how you are doing. I am so glad you posted and so worried about you. I think for the quantity you were taking and the amount of time you were using, that you probably would have some serious withdrawals, but I agree with Pinkerton that perhaps you should see a doctor and make sure there is nothing else going on. Withdrawal does suck but with the loosing of weight and you being so tiny to begin with, you need to be able to consume some liquids and foods. Please, please let us know how you are doing.
@ dearest Had Enough….your name says it all…and that is when we all decide to quit the pills, when we have had enough.
There is no time like the present to take that leap and start the healing process….My God, I can hardly remember it now after almost 11 months. That is why I feel so Blessed to be on this site so that I can remember the pain and agony of pill addiction….the fear of running out – the search for more sources – the lies – the hiding from the truth – the abundance of cash being spent. All of you know what I mean. Make that leap folks. In a couple of weeks you will be over the worst and on your way to healing. And, there are many of us here to hold your hand, to pray, and to qive you advice through our experience.
Thanks everyone for praying for my husband and his medical condition….and Pink, with our prior experience with diabetic ulcers and wounds, it is not unusual at all not to be healing yet. There has to be some intervention – strong IV antibiotics, debridement, surgery, and by the grace of God, His intervervention – because these things are stubborn and do not want to heal. That is why they are so darned scary.
Jen – are you becoming a nurse? If not, let us know what it is you are pursuing. I wish you success in all you do – and if you are going into a medical field – there is so much opportunity out there for that. Good luck my little friend!
Neesip – keep up the great work in reaching out and don’t worry about the spelling – I can really tell by your words that you are sincere, honest, and helpful to others. Keep up the good work. I am so sorry to hear about your Mom – being an older gal myself, I can so feel for her situation. I will certainly pray for her situation. Sometimes God opens doors when you least suspect it so I am praying that this is true for her. For anyone I missed, I apologize. It is so easy to miss posts on here.
For all those who have been MIA lately – get your asses back here. We need you – I need you.
For anyone who wants to email me, I am @
kittymom001@gmail.com
I would be glad to hear from Y’all
Love
Kitty
Hello all thought I would update everyone. I havent had any pills for 1 week and 20 hours. I am taking Kratom but I started at 6 to 8 per day and now Im down to 4 per day. I wanted to taper off them in case of wd from them and its going great. Im happy and way more active now but in the last couple days I find myself thinking maybe one or two vic’s would be ok once in awhile but I talk myself away from it. I intend to stay strong about it. I know its not really me wanting them but my body is craving something it had for years. I do still have bad back aches and tylenol and ibuprophen dont help much but Im not taking narcotics I will take warm showers and baths because that seems to help more then meds anyway. I miss my pup that died everyday but having her mother now helps. She is an awesomr dog her name is Val and I love her to pieces. Today is my sons birthday he turned 17yrs today man does time fly. First of my kids bday without pills and its great!!! Hope everyone is doing great and kitty and pink Im glad to hear things are looking better for your guys!!!! TTYL
HELLO MY LADIES!!!
I’ve been doing pretty good lately!! I did a little back reading and damn Girls, shit happens fast wit y’all!!! Kitty, I’m sorry to hear your man has been suffering for so long with his foot wound. I worked 15 yrs as an xray tech and I’ve shot “a few” non-healers. They can have multiple causes from the diabetic reason and can take quite a long time to heal regardless of the level of care. It’s just the nature of the condition.
OK, who’s next…Pinkerton!! KEEP THE FAITH GIRL!!! It took me a while to REALLY feel better. I had good days and bad for the first 6 weeks and they started to snowball into just good ones all touching each other. It’s when they start holding hands that you really feel that warm fuzzy stuff we all missed…AND NO…I DON’T MEAN THAT WARM FUZZY (BUZZZZZ). I had a rough day a few days back and I caught myself wishing I had a 5 lb salt lick of morphine just to take the edge off!!! Beat it back with a double shot of Crown and went to sleep!!!!
Neesip…..my crazy strong friend….you know this shit don’t come easy! If it did EVERYBODY would just quit!! Stay focused on the next day and don’t let today get you down. I’m sooooo sorry to hear about your Mom’s deal…that sucks, I KNOW…still trying to become employed myself.
Metoo…what’s up with the new job young lady??? Need input please, Dear One. WE STILL CARE!!!!! Where’s them Angels Lady???
QN….dang girlfriend, I had to go back a ways to find your last post as well!! You most be doing fine….I hope so anyway!!! Ladies…isn’t QN with child???? I figured whoever it is would be all over the site…it’s a girl thing….I know, I know, just looking for something to comment about.
@Scared…good to hear your WD IS GOING SO WELL!!!! Word to the wise…don’t let your gaurd down yet…it’s still early..very early and the Beast doesn’t always play by the rules!!
Well, I gotta go Me Lovelies…see y’all in a couple…love and prayers to all…Keith
Keith!!!! Yay!! So glad to hear from you!! I am all good. I don’t wanna Vic at all. You couldn’t pay me to take one (well,….depends on how much your gonna pay me..lol) . Yeah I am upset for my mom there’s way more to it too, women are such bitches and so caddy !! Glad to hear you aredoing well!!
Kitty, pink , Can I get some mom prayers please!!! I don’t want her depressed or broke for that matter, She’s always been a hard worker and had a great job so this is hard for me to swallow much less her
scared
Hey girl. Glad you checked in. Was starting to wonder bout cha. Go back and read some of pinks old posts. Trust me , I did the same thing….oh maybe one or two every once in a while, That’s not too bad right? Absolutely not!!!!!!! Not for someone like you and I . We can’t have just one or two. That’s how we got here to begin with. Your mind will F. With you so keep control over it girl. Don’t forget that! It’s sooooo easy to fall right back in. Keep up good work!! You rock!
These dang summer kids are driving me nutys! It’s been quite a new experience dealing with the steppies and my nieces all summer sober. Anxiety is through the roof lately. One goes home tomorrow, one on Friday and then I’ll just have the 16 year old stepson to deal with.
Had to vent! Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
@ Scared, You are doing great! DO NOT TAKE EVEN ONE PILL…DON’T DO IT, I’M SERIOUS!!!! I promise you that you will not stop at one, it’s impossible. You will think, “oh, maybe I’ll just take one every other day as a treat” then, “one every day” and by day two you are trying to take as many as you can. It’s like a starving dog and you put a bowl od food in front of him, have you ever seen a starving dog eat? That is what happens when an addict takes one pill. I’ve been down that road a couple of times and it is just horrible, worse than the first detox, emotionally and physically.
Neesip, I will be praying for your mom. I have seen alot of job loss in my area and it is devastating. Pray, pray, pray, and God will take care of her. I always think to myself, at least I know I will never go hungry or be without shelter and I’m sure that is the case with you mom. Just help her reinvent herself and maybe she will find an opportunity that is more fulfilling than what she was doing.
Kitty, good luck today at the docs. I will be praying for good results and faster healing.
Jamie and Keith, good to hear from both of you!
Everyone have a good day!
Pinkerton
Oh, I almost forgot. Carl Patrick seems to be doing much, much better. His leg is back to a normal size and his foot is barely swolen. The strong antibiotics must be doing the trick. Thank goodness. I love that stupid dog. I know he is old for a mastiff and that one day in the near future he won’t be around but I just wasn’t ready to lose him yet. I know I sound as crazy as a loon over a dog but he is my constant companion, always there, always waiting for us to come home, always begging at the table…lol… always snoring so loud we can’t sleep…always getting slobber all over the walls and ceiling…need I say more
Pink,
Way to go BIG DOG CARL PATRICK!!!! That makes me so happy.
Well, the doctor’s appointment ended with a mad rush to get him admitted to the hospital and within several hours there has been various specialists to see him including infectious disease (for the infection) and ortho surgeon (to remove the toe) I am just asking Jesus that he shed mercy and heal what is beyond the toe so that he does not loose any more of the foot. You know it is funny, But I left work and my boss asked me if I was coming back. I wanted to say F no I am not coming back but I did not. And, not one person said a thing about prayer when every single friend on this site has mentioned prayer as a source of healing and comfort. I truly value you people and am so glad I have this place to come to. I have my laptop in here – my husband is down for a ultrasound right now. I am thinking of all of you and appreciating your friendship.
I will touch back later
Thanks for the concern and love
Love
Kitty
Kitty,
Did I read that right…are they taking his toe? I am so sorry to hear that, I can’t even express how saddened I am for him. I will be praying that he doesn’t lose anymore of his foot. I do understand what you mean…my boss would have been just as insensitive as well as some of my family and friends. I do feel that the folks on this site seem to have more compassion for others than some people who are close to me in my life.
Metoo, we need some angels sent Kitty’s way.
Love, Pinkerton
Me too
we really need some angels for kitty’s hubby NOW!!!
omg kitty; i am sooo sorry!!! i am sending prayers your way right now. i hope that it is only his toe too. (not that that is good either); but i hope its no more than that!!! excuse me but i am sooo fucking pissed at those doctors!!! i think you could have a law suit!! that’s absolute f’n crap!! this should have been done a week ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! total b.s.!!!!!!!!!!! keep us posted ; i am saying a prayer for him right now!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey Girls,
Thanks Pink and Neesip. I know – we wasted all last week just waiting for the doctor appointment and this could have been behind us already – plus I was off all last week and now I gotta worry about work.
Tomorrow will be the surgery and you have to know my husband to appreciate this – he is always the joker – always the optimist – well tonight when he was loopy from the pain medication, he started a speech about hating “Big Toes” If it was not so serious, it would be funny….you see he lost the big toe from his other foot 6 years ago – he told the Ortho doctor that now both of his feet would match.
Thank you for all your prayers – I just pray now for the rest of his foot, but so far no one has spoke about taking more than just the big toe.
You guys are the best and the most caring of all my friends. I will let you know how it goes tomorrow.
Love You
Kitty
Kitty I am so sorry that is bullshit that’s why they should have gotten him in sooner! Prayers your way I am deeply sorry. Y’ALL ARE ON MY MIND.
And yes I will be a vocational nurse in. In 9 months yaaay
Hey everyone – I just came home for a few hours. My husband still has not had surgery – has been waiting since 12:00 Noon when it was scheduled. This is bullshit – really. He has had no food since 11:00 last night and is so hungry and impatient in the wait to be hauled off to the operating room – I am also tired and frustrated. Thank you for the prayers – and I hope this thing is over before today. If they reschedule for tomorrow both of us are going the throw in the towel …. UGH!
Love
Kitty
Pink, you were around for my craziness with my dog, so I understand what you’ve been going through. Dogs are special, they provide true unconditional love that humans aren’t really capable of and that is something worth fighting for and holding on to.
Kitty, I’m sending good wishes your way. Hope your husband gets this taken care of quick and heals up fast. Doctors are so frickin frustrating, aren’t they? I’m wishing the best for you two!
Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
“Thanks Jamie.
I just got home from the hospital and it is after 11:30 PM – we were waiting all day for Jim’s surgery and he was finally taken at 7:30 and got out of recovery after 9. What a day. He is fine except a little down in the dumps because they removed his toe but did not close him up and won’t for another week. They want to make sure all the infection heals before closing him up….which had got us both down a little and worried….so hang on tight my friends – it is not over quite yet! Thank you so much for all the kind thoughts and prayers.
Hope everyone else is doing OK – I know I have not been there for you folks as much as I could – wrapped up in my own personal shit right now….but still saying a blanket prayer for y’all.
Love
Kitty
Kitty, so happy to hear he came thru surgery ok. I know this has been a really long road for you both already and it looks like it’s not over so you are gonna have to dig deep and find it within yourself to keep pushing forward. I will be praying for you and for your husband. Stay focused on his healing and be proud of the fact that you are handling all of this without any pills to help you cope. You are doing GREAT!!
Thanks Jamie, I think Carl Patrick is doing better. The swelling went down and he is walking around acting like himself again. He looks like he is losing weight but it might be because he hasn’t eaten alot and had been throwing up ALOT! Yes, they are special.
Everyone, another long day at work for me so you all hang in there and I’ll talk to you soon.
Pinkerton
Wowza, kids!!
I have been sending the angels to Kitty and her hubby’s side all along, even THOUGH I’ve been too caught up in myself to post!!! Kitty, you and he are both so brave and so strong!! I am so sorry about all of this. Things like this are so scary!!! I am glad that now the surgery is over, and I hope he continues to do well. Please, Lord, let the suffering and heartache end, and allow the healing to begin!! Holy Archangel Raphael, please heal this wound and improve the health of Kitty’s husband~who is a child of God and implores you to assist him.
Time for my news. ugh. Things at work have been a struggle. I am expecting way too much of myself in this learning process. I am just LEARNING, and I expect myself to be able to just do it…and I just can’t yet. So, EVERYTHING my trainer says I didn’t do right goes right to my ego and my heart. I am in panic mode whenever I think about going back there today!! PLEASE HELP, ANGELS!!!!
Yesterday morning I was in such a state of disarray that I had to do something. So, I dressed up and went to see the president and CEO of the plant. I told him that I don’t feel that this position is right for me, because I am not learning it as quickly as I had hoped. I tried to quit, and was ready to leave there jobless. Well, he said that the training program is screwed up and they know it. I said that I would like to be a part of the solution, not a part of the problem, and he asked me to hang in there until he returns from a vacation next wednesday. So, in essence, he wouldn’t let me quit my job. Has that ever happened to anyone here? I was kind of amazed. I was also relieved when the director of HR gave me the day off as long as I PROMISED to come back tomorrow. I promised, and now tomorrow is today, and I am anxious about it all. If anyone has any advice, I’m up for hearing it!!! Thank you, my peeps…and I’m sorry I have been away so long. Funny thing, writing this post has helped me to put it in some sort of perspective…all I have to do is to hang in there….I hope they don’t think I’m stupid…geez!!!!
jamie;
its friday; hopefully you can start to have some sanity back.. lol
so nice to have you around again!! we all missed you!!!
kitty
so are you sayig they sent him hope still not stitched up? i don’t get that. can’t he get more infection that way. and that he’s already home too.. i don’t get that either. i don’t like the way any of this went down at all and making him wait till 730!! b.s. i bet he was freaking starving. glad hemade it through surgery o.k. try to lift his spirits; maybe you should joke with him that they match now like he was saying. or maybe not. its not a joking matter; but gotta find some light in thre somehow ya know. keep us posted.. and i wanna know is he really home with and open wound??? still makes no sense; i get that they want infection to drain maybe?? help me understand.. blonde remember. lol
pink
i am soo glad carlpatrick is back to almost normal.. yay!!! what a scare huh/ i am sure that is a burder off of you for sure!!!
me too
yes i have been frustrated like that before and it can really hurt your ego when you just wanna KNOW everything right away. give it time and patience and allow yourself mistakes because you are learning and obviously they don’t think you are stupid or they would have just let ya go on your merry way when you went to talk to thme. keep your head up and hang in there. you are smart and determined… you will pick it up and maybe they have plans for you to be that “solution” ..
hang in there
neesip
Hey everyone – just came back from the hospital and thought I would check in with the girls.
Neesip – in answer to your question, no my husband did not come home from the hospital. It will be at least a week for him in the hospital. The reason they did not close the wound is there is a little infection left and they did not want to close it up until that is healed. I guess they cut all the infection they could without going further into his foot and they have it wrapped like a mummy with a vacuum pump in it. On Monday they are supposed to do another surgery and possibly sew him back up. So, I guess everything is good except for that one “small” thing and that will be resolved in time. What a journey, huh?
Metoo – Oh my heart bled for you when I heard you were not comfortable at your job yet. I think you are probably expecting more of yourself then the job is expecting of you. Poor dear, I have been in that same situation, and still to this day feel hurt and angry at myself for making a mistake. It hurts to the core, hun and I know exactly how you feel…..AND, thanks for the angels…don’t know what I would do without you.
I was just thinking about God this morning and how prayers are not always answered the way you expect them – and then I realized how stressed and worried I was when waiting for the wound care appointment….worried about amputation….and all that. And, low and behold, amputation was the answer to my prayers after all to save the leg….and God, put me in a peaceful place and took away the fear. So, He is there and He does answer prayers, just not how you expect him to.
Thanks my friends, and I am ever so proud of all of you and your accomplishments especially when it comes to staying away from the pills…..Wow, so many miracles….so much of God’s work flowing through this site.
I love you
Kitty
Good evening Pinkerton. It’s Friday night at 8:00 and I just took the last of the norcos. I was going to save them for tomorrow but im hoping at the end of the day i can come here and tell you I made it through day one without any. I know this is going to be freaking HARD. I just picked up a bottle of Kaopectate as I already know by the end of tomorrow i will need it. I am trying (but know I probably shouldn’t To get a half dozen Valiums just to help me sleep. I’m sure Sunday night will be the 1st of the worst. My left foot is numb from nerve damage from disc problems and that seems to really set off restless leg syndrome. I have tried this a couple times before and ended up 3 days without any sleep to speak of. I guess i better grab something to eat cuz I’m sure I wont be eating much for the next couple of days. I will check in tomorrow and give you an update. Thanks for listening.
HadEnough.
Good evening Pinkerton. It’s Friday night at 8:00 and I just took the last of the norcos. I was going to save them for tomorrow but im hoping at the end of the day i can come here and tell you I made it through day one without any. I know this is going to be freaking HARD. I just picked up a bottle of Kaopectate as I already know by the end of tomorrow i will need it. I am trying (but know I probably shouldn’t To get a half dozen Valiums just to help me sleep. I’m sure Sunday night will be the 1st of the worst. My left foot is numb from nerve damage from disc problems and that seems to really set off restless leg syndrome. I have tried this a couple times before and ended up 3 days without any sleep to speak of. I guess i better grab something to eat cuz I’m sure I wont be eating much for the next couple of days. I will check in tomorrow and give you an update. Thanks for listening. I sure am praying this is My Time
HadEnough.
had enough
welcome to the about page!! i am glad you found your way over here. yes the valium can be addicting too; but i used zanax and then my sleeping medicine once i told doc what was going on . she didn’t advise me to use the xanax; but i NEEDED em for a short period of time. really helped for me to get a few more hrs of sleep and yes no appetite sucks really bad. it took me a good four weeks before my appetite was truly back and my aches were still there for a good 30 days too. i hope tomorrow you make it through the eday!! i know you can do it and you seem like you really want it!!! keep posting; it really helps and try to styay busy (as long as you have a bathroom around) diahreah was terrible for me and the aches were terrible too. epsom salt baths helped me along with alternating 800mg ibuprofen and sometimes i even took a tylenol with it. probably should alternate them but i NEEDED some relief. YOU CAN do this and we will all be hre to help you through. . quitting now ; one of the other girls on here should be back soon and shes a great inspiration. shes sooo upbeat and positive. her detox went really fast and she didn’t have many symptoms. everyone is different. i pray yours is quick and and least painful as possible. its a mindset!!! you have to keep that in mind. NO REWARDS. just cuz you make it a day or two your mind likes to play tricks. it did to me atlesat. i would think; well shit i made it a week ; whats just a vic or two; but absolutely not cuz we wont stop at one or two.. good luck and keep posting… sooo glad you are here and hope we can help you through this!!!
love neesip
Good Morning!
Kitty, how is your husband? How are you doing? Has the remaining infection on his foot cleared up or are they still fighting it? Been sending healing prayers his way and also praying that you are doing alright my friend.
Metoo, good to hear from you!
I’m so sorry that the job is stressing you out. They must realize there is a flaw in their training protocol and see you as an asset or they would have allowed you to resign. It was very brave of you to go in there and speak truth instead of quietly going along with a system that is not working for you and for anyone else. You should be proud of yourself…you stood up for what you feel is right for you…I respect that. I too often go along to get along and am miserable….I have started voicing my concerns and it seems to be paying off. I missed you. Please try to take a minute every once in a while to say hello.
Hadenough, I so happy to hear you have decided to take that huge leap…good for you!! It will be difficult, much like the flu, except there is a huge pay off with detoxing….you are freed from the pills and all that means to you. You can start over, you will think clearly, take action on plans, feel confident, focused, in control, etc. It is worth it in the long run. Just do one thing if you can….stick it out at least to day 5 because that is the day that you start to slowly feel better. I will be saying lots of prayer for you to succeed and I think you will.
You are doing a great job Neesip!! I said so on the other page too but I just want you to know how proud I am of you and how much you are helping others.
Have a good day. Pinkerton
Hey Y’all – nothing new with me from the last post above.
Pink, thanks for the prayers my friend. You are so phenomenal!
Wow, so many of God’s Blessing going on here at the site.
Pink and Neesip, I have seen you as beginning a struggle of ridding yourself from the pills and now I am seeing you as a bright light for others and you both are doing such a great job. The chain goes on – can you see it. I am so very proud of the two of you. Just think, if each of us just help a few other people, how this can go on forever…..I am filled with the Holy Spirit over this one!!!!
HD – Welcome to the about page and I wish I could hold your hand physically and tell you that this is just a few short weeks of your life that could change you for the better. It is painful, yes, but it is doable and you can see that from the comments on here many of us have made it to the other side of addiction. Just do not reach your thoughts out too far…think one day at a time or one minute at a time…..there is an end to the pain and suffering that pill addiction brings. I was in your exact same position – last pill – scared out of my mind that I did not even know how to leave the front door without a pill – spending way too much money on the stuff – and doing things just a hair not on the up and up to get more pills because one is too many and a thousand are not enough. So, all that being said, here I am at almost 11 months and I am free from the beast and the burden of pill addiction. Not saying it was easy – nothing worthwhile ever is – but I have faith that you can do it because I have seen myself and so many do it.
I was mentored by Metoo who I hold so dear to my heart and now If just one other person can be helped by me…well…that is an answer to my prayers. Like I said in my last post, God answers prayers in mysterious ways and you will have a lot of people praying for you here.
Be brave fellow sufferers – there is peace and love at the end of the tunnel.
Love
Kitty
kitty and pink
thanks soooo much for the kind words. i wish i could do more for people. thats just who i am and always have been. my family always tells me i care too much about my friends; but i look at my good friends as family and most my friends would do anything in the world for me. well and you guys got me whrere i am today or atleast inspired me to do it. i remember sitting on my couch after i had taken probaly fifteen vics and i really didnt feel tht buzz i used to from them and i strumbled across this website. i started reading all of your posts and thats what gave me the courage to think i was gonna try and stop. i still remember to this day that my plan was actually to go for like a week taking ten a day then a week taking like 5 a day and so forth and so on and then within 4 days i was down to none and didnt’ look back. i never thought i had the strength or courage to do it and you are the ones who inspired me and held my hand. i figure if i can do the same for even one person i can change their lives like you guys helped to change mine. i also remember my comment being in moderation for waaaay tooo long and i was like ; excuse me but wtf? and all i wanted to do was get a response from someone ; but i kept checking back. i think thats what happens to some newbies too. they are in moderation for so long that they think their post won’t come up and thats to bad. anyways; sorry to ramble but thanks soo much kids!! i have made some lifelong friends herer and you guys mean the world to me and i owe my life to you. so much love!!!
kitty i am also glad your hubby is still at hospital; i thought before you meant he was at home already and my blood started to boil again. whew . i get a little angryl easily lately and i need to probably deal with that. could be paws; not for sure but man i was pissed. i am praying for him . sounds like its positive though. glad they are going to go back in and that they are draining it. i’m not a doc ; but beieng in med field i have seen some teeth that have been pretty infected and need to drain drain drain. we have to send one guy to have two drains put in. teeth are now joke cuz the infection can get into your blood streatm really easily and go to your brain and kill you. most people don’t know that. so if you or your hubby ever has a bad tooth. its no joke!! esp for him!!
pink
you sound like you are doing better. CP is starting to be back to normal huh? i am so happy about that; that is the last thing you needed right now; but in hindsight; taking care of him could have helped you through your detox by putting your mind and thoughts somewhere else besides pills. ??? maybe?? your doiong sooo great. you will be at 2 mos soon if i am correct right? thanks again for all the kind words . and like i said up above. you saved my life. you are the first person who responded to me and i remember thinking; thank the lord there is someone out there who is listening to me. i picked this name cuz i for real needed someone to inspire me and quick before i feel back into that vicious cycle. i was hoping the PLEASE would stand out. lol
love ya kids
neesip
hey anyone know when QN is getting back? shes still in ireland correct? but grandma is better right?
Oh, you guys…thank you SO MUCH for all your words and prayers and support!!! …and I have been away so long… You are all just like ‘home’ to me. The place to let it all out and get grounded! There is so much love right here that it never ceases to amaze me!!
Well, yesterday, it took every ounce of courage I had to go back into work. But I did it. I realized that I am out of my comfort zone, and that SHOULD be no new news for me, but it is. I have to face this zone head on, so I went in with a smile on my face, and promptly went to seek out the individuals who had helped me the day before to thank them for their kindness. Other ‘angels’ there seemed to reach out to me also~~with smiles from some, hello’s from others~~but I had prayed that they would be there, and they were. Then I found my supervisor, asked if I could speak with him later, and picked a different ‘mentor’ for my shift. I explained that I needed what this mentor had to offer~building him up so he could fill ME up. My former mentor was very cold and ignored me, so I smiled and walked on. The shift went very well and I learned a lot again, and at the end of my shift I got the opportunity to talk with my supervisor who was very kind and uplifting. He is under the impression that I am doing an amazing job after such a short time, and explained to me that my former mentor was not such a great mentor at all….but he is going to jot down the actual steps of the job to help me. I explained that I want to do the best job possible for him, but am not comfortable being ‘thrown in’ in the middle of a job when I have no idea where I am at, and that when that happens, my frustration builds and my train gets derailed. He says he is the same way, and understands. THANK GOD. I am proud that I was asked to stay with the company, and the money at this job is so good!!! God is certainly pushing me out of all of my comfort zones and making me grow…I am just thankful that I have the eye to spot the angels along the way and borrow some ‘wind’ from them when I need it. I am thankful today, and ready for Monday night’s shift. Thank you all for being in my back pocket!! (with my case cutter and pen and electronic cigarette!!)
Kitty, love that man up, and ask Archangel Raphael to heal the infection. Actually touch his leg and pray…again, GREEN is Raphael’s ‘color’~~notice all the green you will see in odd places when you are aware of Raphael’s presence….wear green, think green, see green. Thank The Lord for angels and archangels!!!! I love you so much, Kitty!!! May there be peace and happiness in your soul this day….
Well, It’s been about 24 hours since my last handful of norcos. I dont feel the best but if sure it will get worse over the next 24. My body wants to give in but my mind keeps saying no. As long as it dont get to bad I have a chance. Thanks for listening and your comments.
Its now 4:30 A.M. and i have been on the couch all night watching tv and trying to get some sleep. Surprisingly feeling better than i thought i would. Back pain is there but bearable. I had 2 sets of spinal injections in January for a blown disc. RLS is light but there. Trips to the bathroom have been less than i figured so far. I took some B12 about 10 hours ago. dont know if it helping but thought it couldnt hurt. I have been a heavy user for the last year. Up to 20 10/325 Norcos a lot of days 6-8 at a time. I am doing my best at this but its hard as hell doing it alone. Thank god I have found you guys so i can at least Read that i’m not alone and can post to you guys as some sort of relief. Just hoping as day 2 comes on things dont get much worse. and really worried about Monday morn as I have to go back to work. I guess i will check in later today. Take care all.
HD – Please try to hang in there. If you can just get through the first four days, you will get through the worst of the physical pain – then all you have to worry about is the sleep and that takes a little while to come back. You need to do it…the amounts your were taking were hard on your liver if nothing else. Your body is going to fight you on this because it is used to the high doses. Just keep the mind set that pills are not even an option. You will be better off without them. Keep posting and posting and posting and know that prayers are coming your way. You must beat this beast.
Love and prayers
Kitty
Thanks for the support kitty, Every word helps and I know I got a tough road ahead but this is something I have to do if I ever want to enjoy the rest of life and my grandchildren which should be coming in the next couple of years.
You can do it, HadEnough!!! Sending angels your way too!!! Ask for their help!!
Had enough
It’s 9a.m and I am just now getting home. I went to my friends surprise party last night (actually I organisesd it). . Then I crashed at her place so I didn’t have to drive. I would have missedvout on all of it had I been on vics!!! I would have said I was tired and didnt feel like going out! Seed what you may be missing!!!!! It’s called……..LIFE!!!
You can do this!!!
Luv neesip
Sorry I havent been on much but Im much busier off pills Ive noticed. My husband came back and we have been out doing alot of stuff that I would normally have told him to go do on his own cause I didnt feel like it. It will be 2 weeks monday night at midnight and I cant believe so much time has went by already. Still taking a couple Kratom a day but happy and full of energy. I havent weighed myself but I can tell by my clothes Im losing weight now too. It might have something to do with since I stopped the vics I cant drink pop at all. It actually makes me sick to even think about drinking it, weird. If my husband wasnt fixed Id think I was pregnant but he has been for 13 years so I know thats not it. I think maybe because I drank alot of it on the pills that the memory of how my stomach felt from wd’s is what makes me sick. I consumed alot of sugar on vics, they seemed to make me crave them. Now I crave healthy foods lately lots of veggies and fresh fruit. Im not dieting thats just what I have been wanting. I guess I will stop rambling about how Im doing. I see we have someone newer than me going through this.
Had Enough I know how you feel I was where you are now just under 2 weeks ago. I so far am feeling great now that wd’s are over. Not everyone on here was so lucky from what I read from past posts but Im hoping and praying that yours is as easy as mine has been so far. Im still nervous that some of the mental part of wd’s just havent hit me yet but praying they wont happen. My worst part of wd’s was the runs and that didnt last too long like I thought it would. Like I said I will be praying its not too bad for you. You can do this, it might be hard, but if you have really had enough you will do it!!! If you do relapse though I have noticed these wonderful people on here will still stick by you and keep cheering you on!!!
TTYL
Lots of prayers for everyone
Thanks again all for the kind words. It’s about 2:00 p.m. now and I’m just chillin around the house. It’s hotter than blue blazes here today. My eyes have been pretty watery off and on trough out the day but surprisingly haven’t had to make any trips to the bathroom. I am kinda in shock that i”m not really sick with the amout i was taking, But the truth is if i took 4-5 I couldn’t even tell other than i would sweat. Thats why it’s time, Because if i keep looking for the Buzz I’m going to end up in worse shape because I’m afraid i will try oxys or something. I have had a few Dr.s try to switch me over but wouldn’t let them as i have heard HORROR Stories about there withdrawls. Thanks again all and I’m sure we will chat more.
Had Enough
Good Afternoon Everyone!
I’m just taking a break from cleaning out my boys bedroom. I’m redoing the whole room. I have two huge black garbage bags full of clothes they don’t need. We are downsizing BIG TIME. After it’s cleaned out, I along with my mom and friend are going to paint floors and walls. The boys now want sports teams on their walls instead of Snoopy. Carl P. must be feeling better cause he has literally walked through piles of toys and been up my ass all day. Poor Nate was trying to sort his toys and C.P. kept pawing at his back and remember, he is the size of a bear so it isn’t tolerable. Anyway, we are doing bettter, I’m doing better …. not feeling so mean…lol!
Kitty, can you update on your husband? I sure hope he is feeling better. Has Clyde been keeping you company and snuggling with you? lol.
Had Enough, that is wonderful!! I’m so happy to hear that you are not suffering too bad. You are very wise to stop before you get any deeper….sounds like you just stopped a head on collision with disaster. I will keep on praying that you have an easy go of it and keep us updated on how you are feeling. It is good to have everyone’s stories posted because it shows that some have a terrible horror of a detox and some don’t. Some have PAWS (me for one) and others move on with their lives without too much adjustment and some are just full of joy and happiness when they are done with detox. So it’s good for others to see that they can sorta predict the physical stuff to a point but not completely and the emotional is really an individual thing. I relapsed because I think I was miserable before the pills and so when I came up for air I didn’t like my new reality but it does get better and you start to forget the “buzz”, really I have started to forget. Stay as busy as you can.
Scaredtoquit, good to hear from you! So happy that you are doing so well. I doubt that you will have PAWS if you haven’t already you probably won’t … I would think anyway cause mine came right away and are just now subsiding a little. I am literally relearning how to interact with those close to me because I was so numb for so long I realize now that I wasn’t paying attention. I wonder now if they see a difference in me?
Hope everyone is enjoying their Sunday. As for me, I’m going to get back to my project….a project I would have had to be high to tackle.
Pinkerton
Hello Ladies. I was just reading back thru your posts and ran across the one about sex. I have been divorced for several years and just met a young lady and we really seemed to hit it off. The issues you spoke of about not getting there affects men as well. I really believe the vics cost me a nice woman as i to could never seem to get there and i think that was what put an end to a 3 month start in what i thought was going to turn into something great. Her brother is a vic addict and I think that for that reason she decided to not move forward with me. We had only dated a couple times and then i blew a disc and she knew i was on the meds But i think It scared her away. We are still friends but it’s very disappointing for me as I think the pills messed up a good thing. Maybe after I get clean for a while things will be different. But after the burn my cheating X put on me it’s very hard to get close to another as the fear of a repeat is always in the back of your mind.
Well Sunday eve now. The day went pretty well early on then it went down from there. I broke down and had 1/2 a norco. I dont feel good about it but i felt it was for the best. Cold turkey off such heavy usage is going to be dam hard. and even though im not happy about one half It would have been just as easy to buy another 100 SO, I really am very proud of myself for sticking it out for a day and a half with nothing. If thats all it takes is a half every day or to to stop the symptoms why should i torture myself. I JUST HAVE TO KEEP THE RIGHT MINDSET. I HAVE TO KEEP MY EYE ON THE PRIZE………..
I would imagine you will hear from me before i go to work in the AM.
Take care all.
Midnight tonight will be two weeks exactly!! Yeah I cant believe it. Had Enough hows it going? Hope all is well, I know how you feel I took one and a half a day or so when I first wanted to quit then I got 6 more to get through the weekend until I got the Kratom. I havent had any since then. It is doable just keep moving forward. Im praying for you and all the other wonderful people on here. Have a great day!!!
Day 5. I am in hell……
Scaredtoquit. It’s about 2:00 in the afternoon and i just came home to grab some aleave. I have 1 750 in my pocket. The pain in my feet is pretty bad and im hoping i can stop with the aleave. I must say, I’m feeling really good about myself today. Work has been going better that i expected and In general i feel all around Pretty good. I know i have a fair amount of legitimate pain but im hoping over the counter meds will knock the edge off. Honestly for the 1st time in the last decade I almost feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I will say I think alot of it has to do with all the support and kind words right here. I have to get back to the shop so Take care all and thanks again for everything. For the 1st time I dont feel like im fighting this battle all alone.
Hello, all! I am so happy to have found this blog! I have been taking between 2 and 3 vicodins (hydrocodone) 7.5-750 tabs, plus 75 mg of trazodone, plus 100 mg of Zoloft for about 5 years now. I started tapering off the vicodins about a month ago and then I quit altogether 25 days ago. I also started tapering the Zoloft down to 50 mg per day 3 days ago. At the same time, I cut the trazodone down to 75 mg. So currently I am taking: 50 mg of Zoloft and 75 mg of trazodone each night. I am also taking time released Melatonin which I get from Puritans Pride. I am just now beginning to sleep 7 hours a night, though I am still having vivid nightmares. I am 63 years old, female. Is there anyone out there who can relate or is on a similar path? (I shudder to think what this has been doing to my liver and kidneys.)Also, about 1 week after I stopped the vicodin, I developed a UTI and had to take 1,000 mg of Cipro for ten days. (Needless to say, I was one sick puppy for those 10 days.) I have finished the cipro now, since Sunday, but am still weak. I feel ok for about 3 hours in the morning, but then I become weak and tired and have to lie down. I live upstairs, and I have to walk my adorable little dog about 3-4 times a day, so I guess that is a plus, because I never would have any exercise otherwise. I am single and have no close relatives so I feel very vulnerable and alone. Anyone have any input?? Anyone in a similar situation? Appreciate any and all advice, and will reply.
Good Evening Everyone!
@ Had Enough, that’s ok, just keep trying until you find what works for you. It took me several tries and I finally got it right. I personally couldn’t control my intake and only take a half every other day, I would take all I had and then buy more, but if that is how you want to wean off then give it a try. Good luck to ya!
@Scaredtoquit, good to hear from you and so happy to hear you made it two weeks….YAY!!
And now look at you encouraging others…way to lend a helping hand.
Metoo, how was your adventure this weekend? Also, how is the new mentor working out?
Kitty, I’m hoping things are ok for you and you husband. Sent you an email…just thinking of you guys today.
I got everything out of the boys room, except the bed, but had to stop because there is a leak and I literally stuck the broom thru the ceiling so now I have to cut out the dry wall and replace it.
However, this is another example of what I wouldn’t have even attempted on the pills that I am doing now. Their room itself has needed redone for quite some time but never cared enough and/or couldn’t put my thoughts together to even know where to begin. So, it is worth it, the pain, the suffering (mental and physical) to get back to life and really live.
Neesip, where are you lady bug?
Everyone have a great night!
Pinkerton
Thanks Pink Im so happy to hear that you are feeling so much better. Im feeling so good and I have you and the rest of the wonderful people on here to thank. I would never have quit if I hadnt found you all. The reason I came accross this site was because I wasnt able to ge more vic’s or so I thought for a week. I was really scared I would die from just quitting cold turkey. So I dont think I would have just quit. I gotta go kids are calling for me Thanks again and lots of prayers for everyone on here.
Well, It’s Monday evening 10:20. I made it thru another day without any pills. My feet were bothering me pretty bad this afternoon and I came home and got a couple of Aleaves. They seemed to help as I made it thru the day and am still carrying My one single Norco. Just hope when I get home tomorrow I still have it in my pocket. I guess maybe its a mental thing but it seems comforting to know I have 1 If I really need it. I am truly amazed that I have made it from Friday night till now with only 1/2 a norco. 2 months ago I would have never imagined that I could make 3 full days and only take 1/2 a pill and as i said before i really think alot of it is the support and kind words i get here. I actually talked with my mom about it this afternoon and I never ever thought i would see that day. She has known i was taking them but had no idea to what extent. Glad to hear everyone here is doing so well. It’s nice to read about the energy thats returning for you guys that have been clean for awhile. I actually did some house cleaning and laundry last night and after only 2 days without and that was surprising. It seemed really strange to go to work today with out a dozen in my pocket and not be freaked out. Enough rambling for now. I will check back tomorrow eve.
Take care everyone.
I have tried to post on this site many times….just trying to make sure that this is working so I can get some much needed support
Hey everyone
Pink – Wow, you sound energetic and focused on your project and that is just so great to hear. In my beginning months of sobriety I started the project regiment and was so happy to be able to be focused enough to ge things done. I am so happy that you are getting there.
Scared – wow, two weeks….keep up the good work. You are doing so awesome
Dear had enough, don’t worry about the 1/2 pill – just pull yourself up and start again or continue. I was not able to quit until every last pill was out of the house and into my mouth. Now I can stay in this house all my myself knowing there is a bottle of pills in here somewhere (my husband got them for his foot) Eleven months ago I would have been tearing this house upside down looking for them and then replacing them with some other pill and steeling them…sick, huh?
Billie – your post showed up – so get on here and tell us your story and let us help if we can!!!!
I am dead tired…spent all evening in the hospital after working 10 hours. Jim is getting better but his wound has not been sutured yet. Today they did some more surgery. We are taking one day at a time and getting by through God’s Grace.
Love You
Kitty
Good Morning Everyone!
@ Scaredtoquit, I know exactly what you mean when you say that you were afraid that you might die during detox…I didn’t know what to expect and I just wanted reassurance that I would make it. I was willing to be as sick as necessary but didn’t want it to kill me in the process. I had heard and read horror stories about detoxing from this stuff and almost didn’t take that step because I didn’t think I could do it safely, but I didn’t want to seek professional help, and I didn’t have the self control to wean off…so I had to go cold turkey. And guess what, I lived! Not only did I live, I was able to function and take care of my kids. I didn’t feel well, it was miserable, I hated every minute of it but it wasn’t that bad. So anyone who reads this and you are afraid to try, just try and you will see that you too can do it and it isn’t as bad as you think. Just pretend like you have the flu. The real challenge for me is after I feel better I want to use again.
@ Billie, you made it to the “about” page…welcome and please share
@ Kitty, you know I’m still praying for you and Jim like crazy. I hope you can get some rest soon!
Have a good day everyone!
Pinkerton
Day 6 – Need support
Good Evening Everyone!
Just wondering where everyone went? Hope all is well with all of you out there.
I’m still working on the boys bedroom remodel. Got into more than I bargained for…isn’t that how it always is with home improvement? May need a new roof sooner than later…:(
Been feeling better, focusing on other stuff rather than the pills or lack of rather…lol….and that seems to be a step in the right direction. Going on a month and a half.
Take Care, Pinkerton
I just seen that my post showed up and I am really happy to the point I’m almost in tears….I have been an addict my whole life….street drugs when I was younger…then quit them all and then turned to drinking. I quit drinking about 4 years ago because I couldn’t understand the concept of social drinking…actually I don’t understand social anything anymore…lol…I’m sure many of you can relate. How my vicodin use all started was I had some bad cramps and my husband is prescribed vicodin for a bad hip. So I took one and the pain went away and I had SO much energy. I was cleaning the house and wizzing thru work like nobody’s business. It was my magic energy in a pill….so I took a little more and a little more. At this point I take 3 750mg pills a day. I am a clock watcher for every four hours at least I was…at this point I am trying to add more and more time because I HAVE to stop taking them. If I don’t take one in the morning I am very shaky…if I don’t take one in the evening…I am in pain and miserable and wake up with terrible leg cramps. I am very scared….afraid to live with this problem but more afraid to go without it. I ask myself…”why did you do this to yourself, you know you have an addicted personality…you should have known.” I used to fake illnesses at the doctor to get vicodin…or I would buy them off the street at a very costly price. I never realized how easy it was to get these dam pills, but with anything I guess there is always access. I was just reading a post around mine that said they were afraid to die…..I am afraid that I’m going to die when I stop taking these pills…..just like Amy Winehouse….it was the withdrawal that killed her (so they say)
My husband (who is a non addictive personality) thinks I can just throw them away and stop taking them. I can go about 8 hours and withdrawal starts settling in and I wimp out and take one. I get real grouchy, my body hurts bad, my heart is racing, I get shaky….I also have xanax but that only takes that stuff away for so long. I had read about Kratom…not really sure where to find that..if someone could suggest a site for me…if that’s what everyone thinks works best. I have been reading this site for about a month….I see how strong you all are and how most have faced or is facing what I am going through and I am telling you this site is a prayer answered for me. I’m ready to move forward…but very scared…..what do I expect in the first couple days without them? I tried to call treatment but WOW they are expensive…..I know 3 pills a day doesn’t seem like a lot but any amount that I can’t put down is a problem. Thank you for listening and look forward to your support
Billie
Hi Billie
My dear, don’t be scared. It is not the easiest thing in the world, but it IS possible and if I can get off of them after taking 12 or more per day (10/325′s_ then you can and will conquer this. I recommend to look at the ingredients in the Thomas Recipe and be ready with the mineral and vitamins supplements and Imodium and plan on being home for a few days and you will get through it. The hardest part for me was wondering who I would be without pills. I never thought I could do anything without the pills. It was who I was and I would turn down social situations because I rather sit in front of the TV – just me and the pills – in a comatose state and not deal with life. I ended up taking them all day during work – in the middle of the night – I could not make it without them. When I look back now after 11 months, it does not seem like it was hard to quit, but I know that it was not easy. But you see, it was only several weeks out of my whole life to save me from complete destruction….bigger and bigger doses…..multiple prescriptions (against the law)…..more money than I care to admit…..always feeling sick…..needing more…..wanting more. You know the story. No pill feels as good as sobriety feels. Honestly, I know you can do this and there are many of us on this board here to help you through it.
