Random header image... Refresh for more!


I’ve decided to create this blog for all of you who are suffering through the debilitating symptoms of vicodin dependence/addiction and subsequent withdrawal. I can’t count how many times I’ve detoxed from opiates, and every time I’ve prayed that it would be my last. In my many years of dealing with opiate dependence I’ve unfortunately become accustomed to the pain of being “dope sick,” and I’ve actually found different ways of helping me cope with it.

This blog is mainly here to help you with your vicodin and other opiate related withdrawal symptoms, but I will also be writing about the recovery process, pain management and where you can find help for your addiction (if you have one) as well. However, I don’t feel as though all of my readers are going to be “addicted” to prescription painkillers. Some of you may be in need of a recovery center, yet others might just be trying to cut down your physical dependence on the drug. Whether or not you’re “hooked”, I think that excessive use of opiates is definitely a less than ideal lifestyle, and should be corrected by any means necessary.

Disclaimer: I personally am not a 12 stepper, but I am not here to place judgement on anyone’s beliefs either. When I speak about recovery it will be in a very objective manner. I’ll lay out alternatives so everyone can choose the path that they want to take. I’m a firm believer that there is no single way for everyone. We must try and find out what works for us as individuals, and once we do, we must stick with it.

With that said, VicodinWithdrawal.org is a resource for individuals who are looking for information on how to either deal directly with the symptoms related to acute opiate withdrawal, or to find alternative ways of removing the drug from their system. Whether that means checking into rehab, doing a rapid detox, or just going old school and locking yourself in the bedroom. Whatever works for you. 🙂

I hope to share my experiences with you, and maybe help a few of you in the process.


1 Metoo { 04.25.11 at 11:03 am }

Ok…this is weird…I didn’t get an email. I’ll keep checking!! 🙂

2 Kitty Mom { 04.25.11 at 2:17 pm }

Hey Y’all
Off topic – but please keep us in your prayers – we are having a storm like I have not seen in a while. The water is overflowing the gutters and both the front and back porches are almost wet all the way to the doors – It is coming down so fast that the pool has gone all the way to the top within half an hour. I am holding my breath, hoping it does not come in. If this keeps up, we are going to need sandbags!

3 Pinkerton { 04.26.11 at 7:50 am }

Hey Kitty, you still afloat?? How are you doing down there??

Metoo, thanks for everything . Wanted to know how the Zoloft is working for ya? You started on Easter right??

Jamie, how about a Candy update…and a Jamie update too.

Quittingnow, are you still with me on this? Are you ready for this weekend. I ordered some Kratom to help with the w/d. Hopefully it will get here by Friday, I ordered it yesterday.

Well, my basement is flooded once again and on top of that my washer is acting up again and stopping in the middle of the cycle. So I’m trying to wash the wet, dirty clothes that were in the basement when it flooded and the washer is acting up AND the damn toilet is leaking…..GOOD GRIEF!! I think my son kicked the toilet’s connecting plumbing again, we’ll see when I get done working, and I may have put too much in the washer (let’s hope)!

Everyone take care and have a good day!

4 Metoo { 04.26.11 at 10:02 am }

Hey,Pink! Yes, I am on my 3rd day of zoloft, and so far so good! I have been working all morning on a cover letter for a cook position at an assisted living place. Got all gussied up to deliver my information, and had a nice chat with the elderly lady at the front volunteers desk. I told her to put in a good word for me!! 🙂 I really like the feel of this place, and hope they will like the feel of me. Please say a prayer if you will, all!!

I’ll be with you kids who are starting the quit on Thursday…you CAN do this…hugs and happy faces to all of you!! 🙂

Metoo is havin’ a good day…

5 Pinkerton { 04.26.11 at 3:41 pm }

Good for you Metoo!! Prayers coming your way!! It’s awesome to here you are having such a good day….and hugs and happy faces right back at ya. I’m hoping for an easy go of it this weekend since it has been only two weeks off the wagon. I’m hoping it’s not as bad as the first go of it.

Kitty, here Kitty Kitty….where are you? I hope you haven’t floated away…please check in if you can.

6 Pinkerton { 04.26.11 at 3:41 pm }

Good for you Metoo!! Prayers coming your way!! It’s awesome to here you are having such a good day….and hugs and happy faces right back at ya. I’m hoping for an easy go of it this weekend since it has been only two weeks off the wagon. I’m hoping it’s not as bad as the first go of it.

Kitty, here Kitty Kitty….where are you? I hope you haven’t floated away…please check in if you can.

7 Quittingnow { 04.26.11 at 4:27 pm }

Pink how many will u be conning off of ? How may pills a day and mg ‘s I’m. Down to 3 per day and doing really ok not great but ok I can’t start on Thursday I wish I could but my court stuff is really coming up big time and I have to be focused …. So maybe next week I’ll let everyone know just wondering how much u r conning off of ??
Every one else hope all is well I will check back on a fee love to everyone

8 Kitty Mom { 04.26.11 at 4:30 pm }

Hey everyone – I am here – tonight we had to remove the area rugs I have on the back patio outside and hang them on the fence – They are supposed to be indoor outdoor, but they were just saturated with water and I hope they do not mold or mildew.
We are drying out – and just signed up to buy new thermo pane windows for the majority of the house…I knew if we had the contractor out here, that we would be suckered into it…haha…Wow are they nice though – Can’t wait to get them!!
Pink – I am here for you sister – I am going to be praying hard for you on Thursday…Quitting, are you quiting also…No time like the present and as a team member to Pinkey!!! You go girls…you an do it.
All my other silent friends – hope all is well you ya!

Metoo – so happy to see you smile. I am glad you had a good day and I am having a prayer vigil that your job oportunity comes through and that they see your potential….I know all you have to do in get that foot in the door and they will be loving you.
I was in such a funk this morning, over all the rain, but feel better this evening just seeing y’alls posts.

Jamie – how is Candy doing – man girl, were you up all night last night – you were still posting songs on face book as I was getting up to go to work!!!

Love all my “about” sisters (and one brother if he would ever show up again) LOL
Bye – gotta go get something to eat – spending money makes be hungry…

9 Jamie { 04.26.11 at 9:04 pm }

Yeah, Kitty, I was chatting with a friend of mine all night and we were having such a good time laughing our asses off that neither of us wanted to go to bed. So me and her just kept each other on a roll, every night should be that fun! lol As I was trying to fall asleep this morning I said damn I forgot to check on Kitty! Do you need me to build an ark? Or is the rain over?

Candy is doing good. I found a food she will eat, but it’s $20 for a small 5lb bag. So hopefully she will go back to her regular food soon. She has been getting better and better every day. She has been having puppy style energy, running up the stairs(which she never did before), been spending a lot of time outside with her sister playing. Last couple days have been nice, sunny, warm with a cool breeze flowing through, and she just loves it. I give her another week to be pretty much back to normal.

Me? Well, whatever it is that I have is not going away. I’m starting to wonder if it’s some kind of parasite or something. Everything I eat goes right through me. But I’m not feeling the way you do when you have the flu or something. I had the fever and nausea the first few days, but the fever went away. Still have nausea here and there and no appetite. And OMG the pains that start after I eat and the food starts it’s journey out! Probably TMI for you guys, but who knows maybe y’all have had something similar and can tell me something lol All the doc did was give me anti-nausea meds. I have to go back next week. Hope I’m better by then.

Thank you, Metoo, for all that helpful info 😉 My friend and I really appreciate it. He’s looking for anything that can help with his pain.

Well, I’m gonna go annoy facebook with more videos! Love and hugs to all!

Happy Trails,

10 Pinkerton { 04.27.11 at 2:41 am }

Glad to see you are ok Kitty. Those new windows sound great. Your rugs should be ok since you have them up and they are drying out. Do you have a carpet cleaner or wet/dry vac to suck some of the water out of them – that might help.

Quittingnow, I have been at about 3 – 4 for the last few days and then about 2 – 3 for the a week and a half before that. I had been clean for about 3 wks and then lost control one day and have been using for the last 2 wks. I will take my last 1/2 pill on Thursday morning and work and then be done. I have about four days off. Whenever you are ready to quit again I, along with everyone else, will be here to cheer you on. I know what you mean about not wanting to start when you are under alot of stree. Cutting back to 3 per day is good and maybe you can keep cutting back until it’s time. I can’t do that because I feel W/D when I get down to 2 per day so I might as well just get off them all together. AND, it’s only been 2 wks so I’m hoping that getting back on track before more time passes will reduce my discomfort. I guess we’ll find out tomorrow night. The thing is, I wasn’t sleeping well when I started back up and I expect a few sleepless nights…that’s why I took some time off. I have two little boys who have stuff almost everyday (baseball, bb pictures, horseback riding lessons, piano lessons, etc.) – I will be forced to get up and go, which is good, but I won’t have the pressures of work. I am renting some movies I’ve wanted to see, got some books, scrapbooking stuff, ordered the Kratom, have the ingredients for the Thomas Recipe and I think I’m good to go. By the way, fixed the washer and the toilet. The basement is still wet but it keeps raining so more water keeps coming in. At least it isn’t destroying anything since I have already had the big flood about a month or so ago and that one is the one that ruined the playroom carpet and toys, etc. And I have almost all my laundry caught up, which never happens, but the dirty clothes got soaked and I had to. That’s nice to go into detox with that done. Ok, I’m rambling…

Jamie, glad to hear Candy is doing better! Could you have eaten something bad? I hope you have a full recovery soon!! Keep us updated.

Everyone have a good day. Pinkerton

11 Kitty Mom { 04.27.11 at 3:22 am }

Hey Pink – thanks for your concern – God, I don’t know how anyone gets through flooding – I am upset about several big rains that effected outside living space and not inside. The windows we are getting are hurricane windows – and energy efficient – so hopefully even though we are spending money, they will save up energy costs in the future.
There is only one other big thing that will be needing replacement in the near future and that is a new air conditioner – and we are milking that sucker until it totally dies. Then our house should be good to go for a while.

Pink – I truly hope this will be an easy detox for you. Good that you were able to take time off work and also good that you have your boys to occupy you and keep you focused. I will be here routing for you! The best of luck to you or God’s Grace would be more like it!
Jamie – hope you feel better soon – what’s up with that young body of yours…you are too young to be having all those problems…lol – just wait till you get to be my age!!!
Metoo – check in and let us know if you made any progress on that job. Lori and Angel – hope you both are doing OK.
And, Joe, it goes without saying that you are missed on here.
Quitting Now – I wish you were quitting now, but when you are, you will get support from us and in the meantime I will be praying that you make the decision soon. One thing us addicts do is come up with reasons not to quit – it is probably the most difficult thing any of us have ever done but the most rewarding.
Love you guys

12 Tony { 04.27.11 at 10:10 am }

Whats up everybody. I’m glad to see so many people staying on track. You are all awesome!

I haven’t gone back to the pills but I did start having a problem with drinking so I decided it was best for me not to drink at all. It would start with just a drink, but a few days down the road I’m drunk. I just don’t want anything to master me. Plus I know alcohol was seperating me from a relationship with God.

Things are getting better. Right now I’m under the weather though. Had a fever for 2 days with a really sore throat. Now the fever has went down but still have a sore throat (it really hurts to swallow) and developed diarrhea. Thats the human body for you.

God bless you all. Its good to read that you’re doing well.

13 Metoo { 04.27.11 at 10:31 am }

TONY!!!! Thank you for posting!! We have NEEDED A MAN AROUND HERE!!!!! 🙂
I’m glad you stayed ‘quit’!! Congratulations to you!!
Don’t forget to drink lots of tea for your throat! I hope you feel well soon, and hey….why don’t you stick around awhile and walk with us??? I would like that a lot! 🙂

14 thistooMUSTpass { 04.27.11 at 6:47 pm }

not sure which board to post on, so i’m doing it on both!

so for the past two weeks or so i’ve been spending a couple hours a day reading posts from this site and other sites like this; i’m finally ready to admit my story to someone and this blog seems like the best choice, hands down. some of you really have no idea how inspiring you are; i think of you as angels. if only you knew how many of us would be honored to be like you someday.

i am 21 years old (my birthday was the 25th) .. young .. but i feel old now after all the things i have put myself and my body through. my favorite demon is roxys/oxycodone .. SURPRISE! lol .. thank god, i finally had a moment of clarity (while high, of course) on my birthday and decided i have my whole life ahead of me and would be smart to quit now before all of this gets worse (and trust me, it’s bad enough). i have not done any pills since; so today is day 2. unfortunately this is not my first time attempting to quit; i have failed miserably again and again .. and again. and again. it’s so frustrating, isn’t it?

i honestly believe it is a lot harder to stay off of opiates when you are in a relationship with someone who is on them also. my boyfriend and i started down this road to hell together almost 3 years ago and (thank you god) he is right with me this time; we both need to stop or we will never EVER live up to our potentials. i was with him before i even knew what a roxy was, and i cannot wait to get my baby back once we are clean. i will not leave him over these pills because i loved him already before. he didn’t get me started on them; i did, and he doesn’t ever pressure me or make me feel like i HAVE to do them. however, it is hard to worry about and protect and comfort another while still doing so for oneself. as selfish as it is, i have decided to worry about ME first and foremost this time, regardless of what he chooses to do. i probably have said this all before though ..