Now, I am not an advocate of kratam. I think with your addictive personality, you should not replace one addiction with another. I could not survive on the stuff and although I do not look down on the folks (some of them my friends) who use it, I could never hack it myself because I know I would just have replaced one drug with another. It would be better just to try first to pay the dues of withdrawal (it will not kill you) and with your low dosage, you may just have an easy time of it. Ultimately, of course, it is up to you.
My mantra to you today is
Just for today, I will not take a pill
One is too many – and a thousand is not enough
Love
Kitty
Hey friends,
My husband is coming home from the hospital tomorrow. Thank you for the prayers. God sent me to this site 11 months ago and I am so very grateful to have met so many wonderful people here.
His wound is closed up and he will be administered IV at home for a while and cannot put weight on his foot for three weeks.
Once again, thanks for all your support and prayers.
I love you guys
Kitty
Glad to hear it Kitty!
Jamie was in building mode today! Went to Home Depot and got some wood. Built a floor to ceiling dvd shelf, built a base for my bed with secret cubby holes and built myself a nightstand. I got a sunburn and I’m hurting like hell, got splinters but it’s nice to look at something you built yourself with pride, plus there’s the smell of fresh cut wood! lol
Supposed to be going up to the mountains this weekend to take care of family business with the land, but last two times the plans got changed so I’m not holding my breath.
Hope everyone is doing well. Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
11 months is a long time and congrats on your sobriety…you’re not kidding when you say there is nothing like sobriety. I look back on all the things I used to do and am thankful that I don’t do them anymore. Actually I was smoking so much pot and doing so much cocaine that I landed in the hospital with anxiety attacks…..3 months later I ended up pregnant which saved my life. Definitely see Gods plan there. I wasn’t sure about the Kratom. I thought it was just a vitamin and I definitely don’t want to replace one addiction for another because you’re right that is EXACTLY what would happen with me. Do you know how much of the potassium I should take to avoid the leg cramps….man those are a b**ch. I can totally relate to what you said about who I would be without the pills, but it HAS to be better that like you said me, my pills, and TV…totally get that one too. The high is gone…it has been gone for a long time. At this point I take them just to avoid withdrawal and all they do is make me tired, but yet I still take them. I know the craving of wanting more and more but I have refused to take more because I thought where I am is bad enough. I still have one more bottle of 500 mg’s. I usually take 1 and a half…should I continue to wean down or would you suggest just quit cold? I love this: “Just for today, I will not take a pill One is too many – and a thousand is not enough” Thank you so much for the much needed advice, I prayed about this and prayed, I do know it is something that I can do….just gathering the courage to do it…..
hey billie ; welcome. i saw you were on here the other day ; but i have been mia for a few days. glad you found us.
kitty is very smart about this stuff. shes right . you CAN do this!!
i was taking like 20 norco 10/325s a day for 7 years. and i pretty much went cold turkey. i cut down to 5 one day, then 3, then 4, then 2, then 1, then none in a matter of 5 days. tomorrow is 12 weeks for me and i have never felt better. the pain of detox is just tempary. pink says to look at it like the flu. just temparray. yes the leg craps are a bitch excuse my language but they are. i understand all the street drug addiction etc.. i did the whole coke and drinking thing when i was younger too. but nothing ever grabbed a hold of me like these damn pills. i didnt even get the buzz from them anymore. all i wanted to do was take vics , watch tv and smoke cigs. what a life huh? i was constantly chasing my next pills andd if you go back and read my whole story; well i became very resourceful so to say and also probably spent 150 grand on pills over the years. you can do this for sure. no doubt in my mind and everyone here will be here to support you. ibuprofen/ tylenol aternating helps with leg cramps and hotttt hottt baths. also; the xanax can be just as addicting; but i also used them to get some sleep for a short period of time. it took me a good month for my appetite to come back and sleep to be normal; but i slowly was taking ibuprofen less and less and now i don’t really need it at all unless i just have a headache or something normal like that ; but my back doesn’t even hurt like it used to. those damn vics just increased my pain is what was really happening; it was a big vicious cycle and one i am thankful to pink and kitty and jen and quitting and eveeryone on here for getting me here. they are good people who really care. hang in there and keep posting. it helps soo much. i couldnt have done it without this site..
love and prayers n
neesip
pink
sorry; little mia this week. had a long week. just you know sometimes ya get a little down and jsut wannt be … alone ya know. my fiance is also going through some major PTSD that is just now being long over due addressed so i have had some stuff going on. also; i think i have been drinking too much and am afraid i am replacing vics with alcohol so i need to slow down and watch it .
glad to here carl patric is pawing at you gusy.. lol (or knockin ya down it sounds like)
aslo glad you may be just a half member of mean girls club now. thats great. gotta big project going too huh? thats great. keeps your mind busy ya know.. you are doing sooo great; and i t looks like we have some new folks to help out here huh? where all of our old folks go to though? maybe just mia like me for a few days. i missed you guys.
kitty
yay your hubby comes home !! thats great. our prayers must have reached you guys. also . i read that he has vics for his pain. you go girl for not tearing that house apart!!! thats amazing. i also can remember taking them and replacing them with different pills. terrible huh? but that very strong willed of you by the way to not be looking for them. you are approaching a year and thats a huge inspiration for me and i am sure everyone else on here. 12 weeks for me tomorrow..
love and prayers
neesip
had enough
where did you go? hows it going? either way we will be here for you!!
mindset and busy busy busy!! check back in please!
Been swamped at work this week. average 13 hr days. Things are going pretty well yet. I wish i could tell you all I have made it all week without but I’m not going to lie. I am really having issues with my feet but I have been holding at only 2 a day, So I am not doing as well as i wanted but still dam proud of myself for not eating them 8-10 at a time. I was talking to my 23 year old son last night and he wants us to head out to the Mayo clinic as soon as snow hits and we slow down. I have been to 8 doctors on my feet in the last 6 years and so far the only thing they have told me is they think its nerve related. But as i said. PROUD of my results since friday. 10 vics in 6 days. usually in 6 days im over 80. I have been holding off till the pain is bad enough that i can hardly walk. and the pain really gets that bad. Nice to hear from you guys and I will definitely stay in touch. I still want to beat this beast But it’s hard living in this much pain. Take care all.
Had Enough……….
I was just reading many of your stories (lots of scrolling…lol) VERY ENCOURAGING! I think tomorrow is going to be my first day of trying to not taking any vics…I’m going to really try…we have a lot to do so if I can’t make it through tomorrow I can definitely start Saturday and work into Sunday (my son won’t be home) and it will give me some time to adjust, be crabby and not sleep but in a kindof peaceful way. Thankfully we have a hot tub and I’m sure that will help. I have ignored the “dealers” calls for the last couple days…knowing that I am getting low. I have also read where it seems to be common to keep what you have left for “just in case.” I know that would be me. I must admit I am pretty nervous but kind of look forward to no appetite….lol. I am truly inspired as I read over the months of help that some of you have made a commitment to helping and sharing such personal details about your lives to help others…..I also see in early stages how some of you want to help others and now are at that point where you can……that is awesome and such an accomplishment and I too want to be there someday to encourage and inspire others as well. I really teared up tonight reading stories and how people were in worse situations than I am currently in and how they can beat it and I know that I can too. Thank you! I will keep posting as often as possible and thank you so much for the inspiration! “I can do anything thru God that strengthens me” and this site!
Good morning everyone!
So nice to hear from you Neesip! We missed you too
I do understand that feeling of wanting to be in your own thoughts for a few days and sometimes I just don’t have anything to say.
Kitty, how your husband doing at home? I am still praying and hope that he is back to good health SOON! Also, I just wanted to 2nd Neesip in congratulating you for not taking any of his pain meds or even thinking about it. Not that I think you are weak and need encouraged but rather I admire your strength because I don’t know if I could control myself.
Billie, I hope you do well today…day 1 right? I just wanted to say that I was one of those people who posted during my first detox that I was keeping some back “just in case” and I want you to know that is a big mistake. You need to get rid of them and not give yourself a choice because no matter how well intentioned you are, you stand a greater chance at failing with those available. That is just my opinion and you can do what feels right for you but from experience I found that doesn’t work for me, AND I had to tell my dealer that I didn’t want anymore and not to call because just ignoring the calls doesn’t work because they keep calling and every time it’s a temptation that you don’t need this early on. Trust me on this. In my opinion it’s better to set your mind straight and walk into detox with the right attitude than to do it at all. I say this because I have relapsed several times and each time it gets harder. I’m reading a bit of uncertainty in your previous post….”I think” and “I’ll try”. This is going to be difficult and if you aren’t committed to getting clean you may be setting yourself up for alot of unnecessary stress. First, center yourself. Second, DECIDE to quit, Third, Dispose of all the pills and cut all ties with dealers, Fourth, prepare for detox (clear your calendar, get all chores caught up, etc.), Fifth, QUIT for good, no turning back, no options. Of course this is just my opinion and whatever you choose to do will be supported. I am just trying to help you based on my own experience and from what I’ve seen work for others on this site. I wish you luck and will be praying for you and please keep posting….it helps so much to share with others what you are feeling, thinking, and going thru and it also helps those people who are reading thru the posts trying to make their own decision.
Everyone Have a Good Day!
Pinkerton
Good morning everyone!
Pink – thanks for the prayers, my friend – I can see them being answered!
Billie,
I agree with Pink on the steps to take toward complete freedom of pills.
When I began my detox 11 months ago:
1. I had about 4 left so I took them
GET RID OF ALL PILLS
2. I severed contact with my sources – one was involuntarily (doctor was arrested) one was through an internet consulting service – I wrote that I was not interested any longer in refills, and that I was detoxing and lastly I told my primary care doctor not to refill any longer because I became addicted.
CLOSE ALL SOURCES!!!!
3. Prepare for detox with what you will be needing (I followed the Thomas Recipe which is explained on this site)
4. Take time to heal (I took a week off of work )
5. Take one day at a time
We are not experts, but we have been through it and experience speaks.
I would tell you good luck, but luck is not what I consider my saving Grace when it came to freedom from pills. It was by Gods sweet Grace and new friends on this site that got me to where I am today. Put your trust in Him and you will heal…I assure you.
Love
Kitty
PS – My husband has two prescriptions sitting on the coffee table – Vicodin and Oxys – and I am not even thinking about taking them.
For me – pills are no longer an option – today or any day.
I even went to the pharmacy to pick them up for him.
Praise the Lord for BIG miracles.
Not bragging – just excited that those feelings of need are gone!
LOVE
Kitty
Billie
i won’t bore everyone else with my story again; so if you are interested. go back to may; posts# 1691-1731-1742 have quite a bit of information on my journey. basically i am lucky to be alive and not in jail. my qunities were very high for a long long time and i am only about a buck o 5 soaking wet and barely 5 foot tall. soooo anyways if your interested. also; when keith joiined us a few weeks ago he asked for our stories and i kind of summed it up for him on post # 2563 a few weeks ago. just thought i would give ya numbers so not so much scrolling. lol
I too have always been an adict of some sort; but these vics werer the hardest thing i ever got off of. and for some reason; after a few days i personally didnt really want one. i think much of it is in your mind. you have to want it bad!! i did want it too; i was sick of spending my every waking hour wondering how and when i was going to get more. it was constant. its all i thought about for years and years and i had isolated myself from friends, family, etc. anyone who ever wanted to do anything i was like…. no i thnk i am gonna stay home (ya so i can pop more v’s and sit on my butt). and i am very social.
do you have any close friends who can help you through this? i am 32 yrs old and i am very proud to say that i have a handful plus of friends i have had since gradeschool/highschol and they really were here for me. keeping me busy, making me shower, helping me blow my hair dry (i have a ton of hair). anyways. if you have people like that; now may be a good time to turn to them. my friends already knew about my vic problem (not to the extent it had gotten), but they had a pretty good idea that it was bad and they had sorta tried to intervene before ; but they know me. it wont stop till I want it to stop. so YOU gotta want this girl!! i have 12 freakin weeks today.!! i can’t believe it but i do. i was one of those people who held onto some… you know just in case. i don’t advise it cuz i don’t think everyone could have done what i did. but for me it was a security blanket. i got anxiety and panic attack getting rid of all of them so i kept a stash of 40 750s. never took them; and then after a month i got rid of almost all of them. yes i am a dumbass (pardon my language) cuz i still have a few in the house; but it sends me into a panic to get rid of ALL of them. i haven’t touched them. they just sit in a drawer. for me that kept my anxiety down some. actually the thought of taking one gives me anxiety. i would be soo pissed at myself. anyways; i will stop rambling now. but post your booty off. it really does help to let out your emotions and talk to people who care and understand. do you work? sorry if i missed that before; but if you do and youo can take a few days off that would be best. like Pink says… you know kind of plan for it!!
you can do this!!! and like kitty says “just for today no pills”
love and prayers
neesisp
billie
i hope you don’t take what i said in my above post wrong. i am not trying to encourage you to keep any pills around. its NOT a good idea. i was just sharing with you part of my story.
KItty
awesome for you!!! i think you should totally be BRAGGING!! BRAG , BRAG , BRAG!!! lol. its a huge accomplishment and such a testiment of your own willpower to have them right in front of you or in your house and not want to take them. i understnd cuz i still have a few sitting in a drawer. i don’t even think about them. i see em all the time cuz i get an ibuprofen out of that drawer every once in a while. at firs they were a security blanket for me; now i think they just remind me how strong i am to see them and not want them. even if i broke my arm or something (god forbid ) i wouldnt take one. they would have to give me something else for pain cuz i wouldnt wanna risk it. it would be soooo easy to fall back into that circle.
i am sooo glad your hubby is home. how are his spirits? and will he be able to walk o.k.? are you off taking care of him.. no i’m sorrry you arent off. i remember you said you were exhausted from work all day and hospital all night; but weekends coming so maybe you can get some much needed rest also. haven’t heard any boaz stories lately either. i love them so if ya got one share with me. i have one about our big boy cat that i will share later.
love and prayers neesip
pink
exactly!! its was just one of those weeks. pms and i work with a bunch of girls. 15 women to be exact and some of them can be … well not very nice sometimes and i know i have told you i am always nice to everyone; but if you are a B to me; well then watch out . its always the same girl too. she drives me absolutely nuts. i hate that i feel this way but; i just don’t like her as a person in general. i don’t think shes a good person. she lost her daughter of 18 yrs old a couple yrs ago and she hasnt dealt with it. not that it can be easy ; but she needs some counseling and won’t get any. it had to be and still has to be hard; but i think she hates her job now too and we all get the reprocrussions from it . she also had this little shitzu that she had for 10 years (i loved that dog) . i remember the day she got him. anyways; after her daughter o.d.’d on accident; she adopted a pit bull; well one day (aftermany incidents between the twodogs) the pit got a hold of the shitzu and hurt him pretty badly. instead of taking the dog to a vet as an emergency they took him out back and shot him and burried him. i thought it was such bullshit!! sorry it makes me mad even talking about it!! how could they keep letting the big dog attack the little one? they should hvae just gotten rid of the big dog after the first or second time he attacked the little one; i feel like they chose the new one over the dog they had for years and i think it was inhumane that they just shot him; anyways. this is they girl i deal with at work and she just pisses me off weekly… aaaahhhh it makes me blood boil just talking about her. i don’t dislike many people; but i just don’t like her or respect her and it makes for a crappy work environement sometimes.!!!!
Neesip, I know how you feel, I have some issues with people from work but I think that is normal and I have learned to be more objective and think to myself that none of these people matter to me, it’s a job and that’s as far as it goes. My boss is a woman that I have worked for about 8 yrs and we are the same age, from the same area, and so on…she has continually tried to insert herself into my personal life, shares personal things, and tries to get me to share with her. I have drawn very distinct boundaries with her and she still tries. Why? I don’t know but I refuse to allow it. I do feel terrible for a parent who has lost a child…I don’t know if I could function afterwards, but you have the right to be treated with respect and consideration. I learned that with my bio sister. She never treats me with any respect nor does she want anything to do with me until she needs something. I have continued to try and have a relationship with her and she always blows me off or stands me up. Now I’ve given up but like clock work she needs something so she sends me a message on facebook acting like she hasn’t ignored me just a few weeks ago. She is having her second surgery and doesn’t want her husband to have to call off work so she is hinting for me to take her. I don’t know if I told you all but her husband had shingles about a month ago and she asked me to sit with him at the hospital because he was very contagious and she didn’t want to catch it…I told her no, that I had two kids and a job and couldn’t afford to catch it either. She has been pissed but it felt so good to finally say “NO” instead of complying even if I didn’t get shingles, I would have still been irritated that I allowed her to use me. She used the excuse that it could be deadly to her since she just had a masectomy so I said, “why don’t you stay at my house when he comes home” (he was still contagious) and then suddenly the oncologist told her that alot of cancer patients spouses get shingles due to the stress of worry and that if the patient catches it they just treat it and move on. She is so f’ing manipulative….like I’m stupid. She just didn’t want to sit in the hospital all day because light, sound, and movement made him so sick (it was in his eyes). So she had to sit there all day in the dark. Didn’t mean to go off but I’m so disgusted with her. I asked her to go shopping about a month ago, made the date, and then she went out of town and said she didn’t know. I have asked her to go on bikes rides and she doesn’t even acknowledge it. So F her. Let her husband take her for her surgery.
TTYL, Pinkerton
I didn’t make it through today…I had a feeling I wouldn’t, we had too many places to go and I was afraid diarrhea would hit at not such a good time, but the next 2 days are free and no child… Your right about the hesitation part of quitting. Of course I want to and need to but not exactly sure how BAD I want to….it’s really hard to stop something that you have made such a part of your life…but I am telling you I am sick and tired of being sick and tired….I think part of the problem is- is that I still have these pills and WANT to take them. I understand about the anxiety part by not wanting to get rid of them. It does give me a very scary feeling…..I am getting better about spacing them out and think yes I said think I can handle knowing I have them. I totally get the not wanting to do anything besides lay around and take pills and be bounded to my house….pathetic! Tomorrow nobody is going to be home and I’m going to make myself make it through the day….first thing in the morning I am going to Wal Mart or GNC to get the rest of what I need…I have the L-Tyrosine and the Potassium…I have B12 not 6…I have xanax which will make me tired and access to the hot tub….I don’t want to waste anyone’s time thinking that ever day I’m going to try…tomorrow is GOING TO BE DAY 1…I will even post all day just to vent…..so if it gets a little tedious I apologize now. I have about 30 pills left…I want to say that I will get rid of them but I would be lying. I CAN make it through….I want to laugh at those dam pills and know that what I am going through is because they make me so miserable…….I know the withdrawal will be like fighting the devil out of my system and for all I know it may not even be that bad….but I have to try…..I have to try and give it 100%. That is always how I have done things just BOOM I’m done. I have gotten everything cleaned up around the house. Alerted my husband tomorrow is day 1 so when he gets home and I’m a little moody and up all night that would be why. I usually have a couple hours in the morning before I get cravey…so that is when I am going to go get those things. Don’t think that I will hide and lie to your guys…I’m not like that..I will be 100% truthful not only for you but for me too. I don’t work right now so I have some time on my hands..I just don’t want my son to be around and see me dope sick…I think after 2 days I should be descent enough (I pray) that he won’t notice….besides PMS is coming and I am always a pistol around that time…my husband and him will just assume “it’s that time” I also have this nagging feeling God is really on my side with this…I have been praying for awhile and am really feeling it…feeling the strength. I promise tomorrow is Day 1…….also sometimes this site gives me a hard time loading….it takes along time to load the “about” page and I have to type in a WORD document then copy and paste and it takes forever to submit as well. And I respect the “calling me out” about my hesitation…..I like honest people that aren’t afraid to hurt my feelings or tell me how it is. Thank you everyone!
Billie. Hang in there it does get better its a long few weeks but once its over you will feel so much better. Prayers your away.
To all my. Buddies how are things? Pink you sound like me remodeling I haven’t left my house alone lol. I keep finding more things to do lol.
qn. Where cya at miss u
nsip how are you. ?
@ Billie, I don’t think your son will know that you are anything other than under the weather. Like I’ve said before, you can mask detox by pretending you have the flu. I get the flu worse than when I go thru detox. I am much, much sicker and out of it when I have the real flu than detoxing. With detox I just feel like I’m on day 1 recovering from the flu….weak, achey, chills, etc. but I didn’t vomit and diarhea started like the 3rd or 4th day of detox but wasn’t that bad. I truly believe that you will not be that sick and it will be easy for you to move on once you’ve made the commitment. Whatever happens we are here for you…I stress that because I want you to know that any advice that you get from anyone on here is out of love and concern along with a genuine desire to see you succeed. No-one will judge you for the choices you make. Of course we all like to see someone overcome this demon but we have all been where you are right now and understand how difficult it is for you right now. You want this but are afraid of the unknown and don’t know if you can actually do this….you can do this and don’t be afraid because it’s not that bad and even if it was, it’s temporary….only about 4 days of detox with some additional time to regain your energy and motivation. But all of that is temporary and will be a distant memory in a few months.
I will be praying for you.
Pinkerton
Thank you Pinkerton and everyone else. I am sitting here wanting to cry because I just want to swallow that dam pill….I am not in any pain or feel any withdrawal as of yet….it is 9:38 am here and I know about 11-11:30 I’m going to start feeling the achiness. I’m feeling mad…mad at myself, and of course whenever you want to quit something you think of it more and more where yesterday I could just a pill and forget about it for hours. The last pill I took was about 8:30-9:00 p.m. last night. Yes I am feeling a little weak but still not weak enough to give in. Frustrations, anger, shamefulness, nervousness, disappointed are all the emotions running through my head. Why did I get myself into this mess? I look back and just think energy…the one pill that gave me all this energy in the beginning robbed me…deceived me and left me with this battle. I’m just really pissed at this point. Why did I do this to myself…..why do I always end up doing this to myself? BUT…what a learning curve as well. I learned that I cannot just try anything…I have to stay away from all things that can become an addiction….it’s never diet or exercise or healthy things…I would be proud to say that I work out every day and eat to the best of my ability. I’m more emotionally a mess right now than anything. Dread….I actually dread this day and I am praying that I have the strength to just make it through today. I am trying to remember this is temporary and that it isn’t going to last forever…just a few days for a lifetime free of this demon. I’m going to go take a shower just so I can try and relax my mind….I will continue to post today….keep praying for me…it is appreciated and helping!
billie
you must be an hour ahead of me cuz its just now 9:15. one other thing that might help you through this is the fact that .. just that ONE pill aint gonna do crap for you!! you and i both know that even TEN pills at this point (when you and i both took soooo many for so long) even a handful doesnt give you the energy and the hight that they used to. so try to remember that. now its just a waste of money and a habit. i think taking the stuff on thomas recipe helped me cuz it replaced that popping a pill even if it wasnt a vic i was still putting something in my mouth and swallowing it. that habit that we have formed is replaced with vitamins; but the action is still there. don’t forget the ibuprofen alternated or with tylenol it really really helps for the aches and pains and that hott tub you have will help too. ONLY use that xanax as NEEDED so you are not addicted to them. they can be very addicting. i still use one or two or a half of one here and there for some anxiety; but only as NEEDED. i should be around all day so keeep posting. how old is your son? can you let your hubby know he is gonna need to step up in the father department for a few days tooo?
hope you are making it through this battle with your mind!!
love and prayers neesip
(p.s. i am oncall today so i have to run in and see apatient but shouldnt be gone long)
jen
can i get some of that house project energy?
i have been lazy again. actually been drinking waaaay tooo much too. i have to watch it. i can easily become the drunk i used to be .. been good during the week but weekends have been bad for me . pray i don’t replace those pills with alcohol
Billie
also; what are you typing from? i have heard many people say they have trouble from their phone. i can’t from my phone so i don’t know; but my i pad seems pretty slow. if i get on my laptop i ususally have better luck. there was a period of time when it would take like 5 minutes for one word i typed to show up. this website can be kinda cranky sometimes so keep trying and maybe try from a diff source. just a thought.
pink
thats awesome that you can seperate work/friends. i have a really hard time doing that. we are like a family at work and many of the people i work with i have known for 20 plus years and were friends with them before i worked with them so thats hard. ironicaly enough; one of the girls i was friends with wayyy before we worked together is one i get into it with alot of the time. think that its because we were friends years ago and are sooo much alike but we always kiss and make up ya know. but this other girl like i said; i just don’t like her as a person. blah blah thou huh
as far as your sis goes. for being part of the mean girls club you don’t apply it to her huh? kind of hard i am sure. good for you for saying no!! i hate it when i have those peeps that only call when THEY are having trouble or when THEY ned something but where the hell are they when WE need something. good for you for saying no. like you wanted to sit there and catch shingles too?? wtf? thts crap!!
I am typing from my home computer and it does give me a real hard time to try and post and even just to get to the about page it refreshes about 18 times to get down to the last post. Sometimes I can’t even tell if my post posted and have to go through the whole process over again…Grrr…it’s frustrating but as you can see I haven’t given up. I live in Michigan also…in the thumb….my son is 11 his name is Riley. Still no pills ….well…I did go and get my multi vitamin and just took that…I see it doesn’t have potassium in it so I am going to take a separate vitamin for that….do you know if that is ok to do? I tried researching it and found no answer…..you would think a multi vitamin would have potassium. I also just noticed that I must of dumped my L-Tyrosine bottle and used it for a secret storage container for vicodins…don’t worry none were in there. Of course there wouldn’t be any in there anyway..lol. I’m actually still feeling pretty good, which is really surprising because usually at this time of day I am pheneing…and hurting. I feel a little tense in the shoulders…but hoping it will go away. I have been taking xanax since I was 19….I am 32 now. I really only take one in the evening…..about a half a one actually. I know that you cannot just stop taking them after a long period of time due to seizures and strokes so I think that I pretty much have that under control…besides they make me so dam tired I can’t stand it and really try to take it as late as possible. It is 12:05 and still doing ok……I feel a little nauseous but I think that is nerves of expecting the unexpected. Legs don’t feel too bad…yet….I know they are going to drive me crazy later today or tonight. I’m really feeling like God is with me today and really helping me out. Is this normal? My last pill was 16 hours ago. Still going strong….feeling a little proud of myself right now (not too proud)…..still a long road ahead……
Billie
sorry you are having so much trouble posting. do you start from the home page and then click on about on lower left? if so maybe try the right side has “recent posts” its says like “billie on about”; clicking on that ususally takes you all the way to the bottom. also; did you go back and read those posts i was talking about? 1731, 1742, 2563,? you don’t have to i just thought they might help. AND YES you should feel proud. 16 hrs AND COUNTING!! GOOD FOR YOU!! the first few days are the hardest!! will power mamma will power!! you ar strong and youCAN do it. live by kittys saying. no pills for today!! and eventurally it will be 2 days and 3 days and so oon ad so on and you will be telling me you can’t believe its a month!! remember one isn’t gonna do crap for ya anyways except make you feel guilty that you took one. we will be here no matter what though. many people have tried this over and over so you are not alone and will not be judged. is what normal? feeling like God is on your side? of course thats normal if thats what you meant. don’t we all turn to God when we go through something difficult in our lives. so maybe he’s holding your hand through this. thats not crazy at all. completely normal and probably very true. glad to hear you have the xanax thing under wraps. i was afraid that me myself would end up hooked on them. not that i want a drug that makes me tired. lol we all loved the energy from the vics that they USED to give us. they don’t do that anymore though remember that. now they are just a habit and an addiction that we CAN live without and really start LIVING once we get there. keep posting. glad you didn’t give up!! you are well on your way!! do stuff to keep your mind off of it!! that really helps too!!
love and prayers neeseip
Neeseip,
Thank you for the encouraging words. I have not read those posts as of yet, but I will. It is now 2:00 still no pills, feeling really lazy so it’s hard to be busy and find something to do, I don’t really have any energy Body is a little achy and I did take some ibuprophen, still overall feeling pretty good which is so strange, and that is what I meant by is this normal, I feel like it should be 100 x’s worse. I have been worse on so many other days when just trying quit or not having any. I will try again on the recent post page and see if that will be easier…I tried it before and it still took a long time. So you know if I can take the multi-vitamin and then a separate potassium vitamin? FOR SURE God is on my side on this one…I feel it…I feel the strength….I feel the will power……your 100% right if I was to take a pill now after this time frame I would definitely feel guilty……just get through today…that’s all I am hoping for….thank you for your support and all the other encouraging words….hugs!
Neeseip,
Thank you for the encouraging words. I have not read those posts as of yet, but I will. It is now 2:00 still no pills, feeling really lazy so it’s hard to be busy and find something to do, I don’t really have any energy Body is a little achy and I did take some ibuprophen, still overall feeling pretty good which is so strange, and that is what I meant by is this normal, I feel like it should be 100 x’s worse. I have been worse on so many other days when just trying quit or not having any. I will try again on the recent post page and see if that will be easier…I tried it before and it still took a long time. So you know if I can take the multi-vitamin and then a separate potassium vitamin? FOR SURE God is on my side on this one…I feel it…I feel the strength….I feel the will power……your 100% right if I was to take a pill now after this time frame I would definitely feel guilty……just get through today…that’s all I am hoping for….thank you for your support and all the other encouraging words….hugs!
Billie
sorry i misunderstood you. everyones detox is completely different. you havent met quitting now cuzz i believe she is out of town; but she didn’t have hardly any symptoms at all. she was in great spirits and just rocked straight through it like it was nothing. mine was pretty bad; but like i said its different for everyone. i pray that yours continues to be as easy as it has been. as far as the potassium; i took it along with multivitamins and i am just fine so i don’t see any reason not to. i am no doctor of course but as long as you don’t overdue the potassium i don’t see a problem with it. someone on here said that coconut water has tons of potassium in it too and you could also eat banannas if you have any type of appetite. just some alternatives you could also try. the potassium is supposed to help with the aches and body pains. it personally didnt seem to help me at all. like i have said before the ibuprofen/tylenol helped. i was doing midol and ibuprofen but midol has caffiene in it and it increased my anxiety that i started getting after day 6 i believe. you can take up to 800mg ibuprofen ever 4-6 hras as needed ; i do know that. and i for sure was taking it every 4 hrs for the first 3 weeks or more. like i said my detox was longer and harder than some and i am sure others were harder than mine. and some people who think its gonna be terrible end up having a much easier time. i hope yours stays that way . i know i already said that ; but i really do hope so. sorry i said keep busy; probably a little early for that. i literally didn’t leave my couch/bed for atleast a week. then my second week my friends took me out to breakfast (which i didn’t eat); but it kept me busy. i went garage sales to stay busy with a friend and just ran errands and stuff with them. my anxiety started to kick in and i had a hard time just going to groc store so having my friends around to help with those things really helped me. hang in there!! you WILL make 24 hrs and then 48 HRS. keep posting it really helped me. i couldn’t have done it without kitty and pink and jen and quitting now. she will be back soon. I HOPE.
love and prayers
neesip
Good Afternoon Everyone!!
@ Billie, don’t worry so much, you are doing great and you may not end up having any trouble at all. You need to stop overthinking this because you are going to work yourself up into a tizzy
I took about 4 potassium pills along with my vitamens daily….it helps. If you throw away the pills, you won’t have a choice and therefore will not think of them as often. Having them around creates this battle constantly in your head…I want one, I have some, but I am not taking one. You are relying on will power and when it comes to these pills, it’s very hard to continue to deny yourself for very long. By day 3 or 4 of not feeling well and obsessing about taking a pill you might give in. I’m just trying to help. Please know that I am praying for you and want you to succeed .
Neesip, way to be supportive and encouraging!
You are giving great advice and we are all very lucky to have you around.
LOve, Pinkerton
pink
glad you are here!
thanks mamma! don’t know if my advice is always the best but can only go off the experience i had and what you and others have taught me. was starting to wonder where you went to ..
billi
pink is right. don’t overthink it cuz it will be a battle of your mind and that well, that just plain sucks and it takes a heck of alot of will power (not that you don’t have it). just hang in there. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
if pink was taking about 4 potasiumms then there ya go. you can take em. maybe spread em out. i felt the act of just swallowing something (placebo affect) helped me.. sounds crazy but i think it helped me get through the first few weeks. keep in touch lady
Definitely over thinking…..and your right I should get rid of them….but I’m not ready to part just yet. I’m not going to lie, I want them there “just in case” it’s a sorry excuse but it’s true. I partly want to sell them back to get some of my money back….but that probably won’t happen either. I’m still going strong….If I get a tempted moment…like “wow I made it this long and I could take the rest until they are gone this could be a cake walk” I think about the hours I have already put in and the progress I have made, I think of Bible scriptures of strength, (I’m not super religious but I am a definite believer in God and faith) and it makes it go away. I don’t want to disappoint myself by “just one” just one has ruined me for a long time. Also I think what if this is my only chance to have this strength and if I relapse and try again it’s going to be worse. I can’t do that to myself. I wish that I had the strength to toss them but I don’t….not yet anyway. I did take the potassium and no leg cramping….I’m more fidgety. You guys have been great…..I mean that. YOU ARE REALLY HELPING ME with all the words you say…..I do tear up (I’m such a sap) because honestly without this site I wouldn’t be on day 1…..I don’t really have anyone that understands this addiction…I have some friends that are recovering alcoholics so they have the addictive mind frame and they are more understanding…and the friends that I have that are pill users are nowhere near seeking help or looking for recovery. I wouldn’t really say they are my friends…just suppliers. I grew up with an alcoholic mother that made me feel like I would become nothing….never good enough for anything. I have always used that to better myself and it got me through college, helped me marry a GOOD man, raise a good son and I’m going to use that now too to fight through this. I am almost to 24 hours. 3 more hours to go……I’m a little nervous about the evening hours…but so far so good. I will keep posting but thank you for helping me GET to Day 1..and helping me get THROUGH day 1…it means a lot!
Good Evening!
Billie, I totally understand wanting to have some just in case…esp. my first detox because I didn’t know what to expect and was as scared as you are … so don’t worried about it, keep them if you need to, I did. I am just offering some advise because I don’t think I would have relapsed if I didn’t have one handy to take. You are right, relapsing is terrible and it’s very hard to start over…I know, I did several times. The thing is, once I got rid of all of them, it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and I didn’t have to debate in my mind about them anymore because I had no choice but to move on with my life…I cut my dealer off too. I can tell you that there have been times, even since this last detox that I might have broken down and taken on if I had one available. But, you do what feels right for you and take what you want from anyone who offers advice and disregard what doesn’t work for you. We are here for you no matter what. When I relapsed I kept posting because I felt like it might help someone else who feels too embarrassed to post after falling off the wagon. I also love the people on this site and would never want to cut ties because I fell off the wagon. Guess what, they all still loved and supported me until I was ready to quit again. Regarding the potassium, I spaced mine out all thru the day and took one after breakfast, one after lunch, etc. You are doing great and you may have a tough time at night but keep in mind that all the discomfort will pass and you will get your sleep back to normal and everything else. It took me some time to get my energy back and I’m still a lil depressed but I was before I started using so why should I expect to be any different once I’ve cleaned up. You will be emotional, tired, moody, anxious, etc…but just ride it out because it will pass. Keep up the good work…you will make it through this and be a better person for it in the long run. Picture yourself 5 yrs from now…or even a year from now…your life will go on and this will soon be a distant memory.
Love, Pinkerton
billie
i totally get the keeping them. for me it was a security blanket. like what if i really freak out and need one and cant get one; atleast i know i had one. i never had to resort to that though. they were just;.. well…. there ya know and actually a few of them still are. idk why but keeping a few made it easier for me. do whats best for you; but its not easy when they are right there. so today my dad and my stepmonster made a surprise trip into town and she had a terrible toothache and asked for pain meds. don’t know if that was a test or what; but i gave her one like it was no skin off my back. she probably thinks i am taking them; but F her i can’t stand her anyways and I know myself that they are just setting ther and i am not taking them ; so hang in there woman you can do this on your own terms however it works for you. i am one of the very few peopel that was able to keep them on hand but for me it cut down the anxiety just knowing they were there and thats what worked for me. i don’t want one; but they are there. just sitting . i guess for peopel like my stepmonster with toothaches; anyways. keep up the great work. sooooooo soooo proud of youand so should yoube!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hello Ladies. I’m still here and kicking. It’s been a very long week at work. nearly 70 hours. Just got home from a wedding reception this eve. Good times with good people. Unfortunately I have not made it all week cold turkey but still proud to say i haven’t been eating them like M&Ms. Only one or two per day unlike the 7 or 8 at a time 4 times a day. I wish I could make it without but I’m afraid until I see the specialist and get some info on my feet, and praying they come up with something I just don’t know. I really do want to quit but when the pain gets so bad I can barley walk I just don’t know what to do. I have a business to run that requires a lot of time on my feet. I will keep checking in with updates as time goes by because as I have told you guy’s, You truly are all very inspirational. Hope you all have a great weekend and I will post back tomorrow.
Good Morning everyone,
I wish that I could say that I made it all through the night but I didn’t….I did take a 500mg at midnight…the aches in the legs and the restlessness got to me so bad that I was going crazy. That is really the only side effect that I have. For 3 hours I tried fighting it off and I was sooo tired I just couldn’t stand it anymore. I still didn’t sleep that good I kept waking up every couple hours, I’m sure because that is a mild dose for my body. I’m not feeling disappointed though like I thought I would because just going all day was a challenge and a success story all in its own for me.
@ Pink I was glad to read your above posts about falling off the wagon and still welcoming people back. God know this is such a struggle. I think the spacing out of the potassium will help me later for tonight. I didn’t do that yesterday. I just took 1 with my multi vitamin, so I’m going to definitely try that for today. I can relate with the depression too, I have always had moderate depression/anxiety. I fight through that the best that I can. I do better when I’m busy…right now I am not working so it takes a bigger tole on me at times, but my last job was a supervisor at a call center and let me tell you about DEPRESSING, I had to leave that job.
@Neeseip I did read those posts- wow you were really playing with fire there for awhile. I totally get the whole “ring” too….I think if I would have been in your position I probably would have tried the same thing. You’re very lucky you didn’t get caught. There was a girl in our area a few years back that tried robbing the drug store here in town for vicadons. This is a small town…she was arrested and is serving some time in prison. I get it though….we are desperate to feed that addiction and sometimes do things we wouldn’t normally do to get what we think we need.
Well today is a new day a good day to start again. I’m definitely going to try spacing out the potassium…..hoping, hoping, hoping that will help with these dam leg cramps. I will post later, you guys have a good morning!
Billie
morning. yes i was def playing with fire. i never did anything that i wasn’t given permission to call in from doctor; but eventurally he would have caught on or what if a fam member really needed pain meds cuz they got hurt and they couldnt get em cuz of me.
anyways… so what you took a 500. thats nothiing compared to what you were taking right? so today is a new day and you fight through the day. you already know you can make it till midnight so work from that. don’t let your mind get the best of you. when i started to cut back i could go alll day long at work and then get home and reward myself. some days i would go longer when i got home and some days i would pop one sooner; but i think when i took it sooner it was just cuz i wanted one damnit; not cuz i needed it because i had already tested myself and made it longer the day before. don’t give up; you can do this. yes the legs were the worst for me. like i said i was taking 800mg ibuprofen every 4 hrs for weeks (with tylenol alternated). but eventually it got bettter. hang in there
love and prayers neesip
Good afternoon folks
Had Enough and Billie
Keep up the aspiration to quit. The two of you have a sincere desire to quit and very soon you will take the last pill. A few months down the road you will be glad you are out of the rat race that pills bestow upon us….and it certainly is one. I remember simple things like moving my car out of the way so my husband could pull out to leave for work were like a proverbial pain in the ass….a chore…..an inconvenience when all I really wanted to do was sit and watch TV sitcoms as early as 3:00 AM in the morning after taking a handful of pills. I was there, in your exact same size shoes….the shoes of an addict. Painful as it was, I was thinking of how to get more because I was so afraid of having withdrawals for even an hour. But, my friends, it is so much more health here on the other side….so much more full of life (even when my life had been filled with pain lately) Even the pain feels better than feeling nothing at all, and the happiness and small joys of life, well, they are even more phenomenal when you are not doped up with pills.
It is hard – and scary to think of being without pills or to come to the conclusion that you have had enough. But, it is doable and a couple of weeks into it when the physical symptoms have subsided, you will feel a new kind of normal.
Keep on trying and let God take the burden from you and during this difficult time, do not look ahead too far…take a minute at a time if you have to. Each dose that you pass up is a miracle in itself and when they start adding up – 3 doses, then three days, then three weeks, then three months, you will see how free you will feel…maybe not 100% stoked, but free none the less.
God bless you and good luck to you in your struggle.
Just this hour – no pills
Love
Kitty
kitty
threr you are lady. missed you!!!! hows hubby doing? i hope getting better!!! i absolutely love the way you used moving the car metaphor. i totally get that!! lol what a pain. can’t he move my car and then back his out and put mine back in? lol i used to be soo mad about having to move my stupid car and yes he would leave at 3 am and i would still be up after taking a handful of pills watching sitcoms too. so carazy how we all can relate like that. i hope we can truly help had enough and billie. i know they both want it. i wish there was more we could do. wish i was more inspirational like you are. you always know how to say the right things. alll i can do is ;;;;; welll just… BE i guess. but thats better than nothing i assume so maybe it will help someone along the way. how was your weekend? i asked before and i don’t think i heard from you ; but how are your hubby spirits?? postiive?
love and prayers neesip
My dear Neesip,
Don’t think for a minute that the inspiration you spread here is anything less than awe inspiring and phenomenal! You are a real comfort to me! You and Pink have become my go-to-girls!
Hubby will be taking IV antibiotics for a few weeks. He is doing great and as usual his spirits are great also. He bathed today, went for a car ride to get gas (he drove) and is walking with a walker to wherever he needs to go in the house. He cannot put any pressure or weight on his toes but can put a little on his heal. I looked at the wound yesterday and the stitches seem to be healing pretty good. It still will be a long haul, but at least they got it before he lost his leg….that is the glass half full story!
Hope everyone had a good weekend.
I miss you Metoo!
Love
Kitty
Kitty mom: so. Glad your hubby is doing good that is great news!! Knave been praying for y’all
.
I don’t think you will.
Nsip :girl I don’t know if I have the energy or just being on pills for so many years I never wanted to do anything land now im like deal everything is falling apart lol its ki.da like ok you have to fix stuff now. IM GLAD your doing good and yes praying you don’t become a alchy lol think I just made up a word
pink how are you I bet busy remodeling. I’m sure it will look great. When your done.
billie: I would just take it day at a time its easier that way. I understand you wanting to hold on to the pills it helps your anxiety im sure I did that a few times I had quit in my yrs ago. . I had other times I quit where. I couldn’t have them around at all its weird. But I’m. So glad I had people going thru the. Same thru the same thing on this site. Just hang in there and many prayers your way and the ltyrosine helped alot and I ate. Bananas. All day.
sorry for all the typing errors still typing on phone. I don’t think im ever gonna get my laptop back! !
Oh, what a weekend in the mountains can do for you!
Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Jamie,
Girl! Next time can I come with! I long for a vacation in the mountains and needless to say, there are no mountains in this neck of the woods…lol! I am glad you had a good time…good hearing from you.
Love
Kitty
Heck yeah, you can come, Kitty! But hey you guys were already there with me, since I carry you all everywhere I go!
Pink
Where are you girl? I have not seen a post from you in several days and am missing you!
Jamie – Thanks! I saw your pictures on face book and they are awesome. That Candy is the sweetest and I can see the love flowing between the two of you!