i am lucky enough to have subs this time, so i won’t feel as ready-to-die as i did the other times. i can almost always get through the physical withdraws (easier to say when you’re not trying to get some sleep or sit still); it’s ALWAYS my mind that fucks me up and there i am, relapsed yet again.

nobody knows of my “dirty little secret” other than my boyfriend and a very select few members of his family, and the people we “deal” with. i don’t live with any of my family.. i don’t even like to imagine what they would say if they knew. but i can’t keep down this road or i will never be able to support myself, not to mention my bf. i used to dream of becoming an author.. going to college.. being independent.. i see these things slipping further and further away every time i get high now. NOT that that makes me stay away from the pills-that would just be too damn easy, wouldn’t it? i have been trying to get a job for the last year and a half with NO luck. i got one today :] i start tomorrow, on day 3; hopefully the subs will get me through the day and i am praying i don’t have that overwhelming urge to use while i’m at work.

i don’t get a script.. so when i get my fix, i’m getting it off the streets.. no place for me anyway, right? … tell that to all the people who have been calling nonstop the last two days. i have deleted everyone’s number who has anything to do with my addiction, and left only those of family members and VERY few friends who i know will not remind me of getting high. it’s sad to see how short my phonebook is now.

i feel like i’m rambling but there’s so much to say.. feels good to get it all out .. guess i’m just scared and happy and sad and unsure all at the same time and looking to talk to someone who’s felt the same way. i know i came to the right place. i almost feel like family here, and this is only my first post. even opening up this website and reading the last few posts i didn’t read yesterday morning inspired me to stick it out tonight and not mess up again. thank you for that. you all are so strong and smart .. i want to be like that. i want to be free.

this, too, shall pass

15 Jamie { 04.28.11 at 1:44 am }

Welcome, Thistoomustpass! Sounds like you are on the right road!

16 Pinkerton { 04.28.11 at 2:56 am }

Hi This2mustpass! Looks like I’ll be 3 days behind you as I’m taking my last pill this morning and then that is it. As far as you starting over again and again…remember the past does not equal the future AND Col. Sanders tried selling his fried chicken recipe approx. a thousand times before someone bought it….my point is that some things in life don’t come easy and even if you have tried and not been successful YOU STILL KEEP TRYING because you will get it right and this could be the time you get it right. You are young and have dreams and aspirations so go for it 100% and start college whether you quit or not…I went back to college and got my BA last May and I was using vics, esp. the last year. I also am a single mom of two boys, full-time job, etc. Don’t let the pills take your life away, it’s better to get college over with before you have a family because it’s much, much harder to do then. I enjoy writing too and feel that it helps to turn down the demons in my head when I write….you will be a better writer off the pills, trust me on that. There is a book by Renni Browne and Dave King called “Self-Editing for Fiction Writers” that is really great. Good luck and keep us posted.

@ Kitty, isn’t it a good feeling to get the “big” stuff done around the house!? I got a new furnace and air last year and it felt so good to get the big expense out of the way. I will need a new roof in the next 5 yrs but I want to save until I can get new siding done at the same time cause I want to get a new enclosed back and front porch added on. That will take some serious money but worth it as my kids grow and get into more activities…we need the room. I bought this house when I was by myself and then planned on selling when the boys came along but then the market tanked and here we are….

Everyone have a great day and let’s dig in our heels and keep up the good fight! Pinkerton

17 Pinkerton { 04.28.11 at 8:22 am }

Hello everyone, I have decided omit the one pill I had planned on taking today and decided to work without it…good decision as I didn’t need it. I have a question for quittingnow since you are a nurse.. the last week I have noticed a dull ache on my right side under my last rib and now that I’m not on any vics the pain is more prominent…any idea what this could be? It comes and goes and at times I’ve felt nausaited…any ideas, is it a side effect of the pills or something else?

18 Metoo { 04.28.11 at 10:37 am }

As evening approaches, Pink, I’ll be increasing my prayers for you. Please make sure you take a couple potassium supplements tonight before bed~and I wish I were there to make you some chamomile tea. Get to your ‘calm place’ before sleeping, and don’t forget to say your prayers!! I’m with you in spirit, and you can do this!

19 Kitty Mom { 04.28.11 at 12:59 pm }

Pink good and brave choice – hope you have a good night – sound like you are doing good so far and I am here praying for ya so if you feel an angel on your shoulder it is probably metoo or me!!
Best of wishes for a speedy and not to dramatic detox!

Metoo – how is it going my friend….Hope the zoloft is working for ya.

Love to everyone else also!!!!

20 Tony { 04.28.11 at 1:50 pm }

thistooMUSTpass hang in there. It is not easy to break free but well worth the suffering. Just remind yourself that the suffering wont last. If you start feeling down listen to this song


Listen to the words. It all really comes strait from the word of God. Keep posting we are all here to support you.

Metoo thank you for such a warm welcome back. Life has been a bit overwhelming lately. So much has happened this year. WOW! And we’re not even half way through. I think God is just really pushing for us to get on track.

WARNING!!! Be careful not to replace one vice with another. Now is your opportunity to begin or repair your relationship with God. Don’t get clean from these pills only to start drinking or smoking or whatever else that can put up a wall between you and God. I speak based on experience. Jesus Christ did not die in vain. He died and rose again for us to be free. Free from sin, free from pain, free from sickness, free from loneliness, free from shame…Let Him be the bridge between us and God.

21 Tony { 04.28.11 at 1:53 pm }

Oh and by the way, my fever is gone. Throat is feeling a lot better. My appetite is back for the most part. I’m going to try pizza for dinner and hope my stomach can hang. lol. Also I tried blue mountain due, didn’t like it much. I think I’ll stick to sprite and coca cola. Love you all!

22 Tony { 04.28.11 at 1:54 pm }

Pink you can do it!

23 Kitty Mom { 04.28.11 at 2:16 pm }

Tony- thanks for coming back and it is always refreshing to here you spread the word of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. And, it is very easy to replace one addiction with another. I even feel that I am a board addict at times but keep coming back to see if I can spread the word that it is indeed possible – not easy by any stretch – but the pain and agony that addiction surrounds us with can be wiped away with a little help from our friends and a lot of help from God. To all that have begun that path today – God bless and keep you and YOU CAN DO IT – today, no pills.

24 Quittingnow { 04.28.11 at 2:21 pm }

Hey pink I had that to and it is from the pills it’s nothing to worry about my pain was like a 5 on a scale of 1-10 10 being the worst so don’t worrie …. It will go away … Any how really post all the symptoms cause u and I r on the sane boat .. So I know what to look forward to soon hope u do well and this will be our last time I just know it …. Good luck and hope everyone else is doing great check back soon !!!!!

25 Kitty Mom { 04.28.11 at 2:37 pm }

Hey QN – happy to see you post – I had that pain too and I always worried that something was wrong with my liver, but it is gone now. I was always paranoid about the liver and to much tylenol!! Happy not to have to worry about it any more.
Tony, I hope you dont mind me posting your utube to facebook. It really was a great pick me up! Thanks,

26 Pinkerton { 04.28.11 at 2:54 pm }

Wow! Thanks for rallying for me everyone! I really need the support because this time I didn’t tell anyone what I was doing because I didn’t tell anyone that I was taking them again.

I realized Kitty that my first two days weren’t too bad and that this time has got to be even easier since I was on for only two weeks, so that is why I started now. I worked today, made dinner, push mowed for about 30 minutes and now plan on relaxing and I want to watch “The Office” tonight.

QN, thanks for the feedback, I was starting to think I was having Gallbladder attacks or something. Why would I experience pain there?? I have paid more attention to that then anything else.

Your prayers are so appreciated and needed Metoo. Thanks and this time will be my last. I have decided to try and not use any of my valium and cut out drinking tonight as well. Might as well take this time off I have and use it to get off of everything – if I don’t sleep tonight, I’ll nap tomorrow. Thanks for those words of wisdom Tony, that is why I have decided not to take anything else. Might as well be miserable all at once. I still reccommend to everyone that staying as busy as your body will let you is the key to this….for me it’s a time game…get through the first four days and then I don’t feel like shit. If I feel like resting, I will, but I am going to keep pushing myself. I think that was my mistake day four and five and why I felt so shitty. Also, I need to stay busy after the detox.

Thanks to everyone! Have a good night. Pinkerton

27 thistooMUSTpass { 04.28.11 at 6:57 pm }

hey everybody.. hope everyones doig good today .. work was interesting. i actually felt like part of the world today; it was so weirddd. i hadn’t realized how truly reclusive i have become. i still think about the pills a LOT, but i know damn well i wouldn’t have had that feeling today if i was high. i hope i can stick this one out because from what i read the feeling only gets better :]

thank you all for the encouragement; it’s so relieving to be able to tell/write the truth about EVERYthing. i made sure to check the website when i almost decided screw work, i don’t wanna go, i can just stay by myself; reading the feedback made me get my a$$ outta bed and go. lol. i was a little thrown off but i made it through the day.

also felt good to get out of the house; sometimes it feels like i’m trapped here.
tomorrow will be the REAL test-going to meet my mom &my brothers &grandmother for dinner to celebrate my birthday. ummmm .. can’t tell you how long it’s been since i’ve been sober for a whole weekend of “family-time” .. i’m determined to do it, but then i’ve said that before. ugh.

gonna go take a little nightwalk; i need some breathing room. thankful for the subs lol; otherwise i’d be waiting a few days before i could do that. everyone on here is in my thoughts. keep finding that strength you guys have; it’s inspiring.

day 3 DOWNNN.

28 Tony { 04.28.11 at 9:18 pm }

Kitty Mom- Ya that song has stuck with me through a whole lot. I’ve song it through some very dark times. I still don’t know why we suffer. Maybe we bring it on ourselves. I don’t know. But I do know that I always find myself at the feet of Jesus.

Pink I’m very proud of you. Making the decision to break these chains isn’t an easy one. By the time you wrestle your way out of the shackles you’ll have some bruises and cuts but with time they’ll heal. I have been and best believe I will continue to pray for you.

Here is another good song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDDdFlVvfwE

29 Angela { 04.29.11 at 6:13 am }

Hey everyone, sorry I have been gone for a while, sometimes I don’t even have enough time in the day to think. I am going to make more of an effort to get on here every day, because I need you all and hopefully you all need me.

I want to start off a conversation, lets all list five reasons that we want to be clean.
1. I am tired of lying to my family and friends. My addiction started out with me having kidney stones ten years ago and for some odd reason I have had them ever since. That is what my family thinks. I don’t want to lie to they anymore.
2. I don’t even enjoy the pills anymore. I remember taking that first bottle of pills, there was nothing like it. I just remember this feeling of complete peace and I was on top of the world. Do you all remember that feeling? What is the feeling when you take them now? The feeling I get is, I feel like shit, maybe I should take another pill. If I take another pill I will only have five left, oh no I better call the Dr to get more. It is a big nasty circle, and I don’t want to do it anymore.
3. My health!!!!!!!!! Pink, I read your post about having pain below your rib. That is the first pain I get whenever I quit using and I am always scared that it is my liver. I know that the amount of pills I have taken over the past ten years has done damage to my body and my brain and I have to be healthy for my kids. I don’t want to die at a young age.
4.MY CHILDREN. Most of you know that I have 4 year old twin boys and they are truly miracles. They are starting to ask me why we are at the Dr’s office again and that is not something that I want them to remember about me. Everytime I am looking for my purse they say, do you have to take your medicine. I want them to be proud of me and not think that I am a pill popper. I also want to be healthy for them, both physically and mentally.
5. I want to make myself proud. I think you would all agree that having this addiction is not good for a person’s mental health. Keeping all the lies straight, worrying about where I am going to get my next bottle of pills from, going through the detox, the depression… I just don’t want to deal with it anymore, I want to be HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
These are just a few of the reasons I want to be clean, can I hear yours?
Love you All, Angel

30 Pinkerton { 04.29.11 at 7:26 am }

Hello everyone! Day two has started. Surprisingly I slept well last night with no alcohal or valiums. I think that what they say about alcohal knocking you out only to wake you back up a few hours later is true. Thanks again Tony.

Another surprise is that the diharea has started earlier, day two instead of day four. Maybe the detox is speeding along since I only used for two weeks. I also felt sick to my stomach which I didn’t at all through out my first detox. I’m wondering if it has to do with cutting out alcohal…hmmmm…I used to have about 3 beers every night and have now stopped..aside from that I just feel ok….not terrible and not great…the pain has subsided under my last rib too.

5 reasons, well, I can give you the two that make sense and do play a part in my choosing to quit. 1. the chase…I am sick of chasing down pills and compromising my integrity. 2. My health. I don’t want to suffer from liver or kidney disease, and let’s not forget the weight I’ve gained since I got on these things. 3. The money. I’m spending way too much money every month and what I was getting was not enough any more.

I would sayfor my kids because they are the most important thing in my life and I love them more than anything but the fact of the matter is that, right now at this place in time, I ‘m not a bad mom. In fact I have more patience and care less about the small stuff than when I’m not on anything. So to be honest I think that I’m a better mom on pills. HOWEVER, as I have said, what I was taking wasn’t enough anymore and I thought about 3 yrs from now, 10 yrs from now, where will I be? Will I be obsessed with the pills and neglect my children’s needs for the sake of the almighty pill? I came to the conclusion that the answer is Yes, I could see myself spiraling out of control. That was the big decision maker for me…not the here and now…but the future. My family’s future is under attack and I have to fight this fight to protect my little family unit and keep it healthy and in tact.