Thanks for the prayers Jen. I appreciate it!!!!
Love,
Kitty
PS 11 days clean TODAY!
Hey, everyone!!! I just got home from work and wanted to stop in and say hello!! I don’t have any time (it seems) to get on here!! Please know that all of you are in my thoughts and prayers daily. I am so thankful to have ‘touched’ you and to HAVE BEEN ‘touched’ by you….I never would have made it past vicodin if it were not for this site and the friends I have met here.
Life is finally GREAT. Wow. If you don’t believe in the power of faith and prayer, then you really have nothing. When I stop and think of all the ways that God has been made visible to me, it amazes me, and I am SO thankful….I didn’t know that He really loves me THIS MUCH!!!
Work is a challenge still, but I am seeing that it IS doable. And it pays very well. I can do this thing!! I was asked to make a flow chart of what I do~~~that was what I figured they would ask me to do when I tried to quit my job there. So, I am working on that…taking notes…and I am asking the angels to tell me what to do with these notes tonight in my sleep. It sounds whacky as F(*ck, but I know that by morning light, I will know how to put it all together. That has happened to me before when I was a baker. The next day I had to make dinner rolls (in BULK…like over 1ooo) and I was worried about it~in my sleep I worked it out step by step, and the next day, I knew just what to do and I did it. SO, I am going to ask the same thing of the angels. I’ll just bet that they will come through! I will keep you posted!!!
LIFE is GOOD. My ‘wife’ and I are doing great, although she doesn’t like me working the night shift…and she is really really down about that. I need ideas on how to help her cope. We have lived apart for over 3 years, and now, in our 4th year we are finally ‘together’………….and then I get a job on second shift. Not ideal!!!! The hard thing is that I AM a 2nd shifter!!! I love second shift…I hated getting out of bed at 4am….HATED IT….but now I don’t have evenings with ‘our family’. Plus, this is a 6 day a week job, so the only day we have off together is Sunday~~~and we go to different churches. I will not give up going to Mass…and her ex husband will not go for raising their child Catholic…so that’s just not an option. Third shift would be fine with me too, but that is not an option yet with my employer. So, we are keepin on keepin on. If anyone has any ideas, I am all breasts!! Oh, no, wait!! I mean I AM ALL EARS…..lmao…
I love you guys. I read a little bit, and Kitty, I AM SO HAPPY that your hubby is doing better!! I miss you, my friend, and I feel badly that I don’t have the time that I used to have!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please don’t give up on me, any of you….this too shall pass, and I will be back more frequently!!!
Hugs, prayers, and angels to all my friends!!
HPA!!!!
Metoo – I am so glad everything is going so good for you and I will pray for continued success in your job. You will conquer this and as far as the shift work goes, I hope it gets easier. It is always difficult when we face changes in our life even if they are good changes. Funny, how God has given me a strength out of nowhere to help my husband through his present situation and I am sure it is due to prayers and good wishes from friends.
I feel so Blessed to have the people on this site who have helped me beat drug addiction and now stand by me during good times as well as bad. I especially thank you, Metoo, because you were here in the very beginning. I don’t know if a WASP can send angels your way or not, but I am sure asking! LOL!
Oh – and up above, I put that I was 11 days clean yesterday…DUH!!!! 11 MONTHS CLEAN yesterday…..so happy to be free!
Love you guys – and where is everyone!
Kitty
Good Morning Everyone!
Congratulations Kitty!! I’m so proud of you!! I wish I would have been able to get on yesterday to congratulate you. Happy to hear your husband is doing well
I had such a busy weekend. I had someone over to repair the ceiling in the boys’ room and my roof and I was working around the house while they were here. And, we had 2 cookouts to go to and so on. I just didn’t have a minute to myself, or at least it felt like that way.
Metoo, great to hear from you! Your family will adjust and it will become your new normal, but I do understand how hard it can be. I missed you and hope that you find time to start posting more often because I missed you, that’s why!
Jen, yep, busy, busy, busy remodeling and you know how it goes, once you start one thing then you realize how many other things have been left undone.
Billie, Are you still trying? Don’t sweat it, you will figure out what works for you and once you aren’t so afraid of detoxing and know that you can survive the process you will feel much better. You can do this when you are ready and we are here for you when you are. Keep posting though because your story will help someone else. I had to try several times before I got it right and you may be like me and that’s ok but it’s good for others to read about our journey as well. It’s good for people to know that not everone relapses too and so all stories are important and significant.
Everyone have a great day!
Pinkerton
Hi everyone!
Finally had enough energy to get my laptop and navigate my way here to “About”…I’m going into day 19 and am still in between miserable and feeling REALLY miserable. I feel like I’ve been in a holding pattern for about 5 days now. The nausea is just awful and forget about being sleep deprived. My body is SO off-kilter. I know I have to take it day by day, but it’s rough. I will NEVER touch another opiate as long as I live ~ I can promise myself that. I feel like vomiting just thinking about Norco…ugh.
I know I can stick this out, but it’s been SO rough. I’m still struggling with an appetite, but I just force the food down ~ luckily, it’s finally staying. Today, I’m going to try and drive across the street to Whole Foods to pick up a few things. It’s time to get out of the house. Kitty, thanks for saying to push myself because all I’ve done for the past 2 1/2 weeks is lay in bed being miserable (walking to either kitchen or bathroom). I think this morning is the morning I try to get across the street to the store.
Anyway, that’s where I am ~ I’ve been thinking and praying for all of you…I’m sorry I haven’t checked in, just feel so yucky and friggin’ TIRED.
Love,
NCL
I. Just realized the post I wrote last night must have just erased and I spent forever typing it on this phone lol!
Norcal. So sorry you are feeling bad. Its strange how some people pull through. It so easy and for others like me it just lingered but it does get better I promise. I Hope you just hang on its so worth it. I am one that had detoxed. And relapsed several times in several years and the worst feeling is is when you go so far and relapse. Its heart crushing. YOU. Have all of us we are right there holding your hand and praying. For you. I think the only. Reason I was able to stay sober was from all the support I got on this site I love them dearly.
I have been. Pretty. Stressed out
NorCal, I am sending angels to your side. You hang in there, because YOU are made of good stuff.
Going to try checking in at night as soon as I’m off work enjoying a beer….
I love you guys…
Hey sorry I havent been on in awhile, was kind of ashamed to post any more. I started my monthly’s and I couldnt take the cramps. I was in tears and couldnt get out of bed. I know its not an excuse. I took some more vic’s. So now I guess I will have to start all over. I had my doctor call in my script. Im now out of both Kratom and vic’s, I didnt take all 100 vics I sold most of them so I didnt have alot in the house. I could kick myself but nothing I can do about it now except move forward. Sorry for failing I hate it so much!!!!
Norcal
did youu make it to whole foods? you have come a long long way!! hang in there. i promise it will get better!!! my first trip to groc store was about 3 weeks out also and it wasnt very easy to do. baby steps; but atleast it is something. kitty is right; you should start pushin yourself a little. just do some small things. walk around the block maybe. or around your house for starters. i know it sounds silly but its something right? food will get better too. trust me. i am hungry all the time now. kinda wish i could loose this appetite a bit now. my appetite took me a good month . so you are closing in on that . keep up the good work and hang in there!!
jamie
you and those mountains. i am soo jealous. betwen you and your mountains and kitty in her pool; i am a jealous girl. all we have here are cornfields
Kitty
glad to hear your hubby is doing well and thanks for the kind words. work has been a long one this week. we have a new doctor and i really don’t like change. also the prosac has me packing on the pounds ; gonna have to change that. made a doc appt. if an antidepressant just makes me a fatter A** then it will just make me more depressed so thats not gonna work. huh. anyways. enough about me. glad things seem to be looking up
mettoo
you sound soooo great!! glad things are going well. you and your wife will figure it out. things happen for a reason and it will work itself out. tell her to hang in there and try to spend quality time on sundays. sorry i don’t have any great advice; but i know you guys will be just fine. nice to see a post from you!!
billie
where’d ya go? keep us up to date. thinkin of you. don’t be ashamed or embarassed. no one will judge you!! we will just try to help.
scared
shit happens. no one is going to put you down for that. but now you KNOW how far you can go and you CAN make it past that week of cramps. next month!!! shoot for that!! make that goal and you can do it!! you have come sooo far!! i was sooo freaked about having my monthly too. i had been using my period as an excuse for months. i kept saying to myself. “after this week is over and cramps are gone then i will try to quit”. well i told myself that probably a thousand times or so before i finally just did it. you too can do it!!
jen
i hear ya on the projects.. i NEED to do soooo many of them; i had spent soo much of our money on vics that we have been playing catchup. hoping this month we are going to actually get ahead and be able to do some of those projects.
Kitty
by the way. i was going to ask you . am i a horrible terrrible person if i declaw our cats? they are about 3 yrs old. going on 4. vet said they are still considered kittens and if it keeps them in a home. well….
they have torn our furniture to shreds and i have tried everything and i NEED new furniture but don’t wanna get it till they are declawed. just wondered someone else opinion on this. Chicken doesn’t know how to jump or actually she just won’t jump (thats my prosac kitty). she climbs things like they are a rock wall or somthing with her claws. she CAN jump; but i guess the combination of cat that she is that its not uncommon for them to climb more than jump. anyways; what do ya think? my mind is pretty much made up; but still wouldn’t mind hearing opinion of another cat lover.
love yal kids
neesip
quitting????
Hi Guys! I love coming back to this post and seeing that everyone is doing so well and continuing to support. I check in from time to time but have been MIA for a few weeks. LIFE IS GREAT!!! I finally feel like a whole person again. I have never been able to make it this far in the 10 yrs
Stupid iPad sent too quickly. I was saying that I have never made it this far along and I can only thank this site and all of the special friends here. Just wanted to say hi and wish everyone well.
Neesip – I would not have cats in the house if I had to deal with claws – all the cats – past and present – have always been declawed. They all were declawed when kittens and have all survived – munchkin lived to be 18 – Smokey 15 – and Smokey climbed trees with no claws. Mya Bee lived to 6, but she had congestive heart failure. Boaz is now 3 and Clyde will be one year old on my detox anniversary – September 8.
Did I tell you that Clyde fell in the swimming pool. While my husband was in the hospital, he came to bed soaking wet to the skin – he fell int he damn pool – or Boaz pushed him in – not sure which. Now he is like a kitty in slow motion when he steps out on the back patio – I guess he wants to be sure he does not fall in again….lol….love those cats BUT YES I BELIEVE IN DECLAWING!
Love
Kitty
Hey, kids!!!! I am drinkin’ a beer after work, and life is great…my ‘wife’ got a new job!! She had interviewed for two of them, and the one that offered her the job first is the one we decided wins…I am so happy for HER!!! She has seen me through all this transition, and now it’s time for a new beginning that is all her own. She’s excited, and so am I.
My supervisor at work has been great. I told him a little bit of my history story, and I think he was impressed at what I have been through. I talked about interviewing for a position at another company (which hasn’t even been offered yet…lol) and he immediately signed my time off requests and told me that he will do whatever I need for me to STAY at my present job. What a nice feeling THAT is!!! So now, I will have this coming Sunday and Monday off!!!!!
I gotta get in the shower now and then snuggle up with my lover. I love you guys!!!
not myselt
sooo good to hear from you and glad things are going great!!! i too could not have done this without all of our “about”friends. you guys got me where i am today also. keep up the good stuff!!! and keep checking in.
kitty
thanks for the “kitty” response. my only problem is tht they are a little older than what you should normally declaw them at; but oh well. too funny bout the pool thats hilarious. cats do the funniest things!!! gotta love em. mooz did that in the toilett not too long ago. not soakin we; but he was wet. clumsy just fell in looking at the water go down. he is sooo clumsy!!
me too
see i told ya things would work out. good for you and your wife; thats awesome!!! keep us posted!
Billie where are you?
HADENOUGH??????? working??? hows it going?
Hey guys I’m back from my vaca it wasn’t really a vaca but you know I’m doing great feeling wonderful and ready to start my day bright and early have lots to catch up on been gone for a few weeks …
NSIP – thanks for thinking about me that was great loved reading your posts you were the only one that missed my posts oh my bad and JEN. Lobe you girls please please do not declawed your cat …. I hope you won’t it is the cruelest thing you can do to them !!!! Anywho glad to be back and see all the new people and the old people doing so great and still staying off the pills it’s great I wanted to post while I was hone but couldn’t … Check back later
To everyone on here have a great day and you all are a great support !!!! WOW everyone is doing great makes my day
quitting!!!!
yay you are back. hows granny doing? ok i hope. hope you guys were able to have some good bonding time. was wondering when you would get back. kept calling on ya to see if you were out there.
yeah i know its supposed to be fine if they are baby babies; but i am at my whitsend and ddon’t know what else to do. vet said she will give them something so it won’t be painful on them; i just don’t know what else to do. they are literally destroying my house. and i mean literally!!! what else can i do? suggestions? i know its kind of mean; but lots of kittys have had claws done and are just fine. i feel bad; but i am just literally at my whitsend about it!!!
Neesip – I still hold with my post above. I love cats and all my cats over the years have lived a long and happy life being declawed and have come home from the vets as frisky and playful as ever and even used the litter box. I think they have laser surgery now which is more humane. And most vets think it is better for the cats to have a loving home and be declawed than be put down because of their owners not being able to handle the damage to their homes…..just a cat lovers opinion!
Love
Kitty
Good Evening!
NotMyself & Scaredtoquit, great to hear from you! Don’t worry about it Scared, I relapsed several times and finally got it right. You will too. There is no reason for anyone to get down on themselves, we all are doing the best we can.
Neesip, I have always declawed my cats along with getting them spayed or neutered, I’m sure they suffered some discomfort after all of the above procedures but I felt that it was necessary. What really matters is how you treat them and care for them. I treat all my animals like children. They are spoiled rotten and are considered part of the family. In an ideal world we wouldn’t have to declaw but the fact of the matter is that they can be very destructive. Believe me, I love my pets and spend a ton of money on their health care needs and wouldn’t do anything to hurt them unless it was absolutely necessary.
Kitty, how’s your husband?
Pinkerton
Good Evening all. Been a crazy last couple of weeks. Friday eve a little after 11:00 And just getting in. Work is out of control.(which is a good thing) Have to be in @ 5:30 and I already have over 60 hours. I am a little embarrassed (But I have to be honest) to say that i have still been taking a few norcos But still holding at 2-3 a day instead of 18 or 20. I am quite sure i can beat this thing but i have to figure a way to deal with the pain in my feet. I’m hoping my trip out to the mayo in December will get me some answers. I was at U of M in Ann Arbor last winter and they told me they think it is something with the nerves in my feet but only thing they wanted to do was try meds. But there has to be something else someone can do. I just have to find he right doctor. I will check back before the weekend is over. I need to keep reading your posts as they are excellent inspiration. 5:00 AM comes way to fast.
Good Night all
Hey kitty mom your one year anniversary is on my birthday I thought that was great. I have been taking a few vics until my kratom comes in I do well when I have that the first 90 of the kratom lasted almost a month. With hubby gone I need to be able to function so Im not taking alot just 2 a day which is not bad for me. About the cats getting declawed I dont think its any worse than getting them fixed and I have had adult cats fixed and they bounce right back and some even still climb well. I usually only do the front claws because they are the main source of damage and if they do need to defend themselves they can. Getting a female fixed is actually alot worse in that it is major surgery. Everyone feels different on the matter but I honestly think its better then getting rid of them to an unfamliar home or even put to sleep. Some cats just cant be inside with claws and not destroy things, I love cats and always have in fact my nickname in junior high was Katt. How many people on here are from Michigan? It seems that I have seen a few say they are. I live in the south western part close to Indiana. Thanks Pink I really felt for a few days that I had no right to get back on here after relapsing. I had to be honest about it and just know I am gonna quit. Im gonna have to see what can be done about my periods they have always been horrible. My mom had to keep me home as a teenager because I couldnt even stand up straight from the pain of the cramps. They have always been that bad Im usually in bed literally for 2 or 3 days in the begining of the week and they last about 8 to 10 days. I was scared I wouldnt make it past that but next month Im gonna try my best. If only I could find something to take the pain away because OTC meds dont work. If I could control myself and only take them for that week It wouldnt be bad but I know that wont work if I have them I will take them. Would be interested if anyone has any ideas as to what could help me. Thanks so much for listening and not putting me down for my stupidity. I really love how supportive you all are no matter what. Lots of love and prayers to you all.
I meant declawed above not fixed sorry.LOL
Thanks to everyone on their input on my babies (the cats). they really are my babies. i have no children yet so they are trul my kids. i love them dearly and i couldn’t stand to hurt them or get rid of them so it is what it is. they are going to HAVE to have their front claws done. i have new bedroom furniture or old furniture so to speak that is my grandmothers; its beautiful and has been upstairs with sheets and cling wrap around them for months cuz i don’t wann uncover them till claws are gone. i can’t have them destroy those. my couches and carpet are one thing; but not my grandmas antique bedroom outfit ya know. anyways on another note
Scared.
my periods are the same. my first day is kind a light and then 2, 3 and 4 are absolutely horrible and then i slow for a couple days and then finish off strong again wit a couple more horrible days. mine last atleast 7 days too and they have always been that way. my mother also kept me home from school sometimes cuz they were soooo bad. i guess heres were too so maybe its passed down to us from them. not sure. anyways; i remember her giving me “naproxen” for pain. not positive; but i think its a very mild sort of form of vicodin and is a prescription but helped tremendously and last year on one of my shows i like to watch; big brother. one of the girls on there had really bad cramps and that what she was taking for her cramps too. also how bout taking 800 mg ibuprofen with midol together. something about the combonation of the two really help me. you have to give it a good 30 min b4 it starts to work; but it works for me. worth a shot. this too was my biggest fear getting off; i thought how am i gonna make it throug my monthly and first time it came i was super nervouse; but here i am 13 weeks later. you can do it girl. i have faith in ya.
Hello ladies … Hope everyone is doing well and saying busy … NSIP have you tried the clips for the nails there is a thing you plug in and it sends a smell or something to help there are sprays that they don’t like that helps with scratching . And get more scratch toys those are just some thoughts over here in San Diego there are only a very few vets that declaw .. Most vets won’t not sure how it is where you are but any who what ever you decide will be …
my trip was good there really is nothing to do there Belfast northern Ireland has to be the most boring place I have had the pleasure of traveling to we go once a year to see family and that is the best part oh and the food is crazy good there pancakes are to die for love all the food there ….
Hope you are doing good how’s the anxiety a
D how many days now are we 3 months right ? Jen and her husband to ??
Thanks for asking my grandma is doing very well thank God she is pulling threw she is 94 so don’t know for how long but for now we still have her
Glad to see all the new people doing so well it’s great ….
Check back later oh looked on the other pages and there is a few that can’t find there way over to the about page … I’ll try to help get them here
quitting
yes i i have tried everything!!! and my vet is called “cats only” they specialize in strickly cats sooo anyhow. but all vets here declaw.
anxiety is not sooo bad but i have appt with doc in a couple weeks. my 4 ’11 self has gained like 15 lbs in the last few weeks; which on a shorty like me is huge amount of weight for me to gain and i think its due to prosac . ihave been super good about what i eat and i have cut out my soda intake by like 95% and replaced with water. normally i can loose weight solely by drinking lots of water ; well i have been doing that and working out and i just keep gaining and its not muscle so gonna have to do something beside the prosac. it has to be the prosca; can’t believe i didnt realize it sooner. soooo hope she gets something that still helps me with depression/ anxiety but not make me a fatty. hell if an antidepressant is gonna make me a fatty; no thanks; tht will just depress me even more.
jen where ya at womaN?
My 33rd birthday is Monday. I’ve finally decided to kick this habit. Step 1. Deleted my guys number. This is my first day. Wish me luck and thanks for the inspirational stories.
wheres everyone at?? hello hello?
Good evening everyone
Well, I am here and I hope everyone has had a good weekend. Myself – Well, I have not been out of the house since I stopped at the grocery store on my way home from work on Thursday and I am feeling a little blue this evening….Have not seen my daughter for a week and the aftermath of my husbands amputation has hit me like a ton of steel bricks. Sorry to unload on y’all, but I have no one else to unload on…sorry! I am sure I will be back in the swing of things tomorrow. You girls have been so supportive and prayerful that I feel guilty for feeling this way, but I think this is just the aftermath of feeling strong during a crisis…don’t you think? I worked my but off yesterday and today cleaning the house and got only half the house finished. When I clean, I tend to destroy the rooms I am not cleaning by moving stuff over to them as I progress….and my den, spare room, and the TV room in the back of the house are still a big mess. I guess I will get caught up this week….oh and we had a horrible rain a few days ago leaving my front and back porches a mess…so I have those to clean also…UGH!
Neesip and Pink, let me congratulate you again for being such an inspiration to the new folks on here. What c0mes around goes around I guess and you are truly following in the footsteps of the ones before you and are so helpful to everyone out there. I am so very proud of you both. Keep up the great work not only in your own sobriety, but in the good will and help that you pass on to the others. I feel like I can take a break knowing full well that the two of you are here to pick up the slack!!! Love you for that!
Metoo – honey, I hope you are doing great out there. I will never stop missing you when you are not around – after all, you are my original mentor – you and Joe. How come when I am so melancholy, I tend to miss Joe!!!!
Well, I am going to watch TV for a little while and chill – hope you all have a great evening.
Hope, prayer and love to those struggling. Believe me, it will get better. I know that for a FACT!!!! My friends and I are proof of that.
Love
Kitty
Hey guys omg finally can get on but can see anyones comments .Im good been a lil down in the dumps lately. Have friend who is ill and an aunt who had stroke so its been wild around here.
Good Morning!
@ Kitty, I’m so sorry to hear that the blues have come to visit
I’m sure this will pass and you will be feeling back to normal soon. I’m certain that you are experiencing fatigue and moodiness as a result of the trauma you and your husband just went through. I have kept you guys in my prayers. Thank you for the complement, I appreciate it. Love ya.
Hey Jen, good to hear from you. Sounds like several of us have a bad case of the blues. Like I said to Kitty, it will get better. I too have felt this sense of despair when I wake up. It leaves me about midmorning but it’s just the wierdest thing. Thank goodness I can look forward to it subsiding by noon. Let’s all hang in there and take this one day at a time and do our best and not focus too much this bout with depression and try to be as productive as possible so that at least we accomplish something.
Hey Neesip, we are all here. How are you doing?
Everyone have a great day!
Oh, Kitty…I DO think there is a backlash after events like the one you’ve just gone through. You HAD to stay strong, and now you’re on a different ‘page’. As a matter of fact, that same thing has happened under my roof~~my ‘wife’ had to be strong for my sake, and then, when I started to find my wings, there was no longer any need for her to BE so strong. So she got ‘the blues’. It’s hard!!! God knows how to take care of these things, so He rewarded her with a new job…a new start all her own. Kitty, look around you and find YOUR reward~~~I can guarantee you that it’s there, ready for you to take it. Who knows what it is, but if you ask the angels to guide you toward your reward, they will not let you down!
Ok, so I KNOW I sound really whacked out…BUT…in my last post I talked about the angels helping me to lay out this training program…and it didn’t happen overnight, but on Sunday we took a little nap. I was in between being awake and asleep, and I never really did get into a deep sleep. When I woke up, I KNEW what I wanted to do for this training thing. I hadn’t been thinking about it, although it’s constantly in the back of my mind. When I woke up it was clear!!! Now all I need to do is get it typed up, and then present it. If you ask the angels ANYTHING, your answer will come!!
HEY!! We got a new puppy!! He’s a “teddy bear” breed~ I guess that’s a mix of a poodle and ? He doesn’t shed, and we love him!! LOL…the landlord might have to replace our carpet when we leave, but..lol. we’re trying!! He sure is sweet, though, and is a great addition to our family. Life is good…and it’s been a LONG time since I felt that right down to my toes. Oh, and Kitty?? Another thanks goes out to you for convincing me that zoloft could help–I think it gave me enough of a boost to lift my head above water so I could swim instead of sink. Seriously, I don’t know where I would be today if I hadn’t started taking it. For anyone reading this who is trying to get off opiates, if you have problems with anxiety and depression and take opiates to lift you up, there is a smaller pill to swallow that can help you much more than vicodin. The true JOY is a miracle…the happiness that just seems to bubble up inside of me~the smiles that are REAL~and the urge to reach out to others to share it…those things are things I haven’t felt seriously for as long as I can remember. I think I have had issues with anxiety and depression for years, and FINALLY, things are looking up. THANKS TO KITTY AND ZOLOFT.
Now, all I need to do is gain some weight. If anyone has suggestions, flip them this way. My boobs are pretty much gone, and I NEED the girls back!!!
Our little one is having trouble falling asleep, so I asked her if she’d like for me to sleep with her for a bit, and she said yes, so I’m heading upstairs…love to all, and hugs to all…..
I’ll be back!!!
wow
has anyone checked the other pages? there are many new people out there. i am on lunch no time now but will be back later.
been one of those blue sorta weeks. i HAVE to slow down the drinking; it makes me more depressed i believe; anyways; hope to be back this evening; gottta run now. hope everyone is having a good day and check those other pages folks.
love ya kids
neesisp
me too
do you think the zoloft is why you have lost weight; cuz i am loving my prosac but have gained lots of weight
No, and actually, you would think that I would be gaining weight on zoloft…not so.
Hey guys just thought I’d say hi and hope everyone has a great day. Sounds like everyone is coming out of the blues and that is wonderful check back later
Hey everyone, sorry I have been gone for a few days, but even Kitty gets in a funk every so often and has to take a break. Thank you Pink for your kind words as usual. I have to get busy posting responses to all the new folks on here, now that I am done basking in the aftermath of my husbands toe fiasco.
Although I was not actually feeling sorry for myself, I was feeling sorry that he had to go through so much and eventually loose his toe….I guess you could say I was mourning the loss! But, we are alive and well and in the hands of our Lord Jesus who most graciously carries us at times like this.
Today, I will look at the Blessings instead….the glass half full if you will. I pray that God looks to the less fortunate, the ones struggling with addictions – who are on that very edge of making an important decision to quit. If you are reading this and are one who wants to quit but are afraid, give yourself over to a higher power and hold on tight for the ride! You can get through it – I did it. Many folks on here did it and are now helping others with the knowledge that it is possible. A new kind of normal is around the corner for you.
Remember, God answers prayers in his own time and in his own way. I begged God to save my husband’s toe when all along He was trying to save his leg.
I love you guys
Kitty
KItty
i just read your post from the other day. thanks soo much for the kind words. i completely understand why you would keep coming back here. it keeps ourselves in check while hopefully helping someone along the way!! glad to hear your blues are better.
Pink
whats up woman? hanging in there? been a long week on my end. trying to taper off the prosac cuz i have gained sooo much weight and i think iam just pissed at the world for it; but still no pills.
quittting.
check back in girl!! i missed ya like crazy. hows that baby doing? are you starting to show yet at all? are you gonna find out the sex? anymore name choices? all those ?’s i want answers to!!!
Me too
soooo happy to hear bout your puppy!! thats soo awesome. new additions to the family are great; esp when they are little furry ones.
about the weight; i would think you would gaine too. i sure have on the prosac. gonna slowly take myself off so that when i go to doc next week i don’t have a whole 2 more weeks to cut down on it and she can just start something diff. or maybe i don’t need anything.. who knows..
JEN
wherer are ya babe? miss you much!!!
how bout had enought or keith or anyone else? you guys stil out there?
NOrcal how bout you? just thinking of you guys. wondering and worying. hope all is wel.
love yall
neesip
Hey guys another pool day getting my tan on !!! Yes my tummy is bigger and bigger everyday it’s great the best thing ever love it love it love it … Wish I could be preggers forever !!!!
I hope everyone on here has great things happen for them very soon prayers for all check back later
Kitty hope you start to feel better soon and there. Something good that will come of all this god knows we all have been threw slot and it’s time for great things they are coming soon
quitting
He is the most precious thing i have ever seen in my life!! he has dark curly hair and big brown eyes and is smart as can be and sure he will be bilingual. i love him to pieces. my frined is a different breed. she’s ; bicurous i guess i wouldsay and very flamboyant. don’t know how else to describe her; but i love her to death and theres only one of her in this world.. shes a handful sometimes and the most emotional person you have ever met; but we have been friends forever and ever and i am just grateful to have spent this quality time with her and her gorgeous son!!!! so cant wait to hear more bout your preggers… 
send me some preggers prayers!!
so speaking of babies. one of my bfff’s is in town and her little boy is half mexican and half caucasion. he is the most beautiful little boy i have ever seen and i am in love with him!!! they stayed the night with me two nights ago and i bought him a blanket when he was a baby and she named it after me. so everytime she asked wheres Lesley; he pointed at his blankie. lol. she said i say your name atleast twice a day . he can’t sleep without his Lesley. obviously that is what my name really is.
love neesip
WAKE up kids ; whre you at???
Yeah he sounds cute my baby will be 1/2 white and 1/2 black my husband is very light with green eyes I have blue eyes so I’m holding my baby will have either color but will be super cute can’t Waite it’s the best feeling ever just knowing that in a few short months well a little more than that but I will be a mommy wanted this forever I can’t even tell you I have do many plans and do many things I want to get done like the nursery but for some reason I don’t want to rush I think cause I love being pregnant so much that I’m gonna be sad when I’m not but then I’ll have my baby u know it’s weird I want everything to just go slow and it’s not !!!! U will get pregnant soon and u will know exactly what I am talking about
I am supper supper worried about delivery but I try not to think about it but for real for real that scRes the shot out of me literally !! Lol idk what I’m gonna do when it’s time sounds crazy if there is one thing I could do with out being pregnant is giving up the delivery part I’m actually more than scared idk even if terrified is a good enough word it’s crazy .. My husband tells mr everything will be fine and it’s not going to be that bad but what does he know right !! Thanks for asking I’m hopeing for first and foremost a super healthy baby but I would love a boy … And he will be just gorgeous !!!
No body is posting hope all is well check back later
My mother is in the middle of Vicodin withdrawal. I can’t imagine what she is going through. I have never done drugs and have very rarely drank.
I am trying to do everything I can for here. But I wish there was more. Finding websites like this help me.
Good Morning!
Welcome Steven! How is your mother doing? Feel free to post your story if you like. We may be able to help you in helping her
I hope she is doing well…what day is she on today and how much is she coming off of?
Good Luck,
Pinkerton
Steven,
Welcome – I hope your Mom is feeling better. How far along is she in her detox. Feel free to post anything – your thoughts, feelings and details are welcome here and we will be glad to be any help that we can – I will keep your Mom in my prayers. Thanks for posting and once again, welcome.
Kitty
OMG I FINALLY HAVE MY PC BACK WOOT WOOT!!!
I missed everyone!
hey guys hope everyone is well!!
. I dont know what hurts me more having them do surgery and still him in pain or not being able to pass away at home with me it breaks my heart. I loved him dearly my heart is broke 
. Then the vet told me he fought and fought he wanted to live but was so ill and he only weight 1lb. could you imagine doing surgery on a small animal like that… ughhh it will never be the same without him oh i miss him so so bad :’( and i would have had peace if he passed away here with me and not at the vet. We burried him with flowers and pictures my daughter drew him its sso sad.
Qn how the preggers going do you know what you are having?
I have been very sad i have a deaf ferret that died from cancer. I took him to vet and he had a large tumor they removed and 2 lymph nodes. We thought we bought him another year of life to only continuing being sick for 4 days then past away
Hey, folks…please say some prayers for me today if you can!! I walked off the job on Monday~~I have been trying and trying to make it work, and I finally gave up. I have never walked off a job before in my life!!!!!
I walked off in part because I feel the angels have directed me on a different path~~I have an interview today with a much better, more established company, which came about as a message on my old phone. I followed up, set the interview, and that day as I was starting my work day, I felt anxious and just plain wrong. This job had taken a toll on my physical and mental health, and so I finally let it go….
Now I pray that I can land this job. The Lord has opened yet another window for me!!! Please pray, and I feel selfish asking that, but I need your support. I will check in later, after my interview!
I love you guys!!!!!
Update! I got the job!! WHEW!!!!
METOO: awsome good for you girl
!!! I start lvn school monday so my days will be very busy and i will graduate may 2012 woot woot!!!!
Qn how are you?
NSIP: how are you? soooooooo happy to have my pc back !!!
pink, kitty how is everyone i have missed yall much!!!!
So I’ve got in 3 months or more off the vix now! My life is still crazy with the family drama and business. There’s been a whole lot going on at my mountain paradise, but I’m hoping that by the end of October, after harvest, things will go back to somewhat normal. May even be moving up there next spring which I’m kind of looking forward to. I need out of here. But the no phones, electricity and internet will take some getting used to.
Just checking in, letting y’all know I’m still alive and doing okay. Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
jamie:that is awsome congrats!!! I wish I could go live in the mountains
wat mountains do yall go to ? We go to colorado I love it its so beautiful and peaceful.
We’re up in Lake County, Ca. Way out of town! I lived in Colorado for a while, it’s a beautiful state, but I had a lot of rough times there so that kind of ruined it for me.
jen
sorry bout your ferret. they are such cool little animals. my frined had two brothers and they were sooo fun. just remember ; no more suffering. soo you pumped up about school? nervous? how old are you? i thought you were close to me in age. i’m 32. and i am sooooo glad you got your PC back!!!!
METOO
soo glad to hear you got the job. different hours or same? maybe this will make home life a little better and yes you have been struggling with really wanting to put your all into the other job. you can just tell from your writing that you were trying sooo hard for it to work but just kept hitting road blocks. hope this is a better “fit” for you!!
jamie
glad you check in every now and then. mountains in CA are WAAAY Beautiful. i think thats why i love CA sooo much . you h ave mountains and ocean and forests all in one state and thats sooo cool. my friend lives in Carmel, Ca and we drove down the coast one day ; north into the valley i believe and it was sooo pretty. ocean on one side and forest and mountains in distance on other side. who could ask for more. soooooo sooooo pretty. always been my dream to move out there.
KIttty, Pink
morniing girls its friday and i thnk today is 15 weeks or more. i’m losing count. whrere you girls been?
hey kids ALSO.
Today is a big day for me. i was in a car accident a year and 8 mos ago and today is the day that nissan is coming to inspect my vehicle that i had to pay to take posession of. i’m not asking for a ton of money from them ;; but my med bills paid off cuz they were extensive. My air bag did not deploy and i bit off my lip upon impact of steering wheel. my surgeon did a great job reattaching and scar is minimal; but feeling still not back in my lower lip; anyways
if some folks could PLEASE SAY SOME PRAYERS that today goes good i am hoping to settle this case soon. i hope they don’t try to fight me on it. an expert is coming to see WHY my airbag didn’t deploy today soooooo.. i’m pretty nervous.
PRAYERS PLEASE
So… i hope no one takes offense but i’ve been trolling you guys for a couple days now… and for the most part i’ve found the site informative and the people compassionate. So i deem you worthy of my story and advice.
Picking a place to start is harder than i thought when i was thinking about what to write… ok so i’m 28… since a very young age i learned… i questioned… i made up my mind to always live my own way, to live my life constantly growing and evolving to never be stuck on the same path as someone else. I learned this idea from a comedian named Bill Hicks and still believe it with all my heart today. I believe there is a light inside all of our hearts, that connects all of us to the source of light… some call it god… some Allah some Gaia. And to each other. That we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. That there is no such thing as death and life is only a dream. I use this as a preface for what i’m going to say because i believe that when people are reading these statements from everyone that their thoughts and prayers are being transferred to that person in a very real way. So let me start off in a cathartic way, i AM an addict and i AM dependent. The first drug i ever took was LSD when i was a teen. Heh i can hear you now… ahhh that explains it. 
In a very real way it opened my mind to what life was really like. Then came mushrooms… and pot… good drugs very enlightening. Fortunately LSD and mushrooms are rarities and i developed an anxiety problem with pot. So, while continuing my journey i found a pretty girl named megan who loved meth. Ahhh my first addiction, it was beautiful i was the person that i dreamed i was… for all of a month and then i just needed it. A year later this old lady who used to sweep out the gutters of my meth dealers apt complex died from a bad batch, so my dealer went on the run leaving me nada. What a perfect little fuckin opportunity i got there to stop. I locked myself in a room for a week with water, nyquill, some vitamins and some granola bars. Fairly easy as far as coming off a drug is concerned. Then for awhile it was this drug or that pretty much trying everything. I smoke cigs… i never drink. never? NEVAR. nothing against it, to me there was just no point. So… August 8th 2008 i was at a party, yes 8/8/08 
and long story short i stopped this guy from beating his girlfriend and got shot 3 times for my trouble. I caught a thru n thru through my forearm one in the back that broke my collarbone before exiting my chest/neck and one thru the right leg that shattered my tibula and fibula and hit my tib artery. The back and arm wounds healed very nicely but my leg not so much. Most of the structure of my leg now consists of metal and cadaver bone. During the summer it feels like a flaming sledgehammer is keeping the time in my leg… during the winter it feels like frozen shards of glass grinding together. At the worst of it i was being given about 400mg of oxycontin daily and it helped and with a cane i could walk. So i was never tapered down or up for 2 years i was given the same amount every month and for 2 years i w as in this happy little world. During this time my girlfriend of 3 years had found… Heroin. And after i tried that… all the oxy’s in the world couldn’t compare… shit one day i ever took my dog for a RUN. And for awhile i was selling all the oxy’s and buying H. And it was good. Then last year my gf got pregnant. And i vowed that my daughter would not have a heroin addict for a father. So i took my ass to a clinic and after spending a LOT of money i was put on 180mg of methadone daily. Every day i would go get my dose, every week decreasing by 5mg until i got down to 30mg. Then a day of sobriety and withdrawal. Then 8mg of saboxone a day. I had take home privilege by then so only had to take the first pill at the clinic. I took 8 mg for 3 days, 6 for 3 and 4 for 4. Then stopped. I had bad w/d for the first 2 days, about 48 hours, then mild w/d for about 2 weeks. My ex never quit the heroin, even after i showed her it could be done. on June 6th of last year my daughter was born 6 pounds 10 ounces and addicted to heroin. They weened her off with methadone and now she’s a beautiful healthy baby. So for about 8 months i was drug free. Then in march of this year my mother and father both died within about 20 days. And in a moment of weakness i turned to a family member with an oxy script that he never took any of having a perk script that he liked much better. So after another couple months of drowning my physical and emotional pain i realized the path i was heading down again and busted out the other 2/3 of that suboxone script and 20 pills ended up lasting me 3 months. So a week ago i took the last little piece thinking ok 2 days of hell then were good to go. I took a trazadone and slept for about 10 hours when i felt the saboxone wearing off. So i woke up that morning in full w/d. yawning, cramps, sensitivity to hot and cold, rls, headache, the runs, cramps, restlessness, oh and CRAMPS… FUUUUU. After 4 days of no sleep and not eating i started hallucinating and for fear of that and wanting this hell to end i groveled for a perk 10 and got 1. 6 hours after taking it, the cramps never stopped, but everything started up again just as hard as before. So i went another 24 hours of hell, which brings us to this morning, ma dukes came by to check on me and i was crying from the pain and some thought i was having and she had a perk on her and gave it to me. So i took half of it and now the w/d’s are starting again. I know that i will never be able to grow and evolve as a person while i’m stuck in this loop, so i hope everyone will point their hearts towards me and i will do the same for them. I’m starting to realize that every new opiate in the system resets the w/d counter back to zero no matter the dosage. So hopefully i can take this last half tonight and by the first or second of next month i will be able to hold my daughter again. Some things i’ve learned that i hope will help other people out… stay away from caffeine it intensifies the jitters the shakes and the restlessness. Trazadone will help you sleep the first night, but it borders on dangerous the amount you need to take to sleep in subsequent nights, i do not recommend it past the first night. klonapin helps a neighbor gave me a few pills when i frist started and it guaranteed at least 4 hours of sleep. Grapefruit juice, water and bananas help with cramping but not enough its like going from a 10 to 9.7 but noticeable. and lastly soaking in a bath of warm water helps but make sure you bring in a fan otherwise the temperature sensitivity and fluctuation will make you get out before you get some relief and even then the relief doesn’t last that long. oh and something that worked for me for about an hour was driving around for awhile at night with the window down but after about an hour the runs ran me home. advice, prayers, comments, thoughts appreciated. I will try to post every 24 hours during my w/d and want all on here to know the light of my heart is with you. 
oh btw… “ma dukes” is my child’s mother.
Well CRAP, My 1st real attempt to get off these dam pills pretty much ended in failure. I done pretty good on the weening for about a week or so then things took a turn for the worse. Dam, This is hard. I quit smoking after 30 years and thought that was tough but by comparison that was real easy. Time to regroup and get ready for round 2. I am not going to give up the fight but it looks like its going to be a long battle. Glad to hear everyone here is doing well. Time for some rest as I have to be 40 miles from home at 7:00 am to install a new concrete driveway for my brother. Take care all.
OK… I will start posting over here.
Good day today…got my Kratom and found some weed I had laying around for god knows how long. The mixture of both of them made me feel brand new.
Tomoroow it’s a 4 mile hike after my Kratom and breakfast and I think I will be on the downhill side after only 3 days.
To those of you who don’t know me, I was no mild user of hydro- 8-10 a day for 3 years. Dabbled in oxy, morphine, and methadone. The methadone actually weened me of the hydro, but I was stuopid and got my script filled anyway.
I hear ya’ Hard Enough! I used to smoke too and that was piece of cake compared to this crap.
Keep trying. This is not my first time of trying to quit. Hopefully it will be the last, but if it isn’t, I eventually will. Sometimes you have to fall off the horse a few times before you can stay on him!
nsip: lol yes I am 30 lmao lil old for school haha yeah im ready but we already have a ton of homework and school doesnt start till monday ughh!!
and dont be down on yourself for it just pick up and try again.
Hardenough: dont give up many of us have relapsed several times not that im proud of it but hey it took me a few times well like 5 lol but im sober and and havent gone back this time. Sometimes it takes a few times but dont give up
Good Morning Everyone!
Looks like some of you made it over to the about page…welcome.
@ Neesip, I will be praying for things to go well. I know it sux to depend on someone else’s opinion to determine what you already know. Prayers being sent your way.
@Bruce, you sound like you are kicking ass…WAY TO GO!! I use Kratom sporatically and used it to detox and it helps alot. I only use it now as a treat. Also, the taste kinda grosses me out if I take it for more than a couple days in a row.
@ Jen, Going back to school in your 30′s is great!! I did the same thing but for a different degree and I loved it. Why? Well because I can now appreciate education and find things much more interesting than I did in High School. Good Luck…you will do wonderfully!
@ Had Enough, I know how you feel. As most everyone knows, I relapsed several times before I finally got it. I kept posting and worked through it with everyone on here and then one attempt I stuck with it. I found that once you decide you are going to quit and then fall off the wagon your life is never the same. The pills don’t seem to work anymore because with every pill I took I felt guilty and thought “when am I gonna stop”. That seemed to counteract the effect of the pills. Remember, we are all here to support you no matter what. Good luck and I will be praying for a quick turn around and an easy detox when the time comes.
@Metoo, glad to hear you got the job. I hope the hours are better.
@ Kitty, how are you and your husband doing?
I’ve been working, getting things finished around the house, getting boys ready for school, etc. and have been so damn worn out….no more “pick-me-up pills” and so I have the energy of a normal person. But I’m adjusting. I still feel depressed when I first wake up but it continues to pass by mid-morning.
I hope everyone has a great day!
Pinkerton
What’s up, Pink? No more calling me out? lol
I love you guys and I carry you with me every day!
Jen
hope you didn’t think i was makin fun of that age thing. that’s not what i meant at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am so respectful of you going to school. if i had more balls i would go back and go to dental school to become a dentist. i could do it. i know i could. just don’t have the dedication to school in me right now. so you rock!!!!
pink
that’s exactly what it was like. its as if somone else holds the fate of m life. it sucks and i was also interogated which i didnt think would happen when he was inspecting the car. its a pretty straight forward deal and i have nothing to lie about; but he asked me what speed i was going. and fuck idk the exact speed. i never have been able to say that for sure; it all happened soooo fast. lik i looked down to make sure i knew the exact speed. “i was going 26.2 mph”. yeah right!! i was thiniking bout the damn firehydrant and treee i was about to demolish. anyways…. blah blah
nothing i can do about it but wait and hope like helll they pay my med bills at the least.
Bruce
glad to see you found your way over to the about page. you sound like you are doing better today.. yesterday was a little shity; huh? but today is a new day. you sound very positive and i am rroooting you on. i KNOW you can beat this BS. and by the way i am a smoker and i think yal are nuts. quittting smoking is gonna be hard hard hard; guess no physical pain with it though. guess its a mind thing too. gotta make your mind up or it will never happen. well i like my smokes (for now). its been brewing in back of my mind to quit for a long time; but i figure one addiction at a time.
OK…Pot is the best thing I have found to make me feel somewhat normal. It helps more than anything I have tried.
I was wondering….if the owner of this domain would like to make this site a real forum, I could show them how. It would have seperate Boards on it. Something like….#1- Genereal Discussion (everything except drug talk)
#2-Newbies-This would be where all the new people come to spur each other on.
#3-Detox Meds Section-Kratom, L-Tyrosnie, Pot, Alchohol, Kanna etc etc.-This would be where everbody gives their Pros and Cons on these things.
I can go on and on with catagories, but I think you get the drift.
You can get the software to do this for free.
This is a good one.
http://www.simplemachines.org
Just a thought…..
Hey my peeps glad to hear everyone is doing well and getting clean that is the only way to go right ??? Omg today us freaking hot hot hot here in SD geese …. Well everyone is getting some time under our belts I am right behind NSIP by a few days so I must be 15 weeks to right ???? Well everything is great here and getting a great tan drinking loads of water and swimming alot cause soon I won’t be able to get in the pool I think when u are really pregnant pools are no buneo
check back later
Well, I was supposed to go to this big biker party today, but felt so not motivated to get out of bed, so I stayed with the nieces instead. But dammit I was gonna enter and win the wet t-shirt contest lol I was determined until this morning. Oh well, you can’t beat spending time with your kids! But now here it is 2:30 am and neither will go to sleep, so the auntie ass whooping had to be threatened. It’s funny, those girls will argue and not listen and whine at everyone else and get threatened and it doesn’t scare them, but when I start to get stern they freak out and I’ve never even come anywhere near to that kind of punishment. Not a swat, pat or anything in 11 years. I guess I’m just scary lol.
I’m gonna try to get some zzzz’s. Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
quitting
yeah i think we are 15 or 16 weeks. i kind of lost track a bit. i don’t have an actual date to go back on either so i am not positive!! ya thhink its 15 or 16? its been super hottt hott hott here lately too. alll i have done all summer is lay in the pool or down at the lake . i would just live in the water if i could. i could be a mermaid. lol. sorry i’m silly. we do have all tht long hair like mermaids do. p.s your baby is gonna be beautifull. i hope he gets blue eyes too with creamy skin and dark hair, how prettty huh? i know you are freaked about delivery but …. i guesss when the time comes ya just don’t have a choice. member i said i am gonna be like”nevermind, i changed my mind, just leave em in there” lol i am freaked about tht part too.
Jamie
ive never done one though and i have always wanted to enter one. i have never been anywhere when they were having one. i think it would be fun (i think it would be fun cuz i think i would win. lol)
your neices love and respect there aunt jamie that is why they listen to you. they probably think you are the coolest. oh and p.s. i would give ya run for your money in that t shirt contest. i am barely 5foot tall with natural DD’s lol.
ON another note where are kitty and pink? mia? what up?
So anyways after my whole car deal with nissan on friday i had my doctors appt and idk if i have said anything and yal are gonna think i am nuts; but i have gained 17 lbs in like 5 weeks maybe 6 weeks. i know that doesnt sound like a big deal ; but i am tiny, tiny tiny (except my boobies, thanks to my mother). anyways. 17lbs on little old me is alot. i dont look bad ; but i cant button ANY of my clothes and my DD bras are too small!! well i don’t know bout yal; but i have tons of money in my wardrobe and i can’t replace a whole wardrobe. i am almost positive that the prozac is what is doing this to me cuz i have been more active since off the vics and watching what i eat (i am more hungry though). Anyways; she put me on a diet pill called “Phentermine”. i guess its kinda like speed. its the good part of PHen -Fin? sp? she said its not addicting; but acts as an appetite suppressant. its a controlled substance. the pharmacy i went to had to o rder it; they didnt even hae it on stock. anyways. i’m excited to try it . i will pick it up monday; but this way i can stay on the prosac that is working mentally and hopefully in a month i put my shorts on and button them again. i actually had to go to target and buy a sundress on friday cuz i had nothing , i mean nothing i could button of fit my ta tas into. sooo anyways wish me luck and i was wondering if anyone else had any thoughs or knew anything about this mediction.
Also; someone else was saying they couldnt loose weight; it might be something to ask your doc about. they did do an EKG on me to check my heart first. its Great she said . she said she would’ve liked to tell me different since i ama smoker; but nope good strong heart right now. anyways, enough rambling about me. hope someone knows about this med though.
love neesip
where’s everyone at? JEN? your pc is back where are you?
kittty, Pink
i feel like we havent talked in forever. probably only been a couple days; but i feel like i have no idea whats up with you guys!! miss ya much
love neesip
I’ve been taking about 6-8 vicodins a day for about 3 years for neck pain. I always run out of my prescription about a week before I can get a new one from my doctor or when my insurance will pay for it. So I’m off of them about once a month and its horrible. I’ve even tried to quit a couple of times but only made it about 9 days each time. I get everything everyone else says they get but the worst is the restless legs, no sleep, diaherra and especially NO ENERGY! Thats the major reason that I always start back up. Can anyone tell me, do you ever get more energy and stop feeling tired all the time? If so when does it get better?
Good Morning Everyone!
Hey Neesip!! Sorry girl, just been so involved with getting the house together and the boys read for school that I haven’t been on line that much and when I am I just can’t find any words to say. I don’t know why, maybe in a funk and maybe you have it all covered..lol..you are such an inspiration to so many on here and I have read all the encouragement you have offered to those in need…GOOD JOB
@ Jamie, lol, you know I know what you are up to
BTW, you haven’t mentioned what ever happened to your fiance…lol…there, called you out..that’s for trying to get my son on a bull!! Luv ya Grizzly, as in Grizzly Adams (are you too young to remember that show?)
Kitty, how is everything with your husband? Haven’t talked in a while and was hoping that everything is going well.
Metoo, congratulations on your new job and congratulations for recognizing when it’s time to move on and taking that leap of faith. It’s easy to stay put and complain about it but it takes much more courage to see that you aren’t happy and actually do something about it. How is the new puppy?
Well, my boys start school today and I’m the one who couldn’t sleep…lol. I remodeled their room, cleaned house, completed other projects, and got computers ready to be networked on Tuesday when the computer guys come over. Also, I have to order a digital piano today because our other one petered out…so I had to clean the livingroom and make a spot. With all that done I feel so much better. With the beginning of this school year I am going to start exercising daily and packing all of our lunches and eating healthy. Got to get it together. It is funny how your life changes when you come off the pills. I never cared before about anything other than my kids being taken care of. I didn’t care how unhealthy I was or how disorganized my house was, etc. but now I recognize the areas that need attention and get it done. I think part of it is finding things to do that keep my mind busy and wear me out because I am still struggling when it comes to being down in the dumps without the pills. I am just digging my heals in and working thru it. One day it will just go away I’m sure….I hope…lol. Like I have said before, I think I have always been this way and that is why the pills were so attractive to me. They calmed my nerves and took away all the worry and emotional crap that I am dealing with now.
Everyone take care and have a great week.
Love, Pinkerton
Day 5…off to work. Wish me luck!
So far I feel pretty much normal…
Good morning everyone. Sorry I have been away for a few days but I was just so busy getting a birthday dinner ready for my mom’s 80th birthday and my sister stayed the night Thursday as a surprise and my niece and nephew came as a surprise in addition to my daughter and her husband so I had been busy getting all of that prepared. Saturday and Sunday I was just too pooped to do much of anything. My husband came of the IV treatment on Thursday but is still going in for hyperbaric treatment daily. He is healing really well but still will be out of work another month and still is too swollen for a shoe. But, baby steps right? This too shall pass.
Bruce, I am glad you found us brother…..keep up the good work ….day five is a milestone and going back to work helped me tremendously as it took my mind off of it.
A far as your suggestions for subject breakdown on this board, there is another board just like that called addictionrecoveryguide.org which is organized just that way. Don’t go away, though, just thought you might be interested in it. After people become friends though, it is hard to segregate subjects to different spots. We tend to spill out personal stuff among the addiction and recovery stuff cause it all blends together at some point….lol!
Hey Pink – sounds like this year it is a lot different getting the boys ready for school….without the pills that is. Even though they kept us afloat, what we did not realize was that boat was slowly sinking. I know this because I got through my daughter’s wedding, my husband’s first amputation, and his severe leg wound with the pills…but when I think back, I was not the best mother, and definitely not the best wife during those times. In fact the night he came home from the hospital and was unable to walk, and calling my name for help, well, I was in a Vicodin stupor unconscious in my den. Tough times, but for me remembering them keeps me straight.
Metoo – wow, great that you took that step and quit your job. That takes balls girl and I am so thrilled that you made the break and something else reared its head to soon. Prayers go out to you my friend and I hope this is your chance of a lifetime.
Neesip – I do not feel as if I can take a step away now that you are here so keep us the good work in your sobriety and in helping others. Jen – miss you and hope you are just taking a break as I have been.
Jamie girl – I am so glad you are posting….stay here because I miss your words and hearing about your life. I promise I won’t get on your case as I have done periodically (the mom in me)!
Well, this is my last dayoff before I have to go back to work tomorrow so I better get off my sweet arse and get some stuff done….trying to keep my ADD in check…ha!
Hey guys and girls out there that are thinking of quiting the pill hell – you can do it, one day at a time – there is life right around the corner for you and it is a better life than PILL PRISON!
Love you
Kitty
PS – Please join me if you can on September 8th – my one year anniversary of the first day with no pills!!…..(oh and Clyde’s birthday)
TTYS
Neepsip – I meant that I CAN take a step away because you are here to keep things rolling! Spell check certainly does not find the grammatical errors I throw out there…sorry! LOVE YA!
KITTY
Haha, Pink! I still think bull riding would be fun for him… When he gets older.. he can ride sheep and calves for now!
As for the fiance, I’m still with him, don’t wear my ring anymore, so I don’t feel engaged anymore. He’s still an ass. I’m just waiting till after our family harvest and then hopefully I’ll have some money to move. My parents are talking about moving up to the mountains so I’m probably gonna go with them, just to get away from this situation. I started taking the vix, I realized, as a way to put up with hiim and now here I am 3 months down and he’s no fun and I’m miserable. I’m in a damn funk that just won’t go away. Please keep my thoughts of moving on this board, cuz a homeless Jamie is no good to anyone lol Oh and yeah I remember watching Grizzly Adams when I was real little, loved it…of course. That’s funny one of my teachers in high school would sing the Davy Crockett theme song to me but toss in my name and call me the queen of the wild frontier lol
Kitty, you know I don’t mind you being my internet mom. And every now and then I do need a Kitty smackdown lol
Well, the nieces were a pain yesterday til they were leaving and then they got sweet. I had started at 10am hounding my sister “when are you coming to get your girls?” Now today I miss them!
Got news last night from my uncle, he thinks that my grandma might have had a mini stroke, but no one took her to the doctor and knowing her she’d refuse to go. So I’m hoping and praying he’s wrong. But she’s had a few strokes before, so I’m worried.
Well, I’m gonna try for a nap, I’ve had the worst insomnia for weeks now and I’m getting sick of it. I hate not being able to sleep! Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
I scared everyone away? lol
Jamie – no you didn’t – we are over on the thomas recipe page – haha
If you can’t lick em – join em!
Love
Kitty
did everyone jump ship here or what?
Good Evening all. I tell you I’m about at wits end. I have been tried weaning, cold turkey, everything I can think of but every time ends in failure. I really want to get off these dam things but as i lay here typing my feet are killing me and I’m getting ready for Knee surgery in October. What sucks Is I can take 3-4 norcos and the pain level only drops about 10%. I keep asking myself, Why even bother with the meds. But the answer to that is the withdrawals are so bad i cant function. I just dont know what to think anymore. My son wants me to go to the mayo clinic in December to see if we can get any answers on my feet. Dont know what started this pain but im starting to think it may be something in my family as my younger brother has been telling me about his feet bothering him alot lately. I told him, Whatever you do try to find the reason and stay away from the Vics. I have not let him know how bad i am into them, But he knows i take some. I’m going to try again tomorrow waiting until i start to get sick and then only 1 at a time, Instead of 3 or 4. I will never give up but I get more and more discouraged With every failure. But with the up and coming surgery are they going to load me up with more pain meds, Most likely. Hope you all have a good night.
Had enough
kitty
i saw your post after i wrote that. thanks for the kind words the other day. idk if i can hold things down like you can but i try as much as i can.
Jamie
you could never scare anyone off. sorrry your man has been such an ass. maybe i dont pay enough attention; but i didnt realize you guys were having problems. its scares me that i could end up homeless one day too. (not that my fam would let that happen) We are not married but own a house and i have never filed quick claim deed that puts me on the title. if i do that; then if anything ever happens between now and marriage; then i get half of the house if sold or he has to buy me out. i’m an idiot that i have not already done this. anyways. sorry to hear bout your grandma. hope everything is o.k.
had enough
you are not alone. Pink has been down this road a time or two and she finally made it and so can you!!! don’t give up!! we will all be here when you are ready to do it!!
pink , Jen (with your pc back), quitting
where ya at ladies? miss ya!!
So if i am not on for a couple days its cuz i am going to KY to grandparents house in the sticks!!! probably no service there!! its a long, long drive too. aaahh. but my grandpa is not doing so hott and hasnt beeen for a while so i have to take every chance i can to go see him. i love him soooo much!! i am going to be a mess when he passes!!!
anyways; just on lunch; so gotta go
talk soon!! keep up the good work kids!
lov neesip
Good Morning Everyone!
Neesip, I am here
I have been so busy around the house and with the kids going back to school that when I wake up I have one cup of coffee, barely shake out the cob webs and then I’m off running. I worked yesterday and came home to receive the new digital piano I bought and decided I didn’t want to set it up in a room that needs painted. So, I went out, bought the paint, and painted the trim, ceiling and hallway (got ADD too Kitty) and now today gonna pick out paint for the walls. My point in telling you all this is that when I was high I wouldn’t have even gotten as far as to order a piano let alone have the ambition to paint the room I was putting it in. There are good days and bad but overall the struggle is worth it and I can see where things are getting better and better. I have also started to lose weight without much effort and I think the pills had to contribute to that problem.
I hope your trip goes well Neesip. Those are always hard to make.
Jamie, lol, of course you didn’t scare anyone away … we love you!
I had missed you alot and I am so glad that you have resurfaced.
Kitty, I’m counting down the days just like Dick Clark on New Year’s Eve. You are almost at your one year!
HadEnough, I’m so sorry to hear that you are struggling so much. I don’t even know what to say because it is a catch 22 because if you are going to have knee surgery then you will be put on something I assume so I would hate for you to go thru the struggle of detox only to relapse (no fault of your own) but on the other hand, will the pain meds really help with the pain from surgery if you are taking such a high dose. It may be unbearable if you don’t get off the stuff now and let your tolerance decrease. I don’t know. Good luck, I will be praying for you.
Love to all,
Pinkerton
I want some of Pink’s energy and some of Metoo’s optimism! lol Might as well give me some of Kitty’s wisdom too!
Love and hugs to all!
Good evening all. It’s 8:30 Friday eve and I’m looking forward to my last 3 day weekend this year. I have been doing some catchup reading and am happy to see so many of you are doing so well. I am going to spend this weekend probably sick but am going to try to spend some time in my garage. I have a classic car I am doing some work on so I hope i can spend much of my weekend there to help keep my mind busy and hope the W/Ds are not so bad I cant get any work done. All this reading is very inspirational and I hope in time It will help me kick this miserable situation. Why are these dam things so addictive when they really don’t even seem to do anything for you after so long. It seems like I keep saying the only thing they do is make me feel normal. Sounds stupid but it almost feels that way. Well I guess thats enough for now. I will be back tomorrow night to give you all an update.(Hopefully a good one) Good night all.
What kind of classic car you got, Had Enough? I’m a female grease monkey. Got a bunch of old Chevys to tinker on when the time comes.
I own a 72 Chevelle SS Clone. Doing some major upgrades on the front suspension and installing a quick ratio steering box. I’m sure it wont handle like a Vette, But I bet it will be a lot better than it was. Sad part is I got enough money in it I could have bought a new Vette!
Happy Labor Day!
How are you doing Hadenough? I hope that you have been able to work on you project and not suffer too much from the detox. Keep busy, busy, busy with your passion and you’ll come through this nightmare before you know it.
Jamie, I would love to own a Sting Ray one day. I think they are beautiful. So, when you get time whip one out for me…I’ll catch a plane out to pick it up…lol…
Kitty, counting down the days! How have you been? How’s your patient doing? I hope his recovery has been fast.
Neesip, I know you are in KY but I just wanted to give you a shout out and welcome you home when you return. How did your visit go?
Well, I finished painting the “piano room” and watched, ironed, and hung the curtains so now my friends are coming over today to set up the piano. Then onto the livingroom next week.
I hope everyone who is recovering is doing well. I have struggled with sobriety and have started to find my way out of the depression by keeping busy and focused (something I lacked on the pills). I will never feel the same way I did on the pills because that isn’t who I am and I have to accept that and stop searching for that feeling and make the best of the person I am now and the person I was before the pills. I don’t want to be vulnerable to anything again and I think that comes with accepting the hand you have been dealt and make the best of it.
Everyone have a great Labor Day and I hope the weather is good for all of you to enjoy your day. Me and my kids will be out at the pool if possible
!
Love to all,
Pinkerton
MOrning Kids
Kitty;
shouldn’t we be doiing the 3!, 2!, 1! countdown right about now? is it the 8th if i remember correctly? could be wrong!!
Pink
yup thats some ADD there. i do the same thing. lol
glad you are getting some stuff done. i too have some projects on my list; just havent started them yet; but my house has continued to stay clean so thats good.
Girls (and boys)
i could have kicked his but he is second oldest and is 2 mos apart from my sister so we have beeen close for years but they live in tennessee now they own a pharmacy there. He and his brother took me and the two little girls on a ride on this one thing and he decided to go through the creek. not cross it but actually go down the creeks path and i had two screaming girls (his girls) in the back and one of them kept making me cover her eyes and the other one was crying and their heads were in my lap. then he bottoms us out going over an old tree that had fallen and the oldest pissed herself and had to take her pants off. so here i am in the back with two screaming girls. one 9 without her pants on anymore cuz they are all pisssy and the other is 4 or 5 and shes screaming cover my eyes. all the while both them damn boys are laughing. well he ripped the protector plate off the bottom and we are just stuck in the pasture in 110 degree weather and no service on cell phones to have somone bring tools to fix it!! i could have kicked his ASS! sorry to ramble but it was sooo nice to see my family. we just had lots of fun. the boys kept throwing buckets of water on us at night once kids were in bed and just lots of playhing arond. it was great.!!!
WOW!! what a weekend!! i think itold you guys i was going cuz my grandpa is not great. but he has been this way for quite a while now. i always worry that each time i make trip down to KY its gonna be the last time i see him ya know. He did lots of sleeping and laying around and usually is he is up and pretty talkative; but one of my aunts is taking him to a specialist in a couple of weeks so LOTS OF PRAYERS that this doctor can help him. just not being able to get out and do stuff is whats killing him literally more than anything!
ON a GOOD note; there were about ten of us that made it down there this labor day weekend. wish everyone was able to make it but 2 of my cousins (second cousins) i hadnt seen since my great uncles funeral were there and my male cousin is close to my age and his sister is a few years younger and then 2 of my first cousins who those 2 boys i have always been pretty close to were there also. my grandparents have 5 ponds and about 200 acres of farm land/ forest and the boys have kept the trails up so we did lots of 4 wheeling!! it was a blast. i don’t usually drive i just ride; but one of my cousins brought down this thing called a rRazar and it was awesome!! i loved it cuz it had seatbelts and rollbars just in case so i wasnt as scareed to take corners. we were flying though the woods at night and into the open pastures it was soooo much fun!! glad to be home though cuz i was filthy. my grandparents have well water and it stinks like sulfer and i usually won’t bath when i am there. yeah its gross but ican’t stand how soft the water is and the smell. i feel so slimy when i get out that i feel like might as well not even have showered. lol i did get in the kiddie pool with my cousins little girls. one of them looks just like me and he kept saying why don’t you take her with you cuz she acts just like you too. i am the oldest of all the grandkids and there are 11 of us and i am the only one without kids yet.
Hope everyone eles is doing good!!
love neeesip. sorrry for the rambling
Good Morning Everyone!
Neesip, sounds like you had a blast….GOOD FOR YOU!!:) Glad to have you back.
Yes, we need to start the count down for Kitty…
Finally got the piano room done and the piano installed!! It sounds great
Now I’m onto my livingroom…shouldn’t take too long…just painting. Then my kitchen…that will take some effort. It is amazing how ambitious I am clean…alot of stuff was left undone around here and now I’m catching up. It feels good to have a clean house that is updated. I was too lazy to even hang pictures before and now within the last few weeks have painted and redone two rooms and a hallway (pictures ordered and hung too) 
Have a great day everyone and we’ll connect later.
Pinkerton
Hey everyone!
Sorry I have not posted the last few days. I have not felt very good and have been harboring a really bad pain in my hip and leg – virtually a “pain in the Ass” so to speak. It is a little better now but on Saturday, it was a severe bone deep pain that eventually stopped me in my tracks.
And, with not allowing myself to take pain medication – well, that was not even an option.
Yes, we need to count down – the eighth of September is day after tomorrow and Lord, let us rejoice in the healing power of God and the healing power of friends….friends who I have never met in person but with whom I have the tightest bond….a common purpose….and for which I have highest regards and love.
Thank You folks – for without you, I would be nowhere – without you I would still be in the pill rut. OMG, when I think about the life I was leading, I am so very blessed to have moved on to a much better existence.
I hope that I can help just one other person cross over to the other side. That would make all of the pain worthwhile.
Thanks for the memories guys.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4d7qDSAMB-s&feature=related
More tomorrow – love you guys!
Kitty
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY KITTY!! One year today
You have just gone one entire year / 12 months / 52 weeks / 365 days / 8,760 hours / 525,600 minutes / 31,536,000 seconds witout taking even “ONE” pill.
I am so proud of you! You made it!!! And, you have helped so many people along the way. I love ya
Here’s to one year down!
Pinkerton
Thank you Pink! Thank you soooo much! Can you believe it???? I am so thankful and humbled to have come so far and I thank you for being a friend for the past months. Before you know it, we will be celebrating your year anniversary….I can’t wait!
Love Ya
Kitty
PS – it is Kitty Cat Clyde’s birthday today also! He is my little angel!
kittty
congrats on your year anniversary. i tried to get on here yesterday but had trouble with the page. that happens to me often. sooo happy for you and happy b day to clyde too. sorry i am a day late. its really early on the 9th. i have been trying to get on here for like 24 hrs it seems like and finally this a.m. it loaded for me. one day i will be at my one year too. i’m starting to loose track of my time. i need to go back and check dates from my first posts. lol sorry to hear you have had some pain but way to go girl without taking anything!!! hope you had a great day!!!
love neesip
Hey, kids!! I’m checkin’ in to congratulate Miss Kitty on an AMAZING YEAR!!!!! Way to go, girlfriend!!!!! I couldn’t be more proud of you!! PLUS, you have helped so many others on the way…you are priceless, my friend!!
Life is crazy. Brief recap: I walked out of my job on the 22nd, had an interview on the 24th. Got that job. Due to start on Sept. 12. Ok. Then I put in another application at a different facility, got a call, and they want to start my testing for that job on Sept. 12th. (The same day I am slated to start the other job…) DECISION TIME. Gamble or just take the job?? SO, I called job #1 and they said that they can delay my starting date~I am to call them when I am ready to start. (Almost peed my pants, because THAT is TOO KIND!!) So, on Monday, I will take my first test (of 3), to interview for a job that is less money but better hours, and hopefully a cleaner environment. I know I ask this of all of you all the time, BUT, I’m going to ask again that if you have any extra prayers in your heart, to offer them up for me, so that the right job will come to light.
Meanwhile, we are keeping on. Met a couple great new friends, and life is good. I am ready to get to work though!!! I am so happy that everyone here is still taking care of everyone else. This board has changed so many lives!!!
I love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We can all do this!!!!
Is the website stuck? It’s much too quiet here…
This “about” page is hard too load for most people. I think it needs to be archieved. It is 10 MB in size the last time I checked.
People have better luck loading the main page.
Still think this would make a good venue for a forum type atmosphere.
Jamie!
I race cars! I guess I’m a greese monkey too.
Gonna change my name, so I can get a little more personal.
OMG; i just wrote a whole bunch and it got erased!!!! aahhhh!!!
KITTY
where ya at mamma? hope you are ok ; you mentioned some pain the other day; hope you are not still dealing with that!!! sort of sounded like arthritis or burcistis. i get burcitis in my shoulders and my hips sometimes and it is pain to the bone!!! hopefully you are just bus with your daughter!! i saw your post to tiffany. my heart goes out to her too; but no response from here yet. i think sometimes i feel like you did sort of with joe. (not the same thing ; but) I see these people reach out and then never return and i wish i could help them and i wonder about them only to never hear from them again and i have to just learn to accept that is just the way it is. anyways; enough rambling. hope you are well and talk later lady.
Pink
just kiddding. Glad you are soo motivated. feeels good huh? i have many projects around here that neeed done too. We redid our bathromm last year and its gorgeous. light, light, light yellow walls with white trim; all appriances are white too with crome handles etc… I hung pictures of tulips, roses, etc. in colors of light yellow , coral, white , with white frames and it looks soo pretty. my towells are grey and floow matts are grey and accent towells are coral. but we never got the trim painted white again. it needs repainted white still but i always leave that blue tape behind or i rip off paint somehow.. frustrating!! ii would do it myself if i knew i wouldnt mess it up. Also we have linolium in kitchen that needs tiled instead; sometimes i think i will just start ripping it up in places its torn and then jeff will have no choice but to do it first. devious huh? My didning room also needs repainted. its a dull red and i think its boring. but we are in historical district and its original woodwork and i am afraid i will screw up the beautiful woodwork so i don’t dare touch it by myself. lol. glad you are motivated and getting stuff done. feels pretty good huh? watch that piano though i don’t want anymore calls from your neighbors… 
put that paint brush down and come say hello!! Your neighbor called me and said they were up all night cuz some crazy lady was playing the piano all night long so you might wanna put a time limit on your piano playing hours. lol
QUITTING? QUITTING? JEN? JEN? HELLO?
jamie, bruce, had enough— YOU GREASE MONKEYS!!
my neighbor has an old Mach 1 in his driveway and its BAD A!!! not sure the year. its white and looks sooo cool!!
hope everyone is doing well and God Bless everyone its 9-11 lets all say a little prayer for everyone we lost.
love lneesip
Good Morning Everyone!
Neesip, you are too funny
I don’t play the piano, my kids do. I actually didn’t paint this weekend. I cleaned after I took them to their piano lessons on Saturday and on Sunday we went to see a musical. I need to start on the livingroom this week. Neesip, you can do anything you want…painting is not hard, just need to approach the project with patience. If I start out wanting to get it all done at once, I mess everything up and get paint everywhere, but if I get into a good grove, I usually do a pretty good job. It took several days to redo my hardwood floors but it’s so satisfying when it’s done. I know I sound like a broken record but it is amazing what we can accomplish when our primary focus isn’t taking, getting, counting, the pills.
How is everyone doing? I hope well.
Have a great day!
Pinkerton
Hey eveyone
I have been trying to get on the about page all day and finally I had to get in through the back door by typing in page 56 instead of 57 on a search and was able to get in that way. I tried from work and home and FINALLY made it in. I am afraid that one of these days we will just have to start posting on the thomas recipe page instead of the about….what do you think?
Hey Pink – throw a little of that ambition my way would you – I am lazy as a pig in a poke lately…lol…where has all my post Vicodin ambition gone, huh?
Well, I was just basking in the 911 10 year anniversary yesterday and got very down after watching all the shows…especially one on last night with videos from everyday people on the street. It was really heart wrenching! I would say our self inflicted everyday problems are minimal in the face of the disaster of 911 – do you agree?
Anyway, nothing I could say today could escalate that particular day in history so I offer this prayer instead….
Dear Lord,
Thank You for Your healing mercy. Thank You for sharing in my pain when You died on the cross. Please give me eyes to see those hurting around me, and teach me to be still, to listen, and to administer mercy.
In Jesus’ Name,
Amen.
Love,
Kitty
Good evening ladies. All is well with this grease Monkey. Got my Hot rod back together Saturday. Needless to say I have spent most of my free time on the road. Sad to report things have not been going well for me in the quitting department. As hard as i try I just cant tolerate this Knee pain. I’m not sure exactly what he has to repair but he told me I had a torn Meniscus. Some days I can’t even walk. It’s all i can do to strap on my brace and get to work. Thank God I have a desk job. I spoke with my surgeon last Friday and he has me on the schedule for the 1st week in Nov. I for the life of me can not figure why this crap takes so long. but it’s probably for the best as business slows down here in the next month or so. It took almost 5 weeks just to get in to see him. I just have to keep the brace on a take it easy till then. A guy i work with had his knees repaired there last winter and he told me that his knee pain was completely gone within 7 days. I have been reading the posts every night but hate to comment as I feel bad that i haven’t been able to quit yet. I am just hoping and praying that after my surgery come Christmas time, That my present to myself can be 1 month + clean. I am happy to hear so many of you are doing so well and hoping that by staying in touch with you all and keeping up on the reading that this is going to help me when I am ready. I really truly want to & need to get off these dam things but I dont think i have a chance until after the surgery. Thank you all for listening and your comments. Everyone take care and I will be in touch.
Good Morning Everyone!!
Kitty, I don’t know if it’s ambition or survival instinct…lol..the house was so in need of some TLC that I had no choice but to get some things done. Also, been having alot of issues with my oldest son and it’s my therapy, my way of dealing with things right now. I start a project and think of nothing else all day and evening and then I’m so exhausted that I just fall into bed.
I agree with you about 9/11 Kitty. I let the kids stay up on Sunday and watch a documentary after 60 mins. My kids were astounded, literally. They could not comprehend what was happening.
Hadenough, don’t ever feel bad about any situation you find yourself in. I felt the same way when I continued to use. At first I felt awkward posting but then I realized that there are others just like me out there who still want to get the job done but need more time. Some folks quit the first try, some the second, and so on. We all understand and will continue to cheer you on. This isn’t about controling someone else or having expectations or being disappointed in someone…we are all here to be supportive. You are on a journey and wherever or however you travel is up to you and you alone….just take us along with you.
Jamie, “I’ll hang around as long as you will let me…let me, let me..and I never mind standing in the rain…you don’t have to call me darlin..darlin..you never even call me by my name…”
Hey Metoo, what’s up with the job??
Have a great day everyone!
Pinkerton
Hey Y’all
Well – let me tell you a funny story
I was just standing in the pool with my head on the raft
The water is cold although the weather is in the 90′s.
It was dark – a little before 9:00 at night
My eyes were shut – I was deep in thought
I hear and feel a huge kerplunk
Clyde jumped into the middle of the pool
onto the raft
stood there nervously for at least a minute
and proceeded to jump off the raft
grabbed onto the side of the pool with his front paws
his whole backside getting soaking wet
and climbed the rest of the way out of the pool!
The freaking cat is crazy!!!!!!!
But, I love him
He is a mess
Crazy Cat story for the day!
Love you all
Sleep Tite
Kitty
hey everyone. 19 days. i suppose it gets easier after 5. but still everything isn’t gone yet. still miserable trying to sleep. still have a messed up stomach. still incredibly anxious. got a job where i have to walk a ton and lift even more so while i’m doing that its really not that bad, but after work it seems to all kick back in again. ugh i’m so tired of this feeling. just wanted to give an update and wish u all luck and well wishes. my heart light is still on for all of you.
Rock,
Yes, the sleep, or rather the lack of, was the very last to return. It does come back though and after a year, I barely remember the drama or it. That it is why I appreciate folks like you refreshing my memory and keeping me straight.
Thanks for the post and welcome. I do not recall your posts before, but perhaps I missed them. Anyway, 19 days is awesome so keep up the good work and always remember…..
Just for today – I will not take a pill.
Love,
Kitty
PS – Hey to everyone else….love you guys and hope y’all are keeping the beast away and loving life.
Anyone
I really need to know how to get that Kratom stuff. A good friend of mine and hiw wife are both hooked really bad and if they don’t stop its going to financially break them and their marriage. Pink?? Me TOO? can ya tell me how i can tell him to get it please and thnaks.
neesip
Neesip,
Do you mean that they are hooked on Kratom?? I am assuming that you mean vics cause Kratom isn’t that expensived. I will look on my old computer and find the website and post it.
TTYL, Pinkerton
Yes i mean Vics and they want something to help ease the w/d and i told them bout thomas recipe and this website; but they were asking bout the kratom and i told em i would find out if i could. thanks pink!
luv ya girl
Here’s a great kratom vendor…
http://entheofarm.com/
just checking in to say hello!! I am ‘in transition’ with the job thing..took my first test of three, and now I wait for a few days for the results! Either way, I’m going to work soon!!
You all seem to be doing fine here, and I am glad about that!! Thanks to those who inquired about me…I appreciate you all so much!!
Metoo; and pink
i pray they can get out of this cycle. they are good people. maybe we should all say some prayers for them. thanks kids; love neeesip
thanks for the link. i immediately texted it to him. he and i were kinda partners in crime so to speak ; no pun intended. if he couldnt find any vics i would always be able tohook him up with someone and vicea versa. when i quit he couldnt believe i made it and was soo proud of me. he hadn’t gotten as bad as i was but i think he is nearing it and his wife and him fight over them and they are upstanding respecting people in our community. if anyone knew they wouold just die to know those two were taking them . i hope they can do it because it i ruining their marriage. she went to get gas the other day and her card was declined and we have all had that happen and its soooo embarassing!! well its probaly way more embarassing if its cuz you and your husband spent all the money on vics.
Kitty
not sure if you saw my post 2867 to you; but how do you deal with that? just let it go? you’ll have to go back and read.
anyways. CLYDE CLYDE CLYDE that crazy A cat. he’s nuts. that rreminds me of our Mars,mooz, moosie whatever we call him that day ; its really (marzocci) what a silly name . we never call him that. he did that in the shower one time being curious and feell in. its soo funny when they do that stuff. he thought that raft was solid. boy did he get a surprise. i can just see him hanging onto the edge struggling as you stand there and laugh. i would too. did he pop your raft? oh wait; no claws right.
On the 9/11 deal. wow thats a toughie for me. my best friend thats in miami. her dad was in DC and her brother was in NY. i was with my first patient that morning in my corner room with the doctor that used to own our practice for 30 plus years. the three of us were watching Good moring america in disbelief. we canceled our afternoon patients that day. everyone was in tears . i remember it like it was yesterday. i remember running to the back to call my friend to see if her brother and dad were o.k. it was absolutely chaos. i took it sooo hard. i was really mourning for those people for a long time and still do. i know this will sound bad; but i remember being angry with God about it. i lit a candle every day for a long time for the victims and families. i still have the completely burned down large candle. i know it wasnt much ; bbut i felt helpless. like i couldnt do anything to help and wanted to soo badly. it was suchh a bad bad deal i hope we never have a tradgedy like that ever again! i will never forget that day! my doc at the time put a flag up that said never forget outside of our office. he could be an ass sometimes ; but i gained much respect for him to see him so concerned about others. anyways enough of my good ole rambling!
where is everyone?
love neesip
Neesip – Hey little girl! How do I deal with the pain – is that what you are asking. I have decided, and this may sound really weird to you’all and it does not work all the time – but I just decide that pain is just like every other feeling – like hot and like cold – I used to use the slightest pain for an excuse to use drugs and after a while the pills or lack of caused real pain – pain that I do not want to ever feel again – so I deal with it like that – no pain is worth getting hooked on drugs again….at my age I am going to have some pain – No, I don’ t cherish the thought of it – and it is a burden some time – but I figure it is something that I will have to deal with and just sit it out sometime.
If that was not what you were asking – I’m sorry.
Ya – Clyde did bust the raft and that is the second one the two kitty’s busted with their back claws – only the fronts are
de-clawed.
I will keep your friends in my prayers most definitely and will repeat the prayer above because it is so on target to help me focus on others instead of myself. I hope they are at the point they want to quit and I know your tender heart will be reaching out to them. I have faith in you in that respect.
Dear Lord,
Thank You for Your healing mercy. Thank You for sharing in my pain when You died on the cross. Please give me eyes to see those hurting around me, and teach me to be still, to listen, and to administer mercy.
In Jesus’ Name,
Amen.
Pink, Metoo, Neesip – love goes out to you gals!
Kitty
Hello all. Well, The weekend is finally here. Unfortunately i have to work tom0rr0w but then i will be kicking back with my feet up. Going to give it another shot on Sunday morning. I have no plans and my house is clean so if I’m not feeling the best it is not the end of the world. I’m not going to let myself get to sick but I just got to get the numbers down. It gets so discouraging time after time but I know that I have to keep going or there is no end for it. Jamie, I haven’t seen much from you since you said you were a grease monkey. You have me curious, What kind of cars do you like? Like to chat with you a little.
Kitty
sorry for the miscommunication; but i was actually asking how do you deal with people coming and going on here? i guess there could come a day when i will do the same; but not in the future anytimes sooon for me. what i meant was… like that little girl Tiffany we both responded to and never heard back from her. I have been thinking about her ever since her post. and you know how joe kinda left. well i know you took that hard. i was wondering how you deal with thiinngs like that. you care and get concerned about those on here and then one day they are gone never to return and i wonder are they ok. did they just move on? etc.. etc.. sory for the miscommunication; but that is what i really meant. i am very unclear sometimes. i don’t use propper grammer when i am tryping things like this and my run -on sentences probably tend to get a little confusing. lol they make sense in my head.
love neesip
Neesip,
No problem – Sorry I misunderstood. It is very hard to let go but it is the nature of the beast. There are more one timers on here than those that stick. Joe and I were communicating by E-mail also on a daily basis also, so it was really difficult when one day he decided not to post or write any longer. I wrote to him on my year anniversary of being drug free and there was no answer so I do not know if he is dead or alive so to speak or that he just does not want anything to do with me. I miss you and metoo and pink when I dont here for a few days but the saddest part is see people crying out for help that never post again. I just pray that they reach out to someone else or get the help they need somehow some way. It is hard and I see your heart is so into helping others and rest assured there may be people out there that you are helping who never post at all…..so keep on trying. You may be reaching out to someone who reads your post every day but you may never know their name or that they even exist. The ones who get away, just keep them in your prayers and leave it up to God.
Hope that eases your anxiety and answers your questions little bird.
Love
Kitty
Good morning everyone!
I can’t get anything to type out….it takes forever!! Gonna try the other page.
Pinkerton
You know, about the folks that pop online to post and then disappear…we have still touched their lives. Even if only for a moment, our thoughts or prayers crossed. When people go away, I DO get sad, but I also realize that PERHAPS their life (or my own) is better now for having known me. Does that make any sense? That is one of my prayers too…asking God to allow my life to touch others in such a way that I might bring a little bit of Him to them. Really, if you think about it, what else IS there??
. Please say a few prayers AGAIN!!! 
I miss Joe, and another old friend, Shmoe…and I still pray for them..but I KNOW that one day we will all meet again, when God is ‘adding up’ our life’s accounts. And I am far better for having known them too.
This website is life changing! We are blessed to be a part of it. I am thankful for all of you who are sharing it with me!
I have the second leg of my interview process tomorrow. The phone interview! This old lady ain’t never had one of those!!!
Ladies, I am still here but have nothing good to report so I just keep reading whats going on in your lives. Someday I will get what it takes to get through this but for some unforeseen reason maybe right now is just not my time. Deep down I know I need to stop and if I don’t that surely one day it will most likely be the end of me. I dont understand why this is so freaking hard. They really dont help with pain anymore and I dont really feel like I’m Buzzed from them. I just know that when I dont have any I feel sick as hell. I know in time that will pass but I just need to push myself over that 1st hurdle. I’m sure that if I tried something different with my life style it may help as right now I do absolutely nothing with my life but work, work, work and when I’m not I just come home to an empty house. The wife left years ago and left me to raise my 2 sons which I think I have done a dam fine job of. My oldest is 24 married and lives 2 houses down the road and my youngest is in school for physical therapy and emergency medical tech . I just need to push myself to get out and try to spend more time with people.
Hi Everyone,
I want all of you to know how much your posts have helped me in my battle with opiates that I have had for so so many years. I am now almost 4 wks off Roxys and Methadone (this time around.) I am so determined to make it. As all of you know initial withdrawals were hell and am still having terrible leg pain, problems sleeping, weakness and concentration and anxiety are a daily problem. I posted on the diet page more of my story. Thanx to everyone I finally got the courage to post.
Star
hadenough
I understand what it feels like to want to stop but knowing how sick you are when you do certainly makes it very difficult. I am almost 4 wks off roxys and methadone. Did try and taper but mainly it was cold turkey for me. Getting concerned because I am still having bad leg pain, anxiety and a horrible time being around people and feel like I am functioning. Sleeping more than 3 hrs at a time is really wearing me down. I am working very hard to fight the temptation to ask my girlfriend for any of the pain meds that I know she has. This is so difficult as the body aches and pain consume most of my days. I just have to believe it will get better. I am not sure if this is PAWS or some other health problem. Thanks to everyone for their posts because they are so encouraging no matter how many times one tries to stop-relapse- and then say enough is enough-This time I am going to make it.
Star
Star
I have had severe feet pain for over 7 years. I have seen over 11 doctors and the most they have come up with is some sort of nerve issue. I worked about 4 hours today and have spent the rest of my day on the couch. I have taken a couple Vics but they hardly help anyway. I can understand why you want off methadone as a doctor put me on that a few years ago. It was the time release pills and I had never tried them before. Long story short I got my scrip on Thursday and took a few. and a few on Friday, then woke up in ER on Sunday about noon with my whole family there. Threw them in the toilet and told myself, Never again. But I still have to figure a way to deal with this pain and still get off the opiates. They have been running my life for years and years. I just dont know what to do. I used to smoke weed when i was younger and I have wondered if there was any chance that may help my feet today but I cant try because of a zero tolerance where i work.
I guess i will just keep plugging away and do everything i can to try and get off the pain meds. I dont have any right now and usually i would be going crazy tiring to find some but im so fed up i dont care if i am sick all day tomorrow. Sad thing is Monday i have a business to run and I have to be there.