There are alot of sensible reasons to quit but it’s my job as a mother to be the best that I can be and prepare my children to be happy, healthy, productive adults and how can I be effetive if ten years from now I’m spending their college money on drugs or I’m so out of it that I’m not a good mom anymore.

31 Kitty Mom { 04.29.11 at 9:21 am }

ZERO TOLERANGE – This makes sense – let’s stop using every situation in life that is stressfull as an excuse to USE –

Instead of 5 reasons to quit – because I believe that there are a million reasons to quit -juat a there are a million and one reasons to use —- here is an excerpt from “Spiritual River” giving the main ingredients necessary to STAY clean instead of trying to figure out why we should stay clean lets just say it is what it is – necessary – Sorry it is so long – but great information!

First things first: your zero tolerance policy with yourself.
My belief is that before you can even consider yourself to be living in long term recovery, you have to have something down pat with yourself called the “zero tolerance policy.”

The zero tolerance policy is the idea that you make a deal with yourself, a commitment of sorts. And that deal is this:

You don’t use drugs or alcohol, period.

Pretty simple, right? But that is not anywhere to be found in the 12 steps of AA or NA. It is super important, and some people actually screw it up.

So think about this long and hard and get it straight in your head: you have a new, zero tolerance policy with yourself. You do not allow yourself to use drugs or alcohol, period. You have decided against them, and you are making this policy your number one priority in life.

If someone tries to say that they are no longer a newcomer in recovery, and they do not actually have this mindset straight in their head, then they are lying to themselves. They are still a newcomer, trying to figure things out.

When you enter long term recovery, this mindset, this “zero tolerance policy” is automatic. You no longer have to think about it. You no longer have to say, “gee, should I drink a beer tonight?” Your mindset has to be more fixed than that. It has to be a lightning fast reaction when you think of taking drugs or alcohol; you should recoil in horror at the thought of it. This is your zero tolerance policy in action.

You have made a decision that you do not take drugs or alcohol no matter what, and everything in your life has to enter your mind through that filter. If you do not have this mindset, you are probably not living in long term recovery yet.

It has to be automatic. Sobriety should come naturally to you now. And the way you measure this is with your reactions to triggers. If you entertain the thought and have to talk yourself out of it, then that means you are still in a “newcomer mindset.” That is not the mentality of someone living in long term sobriety.

Now that is not to say that triggers and urges do not exist for someone in long term recovery, because they certainly can still occur. But it is your reaction to those triggers and urges that defines the quality of your recovery. If you have the right mindset (one of zero tolerance), then you will quickly brush such urges aside, and not dwell on them.

If you dwell on such triggers or urges, they will make you miserable. And that is not the mindset of someone in long term recovery.

This can be practiced as well. You can improve at this skill, of using the zero tolerance policy. Simply increase your awareness. Notice if you have a craving or trigger to use or drink. When you do, shut it down immediately. Do not dwell on it. Do not think about how you used to have good times with drugs or booze. Doing so will make you miserable. You have some control of your mind, so use it! Shut down those thoughts and move on with your recovery.

This is one baseline for long term sobriety. You have to get this mindset right, or nothing else matters. This commitment to yourself has to come first. It has to be the strongest part of your entire life. Do not use drugs or alcohol, no matter what. That is your mantra, for the rest of your life. Keep that number 1, and good things can then happen.

Why this is not step one in AA and NA, I have no idea. Think about it: “Don’t use drugs or alcohol no matter what.” It makes way too much sense. So direct, powerful, and necessary. Every single person who relapses in recovery violates this mindset.

It is the foundation for recovery. Your mantra for success.

32 Metoo { 04.29.11 at 10:56 am }

Miss Kitty, I LOVE IT. Your post makes total sense to me!!

Hey, Tony…I was just out laying in the sun, and I thought about your post regarding addiction being a wall between us and Our Saviour, and I wanted to share some thoughts. Personally, I don’t believe that addictions build walls. Although I understand what you’re ‘getting at’, I know there have been plenty of times it has been much easier for me to be thankful and to give thanks when I’ve been under the influence of vicodin. There has never been a wall between me and God. IF I had worshiped vicodin, yes, then I would be putting something before God in my life, and I can see that that could be seen as a wall~but God is always near (my opinion) whether or not I am an addict. Also, ancient peoples have used substances throughout history to enhance their relationship with God-the native american peace pipe comes to mind here-and other herbs used to enhance visions. I just wanted to share what I was thinking in response to your post, and I’m not trying to say, “huh uh” or anything, just putting my thoughts out there perhaps for healthy debate!? 🙂

One thing is certain~I am thankful that God always listens, and I am thankful for the angels. I keep the angels pretty busy around here!!!

I hope everyone has a great weekend, and Pink, I am proud of you girl. You keep up the good work!!!!!!! And I’ll keep praying!!!

33 Tony { 04.29.11 at 1:12 pm }

Metoo I agree with you when you say that addictions don’t build walls. However we just can’t put anything before God. I suppose we should all be addicted to Christ. But what does build walls is sin. When we satisfy our fleshly desires we are sinning.

The Bible says in 1 John 2:16 “For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.”

1 Peter 5:8 “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”
When we cloud our mines with pills or alcohol we cloud our judgment and we don’t act like ourselves.

1 Corinthians 6:12 “I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything.

If you are “mastered” by something you are addicted to it. If you are addicted to something than you are enslaved by it and you make the source of your addiction your master. and the Bible says you can only have one master.

About being seperated from God, well I think we are not always close to him.
James 4:7-8
7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

If we walk towards God he will run towards us. He’s always watching and waiting. And I know that it makes him happy when he see’s us coming back.

34 Jamie { 04.29.11 at 11:30 pm }

I am so at the end of my rope right now. My fucking fiancee decides to go all psycho stalker on me. Somehow he got it in his head that there was something going on between me and my best friend. So he somehow got my email and facebook passwords and went through all my shit. And from “everything he saw” he was more and more convinced. I don’t know what the fuck he’s on, but you friends that are on FB know that I’ve been posting a lot of music videos almost every night. My friend Jen and I stay up and talk and share music. Well, apparently in psycholand all my songs were about long lost love and then he went on my friends page and said everything he posted was about wanting someone who was in a relationship.

I wish someone would just shoot me right now. I may be a lot of things, but I’m very old fashioned when it comes to relationships. I would never ever cheat. Also, my friend would never be that kind of guy to cheat with. But instead of coming to me and asking me to my face, the fucker has to be all shady and completely break my trust and invade my privacy. I don’t think I will ever be able to trust him again. I spent 10 hours yesterday defending myself when I did nothing wrong. And I’m stuck here in this house with this psychopath because I have nowhere to go. Just thank God my parents are here too, because I don’t know what would be happening if they weren’t.