Anyone: I was on 120-150 mg Vicodin for about 4 years; about 20mg/day before that for about ten years. I have been off for three months and don’t crave them at all, but I am still far from normal. Depressed, apathetic, brain fog, etc. Has anyone else taken this much, and if so, did you eventually recover? I worry I have trashed my brain. thanks.
Hi Ladies…
I miss u all so much. I have such a hard time getting on this site from my phone. I keep trying to read some of your posts but I keep getting kicked off. I hope u all are well. U girls gave me so much support in my first few weeks. I am now almost 5 months “o” free ,except for.the lapse I had with the percs in the beginning (i don’t count it cuz I barely remember It… ) I’m gonna try to get back on here tomorrow. Love ya!!!
Today is the first day of the rest of my life.
Hi everyone. I’ve been reading hundreds of posts on this page for days now…preparing to battle those withdrawals. It has helped to see so many in the same situation, but also scared the crap out of me. My background-I started dabbling with oxys when I was 18, about 9 years ago. I did it all…oxys, vicodin, norcos, percocet, anything! (except heroin. I’ve never tried that.) I stopped when I got pregnant for my son in 2005, however never had a problem quitting. I started again after I had him, I was in legitimate pain. However I love them so much, that I continued after the pain was gone. A year later I got pregnant for my daughter. I didn’t do so well with staying away from them then, but I pretty much quit. I did a few here and there, but not everyday or even every month. But again-started again after delivery. My addition was mild for the year and a half after that. I used but not every single day. Most days though. Then my fiance left me. My mom moved in, and she made the pills very accessible. She battles addiction with them herself. Skip ahead to now, I have been taking 7-10 10 mg norcos per day. If I don’t have those, I take my moms morphine. Or get through a week or so here and there by using tramadol. I’ve been wanting to stop for awhile, but it became clear that now is the time when my friend who hooked me up for practically free moved away and my doctor quit prescribing me the tramadol, both in the same week. I’m pretty much terrified. I don’t even remember what normal feels like. I don’t even know who I will be if I am able to do this. I wish I had started tapering sooner, but I didn’t. Sunday, I took 6 10 mg norcos, about 2 less than normal. I am perfectly functional on the six. Monday and Tuesday I took 4. Half of normal. Still functional, but some insomnia and restless legs at night…leading into hot and cold flashes in the morning. Today I took 1 and 1/2 in the moring. I am going to take 1 later this afternoon, early evening. Then I have one for tomorrow morning, and one for tomorrow evening. Friday I have one. I’ll either take it in the morning or take half in the morning and half in the evening. I wish I would have had this discipline when the bottle was full. I haven’t gone more than 30 hours without any in the past two years. I have a five year old and a three year old and nobody to help me care for them. I also have a job and am in nursing school. I am terrified of not being able to care for the kids while going through this. I’m hoping that after the weekend I will be able to take my son to school Monday morning and go to my chemistry class. Your stories are all very inspiring but also scary. I have some clonidine that I may try, and plan to buy some immodium and potassium. I’d even like to try and get some green to get me through. I wish I could get a few xanax or valium. Well thanks for “listening”. Wish me luck. I am very excited to attempt a life that doesn’t revolve around pills.
HEY KIDS
Pink; i havent been on in a while so not sure if about has been slow. its ok right now but sometimes i do have some trouble. my sisters reception was last weekend and i was busy busy busy getting things ready and then recovering.
Kitty and MEtoo
thanks for the words of encouragement. kitty i think you are right; the sadest is when someone reaches out never to come back and you wonder and worry and pray they found some support somewhere.
me too; i know you are right; someone we may not ever hear from may be reading and i have to remember that. theres an awful lot of activity last few days; gonna try and catch up/
love neesip
s74
good to hear from you and glad all is well!!!! i wouldnt count that perc thing either. that was a long time ago. wow.!!
STAR
i am glad you have found this page and sounds like you are going to be just fine. i personally had pain for a month before i finally didnt’ have to take ibuprofen /tylenol like candy. also; my anxiety kicked in; but it gets better;
HADENOUGH
glad you are still around and when the time is right for you; you WILL get off of them and you CAN do it. i was the same way; they really werent doing anything for me anymore; but the thought of not having them made me freak; thats why i still to this day have some here. i detoxed with a stash cuz thats what worked for me. most people cant do that; they would have taken them; but they were a security blanket for me. i could get rid of em now cuz i don’t neeed that blanket anymore. hang in therer!!
neeesip
Hi
Hi Everybody,
Neeesip-Thanks for the encouraging words. I am beginning to feel better. Still having some leg pain and at times just can’t be around people or out in the world trying to function for too long as the anxiety and gotta get out of here feeling takes over. But I am so happy that I did stop the pill merry-go-round and hope that I can remain off them as I am not one that can take a pain med RX as prescribed.
Hadenough- I do believe that you can do this. Hope that Monday was not so difficult for you.
This page and the Receipe page has been a great help and inspiration for me. Never before have I been able to share what I am feeling and my concerns about these physical and emotional problems and have feedback that lets me know that this is to be expected and that it will get better in time. It has always been the waiting to feel better and not able to take the wd that have put be back on opiates. This time I will make it – am getting too old for cold turkey-my body can’t take it.
God Bless everyone just starting out on this terrifying journey and to all those who have seen it thru and are here to help us as we struggle to achieve another day clean and can say we made it today without taking our drug of choice.
Hey there Star
Glad to see you are doing so well. It does get better. I hate to sound like the same old broken record that I always play – but you will begin to feel much better within a few weeks and I am almost forgetting how awful it was because for me it has been over a year now. Time to stop counting I guess. It is folks like you who inspire me to keep on the right path and stick to it. I hope next week you feel better and I know you will. This site really helped me in the beginning and I am glad there are still folks like you finding your way here.
Take care all you peeps out there. I will try to stick around this weekend to see if any of you are out there posting.
Love to everyone
Kitty
Hey guys it’s me just checking in sorry it’s been a while but been super busy with the baby coming and all I’m doing great and just wanted to send my love going to catch up on the posts … There are so many new people great great you guys are really making a difference wow so glad to hear everyone is getting off and staying off the pills girls I’m so excited that my baby will be her in just a few months can’t Waite my anxiety level about meeting him is like a 100 but other than that I’m great thanks to everyone who asked about me and you all have been in my thoughts thanks everyone till next time keep on keeping love QN
Hey, all!!! I am lying here relaxing in my warm bed with a beautiful cat draped across my chest…his little arm/paw is stretched over me. I can’t believe I have turned into a cat lady!!!!! LMAO!! kitty, how DID this happen!!??
Just took some time to read up on everyone here…it’s so hard to ‘get’ here lately!! Somebody just fix it now!!!
I got the job, but they rescinded the openings at this time. So, I am guaranteed to be the next person hired, and I have decided to wait it out. I don’t know if that’s smart or not, because they are still ‘holding’ the OTHER job for me…as far as I know. So, it might be a week, or a month, but it will come. Any advice?
It’s great to have this site to consider ‘home base’….I love you all! Keep on a truckin’!!
Wow. I’ve been sitting here for four days reading everyone’s stories on here and I have to say I am truly inspired. I too have been addicted to vicodin for about 5 years on and off now. This time it took a lot for me to decide to finally quit. I couldn’t do it at home because my dealer lives across the street from me and i just wasnt that strong so i called my dad to come get me and im staying with him until i feel like i’m strong enough to go home. I am on day four of w/d and surprisingly it hasnt been as bad as i thought but i stumbled across this website on day one and ive been reading everyones post non stop since. Just wanted to say thanks for the inspiration.
quitting
omg!!! i just saw your post!! i misss you sooooo soooo much!! i am sooo glad you checked in!! my grandmothers funeral was this weekend. yesterday and to get on here and see you are all good and a little man is on his way i am soo excited for you!! you realize that means it will be over 9 mos. for us!! please please please keeep in touch even if it is occasionally!! maybe we should do the facebook thing (which i hardly ever do ; but i wanna see your baby sooo bad and i miss you soooo much!!!) glad you are alll good babybabay!!! (biggie small) love neeesip
meetoo
did you not have kitties at all before? cuz they are soooo cool!!!!
No kitties before, but I love this one!
I start my job on Monday
The 17th!!
Love you guys!!!
Wanted to get the about page back up on the current posts menu….I love you guys!!! Stay strong!!!
I’m not sure how may people are still active here, but figured I’d give it a shot.
I’ve been taking Vicodin for well over a year, prescribed by my Dr. for severe nerve pain. Following having my nose broken by my husband, I packed up my pets and as much as I could fit in my car and moved far away. Once I moved, I had to switch Dr.’s and my new Dr. decided that I did not in fact need to be taking Vicodin for my pain, cut me off, and kicked me out the door.
I am now pushing over 16 hours without the pills and feel I’m going through straight hell and it will only get worse. Despite the excruciating pain that I was originally taking the medicine for before, every part of my body hurts. I am edgy, twitchy, pounding heart and using the toilet for both ends (yes, I know, kinda gross). I am alone, in the middle of nowhere (don’t even have TV to distract me), and terrified to tell anyone I know what I am going through.
If anyone is out there I could seriously use some guidance, support and even company. I’m not sure how to get through this. Most of what I have found online is general information or suggests working with a Dr. Having no faith in my current Dr., I feel as thought I’ve nowhere to turn.
I would be eternally grateful for any assistance anyone could provide. Thanks!!!
Howdy all!
Been away for a long time, but I’ve been good and busy. 5 months clean now! And Dangit I missed Kitty’s 1 year anniversary! So a late congrats Kitty! High five, hugs, way to go!!!
I have been up in the mountains a lot lately working. Just got back yesterday from two weeks in my shack with no running water, electricity, phones etc….I didn’t feel so bad about the conditions knowing that everyone else was in the same boat or worse, at least I had four walls and a roof, there have been a few people sleeping in tents. I have two harvests to get through on the farm and I am already beat to hell. If the weather would just hold out for a couple more weeks it would go a lot faster, but it’s been moody in northern cali with rain and cold a couple days then sunshine and wind a couple days, then rain again…This was all supposed to be done in a couple of weeks, but with the weather and all the workers who still haven’t showed it looks like it’s gonna take forever! I’m not gonna complain too much, at least I’m at my paradise!
My girls are doing good and are just loving it being in the mountains. I think Candy is like me and is at her happiest when she’s up there. She has all this land to guard and a big porch to lay on watch the valley. They get to chase cows, and love it. I swear my chihuahua is the best cattle dog I’ve ever seen and it is one of the funniest things in the world to see this tiny dog chasing cows. I’m gonna try to get some video of it to show everyone cuz no one believes me lol
I just hope my back, shoulders and hands hold out til all the work is done. Damn arthritis is killing me, my right hand has been swelled up for days, guess I used it too much. And I got my damn elders telling me I’m too young to hurt so much, but I just tell them it ain’t the years it’s the miles. I’ve been a rough and tumble girl all my life, my body has taken some beatings lol
Anyway, I better get off here and catch some zz’s. I’ll try to check back in before I head up the mountain again. Got my charms, so I’ve had you all with me up there! Love and hugs to all!!!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Nice to hear from you, Jame Cat!!!! You sound HAPPY…I like it!!!
I had my first night on the job tonight, and it was great! I love you guys!!!!
Hey Jame Cat….It is so good hearing from you and I am now daydreaming about being in the Ca mountains harvesting crops and enjoying the great outdoors. I am Jonsing for the mountains so bad because here in Florida – that is where we like to head. Forget the beaches – we like heading for the GA or TN or NC mountains. No vacation this year due to the husbands toe amputation…..so maybe…just maybe…next year!
MeToo – still waiting for the email from you. How is your new job. Hopefully this will job will be the perfect fit for you.
Neesip – where are you child…..have not heard from you for a while. I hope that is a sign that things are going well for you. And Pink, you are in my prayers daily. I hope the healing hand of God is on your son’s shoulder and he feels it and sees the love and light from the touch.
Love and prayers to all the “about” peeps out there.
PS – Old Joe is alive and well – I got a one liner e-mail from him that made my day!
Kitty
Harvest is done! I’m home and I’m beat. A month of working all damn day from morning til midnight or 1am. It was exhausting but I had a ton of fun!
Love and hugs to all!
happy Trails,
Jamie
Did everyone abandon About?
So I wake up to the news that my great uncle has passed away. He had a bad heart, but was also an addict, don’t know what happened yet. It’s really sad, he was a nice guy who would give you the shirt off his back if ya needed it.
Just wanted to come here and give everyone a big hug! Stay away from those pills!
Love ya all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hey Jamie – Yes it is kind of quiet on about these days. Don’t know where everyone is but I am sure they are just out there living their lives – most without the pills these days.
I am sorry to hear of your Uncle’s passing. I second your warning to all about the pills….I think I would be gone from liver failure if I were to continue like I had been. I still worry about it every time I have a nagging pain in that area….I imagine the worst.
I miss the old days when everyone was around more often, but after all, we were here for the reason of getting off the pills and most of us early guys and girls have stayed off of them. I miss Joe, don’t you? And I miss you and Angel and Metoo and now I miss Pink, and Neesip and Jen….and Steph, and Jeanice and others I cant even name right now…Stu…
Have a great evening
Talk Soon I hope
Love
Kitty
Thank you, Kitty Mom! Yeah, I get to missing everyone from when I first started on here. I’m going on my 6 month mark in November, And November marks the one year anniversary of the day I found this place. It took me a while but I got it straight now, my head was the biggest battle of all.
My uncle is barely cold and the family feuding started yesterday. Insinuations and accusations flying all over. People just aggravate me, I’m glad I disowned most of that side of my family a long time ago. It’s funny because they all forgot where they came from and that we all come from the same place and they all walk around like they’re better than everyone else. My uncle wasn’t like that. Some of it is amusing to sit back and watch, if they were so much better than the rest of us would they be so greedy and petty and spinning tales to fit their notions of what happened. I can tell you one thing, I bet the funeral is gonna be interesting to say the least.
Well, I’m gonna hit the trail. Needed to check in and let some out. Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Good Morning Everyone!
Jamie, I’m so sorry to hear about your great uncle. I understand the drama and I have found it best to stay completely out of it even if they try to drag you in. Since my drama happened with my mom and brothers a couple of years ago, I feel such peace and pride knowing that I have never said a harsh word or did anything I’m not proud of. Hang in there.
Hey Kitty, how are you?? You know what is up with me and it continues …. this weekend he hurt my mastiff. I miss everyone. I am so emotionally drained anymore that I don’t even check my email sometimes. How is your sister??
I Love you all and still have you in my prayers and think of you often.
Pinkerton
Ashlyn, how are you doing? Know what u r going thru. Good for you for leaving.
Metoo, I posted on the other blog, but just wanted to say I read all the posts from the last year. I feel like I know all of you guys. You and kitty mom have all inspired me and made me come to grips with what is really going on. Rationalization really sucks! It’s time to stop this madness and get ahold of my life again. I never realized just how screwed up these meds were making us until I read all of these heart wrenching stories. I pray that all of you find comfort and peace.
Lizzy
Ashlyn: I hope you are over the worst of it…I haven’t checked in here for a few weeks. My first few weeks were hell; I don’t know if I would have made it without my sisters’ phone support….insomnia, vomiting, weakness to the point I had to crawl to the bathroom, anorexia, depression….if you want someone to help talk you through this, let me know here and I will send you my email. Hard to follow all the log-timers on this site, who are talking to each other….Best of luck.
Note to newcomers: I certainly wouldn’t waste my money on Withdrawal-Ease. Did absolutely nothing for me.
So get this…my aunt IMs me on facebook, asks me how I’m doing. I tell her I’m dying in pain from my back and my shoulders. She asks me if I have any kinds of pills, I tell her yeah I got some muscle relaxers, but they don’t really work for my shoulders. So she proceeds to tell me that she has vix if I need them and everyone else in the family who has them. I tell her I’m trying to stay away from those, going on six months now. To which she replies, you’re in pain you need them. I was like whatever and told her I had to go. I hate the fact that the fuckers in my family always want to pull you down to their level. Uh my great uncle just died probably from pills, I tell you I’m clean and you insist that I need them, WTF wasn’t that death a wake up call to you? And being my aunt shouldn’t you want the best for me? I know there are some screwed up families out there, but damn sometimes I think mine is the worst lol
No more moments of weakness for this little soldier! I just had to vent, my family is all cuckoo right now. Apparently there is an outbreak of death in the town my uncle lived in and so it’s gonna take a few more days to even get to his cremation, let alone the funeral. I think it’s one of the worst things about dealing with the death of a loved one, it’s first finding out and then the wait you have until the funeral. The funeral offers closure, a weight off so to speak and that’s the point you move on from, but that time in between is what plays with your emotions. When my grandpa died we had to wait over a week for his cremation because we had to gather the money then had to wait two and a half months for the memorial because it snowed that winter like never before, that was pure emotional agony.
Alright, I’m rambling, I better get. I need my girls on here to corral me and maybe need a Kitty Mom smack upside the head lol
Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Oh, the family drama, I don’t think you’d even believe me if I told you. Anyone want to adopt a 33 year old girl?
Kitty, Jamie, Pink, Metoo, and anyone else i missed;
I AM HERE. Had a rough few weeks. week one my grandmother passed away; week two i drove 13 hours to new orleans for a wedding which was fun; but thats when it happened. (i sorta relapsed). Not addicted type of relapse; but one of my friends i was with had vic’s and we drank for hour and hour and had wdding the next day and next thing you know i had popped one. i am really dissappointed in myself cuz since then ihave taken one or two here and there. not on a regular basis ; but i know how quickly icould fall back into it. it had been almost 6 mos and now i have screwed it all up and i am very angry at myself and embarassed at how i failed and didnt even really think twice about taking a couple in new orleans. Of course i didn’t take anymore when i got back ;but the following weekend i went to my dads and my friends and i went to see wicked. and i was soo tired that i popped one. remember how i had held onto a few well it finally caught up to me.
i won’t let it really get a hold of me. i haven’t taken one for two weeks almost now; and i never took enough to have withdrawls; but it that fact that i did it at all that pisses me off. now i have to start counting all over again!!! damn myself! then i had bronchitas/laryngitis (sp) for almost 2 weeks while in new orleans and when i got back too. i wwent through two seperate rounds of antibiodics and i feel like it could be coming back again. just been sooo busy and last weekend was first weekend i actually was at home all weekend andd i just did nothing. say some prayers that i don’t fall back into that vicious cycle. i can’t!! i just can’t do that again. i need to get back on track to helping people on here and talking to my about friends. i have missed you all soooo sooo much.!!! sorry i am not up on everything in all lives. Pink. what’s going on with you? somethings up with your son? i’m sooo sorry. not sure exactly whats up; but i could tell from your other posts something is up. Kitty; also whats going on with your sister? everything ok? i hope so!! i miss and love you guys soo much and always will!! i”ll never go away completely so don’t ever think that. kitty what did joe say? i’m sooo happy he e mailed you!! i know that was a happy moment for you and a relief to know he is well. check back soon.
love neesip
Dudes and dudettes, every day it’s just more damn family drama! I’m ready to go back up the mountain!!!! If the winters weren’t so rough, I might just go hibernate up there!
Good morning everyone!
Oh my dear Neesip, don’t be so hard on yourself!! I know for most people the “number” of days, months, etc. is so important and I get that but don’t put so much emphasis on that, that you feel defeated because you have to “start over counting.” Look at it this way, you had a vic problem but kicked the habit 6 months ago and continue to battle for sobriety. You had an incident and may have another but every day you will wake up and get back on the horse. You will not let vics “TAKE OVER” your life again. AND THAT IS WHAT COUNTS!!!
Yes, there is alot going on with my son. Too much to go into right now but please pray for us.
Hang in there Jamie it will get better.
Love, Pink
Lost another great uncle today on the other side of my family. So much drama still on mom’s side after my uncle passed, now another death on my dad’s side. Shit just started going downhill like a snowball headed for hell.
Come on, peeps, I’m super depressed need some cheering up!!!!
Love and hugs to you all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
So both of my uncle’s memorials are on the same day, now I have to decide which one to go to. It’s impossible to go to both seeing as how they’re a 3 hour drive apart and at the same time. Do I want to spend the day with pill popping drama queens or a bunch of tweekers? Life is full of tough choices I reckon….
Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Wow! You have alot going on Jamie!! I’m so sorry to hear that all of this is happening. Decide with your heart. Forget about the others and do what feels right for you. Hang in there.
Neesip – I completely missed your post – I am so so sorry honey. Please let us know how you are doing and do not beat your self up over this slip – get right back on that wagon and start over again. Don’t worry about counting over. Just look at it is a little lapse. Love you no matter what!
Kitty
Thanks, Pink! And thank you Kitty for the email, it really brightened my day! I’m still going back and forth on the memorial issue, my dad is going to his uncles funeral and my mom is going to her uncles funeral. But with all the game playing and drama going on, my mom is having second thoughts about going to her uncle’s funeral. I’ll probably end up going with my mom, she needs my support more than my dad I think and if those drama freaks try going after her I can be there with a big “I DON’T THINK SO!” So that’s where I’m at today…
Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Day 2….getting very very irritated!!! Totally giving much credit to the Thomas Recipe though, this is not as bad as past attempts, well let me rephrase..this is the first time I have wanted to detox and get my life back, before was just Oh crap out of em …again! Sick of that life for sure. Thank you!! You guys pushed me throug my first day. Havent written, just read all the post when having a bad craving.
Hey there, new to the group. Day 3 and oh man this sucks! Did have a half yesterday and felt quilty. My legs are crawling!! I have a 4 yr. 10 -20 10 mg a day habbit of the hydros, woke up a few days ago and thought..screw this! I am broke due to my script NEVER lasting, my BF is always mad at me cause when he hides them and only gives me the percribed about, i sniff em out like a drug dog..everytime! 3 lovely kids…wow how did I let this happen? The Thomas recipe is really helping, eh maybe it’s mental, but who cares right? THANK YOU to this site, every hard craving in the last 2 days I would get on this site and just read all the posts over and over. THANKS!
I have been an on again/off again addict for some time now, I was an army infantryman, extreme ski bum, cliff jumping idiot, pretty much an adrenaline junkie with a pile of injuries. Once I was prescribed the damn things and got off active duty it was all over with my addictive personality, runs thick in my blood. One day 3 500mg vic’s, next it is 8, or whatever I have. There are days when I have 1 and all I do is wd still from the only having 1 and not 8. It’s usually nothing horrible, my body has honestly adjusted to the wd symptoms in a sense because I go without them for at least 18-28 hours very regularly casue of the way I obtain them, it sucks. Why don’t I just quit I ask most days, instead of sitting at work with frozen feet that are soaked with sweat, mild anxiety and just shitty thoughts. 3 kids and a career I love, I piss money away down the drain and then cry when I realize I could save it for kids or someone in need, cause I don’t need these, I’m better then this right? We all are, this cannot kill any of us. The times I have went through full WD are never as bad as I predict they will be, which is a plus to me. The mental attitude I carry I believe is huge, I remind myself of tough situations and making it through and how I felt at the end, INVINCIBLE! Anybody on here can quit, the symptoms will suck but we have all been through a shitty time at one point or another besides this and lived to tell stories. This is no other, you will make it and you will walk taller with that sense of pride inside that most others do not get to experience, thankfully. I wish all of you the very best, keep motivated and positive, life is a test and this is the class we all fucking hate, but you will pass it! I will be in touch soon as I am planning my next and hopefully last WD session and will be planning on stopping in to chat, or at least read. Yes, they can be planned and I believe it may help me succeed. Again, it is about believing in yourself, support is there and always has your back, when you think the suck has you down remember a day at your finest hour, it will give tremendous strength if you believe.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Love and hugs!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
PILLS — I destroy homes, tear families apart, take your children, and that’s just the start. I’m more costly than diamonds, more costly than gold, the sorrow I bring is a sight to behold, and if u need me, remember I’m easily found. I live all around you, in schools and in town. I live with the rich, I live with the poor, I live down the street, and maybe next door. My power is awesome; try me you’ll see, but if you do, you may never break free. Just try me once and I might let you go, but try me twice, and I’ll own your soul. When I possess you, you’ll steal and you’ll lie. You do what you have to just to get high. The crimes you’ll commit, for my narcotic charms will be worth the pleasure you’ll feel in your arms. You’ll lie to your mother; you’ll steal from your dad When you see their tears, you should feel sad. But you’ll forget your morals and how you were raised, I’ll be your conscience, I’ll teach you my ways. I take kids from parents, and parents from kids, I turn people from god, and separate from friends. I’ll take everything from you, your looks and your pride, I’ll be with you always, right by your side. You’ll give up everything your family, your home, your friends, your money, then you’ll be alone. I’ll take and take, till you have nothing more to give. When I’m finished with you you’ll be lucky to live. If you try me be warned this is no game. If given the chance, I’ll drive you insane. I’ll ravish your body; I’ll control your mind. I’ll own you completely; your soul will be mine. The nightmares I’ll give you while lying in bed, the voices you’ll hear from inside your head, the sweats, the shakes, the visions you’ll see; I want you to know, these are all gifts from me, But then it’s too late, and you’ll know in your heart, that you are mine, and we shall not part. You’ll regret that you tried me, they always do, but you came to me, not I to you. You knew this would happen. Many times you were told, but you challenged my power, and chose to be bold. You could have said no, and just walked away, If you could live that day over, now what would you say? I’ll be your master; you will be my slave, I’ll even go with you, when you go to your grave. Now that you have met me , what will you do? Will you try me or not? Its all up to you. I can bring you more misery than words can tell. Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell…
Jamie – Awesome – that says it all my friend – that says it ALL!
None of us plan on becoming addicts – it just happens!
Love Ya
Kitty
Yeah, I found that and thought I’d share. Thought a lot of us could really relate.
Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Hey girls it’s me just thought I would check in
Nesip- omg I’m sorry to hear that but so long as you don’t continue taking them you will be fine I just hope that the good feeling is still not in your head that you prob got from taking them that could cause a little problem you know thinking wow that made me feel great and now it’s fresh in your memory I really hope it won’t go back I’ll pray for you I really missed you to I do have face book but nobody knows my problem so if we do it then we wouldn’t be able to talk about this stuff you know but let me know or give me your email and we can e mail each other … So glad I checked back …
Kitty metoo Jamie and everybody else hope all is well and glad to catch up on your posts
Guys where is Jen a d has anybody heard from her ???
Well I’ll be back more often I promise love all you guys
There are a lot of newbies on here but it seems like there posts are being missed no responses to there words .. Not sure if the site is messed up or what just hope everyone gets the help and support they need threw here … I hope I hear from you Nesip please say you are ok either way come back on and lets talk
Is there another page where everyone is at ??
Everyone bounces around to wherever a new post is I think lol
Omg neesip where in the world are you .. Your last post got me so down cause I care about you and I am afraid that things got bad … Either way I am here for you please post or send me your email so we can talk … Need to hear from you I am praying you are well
Hey everyone – just wanted to come and wish all of my old friends a Merry Christmas. Hope all your dreams come true and that all your addictions are in the past. For those still struggling, I hope and pray that you can let the beast go in 2012. You will be so glad that it is behind you. One week of hell and your life will be yours again – your money will be yours again – your soul will be yours again.
Love to all of you
Kitty
Merry Christmas Everyone! Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
I think I need to start a posting vigil – let’s say for 30 days. Anyone who cares to join me…have at it.
On September 8, 2010, I decided to let go of the evil Vicodin that I had become so addicted to and of which I could not finish the simplest task without. I started taking Tylenol 3 many years ago for various pains that I had – menstrual cramps – sinus headaches – you name it. I then was given Vicodin 5/500s for legitimate shoulder and tennis elbow pain by my primary care physician. I took it as prescribed for the longest time until I decided more would be better and started getting them from an online pharmacy consultant. For a long time, I took several when returning from work… but started to feel withdrawals during the day, so I increased the number of doses I took until I was taking four doses per day and up to 16 10/325 pills per day. Toward the end, I could not even get out of bed without taking a dose. I was taking them at work – taking them at 3:00 AM because I would wake up with withdrawals. Do you see the pattern….the gradual increase in quantity….the realization that the pain from withdrawal is far greater than the original pain which started the whole vicious cycle.
When I look back, it all seems like the worst nightmare of my life, and it was. I thank God for not letting me die when I felt like that would feel better than living through the detox. I thank some very special folks I met on this site for making me realize that it could be done and that I could make it thorough to the other side of addiction…..people I still cherish to this day!
If I can help just one other person see that the light at the end of the tunnel does indeed exist, then my mission is accomplished.
Please be that one person who decides that tomorrow is the day you quit – that tomorrow you will end the agony of pill addiction – that tomorrow you will feed your soul and nourish your body with something other than the poison that is called Vicodin.
It can be done – and I am here to proclaim that you can be a new and improved version of your current tormented self…..DO IT!
Love and prayers
Kitty
Kitty, Same for me. 10 years ago i ruptured L4 and the Dr. put me on 10/325s and although they did help with the pain They Really made me feel good. It was a few months before my back was feeling better but by then I was taking 3 times the prescribed dose so I just kept crying pain to the doctors. And like you before I realized what had happened to me I was carrying a small bag with 20-30 in it no matter where i went. 6 am every day I wake up and take 6-8 before work a few more around 10 then 1:00 then 4:00 and then 5-6 before bed. This has went on for years. Just in the last few months have I even thought about stopping. I still have my last Rx thats about 1/2 full but have only had 6-7 in the last 5 days. I am not proud every time i take one, but only take one when I start to feel sick. but by god I am very proud of myself for the fact that I have done so well, Especially having a bottle 1/2 full just sitting there. When I wake up They are not the 1st thing I think about and only take a couple when i leave the house. The last day or so It seems like I finally have a little clearer mind. And even though I know I still have a long road ahead of me, for the 1st time in a decade I really believe that I can see a small light at the end of the tunnel. And I really believe That you,Nsip and a couple others have really helped influence me and You guys will never know how much I appreciate that.
HadEnough
Hey guys glad to read your stories again it really does put everything into perspective … I always come back to this site cause it changed my life also … And now I have everything I have been praying for for Years it’s like when I quit God was rewarding me and everything that I wanted for my life fell in my lap … Before when I was taking them I was working on over time to achieve my goals .and now life is perfect and I always make time to pat my self on the back and say great job cause like everyone has been saying its easy to forget the HELL we went threw but while you are detoxing you think I will never never forget this but you mind is the craziest thing cause with time and healing you do you really do and that’s when you need to check in and help others … I know I haven’t been much help on this site being pregnant and getting everything ready for my brand new precious baby arriving I have been over loaded so I do want to apologize about that but it has always bothered me that I stayed away for so long and now trying to make up for that … I became close with a lot of people on here but one inparticular NESIP and now that I’m back and read her last post I am sad that she hadn’t been back on after dabbling with the devil again it hurts my heart to think that she could be back in the cycle but either way I’m always going to be here for her if any one has heard from her please please let me know …
I hope everybody has a blessed day and I hope of you are out there lurking that these wonderful people’s stories including mine will bring just a little hope that you can be strong and brave and beat this and you will take it from me you will be at a much better place in your life and feel 1000000000 times better not only physically but emotionally as well we are here for you love QN
Day 2 of 30 day posting vigil
Hey Had and QN – thanks for posting. Yes, I am worried about Neesip. First, because I hate to see her slip back into addiction and, second, because I love her and she was such an inspiration and cheerleader for others. So, if you are out there, my dear friend, please let us know how you are. I am glad to see you are doing OK, QN – when is that baby coming anyway!!!!
There are others that have gone forward with their lives. For instance, Joe, who helped he tremendously when I was at the worst time of my life….wanting to quit…feeling it was impossible….he was here everyday with his wit and wisdom and spiritual guidance….throwing in his fuck word here and there to get his point across. You will never know how I cherish those days, Joe, as sick as I was feeling, coming here daily saved my life. Metoo has moved on with her new life and I am so happy for her. She, also, was here when I needed a friend. Thank You Metoo. And those I have met on this site after I became clean are the ones I cherish the most….for God, in his infinite wisdom led them here for the help of those who came before them…..Lori, XXRAIN, Neesip, Pink, Had Enough, QN, Steph….all of you. Bless you for finding this place. I sent some e-mails over Christmas to some of the folks I met on here and was happy to hear back from most of them. I explained how some people touch our lives by their brief encounters with us. Those brief encounters change our lives forever. I am so Blessed to have had those experiences.
I thank my Lord and Savior for each one of you.
God Bless Y’all
Love
Kitty
I too am sooooooo happy i ran across this site. I really believe that the posts i make here and the responses I get will most likely end up saving my life. I wouldn’t worry so much about an overdose But the fact that my liver will fail sooner or later. Still moving along with the taper. usually 2 a day but I have another 3 day weekend coming up. A good time to see how I will respond to none.
I am soo grateful that I ran across this site! I was prescribed pain meds over 8 years ago and as the story goes, became physically dependent on them. I tried.Suboxone for a year but lost my job and my insurance. Needless to say, this left me the broken person I am today. I could no longer afford the high cost of buying my meds on the streets and just got tired of the 3-4 day binge then the 2-3 day sickness..:( I took my last pill 8 days ago and followed the thomas recipe. Now, I am dealing with this.horrible depression. I broke dowm and took a.quarter of suboxone yesterday and today but plan on only taking an eighth the next few.days and stopping that as well. I am terrified of this depression and panic attacks. Does SamE really help? I am taking the multivitamin and the LTyrosine but feel helpless. Especially when it gets dark! I panic and cry and feel like I am going crazy! Please pray for me that I get through this! I can’t live this up and down life.anymore and just want to feel normal again! 32/f/wv
Can’t seem to get through on here, can someone please email me? shasta148@gmail.com. Need some help..:(
Well go for it had enough and just know that we all here rooting you on … You will love the other side and be so proud of your self .. It truly is a wonderful feeling .. Good luck and I’m sure everyone will check in on you ..
Happy new year guys
well kids, long time no talk. first i would like to start by saying there has not been a day gone by that i have not thought of you guys . esp kitty and pink ( jen a nd quitting , jame, hadenogh, and anyone else i did not mention, and i know iam forgetting. someone special, ) Just want to ask for you forgiveness and i will fil you in later. i have been embarassed and ashamed and unworthy of being with great peoople as yourselves. i promise i wll return very shortly and fill you in.
love and please forgive me you all have such a special place in my heart and i broke a promise to you guys. i said i would never just dissappear and i have and i apologize again. i need you guys big time right now and i should have turned to you sooner. catch you up later. love neesip
oh and metoo. duh!!!
Neesip – OMG Girl – never apologize and say you are unworthy. Please come back or email me @ kittymom001@gmail.com. It is a new year with new goals – but you have the same old friend – me – who will not pass judgement for whatever has transpired. Love You to pieces -
Kitty
Nesip— omg thank God you checked in please don’t be ashamed … Please please it’s ok I think I have a idea but you can get back to it and I will be here every step of the way I was soooo worried about you and you shouldn’t make a preggo girl worried lol … Please talk to me I truly have a place in my heart for you … And I need to know that you are ok … If you need to talk please let me know we can exchange numbers … Come back and check in soon
Just a thought any one reading on this site please never be ashamed or embarrassed about your situation … That’s a great way to jump right back on to the cycle of addiction … We are always here for any one that has only the desire to stop with that said you don’t have to be clean you just have to want to stop everything else will work itself out .. So please post ask for help let us be here for the ones that are still struggling I’ve been away for a while but it won’t happen again … Like you said kitty if there is just one person I can help then I feel great about my self this may sound crazy super crazy but I have to say that I am actually glad that I have been threw this cause for one it has made me such a stronger person and second ice been able to help others maybe I haven’t helped anyone on this site I don’t know but I’ve been active in helping my patients more and knowing first hand what they are feeling and going threw when most of the time the doctors that I worked with don’t even know … And I believe that my kind words and my bit of advise has helped others who knows but I can only pray that it has … I lurked around for months read every thread and still had trouble posting anything untill I took that leap and look its gotten me over 6 months clean not sure how long stopped counting a long long time ago but who cares I’m pill free … And this site is what got me here all the kind people on here all the kind words prayers thoughts is what got me some time under. My belt so I don’t mean to ramble but if you are put there and scared to post please don’t be we are all so kind and the wisdom on this sit is out of this world just bite the bullet and post it will make you feel so much better and it will make the ones that have been blessed to be clean feel so much better also … Sorry just a thought
NESIP — talk to me girly I need to hear everything that I missed while I was being selfish and stated away … I truly am sorry
Kitty 2 and a half more months so sorry I forgot to answer your question my baby will be here so so excited … But I just feel bad saying that on here since there are so many still struggling but thank you so much for asking … Nesip kinda got me worried and I forgot to respond
Had enough — so proud of you you have cut down so much and that in itself is something to pay your self on the back for cause that is what was hard for me to do so great job and I am thinking about you also … Please keep us all updated
Kitty how have you been is your husband doing better and how are thoes crazy cats lol
Hey guys let’s all send a prayer for thoes still struggling ..
Hey guys how is everyone doing I miss how this site was before when everyone would post everyday … Hope everyone is well check back later …
I’m still hanging in there. consumption down to just a couple three a day But haven’t took the plunge yet. Still so PROUD at that instead of 20-30 a day. Keeping my eye on the prize…………………..
Had enough — you should be more than proud wow WOW from 20-30 to 3 per day that is huge no humongous step I’m am so so proud of you soon very soon you will be done I feel it and know you can do this you will see the light at the end of the tunnel it’s great no its wonderful … Pat you self on the back cause if any one deserves it it’s you great job keep up the fight you are truly a inspiration to some others that are lurking on this site and they can see that tapering does and can work really though congrats you are so close I hope you can tast it …
Thank you. I really can finally see a light. It’s been a really long road.
quitting
omg girl . i missed you sooo much. its just hard to get on here right now. i swear our about baby should be here sooner. can you believe i f’d up after like 6 mos. how the hell does that happen? i’m just soooo mad at myself . yesterday i cut way back and planning a second go at this; but those aches kicked in last night and i caved. i know i can do it now so that pisses me off even more that i gave in cuz i know its a matter of will power. sorry i havent checked in in a couple of days. i can’t believe you are back girl. i missed ya soooo much. and yes it is slower on here. prob cuz we aren’t bogging it down anywmore. lol i think that could be part of it too. responses get slower and slower and soon you find yourself doing the same. we all get busy with our own lives . i need to find my way back here and start helping people again because i truly made some amazing lifelong freinds and hopefully helped some people along the way. i first gotta get myself through this. i kind keeep telling myself it will be easier this time cuz it hasn’t been as long abuse period; but i think i am fooling myslef. w/d is w/d. anyways. i guess i made the first step by getting on here again and facing what i have become once again. i was sooo damn confident too.
Kitty
hey mamma. yeah same ole sob story. can you believe it?? i had such a long time under my belt. like almost 6 mos or maybe more. somewhre around there and my little New orleans thing when i took one is where i believe it all started. and remember those few extras i had tucked away for “anxiety”? well , one or two here or there; cuz i had gotten rid of the majority of them . well next thing you know i am working all day without them; but only come home to take a few and then we had christmas break and i was off work for almost two weeks. from before christmas till yesterday and when i finally posted is when ithink i acccepted that its all out of hand again and i am close to being whre i was before. that two weeks i was off i was gonna just stop then in case i was sick or whatever; well i did the opposite. i took more and more and got myself deeper in and tues night i notices the RLS and i HAD taken some that day it had just been a while and i don’t know if its my brain making me sick but food . yuck and restroom frequent. its like w/d starting all over again and i havnet even stopped 100 % yet. i think that break i was used to taking my old amounts and now that i am back at work my body is going through w/d just from cutting back. damn it i am sooo mad at myself and dissappointed in me. i have to make this decision and just do it. and quit prolonging the inevitable. yes i am gonna hurt and feel like crap and thats just that. i thought if maybe i cut back some first instead of going like i did last time it wouldnt be as bad but idk. anyways.
i love you guys and thanks sooo much for still being here. you really dont know how much you guys mean to me and i need to get back in the swing of things here. love ya gusy. check back soon
Nesip– how many are you up to and for a few months or what well it doesn’t matter you did it once you can do it again I know it .. Either way I will be here for you … I am scared after I have the baby what they are going to give me I’m having a sea section so I don’t know what will happen since all it took was a few for you u know … I refused all mess when I had surgery but idk how bad the pain will be for a sea section but I think having my baby as a result of all this will help me not to get back in the cycle .. That’s what I fear more than ever now that this has happened to you … Now I’m more freaked out cause the last thing I would want is to start back up after having a baby to take care of that would break my heart the good thing is that I will have been clean for 9 months by then any one out there that has had a sea section fo u think I can fo it with no after meds remember I had gallbladder taken out and I was in pain but after the hospital I refused any pain meds for home in about a week I was only soar but I did it pink kitty mom Jen any mommies out there could shed some lite that would be great cause now that is my biggest fear ….
I’m so glad had enough is doing great and I haven’t seen any other posts yet but hey Kitty mom you were suppers do a 30 day vigial what happened I was looking forward to reading your wonderful posts … Hope all is well any who if any one out there can tell me what to expect with this procedure that is conning up soon
quitting
its soo good to hear from you and its like you have been gone and when i need ya here ya are. its kinda weird like that. i am sooo happy for you and can’t wait to hear all about the baby and everything that comes with that. i will check back later. no pills yet today and i am home alone and my babies (kitties) are gone so its just me right now and i think thats when its the hardest . anyway. check in soon. love neesip
i probably ended up right back at good ole 20 a day. that did not happen until the last couple weeks when i was home for 2 weeks plus. now i hav a 4 day maybe 5 day weekend and this would certainly be the time to do all this again. just not sure if i am there yet. i went and got supplies today. coconut water, vitamins, epson salt for baths, and food like pudding and stuff that maybe i could eat cuz appetite has been affected greatly. also got ibuprofen and tylenol for aches and pains. i know they will go away; (in time) . yes is only took a couple and it was the road back to this. at the time i didnt realize it. and even after i took that in new orleans. i went a few weeks without any and idk when it really happened. but i was only taking them at night. none through the day at all . like i said until i was home for break which i had planned on that being my detox time and instead it was the opposite. then i told myself; after the holidays; just get through the holidays; well holidays are over and if i don’t do it; it will just be prolonging what is to come. as far as the baby goes. are you going to breast feed cuz if so idk if you can take pain meds anyways; good incentive not to. just sayin. i know lots of people who had sections and no pain meds so i think you have it in the bag. for gods sake girl you had your gallbladder taken out and did great. i think you have nothing to worry about. sorry i freaked you out about it. don’t though cuz you will have that beautiful baby to care for and that will take over everything. you won’t be able to help wanting the best for out about bay.
HELLO?
ANYONE AROUND?
Still hanging in there. Been busy building an entertainment stand to hold my new 60″ TV. Should be done and hooked Tuesday eve. Cant Wait………………
NEESIP!!!! I am so happy to hear from you!! I just got on after the holidays and got caught up on reading the posts. I know it’s harder to start over because we lose a certain amount of momentum but that is all in your head as well. When I fell off the wagon I found it hard to re-start my engine but what I did was just tell myself that falling off and get back up is also part of the process (for some it is). You have already seen for yourself that you can make it 6 months so now get back up and re-commit yourself to another 6 months and then see what happens. Don’t beat yourself up or feel like a failure….that is not helpful and not true. We can’t always make the right decisions, it’s just not the way it works. This is our weakness…embrass it, understand it, and take control of it!
Love ya Neesip!
Pink
OK Had – getting ready for the Superbowl I see with the 60″ new toy you have. I am still watching my old boob tube in my den that has a built in VCR and DVD player….so you know how old that one it…haha – but we do have a 40 something HD flat screen in the back room…haha. Good luck with the entertainment unit. COOL!