An old friend of mine supposedly has a house that is sitting empty, so I sent her an email today asking about it. I hope we can find someplace to go soon. I can’t take this anymore.

35 Kitty Mom { 04.30.11 at 2:57 am }

I think it is time to take a long hard long at this relationship and where it is going – in previous posts you had already been questioning it, right? Time to commit or get off the pot so to speak…..My prayer for you today is to get this drama out of your life….grow…..find something you enjoy doing and do it…..Love and best wishes….Kitty

36 Pinkerton { 04.30.11 at 4:15 am }

I like your post from yesterday Kitty. As hard as it is, it is necessary. I have not had a pill or a drink in two days and I’m on my third day. I did break down and take some valium for sleep last night before bed and then at 3am. I have a busy day with the kids today and needed to sleep, which I did. I don’t HAVE to do anything tomorrow or Monday so I’ll tough out the sleepness nights if I have to. The first night I didn’t need anything, but last night, WOW, I really wanted to take a pill or just get tired. I think that sitting around all day is a bad thing because I experience the most anxiety when my body has been parked all day.

Jamie, I do hope you can take a step back from this and look at the situation objectively. If you love him and his good out weighs his bad that’s one thing, but if you aren’t “in love” with him and he is dangerous then you need to start planning your exit strategy. Even if you are in love with him and he is dangerous, then you need to get out while you can. On the other hand, if this is his first time of acting jealous and snooping, then he may just be going thru an insecure period. I don’t know the situation or him so it’s hard to give feedback. Is this a pattern with him? Is he always possesive and jealous? Is he dangerous? Or, have you fallen out of love with him and he has picked up on it and is grasping at straws to find a reason why? I wish you luck.

I connect with what Tony believes because for me I go from one thing to another instead of turning to God. I always replace one addiction with another, whether it’s food, alcohal, pot, cocaine, vics, etc…and that is where my focus is most of the time. So for me, I have to get rid of it all, get back to the basics, deprive myself for awhile of anything that might trigger the addict in me and tough it out. I need to go back to church, start eating healthy, and exercise. That is all, besides my children, which is a given, that I will focus on. Maybe I won’t move to the next quick fix and really build my life back up, one brick at a time.

And to anyone who has relapsed and feels defeated…DON’T! I think relapsing and knowing how that feels was necessary to make the connection for me to change my whole life style. The first time I quit I continued to drink and eat and take valiums to sleep because I felt entitled. For some reason this time I know that I have to suck it up and eliminate all of it. We all are different and I’m not saying that my approach is for everyone because some have more self control than others…I’m don’t.

Love, Pinkerton

37 Kitty Mom { 04.30.11 at 4:31 am }

Pinkerton – Sounds like you are doing pretty good and the best thing of all is that yo have a determined attitude. I really believe in my post yesterday because I am living it right now. After almost 8 months clean, I know now that taking one of anything is not an option. It does not even get a thought anymore – at first it was a choice – now it just IS.
I am hoping for your continued success – I believe that 99% is controlled by our mind and if we can controll that mind than we have it beat. Same with weight loss – same with drugs and alcohol. If our mind is not quite made up yet – well then we are on a sinking ship….so I am staying in the mindset as long as I can – hopefully forever.
Love all you guys

38 Metoo { 04.30.11 at 4:53 am }

Hey, All! Happy weekend!
JameCat…wow. I’m praying for you that you will do what is right for YOU, to stand up for yourself. You have gained so much inner power over the course of the last months..and I don’t think you can see it right now, but it’s with you. You are THINKING more. You are rationalizing things. You are looking toward the future. Now, all you have to do is decide if you want this fiance to be in it, or out of it. Find that inner compass, girl!! It’s in you…and I, for one, believe in YOU!!

Tony, it sounds like you and God have a great thing going! I totally respect that kind of relationship, and it’s a wonderful thing. It’s amazing to me how different we all are on this path. For me, even when I was using, I was grasping the hand of God…begging Him to help me along, every step of the way. Maybe it is as you say, because I am clean over a year now, and although I don’t see it exactly the same way that you do, I’m still clean and still here today. It’s just that for me, He was never out of my mind. Heaven has always been my goal, using or not, and God has never forgotten me, using or not. He and I sure had some awesome conversations when the world was seen with a happy hydo haze..but even so, the thanks that I gave to Him was as honest and sincere as ever…

I think the zoloft is kicking in a little more every day! Kitty, did you ever notice that there were some definate ups and downs while you were in your first week of starting zoloft? It seems like I am ok…then better…and then I have a few bad hours…rinse and repeat. Was it like this for anyone else? I can actually say that yesterday, I had a great day~for the first time in a long time. If the future holds more good days than bad, I’m IN. Please pray that it continues to improve….thank you, my friends!!

Pink~you are kicking!! Keep it up!!! I haven’t checked my ‘other’ email in a day or so, so I will check in there to see if there is any other news from you. But honey, don’t be so hard on yourself about the valium either~do what you have to do to make it through this. Just because you take a valium to help you relax I don’t think the world will fall…and it doesn’t make you weak….you are human. Just sayin’…. but you are doing great, and I am so proud of you!!! ROCK ON!!!

Joe, where the heck ARE you??? Are you EVER coming back?? Don’t you miss us just a little bit??? 🙁 Miss you…

39 Angela { 04.30.11 at 5:03 am }

My poor Jamie, if I lived closer to you my door would always be open to you. I really hope you find somewhere to go, because you can’t stay with someone that you don’t tust. It is probably good that we don’t live closer though, with our addictive personality’s we would be in trouble for sure. Love you girl, and you know everything will work out. I hope your boyfriend does not read this because he might think that we are in love, just kidding, I am here if you need me.

Pink, I understand what you said about being a good Mom, even while taking pills I have always been a great Mom too. I feel with me though that if I am not taking care of my body in order to be around with my kids for a long long time, then I am not being the best Mom I can be. Do you mind me asking how old your kids are? Mine are four and it is such a fun age, they sure do keep me hopping. We are sitting here on the couch right now watching cartoons and they are giggling, could life get any better than this?
I feel your pain with the sleeping issue, that is the worst part of detox. I always dread going to be at night, you are so tired but your body just won’t hold still. A long hot shower always helps me, I will stand under the hot water and lean against the wall and just let it numb my body. I have been known to take two to three showers in a night. The important thing is you are doing it, you are getting past this damn addiction and you are not going to look back. We have a lot of the same reasons for getting clean and they are really important ones, so I know that you do not want to go back. Good luck this weekend and remember no turning back now.
Love you all, Angel

40 Quittingnow { 04.30.11 at 9:29 am }

Hey guys it’s been a while !!! But I’m still here all my court stuff is going to be over may 10 th I can not Waite to get my life back on track from all of this crap and to be off the pills … I know it will happen it’s not a option … I WILL SUCEED THUS TIME !!!! sorry guts for all the spelling errors cause I’m typing on a tiny iPhone and it sometimes just changes things by it’s self I’m not stupid and can’t spell LOL ….:) just kidding
Pink — I’m soooooooooooooo happy u r well and sounds like it’s not that bad this time u r truly a strong person u really are in my eyes anyhow I hope it gets better and better very very soon
Jamie—- I’m so sorry u r going threw that with ur boyfriend .. My husband looks threw all my things also but I’m ok with it cause it makes him feel better and I don’t really have much for him to look at at first it was a little annoying but I got use to it but I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART … so I guess the question is are u in live with him if so then work it out cause there is nothing better than being with someone u love it’s a great warm feeling …. If u don’t love him or should I say ur not in love with him then leave and find someone that will treat u like a queen cause that’s what u r 🙂 it’s easier said than done I know but change is not always a bad thing somethines it can be great hey at the end of the day u will do the right thing I know that u r very smart and will make the right decision … Hey can I ask u something ?? Are u still off the pills and for how long now if u r….
Meetoo— it’s great u r doing well zoloft will tale 3 weeks to be 100% effected so if u r already feeling like it’s working then it will only get better and better isn’t that great I’m so happy for u sounds like everything is on the right track …
Kittymom — I will start soon but u don’t know how grueling these court days are and this is such an important case I have to finish and I just couldn’t do it with no energy once thus is over I have nothing at all standing in my way and I want it so bad that it will be my last time with the pills period …. But thanks for all the kind words and hopefully u will be right with me when it is time to stop thanks for being u
Angela — twin boys that are 4 that’s sounds so great I can’t Waite to be a mom and reading all ur. Posts sounds like u r the best and I hope that when it does happen for mr I’m as great as u hey and same question how long have u been off the pills ??? I love hearing all the success it just motivates mr to get right where u all are sorry 🙂
Joe — where are u at ???? Drop by and just say hi to us everyone is missing u !!!!!!
Anyone I missed hope u r doing great and I’ll send a prayer for everyone right now thanks again to all for being here !!!!

41 Quittingnow { 04.30.11 at 9:35 am }

Oh the question why the pain is there under the rib cage !!!! Well ur liver and kidneys work harder while u are on meds any meds not just vicodin …. So when it’s use to getting rid off all the toxins every few hours and then one day it’s not there to get rid of it confuses the body and takes a few days for it to get back on track all meds go threw the liver to be excreted threw ur urine or BM’s sorry !!!! But to everyone unless u have cerossious of the liver that is the biggest and one of the most important organs in ur body it will heal it’s self with time it will go back to normal with a little time do kitty ur’s is back to the way it was before the pills 8 months is great and ours will get there to so that pain is nothing to be worried about …. Anyhow hope to check in later to read all the great new posts

42 Kitty Mom { 04.30.11 at 1:32 pm }

Hey everyone – Sounds like most everyone is doing good.
Jamie – darlin, I hope you straighten out your love life and I agree with what Pink and everyone else wrote above. I can imagine the hurt and invasion that you felt when your BF sent into your computer and face book like that. And, nothing is worse in the wrold than being accused of something that you did not do. I hope you iron things out – sometimes through hurt, our loved ones act out – now if it is a forever controlling behaviour, now that is something else again.
Everyone else – hope you all have a great weekend. I am having a bad day today and feeling sorry for myself kind of. Every once in a while I get this way and I want to run away from everything and everyone and just be with my thoughts. So, please if you have it in your heart for a little extra prayer for Kitty, I would be most appreciative.
I have nothing to be feeling low about so if you want to, you can slap this kitty up side the head to set me straight…lol!
A thought entered my mind this morning – and that thought was to stop coming to this site and just do the e-mail thingy from now on….my email is
kittymom001@gmail,com. I am not certain that I am going to do this – just thinking about it – don’t even know why.
I love you girls!

43 Angela { 04.30.11 at 1:47 pm }

Kitty, so sorry you are not doing well today, you are definatley in my prayers. You can’t stop coming to the site, you are the one that holds us all together. WE NEED YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We all love you so much and you are such an inspiration for me and others to stay clean. Please don’t leave. Here is a big hug from me to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

44 Pinkerton { 05.01.11 at 3:03 am }

Kitty Mom,
I am so saddened to hear that you are feeling the way you do. I wish there was something I could say to lift your cloud …I will try praying it away. I think you give so much of yourself on this site and it’s probably an indicator of your overall personality in that you give as much to your family, friends, neighbors, etc. and it’s understandable that you may need to recharge your batteries. I’ve known a few people like you in my life and they give and give and give but then sometimes just need to break away and give to themselves. If that is what you need to do then I support you and will be praying for you to heal and “recharge” because there will be new people who are looking for help on this site and you need to be here to get them through (probably) the worst thing they will ever CHOOSE to do. I know your email and know that I can reach out to you there but it’s not going to help those who are stuck on the other page and don’t know anything about the “about” page…lol…remember you were the one who guided my way over here. What I’m saying is that you are such an inspiration to those starting their journey, a contant friend to others, and a joy to everyone…..what a void there will be if you choose not to return. Also, the people who come here are real and have a real problem, they have families, jobs, life issues, and need help getting off the pills….you are needed to help all those who want to change their life.

That said, whatever you choose to do I will always hold you in the highest regards with respect and love and will always hold out hope that you will return, BUT I hope you can regroup and come to the conclusion that you want to be here as much as we want you here. If there is anything you need or feel upset about, please, please share so we can make things whole again.

Love, Pinkerton

45 Pinkerton { 05.01.11 at 3:18 am }

@ Angela, My boys are 8 and 5 yrs. The five yr old will be 6 in on May 28th. Your kids are at a really fun age and keep you busy, busy chasing them around. When they get to the age of mine they are a little more self-sufficient (the 8yr old is anyway) but are into other things that keep you busy.

@QN, thanks for the feedback about the pain in the lower rib….you are right, it did stop hurting. I appreciate the positive feedback but I have not felt very strong this time. I think about having a vic all the time, which I didn’t the first go of it. The physical w/d wasn’t bad, still sleepless without taking valium the last two nights. I did try just a little Kratom and even that little bit helped to mellow me out so I’m gonna try the full dose this afternoon and see if that helps.

@Jamie, how are things at home?

@Metoo, thanks again for the guidance yesterday!! You are a very patient woman…lol…I got a little needy there for a minute.