Hey Neesip – if you are out there, keep posting…you need the support right now ..how do I know…been there, done that and been around of alot of others in the same boat. Please don’t beat yourself up…it is the nature of the beast….I know for a fact that if I were to take just one of the bottle of pills that my husband has stashed in the back room, that I would not be able to stop. There is no such thing as just one in our world. So if you are ready or when you are ready, just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get right in that saddle again….Love you baby girl!
Pink, my dearest pink, hope you had a great holiday. I have been sad and down mainly to being sick – and have not been able to do much cause I am coughing so much and it hurts when I cough. I hope you are faring better than I am – hope all of you are. I had all these great organizational resolutions and have been too sick to get to them…oh well, there is always next week.
Y’all take care of yourselves and if the time is right, do what you have to do. I will be thinking about you and keep you in my daily prayers. SHADOW 997 – I just found your post – I will e-mail you!
Love To All
Kitty
Hey girls Nesip omg it’s ok I’ll be here when your ready but please make it soon cause I don’t want you to get further in it they say when you quit no matter how long you were clean you pick up right where you left off so it’s normal that your back up to that amount but just think how great you felt when you were off them ….I hope you had a great holidays at least … I’ll be back soon
Had enough … Sounds like a great project and a big one at that but I’m sure it will look great .. Great hearing from everyone
Pink — hey long time no talk hope everything is working out for you and your little kiddos
Give me your email address Nesip and we can talk and not clog up the site lol
hey girls. i am here. weekend was rough; made it 36 hrs and caved. then now i have 23 hrs ; but i am off again next two days and dreading trying not to take any. quitting ; i think my email is lncurry@gmail.com. almost positive; which means i usually get it on my phone notification which is cool cuz i know so much sooner than on hre. check back soon. monday night now about 6pm ; since the time stamp on here is so messed up/
I love you guys!!! Just checking in on ya!!! I am off work tomorrow, so hopefully I can get back on here and update you all!! But for now, I say hello and hugs to everyone!!!!
hey kids
started over again. hoping to hit 24 hrs again soon but not there yet.
quitting; i think that was wrong its lncurry79@gmail.com
Hey guys hope everyone is doing well Nesip great job 36 hr’s is huge you know that … Had sounds like you are doing great also so happy to hear feeling a little yucky today so I’ll check back soon
quitting; hope you are feeling better; i did post my e-maila nd suprise i got a very needed and very unexpected email from kitty. it wasw soooo nice. and it goes straigt to my phone so i see it sooner . the first one i poste was wrong. i never posted it b4 cuz i never checked my email ; but since i have a new phone it goes straight there. it was kind of nice. our response time was a huge difference. that baby will be here soon. bet you are looking sooo cute with just a skinnny litle body with your long hair and nails and a babay belly.
did you cut out your coke by the way and did you get headachesfrom it? just crossed my mind and wondered. love ya girl; hope ya feel better. yeah and by the way i am not at 36hr anymore. i am at now about 30 hr but only took 2 5s which is more like one to me; its a start. huh. i am going to really try and make it through today and tomorrow and then suffer through my weekend. i have some xanax and i thought maybe i could sleep a couple days away. anyway. feel better and if you e mail me. emailat that second one. lol
love neesip
pink
forgive me for not remembering; but how long did you have clean before falling off and how long did it take you to get back up there and do it? i keep making it for a day to day and a half and then caving. part of me feels that is my own fault; that i am not trying as hard as i did last time. ikd. maybe not and its just flat out hard to ; but we al know i can do it. i think the fact that you had a relapse not that i am glad you did; but it gives me encouragemen t and hope and helps to hear that i too can get back on there and do it. i missed you guys bunches. i should have never stopped posting and maybe i would never have falen sooo deep. i couldnt even bring myself to read the posts either cuz tears would just fall and that kind of sucked ya know. anyways. it is what it is; not i gotta get trhough it. love ya neesip
hey Nesip i tried to email you but for some reason it keeps saying undelaiverable and you are going to beat this again i promise you i have faith and we did it before together and now you will know this time when you get 6 months or so under your belt that there is no way to even have one we have to fail to learn i probley would be right there with you if i didnt have a baby bump LOL but yes i quit everything coke caffine drugs ciggs everything and i feel great i am not planning to start any of that bull shit up again going to stay healthy for me and more importantly for my new baby ….. my husband is so excited prob even more than me right now i stopped counting how many months and days cause i am terrified about giving birth really really terrifed but i know it will all be worth it i just have my sea section date on my calander people think i am so weird that i dont know exactly how far along i am i do but not to the exact date you know cause i swear if i could turn back i would i want a baby more than anything but i just cant shake this birth thing i have tried and i just cant get it out of my head so i dont think about it untill i have to dont want to upset my baby you know how scared we were to detox ok take that and times it by 100 really by 100 that is how freaked out i am carzy but its me and my freaky mind…. any who i am getting anxiety talking about it back to you chicka i really truely and sending prayers 24/7 your way i know you will be back to some serious time clean real soon ill try to email you again
had,,, hows everything going and how far have you got with your entertainment center building ??? i hope you are doing well and hope everyone is doing great will check back later love QN…….
I finished the entertainment center up last night. It turned out very nice. And it really looks good with that 60″ TV sitting on top of it. Now I’m going to clean up my house and spend the entire weekend enjoying it. As far as consumption goes, I’m not at 0 yet. still at 3-5 a day, but that’s a major improvement for me. I have an appointment with the knee surgeon tomorrow at 3:00 to see how much he has to do to repair my knee. I’m not looking forward to this but I really think it will ease the pain. I have been having a pretty hard time just walking for about 3 months now. Just wanted to stop in and say hello…………….. Time to hit the hay. 11:00 now and 4:00am comes around way to soon. Night all
hey kids ; still here . trying and failing; trying and failing. i am off again for 4 days and am going to try and do this again. i forgot how hard it was. qn thats cuz the first e mail i wrote was incorrect. its lncurry79@gmail.com check back iin later kids. gonna start a book and hopefully it will keep the anxiety down a bit. lots of snow here so not gonna get out much thats for sure.
8 months clean now!
Things with me have been good, same stuff different day. Had a great Christmas and spent New Years with my niece pigging out on goodies and listening to tunes and we had an X Files marathon.
The old back is threatening to go out AGAIN, and the muscle relaxers aren’t working, so let’s pray it gets better. I don’t want to have to go through that whole doctor parade again.
Glad to see more activity on here. Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
hey guys hope everyone is doing well i had a hudge event yesterday that i didnt waNT TO GO TO BUT HUBBY MADE ME ILL MAKE IT SHORT MY LITTLE SISITER HAD A BABTISIM YESTERDAY FOR BOTH THE BABIES AND SHE CHOSE the God parents to be her nanny and my sisiter and i were pretty upset about that cause we just belive God partents should be a family member but any who we went and got it over and done with now its all gloomy and rainy outside so not sure what im going to get into today but hopefully something fun thanks for listening check back laater
Had glad that the job is done and now you can enjoy it great news
Nesip— great job 4 days is hudge almost over the worst well we know that LOL any who i hope you can stick with it love ya
Been checking in most every day. It’s been very quiet here lately. Everything is good here. Enjoying the new entertainment system. Taper still coming along better than expected. Got dishes and laundry to do. Be back later.
H.E.
nesip— where are you my friend please check in so we can see where you are at im worried about you and need to know you are ok….
had– glad to hear everything is going good with you soon very soon you will be free from this beast
pink– how are you havent heard from you in some time..
has anybody heard from jen
Jen if you are reading these posts please come check back with us either way we are here for you …
check back later guys super slow here
Men are assholes! grrrrrrrr!!! No offense to the guys on here!
Hi guys, I thought I’d check in here after posting a contemplative quitting post in the depression thread last wk. Ty Kitty and hadenough for your kind replies. Long story short, was trying to do a taper over the course of weeks to end a 3 yr addiction to about 300mg vicodin daily. Kitty, we are alike as I realize as long as there are pills in this house, I will obsess about them until the bottle is empty. So looking at later this wk/wkend when the horrors of w/d will begin. I’m so scared, so terrifed of the sickness, depression, inability to function. I’m blessed with 3 great kids and great hubby that have no idea that I’m dealing with this. I will check back in a few days, but thank God for this site.
Jenny— my gosh your story sounds just like mine i was right where you were 8 months or so ago but you know i can honestly say i know how you feel go back and read my posts and you will see we are the same i was scared shitless i tell you that was a understatement …. but i tell you that yes it will feel like shit and you wont be to happy but soon enough it will be over and you wont even know how good it will feel to be on the other side and just keep reminding your self that you will be ok and you can do it i will help in any way i can… you will make it and be just fine the light is so bright at the end of the tunnel i posted alot and that also helped my husband didnt know well none of my family knew and i kept it that way now i am pregnant and going to have a baby in a couple months all ALL my dreams have started to come true one by one things that i kinda gave up on while i was useing i took Norco /mg about 6 or so a day i know you may say that sound like a little dose trust me we all suffer the same and the hurt and pain is the same its just how you choose to deal with it i also tried to procrastinate and say next week then ok 1 more week but to be honest there is no better time than now you are just proloning the inevitable … if you need me i will help you let me know check back later
One is too many and a thousand is never enough…I believe it was Joe who said that here (could be wrong), wise words.
Jamie – Oh the wise words of our dear friend, Joe! How true How true. The first one may be our worst enemy because the nature of the drug plays games with us…it is not a matter of strength on our part – it is the strength of the beast.
So, my dear Jamie….it is not a failure on your part or on any of us. It is the nature of the beast. It takes a stronger being to rescue us from this. Put your trust in Him. Ask for help and it will be yours….and we will be there with you.
Love
Kitty
PS – I meant the above message for Jenny…but it can be for you, too, Jamie, and anyone else who is around….love to all
Kitty
Thank you, KM. My w/d’s should be in full swing in about 24 hrs. Has anyone had any experience with kraton? I was able to get a script for valium from my doc (feigned a back spasm), but feel I can’t be honest with him b/c of the work I do and not wanting it to be on my medical record in case in affects my insurance/chances of buying life insurance in the future. Yesterday I was feeling hopeful, but as that bottle empties, I”m feeling a bit panicky. Thanks for your support.
Hi Jenny – I believe in biting the bullet and getting through it without Kratom, but that is only me. When all the pills are gone and you make your mind up that this is it….just bite the bullet and feign the flu and it will be over before you know it….don’t replace one addiction with another. Others on here, actually some of my friends on here swear by Kratom, but for me and my addictive personality, I would be afraid that I would rely on it and then still have another habit or addiction to break. Valium will definitely help you to sleep at night – that is the toughest part even after you start feeling better you will have a hard time sleeping….but you can do it…I know you can because I am testimony to it. Best wishes my friend.
Love
Kitty
Because I’m taking so much and didn’t have the willpower to taper, I’m terribly frightened of seizures, prolonged misery, etc. Did you use valium or another benzo to w/d? Did you start dosing before your symptoms kicked in? Thank you so much for your support, I’ll try to check in every day.
Hey Jenny,
I don’t know anyone who had seizures for withdrawal from Vicodin but I am no expert except through my own experience. The Thomas Recipe of minerals and vitamins were helpful to me and it was a comfort taking them each day because at least I was doing or taking SOMETHING. I did not take any benzos – just the vitamins and minerals and sam-e. I am not saying it was easy – not easy at all – but Oh my sweet Jesus and God in Heaven – I am so glad I did it. I have my life back.
Love
Kitty
Figures as an addict I’d read thru almost every post here and latch onto the person with the tonic/clonic seizures and 6 days curled into a fetal position, and immediately think “that’ll be me!”. Took only about 1/2 my usual dosage yesterday, a valium for sleep last night, slept 8 hours (thank goodness, that won’t be the case for a while), took my last few pills this a.m. so I could make it through my son’s volleyball tournament. Isn’t that sick? He’s playing a championship game and the only way I can get my a*% there is to get high. He is a great kid, as is my 15yo son and 5yo daughter, good as gold. They deserve a mother who isn’t popping pills all the time to make it thru the day. I did stock up on potassium supplements, I think I read here to take them 3x/day, along with a multivitamin, B vits, and magnesium supplements. Pray for me, please! We are churchgoing episcopalians but I have to admit, I’m a person of deep faith, but not a get down on my knees praying kind of girl. Maybe that will change in the next day or so. Thank you again whoever is reading/listening. Any responses over the next day or so will be like a lifeline.
QN – thank you for your story. I also work as a nurse (RN, not the advanced practice kind, good Lord then I’d probably be diverting my own scripts!), so the stigma and shame are HORRIBLE! Because of this, I feel like I have to isolate and hide this all the more
Jenny, The 1st few days will not be easy. I’m still working on my taper. around the new year I was taking 30+ 10/325s daily and I’m at about 6 a day now. 2 AM, 2 Midday and 2 Before Bed. just enough to help with the crawling skin, watering eyes, sneezing, chills and diarrhea. I tried without yesterday and still got all of the above so I’m going to try to cut out a couple more starting Monday. I have plenty of pain with my Lumbar and was talking to my Dr. about getting another set of injections. The last set gave me about 10 months of almost no pain. I’m hoping after the next set I can finally make the jump. For me, there is no High from taking them anymore, I wonder if that is why I have had a easier time tapering than some. I also have never heard of anyone having seizures when stopping opiates. Best of luck to you and hopefully one day in the near future we can both finally say we are clean.
Had E.
Jenny, I am not the get down on your knees praying sort of gal either, but one thing I found out – that prayer does not have to be like that – prayer can be a thought about someones well being just sitting on your sofa or riding in your car – I did a lot of praying for people too and from work – so don’t worry about getting on your knees. My crying out for God’s help when I was detoxing was a silent cry while I was looking at the clock….Please God get me to through the next hour – and He did…lol!
Good luck on the next few days – will be praying for you and you too Had E.
Love
Kitty
Love
Hey, all…Jenny, I want you to know that I will be praying for you also. Please rely on the folks on this forum~many who read but don’t post~to pray for you. I’m on it.
Please remember Jenny, that there are a TON of people who have felt exactly as you will be feeling while detoxing. When you are feeling bad, KNOW that others have been there~others who are praying for you at the very moment you need it. God hears the call of all of us in bad situations!! Also, you need to ASK the angels OUT LOUD to surround you too. They can’t come if you don’t call them, as they are not allowed to enter the situation without our free will. Please call them.
You WILL get through this, Jenny!!!!
I am going to start trying to check in daily again as I have before. I miss the friendships I have found here!!!
Love you all…so much…
Metoo
So my sister butt dials me tonight, and I get to eavesdrop on her talking shit about me and my parents for like half an hour. And worse than that she was discussing some very deeply personal issues of mine with my gossipy aunt and uncle. So I’m pissed, and I haven’t been having that great a time to begin with. Just needed to vent…
Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Jamie – why do the ones we love cause us the most pain….I will never figure that one out! It then consumes our very being until we become bitter and sick. Try to let it go if you can before that happens…..Feel for you child.
Love
Kitty
Well, kids, even with the kratom I had a horendous night. Maybe I didn’t take them on an empty stomach? Took too little? After about six hours I was so desperate and hated to mix, but I took some valium but sleep still didn’t come until about 5:30 – 7:30. Argh. Still woke up with the sweats and horrendous diarhhea. And days 2 and 3 are supposed to be slightly worse?! I did what you recommended, KM and looked at the clock and closed my eyes and prayed. Who knows, maybe if I hadn’t the night would have been much longer. I’m trying to dig in my heels, but this looks to be so, so difficult. NO vomiting, but can’t hold anything down. Tried with the vitamin supplements this morning and was barely able to gag them down. This truly sucks.
Jenny, Try to hang in there. The nights will be hard for awhile. I know exactly what you are feeling like. I have been there more than I care to remember. I just never had the strength to C/T. I would make it like 2 days then eat a handful. But I cant believe how well my taper is coming. I skipped my morning dose today and at midday I still feel pretty good. I am beginning to think I may make it this time. Stay strong, you CAN DO THIS…………
Hadenough.
Jenny – it really really sucks – but the end can be in sight…one hour at a time. Hang in there – it REALLY does get better – not worse!
Love
Kitty
I’m so ashamed that I didnt have the courage to endure this misery, this a.m. I called my clinic and had a colleague I know agree to call in some for me (the old “muscle spasm”). I hate myself for doing this, and the thought of asking my husband to once again go to the pharm to pick up more pills (he has no idea, just makes him worry more for my health). Hate this/hate this/hate this. I knew it would not be easy. I feel like I have no resolve, I’m a coward, a failure, feeling awful for making my wonderful husband wory more about me. I broke my leg 7 weeks ago and he’s been handling the whole majority of kids, housekeeping and taking care of me and now I’m taking advantage of his concern. I hate pitty partiying, I don’t know what I”m feeling worse for, not having the courage to do this or making more work and worry for him, putting my colleagues in a weird position by prescribing more narcs, etc. A lot of self-loathing. So sorry for letting people here how have been suportive down. Not looking for a pity party, just confessing it all because there is no one else on earth besides my God that knows the extent of my illness and personal failings. I know rationally I”m delaying he inevitable, but how/how/how do I endure such misery for days, the depression that follows, not being able to function, letting my kids down. You get the picture. At the very least tonight I’ll be able to sleep and tomorrow get the kids off to school. I tried the showers but taking them so difficult b/c of wrapping my cast (I know, not an excuse). I also have to see my ortho guy in a week to have the perm plaster cast taken off and have a removable (to shower) plastic air cast put on. Sorry I’m rambling. I’m so disappointed, but dying for 4 o’clock to come around for hubby to stop at the pharnmacy when he takes the kids home from b-ball. I want to be able to get clean and not be a slave to the pills anymore, but how? I feel so sick, weak-willed, think how ashamed those who know me and love me would feel if they really knew. I will call my angels, I got on my knees to my God, but I can’t rid myself of the obsession. I tell my kids the evils of drugs and peer pressure and I feel like such a hypocrite. I don’t deserve the great life I have living this lie. Again, I’m sorry about the pity partying, just so disappointed in myself and lack of will, and sorry to let folks here down who have been praying and rooting.
hadenough, you are amazing. I tried doing the taper and ended up eating about tht 40 pills I had planned to last for 5-6 days in only 2. I so applaud your strength and resolve. Kitty, I’m sorry your prayers have been for naught, but I’m not giving up. This last run has to be the end of the gravy train. I’m already on my pcp and my orth’s “watch” list and I feel like the pharmacy round-about (“I don’t have insurance” line) is about to catch up to me big time. NOt to mention the mistrust and suspicioun of co-workers and my shame of putting them in a position of calling in controlled substances b/c of the fact that they feel I”m a trusted and believable colleague who is suffering.
Jenny – You needn’t think my prayers are for naught. Your life sounds exactly like mine did fifteen months agao and I would have done exactly the same kind of things you are doing to get more drugs. The multiple pharmacies and doctor shopping just backfired on me and I got caught. Otherwise, I would probably still be doing it…just thank God that I did not go to jail or worse for what I was doing. Hand in there because I still will pray for you and your right time WILL come. Please keep posting.
Love
Kitty
JENNY, Don’t give up! You have to get the mindset 1st, AND IT WILL HAPPEN. Almost everyone fails, sometimes multiple failures. Just start a new plan and try again. As I mentioned before, I think my taper has been a little easier for me this time because of the fact that I don’t feel any high from them anymore. And the 2nd reason is I plan to be a granddad within the next year or so, and I would really like to live long enough for that. It’s not that I worry about an overdose but my liver. The only time I take them now is when the diarrhea sets in or the chills are out of control and it seems like I get a little more time in between doses. I think back to a month ago, I would go to work with 30-40 in my pocket and many day’s I came home with empty pockets. After New years day, I started taking 1/2 that with me and now I’m down to leaving in the morning with only 4 and even have come back home with some. I finally think I have the right mindset to succeed this time, but I’m just trying my best to do it without being sick as H*&L. What has me nerved up is the fact that things are going so well since new years, and now Thursday i meet with a surgeon about what they are going to do with my knee. It’s been tore up for years and just getting worse. Whatever happens, DON’T GIVE UP. one day we will make it……………H.E.
Jenny, YOU are OK!!! You will know when the time is right for you to be rid of the pills. Hang in there, and we will hang in there with you. Each and I’ll bet every one of us has done as you have done…doing anything we can to get more, UNTIL way down deep inside we dig up the courage and the oomph we need to quit for good. You will get there too!!!
Still praying!
Thanks guys, I’m not giving up b/c I feel like this is the end of the line truly.I’m on the verge of having people at my job wondering if there’s a problem with me, on the verge of having my doc get word thru another doc that there have been duplicate prescriptions. If I want to keep my career and not end up in jail. So far I have not taken anything today, so maybe the idea of a taper is still possible. Slight sweats but not much. I wonder how much is psychological also, in that I’m not getting too sick (it’s been 20 hours since my last dose) becausae I know my lifeline is upstairs in my dresser. Thank all, will keep checking in and not giving up.
It’s a huge percentage psychological, that ws the hardest part for me.
Hi everyone
What a hectic day at work I had – and it is the first day I have not stayed late…..Had to meet the 1099 deadline today and have been letting all my other work pile up but now it is month end and all that work has to be completed tomorrow also. I am glad that I do not have to rely on the vicodins any longer. I remember having the nervous legs at work when I was low on pills and it was hell to get through the days while having withdrawal symptoms out my wazoo! Even though I have become somewhat of a social misfit, I am still glad to not be in withdrawal all the time.
Yes, James, you are right – the psychological aspect is the worst. I think that is why I still do not feel like doing anything much outside the house because I still am not 100% right yet. But, who knows, that might be a reason I started the pills anyway – using them as a social crutch.
Anyway, I am thankful so much when I hear all the posts from new people like Jenny or friends that fell of the wagon like NEESIP. I realize how easy it would be to slip right back again….and it helps me stay clean and accountable.
For all of you who are suffering, it is not easy to quit – but it is doable and Pink, Metoo, Joe, Me, QN, and many others are testimony to the fact that it is doable. But, don’t think you are a failure or are week because you are struggling with it. IT IS THE NATURE OF THE BEAST…we who have been there can testify to that…..ONE IS TOO MANY – A MASON JAR FULL IS NOT ENOUGH.
Just for today my friends, I will not take a pill
Love to ALL
Kitty
Thank you, Kitty. I agree, thinking about socializing and doing stuff outside of the house straight will be difficult (again, the psychological aspect of it all). Today I’m looking at the bottom of an empty bottle. I could leave the last 5 pills to taper over the next day or so, but of course my addict mind says “go for one last run” and start the day fresh. I did order kratom that came, took some on Saturday, but not sure if I didn’t take enough (about 3 grams) or b/c I took on en empty stomach it did nothing to ease the w/d’s. Anyone out there with experience with this would be much appreciated. I know there are some that think this is a crutch, but I’m so terrified of going thru the physical misery if I feel that I have something that will someone take the edge off I will be less panicked. Thank you all so, so much for your encouragement and support. You annonymous people are the only souls on earth who know of my struggle. I hate keeping this from the people that I love, but my husband who doesn’t even drink would never understand. Or maybe I underestimate him. But I don’t know and don’t trust myself making decisions right now.
Make that DIDN’T take the Kratom on an empty stomach. Did nothing to ease anything. Wanted to try that before resorting to the valium, but did not work. Any advise would be appreciated. ty
Hey, Jenny! Yes, you SHOULD take kratom on an empty stomach. 3 grams should be ok starting out, and I don’t know if you have capsules or powder, but if you can’t feel it after 20 minutes, take some more. 3 grams isn’t that much. You have to find your ‘sweet spot’ with it, but when you do, you won’t care about vics any more.
I am not advocating the switch of one DOC for another, BUT kratom helped me and lots of others, and that’s what I have to go on. With the help of kratom, I don’t look back. For almost a couple years now…wow..has it really been THAT long? You will get there too, Jenny. And we are all in your corner, cheering you on!!!!!
Hey, DDKitty!!!! Life has settled down now, and we need to get back in touch!!! Sorry I disappeared…I hope you will forgive me!!?!!!
Hugs to everyone, and big prayers for Miss Jenny!!!!
Thank you, meetoo. I read some of your old posts mentionin it, but couldn’t find your clean date so ty for the info. Took my very last dose last night, so now about 12 hours and counting. Will try the kratom this afternoon. This is a busy week ahead with school IEP meetings for my older son, new cable installation, and then orthopedic appointment next MOnday, which I’m hoping I’ll feel human enough to keep as it’s all the way into Boston. No concern about getting more drugs there, as they have my number. they were prescribing percs after the surgery (Dec 30), and when I asked for vike 10s they acted kind of funny but agreed, with one refill and when I called a week or so ago for more they told me I’d need to see a pain specialist if I still needed narcs at this point so far out from surgery (of course, pain never has been an issue, heck I found out after the surgery that my tolerance for pain is pretty good; I could have gotten by with motrin 800′s if I was a normal person). Thank you for joining in this journey with me.
and meetoo, they are ma daeng or something capsules that are like horsepills. I was wondering if I should dump about 4gms out of the capsules and mix with juice or applesauce or something? I agree about not wanting to switch to another DOC, but I’m so freaked out about the w/d symptoms and feeling dope sick for days. As someone said above, the psychological fear is huge and paralyzing.
btw, happy February. I guess this is a good omen running out on the last day of the month and starting a new month clean. Clean slate. Thanks again. J
Jenny, where did you buy your kratom? A great vendor is entheofarm.com. I think if you can swallow stuff easily, lol, it’s better to get powder. Usually a tsp and a 1/2 will do the trick. I am just wary about your vendor…and you should start out with commercial Bali. Hang in there, Jenny! We will get you there yet!!!!
I bought the first batch from kratom king and ordered some today from arena ethnobotanicals (bali kratom capsules). Both are supposed to be reputable, but I don’t know. I took my last dose last evening and should start to feel the heart racing/sweats, but I took about 7 capsules (4-5 gms?) around 10, slept for a bit and feel okay enough to have had a light lunch. Wasn’t what you’d call a high, but more of a haze. Actually not really looking for a high, just want to stave off hideous w/d symptoms. ty, meetoo.
Clarify: took my last dose of vicodin last evening, tried the kratom 2 1/2 hrs ago.
Well, kratom is not the panacea I was hoping for, it’s been almost 24 hrs and the stomach cramping and heart palpitations are starting, along with the anxiety. Who knows, maybe the symptoms would be worse w/out the kratom. Anxiety is definitely the worst and feeds into all the other symptoms, or maybe the other way around. Oh! I wish I could go to sleep and wake up in 5 days! Prayers please!
Well, kratom is not the panacea I was hoping for, it’s been almost 24 hrs and the stomach cramping and heart palpitations are starting, along with the anxiety. Who knows, maybe the symptoms would be worse w/out the kratom. Anxiety is definitely the worst and feeds into all the other symptoms, or maybe the other way around. Oh! I wish I could go to sleep and wake up in 5 days! Prayers please!
Another thing, why are the times on the posts all messed up? I did my last 2 posts almost 8 hrs apart, but it looks like I did them right after the other. lol The things I fixate on….
Hi Jenny,
Kratom was not a panacea for me either – in fact, quite the opposite – it made me get all flushed and also gave me vertigo – so bad several times that I literally had to crawl from the front door to the sofa and get in a fetal position until it wore off. I think cold turkey is the only way to go (for me any way) and five days later you become a new person. Hang in their my friend and get through it anyway you can…..Try to program your brain for success – tell it there is no other option except to get yourself out of this fix you are in…It is the hardest thing you will ever do – and the most rewarding in the end.
Love
Kitty
Thank you KItty, your responses are like a lifeline to me at this time. I did start titrating up the kratom (I wish meetoo was here to post and advise on this) and I’m actually pretty comfortable, heart palps, a bit sweaty, but nothing near CT w/d’s that I fear so much. I am concerned that when I stop the kratom at the 4-6 day mark, will I go into another w/d? Does it just prolong the vicodin w/d? I do have valium to take for sleep, but afraid to mix with the kratom, so hopefully if I regular kratom dosing I’ll be able to get some sleep.
hey guys so great to hear from everyone
Jenny Jenny Jenny— my goodness i was just as freaked out as you are i think us being nurses it just that much worse cause as you know we should know better but sometimes addiction doesnt care what we know or who we are it happenes to the very best of us … i dont know if you read my posts but i was a super hypocondreact but i had great great people like kitty mom and metoo to help me threw everythink well there were much more people like pink jamie koe ect if i didnt name u i have you in my heart for sure … but i was just as anxious and scared well terrified as you but really you can do this it was so nice to hear kitty mom acknolage me on her post so thank you for that … but you will feel so much better when this is all over with i never had enough guts to try the kantrom cause it says not for human use and that turned me completly off from that route even with the great people on here telling me the reasons why it has to say that but i still never could get past that part of it but if it is helping you then by all means keep it up i think you should be fine metoo said that you dont w/d from that so i think you are in the clear …..i really think you should stop asking your co workers to call in scripts like that cause it will back fire on you and them trust me i am in supervisory positions and that can cost everyone there jobs exspecally since they are not even allowed to call in scripts without a doctors approval i would hate for you to jeperdise their carers for this but just a FYI i dont mean any harm by this just want to give you my expert advise … since we by this message but just concerned that is the last thing you need to have on your plate …. but if there is any thing i can help you with please just ask i was so lucky to have gotten clean on this site and have stayed that way mainly due to the best thing ever in life becomming pregnant i have wanted this for so many years and i love love love being pregnant all the sickness i embrase it everyone thinks i am carzy but i truely love it and i know good things and things you thought would or could never happen will all start coming to lite once you quit you will see very soon just hang in there and you will do just fine keep posting all day if you have to my dear friend NESIP— fell off the wagon and i am terribly worried about her and cant stop thinking about her cause she is not posting or checking in or anything please NESIP– if you are reading this please if for nothing else for my sake please tell us how you are doing i need to hear you are ok….
Hadenough— you are ttrucking right along you are very impressive you are going to be done with all this very soon i feel it and you are strong … i can tell by your posts …
metoo– so glad to hear that everything is finally on the right track for you boy oh boy u deserve it more than anybody i know loved hearing from you …
Kittymom- like i said earlier thanks for acnolaging me it seems like i have posted several times AND I JUST KINDA GET BY PASSED FROM YOU BUT I GET IT EVERYONE IS BUSY IT JUST FELT SO NICE TO SEE MY NAME IN YOUR POST AFTER ALL IT WAS YOU WITH ME THREW OUT MY WHOLE DETOX AND FOR THAT I AM FOREVER THANKFUL
gUYS SORRY FOR ALL THE MIS SPELLINGS I AM ON A IPHONE AND TYPING WAY TO FAST YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW THAT I HAVE A MASTERS DEGREE HAHAHAHA BUT IM SURE YOU GET WHAT I AM SAYING EVERYONE STAY STRONG AND BEAT THIS BEAST WE CALL vICODIN IT SUCKS BUT CAN BE DONE IT TRUELY CAN BE DONE AND IT FEELS GREAT NO IT FEELS WONDERFUL
A UPDATE I AM DUE HERE IN 1 MONTH AND A HALF IF ANY ONE WASNTED TO KNOW AND THANKS AGAIN FOR EVERYONE ON THIS WONDERFUL SITE LOVE YOU ALL… TO PICES
OMG SORRY FOR THE CAP LOCKS I GUESS I HIT IT WHILE I WAS TYPING WASNT YELLING JUST A ACCIDENT
CHECK BACK LATER
NESIP– my girl come back her i emailed you not sure if you got it even if you havent quit i want to hear your sweet voice and u promised me you would be back and not disapeer so just say hio i get that you might not want to talk about what is going on but jus let us know you are ok i miss you more than you know i am due here shortly and need you here with me … i want to share my experince with you i know that you would love to be pregnant we talk in great depth about it so i thought the next best thing i can walk you throiugh everything … even things you prob.. dont want to know Lol but please find a moment and say hi to us love you very much i truely hope all is well with you
February is nine months clean for me! It has not been easy, been a rollercoaster 9 months for me. But you know, I am glad that I went through it all sober. These last few weeks have been interesting, I’ve had cravings for pills and alcohol, and I haven’t even thought about alcohol for over 10 years. I’m struggling through it lately, but I’m not going back to that beast, either one of them actually. I’ve done just about every puzzle that is on the store shelves at the moment just to keep my hands and mind busy. Got grumpy today when I went to two different stores and they only had the puzzles I had already done lol
Jenny, hang in there. If we can do it, you can. You may struggle for a while after the withdrawals and all, but believe me, even with the struggle, life is so much better with the clarity of sobriety.
QN, glad to hear you are so happy. before you know it you’ll be blessed with the best reason in the world to stay clean and be your best. If I recall correctly, you and I are pretty close to the same amount of time clean. Good job!
Metoo and Kitty, love you ladies. Don’t know where I’d be without you. I think the bonus of getting clean is being able to help others get clean, and if you can help just one person, then what you went through was worth it…and you two have helped so many! I just hope that one day I’ll be able to help at least one person like you two have helped me.
Major love and hugs to all! Keep your chin up!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
thank you all so much for your thoughtful responses, esp QN.I realised what a slippery slope i was on my involving NPs and docs I work with in asking for scripts and know from experience the suspicions this arises. I don’t want to lose the respect of my coworkers and realize that if it became a regular thing I’d never stop. So, so happy for you and your soon to be new baby; they are such a blessing and c-sect or vag delivery you’ll hardly feel the pain b/c of the awesoem reward. I had my last child c-sect 5 yrs ago and took maybe 1/2 the bottle of percs and probably threw the rest away, which makes me feel so angry and disappointed in me that I got involved in these. Strange that oxy/percs never did it for me but once i got the high of vicoden i was immediately hooked.
The night was surprisingly okay. I was really slamming those kratoms down, was able to eat dinner (fast food/greasy, just in case it was going to be my last meal for a while!), slept about 3-4 hours total, woke up with cramps and sweats, took some more kratom and the edge is coming off. One thing I did do was confide in hubby which was huge. I did so much hand wringing over this — do I lie and writhe around in bed for 5 days telling him I have the worst flu ever and have him worry (he does worry, he’s the best), or call myself out on it and confess all my sins. He was shuttling our 2 older sons to sports/activities and didn’t get home ’till 9 and called him up to our room and asked him to shut the door and I started to cry saying we needed to talk. Then tearfully told him about getting caught up in this and wanting and needing so badly to stop. My beautiful man took my hands into his and told me he loved me and we’d get through it together. He said, “what do you need and what can I do for you.” (which made me cry harder). At the end of the discussion he said he was kind of relieved because I was so serious and upset at the start of our conversation he thought i was about to tell him about another man! That added some much needed levity. So, this morning it’s 5a.m. watching my ABC soap re-runs on soapnet in bed, listening to the sound of this man snoring in bed next to me and feeling really happy and grateful and thinking for the first time in weeks after contemplating and putting it off that I might be okay. Sorry if this is long and running on. Maybe in a few hours when day 2 officially hits I won’t be in this pink cloud! Right now it’s been 36 hours since my last pill. Not easy, but I think I have a chance. Thank you for listening/reading. Thank you Jamie, QN and Kitty. You make me feel not so alone. Now that my husband knows, it helps with not feeling so isolated but as much as he’s supportive, he has no idea how this addiction grips you and holds on. Thank you/thank you/thank you.
Cramps, diarrhea, headache. Trying to figure out intervals to dose kratum b/c I feel it really does help. Seems to take away most all of the symptoms vs. the valium might just calm my heart rate/sweats but nothing for the generalized crap feeling. Sorry for being a posting hog. I hope I can make it through this and someday look back and read my own posts if I get tempted to pick up again.
I’m chronicling my own journal so I can remember how this felt. Well, it’s officially been 48 hours since my last pill, so that means I guess this is technically day 3 (which I hear is the worst?). To my suprise the kratom, vitamins, supplements, lots of water and protein shakes have kept the worst symptoms at bay. The worst is the mental anguish, the cravings, dare I say it???? mourning the fact that I have to stay away from those pills for life if I want to truly be free. Pills that are evil and euphoric at the same time. I have been doing some reading today and came across this that I’ve been meditating on all day: “An old Cherokee told his grandson: ‘my son, there is a battle of two wolves inside all of us. One is evil and filled with anger, jealousy, spite and resentment, inferiority, lies and ego. The other is good; it is joy, peace, love, humility, generosity, empathy and kindness. The boy thought for a minute and asked, “then which wolf wins?” to which the grandfather replied, “The old man quietly replied, “it is the one you feed.”
Jenny – Perfect – I love it – The wolf you feed wins…..perfect.
To all that suffer tonight:
It only I could work miracles,
I’d wash away all that troubles your heart.
I’d take away the fear
and the pain
and replace them with happiness.
You are so special to me
and it hurts me
to see you going through rough times
So remember
No matter how scared
you may be,
you’ll never be alone
I’ll ALWAYS
be here for you.
This was written to me by my sister when I was going through withdrawals and detoxing.
Now I am saying it to you.
Remember, your body and mind feel like crap for a reason – it is getting rid of years of poison…it as to come out some how.
Love You
Kitty
Jenny, so glad to hear you are on track!!! I have been, and will continue to pray for you!! If I were you, I’d up the kratom a gram or so…when i took it, it took ALL THE WD’s away. And, no, these are the worst withdrawal. Kratom does have a wd, but it is way minor compared to this!! Some say a kratom withdrawal is all in your head. If it helps you to get this monkey off your back, then so be it. That’s how I see it anyway…
Everyone is so sweet here!! I am honored to be among you! THAT is the one good thing that came from this addiction.
I will be praying!!!
Oh, and Kittymom…are we ok??
Celebrated my dad’s 61st birthday today. Spent the day shopping with my mom before I finally decided to hell with my savings I’m buying these people stuff! Bought my dad a new portable DVD player that he likes to have at work(his was on the fritz). Bought my mom a few things, but being the person she is, she just wanted the things she and my dad needed for daily living, toilet paper and soap and shampoo etc. My parents live with me and my boyfriend and my dad’s unemployment ran out, but he managed to get a part time job on the weekends not making very much money. And since they have no insurance, they have to pay for doctors and ‘scripts, so I’ve been picking up the slack. When our cart totalled over 300 dollars, I looked at my mom and she was all teary eyed. They are way too independent people, in all my life I’ve never seen them ask for something, some form of charity. Even when we had no food my mom would do whatever she could to earn the money to feed us. So now they think they are mooching off my boyfriend and I and I’m like no you took care of me for well over 18 years, It’s not a problem to help you out when you need it. So I’ve been running around all day saying “I like buying things for people. Don’t worry about it.” Of course this evening my mom had to hug me and cry and thank me for being such a good daughter, and I was like of course I am, I was raised right! lol
Their 39th wedding anniversary is on the 4th, and it also happens to be the 2 year anniversary of me living with my boyfriend. So we’re going out to dinner all of us with my aunt and uncle. The old wintertime depression has been hell this year, but I’m trying to get out more and be more active and it’s helping. K done babbling…
Jenny, once you make it past day four (always the hardest day for me) you should really notice a difference, just hang in there, post as much as you feel you need to. No one is going to complain. We’ve all been there. But whatever you do, do not slip up! I found this site November 2010 and with my first detox it was so easy it seemed, but then came a series of relapses and every detox after that was so much worse mentally. I kicked myself every time. And it took me six months of slip ups to get me back to where I was on that first detox. If you can learn from someone else’s mistakes, learn from mine on that one.
Well, folks, I need to catch some zzz’s. Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Metoo – OF COURSE WE ARE OK – LOVE YOU TO PIECES!!!!!!!!!!
Whatever do you mean?
D duh D Kitty
Hi all – Jamie what a wonderful gift you can give to your parents; even better that you have the $$ to support now that its not spent on drugs. It sounds like you really overcame your demons, what a struggle! For me the physical part of this detox almost seems too easy, I slept 6 straight hours last night and didn’t wake up with that dry-mouth, heart pounding, sweating feeling where I couldn’t get to my bottle of pills quick enough as I have in the past 2 1/2 years. No kratom since last night around 10, so I’m going to start titrating down today. Yesterday it was about 4gm (about 8-9 capsules) every 4-6 hours — meetoo, does this sound like too high a dose? I agree with KM about the fear of subbing one addiction for another, but I think the horrors of w/d were too overwhelming and the fear too paralyzing for me to do this C.T. I just want to make sure that when I stop taking the kratom, hopefully in a few more days, that all the vicodin w/d’s that the kratom was supressing will not come at me in full force.
Psychologically, getting through the day is another story. I postponed a school meeting at my 15 yo son’s school (he has aspergers) until next Tuesday. He’s doing well overall, this is just planning his services for the next 12 months. I just don’t feel physically or emotionally ready to make decisions yet. I do have to spend the morning waiting for the cable guy woohoo. I have the weekend to re-group. Unfortunately, my right leg is casted up to my knee, so light exercise is not an option, although if the weather is good hubby promises to help me walk in front of the house on my crutches. Ortho appt on Monday will get the plaster cast off and hopefully a walking boot and finally a back to work date by mid-late March. The future without drugs still seems to kind of suck. Will I ever have the enthusiasm to do all the things I used to do, from cleaning out the grout to sex?! lol
You guys have been a lifeline. Don’t know if I could have gotten up the courage and perseverence to stay with this were it not for this site and for all of you. Much love, – J.
woops, forgot to add, 60 hours and counting since my last little yellow pill.
Jenny – WOOT WOOT WOOT – So pleased that you are coming along so well girl! Keep up the great work.
Love
Kitty
Way to go Jenny. So very proud of you. I’m still holding at 4 a day. I have decided to wait until i talk with my surgeon on the 10th before i try the final jump. MRI scheduled for the 6th, pre surgery meeting on the 10th then set a date to get my Knee repaired. Im hoping they can do it orthoscopically and very soon and not have to cut into my leg. I’m sure that will be way easier all the way around. I think mentally i’m as ready , but I don’t want to put myself through it until after the surgery. my timing on this kinda sucks but I got to try sooner or later. I just never thought my knee surgery was going to happen at this time in my life. Jenny, Stay strong and just remember every hour should start to get a little easier any time now.
Hadenough
HE- praying for you on the 6th. Hoping you can have the least invasive procedure. For me, I didn’t know how high my tolerance for pain was until I broke my leg recently and needed surgery. I had a nerve block that lasted for 24 hours and after that wore off, I didn’t have pain severe enough to take pain killers but I gobbled them up anyways just to get the buzz. Sick, I know. Can you ask the anesthesia team about a nerve block post-op? Just a thought. Best of luck to you.
hey guys Jenny— great job i am glad to hear the kantron is helping you this much so great day 3 wow wow i am so proud of you keep up the great work soon soon it will be over you will be on the other side of the gate and you will feel great about it ..
Had- great you are down to 4 wow you are such a inspiation cause so so so many people out there are not able to taper taht shows you are a super strong person for getting down that low u go boy great job…
Hesip– i am going to call for you each and every day i am on here untill u come back here and tell me what happened
I MENT nesip– CRAZY PHONE omg
Had a great dinner tonight with my man, the parents and my aunt n uncle. Even the hour long wait for a table sitting out in the cold wasn’t too bad. About 10 minutes before we got seated a couple spots opened up at the bar and I was thirsty so my boyfrien and I sat and had a Shirley Temple.