Everyone have a great day! Pinkerton

46 Metoo { 05.01.11 at 4:49 am }

Hey, kids!! MISS KITTY!!! Girl, you should give me a call today if you are still feeling low! I know exactly how you feel, and although I can’t MAKE you keep coming to the site, I hope with all my heart that you do. It isn’t easy when you lose your ‘bandwidth’ and keep looking for it everywhere. I wish I had the magic answer, but all I have are prayers that you will return. Without you, I might not have proceeded with the zoloft…so you at least have to stick around and make sure it works for me! (Selfish, I know…but true!!! 🙂 )

Pink…you just keep being as needy as you need to!! I want to see you fly…and you will! I’m glad the kratom calmed you down a notch!! 🙂

Things are going well here! I am going to be trying a new ‘thing’…. to view my own life from OUTSIDE my bubble….draw it up in my mind like a comic book~~~anyone want to join me for a fresh perspective?? Maybe that way I can be more of a planner of my own journey?! It’s worth a shot. I have plans to turn in a couple more resumes tomorrow~and I will go to Mass and get my sustenance for the week today!

Kitty, I believe I have your phone number….watch your phone today~we should talk!!!! 🙂

JameCat….things settled down yet? I’m pulling for you. You can move to Michigan! We’ve got lots of room but no jobs. LOL….YET! One of the hardest things here for me is knowing only my wife and ‘her’ peeps….I need to get out there and make my own friends. Except no one ever likes me. Hahahaha!! Just kiddin’….did I make anyone smile?????

47 Jema { 05.01.11 at 6:50 am }

Hi guys. Sorry I haven’t been here in awhile. I’ve been separated from my douche of a soon-to-be-exhusband for almost two years. He finally served me with papers the other day, as well as wanting shared custody of our 18-month-old despite never seeing her and not paying child support. So I’ve been interviewing attorneys and trying to scrape together the retainer fee. I’m living in a place that I hate and have been told that he can make it very difficult for me to move back to my home. Needless to say, I am depressed, worried and anxious…and furious.

Anyway, I am on, I think, day 28 of being off Percocet. The first two weeks were pure hell. It does get easier. I didn’t sleep for almost three weeks except for an hour here and there. I was a disaster. Somewhere in the last week I began sleeping again. My physical symptoms are pretty much gone. The one that lingers is an absolute lack of energy. All I want to do now, ironically, is sleep. As a mother of a toddler, I can’t indulge, but I go to bed as soon as she does, nap when she does. I’m sure this is depression driving me to want to stay in bed all day every day. I do feel hopeless, helpless, uninterested in life. I know I need to exercise, but I’d seriously rather stick a fork in my eye.

I am, however, so happy to be off of those pills. I was a slave to them. I loved them and hated them at the same time. Getting off of them is the hardest thing I’ve ever done next to childbirth, and I will NEVER go back EVER. It’s too hard to have to do it twice. I just can’t. I did get my script for klonopin filled and even though I can take three a day, I only take it as-needed when my anxiety is off the charts, usually two a day. I also have a script for Ambien, but I’m so exhausted I hardly ever take it.

So to anyone who is just starting this process…or struggling through a second or third detox…it horrible in the beginning, indescribably horrible, but it does get better. Give yourself three weeks and I promise you you’ll feel like a new person. Not perfect, but much much better. You get through it minute by minute. You CAN do this.

I just pray I get through this divorce/custody process and am able to move back home. I want to get through this depression phase. I have no desire to go on anti-depressants because I think they ruined my life in the first place. (long story) And I’d like to see who I am without medications for a change. But to anybody who is on them and needs them and sees beneficial changes, more power to you. They save some peoples’ lives, I know.

Anyway, love and support to you all. xoxo

48 Kitty Mom { 05.01.11 at 7:26 am }

Hi Girls – Now I can say “girls” because there is not a freakin man in site on this page any more…lol
Gosh, now I feel guilty and needy as hell for acting out yesterday, but I felt as if I just needed taken care of for a bit instead of taking care of others – not that I mind at all….I love the caretaker roll – but when you are the caretaker at home also, sometimes you just want someone to take care of me, myself, and I.
So don’t be mad at me for acting out…..I will keep on coming on here and touch base with y’all.
Metoo – you can call me anytime honey. I would be honored.
Pink, metoo and Angel – thanks for the kind words…as usual you all just make me feel so much better.
So now I guess you are stuck with me, “Girls”. Sorry to be so needy this weekend. I have a few issues that I am working on, but today I am going to forget about everything and lay in the pool and soak up the sunshine – geez I wish you all could join me – someday we need to have an about reunion – wouln’t that me a hoot, huh?
Pink – keep up the good work – you can do it babe. What neck of the woods are you from anyway…we have Florida, Minnesota, California…where else, folks?
Love you and thanks for knocking sense into me….the proverbial slap upside the head, hey Metoo?

49 Pinkerton { 05.01.11 at 8:21 am }

Kitty, I’m glad you are staying around. Like I said, many people I know who are the caretakers to everyone need to have a little meltdown themselves every once in a while. You are only human and have needs as well and I think we all forget that sometimes. Please don’t apologize, no need to, you deserve to give yourself permission to have a bad day where you need us to be there for you.

Where do I live? I live in North East Ohio, far, far, away from your warm weather. However, the kids and I visit Ft. Lauderdale (close friend lives there) and Ft. Myers (close friend has a business there and in Ohio). I am really finding it hard to feel too bad for you as you talk about laying in the pool….lol…the only pool I have is in my front yard as it has not stopped raining here for 40 days and 40 nights….OH CRAP, I REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME…I guess vics are the least of my worries…I have to figure out how to build a damn arc!!

Thanks for the encouragement, I really need it this time. The physical stuff isn’t bad at all this time but the mental is killing me! The kratom has helped tremendously today. It does reduce the desire to take a vic to almost nothing.

TTYL, Pinkerton

50 Kitty Mom { 05.01.11 at 10:12 am }

Oh Pink – thank you so much – and I know how you feel – the mental part was the worst – I think that is what has just hit me a little – I used to look forward to chilling with the pills and now after a long day – no vices any more – I very rarely drink – a sangria once a year – but both my husband and I both quit drinking not too long after we got married 20 years ago it will be in July – He has diabetes so I have to keep constant vigil to that so that he does not get too low of sugar – and act accordingly – He gets so weird – I can tell by just looking at him…Ohhhhh my, gotta love him…lol!

Yeah – I know laying in the pool is great and I am going to go make myself a killer balsalmic vinegar salad right now – they are sooooo good. I got the dressing recipe on line andthe salad has cranberries, nuts, apples, blue cheese, celery, and spring mix – mmmmmm – you all should try it some time. I’ll give you the recipe if you want in.
Love to all of you

Leave a Comment