Jenny, you will slowly get your enthusiasm back. It was really hard for me at first because of things going on in my house at the time and add in the fact that I already suffer from depression, anxiety and panic disorder. I quit in May and it really didn’t dawn on me til October that I was back to my old self for the most part and had been doing good for a while. Honestly, the first few months after were not easy at all from a psychological standpoint, but you just have to make yourself do stuff, find things that occupy your mind. I was building furniture during the summer with my dad, then had to harvest the family crops in September and October. I spent the whole month of October in the mountains on the family land with no electricity, no phones, no running water etc, 30 miles from town, but I could not have been happier that month and I was clean and sober and my body hurt like hell, but it was great. Now since it’s winter, I’m hooked on jigsaw puzzles, just gotta keep that mind busy.
Well, I’ll shut up now, I’m stuffed to the gills and tired so I reckon I’ll head to bed. Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Again, all of your encouragements are a lifeline. I’m 84 hours without a pill, took only 4-5 gm kratom yesterday about 8 hrs apart, slept all night and felt great, showered. Then slightly sweaty, so took about 3 gm see how that holds me for today. I’m hoping I can be off by the 7 day mark. This morning I’m going to try to go with my husband and our 5yo daughter to her Girl Scout cookie booth at our local supermarket, maybe to Dunkin Donuts for some coffee afterwards. I really want to stay on my couch and watch Law & Order, but taking your advice Jamie! Waking up with the sun coming in my window and feeling good was something I haven’t felt in a very long time.
Jenny – It was awesome for me to see sunshine and the blue sky for the first time in a long long time – Now I have to remind myself to look for pleasure in the smallest of things but mostly I find pleasure in the people I love because I was numb to that before…You are doing great…keep up the good work.
Kitty
Sunny day and picnic time here in Sunny Florida – even cleaned the patio and pool yesterday. I guess we are not having a winter this year! Have a good weekend everyone.
Kitty
Ahhhh, sunny day here too Kitty, but COLD, would love to feel warm florida sunshine in Feb. We live on the southern New England coast, drank our coffee & b-fast sandwiches on a bench at the beach and that wind was blowin’, but felt so, so good. I never get out lately so who knows maybe i’m vitamin D deficient too. Getting ready to take our girl to gymnastics and eat out somewhere after we drop her off. Only thing I looked forward to most other than being at the end of a detoix was the weight i’d lose, but looks like that’s not to be! Getting around in the outside world on crutches really not as difficult, I guess another excuse of mine to isolate myself into a routine that revolved around getting and taking vikes.
Keep up the good work, Jenny!!! And, no, 4-5 grams is not too much. Have you “felt” the kratom at all??? I would like for you to FEEL it just once if you haven’t….but it is amazing (even if you can’t ‘feel’ it), that it keeps the wd symptoms at bay…
Hi,
I came to this site a year ago January & started my withdrawl fight on About. If it wasn’t for some very special people on here, I would never be where I am today. My computer is typig one word every minute but to all those making this difficult journey, I wish nothing but hope and good wishes for all you. it’s harder than any other thing you will face, but very possible!
Thnanks to these wonderful people on this site especially Kitty Mom, MeToo, Joe and Jamie I am still here to encourage others to keep going. If you fall, get back up when you are ready and forgive yourself. If you really want to be free of this dragon, you will make it happen one day.
Good luck and I will be back soon. It took me 1/2 hour just to type this!
Best Wishes and respect to everyone,
Lori
Hi meetoo, by taking the kratom i just feel normal, but a little tired, the first day a bit zoned out which was good b/c it kept the worst symptoms away. I’m leary of taking too much to get a buzz for fear I’ll like the stuff too much and want to take it all the time. This morning though I used powder (initally bought capsules, then woried I’d run out so ordered powder form of premium bali), about the equivalent of 2 teaspoons into applesauce and DID NOT like the way it made me feel a few hours later, kind of speedish, heart racing, etc. Have not used any more today and if I can sleep through the night again tonight, going to hold off on taking any unless I get more symptoms (tomorrow will be day 5). Have to say, I know people have definite opinions pro and con about this stuff, but not sure I could have suffered through 4 days of misery w/out being tempted to scheme more drugs. From what I was taking, I’d consider myself a heavy user (about 200-300mg/day for almost 3 years) and couldn’t have imagined this detox going so well. I don’t want to say it was easy, the psychological misery was and is awful, but having to deal with the physical misery I’m afraid would have pushed me over the edge!
Hey, Lori, welcome back! Jenny, you sound like you got this one keep up the good work!
I just spent a lazy day in bed. Been going all week and my back was killing me, so I lounged out. And now I’m yawning so I think it’s time to go hunt some z’s.
Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Into day 5, no kratum so far today, slept okay but woke up with really paralyzing anxiety, took me 2 hours to get out of bed. All of my depression/anxious demons i’ve been supressing for so long are rearing their head. I’ve been on antidepressents for years and haven’t stopped taking, but I suppose when you get used to that vicodin high, it doesn’t matter what you take. Also getting a bad cold which is funny as I’ve barely been sick in over a year. Took 2.5mg (1/2 of 5mg tab) of a valium and feel a bit better. Maybe I also overdid it yesterday, had a really good day but don’t know why I woke up with so much dread. Welcome back Lori, and I hear you Jamie about the exhaustion!
Nice to hear from you again. Lori!!! Please keep coming back~I have promised to keep coming back too!!
Jenny, those demons are terrible, aren’t they. No question about it, and we ALL have them. I kind of have them today, but am trying to work out of it. You will make it, my friend…we all will!!
Keep your chin up!!!
Thinking of you!
Thanks Metoo!! Jenny, the hardest part for me was the anxiety!! I never thought I would get away from the feeling and was so ready to reuse and put myself back at square one which I had done so many times before. I reread the posts on this site so many times and saw I wasn’t alone and somewhere found the strength somewhere to keep going. Complete strangers here helped me far more than friends and family and I will never be able to repay them except by saying Thank You.
I know this sounds impossible but try not to think about the “pill high” every second like I did and watch a favorite movie or take a walk. Eventually you will find yourself not concentrating on them all the time and it will be a happy surprise.
You are doing great so far!!! Good luck and have a better day.
Lori
Hi everyone. Lori, my friend, welcome back. So glad you found “About” again…which reminds me that I was supposed to send you the link…so sorry…but so glad you are back.
Jenny, so sorry to hear about the anxiety….I think this is our mind trying one last resort to make us put the pills back into our systems. Those pills, are straight from hell to say the least…and our bodies and our minds both are going to try everything in their power to get us back on them.
Yeah – there are lots of pros and cons about taking kratum. If it helps get you off vics though, what the hell. Sounds like you are smart about and careful with it – so hey, whatever works, works!!!
I hope you get over the anxiety quickly…..It is still hard for me to get out and about – I get to work and work my ass off – but still have trouble socializing. But, that is just my nature.
Geeze girls – it is so nice to see my old buds on here – Metoo, Jamie, Lori. To bad we can’t get Joe and Stu back here too. That would be a hoot for sure.
Can’t tell you how much you all mean to me.
Love
DD Kitty
Jenny, Your doing fantastic, your willpower is phenomenal.
I hope and pray when I take that final leap I have the success that you are having. I spoke with my knee surgeon and he told me most of the time, He puts his patience’s on percoset after surgery. I told him that I had the norcos at home and would like to just try them after the procedure and he said that was fine but if i needed anything stronger just call and he would call them in for me. I had my MRI today and go back to see him Thursday to set a date for the surgery. If I can stay on track, and all goes well with the surgery I am going to try to put an end to this madness 2 weeks after surgery. Keep up the good work and I will be checking in to follow your progress and keep you up to speed on my surgery. Your friend, Hadenough.
Hadenough, my biggest fear before my surgery was that I was taking so many vicodins that it would be impossible for them to put me under!!! Seriously, I was so afraid that my tolerance was that high that I’d wake up 1/2 way thru (had a screening colonoscopy last summer and got sh*tloads of fentanyl and versed and still stayed away thru the whole procedure)! But luckily they are pros at what they do. Maybe ask if a spinal anesthesia technique could be used, you’re numb from the waist down and they give you propofol or someother sedative/amnesiac so you are technically “awake” but feel no pain and have no memory of it afterwards. Also, I went home with a nerve block and didn’t feel any pain for more than 24 hrs post-op (still gobbled up those pills though). You are so smart to be titrating down. What you said in your post about your doc offering more pain meds, continues to astonish me. When I called my ortho office a few wks back to get another script, they told me no but offered to set me up with a pain specialist. Today at the end of the visit he goes, “So are you all set for pain meds or do you need any refils today?” Are these people suffering from amnesia or maybe he doesn’t talk to his nurses?! Hubby was in the room and I told him “no”, with a knowing look from hubby that said, “you better not…” lol
Today is day #6 and virtually withdrawal sx free with the exception of feeling slightly more anxious in the am and then again around dinner time get the sweats and heart racing, so I am taking about 10 gm of kratom around 5pm. Not taking anymore in the a.m. Honestly, I don’t know that I would have made it through 6 days of jonesing given my heavy usage w/out the use of the kratom.
Anyways, aside from the offer for more drugs (LOL), I got my plaster cast removed and just wear a removable air boot only outside the house. I can sleep and shower with nothing on my leg, oh joy!!! Many, many thanks to you all. Its still a struggle every day to enjoy and appreciate everyday things. Just making chili and snacks for our superbowl party(just us and the kids) was a struggle, but made it through. Thanks to you all from the bottom of my heart. Hubby is supportive, but he will never truly understand how these pills get you in their grip and try not to let you go. Tried to explain to him that it seems like it alters my brain chemistry so whenever I take it, it turns something on that says “feed me more!!!” If that makes sense. Thanks for listening to my ramblings!!!!
Looking for advice on kratom weaning — KM, you’re right, very easy to fall for something while kicking something else. Over the wkend I was down to taking in am (about 10gm) and evening (same dose). Yesterday took eve dose only and slept fitfully, getting sweats altho nothing near as bad as acute w/d. Took 2.5 valium about 4am w/no effect. This a.m. took about 7gm of kratom and they went away. Meetoo or anyone who’s used this method, what is the most painless wean? I’m probably being too impatient with myself because I thought I wouldn’t need it by now. Not interested in using it recreationally either. Thanks for any advice!
jenny- can you tell me how the kantrom has worked for you and are you feeling any withdrawal from trying to stop it only after a few days of useing it ??? i just found out that a really good friend of mine is addicted to the devil pills and i would like to give her as much knolage as i cna about it … where did you order it from and how well does it work and what method is best the pill the powder owhat is your advise on it and where is the best place you ordered it from and what kind was the best all that info would be so helpfull for me to pass on to him….. thanks and give me like a scale on how much it helped and how it made you feel and what symptoms did it get rid of i hope this is notb to many questions but would be greatfully appreacited thanks … any other info that i missed would be helpfull as i never used this i was to scared but i see that u have really taken a liking to it and found it to work well while detoxing so i thought how great if it could help her also right??? also ow long after taking it does it work and whats the name of the best one you got ….
NESIP—- my friend where the heck are you … come and say hi to me you cant make a super preggo girl stress like this so i know you will be on here soon or maybe you are reading these posts just tell me u r ok i am here for you either way i love you to pices
Lorie— great to hear from you i was on here back when you first started and so glad to hear you are still clean great job and how many months do you have now under your belt …..
QN, so sorry to hear about your friend, they truly are evil pills. I ordered from kratomking.com and ethnobotanicals and bought capsules from both, one was just bali kratom, the other ma dong (sp?) was not a lot of $$ and I used priority shipping and it got here in 2 days (all these places offer overnight shipping). I then ordered powder from aeronobotanicals (it’s mentioned by the admin on the “drugs to detox page here on this site) in green enhanced ( but is nasty to swallow). I thought the quality was all similar x the green enhanced made me speed a bit. The first few days I was downing about 4-5 capsules (10gms) every 4-6 hours and besides the psychological stuff and depression, I was virually symptom free. No sweats, slept all night, appetite was good, no GI/diarrhea. I used that dose for the first 3 days or so, then starting on Sat I dosed a bit more (12-15gms), but only took that dose twice day (am and pm). I’m trying to slowly decrease and am getting very, very mild w/d’s (sweats, palps), but I think I’m not doing a slow enough wean and being too impatient with myself. Meetoo seems like a great source also, I read practically every post on this site — hers especially – in prepping for this and found her experiences with the kratom helpful. I didn’t particularly feel a buzz with it, just normal and a bit more sedated the first few days. Inever imagined an easier detox, and I think I was a heavy user (20-30 norcos/d) for 3yrs. The kratom took away the physical cravings, but definitely not the psychological ones (thank you, KM you’re right, our brains play tricks on us to get us to put more of those pills in our bodies). I hope this is helpful. If you want to contact me I’m at spgjmg@msn.com. Godspeed!!!!
jenny — i would love to know if you felt like you were taking vicodin orwhat isthe feeling my friend is just as scared as i was in taking it so thats why details are greatly helpful and thanks for such a fast responce you are great …. i would like to knnow if you are doseing downhow the w/d’s are i think what she is concerned about is just prolonging the other symptoms by useing the kantrom you know that is her main concern and did you know if the kantron is opiod based …. ???? any who i think ill waite a few more days well when do u plan on discontuning the kantrom??/ cause i would love to hear hoiw you felt comming completely off the kantrom … she is super nervous about just prolonging the withdrawals and that is not something she wants to do if there is still W/D’s from the kantrom she would rather get it over with quicker you know instead of dragging it out thanks for the super fast response and your wisdom on the subject love QN
QN – There is tons of stuff on the internet – and I read thoroughly before making a informed decision not to use it….but all in all, the withdrawal from kratom if used as prescribed to withdraw from opiates – should not be a problem. As long as she or he doeso not replace taking vics with taking kratom, your friend should be OK with taking Kratom to withdraw from opiates.
Everyone is different though because I had severe vertigo and vomiting from taking Kratom – but I think that most have anything near those type of problems.
It takes a little practice with the dosing, and the powder tastes like poop – If I ever try it again, I would consider the pills.
Anyway, long story short, tell your friend to come on here and everyone would be glad to help them along whether they want to go cold turkey or with kratom, there are folks here to help.
Love
Kitty
I’m no expert, so what I’m giving here is what I’ve read online and understand. It seems like a lot of debate whether kratom is considered and opiod, but it does bind to a specific set of opiate receptors in your brain, the “mu” receptor (i think this is what it’s called), whereas tradition opiates (vikes, percs, morphine, methadone) bind to the delta and other specific receptors. One theory is that by binding to a weaker receptor, your brain thinks it’s still getting an opiate so the w/d’s are not as bad (or mine almost nonexistent). This gives the other receptors that the kratom does not bind to get used to not getting fed its usual supply of dope. I had the same concern as you about whether taking kratom would just prolong the vicodin w/d’s, as in, I’d feel fine as long as I was taking kratom, but as soon as I stopped I’d be in full jones mode, but I think it was meetoo said this wouldn’t happen and based on how I feel now, I think that’s probably correct. I was using vicodin 3-4 times day and would start feeling sick if I went more than 6 or 8 hrs w/out. At this point I start to feel slightly sweaty, and heart palps about every 12 hrs, and its this point that I take a bit of the kratom (10-15gm, but tomorrow plan to go down to
and they go away. Am I getting these symptoms b/c my body is still getting rid of the vicodin or because it wants more kratom? Since I’ve only been taking it for a week, I suspect its still the vicodin working it’s way out. There is also controvery on the addictive properties of kratom with some people thinking its highly addictive (even though it is legal) and others think not so much with very mild withdrawal sx if discontinued suddenly if taken for a long time. I wish meetoo was on here b/c she used it to successfully detox and may take recreationally sometimes. I hope this answers your questions. There is a ton of stuff on the net, too. Hope this helps!
And another thing, if anyone knows a lot about this or thinks what I’ve written is incorrect, or some parts not accurate, pls fill us in!!!!
QN – Kratom holds the withdrawal at bay by giving a mild opiate effect – low doses give a calming effect – high doses give the opposite effect….but I only took it when I was out of pills, so not in a good place at those times. It was tricky for me – I wish I could say I had better experience with it.
Jenny, I am so glad that you have done so well in your detox. You should be pretty much through the worst already – and the kratom has worked good for you. From what I have read on the subject, you should have no trouble at all weaning off the K. There are some folks who use it for recreation and skip days at a time when on lower doses (just from reading blogs out there). Keep up the good work…hope you are feeling less anxiety now. It is a bitch….believe me!
Everyone have a great evening
Love
Kitty
Jenny – you did great on your answer to QN – sounds like you are being intelligent about this whole matter – and that is what any one of us need to be – research – learn – decide – go for it.
Love
Kitty
Yes, KM the right dose in the beginning is very experimental. I started out with about 3 grams and meetoo suggested that if the w/d’s didnt lessen after 20 minutes, then go up by a gram, wait another 20 minutes, and so on. For me it is slightly mood altering but I wouldn’t describe as a high like vicodin, a slight buzz, but nothing like my drug of choice. Question for the folks on here who detoxed cold turkey: how long did it take for your body to feel “normal”, ie no more hot/cold sweats, loose bowels, etc?? Occasionally I still get these symptoms very mildly but I think it’s probably because I’m still going thru the detox process/my body getting rid of the vikes? Thoughts anyone?
Jenny,
I was pretty much feeling completely normal after two weeks – but you know it has been so long now, I can’t say for sure. The thing I remember the most was the lack of sleep that seemed to be the last thing to return. My body just could not sleep without the Vicodin. The hardest thing was getting out of the house without them also….which I still deal with. I was used to popping two of three each time I went somewhere…lol….I am glad that shit is over with!
Take Care
Love
Kitty
Exactly Kitty!! That’s such a part of my blues and anxiety now, feeling like I have no drive or energy to get anything done. I just want to be able to function substance free again, enjoy going places, etc. w/out needing a crutch. Hell, I used to be up by 6am, pop 4-5 pills, get dressed, etc. while waiting for them to take effect, then wake the children, lay out the clothes and fix a 3 course breakfast — yeah, Supermom, but underneath just a hot mess.
Ok…Jenny…
First of all, if you are taking kratom capsules…the OOcapsules contain maximum .50 grams per capsule. That’s if they PACKED them, which they do not. I have my own capsule maker, and I know this to be true. So you are taking HALF of what you think you are taking. You WOULD feel the real effects of kratom if you-A.take it on an empty stomach, or 3 hours after a meal. B.follow it up with a hot beverage. When I first took kratom, that first day of MY LAST detox, I knew I was in the clear. It wasnt a mild opiate effect for me, but a better than opiate effect. Legally. Shamelessly. Healthily. It’s loaded with antioxidants or something, because I have not been sick since I started taking it in April of 2010. I just can’t say enough good things about it, but the hardest part is finding your ‘sweet spot’ with it. My sweet spot is around 6 grams. That would be 12 of your capsules. Stay AWAY from any kratom ‘extracts’ or anything labeled, ‘enhanced’. Especially when you start. All you need is commercial Bali from entheofarm.com. I buy the powder, and my favorite vendor is Z Eclectic. The powder is more difficult to use, but it’s cheaper and quicker.
I hope I’ve cleared some things up here…most importantly jenny’s dosage! UP, UP! I want want WANT you to feel WHY I love it. Not just to make you feel ok….you’ll know it when you feel it.
Oh! I have also steered someone from another forum to this one….please make welcome any new posters. This individual plans on starting the rest and best of his/her life on Sunday, and will be utilizing kratom to smack the beast to the floor.
Rock on, my peeps….
I can remember driving home from the pharmacy, feeling the pills take effect…feeling guilty, happy, shameful, elated, worthless….and the bad finally outweighed the good.
Thank God those days are over. I am ‘above board’ with myself, and those with whom I surround myself. no secret stash, no hidden agenda. Do you know how good THAT feels???? Pretty frickin’ sweet.
If you are trying to get off this crap, YOU CAN DO IT. Don’t wait. Start living right. Start feeling right. Start being proud of yourself. They say vicodin, etc., is as hard as heroin to detox from. So think about it….if YOU can kick this???!!!!??? OMG, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!!!!!! For those of you who HAVE kicked this, I hope that you spend some time patting yourself on the back. And for those of you who have yet to kick it, POST and find compadres who WILL walk with you through this.
I don’t know why I am sounding like an infomercial…LOL…maybe there is someone out there who needs a nudge and a friend??!!! I just feel compelled to post this. We are here.
Join us.
Thank you, meetoo. I used the capsules during the first 3-4 days of my detox before I ran out, but I had ordered powder, which I’m measuring by the teaspoon (5mg), I two of these this a.m. on an empty stomach when I woke up and feel good, feel NORMAL!. Feelings are so fleeting, was in such a bitch mood yesterday and have plans for today to get some sh*t done around the house, start exercising (well, sit ups anyways, ‘aint goin’ nowhere w/ a healin’ broken leg!). I really feed my own depression when I have down days and feel like every day will be like this. Today I am 8 days clean, slept 7 hours straight last night, and feel like I can actually do laundry today. lol. I NEVER thought I would be able to feel this good so soon into it. I can’t say enough about the use of Kratom and think it’s a great, great thing to help the suffering addict. I don’t know that my will would have enabled me to really, really stop using just going cold turkey. I had tried multiple times before and didn’t make it, but lately I’ve been looking at the end of the line in terms of losing my career, financial problems, not to mention pickling my liver with 4mgs of tylenol a day! QN, I hope your friend pops over here so I can help someone as much as you all helped me. I know the road isn’t over and going back to work in 6 weeks will be a real stressor, but I’m just so grateful to feel today that I’m pretty sure I’m getting my life back and feel good
). Have a great day everyone!
YAY for you, Jenny!!!!! You can see the other side of the bridge now!! Keep going strong!!!
I was clean for 11 months and had serious achilles tendon surgery in December. They gave me percosets for pain and they weren’t any big deal. I am so happy they didn’t give me vicodin, because i loved vics the best. Now off meds totally without any withdrawl and living normal again. Foot will be bad for another 6 months but so happy to be clean!!!!
Jenny, I went cold turkey and the worst physical problems were gone in about a week. Only anxiety bad for a couple months.
Lori
Metoo – I am so happy you are here giving advice and support just like you did when I was in Jenny’s position. So happy to have met you and so happy to still have you as a friend…are we OK?
Thanks for being You and thanks for coming back here. I missed you.
Lori – You too, my friend – thanks for being back.
JamesCat – glad you are back occasionally also.
All the rest of you folks – glad you have come around too.
Love and Hugs
DD Kitty
I don’t know why – but this song is how I felt after getting clean! Praise for being clean and praise for seeing the morning sunrise in a whole new light!
Love
Kitty
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FP7Ry9MfkQU&feature=related
ok any one who would llike to reply would be great .. i was lookin on the web site and to buy the stuff im not sure how much to get hher it says like 4 GM is 17.99 ok well i read posts saying jenny you were taking 4 GM’s 3 times a day that sounded like alot to me im not sure if you were confusing MG with GM but its a hudge difference so i was not sure how to much to order for her you know .. any help would be great i think there is some sort of confusion on the dosages cause that would be alot of money a day spent on that …
Metoo— for some one that was just starting their detox could you recommened what type the name the amount for about 7 or so days that she would be comfy and not feel all the W/D’s in Gm’s Or MG’s that would be so helpfull .. hope i am not asking to much please and thank you
QN, yes, I mis-wrote in some of my posts, the kratom is measured in GRAMS. I started with this http://www.thekratomking.com/PC_Bali_Kratom_Capsules_p/krapcomcapbag.htm
Then bought a type of maeng dong thai kratum capsules at arena. Both were 50gm bags (but meetoo set me straight that the actual weight of the total kratom in ea bag is less, more like 38gm b/c I was not factoring in the weight of the capsules themselves, so each capsule was less than 1/2 gm). So you just have to experiment with what will work for you to keep the demons away. For me, I started small (tried 3-4 at a time, wait 20 minutes, if I didn’t feel better I’d titrate up by taking a couple more, waited 20 minutes, etc. until I felt better but got to the point where taking 6-9 pills every 4 -6 hours kept away ALL the physical symptoms virutally symtom free. If you read thru meetoo’s posts, she gave a lot of good helpful info. I am now on day 8 and besides having the blues and anxiety on some days, I feel physically fine. I still take the kratom, today about 10gm (equiv of 6 caps) in the a.m. and 7.5gm in the eve before bed. I hope to be off them totally by next week. I probably spent about $100 in the past week on the stuff between the product and shipping but was so worth it. Hell, I was spending more than that pharmacy hopping using 180 tabs per week! Hope this helps.
Should also clarify that the 6-9 capsules every 4-6 hours was only for the first 2-3 days. On day 4 I only needed to take it 3x/day, maybe every 6 hours, by day 6, just in the a.m. and before bed, which is where I am now, trying to decrease my dose each time. I wonder if how much a person needs depends on their vike usage and tolerance level. I was using heavily (20-30 pills a day, most days 30=300mg vicodin and 9gms a day of tylenol — good grief!!!), so sometimes when I took like 9 capsules of kratom at a time it seemed a lot, but maybe I needed that much b/c of how much vike I used. If your friend is not using as much as I was, maybe she’ll need a lot less. As meetoo said, start with 2-3gm (4-6) caps, wait 20 minutes and if the w/d’s do away, you know what dosage will work for you. Sorry if these posts are long and rambling but I really want to share what worked for me if it can help someone else.
I would say a starter would be a 50 gram adventure…. I just love it. Made the world ok again, and cleared my conscience right up!!! Yes, I still am using kratom daily…but with my addictive personality, if it weren’t kratom, God only knows what it would be. Someday I will stop, though.
Kitty kitty kitty!!! Of course we are ok!! Life just took over on me, and I am finally getting to the right place. DAMN!!! I DID IT!!!! I turned my entire LIFE around, and it’s great!!! I did the right thing. And THAT, my friends, is good to know!!! For those who don’t know my story…I left my husband, moved to another state with my same sex lover, and am finally settling in….
And, I am happy. Please say a prayer of thanksgiving as you read this….
Thank you, Lord for alwAys heAring our summons… Thank you for your angels…you have blessed me. my life is yours.
Meetoo, if it hadn’t been for your advice, I would have been one suffering puppy over the past week. Today is day 9 (last pill 7 pm 1/31/12). What you did also took a lot of guts, probably wouldn’t have happened had you stayed clean. I have a dear sis who is a drinker and suffering in a bad marriage feeling trapped, by her sub abuse as well as a big jerk. I’m celebrating 20 years married with my man this year. He’s put up an awful lot with me and has always supported me unconditionally. I used just ’cause I liked it! I wasn’t hiding the pain of an unhappy childhood, bad relationship, sick children. I’ve been really blessed in my life and that’s what’s a mystery why I continued to practice such self-destructive behavior that would put all my blessings at risk. And if I have the opportunity to use again w/ no one finding out, I can’t say today that it will never happen. I’ve been reading a lot of Rational Recovery stuff (tried AA with a frienda while back and didn’t get the disease model of addiction, I respect people that it helped save, but…..not for me). Anyways, sorry for my ramblings — everyone have a great day. Again, Kitty, Meetoo, QN, HE, Jamie, your support over the past 2 wks have been amazing.
)
metoo could you send me the link of exactly what product pills preferably and how much you think she should get at once that would be so helpfull i know you were able to do that once before on this site tried to go back and find it but dont havre the patience since i am almost 9 months preggo LOL that would be super helpfull please and thank you you are the best in the west
Jenny—- thank you very much for all your help i hope it makes you feel great to know that while you are detoxing you are helping me help a friend witch is wonderfull you should pat your self on the back for that cause that seems to be so hard to do while i was detoxing i really didnt want to type or talk that much on here just wasnt up to it you know but u have been a inspiration on here even in your darkest moments u r a wonderfull gal just by your posts i can tell that congrats on 9 days wow that is amazing u r a super star … keep upmthe good work…..
metoo could you send me the link of exactly what product pills preferably and how much you think she should get at once that would be so helpfull i know you were able to do that once before on this site tried to go back and find it but dont havre the patience since i am almost 9 months preggo LOL that would be super helpfull please and thank you you are the best in the west
Jenny—- thank you very much for all your help i hope it makes you feel great to know that while you are detoxing you are helping me help a friend witch is wonderfull you should pat your self on the back for that cause that seems to be so hard to do while i was detoxing i really didnt want to type or talk that much on here just wasnt up to it you know but u have been a inspiration on here even in your darkest moments u r a wonderfull gal just by your posts i can tell that congrats on 9 days wow that is amazing u r a super star … keep upmthe good work…..
Way to go on day 9 Jenny. I seen my Doc today and was informed that the procedure is going to be done via scope. That’s a huge relief Knowing they don’t have to cut me open. He said just 2 small holes, one on each side of the knee and if all goes well should be able to go back to work in 3 days. I’m thinking they are going to do it next Friday.
After listening to your posts, I think I to want to try the kratom. Sounds like the best approach for me. I just wanted to stop in and give you an atta girl & kinda give you all an update on my knee.
HE, what a huge relief to be having the least invasive procedure. If you’re going back to work, will it be light duty or hopefully you don’t have a job where you’re on your feet (legs!) all day. Thanks for all of your kudos. I’m so glad I found this site, spending days before quitting reading every single post in every single forum to get psyched into it. Were it not for here would not have heard about the kratom, which I think was a huge factor in being able to feel healthy and stay clean. I took just one dose last night and plan to try to quit altogether beginning today, so I think my titration/wean was good. All told I was on it for 9 days that kept ALL with w/d (physical ones anyway) away. I only experienced lots of fatigue, but at least that meant I could sleep for long stretches at night and short naps during the day. Given that you have so much willpower with your vicodin wean, you probably will not need that much or need to take for so long. Best of luck and stop and before you go in! Best weekend to all!
Jenny..don’t be too quick to take off those training wheels…..I would make sure you have some kratom handy in case you start craving something.
Great job though!!! See? You DID IT!!!
Ya Jenny, I have a desk job for the most part, so going back after just a few days shouldn’t be to bad. Sounds like they are going to try to set up my app. for next Friday. I will be so happy to get this problem behind me as that knee has bothered me off and on for 25+ years. You know, even though I have been doing so well weaning down, The urges are tremendous at times. and I’m certain when I take that final step I worry that the sleep issues and RLS are going to be the hardest part for me. I have had sleep disorders for years as it is. I can sleep good for a few weeks then I will get 4-5 days that I only get an hour or 2 each night. Keep up the great work. Your an inspiration for others. Have a great weekend everyone.
HE.
you too, HE. Ha! Meetoo, “training wheels”! Yes, I like that analogy. I have about 1/2 of a 50gm bag of powdered kratom and will take if need be. I just want to see if I can get thru the wkend w/out symptoms. I still really love my wine (nothing like that hydro/chardonnay buzz in the evening when the kids are in bed…), so don’t want to pick up another substance, and I’m not ready to stop my couple of glasses before bed right now. Funny how you have to get used to your body feeling normal again. I was doing a lot of housework today, making beds and sweating like anything and my first thought was, “I need a pill”, but I sat down and had some water and chilled right out. So YES, my body is supposed to get hot and sweat a bit when it’s exerted! Just wanted to share that strange observation. Probably so many times when using I’d get that feeling when all I’d really needed to do was rest (when wasn’t even “due” for a pill), but instead I’d get the urge to pop a pill. Doesn’t our mind play funny tricks on us sometimes!
Oh, and HE, I don’t want to belabor the point, but if you are having day surgery, pls ask your doc about a nerve block, it’s kind of a weird feeling b/c you won’t feel anything past mid-thigh on the affected side (like a “dead leg”), but you’ll have no pain for at least 18 hours. May buy you more time to wean down and rest your pain receptors until they need those drugs!
jenny — them powder is Balie and what do you do to take it mix it up with something and is the powder better or is just a cost effency thing than the pills ?/my friend wants to make sure that it is not prolonging the symptoms and infact is actually aiding in getting off the Vic’s with no symtoms at all ??? your input would be great and also in the 9 days that you have taken the kartrom how much total have you used she would like top get it all at once she is a hot mess worried about the detox so im sorry if all i am talking about is this stuff but since you have now had experonce with it / sorry for all the questions and now that you are down to once a day are you feeling any of the W/D’S at all
Here is a link to learn all about it….BUT!!!!!! I don’t know if it’s OK to post a link….don’t say whom you got it from!! This is the best forum in the world.
http://www.thekratomforum.com
When I clicked the link, It opened the page and said there was like 6800 threads but I couldn’t see any of them. I didn’t look any further but assume you have to set up an account and log in to read anything. Does that sound right or not?
I began with the capsules and was taking about 5-8 of them every 4-6 hrs, just started low and titrated up ’till I was comfy, then started deceasing every day until I no longer needed them (as of yest). I did use the powder which was cheaper when the caps ran out and used a measuring teaspoon to gauge the dose (nasty, but okay mixed w/ applesauce). I was just as freaked out as your friend if you read earlier posts, but no it did not just delay the withdrawal symptoms as they are now completely gone and have not taken any kratom in about 36 hrs and no vicodin for 11 days.
Good luck, let us know how she makes out and tell her to head onover here.
OH, and about how much to buy, I ordered 2 pkgs of 50gm capsules (total of 100gms, about 96 caps in ea, and powder as a back-up as it was cheaper and didn’t know what would work better. LIke I said, all told between the productgs and shipping I spent about 100 dollars but much less money then I would have spent in a week taking the vic!
The powder was Ma Dong or somethnig like that and it came in50gm bag. Feel free to email me directly (or your friend): spgjmg@msn.com
metoo-hi hope you can answer this soon do you think i should order theBalie or the Mai Ding like jeeny has friend is going to be staying with me for 1 week so i can take care of her and keep her spirits up …. something i wish i could of had so i want to make sure i have everything here for her … Jenny — you had no symptoms at all i dont need Imodium or the POtasaum or anything like that or were the symptoms there still..???
sorry guys i want to make this a great experince for her thanks i am going to be ordering the kratrom as soon as i get a response from someone Jenny how are you doing with out taking any kratrom anymore are the symptoms comming or are they really gone and have you had to use it again since your last post or are you on the other side and feeling pretty great ??/
thanks a quick reponse would be helpfull love QN
QN, you are a wonderful friend. I planned to detox all by myself all the while telling my family I had the “flu”. I used immodium the first day until I got the right dose of kratum to control the symptoms. They are not respiratory deperessants as far as I know, so I’d tell her to just keep slamming those capsules (I used both and noticed the maDang gave me more of a buzz, but that was towards the end of my detox). I began with 3 capsules and it wasn’t doing anything so I was resigning myself to horrors of 5 more days. Then meetoo suggested taking more, like another 2-3 capsules, wait 20 minutes or so, if the symptoms weren’t relieved, then take a couple more. I think the most I took at one time were 9-11, but it made the symptoms go away entirely. Meetoo says the “right” dose is diff for everyone. Is your friend a heavy user? ‘Cause I was, maybe that’s why I needed so much. Yes, I took potassium, but didn’t get the RLS, just took that, multivit, fish oil. I didn’t take the magnesium b/c I was afraid it would cause/make worse any diarrhea. I would stock up on the immodium (I bought 48ct jar thinking I’d go thru it all and I used just 4 tabs out of it!), just in case. The first days or so I bought some protein shakes (Boost is kinda nasty, Kellogg’s spec k shakes were not bad), but seriously, by day 2 I was eating normal meals. I used a bit of Kratom on Saturday out of curiosity to see how it would make me feel and it was the equivalent of a strong cup of coffee but of course that was at a much lower dose. None sincew then and I’ve been fine except for some depression/anxiety/wanting to use, but cravings not serious enough to start scheming again. I visitied here over the wkend and re-read a lot of the posts. I have to stress again that my biggest concern ewas that the kratom would just be delaying the demons, but by the end of day 1, all of my phsyical w/ds were gone. And now 2days off the kratom (I did start wean though after day 5-7 and stopped completely by day 11) Good luck w/your friend, she’s lucky to have you!
Oh, and if your friend takes bp meds, maybe hold them once she gets her “right” kratom dose. I heard they can cause hypotension in some folks, so I didn’t take my bp meds, just my thyroid pill and antidepressent in addition to the vitamins. Good luck!
jenny i tried to email you but for some reason it wouldnt go threw i would love to tak to you on the phone for a few minuets before my friend gets here im wondering if that is ok with you and if the email you posted was changed or different cause i tried 2 times last night and it came back undeliverable let me know how you feel about that thanks …
Wow, strange. YOu can try spgjmg@verizon.net, and I’ll try to respond from the msn.
jenny i just e-mailed you my phone number i hope to hear from you soon thanks so much
everyone else i hope all is well and keep up the good fight check back soon as i will be busy being ready to pop and taking care of my friend while she detoxes please send prayers my way thanks aging to all the great people on this site
QN:I just checked both, but didn’t receive. Can you give me your email and I’ll contact you? I checked my spam folders and not in there either.
Just noticed in the link, the lower case “j” looks like an “i”. should be spgjmg at either verizon or msn.
jenny — my email is –maryamashkiani@yahoo.com
Hi everyone
Jenny – congratulations on getting to day 11 and QN – I will keep you and your friend in my prayers. I hope “she” has a quck and easy recovery. My sister was not with me during my detox but was calling me daily to check up on me and even those phone calls meant a lot to me at the time. I wish you both the best with that.
Metoo – glad ….sooooo glad to hear you are doing so well and enjoying your life. You have been such a blessing to me and others on this site and you deserve the very best. Shoot me that e-mail some day so I can hear about your new house….holy cow, metoo – I am dying to hear about it and see some pictures.
Well tonight I am just chilling out and watching some stuff on the OWN channel that I taped. Have a great evening folks!
Love
Kitty
QN — just shot you an email, will try to hook up tom. KM and all of you, thank you for your faith and support in helping reach day 14 tomorrow! (or is it 13 if my official clean date was 2/1?!, oh, well who’s counting). Went out to dinner with the hubby after PT session and had our first real (straight) date in, well, years. Trying to get excited about doing everyday things again, but it’s been hard. Tonight was nice, though. Thank you all for pulling for me!
Ohhh, these fleeting feelings. Today have been so blue and frustrated. Stronge urges to use, but am not, will not pick up the phone to score, at least for today. Can’t say if I didn’t find a few yellow pills in an old purse that I’d be able to flush ‘em. Keep trying this mantra, “feelings are fleeting/feelings are fleeting”. Physically I feel great, but this post-w/d depression stuff is really rough. I know tomorrow will be another day. I’ve prayed for God to take away the urge and the blues, just get me thru the afternoon, the night, and into tomorrow. Thanks for letting me vent.
Happy Valentines Day folks!!!!! Hope everyone is able to spend time with the one they love.
Jenny, hang in there my friend. I know exactly where you are coming from and it is something most of us deal with always. I am lucky I guess that all my sources dried up or I would be tempted….and if you find that proverbial purse pill – flush flush flush. Just for today – nary a pill will be put in our mouth!
Love to all
Kitty
metoo– ok so i just recived the Bali Capsules and i am wondering how much should i start giveing her i dont have a scale how much do u think each capsule id in GM or MG’s should we start with 2 or 3 and then go up as needed ???
Thanks KM. This morning when I awoke I tried to do something different, woke up earlier than usual, showered, did laundry, had bkfst with hubby while kiddos still asleep, but BAM, once this house is empty I’m just left with my anxieties and demons. I know this too shall pass. Not suicidal, still not inclined to score more pills, just an overall feeling like, “well, this sucks…”!!! Thanks God my terrier/lab mix Tasha is here to keep me company. Helps just to have someone to take care of with the most basic needs (love, affection, food, water, play). NOt really much fun to play with, I find she sleep the whole live-long day and waits till the kids come home before she starts bouncing around. I guess she finds me as boring as I’m finding myself! TY for letting me vent.
ok huys for anyone that would like to know i started my friend on the Kratrom this morning she took 3 caps.. witch would be about 1.5gm’s of the kratrom and she feels great not good but great she said its just like taking the vics so now im scared that i gave her to mmuch to fast i would hate for her to leave her on something else so next dose ill give her only 2 caps… i want her to be completely off the drugs not stop one thing and start another that wasnt my plan so we will see its been about 1 hr 30 min now and still she is feeling great she wants to go get breakfast i shurely was not expecting this OMG i am so happy cause i was starting to think i bit off more than i can chew at this time in my life ill keep updateing on here just so others that are reading can see how the Kratrom is working for my friend she was only taking 4-5 vics a day for like a year or so i dont know if its because she was on a low dose or what but non the less its still a problem cause when one is dependent on any thing its not a good thing
Jenny—- you have been so great thanks for all the time you have taken to respond to my e-mails i know i read a few posts that you wanted to help at least one person and i can tell you that you have helped 2 me and my friend you helped me help her and now we are doing well and its really not what i expected i am so gratefull that we did try this cause idk if i woulkd be able to handle her the way i was when i was detoxing thanks again……
metoo– you should really be proud of yourself for recommending ths on here cause it helps it really does thanks again
Thanks, QN. That makes me really happy to hear. I needed that today! I hope she continues to do well, and yes, being able to leave the house to go out for bkfst during a cold turkey detox would never happen so that is a great sign.
helllo my friends. man this thing is super slow. i cannot even see my text as i type it. bet i will have lots of errors typing blind. lol
quitting. yes i am here. kitty and i have been e mailing . it was hard to get on here cuz it would be days and days before i ever saw another post and it would drive me crazy. looks like we have some more activity here now. thats wonderful. i am still struggling. i have been trying off and on for 6 weeks now. longlongest i made it wasw 3 days; ; QUITTING; i think you misunderstood when i said i was off for 4 days; i meant off of work for four days. still batling. JENNY; I AM GOIONG TO GO BACK AND READ YOUR STORY; YOU SEEM WONDERFUUL ON HERE; GLAD YOU ARE HERE!!!
Thank you, NSIP — I spent days and days reading all of the stories here, including yours and it was the inspiration that I needed to finally kick this to the curb. Being able to help is really gratifying, but I continue to struggle emotionally, continue to feel so disconnected from people and things. Also am battling a virus, fever, sinuses, etc. At least I can call this a “real” flu! I went over to the page on opiates and the immune system and found the info really interesting b/c I was hardly sick a day in all of the 2 1/2 yrs of daily use (used total 3yrs), now on my 2nd cold (last wk conjunctivitis, too, yuck) in just 18 days of being clean! Hubby is wonderful, letting me hang in and making my tea and soup, and relieved that this is truly just a temporary illness and not one of the many cases of the “flu” that I’ve battled so many times trying to kick when he had no idea the reason I was taking to bed and “sick” so often. Another gift of the past 18 days is that it allowed me to open up to him about this secret. I hope by calling myself out on it it might be small insurance against a potential relapse, but hope I can stay strong. Be well everyone.
Nesip i am so glad to hear from you what is your e-mail i want to have it to we can talk …. i am so sorry that you are still strugggling that is hard to hear saying you and i were days apart … dont worry it will happen but i put my e-mail up there a few posts back get it and e-mail me so i can have yours
jenny- sorry that you have been feeling bad i had no idea thanks again for all your help its day 3 and she is doing just fine …
Good Sunday morning my friends. Neesip, so glad you posted and I need to email you and let you know how truly amazing I think you are and that I have faith that one of these days you will so beat this thing and continue to help others as you have in the past. This beast that we all carry is so very addictive, so very all consuming, so very destructive to out body and souls – we sometimes have little or no control over it. But, in all our cases, sometimes our faith and will win over the demon and we truly become free. I hope your times will be here soon.
Love
Kitty
It’s been a long last week or so. I seen where you haven’t been feeling the best Jenny(Get better soon) This has been the longest run I have ever had Only taking 3-4 a day and I just went to the Dr. for a checkup.(Haven’t been sick a day in 10 years with a belly full of vics, unless I ran out) and now I learn my sugar is up as well as my blood pressure and to top it off I got a kidney infection. Needless to say I am really trying to change my diet. I need to drop at least 20 Lbs. I’m not what i would consider a fat man but last year I was in the hospital for a week an ended up losing 20 Lbs that month and they took me off all my meds. So I guess the best way to stay healthy is to drop back under 200 Lbs. My knee surgery is scheduled for next week and after that I’m am going to try the final step. Just wanted to stop by and let you all know, I’m still here.
HE.
Hey HE – it has been kind of slow around here – glad you stopped by. I hear you on the weight, the blood pressure, and the sugar. I just had blood work done and have to go to the doctor’s next Monday, and am dredding what he is going to say. I put on a little weight and when I do , he is on my case about it.
Keep up the good weining and best of luck with your surgery next week. I hope everything goes very smoothly and the outcome is less pain for you in the long run.
It has been dreadfully quiet around here….hope all is well with all my buddies out there wherever you are.
Love to all
Kitty
quitting; not surew what is giong on with your e mail. i have tried to e mail and it keeps telling me invalid address. p.s. i am typing blind again on here. i cannot see my words as i type. have to try again later cuz i canat take this. been trying for an hyour to post
Good morning everyone.
I hope this website does not go down. On Friday, I could not get it to open at all and NEEsip is getting the slow type syndrome that we all have experienced. If this website helps just one more person, it will be worth it.
Have a Blessed day everyone!
Love
Kitty
HE, funny isn’t it, how our bodies think they’re in a state of health with a steady dose of narcs? I’m better but sinus stuff continues, wondering if this mild New England winter has caused my allergies to arrive 2 months early — our crocuses are already in full bloom! Was wondering about you, thought the surgery was last Friday, glad it’s not ’till next wk so you can healthy up, kidney infect not fun. Good luck to everyone with dr. visits, waiting on tests, etc. Things looking up a bit here, hubby and kids home for school break, getting out more and not feeling so isolated. Going to try to drag my ass to shrove Tues pancake supper at our church tonight, first real socialization event straight, not sure what to expect, wonder if I’ll enjoy myself or want to run out of there! Will keep you posted. Otherwise, think about using, how good it felt, but no serious obsessive cravings. Been waking up crazy early each morning about 5 and pray until I can go back to sleep. It works!
Hey Jen – I can soooooooo relate to everything you are saying. My first social event was this huge banquet – over 800 people and we had to stand in line for like 45 minutes waiting to get out food. If I can survive that after being clean just over a week – then I can survive any shit that is dished out to me…LOL!!! If I ever want to take a pill again, I guess I should think about that!
Hope you survive the Church Social….and yes, praying does help!
Love to All
Kitty
Hello, my closest friend, Mary, has decided to stop Vicodin and I have been searching the web for information about home treatment, because no insurance, you know, too expensive, etc.. I found all your comments and am going to have Mary get on here and read up and respond. She was lucky enough to be able to taper, since last Thursday. It is now Tuesday and she has been totally clean for two days. She has been following the Thomas remedy and it has helped her. I have Ativan, and it helps her rest . According to the remedy, she should only take the Ativan for the next four days and right now I have her taking .5 mg every 4-5 hours. I think the malaise is starting to set in. The vomiting and severe diarrhea started last Thursday, vomiting subsided Saturday and the diarrhea is almost under control. She will be hitting our neighbor jacuzzi later today to help her with the muscle cramping. My question is this….for those of you that have quit cold turkey, we’re you able to take a benzo (Valium, Xanax, Ativan) during the most difficult part of withdrawl? If you were, how long did you continue to take it?She doesn’t want to substitute one thing for the other, she doesn’t want to take anything, but vitamins, so we want to make sure we taper the benzo appropriately and get her on her way. Specifically, Jenny, I read you are 18 days – congratulations – watching my friend go through this has been tough, but I am also amazed at how strong she is! My question for you is this- do you have severe malaise? How do you handle? Dose it take time for the malaise to subside before the l-tyrosine starts to work? She is only two day completely clean, I believe she took 8-10 a day (more than 1 and 1/2 year). Appreciate your feedback. Hopefully, Mary will get on here later and chat. Tis is important.
I’m not sure why everyone is having so many problems with this site. It has been working flawlessly for me all along. It opens a little slow but I figured that was due to the size of this page. I have my laptop setup to clear all history and cookies when I exit. Wonder if that’s what is helping me. I have really changed my eating habits since Friday. Went and bought celery, apples, Bananas and Grapes. Figure I might as well nibble on them in the evenings as opposed to chocolate and ice cream. I have been a 6-8 a day Mountain Dew drinker for 10 years & I have cut that to 2 bottles per day. Replaced some of that with cranberry juice for the kidney infection. Next on my list is smoking! Honestly I think I feel a little better already(Not so tiered all the time) and I have only been eating this way since Friday. Glad to hear everyone is doing well. I will be out of town for a few days for work so you wont be hearing from me till next week. Take care all……
Had E.
Oh, Kitty 800 people after only a week out? I feel like I have nothing to complain about! We all had a good time, stuffed ourselves silly, and it was actually hubby who told me it was time to go. Came home too tired and full of food to enjoy my usual couple (or few!) glasses of wine and slept like a rock and feel very energetic. I never really considered myself an alcoholic, just a raving addict even though the AA world would label me so. But my intake has increased over the past several years, but still only in the evening, always after work and know my cut-off point very well — ie-knowing that 2-3 glasses are nice, but a 4th would be giving me bedspins. But waking up in the morning not feeling my best was part of the reason that I started popping a few (and then a few more) vicodins in the a.m. to get me going. Not that I was ever a “controlled addict”. I don’t know, just musing here, but interested to hear from anyone who likes to imbibe and if it became a problem after you quit using?
Yahoo!! I just got back from vacation, and am SO PLEASED that kratom worked for someone else exactly as it worked for me. Not ok, but GREAT! I love that!
I never have a problem with this site. Sometimes it’s kind of slow, but it always comes in time…
Jenny, those demons will be there for as long as YOU ALLOW them to be. I believe you may need a good talk with yourself in the mirror, and tell yourself just WHO is the boss. Do this when you are alone, and do it out loud. Set your parameters…set your limits…set your mind…and then be whom you WANT to be. I guarantee you that this is the ticket. You need to retake control of your life! And I am with you all the way, Baby!!!!!
support they friend
this website hasas been extremely slow for me lately and once again i am typing blind. i too used zanax for my anxiety but ONLY asss beeded due to the fact that they can be very addicting. yes it helped emensely. i also went on an antidepresesant to help with anxiety too. the zanax i continued to use for my six monthes clean but only in extreme cases. at first i used them more just to help with sleep and then i almost never ever even needed them so yes be careful with them cuz they can have withdrawl symptoms also. not sure if that answ3ered your questions and i know it was not speciifically to me but thought i might be able to help.
Jenny
on the subject of alchohol. i was a heavy drinker for years and when i found ficodin i then stopped drinking entirely becasuse i would get sick from the combination. problem i had when i quit vics is i felt like my drinking started to get out of hand. i promised myself i would not let that happen and i would not replace the vics with alchohol but it sure was nice to get a nice drink on again and not be sick. it did get out of control for me atleast. soooo just be careful i would not wish that onanyone else. i have stopped drinking again; but i have also relaples with the vics and struggling daily to stop completely. i know i will get there; but for some reason this time around has been much more difficult for me.
Just a little advice for anyone out there who is clean; please please please live by kittys montra. just for today no pills. thats how i ended up where i am now. and hope to be back on the clean side sometime very soon. and kittty is just the greatest so for yoou who do not know her yet. she is a wonderful friend and person and has many encouraging words and is very loyal. embrace her and appreciate her because she is a very rare woman and very loyal. love ya kitty!!
love neesip;
hope everyone has a blessed day and keep up the good work.
had enough
sounds as if you are doing great. good to hear about ya and i apologise for so few and far betweeen posts from me. still struggling emensely. prayers needed my way.
love you gusy!!!
neesip
Oh Neesip – you are so kind….I try to help and have been there so I can relate. All of you who are struggling and trying to find your way without vicodin – there is light at the end. And believe me when I say this – the sky is bluer and the grass is greener over on the other side of addiction. Not saying it is easy – I can attest to that – just saying it is possible. Let God carry you when you are weak and vulnerable. Only He knows the pain you are in. Only He can make the pain go away – if only one day at a time.
Love you all and have a good weekend.
I cam working my but off this weekend getting ready for houseguests….even found myself in the garage this morning…UGH!
Love you guys
Kitty
Thanks Neesip, meetoo and Kitty.
Friend, I’m sorry I missed your post, I check in here every day, sometimes several times and didn’t see your post. The ativan every 4 hours is a lot and could be contributing to her malaise (but at least she can sleep!). I would start a taper and go every 6 to 8 now that she’s beyond the worst. I don’t think 1 week of heavy ativan use is going to do anything bad, but if taken for a prolonged period, benzodiazapines (ativan,valium, xanax type drugs) can have a worse kick than opiate detox, so tread carefully. Your friend is so lucky to have her on her cheering section. I think b/c of the shame involved us addicts– or at least speaking for me — isolate. I opened up to my husband about my problem, which was such a huge relief not having to go thru the whole experience alone. I hope she keeps up the good work and starts posting.
Support Thy Friend…..
Welcome to the site and PLEAE post again and let us know how you are doing. This site saved my life when I was withdrawing and perhaps it and t he people on here can do the same for you!
Love and Prayers
Kitty
So glad to find this site!
I had been taking Vicodin (blue ones) recreationally, occasionally, for years. My husband had a script for chronic pain that he used sparingly, and had built up a supply.
This past summer he was hospitalized with end-stage liver disease. I stayed at the hospital with him, then the acute care facility, and then brought him home to nurse him myself when there weren’t any decent nursing homes that would take him.
Of course, I brought along my(his) “blue guys” to help me cope. He can’t use them anymore because of the acetaminophen and waste not, want not. I have an addict personality and there’s no way I’m going to flush them, give them away or otherwise get rid of them till they’re all gone. Perish the thought!
I’ve taken 2-3/day since June. They run out after tomorrow, so I’ll be out on a supply run tomorrow and then brace myself. I knew this day would come when I started. The bad thing is he’s apt to think I’m ill/contagious and that will frighten him. Then again, if I tell him the truth, he’s going to be pissed off and apt to ride my ass about it (some of the brain damage from the alcohol abuse/encephalopathy has left him a tad childish), and I do not think I’ll be able to tolerate any assriding in the near future.
I know my habit pales in comparison to many I’ve seen here, but my body certainly does let me know when I’m due for a pill with runny nose, weepy eyes, stomach pain and the runs, so it doesn’t look like I’ll escape unscathed.
I am grateful for “the recipe” and will use it, and I thank you all for being here. Wish me luck!
Yes, “support”…how is Mary doing???
Jenny..how are you doing? I said prayers of thanks for your detox at mass yesterday!! I am proud of you!!!
Meetoo, you are the best. My last vic was on 1/31/12, so that makes me 27 days clean today — truly a miracle. Every day I try to go back in here and read the old posts (’08-pres) on this site to keep me motivated, sometimes several times, mainly because I am going back to work in about a month and worry that the stress and access will suck me back in. I re-read Joe’s posts and have some of them memorized, too bad he doesn’t come on here anymore. It helps more than you know to reach out to other addicts with a lot of clean time. Hubby is supportive, but the non-addicts in our life have no idea (he just thinks “I’m cured”) the struggle involved. On the upside, going back to work won’t give me as much time to “get inside myself” and isolate, so that will be a good thing too. I guess just any change is scary, change from working 2 jobs to my accident then no work and no income, change from using constantly, scheming constantly to score, to not using and having some peace of mind. Now gearing up for yet another change of getting my life back (income back!), but resuming it without loading up on pills in order to do it.
hey guys its me Qn well i typed this long thread days ago and just relized that it was not posted … well here is the update on my BFF she is now off the vics and weaning off the Kratrom and experienced no NO withdrawals… i am truely amazed i really didnt think it would help like it did thanks to everyone that helped and guided me in helping another one bite the dust and come to the sober side …
metoo… do you think the migraine headachs she is experincing now from comeing off the kratrom ??? im glad you were happy to hear how well this has helped my friend …
Nesip– glad to hear you are doing good .. and was so happy to hear from you .
Jenny — keep the good work
Went to the doctor today and was told my sugar was high most likely because I gained weight….so I gotta get serious now. We do not need two diabetics in the family….worried is me!
Love
Kitty
Kitty — was it fasting blood work? If not, ask your doc if you can have it repeated fasting. If it was drawn after or even a few after a meal, may account for slightly high, so not sure how high you’re talking. I agree though, one diabetic spouse is enough! My hubby had his chol checked and his triglicerides and bad chol were through the roof. Tonight he dragged his but to the gym and went to a Weight Watchers meeting for the first time. I HATE his discipline sometimes, but I do love him so! He has about 1 beer a month, but does have a sweet tooth.
Jenny,
It was fasting and was 138. I have to have the two hour glucose tolerance test at the end of March. My husband checked my sugar after dinner and it was only 88. I really need to loose weight. I feel tired all of the time. This gives me incentive to get started. Usually my will power is really good once I make up my mind – It is just taking the first step that is hard…what does that remind you of…..Yeah, the first step to get off the pills…lol!
Have a great evening everyone
Kitty
HEY, I HEARD I WAS MENTIONED….LITTLE BIRDIE TOLD ME..
JENNY YOU MADE THE RIGHT MOVE AT THE RIGHT TIME.
OH I AM STILL CLEAN, STILL SEARCHING, BUT OF SO MOTHER FUCKING HAPPY.. (smile)
Love,
joe
Thanks, Joe! Your posts really lifted me up when I didn’t think I had it in me to break the cycle. I still don’t know if I can, just keeping Kitty’s mantra “no pills for today”.
Kitty — good luck with the wt loss, yes 138 high for fasting. At least you live in the sunshine state and can get out to exercise. If you can kick the yellow pills for good you can do anything.
Should have said, “I still don’t know if I can long-term”. Lots of changes and stressors coming up, but aside from some pesky viruses and bugs am feeling good physically, but mentally I sometimes think the struggle gets harder every day.
JOE – Freaking good to hear from you my friend….Please come back when the spirit hits you!
Jenny. There are always ups and downs for me anyway. There were before the pills, with the pills, and without the pills…..Just happy to not be sick with withdrawals all the time. That is worth the occasional lows we all get.
My Sugar read 170 this morning…WTF is going on with me! I guess it is time to get serious….drop dead serious I would say.
Neesip – where are you child…have not heard from you in a day or so. Hope you are well and thinking about getting on our band wagon.
HE – Congrats to your friend for getting clean…hope it continues with your help.
Love to All
Kitty
Sorry – I meant QN – contrats to your friend and HE – hope you are recovering from your surgery and are doing well. Sorry for the avatar mixup!
Love
Kitty
170 for fasting, yes Kitty need to get way serious. My 12yo son is type 1 diabetic and his morning fasting targets are lower than that. If you need a lot of structure,maybe Weight watchers you can do online. Sorry don’t mean to tell you stuff you may already know. I’ve been fortunate not to have much of a struggle with weight, but my husband has and WW is the structure he needs to drop (their points program is very black and white). He’s on his 2nd join, did really well losing about 30# about 5 yrs ago, but slowly crept back. In spite of him trying to do it himelf, it never worked out so he joined up again. Keep us posted!
Kitty, They backed the surgery up till Friday morning. I’m just sitting here thinking about it. My knee is feeling good enough I would like to cancel the surgery, But It has to get done. you guy’s wont hear much from me until next week. I decided that when I get home from the hospital I’m going to spent the weekend at my parents house. That will give me some time to try and get started on my kicking the tobacco. I quit last year for 6 months and like a stupid Azz, I started again. But I figure if I can get past the 1st couple 3 days I will be past the hardest part and spending some time with them I wont have the option to smoke, even if the urge gets real bad. My sugar has been elevated as well so quitting the cigarettes should help because every time I have quit I have lost weight. Last year when I quit I lost 25 Lbs. I’m not sure why unless it speeds up my matabalism or something. Every time I get the urge to eat a handful of norcos, I just come here and read. And that urge is still very strong………… I just hope and pray after this surgery is past and everything is back to the norm, I can make this final hurdle.
Jenny, You are defiantly an inspiration. Keep up the GREAT Work.
Talk to you all soon……………….Had enough.
HE, good for you for making the decision to stop smoking. If you quit this close to surgery you’ll be likely to heal about as quickly as a nonsmoker. Our bodies our wonderful machines in how they bounce back, aren’t they?! I wish our brains were the same. Kudos to you for being able to do it at your folks’ house. While I loved both my parents dearly who have since passed on, I think if I had to recuperate with them, I would have TAKEN UP smoking and I’ve never smoked before! So, your parents must be lovely people.
Joe, Joe, JOE!!!!!!
Get right back here, NOW, Mister!!!!!!!!!!!
Please?
I had to put my 2 cents in. HI JOE Great to hear from you. You have been and will always be an inspiration!
Just got a call from the Drs. office. They backed up the surgery a week. They are driving me crazy!
And Jen. My parents are very special people. They are actually taking me in for the surgery and waiting there to bring me home.(Kinda makes me feel more like a teenager than in my 50s) I am very lucky to have such a close family. Both parents in there 70s and doing great and 2 brothers and a sister and we all get along very well. we dont get together as often as we would like but do enjoy our summertime BBqs and Sunday afternoons.
I’ve been keeping tabs on this site to see if old friends would come back around. Joe! Thanks for letting us know you are rocking this world, I am so flipping happy for you!
It’s so glad to see old posters that really inspired me coming here again. Hope you all continue to stop back in once/while. Today I feel so freaking good. 7 straight hours of uninterrupted sleep, waking up without the joneses, able to do ironing, chores, breakfast w/out a crutch. If it were a day with pills I would have risen by 6am to calm the jitters and would probably be on the nod again by now. I hope this is the light out of my blues lately, or if I just have to kiss the joy as it flies. Hope everyone has a great weekend!
wow some old folks posted that shows that everybody whio come threw here always comes back and is probley reading all tthe posts all the time just not sure why they wouldnt post … well any who im going in tomorrow for my sea section so wish me luck .. will talk to you all later .. love QN
wow some old folks posted that shows that everybody whio come threw here always comes back and is probley reading all tthe posts all the time just not sure why they wouldnt post … well any who im going in tomorrow for my sea section so wish me luck .. will talk to you all later .. love QN
Helo KIds;
omgosh this is sooo slow; will check b ack later;
OMG was that a post from the infamouse JoJOE JOe ” that i saw a few days ago? typing blind once again!! aaaahhhhh!!!
well kids; still struggling.
looks like our ABOUT bgaby will be here soon or already is here.
congrats to our QN on our about baby.
love neesip
QN — I am so, so, so excited for you!!!!! I had 1 c-sect and 2 vag deliveries and honestly thought the c-sect I had was easier to recover from. Please, please post when you deliver your little bundle and feel well enough to. I can’t wait to hear all the details! You were such an inspiration to me and I know you’ll make an awesome Mommy!
)
SOUTHERN MOM!!!! JOE!!!! Your visits here have brightened many lives!! I am feeling rather spiritual today, and I have got to say Thank you, Lord, for bringing such inspirational angels into my life and the lives of others!! Yes, it is unfortunate that we have all been held in the grasp of addiction, but even at our lowest depths, Lord, you HAVE sent us your angels. May we ALL be a blessing to others as others have been blessings to us.
To all my friends here, THANK YOU. My life is better for having known each and every one of you. And again, Thank You, Lord!
MeToo.. You know your inspiration has been the beginning of MANY”s journeys to better ways, mine included, always accepting, always incouraging, always a freind when one is needed!
I miss some of our friendships so much and wish they would come back around someday, that’s why I check in, that’s why I pray for them, that’s why I will never forget them!
Everyone new that is coming here for help, advice, whatever… I pray for all of you too, He is here for all of His children, just ask and it will be given, just make your need known and help will come your way!
till the next time I check in… I wish you all well!
sm
Good morning everyone – it is so wonderful hearing from people that have not been around for awhile – people who have inspired me and helped me in the past. SM – especially you.
Have a Blessed day everyone.
Love
Kitty
Yeah! It’s a virtual reunion!! Group hug!!
10 months clean. Yay for me lol
Sorry I’ve been away, but I’ve been dealing with a lot of family stuff. My sister has been going through a really rough time, been suicidal, so I’ve spent a lot of time with my nieces and trying to be there for her. Also, found out this week that my uncle may have leukemia. And my grandma wants to put herself in a home (I think she’s being influenced by my tweeker relatives) but we’re trying to not let that happen.
Got a new puppy on Saturday and she has been running me ragged, but oh she’s so adorable, even though she’s the meanest puppy ever, but she’s just 8 weeks old, so hopefully she calms down a lot later on. It took Candy a few days, but she finally decided to take her under her wing, one can only hope that she’s even a tenth of the dog that Candy is. I’ve talked about Candy so much on here she should be the About mascot lol Only bad thing is, I have to keep all three of my girls in the house til the pup gets all her shots at 18 weeks. I found out at the vet that my town is number two in the country for parvo cases, next town over is number one.
So glad to see Joe again, we have missed your wisdom man! SM glad to know that you’re still around. It’s almost like the old days.
Jenny, I’m proud of you, keep up the good work. QN where is our about baby? Details! Kitty, Metoo, everyone, you’re all an inspiration to someone!
Better get to sleep sp the puppy can wake me in 2 hours haha Love and hugs to all!!!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
hey guys had my baby and i am so happy i have so much love for this little guy he is amazing i am feeling ok not 100% by any means i am taking some pain meds but i know that i will be able to stop cause i hate the feeling really hate it .. i just want to be with my baby 24/7 and more sometimes i dont sleep just watching him i love love love him tyanks for all the support but i tell you sea sections hurt like hell and some i just cant waite to heal up and be able to doing everything myself … just a check in gotta go be
my friend is doing well off the kratrom but was haveing sever head achs when she stopped i dont know if that was normal she kept the extras incase she had any craveings she could pop a few of them instaed of the Norcos … so hope all is well good to hear from all the old peeps …
Southernmom are you off the vics or still have it under controll just wondering
omg gys i am so so so happy to be a mommy and you guys were right the love for a baby is undescribeable i cant even put into words how happy i am omg back to me sorry guys check back later gotta be with my baby …
oh by the way he was
hey guys had my baby and i am so happy i have so much love for this little guy he is amazing i am feeling ok not 100% by any means i am taking some pain meds but i know that i will be able to stop cause i hate the feeling really hate it .. i just want to be with my baby 24/7 and more sometimes i dont sleep just watching him i love love love him tyanks for all the support but i tell you sea sections hurt like hell and some i just cant waite to heal up and be able to doing everything myself … just a check in gotta go be
my friend is doing well off the kratrom but was haveing sever head achs when she stopped i dont know if that was normal she kept the extras incase she had any craveings she could pop a few of them instaed of the Norcos … so hope all is well good to hear from all the old peeps …
Southernmom are you off the vics or still have it under controll just wondering
omg gys i am so so so happy to be a mommy and you guys were right the love for a baby is undescribeable i cant even put into words how happy i am omg back to me sorry guys check back later gotta be with my baby …
oh by the way he was
hey guys had my baby and i am so happy i have so much love for this little guy he is amazing i am feeling ok not 100% by any means i am taking some pain meds but i know that i will be able to stop cause i hate the feeling really hate it .. i just want to be with my baby 24/7 and more sometimes i dont sleep just watching him i love love love him tyanks for all the support but i tell you sea sections hurt like hell and some i just cant waite to heal up and be able to doing everything myself … just a check in gotta go be
my friend is doing well off the kratrom but was haveing sever head achs when she stopped i dont know if that was normal she kept the extras incase she had any craveings she could pop a few of them instaed of the Norcos … so hope all is well good to hear from all the old peeps …
Southernmom are you off the vics or still have it under controll just wondering
omg gys i am so so so happy to be a mommy and you guys were right the love for a baby is undescribeable i cant even put into words how happy i am omg back to me sorry guys check back later gotta be with my baby …
oh by the way he was
hey guys had my baby and i am so happy i have so much love for this little guy he is amazing i am feeling ok not 100% by any means i am taking some pain meds but i know that i will be able to stop cause i hate the feeling really hate it .. i just want to be with my baby 24/7 and more sometimes i dont sleep just watching him i love love love him tyanks for all the support but i tell you sea sections hurt like hell and some i just cant waite to heal up and be able to doing everything myself … just a check in gotta go be
my friend is doing well off the kratrom but was haveing sever head achs when she stopped i dont know if that was normal she kept the extras incase she had any craveings she could pop a few of them instaed of the Norcos … so hope all is well good to hear from all the old peeps …
Southernmom are you off the vics or still have it under controll just wondering
omg gys i am so so so happy to be a mommy and you guys were right the love for a baby is undescribeable i cant even put into words how happy i am omg back to me sorry guys check back later gotta be with my baby …
oh by the way he was
QN, that is so very awesome! Your last sentence got cut off, so you’re keeping us all in suspense. What did you name your little boy? Oh, I’m so happy for you, what a wonderful 1 yr anniversary present for you!!Yes, the c=sect hurts, but this too shall pass and like you said, you don’t want to continue on pain meds when you have this beautiful bundle of joy! So, so happy for you, and happy you have a clean and sober friend who can how help you out while you recover!
Hi QN, congratulations on your baby!! I agree with Jenny, I had 2 c-sections (1st emergency 2nd for safety due to my age, no v-back) Enjoy your baby, this time is so special, the bonding, the cuddling the amazing love you feel for this special new person in your life, just as God’s plan, the love for mother and baby is a love like no other love!
Thank you for your concern about my addiction, NO I haven’t quit completely, but I am also NOT addicted. I take a vic every now and then, but never because I NEED one, more like having a drink because I want one, not need one. I understand I will always be an addict, but I have it in control. I will go for weeks without anything, then decide to have a nite for me and i take one with a drink, the next day I am fine, I don’t miss it and I don’t withdrawl!
My motto is “Everything in moderation” it workds for me. I know other are shaking their heads at this, but at 55 I know my limits and I know moderation and this works for me. I hope I won’t be judged for this because I have heard it way too often that total abstinance is the only way, and this works for a lot of people. But I like knowing my limits for evrything! Food, drink, pills and most important chocolate, I cn have a bite satisfy my wants, know I don’t need and this is my way of keeping myself together!
I hope you have a great time with you baby, I miss those days so much because I have teens and they are driving me crazy
Good luck and God Bless
sm
Well, I found out that my uncle does have leukemia. And it’s really heartbreaking seeing how upset my dad is about it. We don’t know what type it is yet, hoping to find out next week. My dad went and spent a few days with him this week and was there when he got the news, I’m glad for that. All of you who pray, please keep him in your prayers.
Love and hugs to all!
Jamie – so sorry to hear about your uncle. I will keep you and your family in my prayers most certainly…don’t give up hope. God works in mysterious ways.
Love You baby!
Kitty
Thank you, Kitty. Big love back at ya!
Well,alrighty then!!! Lots of good things happening here, and one illness. Jamie, you can rest assured that your uncle will be in my prayers!!!! Keep your chin up. Isn’t it something when you see your father show emotions….I will never forget the first time I saw my dad cry. He’s been gone for over 6 years, and I miss him a lot. Fathers are foundations!
Congratulations, QN!!!!! You have the one thing I’ve never had!! I am so happy for you, and wish you so many happy, nurturing years with your little one.
Southernmom!!!!! I am so glad you are stopping back to the board every now and then!!! I am getting an iPhone, so maybe I will get better at posting…and emailing…ima gunna try!!! And, hey, we can all have an opinion, or a view, but NONE of us can judge anyone. To me, God is the judge. Not me. It sounds like you’ve got things under control, and if it’s good for you, then IT’S GOOD! I know that I DO envy you….if I could have kept in under wraps, all those pills could have lasted forever and I would never have had to quit!!! You are probably the exception to the “one is too many….a thousand is not enough” rule. And SO BE IT. You are in charge of you!
And so, my rambling is over for this post!!!:). I hope everyone is content in their soul, and glad in their heart! I love you kids!!!
Metoo – Content in their soul and glad in their heart – I like that and will strive for that and wish for that in all my friends. Thanks for that.
Love Ya
Kitty
Hey everyone,
Hope everyone is doing well – not much activity lately. I couched this morning and pulled something in my lower back and am now meaner than shit. I can’t stand to be incapacitated and am mean to the people around me because I am always the caretaker and never the patient so I get mean. Don’t know what makes me like that and I wish it were not so……So, say a little prayer for me if you don’t mind cause I need some TLC tonight!!!
Love You guys!
Kitty
PS – I meant COUGHED!! LOL
Kitty
Aw Kitty, hope you feel better soon. My back has been messed up for over a year now and I know how bad it sucks. Big hugs and feel good vibes sent your way.
Better get to the chiropractor, miss kitty! I am going twice a week. I get an adjustment, followed by an hour long massage!!! Check your insurance to see if you have good coverage, because we don’t want you to be meaner than shit!!! Bad bad kitty!!!
.
quitting
hello? can we get a name , weight, etc… i think you owe us that much . lol. your mes got cut off so maybe that was where you were heading with your post. so let us know. i have tried and tried to e mail you and it says unsuccessful. i am still struggling. its like i take one step forward and two steps back. i forgot how hard this was the first time. makes me sooo angry cuz i know i can do it cuz i did it once before. trying the taper method. did good for two days then screwed up thurs night and feel like i am starting over again. seems to be motto lately. screw up and start over, screw up and start over. i am glad you and baby are healthy. you will be an amazing mamm.
kittty
you back?? tht sucks. i sorta did the same thing a month ago. but i remember nothing that i actually did and it was just pulled. always same spot. chriopractor said its common for same injury to pop up through the years. then two weeeks later while putting on my scrub top i turned wrong and did same thing. nothing excrutiating but hurts to breath or cough or any of that stuff. hope you get to feeling better soon. prayers your way. we don’t want an angry kitty. its just not you.
jamie
good to hear form you. congrats on 10 mos. i shoulg be right there with me except for my relapse i have been going through. congrats on your new puppy too. they ARE alot of work though huh? also prayers for your uncle. that is a hard one . i had a family member who had leukemia too. hope things get better for ya. and keep him away from those tweeker relatives of yours. sorry you have to deal with that . too bad we can’t pick our families; but thats the way it goes. we all have those relatives that …. welll we just don’t wanna claim; but i guess thats life.
love to anyone i may have missed and send me some prayers that i beat this beast again. this time has been super duper hard for some reason. i told kitty the other day that maybe i wasn’t trying as hard as i know i can. i have to change that and just bite the bullet.
love neesip and great to hear from everyone.
p.s. i was able to type this a.m on here for first time in a bit. yay!!!
Hey Y’all – Just ate an awesome dinner of filet minion and sauteed mushrooms and grilled asparagus – at the best restaurant in town and you will never guess where….right on my own back porch by the pool….not braggin….just saying…..no place like home!
Love to all and have a great St Patrick’s day evening.
Kitty
Yeeeehaw! I got an iPhone and have this board front and center! I plan to be stopping in more often. Miss dd kitty, I love steak. Someday I’m gonna check out your cafe, ok?
Metoo – COME ON DOWN! LOL
My new puppy hates me
Loves everyone else though. I think she’s one of satan’s minions, I’ve been around a million dogs in my life never seen a pup so young so mean.
Supposed to be road tripping to Missouri at the beginning of April, if my mom, uncle and I can get the cash together. I’m half excited half anxious. I’m related to half of the state I think, so we’re gonna try to get in as much visiting as we can.
I’m all about dogs and nieces lately, that’s what’s been keeping me busy. And the worry about family health and situations.
I can’t wait for warmer weather!!! Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Jamie – if you want warmer weather – well we have it here in Florida. It is approaching the 90′s every day.
Love to say i am glad it started early, but we have 6 months of above 90 weather and a little cool weather always does us good during the winter – too bad we had none this time around……but everyone wishes for weather they do not have.
Have a great evening everyone.
Kitty
Kitty, we had planned on going to Daytona this year for speed weeks, but the money thing didn’t work out, so hopefully next year I’ll be in Florida in February. How far are you from Daytona? If I ever do make it there, we must visit!
Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Jamie
We are about three hours from Daytona. We used to go there every year for the first weekend of speed week but have not gone for a few years. Now we just enjoy watching the 500 from the comfort of our couch! Absolutely, if you ever make it to Daytona, I will want to visit with you some how some way!!!
Love Ya
Kitty
morning my about friends.
just thought i would stop and give an update. day 3 for me. thursday i took 2 and friday 2. 5 which is a big difference from 20 and hoping to keep this up through the weekend and be done on monday and get through the work week. i have had quite the sacare. i think it was gods way of telling me “girl you have to get this under control”. long story short. i have a freind who lets me call in script under her name and use her insurance which saves me a ton of money so i don’t have to pay five bucks a vic or pay full price since i have no insurance. welll on monday i did just that and on thursday she went to get her regular scrips so we kind of crossed paths by lack of communicating better and well.. i need some major prayers that i do not get into trouble or loose my job. it scares the excuse me the shit out of me!!! so i think this is my wakeup call. this detox has to stick. and i want everyone to know that i as many have in the past thought oh whats just one. well … like kitty says one is never enough and so on and soforth and now here i am back where i was almost a year ago when i should be clean right along with jamie and quitting and my dumb a messed it all up. so just for all of you who think what is just one. take it from my own experience. one is never enough. at first is was and it led back to right where is was before. so anyways….. please many prayers my way today and for this weekend and that i do not get into some major trouble or loose my jobe PLEASE.
Jamie
i’m sure your puppy will come around in time. animals are weird like that huh? one of our cats. well he doesn’;t hate me but he sure loves his daddy more and i have tried everything to win him over but he is just a daddys boy. don’t give up .
quitttin? hello? don’t leave us hanging!!!!!
love neesip
NEESIP – A sign from God! I pray that everything works out for you.
I received an e-mail from someone who has never wrote on this site who is also struggling to quit at this very moment. Please could everyone pray for her. She needs some encouragement and strength right now. I would appreciate it.
Love
Kitty
Where is everyone…..Neesip, please let me know you are OK…..OK? I am more than a little worried about you.
Well found our Tuesday that I have type 2 diabetes and I am really still in denial about it…I am officially on medication and a diet so that I can try to beat this thing or at least keep it under control. Deep in my mind I wonder if it is because of damage to my body caused by years to taking opiates. It really sucks that I did that to myself and let myself succumb to those nasty things but I guess it is the nature of the beast. To all who are trying to detox or wean, please find that inner strength to do it. I pray for all those in pain over addiction. Let God help carry you over to the other side.
Love to all
Kitty
Yes, NSIP, we are concerned about you! Please post! Love you, Miss Kitty!
Happy Easter everyone!
Happy Easter all! Love and hugs to everyone!
Hey everyone. Hope everyone had a Blessed Easter – I did nothing – I mean nothing – for Easter this year. We went to the parents house for a delicious meal and of course it was a feast, but I ate as healthly as I could under the circumstances. No cholcoate bunnies and marshmallow eggs in a house now containing two DIABETICS….how sad! I love those dove eggs among other things.
I am working my but off this week getting ready for another staycation where my flower beds and pool is calling my name…widh you all could join me.
Love to all – Metoo – back atcha girlfriend!
Kitty
I got a Greenhand Degree from the FFA, I could do some work on flowerbeds in exchange for pool time! Especially since my Missouri vacation went down the drain when our truck broke down about an hour and a half after we left home.
We had one delay after another before we ever got on the road and once we were on the road and then broke down, I was like “I get it. For some reason I’m not supposed to go to Missouri” I would have missed my girls too much anyway, I was gone overnight and was talking about how bad I missed my dogs, couldn’t imagine two weeks away from them. I’ve never gone anywhere I couldn’t take them, so I’ve never had to be without them. I say they drive me crazy, but they really keep me sane.
Not much going on with me, 11 months clean, May is my one year. Don’t remember the exact day I had my last pill so I just go by the middle of the month, seems fair. So middle of May we should celebrate, I’m having a bbq, and every one of you will be there with me in my thoughts, hell throw something on the bbq for yourselves and think of me. I’m making it a year, no desire at all for those damn pills. Life is so much better without the fog of addiction.
Kitty, I have been keeping you in my thoughts. Both my parents are diabetics, my grandma is a bad diabetic, all my aunts n uncles too. If you can conquer vicodin, diabetes shouldn’t be to hard for you to control. If you watch your diet, you should be golden. I’m sending healthy Kitty vibes your way!
Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Thanks Jamie – seems like everyone is diabetic these days and yes if I could master the withdrawals – I can master anything.
CONGRATS ON 11 MONTHS JAMIECAT! I am so proud of you. I miss all our drama from back in the day – but don’t miss the pills.
We definately are doing to throw an “about” party for you – you just name the day. I will be two years in September – I bet Joe is up to three or more by now….time flies when you are not in withdrawals…lol!
Love to everyone
Kitty
My pill handing out aunt stopped by today for the first time in almost a year and was handing out vix to my mom because she fell down and hurt herself. But it seemed to go right over her head when I told her I haven’t had any in almost a year. She’s one of those try to get you down on their level people. “Oh, but don’t you need them for your back?” “Here just take one” So I took one from her and gave it to my mom(after she left), just to get her to leave me the hell alone. It’s bad when your family, the people who are supposed to love and support you most, are some of the worst people for you to be around. Just goes to reinforce why I’m making the right decision by cutting certain family members out of my life and sticking with the ones who support me and want only good for me.
Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
hey guys im here and doing great love love love being a mommy i have had so much trouble typing on here there has been so many times i have tried to post but got feed up now again i am typing blind hopeing i will be able to push submit i know i left you guys with out a name and the LBS and all that good stuff well here goes for like the 20th time my boys name is Aadyn he was 21 inches and 6 lbs 7 oz he has been the best thing that has happened to me i know i said i only wanted one but already i want more lol… but im waiting want to give all our love to my little angle hope everyone had a great Easter i did and so glad to see some posts on here this site is slowing down i bet everyone is haveing trouble posting can we get this fixed ??? NESIP_ how are you are we still clean how many days
Jamie glad you are doing great and congratz on 11 months i will be BBqing once i get the word from u … thats amazing im ovthink im a year or a few over who knows but it is great love it i didnt have trouble stopping after the sea section at all ini didnt even want to take them i felt horrible on them then thought back how in the name of god could i have taken so many of theses for so long i feel great
kitty– sorry to hear about the diagnosis but you will do just fine once in a while trat your self .. any one else that i missed the typing is getting out of controll again its been 45 min to get this far so i am thinking about everyone here sorry for all the errors but this site is crazy i would love to post like we did before hope some one will fix this … love you guys hope everyone stays healthy and blessed and will check back later … QN
hey guys im here and doing great love love love being a mommy i have had so much trouble typing on here there has been so many times i have tried to post but got feed up now again i am typing blind hopeing i will be able to push submit i know i left you guys with out a name and the LBS and all that good stuff well here goes for like the 20th time my boys name is Aadyn he was 21 inches and 6 lbs 7 oz he has been the best thing that has happened to me i know i said i only wanted one but already i want more lol… but im waiting want to give all our love to my little angle hope everyone had a great Easter i did and so glad to see some posts on here this site is slowing down i bet everyone is haveing trouble posting can we get this fixed ??? NESIP_ how are you are we still clean how many days
Jamie glad you are doing great and congratz on 11 months i will be BBqing once i get the word from u … thats amazing im ovthink im a year or a few over who knows but it is great love it i didnt have trouble stopping after the sea section at all ini didnt even want to take them i felt horrible on them then thought back how in the name of god could i have taken so many of theses for so long i feel great
kitty– sorry to hear about the diagnosis but you will do just fine once in a while trat your self .. any one else that i missed the typing is getting out of controll again its been 45 min to get this far so i am thinking about everyone here sorry for all the errors but this site is crazy i would love to post like we did before hope some one will fix this … love you guys hope everyone stays healthy and blessed and will check back later … QN
QN – Thanks for filling us in on the birth of your son. Nothing in this world is better than motherhood and I am so glad to hear all is well with little Aadyn….I love that name. As far as the site goes, it works just fine for me….for now anyway. Sorry to hear you are having such difficulty with it. It was like that for me for a while also. Don’t even know if there is an administrator to this site any longer.
Everyone else – let us know how you all are doing when you can. It is slow on here lately – everyone is busy with their lives and not posting – which is a good thing I guess.
I am working hard on getting my few pounds off so that maybe I can beat this diabetes thing….if that is possible. I am down twelve pounds already and am getting used to limited carbs and no deserts.
Take care all my friends.
You are in my prayers – always
Unconditional love
Kitty
So I have the worst headache I’ve ever had in my life on Wednesday, end up going to the ER. Spent 6 hours there, had to get bloodwork, CT scan and a spinal tap all so they could tell me I probably have a migraine and they gave me some meds which by the time I got home had me sick as a dog. So I’m recuperating from that and my back is sore as hell. I have to say I think I would much rather have the headache than the aftermath of that ER visit.
Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
I keep having dreams about guilt! Guilt that I am a known addict-which is not realistic-I kept it private, as most do. But I am guilty because of the addiction, and also for being gay. I am not sure where these dreams are stemming from, but, damn…at least when I wake up I realize that I don’t really have to go to jail!
Does anyone else have these dreams?
Yeah, I’ve had dreams about my good family members making me an outcast and stuff along those lines. The worst one was when my grandma accused me of stealing pills from her because my tweeker relatives told her I did and she believed them. She disowned me and shit and I was soooooo upset when I woke up from that dream. I couldn’t convince her that I have never and would never steal from her. My guilty dreams are always along those lines. They feel so real and bug me for days.
Hey Metoo – I am glad that when you wake up – you realize that the real truth is you are a RECOVERED addict and that God made you exactly like you are and loves his creation!
Jamie – Feels good to wake up after those family dreams – I am always having these horrible dreams where I am telling everyone in my family off – or getting hysterical with them. We all have our hidden issues…LOL!
Love you girls
Kitty
Ugh life. Good news bad news rollercoaster for me this week.
I’m still sick as hell since I went to the hospital. Can’t keep anything but crackers down.
My mom had to go for a mamogram a couple weeks ago and they called her and said they wanted to do another one, because there was something on the xray. So she went in for another one yesterday and just found out about 15 minutes ago that the lump is benign and they told her to come back in a year. That was such a relief, I did not want her to have to go through breast cancer again.
My uncle went in to the hospital last week to have surgery on his leg Monday. And I guess things went terribly wrong. They had to take him back into the OR twice and when my parents went to see him, they said that he was laying there still opened up with gauze stuffed in him. I guess they were having trouble controlling his bleeding. During the first surgery they had to give him 9 pints of blood. He went in for another operation today and the quick update I got from my dad was that they finally closed him up, but they had to remove part of his intestines. And he said he still has a myriad of problems that they have to deal with. So please prayer for him. My dad and my grandma are so beyond a wreck, and it makes me worry about them even more.
Hope everyone else is doing well. Love and hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jamie
Okay, I am getting tired of bad stuff! My uncle passed away last night at 64. I got a cousin same age as me with a tumor on her brain stem and a 50% chance of surviving the surgery. Another cousin the same age with stage 4 skin cancer. Another uncle just found out he has colon cancer and my best friend just told me his 6 year old daughter may have a brain tumor. I am a wreck!
OMG Jamie – that IS alot of stuff going on. I guess all you can do is be there for your friends and family that are going through such terrible times in their life. So sorry to hear about your Uncle’s passing. God be with you and your family. Love you
Kitty
Hi my friends….Hope you are all doing well
Just as I will not let drug addiction get me down – I WILL NOT let Diabetes get me down….losing weight, eating better – now all I have to do is get to THAT fitness center..UGH. Does working in the yard count?
Love to all
Kitty
so I have not had anything since the 8th Im feeling ok just craving…any advice on that???
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